Nip Tuck - Queen La Bweefer

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

Lauren is back from her travels and has already given herself Platinum Cruiser status, despite troubling the Americans on the first night. She's got all the goss and how to find the best deals. Ashley's got some seriously amazing dupes up her sleeve to share with you and Queen La Bweefer has got in touch for Slutty Susan.Ashley's Purchase Picks:IKEA Baccarat Rouge Scented CandleM&S Jo Malone Cleaning ProductsH&M Active WearDoll Beauty Foundation & Concealer BrushesTo sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, icks, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women this is all about being unapologetically yourself that is correct okay okay then good morning everybody it's wednesday morning hello hope you're all very well i'm on the news today on nip tuck and the weather hey how nice is the weather been i'm raging that i was away during the weather but whatever it's going to last another few days weeks on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod dot com you can also get in touch via whatsapp so we want your voice notes we want your dms we want your everything

we want you to ex-dilemmas stories your hacks I like hacks I feel like we could do with more hacks I like hacks

I like dupes I like bargains I like dupes I like bargains so yeah head to this episode's description if you want to get

involved in our community and we want to know everything about you really just join in with us because it's one big group chat

and basically we don't give a flying fuck we don't care we're not asked and we're back in surgery

we've got so much to discuss right everyone's been waiting for this because i've had dms after dms saying they can't wait for this conversation the cruise been on the cruise right tell me the truth when you watch my stories did you still cringe or did you think actually some of it looks all right to be fair do you know what it looked good i was nervous about going on it part too chaotic for me far too very yeah i'll be honest it was chaotic yeah so part of me was nervous about going on this cruise because i thought if i don't like it fuck am i gonna do like i can't lie i can't lie because

i wouldn't but then they're gonna be fuming with me thank the fucking lord you had fun i'm a crew would you go again yeah i'm a platinum cruiser really yeah so i'm not gonna bore you it was kid free right kid free so i didn't have there for a week um and now normally by day oh my god i've never been away from mine for longer than three nights i have been away from her for a week when was it she went on away with her dad and it's the only time she wouldn't and i have been obviously you take advantage of that yeah so there have been times and normally by day three i cry mate i ain't cried once honestly and that's a test to me how much fun i'm having that's good honestly i missed i was ready but i wasn't crying james tell us like okay so um i don't even know

where to begin i've just been like literally selling it explain the concept so you how do you book it what is it like right okay so at the minute if you go on my instagram i really can't be arsed with that bit so go on my instagram and on the highlights there's a link it tells you the cheapest way to book it so it was it cheap i didn't pay for it i know so i don't know but well so when the link i've got on there is with a company that i've forgotten the name this is how good i am and they've got the best deal at the fuck knows they've got the best deal at the minute right and i've just looked i haven't fully gone into it but i was telling lucas 1500 pounds each right wait seven day cruise all your food your flights and a one night stay in

barcelona that's nothing that's really good isn't it so it can be as cheap or as more expensive as you want it to be so all the foods included so if you have saved all your money for the cruise and you really don't have much spending money that's fine it's fine you're gonna have a problem if you want to get pissed because you have to pay for alcohol and with the drinks expensive average i don't let me think a cocktail was like 10 pounds maybe it's fine average like it's not cheap but average i would say for abroad for like a holiday so if you wanted to keep it cheap you would eat everything on the ship you would eat a massive breakfast go and explore come back and have your dinner there so you could do that yeah um and it wouldn't cost you any more and that

would be fine to do that however we did spend because everywhere we got off we had a jug of sangria we had a bit of lunch here there yeah so that added up we went to can does it really expensive so i went to a beach club called like it was one of the best days ever so you got stunning you got a boat over there it was on it was honestly the food no don't me and james bear in mind we drank three bottles of wine that's a lot that's gonna be at least 80 euros a bottle of wine um yeah that i'm i'm a pro with this yeah 80 euros for a white or pale rose yeah that's like the standard do you know in mykonos Now, a bottle, a normal bottle of Whispering is 150 euros.

Christ, that was one of the most expensive places I've ever been. Or a bottle of Miraval is the same as well. So, yeah, 80 euros a bottle of wine. And then we did have, we had picky starters. We had mains. About 500 euros. 700. For two of you.

That's vile. I know. That's vile. Honestly. But were you there all day? All day. And do you know what? On loungers and stuff?

No. we were so we went for like a lot meal we went for so there's two sittings if you're going to go there you can do the i think the 12 o'clock sitting and then there's another sitting i keep rubbing my nose my hay fever is horrendous there's another sitting at three i would always recommend the three o'clock one because what happens it gets a bit rowdy we did the 12 and then we had to keep drinking to kind of keep relevant so they didn't try and say every time they looked to take our table we were like look the other way and then everyone else changed tables and we were still sat there we got away with it for ages and then it was like dancing on the table swinging your fucking

napkin so it was a full thing and the way we looked at it is look we're not going to sit and penny pinch it's a what we're going not do mineral we're not doing and it was best pasta i've ever had as well um we're just gonna it is what it is and i put it down to that well you got your fucking boots full on the free trip so and i got and i got a fantastic reel i don't know if anyone's seen the reel but i really enjoyed that so yeah so i don't know you know you can cut cost as much you want Ibiza again expensive questions questions questions

so does this cruise run all summer now and you can get on whenever yeah there's loads of different ones so there's another one I'm really bad at this

there's a med one that's got there's other ones one's got Croatia in there and Corsica that I really fancy one's got like Santorini

right the things I loved about it is this it felt like I could tick off so many places in one place and you know what I'm like

I'm like I want to go there that'd give me anxiety yeah so for me it was like there's so many places in the world i want to see and i can't go on holiday when i do but every month and go for a week somewhere so in one week i saw i'd seen some of them already but barcelona palma ibiza can where was your favorite

can i loved it have you been santa pay before no oh you'd better so that then taught me i didn't like marseille particularly don't know what that is it's just a city and i just didn't know who that is i don't know who that person is um but it's taught me that i would like to go back to can for a weekend and i would probably cans cans and palmer actually i love palmer yeah i've done miyoko it's not palmer so that was good about it um negative palmer's like about 40 minutes in the car from it was honestly yeah so normally i go that way so um negatives if i was to choose any what were the rooms like so honestly right yeah okay they weren't to my taste they weren't in In what way?

In the way that there was the colourings. Like granny's carpet? No, no. Casino? A little casino. Oh. Chaotic. Not even casino.

On brand with Virgin, let's say. Red. Bits of red. So that part of it wasn't, but it wasn't, honestly, honestly, honestly. I was so fucked that I don't remember. It wasn't horrific like that. Speaking of furniture, did James draw you naked on the sofa like one of his French girls? No, he didn't.

And we didn't have sex on the balcony either. but we did piss the American woman off next door and she said you fucking drunk and fucks because

right so listen to this Americans hate drunk English people they think that we've got a big problem with drink so basically

you should have all the slings on the balcony oh I swung around so basically so what cruisers do is they get stickers and they put them

on their door stickers because it's a long thing of your rooms so like they put stickers on their door so they know who they're

yeah right anyway I don't know I don't know if you've seen the video of me running down the hallway with James that was our holiday so she had these stickers

on as well we staggered back didn't know she was next door I'm sorry that's a proper gimp thing to do I said that I said you're fucking anyway

you sticker bitch I said to her she knows it's her room yeah because you know when you're fucked you can't find your room this is what I always do

when I'm no it's going to be a big one I take a photo of my hotel room door and then I'm like yes where's my room

yeah so that so she'd done that and also I think it was just to be like I'm a seasoned cruiser I've done this before bitch it was that

so me and James were steaming we couldn't find our room found this room with all these things on started trying to pick them off the door and we're going like this

on a door trying to pick them off like the 33 year old woman you are that you keep telling me about the mature woman I am and we're thinking right that this

she's not anyway I'd love this sticker she opens the door and I'm like this what the hell are you doing and james ran james ran i was she was going what are you doing and i was like why have you got them on your door anyway she was like you fucking drunken fucks anyway so off we go then we're like we can't find our room you wish you had a sticker we can't find

our room so then we're going back along she was next door to us we didn't have a clue when we'd done it it was just a random door and we were like fuck james goes on the balcony in the morning morning because you could kind of see it across morning she just went like this so that wasn't great

we fell out with some of the first night was there unsavoury people no me no honestly no honestly it was not full of

unsavoury people there were a lot of gays on there which was amazing they were great fun so much fun like that a lot of Americans but everyone was really

up for a good time like everywhere you went everyone was smiling saying hiya and stuff what was the toilet like of small Like an aeroplane toilet No nicer than that

Flush it and run out of the room Nicer than that but it was quite small however so you could the suites if you can afford to I would absolutely upgrade to a suite

now if you wait until just before you go I don't know if I should say this you get an email to upgrade cheaper the suites were really nice like honestly like marble

really really stunning we had the sea terrace so we had a cabin we weren't in it that much and actually I liked getting like all cosy and stuff

but what I will say storage it had more storage than a lot of hotels I've been to. There's all little storage areas. You didn't feel on top. But yeah, it's a cruise, but it wasn't two bunk beds in a dark room like I expected.

It absolutely wasn't that. And you could turn the thing on in the morning and the curtains would open and you could look out to the sea and stuff. That was lovely. Coffee in the morning, looking out at the sea. That's the only, if I was to have any negative, the room decor wasn't to my taste,

but that was literally it, honestly. Food was included. Was the food good? Unreal. Was it like vegetables and shit or Disneyland food? no no no it was absolute like it one of the restaurants i was just saying to lucas had a big staircase going down it had put holes you could look out to the sea it was like being at san carlo on sea i swear to you there was three like that no no you literally felt like you were

in a gorgeous restaurant the staff were really attentive they came over the wine list it was it was really good and then there was also like little picky eating places that you could go to you could eat everything room service the lot there was a pizza place open 24 7 that was fucking unreal yeah i had a really good time and i met some really fun people i met um claudia from love island who is she stunning she's i fell in love with her one of us apps and sammy who was on it i didn't watch it no i didn't watch really lovely lovely girls yeah um i enjoyed it i do would do again would do again very good would go again don't know about kids ones and i don't know about other cruises i don't think all cruises are quite as good as that like inclusive but if you want to

a party like people were partying like was there single people there is one where single people go isn't there you can go on a single and they had like meeting areas for single single sailors but the funniest thing is honestly one of the things in you know when the when whenever like now and again if there was an announcement or like when we were setting off it was amazing the stickers on the door don't you what if the door come in you whore that's what honestly there was um there was a thing and they'd go ahoy sailors like you would have died but when we set off everyone was doing champagne they had the sickest music on the music was really good i didn't even know we'd set off people were asking about motion sickness couldn't feel a thing didn't even know we'd set off i

staggered i got seasick once actually it was after i'd got off the boat i felt like i was still on a boat for like two days it was weird when i was i was really pissed when we set off on the first night and i staggered up to the top deck and i was like what time we leaving yeah and everyone was like we're in the we left an hour ago and i was like oh okay so it was good i enjoyed it would recommend would do again but let me tell you a funny story so we're going back we're all at the airport and this woman queuing up comes panicking through the queues she's wearing she's you know i would say late 30s she's wearing um a metallic crop top some denim shorts and those those heels that are like a platform all the way platform platform not you know hairs all over fucking

all over eyes mascara everywhere I need to get the Birmingham flight can I get the Birmingham flight she's fucked right

what like on it yeah she's fucked right I said go to the front go to the front it's fine and me and James you know when you

look at you think oh we've all been there mate right she's going help help and the woman's like the flight's in half an hour she was like I've

overslept everyone in the queue staring at her she turned around which airport was this Barcelona she turns around she went

sorry guys I went out last night I've been partying all night I've just woke up I'm off it and I need to get home so everyone was like

that's hilarious and then she turns around and she goes and her hair was everywhere yeah and she was not the kind of person

all I can say is not the kind of person you would expect to be doing this the way she is yeah yeah yeah she turned around and she went

and I'm a mum of three and everyone and I went and James was going we've all been there love and everyone was like go on yeah well when you've got

your time off from the kids you make the most of it it was the way everyone in the queue was standing she just turned around and she was just like and I'm a mum of three

and we were like go on girl so I hope she caught a flight and if any of your friends was that woman I'd love to find out more she's been on the set and she just missed

the whole flight well yeah I've done that before but I had taken a Valium just before I went to the airport oh yeah it was a really bad idea

yeah and my friend had taken one as well and she was going we need to run and I was like in I need the airport didn't even get

I'm a fucking burger king. Oh, my God. I liked Barcelona. Have you been to Barcelona? Yeah. Nice. I've been before, but nice city break. I liked it there.

Yeah, but you got robbed there. Did you wear your watch? You twat. I bet you did. And everywhere. You don't wear your watch in Barcelona. Well, I didn't wear it in Ibiza, but everywhere that we went, like when I last went to Ibiza, James had hold of my wrist.

He was so protective. You shouldn't wear it. Yeah, I know. Lauren, when are you going to learn? But yeah, I enjoyed it. And that's it, really. So if anyone, you know, go on my story. It's all on there if you don't know what I'm talking about.

cool story bro i'm not good at details just go on there right okay next life update you've got a lot i've got a lot to talk about let's do you want a minute do you want to go in the hot seat i okay i'm gonna mix this up a little bit for you guys i bought and found some really good shit over the last few oh my god sorry sorry sorry this is just reminding me of something athletic greens right listen oh my god okay so i i'm sure that sometimes when we talk about things especially if we sponsor the pod you probably think yeah but really it's really good so when i was on the cruise a couple of influencers yeah we're talking about it yeah and i was like oh my god i've just started using that and they were all saying they were like no legit your energy levels are like straight up they

were like do your research no it's the best there's no shit there's no shit in it you get you get like um uh what do you call it a subscription don't you never forget it sites improve but it's so good your supplement and i took it um in sachets when i was away and honest to god it's because you know i eat shite well that's what i mean at least you're getting your good i was getting my good so yeah actually you've just reminded me lucas i'm honestly like i can't do you know when you have a coffee in the morning you get that little hit this is like the athletic greens keeps you stable all day with like that same energy and so many people have told me like i say the girls that were on there were like we use it but genuine we were all like no but genuine

Ed's on it now as well. Is he using it? He absolutely loves it. Yeah, genuinely. So we've got a code. And do you know what? You kind of get, we have got a code.

Do you know it? I'll pull it up. You kind of get used to the taste. At first you're like, this taste of grass and shit mixed together. Yeah. But then it's kind of like,

I'm sorry, but at the end of the day, like if you just slurping drink it, it doesn't matter what it tastes like. With your athletic greens, you put a scoop in and then get off Amazon

a handheld whisk. do you remember we found that the next day and we were like after that night and we found a whisk and we were like what have we done yeah milk frother and put that in and basically it mixes it up and make sure the water's really cold and it doesn't taste like grass we've got a code and you get loads of free shit i can't remember mate wait don't wait this is how bad we are but honestly good stuff like i am impressed and i will continue to take it and everyone that i've spoken to that's taken it has been like yeah how did you not know about that and if you're if you're even skeptical still after that research it now google it and you'll see there are 75 minerals it's a lot of

minerals and minerals of vitamins and minerals right i'm gonna put it on my highlights i'm gonna do an ag1 highlight but um basically go to athleticgreens.com forward slash nip tuck and you get like a bundle so you can try it out you get your vitamin d and k yes extra yeah um and some little sachets yeah but honestly it is so good for you sorry i jumped in there it just i had to while i remembered because i meant to talk about this tell me what you found i've found some good shit guys now just pulling up my notes because i have to write this down for you ikea have done a baccarat rouge candle and everyone is saying that it's absolutely incredible and it's like three quid something i need to say about baccarat rouge smells of what i can't say

because i feel like i'll offend loads of people i wear it to say this smells slags well i'm slags i don't know how to say this do you know what i mean though but i mix it with a certain type of woman i mix it with portrait of a lady oh i mean it does the tree like a slag of a slag portrait of a lady yeah there's just something about it that just reminds me of a certain caliber another hack that i've been doing i like your phone case thank you where's that from um it's from skinny dip and oh yes yes yes you can personalize them so anyone on patreon um can see it it's so cute and you can put your own shit on it oh my god i want one skinny it does take a while to come does it um right okay now shaving with coconut oil

cannot explain the shave that you get with coconut oil do you mean like the the tub of the hard stuff that gets in your nails get the coconut oil yeah i swear your skin is like so soft and also so i i'm really into like my natural deodorants and blah blah yes it's all a balance i know i don't use everything natural but where are the gregs yeah but where i can you know um my friend was like don't even bother with natural deodorants just use coconut oil what it was the wet stuff The wet tiny bit, yeah. Really? Yeah, and I've used it as shaving and as fake tan remover.

Really? So I've got like this big black fluffy robe and what I do is I cover myself in coconut oil, put my robe on, walk around the house for 20 minutes, rinse it off, tan all comes off. So coconut oil, I have used it before, years ago on the early onset of thrush. Really?

and this is years back I remember when I started getting the itchy tingling I put coconut oil up my vagina and around the labia kind of in a touch

around and in and maybe a little bit and it actually got rid of the itching sensation so you can probably use it as lube as well so do you remember she told me that

her and her boyfriend once had a massage she was into all that fucking shit she was like coconut oil when it first ever came out they used to massage

each other and she used to finger her with the coconut oil oh I quite like that next thing the doll beauty new foundation brush they sent it yes i've not used it yet oh my it's the mini version of the one they've already got isn't it oh my no and a concealer brush it's a foundation and a concealer brush best foundation and concealer brush doll beauty fucking well done so what what

kind of brush is it i've got it i've not opened it i've not a time since i got that and then the concealer one is like a mini version of the foundation brush and it gets right in your eye because it's like angled it's so so good next one h&m activewear oh yes yes oh my god h&m smashing it for men and women it's gym stuff but it's like she doesn't fucking go to the gym either so just wear it it's like smart so they have like these little shorts with undershorts like the lulu ones um and then they had like these gorgeous like windbreaker jackets that you zip up they've got these long sleeve tops and they're such good quality um the next thing and final one guys the new marks and spencer cleaning and laundry products are joe malone scented are they they're

not that expensive either are they no they're like for the fabric softener and the wash it's like two pounds fifty for each of them so that's not bad and the kitchen wipes are like a pound and they're Sicilian lemon flavour. And then they do like sage and something else, bergamot. Oh my God, guys, like run, don't walk. To M&S, oh, the almond and orange floor cleaner. Oh, I like almond. But you can get it on a cardo.

The only issue that I have is there's so many shops to do a big shopping then. You do a cardo though, don't you? I do a cardo, it's got everything. Because like I have to go to Aldi, then I go to M&S, then I need a few bits from us, like it's a bit much. The good thing about Ocado, it actually does work out the same as Aldi. Does it, though?

No, you can sit there and you can really browse and know what you're getting for a while. Right, okay. You can remove things. Rather than doing a panic shop that isn't going to be... Like the other day, they had an offer on. They do all the M&S clothes on there. I got three school dresses for Saskia for 20 quid. Right, okay.

Like stuff like that. I've never really used it. I assumed it was just for rich people. it's saves i mean it is mainly for rich people but it just saves so much listen i've been working hard like i'm gonna get there yeah you can start a car doing soon okay oh also while we're on this one i'm gonna speak about in a minute but um you know i do we shop yeah they now have justy and asda on there so if you don't know what we shop is go on the highlights can't be asked going through it all um but you can get your if you go shop at asda and justy you do your full shop and then you

get 20 back that's amazing and people like it's a scam well why are you asked to doing it with them then just go on my i use it all the time go on my highlights if you want to see that i don't know it's a pyramid scheme yeah like it's a ponzi scheme i think everybody's scared of anything that sounds too good to be true but no one says that top cash back top cash back that's the same really time rewards is similar yeah it's like no one says that's a ponzi i mean whatever i don't know i don't do it you don't do it but i do and i've got loads of money in there as well so in fact i can't do in fact i can i my shares have just matured right listen to this so i put genuine this i put when i first started i

bought something that was a thousand pounds right listen and they gave me a hundred percent back so i got a thousand pound shares because the share price has gone up it's now been 12 months it's gone up to a grand and a half i can take it out now i'm taking it out i think i've got like nine grand on my well then why the fuck take it out i mean i need to read out take it out i swear i've got about nine grand on mine i've just gone to a year now we did that dinner with them that about it's over a year now mine's just gone to a year i put a grand in while i bought something a holiday that was gonna know everything it's good why are you not using it mate i don't know spend ed's money on we shop and take your own money out i'm gonna take a grand and a half out next month and

guess what i did for that fucking jack shit and it's gone up to a grand and a half what investment goes up by 50 in a year none i don't know i just said that as if i know because i've got no idea maybe loads sound money advice I don't know yes come back to Martin Lewis he's a Martin Lewis

Lauren Lewis tomorrow night what day is it is the programme that Davina McCall has done I think it's on channel 4

don't quote me about the pill very important very important we all watch it everybody watch that because we've spoken about it before

to be honest as usual it was Ashley that banged on to me about it and I was like shut up as I took my pill

every day and then I actually looked at it myself eventually like a year behind everyone else and i thought shit it's so bad do you know it's my sex drive that's what it affected so much and that's why i stopped taking it because i thought why am i not horny and then if i'd ever forget it for a length of time i'd get it back a bit and then i started to realize what it was and it was my it didn't really affect everything sex drive i can't i i'm scared to ever go back it's the long-term effects like it's just girls

please please watch this watch the program like i'm excited to i've not watched it yet and then Let's discuss. Natural cycles always, girls. Yes, absolutely. Okay, so on that note, we will be back after the break with what's on our tits. And your favourite,

your slutty Susan there. Susan. Slutty Susan confessionals. But first. Why do I have to... Are you a loyal listener of Nip Tuck? Do you set an alarm on a Wednesday and a Friday ready for the new releases?

Are you there at midnight chomping at the bit do you just add on the funniest fucking stuff do you tell your nearest and dearest all about us you tell all your mates about us if not why not anyway spread the love spread the podcast we want you to share this episode on whatsapp like you probably think why would i do that if you do that why do they do why do we want because our algorithm improves I wonder I've always wondered

why do we want them to do that I just made that up but that's right isn't it why do we want them to share the podcast yeah so our numbers grow oh okay so our numbers grow

or whatever but if the mates are already listening we still want them to do it well then their mates are their mates their mates are their mates yeah yeah yeah it's like a human centipede

fuck's sake of listeners so can you share it remember that Phil how has this happened to me again so weird anyhow please share

otherwise we're gonna go away welcome back we're back right lauren what has been getting on your tits right philip scofield again two things are getting on my tits number one i'm bored of it yeah i don't want to hear about it much boring but number two i have a point here like it's been two weeks now I might get slated for this, but I am not anti-Phil. Wait. Anti-Phil. You're Uncle Phil.

I'm Uncle Phil. No. Okay, so what I will say is this. I don't agree absolutely with everything, but I also don't think I know everything going on. And one thing I will say to you is Cheryl Cole and Liam Payne. Cheryl Cole was a judge. I always forget about that.

Yeah, everyone fucking forgets. But if it was a gay man, they wouldn't forget. Standing up for your gay. lgbtq plus something else um so cheryl cole was a judge she was in a position of power liam came on to the show at 15 yeah who knows what happened in that time but eventually they got together was there any talk of at what age he was when they had sex no there wasn't yes everyone was a bit like oh and you know what she got slated because she was with a younger man everyone went caroline caroline yeah so they got that but did anyone ever say that she abused a position of

power that she groomed him did anyone ever say that no no so she didn't even have to address it she didn't really address it other than like oh this is a scandal there was no sit down and talk about it with the nation there was no did simon know you were bonking when did you start bonking him there was none of that i'll just that's all i have to say when did they actually get together we don't know we don't know because no one asked because nobody cared so cheryl cole's got a baby with someone like literally like 10, 20 yeah

which is fine but she was a judge on the show and he was about I don't know he might have been over the age of 16 I can't remember

but he was on there she was in a position of power she was a judge and later on they had a child together I think the Phillips goof she's 29 she's 39

oh 10 years what year though was he under 16 I think he was under 16 when he auditioned so the thing with Phil Uncle Phil

Uncle Phil right oh my god so Liam Payne was 14 now no one's questioned has anyone done an interview

and she was 24 I wouldn't find a 14 year old well they might not have started it then which Philip may not have so I just think they may not have started it have you ever had a younger

a little bit younger not young young but I would like to take someone's virginity take that out take that out leave it on Patreon

take it out I've got a story about that for you I would I wouldn't mind I mean I've got a boyfriend and stuff but

I've said too much again I had a boyfriend that was like nine years younger than me at one point and how did that go? yeah fine he lied to me

about his age from the beginning that happened to me once but like do you think he was like puppy dog cute? no keen?

no no but I act very young I don't think it's that big a deal really I've not really been with anyone a lot older either I've kind of stuck around my area

well milf porn It's the most searched porn in the world So all you MILFs out there Don't fucking forget that You're wanted So when you're thinking I'm past it James always says an older man is much more attractive When I show him girls he'll be like

They're a bit fresh, a bit young He likes something about them Why are you laughing? I have got something weird Al Pacino Is having a baby Who's that? Where's that? Is he a film director?

Yeah, with a 29-year-old. I think he's 89 or something. Oh, wowza. No, he's had the baby. IVF or is ball still working? Well, sperm doesn't stop working. It slows down, obviously, but doesn't stop. The thought of having sex with an 89-year-old.

Defer will have had to have some Viagra. Oh, absolutely. I would have thought so. Yeah. How does sex work when you're old? I would like to watch Granny Porn to see. okay um i'm interested in what how what happens like is the penis still like supposedly your vaginal moisture that goes down like your vag just um dries up and that's why you have to put

creams on it to keep it moist because otherwise it gets sore i can believe that yeah i might watch some porn and report back hey the bum holes get dry too your dick will stop working mate and if there's two of you that's dicks aren't working you've really fucking had it you've just been slapping each other with your soft cocks slapping each other's bum cheeks

with a soft cocks me and Lara will be grating our vaginas off on each other anyway what's getting on my tits is got a white boy in my rasta he'll be feeding me pasta and lobster what's that?

oh my god if I hear are you in agreement? he's never heard is this a bit like grey tracky again? where i was like what's that and i heard it once and i couldn't stop now now you have heard that right that's the song i like it no it's everywhere i like it it's so i see nothing wrong with the pastor and lobster song no now it's you're gonna hear it i don't go on tiktok

that's why i fucking love tiktok that is why i learned about the uncle scofield thing in covid via tiktok you're well ahead of yourself weren't you right slutty suzanne hi girls this pod gets me through life by the way share it on whatsapp then so i just wanted to message in after listening to an episode the other day about anal not like us i know i am an anal lover i must say when i got with my boyfriend i said no i'm never doing that no one's touching my shit pipe but you know he persuaded me to try it and my god i am so glad that he did four years later i've got a lovely collection of anal and butt plugs i won't lie it's been the odd occasion where there's been a bit of poo on his willy but he understands when you're sticking something where it shouldn't be

you might get some shit on it i think that's a fair enough stance anyway my name is saving his phone as queen laquefa that's hilarious and the other day we was doing some anal and the loudest noise came out and i went i just weefed probably to try and hide bum queefed probably to try and hide how mortified i was but the fact that my boyfriend found it funny took away that feeling and now my name will probably be changed to queen labwefa it is what it is and in a four-year-old oh sorry is this what four years in a relationship does to you or are we just in a good place love that for you girl i think we're in a good place i think that's a really good relationship to have to be fair

I'm a have you done is bum queefing quite normal no that's called farting isn't it oh I do that so much I don't know

it's been a while since I've had you know straight sex but when you fuck someone up the arse yeah it's quite tight

isn't it no no well depends who it is but you're basically pumping air into someone yeah

it's like when you have sex you pump straight sex and if you use a lot of lube that can also cause so is there a

occasions where say like you've done a lot of thrusting and the air does go in like in a vagina and then when you pull it out it's like a we yeah we've got a new um what a new toy you've only just got back um love honey get on love honey girls it's the best that's our code i don't know no i'm sure it is yeah we've been sent something the newest toy the newest toy i like that i just think it spices things up and i also think if you're a bit shy in your relationship and you just normal sex you're not if you bring a toy in how it takes it to another level like have a glass of wine with your partner and go and love honey have a glass of wine and go and love honey wind down do an order yeah do it when you're together and i just think it gives you that like extra

spice if you want it body stockings always a always a winner anyway as well remember to cheap as well cheap as chips remember on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp that means voice notes too which we can play out in future episodes don't worry though if you want to be a non we will never reveal who you are so head over to this week's episode's description for more information please please please do not forget to leave us a glowing five star rating we ask a lot of them review we love reading them and we will be back on friday with a bonus episode of nip tuck and it's all about you your dilemmas your questions your queefing ask us anything so if you send

something in now you might get to hear it on friday's episode my eyes are sore hay fever Rethink Yeah it's really bad Never have it But my eyes are just burning I feel like I thought It was my contacts Hey are you ever going to

Use those shit contacts again I use them all the time I use them every day I love them You love them now You hated them It took three weeks Right you need to say that

Because everyone thinks They're shit now No they're amazing Thanks guys Love you all Bye bye