Nip Tuck - Tackling Puberty As A Parent

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

Ashley & Lauren are sharing their parenting wisdom and tackling what can be traumatic for any girl progressing through puberty. A girts first period. They share their very different experiences and how they are helping their daughters to make it less traumatic than it was for them. This takes a shocking twist though, as Lauren reveals her process for inserting... well, maybe just listen or watch to see the full demo and Ashley's horror.And for all of you without a daughter or a vagina, the girls chat the cost of shagging crisis supposedly sweeping the nation and what it says about you when it comes to which member of the Spice Girls you fancy.Head over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Susie's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail]

I think I had learned a lot about like willies and stuff from books. What fucking books were you reading? Like encyclopedias and shit. Like, do you remember that biology book? Then it had the human female and male body. That was where we all saw dick for the first time. Well, you saw your own. No, but I always used to be, but what's this?

And they follow you to the toilet. She gets in the bathroom with me, she follows me to the toilet. And she, you know, her head's... Oh, they love having a look. Yeah, what is that? What is that, mummy? And I just, I say things like sometimes ladies bleed out of their front bum. Yeah, and then just leave it at that for now until she starts.

And my back one sometimes. And my back one when the piles are hitting. Maybe there should be a pile kit today, I had piles. I don't like applicators, they don't go far up enough. And when I sit down, I feel like I've chopped it in half and it's like in my canal. Like, whoop, whoop, whoop. It's like, do you know your U-bend? It's like it's across the U-bend.

What do you fucking do? I just get an applicator tampon. I must have a moist pussy. guys hello and welcome a happy wednesday to nip tuck not giving a fuck i'm shaking my titties right so basically what have we got coming up lauren okay so today we are going to talk about periods and children and talk see you later ladies this is exciting um no oh i don't know girl talk girl talk for younger girls we've both got daughters what else are we talking about to cost of shagging crisis we'll get a bit more in depth on that shortly

um olivia ratwood's getting filthy rich i've watched that and i've got a lot to unpack for you so that's that's and just a little bit more on like can we have a little chin wag about shit that we've bought or used recently yeah yeah if we've got time yeah and of course we need you so we've got a couple of dilemmas here a bit of chat off patreon things we've extracted from you but we need more we need you to be getting in touch every single week yeah so you can get in touch on instagram on the phone on the email and the chat is always chatting on patreon basically if you don't know what patreon is and you hear us talking about it or other people talking about it it's only fans without the tits so you can basically i will put my tits in if you want

you well i think you already have i think i have you can literally direct message us on there so where's the surgeon list right it's not really a list you come to us you say hi boobs and we give you a name of 10 people and we say you go you research yourself but they're on our list there you go that's how you get that off dm feature but i feel like the dm feature is at the bottom because honestly like someone sends a message anyone got an aloe discount code within five minutes they've managed to save 70 quid off their aloe yoga hall um we had one the other day girls best cutlery set i said that the other day straight away i asked for heat protection spray straight away bam bam bam bam or i've actually put like my own genuine dilemmas in there like i'd be

like i don't know what to do about this what do you think yeah it's it's a lovely little community it is it's nice we put a lot of effort into that as well we put vlogs in there we're on there all the time so that's what that is you can get your bonus on there and you can watch the bonus on there or you can also watch our main on youtube on a wednesday afternoon and it's at what's it that nip talk podcast subscribe subscribe honestly because then you can literally see our reaction like do you know it's all well and good listening in the car i am that person as well but recently what i've started doing is in my office i sit down and i have a pod on and i'll get myself a little drink a little snack get snuggly bugly and i pop a pod on and it's honestly

snuggly bugly yeah i love it okay it's my do what you want with it but here we are okay so as you know we have both got daughters very similar age saskia has just turned seven thea has just turned eight and we don't talk mega mum chat on here do we we kind of come and go with it but there's something that that has been brought up and we've actually had our own conversations about helping each other like guiding through what the fuck do we do about this and we just thought it was quite a good thing to talk about on here to get advice and also to perhaps give you advice about it as well yeah we're just opening the floor it started with you telling me that go on about the the statistic that you told me yeah so there was a piece on the news i can't remember a few weeks

ago that i saw and it was about you know people at primary school starting their periods and honestly back when i was at primary school no i was aware of i don't think any of my friends were starting their periods at primary school i would say towards year five and six i kind of knew what it was and i used to think i want movies a bit yeah but i honestly wouldn't say until like year six so that's what 10 11 that i actually started in year seven same but i didn't really know much about until then and there certainly wasn't chat about it at school i wasn't told about it and we were saying apparently the age of of starting periods has gone right down to just under 10 which that seemed written i know so now we're not doctors we're not just an

interesting fact that our period starting periods are starting earlier so i said to lauren what are you doing about the chat and we spoke about that you had a little yeah we spoke about it on here with her yeah but i was thinking then i need to start soon with saskia because she what if you know it could be in two years that she starts her period and i think you don't want a child as young as like six yeah no that can people can start really young but normally it is a bit older but it is in general getting younger i think preparation is key with these things and can you it's so weird as you grow older like thinking about you know like when I told my mum I'd started my period and she started crying and I was like you weirdo why are you crying and now I'm like

even thinking about Saskia starting hers makes me want to cry yeah so basically I heard someone speaking about what to do when your daughter gets her period and their advice on it and it was a lady on tiktok i will try and find the tiktok but it was one of my late night scrolls yeah you don't always keep it i think i've left it in the chat actually i'll post it and she said you should put a period pack together and sit down together and talk her through the period pack okay so something in like a little makeup like a little cute bag nonchalant zippy bag i was obsessed with fucking toiletry bags a toy yeah so maybe go shopping together one day and pick and then you know you can sit and talk about these are your options you've got a sanitary towel you've got a period

panty you've got a panty liner yeah you've got a tampon you've got a moon cup they're all the options and make them feel like their body their decision so she said that the one that she went for was the period knickers okay we will get into period knickers a little bit later on but i'm just going to talk you through this first so she said she bought her daughter a toiletry bag a pair of the teen period knickers that are like boy shorts fear will only wear a boy short now she wears the skims ones does she and she says i only wear skims knickers now but i get it because when i tried skims because i was like i only wear skins they used to wear you know like the knicker they're called security pants but now she will only wear a boy because they're doing cartwheels

and stuff all the time i didn't know why i just i don't know why frilly it is comfier i think what it was is she was getting gets it gets like a bit uncomfy doesn't it right in your groin they grew fast as well yeah so anyway so they do so they do period ones do they for young yeah i didn't know that so like tween period knickers okay i like a boy short or a gymnasticsy short so you get the toiletry bag get this then you get some kind of like um sanitary disposal bag right some wipes is that a bit like a nappy sack yeah right some wipes um like then you give them a card that says today i started my period okay or two cards i think she said she put in and it you can buy them like off etsy or something you can buy any today i did my first whatever a little

like a playing card size so really small and basically she says okay you go to the toilet daughter and you pull down your knickers and you started your period right you put those dirty knickers in your little nappy sack bag yeah you wipe yourself off with the wipe yeah you pop your period knickers on or you put a fresh pair with your pad or whatever you decide to do and then you go to the teacher with the card you don't need to open up a conversation but let them know you hand that to teacher or if mummy's away and grandma or daddy's picking you up yeah or even mummy yeah whoever convo awkward no it is so awkward you'd press in the car done done i think that is such a good idea i think that advice is the only thing is

when because i'm always torn right between wanting to keep her young and not thinking about this shit and being a baby because fucking hell it's hard being a woman and once it starts jesus so i'm kind of torn between that and also wanting to be prepared so as we've all as i've said in the past thea has already asked me what a period is she has seen it i don't even know i don't know so we've already had the conversation so do you wait until they come to you or do you prepare them but then are you preparing them too soon like guys what do what do we do has saskia mentioned anything she asks me like and do they see it did she see me bleeding yeah like especially like after you've had a baby as well you're bleeding for weeks afterwards and they follow you to the

toilet bathroom me she follows me to the toilet and she you know her head's right oh they love having a look yeah what is that what is that mummy um and i just i say things like sometimes ladies bleed out of their bum bum yeah and then just leave it at that for now until she starts today i had piles yeah today i've got piles i don't want to talk about it you need to bring one into that when you're sat funny you can just pass me the card and i'll be like yeah she's having a problem should we just communicate with cards let's just not speak yeah in a bad mood today so basically i think that that little period pack thing good idea i don't think that that's that bad an idea to start when they're about eight there's eight now yeah so so we

imagine if she comes home and she goes mommy i lent it to my friend which is another thing yeah that they could do so the con what i find quite difficult about the starting conversation about the period is where it leads so we had the the period chat and she i've spoken about it already on the pod so i won't bore you but we had this chat about it and i literally told her what it was like the whole thing she'd seen me bleeding because like they do they follow you to the bloody toilet and you wipe and they see it and then what do you mean that's absolutely terrifying mommy's bleeding so you have to kind of explain it's really really normal and she's seen tampon strings dangling out of my vagina and asked me what the mouth the mouth it's all it's happened so i kind

to wait until she came to me and then we had a full conversation now the thing is everyone's child's different and everyone's you know your own kid and you know what language to use whereas with thea she's very mature and she wants to know to the nth but why but why why but from where which hole and how long she actually said to me so is it on the exact date every month i was like well sometimes it's just like and how many days and and so she so fine that's my child so i had to give her i had to give her the full overview we were not skimming anything but then it kind of led to we were talking about pregnancy so i said and when you're pregnant you don't have periods so then it then the problem is it's like how far is this gonna go so then she said

so did you know you were pregnant with tommy because you didn't have a period and i said exactly that and she's very clever yeah and i said exactly that i didn't come on the period so i did a test but then that leads to well how did tommy get there then and that and then my head's gone i got a fucking eye right so these books i did some digging because a book it's always a good place because you can offload to the book and then you do let's refer back to the book so this one here first was my period journal i think that's for a bit older and when they've started the period so they can journal it because then they can journal it and as well they can then get to understand that it happens every you can work out when it stays and then and then the mood

swing situation today i feel yeah i do think as one thing that until recently you know women now learn we know a lot more about our cycle we understand now why we feel angry why we feel tired we know that just before our period we're going to feel x that wasn't a thing for me i knew that you might feel a bit sad during certain times but now you can literally you're discharged you're this you can work out your entire cycle now if we start that quite young to the point of i know now i'm avoiding that this week this week i'm gonna feel x and i know that that's that week so i'm not gonna put an important obviously they're only babies now but if they start to learn their cycle yeah it's really some women did you listen to that podcast i think it might have

been steven but a woman basically said that she maps her work diary around her menstrual cycle so she knows that there's a certain week where ed's gone she's not in it she's not productive so she doesn't fuck any important decisions i wish i could i know or any important calls that week however she knows that in another week she is fucking on form and that's when she puts her big decisions and meetings clever if you've got the time but teaching them that kind of thing young it's probably good yeah you will feel like you want to cry these days or you will want to eat chocolate bars fine that's normal yeah so i think that would help with the diary so this book here had i think it was like over 13 000 five star reviews right okay and this one's called

the girl's guide to growing up lucas can you zoom in bye anita i think i had this book when i was you know i think it's been around for ages the girl's guide to growing up by anita nike um trying your first bra dealing with sports building your confidence and preparing for periods i think a book is a lovely way to if you're a bit like but even if you just buy the book and leave the book in and around them to discover it themselves i think i learned a lot about like willies and stuff from books what fucking books were you like encyclopedias and shit like that do you remember that biology book then it had the female and male body that was where we all saw dick for the first well you saw your own

but what's this did you used to go in the dictionary and search up sex because i did google the name of the book it was a biology book and you would go straight to the fanny and dick straight to the vagina yes and i used to look on the um dictionary i used to search penis willy sex vagina and read it but that's because i was curious was that it yeah yeah the human body i'm gonna order that for the kids actually it is really good i think they'll be straight at the willies but that's what i mean like you don't see that stuff anymore or do they have it at school they must do the thing they've been doing i think it's in the curriculum has has saskia done the private part stuff yeah it starts this year thea is so childish about it and i'm obviously really

fucking childish about as well so she got in the car she was like you're never gonna guess what so they drew got something that's really bad this i actually don't know if i should admit it they drew like a body and then the people in the class have to point at body parts and it's part of the curriculum and they say like words for this so they press the breasts and then they go okay guys words for boobs tits tits whatever and she was like mum they did words for vagina and she said people were saying like mini tuppence flower i used to say tuppence flower whatever and she said i had one in my head but i just knew you'd go mad if i said it and i was like what and she went minge and i was like oh and you know where it's from the voice big minge energy it's that fucking

tiktok so at one point saskia wouldn't even know at one point you know she's so grown up and it's because she's got older brothers so in our house at one point our house is fucking mental there was a phase where everyone was going around and they were all going around going big minge energy how do you stop that so then she said what's a minge so i was like it's a horrible word for the vagina so when she got in the car she was like everyone was saying like tuppence first and i wanted to say minge but i knew you'd go mad i was like never say that imagine if she'd said minch the teacher would have had to have a week off like laughing but she got in the car and she was just crying laughing she was like some people were saying this let me finish these books

up sorry i think there's celebrate your body the ultimate puberty book for girls that was really top rated as well what is happening i need that book for everyday life same so this one is called what is happening to me so there's three go and have a look at them three yeah but this is where i wanted to get into like how lucky are they to have period knickers yes they are so lucky we only just discovered period knickers three years ago i found them when i was postpartum with teddy i've only just properly started using them i only use period knickers probably a few months you know organic tampons if i went on holiday yeah so we did we we used organic tampons three years ago we used to use the day and the flow and the total day had um cbd oil in it so yeah cbd tampon it's

like smoking weed up your fanny it would like it helps with the pain lucas it's fuck yeah yeah and i swear i swear i could feel it i swear when i put it in i could feel warmth i swear i could feel like my fanny had a joint that's like imagining covering a dildo in cbd or ramming yourself um what a great idea but then i got into the whole like are you really meant to shove something up your fanny yeah like only a day and as well like please i always say like bleach tampons like you're putting bleach in your fag like no and it sits in there for a long time can we just before we get on to period knicker chat those tampons for post-sex yeah post-sex tampons it's it came up as an instagram ad what were they called i can't

remember but i remember we talked remember we told everybody to put bv gel up the fanny and stuff and use it as lube that's better than a tampon because no supposedly the tampon after you've been cream tied the uh lucas you're so childish do you know what's really what is that what are they called after sex cleanup cue the cum sponge why we love it what after sex cleanup drip stick i don't think that's what the men we're gonna put a picture of that up here i don't think that's what i was talking about right listen listen i've got i've got a good point on this right so if you are in a relationship in your house and you're having sex you can deal with the with the backlash what if to be fair you go are you shagging someone in the office and you go

another one two three in the stationary in the stationary cupboard and then you've got the drip after that could make sense for that awkward essentials have a look guys so yeah anyway we we um we digress we digress so basically period knickers are i think we start promoting these to the girls now lauren i agree because and it's not as scary it's not scary the the ones that the lady that did that video they were black like nobody would know it's not as scary and also it means they're not you don't even see it all because just think about it right to us it's so straightforward to put a pad in it's not for a little girl like also the feeling of walking around with it and the sound of it so i do think that that might be something that i think is definitely worth

speaking about free in your school bag changing your knickers is not a big deal no um but they do need a little bag for those mellow period knickers yes i have got we've got a code for them do you wait yes i have forgotten it i'll put it in patreon when i remember we'll put it in patreon but basically these mellow period knickers sometimes certain period knickers and the ones that i discovered postpartum not gonna lie was when i was doing my hospital bag the marks and spencer ones a three pack for whatever but the gusset when you put them in the dryer because they do just look like normal knickers and i only wear black all of my clothes are black my leggings my knickers my bras my tops my jeans everything's black black black and um i don't think that you

were meant to put them in the dryer and they all broke i so these ones though are reinforced and stitched and the dressing gown you put me onto it yes is it weighted or something ashley i've Because my house is so small, for the amount of people we have in it, I can't even have like a bag. Did it all get posted to you ages ago? Yeah, and I sent it to you because I didn't want it in my house any longer

because I can't even have a package. So I went down to the post office and forced you to have it because I was like, I can't leave this in my house just before Christmas. They do a dressing gown as well. It's like a weighted one. But their main product is period knickers

and the period knickers are really fucking good quality. They have a thong one. I love a thong. They're called Mellow. i like the high ones so i because i get really bloated so i wore the high ones actually no like the other day and really liked them what i would say is i got i'm normally like an extra small small i've got a medium always size up in period i don't like tight either i like loose and because they are reinforced period knickers on like all of the bits it's a bit yeah i've got a medium and

and they fit me nicely right if you're gonna introduce period pants to either your teen daughter that already uses pads or tampons or to yourself this is my advice on introducing period knickers start by just wearing them at night yeah get used to them get used to them it's not that scary go and buy one pair just one see how you get on i'm telling you now you'll fall in love with them but i we've got a tiktok that's gone viral i think it's got like eight million views or something and it's me talking about how i've trained myself to free bleed have have we yeah it went viral yeah i had no i don't remember the clip yeah and like loads of gynecologists have done reactions to it good or bad right yeah really good so basically now you only wear period

knickers now don't you or a pad or a pad i only wear a tampon if it's a night out with a cream outfit or it's a bikini i'm sorry but i'm gonna wear them yeah those occasions then um what i do now i only wear again i'll wear a tampon on and i or a white dress vibe like very rare um and i now when i'm on my period i wear my period knickers sorry guys this is gonna get graphic but i don't give a fuck because honestly think that my symptoms of period my periods are shorter i get less pain might because i'm older but i get less pain and i feel like everything clears out a lot better right so i'm being graphic i'm sorry lucas but it all comes out so when i go to the toilet it's that is that the release it's the release so i go for a wee and then everything

opens up and it goes gosh all the period stuff and then it stops and so so the period knickers sometimes i'll like laugh and a bit of squirt out but mainly it's that and then game changer one of the girls in patreon a few weeks ago said that that since using period knickers because someone was asking about it she tends not all the time but the majority of the bleed tends to be when she sits down to go to the toilet how does your body know your body just knows lauren it's like literally it's crazy i think but now i don't bleed at night till i get up is that because we're lying down don't know this is the thing because at night i never wear this is the thing and then but then the days where i would wear a tampon and then put a pad in it like i'd have loads of

accidents in the night so i'm like does anyone know the psychology behind this i like the idea of it and i do but i think but there is one thing what so i um actually looked at this so you finished with your period knickers you took them off for the day what do you do you should have seen me i was like what do i do with this because i didn't machine no but i didn't want to put it in my washing basket yeah i just put them straight in the washing machine yeah but i don't do a wash every single day i do oh my god my wash my i don't not a darks wash every day for one pair of knickers so i'm what what mellow are doing because i've said this i said love the love it

all but i don't know what to do with my bloody knickers i don't want to put them in with the other kids stuff i'm not doing a wash every day for five days for a pair of knickers i'm just not detergent kills everything all right i know but i just didn't want to put it in there's just something about it next to the white baby girls it was a no for me so what she is doing she said because i'm not the only one that said this that has been like i do these she's making a bag oh a laundry bag cute and you keep them in there in your laundry but in the bag and then when you've got a couple and you're ready to do a wash i need to um order some more because i'd say having four pairs is the perfect amount but the night time i'd build them up so you start getting a couple

and then you build them up but postpartum they are an absolute game changer oh yeah if you're having a c-section make sure you get that over the the higher ones yeah um but it just gave it gave me a lot more confidence because postpartum you'd think that's it now done bleeding and then and when you have a section you think then you kind of think because you've had a section people think you won't bleed because you've not had a vagina but it's the same you still bleed i just wore period knickers for two months yeah yeah and it was i felt confident i felt held in i felt comfy anyway we've talked about this for a little bit quite a long time yeah that funny chat but any any advice girls can you remember starting your period yes i was in it was the i can literally

the last day of year seven and i'd been wanting to start my period like i wanted i wanted to be older than i was i always wanted to be older than i was and i wanted to be a grown-up and last day of year seven i was on the bus coming home and i went to the toilet i was in a sweet shop for some reason i don't know why i was there and i thought i'd shat to myself so i said brown yeah it was brown so i had a little sniff probably been up there all day then oh god yeah and uh it wasn't poo and i realized that i'd come here so i went home and said to my mom oh shit me pants or something she's like darling but i don't think if i remember rightly we'd had a pre-period chat i don't think we'd had any chat i knew what it was because i knew i'd been on the encyclopedia

yeah we we're saying that our mums are probably like we sat you down and we told you everything we gave you a fucking book but i don't think we did and i think she said to me you've got i don't if i remember rightly she wouldn't let me use tampons i think she said that's for when you're older and i think it was because of the thought i can imagine you going and shoving one right and i will have done on purpose yeah but i think she thought that it was straight away clears the show 10 at once do you remember when they used to come with those instructions in the wall yeah and i used to read the instructions have a leg on the toilet seat me fuck off fuck off do a demonstration i just shove it up no i must have a bucket then because

the other day the other day james was walking you put your leg on the toilet seat we walked james was walking past my own suite and he popped his head and he went oh i've never seen anyone do this you put his hands on his back glent down and he went can i watch i was like yeah sure so this is what i do guys if you're not on patreon sorry if you're not on youtube you're not gonna see this this is what i do toilet seat then i i'm not going up dry so is this normal this is not normal I clean my finger up dry So I go

Then I get I don't use an applicator Then I put it on the Well maybe do that Maybe use an applicator tampon I open up the lips And I whack it So it goes right up there

Then I take it out And wash my hands I don't like applicators They don't go far up enough And when I sit down It's like I've chopped it in half And it's like in my canal Like

It's like Do you know your U-bend? It's like it's across the U-bend What do you fucking do? I just get an applicator tampon I must have a moist pussy Minj Minj

Moist Minj energy Mine's dry Maybe you're perimenopausal Day to day It's dry Mine's always like I get a lot of discharge but like day to day it's pretty dry

Mine's not a ditch since I've had the baby I've hardly had any discharge Am I premenopausal? Anyway, yeah. I get a smooth applicator tampon. Oh, mine's... Isn't that a song? See, mine's...

Imagine. Smooth applicator. That's why I use... I have to moisturise because... Moisturise. Moisten because mine's like a dry... Like a Lillette. Yes, I use a Lillette.

Is that not... The best a man can get? No. Well, normally... Obviously, I use the organic now, but all the knickers. But yeah. Guys, tell us how you put your tampons in.

i would never have thought that you would have made a song and dance out of doing that i don't make a song i just put my leg on fucking do i just put my leg anyway enough enough enough james just text me i'll tell you what it said in a minute because i want to see what you think Bye-bye. Bye. That was very funny. That's not normal, that, mate. I mean...

I'm looking at you like, how do you put yours in? Fuck you. Your ass. I'm going to buy that cum sponge. I am... I... Are you?

Out of everyone. I would never have thought you would. It takes me two seconds. leg up open the flaps i forgot to do the flap opening because i use my fingers and open the flies open and then whack it up okay guys we are back james has just texted me saying i've got something to confess i think victoria beckham is sexy yeah she is i think she is so why that's not a no i'm just like do you think why is he why are you telling me i think david is but yeah i think ed said he's her favorite spice girl hey you guys that is a great question on a first date

who's your favorite spice girl do you think that tells a lot about a man uh-huh because if it's baby then they want like well jerry do you want fucking more shagging yeah and if it's posh then they want to look after you they want like yeah yeah that might be a good question oh melby right i want to talk about something before we go into the dilemma am i allowed lucas the cost of shagging crisis i didn't know what you were going to say then all right what's this then right lauren there's a pandemic literally sweeping another one the nation it's called the cost of shagging crisis now young people are experiencing the cost of living crisis yeah which then has been impacting their shags oh because they're saying

where do you shag because a lot of people have moved back in with their mums and dads here we go jump to list off a few ideas where do you shag because you moved back home a hotel is fucking expensive going on dates with certain types of people who need x amount of dates before they let you shag that's expensive and the nation's being cock blocked because of the cost of living is affecting their shagging and everyone supposedly it's like um a circle of doom because everyone's in a really fucking bad mood because no one can shag so you're saying there's a peendemic yeah a peendemic right so do you want me to give people ideas of places to shag go for it in the car cars are expensive yeah when it's stationary when it's stationary on the bus

no no i saw a video of someone shagging on the bus the other day i get that um in a park no illegal also illegal no it's very hi lauren just met you on hinge want to shag in a park you know what this is a fair point where are you gonna share because if you can't afford a hotel room then where are you gonna shag or you and you've moved back in with your mom and dad a bit quicker what do you mean we're gonna have to stop demanding three dates before the shag well we're gonna have to give the boys a bit of them because if you work this out let's call a date 150 pounds probably more but call it that the girl wants three days we're on 450 quick math 450 pounds at this point at least at least three days so 450 by this point with me you'd be on five ten grand

right okay and then i mean i'm up a packet of crisps but um and then you've then got the night out that then turns into the hotel stay a hotel stays at least 100 pounds at least you could 200 probably way more so you've got your outfits and stuff because you want to look smart for them to shag you you need some clean underpants like new calvins so we're talking here a grand just to shag someone yeah it's probably less to get a prostitute but where are you shagging them in a brothel oh in the actual brothel yeah i think yeah that's what's going a bit wrong at the minute really right okay and that's why everyone's angry because they're not getting shagged yeah or would you ever go back to your mum and no no one would do that and your mum wants

to know like who's in my house like do you know what i mean james said there has been multiple occasions that his mum has shouted up get that fucking girl out of your room now get her out of this house and his mum would as well she'd probably say she'd probably say get that slug out of the house and james also the other day the little fucker we went past a hotel i was like i didn't know the other hotel he was there and he was like i don't want when i did that's how many times i think do you know where it was everyone's now who shag james pretend your hotel was it as some it was i think it was the mayor it was some i can't remember and he was like cottons i can't on my road i can't remember it was yeah that's cottons it's fucking rancid wow it's a meat point and he

and he was like yeah i've been there a few times and i was like but fair have you ever been back to a hotel for a shark i have no probably i can only think of one time two two ish i'll only ever date a man with his own home no but it's not that you might not want to go to their home like what i'm gonna let their dick inside me no but what if you visit him what if they visit him and you're in another city what if you're all all out i wouldn't date a far person no you're doing it all wrong no well i'm all right now it's not an issue that i have now not before not so much listen no judgment or you could get johnny bravo how much do we think he is what's he doing what's going on with him is he back with the girl i think he's back with the girl i think we were right and

it was publicity yeah i've not heard from him a pub i did send him a voice note didn't i say what's going on did you cheat on your girlfriend and he didn't even reply so i think he's falling How much do you think a male prostitute is, Lucas? An escort. I mean, he's got to be... A sex worker, that's what we call them. We're going to find out the average cost of a sex worker. I hope someone sees your Google history.

Oh my God, after he's bitten by us. So I've got cum sponge and male sex worker average salary in the UK. It's like you're thinking about doing it as a dog. Is it £200 an hour? No, apparently it's £12 to £13, £150 an hour. but this is this is bollocks like he's he's got to be doing 100 100k a year do you think oh yeah lucas i want to ask you just digress here like a lot of people if you're an og will know lucas will have heard him not everyone has so can i put you on the spot and ask you a bit about your

current dating life because we had we started a conversation last week like a private not private one but like in between records about you like fucking dating right now is a joke and i never picked you up on it and i would like to hear it so just very i went on a date with a guy and he was very nice and lovely and very attractive and then he was just very needy like i just launched my own business i was very busy and it was just like constant you know like i need to date someone yeah i need to date someone that is like passionate about their work so like when it's working hours like i don't really want to message oh my god that is an ick when a man texts me in the day yeah like with ed i'm like i don't want to hear from you so then he never texts me goes to work

yeah so he was like next day he's like oh and i was about to go on holiday i was back for a week and then i went on holiday again so i was so busy work turkey yeah yeah and he was like you're you're just not giving me enough i was like we've met once yeah and he wasn't fit enough to make it just work no no he was but i was like i've just launched my own business that's priority no no we only met once well no no he says he's never knocked someone on the first day and then uh i started like having a few dates with this other guy who i met at pride and he also met my friends right and then on my birthday bearing in mind we've been talking we've had a few dates um my mate came up to me was like oh do you remember that guy we met yeah i went around his parents

house and shagged him the other day i was like oh well we've been on three dates oh so he'd been dating you and then in the meantime seeing and then he went and knobbed your friend yeah but my mate didn't know about it wasn't his fault but the guy that i was had a few dates with so what did he think was gonna happen well i i was like oh i've just heard about this he's like no no he's talking crap and i was like well no he's my friend and then he admitted it i was like this is where we part ways and blocked him and did he say did he have an excuse well i didn't give him a chance i blocked him and what apps are you on rat ratty ratty fucker yeah what apps are you on uh hinge and tinder not grinder no i'm 35 now is grinder more like a hookup grinder is i could go and

and this is not anything of me being arrogant i could go on grinder right now and probably within 20 minutes i could have something lined up have something in something going on something lined How do they act when they meet you? Are they just like, bend over then? Well, isn't that my line to them? Yeah. Like, what is it? Or do you have to like, snog them?

Well, every situation is different. Everyone's different. I guess it's only the same with straight people. Yeah, I don't want to go into too much detail because Daddy will be listening. We've told Daddy not to listen. Not like Danny. Daddy.

Like Daddy. My actual father. My father. Because obviously there are some people that have a name where they just like people to come in and pop it in and do the business and unload and leave but then other ones you know like them fully come in them yeah so the term is i can't believe it does the term is a cum dump and then what but what do they do with the cum squeeze it out into the toilet yeah but there are some people that will literally

like go and grind it and see how many they can get in a day and sometimes they'll put sometimes they'll put the little like water emoji and the number next to it oh so so they might say like what the squid i can only assume it's like a cum cement mixer up there but then that's very um very scary for stds very i mean obviously you know gays can have like prep and stuff to like yeah but oh yeah there's some some naughty boys on there do you know if you have prep do you have to pay for it um no you can get it on nhs prep is just so that you don't get um it's something you can take to prevent that happening very fucking good good good i'm glad there's something like that no i'm really glad that

there is something like that medication's got a side effect yeah but then it's it's the it's the it really doesn't but also don't forget actually you don't want hiv cold sore tablet yeah but that's what i'm talking about with the cold so it's the which is more important no um you take an cycle a bit before only before lip blush you feel like shit yeah so that's the but i'd rather feel like shit right well thank you and have you got any more dates lined up i've got one friday have you right go on i don't know yet i don't even know where i'm going to take him we're only going for drinks is he the girl is he the girl i i have absolutely no idea of his orientation right but you're taking him is that because you asked for the well because i'm the fucking geyser

you know so you always went down the shop got a few scratch cards didn't i had a bit of money come in the old bank and now i'm gonna take him down pub get a few guinness then i so yeah do you always are you always the the one that takes them on the date yeah usually yeah he's the man one no the yeah the top i've learned that i love telling people about that right okay i don't know I'm just interested so you're going on Friday you don't know where you're taking him

I don't know yet but I've said to you before I love a first date at Mackie Mare in Northern Corp lots going on picky bits yeah because if

let's say it's crap you've got loads of atmosphere and chatting you can sit on a table with other people do you know where else is nice as well El Gato Negro

love El Gato Negro yeah every time I walk past there I scowl at it because James once went on a date there and now I walk off it's really nice though

it's great I bet they had a great time yeah like somewhere like that vibe you weren't busy though but he likes his white wine i don't like white wine so what kind of wine do you like red red yeah so you're going on friday yeah you're gonna take him out and see have you had a lot of interaction up to now well we'd talked

before but then again this was when i launched my own business so it just kind of fizzled out but not not for any reason just didn't have the time for it i didn't have the time okay and he seems really nice he's got a horse what he's got a horse so he's great at riding right guys love you that was a real bing bong all over the show don't forget you can watch us now on youtube five o'clock wednesday be there be subscribed get your chicken mind send us a picture in of where you're watching this nip tuck podcast subscribe watch because you all begged for youtube to come back and we've done it no one's watching that so go watch it then if you want if you want more you need to watch and share share sharing is caring love you bye

you