Nip Tuck - Nip Tuck Song!

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

We've made a song all about Nip Tuck - should we release it?Best fake tans, a brand new crush and Lauren has a dilemma! We talk some bing bong boo on today's episode - but it's a good one!If you want BONUS episodes each week you can subscribe on Apple or sign up to our Patreon - patreon.com/niptuckpod Get in touch with the show - EMAIL - [e-mail] WHATSAPP - 07418 610097INSTAGRAM/TIKTOK - @niptuckpod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guys, hello and welcome to Nip, Tug, Not Given Up. Tug! Hello! Right, so to start off with, I feel like the first thing we need to discuss is this song. Because you've just done the intro and obviously if we're going to do this song, then the intro's going to change. Me and Ed were dancing to it yesterday. So let me give you some backstory of my side of things, because I've got no idea what this is. in our group chat which just goes off all the time so ashley sent in some lyrics for some song

i was like what are you doing a song that she's what have you made a nip tuck song i've not listened because i thought i'm gonna wait until the pod what have you done um why do why are you so weird did callum put you up yes right so basically on um i've got this app and it's called i think i've spoken about it before but it's called chatbox ai right and you can do so much shit with this thing like look at it right so katie daly actually put me onto this she said you don't even need like a pa you don't need an assistant you don't need a doctor you don't need a music person you don't need you know how all of these brands now are doing like the ai cgi stuff um you can literally though isn't it because you don't need anything anymore you can write blogs

on it you can summarize everything you can make documents just i had a letter recently that i feel like could have been made on there oh yeah exactly you can tell yeah yeah you can tell for sure but i mean it serves it's like yeah so look you can pick a lawyer you can get a marketing person you can get a financial and they're not real people no right a wellness advisor but he isn't him he's not a well he's he's still a computer right yeah a creative thinker so if you've got an idea they can write it up right okay so interesting danger so you know what freaks me out though right me and james were talking about this and he was like our kids now are going to school right to learn all this stuff they're not going to be needed so he was like what we need to do is get

the kids into ai and i was like oh shut up and he's like no because now he was like now no jobs are needed anymore because the robots take over that's why my friends would like beauty jobs and stuff they're getting bigger and bigger and better because you can't do that on ai no fashion styling oh i get what you mean sorry creative jobs like videographers all those ai can't do your nails so we still need all your hair extensions no so we there are some maybe now guys when you're thinking about careers well you have to take all of these things into consideration i can do it then your job might not be needed so i made um with callum a song for nip tuck pod and we'll play it and what a little segment of it now on here what did you type in just nip tuck theme

tune yeah and like ashley and lauren we discussed dilemmas we do oh you gave them a bit of context A little bit. Yeah, well, I've definitely not listened. No, I haven't listened. I'm waiting. I've listened to it. I haven't listened. It's really funny.

On purpose, I haven't listened because I thought, well, let's wait. So is this... Guys, tell us what you think because it could be our new theme tune. Okay, I'm going to play it now to you. I like it. I really like it.

And did you tell them what format you wanted it in? I did it in country style. Of course you did. Because that's that day. Was it the day when you were ordering food with a country and western accent? no it was a different did you even do um i can't play it on my phone can you play it on yours christina

Oh, I like that. No, wait for the chorus. Listen to this bit Oh this is really good This is fantastic Listen I fucking love it We could make a dance to this

Oh you could dance With our cowboy hat And we could teach people And when we do shows everyone could do the dance i think it's quite long anyway that's enough right i think that's great you need to do a tiktok dance or something today in our room in our group yeah we should make it celebrating queens and we could do like a little jump yeah i like that right okay great if you're not proud of me really i just you're so busy and you you know you've got a business

listen but you i'm so impressed that you still find time to make us an ai nip tuck song that is someone who can do everything right i've got um a dilemma of my own okay i actually want to know what you think about this so because james was like put it on the pod see what people think so i shall i've got a few but few that i can't talk about so this one i will um okay so james has just got a van type thing and in the back it's not a Range Rover so I don't know what it is I don't I actually don't know what it is apparently it's not I don't know anyway the point of it is he has had the back converted with more seats you know when someone comes in and like put seats in carpet so that you can use it for work and also to carry our million kids so he gets put in touch with a

company that do the refurbs inside right and he messages saying how much is it going to be for this this and this they reply i don't know if it was whatsapp or insta um hi mate that the cost of that will be 1500 pounds laughing yeah yeah good he drives all the way i won't say where we went but we drove about an hour and a half away to go and pick it up we go and pick it up and i'm in my car and all of a sudden he speeds out of the place and he's waving his arm and to follow him yes quick so i'm ringing him he said keep driving what what keep driving so what's happened is he's got there he has given the man the money the cash the 1500 pounds and he's gone oh no mate i got it wrong it's more it's another 1200 pounds fuck off nah so james was like well why and he's like um

my boss forgot to add on the well that's a you problem this is what i think my boss forgot to add on the the service charge like the fitting not my problem which is 1200 pounds so James thought well first of all I haven't got it on me right now um so I'm not giving it you and the guy was like well you owe it me and he was like well I don't though do I so there was this exchange and James got in the car got off because he can't handle confrontation so I think he thought I'll ask the boss and we'll decide what we do next so my take on this and I would like to think I'm fair i really would is tough tits you got the price wrong it's 1500 pounds you're not getting a fucking penny more out of me that is what i thought james because he's a big baby and he's

too nice yeah i was like i thought why don't i could meet him in the middle and like give him 600 give him half of the extra no i will i so i for me this is a black and white thing it's a no but he still thinks that he should perhaps give them half of that extra but i asked my mom and my mom said she potentially would have given a bit more too now i think i'm quite fair but what for you go and get it wasn't like um i'll do your house also it's in writing it's in it's on a it says 1500 they should really have a quoting system where it could have said plus 1500 depending what starting from no it was 1500 pounds so i'm now arguing with him not arguing because i'll win anyway but i'm saying you're not giving them another penny no way and they rank him

no not yet they must know he we might be might not have told me because he doesn't want me to me to go in a pregnant hormonal red rage that i do um so he is now saying i think i might just give them half no i think absolutely not uh-uh and i was trying to think of another situation that was similar and i couldn't really think of one i've had things like this a lot of times have you yeah um for example like especially when you're abroad in restaurants and stuff and you get the bill and you're like what like like they add sometimes i think it was somewhere like entrepe or something and they added like an entertainment fee per head of 100 euros at the end but i bet on the menu in tiny weenie maybe whatever and it was fun so it's fine but on this

occasion i can't say and i don't think i'm being unfair i can't see you fucked up unfortunately on your price and so say right if you did cosmetic console and by mistake there was um a fault on the website yeah and everyone got it for a tenner i'd fulfill it you would because you're fuck up you got it wrong you would you go back to everyone saying that you owe me no that did actually happen someone so i give um like a code for like friends and family and stuff and someone gave it bought the black friday offer and used the code oh cheeky cheeky well i was like and they were like right no we'll pull the order and i was like no it's fine it's my fault i shouldn't have allowed to deactivate the code exactly so for me i think it's an absolute no-brainer here but i'm interested

said i'm going to ask on the podcast what people think um yeah no i wouldn't would you christina no no and i said look i'm sorry if he's lost a day's work because he's done it for free then and also it's a learning curve for them there we go now they can get a proper invoicing system if you built a wall and told somebody it was x amount but lauren do you remember the times when we used to fuck up bad with stuff like that where we wouldn't i remember once right i'm not telling you where this was but there was a lady coming in for lipo and i didn't realize because i was new to the job and i was like okay did they do loads of areas and you only charged they did loads of areas and i didn't realize upper and lower abdomen were two areas which

bizarre but i didn't realize that i just classed it as abdomen and i didn't realize that your back was also not part of that no no it's not and your flanks is another area yes so it was something like i charged her for three and there was five anyway when the surgeon came in he looked at the sheet and he went she's only paid for three she's only getting such bad ptsd from the job i had to go into the room where she was naked lying on the table with the chip and pin machine and explain my error and I had to take the money off her or say,

you're going to have to leave. Oh. And, or just, you can only have half, you can have half, a skinny front and a fat back. Oh,

so she hadn't had it done yet then? No, about two. Oh, they were on it. And she was probably, it was probably illegal because she was probably sedated as well.

Yeah. I'll take my card. Luckily, she was really nice about it. But after that, I never made that mistake again yeah once do you know what you've given me such bad ptsd like one of the things when we used to work for cosmetic surgery company you you're human you're dealing with a lot of people the

mistakes i've made implant sizes implant sizes and the fear i i've done that as well when your phone would ring yeah and i've misquoted and they've gone right lauren we've got such and such on the table now she's only paid for a tummy tuck but you've booked her for her boobs as well and i don't know how it had happened and you'd get these awful situations and it was just there was so much pressure i don't think people realized or what i did once that i will never forget is i had a patient and i got on with her really well so it's like worse almost and she got to the hospital and i had ordered the wrong size implants i just i did that i'd made a mistake so she'd got to the hospital she had got herself all geared up ready to have surgery in a hospital gown they've come

in and said so it's 380 and whatever and she'd gone no no i'm five whatever and they didn't have them and she had to go home and i i was her patient coordinator so anything that went wrong with your patient you had to sort it out whether you made the mistake whether the hospital made the mistake and i used to blame other people to be perfectly honest but um i had to ring her like i know you're sat in your hospital bed right now but you've got to go home i've ordered the wrong implants she wasn't happy we'd give people a bit of compo or they'd go it's fine i'll just have the implants you've ordered and you go no because you've not signed you've not signed for that size implant there was so much that you didn't realize once i heard something very bad happened

there was two girls on a list with a similar name yeah and one was having that did happen i've seen that happen yeah in other places that has happened and one had boobs and one had nose and they were both called like sarah smith yeah and something sarah smith and sarah smith james smith or something yeah fair enough and they actually look quite similar as well the girls and um yeah one woke up with a new nose expecting new tits and the other one that is expecting a new nose and they were able to sue and then they both had cracking tits and noses so like win-win i think one wanted a nose anyway no they sued oh my god because imagine like what the men took and then that wasn't that company though it was a different company they said i heard allegedly to the girl

for example with the boobs they were like right well we can get them straight back out if it's and she was like oh no it's okay well no i wouldn't i'd be like i'm really sad i'm gonna see what keep them in now the damage that's actually not funny and um there's some yeah louise's usman actually on her podcast speaks about her one of her good friends dads went in for a leg amputation no and allegedly yeah they took the wrong the wrong leg and he ended up with none that is so scary isn't it god the clinical negligence side of things it's it's a scary world to work in because you it's so serious isn't it when you're operating on people um i remember yeah there's been times that i've seen where the wrong implants have gone in and you've had to wake

up and tell them and all you've not realized till later down the line and you're like shit i know she's got the wrong ones in but she's happy hmm what do we do you have to yeah it's called duty of candle yeah there's so much involved in it listening to this podcast about this massive like ivf scandal at yale university i'll share it on patreon and the nurse was addicted to fentanyl and she'd worked there for many many years and fentanyl is in like a clear vial and she was robbing all the fentanyl and she was the one that would give you your fentanyl when you go in for your egg collection she wasn't giving anyway all these girls were going in for their egg collection and she was like i'm just gonna inject this you won't feel a thing and they were all like literally

like in agony she was going home getting in absolute agony and some of them afterwards they'd go to the doctor and they'd be like is that that normal for me like it was really traumatic and sometimes because they were older or they had not below amh the doctor would be like uh three back-to-back egg collections you need to try and get all the eggs out and half of them didn't rebook for the um the next round of egg collection so a lot it stopped a lot of ladies i've um i've seen i have heard of a surgeon before injecting somebody and didn't have what he was meant to be injecting them with so he injected with water saline water that's what that lady was doing yeah would say and it was meant to be some form of steroid and there wasn't any in so instead of

dealing with that would inject something else instead i've heard about it a friend of a friend in different country heard of it yeah so there's there's all honestly what like botox yeah all sorts of things it's right and you don't know have you heard of that person that injected lip uh dissolver into the person's forehead and botox into the lip no yeah that is quite a big fuck up yeah the girls on passy we're talking about a few months that is really bad that is a fuck up um something else i want to talk about while we're talking about all sorts oh my god this city is ours is that what it's called yeah um is it called this city i've not watched it i don't know anything you were talking about you will just give us a bit of context because

because you were talking about this last night on the group chat and i had no i'd be fucking honest and i had no idea what you were right so the reason i got onto this was patreon thank you girls and everyone was saying girls you need to watch this you need to watch this and abby clancy actually put something about it because it's i told you weeks ago and as usual i wasn't listening to you you tell me both mate you tell me too many things you tell me too much stuff and i can only filter bits through like listen to our song watch this great program use this cream it's all useful information but there's too much so not all of it pierces my brain who else do i yap at so the only so much yap goes in um anyway so ashley already knew but patreon said watch this and i was dubious

it was it's about drug which is my favorite we can't carry on with this program um favorite type of program and man um and it's basically about drug dealers in liverpool what's it on so it's on bbci player and it's about drug dealers in liverpool and the gang and i love a firm oh i get so turned on it was it was quite hard to understand at the beginning who was actually related to and i kept going to ed like so he's the dad no he's not he's the whatever and then And then Ed remembers Nancy's like, Barry's that person. Yeah, so it's basically about a firm. It's a family and then it's a bigger firm in Liverpool

and it's about, well, their drug things and how things go. Like their little gang group. Yeah, and it's really good. And the main character, so James knows my type, I think quite well by now. And when he came on the screen, James just turned. His name is James Nelson Joyce.

now his instagram does not do him it's that do you know what right do you not maybe we fancy the character the character so some men you will watch in something and they are so fanciable and then you'll see them without that character and they're not even fit but for he in that fit that character the clothes the clothes when he was going into the boxing the boxing and he had the and he had like a scally tracksuit wanks are to be had over this and everyone in patreon's like have you seen that guy however when you look at him he's a good looking man don't get me wrong but when you look like if i showed you a picture of him now on his instagram i'd be like right you're gonna find him really fit you'd be like absolutely not

no but what i will say is and this is why james turned really slowly to look at me when he came first of all he's like your type isn't it but he's got incredible bone structure yeah and i am and that's why i think i love james i am well loads of reasons but um i am a sucker for a jawline and a cheekbone if you look like you've been on heroin um like do you know that certain i love when they talk and it goes in i am such a sucker for a jawline i remember once being with this guy and i remember thinking you just need a bit of a jawline filler and i thought if i'm going to stay with you that's when they grow the little birds usually when they've got a receding yeah god listen to us talking about men that's when they do this imagine if it was andrew tate like they

need a boob job i know i don't care we can it's our podcast um so anyway he's gorgeous this is toxic so toxic and the program is fantastic and he looks great i hope he's tall he's got a nice body his arms so there's a scene where so there's a scene where they do bare they do bare knuckle fighting don't you get me all excited and they're in this ring and the what is right anyway girls watch it no he what i am interested in though oh sean bean's in it i love i love sean b you're gonna love it also he's quite fit as well in a weird sort of way yeah i like old men i just love that old I love that old-fashioned firm now I know it's not something to be like shouting at some drug dealer and it's not good but there's something about that old-fashioned family firm

that I just want to be part of that firm but then I think I've tried so many times oh yeah you love like um Real Housewives of New Jersey and Mob Wives you'd love to be a mob wife I would and Yeah, well, you've toyed with stuff like that. Lauren, long term, you wouldn't want to do that. It didn't add up to that. I've tried it probably three times. And I think I was with the wrong firm. No, we're not promoting this.

No, no, not at all. But I'm just saying, do you know what it is? It comes down to the old family values where the sons look after the mum, the mum's the queen, the dad's the leader. You're part of a secure unit. And I think because I've got a small family, I think that's, it's something to do with that.

not the drugs stuff not the drugs it makes it a bit more exciting but no it's that old-fashioned family firm that i just love that power it's it's the power it's not the drugs it's the power that you can say i'm such and such and everyone whoa did you used to watch power yeah i love power it's been like have you watched beauty in black yet no right you watch it and i just didn't think about it what carry on carry on but that's the reason that i went out with scary man people always say to me why did you go out with scary man what on god's great earth and that is what it was now i look back i was 24 and this person was well known and whatever and quite scary and i wanted to be the dolly bird on the arm i can look at that quite openly now and see it

however long term not good i wanted to be the dolly bird long term not good um but yeah watch that because i love it and what i'm also interested in ashley it must be like deep rooted thing why do we find right we've just said and it's not good and it's fighting is not good why did we get so turned on watching that man get in the ring and have a fight it's um like the mask it's it's it's in you is it toxic it's nature why did we enjoy watching that man it's not nice fighting i'm trying to think if i've ever ed has had edward's boarding school guys please don't try and fight my husband because i'd fucking fight you more and he's not he's a big

boy yeah he's not he used to play rugby but if he wouldn't if if someone like you know like in a club if someone barged into ed he'd just go sorry mate yeah i'll buy you a drink really like i'm just no we don't want a boyfriend like that have you ever been in a restaurant when a fight as fully kicked off. I used to go out with, when I went out with Thingy-ma-Bob that's not around

at the moment, when I went out with... He's not dead. He's not dead. He's just not around. When I went out with him, he was the kind of person that if there was a shove

or if anyone looked at me, and for some reason, I did quite like that. I had one like that. And it was quite nice, but actually... But it was horrible when it...

Horrible. And the jealous. And then you start getting fucking pushed around and you're like... And they're jealous. And actually what you tend to find is they're actually not good boyfriends.

No, and then your adrenaline when they start fighting in front of you, it goes and you're like, oh, this is horrible. I'm being really honest here because I know it's not good. But at the same time, we've just creamed over a guy in a ring fighting.

I'm just wondering why. What is ingrained in us that makes us like that? It's like an animal. Is it an animal instinct? It's an animal thing of like men protecting. Is that what it is? Because obviously James used to do it, professional fighting.

and the thought of it I would say there's a difference right here there's a difference between a man like you know he can handle himself but he doesn't shout about it so if you I've always heard that if you go on like I've got loads of money or I'm so hard

it means you're not so I think it's an ick when men start over the top when they start on people it's not nice it's such a fine line I'll tell you what it's an equivalent of if a man gets annoyed or something

and he punches a wall or he kicks a wall that is so embarrassing there's such a fine line like oh I'm going to have a country wall I'm so angry and there was holes in the walls yeah

that is awful I got so angry I smashed a glass yeah so it is there's a fine line you hole wall puncher James went to a boxing thing on Saturday and it was bare knuckle

it was illegal it was legal not illegal a proper show but bare knuckles so I think they just don't have the gloves on and that's just weird

well it's a full event it wasn't like a weird back alley thing it was a full show I think it was at Altrincham maybe anyway

because all his friends do the fighting stuff so he went there and I really wanted to go I bet they all want to fight each other because they watch it yeah he said they all

get off their tits and want to fight everyone I really wanted to go but I thought it's not the place have you ever been somewhere where a big fight

has erupted like a brawl yes where were you oh god I was once in Panacea when it was in Alderley Edge

and there must have been two drug gangs in there at the same time and I've never ever felt like fear like this no Lauren it was so bad me and Ed were like

sat at the bar just next thing a stool goes like this past my head oh my god they didn't give a fuck no who's in the middle who was in the middle of it

and they were throwing chairs and stools we all had to crouch that is really imagine that underneath it oh did he protect

and we had to like crouch down they were getting the bottles from behind the bar and it's all and everyone had blood people were screaming

that is really infuriating then like anyone that went in to try and stop they were getting them it's no and it took security like a long time to calm it down everything we've just said would you want your boyfriend to be in the middle of part of that no you wouldn't so everything we've said

is more wank material than real life what we would actually want i think you want someone protecting you to know that they can protect you if they need to yeah like in that situation like ed protected you in that way he's not starting the fight and i think that's more sexy that he protects you than starting the fight you know what we need to do after you've had the baby please can we go for self-defense can you imagine you know do you remember i really want to so do you remember do you know like the charity boxing things where they get they misfits do you think they'd have me on or am i not famous i wouldn't want to ruin my nose you go there i've called yeah i can ruin mine like i'll just get a nose job and say that's why have you we might have to

cut this but have you ever been in a fight with a girl yeah yeah i've not it's not for me what as though they they've started it loads yeah oh god that's horrible lauren in my youth in my youth yes i've had a yeah i'm not an arguer or a fighter i well i'm not but um i'm all i'll just walk off yeah this was the old this was like an old version of me in my teenage years where actually i used to hang around with people that probably weren't very nice and it was kind of cool then to be it's not cool it's not cool now no it was but it was i think that's more of a thing of where me and you've come from it's that yeah it's the area and it was like she's well hard yes and if you were well hard then that was cool um and i had to once meet up and have a fight i don't know if you can

even put this in but um i mean i was fine but i'm talking 15 years old like now that's disgusting girls fighting is fucking disgusting it's embarrassing it's crude it's horrible but i'm talking when i was a teenager and i think that's just where i i didn't get brought up in the ends don't get me wrong but like the people i was hanging around with in your rockport it was i was in rockport and i wanted to be like them um and i wanted to be rough but i wasn't i wasn't i was posh compared to them so i always pretended i was rougher i never went through but you didn't go through that i wanted to be rough i wanted to be i don't know but it was just a period of time when i was a teenager i know people that were like that but now absolutely not never but i think if

somebody tried to fight me i would batter them um right well my guys no this is like an actual serious thing so we really now we should be allowed to carry pepper spray i honestly believe that i really do they've banned it and pepper spray and rape alarms are like the two things that you would have like when i remember my dad when he used to have like really nice cars and when you bought a nice car it would come with like a mercedes pepper spray what yeah this i'm talking when i was little is this allegedly no i've got a story to tell you about this so me and my sister you know how dads do he fucked up and left us somewhere in the car locked in the car yeah and i was like what's this

and he came back to the car couldn't breathe and it was it i remember it's just in a silver little thing yeah because obviously did he tell you it came with mercedes i will get my dad to tell us a story i remember it said mercedes-benz and it was small little thing and i sprayed it and we couldn't breathe it felt like our throats and is that so that in case somebody came to your car exactly so they have now banned pepper spray because if you are a young woman on your own or on your own whatever then you know you could carry the pepper spray in your hand for a self-defense self-defense and as well rape alarms we really all should actually consider rape alarms that was a thing a long time ago but i'll be honest i've not i had one i remember an ex-boyfriend when i

was like 15 getting me you should have one you really if you're walking to something because it would potentially just frighten somebody and startle them over the weekend yeah it's scary and i know a girl who um a bit ago she had dropped her husband off somewhere she was pulling up to drive they came in through the drive while her car was pulling up she was pregnant probably like the same pregnant as you um and they wanted her car so they pushed her over and she fell like that because obviously she's protecting the baby and they got a hammer and just hammered hammered hammered hammered hammered a hand until what goes the key is and hands like not oh it wasn't a wanking hand really sad that's really frightening so yeah we don't think we should i keep why don't

we make nip tuck rape alarms yeah oh my god no because they'd be cute and you'd attach them to your phone so you've always there needs to be something where maybe new phones there's if you press that twice it maybe goes really loud or something there's an sos thing i press mine all the time by mistake i'm trying to do content i will be trying to do content it's if you press this so many times so if you ever put your phone in your tripod to do content and then it's pressed the wrong thing and all of a sudden you're there like yeah get ready with me and then it's ringing 999 you're like no no if you press it too many times on the side but anyway yeah i think oh my a rape alarm um we should have them it's not a thing enough it should be a thing because that's

not going to hurt anyone pepper spray i don't know what the rules are i mean it's an extra backup though isn't it because we are pretty defenseless if there's someone bigger than you like i agree i guess the thing with that is though it just gets out of hand doesn't it what my mum always said to me the girl in liverpool the knife 11 years old in school well what my mum always said to me is if someone comes over to you you get whatever they want you give it them fine and say it's like your handbag or your keys or your watch and you just go like that there you go and throw as far away so they turn around and you can run that's a good idea actually that is a good point and you know people always say i think you've said this to me before i share but your mum will

have said this like if the police ever stop you you can get out of the car yeah stand up so that you're on their level and things like that you know so that you don't feel intimidated but as well another story that i've heard recently is um a girl that i know was driving down a back lane and luckily she'd heard about this before and they can put fake blue lights on top of them oh my god that's so so you stop so and also do you know what guys you don't have to stop your car until you feel safe safe so don't ever just pull up on a back street wait till you're in a lit area on the main road and if it is a real police person you check through the window keep the door locked if it is a real police person there has to be two of them there i think for you to get out but

as well when you're talking to police and there are great police people yeah there are but after sarah ever like it is fucked me in the head because the thing is there are some great police people but they're still they're still humans which means some are not good and also in every industry um is having a tracker on your car and your phone the worst thing in the world to some of your best friends or family i don't think it is no i'm not unless you're doing having an affair which we're not so switch it off for that

can't you yeah just turn it off when you go choose as and when yeah yeah but have affairs safely yeah if you're having an affair

do it in a safe way in a well hit area not the sex pit because that's not good in a well hit area that's another illegal offence so we don't want to do that

anyway we've really it's just been it's just been how long have we been I'm sorry guys oh yeah April Fool's Day

we didn't do anything i'm a bit bored of that also did you ever used to have fart bombs stink bombs yeah yeah at school and it smelled like egg yeah um and if there was a lesson i didn't want to do like maths at three o'clock or whatever i'd know which classroom it was in and 20 minutes before i'd put a few stink bombs in then it smelled like egg didn't it yeah i can remember that um did you do much on mother's day you went did you go to sexy fish yeah oh you said before that they were really good i love sexy you said for tea time with the kids they were great the staff were incredible but not good it was that stupid brunch menu oh i should have known it's my fault the whole way i was going to

want caviar and this and he was like yeah fine got in and it was heaving was it absolutely every table was full i had to wait like half an hour for the table that i wanted right i had told them in advance but whatever they probably couldn't rush the people off whatever because i like sitting near the tank half an hour is three hours yeah and also it's not like you can sit at the bar and just like get pissed so um anyway yeah it was this brunch menu and it's like set sushi that you have to walk over and get like a buffet yeah yeah and i bet it wasn't cheap either for that no it wasn't so then i was like oh well i have to be careful you know because of my prawn allergy so i was like well i'm not really gonna eat that and i wanted caviar can i not get it and they were

like no you're not allowed anything apart from what's on there and so i think it was like 40 50 quid ahead and then for the wagyu it was another 50 quid on top so for a hundred quid a bit of wagyu yeah what did the kids eat they all like uh teddy just ate rice oh yeah rice and then um they had like those chicken bits it was it was fine and snowy ate everything she ate sushi yeah everything and they are very good in there with like little girls they give them like mocktails so it was just that you probably should have checked yeah it's my fault i went to um just went to the san carlo in selfridges i love it there you know i love it it's just so easy you're in selfridges anyway small place small place that's nice environment nice and bright lauren takes the piss out of me

all the time when i'm like i need to rush off somewhere once i know where you're going i have to go on a loop of selfridges and i sit by myself with a glass of champagne and i get it's called Selfridges Cicchetti San Carlo yeah it's lovely and I get a chicken Milanese I told James to get that

and he didn't and a spicy arrabbiata pasta yeah he should have got that he didn't beautiful I had the truffle ravioli

they are small plates in there though aren't they no so my truffle ravioli you only got three pieces of truffle but it was very rich

so you wouldn't want creamy isn't it really creamy and the garlic bread was really nice the arancini is very nice have you had the the roast potatoes and the broccoli really really nice anyway we went there um i didn't have any

kids on sunday so we just went there and just did a little had a little anything where else i've been tell you what though i know we've said this before and i probably didn't appreciate it because you've been doing loads of meetings in manchester i've not parking just drive the stress honestly the stress horrendous i used to love when i was younger me and my mum would go into manchester on a potter we would park in the arndale and we would go to primark we'd do a little potter we'd have a bit of lunch and go home that is not a thing you drive it in everywhere is one way it's frightening you don't know where you're going there is nowhere to park it was really they've literally made pedestrianized so my tips for going into manchester honestly get the train

or the tram the met selfridges car park was full couldn't get in there this is what i do when i go to salvages it'll either be like an after recording day where it's in the week that's okay even still sometimes it is full or i get there for when it opens is that the better way to do it yes and you can even actually go in that car park if you get there for like 10 a.m say you can do a little bit of a food shop in m&s get that in your car and then go and also again safety wise i know i sound like a dick going on and on but in there they the security will walk you to your car if you want and it's all it feels safe there's men sat right there it feels well safe but it's hard to get in we parked up near our old work in the end shite isn't it i had to waddle all the way

down anyway um did you get a present because you were you not did you not get something chanel was it not the makeup bag you got didn't you i got yeah a little chanel makeup really nice and It's so nice. I asked James for a silk pillow while I asked Thea because Thea wanted to get me something. I was like, I don't want anything. Did you get it with the zip closure? He got the wrong one.

It's fine. It was just a silk pillow. But no, it was fine. Because you can take that to hospital. Yeah, I will. Yeah, I got a silk pillow. I'll get you a silk pillow. Thank you.

And he got me, no, it was by a brand called Blissie. Blissie Pillow Cases, yeah. I think that they're the ones that have actually got copper in them. oh well then he's smashed copper is an absolute huge anti-aging ingredient and also actually i learned this off gwyneth paltrow um in her book and she all of her bedding has got copper elements in it because if you sleep on copper it's really good for your skin i knew that it was really good for your skin and hair because i knew that this is a totally different not somewhere i've been people inject peptides it's a thing peptides and copper and they do a lot of it in america so that

copper and zinc peptides that amazing new beauty drink that i've stopped right not an ad blah blah blah blah but basically i've been taking now for a few months this drink called verve and it's got some incredible stuff they just sent me some you're not allowed to take it yet are you but i've been raving about this honestly and i won't stop it's got the highest dose of collagen in it it's got biotin in it it's got copper in it it's got zinc in it so all these things

will tighten your skin as well it's got bloody retinol in it it looks really good it's got this stuff called astaxan which

can put SPF into your skin so you don't but it's mad it is really good I'm gonna I've got it

they sent me some because they do like green powder and stuff like that and when the baby's here I'm going to drown myself in it and that's got copper in it

that's where we led on to right leading on from that from a lot of mish mash mosh bish bash bosh we said that we were going to talk today because it is getting to that time of year now where we can't hide anymore fake tan i feel like this is such a big question people always ask about fake tan do what do you do you like an express tan don't you right so basically we're gonna ramble about tan because it's coming up to our time of year where we're gonna show a little bit more skin oh honey yeah and i can't wear my opaque tights anymore i don't like a bit of a knob wearing them and it's spring for me um

i'm i'm not great at fake tan and i'm not good at keeping it up i'm always i love a bath i love an infrared sauna i love cryo and all of those things mean that my skin turns over quite fast yeah i agree on my body or it will dry out in certain areas and all that jazz so for me i love like you just said lauren a tan that i can put on for a small amount of time and then wash off and then it glows bedding as well oh i've got a super king bed um and i'm a very sweaty person so my tan looks like and you have white sheets oh clean white sheets always so my tan looks absolutely yeah hideous so i don't like going to bed and letting the tan marinate i think it makes you smell weird i think it soaks into your pores more so my preference is a black filler robe right okay

i think i got mine from house of fraser um but i just got sent a really good one from i can't remember the name of the brand but it's like brown on the outside and pink on the inside i'll um tag it on instagram so you can flip it around when you've got your tan on yeah and ready basics by ready that's what it's called um anyway what i do is i put my tan on and then i'll let it marinate say while i'm doing the housework so this is an express tan an express tan or while i'm doing some laptop work or say i finish work early and i've got home by three and i can have a shower at eight then yeah um that one what's that one bellamianta i've heard that that one's good this is weird so basically tans come in like a gradual lotion

this is how we'll refer to them gradual lotion which is like a milk a body cream a foam an aerosol spray and a liquid a tinted liquid for me i have to have a guide i have to have a tint because then i know where i've missed where i'm going absolutely i agree so i use this bellamianta one and it's very dark and it tints your skin straight away what i will say is always have a body brush like a makeup brush yeah brush other brands that i love i love the cocoa and eve antioxidant face spray it's absolutely fantastic i never tan my face so that for me is we've been sent and i'll be totally honest it has been sat in my cupboard for ages loving tan yes i've done a post on this so loving tan i'll be honest i'm not sure it's like they do an express two hour

that's the one that i use that the one right okay i've not tried it the mousse is very expensive is it that's so it's like 30 quid a bottle a dark and an ultra dark and i have i'll be honest it's brilliant that's pink packaging yeah it's nice so bellamianta loving tan cocoa and eve i love uh barley body i've got that brilliant i've used that for years that's a new one i've used and i was like this is fantastic one of the best ones i've had did you get the mousse yeah i've got the mousse because i like to i'm opposite to you i like to marinate and wash it off in the morning because i do you know what i did use that paris hilton tan looks gorgeous it's no guide and it's very dark yeah very dark i need something where i've got the guide it's

very sticky it's wet oh it's very good i actually like it but it's very wet um i must i'm gonna throw it out there tan looks is not a brand that i rate that highly tan looks i had um no see isn't it funny because it's so subject everyone's different it depends on the skin tone so we absolutely fucking love the garnier one the garnier everyday um the gradual that's fantastic that is a really good fantastic yeah stinks um but it's really good i do like a gradual but i feel like if i'm going out i want to be brown brown yeah yeah that's it but the problem you've got is it depends on your undertone so ashley's undertone is pink mine is more yellow um and the problem is what tan might suit me and i love she might not because it's the color as well so

you do have to try quite a few um i've been sent one recently called salt tan salt i haven't used it yet i'm gonna be honest i haven't i'll tell you why i have become such a spray tan bitch spray tan whore recently partly because i'm so big now that not only can i not even see my vagina that i i can't get that i can't anymore so i've been having a spray tan um every week pretty well i'm actually i need to book it in and i'm loving that but it's not feasible right time to fit in do you know what is absolutely fantastic for that the garnier aerosol one in the i've got a question about aerosol been around for years where the fuck do you do it okay i put a towel down like i've got

my nice towels and my old towels oh yes so huge towel get a so can sleep bath extra large towel i have just bought some fucking fantastic just so you can sleep for bedding and towels is my go-to so anyway this big ass bath towel and then i literally spray it all on everywhere and i probably use half a can yeah that's the problem though it goes yeah but it's only um nine pounds on amazon most of the time like 9.99 and it's fantastic well there we go do you prefer like the drops or the spray on your face because well let's have a look what i do is because i've got blonde hair i spray it onto a makeup brush and then i apply yeah so i had a little nosy um because i feel like one of the big things we get asked about is face tan and i think so when i go for

a spray tan i always say to her don't do my face and i'll do my face at home um because i'm always a bit like you know dubious about it because i feel like a lot of them block your pores and i have problems with pigmentation so sometimes it really sticks to my pigmentation so i struggle with face tan what i like is i like the santra pay it's like a watery mist ah it's lovely that And Sam Moritz do a dupe that's similar, I would say. I prefer a spray. And what I do first, I actually moisturize first and then spray over before I go to bed

because then I feel like it creates a slight barrier so it doesn't go into my pores. Once I've sprayed it on, one thing that I have schoolboyed with, if your hairline isn't, you know, Hairlining. Hairlining, make sure you pull your hair right back and spray in your receding bits.

No, mine would go orange. Well, you can't because you're blonde. Yeah, I can. and because otherwise i can get a line there and then what i also do is get cotton buds and i go around my nostrils where your black heady areas are yeah it really sticks and my eyebrows also be very careful about face tan and eyebrow tinting on the same day yeah here's a trick here's a trick i learned when i did beauty if you let me get this the right way around if you have a spray tan and then tint your eyebrows

it works well because the eyebrow tint sticks very nicely right if you do it the other way round yeah then you will get orange eyebrows there must be 24 hours between because of the two chemicals mixing shut up but it's actually really good to tint your eyebrows after a tan because it actually stays on really really well what other face tans do you like um um that do you know what i find face hands are really tough dolce glow it's called um i've heard that the kardashians absolutely love it and that comes in like a little serum pot which i quite like you know when you're away to put in your makeup bag because they're like tiny yeah you can get mini tan looks ones as well but i told you so you didn't like the tan looks um i looked

online at some reviews and it came out the independent as one of the top ones but i tried one maybe it's for people with brown hair what was the one that everyone was raving about as well and you didn't like what was it it was a face tan and we got it you got it and you were like i don't like it oh the by terry one that's it the tea to tan some people are obsessed my og and i love by terry My OG is the St. Moritz white bottle one. I honestly, it's fantastic. The face serum. Jeez Louise, how expensive is stuff on there recently?

Isle of Paradise do a nice one as well. I like the sort of like instant things that I can wash off because my big thing is when you go streaky and I've just, I've sent you something in the group. I've used recently this L'Oreal. It's dead cheap. It's like this loomy glow. The loomy glow bronze.

And I just put that on a makeup brush under makeup. so instead of fake tanning you will just use a bit more of a glowy layer on your makeup yeah and i'll just put it on my neck because obviously your neck's like and then just like get a big brush and just put it on my like so is this almost like an instant makeup just an instant it's not a fake yeah and i put it under my makeup yeah beautiful it's spelt say sigh i don't know have you seen that branding before they sell it um in like cult beauty and stuff s-a-i-e dew bronze soft focus effortless liquid and it comes in four different shades fantastic i love the chanel universal bronzer for that instant glow as well um every year coming up to now they do a travel size and

that will last me a year but it's sold out already in boots fuming um and then as well other bronzy things that i absolutely love a powder bronze is not the best for i think holidays and our age i will always go for matt the number seven um dupe the chanel one is absolutely really nice i like as well for that that's like um a cream blush tell you what else i always talk about on instagram is the by terry cc oh yeah the cc uh bronze there's like four eight sorry different shades in it and i get the there's one i think it's called tan or something along those lines and that is lovely for a glow one that i really want to try cordially i've just brought out some bronzing drops and they're meant to be amazing cordially is amazing the resveratrol lift serum is fantastic

yes i've got that it's so good me and chloe the other day went to look fantastic and oh my god the look fantastic shop in altering what was that lady called maggie maggie she is so helpful we went knowledgeable she knew her shit so basically we went in um and we were like right what do we need and she was like this cordially cleanser is amazing it's a micellar water slash gel cleanser all at the same time bought it all right take or leave uh but i like the concept of the fact that if you're in a rush it's one cleanse and that's it then we got this other stuff which is a spray on moisturizer grape water it's so nice i feel like i've seen that and then um she was telling us like all all other things that are trending at the minute and she was like giving her honest

opinion on stuff also there was a patrick tar toner which is rose water or something and she said that sensational i think it's good to have quite an abrasive toner as well aha bha like all that kind of thing but i actually quite like just a rose toner as well there's one you need to buy that then i'll show you the bottle and you'll like it because you know you've done a cleanse and you think you're done get a cotton pad and you're not done but sometimes you don't want that abrasive every day so i quite like like a like a that's where you the cosmetic consult pad stuff yeah but then i can't do it every day i'm talking so that's obviously you've got that for you like you're slightly stronger but i'm talking just almost cleaning your face that little bit extra

without any active or anything too strong. I could take or leave a toner. I'd put one on before I do my makeup if I'm about to go out as like a refresh or something. No, I do. I like a toner. It makes me feel squeaky clean. But did you see as well,

I posted it and it sold out straight away. That Colour Wow set for 50 quid. It was worth 150 pounds, I think. And it was like five full-size products for 50 pounds. They do good discounts now. I like Colour Wow. I think it's really good stuff the dream coat's fantastic

right we've gone on and on about this let's let's call it a day yeah sorry I think sorry

I've got dry mouth I'm a bit over excited actually and anyway if you're listening what's up Jen's and you want an affair

in daylight then follow at me right guys love you bye you