Nip Tuck - Single Mum Survival Guide

Episode Date: August 17, 2021

Seeing as everyone likes to have an opinion on it (whether they have children or not!), this episode Ashley and Lauren are chatting about that single mum life.The girls reveal some of the shocking stats about single parents in the UK, as well as the gruesome reality of going it solo with a little one – and why they wouldn't change a thing. Don't forget to follow the podcast @ntngaf, Ashley @thecosmeticconsult and Lauren @laurenelizabeth_xx!THANK YOU to our sponsors Wild! Remember for 20% off your order, head to wearewild.com and apply the code 'NIPTUCK' at checkout. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy Wednesday guys and welcome back to Nip, Tuck, Not Giving a F**k. Woo. That was awful. You've not had enough ginger this morning. Okay, so this week we're going to talk to you all about solo parenting. We're going to give you some scenarios, talk about our past experience and run through some very interesting facts and figures, aren't we Lauren? we are i think this is something that a lot of our listeners will understand not all of them but i think a lot of them are in the same position as us or have been also i feel like i've had quite a

lot of judgment on this area especially dating and relationships with thea and being a single mom and i've got so much to say about that to kind of clear up some of the things that have been said so i've got a lot to say today what a surprise not like me producer charlie was telling us that the average age in the uk to have a baby is 28 and there's a lot of single mums around so you're telling me that at 28 you've had your baby you're never gonna date again of course you are of course you are okay guys so this episode is sponsored by wild deodorant we are so excited about this so while deodorant is all natural it's also refillable the packaging is super cute and completely customizable and the deodorant smells absolutely incredible and really it works so if

you follow me on instagram you'll know that i've tried a few natural deodorants i'm really into my all natural body products this deodorant is the only natural one that i've actually tried that you put on once in the morning and it keeps you fresh all day it really is my favorite you're really into that ash aren't you you're really into like your natural product yes i am so into all of this because you know i love my supplements you know i love looking after yourself from within first of all and deodorants there is a lot of stuff surrounding them so it's so amazing to have this natural option now that we can use i know charlie our producer uses it and absolutely loves them they smell really nice as well yes i have the jasmine scent it's absolutely gorgeous they've got

really cute customized cases as well haven't they like you can pick which ones so if you get it if you get caught with it like in your handbag it's cute it's not like embarrassing no exactly so it'll go with whichever birkin you're using today i had the botox in my armpits which actually i was really a fan of but doesn't completely stop you sweating and it's starting to wear off now and that like you say it's putting something into your body so certainly something i've got one in the post that I'm going to give a try because I know you two absolutely love it. So if you guys want to give Wild a try, which I highly, highly recommend, then they've kindly given us a 20% off discount code. If you head over to wearewild.com, customize your deodorant, pick your

perfect fragrance, and then type in Nip Tuck at checkout, you will get 20% off. So head over to wearewild.com code nip tuck for 20% off today so the last episode that we did was on self-confidence we would love to hear your feedback if you could go and give us some ratings um or send us a dm on instagram that would be amazing i actually noticed um one of the reviews we get amazing reviews which is lovely and there's something that i just wanted to kind of um what's the word reply to almost what not the one that says i talk too much because that's tough shit um although i have really tried to not talk as much um believe it or not so it was one that said um ashley and lauren it was a lovely one actually it wasn't nasty it just said ashley and lauren first talk

about people judging and being nasty and stuff and then they go on to judge people so i just wanted to clear this up a little bit we have a problem with online trolling and discussing someone's personal life that you don't know and being cruel about their family their parents their mothering style that is very different to having an opinion we can all have an opinion we love an opinion we have a strong one but we also own it and you know it's from us it's not hidden it's not secret so yeah ashley doesn't like men that drink red bull or have hairy backs or have hairy backs and that's her opinion we we're not saying it's wrong so i just wanted to kind of clear that up a little bit because we do have opinions we're gonna have opinions but we're not gonna

to bully anyone and that's the difference we don't do that now what have you been up to sweetheart i feel like every time i say the same thing so i'm really happy at the minute um i'm actually really happy at the minute have you noticed a change a shift in my mood have you been getting dick dick down you have haven't you yeah everyone lauren's definitely been getting some sort of not have i gone red yeah i don't ever go i'm not saying that's personal and that's not why anyway um i just think i'm really content at the minute um i feel really happy i'm in a really good place i've got really good friends and family i don't feel anxious at all anymore and i just feel so good anxiety oh fuck his dick no i just think i'm in a good

position and i just feel really content i'm not looking great for anything you're not interested anyway i'm happy so why you do you know the lady that um does my facials go to this amazing woman called um emily and it took me like 18 months to get in with her and i kept sending her messages on instagram because like stalking her i was like hello has anyone come off the wait list yet so she must think i'm crazy do you know what she said the key to having glowing skin is orgasms okay can you do them yourself yeah she said you can do them yourself and do you do it like is it kind of a thing where just before you're about to go out you have to masturbate so that the glow stays on or could you do it you need to ask this question yeah is it like when you're in the taxi

or what i think that the key is that just to have like um you know a couple of a week yeah and she said that it keeps you looking young and i mean she looks really really well and she said that that's why she's doing a lot of it yeah that's just reminded me of something um i don't have these nothing wrong with it but there's a dildo um or like a no serious they will vibrate oh i don't know the difference i'm not because it's called lilo whatever it is the one with the balls listen i've not got it i don't know but my friends are at it's expensive i think i feel like it's like over 100 pounds no it's like a smoothing i'm gonna show you because i feel like i'm like i need to check the name producer charlie's just blocked into orgasms and it gives you

it gives you a release of estrogen which causes collagen production oh yeah and then for the immediate post glow you're talking about that you could walk out in the taxi the flush the flush so anyway this lelo lilo thing i've heard of this it's a really good brand because they're very um ergonomic ergonomic and feels good pleasing on the eye yeah like they don't look like a rabbit yeah so my friends are raving about them um and literally i was like oh whatever it is what it is and they're like no no no this is on another level do you use it on your own or with someone on your own i mean you could use anything on your own and with someone i guess but this is what my friends have used on their own so anyway i maybe maybe we get one yeah

shall i do a live demo in the taxi not doing that no um yeah i've heard that this one is good but also there's one with like that's like in a line and you put one bit in and one bit's out and that's like a u-shape yes so like one is up and one is okay so it's a double stimulator yeah okay we need to research that oh look it's charlie's just we just googled it oh my god it's orgasm day soon oh oh my god okay so i feel like we need to get in touch with this brand because this is something very interesting and the website isn't seedy no like career women amazing women strong but also having a masturbate if it causes collagen production and you're getting something good out of it and why the hell are we not on this right okay we need to research it

we're going to come back to you guys with this um with more information when we research it can i just tell you something on the subject of what i've been up to lauren do you want to see what i did last night what did you do last night so what is that outfit i bought these latex stockings why this website i just felt like i really needed them that honeybird ever heard of it i love their underwear um and then my friend you know amy was round and she was like i really want to see them on so you put them on you couldn't do that like for fun no like they needed to be two very gentle handed people there to do it really so i won't be wearing that again i don't think did you get some good pics if anyone follows me on depop uh yeah no extra extra

warn if you want to pay even get some cup picks it was like after an eating tea and i was like no um what else have i've got some exciting stuff going on i've been going to the gym done some yoga been having lots of facials i'm on my period at the minute and i've got a massive spot on my chin do you get quite hormonal on your period you get the effects of a period i get none nothing you on contraception whether i'm on it i mean at the minute yeah don't start why i'm on it um but whether i'm on it or not i have no cramps no spots no hormonal changes no swings i'm not heavy at all no bloating i really don't even need to wear a pad well probably only for a couple of days like literally or whatever tampon whatever i am so light normal i don't know but honestly i

would never know it's coming never know it's been and gone maybe i'm just not very feminine i have got the body of a 12 year old with tits maybe i've not started my period what so you just get like spotting oh no i do i get some blood but not enough that i would ever be like oh my god i'm gonna leak i'm gonna oh no mine it's so light and it lasts maybe three days and then it goes to that jack daniel sauce type thing we know exactly what you know exactly what i mean though don't you buy that yeah uh mine's like not great and like last night i was up all night like tossing turning and then i get like it must be in my old age those hot sweats i do get hot sweats yeah in general it's not nice um but yeah so your your news is that you've been

on your period okay yeah i'm going on holiday tomorrow oh fun um i'm going to mallorca with my mum in theatre I feel like I've done my girly one and now it's theatre so I'm gonna take her we're just gonna do loads of kids shit that I probably won't want to do like 1pm prime sun bathing time and she'll be like can we go to the park normally I'd be like no but I'm gonna be the best I'm gonna be literally the best mum for the next five days well glad you said that because that's what we're talking about today sorry we went off topic now single mumming Lauren tell me about your experience really condensed I can't condense it I can't okay you know I'm not good at condensing I became a single mother so I ended up on my own

in the home with Thea from about six weeks I'm gonna say I might be a bit out as in she was she was six weeks old or maybe eight um from that time uh so I was looking after her completely on my own had you fully broken up no we were on a break and then i ended up a full-on reject rejected i ended up a single mom fully i'm gonna say 10 to 12 weeks i can't exactly remember but very very early on i was still chubby from the baby wow i still had a pouch that's how early on i was from 18 months so still early still very very young you know do you not think that's better sometimes actually is there any right time to do it no i don't think not is there you can't think that can you i mean the good thing about i guess when they're younger is that you get to crack them

into a routine yourself your own routine yeah and they're not actually do you know what i think younger is better because i can't imagine how you would explain to a child of like of an age even maybe in a year or so or how would you explain that mummy and daddy are not going to be together how would you explain it do you think i think the usual mummy and daddy love each other very much but things are going to change a little bit we're going to have two houses you're going to get two christmases oh my god amazing there isn't that second house because i'm hearing a lot of this at the minute i don't know i'm glad i'm not in that situation because i didn't have to do that and thea has always only ever known was having two houses and her having she thinks

we're one big family that live in different houses which is what i chose to to portray we've had a lot of messages which makes me really sad off ladies who have got no support from the other side absolutely none like they've literally just been left high and dry they don't even want to interact with the kids on the phone i can't imagine how much that would hurt you know because you love your child more than anything in the world and how insulting to think that they don't deserve this and the other half isn't interested in them that would kill me so why does it always fall back on the woman because no matter i know it do i know any dads that no i don't i actually don't know any dads that have before um why why i don't know the answer to this i feel like

maybe the only thing i can think is as a mother most of the time you could have a different bond with a child you want to be in control you carry the you carry the child do you think it's because we step forward yes i would over my fucking dead body would anybody else and if he as in your ex partner turned around and said i want a half the time see i i i'm really lucky because that was never asked for um and actually sometimes i whinge about that but had i been i'm actually really lucky that there was never an argument over who had her the most same it was fine um so it meant that i had control and i could have it pretty much all the time so sometimes i whinge about that but actually would i have liked to have shared her no would i want the other dad to be like argumentative

like no i want this day you'd have it too much actually no so i think i'm in a good position exactly like we've both been doing this now as we have yeah which is quite similar the way that we balance it and they happen for similar lengths of time yeah we've been doing this for over you know a year now so i think that we've fallen into it and we're probably just going to carry on like this aren't we yeah i can't see it changing for me thea's dad has her six days a month which doesn't sound a lot it's like once a week and then every other saturday or something like that um when she goes to school i don't know how that's gonna work i've not even thought about that yet but the minute six days a week a month which actually doesn't sound that much

but it's his mum and dad that that mainly have it yeah well that's good that you've got that support like we were saying you know we're gonna run through some of this stuff and everyone's different every family is different there's so many different dynamics thrown into this okay so we are gonna do a little bit of a quiz now lauren oh it would be amazing wouldn't it are you ready why am i always the one that's taking the piss out of like why is it always like let's do it so lauren because you're easy to take the piss off okay go on i'll do my best okay how many lone parent families are there in the uk so one parent looking after the kids how many well i don't know how many people there are in the uk at all so how the fuck am i meant to

know this loads right three options then 2.1 million 3.2 million or 2.9 i still don't know how many is in the uk so um okay i've forgotten the first one but the first one 2.9 million there is 2.9 million you're correct so that's nearly 3 million lone parent families it's a lot it is a lot it's a lot of bitches going through shit now next question okay this is a good one what percentage of single parent families are women oh my god 90 something 90 yeah i knew that that's wow yeah that's also shout out to the guys that are doing it this isn't meant to be yeah exactly we are women we are women so that's why we're kind of on the we're talking about women but i know there are the odd male ones and fucking hats off to you yeah okay what percentage

of mothers were more likely to have lost their job or quit their job in lockdown compared to fathers oh 90 again 80 a lot a lot so a lot of women why would a man quit the job over that it's only 47 what hmm that doesn't make sense so more men quit work probably because they could see how how hard it was like there's gotta be 47 okay so lauren if you were gonna say what the average working week of a stay-at-home parent is like if we were putting it down in shifts how many hours you're working what do you think that you would call that okay so you're not going to work you're staying at home looking after small children that's seven days a week and it's over 10 hours a day because they wake up early and you've got them all day so that's 70 there's more than 10 hours

that you look after them i'm gonna be like 90 to 100 we can't clock off at any point no it's like how many hours are there in a week because that's it yeah yeah 96 hours yeah which would equate to 125 grand a year wow i still wouldn't do it for that yeah this is something that really needs to change so as we discussed before as women we're expected to be fallen back on with you are now the soul it's yours yeah provider for this child as in not just money but hours mentally all the care that you're giving you don't dip in dip out do you most definitely not child care prices are so so high now working hours are you know they're not just nine to five anymore no they are like literally i don't know eight till ten in some of the industries especially the ones that we work in

the ones we work in absolutely like weekends evenings early starts till late because people want appointments late exactly and there's a demand for it so we're expected to work these longer hours um in most sectors for less pay than men um then also once your child does make that transition from nursery to school you're like brilliant it's free but but it's only nine three three or something you tell me what job because realistically you're gonna have to leave an hour to get to the school because everyone knows what school traffic's like so really if you condensed it down it'd be like eight no because you drop the child off at nine then you need an hour to get to it it'll be ten till two that's gonna get you loads of money four hours yeah and by the time

you've started you're going home again and i think that's why flexi but i do think one good thing about um the coronavirus and the and all that is a lot of people and a lot of companies are now understanding that working from home can work and you can do more flexi time yeah and they're realizing they're not having to pay as many bills for buildings and stuff but not everyone can do that so no we found some facts and figures which really are honestly mind-blowing and very very frustrating to sit here and read so i'm just gonna run through some of these interesting statistics now the average child maintenance in the uk so as in if you were separated from your partner what they would be responsible for which by the way legally they are not responsible to see

the child or care for the child at any stage or help with any or help with any child care this or emotional support this is just the money that they would be legally bound to pay so it would be 12 percent of their weekly wage the whole it's not a lot of money now the average salary for a man is around 34 000 pounds the average salary for a woman both working full-time is 27 000 pounds wow so the fact that the women are all single parents and are earning less and then on top of that have to care for the child provide a child care provider so that they can go to work provide the transport for said child is again mind-blowing can i ask thea's not of school age yet so um nursery's on to like six at night or something like that and then i'm lucky that

my mum helps me a lot but you know when they're at school and it finishes at like three and for example i work when i work till late what what do you do with the the school kid you have to get like a nanny so you they go to school and then you have to organize like after school what time they only run till about half four five right so what do you do with your child yeah you'd have to employ a child what am i gonna do right this is giving me anxiety actually thinking about that oh you'd have to where's the nursery then school is school ages and then six week holidays i'm i know exactly it is yeah the holidays so this is one statistic that we pulled the average working holiday is for a full-time worker 25 days but school holidays total 42 days

wow so you tell me what you are going to do with that good 20 day discrepancy there so that's 20 days child care that if you put that down into a working week that's a full month off work that you aren't legally allowed in within your contract don't forget bank holidays because we work bank holidays don't we so there's all these crazy things that we have to figure out as women the average divorce rate in the uk is around 35 percent oh i am one of which is very very high and part of that and as we said before the average age for first-time mothers is 28 i think i was 28 were you 27 i was 27 yeah so we're we're very average at the minute we're falling into the average but we're definitely not um now we worked out something which was absolutely

terrifying we got our calculators out now the average female wage as i said before is 27 000 the average child care cost is 14 000 per year the average rent is 12 000 pounds per year excluding bills so what money would we have left it was like 120 pounds a month wasn't it would be a minus a hundred percent because think you've got to pay your bills you've got to pay your car you've got to pay your phone you've got to pay your internet you've got to even live in a bougie life this is just like your basic you've got to buy food so what those three figures there average female wage 27 000 annual child care 14 000 average rent 12 not including bills or anything else so how are we expected to live how is this do you know i have to say at this

point me and ashley are lucky because i mean first of all where our wage for you know i'm not gonna say lucky actually i'm gonna say we've done this shit ourselves i'm not gonna say lucky but our average wage will be higher so we don't fall into this category it's still a struggle but we don't fall into it so i want to say anyone out there that is in this category oh my god well done if you are balancing all of these figures and you are one of these averages like my hat is off to you exactly because we also then looked at like if you were just gonna be unemployed and on benefits you actually were kind of better off you were much better off on that i mean it's not good for us to say and i really do not agree with that but i think you're gonna do what you're gonna do and

i'm sorry but if someone says to me lauren you can have this much money and go to work or more money or not and if you're on the breadline and you're struggling you're gonna go with whatever's more money i'm sorry but you are it's it's actually and then you've got less money getting to less costs of getting to work and stuff so i completely get why people do that i think that the good thing about us was that we already had um our careers yes i think that the difference with us we were well established very well established like we started in the sector that we were like early i was like 20 and i managed to save a lot we earned quite a lot of money let's be honest and we were never stupid with it we invested it a lot of people where do you get your money from what do

i saved a huge amount of it i invested a huge amount of it so i was never in any debt whatsoever when i began my single mother journey and i had savings me too so we i i don't like when people say you're lucky i don't believe that one bit of that was luck however not everyone gets the opportunity to do that especially if they're single moms at a young age yes then where the fuck do you do it yeah what if you're just getting into uni what if you are just starting an apprenticeship or just starting out a career and say like hairdressing nails an office job and then you you know you like you fall pregnant and then you get left high and dry me um a lot of people look at single mothers like well you shouldn't have the child i've had the child

no no no i got i did it the right quotation marks way i got married we moved in together then i had a baby there is no more conventional way to do it and i still ended up a single mother so you can't be like well you shouldn't have that you should have thought about that no because sometimes we get left or you're in an abusive relationship or whatever it might be and it's not right yeah those figures um that we read before really worried me and you know we've all got those friends or people that we know and we look at them and we and they've got kids and they're being treated like absolute shit and we look at them and go she needs to just leave him i'm sorry it is not that simple you can't just tell me that with no career track record or

barely any no money in your savings no right of credit or way in which to own a home or a car there's a lot of women trapped and it falls onto women because i think that say you get together childhood sweethearts whatever the woman has the child at an early age she sacrifices her career her body she sacrifices her body she then can't get a mortgage for example because of said things so he's got so he has the power he has the credit rating he has the mortgage he has the ability to walk away at any point at any point with a good career not having to take everything on their shoulders for the child because the mother will do that yeah so imagine being a woman and i bet there's a lot of listeners that isn't happy that doesn't want to be with them and their friends

are like leave him leave what advice would you give them okay so my advice would be um this sounds a little bit calculated but girl you do what you got to do squirrel your money so begin to once you've made the decision that that this is what you're going to do and this is i'm talking someone where your partner is unreasonable if it was a nice guy they're going to help you but i'm talking in a position that you don't want to be so as him squirrel your money and does whatever he wants controls you financially looks at you as the nanny and the cook and the clean and you just maybe you're just not in love with anymore but he isn't going to help you so this is what you do yeah you start squirreling so you start saving money to the side and any money that he might

give you don't use it all start saving it to the side start looking at credit rating start secretly not secretly whatever building your credit rating get your ducks in a row start planning start looking at how you would do it maybe speak to close friends and family and say very close friends get some advice and how like maybe speak to your mom or dad would you be able to help me if i did decide to do this get everything ready you squirrel you squirrel you save and then when you are ready you fuck off yeah i completely agree you have to you have to set yourself some goals so if you are in this situation then maybe you think to yourself right i'm entitled to those three free days of child care i'm gonna go and get an admin job i'm not gonna tell him how much i'm earning

i'm just gonna put the money away um i'm gonna sell some bits on ebay i'm gonna start a career there's all kinds of things that you can do even just from the comfort of your own home now you can work on the phones in customer service um so the the first thing is save some money um and then the next thing is just put the children first forget him just focus on the kids and go through the motions even if it takes you six months a year you've got the end in sight yes have a look at how much properties are in the area have a look how much a car is have a look how much everything is get it all on a spreadsheet and written down and you have to do things really logically as a single mum don't you yes i think one of the scary things about when you first become a single mum

or when perhaps you're thinking of leaving your partner is everything is like oh wow overwhelming when you sit down and logically write everything down the stress will come right you want to ignore it yeah but if you sit there and plan it all you know what you're working with you've got something to tackle and it's empowering it's like right watch what i can do now and you may have to lower your lifestyle you do you do at the end of the day happiness comes first if you're in that position start squirreling start taking control of your life again exactly and you know like lauren said the empowering thing about being a single mum is that it's not just you you can't just throw a tantrum and walk out you can't just go and get pissed no no you can't just you know lose the pot

and just say f you and walk off you have to be a grown-up and it really does make you feel like a lot better about your decisions if they are more calculated than when you were younger just you know blocking someone you can't do that i do think it's empowering and i think personally you feel like superwoman once you've mastered that and nothing can bring you down when you've mastered this kind of thing once you've done single mom life like anyone sat there right now at home you know thinking how do i get out of this relationship or you've just been left um or you know you were became a single mom initially then don't worry it will all work itself out and at the end of the day you're very lucky to have a child yes it's all yours yep okay so questions

about single mum life and really lauren you were someone that i looked up to massively because i think i was pregnant when you became a single mum yeah you was and i thought oh my goodness and you were one of the first openly single mums on social media i know that sounds like and i shared a bit strange now there's like a little group of us i feel isn't that and i've got like friends on there who are from miles away i've never met them before but we talk about yes about it it's really really nice so you became a single parent and it initially it wasn't through choice was it but you wouldn't change it now um you know everything happens for a reason without we can say that now but one of the main things on chattel which by the way we don't look at anymore

so this is all based on previous isn't it not bothered what's going on on there but the the initial time you found chateau yeah it was when you had just overcome the judgment of people you loved and those around you which was a little bit crap because you first had to tell us all then you recovered and you were like do you know what my friends and family all still love me the if not more yeah now so you got over that and initial what you thought would be embarrassing but it wasn't it was amazing then you found the website and what did the website say so with the website i when i found it um a lot of the things that they were discussing was my relationships so this is something that i got really really slated for uh it was my

relationships with people that after thea's dad so when i split with thea's dad quite quickly i met somebody else um and we were together quickly of like two months i'm gonna say the person i'm still really good friends with them will both say now it was too soon we will both say now it's too soon did you put it on social media yes because i didn't know any different at this point and i didn't know how bad the judgment was so i was just living my life like this is my boyfriend like you get somewhere with you this is us now i'm much more guarded but back then i didn't know that there was trolls really so i didn't know you would share a boyfriend again well i did didn't i um i don't know i think i would i would think about it twice but the my take on this is yes i did

meet someone it was probably a little bit soon but we were together for 18 months it wasn't a fleeting thing he was absolutely amazing with fear he still is we're still in touch he still speaks to thea it didn't work okay um it was too soon it was too soon i wasn't i'd been through an absolute gut-wrencher and i wasn't over it it wasn't he got kids no but he was he brought he adored that girl and this is one of the things that i will say about it if anybody adores it i'm happy with that and i'm happy for them to be in a life what was your ex-partner like about it not asked in all honesty well you're lucky because a lot of them are yeah i'm lucky again in this sense that not we both live separate lives we live separate lives not bothered and i

think he trusts my judgment it's not always right but it never does her any harm and i think that's good i think he trusts me as a mother okay so i'm gonna pull it through to introducing because we asked this a lot and there is a lot of judgment as we can see yeah so i'm gonna just say something here about what people expect yeah you tell me how i'm gonna do this okay so i'm saying i'm single how old were you um i was 29 i'm gonna say roughly and even now i'm 31 okay so i want to have another partner at some point in my life i'm not looking for it i'm not out there but i would like to of course you're allowed so you tell me you tell me judgy people sat in your two up two down with your husband that you've been with since you were 16 you tell me now how i go about this okay so

this is my predicament number one fear lives with me 24 7 once a week or maybe twice now and again she goes to her dad's okay so yeah that i want to get to know somebody of course i do once a week is okay at the beginning but that's you're never going to establish any more on once a week the second thing and only in the evening because you work full time yeah so in the evening so i've got a few hours in which to do this which takes a while the other thing is i've got a child and i need to know that this person is good with her and good around her however i'm not allowed to introduce her so i don't know that yet so what's what do i do do i wait six months do i see him once a week for six months and then at what point do i decide okay i'm going to introduce him the

other thing is when you do get into a relationship with somebody nobody gets into it assuming you're going to split up everybody goes into it thinking it's gonna work i'm a little bit more careful with that now and that was a problem of mine but i didn't know that when i met the first boyfriend after thea's dad that we were going to split up after nearly two years i didn't know that i'm sorry but i had no idea that was coming so what should i have done not you shouldn't have met her for two years well that's not a great relationship so tell me how i go about this i need to know they get on with him with her sorry i need to know that they they can handle it because you know having a child if you've not got children you go on a day out to the park oh lovely no no not lovely

they might crap the pants they might cry they spill everything mommy up mommy up that guy needs to be able to deal with that so at what point do i check that that's a thing because i can't because i'm not allowed to introduce her so these are the things now it's all right to say well thea's dad hasn't introduced well if you're not the one with all the care there's only actually one day a week that you can't see your missus so if that yes so if that was the case i i agree yeah you could easily wait six months before introducing because you can have a full life yes full relationship all circumstantial it's all circumstantial so how am i supposed to meet somebody without seeing them ever how how am i meant to do that um without knowing that they're gonna get on with fear and

that they're gonna be okay with fear no the thing is when i have done this in the past there's a clever kid and i think people don't give me enough credit for knowing my own child yeah she is resilient i also have a lot of male friends i have a lot of female friends a lot of male friends she's around different people every day because i've got a big circle of amazing people and and men too and she's around that so i'm very careful if there's a man introduced to her that she thinks it's one of my mates at first it's like we're going to the park which she's got an uncle chris with uncle chris or we're going to park with xyz she doesn't really know the difference there and i'm very careful about that now no like the whole kissing and absolutely not no there's no

need to do that around her my last relationship and i was absolutely slated about this one so i was with kelsey i can say that because he won't care um and i was with him for six months he was really heavily involved with thea um because it was locked down when we got together and there was again it's locked down what you want to do it was locked down like i couldn't i had a 24 7 i couldn't not introduce them and he was unbelievable with her and i thought we had a little family unit which again it didn't work out like that and people absolutely killed me on tattle when me and him split up they were like oh great another another man that's left fear's life poor child introduced to so many men she needs to stop meeting men i thought it was gonna work okay

and no it didn't and she was involved in his life he was unbelievable with her we had a great six months with her when we split up i'm very careful about how i deal with this it's not we don't speak to him anymore he's horrible no no no no no i'm not stupid and i think people didn't give me the benefit of the doubt and they didn't realize that do you not think i was fucking heartbroken that not only had i lost a relationship but i felt guilty as anything that fear had lost one they're on there talking about me of course i was heartbroken about it myself but the way i dealt with it is i just slowly fizzled it out again still one of my really close friends still speaks to fear on the phone there you go i fizzle it out people like katie price always she always gets

slated but i just think what are you meant to do you know we would love to meet somebody and it work forever but it doesn't always the thing is lauren like what you said me and you i mean i have four days a month off yeah four days so that's every other weekend friday night and saturday night now if that's the man and they have just four days in a month four days a month and they still decide to go out with their mates on one of those nights or see their bird i'm sorry that is unacceptable because you've only got those four days that are ring fenced as your time with your child with your child the other thing that i really disagree with on those four days don't just spoil the shit out of her please yeah because then they come back an absolute nightmare yeah

and like you know sometimes i'll send a text and this is no offense but because he probably doesn't get it you know like i do but i'll send a text it's probably a good place she's asking for you know sweets or coca-cola like when she's come back like please can you can you not like do stuff like that and he's like well i only get to see her these days but i don't think men understand what an impact a few days can have when you've got your shit together you've got them in a routine and honestly whenever thea comes back and this is like you've just said no it's credit this is not no discredit to them but you have your shit together and then when they come back she's single mom as a single mom that is the one thing routine yeah and yeah you know everything being

the same organization another good thing about being a single mom with a routine is the baby's in bed asleep by usually eight however can i just say this back to the relationship yeah your baby's in bed at half eight but you can't go anywhere so you put your baby to bed you can have a male friend around can't you oh i don't know but what if you wake up and you're doing it no do you know what i mean though i'm just saying yeah they go to bed at half eight but you're still so limited you can't go on a date then you're sat in the house from half eight i did used to get my um child minded to come around and like after i put her to bed and um and then i'd go out for a bit but like in lockdown like you said there was not there was nothing and this is why i ended up in

that situation now moving on i'm going to cover a few different subjects here and we're just going to have a chat about what we what our tips are so um dating with a child lauren tips i haven't got any because it's near you don't do dates oh i don't do dates anyway but it's near on impossible to do it let me tell you and i've noticed this personally of recent um it's very very difficult to do and it's hard to build any form of relationship with anyone and see if it's going to go anywhere when there's such limited time you do what you're doing you do your best you know your child as long as everything you're doing you are trying your best then crack on love because you're not going to be celibate for the rest of your life so do what you're doing or you can buy

a lello um okay uh being hungover with a child a trip to mcdonald's is always a fantastic idea so what i do is i i get the most horrific hangovers like seriously bad um you terrify me yeah i'm it's terrible so what i always try and do is make sure that i've not only got child care for the evening but a bit of the day as well and then when she comes back it's almost like tea time in bed yeah like if me and my husband like go out in manchester or something um then we'll get a hotel and then you can take your time in the morning recover and then get back um but yeah that i hung over with the child i've only done it a few times and i must say it's unbearable another good point though is going to the pub at around three o'clock and having a roast dinner

and a glass of wine while you watch them play outside no when you're hungry when you thought you meant as an alternative oh god no i was like what's wrong with you and then it kind of winds you down for let's get our pajamas on or meeting up with friends with kids and letting them go in the park while you die exactly i'm really lucky i've got such a good bunch of friends and we will often have each other's yeah like while the other one's dying wow should be an app for that oh my god an app a hungover app where you're like will anyone take my kid great okay so another one lauren living on your own with a child without a lot of help we've both done it yeah it's it's really really hard one of the things now she's a bit older she's my best pal so it's different like

she's my best friend we chat we have them in it's the baby so one of the things that really sticks in my mind is a really painful time for me was um i've got a lot of a group of friends and they've all got children and partners and we're all like a really good group of friends and we would go and do something more in the winter i felt it and we would all go for a roast with all the kids and stuff and then when it was over i would watch all the mums and dads pack the car up and the dad would help the mum get the baby in and i would be there not that they didn't help me but with a baby on my hip a car seat in one hand bags and i and i knew that i was driving home to an empty house and one of the things actually upsets me now like genuinely that i used to open

the door it was pitch black and cold and i used to imagine that they'd gone home one would hold the baby while the other got the bags out um and then they would turn the light like i actually feel upset and oh my god i never cry we are and i would literally i'm actually we're all crying i'm and i would walk in and put her down and run around and and then i'd just sit there on my own when she'd gone to bed and i would think about them all sat cozy having the pajamas on and one putting the other to bed while the other one made tea or did whatever and i found that excruciatingly hard and also when i went on our first holiday i'd only been on my own for a little bit and me her and my mum went and i remember being at the airport and i must have cried probably

four times i had to go to the toilet and i remember um we arrived in spain i think it was and i just kept looking at these families and they were all wearing like color-cored outfits and i was there with my newborn and everyone was looking at me and i could tell they were thinking where's the dad that's a newborn she was 12 weeks she was a newborn when you're on holiday and you make friends and they're like where's they go like where's the dad and you're like there is no dad right now and i remember getting on the coach and sitting in the corner and sobbing to my mum and and just the journey getting there had tired me out looking at all the families and I was crying my eyes out like I can't do this forever mum this is and look at

these families this is not what I had a baby for and I think a lot of people feel that when you don't expect to be a single mother I didn't have a baby for this mate when I got pregnant I didn't sign up to this shit this is not what I signed up to and now I'm in a position that I maybe wouldn't have done if i'd have known i was going to be on my own i don't regret it now but i think that mental side of thinking i'm not the family i expected to be yeah it takes a very long time to accept and then when you accept it and you're like i'm sweet this is not what i planned but it is what it is then you can move forward i remember like my biggest breakdown like that like i'm not really an emotional person was nursery pulled me in because they noticed like i started giving a

bag to her every other weekend when she was oh my god for her to go straight over yeah and um nursery were like oh could you come and have a chat and they like took me into this room oh my god like what's happened and i just literally had the biggest breakdown to this woman that had like met like two or three times and I was just like sobbing uncontrollably and I was like what am I gonna do what how do I do and she was just like and she was amazing but then like you said like it was lockdown beginning of summer last year uh then I was having parties like with my friends kids and their husbands and I just remember like whenever I was sat by myself someone would always come over and be like are you okay yeah and i wasn't yeah um and it was just

looking around at everyone and they're all like happy together and they had the support of someone like they'd say oh you you know you watch for a minute while i go and do that and we didn't have any no and you're like literally bundling everything and you've got car seat in one hand you've got nappies everything's falling over you're picking it up off the floor the baby's crying and you're on your own and you just yeah you feel sorry or would you have like those moments i used to have them where i'd be having a really good day and i'd had a brilliant day i'd be in really good mood and then i'd go to like get something out of my bedroom or come back in the kitchen and she'd poured a whole thing of milk out on the floor and was splashing around

the kitchen in it and i'd just go it's like you think you've got your shit together and i think as well when the poorly is another one and you don't know who to ask like i used to google all night and you're like i need a second person to tell me am i doing the right thing like do i go do i not go to any is it is it thrush of their mouth is it not you know because she's got that and no one's there to support you and be like right i'm gonna say we go to any it's all on you and the pressure of looking after someone's life on your shoulders is so tough but i also kind of like that now because she's mine i'm the boss yeah i look after it i do it very well and now I'm pretty like it's my job and don't you think like we've built up this mad like energy and

immunity because when you are a single parent living on your own there is no time to be sad there is no time to be ill there is no time to be selfish like you literally build yourself into this like incredibly strong woman and obviously like I um I was with Ed before I had Saskia and then I met him again afterwards oh my god I bet you were a different person like you were just a completely different person like i've grown up so much yeah so i think that it's yeah any of you out there that have just become single parents or are thinking of it it's an experience but you'll be fine thank you so much for listening this week and for listening to us cry you'll never

can we say they're never gonna hear that again never you will never hear us cry again especially not ashley like wow you guys are in for it like that was exclusive she's on a period it's fine i'm not i should wear a t-shirt saying i'm on my period um but yeah thank you for listening once again please don't forget to review us to rate us to subscribe we want to keep going and we need your support you can follow us on instagram the podcast page is at ntngaf and our personal pages are at the cosmetic consult and at lauren elizabeth underscore xx see you next bye honeys