Nip Tuck - The Heartbreak episode

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

Guys this is your ultimate guide to getting over a heartbreak.We share our stories, answer your questions and try to give the best advice we can.Please pass on to anyone who needs this episode - we hope it makes you feel like you're not alone!Let us know what you think to the episode - @niptuckpodAnd if you want bonus episodes and want to get involved in our group chat, then sign up to our Patreon.https://patreon.com/niptuckpodMusic courtesy of BMG Production Music Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

guys hi happy valentine's day happy galentine's day yeah if you're a boy valentine's day valen boys day so happy valentine's day today we are going to be doing something quite different um we you got the chanel earrings in yeah but not the ones you're having so many of these are different ones do you like these ones though i do actually um so today what we're doing is we're doing what we call a timeless episode so send this to your friends if they're going through heartbreak because that's what we're going to talk about today heartbreak now when we first started out this is actually what we used to do we used to have a theme each week each week but it's only so long you can do yeah and then it kind of kind

of run out of themes yeah then it turned into a catch-up but you know we're three years on older wiser yeah so we thought we're gonna redo the heartbreak episode so here you guys are this is the heartbreak episode so we're not gonna do our usual catch-up we are gonna save that for the bonus episode yeah we've got a lot to catch up on a lot but here we are today and we're talking about heartbreak right right so we have all been there we have i have been there many many times and do you know what i think heartbreak can fall into different categories like sometimes you're not actually heartbroken yeah you're rejected yeah or you're you know and part of what we'll talk about today is working that out i think because sometimes you're not actually heartbroken

but it gives you that heartbroken vibe so what is that what what to you is heart is heartbreak yeah have you ever been heartbroken no i have yeah i have we like i said we've literally all been there and we wanted to do this episode today because i feel like sometimes you need that pick me up when you go through this and the thing is you've got to be careful being a girl because some girls give you bad advice yes yes so you know draw back a bit sit down and listen to this because we've all been there where or we've seen it happen some girls aren't out for your best interest and they might say say to you you need closure yeah send him a text you need that closure this is unfair no you don't need the closure stop sending the text and don't get all in your feels

because it's valentine's day like it's not a big deal we're gonna wake up tomorrow we don't have to do it for another fucking year it's bullshit me and james will be doing nothing i will not be buying him a card i'm doing something very extravagant wow um what are you doing i can't say okay i won't be buying him a card i suggest he doesn't buy me one i don't want some flowers i'm not interested oh i love that i love getting flowers and cards yeah but you're that's your love language isn't it yeah it's not mine yeah i'm not bothered we've got kids we're busy i'm at work till eight o'clock that night like it's another day and i'm in a really happy relationship and to me it's still another day so don't get yourselves like oh it's valentine's that's if

you choose to spend your day wallowing in the fact that you've not got a valentine's then you're the want to blame you for it if you are seeing someone and they've not sent you flowers i would be upset yes especially in the initial stage james sent me flowers before we'd even met yeah like they need christina completely disagree what my so my boyfriend tell a lie he did last year because i made him but before then he would never even what about when you were talking when you were just shagging at the beginning no because we got because no because we got together actually after valentine's day it was just before lockdown fair enough so no no i disagree i think you should be even if they've sent them to 10 other girls that they're speaking to you should get some

form of oh my god you're not getting a blow job if i'm not getting flowers no i agree no i agree like why are we doing the most for these men that can't even send a 50 quid into flora bouquet it's the thought by the way that wouldn't be enough and but it's the thought you know they need to do something i completely agree but if you are not with anyone then flowers die anyway so what was bullshit i'm just not handbags don't i'm just not a big valentine's person at all right so lauren yeah we're gonna run through because we need to keep this quite like structured right like we said we want you girls to get their most firstly answer my question what is heartbreak to you can't eat or overeat can't eat okay like everything my body actually like shuts like

yeah can't eat can't sleep or want to sleep too much um anxious um yeah just edgy on edge and do you think heartbreak is it do you think that heartbreak is always the same for everyone like i think it's a i think it's a very similar feeling though it's that like checking your phone every five minutes that's that for me it's the constantly picking your phone up and looking yeah on edge yeah edge yeah edge it's the checking every form of social media erratically yeah constantly looking and checking no i don't do that i switch off i 100 do that like check their instagram oh my god yeah um i think it's that where you literally feel sick when you wake up yeah in the morning and you wake up and you're fine yes you're fine for a split second and then

yeah another day of hell when has your worst heartbreak been was it with dia's dad do you know what this is something that that i think everyone needs to assess so we'll kind of jump a little bit here but i think when you've split up with somebody all your situations ended you need to assess right what am i feeling right now i think it's really important as a woman as a man to be able to assess your own feelings and know yourself like i know why i do what i do because i've learned myself over the years so first of all why are you feeling this way she needs to like sit with yourself and that why do i feel like this is it because i've lost a really good man here and i've done something wrong is it because i've been rejected so i've had two

that really stick in my mind that were horrific one of them was when i split up with fear's dad yeah and she was only six weeks old it was the way that was done that would yeah and that was sheer heartbreak i have never felt pain like are you gonna say what happened um she was six weeks old and there was someone else yeah that's enough to be said did you see it coming no it was like somebody just pulled the rug from under my feet i feel like you got very gaslit in that situation i got very gaslit and it was i would just had a baby it was horrific and i was married and he was at that moment in time my everything really was i saw this being forever i wouldn't have got married otherwise like on instagram she looked so happy and yeah and then i was like

i got a text offer and i was like oh my i loved that text that you sent yeah i think that's another thing if you're in it depends what situation you're in if you're in a situation where people need to be told which i did i sent a blanket text out to everyone like we're not together um you know it was a bit like a publicity please respect my privacy but i like that though like because you don't want people gossiping about your heartbreak when i'm ready and that was horrific that was it probably three months i moved in with my mum um when i found out i remember i put fear to bed she was like six was she maybe eight weeks old i can't remember and i found out through and it came out of nowhere bang i got four missed calls off a friend and i was like she keep ringing

me and you didn't suspect that he was seeing someone else no i just had a baby i was too focused on this baby i mean it wasn't great when when we split up when we sorry when we had the baby it wasn't the partnership i expected let's just say so that wasn't ideal at the beginning it wasn't it wasn't that yeah it wasn't ideal but i didn't see that coming right um and it was literally i remember sitting on the bathroom floor crying my friend rang me was like i need to tell you something i found this out and she then rang my mum my mum then rang me it was like where are you and i was like on the bathroom floor and i was like what time was it about eight i was like i'm fine leave me and then i was sick and then i smoked about 10 bags i'm sick again and i sat on

the bathroom floor and i remember rocking right and i was like the fuck am i gonna what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck like my marriage is over like you felt like you weren't in your body yeah what the fuck and then at two in the morning i rang my mom i was like you have to come get me so she came and got me took me and the baby to her house i lived there for about four months in my dressing gown didn't take my dressing gown off i luckily you were on mat leave i was on mat leave yeah but was that a good thing or was it a bad thing i don't know i don't know and i would wake up in the morning and oh it was just horrific it was horrific and i was so now can i just caveat that thank fuck that happened because we were not compatible no um and i would not have had a great

life now but um yeah it was heartbreaking and it went on forever but there was a mixture of like rejection in there and there was a mixture of my whole life that was ahead of me had now gone and i was like i hadn't planned i think it's when you've been left for someone else especially when you've just put your body through all that stuff you probably fall off hormones i hadn't planned for it to be that way and it was just like that's my husband and i remember i kept saying he's my husband he's my husband because i thought that that meant something um so that one was horrific in a way of actual pain like wow probably one of the worst times of my entire life then my second one was a different type of pain and that was somebody that was a narcissist which we've spoken

about before i wasn't madly in love with him i wasn't like looking back you've got the ick of him yeah i wasn't in love with him i was in love with his dad without a doubt without a doubt i was not in love with this man but he from day one manipulated me he was a narcissist you were always playing a game with him he made me feel not good enough yeah he would comment about how good looking his ex was my confidence just slowly over the six months deteriorated i started doing things that i would never have done because i thought that's what would impress him i would hang around with people i would never hang around with now like if i saw those people now and i wanted to be like them so what i did was lowered myself oh my goodness to be like these people because i thought

that because he made me feel one of them said something about she's posh now i don't know me and i see you can imagine yes you can imagine what we're doing so imagine what they're like and what i did was thought to myself i thought must be less posh now must be less posh because i want to be cool and i i did things that i i beat myself up like what um benders i went on benders and stuff i'm not a bender girl but he was into that so i would like go out with him all night and stuff and and i just like right i know this is really fucking weird but i just remember he once go on we're driving along and he put the window down he threw his sandwich wrapper out the window that's fucking litter litter bugs honestly bugs and i remember

but i couldn't say anything because then i'd be too posh and i probably a week later i was probably like i chucked out the window but i just started becoming more like him fly tipping i started flying and my confidence just dropped and dropped and dropped and i've mentioned it before and if you do need more help on narcissists because he was a narcissist then have a little look at it but it would be things like he would buy me jeans and then be like i've bought you some jeans that to make your bum look bigger yeah it was these and then he'd say you've got you know you look really good you just need to go to the gym oh and then it would be things like oh everyone fancied my ex everyone god everywhere we went everyone was obsessed with it and then once i

remember his friend said i was good looking i went such and such said i was good looking so i was trying to get a thing out of him I was desperate to get this and I went he went I've only seen you once or something really just it was just mean and then like I'd wear something and he'd be like oh you wear it like it was so mean oh my god he was in lockdown and and I just he was horrible he was so mean to me and my confidence just went lower and he actually ended up leaving me he was a drug addict actually to be honest so he went on benders and I made him feel bad about himself because i was on benders in fact when i went to get my boobs done he was horrible to me and i was recovering and i was in agony and he went oh what are those dress don't look at me

don't let me see them they're fucking hanging i don't want to see that we went to mykonos on holiday and he was horrible to me why what did he do i would get all dressed up ready to go out and he would just look me up and down and not say look nice were you on your own with him there yeah we would go to places and he would stare at other it was just it was just really really horrible to me one day i got steaming and had to put myself to bed and he went back out and just left me being sick just it was horrible and my confidence was so low and when we actually ended he just ghosted me pretty much and then goodbye and then all of a sudden my friend rang him i was going on with lauren like what and he said um she's not my type mate i don't fancy her now this friend of mine was

a guy they shouldn't repeat that and he's a guy they don't have the same and he said no he said to me listen lauren you need to move on from this you're not his type it doesn't fancy you this is not coming back and i remember running into sophie and my friend and sobbing hysterically and i kept going it hurts because it hurt that bad and i can remember sobbing and being like it's hurting me and that's how bad it was and that was a and i wasn't in love with him but that was a mind fuck absolute rejection pain no way carried it on for months afterwards this narcissistic behavior and i think i had a trauma bond i almost became addicted to the pain which again go on the narcissist episode if you want to know more about that so yeah i think when you are

in a horrific position and you've broken up with someone you need to work out and really sit with yourself for a minute but why am i feeling what i'm feeling have i been rejected yeah because in that case you can then deal with the rejection and deal with your mental side of the rejection am i just genuinely heartbroken have i been betrayed like what is the reasons behind it so that you can then tackle them yes tell me do you would you like to discuss your heartbreak um like you i think that that is a good like point that you made of one bit of a device before i go into my heartbreak story is like when you break up with someone or you get broken up with say to your friends we're broken up and i don't want to hear anything about him yes and if your

friends go back to you and say i saw dada in the car with an yeah no we don't want to hear it and honestly sending a text like what lauren did that i thought whoever gave you that advice that was was it your mom advice was it she sent this text and was like hey um i just thought i'd let you know me and x have split up um i'm just trying to get through it at the minute and please um bear with me and i'll talk to you when i'm ready to something like that because i knew it was going to start coming out you don't want people you know when someone's ringing you to get like the a lot of people as well thrive off your misfortune and off like drama and you will be in the girls group chat when you've archived all the pictures of you and steve yeah but i just feel like let's

start respecting ourselves enough to be able to in a group of people go please can we stop this conversation now because it's just low frequency chat and we don't need it at the beginning when you split up with somebody though you do obsess over it and i think you're allowed that time no i don't think you should lauren you have to process it like otherwise it's fake if you just go absolutely fine not speaking about it again no i think it's not going anywhere yeah but i think if i do that then i fake it till i make it and i get that but for me and it's worked for me i have to like process what's going on i have to wallow shut up i have to wallow for a little bit no i can't wallow process no i start going on dates straight away no see that wouldn't work for me

because if i went on a date straight away i would wish i was with steve you know and if the date wasn't good it would then push me back to steve i think you have to have a little bit of time however i do completely agree with when you're at that right point yeah shall we do like a tell us your heartbreak story and then shall we do like a timeline of what we think yeah how your breakup should run i think as well you've got to bear in mind what stage you're at in your life because you were married had a kid yeah it's completely different to if you're in your 20s and being dicked around and that happened to me and that's when you go on dates straight away yeah that's when you go on dates but in your sense but when you have a kid involved and stuff and also there's

an element of being embarrassed to tell people yeah that's that's the worst thing is to say this hasn't worked out because you're a bit older you you feel a bit of a twat you just feel like a twat yeah i agree so there's twice two times the time i spoke about on my patreon when i found out that guy was cheating on me and that was where that was my first like proper i feel like the first is often the worst because you don't know that you're gonna have about five more hon exactly like you'll be fine a hundred percent and that first time like i remember just like you said i was crying in my kitchen just chain smoking and my mum was like can we stop this now the house actually i'm opening a door changing dress dressing on um and that was like the first

hour and i lost loads of weight yes um and i just got really like i think i was obsessing like checking as well blah blah blah i do not think you get addicted to that cycle like you keep checking it and then you get this like obsession yeah a bit but then i thought this isn't like no this isn't very productive so then i started realizing like oh my god he is not shit when his friends started then trying to graft on me because i was thinking then i mustn't have been that bad a girlfriend um don't worry i didn't go there it was very tempting um then the second one was when me and ed split up the first time that was really bad because you lived together we lived together together for many years yeah and i think that's more like mine of you had a few you had

yeah and i think that's a lot of it isn't it but i still turned up for work every day even if it wasn't very productive yeah i think that's a big thing like i've got some i've managed staff before and i know some girls will send a text i'm really sorry i can't come in this week of split up with my boyfriend no darling that like and we're not talking about kids having to move house like this is just like that is the worst thing you can do because you're not looking after yourself then you need to honestly i know you say you need to follow it i think the total opposite i think it depends what stage you're in the way i react to heartbreak and it's worked like i said so far for me is turn up turn up for work put your makeup on do your hair go to the gym at 6 a.m instead of

lying in bed looking at the ceiling like go and do all that shit get yourself on the apps because i can promise you he'll be on there too yeah and he will not give a fuck get yourself on some dates like honestly just put yourself out there make plans for the future with your friends holidays girls trips start putting some money away like you could go out every weekend getting pissed i personally would rather say instead of spending 200 quid on that weekend put it away yeah and save up yeah for a girl's holiday but i do think the best way for me to get over someone is getting under someone else yeah so what you have to be careful and i don't mean shagging i mean dating what that is one thing is like don't get in your feels with someone straight away you

need numerous yeah dates don't you i think i completely agree with all that and i would like to be like that yeah but i do think in reality it's not that easy sometimes to be like that i think so i'll say it from the point of view of maybe you you're a bit older you've been married whatever it's a bit more serious i think the first thing that you do is you need a little bit of time to process so you need to process what's happened here either it's cheated you've cheated no one's cheated you've fallen out of love it's processing right this has happened okay yeah taking a bit of time to speak to your friends and process it then the second thing i think you need to work out is what do you want this where do you want this to go right either you want him back and that's a

different podcast no you can't no you don't know as soon as a man right if a guy splits up with you no but you might not have done this is just breakup who knows why it's broken up yeah or you've split up with him and you're ready for someone else that is not a heartbreak no but if it's broken up for a reason and you know sometimes i think like it's not black and white there can be grey areas where you've both fucked up a bit and you know like you and eddie split up and got back together yeah so for some reason you need to decide do you want this to work do you think it's got the legs to work genuinely because then you can't be longing for someone no you have to decide and then once someone switched off lauren i honestly think for your own dignity you can't

fucking no if you've been dumped it's different but if you've split up for there's so many reasons why people don't work out then you need to decide can we give this another shot and if you can then you look at that route and then if it's a case of no this is i honestly think you need at least a year apart if you've got to that point where you've had to split up though so i think thinking back and thinking oh i want them back is the worst thing you can do but once you've decided right that's it we're done we are completely over you take that time to process it and then there's certain things that you need to put in place first of all unfortunately is absolute limited if you've got children to no contact yeah that's the first thing and i really think there's no need for you

there is no need and every time i also think blocking them the reason i think that is you're not checking your phone every five minutes because they can't block them block them on whatsapp block them normally and then on an instagram you actually can't so there's nothing worse than doing this every five minutes checking your phone is he text is he text i got so much relief in the past when i've blocked people and then they're not going to text because they can't did i want them to text fucking absolutely i waited for that text i've got a question here for you for both of you right i'm gonna do a little scenario okay my name is sally i'm 24 i've been with my boyfriend for two years and he has just blindsided me and split up with me i know that he's on the apps

my friends have told me yeah this is two or three weeks later i'm absolutely devastated and i still want him back no there's all kinds of pictures of us on my instagram on holidays we went on on weddings cock blockers i look fantastic on them what do i do this is so funny because a friend of mine rang me at the weekend with this exact dilemma i'm on the apps yeah the pictures are still there how do i not what the fuck delete the pictures gone bye see you bye archive yeah gone gone gone so i was seeing a guy because otherwise you can't block him i was seeing a guy once and he still had pictures of him with his ex-girlfriend on his instagram i've had it though where an ex has blocked me off took me off all pictures and it wasn't a bad split it was quite

a nice split and we were still friends and he got with someone it did a bit because because there wasn't loads and i did feel like oh you've made the effort there to go and take them off and i know there were girls and i know you don't really use your facebook or whatever it wasn't on instagram it was on facebook that's how long ago it was and i just think i don't know i found it quite hurtful yeah i and this is the situation my friends in because it's going to hurt the other party a lot but at the same time it's caught blocking it's caught blocking you and like i just said it but it would bother me if i started seeing a guy and there was pictures of his him with his ass yeah on his page same and i get it and it's all it would be great for us but look

that was one part of their life and maybe if they had a child together that was a part of their life at the time and i get that but let's be real yeah james still had pictures of his ex people would find it weird it would be a bit weird yeah yeah so i think it's time so i think delete and move on and another thing girls posting your partner on instagram right me and lauren have both got totally different views on this but i just want to give you a warning okay i am a lot more cautious than lauren there's a lot of girls that aren't your friend yeah they are not your friend girls are typically especially in this country it's a lot of competition and they are out to get you so for example when i used to post ed i remember a few months after we split up i clicked on his

page about half of the girls that used to be right up my ass that i knew of but not that well had started following him we don't want to be that girl right but also protect yourself don't post too early a picture of you and this guy don't post when he's bought you flowers or a handbag because then or when he's taking you out for dinner because everyone wants that just remember this yeah you want to have oh my god i'm so grateful dude but like it doesn't need to go all over instagram because i can promise you like there are people with the evil eye as well i agree with the evil eye but at the same time though so what like the girls can look if they want and if we split up they can go and have him because he's not mine anymore anyway you know yeah but just

i don't know if you didn't put him on there would people even know about him and oh i've made if me and james split up he's gonna one of his friends said to him if you split alone you're gonna clean up oh my god joking because um no but i just think just just be careful and then also you don't want to get into that territory that we've just discussed where you have to have that decision of removing the pictures like just make it easy no i get that i do get that and i think certainly posting too soon but then when do you know the difference with me is i'm such an open book and i have posted many boyfriends that i've then had to delete and you've still not learned and i've still not learned because i'm all right with it like um that's how my life has gone i have made

mistakes i've been with people i've been heartbroken i've been with people that should never have gone out with but that's like my journey i know it sounds really woke but that is like how my life has gone and the reason i am who i am today is because i have dealt with all that shit because one thing i will say to you if this is your first heartbreak it's going to be one of the worst probably yeah because you can't imagine ever not feeling like this when you've had a few it gets easier because you know as shit as it is you've got to get your head down and get through it and you know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel like if you're sat there now and you're listening to this and you're feeling all these feelings we've been talking about

do you think you're going to be the only person the only woman in the whole entire universe that doesn't get over a heartbreak yeah no are you when people are 80 90 on their deathbed are they still crying over such and such at 22 no no have they probably had about another four heartbreaks after that yeah so you now it might feel really shit and really hard but you have to have the the belief and the faith that this is gonna pass but i do think you need to surround yourself with the right people and like i said be comfortable in saying in the girls group chat when they say oh have you seen steve's like there's picture or he's got any just say we're not talking about him anymore please yeah i do think one of them i did say you have to be so careful i said to my friends

nothing i don't i couldn't and what i actually did with the narcissistic one is i got um i got them to literally if they followed them and all kept me i said like unfollow if you can't not tell me unfollow them i don't mind if you say but also you need to not tell me anything and i but at the same time you can't just tell your friends not to do it it's other people on a burner yourself yeah one of the main things and i think when you're heartbroken it's up to you how you deal with it and how long it lasts do you have a burner yeah i have never had a burner in my life do you have a burner what's that finster yeah yeah i have yeah i don't still have i don't still have it but i have you have to not have like why have we got a burner mine's an old burner from when

i was stalking an ex yeah mine was to do with stalking a guy but so there's a couple of things that i want to go back to so one of them is instagram post breakup yeah so i think like not everyone will block someone i get it like i haven't blocked people in the past and yeah probably should have done but i'm not a blocker what i would say is my advice to someone is be careful afterwards don't over post what like look at my life i'm great and this because i find that it's very obvious sometimes i go on a girl's thing and i'm like she's just broken up with someone you can tell because you can tell and it's like it looks desperate so i think being silent if you want if you want a reaction if you still want this guy back or whatever if you want

reaction silence because then his mind will wonder yeah where is sally yeah she's not posted that she's at the pub with her so she must be with a man yes yes yes christina and i let him let his mind piece the pieces and i think as well we're going back to the age thing and it's like i don't want to sound patronizing when i say this because i'm sure there's a lot of younger girls listening to this but as like you know we're in our mid-30s well i am i am almost and like yes you're right the first heartbreak is the worst but when i hear someone say oh you know my 22 year old sister or whatever is is you know she's split up with her boyfriend she's devastated my instant reaction is that will be the best thing she ever ever happened to her well she what the thing is

you won't feel that i know and it's so hard because you don't see it until you get older we were both single mums written off like babe you're listening to this now i'm telling you you can have whatever you want yeah it just feels like it's not close enough to touch but you have to trust it yeah i honestly have a big belief in i don't know what i believe in i believe in a universe some some like a track i don't know what i believe in but i just think everything happens for a reason and i am such a strong believer of that yeah and what you're and i'm proof of it because when i look back at the narcissist at the dad there was loads of others by the way they're just the worst ones and i've been cheating on loads when i've thought this is

the fucking pits this is horrific it's never been i'll never recover i'll never i've recovered and leveled up every single time and now i'm with james i'm in the most happy relationship ever been in now listen touch wood it could happen to any of us we could me and james could split touch wood and i've learned that and it's when you least expect stuff and that's why it hurt if it did happen i would be devastated but i'm old enough and grown enough to know that i'll be okay yes do you know what i mean there's a reason yeah and everyone is okay i'll be okay eventually and i just think sometimes you don't know what the plan is for you girls do you think there is any warning signs that you're going to get broken up with from what you've experienced

yeah a lack of attention like a slow decline of they switch off not texting back the same not being asked about you the same not going just that kind of and how do you manage that so so i always think and this might be different for everyone but my worst heartbreak has been with people who are barely even new like and that is rejection it's because it's a rejection yeah so the guy so people who have been in long-term relationships if it's not white time we split up it's been fine because it's been mutual it's been yeah well but it's the ones that you're first seeing they're the worst it hurts that's the one that hurts most because it is a rejection yeah and you think it was going so good but there obviously are warning signs i'm going to say

something that i heard on another podcast i think it was with dolly alderton and caroline and this is a theory that i think stands i think women are very very good at being single and can be single men can't be single they will only leave you for someone else you do you know that so they will go from so if they are messaging someone else or someone else they're heating up that's when you know that thing that's great and and and you know girls would be like oh he's just left me for no reason and my thing is and i'm like no he's with someone else no he's not no he's not yes he is yes even if it's only a texting relationship someone or a girl he's that he's got right she's next someone is lined up whereas women if a relationship wasn't right

they'd go be on my own i'm not right i'm gonna work on myself i'm gonna be on my own for a bit whereas a man would look at that and go must find other woman do you know i was a bit like that though until recently i was very much like i would stay with someone even when things weren't going well because i was scared to be on my own so i would let them treat me like shit because i just didn't want to go and then let them leave you they would leave me so i think one i do think it's not going right get out narcissist and we are going to do a whole separate episode on narcissists because it's not just men it's women as well yeah yeah um but the thing is if you are in an abusive or a narcissistic relationship right you have to let them feel like they've

left you so lauren and i've been um working with a domestic abuse charity and we had a call with them the other day and this blew my mind right did you know now it was something like 80 of like abuse don't quote me on this but is via ring doorbell cameras what men controlling women on ring doorbell knowing where they are knowing where they are what time they've got home at who they've been with when they're away because think about it 10 years ago we didn't have fucking find my iphone we didn't have ring doorbell cameras didn't have car trackers and now technology is allowing us to yeah like and and you know when she said that i thought shit loads of my friends before have been like and you saw me get on the get in on the ring at

this time because it flashes up on your phone it's another way then there's financial abuse whereby they they will limit what money you're allowed and coming out of a relationship like that is very different to very different relationship rejection for me is one of my worst like i don't know that kills me yeah trigger so if i've been seeing someone like you've just said christina even if i've been on a few dates and they don't want to i am devastated because why me what who and then i'll look at who they end up with and i'm like what why is she better than me yeah if that's the case and if it's a rejection thing then you need to do a lot of work on yourself you know why that is with you because it's the

with me dads because our dads died yeah do you think yeah so you've been rejected by a man before yeah i think it's just like someone you just the fear of losing someone do you think yeah i think that's what it is i think it does yeah it does weird shit because i've got a horrific i once met a guy a young lad from leeds text i've mentioned it before and he pied me and unfollowed me and i cried my eyes out all night yeah over this rap yeah yeah yeah that's how fucked are you like yeah over this random guy that i've been texting for a few days he unfollowed me on instagram you even met him yeah and on a night out that's it honestly and i cried my eyes out i rang my friend saying i'm so fucking ugly he won't even follow me he won't follow me anymore

they're the one they are hundred percent worse ones and i think that so if it's that then you need to deal with a lot of issues yeah but also what i would say and this is very very black and white and quite harsh but it was the best advice i had from someone and it was from a guy so i had someone who just i've been seeing for a couple of months i was obsessed with him and then he just goes to me and then found out he was seeing someone else obviously um and i would just be like oh my god is he going to text and i'd still try and text him and i still want his attention yes if he was like yeah constant yeah texting by mistake just like yeah like i just trying to make the attention and i was like making excuses like oh yeah maybe he's just busy and yes and

this my guy friend just grabbed me i was on a night out i remember he grabbed me and he was like he does not give a fuck about you he does not like you he does not give a fuck about you and i was just like oh it was so harsh but looking back it's like men aren't that complicated there's no hidden signal there's no secret we're not into you they are not into you if you send him excuse messages in in a hope for to do you know i used to do i've told you this before change my whatsapp pictures of pictures of when i was pregnant because i thought it might just trigger in him that's how devastating yeah i thought it might just trigger something in him that remembered how much he loved me when i was pregnant yeah and the truth was he didn't give a fuck he wouldn't

have even been checking you yeah and all he did is think god she's still changing whatsapp picture every five minutes yeah she's not okay don't do it don't post the quotes because all it looks like you are arse how hard is it though when because this has happened to me numerous times when they leave you for someone who is the total opposite oh that happens to me all the time oh my god i do in that circumstance turn into the other girl no you don't i'm not anymore this is stuff i've done in the past yes absolutely she had short hair my hair is getting from one to the barbers show up back inside yes please like i would turn into that girl the way she dressed because in my mind i would think well she must be better than me so i need to be more like but this is how

wild men are that they can just change their type like what but it's what we do and i think a lot of growth that i've had has been around learning that if i'm not good enough for that person that doesn't mean i'm not good or if i'm not right for that person and the way i spin it on its head is i think about the men that i've rejected did nothing wrong with them some of them i just wasn't interested and when they texted me by mistake or they said i've it'd give you the exactly what you have to think if this was the other way around disgusting i was seeing this guy um and literally i was it was met him on hinge it was just like a bit of fun kind of thing um but we'd talk to him when i need like i was being the narcissist like

i would talk to him when i wanted to and then all of a sudden met this other guy who's not interested yeah goodbye so um i just started like you know replying to one in three texts then it went to one in five sorry then it was it was the good old fizzle yeah then awol that's what we call it yeah homer simpson going into the bush so um then are you ready he drunk called me one night and i was like with this other guy and i was like oh my god and he left me no see and you have to spin it around so imagine how he felt the next day you think that he's not realizing what you're doing oh he is yeah we don't do that we don't do that so back to what we do we remove them from all social media i'll tell you another reason why we do this

subconsciously when you post that selfie it's you're posting it for him when you look amazing you want to go out with your mates it's to get a dressed up picture to put on instagram for him so once he is removed from all of your socials you can no longer without realizing do things for him i've done it where i've got dressed up put a picture up and i've waited is he gonna like it is he gonna like it did you do that one time where you didn't even go on a night out just dressed up my friend joanne was out and i made her send me a bottle of wine a picture of a bottle it worked but um and i'd put the i'd put a bomb selfie up and i'd wait as he viewed it as he viewed it as he viewed it and when he viewed it and not reacted my heart would break so you have

to get rid do a clear out clear out so that you when you post on social media it's for genuine reasons you can't do it you're not putting jim knew me back at the gym so that he thinks oh she started the gym again i must get her back no it doesn't work so once you've cleared that aura then you message your friends i don't want to talk about him anymore and um yeah just get rid of him get rid of his number goodbye see you yeah the little give him all of his shit back straight away like there's no i left it i left a hair clip in your bathroom i've done that as well I yes 100% have done that and I've like oh you left your hoodie around here yeah there's a used tissue of yours here

you would literally use it to cast a spell on you but it's so true isn't it remove the friends if you need to remove the friends remove the friends whatever's gonna make you do things that's gonna like I said to you before you decide how long this goes on for girl like you want to drag this out over a month two months of heartbreak then do all this and also do you know what you need you need your own like sponsor in this situation so you need to nominate a friend yeah usually it's quite good having a friend that is in a very sound stable relationship because that usually means they have no ulterior motive they don't just want to get you out yeah they want to go out that night exactly they have no ulterior motives and

i always think only take advice off happy people like genuinely happy people so have a friend and just say to her right you are my plan a right at the minute and like lauren said those times when you want a drunk ring him in the taxi with your kebab ring your friend yeah and she's the one that's going to say calm down remember why we're doing this remember what he's going to think so that is really really important and making that decision that you are going to get rid of everything because you can drag this on for a long time if you want if you want to feel like this for two months you can keep going on his instagram keep posting the pictures up down it's not conducive to anything no so if you want this to end quickly yeah then this is what you need to do

okay guys so we are running an absolutely amazing giveaway on our instagram if you head over to our instagram you can win some very very good stuff over there we have got a couple's sex toy kit from love honey i've had a look at this and i might be ordering yeah some of it you don't need a couple for we have also got our favorite led mask with some hydrogel sheet masks so in total it's worth a good few hundred quid oh my god it's literally worth about amazing so head over to our instagram at nick tuck pod and all the details of how to enter are on there okay guys we're gonna go into a break now but when we're back we're gonna be listening to your questions for me to get married again they have to tick the right boxes yeah because i'm just sick of

these klingons who turn into mr price's i just want to meet someone who wants me for me but yeah i would get married i can't wait should we organize it this is the katie price show a podcast all about me and my life alongside me kate's sister sophie me and soph we're so close but you would not think we are from the same family i mean if you could I see Soph now. She dresses like... Go on. A librarian.

But this would make me puke. Oh, no. What? Bad breath, and if they get white bits at the side of their mouth, I think it's pretty obvious he's gone off it. It seems like he's probably having an affair. Okay. Anyway, I am a nice person. So come on, give it a listen.

Just search for The Katie Price Show. New episodes out every Thursday. so guys over on the patreon you've heard us talking what is this patreon patreon what is this what is this guys you need it basically you will get an extra episode a week over on there this episode is what we call the bonus episode so we're gonna do our weekly catch up on our patreon this week there's loads of stuff you can watch our live show that we did if you sign up now i've had loads of people asking this question can you listen to previous weeks yes she can they're all on there all episodes on our patreon are totally ad free oh my god guys the group chat

we've got a group chat it's so yeah there's just advice chatting we're always in there aren't we it's really good it's like a group of people are similar minded exactly so if you head over to our instagram at nit tuck pod you can see how to sign up to our patreon off the link in our bio thanks guys so questions here we are okay so do you want to read them out yeah listen to the question so 13 years and two children and he told me on christmas day he doesn't know if he wants to be with me what a dick five weeks later and i'm still getting mixed messages from him i feel like i'm the only one fighting for what we have i've been with him since i was 18 my whole world revolves around him and the children and now my life's been turned upside down he's not saying

what i need to hear do i keep fighting or do i accept it's over he's found someone else meeting speaking to someone else i know and i feel really bad because um i don't we've been quite harsh yeah but actually yeah he's probably with someone else potentially and to do it to you on christmas day when you've got kids is vile yeah so we need to right okay my first thing that i would say is go and see a solicitor totally off the record um and get some legal advice because what we call this moment is fight or flight yes i agree and especially being a mum unfortunately you've got no time to wallow no you have to go into fighting mode so the way in which she's done that whatever it yet there's feelings involved first and foremost so you've got to put yourself in the

kids face yeah that's why i'm saying go and see a solicitor and just have an off the record chat right where do i stand yeah kind of thing and how do i play it yep because i've got some friends who have literally like gone through this found out their husband is shagging someone else what have you packed their bags gone to their mum's house by the time they get back he's changed the keys on the house and they can't get back in again yeah like you don't know you don't you don't think that these people will react that way because you've loved them all for these years but you also probably didn't think that on christmas day he would come out with that yeah you don't know him exactly he's changed he's changed so um find out where you stand because i think the

problem that we have and a lot of men get away with what they get away with because we settle down and we make a life with them and then the thought of what the fuck are we gonna do when we split up makes people scary it's scary it's like right okay so i have to pay the bills on my own if you're harping on my god it's i have to get another home i have to get home and the kids usually i'm going to have to share the children i'm gonna have to start and that fear often puts people off leaving and they stay and then the problem is this situation staying in this situation and not dealing with it is slowly going to do what it did to me yeah and it will drop your you'll be depressed you'll lose your self-esteem because you're begging someone to be with you who doesn't

want to be you're trying all these things and you know despite you might be trying to spice it up and it's not working or and all that will do over time is destroy your soul 100 literally so he said that to you if he had sat down with you and said these are the things that i'm not happy with can we work on it yeah doesn't sound like there's no warning it sounds like he's just like don't think i want to be with you well i don't want to fucking be with you anymore steve so you need to work out your plan of action yeah what's your plan am i buying you out of the house and what you need to do is you need to start now yeah processing this and getting used to it get your ducks in a line get in a row yeah that is that is a very good start processing it right it's over so it's

going to be okay i'll tell you a story about one of my friends um has found out that her husband is having sex with prostitutes okay um and she found messages on his phone and the worst part of it is that he was doing it in the family home whoa but do you know what she's done what getting the ducks in a row yeah collecting the evidence yeah getting everything together going to get advice so what you learn especially as you get older if that was me 10 years ago i'd flip off the handle like yeah like i said before pack my kids and my bag yeah and get out to my mum's don't give the game away yeah like and and that is another thing as well when you feel like is someone cheating on me collect all the evidence to present don't let them know and they will start

to slip yeah they'll get sloppy exactly collect all the evidence before you know because the thing is it is devastating is heartbreak is you know a real thing however when you are old and you have children it's not just the heartbreak it's the kids it's the kids and it's the stability so unfortunately you haven't got time to think of your emotions because your emotions are going to be an even worse place if you don't sort your shit out they're secondary they're secondary yeah so you've got to get yourself in the right position as well is never ever confront a man over the phone yeah yeah i know it's hard to like save it and flip on someone that's like when they're on a boys trip if they don't ring you back that day don't have a go at them that night

no wait wait till they get back yeah like and then say to them boom yeah like it's not worth having a like it's not worth having that emotional fit to for it to be wasted yeah but honestly i think she needs to move on i think i think it's done and i that sounds absolutely awful but if it's done you need to you will get through this quicker by acting now rather than trying to save something this is a good question lauren when do you think it's time to finally start talking to and meeting new people after a breakup so i was doing a client the other day and we were chatting and she split with a partner and he'd been a little bit like um put her down a little bit so she'd gone on a date to make herself feel better and it made her feel 100 times worse

and i explained so the way i looked at it was was this with her right you've gone on a date with someone that you've never met before you don't know yet you expect it to be as comfortable and as nice as someone that you had a relationship with for two years it's not going to be what did you expect to happen like you've never met them before that you don't live the right for you you've got it's a bit awkward how is that gonna be because she basically was then comparing it to her ex saying i miss him i said you were with that man for a couple of years and you really got on you're not gonna have that comfortable dinner the same so sometimes i do think if you meet someone too soon all it does is make you get out of your comfort zone sooner because i think you

need to be at a certain level no but then i've got friends who don't get out of their comfort zone and then the two years deep and they're in the fluffy socks and yeah i get that and i think talking i think talk to people straight talking yes chatting yes but if you end up meeting someone and he's just awful this girl then was like this is it i'm fucked forever then meet another one yeah well i know christina what were you gonna say oh i i i disagree i think being single is quite is quite powerful yeah i love and you do manage to just do you do you and also i you have to you know what it is it has to be the right person you have to fancy him but you can't pick that straight you don't know yeah i know but sometimes you just

get a bit of a feeling like when you're on the apps you knew the ones that you liked you've never been on the app no i haven't she was on raya i was on raya for a couple of months i didn't meet anyone i met james i didn't meet anyone off raya i've been fully on the apps i've been on tinder i've been on hinge hinge is definitely better than tinder in my opinion on the caliber of men tinder was a bit shaggy for me and i i'm not a shagger um very catfishy as well yeah and just a bit weird vibes um raya is good if you can get on there but at the same time it's very um it's niche up their arse i found it to be a lot of men that probably weren't as wealthy as they were pretending to be because they thought that women on there were looking for money yeah it

wasn't for me there's a few minor celebrities on there yeah which one did you go on tinder and bumble bumble's the one my girls have to yeah which i fucking hated i used to just not i so you'd have to message someone back within 24 hours or then you lose them and i just would never message them back and then some of the men used to track me down on instagram yeah and go into my dms and say oh only a couple of hours left to message me and i'm like well i'm definitely not gonna message you now you're freaking out you know what one of my friends is on one that is meant to be really good but you have to pay quite a bit for it i'm gonna i wouldn't mind paying those it was called Luxie

I've never heard of it have you she's on that and it's wait let me see how they you pay extra for the premium cock

well it supposedly is like but do you know what this sounds so bad it would put me off the fact that the guys

paid for it yeah oh my god they want the premium puss so Luxie is dating for high-end

singles which obviously all of us listening are yeah tick join the luxury dating site

for free now meet rich successful and attractive millionaires you're gonna get bellends on that i'm sorry do you know what we should do we should create a um fake account and have a look let's have a look yeah oh wait let's report back christina on trust pilot it's only got three stars out of five two and a half in fact um so yeah guys get in touch with us if you know any tips or tricks or hacks for dating apps any good ones that you've like heard of and yeah good websites exactly so we've got another question on here which is is closure really a thing no i i think a lot of girls get caught up with the closure closure

needs to come from yourself yeah and sometimes closure is just you saying that happened it is what it is closed close the book yeah you can if if you message someone ask for closure it's never going to be the clue it's never going to fit what you want so like when i split with thea's dad i would say like i'd want that fine i'd think right i'm going to send that final message and it was never the final message i sent and it was a paragraph and i'd be like right and and that be it that's a closure i just need to send this one last text and then i'm done and it would never be that i got the closure when i realized that that was over yeah and in my mind michael i made the closure but there is never closure and also like don't kid yourselves that you are going to

get a man that actually wants to talk about his feelings and process the relationship that will never happen so no closure is nothing closure is internal can i still find somebody who wants kids a marriage in my late 30s of course you can that's when they do want kids in marriage everything's happening a little bit later now it is what i will say they probably already are gonna have kids probably let's be real yeah yeah and you're gonna have to put up with this it's well it is what it is what it is you've got to do it but i do think that you will find somebody absolutely and i do think i keep saying the second wave which is when everyone that got together when they were 17 18 19 20 to 25 and they were loved young dream have now drifted apart and grown as people in

different direction yeah yeah they've all split up yeah and that's when you can do the mind sweeping mid-30s and there's some good there's some good people there like christina said you really know what you want guys also don't be scared of this whole turning 30 right 30 yeah it's a number it's not a big fucking deal and actually i've had some of the best years of my life in my 30s 100 100 i would know what you want more you're more financially independent um you know when to spot the red flags no i agree i would say in my probably from 31 when i got rid of the narc i think from then yeah my life's gone onwards and upwards and can as women we stop making turning 30 such a thing yeah it's not a big deal yeah and do you see what i'm saying yeah i'm so much happier in

my 30s exactly secure so much happier but i do think there is a thing of like if i was ever single now i'm like where the hell where do i meet someone because i don't go out pubs yeah i don't yeah this is the thing you don't go out as much though my work's 20 yeah but i do i think there's you'll absolutely meet somebody 30s i don't think that's a problem at all i don't think it makes any difference and actually you'll meet better quality and you won't settle for any less because you know now what you want and what you don't um lauren i'll tell you what in patreon i'm gonna post my favorite breakup books and like um good idea because i've got a few and they're on audible so don't worry if you can't read like me um they're fantastic do you know i think the main

thing with the breakups is dealing with your mental your how it's affecting you yeah and fixing yourself more well thank you guys that was a heartbreak episode i think we've got a lot more to talk about on that actually and let us know let us know if you liked these episodes send them to your friends that are sad yep and send us in your online dating hacks because we they need to be shared because like christina said people aren't really going out as much now so where the fuck do you meet men i honestly think we need to do a guide of some form yeah yeah i think that'll be really helpful to people we're on it we're on it thank you guys and we will see you if you're on patreon on friday if not we will see you next wednesday bye bye bye girls and boys