Nip Tuck - The Aldi Headphone Gang

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

This week Ashley & Lauren have given you an extra special dose of beauty and treatment recommendations to get you summer ready. Lauren is off on her holiday and is fuming it's going to be hotter back home, plus she's noticed something funny about the staff at her local Aldi (which apparently's NOT in Rochdale). Ashley's got us all worried about a Facebook glitch, which you might want to know about...To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, icks, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational did you hear how i just did that that i couldn't do that again you do it aspirational oh you can women so this is all about being unapologetically yourself on nip tuck we want to get your voice heard you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com and you can get in touch via whatsapp as well so voice notes messages tell us your stories tell us what's going on somebody actually instagram messaged me directly after an event happened she said she got in the car straight away was like on the phone to send us a message i like that and is it a good one yeah someone was wanking in a bush when she was taking a dog for a walk

she bent down to pick the poop up and the man was wanking so she was like I don't know if it's a dog fetish a dog poo fetish a me fetish and I said what did you do she was like

I was just like anyway oh my god she needs to ring the police I know I did say that you know I would like to digress yeah don't ring us first yeah on that occasion

ring the police then us but yeah you can head to this episode's description for more information on that and we want to know all your stories your dog shit stories

your wanky stories beauty questions anything anything really anything you want to chat to us about because we don't give a fuck fuck oh ash i just said i'm turning it off but you didn't did you oh fuck off not you the person though who is it tell us now come on who is it because it's one of my friends have you ever done that before where you've like rang someone and you can see them

And they've looked at the phone and put it back in the pocket No I don't ring anyone because I haven't got time to talk I will never ring you in an emergency Really Pick up the phone And then you don't answer and I text you like a million times Yeah you do I'm dealing with this alone

Well hi guys Hello to everyone on Patreon that can see us Hello This is not good So I've got my hair half up half down And it's still wet and wavy But this headset with the no hair Have you got a weave?

Yes. Right, I need to tell you something. Don't let your hair dry naturally and wet with a weave because that's what makes your hair break off. So you know when you've got a weave, girlies, and you get it blow-dried and then for ages you've still got it damp? You need to ensure as much as possible that you get that bit dry because that is what weakens your hair.

I actually know that. But last night I was lazy. I slept with conditioner in. This morning was meant to wash it out. i've actually got um have you got a good hair dryer yes i've got a parlux oh yeah the parlux ones are amazing but i've got this new nikki clark infrared one and it's really good okay that sounds like something you buy from boots on super no it's actually really good my friend lydia i really snobby about things that you can get in um not everything but certain things that

you can get in like normal do you know what though i used to be and then i had a really good chat with someone that worked for L'Oreal and this is what they said to me they were like Ashley the thing is that we can afford to buy so much next generation technology we've been in the industry for years we can try out all kinds of new different things they can carbon copy like the most expensive foundation reverse the formula so in reality yeah you can buy a L'Oreal six pound foundation from boots yeah or you can buy a 60 quid one from hourglass and it's potentially the same exactly i've all i'll be honest i've always been a bit like but they are because i just assume they're not as good i just assume they're not and did you know do you remember that brand

bourgeois their makeup was the exact same as chanel's makeup they were made by the same people that's right do you remember their blusher was amazing and their foundations i remember their The ads were quite bougie. Yeah, it was a nice brand. I wonder why that's gone. Anyway, so people on Patreon that are seeing us today, Lauren, your hair looks... It actually suits you like that.

It suits me half up, half down. Not with these on, though, because now I'm bored. But are you going to have to wash it again? Oh, yeah, but I just couldn't do it this morning. I just couldn't. Because you're going on your cruise tomorrow, aren't you? Sunday. Going on my cruise.

This is me in my kayak. yeah i'm on my cruise it's me on the kayak and what um baby grow what baby grow have you got on today um my outfit's terrible today i'm tired i'm busy whatever i forgot i forgot the whole thing right okay so i've got gray tracking fresh trim gray tracking gray tracking my waist either these um and then just the body yeah it's not good and i've got off-white sliders on what body is that has it got a is it a body suit yes how can you be they hurt my vagina i just threw it i really did throw it on today i'm tired right i've gone

i've just me you need these what i've got them and then i've got you need this vest top oh nice feel it feel how stretchy it is it comes in a massive it comes in a pack of three um and again it's from my amazon nice and then this top is from lululemon and i love this hoodie it is the nicest hoodie ever yeah i today it was just a real i've had a real wow already this morning i've done a food shop i've been to pilates i've taken the clothes to the washing person i've taken theater school that sounds very productive i've recorded um some stuff on my phone i've been really busy and then i've got to fly here get one child from nursery go and get thea from school oh fuck it's not yeah you're

not interested anyway um that's why i look like this and that's all i have to say um i will try harder next time but i have tinted my eyebrows they look really good what kit did you use i use reflectasil what's that amazon it's one of the ones i used to use when i did beauty um also look on the lower lashes by the way i have shit lashes shit lashes have you been using serum compared to like which one um it's good that but i've found a new one well i'm going to use this for a bit longer so i can test it properly and then i'll try another no mascara no own lashes wow can you cope that's unreal that's unreal right like okay i literally have got no mascara on guys if you that's really good like that they look fake and what she's done she did lvl and she made them

like cat eye they look really good she is really good thanks sadie shout out um they're really good i went to bar core yesterday have you ever done it before bar core i thought yeah bar yeah um and i was unbelievably shit at it were you i wish we'd have filmed that really fucking bad and like the women in the class were in the 60s and they were better way better than me do you like it i'm i love it but i'm shit you're shit it's because it's like the first time i've worked out for ages so i've booked him for one-to-one lessons while i get to that point so you don't embarrass yourself yeah exactly so um i text my friend megan i was like because she always takes the piss out of me that i never exercise i'm like you as well i go through phases um and you take the

piss at me when i exercise as well yes people that know me well like can't imagine me exercising and i was like i've just been to barcar and she went the thought of you exercising makes me howl i was like thank you thank you for the support do you know um i like i go to reformer pilates near me um i've forgotten what it's called reformer i think um anyway she's amazing lissy so i did a few one-to-ones and now i do it and i like it and it hurts have you done the one with the trampoline yet where you do little bounces so i still do that no they've got a trampoline that they attach on to the end of the reformer so i go to soul reformer in knutsford and um it's called cardio so on i booked us the studio one night it's a friday and a few fridays

you probably can't come but i'm gonna get lucas to come um and we're gonna film it and i'm gonna ask them if we can do the cardio one and they stick a tiny trampoline at the end of the reformer so you know how usually you've just got wait you're gonna film doing pilates they've given me the studio for six people what are you filming it for just like for fun oh because it'll be funny to watch you yeah thanks lauren i'll do it and i'll go next to you um do you have a nice pair of like socks they're not nice no i have a glittery pair you're so fucking pathetic yes well write that down lucas i put the date on that little document that i said you're so pathetic you have glittery socks i've got glittery pilates socks and whenever i wear them people ask

where they're from fucking well they're stupid as well fine i won't get you a pair i don't want a pair i would look an absolute spat towards a pair of glittery i don't want anything glittery glitter's disgusting do you know who i heard like reform i'm phil scoffield who michelle keegan so yeah if michelle if it's good enough for michelle keegan it's good enough for us couch potatoes right okay so um so i feel like i've dropped off my treatments recently right i'm going for the more holistic approach okay so we now what we'll all copy everyone cancels all treatments and goes to holistic person um so i have been looking at some like at home stuff you've got too much time on your hands so everyone talks about this new face mini

so i've got one for us to try amazing okay i was watching tiktoks of it and some people do half the face and they're like yeah and how long does it last for no it's just like you know before you go out and stuff and like an event right okay and it tightens here amazing the jawline would be nice we're gonna give it a go let's see what we think let's see what we think let's do one half of each other's face it'd be really fun we can bring it in and do it next week you're like so yeah i got that off current body and then i got an at-home laser hair machine oh interesting and the reviews on it i think oh what's it because it's benny getting laser hair it's not just like the appointments so i've not shaved for a week do you want to see my vagina show me

oh oh yeah we're on camera sorry we can't do that anyway it's just like baby hair like light like i sent you let me see where is the um the one that i'm trying current body right the one that i'm trying is called smooth skin pure okay give it a try so how often do you use it i don't know i've not used it yet but it's an ipl device do you know what that might be good for me or someone who's done laser hair removal and he wants to keep on top of it as well do you know like they've nearly done it and they want to finish off or they want to like keep on top it over the years and stuff sorry guys god not ill again are we no um so yeah that's what i bought it for because supposedly it is for like just maintenance yes yeah um so yeah i've got that

i've got a code for current body i've forgotten what it is i'll put it on my instagram but they've got some good they've got good shit on there like the latest good i use their mask all the time oh yeah i bought that for you for your birthday i've got the dermalux yeah we know that i love it yeah we already know um right new things that we've heard about that we want to try though right so um we spoke about this last night was it all the day before so really weirdly um one of the girls that works in the salon where i do lip blush danielle does she was telling me that she'd use this lemon in a bottle it sounds weird and then she's telling me i thought lemon bottle it's lemon bottle i thought yeah right she went i've just put it in my chin just to see if it

gets rid of some fat because she injects and she was like i've had no swelling or anything like it doesn't make you swell but and she was like i'm gonna try it and to be honest in my head i was thinking what a load of bullshit yeah another craze of something that isn't gonna fucking work um and then i messaged and then that night ash messaged me saying okay so actually it's meant to be good we hadn't had a conversation you know what i'm like with my research so what we're gonna to do is this for you guys i have got a pocket so just to go back lemon bottle is another version of um aqualix or fat dissolve but aqualix gives you a bullfrog if anyone's had that chip before they know you're out of action like you get like about a golf ball size lump under your chin and

you look like i've got hives it depends where you do it i had it once just a tiny little bit and it wasn't too bad but if you have it around your jawline you've had it like you are little like that like you're like a nutty professor and it hurts it hurts after yeah it's so it's so so this lemon bottle is meant to dissolve fat how i don't know i don't i think it's got high lays in it or something as well um so basically what we've decided is i'm gonna try danielle to get some before and afters i'm gonna film myself having it done so i'll do the full process of it and we'll see if it works i've only got a little pocket but let's see so we'll do it for you it's meant to be good on your arm vaginas too i'll get to do my arm vaginas mine are massive maybe just do one

arm vagina and then let's compare it against the other arm vagina what i'll do i'll do my chin and one arm vagina um give us a bit of time because you have to do it i guess every three weeks but i'll update you um i'll put some videos up and then we'll go from there what i think about it now there's a book that i am absolutely addicted to so you know i'm obsessed with like anti-aging and stuff like that one sec so it's called i sent it to you you won't have read it i didn't even open it no i didn't even open the text you just get me to do it all and then i text to saying like what's this for how can i do this it's called something like aging and why we don't have to i'll again i'll link this book so basically there are three things that you should be taking

if you want to like halt aging basically reservatrol okay have you heard of that so reservatrol um it can like stop cancer cells from forming in your body and stuff like that um nmn or nad oh yeah so that nmn and nad are going to be the top two hottest supplements for the next few years um what's that nad therapy do you remember the iv no i remember you looking into that a while ago i was literally about to have it and then um i was reading it through about all the biohacking so it's you can take nad orally or you can get it um injected in via a drip no so really the best way to do it is take nad orally or you can have like daily dose injections of it um personally i think just take the tablet and um there's a little powder one that

you can get as well okay uh so anyway i'll if i remember to do this i'll like try and link all these and then the third ingredient is called metformin and that's what diabetes people with diabetes take okay so if you take those three things together supposedly that is the that is The one. But you can't get metformin unless you've got a prescription. So what do we do? You can get, if you... You could get a backhanded.

No, we don't do anything illegal. No, we don't. There are these things called biohormones. We pretend to have diabetes. No, we don't do that. No, you don't. We don't do that. Have you heard of biohormones?

Our friend Amy does it. No. so you when you're our age male or female obviously your body is like not producing yeah your body's not producing stuff or working like it used to so these biohormones um you go in for like a blood test ed's just oh no the one that ed's done yeah yeah yeah okay yeah and then today he had to go back and forth three times on no food or drink at different intervals for the day wow it's heavy yeah but once you've done it then they can prescribe you everything that you need to perform better like you did like when we were a bit younger exactly so i think like amy

gets like testosterone um something else because there's loads of stuff that our bodies stop producing they uh you go in like literally once a month and they inject you with all these bits that you're missing and then like you know as women especially our muscles don't if we work out in the gym yeah they don't yeah they don't like harden like they used to and okay we're not as lean or you know you hold weight in certain areas you might be tired moody i wonder if it's good for when people are premenopausal that's when it's amazing for right okay i've got a friend who's struggling with that so i'm gonna remember that honestly so is it really spenny yeah but like how spenny i don't know it depends how deep you want to dive on like the tests and stuff like

that but what i'm saying is this is all part of the i'd rather be a little bit more holistic because i personally now i've not had fillers for a long time i think coming up to like a year last appointment i went to i just had botox i've been having skin boosters that was just after i'd had teddy so it is a year jesus you look good so you're thinking more let's fix things from the inside and prevent rather than panicking when it does happen and i'd rather get a facelift at like 37 i hear you because i will do something like that some of the surgeons now are saying that And when people fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, and then they look absolutely fucked and then they like dissolve it all, then...

Is it dissolving natural tissue as well, I bet? Just everything's not... Yeah. And then when they open people up to do facelifts now, they're declining people that are overfilled. Really? Because there's just too much stuff in there? Yeah. Okay, let's stop filling our faces.

I mean, look. Tweaks if you want to tweak. but do whatever you want do whatever you want but maybe not a full-on yeah and then there's these new treatments um so exilis has been around for ages yes um and you can have katie to do that i want to have it on your draw and then obviously you've got like your morpheus and um what's the other one called that doesn't leave marks sylpham i still don't rate morpheus really did you keep up with your i've seen other people's i just don't think it's that good really i do think micro needling is just so good for your skin yes needling yeah yeah i do but i

think people go in there i think with an unrealistic expectation it's expensive but if that's the thing this is what we were discussing the other day so this is part of what's going on at it when certain people or influencers don't get us wrong we do get gifted stuff right but we don't get gifted stuff like i buy my makeup and skincare oh yeah we're not we're not on like we're not on anyone's amazings list no no exactly but what i was thinking the other day i bought um a charlotte tilbury cream bronzer and i think it was about 60 quid big one yeah and i was like this is shit for 60 quid for how much it actually is yeah and then i've got all these influencers who must have been gifted it that week and they go oh it's amazing well of course it's amazing if it's free it was

free yes it will be so you need to be mindful of the fact that is it worth the money not just is it good is it worth the money so can we start like normalizing especially if you do try a treatment or get it gifted just saying would i have paid that did i think it was great yeah i did but would i have paid 1500 quid for it maybe that's something that we need to think about when we're doing it ourselves no i'm gonna start that's the thing with morpheus i didn't pay for it yeah it was okay i would be really wounded if i'd paid a grand and a half personally it could have been who did it it could have been whatever but personally i wouldn't have been happy with that and when i got my hip dip fillers i i know you have a different experience i quite liked it i thought

it was good i didn't pay for it i've still got a lump from that if i'd had to mine is just gone completely gone if i'd had to pay four thousand pounds two to four thousand for that i would be furious because it's gone it went within the year which i knew it would no that's ridiculous so we need to think more about that when we're recommending i think um that face type thing looks amazing ah you said you weren't sure about this you said someone said it wasn't that great i had someone and i did their lips different and she said i said you i said did you like it i've heard it's amazing she was like it's okay yeah that's what i'd heard yeah it was kind of like but it's expensive and it hurts yeah right i know one thing i've spoken about we need to

wrap this um chatting shit about treatments up but um profound profound profound it's one treatment yeah i think it's about two thousand pounds no wow and it has to be done by a doctor they only do it in london nowhere around here in america now as standard when you're getting put to sleep for something all of the plastic surgeons offices have a machine and do it on you while you're asleep i love that it's called profound and basically i will show you the before and afters one of our friends has had it and she had um vaser on the area here and um so when i had when i it's like the j plasma at the time which is also called no it's not it's completely different no i mean as in an add-on to your treatments if you have a lipo they put it on at the end like your thingy that

you're on your arm yes yeah but this clinic um in london do just do it but yeah a girl that i know had um some lipo and skin tightening here paid like thousands for it and then was like it didn't work went for this profound after i said to her oh look at this the results are unreal really on just chitin or can you do it in other places i think you can do it in other places we'll have a look at this if anyone wants to give me that for free i'll tell you anyway let's move on so we're gonna i'm gonna do the lemon thing for you i will literally sort that out when i'm back off my holiday i'll have it done for the first time and i'll film it stunning well we'll be back after the break sorry for that ramble with what's on our tits and your slutty susan confessionals

but first first first first first that's like when a man and when you say to a man have you texted such and such and they go what have i what have i what in the head they're thinking politician response yeah are you a loyal listener of nip tuck not giving a fuck do you set an alarm for wednesday and friday ready for our new releases do you laugh out loud while you're at the gym on the train driving to work when you're tidying up from the kids if so we need your help as always please share it tell everyone i know most of you do do this um send it in your whatsapp group now because that really helps us get it shared get it out there every listener that we get means that we keep going for longer this ain't free so we kind of need just all stops okay

welcome back right let's dive on straight into what's on your tits lauren right this is a real i don't even want to share this in a way because i know how pathetic it is i know how like brattish it is but we're all friends here so you know i'm going on holiday next week on my cruise you've not mentioned it i'm furious it's gonna be it's hot here why right i'll tell you why i've got good reason like behind this so if you think in the uk i'm obsessed with sunshine by the way and it changes my mood if it's not if it's sunny i'm happy if it's dull i'm not so if you think in the uk there's what four weeks of a year five maybe of sun that's it that's all you're getting mate and we live here in for 52 weeks you're looking at

four yeah yeah why would one of those four i'd be in another country oh i see it really winds me up so i go on sunday it's meant to have been raining a lot in spain and stuff it's going to be stunning even if it's stunning there and everyone goes oh but you're on holiday yes but if there's only four weeks of the year of sun and I've missed one of them on holiday I could have missed a rainy week and it really bothers me when I went to Estepona for the weekend it was nice here and James was like why are you so arse I was like it's fucking sunny and all the birds in the garden my mum does that and my nan used to be like when when she'd ring her to check her she'd be like it's lovely here love it's the best weather ever and my mum would be like shall I yeah that's what I feel like

and I'm like oh great good for you and I just think there's not that many sunny weekends I'd rather be away on a not sunny and it is brattish but if i'm not the only one that thinks this then no i don't think you are it is babyish it's brattish it's spoiled brat but i don't care yeah but you'd rather be on your virgin cruise than in your garden in rochdale don't live in rochdale i'd rather go i'd rather go because if i timed the weeks differently i could have had two or three weeks sunshine here and then when it started raining here and i would have been in the rain in my garden in rochdale i could have been on my cruise mate i can't fucking wait to hear about this it's good you're just making it into it's gonna be

fine it's gonna be brilliant i'm going to lagarite in can in that off the island on a boat and it's gonna be lovely okay anyway please be honest don't just cover it up i'm not gonna be i'll tell you i'll tell you the pros and cons pros because i've taken the me and james and holly con cruise free pro free con cruise onward right i'll tell you the truth okay what's been getting on your tits aldi headset what's this lots of talk to me right i don't know if anyone works in aldi here if you do or have a friend if you do then you can probably tell us this so when i walk into my local aldi right and that's where i do my big shop i'll be rot still no i'll be rotten still if anyone wants an autograph next time i'll sign her sit outside right and they all they have the headsets

on don't yeah i swear they are talking about each and every one of us we would be made yeah i know and it made me laugh because i saw honestly when i walk in like they'll do this and then they'll go like and then they'll go like something or something like that and then it's funny and so then i went to the checkout bit and i saw the guy look up mutter something and then he went like this do you think they listen to the pod or something no i just think they do it to everyone and i would love to know what they're saying yeah so for example i think they're saying this is what i would do so say that there was like someone coming down the thing that i didn't like and they were getting loads of crisps i'd be like fat bitch yeah i thought you might want to tell her to

put them crisper and go down to the salad aisle instead now imagine hearing that in your ear while you're trying to serve them that's what i feel like happens i need to know if you're not i would love that i would love that but look at her have you ever um like text or rang the wrong person or anything like that um what did i do when i covered it up really bloody well i sent a screenshot of the conversation that you were having with the person that was meant to go to someone else so what i did is i made i managed to make a joke out of it and be like what did i say i said something like see i'm even having to show my mum this because she doesn't believe like i made i sounded it out it wasn't it was someone else's and there was some or i sent it again saying just so

you can read what you've just written like as if it was a joke like um yeah i have done that before what about when you send like the wrong picture and stuff like that are you oh it's just really it's really embarrassing it's really embarrassing i didn't know for ages that you could see if someone's you screenshot what was it on snapchat yeah when i used to have it ages ago and that's got me embarrassed quite a few times that's really embarrassing i didn't know um so there was a glitch with facebook the other week whereby any person that you searched over like a week-long period it added them as a friend so you know when you're like doing your your store when was this no it was about a week ago um and loads of people are like lucas get me a brown paper bag

people are like i've got like ex-boyfriends adding me and did it and yeah it was in the press it was a big thing i remember though all of a sudden i feel very hot and when they'd been like a facebook update one of my ex-boyfriends had his status name as my name oh i love i've done that before back in the day i've done that before i've done that before um so other thing that's been annoying us and not annoying because i feel like i get it and we are a voice of you know voice root whatever shit um people are still asking for surgeon recommendations um so i think we just put it out there again that the reason we don't do them isn't to be gatekeepers it's not to be bitches it's not i'm not telling you what it is literally if you go to a surgeon that one of

us has said recommended even if we thought they were great and something goes wrong we feel responsible and there can be complications with every so it's not like a gatekeeper thing where it's just it's not worth it for us like no just don't be look do your research you can work it out like it's not that difficult or maybe do you know what i thought was a good idea the other day you know the girls who see a lot of post-op stuff so your manual lymphatic drainage people message that kind of person message them don't ask us no because as well we're not medically trained ask someone like that it's a lot to put on ourselves yes i agree and as well i don't always know the right answer i don't either like i used to but i'm a bit out of touch now the main one that people

ask me for is nose job surgeons and i had a nose job 10 years ago i'm a bit out of touch with surgeons now i'll be honest i don't really know anymore who's good yeah i know who's who's like bad bad but everyone can work that out if you google stuff yeah exactly um right so david hay this is what's getting on my tits right so um i listened to una healy did you listen to that podcast did i hack um my therapist ghosted me i don't listen to any she did a interview on there about what actually happened what happened it wasn't a throuple on her part but he did like he made myself comfortable he invited his ex-girlfriend on holiday with them why he said he was really close he was really honest with her it sounds right like he was like i'm just letting

you know you're not the only woman in my life they met on raya as well i never saw him on there um but i've got a friend who he asked to be one of his mistresses as well right so his thing is and have a few and that's what he does and that's a bit like so i think and that was about four years ago or something don't quote me on that but it was a few years ago there was another woman come in i think she only found out like the day before but she wasn't in a relationship with the woman no she never kissed the woman like i don't even think she had the woman's number so they were just on holiday together yeah but obviously the press made all this big thing and then he never denied any of it because he's a man he's a man so why not more the more vagina the

better exactly big man and then she was the one that got all the shit in the press and called a Bad mum. Yeah, yeah. Because it was Christmas. Where was the child when this all happened? Well, it wasn't her Christmas because she shares her kids with her ex. Yeah, of course, and that's what I mean, but who cares? If her ex went on holiday, would anyone ask where his kids were?

It really pissed me off listening to it and she was really upset about it. But yeah, it really pissed me off. She was really, really upset about it. She's beautiful. She's 42. Wow. Gives us all hope. She is beautiful.

And do you know what? She was sound as fuck. Is she Irish? Irish. No, what's got to do? Scottish. Scottish. oh my god

no no no that's Scottish though she's Irish I'm Una from Ireland I'm going to Scotland soon

that was fucking brilliant listen wait I'm Una from Ireland someone as well and Lucas did you hear that

wow someone as well sent us a why are you two smiling at each other no it's funny all the time we keep getting

sent shmeesh raffney things oh my god yeah shmeesh raffney He's everywhere. He must start noticing mine and Lauren's. He's everywhere. He's everywhere.

Where doesn't Smeen go? I know him. He's a friend. I know him. Anyway, let's make it a thing. If you're in Ocean Beach, don't get a picture with Smeen Schminnaker. Get a picture with Smeen.

Smeen Schmaffney. No, don't, because I feel like this is going to be like a big feast. Can I just tell you the stress that we go through, by the way, over this podcast? Can I just tell you, like, we actually care, don't we, Ash, about it?

And if, like, we think that we're not doing it good enough or we need more of this or like we do care and the amount of times that we've said things that we probably shouldn't say the amount of stress

that this podcast can cause at times because we try I'm not the one that's had the police called on me I didn't have the police somebody was unhappy with one of my stories and they threatened to call the police

fuck off you're making this worse you're making this much worse come at me bro anyway right slutty Susan so yeah I just want you to know we go through it

for you guys like wow the drama behind the scenes you would not believe but oh well we don't give a fuck we don't give a fuck right okay slutty susan confessionals your what was that slutty susan confessionals okay hiya girls smashing it first of all i literally love the podcast it's so normal and relatable which is what you want so keep on with it please anonymous so i have a funny sex story back in 2011 i did a season in malia met a boy of course you did fell in love long story short one night we'd finished work we went back to his

we started having some wild sex on his wooden dining table but it was literally about to cave him anyway as it was about 30 degrees and you couldn't afford air con as you were earning 20 euros a night we were both sweating our tits off and i was super super oh wow super wet well all of a sudden his willy slipped out and slipped into my bum i let out oh you do a second and he took it out and went to carry on i saw him locked down and he said oh two minutes i need a wee i didn't think anything of it he went into the toilet came back carried on after we'd finished we went to sleep i was getting ready for bed i went into the bathroom i just saw tiny pieces of brown sweet corn i died i washed them away and didn't say anything in the morning he just casually

said remember last night i had to clean up as you had loads of sweet corn coming out of your bum hole i just howled and also died inside that day he told his gobshite best friend and as i was working walking to work minding my own business i just got called sweet corn girl oh no after that i was named sweet corn girl for the remaining of summer it's funny lauren because you actually know the guy keep doing what you're doing girls oh my god i want to know what it is who is it please dm me why are you just sweet corn always staying sick and it doesn't break down so why do we eat it then probably shouldn't um please dm me and tell me i love corn tell me tell me the guy is i love corn please tell me the guy is somebody please please get in touch

remember rolling rolling rolling our river whoop whoop whoop RIP

yeah I know that's why we're doing it that's not why I was doing it I just went with it oh one of my favourites gay village is going to be blasting with that wait I'm going to do my impression

all weekend I call you my heart's on fire rest in peace tina um anyway remember on nip talk we want you to get your voice heard that's what it's all about all about baby it's all about a shared community you can email us can you tell that i've lost the i've gone a bit weird hello at nip tuck pod.com you can get in touch via whatsapp as well so you can send voice notes you can send messages you can send picture messages whatever you want head to this episode's description for more information on that one please please also

do not forget to give us what i love a glowing five star if it's going to be anything less than five star don't do it also if you want to join our exclusive niptees club for extra content and you'll get a video episode of our main episode every week so that you can see my hair today for example q and a's be the first to hear about live events why not join our patreon check out our link tree on our instagram and our bio for more information so you can go on there join us and see more bits and bobs and give us ideas about what you want to see over there as well we love our little community but we'll be back

with our bonus episode of Nip Tuck on Friday and that one is always all about you guys not us talking crap it's you talking crap so your dilemmas

your beauty questions anything you want to ask us all that is over there okay so if you need something you want to know something send it in now you might hear it on Friday

stunning see you see you later enjoy the rest of your week bye bitches Thanks for watching!