Nip Tuck - 'Premium' dating profiles...

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

Girls, Lauren has been accepted into a premium dating app... but how did she get accepted, WHO is on there and what is her profile looking like??In this ep, Ashley does a live review of Lauren's dating profile, takes a flick through the pickings and the girls share their advice for creating the perfect dating profile.And don't forget "The older you go, the safer you are" with your dating arrangements....Don't forget to use code 'NIPTUCK' for 15% off at macom-medical.com and give us a follow @ntngaf @thecosmeticconsult @laurenelizabeth_xx @macom_medical  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys welcome to nip talk and not giving a fuck here we go again okay so last week we told you that lauren had been accepted to a dating website an exclusive well a dating app that's what the kids are calling them oh but first we need to tell you something really exciting thank you to macom who are the sponsors for this episode you'll have heard or seen me talking about macom's post-surgery support bras on the podcast on my blog from quite a few years ago on my instagram and it's because i genuinely love them i use them every day they've got three different types so we've got the eyebrow which is my favorite the signature which is my favorite and then we've got the ultimate which is the next purchase for me for sure they are of course

medical grade compression as are all of macom's garments they're completely latex free which is brilliant and the clever thing about them is that obviously when you get your boobs done you don't know the exact size that you're going to come out with whether it's a reduction an augmentation a lift we don't know the exact cup size no one can ever guarantee that so that means that the bras mold to your cup size so for example i'm a size extra small in the signature bra and i would say that i am a double d to an e in most shops so like we've said previously you can ring their customer service team and they will go through with you what size they think best ash when do you wear yours i wear mine to the gym because they're a bit like a crop top aren't they as well

like literally they look like a crop top and they give you that the support there's nothing worse than running and your breasts flying around they need to be held down yeah they're brilliant because they've got those double straps which you can adjust and then the front fastening as well i actually wear mine pretty much 24 7 um i've got mine on right now i sleep in it i work out in it when i do go and work out uh i would just wear it day to day basically especially while i'm pregnant because my boobs are rapidly growing every day i'm still in my size extra small and i'm still feeling really supported and i think it's gonna last me this whole pregnancy brilliant they're so flexible and soft unlike some other bras i think once you've worn one of these you literally

can't go back no you can't you live in it so guys head over to macom-medical.com that's m-a-c-o-m and use our discount code NIPTUCK. That's NIPTUCK for a huge 15% off your whole order. This is actually your first experience with online dating, isn't it? No. Did I tell you just quickly now that I joined Hinge for two days? You were really against it. Yes.

Because I love an online dating app. I hate it. It's disgusting. I did it throughout the whole of COVID. I absolutely loved it. It's disgusting. I was on Hinge. So I went on Hinge and I got it. I don't know why.

And I was on it for two days. Two days. I didn't reply to one person. I didn't like... Well, it was like, I don't know, two months ago or something. So I went on it, maybe a bit less. Why have you been scared of online dating? I just think it's cringe.

Yeah, but do you not think... I agree. I used to think like, ew, it's just for people wanting a quick shag. Well, I just feel like I'm embarrassed. Like, what? You can't get a boyfriend, so you have to go on an app. But it was the only option in COVID.

Yeah, but it's not COVID anymore, hun. No, I know, but do you not think... And I'm still single. i just think like the whole going out culture has changed completely now but i may i right this is the problem i don't like dates i like to meet people on nights out and be like oh hi and see i know i think everything i'm not going i don't want to it's actually crazy everything has changed in the last two years no one really goes out anymore i mean i did not not like if you if i go out for things i go out to literally get pissed with my mates and have a laugh and go home

i used to like go to the pub i used to go you went to a pub well it's like a nice pub near me hello thursday evening in a pub full of cock oh and full of scally cock no no businessman cock on a thursday night yeah at that pub they're not working no you know the stanford yeah yeah there's no scallies in there no i was thinking of the pubs near me oh and spinning fields on thursday night girls you know what i love wanker bankers oh yes sundays too spinning fields in the summer is the one at lunch time it's not get your penini we've not had that option yet have we anyway i'll be looking forward to that yeah so all you've got now is the online dating but there was one app that you were trying to get on for a bit so tell us about that

okay so first of all i went on this other one i went on hinge for two days i left my phone with one of my best friends and she proceeded to like everyone she went through and every guy that came up she pressed them just to be a dick and i bet they all liked you yes they did so then when i got my phone back i had loads of messages and i freaked out and deleted the app i wouldn't have kept it anyway before she did that there was a few that were like all right and i was like and i'd match them and i wouldn't message them or i'd ignore the messages this is why is it different so this one i didn't know about until was it you must have been you yeah um and then when i found out about it i was like oh it's a real secret community a few people do know about this i'm

not going to say the name of it only because i just don't know if you can and also i just just google it guys um so it's sugar daddy.com oh my god i need to talk to you about that seeking arrangements no another one remind me in a minute okay um i went i signed up to something remind me in a minute i'll tell you yeah it was paid dates i'll tell you in a minute yeah i never one sounds good um so well if i'm going to have to go on one then i'd at least rather get paid for it so anyway this app is for i mean i don't know how would you describe it it's exclusive apparently it's like there's a lot of athletes there's a lot of athletes on there there's a lot of celebrities on there there's apparently like ben affleck in america and people like that like

big big big names i've heard giovanni's on it you match with one of my mates anyway hey mum mum mum look who i'm going on a date with no honestly i was going like this i kept going my mum was like oh she wasn't because she's not coming she's not coming so she was actually like oh and she actually was like oh strictly oh i ain't gotta go to work no more anyway so if you're gonna do it you're doing it right yeah so i want you basically apply for it you have to put your instagram name you have to be really either a business person or in the industry so i blagged it on the podcast didn't i really because that is you know i'm in the

industry i'm a media person ah right famous yeah because other than that it was just it was just yeah the fans other than that it was just like single mum so i thought not i use that a lot but not for this one scratching mum so yeah i thought this for this one it's not gonna work it gets me a lot a long way but not for this so i did it on the podcast and right do you know what well fucking done well done what for getting on yeah you didn't get on mate i know that's why i'm saying well done let's talk about how ashley didn't get on it so you apply for it and then it tells you um it puts you basically you didn't fucking want it anyway you listen you you did all right without it pal so um you go on it and when you've applied it tells you that you're on

the waiting list now normally that means no fuck off yeah you're not so you basically means you're not fit enough you get a thing saying like you're on the waiting list some people get straight on but i was on the waiting list and i thought for a few days what babe it was two months was it yeah so when you're on the waiting list um i'm basically on the way you're still on the waiting list no chance you're so fat and boring now you've got no chance so on the waiting list um i basically thought that's it like i've not got on it whatever i didn't want to go on it anyway but then there's a thing where you can refer people that are already on it so if you know somebody who's already a member of this app they can give you like a bit of a thumbs up like she's all right a leg up a leg

over she's all right so one of two of ashley's close friends are on it and they gave me a leg up and i actually messaged a guy that i was seeing for a leg up for a leg and he gave you it he gave me the leg up fuck it wasn't even that long ago that is good i know and i messaged him and i was like yeah i want to get on the app can i have a leg up and bless him and what's it like on there it's not even that good oh for fuck's sake so basically this is how it works i've never used a dating app so don't really get it but a picture comes up of a guy and you either x them if they're not a bit of you we have a quick look yeah or you heart them if they are a bit of you now these men you can only have so many a day and then you like run out and it won't give you any more how much

do you have to pay for it 15 pounds a month something oh my god right okay right right we're gonna do it live we're gonna do it like charlie right charlie come here you can't say the name so if anyone famous comes up we can't say he's a no he's disgusting it's like a murderer he has got no beard long chin no no you like him you two yeah no he looks like a gim what does he do fx right so let me just tell you really quickly can i play this on here well basically what they do is this is yeah so then you put all your pictures to in a slideshow to a song so if you like the guy i'm going to show you now charlie i'm going to show it you this is this guy's right is everyone ready so this is well we won't say his name he's quite good looking he's not for me

at all he's very good looking he looks like he would be like oh he looks he looks like a kendall yeah he's not for me right oh mate he's fit now why would you not say yes to him i'm gonna say yeah wow this is his song oh he likes champagne spray oh my body he does a marathon i wonder if he saw me listen right so when you look at them then you can look at the song okay i've said yeah um you can look at the song oh my god we're connected we're married right so you press

a love heart you press a love heart and then if he's already love hearted you it says connected we're connected fit fit right next um i'm sorry i'm in shock right we're gonna do another one also just say that if he if you go on a date with him he's gonna hear that you were

shit yeah oh well right let's go on the next one definitely not No. He, I recognise him. He's an actor. He's an actor. It's a no. He's on, let me Google him.

Oh my God, he's, oh my God, I know who it is. I do fancy him, but not in the outfit. Right, okay, should we have him? Oh no. Yeah, well, do it just, do it just for clout. No, no, no. Anyway, right, we could sit here and do this all day. He's a no, for sure.

This is him. Oh, who's this? Oh my God, he's really famous. I've already knowed him. I've knowed him. Bastard. Anyway, right, so we've just had a little look through it, and I've just matched with someone,

so shall i tell everyone how oh baby shall i tell everyone how it went next time so this is what happens so i've matched with about 10 people and neither of us have messaged each other because i would be damned if i'm messaging them first so this guy's from london like i need another one from london um yeah but it's nice having them from london yeah he was quite fit you know so anyway dabble in and out quite fit right can can we're not doing anymore keep up okay i'll keep it you need dick on a conveyor belt the meat market we need you know one hops on one hops off like it needs to be a constant constant stream of dick a constant stream of semen cock wow um ashley clearly is living a life through me right it's because i've got a dick inside me all the time

that's no honestly like one of my clients said that when she was having a boy she was like i I know why men are horrible predators because it made me like... And I was like, shit, yeah. So it's like having an alien. I've honestly fucked up dreams and thoughts I've been having. Really?

Because you've got testosterone. Because there's a boy inside me. I'd hate to be a boy though. I know. And Ed keeps saying that it's really weird how like... Do you keep saying manly stuff? Like all of a sudden you'd be sat there

and you'd be like, shove it, put the football on lad, get a packet of crisp and a pint. And then he looks at you like, what? The most unmanly person, and I've gone really hairy as well. Where? On my tummy, look.

Oh my God. is he me i saw something moved then he moves a lot tell me when he moves next time i love that he looks exactly like ed yeah he does look like ed so at least ed's not found out that it was anyone else's so that's good he doesn't know but now you're pregnant and boring so i will continue with the app um i will let you know if i meet anyone on it but do you know what my friend who was on it said the more you go on it the better it gets it starts to learn who you like and who you don't i mean for 15 pounds a month it fucking should should show the penis should have a penis this is another like point of online dating guys how fucking expensive is it to go out at the

minute yeah it's not normal even just like food yeah it's so expensive 15 pounds a month dating is how much do you need to go out now about 300 quid where are you going pal no i'm not going anywhere but i mean as in as a normal person yeah i don't know dinner at the ivy would that cost us last time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and then you'll have it you're this you're that you drink your cocktails your taxis your ubers taxis are so expensive yeah joke absolutely joke honestly so it's cheaper to pay 15 pounds a month and do your online dating girls i'm gonna update you all with that but can we just talk for a minute about what if we were to give guys advice about online dating what we would say they should not do can i say number one number one for me is any pictures

with your dog or a fish or a fish i like dogs i'm not a dog hater little dogs with men are really making me feel uncomfortable you know like many of little dogs what like my dog yeah i just think it's weird and holding them and kissing them or having pictures of them near or on your babies that's other people's babies why would you like they think that that's gonna turn us on and it's yeah no like holding someone else's baby no um holding or kissing a dog like too close to a dog is sticking their tongue out oh no that's awful sticking the tongue too posed don't do it too posed guys or when they do that thing where they pretend to do their cufflinks yes that's like a model pose isn't it what are you doing hun yeah yeah i know exactly what you mean can i just

say like girls as a professional dick hunter um do you remember dog the bounty hunter ash the penis hunter so anyway it's a professional dick hunter retired um what i must say is red flags someone that posts a lot and is posting all day every day they need attention they need constant attention they are a narcissist yes and they're gonna ruin your life like me run the fuck away from them because yeah fair enough girls do it and we're like oh use this use that why is a lad posting in the day go back to fucking go to work right another thing shows of wealth if he's posing with a gray goose bottom or putting a picture of his watchers mates watches or his car steering wheel fuck he's trying too hard to show that he's rich which means he's not because if you really

are wealthy and not that it's all about that blah blah any professional photos they've had done not for a proper reason not for a reason that they've just gone and had a photo shoot a glamour shot a glamour that's not normal that's not normal i can't stop thinking about that guy that i've just x'd that was quite famous i can't stop thinking about him i've just found his instagram and he's a catfish oh he's a catfish charlie says he's a catfish um yeah so all of like that posing pictures the one where they've got one leg on the wall no i'm not into that skinny jeans no they all lie about the height as well so if they say that they're six foot they're not they're five foot nine the caps the caps oh yeah if they wear a hat in every picture in every picture run so that

i honestly believe that caps can okay no it's not for me um charlie's just showed me the guy i'm glad i asked him so i have seen so many guys that with a cap on they look delicious cap off different man different different man so if all the pictures are nothing wrong with having no hair because i find bald men quite sexy do you yeah yeah i didn't even mean hair no mate i don't even mean But it is usually a hair issue. It is normally a hair issue, but I don't mean that. I just mean caps can make people look fitter than they are.

But also, like, going on the hair thing, guys, like, being bald is okay. Like, look at Jason Statham. He's pulled fucking Rosie Huntington. Yeah, he's fit. And he's short and bald. Yeah.

Yeah. Because he's got big dick energy now. Yeah, he's got big dick energy because he's not walking around with a fucking beanie hat or a cap on in a club. Like, he's just like, this is me, I'm bald.

This is me, yeah. But my cock's huge. How did we both fail at the same time? because that's can i just say you're making me all our last two episodes have been really really centered and i have to say it's you it's that baby in your belly it's like you've been taken over by your fetus and i'm doing a podcast with ashley and a man it's weird like really weird so let me go through like where to start with it okay so you're signing up for your profile what do you want to look like on your profile right ashley let's do this together and look

at mine now and tell me what's right i'm gonna critique lauren so i i bet it's bikini pictures absolutely i'm sorry hon you wanna hear my song as well you're gonna go mad it's not i give you good go on i'll give you good wood though right okay right charlie you wanna come look charlie's coming so this is my um well i'm a man at the minute so i'm gonna judge your profile okay this is my what do you call it but bear in mind the people that have matched me actually are all right so right ready oh fuck off the song's not coming no i got that old thing back what you wanna do right i got that old thing right no lauren harris no you're not changing give me my phone i'm not changing it right

that first picture's stunning like you look really sophisticated oh my god don't read that no oh my god she's so cringe listen to this this is her bio attempting to do all of the above between as many holidays as possible what she does for work above it i am that means i also lied a bit on one of the words that does make you sound like a brass but i do go on holiday and i pay for my own holidays i know you do but i'm just saying that charlie really she thinks that me saying i like to go on holiday between work is being a brass yeah it does sound no it doesn't i pay for my own holidays right so she's got a really nice classy first picture just keep it at that i'm sorry the bikini pictures are not

okay i'm not taking bikini pictures out yeah but just one is okay but not more than one you're just saying that because you can't wear a bikini right now i know what you're fucking thinking you fat bitch okay anyway so if i was gonna say tell me because i find it really hard when it says describe yourself at this point i delete the app it's gone i can't do it i completely agree with you on that that bit i've gone i would put just an emoji what kind of emoji an aubergine just an emoji because i'm not i'm not getting into i'm not writing like on hinge it's so cringe so that's what i tried to i started hinge and i thought and i deleted it so many times because i couldn't write the paragraph i just put an emoji right so tell me tell me how you think the best pro to set up

the best profile that's going to get the most link it to your instagram of course mine is always link it to your instagram because people want to know that you're not a murderer yeah because and you're legit and then also you can see people you've got in common but also do you know what one thing i must say about the people in common thing don't cock block people because like recently one of my friends was talking to someone on hinge and she must have seen that i had him in common and she was like what's this guy like and i could easily have been like you know he shit himself at the amc cinema when we were 15 i didn't say that and i was just like yeah he's nice like because give people a chance but i mean i think if there's something really serious like he's a murderer

google people always i google yeah yeah back to getting the perfect profile so i just think you need to look really chilled out on it okay well like sat on a beanbag just like you're not taking it that seriously well like my picture needs to be chilled out but what right i always used to make sure i did have a picture with my kid obviously with the face covered up because i just think it's a way of saying like i am a mom there you go you know that now yeah getting it out there yeah yeah like as a boom i prefer to be like look at me in a bikini i'm so damn sexy and then when do you think i want to shag i'll be like i've got a kid right so the the way in which i'm describing the chill is like an la effortless vibe of chill like as in teach me here's me in a

bikini stood on a balcony but hey here's me doing yoga in some tight fitting clothes yeah but then they'll meet me and yeah you you look hot either way but okay okay i think should we remodel my profile yes definitely right okay we need to be taken seriously right okay and we're not being So she can take the body stocking picture off. Yes, definitely. Okay. So I need to be more... So when I go to Mexico,

what kind of shots would you like me to take? Wholesome. Wholesome. Obviously, you can have a bit of cleavage out. So hang on. Swinging on a swing with a coconut, but my tits out. That kind of thing.

Okay. Doing yoga, but my arse is in the air. Yeah, like downward dog. Downward dog. Yeah, that kind of thing. But yeah, just don't take it that seriously. and i mean you've just made me really panic now so so i think the song choice is important as well there's a lot of men that i've thought are really fit and then i've listened to the song

choice it's put me right off the apps that are good are yeah tell the one that you have got the premium one hinge tinder is shite i've never been on that we've heard that tinder's just shagging plenty of fish is oh my god is that still going horny soldiers yeah and what's the other one there's a new one called thursday that someone was showing yeah you were mentioning that and it's only open on a thursday so that means that six days a week you can take off from it and then on a thursday you log in and it's everyone who's up for a date on a thursday i think you're rushing into things quite quickly yeah do you know what i mean i think you're like shit it's thursday i've heard thursday's good it sounds like a novel idea say you didn't have a lot

to do like and you every thursday you could get yourself glammed up knowing that thursday you're going somewhere yeah but then you might end up spoken to the person you've not done your background research and you might end up like you're literally going out with anyone but one of the girls i was talking to that's got thursday said that the new thing that thursday are doing is they're hiring out bars on a thursday and all the single people are going to the bar that makes me feel sick that that makes me feel like i'm with you on a thursday you pregnant no that makes me feel absolutely ill i won't even go on a date with one person never mind 50 in a room like yeah no we're going we're not going we're going should we put like a camera who wants me to do some funny shit

with a fucking camera on i bet loads of people want me to go to these thursday things please what are the other ones is that it um i've never been i thought that was gay no no that's grinder i think grinder is such a terrible name grinder yeah do you not think um bumble what's that then i've never been on that one where girls have to approach guys so i would never ever never ever ever go on that so here's another thing guys you always have to approach the girl like this guy i just match with now i won't message you're holding now it's a standoff i will never message him no you don't message first girl what would you say hi do you know i hate hey how's you like you've got to have some bants about you what would you start with

well that's why i don't do it because i haven't got any hey how's you how do you like the bikini well he likes the bikini bit pics you bitch of course he did he wants to fuck you okay so basically lauren the reason why i'm saying we need to like pg your profile is because of the box theory what's that so i will link um before the episode the girls page have a look at it guys it's really interesting and it's just about how the way in which men's minds work i mean we're never going to fully understand but they judge you straight away and you're put into either the i'm going to shag her and use her in that sit box or the dating and potential relationship box wow once you've been put into

one of them you can't you're stuck in the box i mean there's benefits of both yeah if you want to be in the shag box exactly like but at least you know where you are at least yeah yeah but if you don't want to be just just in the shag box okay we need to get that happy medium so that i get i think and i might be wrong here any guys that have dated or spoken to me feel free to message in which box no i think i go in the date box for sure i really do looking at your pictures there i would have put you in the shag box really yeah a hundred percent maybe charlie's saying yes as well i would go in the shag box you are stupid oh you need to take an outside approach it's not that you're stupid it's just that it's like boobs yeah bra bikini yeah right okay we

love the sophisticated pic and but i do think though sometimes men are so thick you need to get their fucking attention hi here's me in a bikini oh she's yeah but your face is so beautiful i don't think you understand that oh my god that's so nice no but it is my face is on there as well well but then your tits directly right okay i'll i'll consider editing it a touch they can go straight onto my instagram though and see how wholesome i am with my child that always they see they love it yeah i know but once they've got in their head of i'm already in the box yeah you're in the box okay so we'll link that anyway we're going to discuss this a bit more on how if i feel like there any changes we're going to change my profile we're going to get new content and we're

going to change it so on hinge now on the profiles you know how on your app they've got the song yeah on their profiles they can answer the questions with the voice note that's disgusting okay are you ready for your vaginas to shrivel up if this is a trigger warning skip on a few seconds if you don't want your pussy to shrivel up that's why okay are you ready for this guy right so the question on here is i take pride in say put it loud knowing the best brunch place in winchester that has the best french toast and pancakes i take great pride in that little that's little britain where they'd be sick literally what box are we putting that best block the bin the bin the big black bin box with your

french what accent was that because it started imagine did he try and go french on it to get the best and then he went french toast i don't know but i don't want to hear it again awful he is going in the outside big bin in the outside bin that you don't even look at again you put it in there someone takes it away you never think about it again you don't know where it goes it's gone and you don't care industrial big bin yeah the one that gets incinerated that locks yeah that was disgusting so you've mentioned lauren this um this app other app well it wasn't at the time it was years ago this it was a website when i used to work for that big cosmetic surgery company that i work that you work for as well we used to get people in and we would ask them how

they were paying for the surgery mainly so we could like write it down we knew what it was are they getting a loan are they paying and one of the girls came in and she was like my my but a guy's paying for it's like it's a bit weird but i was like oh go on do tell because i used to be really interested but it was specifically for plastic surgery was no no this is different do you remember that other one fund my my free my free implants.com and we used to have patients yeah who would get and they were like mums everything and they would get implants by putting pictures up people would donate and then myfreeimplants.com it's gone now i think anyway so this website isn't that i can't remember the name of it rate my date rate my date or

something like something along yeah i've not pooed oh my god so you know after my operation you know because i'm on um painkillers and stuff and i've been taking iron i've just got small rocks like like honestly like bambi honestly and it hurt i'm really bummed up i'm really like talking about it i'm like crying because i'm not sad about it back to this so something like rate my date or something like that anyway she was telling me about it and she met a guy on there and basically what happens is this people will bid to take you out on a date the highest that they can bid is 500 pounds or dollar pounds so that's not that much money no i know to say that you might get murdered yeah so you put your profile on there and then people

will send you offers in and the offer is just to take you on a date that's it so come the fuck on lauren listen so some people like really cheeky and they'd offer you like 30 quid and then some people would offer you 500 you can talk to them and stuff first and then you go on a date with them and they pay you for that date and now whether you choose to then go on a second so i signed up to it so at the time god knows where i was in my life at this point like low somewhere tragic your commission wasn't great that month wasn't great that month i think it was um me and the girls did it in the office so we set this thing up and it was just like interested so what had happened to this particular girl she'd met someone on there who was in his i think 70s he had no

family and he was a genuine fucking nice guy and he wanted to look after someone he had no children he had loads of money they wanted to help someone and look after them she said yeah a proper one she said we don't have sex and i believed her because we were chatting like she'd tell me oh my god she's like how's it go she said we don't have sex she was like i'll give him a cuddle and probably couldn't work she said well yeah exactly the older you go the safer you are um that's such a good saying can we get that printed on a t-shirt on a t-shirt yeah the older you go the safer you are go on um so she said we don't have sex but he he's put a house down deposit down on a house for her he got her a first house like she must have to show him her vagina maybe

but this guy and it's rare but genuinely wanted to take care of someone and they're like you were So I was like, I want one. Nice little owner. That's exactly what I thought. So I got on the website and I went home and told my mum. I told my mum. Come on. I went home like, mum, we're going places, love.

Pack your suitcase. We're going on holiday. So I went home and I was like, mum, I told my mum. Now, normally most people's mums would be like, ah. And she was like, oh, interesting. My mum is amazing. She's not judgmental. Open-minded.

She's so open-minded. and she has no opinion on anything i do anymore because it gets fucking ignored and she's learned that at 15 so whatever i do she just rolls her eyes like i get no nothing back from that nothing she has no opinion she doesn't give it me unless i ask so she was like oh right okay five hundred pounds a day just have your face on it yeah well what why would someone pay five other people would know that you were on it yeah it was a risk but maybe on it like it was a risk so i went on it and then my best friend sam who if you've heard the season you'll have heard me speak about and and met him and he was like this is a mint idea so what we're gonna do is me you and your mum

are gonna go on these dates me and your mum are gonna sit on another table i'm gonna be the bodyguard your mum's coming purely for the longs and then you give us like a hundred quid and we'll do two and i so we were gonna do it and what do you think happened i shit out of course you did of course it is people off 500 loads of 500s i shit out because could you see pictures of them yeah what did they look like hanging ugly old fat hairy men not all of them somewhat okay but it's a date that's it well one of our um so i'm sorry i would i could have quit my job and gone on three dates a week like what when we did like the post post pox one of our listeners um messaged in and when we asked about your guys experience with dating apps and she did one of these sugar websites

or like high-end dating websites because they've got like Data Millionaire or whatever. And a famous guy that owns a shop where everything costs a certain amount of money, she went on a few dates with him and she said he had a tiny cock.

So if anyone is thinking of dating anyone with that kind of thing... But then today we heard... We found something really interesting out today. So we know two different men's penis sizes now. We know that that one's is tiny and we heard that a man off Dragon's Den cock is absolutely...

Like a baby's arm. They literally said baby's arm. Right, we're going to whisper it to Charlie now. Yeah. Huge. Massive. Massive. And that is from a reliable source.

But do you know what? Get in the den. Dragon's Den has got big dick energy, hasn't it? Absolutely. Every man that's on Dragon's Den has got a massive cock, and that includes Deborah Mead. Hers is a wonger. Anyway, we're going off topic now.

But yeah, no, those websites. Shall I sign up to one, another one? seeking arrangements is meant to be the best one should i sign up and we'll see what happens for the for the listeners i know someone who did seeking arrangements and she did it literally like would log in at nine log out at five had her rent paid for no everything right shall we set me up an account yeah for lols should we do it yeah it's fine you think you have to put the hours in there and you definitely won't oh my god i don't even put the hours in for anything well i do i put loads of hours into loads of different things i've got three jobs guys boring no one's asked um

okay guys it's that time again dilemma of the week dilemma of the week right please help me i'm on mat leave but i have in that time been made redundant i have a 17 week old baby and i've just found out i'm six weeks pregnant again oh god sorry anyway she goes on to say that her husband's supporting her decision to have the baby which she's decided she wants to okay so we know that so that's not the question before we start telling somebody that wants to keep the baby not to yeah exactly she doesn't have enough money for child care she wants to start a new job that she's been offered but she's scared that they're gonna sack her when they find out she's pregnant okay so only six weeks as well okay so first of all you can't get sacked for

being pregnant so if she does start this new job that she wants to start you cannot get sacked you don't actually have to tell work that you're pregnant until you're 25 weeks you know so there you go secondly you need to think about what works for you and it sounds a bit dog eat dog but it is so if you need to go in there and not tell them you're pregnant then that's what you're going to do remember when we worked at that company and we were all uh going through redundancy and two of the girls knew that they were pregnant yes and they didn't tell and they didn't tell and they had to get one of the girls back yeah yep so two of the girls knew they were pregnant i wouldn't have told them no i wouldn't and i'm sorry but it's dog so basically we were all they were going

through redundancies and two of the girls were pregnant really early and didn't tell the bosses this which means that other people got made redundant when they knew that they were going to be going anyway yeah and at the time i remember it was quite and we were all friends it was quite cutthroat no one grasped no and every we all knew each other that they were pregnant so the person that got made redundant knew that the other girls were pregnant it was hard she didn't say a word and she got brought back anyway didn't she when they came off but yeah you can't and it's dog eat dog you do what is absolutely best for you and don't forget you're not in it on your own your husband is in this as well if you've got to go to work you've got to go to work end of story

what i would do is i would take the new job on literally push the pregnancy to the back of your mind and deal with it when you legally have to at 25 weeks and in that meantime i'd maybe start thinking of little business ideas that you could decide start while you're on mat leave that could hopefully then turn into something big that you could do in the future and your husband needs to pull his finger out more as well in the sense that it's not just on you yeah it's your family he's having another child therefore he needs to step it up he can go look for a fucking second job you will work it out it will always work out because everything has to there's no other option no so when you think how am i going to do this you will because what's the alternative die there

isn't one you have to do it no so you're going to work it out and then i just think after that maybe be more careful yeah with your planning um and just try your absolute best and it will always work and with you not being able to afford child care again if you've got another little job you've got any family that can help you'll make it work because you're 100 great advice there so we did throw out there guys your experiences with dating apps and we got a real mixed bag like some of you were like no don't touch them with a barge pole it's just men wanting a shag and others of you have literally met your life partner on there so i think everyone needs to give it a go um you need to take it with literally a pinch of salt like the way in which i went in there with

dating apps was during covid i'd sit and i'd done all my jobs put the baby to bed get a glass of wine put the tv on and just swipe through leisurely and just have a little giggle to yourself or get one of your friends around and have like a girl's night in i love it like all of my friends that have got the dating apps i'm like pass me a phone i want to see what's out there it's literally like shopping for a man it's brilliant and then obviously with regards to meeting up you've got to be as careful as possible because like we said we don't know these people you know red flags to look out for definitely are that they've not got their instagram profile linked up to their actual profile so always do a google always check out their other social media accounts if they have

any if they've not got any i honestly wouldn't touch it if they have go a few weeks back a good one to always do is have a look at their tagged pictures that's always a good one um recently we actually had a really heated chat over dinner i went for dinner with the girls and one of the girls there has um met a guy and she knows that he's not a murderer because we've googled him yeah and but i mean guys don't ever take that as a marker um but like we've googled him every time i google a potential they're on their names always come up with something does that mean if someone googled us though exactly don't do that um okay so she's googled him she's met him in person on a night out and she's met his friends and he's a real human okay so he was like right

can i take you out for dinner now she was like yeah dead excited about the date she lives about 35 minutes away from him and he goes right i've booked this restaurant and it's near his house not hers okay so she's like okay that's fine what time are you picking me up and he goes well no you're gonna meet me there so she was like absolutely not i'm not going on the date and he's been ghosted i agreed with her completely i don't agree and ed agreed as well okay but then half the girls there didn't agree um no i don't agree i would want to take myself there and take myself home not a chance would i be in a position where he i couldn't get home no what if i didn't like him but it's awkward i'd rather drive there myself um get myself sorted no i disagree you have

to pick me up if you're taking me on a date i think it depends where you're going on the date but personally no i'd i would i would want what if it went wrong and you didn't have your car on your mate like yeah but you're meeting in a restaurant how wrong is it gonna you just don't get on you're just not getting the vibe and then you've got to get an uber because and then it's obvious that it's not going well because then you've got to say i'm gonna get an uber now no as if you've got your car oh on the night out that's what i was saying yeah but what if they don't get on like i don't i mean look everybody's different but i also think you have to remember that everyone's got different sort of levels of what they're happy with and i just think it's

whatever you're okay with but then from my i don't want to sit in an awkward car from my perspective i think if they aren't treating you like princess from date one you've fucked yourself then yeah okay i yeah i completely agree with that and i think actually what would have been better is him saying i will i will be near you yes yeah that makes more sense i will be near you and it's five minutes it's a pickup exactly or and and if it was near her what we were saying or a hotel that would be nice or get her a hotel room or something if it was far intense do you think yeah i would because then it's like i'd think okay um so what we said was why didn't he book somewhere like dark because there's loads of restaurants around there yeah and then she could have just got a two

minute uber there so if there's any guys that listen guys can send you an uber don't forget if there's that's nice if there's any guys that listen or girls can you ask your boyfriends this girls can you ask your male friends this and can you message us after this episode and let us know what the male take do you know what i'm going to speak to sam and ask what he thinks about this because i want to know the male point of view girls tell us what do men think about picking girls up for dates like tell me what do you think yeah like first few days um show what's it called chauvinism no no no chivalry is chivalry dead who knows who knows okay guys so thank you so much for listening again this week don't worry we've got more next

week in the meantime you can follow us on instagram our podcast page is at ntngaf our personal pages are at the cosmetic consult and at laurenelizabeth underscore xx thank you so much guys please subscribe please rate and please share when you're listening because we want everyone to know about the podcast see you next week