Nip Tuck - Say Hi To Slutty Susan!

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

The girls are back to spill all the goss on Ashley's scheduled surgery and Lauren's attempts to spice things up with her fella. She's even done some light bed time reading, but might want to check the book a little better before buying next time... The girls have a brand new feature for you too! Please welcome, Slutty Susan!To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod. Or you can email [e-mail] can send us your Icks & Dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone]Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck and not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being sexy sexy french oh no that wasn't french at all i've ruined the whole fucking thing positive lovely women aspirational oh that was a good one yeah anyway this is the podcast where we are ourselves and we encourage you to do the same and we don't give a fuck why do you say a and i say a well i went to a lesson right then because you say we don't give a fuck and i don't say i say we don't give a fuck i think a is right lucas a we'll get back to it's a we don't give a fuck i'm gonna ask my mom because my mom is absolutely well clever anyway we don't give one whatever it whatever okay so on niptuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello

at niptuckpod.com you can also send your ics and dilemmas via whatsapp now that means voice notes too which we can play out in future episodes don't worry though if you prefer to remain anonymous we will never reveal who you are only we will ever know that information and seeing as we share really embarrassing things about ourselves i feel like it's only fair that we know things about other people okay so we are back in the studio in surgery lauren how are you it's been half term hasn't it and james has got kids i've got a kid there's been a lot of kids involved i don't know how i ended up in this position really i don't know did you get to escape to work no i just did kids so do you know like with half term and all this other shite that you have to do when they're

off school do you have to book your annual leave for that honestly so before thea started school i never really understood this because she was always not term time so it was just all the time remember when people were having their ops and we were like yeah and they'd sell out half term we spent whatever yeah so i was saying to thea's dad how is this fair right he didn't even know it was half term why would he why would he he's a man i had to know it was half term and i also had to use my holidays to book some time off knowing that i'd have to look after he didn't even know it was half term it makes no odds saying what day of the fucking week it is and you have to take time off to look after them there are school clubs and stuff but they're only like nine till

three it's so hard which actually leads me on to a rant about how hard it is just having children anyway and the fucking pressure halloween right another outfit another outfit another yes and you know how expensive it is especially between me and james there's a lot of children it's fucking expensive so you've got pumpkin picking which by the way is shit it's shit can we stop making this a thing because i mean i'm doing it i'm i'm late i'm following just say do you know i do not get those 19 year old influencers that go to the pumpkin patch like you only go if you have my friends asked me the other day do you want to go to spooky world at night no i said to them if i was 24 with a nine to five job living at home with my parents with

nothing to do in an evening, desperate to find something to do. I might go to Spooky World. No, I don't want to go to fucking Spooky World. I want to get in my pyjamas. And I want to go to bed or, I don't know, I don't want to go to Spooky World. So there's the pumpkin picking, number one. Then there is the parties. It's shite. Your car

needs valeting afterwards. Yeah, and then what do you do? I didn't know you meant to carve them. I take them home. I put them in the bin when I get home. I didn't realise you take them home. I didn't realise that you went pumpkin picking to get the pumpkin to carve. I thought you just picked them. So I've put them in the bin. The carving. I've never carved one. Every year I've taken there and put them in the bin.

We did it the other, like the mess. I didn't even know. So there's that. Then you've got like the Christmas, the Christmas fucking hell, the Halloween pyjamas or the Halloween whatever, if you're going to go that far. Then you've got a disco.

There's normally a disco involved. Theo has been to a disco. And then you've also got trick or treating, which by the way is shit. It's cold. It's wet. I don't think anyone does that name because they're scared of getting broken into.

I know it sounds awful but I don't think I'd be taking Thea this year she's done three Halloween events it's not safe I don't think I can't put that witch outfit on her

with that scratchy material one more time so I'm thinking of not doing it is that awful no no no

I feel like it's too much pressure just do like an activity at home like it's nearly Christmas you've got to already start now doing the Christmas activities you have to book it in advance I just booked to go to somewhere called Bolton Abbey

which is amazing it's like a Dunamassie type place it was something like £200 for the family it's about four hours oh my god there was the lights at Dunamassie

everything that you do you have to plan so far in advance and it's so expensive and then the presents you're like the fuckers want presents did we even have fun at that thing so this is what me and my friends were talking about how many things have you taken your child to because you think you should yeah because you think instagram says you should and listen i'm one of these people instagram says you should so you take them you are that person i am that person especially the young when they're younger you get there it's awful they're crying they're tired they need a nap before they need a nap after you've got to get it all in they drop everything they spill everything they get dirty it's awful and the whole time you are so desperate to try and

have a great time and really enjoy yourself that you put so much pressure on yourself and it's shit yeah so maybe we could stop doing all this the good thing about my house is that playroom is you can just put them in the playroom and they just love pottering around in there thea is happiest pottering yeah literally in their pajamas yeah pottering she doesn't want to get dressed in the morning and be taking an hour's drive to walk around the field she didn't want to pick a pumpkin after about two minutes she was like well this is shit

I was like I know should we go now it's just a pointless task and she was scared of half the stuff anyway they like doing stuff with like animals yeah like visiting farms

and stuff but like now and again I just feel like the pressure is massive on mainly women to do all this stuff should we stop doing all this stuff

yeah let's just stay at home in our pajamas do you know what I've heard is really shit as well that's really expensive that Lapland UK oh is it really

tickets sell out like straight away and it's so expensive and a few of my friends went last year and they said it was not good. Really? Yeah, they said compared to other years. I mean, if Lapland UK want to give us some free tickets

so we can try it out and maybe change our opinion on this, then we could do. I think I will actually take the kids, not next year, to actual Lapland. Would you ever do that? No, because the three people... Oh God, what story are you going to tell me now?

The three people that I know... A child once got his head chopped off by a reindeer. Go on. What you do is you get to the airport and it's on a private plane. Oh. So you all go on the same plane. Right.

Did you know any of this? No. I didn't either. Katie, this happened to Katie. Okay. And it happened to someone else. You go on the plane, all of the group of kids and parents. Right.

Then you land, then you go on the Huskies and all that and you meet Father Christmas. Sounds good. But because the weather was so horrific, because it's Lapland. Yeah. So there's like snowstorms and stuff. Yeah. She had to stay over for like a night and they couldn't get home on the plane

because of the weather. I'm so confused. Who goes to Lapland for the fucking day? No, you do. You go for the day. No, you don't go for the day. Who in God's... No, these trips are for the day.

Well, that's their own fucking fault. You get to the airport. A day in Lapland? No, I'd go for like three days and stay in the hotel and do all the Laplandy stuff. I don't think there's a lot to do. I think you've got this wrong.

Ask Katie. Ask Katie. Okay, we'll get her back on the show and ask her again. Anyway, me and Lauren have been absolute fat fucks this morning you if you looked at us and also like i am meant to be the beacon of health right she's not the beacon of health i've seen her in greg's but do you know what i feel like people balance yeah i feel like people probably can probably say this about you

in the problem oh she says this then she has that because that's life and you're allowed it's balance you probably catch me like having a fag in the pub yeah well that's fine like now and again but it's the balance isn't it yeah but we've had um i had a what did i have bacon and cheese twist and this is all before 10 a.m we've had i've drank my white claw drink and this is all before 10 a.m so it's pretty disgusting i had a bacon butty and a sausage roll and she went back up to the thing at greg's and was like um excuse me you haven't put any ketchup on and they were like yeah we have and she opened it even further he was like oh yes it was so embarrassing it was like she was desperate for it was just me and lauren and like 25 high vids i like her greg's

i like a sausage and bean melt that's my favorite sausage and bean melt no i'm a sausage roll speaking of sausage see honestly i could be an interviewer speaking of sausage um if anyone watched my instagram don't know when it was i so ashley bought us a book each didn't you yeah about blow jobs yeah how to give them i was gonna say how to receive them maybe not how to give them the best blowjobs to give one was called um the better blowjob was it called better blowjob and one was called can't remember something else about yeah so i took mine home because our idea was to read them and then help you lot obviously we're always here for you yeah so i took mine home well mine was a gay one uh i didn't realize so i was lying in bed with my boyfriend he was watching

football on his phone and i was literally genuinely sat next to him with my nose in a book and it was a blowjob book and then I realised on the back cover there's a man holding the other man's dick and he's looking at me like what are you doing

so I was reading it and then I was going like right give me your dick and I was like let me do this and he was just lying there like what the hell

and it said tug the balls so I was like I'm gonna tug your balls now and he's like what and I was literally experimenting on his flaccid his penis was completely soft and I was like right

give it here and I put my finger and thumb around the base of the balls it says the ball sack yeah like the base of that yeah

and it tells you to tug it now I tugged it and he didn't feel it so I tugged it really hard and he hated it pull my balls

and he farted and honestly he couldn't feel it so then there was a few other tips but they were mainly involving me having a penis

and I haven't right that's like whoever told lads in sixth form to spell the alphabet with their tongue

when they're licking it oh my god Or blow, blow on it. No, never. Imagine a blow on your clitoris. No. No, I, sometimes it's awful.

There are so many awful different kinds of that. Imagine. I think the worst one is when they just dive in. Yeah, yeah. Literally just like. Like they literally, yeah, they're literally like. Open up. Goggles on.

And then in they go. And they just so, and I've said this before, but it's the vigorous it's the la la la la la la yeah it's pain it's actually painful

and when your legs twitch they think it's because it's good no it's not it's because they've got a nerve and it hurts no

yeah anyway so um you've not read your blowjob book yet I haven't really got anything to tell you all because I must have been really good at it anyway basically I think it's like

just the wetter the better yeah the wetter the better well yeah and don't pull don't tug the balls because they don't like that um

yeah so that's what i know about blowjobs yeah okay um my operation's in two weeks so that's exciting so you're having arm lipo arm lipo renuvian and which is the skin tightening thing yeah lipo on my back and flanks oh yeah whoa whoa whoa you didn't say this last time and all put in my hip dips you didn't say the back and flanks last time yeah where where on your flanks you've not got flanks mate you're gonna lose your shape be careful yeah but then i'm getting all kinds of other things added fair enough i'm just thinking like where no it is bad look i could do with a little bit of my back off look i've got that thing there oh my god i've got a fat chunk there what's

that about look i think it's when you've had so much life grab that i've got a middle chunk no my chunk's way bigger than yours feel sorry whose dick's bigger feel wait chunk i think your skin's thicker mine's thinner and then those bits yeah okay yeah fair enough um and then they're going to put it in your hip dips yes i would consider this you know if he does a good job on you yeah i would genuinely well i mean let's hope i've had hip dip filler um ages ago you didn't like it i did i've got lumps i like to go and get them dissolved my ass is that lumpy that i couldn't tell whether there's more or not but um i would genuinely have this because i think if you can just put a little bit into your hips it looks lovely yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna wait till after

you've had two kids your hip dips are so who said i was having to fucking two i mean if you have another one i'm always back and forth about this yeah well there's another reason not to yeah i agree right so guys you know how we spoke about that rumor that went around my school and lauren had never heard of it but you know what loads of people even from like up and down the country had heard that rumor before so it went wild on tiktok i'm gonna ask lucas and lauren now if they remember this rumor from school okay i think i know what it's gonna be okay just i'm not good at shushing right okay marilyn manson had two of his ribs removed yes is that not true i don't think so no i think it's true google it

I think it's true is it no I do I think he had it so he could suck his own dick but why when you're that famous you can get anyone

to suck your dick why would your duck suck your own would you lick your own vagina no would you no

yeah you rub it why not are you not that into oral oral oral I don't mind

a bit of oral Lucas is doing some research we're going to find out for you he's going to take his time he's going to take

his time James has just texted me back by the way yes so we had a little chat earlier about threesomes i've never had one i don't remember ever having one i don't think i have but there's a lot of things i didn't know i'd done by choice so i messaged him earlier and i was

like because we were chatting about it would what do you think about threesome would you want to do that and he said he was open to the idea of it but the idea of watching someone touch me and vice versa isn't that good was it you that we were talking about the um he didn't it's not true the marilyn sorry marilyn it's a rumor maybe back ribs yeah sorry marilyn so guys we've all guys stop spreading that it's not fair it's not it's not fairly unkind it's also what a weird guy he is i think he's actually really horrible do you remember when keith lemon used to um do the impression of marilyn manson my manager's got scrot rot no yeah the fuck's that i'll show you um what threesome story are you gonna say right um was it you that i was talking about the sex

parties with well we have spoken about sex but i've just thought that instead of us having a threesome why don't i take him to sex parties i'll come with you we had uh you can't just come with me and james mate that's weird yeah yeah we're gonna do nip tuck sex parties you can watch me and james like little fuck yeah let's do it um um would you would well you're not coming with me and james that's weird fine i'll go on my own i right so i really want to go to a sex party okay i feel like that's a good way of a lot of the parties i go to end up sex parties um not me but like i feel like that's something that happens when you're a teenager you know it ends up that way but you mean an actual party for sex so you don't have to get involved you wear a mask right

you wear lingerie and it's just here she is um and it's just a party but people obviously do have sex where like in front of people that would be quite a fun thing i would enjoy that i would really enjoy that yeah i think that turned me on there is another one so i was like really close to actually going not because i wanted to swing just to go and watch it on your own or with a girlfriend with our one of our friends i won't say her name to embarrass her dirty bitch we were like fully like so at halloween is when the really good ones are and they rent out like it's expensive yeah tickets because they don't want riffraff there do they don't ever you don't want to watch every tom dick and harry shagging the men's tickets are like

double the price the ladies really yeah okay so they rent out like um a full massive like gorgeous house somewhere and they put like bars in djs and then just like rooms and you can just go in the room and shag and if someone walks in that room while you're shagging then that's how it goes but we know someone that did go to one of the um i'm not going to say the company that yeah whose name is because i didn't personally see it myself but she said the people there weren't that great they weren't fit i mean no one wants to watch a mingabang but there is another one called club hermione okay and basically this one you have to send a full application application yeah so you know you're not getting pictures in and everything like that and it's a lot more

expensive than the other one but you're getting premium puffs yeah and i got accepted for it did you yeah so it's kind of like rhea for sex let's send yours okay is there anyone out there that listens or anything we would like to come and review can we get in contact with them and see if they'll let us go well we've been watching those swingers on tiktok as well wow what's the name can we say the name why they're on tiktok mr swing mr swing please watch mr swing because i've never seen him and his wife love it so they get girls round yeah and then they swap swap wow Oh, okay. So James wasn't sure about it,

but maybe the party would... I'm interested in the party. Yeah, like, you wouldn't, like... So... Bang, you'd just watch. And also, you can't go and watch and laugh at people because that's mean. Lauren.

I would go and laugh. I look at his saggy balls. No, you can't. You have to... So I guess you just... I guess you would just kind of party and it would just be going on around you. Would you join in?

You can if you want. imagine though you're just having a drink you see someone having sex you just go up and put your finger up the bum while they're doing it

like oh is that the kind of thing it is we need to go no can we put this on our I think you'd get thrown off in fact I went around fingering everyone's bums

can we put this on our list yeah right any sex parties any sex party people we want to come good ones though

not seedy yeah give us tickets we went it was fucking awful and it was awful how funny would it be though but there's loads of rules there's like loads of rules

that you have to we wouldn't be able to film it but we could tell everyone about it right okay that's anyone that knows anyone that does these parties and don't i don't want a load of men messaging say there's a party at my house it has to be fucking legit killing kittens what's the other one club hermione we want to come there's a couple now yeah we want to come so loads of my friends have piles at the minute oh my god how weird one of my friends um had an

operation and then she always fine and then she was bleeding from the bottom after the operation so she was panicking thinking I'm going to die she went to the doctors and they were like oh it's so sad for her they had to put like loads of fingers in

and she had internal piles so not the ones that hang out of your bottom they burst don't they they're inside and every time she pushes wee's poos they plop

they splat and wee comes out of blood comes out of her bottom oh god anyway again loads of my friends like this week

especially so like a couple of them have had the operations the banding the wand the banding just cauterize it don't they just stop the blood flow and they it's not very successful all of

them have still got them have you got any it's from having kids like pushing and the pressure of a pregnancy sometimes but men get them as well yeah have you got them yes or no don't mess around yes or no i answer the question actually have you got piles i'm not getting into she's got piles i've got a picture of my bum hole here right right bear with and i'm going to show you now I know all about Lauren's pile. She's been moaning about it for years. I haven't got one. I haven't watched the clip.

Yeah, but you thought you had. Yeah, well, look at that. Can you see a single pile in that arsehole? They might be internal. Do you want to see my bumhole? Not really. Actually, you know a bit about bumholes. Just come here.

That's not it. Just rape my arsehole. Nice. I mean, right in terms of chocolate starfishes, yeah. Yeah, I would like it bleached, but I've not found anywhere that legally does it. Yeah. Anyway, loads of my friends have got piles. So if you've got piles, like, don't feel shit.

Don't feel shit. But it is shit. I would literally say nine out of ten of my friends have got them. Loads of them. Little ones, big ones, inside, outside. It kind of is what it is. It's fucking tight, isn't it? It's grapes, isn't it?

Bottom grapes. Yeah, but that's why you should have a C-section. Yeah, but even the pressure of the baby on your vagina and pelvis can give you them. People get them in pregnancy. Yeah, yeah, no. I was debating this, you know. I was debating this. If I had another baby,

would I go straight section again or try again? It's not even a question. I know. Because I want to do it. I know. Do you know what they call that? A V-back. A V-back.

Vaginal birth after C-section, yeah. Do I have a V-back? And I'm not even pregnant yet. No. Or going to be any time soon. No. I'd ruin the whole fucking show. Maybe I should get pregnant before the brunch

like you fucking did. Now let's see. Now all the tickets are sold and ashley's the only person drinking i'm not pregnant by the way no but you were pregnant that's why we had to cancel the last one anyhow right what's getting on your tits right this needs to be a tiktok clip because i literally feel like so many women are going to be with me on this fringe baby hairs for me look at this so look at that what is this baby hairs right can we can we send this out to tiktok seriously and ask the women who's in my the

same boat as me did you get a fringe cut no so what is that is it baby hairs do you know look at it and i don't want it i want it down to there so i honestly must spend every day checking the length of it do you know when you're little um and your mum does a chart on the wall i'm doing this with my fringe every day i'm like tugging it this is what i've got left does it grow it's not growing how do i start i'm trying how do i style it you've got a little tiny baby one yeah that's from having the baby there must be i need the support from other women out there that are also growing a fringe out because it honestly i'm not even lying i don't even take as many selfies because it's that traumatic it doesn't look bad it doesn't look good it's not what it's

not what what is it what what is that look it's like a mullet so anyway i feel like i'm not the only woman out there struggling with the hair okay my instagram's still gone mine's much more sad than that my hair my fringe story is much sadder than your instagram story i feel uh yeah ash your instagram's still gone isn't it babe it's making you sad isn't it how's tiktok though because you're doing a lot on there i don't try but you know i do prefer it to instagram but obviously a lot of the deals and stuff that i had were on instagram so now i don't know what's gonna go on with that yeah okay so basically what's happened is ashley's instagram has been deactivated once again um disabled disabled can i tell you how many people have messaged me like has ashley blocked me

has she fucked she's not she's not blocked you like so many people have been like has Ashley blocked me and I'm like no why would she block you

she's not blocked anyone she's not there so you just have to it's really fucking sad what's the thing that the influencers do so it's just me now so it's just me now

why did they do that it's just me now yeah so hopefully we'll get it back for you though if not I mean sorry about that wow so we will be back shortly

I'm going to go and look at my fringe in the mirror and see if it's grown in the last hour and check Ashley's arse for piles so we'll be back in a minute because she won't fess up welcome back so this part of the podcast is usually where we answer your questions however we're going to try something new this week and see if you like it so please give us your feedback Tell us what you think.

So we're going to do something and we're going to... Does anyone remember? Probably not because it depends on how old you are. Something called... You've just knocked my tinny. Sorry.

Something called Dear Deirdre, was it called? Dear Deirdre. And it was like an agony ant column. So we're going to do... Oh, it was fantastic. Is it still going? So we're going to do...

You say it because I've got a list. Slutty Susan Confessionals. So what this is, you've done something bad. Really bad. We're not slut-shaming. Oh, no, no. You've done something really bad.

It doesn't even have to be slutty. Just something really fucking bad. Like you've shagged your sister's husband, I don't know. Something really bad and it's haunting you. You can't tell your friends, you don't know what to do. Tell us. In the confessional. Confessionals.

And we will make you feel better about it in some way. I don't know how it will be, but we will make you feel better. We will discuss it a little bit, but we will make you feel better. It will be 100% anonymous. And also, every week, if you hear other people's stories, then you're all sluts in the same boat. So none of you will feel bad about it. Yeah.

oh okay so slutty susan we're here and waiting so let us know we've got our first one well we've got two so she hasn't written this but i'm gonna dear susan dear susan dear slutty susan so a few years back when i was younger everyone fancied this guy i'd kissed him a few times and me and my friends saw him when we were out at the club so everyone's making after party arrangements and it's pretty obvious we're going home together you just know don't you you look at them you think yeah we know it's i mean i can imagine that's what happens i haven't ever done that i'm in the toilet putting perfume on dabbing my vagina with wet toilet roll with wet toilet roll ah yeah i've done that i once cleaned my vagina in the nurse's sink at work on my way out um gotta do what you've

got to do and then i bent over to check and ask my colleagues to check that i didn't have any tissue up there yeah that's because that's the other thing you've got to be careful when you're using tissue it doesn't get a bit stuck anyway sorry in fact she just says this now so she was cleaning her vagina in the toilet with with with wet paper and as you can imagine it's all breaking up into little white balls getting stuck in the cracks and flaps exactly hon um that's where you need a thick you need more of a a kitchen roll anyway skipping to the business we're both drunk we're in bed and he starts to go down okay it's not great oh i'm like tipsy so still fake moaning yeah i've done that so many times and he's like oh you're so wet so wet so wet and we all know

when you're drunk you're absolutely so not not so wet oh my god can we discuss this yeah why when you're drunk do you not get wet because your mind is in other places no i think something else i think genuinely you're dehydrated you don't have the bodily fluid because when you drink you you get dry mouth you have nothing no yeah it's a thing that i find it difficult when i'm drunk actually um anyway but she is she is really really wet so i'm like what's going on maybe it's because i've got a loss of sensation you know like that drunk way so i'm lying with my own thoughts thinking no this is terrible i'm not enjoying this and he's saying i can tell you like it you like that you like that oh imagine how when it's awful i once um should i say this

um it was so bad that i folded my arms like this like you were in a mood like i was in a mood um with an ex like that meme steal something on the way out yeah well if you don't give you an orgasm i literally folded my arms until he got off uh anyway i'm getting the full lick and i'm confused by the wetness like how am i wet when i'm not enjoying it i can tell it's not pee but my thighs are soaking and sticky it's dark and the wetness makes him so excited so he fully comes while going down on me oh my god honestly i'm like that's a first but thank fuck because now we don't need to have sex this sounds awful he comes up from under the sheet like the fucking joker and i'm like no is that period blood so he's wiping the blood with his arm that he thinks he's pussy juice

and he's spreading it all over his face so he's like are you so wet and he can imagine him smearing it oh my god so she decided he could taste that so she decided not to tell him yeah it tastes like a penny like you're sucking a penny and once oh no i'm not too far even for me to tell this story um no i'm not going on reading a story out tells 10 million stories i know i'm sorry anyway anyway anyway so she never comes on a period like that so she's absolutely shot so he falls asleep and i'm lying bbm in my mates while he's asleep like oh my god he's got period beard and tash so my friend says find a towel while he's sleeping and wet it and wipe it off so he doesn't know when he wakes up so i go searching for the bathroom and find a towel or a face cloth of some sort i shine

my phone on his face when i get back and his nose is bleeding from the blood on his face in fact he did not come from his vagina he got a nosebleed oh my god as he's licking her he gets a nosebleed and he thinks she's really wet and she's not that's that's good good in the end yeah yeah but now right so seriously now she needs to get checked because that means his blood has been in her vagina uh i think it was a long time ago she's still alive so i think yeah um sensible susan okay embarrassing sex story please keep me anonymous always always can you start it with please you know dear slutty susan yes so my mate was having a house party thought we'd be sensible and line our stomachs with a subway yeah around four hours into the party and around eight double

gins later and god knows what else i start getting down and dirty with some lad i've known for years it turns out his chopper is fucking massive what a great what a great um bonus there's me giving it the big and thinking i can suck anything off suck anything off i thought you could after agents then he grabs hold of my head and literally shoves his dick so hard and far down into my throat i've never heaved so much in my life trying my absolute best not to act like i'm struggling however the inevitable happens up comes my tuna subway and i am now physically throwing up continuously over his dick no as he continues to shag my mouth so he hasn't noticed i then have to try and eat my own sick to hide the fact that i just frogged on i did a pretty clean job if i do say so myself

as he had absolutely no idea that it even happened well done girl well done all i can say is good on you you did a really good job there i think that's that's what i would have done i would have eaten my own vomit before he knew that he probably like was wanting you to do that why do they choke you i don't have that why i wouldn't let someone do that to me but why a lot of them do it because it's like a man thing is it is it because it feels nice or is it because haha bitch choke on this yeah so they feel like the willy's massive yeah i mean i could choke on a cocktail sausage yeah well well done girl for eating your own sick you've got to do what you've got to do i know a friend who once ate her own poo when she had to why so one of my friends um told me a story

that would be great for dear susan it is worse than eating your own sick so she went home with the guy that she was seeing on and off and they got really drunk so they decided to have a bit of back passage fun which is pretty much all we discuss at the minute in this podcast um so they did it a little bit not loads and he took out his penis from a bottom and she could smell something immediately immediately something's off so she thinks what how am i gonna what do i do here so the penis is there with like a little bit of poo not like a chunk

like a smear so she's like I can't ever have him know that this has happened so she put it in her mouth and she cleaned off the poo with a blowjob so that he never knew

the poo was there she then got a glass of water from the side I think this is very clever got a glass of water from the side pretended this was a sex move

threw the water on the penis and vigorously wanked it as if it was like a luby thing but really it was to clean the poo away yeah so that's all I have to say about that one

I don't know who that was but one of my mates if there's a will there's a way if there's a willy there's a way yeah remember on Nip Tuck

we want you to get your slutty Susan stories heard please do we want your stories we want your icks we want your dilemmas basically we want it all baby

so you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com I feel like on a Sunday we're going to get loads of slutty Susans where people are like hungover in bed

and they're like I shouldn't have done that last night send it to us tell us I promise we will make you feel better one of us will be

slutty Susan and one will be sensible Susan yeah and we will make you feel better you can also contact us

via WhatsApp too that means we can hear your voice notes which we could possibly feature in future episodes

don't worry if you prefer to remain anonymous we will never reveal who you are lovely thank you for listening guys

thank you for listening goodbye enjoy the rest of your week Thanks for watching!