Nip Tuck - The Pilot: Toxic Gossip

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

Welcome to the pilot episode of Nip, Tuck, Not Giving a F*ck! Ashley and Lauren sit down to introduce themselves, how they know one another as well as addressing the gossip that's been circulating for some time now.... On Instagram you can follow the podcast at @NTNGAF, follow Ashley @thecosmeticconsult and Lauren @laurenelizabeth_xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys! Hi! And welcome to Nip, Tuck and Not Giving a Fuck! Woo! Woo! Woo! Oh my god that was such a mum woo. Okay so my name's Ashley and this is Lauren and welcome to our pilot episode. So today we are gonna mix it up, we're gonna talk about something, the main reason why we decided to be complete over sharers and then we will get into some q a's from you guys we're going to talk about how we met as well yeah a little bit further on we've been friends for almost 10 years now so this felt like something really natural for us to do we're both really different people but really the same as well yeah we're both single mums not just single mums but single full-time working yeah yeah and there's a lot of us around now it seems so

i get asked a lot of advice from my followers as does lauren yep i get asked a lot as well i've got um the instagram that i don't particularly use for business unlike you i did at one point do a little bit of blogging and people seem to become interested in my life i got lots of people asking for advice which i always answered i don't particularly use it for business now and but people still seem pretty interested in what I'm doing yours however is more business yeah my page is mainly for business so I work for a cosmetic surgeon I am his PA and I run his clinic up in Manchester and Liverpool I sometimes travel down to London with work and I also do treatments myself um I do the Morpheus 8 treatment and I also offer skin booster treatments so I've been

working in cosmetic surgery now for 10 years um same as you Laura yeah we met in cosmetic surgery I used to work for a big cosmetic surgery company for 10 years and I'm trying my best to be a landlord as well it's not going too well no okay so shall we start with one of the main reasons why we started this podcast a certain website now we wouldn't usually be like over sharers but that's a lie well yeah do we want to say the name of the website do you think we should do that um i think we should yeah it's like something that we've been debating because we're thinking will it drive traffic to an already horrific website website absolutely crap um yeah go on i think i think we need to because if we don't we're hiding from it a little bit yeah and i think one of the main

things here is not doing that and just outing it a little bit as well and just saying this is the website it's wank um we need to talk about it as much as we don't want to we don't want to give it traffic we want to avoid bait clickbait is it called um but at the end of the day it is what it is and it's something that's affected us quite a lot and that's kind of pushed us on to do this so it's called tattle life and it's shit shuttle life twattle life anyway it's a load of shit and that's why we're here so hopefully something good is gonna come off shuttle life shuttle life that's better than twatting life isn't it um so lauren shuttle life first started on you and it was about a year ago yeah um about a year ago i got a message from one

of my followers um saying that i was on this website i didn't really know it didn't know what it was clicked on it and realized it was mainly for celebrities so i don't know how the fuck i got on there um but at some point somebody thought it would be interesting to start a feed about me and it was called does anybody follow the various relationships of laura and elizabeth um you'd be there all day following all of them so yeah and it turns out lots of people do yeah and they had a lot to say about it so i had a little read through it at the time it was like august last year and i was absolutely shocked at the the way people were talking about me the way they were talking about fear the way they were talking about my relationships the stuff that

they knew the new stuff that i didn't even know some of it true and some of it completely false do you think it's someone you know somewhere in there there is people i know i agree there has to be it's wild i mean there's stuff that like people knew like the day i've like told people yeah the some of it is from somebody and a lot of it is bullshit so a lot of it is absolutely not true yeah and that's the thing that irritates me i can deal with the true stuff because it's true i did the thing um i fucked up but um again a lot again but a lot of it isn't true and that's what annoys me because that's actually slander i agree completely and like the stuff that isn't true especially about me i mean i've only been on it for like what yeah so how did you tell who for

people that don't know how did you i think it's my fault yeah it was your fault sorry you did it to me so we posted a picture at work together and then people like oh there's that girl that's friends with Lauren um and then I got my own thread I got my own thread and um yeah a few people made me aware of it and it's just continued how do people know right this is what I don't know how do people know to make other people aware who found it how do they know who found it in the first place to be like Ashley it's on there how do you know it's on there I don't know it's wild and I just think like you've got to sign up for an account haven't you yeah it's not it's not just an easy thing to do i don't think and it's like a community a community of roles bitches but the

really really sad thing is that i think it's all women yeah this is something that we've spoken about before in in detail and i think with tattle life there's different layers to the problem and different things that frustrated us about it apart from the fact it's just mean um and pathetic there's also the fact that it's about women by women yeah there's no men on there i don't think so you know men don't care they just have a pint and a wank and wank a pint and punch each other in a packet of crisps yeah women are fucking mental yeah they're nasty i feel like men wouldn't do that and the upsetting thing is it is women it is you can tell by some of the names and by the content and the way that they're judging us on being mothers it is women i think that's

like the main thing for me is like we're in 2021 now for god's sake can a woman not go to work have what she wants have a child be you know look aware a certain way that they want to um have aspirations and goals and have loads of relationship fuck-ups yeah a man's allowed to do that what's wrong with a man leaving their kid and going to work like it's absolute bullshit i get absolutely slated on there because i don't i've chosen not to post my child on social media and i know you've got a completely yeah we'll talk about that i feel like we've got so many things to discuss and that's something that is going to take us longer we need to talk um if this does well and we do another one about parenting about parenting styles

the fact that we're different but it's fine yeah um that's something that we we want to talk about isn't it no and i would never judge you because you are completely different to me in your parenting i would never judge you for it like you would never judge me and i would also never go on a website exactly i leave um saskia to go to work uh every day and she's in a safe happy place and i just get completely slated for it so you tell me women if you aren't able to leave your child to go to work how are you ever ever gonna get anywhere in your life how are you going to be successful how are you going to have money for said child independence but then if you don't go to work then you are slated because how do you get your money yeah so somebody fucking tell me how

you're meant to look after a kid and not go to work have money have money or not have money is it okay if you haven't got money if your skin are you gonna end up on there i don't know is it is that all right if your skin i don't fucking know but it's disgusting so lauren i think we should do this bullshit clear up and then we're totally gonna move on from shuttle because it's so negative and that's not what our podcast is about i just think that it was the main thing that we wanted to cover in this first yeah it was the thing that got us to do this to set the record straight so me and lauren actually have blocked the website from our phones because it was just completely negative yeah we've told addictive you know we've told all of our friends and family not to tell us

anything that's on it just don't feed into it ignore it anything that's on there i do not know i last um looked at it in january so let's talk about no idea what it says now let's talk about the things that were on there that you heard last that you wanted to you know talk about so when i was reading through um some of the main points that really irritated me and just pissed me off so much um so these are lies these are these are lies lies so one of the things somebody said and do you know what annoys me the lies that they say are with such conviction like when you read it that this is what happened as if they actually know that that happened and you sat reading it thinking no he didn't some of it is true and i hold my hands up but some of it is so false and

they're so sure about it um one of the things was that i'm not going to say any names a previous mistake of mine um do you mean boy they're all all my mistakes all of them little men um bought me a car i think got a loan or something like that there was a mix-up but to buy me a car um which isn't true the other thing that really irritated me was that i'm a drug dealer i deal drugs oh god they could cut somebody could actually cut that little bit now of me saying i deal drugs uh i don't deal drugs that really irritated me as well because that's just absolutely ridiculous um and one of the other things was just my lifestyle so when i went to dubai on holiday i don't know if you know this actually i was actually prostituting there apparently that's

what i went for yeah i i was on a boat yes but i wasn't prostituting okay okay so let's start with this car you got bought honey so this is absolute fabrication so i know where it's come from and many years ago about six years ago i was in a relationship another mistake and when i was with this particular person he was setting up a business we can call him mistake a there's not enough letters in the alphabet all right okay but we could start with that so mistake a was setting up a business and me being young and foolish helped him with that by getting a loan for twenty thousand pounds what the fuck you definitely were on crack i know i know if i wasn't selling it i on it yeah so i got the loan for twenty thousand pounds we put it in a joint account and we were

going to do said business together what was said business i can't i can't say because i think i remember and i'm scared of him so i can't say so um we set up this business have this joint account with this twenty thousand pounds in i took out one thousand pounds of it to put down on a car not the car i've got now but a car the other nineteen thousand remained in the joint account then he was to pay me back monthly it was his loan that i got for him and he paid all together at this point yes and then he paid me back maybe three months i had all the messages to prove all this and then we split up and i thought shit the joint account so i tottled down to the local bank with my mum and uh and i went into the bank and i said hi i'd like to

the joint account and there was nothing in it because they couldn't have took it all out so he cleared the account um so do you like so wait so the loan was in your name honey um it's not the only mistake i made i also wasted 30 grand on a wedding but we'll talk about that another time so now 50 grand deep in shit mistakes so this 20 000 pound had gone so of course i texted him in the you know a nice way saying please could i have some money back for the 20 grand and do you know what my reply was what 20 grand so i made a folder so actually no i didn't get bought a car i lost 20 grand mate so i am oh that stings even worse yeah so they think i got bought a car and i'm like no no so i made a folder as i do and i printed it all out

and i had a really good case and i could have taken it to i don't know where i don't think anyone would have been interested nobody would have been interested but i might have got some of the money back but the person that they were wasn't very nice made me feel really frightened and i thought do you know what i'm gonna take it on the gym well i didn't take it on the gym my grandma did so my grandma had to pay 20 grand so that person out there can sleep at night i don't know how this is right knowing my little vera paid 20 grand 19 still alive no she's dead and and the annoying thing about this is which sounds awful but that was my inheritance so when she did die god bless her when i got my inheritance it was 20 grand short so anyway um yeah that's not

true well no no no 19 19 000 pounds yeah wow okay so the other one um you were brassing it out in dubai then hun part of me wishes i was brassing it out in dubai because i would have come home with a nicer bank balance i went to dubai i was actually in a really bad place when i went to by you wouldn't know this from um from the insta stories i actually cried most days um that was in a really bad place i went out because my friends were there and we spent three days i mean i really embarrassed myself and if we do more podcasts i would love to tell you some of the really bad things i did because it was mortifying actually um and i went there and i should really have gone and i ended up on a yacht um with a quite a famous are they called djs when they're on the radio and

i ended up on a yacht and yes there were prostitutes on the yacht and i was dancing i can't dance for one but i was kind of grinding in my gold bikini around this hot tub and it was recorded and i wasn't didn't know it was going to be recorded and then it went on on the person's instagram like people like drake liked the video mate and and 50 cent yeah so drake and 50 cent want you they won a piece of me i believe and there was all these gorgeous girls with these big breasts and they were prostitutes and i wasn't i'm not a prostitute i didn't do anything prostituted there even if i'd wanted to i was that off my tits on vodka that i couldn't have done it anyway and i just went on holiday cried every day came home carried on crying and that's

about it now lauren there is one very serious allegation very serious that we need to get to the bottom of are you a drug dealer lauren harris i'm not a drug dealer i've never been a drug dealer can you imagine me driving around dropping like little bags off to people i've never been a drug dealer i am not a drug dealer i can't say any more than that there isn't even anything around that that i could understand why someone would think that i'm a drug dealer they just people did you not know that selling drugs was the only way to have money well exactly so people assume that you can't just have a good job and that's something else i want to talk about if we get chance to do this again um the fact about our jobs and the fact that people assumed that we couldn't possibly have

made money from anything else i remember when i did read it somebody i don't know who posted actually lauren used to work at maya they used to get really good commission and instead of these women just being like all right cool fair enough they were saying they couldn't she couldn't possibly have earned that commission do you know my commission did you read my contract when i started working there and they're saying she couldn't possibly have earned that much can't have got money from that we used to earn like four or five grand a month yeah so stick that up your arse finished done no i'm not a drug dealer okay good okay so that's enough about me i could go on all day believe it or not ashley do you ever see saskia or are you busy getting your arsehole

bleached every day tell me do you ever see that child because according to tattle you're never with the kid no well I mean like I said um or I have said before I chose about a year ago to stop sharing pictures and any other information about my child online why I've got a close friends group of about 50 people and pictures a minute you're in it and pictures of the baby go on there now before that i had decided to change my account into a business page so my account isn't a personal page yeah it's a business page every move i make is consequent to me doing something in business or a way of making money i don't which is what i love about you yeah i don't just do shit on there because i'm showing off no everything that i do is contrived and that's my account you know look

at the name the cosmetic consult so basically um the thing that really gets my backup is number one i'm a shit mom i'm never with my kid that's absolute bullshit saskia lives with me and she's with me 90 of the time yes she is in nursery full time when you are working when i'm working and yes i do have a nanny that helps me out as well but am i doing anything wrong in not seeing my child you know every hour of the day personally I don't think so because it means then you know that I can teach her about being a strong independent woman in the future and she's a happy baby I'm a happy mum that's all I give a fuck about really yeah I completely agree and you are happy and you are showing her how to graph yeah how to be a good business woman I mean there

are days when you know it really affects me like the stuff that was on that website because i literally was working you know my laptop would be open from like half five in the morning while she was still asleep i'd be giving a breakfast whilst doing emails dropping her off at nursery getting the train to london having someone stay over coming back and picking her up again opening my laptop again yeah it was a hard time when i read that and then you're being called a shit mum for that but then i'm also being asked how i have any money um because you know it doesn't work how can you do both how can you do both so yes my child is in child care yes i am at work and do you know what do you know what the benefits are money that i can spend on whatever the hell

i want and then the other side is oh she's at these constant appointments all the time it's your fucking job it's my job listen and i like testing stuff out some of the appointments are paid for some of the appointments are not paid for if i want to go to a fucking appointment i'll go to a fucking appointment i agree and yeah it's business again exactly i do go to like you know two or three appointments a week some people like gambling some people like hookers some people like golf i like fucking appointments that's it and you know what the appointments aren't making me look worse they're making me look better so really tell me what is wrong with the appointment thing there's nothing wrong with it darling have as many appointments as you want because you look

wonderful thank you and then the money thing yeah i do have um income and i do have money that i can spend on things that i like disposable income exactly you know you work for it i work for it and i don't have certain bills that i have to pay why not i'm just being honest i pay for my car um i pay for all of my clothes shoes handbags i pay for my appointments when i go to them and pay for them and you really i'm not doing anything else or you know taking any cash handouts off anyone else categorically not so that are you a prostitute um no it's just definitely not um but saskia benefits from this as well this is what people forget the money side of things i'm not saying money is everything but you are setting her up for a good life I'm not saying money is

everything but she can have a comfortable life she can go on lovely holidays she can go to beautiful places she can see the world she can live in a beautiful home and you are doing that for her exactly and again like the whole I've chosen not to show my child on social media and then it's just assumed that I'm never with her when she's with me all the time I suggest you don't show your child all the time because when you do that you then get judged anyway yeah for whatever you do well you're a better mum than me yeah i was a shit mum um apparently but then you came on the scene and you were even worse and now i'm a good mum and you're the shit one yeah that was the pro of me coming on yeah you took so much limelight off me so ashley finally there is one

more thing should i address you as ashley hunt or is there another surname are you married yeah um I got married, when was it, like two weeks? Not a year ago. Just after my birthday, like two weeks ago. Yeah, like two weeks ago I got married. That is a really long, boring story. It's not boring. Why is everyone interested in this?

I'll tell you why. Because all of a sudden you got married. You were posting nothing about it. No one knew about the person. And then you were married. So yeah, that's why people want to know about it, actually. i will one day again if we're given another opportunity to do this because it's um a bit of a novel actually i could really condense it into like don't do it now no no no i won't let's

both talk about both of our weddings hope yours lasts longer than mine mate oh god i hope so too well i'm on 10 days so doing good so far not that long to go and you beat me um so yeah yeah i got married and that is that's it really it's not very interesting but if you all want to know about it i'll tell you all about it and your ring's a joke i tried to put it on my finger earlier it wouldn't go past the knuckle but it's really nice thank you i love it okay so got that absolute boring negative crap out of the way we've identified lauren is not a drug dealer and i am not a shit mom prostitute so now we're gonna move on to some questions from our lovely instagram followers let's dive in with a good one how much do you think you've

spent in total on cosmetic procedures shall i answer that one first yeah i need to add it up okay so like do you reckon this is non-surge and surge i'm gonna go with a non-surge is quite hard let's like work like ballpark by non-surge we mean like fillers botox lasers skin care blah blah blah let's just go for the skin to knife cosmetic surgery okay so my first procedure was my boob job when i was 22 we got a little cheeky discount on that because we were at maya but they still charged me loads i think it was four grand i'm writing this all on a calculator now so that was four thousand then i had a nose job and i think that that was about five thousand which is so cheap for how much it is now that was like 10 years ago then after the nose job i had my blephs

done and they were five thousand which we need to discuss because i think i'm gonna do mine yeah do it just do it then i had lipo uh which was shit and that was 3500 and i really didn't need it i don't know why i did it it was so painful and awful then after the lipo i had a bit of a break and what were you doing in the break uh i don't know someone must have been you know like stopping me from doing it or something then i had my boobs redone i had vasoliposuction um have i had anything else and that was 12 500 okay what about teeth because my teeth i've had them done twice i think i've only spent about eight grand on t2 only 38 grand that's not that bad i thought it was going to be way more than no that is do you know what i think i am between the third

probably very similar i've had three boob jobs though so that really does add up and i reckon that must come to about 24 grand yeah my teeth no because they're not just jobs they're like lifts yeah they were serious jobs my last one that i had in july last year um was like a correction from a previous not great one and having a child as well so that was a pretty big operation it's actually horrific it took eight hours nearly in surgery it was like horrible and i was in another country and it was just awful but they're really good now uh if anyone cares um really nice so yeah that that must have the three boob jobs must have come to 25 grand yeah my teeth i've had them done twice composites that's not loads but then trying to think like yeah i reckon where it's quite low

it's actually not too bad cost per shag because you're naked aren't you sorry pps pps price per which obviously mine isn't a lot so it's very expensive i've only slept with two people bullshit okay so let's run on to the next question uh okay next question is this is quite a good one how did you two meet was it friends at first sight or an angry face right can i start this so this is how we first met i worked at my cosmetic surgery and ashley joined and i feel tight now because i'm slagging people off for this but when ashley came in she was like this little doll and she was so full of confidence which pissed me off and we did some course didn't we can you remember the course and she kept butting in with the answers and i was like you're a new

girl do you remember this so we did like i don't know if it was a fire course and she's like she kept going uh yes um and i was looking at her and i was like to the girls i don't like her and she had these opaque tights on and i just didn't like her and and i was probably jealous in all honesty and i just didn't like her and then i can't remember how i ended up loving her i think you once gave me some advice on some clothes or something and that was it then and we have known each other i think it's nearly 10 years now yeah and we worked in maya together um we've got some hilarious stories some of we went out on valentine's day wearing matching red dresses oh my god that was awful wasn't it no um and we used to throw tangerine skin out of the window

on dean's gate to see who it hit that that's childish honestly the stories about the patients the stuff we used to do so we worked at maya together our offices were across the corridor from each other so we had many hangovers many laughs um many years of that many cries um and then we kind of drifted work-wise you went on to do all the cosmetic surgery i stayed at maya and then we've kind of career-wise come back again as we're both working for mr fratty yeah we kind of drag you dragged me back again i feel like throughout our lives we like drag each other back at some point like come on mate this is a good one jump on with me and we just keep going come on lozza and then she gets me got me back in with mr fratty which is amazing because i've

missed that and we've just and between it of course we've been friends as well we've had babies we had similar experiences the babies were due almost to the day a year apart yeah i think literally to the day yeah so i took a lot of advice from you absolutely and then unlucky for you and me we ended up single parents and i could give you a lot of advice about that as well and that's really how we know each other and also i will text ashley for any advice on skincare and stuff like that and i copy everything that she does but still don't look like it so don't bother trying that one um so when i first met lauren i was so intimidated by everyone in the office so you wouldn't have shown that you know i never ever do i literally my way of like being

intimidated is being overly confident and some people really don't like me yeah so i went in there was all these girls who had all worked together for years and they all knew like what the deal was and blah blah blah and i was completely new when i went in and i just with your opaque tights with my opaque tights and my leopard print shoes oh no wonder i fucking hated you they were mew mew leave me alone they were pony skin oh so anyway uh yeah it was scary for me but then i ended up winning everyone over and it was amazing we had like the best they were the best years of my life yeah we had the best times and then one day after i quit there but obviously me and lauren kept in touch i was so surprised to open my phone up to a text off lauren saying

me and mistake c oh my god yeah have split up and i don't want to talk about it i don't want anyone gossiping about it and i thought it was so grown up the way that you did yeah and you handled it before anyone talked about it and you were like listen this is my life there's a child involved don't want anyone talking about it don't ask me any questions about it end of story and i think i just text you back like let me know when you're ready to go out yeah i can remember let me know when you're ready to get pissed i can remember sending that text i remember thinking listen people are going to talk about this and i need to get in there first and i remember writing the text and i and i won't say exactly what i wrote but i did say this has happened um you will hear about it

don't ask me any questions and i'm not ready when i'm ready i will talk to you about it this is what it is done yeah and then obviously the same thing happened to me and then i got she copied and pasted my text and then i did the same as i never wanted to change the name i said me and mistake c again her parted ways and i don't want anyone to ask me about it and then you text me about saying when do you want to go out and get pissed and that was that that was that yeah brilliant right next question this is a good one lauren if you could give yourself well your younger self one piece of advice what would it be so if i could give myself any advice it would be don't lend anyone 20 grand it would be don't sweat it like don't it's or do

know what i'll tell you what it is it's all gonna be fine yeah the amount of times that i have thought that my entire world was ending especially when i split with fear's dad like i literally wanted to die and i thought my world was ending i never thought i would yeah you had a breakdown it was horrific i never thought i would ever be okay again and i'm absolutely fine how long do you think it took you to recover from that um longer than i let on or let myself believe i jumped into another relationship far too quickly because i wanted a happy family and that made it worse so i honestly maybe two years afterwards but it was all right and now again we can talk about this hopefully another time we get on absolutely fine i have no feelings like that

towards thea's dad but it was horrific i wanted to die i didn't want to wake up in the morning anymore and it was fine everything in my life when i have thought this is the worst thing ever it has always been absolutely fine so if i knew that from a young age like don't sweat it everything happens for a reason which is so cliche but i 100 believe that as well i just wish i could give myself that faith to trust the universe it is what it is it will all be okay yeah that's a good one what about you okay so i think my younger self and this is to all younger women literally don't bother with men till you're 30 that's quite a good one you know honestly i'd be 50 grand up fucking hell i mean i wouldn't have a kid though yeah well apart from that apart from that i mean

like as in don't invest too much of your time and energy and self into men before either of you are 30 because i just think you've got so much potential and growing growing to do and men you know should be a luxury not a distraction you know I think that like the way in which everything's turned out with me is a man is just complimenting my life it wasn't like you'd already made yeah I wasn't going out there looking and desperate for something and it just came to me and that is so much more of an amazing fulfilling feeling than you know when I was younger worrying about oh my god i'm clinging on to something and am i enough for this person and look they're getting distracted by other women and which is what i've done yeah it was a competition so i just

honestly think like don't bother with men until you're 30 i think that is such good advice because when you are young and you start to rely on having a man there yeah um you get used to that and that's something i've done i've always been in a relationship and it's because i like to be in a relationship but i feel like i started that cycle quite young so i felt more normal in a relationship and then you end up in a relationship that you probably shouldn't be in because you want to be in a relationship yeah so if i'd have taken your advice then that wouldn't happen i never have and i never will right okay so lauren here's a good one what is the worst date you've ever been on okay ready to drop the mic i have never been on a date shut the fuck up i've had countless

relationships i've never been on an actual day what so you've never like where they've said to you i'm taking you for dinner be ready yeah when we're together already so how does that even happen don't ask me i got married and had a kid and have still not been on a date like right so this is what happens to me i meet people normally on like a night out or something or with a group of friends we get to know each other um and then we all i don't know i don't know how it happens what do they just like come around to your house you're making me sound so seedy um i'm not even allowed in my house for like three months i don't know but we just don't go on a date and i'll tell you why i'm petrified i am so scared of going on a date it's awkward it's embarrassing it makes me

sweat it makes my face go red i'm getting really uncomfortable talking about it like who pays for it what do you eat do you eat a salad i don't like salad i'm it's awful it's making me really like i'm sweating takeaways with them yeah no because i have this thing where at first i can't even do that um and then when i'm with them when we're together yes i will go out for meals with them of course i will but i would never have a blind date and i would never meet a guy like say we're texting he's like let me take you out oh would you never go on a dating app um never been on one in my life because then you have to go on a fucking date so i could do with like a chills app a chills and texting app i get intense like texting we call but i cannot sit there opposite

someone and be like so i can't i can't it's uncomfortable i don't know what do you do for work exactly i can't do it and like i say it's worked for me well it hasn't but it's worked for me because i managed to get married and have a child with no date yeah but you're divorced now yeah um anyway you have been on dates a million of them so do tell so i absolutely love going on dates obviously i can't anymore um that's not a bad thing by the way um yeah i love going on dates loved uh i i just loved getting ready with a glass of wine making me feel looking amazing then going out to the car they're making me so uncomfortable in the car then talk about what wine we're gonna order like talk about like echo falls shut up zinfandel um no like literally i

you talk about the wine in the car really grown up i don't like grown up this is see this is a thing i i don't know if it's a confidence thing i don't know so you talk about the wine in the car then what happens just like then we get there then we'll like order some food does he order for you i i sometimes let boys order for me well i'd be fucked because i only like about three things on the menu chicken nuggets and chips yeah um so bad dates that i've been on um one was quite bad it's probably not even that horrific but i thought that it was quite bad so again i'm there perusing the wine menu you know what will match with what i was in australasia in manchester and the guy that i was with when the waiter came this would be you actually you would am i the guy

yeah can i have a double vodka red bull is that not is that no that's not a no that's a no no so i was like yeah i'm no this is like god i'm not a man i'd be fucked no this is not one for me and then like what about like a gin and lemonade is that no or like oh you'd be someone that would order wine with lemonade and wouldn't yeah i order a white wine and lemonade that's what i order completely unacceptable shit it's not okay is this where i'm going wrong that's where you're going okay so is that that's the worst i can't understand this because i don't think that's that bad uh no there's probably been like way worse ones but i'm like that sticks in your mind and like i've deleted them from my

memory did you mention anything to him when he did it did you were you aghast was your face like wow i think i'm pretty sure that i just walked out because in australasia that's a really good date spot because you can leave via the other exit yes so they don't know you're going yeah so i always yeah i've done this hundreds of times and then it's whenever my mates were in spinning fields so i'd go there with the guy and then i'd be like pretend i was going to the toilet but actually leave through and you left him yeah down in his well red bull vodka red bull maybe a jaeger bomb to finish off double i need some tips i'm never going on a date anyway no no no another one this guy oh dirty car a man cannot have a dirty car i think a dirty car is a dirty person is a well

you've got a fucking dirty car i am dirty that's why no no it is today but normally my car actually is not like if a lad takes pride in their car being clean then that sets the standard i agree i have a thing about your dirty nails tidy why would a boy have dirty nails not okay what are they doing with them what's under them scratching their ass what's under them oh bad shoes why are you pointing at my shoes when you just said that i've got fucking dior trainers on is that not acceptable like are they not the latest style i don't know what no like when a lad's got like pu leather on poo leather

do you know like a poo leather like with cracks in or something like no eject poo out the sunset exit she's gone poo leather I'm crying I'm actually crying no like that's not okay

oh my god is it okay for me to wear poo leather no it's not okay for anyone to wear poo unless you're vegan um right but or oh my god once i was with this guy and um like we met in a pub by the way if there's no tables in the pub leave fucking awkward so you're there like stood at the pub like old stinky men are like barging into you and you're like i like going to a pub because everyone thinks you're really fit yeah well yeah i like to go to little towns where everyone's ugly and then i look really fit it's like yours then um so anyway i was in this pub like swaying around on my laboutons and then the guy went forward to get me um a glass of uh dry rose pale obviously and i saw his

he had hair on the top of his back like he was that hairy his head hair went all the way down what can you imagine touching that like imagine what's your thoughts on chest hair then i love chest hair so when i was um younger i was dead against chest i agree i was like it's disgusting and one of my friends husband had it and i was like old bastard it's horrible fat bastard with all his hair and i think it was disgusting however now i've got a bit older i like daddy's chest i've got into this thing of daddy's chest yeah i mean i haven't got a daddy so i've got an excuse and i love it when they go come get on daddy and you get on daddy and you put your head and i like for the chest hairs to go up my nose like just snuggle up to it um but i feel like that's an

age thing it's like olives coffee and hairy daddy chest comes with age and piles so thank you so much whoever the hell listened karen karen one two three xoxo um yeah so thank you so much you guys for listening hopefully we will be 10 times more professional next time we're never going to be professional if there is a next time and we'll be able to answer lots more questions we've got so much to cover there's so many things we want to talk about we want to talk about past relationships yeah give advice because i feel like i can really help people with that the the breakup advice no no no not the relationships the actual breakup and how to get over and move on to another mistake um and like the single mum things lots of people want

to know about managing finances how we feel as single mums the there's i've got so much to say about that and how it feels to be a single mum of a young child and all that side of things we've got so many funny stories we've got all the cosmetic advice there's so much that we've got to say but i don't know if anybody wants to hear it except us do you know what they do come on positivity i feel like they do yeah but if they do they need to tell us yeah so thank you again for listening if you guys could leave some feedback you can follow us on instagram lauren is at laurenelizabeth underscore xx why did you make me do that when you know i've got a lisp you bitch i do also can i apologize as well for the lisp that you've all had to listen to i bet

in the car through the system that really stings doesn't it and you can follow me on instagram at the cosmetic consult so yeah it was just our first pilot episode just to see how it how it felt and felt i quite enjoyed it i really enjoyed it and i hope that we will be back soon bye