Nip Tuck - Poo in Corfu & a Weight debate!

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

Why you can call someone too thin but not overweight, a mad poo story and who didn't win Rochdale's Next Top Model! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guys, hello and welcome to Nip Talk, not giving a fuck. That was a bit West End, wasn't it? Not giving a fuck. What was that? And all that jazz. And all that jazz. Ashley and I used to, when we went out in the Maya days. Start spreading the news.

When we were like early, like 20s, that's what we used to do. So when we were like in our 20s, we'd go on a night out and we'd link and we'd walk down Manchester. We did it every time. and then we'd start going start spreading and then we'd do the kicks then and we'd go down from i want to new york and we literally used to go down the street kicking leg ready to kick some doors in yeah kick some back doors in oh my gosh the new cardi b album i've not liked it what do you how where where'd you listen to this in the car i've had it on like blasting but you're not like on the how right i don't know how do you make the calls listen to all the albums

listen to all the podcasts that you listen to listen to a podcast make like have the work calls listen to cardi b's album watch how do you wear i know right yeah that's everyone has the same what's the words 24 hours in a day and you spend yours listen to cardi b love that um i haven't listen to music i as you guys know i'm a psychopath and i drive in silence utter silence yeah and then did you see um right so there's a lot to unpack oh my favorite someone said that in a serious way the other day and i was like no i bet you got the giggles who do you think you are who the fuck do you think you are it's um it's and i think it's my mum calls them americanisms yeah which is like phrases that have come from there and that she hates she hates that so basically right the new

cardi b album is really good other things that have been going on my car has been wrapped in cosmetic consult so this morning driving down princess parkway all these men in vans were oh my god i bet there was a group of lads that all looked like jay slater i don't know if you could say that that was the person that came into my head you can say that god rest him have you seen the program about him and they were in a steamy little and they were like do you think maybe they're a fan of the of the transformation paths or a fan of you do you know what's really funny me and christina came in later than ashley and walked past said car which is wrapped white with and didn't even fucking notice like how

are you okay i don't notice anything but just remind me have you watched the jay slater documentary ages ago oh is it old i think it's older is there i didn't watch the reason i didn't watch it because i thought it'll just say what's already in the press probably no the it's very oh and there's supposedly a new stalker program out on channel four have you oh find my stalker or something like that i saw that on netflix it's um it's a new one and yeah what have you got on your lips today it's lovely my lips i've got very me that color very you i will buy you on it is a mac lip liner but it's the new one which is a hybrid of a lipstick gloss and liner and it's velvet teddy i was just talking about it on my youtube and when it goes on it

doesn't go on like you know like crayony yeah it goes on like um like oily oh very nice it looks really the color looks very nice i went to the best sunday roast i've ever been for where at Cut and Craft in Manchester. Was it good? I've not even posted a picture of it. No, Christina, when I tell you, there's a live singer on a Sunday. I like that.

The building is absolutely... Cut and Craft. Cut and Craft, and they have caviar. I mean, I'm now a caviar connoisseur. No, are you ready? It's called a sharing roast. They've got one of those near me. For two of you.

Where you get like a platter? Every meat, everything, all the trimmings. two big yorkshire puddings and they went and it's unlimited gravy oh now that's like oh my god the unlimited gravy is really important and it's i think it was 55 pounds for both of us i don't think that's that bad nowadays for a big roast for a big roast with unlimited you can spend a tenner on gravy no because i need a lot of that so good also i was meant to be at the opening last night of that chateau mate you were meant to be there as well i think weren't you so you mentioned this to me in one of the other weeks and i was like don't know not heard of it and

And then weirdly, I saw a reel that someone had put on. It looks so good. It looks really nice. It looks so good. I think it's... No, it's Japanese. I think it's going to be kind of like the new Ivy. Do you know why people go for drinks first and everything?

So that's cut and crap. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, so Chateau Maté is on a rooftop. It looks very... Oh, God, that roast does look good. Those carrots look nice. So I think we should make some time maybe next time we're in town to go for a little luncheon there.

Yeah, I'd like to try that. it looks really nice because I love Japanese food yeah sometimes I like rice would you not eat anything? do they do rice? what did you eat last time we were at the Ivy at that event?

probably nothing dust I think you were pregnant so you must have eaten something I've probably made up an excuse and didn't eat very much chicken yeah something like that so anyway there's loads of new places opening if you hear of anywhere that you think will like send them in because I'm getting

bored of the same old places but i saw that um soho house has been delayed by another month oh i met somebody on holiday whose daughter is going to be working there and she said yes all going ahead but it's just been delayed as it took so it was meant to open on the end of october and then it was meant to open on the 26th of november that's what they've now said but i personally can't see that happening until january now so my question on this is is it a bar no what is it i'm i've been to lunch the one in the one in uh is it near what's it white city house no the in the cotswold no near the coho farm i've been to that one but i've not been to any of the others so can you just like membership's been approved can you just tell me and tell the

listeners a little bit what it actually is my understanding of it is that you become a member yeah and i think it's like 300 quid a month what yeah get to fuck yeah and then that means you're allowed in all the houses well let me tell you i'd be up and down the country every fucking night for 300 quid yeah and then there's i hope you i hope there's free gravy there's i don't think there is there's hotel rooms in there there's meeting spaces there's a gym there's a sauna there's a okay rooftop pool so for your 300 quid for your 300 quid no one's allowed to take pictures with anyone in there oh what's the point going then so i go for my pics i go for my insta pics i think and then it's had a bit of like controversy on tiktok oh how's it just like

people doing impressions of people that are members of so yeah i can get that is it would Would it not be full of pricks? Probably. Like you. But I am full. So, right, so this 300 quid, you could then maybe replace your gym membership. Yeah.

Yeah, so it's not just so that you could go to the pool. But I'm not going to the gym. Well, no, but I'm trying to work out. No, it's just really good. So you know how, like, for example, next Monday I've got a big meeting. Right. And luckily at my gym, you can hire a meeting room.

Okay. Because you need somewhere with a screen and space. privacy and everything and if you want to order some food you can order some food if you want to drink you can have a drink and there's really honestly not many places like that so you can use it for meeting rooms like that yes exactly and it's quite private and then because there is a limited number of members you're always confident that when you walk in you can you're gonna get you're not going to be stood around that's my perception of it so you're a member yeah so can you bring a friend yeah okay i won't become a member yeah that's great you can spend 300 pounds

and i will buy the porn star martini i bet they don't do that tomorrow i am at louis again yes is that what i meant to be was meant to go to i've messaged her our friend hannah is starting a clothing range and have you seen the coats yes oh my gosh it's called staple i'm interested in the price in i think it would be quite high yeah i would expect i want to buy the black coat i don't know how much it is did you see the jeans no they're nice yeah she's that'll be amazing we spoke about it last week i can't go because i'm getting my hair done which sounds really pathetic but it's it's a full job and i can't get in otherwise so i'm gonna have to go and then i went to sasha's event so she's done a collab with design and it's a active wear range and it's really

really nice right so she's done that and it's that chocolate set that you had on was so nice and the quality of the stuff is really really good girls and the price point is amazing they've got these which i'm gonna order because it only came out yesterday they've got these you know like fold over top leggings oh yeah like flary i know exactly the type they've got them and yeah have you seen the new maybe stuff no i've not looked at it yet no i feel like there's quite a few seen much about it like this i have where are they from massimo duty i have well mine aren't but i've just bought probably h&m i've just bought a couple of similar suit pants style things so comfy and i feel like to be honest it's molly may that's inspired me on that yeah and oh we need to talk

about l'oreal yeah yeah okay this top girls you all i've got that haven't i know this is the newer version this is the maximum duty one i've got the older version it's the one i've got very nice is it um is it a boat neck yes yeah which doesn't really suit me so that's nicer so what we're looking at now is she's got like a really thin almost see-through sheer thin knit which i actually love i i got the white and the the black one but it's like i say a boat neck it doesn't really suit me really nice just to chuck on but it looks quite classy very nice but i do i'm really into a suit pant at the moment i'm really a suit pant and a trainer so like a wide leg suit pant while we're on the subject of queen molly may did you see she walked for l'oreal yes so i did see

that and the first thing i thought was that when i watched her program she was there but didn't walk because she said she wasn't confident and she said she wasn't confident enough so i thought how nice to see that progression that from that i don't know when that was well a year ago i assume it was a year ago that she has then got the confidence to walk and what i also noticed was it's just so amazing how style evolves so if we look at molly at the very beginning and you know she said herself the fillers the kind of the blonder hair and the closure and then the way she's evolved she's gone so much more higher fashion like she had the shorter hair with the she's really evolved in a style which is nice to see and the way that ankle was there the way that i was so jealous

that literally she walked behind Bethany Frankel. I haven't actually watched it. I've just seen like a still of it. Bethany Frankel was such a, no, I mean like on the runway, she was right next to Bethany and I was, Bethany looked incredible. I didn't, I'll be honest,

I haven't watched the actual catwalk. I just saw pictures. Her stories were making me cry. She was like, at the end of the night, she was like, she pissed. Oh, I love that. And her friend was trying to take her hair clips out and she was going like this on her head

because I had so much hairspray and it was like was it like solid yeah and they were like over the bath and she had all the oh it was really funny so like I say

I've seen the pictures and I saw the girls in Patreon talking about it so I know it I know it happened but I didn't watch it and was it just like the L'Oreal girls

kind of thing the girls that work with L'Oreal well it's all about I think L'Oreal is for everyone yeah so the way that

I think that they've been strategic which you know go L'Oreal did you know that the makeup and skincare industry is worth more than the car industry really i'm glad it did surprise me when i heard that and did you know that l'oreal is the richest woman in the world what she's a woman

that's her name her name's l'oreal that owns l'oreal ah what you said there was a program on you said l'oreal so i thought her name was l'oreal it It might be. It might be, right. She's the richest woman in the world. Wow. Incredible. So basically, the way that I think that they've done it is,

because L'Oreal is for everybody. Yeah. To be fair, though, it's gone more expensive. Well, yeah. Everything has. But it is a lower end to, you know, a 60 quid foundation. You can get everything there, don't they? Yes.

Underneath them, there's so much. They own everything. and basically the way that i think that they've done it is they've gone right kendall jenner will appeal to a demographic of xyz bethany franco will appeal to a demographic probably our demographic maybe and then yeah and then molly xyz yeah all of that they've looked up clever very clever they are that's why they're so huge was there any like singers walking in it i didn't even i've honestly i haven't watched it i saw the pictures i thought molly looked great I wanted Dua Lipa to do it

because I just think she's so gorgeous how would you feel about would you have the confidence to do yeah I think I would if I'd been asked I feel like if you've been asked to do it then you should be there did you ever used to do school fashion shows

well we know about Rochdale's oh yeah we know about me being Rochdale's next top model what I don't fuck off I wasn't. I was the charity one.

So I'll really briefly retell this story. If you're an OG listener, you will have heard it already. And if you came to one of our lives a couple of years ago, Lucas and you bought me a sash and I didn't know it was going to happen and they had me off on stage.

It was really, really funny. So basically when I was, I think I was about 15, 16. I was in Rochdale. I'd got the bus there and I was going to get a Slim Fast because that's what I used to get. What the fuck?

And you had to be able to... Does that still exist? You had to be able to... yeah this shows my problem from home bargain i did this shows my diet culture problem from a young age if i was a 90s girl so um went and got my slim fast but you had to be 16 to get it so i was like am i gonna get it am i not oh my god and i'd stock up on my fast what did you get the powder or the pre-made uh pre-made it was like a bottle and then i would replace my meal with it but then i'd probably get a mcdonald's on the way home because i used to make up my own point is it

because it had the word slim in it yeah and i thought that's like what i needed and fast and and I'm bald why would you not want to be both of those so I'd get my slim fast it was 54p on the bus I remember

don't know why and return from Bake Up to Rochdale anyway from Back Up to Rochdale so I was going down the round the

Wheat Sheaf Centre and somebody the Wheat Sheaf Centre which funnily enough I actually got banned from well that's another story so

yeah I don't know yeah that's another story for another time shoplifting somebody I was with did shoplifting yeah so anyway i was in the week before i got banned and there was a market as well and i'd

go and get my outfit from that and somebody came up to me and gave me a flyer and they were like we are looking for models it's happening it's hot and i thought yeah i've been spotted and they gave me a flyer and they were doing it wasn't called rochelle's next top model it was something to that words to that effect and i was god i was over the fucking moon i got this flyer went home i've been scouted told everyone i've been scouted by modeling it's finally happening it's fine happening i always knew you know this was my destiny um especially after my slim fasts so i went home like my purpose and i applied for this thing and i can my memory as you know isn't great did you have to pay no i don't think i had to pay

do you remember those photo shoots yeah and then all i had to do was lie there um yeah the pictures were three grand each so anyway i was like yeah i've been scouted so we went to this place and it was in this dingy did you make Liz go with you yeah Liz came because she my mum bless her she's like the biggest fan she's also very gullible and naive so she thought she thought I'd made it too and I was with Chris at the time he thought I'd made it we all thought I'd made it we told everyone I told everyone at school and next we're going to Paris yeah yeah yeah and I was practicing my poses anyway so go to this thing and I can't remember that I'll be honest i can't remember how it led up to remember that when you were younger and you used to sit and

look in the mirror and be like with a smile doing different ones so i can't remember how it led up to it but the event was um at what i thought was going to be like this big show with a big stage it was in a in a pub um with like this little stage and we had to take an evening ball outfit like a gown i can't remember what it was i wish i had to buy a gown oh yeah i will have been and bought the guy and then we had to speak for a minute as well um and one of the things that you could do you would raise money for charity so everyone involved could also raise money so i went around school getting everyone's donations for this modeling job that i'm doing i wonder where the money ever went anyway got there that night and it was really nerve-wracking you know but i

did it and god on me for doing it and we had to walk across the stage in this grotty pub and the yeah um and it was humiliating actually it was quite it was quite awful it was quite awful i'll be honest i remember thinking this is really quite awful anyway then they placed people first second and first that's so fucked up it's so fucked up and i didn't get allowed to do that well it's a pageant it's a beauty pageant yeah yeah and i didn't get placed and it was mortifying the whole thing however i was trying to hold the tears in it was oh i didn't go to school no it was i burst into tears yeah so i'm holding it and holding it my mum and chris are going like this come on girl thumbs up and i'm like tottering and then i didn't get placed and i was holding

back the tears and then they said and i was really upset the whole thing was really traumatic anyway then they said that there was a prize for miss charity and it was the person that had won raised the most money for charity which was me so then i got pulled on stage as miss charity and the whole thing on i can remember it now if you if i rang my mum now she'd say oh my god that was i probably should ring her actually because she'd remember it was horrific it was awful and I got off stage and I burst into tears

and I couldn't even go to school for the next two days because I was that upset and that traumatised that I went home and I cried for hours

how dare they let someone else put you in I don't think they should have done I would oh right I shouldn't say this

but everyone was rough as fuck and I mean in the background they were all going out for fag breaks and stuff and everyone was like

smoking did you probably smoke inside back there yeah maybe they weren't but I remember them being rough as fuck and me looking at them

thinking i'm not even looking because you're gonna beat me up it was really scary anyway they must have all been in on it though i think so it must have been because i would have won i did that i entered the i think it was called like the ashley rose what so like basically it still is a thing like where i live is there's a place called ashley and it was actually it's very common you yeah you see it quite a lot there's like a name this is companies called it stuff yeah so it was i think i was like about saskia's age and it was called like the mayday rosebud or something and you thought it was a beauty contest yeah but for six seven year olds and i remember same thing as you i didn't win and when i got in the car i was

i was punching the back of my dad's ear i could tell when i went to bed they would have been piercing themselves i can imagine your mom because she said brown hair like something like that how dare they it's the rosebud and i've got blonde hair and blue eyes yeah i was saying stuff like that i can imagine you going ashley yeah and you're punching francesca yeah and you'll have it as well turning into an absolute monster in the car and they're coming out like it's like that meme sorry we were late ashley was throwing a fit it reminds me i always wanted to be mary kate and ashley they were

i was just like i would have given anything yeah you looked a bit you had that i did not i had like three and when they were younger they did like that film where they went to paris and i just wanted i wanted to be them yeah so bad and i didn't look anything like that like i had yeah i had no hair i had a big gap in my teeth oh my god imagine if you were their mom and you gave birth to them you'd be like fucking kitchen yeah you would if you gave birth to identical mary kate and ashley right and ashley you like there you go you may as well just retire yeah yeah i wonder if i bet if there was a documentary about them i bet there was fallouts in the family i bet the mum took the money they went weird like french like billionaires well yeah yeah there's

also and also have you seen these like old clips of them where they asked them about their weight all the time oh yeah because one of them ended up with an eating disorder i'm pretty sure it was really documented and they used it documented the press about them was fucking bio yeah but we're talking about weight oh yeah so we've just been having a chat about weight and how it's not neither of these situations are okay but it's more okay to tell somebody that they look too thin but you would never say you look too fat so we've just been talking about it basically my mum um because obviously i have lost quite a lot of weight and i'm actually not trying at all and i don't really know what's going on but i've just been busy get

yourself for that health score I know but yeah but the weird thing is when I had Thea I did go obviously through a stressful time but I went really really thin after Thea as well yeah but that's because you were going through a divorce no but I don't know if that's just like your body yeah which they're great for you I know people are probably thinking great but I don't know I don't know if it's something to do with hormones if it's to do with being busy being anxious don't know but anyway and you've not even touched one jar no and I wanted to tell us I wanted to lose you had one in the fridge didn't you yeah you didn't even open it i wanted to lose weight had one in the fridge um i wanted to lose weight and did but now it's kind of not stopping weird

anyway that's not my point my point is my mum said something the other day because obviously only out of a caring way we're talking about eating she said well she was obviously been dying to get this in there she's thinking what point can i and i said something about a meal and she just went well you could probably do with a good one and i was like all right she went you i wouldn't suggest you lose any more weight and i was like no i'm not trying much she's only meant it from a caring way i would worry about you as my kid because i know that your nutritional choices are very poor not good like um no i take creatine and protein now that's it yeah but it's not food no and true i had a jacket potato last night and four hobnobs anyway so my mum made this comment

and she was doing it from a place of of care and i just was like mum i'm honestly not on a diet i'm not trying she's like i'll make you a shepherd's pie i was like lovely thank you so i told james when i got home right now and i was telling him about it and he was like you do look quite thin and he said it nicely and i was like yeah i know but i'm okay with it yeah and i was like i do feel like my face has gone a little bit thin now and he's like yeah a little bit and then i was just telling the girls then and it got me thinking not that either of them said it in an offensive way but it seems like it's all right to say to somebody oh you've gone a bit thin whereas you would never say you're looking a bit tubby like you wouldn't say that would you if you said

that you'd get like thrown in prison yeah so why do you think it's okay no no it's the comment that i always get don't lose any more weight don't lose any more imagine if someone went up to you don't gain anymore yeah like what the fuck this is what i'm a bit i think that it's always women who like are older than us like those older ones at work that used to be like oh wearing a belly top again like that kind of like passive aggressive i don't know because obviously from my mum and james like that was just a place of care yeah but people do say to you oh no you don't want to lose anymore i wouldn't lose anymore if i were you but how is that okay you would never say do not go no well do you know look your face is a bit round like

do you know when you always think back and you think you're a fucking cock cock is what you were gonna say um so i was at i can't give too much away i was somewhere and someone who is like distant family yeah said to me now after you've had that done you're not getting any more stuff done are you please don't get any more stuff done this person's like the same age as me and i was like what's it got to do with you and i remember it like i was just like yeah but i had every right to turn around and go shut the fuck up yeah and and it's like you could then say well do me a favor don't go any blonder with your hair because it looks fucking awful yeah and you're not gonna go any shorter with that hair are you do you know you just i just think sometimes you have to be

really careful and it's just interesting what as society we think is okay to say and what isn't um like the plus size and thing like we're all really championing that and i think it's absolutely fantastic but then it doesn't quite work the other way do you think it's because of a health thing whereas if you're underweight people think it's unhealthy but then i guess being very overweight is unhealthy i don't know it's just a debate i'm just interested and i guess it's not a bad problem to have is it like yeah or is it i don't know it's just a talking point um but i have just got back off my holidays um and i felt good in a bikini like i felt i didn't feel uncomfortable particularly i felt quite good and i got loads of messages like what's the secret do you know what's pissing

me off though the passag ones i'm getting oh it's actually really irritating saying come on lauren you must be gatekeeping tell us a secret what do you think i'm gatekeeping so i actually wrote back on patreon to somebody i was like yeah um i'll be honest i am gatekeeping when i had my section i a tummy tuck and eight liters of lipo taken out like what am i gatekeeping what do you think like i don't know like there's like an undertone come on lauren what do you think i've had time to have anything yeah you were thin before as well so it's not surprising that you i don't know i don't i don't know but i just feel like there's a bit of an undertone of i don't i don't do you think i've had a tummy talk in the past so there's some people though like when you talk about like giving

birth at the portland they're like oh and you know if you give birth at the portland you can have your fanny tight and your tummy tightened at the same time and you're like really because i asked because i've asked for it it was just a bit of an that came from like loads of rumors remember yeah and like victoria beckham and stuff like that like that's not true i know but i asked like too posh to push yeah but even if it was like i don't know i just think it's nice when you get oh my god what have you been doing can i have any tips and i always give my tips which are always the same which is eat less do more like this is going to sound like a bit of a dicky thing to say but i'm going to say it anyway a lot of people will say to me oh my god how have

you lost weight and it's really fucking straightforward guys eat less move more well mine is manjaro right so this this leads me on to something and i'm honest about that no but this leads me on to something the reason people lose weight on manjaro is not because manjaro makes you lose weight it's because manjaro stops you eating as much so your intake of calories is less than your output of calories it is that fucking simple some people will struggle more with it because of medication because of whatever because of hormones not taking that away but the simple fact is this put less in than is going out and scientifically you will lose weight there is no tip there is no secret so sometimes i'll say to people so what i've done is i've made sure that

i eat this and then they go oh god no i couldn't do that i love my biscuits well i'm sorry then like it's it's a willpower thing or go on the manjaro which will help you with the willpower side of it yeah but it still comes down to the there is no secret diet there is no secret anything eat less than you are exercising and you scientifically will lose weight yeah there sorry it's a bit of a rant but i'm just like it's if you don't want to put the work in and you don't want to have the willpower you ain't gonna lose the weight i agree and that or go on the manjaro to help you with the willpower i agree done blah blah blah blah da da da so i went holding it fucking rained oh tell us all about your hollabobs so i am really genuinely

considering next year doing like a thing where if you pay me a fiver i will tell you where i'm going on what dates so you can fucking avoid it because no seriously right so i went to the maldives in january best time to go nope rained went to tenerife in april it's always hot in tenerife nope rained yeah went to calador spain in july nope rained went to fucking greece in september nope rained and i am thinking of literally saying to people the dates i'm going and where i'm going so that they can avoid it because i am fucking cursed with weather we had a couple of days of sun and then we did we had some shit weather and i went there to try out a hotel domes of corfu so so was it a gifted stay i paid for some of it and then the rest was gifted yeah so i paid they

gifted me a few nights and i think i paid one in the end um so what i think of the hotel where's corfu a greek island yeah um the hotel was really nice it's really good if you've got young kids so i wouldn't in all honesty recommend it for children over about five i'd say it's still good but i wouldn't say it's catered to that like there's not enough to do exactly it was more catered if you're going away with a baby and it's your first baby holiday and you're shitting yourself yeah then that is the place they have everything you needed they had everything you needed they came with a car a baby bath because they had showers so like you know so they came with a bath for the baby and they had like an under i've put it on my stories but like an under

sheltered like baby pool that was really like but it was sheltered as well so they weren't getting the sun they had a splash pool for toddlers you if your baby was crying at tea time you didn't feel awful because everyone had babies and young kids yeah but it was still luxury like the aesthetic was beautiful yeah look good it didn't feel like you were in like you know shitty baby holiday place so i would definitely recommend for babies and toddlers without a doubt older kids i think our kids would have got bored there wasn't enough to do everyone fucking loves icos and i thought it was absolutely but if you want a luxury holiday where you're still very aesthetic and nice but you're taking your baby and it's all it's very calm i would absolutely go there so we went

there um really nice i had to do a lot of work while i was there to be fair but corfu town was really really gorgeous um but we had we had a really nice time and then i had to share with you guys a poo story um there's actually another poo story that i haven't shared i just don't know if i want to share that one it's too close to home so went to so the last day i got our flight time wrong by two hours now if james had done that oh i would have you can't do anything right i have to how would you done that i'd got the uk time not the corfu time so we got there a bit early so we went into corfu town um with our case and stuff and on the way there all of a sudden like i really needed a poo which is so rare for me i can hold them in for fucking days but i just

really needed it like i can i can wake up and think i need a shit it was an urgent yeah and then i can forget and it can get to nine o'clock and think i've still not done that poo no it wasn't that I really needed a poo. So we're going around these cafes and I'm trying to pick a cafe. Yeah, it gets to nine o'clock and I think, shit, I didn't do that poo this morning.

And it's gone back up. I didn't like that as well. And it's gone, by then, it's gone back up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it did. So I've forgotten. There's like a train starts,

and then it goes, oh, not today, no. Not today, it's retracted. This one was. It must be that bit of your bum hole, like when it enters, it's like your cervix opening to deliver. Yeah.

Yeah, I think your sphincter opens or something. Have you ever done a glycerin suppository? No, what's that? Oh, God. What's that? Brilliant. So you buy them from like Boots and shit and they're like little jellies that you shove up your arse.

Yeah. And then after like two minutes... There's an explosion. I've never got an issue. No, I've never constipated. Amy told me about that. So this was coming. It was uncomfortable and we were going...

The train wasn't stopping. The train was coming to the station and it was not stopping. at where do we stay at crew it was going straight onto houston yeah so the coffee town is like quite old you're like cobbled streets and stuff like that so all the cafes are kind of do you know when they're outside and the toilet's like a little tiny inside so i was trying to pick a cafe that would have a decent enough toilet tell james she needed yeah so we kept going past me what about that one i was like no that's not the right one that's not the right one and then we found one that i thought looked big enough to have a decent toilet um so i asked when we sat down

i was like have you got a bathroom and she was like yeah inside so i went in got in it was a first of all it was a unisex one which i don't like anyway and then i sat down there was no lock on the door that was making me feel really uncomfortable so i was holding the door when to begin it's like when you're um do you know when that always happens when you're wearing rompers yeah and you've got to get it off weird reason you saw that with your tits on and i'm holding the door and i'm about to go and i'm sweating and i just looked no toilet roll and i had to suck it back straight back up because there was none no no toilet roll right had any broken no not a broken away so i had to move it back up get

back dressed and go back out to the reset and say excuse me is there any toilet roll by this point everyone obviously knew i was doing a poo because if it was a wee you just let it go and i'm gonna like toilet roll it's so fucking embarrassing so then this one lady goes and then all so they're obviously going she needs a shit that shit and everyone's then in the cafe that's greek are all looking at me and i'm like yes i need a shit so then no it's foreign but whatever she said everyone stared and i feel like she shouted this lady needs a shit oh that was like that's like more italian so then everyone's staring at me james is looking thinking what's the fucking commotion i'm going to there's no toilet roll so anyway just get a napkin you dumb

fuck well he sat down i went don't order a drink there's no toilet roll and he was like i've already ordered and the prams there and the baby so i'm stood there she went a minute just a minute a minute so i'm stood there and i'm legs jigging and i'm thinking i really need a poo and everyone's ignoring me and i'm just stood there and everyone's going past me and then this other lady comes over and goes have they got the toilet roll and i was like no she went okay okay and then she went she went is it for outside or inside and i'm thinking does she mean my arsehole so i'm going i'm thinking outside or inside and she's going and she's getting really angry she's getting really angry with me and the reason she's getting angry which i get is it's a really

busy cafe she hasn't do you know what remember at mayo and people that there's no toilet and i think oh fuck off i haven't got time so she's looking at me and she's getting really agitated and then everyone knows it's a poo because they know that by then i would have just said it's all right and i'm still so she goes outside or inside and i'm going i don't know what you mean outside and she's going hands so what she meant is are you washing your hands or do you need it for this and i'm going no inside inside so she goes oh inside gets a handful of napkins slaps them in my hand so then i think all this i'm walking with napkins back to this toilet and then and then by the time i'd got there there's a fucking queue and i've got a handful of napkins and every cunt's going

can i have some toilet roll and then they decided at this point to fill up the toilet roll so then the woman comes in and starts filling up the toilet roll while i'm sat with my napkins and then the two women in front of me were old ladies do you know how long an old lady takes in a toilet i was losing my fucking mind she shut the door and she's slowly getting her pants up anyway went in did the poo but i'd got myself in an absolute state by this point and this is my question um in places like that you're not meant to put the toilet roll down the toilet well what do you do then put the poo poo in the poo poo in the bin yeah in grease and shit because they've not got like plumbing so then i think what do you do so i pooed but was it not fulfilling i got myself

so panicked that i i i removed i let go of what was urgent and i kept the rest and then i came out and i was sweating and i first thing i thought is i need to tell that story yes and then i spent the rest of the day with like a half poo that i needed yeah i hate that the whole thing was and i'd already opened my bum but it was the whole thing was just really and i was really sweating and it was really hot and yeah the whole thing was just really awful and i thought this james was just laughing i had a thong on no i had a i had and i was on the period i had yeah yeah i had a nude thong on yeah so i couldn't just dump and go i am so teddy now like thinks that he's a really big boy yeah stand up oh and i said to him where have you learned that he goes my daddy taught me

it's a stand-up that's like he gets it like everywhere and then when he has a poo now he doesn't ask me to go on my oh my god but don't they make a mess though fuck me that's good no it's not me we were walking around marks and spencer the other day and he's going mom my bum hole's itchy my bum hole's itchy and i was like shut up and he was putting his hand and itching his inner arse and other people were looking at me like he's so loud that child is so loud like he's got this loud voice and everyone heard it and then we went over to the bakery section and he started he didn't start touching the croissants no one going to m&s inhale and then i swear one of the women that heard is in my ass is it

boys boys no but it does your bum hole does get itchy if you've not wiped yeah but then the thing is they won't let you do it girls are the worst because girls have to do everything themselves yeah yeah yeah they're like one of ours is like at an age now where she thinks she can do it herself yeah so she's like i've done it myself and then she'll turn around and walk off and there's a streak of shit up her back and you're like how do i tell you or like when you wash their little knickers and you're like what the word that was like no that honestly that was like when it was sasuke's like first day of reception and i sent her in with a satsuma for her snack yeah and she got in the car and i was like how was it and then i was looking for a bag

like later at night and i got her little snack part and it had the satsuma and a tiny bit peeled of it and i was like babe why didn't you eat this and she went the bell rang before i could oh so she'd spent ages trying to get into it you feel because i could imagine it being like and then literally she's about to eat it and the bell goes oh that is really cute i mean this is I've really taken a turn from, but I don't know how to link this on to your teeth. I can't think of them. Oh, okay, so I've had my teeth done.

Because we said we'd talk about it. You've got the full, you're done. They look lovely. Absolutely lovely. I wouldn't say they're too white. They do look whiter in this light than they did earlier. I wish they were a tiny bit whiter. No, no, no, no.

This is like the skinny thing. Don't go any whiter. Don't go any whiter. I think they look bang on. yeah there's one tiny change that one just that i can't see i know i'm mental though aren't yes so how are you finding the bottoms weird i feel like tops because i don't know i feel like i've not had my bottoms and i'd like it but have you not no so think how these are my real what my um think what my bite yeah i can't eat yet do you feel weird so i went to dr mclean at kiss dental

in nutsford and he is sensational it was the whole process took three weeks was it so i don't feel like your appointment yesterday was that long i swear you said it's like a nine hour job but you seem to be yeah no i was and i didn't have to have any local anesthetic at any point really yeah i just told you it hurt that when they do the injection in your gum doesn't that bloody hurt i didn't have to have any no no no injections minimal prep amazing how good is that they do look really really nice thank you and i know everyone's like you don't need them well you didn't need them done but we don't let me show you my teeth without i've got a snaggle tooth like and it's awful it just has got no front teeth at the minute just the two uh when do they fall

out saskies have still not fallen out look at my snaggle to you wait till you see this that's not a snaggle it is a snaggle tooth is one that comes from the top gum isn't it i just don't know how all you girlies do invisalign it's absolutely rank oh i really let down the company that i got um i really let them down i i couldn't do it be clear orthodontal orthodontist i can never say it kind of they did my fixed brace but how many times did i tell you you will not wear it get a fixed brace yes and i and i feel really bad on them actually because i they gave it me and i couldn't i couldn't do it they were fantastic i'd definitely recommend them but i couldn't because i smoked at the time as well every time i took them out

for a fag oh i used to keep that in oh did you oh yeah that's rancid yeah i used to do all sorts and i would leave them everywhere yeah and i just couldn't i i have not got the commitment for an invisalign hats off to anyone that does because i had um a lingual fixed brace when i was about 20 something which is the back one yeah and i really recommend that i don't think a lot of places do it and it's train tracks they do do it at um i really recommend that because you can't see them they're on the back of your teeth yeah full train tracks you know like the old-fashioned like yeah on the back and i highly recommend that no they just hurt when you tighten them did you not have braces as a kid when i was 14 i had braces i pink ones i've had braces like three

times same same but i'm happy with my teeth now also did you see that thing that i sent into our group chat where you can have your makeup yeah you brush your makeup on what so a few weeks ago i said it was so weird how it came up in the podcast i said about that girl that does this amazing glam every day and i was like how does she sleep in it yeah or do you just like put it on what a great invention it's a thing what so it's a pre-loaded face so it's your face what i sent it in the group oh i can't keep up i'll put it on i'll put it on patreon we're in too many group chance i can't keep up so it's a mold and you press your face into it and then pull it out and it sticks all the makeup on then you like say your preference and all the makeup gets put on

and then you go like that and the makeup where's this it's a product you can buy it glam something what a bloody great idea how good is that i can't see i think it'd take quite a lot to get it right you know the formula because i can't see how that would work but let me see absolutely love that what foundation have you got on today i've oh and did you listen to that no but let's play it yeah um we talked too much about the foundation if you don't have the bonus i'm so sorry because you the main episodes i've just talked about poo so if you want to hear anything else other than poo you're gonna have to get the bonus the foundation that i've got on today is um actually izzy utterson's recommendation the veve skin balm and you would love it i'm

bought isn't can i just tell you something it does this happen to anyone else get bothered though in makeup yeah and my foundation will be amazing and i love this foundation and then all of a sudden i think it doesn't suit me anymore i don't like it foundation is the biggest but why because what and then i think do you know what this doesn't serve me anymore i need a new one and right now i've always worn armani luminous silk i put it on this morning i thought you're not serving me anymore you're not and i'm wondering if it's my face no it's different times of year so basically because we're now transitioning into winter this is the time when cosmetic consult is very good because your skin is going what the hell you've got air con on in

the car yeah you've got we all should be putting a bowl of water under our radiators to keep our skin hydrated we should be exfoliating not manually by the way can i just say that shark device the at-home hydrofacial absolutely not it's a hard no wondered what you'd think of that um absolutely not i haven't what does it do what is it no all the other things fine but an at-home dermabrasion risky to do it yourself but we do at home microneedling well i don't yeah we can i'm trained true we need to look at it i've never done a hydro i had a hydrophageal i hate i'm not joking my skin was never better after really see some people love them i think that if you're if you're in a hormone of i think i used to have them at some point of pregnancy

when i had a really like also when you're pregnant you've got fuck all else you can do yeah and um ed likes a hydrofacial as well because it's i think it's a man so james had it and because james had it done because he's a builder he's always got like black pores and his skin so i just think it will serve you for the right person and a lot of my asian friends like having them because as well they suffer with an oily t-zone so it works for that fine but then they've got stronger skin on their cheeks than i've got very thin skin you are prone to a broken capillary yes and that that is redness that's not recipe for disaster because it's too it's too harsh it's sucking at your skin it's too your skin's so delicate some people love it i personally if i

was going to spend x amount i would go more down i'd go down more of a light peel route if i was going to do anything i think it's 400 pounds girls if you've tried it girls or boys if you've tried it you can buy fucking devices like that off tamu yeah but then they're probably crap no you don't know okay um also we can't set because what if they're not regulated they could blow up on your face fine for a kid's halloween outfit not fine for it's called shark beauty facial pro glow and what's he saying what what it's 300 pounds i don't think that's that bad for an at-home facial device it does multiple things so let me tell you what it does yeah tell us what it does hydro-fueled extraction so that's like a hydrofacial where it blasts the water and

sucks it back up skin barrier repair not sure what that is i know what that is but how how's it repairing your body i don't know boost hydration right okay maybe um uh it says expert formulas so you must have to buy the refills for it right and then you put it in depending well listen deep puff instant hot and cold contrast therapy we've actually got the ferroface and that is the cold is the cold ones really nice the cryo um i've actually got the medicube pro i'll lend it to both of you to try really good fuck me it's strong oh my god i have just been sent a dermalux from actual dermalux yeah so we we spoke about it on the pod weeks ago and one of the ladies who works for dermalux heard it and was like lauren we can't she was

like we can't have you not having one do you want one guys yeah i've not even opened it that's how bad i am but i have spoken to her and explained why i need to store it under your bed two thousand they're like two thousand pounds more than more and basically it's it's kind of a lot of sal a lot of clinics have them it's that really high strength and it's like how would you describe it Ashley like a

a semi-circle that you put on you and you can put it anywhere on your body with thousands of lights thousands of lights and it's meant to be incredible and I'm so excited

I'm going to put it on my section scar I'm going to put it on my arse hole I'm putting it everywhere anyway right

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