Nip Tuck - The Detox Vs The Drink

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

The girls are at polar opposites as Lauren's still feeling rotten after a heavy sesh over the weekend, whilst Ashley is fresh back from a spa retreat in Italy that offered a smorgasbord of beauty treatments and strict diets. Ashley & Lauren are fed up of the media targeting women, people who brag about giving up booze and those who live a 'wholesome' lifestyle. Perhaps they're just a little cranky as they're starting to feel old...er.To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your Icks & Dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women this is all about being unapologetically yourself coming up on today's show i am speaking to ashley and finding out all about her detox trip to milan and i'm talking to lauren about how we just can't fucking hack it anymore in our old age and we are also discussing an article that we read that we're really not very happy with are we it's on our tits just really getting on our tits so that's what you've got to look forward to today now on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod dot com you can also get in touch via whatsapp that means voice notes too which we can play out

in future episodes don't worry though if you want to be anon we won't reveal if you're a big baby and you don't want to own it simply head over to this episode's description for more information we want to know what has been getting on your tits long tits high tits small tits saggy tits massive tits over your shoulder tits man tits what's giving you the ick any questions and of course always your embarrassing stories including sex ones but just anything embarrassing is my favorite oh my god i've got something embarrassing to tell you basically we don't give hey fuck we don't give lauren what was it we've just spoke about sticking to the program sorry i can't I struggle, I struggle.

It's like, honestly, with Lauren, it's like, we start, we've got a plan. I know it doesn't seem it, but we've got a plan. We have a format. And then she... I know, but I'll forget otherwise. I was filling my car up. Quick one, because we've got a lot to talk about. Right, I was filling my car up, and do you know how behind you

there's that little stone, do you know, it's like a square almost. With the bin on and shit. Yeah, I tripped backwards and fell on my arse with the thing in my hand. And then I just didn't even look around. Did you get petrol on your clothes? No, I just tripped backwards and went, whoa, you know, when you fall for ages. And then, like, I just got up,

didn't even look around me, and just carried on as if it had never, ever happened. And I know people saw it, but I just carried on. I, yeah, have fallen over a lot of times in the middle of the road. You've just got to laugh. I normally either laugh, or on this occasion, I just carried on.

Like, I just got up and just literally didn't even, my face didn't move. Wait, if Rochdale petrol is still... It is rotten still. It's Tesco. i'll tell you why because i use my club card things do you do that but you don't do that i don't have a club card because um i honestly believe that supermarkets just collect your data from the club card and you get fuck all back with it i've heard a lot of people say this about data

collecting yeah they can have my data if they want so to be fair at christmas i remember i really wanted some baileys and i went in and it felt like a liter of baileys it was no i'm not even bath full of Baileys with a straw it was like 25 quid but if you had a club car it was like tenner

yeah I saw that so I feel like you can JD I saw that I yeah I go to there now and again but I still

Aldi's like my mean Aldi's gone a lot more expensive what I will say about Aldi is can we say sometimes I prefer the fruit and veg from other places that's all I'll say on that I like Aldi's nappies very much

yeah I love Aldi's nappies their coffee pods are amazing they fit inside the nespresso taste exactly the same um but yeah it's annoying how they don't do a lot of like organic or um certain like cleaning products and stuff like that that's annoying when i last went shopping i was looking everywhere for an organic apple i'm being serious and then i was looking for like organic products and organic food um and cleaning stuff without you know yeah

chemicals i'm lying i didn't do that ash you have just been on a spa detox type thing tell us everything okay so i have been to um it's called henry chenot and they've got them all over the world oh okay and it's like a method of detoxing it sounds really fucking awful and boring and it absolutely wasn't it's what you're gonna say absolutely was it's the number one anti-aging body and skin care regime and detox that you can go on in the world wow like honestly stunning what so in that length of time or no you're meant to go for a week but but does it teach you what to do after or is it saying that in that week it's fully right okay go on so you go or you pay for it and then you just tell us my friend erin told me about this and i feel like i don't want to say

too much because i don't want everyone to get onto it because it was so peaceful and we were like the only english people how expensive was it it was very expensive ballpark everyone's gonna want to know that for two people you have to say exactly three nights between okay was it was it but i felt like it was worth it so for two people for three nights was it under 10 grand yes was it over five yes okay there you go so i don't don't think you need to worry because i don't think everyone's gonna jump on this i think you're gonna be fine okay because for that money i'm going to Mexico all inclusive no but that is that is all that is meals every treatment that I'm going to talk about now and flights that that's not horrific you spend money what you want to

spend it on babe exactly um so anyway so my friend told me about this and basically when like footballers wives or celebrities have a baby they go on this like yeah it can kick start like your um it's what they say is it's not about weight loss it's just about educating yourself that your body doesn't need that much and it's in this stunning um house in italy can i just say i really prefer italy to spain i do you know italy somewhere that i want to see more of oh my god is it beautiful like and i feel like it's a bit more untouched yeah yeah and greece has got a bit more like Spain recently yeah yeah it's annoying um but yeah I loved Italy that's the first time I went to Italy so it was near Milan and we went in and as part of the program you get your

breakfast lunch and dinner which is limited calories no coffee no alcohol um we did find a coffee shop I was just gonna say but did you find a bar or a coffee shop it was very like you could dip in and out and it has one of the best pizza restaurants in the world inside the hotel why would they do that when everyone's detoxing but it's up to you yeah and I kind of like that because I've got other friends that have gone on these detoxes before and one of my friends was telling me when she checked in they searched her bag and they found a mint in the bottom and they were literally like no you're not doing it exactly so it was really nice like because we got to you know choose like we did probably 70 yeah and the treatment break as well you don't want to just

have a rubbish time the treatments that they offered you could go like literally and i feel like it'd be a really good like after you've broken up with someone like healing or if you like just like what i said to you lauren i don't want to do these holidays anymore i just go and like feel like shit when i come back and i've got no time to catch up i really that's what i did all year last year the best holidays but then i came back i was tired i had to unpack repack and it was just a cycle that and i ended up between all these amazing holidays i had like 10 and don't get me wrong i'm i'm not being ungrateful they were amazing but my life between those holidays the four weeks between each one was chaos because i hadn't i've just got myself all no and i'm not

planning another one now i'm i'm done um so anyway they had like you could get um profilo body and face oh body you could get em sculpt every day really yeah no they had like literally the book of treatments was did you have to pay for those though yeah you paid extra included you got um two massages a day which for me was like more than enough i added on some acupuncture and some reflexology yeah but um ed had this thing called ozone therapy yeah i've heard about and And so what they do is they take your blood out and then they put, like, vitamins and oxygen in and then put it back in.

And he said he feels incredible. And this is all, like, included. And did he enjoy that? Loved it. What did they teach you about food and weight loss? Oh, my God. What did they teach you that you didn't know? They had this thing called carboxy.

Yes. Oh, my God. Nadja told me about that. Yeah. Carboxy. It's meant to be... I'm sure Nadja told me. It's the only thing that helps tighten your skin.

it was Nadja told me yeah honestly this place it was so like she told me about that is that does that work

yeah it's like tiny injections of no so this place it was really strange it was so rural and we were like

driving up into the mountains and we were like what the fuck have we done I didn't know much about it because literally very few English people go so I hadn't had like

a brochure set and when I went there the treatments that they had were the best treatments yeah like the most advanced bum filler hip filler leg filler um m sculpt uh m sculpt neo um because you would think morpheus so it's a mixture not just holistic so to the point where you could go and like you could have

all these like diagnostic tests about like how your body's aging and why it's aging in this way now that sounds interesting to me and you know what i'm like guys like honestly i was like a pig in shit I was like oh my god this is incredible so yes carboxy

what they do I couldn't have it because they said that I didn't have enough fat oh they were like it'd be

well I probably wouldn't do you know what I really liked about them they were really honest they didn't just take the money yeah so they well they fucking did

so they stick a needle in and then it pumps up with carbon dioxide yay something and then goes and sucks it

back out and it tightens your skin up and she said to me if you'd have been here for a week i would have been able to do four like slow treatments on you but you're only here for like two days basically so there's no point when i spent and i just she did say that that's the only only thing that she's found so far that works for skin i really want to find um a clinic near here that does it because i would definitely love to try it but we could do it bit by bit no that's what they said they said just like yeah just not because i just got no fat no one of our friends that we're talking about she's really clued up on all this kind of thing um and then tell me what you learned about food okay so went in and had a chat with them basically what they said is you

shouldn't be eating salad for your dinner because you can eat like raw as in just whole vegetable uncooked basically vegetables fruit you can eat until about 2 30 p.m if you eat anything raw so that means like lettuce tomato like uncooked yeah peppers it will not digest properly and you won't sleep properly so for example so i'm fine eating a pizza every night then a typical yeah a typical dinner um breakfast lunch and dinner was you went downstairs in the morning and they made you this barley coffee and it actually did taste of coffee yeah and a herbal tea and then you had some fruit and some zero percent greek yogurt and some nuts yeah then for your lunch you'd have a salad and a soup then for your dinner you'd have like a starter what was that that you sent us it was

like chicken was it turkey was it turkey like a tomato and tomato olive and quite nice and honestly yeah like didn't really feel hungry because they were feeding you all day treatments and just lay by the pool. Wandered and just chilled. Yeah, and also around the hotel, it's got loads of vineyards. Oh, gorgeous. And it's got a track that you can go on.

So they've got like outdoor bikes, TRXs. Right. And you can like oversee the art. Oh, stunning. Honestly, it was just, it was, I'd go back. Did you have a really, really good time? Did Eddie do it? He loved it.

And it was just nice to just like. And just to be you two, I suppose. Yeah, exactly. Was it nice to get on the plane just you two? Oh my God. And sit and talk. I fucking hate airports. They're getting worse.

Disgusting, aren't they? They're getting worse. So you know they're getting rid of the liquids thing? Oh, are they? So you can do what you want now? They've got rid of the liquids thing. When I was coming home, they'd got rid of it. Right, okay.

So should that not speed things up then? Yeah, they've got rid of it at two airports as a trial. Okay. And then they're getting rid of it here. It goes wrong. In September. So I think you're allowed to take any liquid you want as long as it's under 100ml.

That's what it is anyway. No, but don't have to put it in the clear bag. Right, OK. OK, so that should speed things up, hopefully. And maybe the people in the airport also need to go on some training courses to be nice to people. We spoke about that the other week, didn't we?

Like, when you go to an airport, it's so hard. Like, the food is shit. Shit. You always have some kind of drama or delay. It's not a nice environment, is it, really? And can I just say, Manchester, is it Terminal 1? One of them is vile. It's the one with that Italian restaurant

and the bar in the middle. It's vile. Yes. Yeah. That is, honestly, that is death. I've never been in the San Carlo one. It's meant to be nice. I have.

Very slow service. Terrible service. Really? Every time I've been, yeah. Yeah, exactly, Luca. It's very terrible. 45 minute wait. Yeah, terrible service.

And you're in a rush, really. You want to get in. You're not in a rush, but you want to eat and go. Terrible service. And they didn't have anything in that I wanted at the time. Like, literally nothing.

But do you know what's really weird? How you've just been saying about the eating and stuff like that so um i got a message off a guy who does online training and he messaged me and he said look i will do an online plan for free um and it's expensive but you know if you try it and see what you think of it like do you like it see if it improves you and stuff like that well at first i was a bit like i can't really be arsed but then i thought i'm gonna make a diary of what i eat in a week do you want to know you sad no listen right so i look because i'm still you know a size you don't eat as well as me actually i'm i've shocked myself

with this how good it is no it's horrific no and i mean i eat so well it's horrific so i'm going to read it to you now it is so bad but the problem i have is it is terrible but i'm always in a calorie deficit i'm in a deficit so i don't gain much weight go on read it to us go on this is embarrassing but it's making me think i need to change tuesday ham and cheese sandwich a packet of white bread i don't know and a hot cross bun all day wednesday sausage butty one piece of dairy milk all day thursday packet of crisps at lunchtime and a chicken wrap thursday evening that's it friday you don't cook tea for james he's been working away so i'm not cooking for one pizza a bottle of wine and two crumpets saturday two crumpets heavy not one vegetable yesterday

day crumpet tuna pasta then cheese on toast that's a full week ash not one that's just starch that's not i know no i know i know but because if you were adding up how many calories each day i'm in a deficit still i burn more than that it doesn't matter you need to be healthy for your kids yes you need to like the reason i'm not like oh i need to go on a diet is because i'm not gaining much weight from it but actually that's terrible so i might take him up on it let him give me a proper food plan and see how much better i feel eating better drinking but i don't drink any water that's no fucking water what you hadn't drank i drink a coffee a day um five coffees okay five have you added the fags and diet coke in there no i went heavy i don't i know i went i

don't smoke that much now but i did go heavy on one day over the weekend um but yeah so i'm gonna try not to just let it be a case of weight but like actually health you had that scare recently and i feel like maybe that i've still not heard anything back from that let's hope that's good news i'm waiting for an mri now so can i just let you girlies into a little secret buy a steamer okay so it's it's a metal thing for amazon it's like 15 quid right and it's like a pan you put a tiny bit of boiling water into the bottom of the pan or water right right then the next tray goes on top of the pan metal with holes in right yeah so then i put my salmon just literally salmon two fillets in there next tray a lot of trays open up the broccoli already there's

too much broccoli and put the lid on 10 minutes 10 minutes on the oven done because the steam rises up and cooks all my food is that not the same as putting a bowl with water and vegetables in the microwave the microwave literally takes all the nutrients out of your food you may as well not eat it that's not hard work and that means no frying no and they're all clean when they're done i'm gonna try and i'm gonna get back to you all on this because i do think it's important to be more healthy and i'm not healthy i'm not i did that francis diet oh yeah what do you think of that it was expensive but it worked yeah see I don't want to lose weight particularly a little bit here and there we all want to but mine's more health and I think because I'm not

like overweight and I'm thinking I want to be skinny I've not got the willpower and then after I'd had um Teddy Susie um coached me and I did keto and you know I went like that yeah I was back to normal like straight away but it was very hard um you didn't have much of a life in doing it did you like it was it was really really hard but also you get this thing called keto flu have you heard of it no i've heard of keto breath yeah well it's all like it's mad isn't it like yeah but once you learn about keto you know it works and you know how to make yourself lean straight away you just do it when you need it so on day like i think it was day five of full i went full on ham i was like there is no carbs allowed in this house or sugar um and uh yeah i that was

when my body shut down for two days i couldn't even look at my phone yeah see that's it's not great that's not finding a balance guys we're not doctors no we're just i don't really know what i mean i've just read out my food diary i'm definitely not a doctor when people message me can i have some advice don't just don't um just don't do that because i've just told you my i am gonna change it i am gonna try really hard with it i'm ready to be a bit more healthy and you've been like working a lot recently haven't you yeah so this is the other thing as well i feel like because i'm always busy and i'm running around it's time i just grab some crumpets because i can't be arsed i get it and because james has been working away a few days i am not cooking

honestly if there's any single parents out there they will understand this i am not cooking i used to literally eat like a rye rita nothing because i'm not doing it and you make the kids till you pick at that it takes your hunger away like it's just not good for you and i've been become that person so i am going to start i get it trying because i've been working obviously we've got podcast i work doing lip blush as well and then i've decided so when we first ever started the pod um i mentioned you remember i was like i'm trying to be a landlady oh yeah and you had all those issues with the flood or something yeah and i never mentioned it again yeah um i am just in the process now my friend sam who we had on the show once is an incredible he's doing so well

he's smashing it he's an entrepreneur he's got houses everywhere he knows how to buy sell the best way to do it so I'm selling one and I'm going to buy another or even maybe two

if I can very clever and then yeah it's a long story how it works but it means that instead of getting

one rental income I can potentially be getting two but I'd have to get mortgages there's a lot that it goes into but he's going to really help me with it so my head's been all over

with that as well he's got like a property program that helps people with it as well so you know Get on him if you want to. Do you know what I was watching the other day? Investing your money is so important. A video that Aisling...

That was on Big Brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she said... She smashes it. Oh, my God. And I really like her as a person. She seems so, like... Straight.

Yeah. And she was saying that she... When she came off Big Brother, she was in all the lads' mags and she was the highest paid person, like, going on all these covers. she said didn't buy one pair of shoes didn't buy one handbag put it all into property yeah and then i'll show you the video she's going in a wardrobe and she's like cartier panther bracelet cartier

rig she's like because i did all that i can now spunk all my money on myself yeah and she got no kids and she's living the first thing she did was invest it properly and i think that's really important how to invest your money and i think that people need to learn that a lot more i'm lucky i mean people around me teach me these things i buy birkins but i buy houses um but yeah that's the thing everyone's different aren't they like no birkin is an investment it's probably you probably get a better turnover on a birkin than a fucking house yeah because you have to pay all that stamp duty i mean i'm not giving anyone that advice but if you can ever get hold of a birkin girlies you buy it you buy the birkin as in at retail buy the

birkin if you're ever going to paris you apply for a leather goods appointment if you get accepted you will get offered a bag buy the bag make your money back times three in a day there you go there you go that's your investment honey anyway we will be back after the break with what's on our tats and your slightly seasoned confessionals we'll be back welcome back hello you sexy bitch hi darlings right what's getting on your tits i feel like we had a really really grown-up conversation then um and i've done enough grown-upping today right so speaking of no wait so i've had enough of grown-upping today speaking of grown-upping there's a word that's a very grown-up word that you hate oh fuck me i know it's getting on your

tits it's been getting on your tits for some time it's been getting on my tits for about the last year yeah i say six months it's become really guys and some of you guys that do this i love you and you know you do you but I just want to add my two tuppence my tuppence

my mum used to call a lady bit tuppence yeah my mum and dad do and then I started calling it a tuppy a tuppy

and then my friend called it hamster tuppy funny hamster hammy hamster anyway what's the word wholesome

wholesome weekend wholesome holiday wholesome day wholesome and then it's that emoji of the love heart wholesome fridays and it's always you have to say how wholesome it is it's not that wholesome anymore so it's whenever i'm hung over everything is wholesome yeah and you're thinking i'm not wholesome it's like all these people that are now doing treks and do you know else it's always the next session sobriety like absolutely don't force

it onto us please be sober but don't make me and then it's like when they're like and anyone who else who drinks think this like yeah and it's really passive aggressive and it's because they can't just have a couple we've got our alcohol intake under control i'm sorry if you haven't 60 of the time and then you're jealous that i can control it and now you can't have it at all well sorry if i could go full blown i would but you know what i do i like a rosé in the garden I like a drink when I meet up with my girls

for a pasta I like a nice dry glass of wine yeah I like an Echo Falls I like a bottle of Echo Falls you know

I like 10 bottles of wine a week you know and that's fine but don't like if you want to be sober fine just go and be sober

somewhere else with your other boring sober friends yeah bye bye actually my friend went sober

and she feels the best ever because she can't and that's fine to be fair Ash I'm not a good drinker am I No, I can just have like one. But I, like we've said today, I'm a little bit delicate today from Friday, like days and days ago.

I can't do like a full night out. I struggle. I think it's the number of hours that you're drinking for. Yeah. And our little bodies can't take the dehydration. And the way I drink as well. And it's not worth. I drink like a rugby player.

To be fair, I do. But then at the same time recently, whenever I've been out, I've been like, right, I'm going home now. See, I don't have that in me. I only probably drink, I would say, once a month. That's probably it. But it puts me in a shit position for the rest of the week. Maybe we should try going sober for a bit. I could.

I'm not getting old. We are getting old. No, that's what Ed always says to me. He's like, you're getting old. You can't take your booze. You can't take your ale. It's true. It's true.

And I was so hungover the other day that I sat in Thea's bed, looking out of the window, and it was sunny, crying, crying. and I sat there and I was literally in her bed looking out of the window at the sun crying

that's a problem and then James came up and he went why are you crying and I was like because I feel so awful I never ruined the day because it's sunny

and I'm in my child's bedroom crying that's how ill I felt that is bad when you can't leave the house that's what happens to me so that's not worth it

that's not worth it so let's learn how to drink in moderation hey yeah maybe we do try going sober I could

I could go sober like it's not an issue for me I could, but I don't want to. What did you just say, Lucas? Lucas has been really unhelpful with his little comments. No, I could. Lucas, if we're going sober, you're going sober. He just had to say it.

He's resigned. Okay. We want to talk about something. One of our friends sent us an article. I'm going to get it up now so I can read some quotes. And we actually said we're going to save this discussion on this. I'm sure we've got the same opinion on this. We said we're going to save the discussion until we're on the pod

because I feel like it is a good topic to talk about. So one of our friends sent it and it's an article in The Sun. And it's about, and it's not a new article. These articles are here, there and everywhere constantly. This one has got a man in it, but it very rarely is about men. It tends to be about women. And any woman that goes on TV, for some reason, the press want to show what they looked like when they were 15.

What is it? Really? Absolutely. It's so passive aggressive. And the way they write it as well, it's passive aggressive. they pretend they're just kind of saying it but they're not, they're insinuating it's awful I'm going to read you some quotes from the article

so basically it went through all the Love Island stars, how much surgery they've had it showed pictures of, what's she called, Maura is it Maura? She's in her school uniform, yeah believe it or not she's going to have changed since she wore a school uniform. I showed you a picture of me like and I don't look like me. Thank God

well to be fair I've had the work but listen, right this is the headline i'll be damned love island stars changing faces from starring he spent 40k on surgery before the show to bombshells 4k turkey teeth i hate the way they say turkey teeth fuck i do the whole thing is such a negative i can sue looked unrecognizable before love island fuck off who cares this is how she looks now so why are you doing this i just i think it's so it's bullying like every time a woman an attractive woman goes on telly they have to find a picture of her ashley do you know that

horrible website that talks about us they did it to us why why why does it matter why do you care why does it matter that when i was 16 i was an ugly fat little pig why does that matter so an article that i posted about recent really fucking pissed me off i just feel like modern day journalism is very very very passive aggressive towards women and it's not just women it is women who have just had a baby yeah women who haven't had a baby and have chosen not to have a baby and he says like childless older women who you know have had some tweakments done they don't fucking leave them alone look at poor madonna fuck off she's not hurting anyone yeah i agree And then also, older women that go out with younger men.

They really go after them. They really don't like that, do they? And do you know what? When do we see a man, oh, here is a picture of Tommy Fury a week after having baby Bambi. Why does it have to say a week after? And do you know what?

They always comment on the weight. The weight. But they say it in a very passive, aggressive way. They don't say, she looks chubby here. what they say is something like looking tired or something like that they'd never say or they'll say or they'll say such and such mention that she struggled to lose the baby weight then they'll put a picture up what they're doing to molly may at the minute is disgusting so i have something to say about molly may i don't ever look at you i don't watch youtube i don't listen to podcasts

i'm gonna be honest but because of our youtube that we did a video for once um because you got your camera Rob I got my camera and got bored we got it pops up now and again you might like

and it was Molly May's first video after having her little girl and I actually thought you know I'm going to

watch that love that and I thought she was brilliant I think she is and I've not watched anything

of her before I had no opinion on her I think you'd have a different opinion on her if you watch her YouTube

she was so real and she was saying do you know what but it was horrible how she couldn't it's a lot for her it was horrible

how she couldn't be honest and she couldn't say do you know what i have really struggled she had to say it and then i straight have to go but i love being a mom because she's so scared of the backlash why can't we just say yeah this is pretty difficult and actually it wasn't what i expected i think what she was trying to insinuate was that it wasn't what she quite expected which it never is let me tell you nobody's prep can prepare themselves but

she had to keep backing herself up with a comment like but i love being a mom because of all the judgy motherfucking bastards i just think um can we please girls and boys start calling out this type of journalism because it really needs to stop and these people have emotions too and can you imagine if you were having like a down day you logged online you've been up with the baby all night like and you see a really unflattering picture of yourself and it says um something really passive-aggressive and then do you know what else they do that's passive-aggressive so they'll put a picture of the woman looking horrific and then they sometimes link the partner with a partner's ex they'll put a picture so they'll put say and the ex looks gorgeous

because it's on an awards event so they might say split up with such and such is now with that person was once with this person and then puts a gorgeous picture of the ex at an nba you know And a beautiful, what they call, NTA award. And you're like, I know what you're doing now. We can see. Or they'll put, like, a picture of them looking... Do you know what? They also do it after the baby, when they look really good.

They'll say something like, just had a baby with her toned figure. But then it makes us all feel like shit. So just don't mention a body. Why are we talking about a body? Wouldn't mention a man's. No. Why are we discussing the body? Do you ever put, here he is with his moobs?

No. That's never mentioned about men. Never. So, yeah, that is annoying. And whoever wrote that article, I find that really annoying. Yeah, annoying, and let's call it out, please. And stop saying, oh, well, she didn't used to look like that. And what, do you want a trophy?

She didn't used to look like that. Stupid. Well, you probably didn't. Do you know what, it just really irritates me, that. Right, are you a loyal listener of Nip Talk? Do you set your alarm on a Wednesday and a Friday, ready to hear our stunning voices? Do you laugh out loud when you're at the gym?

Do you laugh out loud in the car? Do you laugh out loud while your baby's having a nap? if this is the case you need to tell your nearest and dearest all about nip tuck you need to spread the love make the podcast bigger keep us around and spread the podcast so you can share the episode on whatsapp i'm going to give you a few moments to do that if you just share the link on your chats so that everybody can get involved with our gang OK, now we're going to go into my favourite time of the week, baby. Slurdy, slurdy, slurdy.

Oh, it's the Britney. She's big. Slur. Who's a slug this week? We don't like using the word slug, do we? No, we mean it in a term of endearment. We're calling ourselves... Well, it's okay, but...

Right. Yeah, so... No, I mean it in an Indian way, like... Slutty. Slutty Susan. Her name is Su, Suzanne, or Susu. Susu. Oh, Susu.

Susu. Oh, Susu. Okay, who's going first? Please keep this anonymous. Oh! Don't worry, bitch, we've got your back. Just want to say I love your podcast. You make my week.

i look forward to it every single episode so me and my boyfriend were only seeing each other for a month before this happened he booked a posh hotel for me 21st so i thought i needed to pack some sexy underwear go bitch i had a dodgy stomach all day and i thought taking a few poo tablets would help it to be under control bro we've all done that so i changed into the underwear and it got hot and steamy yeah then he flipped me over and started doing doggy let me tell you my stomach started going there's nothing worse there's nothing worse when you can feel it you're thinking shit and you can't control the next minute there's an explosion everywhere on the pillows all over the bed and all over him i was mortified and it stunk so

bad he ran to the toilet and said i think you started your period we both knew it was shit everywhere so i went along with it and quickly cleaned up the bed oh but you both could smell the shit and said it was period he came back through after a shower like nothing had happened we moved on and never spoke about it until six months later we both laughed and joked about it he handled it like an absolute champ we're now two years in and happy as ever from time to time we laugh about it though i thought i would share because it's too funny not to and i'm surprised he stayed around after that it's so common do you know what men don't get men handle it really well and can i tell you why i think you're probably not the first i think it's quite a common thing

But also, it's how you handle it. I think it's how you handle it and how you take it, so to speak. I'm so embarrassed. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know how I'd handle it. I honestly don't know. But I do think that most men have come... If you ask a man at our age,

have you ever had an experience with a woman with poo? They're going to say, yeah. I've not asked any men. No, but they're going to. They're going to say, yeah, because these things happen and look at how many stories we get about it. It happens.

But do you know, I have done that before where I used to take... The thing that bungs you up. Imodium. Imodium. No, because I never have a runny arse. No, but just like to time when you're doing your shit.

Loads of my friends do it as well. And like girls, why the fuck are we doing that? Yeah, if we need a poo, we need a poo. But you can't sometimes... So listen to this. This is off topic. am I allowed to go off topic

for a sec for fuck's sake go on then no but it's interesting right so my mum was telling me that so she doesn't listen

to the podcast because she feels and I completely understand it she'd abandon you yeah she's no honestly she's really well spoken

my mum and she's actually a bit embarrassed about it I'll be honest she's proud of me but she said I swear too much I talk about sex too much

and poo too much which absolutely fine that's okay that's what our podcast is about and that's fine she's proud of me but she's not like she said

I didn't bring you up to swear the way you swear and that's fine my mum and dad say that the swear words just come out they come out and so don't listen to me don't listen mum so anyway she was telling me that she's met some friends at the gym and she was like and one of their daughters listens and she said i had to say straight away she does i didn't bring her up to speak like that the daughter's 18 right we're getting a much younger audience right so i was really embarrassed oh shit she's 18 and then she's talking about someone else's daughter who listens who's about 17 and at first i thought oh god this is really embarrassing they shouldn't be listening they're

i thought actually no wait so i wish i'd have had something like this to listen to so i said to my mom i went you know what mom i don't want you to ever listen but if you did a lot of it is stuff that you would make you feel sick however however the actual basis of this for women to listen to at 17 18 is good shit they're hearing us talk about all these stories that are going to happen to them they're going to prove themselves with somebody at one point and they already know just to own it and then it's like we're talking about finances we're talking about how to be yourself actually that's not a bad thing to for 17 18 year old girls to be listening to how to be yourself and not care and how to have these conversations and not be embarrassed and like look up to us as

older women uh older women no we don't mean to say that we are we're old i was saying to mom i was like actually i don't think it's a bad thing for for young women to be listening to i think it i think if anything it makes them not feel embarrassed about things and i would rather though my mum's friend's 16 year old daughter didn't hear my sex life at the weekend and what james is into for when we next go to a family new year's day party okay i'm going to move on to the next story love it hi girls hope you're having a fab weekend i thought use the fact she's saying use makes me think she's from newcastle no i think scouse liverpool no because i think um geordie people do geordie people do say use listen use they do don't they yeah they do

they go all right then use i thought you would absolutely love this story that was good that that happened to me last weekend last night oh last night so she's woken up and thought i'm gonna have to tell the girls i went to my friend's house after work had a few drinks and a few hours later i ordered a taxi home the taxi came and he said and he had a girl on loudspeaker while i was in the taxi and I absolutely hate it when I get in a taxi and they have people

on speaker and you're just sitting in the back listening to the conversation awkwardly always happens to me does it you? never

I don't get taxis or they're like talking in another language so I don't know what they're saying because I'd love to hear when you can or you can't so what is she saying

she got in the taxi and they're having a conversation over are they allowed to do that? I don't know I mean do they tell the people on the other end of the phone to be fair

do you know what when I get in the driver bless him because think how fucking boring it must be he always goes do you mind love

if I make a phone call and I'm like not at all that's fine I've never never happened to me that why would you want

someone listening to your conversation I wouldn't mustn't give a fuck anyway can you imagine someone listening anyway

they're having a gab about getting sectioned about when they're next seeing each other which I thought might have been a family member

until she doesn't realise that he has a passenger in the car and she begins to start telling the taxi man that she can't wait for him to bend her over and smack her ass no i've read it wrong she can't wait for him to

bend over and she's gonna smack his ass so she's got in the taxi he's on the phone to someone and this bird starts going i want to smack your ass yeah and talking all dirty stuff to him i could see the taxi man's face going bright red trying to shut her down hilarious and then i started going red because i was flustered that he knew i'd heard it all and it was all coming out the bluetooth speaker of his car he immediately shut the girl down on the phone and told her that he had a passenger thank god the journey was nearly over and i literally just started laughing and said it made my friday night to be honest he was beat root by the time i got to my house and i thought straight away this is a story for the nip tuck girls that's hilarious yeah see she's a scouser

she's put can't wait for when the brunch comes to liverpool oh yeah she's also said thanks for keeping me sane all week i honestly howl at the work i can't speak i'm not doing this anymore you You need to stop. I can't do it. It's from your two roses on Friday. Honestly, I don't drink and when I do, I can't do it. Does anyone else like this? When I was 15, I used to go out.

I used to have a bottle of white lightning, about 10 fags. I'd get up in the morning, sound. Same. It's our old age. It's past 27, I'd say. Now, I have two wines and the next day, I feel like my life's over. I start panicking that I've not paid my Sky Bill. That's why I can't do these holidays that you, like, when I go away,

because especially with you, with you. Oh, okay, now he's the one that can't sleep. If you're without the kids, you think, fuck it, I'm kid free. And everyone around you is like, come on, we're kid free. And then you're like. And then you come home and you're like, a corpse. Oh my God, I need to tell you about my dream about you. I'm going to tell it you in the bonus.

I'm going to tell it you in the bonus. Right, okay. so i had a story about this um being on loudspeaker i did right let's set something up all of us when your girlfriend rings you and you're in the car with someone else you have to say you're on loudspeaker straight away i do i do straight away i go just in the car with my mom straight away people that don't do that are snakes snakey straight away i go just in the car with such and such or when james dreams because i think sometimes he'll answer bring me up and go you're like you're sexy bitch and i'm like just in the

car with my mom straight away you go away can we make a code word for it when so when you can just say i'm just in the car but then some people get a bit freaked out by it when you go i'm just in the car with dada because they think you're gonna bitch about them well then you need new friends of people think that because that's just petty right um

YSP you're on speaker yeah and then you sound like you've got talking in code there we go done okay

now anyway we've chatted a load of shit as usual hungover to death still um remember

on NipTuck we want you to get your shitty stories heard you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com

can I just say I've got an idea I know this is not the time really quickly please can you send us in now you know

i said today that we get we've got young people listening like 18 send us in maybe your advice that you would give to someone of a younger age if you could go back and then they ring doorbell footage oh my god yeah also can you send in your ring doorbell footage of you coming in pissed at the weekend because we love it in fact oh my god my ring doorbell from the weekend lauren anyway you can get in touch via whatsapp email etc etc simply head over to this episode's description for more information please please please also don't forget to give us a glowing five-star rating and review and we will be back this friday it's all about your ics and dilemmas on friday so if you send something in now you may get to hear it on this friday's episode

we love you so so much and have the best week angels you are halfway through and we will see you day i hate that as well on friday bye honeys We'll be right back.