Nip Tuck - Nip Tuck LIVE: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Episode Date: November 24, 2023

Back in October, Ashley and Lauren delved into the dangerous new territory that is going LIVE! No edits, no censoring... After all, what could possibly go wrong? Incase you missed it, here is the full show where the girls tackled your dilemmas, heard your very best/ worst Slutty Susans and dished the goss.To sign up for Patreon for full video episodes every week and more exclusive content, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm changing my mind! Come on! I don't want to do it anymore! Hi guys! Hi guys! And welcome to Knit Talk. Are you leaning in that way? Do you need to? I don't know. Move it to you, that's it.

It's all new. It's all new. Not giving a shh. Not yet? Not yet. Okay. Oh sorry, I was supposed to wait for the hand signals. the hand signals guys thank you so much for joining us honestly like we didn't even think

like we'd get three people on this no i mean i've got a few friends so i thought they might be there but i honestly didn't think it'd be anyone so thank you so this is all new for us this is our first time doing this um and we hope you enjoy we've got a really fun hour coming up so get yourself a drink get yourself a little snack we are your virtual besties you can put comments in the box you can get really involved and yeah we're just gonna see what the hell happens over the next hour aren't we lauren what could go wrong what could i'll tell you what could go wrong so in our live shows so when we do live live shows like in person we always have a rule don't we where we say to the people if we say anything that's cancelable yeah you do this at us then

we know to stop but we haven't got that today and we say sandra put your phone away yeah stop filming me but we've not got that today so we're gonna do like our normal podcast aren't we really what's the safe word what could it be there is no safe word come on safe word so funnily enough i used to have a safe word guys shark was our safe right shark okay so yeah yeah do you remember harley and nicola from my head whenever anything was weird we'd be like shark that was our safe word and yeah so that's our safe love that for us so yeah anyway let's get going here we are okay now guys share this wherever you can like we appreciate it to death get sharing get liking get posting we need you

all and we love you all for doing that sorry just had to cover the formalities anyway we've missed a bit what this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational men and women yeah i just did a dab then you did i hit shock sorry right the phone number you're better with numbers than me okay oh seven four five seven four oh two nine six five so who's got the whatsapp who's have you got the whatsapp who's got the number you've got it so lucas has got it so if you message him then he's gonna get it we've got oh my god what's all this that's fun comment everyone wants to know where the pjs are from and i ain't telling you till the end that'll keep their attention high um yeah i'll tell you there's loads of comments there ashley

that's so comment away message us as usual you can get in touch via whatsapp so we want to hear everything from you

the usuals if you want to shout out let us know any questions whose birthday is it whose birthday is it is it today did you ever go

to those things where when it was your birthday and they'd go happy birthday and everyone TGI Friday no it wasn't TGI

it was like my local Italian oh that one you always talk about it was good Casa del Rochdale it's one it's one of my like good memories as a child oh and they do the um they do the carbonara pies there don't they right

enough now that's really okay there's probably a lot of people listening from rock and soul today um anyway we're back in surgery we're here right hello right this is the first time i've read this script so i it's not a script it's a guide it's a guide so here is what's going on today we've got shout outs life updates so we always do that on our pod don't we will tell you what's been going on slutty susan we're gonna hear your dirty stories you dirty bastards and one of them's really come on you bastards one of them's really gross and then we're gonna answer some of your dilemmas as well lucas is gonna be keeping an eye out for your messages so hi lucas he's literally sat over there so if you see

an angry man storming in and bouncing me off and carrying us over the shoulder with a white t-shirt that was Lucas HR

that was Lucas alright okay we've not just got Lucas we've got two other men in here yeah we were just saying we feel like

the girls on Babe Station must feel like it's a little bit seedy in here like there's the black curtain yeah it does feel

a bit seedy and there's three men like we said all I need now is a blue wicket and a menthol fag and i'll be right my breakfast do you know what that was my breakfast this morning

i've gone back to the smoking do people still drink wickets yeah with um with i had it with oh it's called a cheeky vimto with ribena no i can't think what it is it's cheeky it's from rochdale do you remember when you used to drink them and your teeth would get fur on them yeah that's why i don't think busy drinks do you know what haven't they got like 12 spoonfuls of sugar i've got an ick and it's girls not that i can judge but it's girls walking walking around with a can i just think it's really i just think it's really not what even if it's a pink gnt no like um a kind of like diet coke or coke and they're walking around with it and like i just christine quinn does that and she's still i don't know i just okay fine lauren

i don't like it anyway update so you're looking really pregnant now so we were just saying like so you're a fat bitch so i'm 32 weeks now 32 long weeks you look it now thank you but like in a nice way but your belly is do you not think that lucas all of a sudden get me involved it has whoo it has popped but she can still get in a size small pajama pajama and i'm pushing the extra small over here um baby is in there so tell me about like everyone's interested in the birth and stuff can you say what you told us the other day what you'd ask for or no no no because someone will ring and so no then we can't yeah okay we can't discuss yeah all of it all of that is sorted it's coming at some point in december right okay and are you going down before the am i going down

that is the question don't know if you're going down don't know lauren because you could be having it in your in your local maternity if you see ashley in your local maternity with her legs in the air i've decided for a home birth imagine who's gonna take it out how come i'd take it out for you so they'd be imagine ed in that situation he'd be sweating literally sweating his little head off honestly so you've you're sorted though aren't you yes i'm all sorted of course i have my blow dry on the morning of books everything yeah really excited so yeah i'm just over talking about it now yeah you're not interested we have got way more interesting things so lauren my wedding shmedding update so wedding update i am oh my god by the way

lauren are you in my seat no you're not what do you mean that's your side yeah i know that's why i'm here but we did say i should have the big sofa because i'm the way yeah well it's debatable on at the minute honest to god i had to go on this side because this is the side that we normally film and i'll go all weird if i go on the wrong side no i don't carry the side yeah no i'm here um so if anybody has got married or is getting married or whatever in mallorca wow it's fucking well expensive why the fuck are you doing it i'm out because i can because we'll stop complaining no i'm just saying it is really expensive so we have just booked to go in december i'm going to go over for two nights i found a really nice hotel in palmer and we're going to go and look and we're

going to have a menu taste that's stunning yeah it's a real how romantic it is isn't it you'll like the hotel it's called i can't remember but it's really nice we're going to go over two nights we're going to see the venue meeting the florist walking around and then we do a little menu taste are you actually doing florist well how else am i gonna i've got to have flowers yeah but like loads i thought that's why you do abroad weddings because you don't need like loads of flowers and stuff you don't need loads but you need some like what am i going to walk down the grass in my hands no i mean like are you doing decorate decorative yeah my not like a flower art can Can I tell you something?

My flowers on my wedding, guess how much they cost? How much? They were, you had a lot. Shall I say this or not? Yeah, because I'm stunned now. It doesn't really matter, does it? No one knows what anything else costs, so. Say it.

Fourteen, 14,000 English pounds. No. No, that's, you are disgusting. That's disgusting. And you have just been saying, she had a tiny wedding that was done in six weeks you still managed to spend 14 grand i'm sure it was yeah i'm sure it was because you have a lot

of flowers but i just wanted like a stunning picture yeah that's the main thing but do you know that flowers um apparently roses are something well yeah if you think if you think if you get like a bouquet for someone at least the 50 quid yeah then you need yeah no it's it's i'm dread i was thinking more like don't bother with the flowers i need some flowers make down the aisle guys what does everyone think do we do no we need i need a bunch and then what they call it i'll give you a bunch of flowers and then i need like no i want down the aisle i want some flower i don't know i'm gonna go and look at the venue and just do petals oh come on can do you know what would be a good idea if you could share flowers with someone getting married the day before or the

day after you oh my god that's such a good idea yeah because then the day after i was like this is i'd want the day before ones though they stay good for like a week right this is really boring anyway right okay i know what i want to talk about okay someone's put what will happen while i'm on maternity i'm not taking a maternity leave so don't worry she doesn't need to have things in place um and you will not even miss a week guys so yeah hello from uganda oh my god sorry be say my line do not say that by the way i know you told danny dog beauty to send me that picture when she went to south africa you bitch she said i'm not even amsterdam guys right let's kick it off let's let's get bloody going you've all heard the amsterdam story and if you've not if you've

knotted the amsterdam story let's recap harris go on right so this is what happened there was hen and a stag group and they all did a joint hen and stag which i get they all went to amsterdam on the same weekend on the same weekend the women went one way the men went the other way um and i actually think that's a pretty good idea and i would do that anyway one of the girls from the group got a little bit tipsy and she had a little wander around amsterdam and she found some dirty places which to be honest so would i went in and she found what they call a glory hole which is she was with some friends oh yeah she wasn't on her own well i don't know that's not the point um and she went in and what you do in a glory hole is a penis basically basically it's a

wall with a hole what did i say wrong a penis comes out of the hole and you suck it yeah Or do what you want with it. Or do what you want with it. Or look at it and go, I'll take pictures next to it. I don't know, like, selfie. Yeah, I'd be like, slap, slap,

make it, like, wiggle it on your nose. I don't know what you do, but you do. I'd put a moustache on. Yeah. She proceeded to give it a blowjob. Anyway, at the end.

Wasn't it the bride as well? No. No, no, no. Let's not complicate things. It wasn't the bride. It wasn't. I'm bullshitting. Ashley, one thing you'll learn about Ashley

is whatever she says, just take it with a pinch of salt because she talks crap the flowers were probably about 500 quid she talks crap so anyway then she there's at the end of the glory hole experience you can press a button and if you both press the button then the the screen goes clear so you can see through and see who you've been drawing a mustache on or wanking i don't know whatever you'd be doing so the girl's there she's done her job turns it on screen comes up

it's her dad she sucked her dad off the girl sucked off her dad this is a true story guys true story guys no

what? it's not true I've been proven it's wrong it's how do you know sorry do you know them so someone rang all the places with them

four are just for men on men and two do not have the button that's what to the extent some journalists went right listen repeat that for people oh so now Lauren's talking shit

because she's made me read it out so according to lucas this story is bullshit because some journalists ran ran around all of them in amsterdam and what is it men there were six of them four were just men and men obviously and two didn't have the button so apparently it's bullshit so let's pretend it's not how'd you get over that it's like that one i've um sexed in my boss where she made the dildo out of her dad yeah but it wasn't really a dad this girl potentially has done that what would you do i don't want to really think about that right now um i moved to australia i would move a long way away but then why would i brush my teeth at least you don't need to worry i need to worry about that listen if my dad when i press the screen it came up and

My dad was there. We would have a bigger problem than the fact I'd sucked him off. Because he's dead. He's dead. Lucas was like, going like this at me. No, I wasn't saying that.

I mean, maybe. You'll have to ask my mum. Anyhow. Anyhow. So that's what's going on in Amsterdam. Everyone, he's been talking about that. But apparently, according to Lucas, he says it's not true.

Slutty Sue, Slutty Sue, Slutty Sue. Slutty Sue, Slutty Sue, Slutty Sue. Slutty Sue, Slutty Sue, Slutty Sue. i was like how about you oh okay right oh my god by the way guys my mother-in-law's watching she's watching hi guys well she said she was anyway she might just be talking shit but i think she is watching my mum's not your mum tried to watch didn't she and you were like hiya beth you were like oh beth she replied the little dog she not not beth she replies to all my things with love heart eyes what a lovely woman she is my mum absolutely would rather sit

on a knife than what my mum listens and laughs like my mum would be sorry she finds it really funny my mum would not think it's no she's when some people say did you listen to me like she thinks it's disgusting my mum always says it's not it wasn't made for me to listen to which i think is very fair i think we should get them on one day you know definitely right so there's some in this house certified freak seven days a week wet ass pussy

make that oh why did I have to say it you're horrible right go on I've just done the Amsterdam story

you go I don't cook I don't clean but I retire I've got this real and then all of a sudden you're like does anyone else

do the train thing and then all of a sudden the song just flips and everyone gets after listening to that you feel all charged up yeah you're ready oh right i'll read this okay go on then so guys this bit of the pod the slutty so is all about you so it's just like slutty confessions which we celebrate so here we go we've got one here hi girls and lucas after hearing you speak about

whether it's okay to use a one night stands toothbrush or not i remembered a horrific story to poison your ears do poison us after a few drinks in our hometown oh god they get i love a drink in the hometown don't you by the pie factory or by uh the shoe factory i really like it and it gets really messy really messy i ended up going back to a guy's house who i went school with things got a bit weird and he started serenading me with his guitar naked how did it even like he played toothpaste kisses by the maccabees i'm not familiar are you familiar that's the kind of thing you'd listen to isn't it anyway i still shagged him and have serious dick amnesia about that one so that means she doesn't remember james's mummy's listening and

So is your sister. Go on. Do you want to finish reading? No. Okay. Sorry, Ashley. Could be because of my walk of shame after the next morning.

Anyway, basically, she went on a hometown night out. It was all a blur. I had to get the bus home the next day. Oh. Not really sure what I was thinking and why I didn't get a taxi, but I was a skint student

and in my young single girl era. I've all been there. I wore a very tight, short mini dress and the iconic Vivienne Westwood boots. Did you have a pair, Ash? i bet you did the slouchy ones couldn't afford them i had the fake pair from moda and pele what was that what was that shot just shut up and let me read this sorry i digress right okay anyway um so he offered me his mum's clothes oh i said yes and asked if she had had any tights or

leggings he gave me some of his mum's leggings and i began to get ready when i noticed his mum had worn the leggings without knickers they had discharge all over them i actually don't know what i was thinking but it must have been that i just did not want my arse cheeks hanging out of the bus station i understand so i wore the leggings with no knickers on i tried to wet some tissue in the toilet and wipe them but it was really discharge was a lot i'm really dried in every time i hear the song tough pace kisses i think about the leggings she's mentally scarred would you have still worn them i absolutely would have worn no i would have put do you know i made a pad out of tissue and then i would have put the pad made out of tissue into the leggings

there to protect myself from the mum's discharge. But surely as you were walking down the road because I've done this, the tissue would then get dislodged and start to make its way down the lane. I'd make it really high-waisted. How do you know what size she was?

Like. Well I don't know. Anyway. I had a friend once. We were in Dubai. Oh dear. It really is coming out now. And we were all on holiday and she'd gone out. She'd not come home. she didn't come home

she got the day and we're all sunbathing around the pool the next day and then there was this like girls girls and we're like

we're in she was in a football kit I don't know she had got a taxi home in his football kit oversized football kit the shorts down to the knee she's only little

and she had to come into the five I'm ashamed that I even stayed there that is a real party place and she came back yeah with a football kit on so not as bad as the oh that's not gone out yet that other one from the halloween oh yeah that's

really funny right alex we've got a voice note it says on here come on hi girls so i'll set the scene i was seeing a man that we used to work together and amongst other things one day we were on the way to a job a client he works in the building trade and i'm a project manager um he was obviously in his fucking sexy snickers wear and he was driving snickers with him because he was going to the same place blah blah we start teasing and it turns into me giving him a blowjob whilst we're driving he pulls up uh we're in this massive car park um just as he's about to come a parking attendant knocks on the window and tells us to behave and then he just explodes all over me luckily it didn't go on my blouse for work but then very quickly i had to sort myself

out dab on my foundation um and go to this client meeting with him so yeah happy days that's like something off of porno that is what we call what do we like the role play what's it called the cab ah fake taxi fake taxi that's like fake builder yeah fake builder fake builder is the thing i've got real where they come in and they go like do you want me to look at your pipe yeah and they come in they go any walls need knocking down and then they lean across all the plumbers i've heard you've got a um a bit of a block a little bit of a blocked pipe would Would you like me to unblock it for you? Right.

She's dirty. Another one here. Another one. Lauren, do you want me to read it or do you? Well, if you read it, I'm only going to talk through it all, so. Yeah, go on. Fuck you. Okay.

Hi, Ashley, Lauren and Lucas. Loyal listener here. Don't slag us off now. We keep getting messages like, Hey, guys. Love the pod. However. But.

But. right okay sorry i'll reduce the swearing to a minimum though right hey guys loyal listener anyway after listening to this week's episode please no criticism i decided you are twice about the slutty susan competition i'd send this in slightly embarrassed and i do regret it but also i don't give a anyway a few years ago before i got with my current boyfriend it's okay we're we're not gonna tell anyone don't need to tell us whilst i was living my hot gal years honey i bet you still are and shagging anything with a pulse absolutely stunning i came home from work and my dad and his mate were drinking in my parents house to give some context my dad's mate is my mum's

best friend's husband so my mum was out and it was just the three of us oh where's this i was drinking with my dad and his best mate they were hammered and i got a bit tipsy no my dad's mate has always had a thing for me even though he's married and probably double your age it's a bit creepy but we move men are creepy sorry lucas sorry alice he's gay it's different Sorry, sorry, sorry. Anyway. My blah, blah, blah. I always turned him down and shrugged him off.

Well, yeah, he's married and your dad's mate, hun. Wait, don't, not just yet. I've read a bit further down. Go on. Don't slag her off yet. Anyway, that night he followed me to the bathroom. He pushed me up against the wall and started kissing me. i was in shock before it my dad ended up passing out at the dining room table

whilst we necked on and he fingered me in front of the dad then my mum came home my dad to bed what happened and asked his mate to leave i acted like a good daughter and pretended to order him a taxi when my mum went upstairs instead i rode him on our family couch and let him do my back doors in that's nicely phrased she said it much worse than yeah he left and we've never spoken about it again he can barely make eye contact with me now and i see him my mum was a bit suspicious but i lied my way out of it somehow telling her that i was giving him life advice a bit regretful that i shagged my mum's best mate's husband a bit they've split up now since it came out that he was having multiple affairs what do you think of that then it's a confession

it's a confession and you know what i hope that that made you feel better to get that off your chest i've never shagged any of my dad's friends no have you no that's disgusting oh everyone looks at me we've just read it out like i've not just come out of the blue with this right okay hi guys I've got another confession here. Honestly, we are. What are the Pope? Is it the Pope? Oh, where they do the confessions.

The confession, the Catholic thing. Like, I feel like it's the confession. It's not the Pope. It's called... Ah, ah, ah, religion. Ah, politics. Just shut up. Okay, anyway, we've got another confession here

that supposedly we'll love, okay? Here we go, love. We started bum fun. after a couple of years of being with my ex he admitted come on let's have some bum fun oh yeah but not fun with my bum with his bum so we start as usual with a butt plug anal beads he even bought me a strap on it wasn't my kind of thing but he enjoyed it so i didn't mind then one night I fingered him. My nails were way too long, and I cut his arsehole.

That is a risk. Every time he went for a shit, he was in pain, and he had to go to the doctors for some bum cream. Hello, can I have some bum cream, please? Anyway, after a few months, it's healed, but now it tears open again. Three years after this, he cheated on me with his stepsister. No, do you know what, though?

That is the most watched porn category. it like apart from milfs hang on step and um step sister and brother porn is like yeah it's like it's the things that we're not in on she's written this big story and then she's just skirting over the fact that he cheated with step sister so she's put here so now i get a lot of pleasure knowing that every once in a while he's likely to have a big poo and be in a lot of pain thinking about me when his bum hole reopens and she said i'm wallowing regret for breaking my heart i'll go to the toilet and be like oh sonia love it right guys if you've got a story you can be get in touch any anything you want to confess let us know um the number she's not good at this i'm

not i don't have to say again oh seven four five seven just been carrying the whole podcast welcome to my world 402965 and you can email us hello at nip tuck pod.com if you want to whatsapp us luki will get it like right now so yeah let me can i look at the tablet squirtle is here and this is her bestie we're both fellow squirters but squirtle is yet to try the back door whereas her best he loves it honestly the best thing i've ever tried hello squirtle right let me just have a little look at this so this is what people are talking on oh there's lots of chatting um lauren what hotels would you recommend in caledon not the time or place for that one right not right now a question for ashley what's it like having a toddler then having a c-section

and a newborn i am so scared um ashley's got loads of nannies so yeah i've got a lot of help so i would say just get all the help that you can get and also what i definitely would say is you'll be like high on painkillers for the first week so you'll be like i'm fine i can do everything and then when that second week hits you you'll be like oh my god so milk it for the whole two weeks you need to like lie in bed and be like ah my tummy close the door real housewives wine so like vibrate out yeah um somebody said stop with the rochdale thing you're hurting my feelings she's hurting mine as well but nobody cares there's a lot of um rochdale is listening today you know we've got a dilemma in here as well so i love oh i've locked it i've locked it guys i've locked it

so we've got uh generic messages now we've got some messages from listeners oh okay okay right so we've got some questions so when i put a little thing out saying do you want to ask us anything nobody did so i made them up no i'm joking first one somebody said do ed and james listen to the pod no no um so when i met james or we started speaking he was a fan he was a number one fan he wasn't he is now though he um he listened to a few of them before we actually met and actually it was quite a good thing because he knew what i was really like so there was no point trying to hide anything like he'd heard it all so he'd heard all my bad stuff but he doesn't listen anymore because i think like you go past the point where oh my god

that's funny and then you're like oh that's my girlfriend it's not funny anymore yeah do you know what i mean and i think it's better that they don't listen yeah he'll listen now and again when i say you can listen to this one yeah i don't want my credit card getting bought so that's right no they don't does that ever listen he says he doesn't know maybe he does no he definitely doesn't the next one if there was one experience you could delete from your life what would it be you can't say who you're thinking because you got something out of that so right what are you that is what you can't you can't say that and neither can i because diplomatic hmm um everything happens for a reason right

oh god embarrassing things go on more say one word about it to me go on okay i'll let you in on the secret fuck you how did that day you've been plotting this haven't you i've not even seen this question on my life i haven't but he's i was casually dating someone like very loosely like wouldn't even remember but you have forgot haven't i haven't lauren hasn't didn't you snog him actually after i dated him you did so you could shut the fuck up i had a boyfriend right no one knows i didn't snog him you did it was only because he had a white lamborghini right it was loosely very loosely

seeing this guy and then someone said to me um is this real are we gonna yeah it wasn't like a birth defect or anything so he'd had an accident and he'd i thought it was weird that he wore socks all the time and then lauren said to me one day do you know he's only got two toes on one foot um so that was a bit weird for ashley so and it was that i couldn't unsee it but that's not the reason that it that needed deleting that was loaded i uh yeah so i was thinking about this when i saw the question come in and i thought do you know what to sound like really boring but there's nothing like he should have just said like as a funny thing like oh my god babe i need to tell you something like and i'd be like fine with

it was like the fact just the shock and the secrecy over the socks yeah um yeah i don't want to sound you know but i actually there's not much i do regret because i do think that everything leads to something else if you block out one part of your life it would have stopped things going to where they are now i know the one night however we had that could probably be no it's funny though it's funny now ish wasn't still not that funny um the one thing that i would is the guy that i went out with that i learned no lessons from and just lost that 20 grand that was unnecessary so i went out with the guy when i was 24 and he had tattoos on whoa whoa whoa be careful be careful i value my legs and my heart and my toes and my heart my toes um and he yeah he i would delete

that i got nothing from that but abuse and i lost 20 grand that he stole off me so i'd probably delete that right last one can i do a last one lukey tips on building confidence and taking the plunge you do this in business and in life so i just think always trust your initial gut instinct on stuff because i didn't like you though there for a reason and you should trust lauren um confidence wise you listen guys we've got one life to live and so what like yeah so what like just go for it like i've had a few friends recently that have gone through like stuff where like their partners cheated on them and like me and lauren have been through stuff we've both been single mums and like been on our arse and be like oh fuck what do we do now and honestly being at

that point like of like nothing coming back from it you just think like I've got one life to live one chance to have fun one chance to be around people who love me and do what I think is best for me and I just think just go for it I agree I think the confidence thing something that I've learned as i've got older is that honestly the less fucks you give genuinely you don't learn it until you get older i don't think but the less you give the happier your life is like honestly and the confidence if you are you can't expect people to like you if you don't like yourself you have to be confident and trust yourself don't you otherwise i'm i've got my boyfriend watching he's laughing along thank you it's brilliant ashley tell the story of how you got back with

ed i did your your hair for your first date with him can't even think of his we need a james and ed episode oh my god james is so awkward he'd be like he's so fit but so awkward um how we got back together now get sit tight sit tight you ready so we were together for seven years and lauren was friends with me back then then we split up because there was just a lot of stuff happened um and then i was single for two years well no no you weren't you were single for about a month yeah and then i was engaged and then you had a baby and i had a baby and then i was and then you were like oh and then you were single yeah and um then we reconnected because we both kept watching each other's in oh courtney hi we um both kept watching each other's instagram

stories um and we were like oh my god you're watching me who's gonna send the flames first um long story short then we got back together and then we got married and then we had five kids yeah in quick succession i i'll he wanted you back didn't he yes and then you were quite like look i'll get back with you but this has to be serious this time because you wanted to settle down didn't you wanted to be married with children like have a nice family life so you were like yeah if you want to get back but we're not fucking around anymore we're not playing games on off we're together we're married with that's it yeah or we're not messing and he rose to the occasion so to speak and was like yes yeah yeah and then they got how long six weeks you got engaged got

married yeah yeah done dusted happy days yeah happily ever after hopefully hopefully let's see and if not then we'll do an episode on that yeah right where are we up to now what we what we're doing lucas dilemma of the week right so a lot of the time we don't agree with each other although sometimes we do um but we're going to try and help with your dilemmas speak to each other like speak to each other like shit um but that means that we like each other so we've actually we've just had one in right on the ipad so lucas mentioned this we've already obviously already got this planned um and then Lucas said that we'd had a dilemma in um and I was he was like no I've already printed the dilemmas I've done it already and I was like

let me just see what it says now if it was for Lucas you wouldn't be having this answered because Lucas had done his script and he didn't want to change it but I saw the title which is girls help gay crisis and I thought I've got to listen to that we need to know what this is right you ready and it's from one of our big big big listeners so we're ready hi girls adore the podcast to the point i think i've listened to every episode a minimum of five times anyway i had some messaging about last night so i'm 17 gay i'm very confident because i know i'm incredible love that love that so i went to a party in manchester last night where there were a few boys however they were all on a wednesday i know where the fuck were you jealous um however they were all no hate straight

obviously me being the sexy bitch i am decided to go for one of them knowing i would get him because i've had him many times before without anyone knowing the amount of straight guys that do this is wowza yeah so we did whatever we did without anyone knowing and he ended up filming me a little while I was doing it while he was doing a blowjob I'm assuming so

because you can't it's very hard to film if you're bent over I would say yeah no you'd have to put it on selfie you'd be like

you'd have to get your tripod out of your hand yeah and no one's got time to get the tripod out in the toilet no so we're assuming it was a blowjob

so he's filmed but now I'm stuck is it going to come out will he send it to are you joking he's straight he's the one to be worried not you

yeah don't you worry he ain't showing anyone that but at the same time he's straight so surely you wouldn't no anyway if your technique's good you want that circulating and plus surely not because everyone in there fancies the fuck out of him and have done for years who is he but this is our fourth time together secretly so originally i walked away like oh yeah girl you did that but now i'm stuck regretting the whole thing oh no no no we don't do regret what should i do is it bad if i go back again he's not regretting it that much he's great but is it bad because deep down what if i catch feelings i'll never get him because he's so straight and everyone wants him thank you girls

love you so okay can we just dissect this because the first bit is the filming not okay so the filming i personally have never filmed or let anyone film me having sex like i just honestly have heard that many horror stories uh every every girl every girl and it's like we're getting serious now it's really sad has got a or the first thing one of my friends will say when she's splitting up with someone is but he's got yeah his phone and i'm like why did you do that like we don't give that away for free like how much would you say is that not the point no lauren like just girls be careful like yeah you might be drunk in the moment like and boys i know boys have been blackmailed like with the video stuff and also like even like men

like the girls are showing the video like he's openly gay so like there's not much room to lose um yeah but still this is why i don't do it because it's anxiety he might not have known he's looking he's concentrating on what he's doing he looks yeah well then that's really bad i don't think he knew so number one he shouldn't have done that and i think he's now watching that in his own little seedy manner yeah so i don't like that and you know what worries me about this you're 17 i don't know how old this guy is but i'm getting predator vibes and i'm getting pred fine i'm getting that this guy is shock is straight but he's using you to fulfill a little fantasy that he has now if you're happy to do that then that's your call but my concern here

is that he's actually using you as his little dirty secret yeah you're better than that let's let's let's step away from him and get on with someone else that's loud and proud okay we've got a question here girls what is the best way to turn someone down i'm absolutely obsessed oh he's absolutely obsessed with me and he always does the most i don't want to be a bitch be a bitch be a bitch sprinkle sprinkle listen right this is what i've learned in my 33 nearly 40 nearly 40 34 years of life guys when like i was younger lauren and i used to go out to a bar we'd be sat there and some stinky old fat man would plonk himself next to us and breathe on us all night chatting absolute bollocks and once getting all the drinks and and yeah and then but then you've

lost your whole night out to this fat twat no but i think and i wish that we could turn around and go like can you leave me alone i don't like you yeah i do agree you need to set the the line like The thing with men is they are not good at taking the hint. They need black and white. They need black and white. If you even smile at them, they get a boner. They've not got that same thing that we have. Yeah.

So you need to be really clear because he will take any little thing you say. And it sounds a bit love-bomb-y. Or are you enjoying it secretly? It's nice having someone obsessed with you. It's not. What? Are you joking? You love that.

No, I mean like when you don't like them and they're obsessed with you. You're liking it, and then when they stop liking you, you're like, hey. And then you're like, hey, remember me. I saw something on there, Lucas. Have you taken it off? All right, back onto here. Go on, Ashley.

Are you reading it? Which one? Dilemma of the Week. Do you want me to read it? I've not got it. Okay, then. Hi, she will have. she absolutely will have

hasn't she yeah hi girls oh I've got it do you want me to read it I don't care girls Lucas love the pod

all that jams start spreading the news da da da da da da da da I just grabbed something to throw then

and it was the iPad and I thought no we're gonna get billed if I throw that iPad and you read it while you're reading it I'm gonna listen

New York right okay here we go hi girls and lucas love the pod followed you both on insta for a long time even before the pod started now you are a day one girl yeah okay me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now both have two kids from previous we live together sex life it's always been amazing and we're both open to try new things yes ashley even peggy that is that is juicy for a while now we've spoken about having a threesome with another girl initially it was just talk as it was like a fantasy and it would turn us both on yeah you've spoken about that before okay yeah last week after a couple of drinks the discussion turned a lot more serious we ended up joining a

for you i bet it's that website oh it's that thing that you joined yeah as an experiment guys um send a picture of you both in though um because in about how many weeks you're gonna be ready for ready for action at the time it was really fun and i was ready for it my dilemma is that since then my boyfriend won't stop talking about said threesome and has looked on the website without me being there scrolling not talking to girls

and when we spoke to girls together very eager to ask them questions and she went you can't you can't dangle the carrot in front of a man

you can't give a dog a bone you can't say to him oh how do you fancy a threesome and then when he's like yes please be like oh you dirty bastard so basically the end is like

she's like I'm now worried that he's more interested in having another girl well you should never have explored that then because you've not got the minerals for it

a threesome's not for you no it's not for you so where just be honest with him and be like babe i know i said that i wanted to do that but it was just to get your dick hard for a bit and i don't i'm over it yeah i mean to be honest what did you expect i'm sober now yeah i'm sober and i don't want to do that you've offered him a threesome what did you think was gonna happen when you get in a taxi on the way back to an after party you start sober and you think turn it around i don't want this anymore it's exactly that turn it round you're

not ready for a threesome you're not absolutely not um and he's he he of course any man you offering them that they're gonna he's done nothing wrong yeah right um just promoting toxic masculinity here no but anyway let's be honest um alex could you play the voice i've got pins and needles do you mind if i stand up no can you play the voice no i've got a dead leg hi ladies hope you're well so i'm just wanting some advice and basically you can tell me if i'm being the bitch or i'm overreacting so i've been with my partner for five years and i think about two years ago i found out he'd been messaging other women on things like only fans instagram snapchat tiktok snapchat these were really explicit going into detail about exactly

what he'd want to do with them and i realize it's not physically cheating and i realize the women who he was putting these comments on don't really give a shit who he is you know they don't he's just another dickhead to them but it continues i've begged i've pleaded and in my mind that's cheating is it cheating yeah is it not cheating when we go to the gym obviously he's going to look at other women it's just natural i look at other men that's just what you do you see someone abstractively look but he purposely gawps at them and when i say i'm right here i can see the response i get is and tough don't watch me then and i just i'm at a loss oh she's getting sad am i the arsehole am i overreacting

oh leave that leave him don't finish goodbye he this is disgusting behavior he is doing something very disgusting he's not playing mind games he's going to ruin you if you don't get out now he's ruined himself he's ruining her he's starting to ruin her if you don't get out now he is going to ruin you he's going to put your self-confidence through the floor and he will do it in very clever little ways he'll look at the girls in the gym and then be like she's got nice but it will start it will be little comments like i like it when you wear that but i don't like bumming that it will be small things and he will ruin you and she's got to share a bed with this horrible why are you even with him yes he did cheat if he was sexting that is cheating you need

to fuck him off he is disgusting and he's not worth but we say that it's not that easy it's not that no it's not that simple but the answer to the question is very easy yeah you babe you need to start focusing on yourself so what i would do is i would emotionally pour yourself a glass of wine get in the bath emotionally make yourself totally unavailable to him check out because you know you're probably going to work every day then you're getting home and he's draining you of your like social battery all of that so that you've not got anything to then pour into like your future plans so i would honestly just like totally switch off to him and start planning your future by yourself start saving money start looking at apartments i think i've been in a relationship

like this and let me tell you now it starts here and it gets worse i swear to you i've been in a relationship like this and it starts with little things and then it becomes bigger things and before you know maybe make him feel like he's left you so that's what they always say with narcs yeah yeah so instead of trying to win so you don't sound like you're that kind of person or you're on that kind of thing but forget you just need out just get out yeah trying to win let him win you win you've had it you need out in the safest way which is maybe make him feel like he's in control yeah honestly i think if you don't leave this your self-confidence and your the trauma that he will cause to you it's really clear to us isn't it is going to get worse and worse and

you're going you've got to get out right now and find somebody lovely he's not going to change by the way he's not going to change if he's not even apologizing for staring at girls where's the respect and all men are not like that no they're not absolutely not vast majority vast majority So no one in this room today though. We've got a message coming in and we are sending you honestly love so much. I can't, I've got minus five points because I can't see that shit.

Patreon. I can see Patreon, that's about it. Bigger, bigger, bigger. Hi, lovelies. Are you both okay? Are you okay? I can't read it. I can read it, it's fine.

Please keep this anonymous. I need some advice. My boyfriend has just got six years in prison. times are hard I bet so I don't know what to do do I stick around we've only been together for a year

it has turned my world upside down I feel so lonely no I can't read that have a great show have a great show Hans if you've not got kids or anything get gone absolutely not

six years he'll serve three apps not that app good behavior you'll probably get about six months sorry judge rinder um flashbacks absolutely not stay no no no don't waste your if you've got children it's very different but you know what he might have been the love of your life and all this but i believe that everything happens for a reason absolutely everything and you are not waiting around for anybody love of your life or not you are not sitting there on your ass on the sofa watching strictly every saturday for six years oh no no no move on but do you know what you do

need to do with these prison folk you need you need to tell you need to be very straight with him because you get very attached so you need to say to him like don't think i'm waiting around tell him from the beginning because he will cling on to that bit of hope from you but maybe wait till he's gone inside then tell yeah maybe wait till he's like locked up behind bars definitely not gonna be released and then tell him um and i would cut the contacts as well there's absolutely no point having contact with him either because you'll just wind him up and then he'll he sounds like well i mean he's in prison so you know what girls can be pen pals but i don't think boys can absolutely can't so i you end it and i would end it completely no contact either if he gets out in

three years and you've not found anyone better and he's still fit then absolutely yeah and if your eggs are still warm go for it yeah what are you reading nothing you are i want to thank you all i want to i want to thank you all for your swingers talk over the year it's encouraged me oh but me and lauren actually are not we're not swingers but we just love it it's encouraged me and my husband to join the lifestyle we had our first meet i love it how they cut my first meet we had our first meet three weeks ago where we swapped partners in the same room in the same room that is quite sexy it was very oh i bet it was love but then who finishes first and then like what do you do around like because because like once you've got that like pre-nut haze like you're

just like do you know what i mean like you just like sat there like well this is awkward like come on guys literally the second you finish like i'm back in the room that was disgusting can i just say have you ever noticed that men often say they want to get you pregnant and then when it's finished like i didn't mean that you want to call i'm gonna get you fucking pregnant um he won the pill so what we're doing all that can you imagine you finished before anyone you just sat there waiting any time now watching no you'd have to lead you'd be like um i'm into it

i'm interested in the swinging right guys so did you like our live show do you want more do you want more you want more i'll give you more how do you like it how do you like it if you're bored now guys new real housewives of beverly hills has just started head over to bravo that's what i'm doing after this i might get a mac he's on the way right we've got four minutes left lauren say something funny go on you're my you're on my before you ring monkey lauren i can't do it on cue i absolutely i've got nothing funny to say i honestly can't do it on cue um most disgusting thing you've wiped your ass with the the back of my hand and then what did you do what after a poo she has as well

and on that note guys right okay thank you if you have enjoyed today share like there's a new episode out tomorrow

oh yes there is and it's quite a decent one I've thrown my script on the floor so I'll do it oh I'm don't worry

right listen if you I can't I can't right if you've never watched a full episode and want to every week main and bonuses is on the patreon so if you've always been listening in the car but never seen our stunning faces it's much funnier when you see the horror in our eyes so you can watch it on our patreon you can literally watch every single one like tonight let us know what you think

i wish you'd not done that um you put me on the spot tiktok nip tuck pod insta's nip tuck pod I wish I'd done a middle parting on my fringe and that's it for us love you love you PJ's from

oh where are they from they're from Primark oh I was gonna tease them Primark 15 quid each mine's an extra small theirs is a small thank you Lauren

bye guys love you thank you bye bye Thank you.