Nip Tuck - Plastic Mum, Birth Bags & Distant Dads

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Ashley & Lauren are no stranger to trolls or getting stick online, but this has got to be a new low... Poor Lauren's been called a Sp*nk Mumma and a Plastic Mum with a Plastic Son... Her husband James was NOT a happy man! It get's worse... It was a friend of hers Dad who did it! The girls chat Fathers on FaceTime after it was revealed a player in the World Cup had to watch the birth of his child on his phone and considering it's Ashley's last episode before her maternity leave, they share their pregnancy bag essentials.Head over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, not only will you get the Wednesday main episode the day before at 5pm, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Sue's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail] sure to subscribe, follow, rate and review!

I live in a nice house! This is not good enough. Used to this service. Oh my god, they were so... She was like, even in my own house I have a cup of tea brought to me in the morning! I'm sorry. It was bad, Alex. She was pregnant. And she was going, it's Mrs. Stobart again!

I didn't do much because obviously I'm heavily pregnant. Yeah. So, um, I stayed in bed, really. My mum came round and made spaghetti bolognese. Wow, this is so depressing. are you okay well i can't wait to hear about yours so yours was more depressing than mine and my dad's dead hi guys and welcome to nip talk we're back not giving it no we've dropped that we've dropped it

we've not dropped it everyone the ogs know but you won't see that little bit as much because you know it's got a swear word in it yeah like that but the ogs know that we don't give a fuck so they can just imagine changed yeah yeah we have right guys what have we got coming up this episode this is kind of baby heavy so it's ashley's last record before she has the baby we're talking about the hospital bag the plans should fathers be there at births the football stuff what they do and also essentials for before and after pregnancy now we're going to caveat this we have bulk recorded so anything we say that's out of date don't judge us like we always say we're nip tuck we are consistent we very rarely have sick days we don't take any maternity leave and you know

we cover we we do all the things to make sure that you get your weekly episode so you've got your episode on spotify or apple or wherever you listen on a wednesday yeah and then you've also got a bonus app so we have been working our little well god massive massive ass i will show you my ass is huge it's bigger than kim kardashian's ass huge yeah i was saying to lauren like men keep driving up behind me and like beeping and then when they see me from the front they're like no no and i'm like yeah you're disgusted i would beep your ass from behind it's it's yeah it's fantastic quite something yeah um it changes so much because i remember when you were pregnant with snowy it was huge yeah um had you not long had it done either i can't remember but it was

done after teddy right it was huge and then when you went back to normal after snowy it went normal it really went down a lot yeah and then you said it looks much better it looked but listen we've all got different opinions but i i preferred it when it was slightly yeah i mean you're pregnant it's going to be huge i thought it was going to stay huge but no but if your body went back to normal mate and your ass didn't it would be very huge go huge as well and then they go back to normal yeah this is what i mean like the size you didn't if you weren't pregnant and you were stick thin like you normally are with that ass that might be a bit much so it's good that it goes down it's all in listen she she clearly just wants the huge ass yeah you do you i just haven't got

one so i'm jealous one day right okay let's begin what has been going on so you've just said to me now this is again is a little bit out of date but um kids are finished at school kids have been sent home from school because it's too hot yeah like it's obviously a heat wave the week i'm giving birth i just love that for me yeah that is typical i've got um aircon that's been fitted when did you did you have it was it there before you moved in no because i said to james i was like ed paid extra to get right before the baby's born because i last night was literally just dripping with fans and i was like it's not safe it's not safe when you're pregnant or when you just had a baby it's actually not and because my house like has got all these windows

it's like yeah like a greenhouse try and keep the the curtains shut in the day but that's not that's depressing as well much of a difference it is depressing we've shut all our curtains but everyone's in my bedroom everyone so the kids have got a mattress on the floor in my bedroom yeah so they're all yeah um the two girls and they've been sleeping on there and then i'm in my bed how funny is it that we can't cope in this country with either too hot or too cold we just can't is your room the only one with aircon yeah where's it so everyone's squishing he goes in teddy's room and they've got like a fan set situation yeah it is really really warm the uh i don't think the school has closed but i decided anyway yesterday are you allowed to

take them out because it's hot only if the school permits it you know my thoughts you decided yesterday i decided yesterday that well james and i decided that we're going to wales now after this pario no that's in july we just we literally went on airbnb booked a last minute cute caravan it's not good but we're not you need a youtube we're not it's not it's not good we're not asked though so we're getting the girls whereabouts in wales no i don't even know no i don't know um and we're driving there we're staying in a caravan the site has got an outdoor pool and we're spending all thursday there just one night and we're spending all thursday there going to the beach having some fun just the girls and tommy and it's just nice when you've got a lot of kids the boys are in

cornwall on holiday sometimes it's nice when you've not got all of them to make that opportunity to spend one-on-one time with them so while we've not got the boys we were like let's give the girls a bit of time and let the girls off you have to do it like that and it happens to fall and when it's not yeah and they're into different things it's hard so when we can if one's on holiday we focus on the others anyway so we've fucked it literally we're leaving here i'm going to wait to hear about i'm going to lander over because i'm trying out a different car and i'm going to use their petrol to drive to wales in um what a coupon queen what a tramp um it wasn't planned i was getting the car today anyway i'm trying to range over sport a new one and then we are going

to wales and we're staying in this weird caravan that looks not nice and james booked it it was 150 pound for the night for five of us so oh my god it's not it's i don't know i've got visions right of us just sat on the beach with a chippy and the kids running around it will not be like that tommy will have stand up his ass he'll be crying the kids will be hot and sweaty they'll drop their ice cream i'll be furious because i'm pretending i'm this low-key girl and then i'll get there and i'll be trying to pretend it's fine when i'm not okay but listen we've done it when we say at that hotel that time and i was like i live in a nice house this is not good enough even in my own house i have a cup of tea brought to me in the morning sorry it was bad alex she

was pregnant and she was going it's mrs snowboard again it was bad wasn't it if i was at home i'd have a cup of tea delivered and you can't do that and then paying on the kettle in the room right i'm really sorry but when you're pregnant all you want when you wake up and before bed is a cup of tea and i woke up in the morning and i was like there's no kettle hi can you bring me a kettle no we don't do that here you can't have a kettle right you can't have a cup of tea what was it like an hour it was it wasn't the best service and it was expensive me and lucas were literally in the background and she'd ring again it's mrs strobe again and we were i still love the fact that the shower was kind of like in the middle of the room frosted glass and there was three of us

those three of us so we were just like we were just naked weren't we were just not fucking ass we weren't i've still got those socks you know in my drawer have you with the fluffy socks we had a really good time that was when i got so pissed in the car that i threw up when we got the tuna sandwich well how different am i now by the way like i stayed do you remember with james at that point yeah lucas went on a night out yeah how different like we we got in the car and i drank that many because actually obviously was pregnant wasn't drinking i drank that many bottles of wine in the car just because it was a three-hour drive and i was just chilling and chatting vaping drinking and then i got out the car i fell out of this car and realized i was i couldn't even

walk we staggered up to the room i'd had a tuna sandwich and i threw up and i was so i was so hungover do you remember oh you would be it was hard anyway that was the old me i don't do that anymore um so trolling and arguments right instagram what is this so i'm not allowed to argue back on our nip tuck account fine i'm not logged in but nobody can tell me what to do on on my own so i posted a video that went like not viral but like more viral than it normally does and it's me pushing the prime in a bikini another one gorgeous and a lot of it was absolutely amazing but i had two quite unpleasant instances men yeah men so one man and i'm not gonna say this meme i'm not gonna say his name um why do men that troll people on instagram look like what

you draw a suspect to yes like yeah so i got two right the first one was this guy um and he was from newcastle way and you know what i'm fine with a bit of bands like whatever loads of them like plastic but i'm not asked about that i can see your scars fine good like not bothered about is this what motherhood don't care about that but this particular guy was a normal vice profile had a fake obviously casablanca t-shirt on in his profile picture and he had written and it was him in his bio was his daughter's name so this is a real person right and he commented right something i can't remember what he said but at the end he called me a spunk bucket fuck me so yeah so that one annoyed me and james right james is very chill

james i thought it was quite i'll fight you james is quite chilled right and he and he didn't say anything he was like he's written what and i said he's and i was laughing and i was like spunk bucket he went right okay and he didn't say anything and then later on he went fucking spunk bucket and you could see him getting angry and angry well yeah clearly and james went james james literally was like james looked at me and he just went if you only fucking knew he said i wish you were a spunk bucket at the minute so anyway this guy i thought i'm not what can i not say that no i just think it's hilarious so i thought i'm not letting you get away with this so i tried to follow him again and again and again then james was like i've been

trying to follow him as well right so then i thought i'm gonna message it so i sent him a message i was like i can't do you know what i can't remember what i said why is my memory so bad i said i can't remember what i said but it was something like what like what you've got your daughter in your bio like ew and he replied i can't what you replied and then he blocked me and i thought i'm not leaving this here so i found him on facebook this is a bit psycho actually but i don't care and you're not taking it out lucas because this is what i did i found him on facebook and i this is giving something i would send him i just he just annoyed me and i've got two of these stories so i'll try to be quick send him a message on facebook saying hiya i think i'm

gonna get done for this i don't know if i should tell you i think lucas is gonna tell me off right hiya just to let you know um i have a podcast with with x amount listeners every month and i will be letting everyone know your name what you've said um and where your profile is so you might want to let your mom know because she won't be very proud you might want to let your baby mom know she You probably won't be that pleased by it either. I've got to legally let you know before I do it. Obviously, I'm not going to do it. Anyway, the second one.

This is quite bad. So, I've got another one. I'm sacked. I'm just getting on with my day, yeah? And Taylor Blue. Yeah. I've commented saying, hot mama. Lovely.

Yeah. Someone replied to it saying, plastic mama and plastic baby. Fine. Why is Tommy plastic? I don't know, really. But, fine. Not asked about that, right? You are, but he's not.

Yeah. So, James then goes, you what? it's my son right he's getting angry that's my son so i clicked on the name of the person just to i've got mutual i've got mutual friends with them from my look oh do you remember when that person's mum did it to me yes yeah and i messaged her and i was like your mum's yeah your mum said this and she was like yeah she drinks a lot at night i'm really sorry so this page was their business page they did it off and i had loads of friends in common wait for it so i screenshot the business page sent it my mate katie spectrum who's this and as she's reply about to reply i go on this page

they're at a wedding of someone i know really well it's only someone i know quite well's husband's dad 65 year old man so i said to james i'm not leaving this he's a local person i'm not well i went on company's house i thought i'm not moving this so anyway james by this point was really angry because he called tommy plastic you don't call my boy my wife yes yes she is a spunk bucket and plastic but not my son yeah i mean you know it's not nice trolling but talking about a little baby yeah but then i'm really sorry guys that's why we don't show the monster yeah yeah no i get it it was only his legs but i get it right so anyway james plastic legs i don't get it i didn't get it so i messaged the girl i was like hi babe i'm like your father and i just

want to make you aware and she was like it's the publicness of the comment like it's not like he's like dm no and like i say he doesn't give a fuck there was a few trolling ones on there and as a whole i don't care but these particular ones anyway so i james has rang him four times and he's not answered um and yeah so what did the girl say the girl messaged her father-in-law and was like what are you doing i know this girl and so does my husband we know her like and he take it down now and he just put okay mad so that's my gossip weird as fuck that's my gossip when that really it happened thing happened to me when someone was drunk ah yeah and you got low yeah but he's mad anyway right what else have we been doing so it was father's day i didn't do much

because obviously i'm heavily pregnant yeah so um i stayed in bed really my mom came around and made spaghetti bolognese wow this is so depressing are you okay well i can't wait to hear about yours so um yours was more depressing than mine my dad's dead um there was just there was football and shit on wasn't this and my dad and ed were watching football and then i was just upstairs and mum was just bumbling around just but she's she's lovely she just do you know what i mean yeah i can i can see it i can see it like not interesting well i started the day with a couple of inappropriate jokes which i always like to do to make everyone else feel uncomfortable yeah um so we rang james's dad and i said happy father's day i was like i rang my dad but he's

not answered and he was just like ah and i was like i'm joking so he was fine so i like to make a few inappropriate comments because that's how i get through that shit um james i got him a load of clothes from arn easy i love it easy a really good discount voucher oh my god did they yeah i buy we get all james's clothes from arn it's just so easy like shorts t-shirts matching done sorted like it's just easy nice neutral stuff um then i thought what did we do do you know what we didn't do very much we didn't have the kids thea made him a card so at school they made father's day cards and she'd made james one and it's a picture and it's her and him in the car and it says to james slash stepdad thank you for everything love you that's really really fucking cute i feel like

at that age like saskia and thea's age they they write really nice things like she writes notes to me a lot like that one that i got framed how that's lovely she wrote that when she was a lot younger i was gonna say we need to talk about her writing no i was sat in a restaurant and she came over to me and passed me that and i burst out crying it says i love you to the moon and back to planet earth oh i was like oh my god does she text you uh well she's got a phone but i don't know where it is because they just has her ipad asked about no hers is like a phone but it's not a phone yeah it's like like you said like that's got not on anything it's got an email address Thea's got that like an iCloud so they can text but it's not but I don't know where that is

actually because you know what's lovely when the Thea's just texted me before we started like can't wait to go to Wales when we love you so much like it's lovely especially when they're at the dad's you feel so much better we can just send them a quick text and be like hi baby you good and they'll reply like having a lovely day just it's really nice I don't do that well it's nice to be able to do that she texts me all the time and facetimes me and stuff but we've got um got that nice thing now where we can do that which is very very helpful so speaking of Father's Day and dad's birth so not your birth the world cup drama right so this is probably so outdated but we just wanted to touch on this so basically there's one guy from a team alex might know um

who watched oh sorry not that one no a guy his partner gave birth and i'm not sure if it's like yeah and he watched the birth on facetime because he couldn't be there because he was playing at the world cup so there's like a few stories about this so that happened and his wife said she was absolutely fine with it and he said he was absolutely fine with it so he literally watched it on facetime yes but can i just tell you something that i don't think a lot of people know and you need to fact check this but as far as i'm aware they don't get paid you know to go to the world cup right basically they don't get paid to play they have to give their match appearance to charity and it's like almost being called up to the army because it's a duty that

you have to do for your country right so as a footballer if you have been picked for the england squad yeah it's not almost obviously they're going to get some financial gain but it's not really about that it's more that you have been chosen to represent your country and you've got if you're going to represent them you then have to follow some strict rules yeah kind of thing yeah but then there was jeremy doku yeah who is going home to for the birth he said he probably is yeah and he will go home cut the cord i think he said or something like that and then come back and then come back again but what we were really interested in is there was this french journalist and she was a woman and she made some it was on tv was it was a live tv she made some

really inappropriate comments and she basically what did she say she said something like why basically it's ridiculous that it's a hot it's a disgusting thing anyway um why would dads need to be there it's a horrible thing or something like that she used the word disgusting this is a woman so then it got me thinking about actually are they that helpful in birth would you want them there are you asked about them being there if you if your husband was going to play for england would you make him come home or not i've got a lot of friends with footballer partners and a few of them have like literally almost missed the birth by minutes like one of my friend's husbands the last time she went into spontaneous labor and had to get a motorbike from the game

they can't take them off the pitch either this is so exciting he had to get a motorbike from the game and like literally within she said like it was like her body was holding on to the baby coming out and within like minutes of him coming in then she had the baby oh my god and they had to get on a um special motorbike with like the light on it what to like get can you imagine going through the street yeah yeah yeah yeah i've never didn't know that that was a thing to jump on a motorbike story wow um and i don't all of your births have been sections haven't they yeah but then when i nearly had the baby you wanted ed didn't you he wouldn't have been there no because the fucker had fucked off oh yeah it was megan and frankie were with me but that that felt fine because

otherwise imagine if i'd have been on my own and i could have been on my own so my first birth was natural labor until i think after about 12 14 hours how many weeks were you i was induced i was i was 40 something like that can i just say i'm 37 and a half another three yeah were you over it oh my god done done and and so i was induced so i was in labour for ages i was and then we had an emergency section and what i can remember from fear's dad i don't even and this isn't a shade to him it genuinely isn't because i think james would be the same i don't even remember him being there i remember my mum ringing me like do you need me to come and i was like mum i'm fine like no and then when it got bad i was like ring my mum and when

my mum came in she took over she was like you calmed down i calmed down and i don't remember i really genuinely don't remember it was there i do not remember much of it i remember him falling asleep at one point in the court so actually are they that helpful however my friend olivia and sam she's just had the baby and he was amazing i knew it would be but hands on holding hands fanning so kind of depends what kind of guy you've got it doesn't do much but i would like i would want my the father of the child there at the birth i really would i think it's that moment that you can never ever get back then at the same time having my best friend there would just be the same no because it's his baby no i know but like as in if there was like if there was if it came

down to it and it was like you're at the world cup yeah what can we do really and also like also you need to plan your shagging better yeah by number four you're just like you need to plan the shagging better like if you know the world cup's on you need to just plan that sex a little bit better because that was like bad timing anyway yeah tell us your stories of men at birth because how funny when they pass out like that's such a man thing to do i saw a tiktok a bit ago and it was something about like her partner had been on the piss and like turned up to the hospital and can't remember anything like was on a night out and like that like or in someone's kitchen or something they were trying to get hold of him because you don't know like now i could just

yeah any time now like it could happen and if he's praying it doesn't because of this heat wave like i'm trying to keep her in there it was um when i had tommy it was a heat wave as well and the hospital was hot someone said as well like about because my algorithm must be people that are all giving birth yeah yeah and one of the girls was like somewhere in an nhs hospital there is a radiator on like that that cannot be turned off yes

that is so fucking true and I was just thinking like it's so true there's always one and then the nurses go oh we can't turn that one off no one knows how to turn it off

that was so funny one of those old Victoria ones yeah literally so I'm trying to keep her in do you think she'll stay in I don't what's she got I kept thinking I was going to go into labour with Tommy

and I didn't do you remember when I lost a bit of that blood as well and we will i was thinking yeah because i've had some you had a bit of something that you kind of showed me on a piece of tissue that was yeah nice well but you have to the midwife texts you and then she'll send me a picture of it and you're like right so you just know to take a picture um don't know but that's why so alex our agent's here and yesterday i was like right all of our work it has to be done i've done it now i've done it now so do you feel like you think like how do you feel today i feel like do you feel like you're done like you've done your work you've done

the pod do you feel like you know there's jobs at home i need to do are you nesting um so all of my joinery for my bathroom has been put in you know in my bathroom yeah so i'm trying to organize all my products yes i can't bend down have you not got a staff member to do that do you have a bend down i need to know where my things are this is the thing weird about my skincare you get someone to help you and they can't do it because you need to do it. And then I'll spend

the whole time like, Sarah, where is this? Sarah, where is this? Have you not got one of those grabby claws? Oh, yeah. I should get one. I bet that's on Prime.

I bet it is. Oh, like, I used to do things with my feet. I used to pick things up with my toes and lift them up. I would do that,

like laundry. I'm good with my toes. Really good with my toes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, guys. We have caught up. We're going to be back after the break.

my arsehole's prolapsing do you know anusol are doing influenza collapse yes i am the person someone else did one and they've never even spoken about their hemorrhoids just call me auntie anusol before and after Ready? Yeah. All right. And look what I've brought.

Yay! We've made it, Mom. We've made it. I still haven't if anyone wants to follow me. We are the only one that hasn't. We are here, guys, and Nip Tuck Insta has got, am I in camera, 100,000 followers. Yay! listen to some people that is not important to us who have been slogging our guts out for many

years now it really is it really it really is and i think now is a good time to say thank you thank you to everyone that follows that listens like we do graft our little bottoms off but without you lot getting behind us we just wouldn't be able to would we we're going to do an episode you know um probably when you're back going back and we're going to go back to the beginning and we're just going to talk about like where we were personally then the growth of the pod the growth there's people like that you got how it started how we got here like how proud we are we are gonna do that because i think that'd be a really fun episode some questions yeah yeah about the pod i think that'd be really good but anyway yeah 100k thank you house of hooray yes house of hooray

does all the best balloons except i've not even put it the right way around that's a very me thing to do yeah right while we're here with presents guys if you're not watching you need to get on youtube so you can watch this i have got ashley's it's nice she thinks i'm gonna give her something horrible right let me get it out of my bag one minute guys oh yeah child's play clothing she's premium this is from lucas and i haven't opened it so i don't know how it's packed inside this is now it's for one years old because i just thought like yes also newborn baby clothes are just like tiny me me me it's a little set so it's when she's one which will be summer next year oh my god oh my god i don't like that plastic packaging on it when it's such a premium product do you i guess

they have to but that do you know what i mean oh my god i love the burberry but it's not that it's not the chubby burberry so we've got a little dress and some little knickers for the summer next year everyone will know the baby's name by now we'll talk about it when i get back though oh yeah so yeah right I'm sure I'll have some funny reaction

things you should film secretly people like do you know I think because I've known it for ages now it's not weird to me

yeah because we discussed it like some time ago ages ago and at first have I told you what it is Alex what the baby's name

no at first we were like ooh okay but now I think because it just sounds like a normal name to me

yeah it's not the same as snowy though do you not remember when i told you i was calling the baby snow and you two were like this is ridiculous too far now but it's so normal now now she just looks like baby snow yeah she does she actually does i totally agree and but the the new baby's name isn't it's not that weird i don't think actually it's unusual but it's not like come on now it's not like silly my mum said to me the other day she was like um oh i've got because i was going to use the name cicely i do love that stunning imagine me saying that yeah it was it was unkind i decided how to spell it as well um and she says i've got written on my calendar

ashley cicely being born and i went that's nice you'll have to change the name to and she went no i'm just going to call her cicely so really okay you can do that is she really keen on that name yeah she loves it it's gorgeous it is but i do think this new name fits better with the other girls names yeah and i think i like yeah and i think cicely it just ended up being called cc yeah cc yeah i don't know there's another name as well that i love but i told it to my friend and she said i'm using that name what is it no i love it for a boy i think that's gorgeous right okay do you know what at first i went what and then i went so nice i think it's like a cool name i think it's an american cool guy do you not think that's such a cool name

yeah yeah it's like an americany name i think it's cool it's a good job i'm not having any more i don't have that's your baby name lucas there you go are you gonna have kids lucas no definitely not no are you sure yeah 100 yes what if you i don't believe you i don't believe you two nephews and three god children the fucking hard what if you met someone and he was like i want kids not to be dark i always wanted kids when i was younger um i have two nephews and because of you know past medical conditions yeah i wouldn't want to have kids and then i get it again and die and die like like let's say they lost their original god lucas i'm just being you are oh yeah yeah i get you so you're scared of having children in case you die yes

all i will say to that is my dad's dead and i'm still glad i was born yeah but do you get what i mean let's say they've lost their first parents i don't want them to go through it again yeah i get what you're saying you wouldn't want to kind of cause them two sets of problems i think i'm just too greedy now like i want i think that's fair i think that's absolutely fair you can just look after ours do you know what i considered the other day and i was like are you all right fostering i've never ever ever in my life in fact if i'm totally honest i've always been like i don't really like kids why would i do that follow someone on instagram that does it awesome i saw a really horrific story in the news and it kind of really bothered me because they were similar

to tommy and then i just started thinking there's these babies out there that like just need loving they just want to be loved and i love loving babies i don't love kids so i was like what if i could get them can you get them at like a certain age yeah before they're ready to be adopted it's like um while they're being prepared yeah and i just love loving things who does that lydia bright's mom really yeah i just think like i'm so maternal with babies and i love just them needing me and loving them imagine having to i know but it just got me thinking right and i said to james would you ever foster and i can't believe it even came out of my mouth because like i've already inherited three you're so busy um i know it just came out of my mouth and he was like

do you know what lauren if if it paid more i'd love to work in a job where i looked after kids more and helped like kids with like behavioral issues speaking of work we've actually just booked our first job oh a week after i've had the baby i've got to go do got to i am excited to yeah and do really fun photos so ashley will literally be seven days yeah what are you gonna wear mate something baggy something loose it's exciting though do we know the we don't know we don't know what time we're getting there yet you need to hurry up alex alex you better work bitch i'm excited for that it's quite it's an exciting shoot it's quite big really yeah and it's exciting so i'm looking forward to it but i think very well done to you one week postpartum

i think that's well you're good you're with me i think it's nice having you it's when there's two of you everything is so much easier it's diluted more you've got a friend there yeah we'll be able to when we um when we come back stunning and lauren's got a really fun plan for while i'm off as well yeah i've got three guests so you want to touch on that yeah yeah the first guest is james and i'm so excited for that i'm so excited for that i'm excited but he's not are you gonna give him a beer before doesn't drink anymore really um and actually if anything if he drank he'd get anxious so what a loser what a pussy um so he's no he doesn't really drink anymore because he said like it's just not a vibe for him anymore so that's fine

oh my god ed royal was he bad horrendous like steaming drunk when he got in what was it he wrote i am cunted oh wow no did you not see the screenshot no he sent me a message and he was in the helicopter and his face was like this and he's like pissed off my chits cunted oh my god and i had to ring like someone to go and get him because he was like ringing me like he doesn't know how to order an uber shut up yeah what how is that man is such an enigma he's he's he's like he doesn't know how to order he doesn't have to but he can run a multi-million this doesn't make sense just but you got him home was he rough the next day no he's fine that's annoying that annoys me people that are like that so yeah james is coming on i've also got you heard it here first danny doll

love her um so they're the two that i'll tell you about now and she's coming on for a main and a bonus a lot has happened in her life since we last saw her yeah so we're just gonna literally there's a lot yeah so we're gonna go through all that right i know we've all been waiting for this everyone has been dming you for this yeah it's time the list right ashley what first of all let's start with what are you packing in your hospital bag as always we consult marcel so mum and me she owns this company called mum and me lauren's used her before as well she knows like all of the latest stuff so even though this is my fourth baby everything changes can i just say how much more reasonable are proms now when i had saskia i don't know yeah they are when i had saskia

i bought a mima and it was like 1500 quid yeah now you can get a really good prom for like 300 pounds i think if you do better juice not juice but you know i mean like the brands that have i don't think people are as bothered about the name so when i had thea i wanted a silver cross and it had to be a silver cross like come on lauren get a great i don't know who i thought i was like has to be a silver cross and i got a second hand one anyway and we didn't tell anyone that whereas now i'd be like yeah i'll just get whatever's a good plan that's i'm not arse yeah but then it had to be a silver cross um and i think it was meant to be yeah a 1500 to two grand i didn't pay that but yeah and now you can get almost like like brand's own ranges and i would do that what's the point

but with your first you do think differently very true so first of all we're gonna do pack my hospital bag with me lauren interject because you have just had a baby a year ago wow so this is more towards the c-section you mums yeah i'm not a breastfeeder i don't think um so let's get going i would take the duna with me as the car seat for the newborn but then you can but then what about that picture swinging the car i don't do the picture um swinging the car seat baby maury zip sleep suits they're lovely zips are so much easier a really long phone charger because your hospital bed is there and you'll be 100 necessary the freedom mom knickers yeah i got the freedom on disposable ones yes are you gonna are you getting like the paper ones that are just the

grayish ones you just chuck them away after them i wore them for i wore them for quite a while maternity pads hand sanitizer dental wipes i don't think i took nappies milk we're not the portland anymore so tell me what happens at the portland they give you the milk yeah right okay and this time you take your own so if you don't know this already which you probably do um you can get those little mini ones that are already pre-made pre-sterilized pre-made bottles saved my life not all brands do it that's the only problem but saved my life and i also use them not only at the hospital but i use them for probably a week afterwards as well just because i was getting into the swing of it just before i started having to do all the bottle shit

they're expensive so what i did is when like my mom and james's mom and dad like what do you want for the baby i said nothing can you buy me a couple of packs of those yes and i just found having them in the house also when i was going out starter packs starter packs when i was going out and about i took those instead i just found it took the stress away even until they're like one i have them in my car well you can buy the big ones yeah yeah the big ones the lids i get the big ones go on the big ones did you do yes the pre-sterilized the big ones so this is the pre-made milk that's pre-sterilized you can get them in like a carton that's already kind of done for you and i take those on holiday again more expensive but i take them on holiday and i take

them for days out because i can't be asked fucking about with the milk and what you can do is if you've got the i don't know if every lid but the mam lids fit fit on the um on the actual bottle so that is a bit of an interesting thing i love the mam dummies so i'm taking mam dummies new born they're on the sale you've just reminded me i need to buy some are they on amazon prime the glow-in-the-dark ones glow-in-the-dark i've said it before you need glow-in-the-dark dummies because in the night when they wake up and you are ferreting around you can see them like a shining beacon yeah so i'm not taking any bottles or anything i'm just taking like three starter packs and my thing that i say to everyone is don't overpack your hospital bag do not overpack your

hospital bag you can go home if you need to stay a few extra nights or your mum i've like left everything out easy for everyone so what because otherwise if you overpack you can't find anything it's not that i when i get back from hospital have to wash whatever's been there yeah and you have to unpack it all when you've got a newborn exactly so um a laundry bag is always so that is a brilliant idea i always on holiday i always forget to take some form of laundry bag yeah i always forget everything and muslins i love the aiden and anay ones which have got a silk piping around the outside and the babies love messing with them yeah um and a button down black nightie yeah i've actually just got two off boohoo that are short sleeved because it's

gonna be because that's quite hard i took some black trousers and like a like pajamas that i'd worn when i was pregnant but even just after the baby i still didn't feel comfortable putting them on like i felt too big for them they were too tight they were uncomfortable i'll probably end up coming out of hospital wearing the nightie the only other thing you could get i would suggest is um like a zip track a very loose zip track suit because it's just a bit slightly easier to get on but what could you leave the hospital in if you didn't want to leave in your nightie what would you suggest yeah something like that like something massive massive loose easy just to chuck on skims dresses are really good that's another thing yeah the skims dresses but if you're

feeling like a nightie yeah yeah i think you don't really give i didn't give a fuck because it's expected lip balm face wipes lip balm very important under eye cryo patches oh yeah i took a face um a sheet mask i never used it yeah i did take um eye mask important because those bright hospital lights are just horrendous and if you're lucky you've got partner visiting or your mum you might want to have a little snooze um electrolytes oh my god i took millions loads of electrolytes then also a pair of slippers that i'm not that arsed about that i can throw away yes maybe a hotel pair of slippers might be a really good thing to take so you can spin them dressing gown i always forget slippers when i go to hospital every time really every time and then

i have to stick put my feet yeah i forget every time no i always remember and your feet will be sweaty because it is hot in there so i think hotels i'm taking my shark fan off tiktok shot good idea it's very very good and you don't it's charged for like four hours perfect how good is that yeah and you can put a phone charger in it all of your chargers your headphones earplugs those loop earplugs lifesaver yeah but then what if you're not at the portland what if the baby cries ed's there ah yeah of course um the deal is because i'm not the portland yeah what's the deal so i've gone for a private birth but it's consultant led by my consultant who by the way is now back off holiday thank god for that there was a there was a slight worry there was

um so basically you pay him at the portland but then i deliver at saint mary's so you don't have to pay the cost of delivering at the portland yes exactly but you get the same care then as everyone else at the port at the like an nhs yes okay yes so like you're not guaranteed your own room i am so lucky that with both of mine the first one because there was something wrong with her and on me something wrong with somebody and we had to stay in for three days so because of that i got my own room and then with tommy at the very beginning i told you on the pod at the time because then tommy got something which i don't think he actually did but whatever so i was in for nearly two or three nights with tommy so i got my own room but i did say when i was like

checking in I will pay for my own room and apparently secretly you can pay for your own room on the NHS but you're not allowed it's a bit who's in and what the crack is yeah obviously um so you might be on a ward yeah I was that sounds hell to me yeah and the family next to me when I was on the ward with Tosca the midwives wouldn't let me put my curtains around because I wasn't breastfeeding but I was a female on my own and there was it was pre-covid so any fucker was allowed in hospital like anyone i was on a ward of 12 i know so yeah the family next to me brought in a crock pot with some pungent food and they had like little mugs that they were all around eating and i was on my own and i was just oh it was just hell yeah i've never done a ward

one and i know it's normal i know everyone does it but i've been very privileged to both times i'm gonna be in for one night and then home that's the norm wheelie suitcase yes well because you're not going to be able to carry that your partner's going to have the baby wheelie wheelie so yes right i'm going to go on to what to buy now right shall i do that yes the duna pram is an absolute must lauren isn't it yes i had the duna the only thing i found with it is very heavy very i really struggled when tommy got bigger to do that lift into the car seat but when the little unreal on holiday we took it on holiday very good i've kindly been gifted that off bump pr um the snooze pod sensational the cybex pram the cybex i've got a cybex pram yes marcel recommended

me so mum and me recommended the cybex pram i'll post that it's really nice fantastic really nice and lightweight and the cybex car seat i've got it in like a espresso color oh that's nice with your interior stunning um the uv sterilizer which one did you go for the white one vital baby that's the one i really good um the man bottles and dummies i just think are the best great the nigel carrier have you got that no so i did get a carrier and i can't remember and i just didn't stick with it i didn't stick with it um but i think carriers are so so so good the nigel carrier is like a carrier like that oh i was thinking it was a baby yeah but they do really good carriers as well ah so is that the things that you put carry them around and you can put it straight

into the pram that and it changes into a play mat as well that's i didn't have one with tommy but that sounds really good you can see um the hip baby milk is the one that i'm gonna go to there's loads of things breast is best yep we all know that but i'm personally choosing to go to that the peaches nappies yes i'm trying them out because i've heard really good things and i will give you a really honest review i love water wipes i just think they're so gentle on the baby often if you get them on amazon have like a deal and don't they for a load of yes they do i used the aldi you know i used aldi sensitive and i've never had a problem with they're really good cheaper they're really good but i think that the um the water wipes are

saturated in water very wet do you know what i mean and some people like that and some don't but it's good for it does clean sticky poo when they get stuck that first poo is the stickiest poo yeah isn't it yeah um like i said before the baby maury baby grows and vests are just sensational the marx and spencer organic ones are gorgeous as well this new shade is an absolute must a must like it's uva uvb and it's breathable the snooze shade is written do you know what i will say really quickly i met the lady who owns that at one of the mum and me events she was absolutely lovely lady and i said to her i've actually used snooze shades with thea like way before i met her i saw her post on instagram the other day that there are a lot of copies being

made and they're not on temu on um imagine the chemicals shop i think so what i will say to you is she said honestly whatever but they are not safe the reason her brand is so good is because it has gone through every test the copies are copies because they are not it's just really good quality careful where you get i've got um the well i need to buy another one because i've probably given it away to someone the universal one which you can put you know when you go into the hotel um with a baby you can put it over the cot while you're up watching telly or having a drink or whatever yes um because at night obviously if you're all sharing a bedroom the baby goes to bed yeah if you've got a bright room exactly perfect for on holidays over the

pram like over the pram in the heat and it doesn't keep the heat trapped in very not meant to put muslins on no no no white noise machine which one did you get i have got the ewan one the ewan white noise machine oh not the ewan dot not the i've got the ewan teddy but i've got the white noise machine and it's like that big i've never i've never had that i gave uh we had a ewan for tommy but i never used it i've just given it to thea's dad for his baby we've not um we've not used it but i did thea had a ewan the mooney is really good mooney i've not heard of that the one i've got is like a little white thing i can't remember um oh yeah my homie something like that yeah yeah yeah i know the one that you mean so that's like all of the baby shit that we've got is that

everything bath the baby bath you need a baby bath the snuggle one is really good nala's baby baby stuff mustela baby stuff mustela is very very good really like mustela really nice now real quick because we will touch on this when you come back postpartum yeah we do need to talk about this c-section postpartum because that's what you're having yeah so what are we packing peppermint tablets yes you need your peppermint tablets charcoal tablets dandelion drops that's for the air the bloating the trapped wind that you can get the trapped wind is some salt baths yeah leading up to and then afterwards i know you're not allowed to have a bath but even just soaking your feet in magnesium and epsom salts really really good lymphatic drainage massages

yes i'm going to be going to breathe vitality for hyperbaric oxygen to help healing there's also another treatment that i'm gonna go for at this other place near the airport right i'll find the name of the place or i'll film it when i go in and it's red light yeah and you get blasted with salt while you're in there do you want to come with me should you be doing this postpartum yeah it's like a thing yeah they blast you with salt i will do that at our house for free i love cryo after c-section really helps with the inflammation yeah my macom garments oh my god absolutely love all of them yeah loads of compression what are you wearing what about this is asked all the time your actual scar so they're gonna when you leave hospital they all

do it slightly differently but they normally leave your dressings on and then they'll come and take off the stitches are normally dissolvable although mine didn't even come and take mine off i did it myself like this you pull it out don't you yeah um so then straight after are we doing much i've got a really good midwife that's a private midwife that works alongside my doctor but you can just get private midwife care um i will share her profile for you and she's going to come around to the house and do the measuring of the baby so i don't have to go to those measuring center places and take my your dressings off have you got some silicone scar sheets i really like the freedom i use the freedom on ones because they're reusable and they're nice and big i used

them i found that they were the only ones that properly stayed on yeah you know in the shower and stuff yeah and then my calisthenia stem cells can't do that straight away though can you all can you because you go straight to the wound yeah yeah okay so that'll help to heal the other thing i would say is the um red light therapy yes so the there's a part either the dermalux or the current body panel um put that over it you can do that from the beginning and that'll really help with your healing and scarring it's good for your mood as well yeah and then when you're further down the line you can do things like needling lasers infrared sauna blanket that was amazing last time yeah because you can't leave the house much it's just like what little bits can i do at

home resume scar repair yeah really good lots of body oiling to get everything i honestly found that i didn't have lymphatic drainage with the x it wasn't a thing back then but with tommy i went to skin a dress probably every few days because i called him around the corner and she's my friend and i had lymphatic drainage and they even did my stomach but only you know really light and it was more scar kind of getting the fluid away from the scar because they are trained in that and i found that really helped with taking that swelling down i last time i gave birth the lymphatic lady came the evening that i gave birth and just did my arms and legs to get everything moving that's the other thing after an aesthetic is to get everything moving the other thing i would just

suggest i've just thought we didn't mention i would pack some light don't go heavy duty laxatives potentially in your bag if you start taking them don't do anything heavy and shit yourself because that's not a vibe usually the light ones um i can't remember the one that you put in a drink but start with that and it'll loosen it ready for fiber gel something like that ready for when you do your first poo yeah another quick one um i would take some probiotic because you've had an anesthetic you're potentially taking laxatives you potentially will be given antibiotics depending what happens yeah you need a probiotic as well so it doesn't fuck your gut line i've taken them consistently i take the epitome ones they're really really good and you need a probiotic

after the baby taking them so yeah glow up i just need lauren to basically shift this i wouldn't say it's weight it's like water water retention you know what it's like you do put weight on when you're pregnant you do and you want to get it off especially in the summer because you want to get back into your clothes more importantly going on holiday in like a few weeks are you going extreme this time with the not gonna lie like last time i'll be really transparent i up manjaro after snowy and this time i'm gonna be a little bit more holistic in my approach okay so i'm gonna actually start with those better bits that we spoke about the metabolic plus ones right so better bits we've spoken about before you guys by the way someone asked me yesterday

love the fanny wands you're all loving them so they have metabolic plus don't they so they're yeah it's like not medical but not not doing anything it just gives you that middle bit yeah so i've bought some of them we've got a code for them actually it's nipped up yes if you want them apparently it's they're absolutely amazing at quieting down food noise because i do think a lot of the time with with eating and weight especially when you're at home after a baby it's picky picky yeah you're not hungry you've just got that food noise so apparently it quietens down and you know what it's got in it pre and probiotics yes so that will actually help afterwards with your medication as well that's really good for like sustaining your energy throughout the

day which again really good for after you've had a baby so i'm gonna be reaching for them online are really good really really good so nip tuck guys if you want to use that because we do work with better vets and loads of their vitamins are really really good aren't they right guys we were gonna do a dilemma but we have yappy yappy oodled so let's go over i can't even i've just given myself the ick really bad let's go over yappy yappy oodle wow oh disgusting let's go over to the bonus now if you are a patreon member you'll be able to listen and watch the bonus and if you've got us on apple subs you can listen if not you'll have to wait till next wednesday guys because we're done guys i'll see you after i've had the baby love you bye