Nip Tuck - SPECIAL POD SWAP: First Dates with Frankie Bridge and CiCi Coleman

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

Now today we’ve got something a little different for you. As you know, we are all about celebrating positive, aspirational women. So today we are sharing an episode of First Dates: The podcast is based on the popular TV show of the same name with Frankie Bridge and Cici Coleman as they enter the world of love and romance.In each episode real people join Frankie and Cici to tell their real stories. From dating disasters of epic proportions to romantic tales of love at first sight. It's the chat that happens every week all over the UK as people finish up a date, settle the bill and then get straight 'round to their best mate's house for a debrief. In this episode they hear from Sean and Daisy who each have a bowel-based dating disaster to share.Listen here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/first-dates-the-podcast/id1696181773We hope you enjoy it! We’ll be back Wednesday with our main episode and of course Friday with our Bonus Babes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck now today we've got something a little bit different for you as you know we are all about celebrating positive aspirational women so today we're sharing an episode of first dates the podcast with frankie bridge and cc coleman as they enter the world of love and romance. In each episode, real people join Frankie and Cece to tell their real stories, from dating disasters of epic proportions to romantic tales of love at first sight, Lauren.

It's the chat that happens every week all over the UK as people finish up a date, settle the bill, and then get straight round to the best mate's house for a debrief. We hope you enjoy it like we did. we'll be back Wednesday with our main episode and of course Friday with our bonus babes hi and welcome from Podimo and 2020 this is First Dates the podcast I'm Frankie Bridge and I'm Cece Coleman you've finished the drinks and settled the bill you and your date have said your goodbyes and you're immediately on the phone with your best friend you know when you just get that feeling and

And you're just like, oh, my God. This is going well. I love him. Like, I am obsessed with this guy. Can't tell you his name. Couldn't remember it. But that's obviously, yeah. That's how obsessed you were.

That's how obsessed I was, yeah. Richard. Let's call him Richard. Can't remember it. No, I can't remember his name. Listen, I've erased this memory out of my head. In this podcast, we're letting you in on the post-date debrief. We'll be bringing you the most amazing, bizarre, and heartwarming date stories.

Cece and I haven't met our daters before and we'll be hearing the gossip for the first time with you. Right, Cece, today is all about toilet issues. Which I feel like it's not something you really want to talk about when it comes to dating. But obviously today's stories, that's what it's going to be revolving around. And I just wondered how you feel about talking about those things. Do you know what? I'm not going to lie, I quite like a shit chat. Do you? yeah I do

I don't mind it it makes me laugh like it's if there was something that I could I've never not laughed at a shit story I just find it hilarious

like maybe it's because I have like my dad okay I've gone too far okay right gone too far put my dad in it now what happened to your dad no but he talks about it a lot

we just grew up on it it was just like normal for us anyway how do you know about it I grew up talking about shit like to be fair I'm like a real like

potty mouth like I'm quite happy to talk about those things you know like I've just been on holiday once I've been on holiday like I'm not going to go for a poo

for about four days at least once I've got off a flight oh I see because of the whole like time difference yeah I think so and I'll like discuss that

with people and be like have you been yet I like to know like people's bowel movements so I can like compare you have not asked me yet

you have not asked me about my okay so have you been for a poo today I have actually have you so I'm jealous I haven't

I get jealous of people going for a poo yeah people poo twice a day as well I find that like I would love to do that I'm a once a day person

anyone that goes twice God, I'm lucky if I'm once a day. Oh, really? Yeah. You need more chia seeds in your diet. I do need some more chia seeds and frog spawn in my diet. To be fair, like, I feel like I've probably got enough poo stories to fill a documentary, a podcast.

We're just trying to get a documentary out here, guys. Yeah. Like, yeah, I'm either like one or the other. It's either happening or it's not happening if you catch my drift. Okay, but this is, like, solely about you, not, like, other people's shit stories. No. Okay.

Interesting. Yeah, interesting. But I have always had this conversation with, like, friends and stuff of, like, I feel like there's a real divide in things like discussing things like that with a partner. Who, like, do you talk about farting? Would you poo in front of them? Like, I was first to fart in my relationship with Wayne. Okay. And it happened at the worst moment.

It was, like, quite early on in the relationship. Accidental. And he was flirting and tickling me. Oh, no. And it just came out. Oh, no. And I was just like, no, no, no, it's happened, it's happened. So I was first to do that.

Did that set the bar, though? Was that, like, set the tone of the relationship? He's still not a massive, like, I mean, he does fart, but it's not like I would say I'm probably. So how old is this? I don't mind talking about poo. I honestly, it doesn't even make me feel it. You don't like to talk about farting.

But farting, I find it, like, in a relationship sense or dating, I'm like, oh, I can't do that. Like, I have to hold it in to the point of bellyache. and I'll probably get to the six-month mark before I'm like, I'm really sorry, I have to leave the room and fart. How do you feel about burps? I have to pronounce the T so then it makes me feel like a fart. What about burping?

Because I actually find burping more offensive than a fart. I'm a bit of a burper. Oh, no! I can't help it. It just comes up and then I always close my mouth. But because I've lived alone for a while, I think I probably burp more than I realise. And then when I go on a date, I'm like,

oh, my God, I actually can't do that out loud. I have to burp within. And you can't really burp silently. when you've got like a real deep one you can't oh you're a belcher oh I can be

oh didn't expect that from you I've always said like I couldn't marry someone that I couldn't poo in front of in front of

yeah like okay I need to know a little bit more about this do you and Wayne just sit there and stare at each other like babe it's your turn and he actually gets

really annoyed at me if I like walk in on him while he's on the toilet he's like Frank fuck off and I'm like oh I just need to come into the bathroom

like it obviously I don't enjoy it it's not like I like purposely follow him in there because it's not enjoyable but like I couldn't be with someone you know if you're ill like I don't want to have to be like

don't come anywhere near me I don't want you to know what's happening like I want him to be there for me so when you shit yourself you want him to be yeah he's got to be involved okay you've got to spend the rest of your life with someone

how could you not like poo in front of them I mean I love this I hear you but I'm going to now pass this over to our guest I feel like we could go really south with this I'm going to introduce our two guests this is the lovely Sean and Daisy Hello. Hello. Hi. How are you? What a way to start a conversation. I mean, I feel a little bit more comfortable now talking about this.

Oh, so you're the one with the story. Interesting. Before we get into it, though, we need to know. Oh, we need to know a couple of questions. So, I'm going to start with you. Okay. What would you say your green flag is in a relationship or in dating? In dating, I just think, like, someone who can, like, bat back and forward with a chat, I think is a really good group. A flow, yes. A flow, yeah.

There's nothing worse than that awkward silence and you're just like, shit, what do I talk about now? What do I bring up now? And then you bring up, I don't know, do you like cauliflower? And they're just like, oh, and it's a weird conversation.

Do you like cauliflower? I would tell me to have five things on, like, your kind of, like, go-to questions on dating because it's really hard when you're trying to build something or a conversation and you're like shit what's the next question

I've already asked about brothers and sisters and favourite colour so have like five things that you'll kind of like go to because I agree silence is

it's just awkward you're like what do I and the longer it goes it's just like and then you say something really silly yeah

like like you talk about shit yeah that would be my first question how do you shit how much shit do you have and what about you Daisy probably ambition

Honestly, there's nothing that gives me a bigger boner than somebody that has ambition. I think because I work so much that if I had somebody that just came in and just sat down and watched TV and had no dreams or aspirations, it would just instantly kill it for me. I find that attractive.

They don't have to be really rich or anything like that, but just really want to do something. Yeah, I like that one. I do. Okay, well, we've been nice about people and now I want to know your icks. Oh, if they know all of the words to Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley,

it's a no-go for me. Wow! Why? It's just so cringe. Never gonna give you up. No, it's just... Why that song? I don't know.

There's just something about that song that winds me up so much. What is it? The tune, the lyrics, like... It's just everything about it. Like, one, why is everyone so happy when it plays? Two, why is he so happy about singing it? Three, why is it...

that song that gets everyone up i'm quite a miserable dancer like wedding songs for me i love a wedding i was gonna say like it's at every wedding everyone knows yeah but it's just that's my bath song if that comes on i'm like you're off to get see you later i'm out like can i just what is a miserable dancer i'm i'm someone who doesn't bloody dance and hate just like you know when you're dragged up and you're just like oh okay just like a small two step but I'll dance

when I want to dance I don't need like I don't need to push it up yeah exactly yeah no I hate it

that song just yeah winds me right up yeah well we've not had that one no another niche one Daisy

anything niche I don't know if it's niche but when somebody turns up to a date in skinny jeans and big trainers you know like the trainers with the

big soz and they're wide and then they've got really tight skinny jeans socks or no socks Oh, definitely socks. I can't do a no-socker. Oh, sorry. Is this included?

Like, this is an extension of the skinny jeans. Yeah, so, like, they've got a skinny jean on that cuts off about here. And then a big shoe. If they had no socks on, I'd leave. Oh, wow. I feel like everyone in Essex, that's what they're walking around wearing. I hate it. Really?

Yeah. So, what would they have to be? What would be, like, something, what would be a perfect outfit? Oh, I don't know. I like a big t-shirt, slightly, not a cargo, but, you know, like a wider leg trouser. Not jean, though. Just don't do jeans. They, like, just feel uncomfortable and cold.

The balls are a bit restricted. And, yeah, it's when they walk up to you and you can see it all at one side of the zip and you think, nah. That I don't mind. Yeah. You like to see what you get. That's what I love about it. Yeah, the tighter the better.

I love that. So on that note, Sean, we're going to start with your lovely story. Tell us everything. Okay, so it was about five, maybe five, six years ago. I had been single for quite a while. I've been single since 2011 and hadn't really dated between then and this particular moment. I've been on a couple of, we'll say dates. Hookups.

Hookups, yeah, well done, thank you. No worries. Things are outing me there. But yeah, this was a date. I'd met him on a dating app, and we'd been chatting. We were chatting for about two weeks, two, three weeks before, and I was like, right, he's not going to ask me. I was a bit like, no, I'm going to wait for him to ask me

because he matched with me, he messaged me first, he does all that pretentious gay shit that we go through. Can I just ask a really, like, had you already sent each other the dick pics? No, no, I don't do the dick pics. I thought that was, like, just, like, on the gay scene. It's, like, that comes first before any, like... It's just like, hi, here's my penis.

Yeah. But none of that. No, none of that. He was a very respectable man. He was, I think, at the time, so what was it, five years ago? So I was, yeah, just maybe 29, 30. And he was in his 40s. I want to say, like, 43.

Okay. Really respectable guy. very Richard Gere pretty woman oh very lovely can CC ever do that

yes yeah just really beautiful really lovely chap had great job great aspects of life and so I was like right let's go out

he was like yes great he was like should we go out for dinner and I'm usually a bit of a first dates

is more of like a drink sort of thing for me like I don't mind like drink going into dinner if that's where

it's heading or, like, little bar snacks and whatnot. He's an older guy. He's an older guy, yeah, like, old romantic, just a really, really lovely person. So I was really looking forward to it and I was telling everyone and all of my friends, I was like, I'm going to marry this amazing older man

and he's going to keep me and I'm going to be a housewife and I'm going to be going to dinners and everything. But I forgot that the night before was a friend's birthday on a Saturday night. So I was like, right, I won't go too much because I don't want to be too hanging the next day. Lo and behold, it's five o'clock in the morning. I'm at the local gay club

dancing around to the Saturdays probably you are welcome always a great time when ego comes on so yeah and woke up incredibly hungover

the next day I was like shit I've got this date but it's fine got a while got a while to prepare so yeah went on a date

and met him did he live up to your expectations when you saw him just perfect oh like he was just the most dreamy like when you in pretty woman when she first sees him and you know that there's that spark and he's just got that real smug but sexy look in his face he had that he was all about that came in a lovely like it was this lovely like um like navy blue suit but like really fitted on a sunday suited on a sunday and usually i'm not about a suit i get a

bit scared about a suit because i think most men look good in the suit yeah what do their usual clothes look like yeah because that can be a bit of a yeah exactly and what kind of restaurant did you go to then because he's in a suit well so this is where it gets interesting okay he um recommended going to a restaurant in Southampton that was a curry house for a first day well see I was like a bit rogue but we both had spoken about how much we love Indian food I do love Indian food so that's not yes it wasn't weird however being hung over and having a curry I'm usually like get that delivered in because yeah exactly went to the bar had a drink was all lovely chat was flowing really really well he had a lot to ask I had a lot to answer and ask back and it

was really good um then we get to the table and next to us i think that it must have been a birthday party it's like a big family birthday party and they were all sat next to us and there must have been about 15 of them and there were kids there and i have a bit of a thing with kids in restaurants after after 8 p.m i feel like put them in a quiet area i'm here on a date like you're gonna ruin this i don't want a baby screaming right next to me um i'm with a guy I'm with a guy, I'm with Richard Gere, thank you. But it was fine because, you know, we were engaging and we were like, the eye contact was spot on.

And like, you know, when you just get that feeling and you're just like, oh my God, I fucking love him. Like, I am, I'm obsessed with this guy. Can't tell you his name, couldn't remember it. But that's obviously, yeah. Richard, it goes down so much better. I can't fucking remember it. No, I can't remember his name.

No, not now. No, I mean, listen, I've erased this memory out of my head. We're about to find out why. You're about to find out why. So we order. Lovely. He's that, like, what do you want? And then he'll order for me.

So he did that hard. He'll take the chicken tikka. I was like, thank you very much. Keemanaan. Lovely. Pilau rice. Let's go for it. Is that a thing then, is it?

Like people ordering for you? Well, it's, yeah. It's like an old school gentlemanly thing. Yeah, it is, yeah. Oh, okay. And he ordered the wine as well. And he was a bit of a wino. So he was like, ordered this amazing bottle, brought it over.

He was like, oh, let me try it first. Very, like he is. A sophisticated man. Yeah, just like some beautiful 1940s gangster, gorgeous, lovely man. Whose name you can't remember. Whose name I can't remember. It's Richard. It's Richard, yeah.

It's Richard. Oh, lovely. I wonder what he's doing now. Hopefully not listening to this. What happened? So yeah, we eat. Everything's fine. I'm starting to feel a little bit tired and a little bit, starting to get a bit of a belly

ache, but I don't know if that was because the food. That feeling of like when it hurts a bit and you know. It's fine. I can get away with this. I can do this. And a little sweat on. I'm sat there and I was like, right, I can either go to the toilet because it could be that, but it didn't, you know, when you know it's going to be that, it didn't, I didn't

get that feeling. I was like, maybe it's just going to be a little fart. Oh no, a rogue fart. Yeah, rogue fart. So we were talking, he was telling me about something and at that time I wasn't concentrating on what he was talking about because all I could concentrate is this fart is coming and it could either be a ruptuous...

It's either going to be loud and proud or silent and violent. I mean, it was definitely going to be a silent but violent one. But that was like silent and violent one, you can just kind of be like, oh God, people are disgusting. Just like blame other people. you know when you're in a club and you just like you do that

the dance floor fart you're like oh someone is gross in here someone needs to go home you know what you know what I do is I go and stand next to Wayne

or I sit on his lap do it then if I know we're in like a confined space and then walk away so it looks like it's him oh my god yeah but you've got to give it

the ten seconds before you leave yeah yeah and he just looks at me and goes you bitch so I've got a little trick for you next time

thank you very much I'll find Wayne next time I'm out well it's from your end she might find Vince too oh there we go okay so you're getting

a little rumble getting a little rumble in the tumble yeah and it's I'm sat there I'm like right I've got to do it I've got to get it out now

he's still talking and I do you lift a cheek or do you just flatten it out no no I kind of like do that lean

oh there we go why didn't you just go to the toilet well listen Jory's still out on that one but yeah

then it happened what happened I shit myself oh my god yeah it just happened I thought

it was I thought it was gonna be a good one I thought it was gonna be a steady one but no

and when I'd say I wanna be in the fly in the room at this point I wanna see your face I wanna see your eyes change I was just yeah I literally

remember just going like fuck I need to leave I need to get out of here I don't know how I'm going to get out of here

hang on I've got more questions though before we go there like when you say you shit yourself like was it like a little bit or was there a lot

no imagine those you know those pictures of the newborn babies oh no like that was a lot was it a lot it was a lot so like

it kind of like once you opened it it just went it wasn't just a shot no it was a bit more it was between shot and I don't know

neurovirus diarrhea oh my god yeah Yeah, it was. What colour trousers was you wearing? Luckily black. Oh, thank Lord. Yeah, so I was blessed with that one.

Praise me. Yeah, that was a blessing. Someone was looking down, well, not looking down on me enough to stop me from shitting. What was the seat situation? Was it like material or was it wood? I believe it was material.

Yeah, I think they were material seats. Excellent, really smudgy. Really soaks in, yeah. Okay, so what was going through your brain? What was your plan of action? Well, I was sitting there, I was going, right, I can either run, like run out of here immediately, to go to the toilet, but I didn't want to stand up

because I didn't know how bad it was. I could feel it, but I obviously couldn't see how bad it was. So I was like, right, I'm just going to have to sit it out for a little bit. I'm going to have to sit here. Oh, my God. Because food is over. We're done now. He's already come over and asked if we wanted the desserts.

The turmoil in your brain. I know. Honestly, I couldn't tell you anything he said after. it happened because i just had no interest in what he was saying i needed to get out well so it got to a point where he so he ordered another drink i was like i was like oh it's a bit late isn't it richard um then he went up to go to toilet he got up left the table and i was like right this is my chance to kind of rectify this happening rectify what's happened

rectum rect yeah exactly sorry I'm really in this day aren't you rogue fart

rectum emphasis on rectum yeah so because I was wearing an over shirt I was like right I need to cover it up put the shirt

around the waist and it was a tartan so I looked like an absolute wanker after doing that it didn't look cool like a little 90s dancer

yeah exactly he came back this honestly this gets worse and I can't even believe I'm sharing I can't believe I'm told Frankie does

Oh no, keep it coming, it's great. He then goes, can you smell that? No! And I'm like, because we're not far from the toilets, so it could have been the toilet situation. Which also begs the question, why didn't you go to the fucking toilet? Why the fuck did you not get up then? Well, I didn't want to leave him because I loved him.

He was going to marry him. Right, okay. This is future husband. Okay, he must have been something else to set a table in your own shit. Oh, listen, like 12 out of 10 kind of guy. He was an absolute dish. Can't remember his name, though. Can't remember his name.

Still going there. So, he could smell the smell. Yeah, he could start smelling it. And I was like, well, maybe it's the toilet. So, he was like, well, no, I'll just come back from there. And it wasn't that bad then. I was like, yeah, that's right. You have just been to the toilet and you couldn't smell it in there.

So, what else can we say? my instinct was to turn to the family and to go maybe it's that baby maybe that baby needs changing 100%

yeah yeah yeah so blame the baby blame the baby blame the baby I don't know this baby I can give a fuck about this baby at this point

this baby is taking the blame he called the waiter over and he was like I'm really sorry he was like we're trying to have like a nice chat here and he was like

but I think that baby needs changing oh my god See, now I hate Richard. Sorry. Why? What do you mean? Who the fuck does that? Well, he's sat there sniffing shit.

Like, when you're trying to eat your food and sniff shit, I need to finish your food. But do you know what I mean? I don't know if I'd say, can you change your baby's nappy? But I'd say, oh, there's a bad smell. Is there something coming from the kitchen? I probably wouldn't say, can you go and tell that family to change? Can you tell that family to change that baby's ass?

Well, yeah. I mean, I was like, oh, brave Richard. What a nice guy. Oh, look at Richard. same with me such a strong man so the waiter then went over to the family

luckily then we saw that the mum took the baby to the to the baby changing room so I was like oh thank god

that baby shit itself and it's that's I can get rid of I can get away with that but the smell was obviously still there because it was me

that had the baby poo what was your plan? so I was well I had no idea what to do after that I was like

I'm out of ideas of where to how to get out of this no you blamed everyone else blamed everyone else yeah I was like, the only other person I can blame is Richard. And you're like, I need to leave, you disgusting fool.

Yeah. Disgusting fool. He's like, what? What have I done? I was like, I'm going to have to tell him. I'm going to have to tell him it's me. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

So I was like, in my head, I was like, right, how do I bring it up? I can interrupt his sentence and be like, I've shit myself. Or I can be like, look, I'm really sorry. I'm actually really poorly. And that's happened. I was like I can tell him I'm lactose intolerant

or something I'm not but I could blame that I could say I've got IBS I could literally blame any other thing I didn't want to tell him

I was hungover and out partying until five o'clock in the morning so he went up he was like oh don't mind me I'm just going to

go to toilet again maybe he had the shits yeah exactly three times but he went to the toilet to do it which is different that's the usual

day etiquette exactly so yeah he got up to go to toilet I was like this is my chance I literally got up I had cash on me luckily, went to the counter, put £150 down,

I think it was £150 cash, chucked that down and was like, can you just tell him I had to run? And then ran home, like ran home. There was no chance of a taxi because there's no taxi ranks. And luckily I lived not far from the place. So it's like, right, run home, get home, tidy up, text him and just say what's happened. Not tell him what's happened, but lie.

And what was the damage? Was it as bad as you thought? It was an absolute massacre down there. A literal shit show. A literal shit show. Did you, like, complete your shit at the table? Or did you, like, when you were running home, there was more coming out? Yeah, there was more.

No, there was... I think I must have been poorly. So you just shat constantly? Okay. Yeah, I don't think it was just hangover, like, morning after poo. Oh, you're now blaming it on being poorly? Sorry, did I just hear that right?

I'm now going to say I'm poorly. Oh, now you're going there. Fucking hell, you should have said this from the start. I don't think it was, like, the bottle of vodka from the night before. No, nothing to do with that. No, all the Indian food. But what did you do?

Like, what, like, did you text him? Did he text you? So, he texted me first when I got home saying, I hope everything's okay. Waiter said you had to dash off. And I text him, I was like, yeah, really sorry, something. And you know that stupid, like, you always tell your friend if you're on a date,

if it's not going well, they text you and say, oh, you know, oh, something's happened. Had an emergency. And you dash off. So, I did that excuse. And I was like, I'm really, really sorry. something's happened with my housemate

they called me whilst you're in the toilet I had to run I had to get out of there such a believable story absolute bullshit if anyone ever said that to me I'd be like

alright but lo and behold still waiting for that text back aren't I he didn't text back at all that was the last I ever heard

of Richard really I think yeah like my friends are like he knew you'd shoot yourself 100% he did like he absolutely knows

tops off suddenly round the waist yeah Yeah. Like, sweating profusely. Yeah. And there might have been something left on the chair. Well, there was, I didn't, yeah, I wasn't around long enough to check that.

And I bet your facial expressions and your body language would have changed because you would have been, like, you would have gone from, like, really into Richard kind of posture to then, like, you know, panic mode posture. So he would have noticed there was a shift in you. Oh, 100%. If he didn't notice the smell, he noticed. But, I mean, he did notice the smell.

It was clearly the smell, yeah. You never heard from him again. We've heard from Richard again. Richard, if you're out there, come back. I wonder if he didn't... Actually, we've got him just outside. Ah, Richard Gere's in the building. I wonder if he didn't...

No, it was you. If actually your response of your shit, like... Sorry, shouldn't use the word shit. Of your rubbish excuse of like, oh, my friend had an emergency, made him go, oh, you're just a prick. Like, you didn't like me. You got up while I was in the toilet and you fucked off.

Yeah, and then to be a good guy, you pay for the date. Yeah, yeah. So it could be that too. Let's go with that and make you feel better about yourself. That has made me feel better, actually. Thank you very much.

No worries. That's what we're here for. But it was definitely the shit. Let's pause things here. I think we need a moment to process. Frankie, bathroom break? Oh my God. I think that's all I can say.

I think he's made me feel better about my life because I feel like just your life in general just my life because I think everyone's got a shit story and it's always that embarrassing thing yet we've all been through something that's really like uncomfortable but he's come on and shared it like I just think he's brilliant but I'm like I kind of want to know who he is and I want it to be part of the show that we bring them back together well maybe we can arrange that Richard Dear, wherever you are. It would help if we knew his name. Daisy.

Hello. It is your turn. Great. Tell us a little bit about you first. So you work in latex? Yeah, so I have a little latex business that I do in my attic. Is this one of your own designs that you're wearing now? Yeah, I made this.

I don't know if I'm sweating from stress or this, but it's one of them. I really love it. That is really nice. And so on your dating life, how do you sort of find your dates? so apps and stuff just stress me out I don't have the time to put into

actually talking to someone and it just I just fizzle out after about two days I think yeah I know you're taking up too much of my time I've got a friend

that I dress up every now and again and we go down we come down to London and we go to the events that are for like the fetish events and things

oh nice and they're really really good ways of meeting people because when you say fetish events are they like sex parties

or as in places where people go and buy so there's a bit of both massive clubs where you go there's drag acts there's burlesque like torture garden style

yeah like them got you I didn't know if I was allowed to say it yeah yeah torture gardens okay so what's that then for someone who's

never been so it's a big fetish club so they have loads of acts and then you can go there's designers and things that do

obviously showcase their products and they're amazing and then obviously you can have sex things everything like that

if you want to that's how you like to go meet people I suppose they're like like-minded people there as well. And the thing is as well, they're so respectful. I think because when you go,

there's a lot of people in nothing and you do have to be respectful of that and you have to obviously know everyone's boundaries and nobody talks to you unless they ask you if it's all right to talk to you. Okay. So yeah, they're the most respectful places I think you could ever meet anyone

because you go to a club and then they'll all grind upon you or touch you and you get a bit uncomfortable, whereas this, yeah. Getting grinded up. Oh, I hate being touched. I'll grind up on you later. Thank you.

No worries. Yeah, but they're just really respectful people and they're nice to go to so you can wear nothing and feel comfortable. But I think it's quite a nice way to meet people because you know they're going to be respectful. But then they're also like into the same things you're into. Yeah, because I suppose then if someone's not into that,

you go on a date with someone and you're like oh this is my jam and they're like okay that's not my thing then you're already off on a like I also yeah I also get like a lot of the the second I tell somebody what I do if they're not into it say I've been talking to them for like two weeks then all I get is when you're wearing latex for me when you're going to show me when I'm coming around to yours so it instantly switches from just chatting and getting to know each other to very when you're gonna do that for me and that just ruins it for me I guess with the apps as well, you couldn't even put that on them, right? Because then you would just target those.

Yeah, I did that once and that was all it was. Just, I hated it. Yeah. Yeah, because I know it's what I do, but it's not what defines me. Yeah. So I'd much rather somebody got to know me for me than what I do and what I wear. Definitely.

Yeah. Tell us about your story then. So I'll start from when I first met him. So I was about 18, and I had a boyfriend at the time. And obviously nothing happened. This was years ago. So it was your boyfriend's friend? Yeah.

Right, okay. And he was beautiful. So he had, it was like 20 teens. I had green hair, you know. Nice. Loads of piercings, tattoos, everything. And then he had the fringe. He was in the band.

Oh, he always went for the fringe. Yeah. The big side fringe. Everyone that used to work in H&M at the time had the big side fringe. I used to meet all my boyfriends in H&M. and he was like guitarist in a band so on the stage

at the clubs you went to and you just he was just the dream you know we'll call him John or something I didn't see him for years

went to uni went travelling everything and then came back and moved back to Nottingham and anyway I saw him one day

in a shop that he was working in and I waved at him he still looked the same he just sort of came flooding back and I was like oh my god he's there

and then he messaged me and asked me out on a date we got a few months in maybe five, six months in and we were like oh we'll go to the cinema but we'll go for food before so we went to this little pub

and I got myself a mac and cheese always go for mac and cheese and we were halfway through eating and I thought right well I'll just pop to the loo I went to the toilet just putting that out there so I walked into the cubicle

and instantly slipped on something right and I flew like I went And I had to grab myself on the door to try and rescue myself. And I remember looking down thinking, who has put chestnuts all over the floor? It was these perfectly round balls.

And I mean, like, it looked like a chestnut, just like six or seven chestnuts all over the floor. And I remember thinking, who has done that? Like, why would somebody try and kill me? Are you sure this was human shit? Oh, it was. Oh, we'll get to that in a minute. Oh.

It was, like, I don't even know. Why was it on the floor? I don't know. Who does it on the floor and then doesn't pick it up? Have you ever been to... Was it you? No, I don't make the toilet, remember. Why did you shit on chestnuts, Lily?

Oh, my God. Yeah, so as I'm pulling myself back up, I realised what it was because I looked down and obviously one of the chestnuts wasn't a chestnut anymore. Oh. And look at this. Sorry. No, honestly, I'm crying.

Was it anywhere other than your shoe? No, it was just on my shoe. I'd have walked straight out if it was on anything else. Not stayed an hour. All right, it's your story. This story's gone this way round that you went first because now you're getting all the dicks. Yeah.

They're in your way. Okay, so what did you do? Well, I just sort of looked for a minute and I thought, that's not a chestnut. That's poo. That is poo. That is poo. It's definitely poo.

So I took the shoe off. I don't know why I didn't take both off because it was heels. Yeah, because then otherwise your foot might... I know, but I should have taken both off because then obviously I was hobbling just on one heel. So the only thing that I thought was sensible to do was take my shoe up to the bar and ask for a manager. But luckily I didn't have to walk past John.

What did I say his name was? John. He's definitely John. Yeah. Oh my God, so you took a shitty shoe up to a man in the bar? I took a shitty shoe up to the bar and I said, I'm really sorry, can I please talk to the manager? While I'm gagging and crying with this thing.

Oh, you were crying? Yeah. Oh, it was awful. And he was like, what's wrong? I said, I think I've just stood in human poo in your toilets. And he went, no, you haven't. I said, well, what's on my shoe? I said, I've just slipped in this in your toilets.

And he was like, no, you're going to have to show me. So I went in. He argued with you? He was like, no, you didn't. Yeah, why else would I be stood here crying? He's trying to blame you. Yeah, it's not mine. I went in and I showed him and he was like, oh my God, it is poo.

That is poo, you've stood in poo. I know. I know, mate. I know. My fucking foot. So then he was cleaning it up off the floor and I was just stood there. And he was like, are you not going to clean your shoe? No, I'm not.

And I said, I can't clean this. And I went to the toilet and I just remember gagging. What kind of a shoe was it? You know, when you get that perfect pair of heels. Was it like a strappy sandal? No, a bit like yours. A closed shoe? Yeah, yeah, closed.

It was not on my toe. Did not go in between the toes. Magic. And take the nails. So I was trying to clean it and I just kept gagging and I said to him, I was like, I can't do this. I cannot. I can't do this.

I'm really sorry. No. So he snatched my shoe off of me and like scrubbed it off really hard and then went, there you go. Right, you can go back to your table now. so I put the shoe back on knowing what it had been through what it had been through

I even get that feeling you know if you're going to like a really dirty toilet yeah yeah yeah I leave and I can't stop thinking about what like the germs and the dirt

that's on the bottom of my shoe so the thought of like actually physically stepping in it which like I don't think I'd be able to concentrate on eating my meal

it's all oh I didn't eat anymore so what did you do then so you cleaned your shoe cleaned my shoe put my shoe back on because I thought well I can't hobble

and I went and I sat down and he was like you were ages I said oh yeah I just had a bit of an accident but it's fine why did I say that

and he didn't ask me again he was like oh right yeah and I didn't finish my food so he obviously thought oh she's not well she's 100% shit so then I thought

I'm going to have to sort myself out because I'm stressed so I had a shot of tequila and then when I sat back down I thought I need to calm down it's going to get me there he would have seen

that you've been crying though as well now yeah so obviously he thought what on earth has happened like what has she done how weird that he didn't ask many questions though

red flag yeah but no but if you say like I had what did you say I had an accident an accident I mean what would you say

she's crying well I mean if someone came back to the table and said I've had an accident I've been a while I know

and I had watery eyes you know it's pretty obvious what went down. I don't think I'd ask the question. Well, I just wouldn't want to embarrass them any further. I think, right,

that's what they've offered up, which is an accident. Would you not say maybe like, oh, do you want to talk about it? No, I don't think I'd want to know. Do you want to talk about what went on down there? No, I don't know if I would.

On a date, I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone. I'd always want them to feel the most comfortable. From experience, it's not a good thing. I have to know everything. Okay, anyway.

So, you had a shot of tequila. I love that. So, did you leave him at the table Yeah, I was like, I just need to get something. So I went round the corner. Now he's getting red flagged. He's like, she had an accident, she's crying, she's fucked off to get tequila.

Yeah, come back smelling of tequila, right? And then the manager came over. Oh, God. So obviously I hadn't told him anything about this because I thought, I'm too embarrassed, I can't do this. And the manager came over and said, oh, don't worry, we've checked the CCTV and it was just a homeless person that had come in

and pooed on the floor and that's whose poo you slipped in? Don't worry. I mean, what part of that makes it better? Oh my God,

that's so bad. That's so bad. They must have known, like, you can tell when someone's on a first date. Like, it's quite obvious.

Like, to come over and, that's really bad. Oh, he said that in front of you and John. He said that in front of me and John.

Did he politely take you to the side? No. But I reckon he's pissed off you because he scrubbed the shit off your shoes. Yeah. You've got,

do you know what, Sodder. So what was John's reaction? John was like, oh, thank God, I thought you'd pooed yourself. Who would do that? Who would? I mean, thank God. Who would do that?

So he did think your accident was that. He thought that I had had the accident. So then what was your conversation then at that point? I said, no, it wasn't me, but I'm not ready to talk about this. With tears in my eyes thinking I can't believe you've just outed me. So what happened? Oh my God. And so did they give you the meal for free?

No. We didn't get anything. He didn't give us a drink. I mean, I didn't want the meal, but he made us pay full price and I just slipped in poo. How did it end? So we then obviously had to go to the cinema and when we were in the cinema, I took my shoe off,

my shoes off because I thought I can't sit there knowing what's happened. It just kept reminding me, thinking my shoe is in it. Did it just kill the vibe? Did you have a conversation about it? No, we didn't talk about it at all. I remember ringing my mum and crying in the cinema toilets because I'd stepped in poo.

And then afterwards, I just didn't see him again because I thought, if I'm not prepared to be embarrassed around you, I'm not prepared for you. I'm not prepared for you. Interesting take, that, I would say. Like, just a really, okay, yeah. I'm here for it, though. I'm still here for it. And hopefully, John, whoever, if he is listening to this, he is now, it's affirmed that it

wasn't you that shat in the toilet and slipped on your own shit. I'm sorry, but he's telling everyone that story, isn't he? Yeah. Well, he's probably a little bit like, he's probably thinking, what the fuck's happened? Because it's not every day you slip in a shit in a restaurant toilet. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, all the flags would be going.

But he still sat in the cinema with you. Yeah. He still sat there, you know. Was he, like, nice? Was he, you know, did his behaviour change? No, I kept crying and he was like, just leave it, it's fine. Oh, you, okay. No, I need support.

You know when you're like, I need the support. Yeah. I mean, I guess he didn't know how to support you. How do you support someone that's... I also love that you kept crying. Yeah. That's all that's going around in my head. You stayed on the date and then just kept crying.

Were you watching a sad film? No, I think it was a superhero one. I just kept crying. He was like, you need to stop. I can't concentrate on the film. So I kept getting told off. I was like, it's just not for me. It wasn't happening, was it?

Can we get the bill, please? Right, if someone was to pay, it is either you two or the Johns or the Richard Gere's, who should have paid for the dates of this? I feel like you, I feel paid, no? I actually think for once our guest fits the bill. Yeah, no, I agree. Normally it's the person who the story is about, but I'm sorry, but I feel like you fit the bill. And I'll happily take that.

Well, guys, they were great stories. Thank you. They honestly made my morning, made my day, made my evening. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to just make sure I wear dark trousers when I go on dates now

and don't go to a curry house for a day and don't stay out until 5am and always look at the floor got it thank you so much for listening

I'm really hoping you've enjoyed it just as much as we have please feel free to follow subscribe and leave us a review we'd love to hear

what you think from Podimo and 2020 this has been First Dates Podcast hosted by me Frankie Bridge and me

Cece Coleman the producers are blondin hoag and fionn lewis the video producer is rob walsh the executive producers for potamo are jake chudnow and matt white the executive producer for 2020 is martin tricky special thanks to bruna pias kendra steve and fatima patea for ad-free episodes subscribe to potamo uk on apple podcasts