Nip Tuck - Seven times in one night!

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

This week we chat about Ashley's birthday, a Mum group chat, teeth and would you want to have sex seven times in one night?We also give you some advice on acne.BONUS EPISODEOur bonus episode has moved to Patreon because it's got that juicy. Click on the link to sign up...https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Music courtesy of BMG production music Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck you're back we're back virtual besties that's your fave isn't it yeah our fave do you know what i realized as well that we don't do anymore dilemma of the week dilemma of the week i just used to do that when i could be asked yeah um but i can do it again we've matured yeah maybe that's what it is so it's my birthday this week speaking of mature um and i'm gonna be 34 34 with three kids i feel like um i would rather be being 35 what yeah because i don't know why 35 just sounds better it sounds more like right that's it i'm 35 now right that's it let go of the past let go of yeah like you're 35 whereas 34 you feel like you're still hanging on to your youth at 34 35 that i'm middle-aged

are we middle-aged i think you're middle-aged after 35 aren't you no uh 40 40 oh yeah because you probably know you live till you're 70 ish 70 that's not long no my mom's 70 oh sorry nearly do you know um i feel like i realized that i'd grown up a lot when i got when a child called me that lady uh or that woman well i went to a baby shower and it was a few years ago quite recently and um a few years ago quite recently well a few years before i had kids so like probably like six years ago and i was playing with all the kids and they were they they said to me when's your mommy picking you up and they thought yeah i'd enjoy that and i was like i bet you went i don't I was like, I'm not one of you.

I'm not a baby. I do feel like when kids call you woman or when somebody goes, just ask that woman. And I'm like, look, I'm behind me like, oh, me. Oh, me. Oh, the woman. What are you doing for your birthday? You messaged me with something and I can't come because.

No, it's fine. Because I don't want to. No, it's my mum's having her op. And I've got like four. My mum's having an operation, which I'll probably tell you about, actually. She won't mind, I don't think. Well, just check.

oh I've got something funny to tell you about my mum oh okay she said I can tell you anyway so for my birthday I'm going to London on Friday I'm getting the train down at like 9am and I'm going to Scott's for caviar for lunch lovely not the caviar but Scott's looks stunning it is just it's the place you go when I go I sit outside as well so you can people watch who are you going with um my friend Lucy who lives down there she doesn't listen to the pod or anything so whenever I'm out with her and people come over she's like she doesn't get it yeah lucy hughes blonde um and then i'm going to amazonico for dinner nice and then i'm coming home in the morning yeah the the frog's legs place i feel like i've been there but i was really drunk i think you were it's next

next door to sexy fish i think i've been there so you're going there with lucy again or someone else with lucy and then i'm coming home the next so you're having a full lucy day a full one without the kids and then you're staying overnight yeah friday like when you've got like babies and stuff it's just so much better to stay in a hotel you're with without the kids without right yeah okay okay and then you're staying overnight and then what are you doing for the rest of the weekend what's that thing you sent me that you were gonna do i'm going to the bingo what's this it's in nutsford it's not like the kind of bingo i'm used to in rochdale it's not gala bingo darling i think it's it's a bit like that bongo's bingo but it's got like a sex toy theme so but to table because it's

down the road so i thought it sounded quite fun and what's when's that on the 8th yeah um but i'm not i don't do anything for my birthday anymore it's not really a thing is it i feel like i remember when i was younger my mom and people being like oh you don't bother about birthdays when you get older and i remember thinking even in my 20s being like as if as if like it's that day you celebrate but really you don't you don't because you don't have time do you it's like sort shit out and everything's just so stressful no and i wouldn't put that on my friends two of my friends the bastard bitches have had babies and my birthday week and i just said so now on my birthday weekend it's somebody's some kids party guys no no no it was elective section they chose

what the mum group chat oh right so sorry for you about that so no this is bad this is hurts right um remind me your mum's story because i want to hear that it must be funny it is funny right so saskia's dad sent me two like images on text of birthday party invites so i was like i've not seen these in her little bag it's weird it's weird where'd you get these so i texted him back and I said laughing face are you in a mum's group chat and he texted me that yes oh is this a secret group chat have you ever heard of this group chat have you ever been invited never been invited but they've invited him yeah but they've invited a dad do you think he's the only dad in there if you are a dad in a group mum's group chat you need to leave yeah it's not a place for

dads is that a bit sexist but she's only at her dad's twice a month so how did he end up in there do you think they purposely let him in and not you to piss you off i mean i don't know these people do you are you friends with any of the mums yeah i'm friends with one other mum in in her year yeah in the same class right okay and she is she in it is not in it either oh my god it'll be just full of woke people i would say we've got um i wouldn't want to be mean that isn't it well maybe like if you're gonna have a group chat you invite everyone yeah so we've got a group chat for it'd be very different to yours i can imagine if we were to take a little clip out of your yeah from yours i don't want to be in the group chat by the way mine's all right because mine's like a

yeah a normal school so the mums are normal and we put things in there yeah yeah that's why you're not in that other one um and we put things in there like oh shit is it pe today and then someone goes don't know forgotten oh well send them in in whatever be right that's what ours is like yeah and it's actually really helpful yeah um and you can say things like can anyone grab my kid yeah and it's actually quite helpful exactly but i don't think your mom's group chat will be like i think your mom group chat will be this has anybody tried sound healing for children has anybody tried yoga with the kids well whatever ostratana said that she really likes the new organic i think that's what yours is gonna be like ah well horonova thinks i think that's what

yours is has anybody got horonova's coat her cashmere jumper that's what yours is gonna be i wouldn't want to be in it anyway no i don't do you think they listen to the pod we'll find out we'll find out see if you get an invite yeah well anyway sasuke's dad can just tell you all about it he is the new mum he is do the mum stuff as well then there you go tell me your mum's story so my mum's really funny i really want to get our mums on yeah i think it'd be good and she rang me on wednesday and she couldn't speak because she was like laughing that much i thought she was crying i was like you okay she was like she couldn't speak she's like i've been dying to tell you and i was like mum what and she went i've farted in pilates and i was like what

she couldn't speak and she said that she did it at the gym once as well in a kettlebell swing she said it was like that again so you won't know

this Christina but one of my mum was getting trained by this PT this guy and as it happens we actually do know him quite well

and he was doing one on one and they were doing kettlebell swings in between the legs and she went and he just came out and he literally

was like looked at her and she was like there was no way around it and then he just every time he saw her he would mention it so she said she farted in pilates and i was like did anyone hear she was like i don't know and then she said um what happened is she actually fell

off the bed so it's reform of pilates she had her arms in the stirrup thing yeah and fell off the bed with her arms still in and then when she was getting up farted um and she said that because she's a bit old she's older she doesn't look it everyone was more concerned about her falling off but she was like laughing but nobody laughed oh no i hate it it's funny come on she fell off with her arms still in a state it's funny and she said she was like she was laughing and everyone was like oh my god are you okay she was like yeah it's funny anyway then the next day i went to pilates and one of my friends was there and she was like your mum fell off the bed the other day and i was like did you laugh and she was like i was trying to laugh but i looked around and no

one was laughing she said so i thought well i can't laugh she said lauren she had her arms still it was the most funniest thing i've ever seen um but she said i said did you hear a fart and she was like she farted i was like yeah shut up so she was crying so it just reminded me of like the fart that haunts you if anyone's got any any stories i um had to really last night i was doing business and i had to really hold a fart in and i've got a tip what put your fingers over your bottom hole what they don't know so you like that that was my leg that was not a trump that was my leg um i you as you're doing it you just pop a hand behind and pop your fingers over the bottom hole okay it stops the trump okay thank you well i told you that when you go to the toilet

at a guy's house you know like in the night or if the toilet's like in the bedroom always put a piece of tissue over your bum hole when you're releasing a wee to stop those because we've all let an embarrassing absolutely they just yeah absolutely i used to get really embarrassed even of the sound of my wee yeah i find that a bit embarrassing i'm over that now but i did at one point yeah um anyway other things that we need to talk about right what's been going on this week teeth you're getting your teeth oh my god guys i'm getting my teeth don't teeth stuns my tooth i'm getting more teeth stuns so i've got composite bonding now which like everyone in the world's now got um and it's great stuff great but realistically yours are fantastic but you're a

bit more lucky after than me um you're more maintenance you're more maintenance i'm not so it's great but it chips it stains yeah um and mine probably every five years six years you need a refresh yeah and it's getting more expensive so it's like however much each time yeah they're like 350 pounds a tooth some places yeah so i've had mine done twice now which means i've spent probably what 10 grand on them something like that yeah and i'm gonna have to do that forever because one of them's got a big chip in now anyway so i've been looking around like where should i go we've spoke about this yeah yeah and i decided because everyone says veneers and you think shark teeth you think shark teeth and turkey teeth so i'm looking around anyway ringway dental

i'm going to so i went to see them um dr stephen dodd is amazing really really nice and basically i'm having porcelain veneers okay minimal prep yeah so they do actually prep your teeth when you have composite um yeah i think they don't and they do they do dehydrate dehydrate them yeah it's like getting acrylic nails yeah so it's the same thing yeah so i went to the hygienist appointment it's so funny i mean hygiene poor people going in your in my filthy mouth james was like a hygienist for my own hygienic girl yeah so went in and she was like by the way to the hygienist you should three months yeah you should absolutely have you ever been before to the hygienist i there was this one time um so she said before she started she was like do you smoke and i was like it depends

how fat i am and she was like didn't know how to take me and i was like if i'm fat then i smoke and she was like right i said and if i if i'm drunk if i'm yeah if i'm drunk if i'm fat then i smoke and i was like right now i'm fat therefore yes i am smoking but if i'm thin then no i don't need to smoke and she was like she was really nice she's like okay and there's like social media girls and i was like so now i am on a diet i am smoking she's like and do you drink coffee i was like a lot she's like right okay and we were laughing because i said to her when i was in the waiting room they were like do you want a drink yeah and i said to the woman surely nobody if you go to the dentist and accept a coffee just before you go in then you are a horrible person a horrible

person i was like absolutely not i will on my way out yeah because i brushed my teeth yeah anyway i was telling her this and she was like you wouldn't believe people will have a cheese and onion sandwich no and come in and it is still in their teeth people have a tuna baguette and come in she was like so thank you i went to the dentist once um that really nice one in town that rue dental and at kiss dental where i go as well he did james's teeth he's really nice no andy mclean did mine oh did he and they have disposable toothbrushes in the toilet yeah i mean makes sense right i'd clean my anyway hygiene appointment all fine my teeth are okay and then on wednesday i'm going and i'm having my smile design oh it makes me cringe it makes me think of turkey

and i'm basically i'm gonna have them the same as they are now really like but why do you think whiter yeah yeah do you think they need what do you think would you change anything nice i think they're nice just whiter yeah um and then i will what i would say though is get some texture put on them what does that mean so i um i go to andy and he's all about them looking natural but like i want them to i do want them to look natural but i want them to look like so look when you smile and like you know like your nails for example

the light bounces off it because it's a flat surface he puts little lines down it so it looks like a real tooth okay so I'll say to him

I want them liney and white exactly yeah so I'm getting next week I'll have my smile design so I'll tell you how that goes

and then the one after is a four hour appointment can you watch a film I'm gonna take my ear things what they're called your air pods

yeah my brace got tightened for the last time please don't mention that shout out be clear orthodontics i'm gonna be in trouble with them because my invisalign is now i've had it a long time and it's coming off mid-feb yeah i should have done that i like invisalign but with a memory like mine it's really hard you can't even tell that i've got a fixed brace on not one bit on the bottom can't even see it i had a clear fix not one bit but i'm thinking

i'm thinking now after my top i may just do my bottoms i might just i've never seen good no i've never seen good bonding bottoms oh do you think that's what it is i think that's what it is yeah yeah and i've also my eyebrows re-tattooed oh yeah no they're scabbing at the minute stunning um but i've tagged who did them amazing honestly girls photo fabulous at the end i wanted to speak about that as well yeah when's mine 26 of jan i am so we're having photo fabulous laser which olivia atwood had before the wedding it's for pigmentation overall skin like pores everything it's not cheap no

but I'm going to do my chest as well because I have sun damage on my chest ready for the wedding it's going to be horrendously painful really horrendous what do we do I said I'm bringing a mini bottle of wine

are you going to drink it I've not thought about this maybe I need to take some no seriously really yeah fuck I didn't think about this I mean it's not advised the wine thing

but for me like personally where are you getting it done Francesca the facialist and I'm doing it skin a dress and we'll be doing it at the same time then how long has they recovered so photofab

is laser fee it's meant to be incredible she was a bit puffy for a day and that was it what was her reviews on it

10 out of 10 has gone back for more right I'm doing a full course I'm doing 6 I think ready for the wedding

3 yeah 3 well she said we'll do whatever and then I'm gonna have a top up just before the wedding right

now is the time guys to be doing your laser and shit now is the time to be doing your laser because after April it's sunny sunny

holidays I'm gonna do that what else are you doing nothing you don't i think i'm oh my god i've not told you something else as well i feel like we're gonna this episode's gonna be so long i had one set i've not told um the nip tuckers we haven't really got known for me yet and i dissolved one side of my lip filler i noticed that the other day and i was like why are your lips wonky i'll tell you why i'm oh you had the reaction i'm allergic to dissolve what are you gonna do i'm gonna have to ride it out and still do it so

basically when we do a live show guys right i'm gonna show you i promise what happened when i had my jaw dissolved i i'm allergic to it um and i choose to still do it but i'm allergic to it and i'm going to show you the pictures on stage when we're next to a show uh but i swell like horrifically so i had this tiny lump in my lip and it was annoying me you know when the filler migrates so i had it dissolved and i'm talking like a unit like the tiniest bit my entire lip swelled up then my face and it took about three days to go down so and now i haven't done the other side because i haven't yeah i can see yeah i've done this one do you think i refill this one to be more like that

I'll dissolve that dissolve because it'll both get rid at different times so I dissolve that and then refill if I need to yeah I don't think you need to leave the lips alone

I've not had my lips any filler in my lips for two years but it must still be in there oh my god yeah but I think the lip blush helps it does right sorry guys

so anyway Dean Gaffney right oh guys Christina he's having a nightmare he's Dean so Christina

like oh wait we don't call him that she comes on board and she's like she's thrown in at the deep end in the group chat we're sending all these ideas

blah blah blah then it consistently now for about a month she's noticed Dean Gaffney's name fucking popping up yeah all you guys

constantly she's like why are people always sending and on the DMs everyone sends us spotted spot yeah Dean spotted

and she's like what and basically tell her what she just asked us she was like guys can can I just ask like what's the obsession

with Dean and then she said what have you shagged him i know no um no what how would you describe our obsession for those of you who are catching so i don't know how the obsession even began i can't i couldn't tell you it began when we were discussing i think those wayne lineker and that's like yeah yeah yeah i don't know how it began i know dean and i haven't shocked him i haven't as much as kissed the guy he sends a lot of girls dms yeah so i know him anyway and we were friends you know a while ago and you know i know he's actually a

nice guy but he's really really prolific yeah and i did tell i know what it was i know what it was a girl that i follow who's really really nice did a poll once on her instagram this is how it began many like two years ago was it like have you been the poll was have you been personally dm'd by dean gaffney and the answer it was like 90 yes right and then dean got told about it a message like that's really unkind that's trolling like that's really unkind if that was a woman which um and she took it down and she was like shit i'm really offended dean i don't know how he found it yeah so that's how we started talking about him and then everyone flooded in like his message me but it's happened again this week on twitter yeah dean is everywhere at the

moment yeah yeah because a load of only fan girls have basically outed him he don't like as messaging messaging unfollowing following unfollowing following and he must just spend all day on instagram i know and one of them's really funny he's put something the girls put bore off dean and the reason everyone else is talking about him is because apparently he got hit by a car with by a footballer last year and that's come out in the papers at the minute so yeah he's just i mean we like him it's no shade it's no shade respect the hustle yeah my concern is out of the millions of people not one's stuck yet not none's worked yet unless he's getting pure pussy

his daughters are so beautiful aren't they one of them's got a child yeah he's a grandad now he's a grandad and he's messaging only fans girls

a lot I mean would your grandad do that anyway that's the goss my birthday so we'll fill you in

next week on my birthday over on Patreon we're gonna put some funny birthday pictures we're gonna do you know like how you roast your mates on the birthday

yes we're gonna throw back Ashley's pictures so we're gonna go way back so if anyone's got any pictures of me old pictures get them sent into the pod page we're going to do a shout out to ashley's friends as well so i think what we'll do christina is put a shout out that any of ashley's friends or anyone really that's got bad pictures of ashley send them our way there's that classic

one with the fringe which one's that the classic one with the fringe oh wow that is yeah before my teeth that is before teeth and nose and you're still a pretty girl on it you're just not as i mean it's only getting better baby so you're not getting worse so yeah on the patreon we're going to do that also i noticed on patreon you can do some form of group chat we're figuring it out aren't we i think we need to talk a bit about patreon because oh there were some knickers and twists yeah basically the episode is still exactly the same it's just if you want the extra content you just need to sign up it's as simple as that guys we're still doing the wednesday episode yeah and we've been looking at like what other podcasts do as well haven't we a lot of them use patreon

yeah loads of them so we were looking into it and now that bonus episode is over there on the patreon if you want it if you don't you're still part of the team we're still here every wednesday for free for you if you want to go on patreon for the extra you can i must say it is very fun over there there is a lot of extra stuff there's some like throwback stuff and it's more interactive and you get the bonus episodes i think we're going to do more on your i think we should talk about your surgery more on there as well like the before and after stuff like this is like i keep saying this word and i hate it but safe space i feel like we should do a little bit more over there so we're going to do as much as we can tell us what you want on there and we'll do it yeah

um and i think the other thing i think that we need to just be mindful we're going to do like more questions so you can say ashley i've always wanted to know yeah what's the scoop and we're going to answer stuff like that on there because we're nosy we're all nosy and as long as it's not like illegal we will answer it for you over there as well so it's really fun and it's just like a bit more of a community there but if it's not something you can do we're still here every bloody wednesday for you we're still on the instagram you can still get us an idea we're still there yes but that's just a bit if you want if you want anyway we're gonna have a break now and then we're going to be back with part two

hello i'm elizabeth day the creator and host of how to fail it's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right and what if anything we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better each week my guests share three failures sparking intimate thought-provoking and funny conversations you'll hear from a diverse range of voices sharing what they've learn through their failures join me wednesdays for a new episode each week this is an elizabeth day and sony music entertainment original podcast listen now wherever you get your podcasts guys hi and welcome back okay so we have got our favorite section here the bargain bucket so basically we'll tell you hacks tricks tips bargains that we found anything like that you guys are on to

at the minute get it sent in because we love to help each other you're not gatekeeping no no no if you like the teeth the brows like we will talk about what we're having done 100 if you've had something done you're like girls it's incredible tell us let's all share it together absolutely exactly and then we'll answer some questions as well yeah always so let's dive straight in we've got a question about acne to start with i'll read it you answer it yeah yeah well both answer it hi lovelies i've got a question about skincare i've got acne prone skin it's super sensitive i've just had a massive flare-up and it's stressing me out massively which is making my eczema flare up so she's got a bit of acne and a bit of eczema i'm in a constant cycle of

having bad luck with my skin is there anything you can recommend facial wise treatments that can help i absolutely love the pod you are smashing life thanks babe this sounds like a gut issue i was gonna say that yeah so what i would recommend is get a really good probiotic the one that i use at the minute is sim proof so when you wake up in the morning do your shot of sim proof on a fully empty stomach don't eat anything for half an hour another thing that i'm gonna say which you're gonna be like what the fuck celery juice you honestly celery juice cures any kind of inflammatory yeah um skin conditions two weeks of celery juicing on an empty stomach with the probiotic your skin will honestly be so different a red light therapy as well i would 100% recommend

i think she should do as well get tested to find out if she's got intolerances because if it is a gut thing which often skin skin's like one it's the largest organ in your body yeah everything you do affect your organs do you know like we know i don't think we ever think about it with skin so i think check i would check because you might have an allergy might be yeah there might be something like that um ruchi yes so the route you do is it calm and clear i always get the words clear and calm um which is a little supplement droplet you have in the morning the feedback we get from that incredible people like before and afters that they've said incredible and they have different ones as well that are really really good i wouldn't honestly topically put much on

your skin at the minute i just say it neat it's more of like an internal thing absolutely and always if you can afford it yeah go to a dermatologist 100 rather than if you think of all the things that you've seen that said this will get rid of spots yeah and you've bought it it would probably add up there's some online that you can um that i know a guy that i used to work with he's got a website and you pay like i think it's 70 quid and you get to send the picture you get a prescription same day that's really good that would be helpful um yeah i think see a dermatologist if you can and the other thing is these products that are for spots and stuff they're all great when you're in a position that you know your skin yeah and i feel like some people say to

me what's your routine with skincare it changes every day if my skin's looking a bit same then i'll use that if it's looking a bit then my cupboard is full yeah and you use whatever but you have to learn to understand your skin yeah because otherwise you'd just be you just put your shit on so i think one of the things you need to if you can afford it see a dermatologist as well find out what's going on with it and then you know what treatments for it exactly and i hope you get sorted because there's actually i went through a phase of having really bad skin and i don't think people appreciate how mentally oh it's horrendous it can really upset you yeah and like we were talking about this the other week you can have the best makeup in the world but if you feel

like your skin's not looking good yeah your confidence you can't enjoy your makeup either so i really feel for you darling hope but you can get it sorted right guys the next question that we've got ashley i'm gonna ask this one because i know that you are mega clued up on this more than me okay so hi girls love the pod you make my week thank you sweetheart question for ashley oh she already knows i've been trying for my baby first baby for a year so got referred to the infertility clinic via my gp i hate that infertility clinic horrible name they ran some tests and discovered i have a seriously low amh low if anyone doesn't know what that is it's low ovarian reserve so it's how many eggs you've got left of 1.00 pmol yeah does that stand for so basically they score you

right and hers is one this is a result you would expect from a 45 year old and i am only 31 i've googled and i've terrified myself my clinic think my only option is now ivf do you girls have any tips or supplements i can try to boost my chances of conceiving naturally thanks girls please keep me anonymous do you know what i this really feel for people in this situation like i really do so your amh you know when you see adverts for like test your fertility test your fertility that is what they will be testing your amh we need to do it's literally just a blood test okay so i didn't know about any of this and then i was gonna do gender selection after i'd had a miscarriage um can i just say i love story how open you are about that and not like even though

some people like me i love that you're just like yeah that's what i was gonna do no i was i like so i was like okay so went off off i went to this like top ivf clinic um and they you know i'd been pregnant twice in three or four years got pregnant straight away both the times thought i'm highly fertile then they rang me and they were like we need to talk to you and i was like oh shit what so they were like we think that um we've done your blood test wrong so we're gonna have to redo it again and my amh was 0.6 so that's less than this ladies yeah and then the second time it was something like 0.8 so they were like we fully thought that it was wrong well it's that bad um then they sat me down and they had a chat with me about egg donation and they were like have

you got a sister because you may have to have an egg donated because you've got literally probably three or four eggs left what do you mean what do they mean three or four eggs so basically you're when you're born you're born with a set number of eggs in your body your whole life for your whole life and every month when we have a period we release one or two right it's how twins are and stuff as well right okay and then when you're older or when your hormones start leveling to like um what's the word perimenopause so non not like the conceivage then you start egg dumping it's called an egg dump yeah where they get rid of that's why older ladies are more likely to have twins sometimes so your body releases a few at a time yeah so you like basically so your overall

supply of eggs it depletes wait so you have x amount and that is your amount you don't make any no I didn't know that

so basically your AMH I could only have two left yeah you don't know and I've missed in if I have two periods and they're gone and my periods were regular

there was absolutely no signs no signs so can you have a period without releasing an egg I don't know the answer to that question no I'm just really

interested in this because I'm thinking if I don't think you can no because the egg has to I mean listen don't quote us i'm just talking from my personal experience of what they said so they

said right okay yeah amh is really really low um and yeah you're gonna have to like get cracking with the getting the eggs out now no it wasn't even not even right okay so that month i went in and i was about to start my ivf and you start injecting on the day of your period yeah the first day of your period you do your first injection so i had to go in for like where they had to scan to see that there was an egg there and they said right there is an egg there only one that's gonna be released so we're good to go let's get your drugs ordered paid i think it was like two grand for these drugs yeah i remember um and i was like oh can i try then tonight and i did and i was pregnant thank god because i had to do a pregnancy test on the

morning of my period and it was positive oh my god and then i got pregnant again yeah that wasn't even snow no um but now i am going to go and have to freeze some eggs for just in case but i don't even basically you have to be within a certain parameter to even be allowed to have ivf because it's deemed as too damaging on your body if it's not it's not that it's stealing money off people if your numbers are that low or you know it's not going to happen yeah exactly so that's the weird thing you've been pregnant you got pregnant with sask you're easy yeah but right so back to this question basically i can help you with this babe um on my instagram there's loads of like fertility bits on there don't worry because yours is higher than what mine was so you've got two

since then i'm giving you hope but at the same time if it's low yeah it's low and that you can't make it higher so i used the zeta west supplements um i also highly recommend going for acupuncture because fertility and acupuncture are so so closely linked and honestly like even if you don't have any problems but you are going to conceive or think of conceiving a hundred percent you need to go for acupuncture there's a statistic don't quote me but it's something like you've got a 40 percent less chance of having a miscarriage if you're having really acupuncture um reflexology i did well i got reflexology that made thea turn around in my belly it's amazing she was breached yeah and i went to this thing where they do i've told you with your feet with some toes and she

turned so acupuncture reflexology supplements um i also went on the hyperbaric oxygen chamber and you stopped drinking really yeah drinking smoking all of that like and then he took loads of stuff as well so the zeta west pomegranate juice really so good for fertility and zeta west stuff they give you some for the man as well don't they because i've actually got some because yeah yeah phase where i was like i think i might and then i was like oh yeah no um so i'm sure i've got some and the men have infertility now um at our age like 34 35 is fully 50 50 now because men's sperm has gone down in quality so much and it's all because of hormone disruptors i know a harp on about it all the time in milk and shit and plastic micro plastics like these

cups we're drinking out of now are they plastic this bit inside is gross anyway where do i do it can i do a place called fertility and there's another one right what i'm gonna do when we finished before i forget i'm gonna do mine it's so scary i'm gonna do it and then i know and i'll do it if it's really well i'll just let you know it is what it is what it is if it's traumatic i'll tell you and you know let's see what happens right this one is a lot more light-hearted okay oh fucking hell oh what have you done now i found a non-aroused dick pic on my boyfriend's phone should i be worried so it was a non-aroused dick pic so a floppy dick she found a picture of his floppy penis his own on his phone right first question had he drawn a

face on it to send to his mates like was there a reason for this how do you like one of those innocent smoothie knitted hats on the end was this a joke did he send it his mates is he having a wee i need to know more about when this picture was taken so this so it's a floppy dick pic yeah right let's think about this i actually asked ed about this and what did he say because it popped up on my phone when i did the q and a and he said yeah that's a thing the like lads send them in the group chat like and it's just like here's my floppy yeah i never said it's nothing to worry about ed says it's nothing to worry about darling he's never done um jake i'm really right there's two worries of mine here if it is something to be worried about then not only is he doing something

cheaty but he's weird as fuck as well i would have checked what time he sent it out to like took the picture you can press information and find out like where it was take what what if he's lying in the bed with a soft penis he's taking a picture and sent it to the girl and been like get me aroused i think that might be what it is why would you take a picture of a penis right okay if it was a group chat picture he can prove that by saying here's the screenshot i sent it into the chat guys so she hasn't asked him about yet or it could be that he's taking a picture of it and it's like you know one of those pictures of something so you can measure for size and he's got a 50p next to it so you know how big it is i think i would like to know from men would you number one

send a flaccid penis picture to a girl have you ever been sent a flaccid one i've not you have so what could happen what i've heard what this could be if it's a large penis he may be showing off the size flaccid yeah that's what i said about the 50p yeah yeah so he may be saying like look at it on flop imagine imagine what it's gonna do when it's yeah yeah that what it might be yeah yeah we need to have biggest penises because if it's a grower not a shower and how old is this person guys let us know have you ever sent a flaccid picture to your mates would you ever send a flaccid picture to a girl girls have you ever received a flaccid yeah i would like to know more so we can make a decision on this well one of my friends um we were just talking this

morning i've just had a phone call with her on the way to work and she was like you know what have you done this weekend went bowling with the kids what have you done i had sex seven times in one night my friend does stuff like that seven all night no she has no reason to like he came seven times seven ejaculations in one night was there a gap between ejaculations i assume well i can find out more information well right okay overnight let's say an overnight is 10 hours that means we're talking and let's say a sex lasts 20 minutes so she's probably only getting a 40 minute to 50 minute rest between each one she said she's knackered i bet her vagina is inside out she's not good she will be needing the natural yogurt do you think men can just keep because

have you ever heard of the face i've never tried it myself have you ever heard of the face spitting the phrase spitting feathers yeah so it means that you're thirsty doesn't it yeah and also mean what does that mean not very much so we're running out of the so like when he comes like really spitting feathers yeah um also men when they ejaculate release a lot of zinc which makes them feel really really bad like bad as in like low depleted yeah so why would you do it seven times seven times is she on contraception i don't know it's giving it's giving pregnant was every ejaculation inside or was the several body i've not i didn't know she was covered in the stuff yeah i'd like to know more yeah and i'd like to know is it normal that a guy can go that

many times that to me doesn't sound normal no and i wouldn't want to entertain that either that sounds like an awful night to me yeah that sounds like my idea of hell like let's do it once let's do it early on early on in the night so that i've done it and we can watch telly then without me thinking it's coming and we can relax fully then people chasing me around the house let's like let's do it early so that i can fart i can let my farts out because obviously if you know you're about to do it you're a bit more ladylike for the few hours before so let's get it done and then i can sit and watch telly with my ice cream and not feel like i'm gonna have to have sex soon imagine the shaving rash oh she's gonna have a vagina like a chicken like inside

out chicken like a pluck chicken god bless you and your vagina i'll send your regard dirty bitches we've got a couple of slutty Susans, now it's been a while because you aren't, either you've been quiet, or you don't want to say, you don't want to tell us, you just want to listen to other people, so that's not fair if you want to listen you need to tell us

I always get people messaging me saying, oh you should hear some of mine, well tell us then put your money where your mouth is if you think yours are so rude tell us right, I really struggled for money in my early 20s, and I thought very low of myself, heck

Anywho I ended up working as an escort Oh right, that escalated For a local agency And I'll never forget my funniest experience And easiest, book him It was with a virgin Who just wanted to cuddle with his cock out

He just wanted to come on my belly button And that is indeed What he did It was so hard trying not to scream with laughter Also, public service announcement To any young girls Don't escort you'll end up traumatized and in therapy so there you go love the pod and congrats on the recent

engagement and the baby girl ashley so she have you seen that there's a thing where you just pay for a cuddle yeah yeah the girlfriend experience the girlfriend experience i would like to speak more to men and i mean i know you're not going to message but i would like to know more about men and escorts and men and brothels yeah this is what obviously they're illegal lauren are they really yes oh right okay so it would be anonymous if anyone was to tell us this is what i'm not getting and i still can never wrap my head around about brothels so a man goes in he knows that woman does not want sex yes he knows that woman does not fancy him yeah he knows that that woman is taking the sex purely for the money how is he getting an erection how are they getting

men are fucking nuts or do they believe because they are nuts yeah do they think i'll be the one person today that she actually wants i'll be the one that's making i'll be really making a come she won't be faking it with me i just need to understand from a male's perspective how you get turned on having sex with somebody who you know doesn't want to i'm not saying they you know but they don't they've done a few others work it's work how is that turning you on guys so i um did a tiktok once do you remember i was so i dropped the kids off at school it was really early it was a really rainy day i think i checked my clock and it was half past eight in the morning and there was builders going into a brothel yeah at half eight in the morning i mean a sausage butty or

a bacon butty at that time in their uniform and it was pissing it down with rain so they'd like gone out like that and they were going in and i just at that moment in time i felt so let down by men yeah and i was like you fucking horrible bastards why can't they have a wank at 8 30 it's very early to be thinking about shagging yeah but that's my mind totally no i know a girl that worked at a brothel and asked her loads of questions about it she said the busiest time is in the morning because that is when they can get out of the house say they're going to work say they're going to work yeah and honestly she said the busiest time for me it's always like lawyers like professionals builders and they go at literally like seven in the morning that's

really interesting so like you said for me if i was going to go and make a decision like that i'd have to be absolutely off my tits yeah yeah exactly and then you have got like the brothels in other areas like chinatown and stuff where you go and you pissed or the on the game or whatever but this is like a sober no this is a full-on sober weekday 7 a.m but you know that they don't want to do it and it's i just i can't so the other thing like like only fans men text girls that have only fans account and they really believe that they have got a connection yeah and that's why you know when we sell poor girls

sometimes like with OnlyFans stuff I think nah they know they've got it right and it would be a guy in an office

running their account yeah and these silly men think that these women are talking back to them like it's just absolutely mental to me why you would want

to chat to someone who is chatting to you for the money how would that turn you on like is there nothing in these men's brain that makes them realise

that this isn't real no Lauren there's not like if I was texting a guy and I knew he was had an OnlyFans i wouldn't get any i just honestly men are from mars and women are from venus then we are two totally not like we're not the same we're not we're not the same men and women are not the same

one bit men have got a completely different wired brain to us yeah they're like and we will never ever ever understand it well there we go then yeah right guys thank you very much for your information and your slutty sues and your dilemmas yeah obviously we're back next week send more slutty susans in i feel like everyone's a bit tame so like yeah like come on yeah if you're listening thinking i'll give you a run for your money put your money where your mouth is i mean is anyone going to be able to top the chair leg no we'll see we'll see if you think you can top the story about the woman who walked in on her boyfriend bumming himself with a chair leg with a condom on it

which I know is true because I now know who it was wasn't it a rubber glove oh was it a rubber glove yeah I now know you knew who it was

um no but somewhere that we go it's their cousin it's true it's true it's not made up so if anyone can top that if you sit there thinking

yeah well back in my day yeah tell us then tell us all anonymous um so yes thank you guys like I said

um before we also have the bonus episode the x-rated bonus episode now which is over on patreon if you have a look at the link in our bio it says how to sign up there it's really easy it's only £1.50 a week over there and you can hear everything you want to see some of the questions that we are getting asked over there yeah it's it's very very fun um but if not we will be back next wednesday with more fun for you guys leave a review share we absolutely love it when you share thank you so so much and yeah we will see you next week it's nearly the end of january guys we're nearly done love you all bye