Nip Tuck - The Tarmacer

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

Ashley's back from her holidays and is getting some stick from Lauren for posting a bikini pic. The girls finally break their silence on a secret they've been holding for years from a holiday in South Africa and Lauren needs some advice on how to deal with naughty kids.Plus we hear your graphic stories in Slutty Susan. They aren't for the squeamish...To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your Icks & Dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women this is all about being unapologetically yourself nobody else no just you on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod hello hello every time i want to go hello at nip tuck pod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp you can send voice notes as well which will play out in future episodes love don't we do love a voice note don't worry if you want to remain anonymous that is fine just put it on your email and we'll make sure we don't say who you are simply head to this episode's description for more information on how to get in touch we want to know what's getting on your tits what's

giving you the ache any questions sex stories embarrassing stories falling over stories yeah funny stories stories just stories we want to know what's going on in your life because this is one big group chat because basically we don't give a fuck we don't give a fuck and we are back in surgery said daddy we're back in the surgery and we had last week off didn't we ash what we do we do speak all the time but now and again we'll try not to so that when we come on the pod it's natural like you know we're actually genuinely catching up so we actually genuinely haven't spoken you were so fucking annoying the other day right i've just thought you know she's panicking she's looking at me like what have i done yeah you were drunk so you have been in marbella haven't

you yeah um this is after berlin um and we use spectrum hair extensions don't we yeah yeah you know what's coming don't you do you even remember yeah i do and just leave me alone when i'm away You would have been the... If I'd have sent you that message... Let me tell you what happened. So, Spectrum wanted some of our pictures from the photo shoot we did and they wanted the ones of just Ashley.

Oh. No, they had mine. So, they wanted Ashley's pictures. Now, I didn't have them on my phone. We had them in a Dropbox, but the lighting hadn't been done and everything on them. Ashley had them, okay?

So, I'm minding my own business to get a message from them. Hi, we've asked Ashley a couple of times if she can send over the pictures of herself and we want it in the Dropbox. So, I was like, she's on holiday. Let me just get them and I will do the rest

I'll upload them I'll do everything thank you for that yeah yeah so then I texted I said Ash do me a favour send me some pictures

of just you she sent me a picture of me and her so then I said no just you just you she sends another picture of me and her

so I put are you taking the fucking piss Ashley I was really busy they were pecking my head just you she sent another picture

and I thought she's doing this she's doing this on a wind up of me and her I wasn't so I said to her are you fucking

taking the piss send me a picture or I'm going to upload unedited unlighted ones where you look horrific because she just put, fuck off. And then I've got this company that we work with

messaging me like, I need these pictures. So then she was like, I sent this voice note. I don't understand what you just want me to do. Lauren, just take this one for me. I'm drunk. I don't know what you want. And I was like, just send me the pictures. Do you know what I must say though?

That is the annoying part of being a, I hate the word influencer. It's a disgusting word. It never stops. Never, never, ever, ever. there is not one day that you have got that someone doesn't

pass the phone yeah that's why we need a work phone no the DMs we need to talk about the DMs we get a

hundred a day probably maybe not that many a lot some days yeah a lot I promise literally if we counted

it would be see what I do is I'm always on my phone so I read them but if I didn't read them I don't always read them I miss loads of them but if I didn't look at them

if I left it say to the end of the day then yeah there's absolutely loads it just like obviously we don't like mind um helping where we can but there's certain things that we can't always help with and you know i've always said how many dms i get about like skincare and plastic so i'm not a dermatologist i'm not a plastic surgeon i'm not a referrer i'm not we get like specific ones sometimes i got one that said can you help me with and it's something like a budget between 20 and 30 pounds i'm pregnant i've got this type of

skin with that type of background and i'm like whoa i can't help it's like throughout the day you never know where i am what i'm doing like what you know like if i'm one of the kids having you might read it and then you forget yeah so please if we've not replied it's not when i uploaded that um picture of my bum um then the the messages are got like tell me who you who's your surgeon and i've already said i'm not gonna yeah and that's the annoying thing because you think listen to the pod then i've already said no i'm not going to but yeah i think that's the thing that's the only problem with it like when you're away you don't ever switch off do you no and then sometimes like sometimes you get pissed a post will come through and they're like

oh whoops we need you to do this and you're like you're like shit i'm steaming yeah so yeah she was really annoying honestly you want to see the messages i was sending i was like fucking now in capital letters you'd send another one of me and her i was so stressed anyway it's sorted now it's sorted i sorted it for you so you've been to berlin and you i'm so i used to be wild i'm so boring no i've just had like everything's come at once kind of thing that's been pretty stressful actually yeah it's not been nice i don't like it that's why i've stopped going on holiday as much it's so nice just being at home and just having your routine especially like you know like um today i'm working all day till probably won't get home till seven and i've got literally three

cases to unpack yeah it's minging if you don't have any staff that'll do that for you well I've asked Naomi to yeah

so tell us firstly about Berlin the girl that you were with was beautiful Francesca stunning skin unreal

absolutely and sound yeah was she sound you met these girls and you kind of gravitated towards each other yes

so there was a group of four of us were you the naughty ones we were the naughty ones so it was me Lydia Francesca and Susie

and they were just absolutely lovely and we had a really really nice time um what kind of things did you do like i don't get it so there was like um different stations where you could go and actually this i need to tell everyone about this it was a fashion bit and i would never think of buying off amazon fashion have you seen the amazon it was you talking about the amazon jump seat though wasn't it the all-in-one yes um i bought that and it was too big for me but it was really nice like they had all the stuff set up so you could go through it so lululemon i wear all the time a lot of

people don't wear it because it's right and guys the lululemon golf pants and gym pants are so lucas you need them and the shorts and t-shirts i bet they make your dick look great they're so nice anyway i've got a hat have you just asked suggested that lucas wears a pair of leggings sorry they're not leggings they're like i'm also not gonna wear something called lululemon yeah no it's i promise you it's like the number one lululemon is does he look like a lululemon i've got a hack i'll set it up on um my amazon page i'll put like the name of the person on there if you go on amazon and type in crz yoga crazy yoga don't quote me on that i'll put the link on it is a dupe

of everything from Lululemon t-shirts are like 13 quid the leggings are about 16 do you know what I wore yesterday

they are an Adenola t-shirt yeah it's fantastic worth the 35 quid really tight really sucks you in do you think they've got

that kind of thing I ordered the sheen ones not as good not anywhere near the skims of Adenola the Adenola suck you in guys

I've discovered a hack women's they've got the zip up things right I'm gonna go in I think they're called Butter Leggings They are the exact same

As the Lulu ones And these are Probably A fifth of the price Right I'm going to go on then Because I'm not spending that On Lulu Lemon It was really good to see that

And I'll do Designer I'll do that Because Designer to me Is Designer I'm not spending 80 quid on a pair I'm not Babe

It's more It's 115 now For a pair of leggings Absolutely not It's absolutely crazy But those They do fit I could get like

Half a mil in my face For that absolutely not so there's a hack so yeah I had a really nice time and then I went to get some good free shit yeah I got a bit of not as much as thought but I got quite a bit um it's not stuff that I need so I am going to be giving it to you yeah because it's like you know if someone's moving into a house yeah yeah you've already got the stuff that you need yeah exactly um so I've got like a ring doorbell um times got some pans didn't you got some really nice pants does anybody need any pans um and um yeah i'll probably like donate them or give them to you if you need a pan i'll

take it all i'll have a spare room full of shit just because i don't want to give it to anyone else um and then you went to marbella and then i went to marbella so my friends yeah that was like my friends got a house out there nice it was really last minute i bought it so yeah i just went for a few nights and i saw you posted a bikini picture i did so many people tagged me in that thank you for the people that tagged me in that this is the girl i never said i would i said it says you'd never do it the horrible i don't like you all you were pregnant at the time so like i was i was just being a bitch you probably never thought you were going to get into look good in a bikini ever again so that's probably why you were hating on me

maybe what am i gonna do i've not been on holiday so i can't even post anybody i've still got that underwear shot i'm saving that you know from our photo shoot oh yeah that's a good one yeah until i go i need it i need some bikini stuff i've not you know what i've not booked any holidays because i've got some really nice holiday bits and you can borrow it all thanks um the skims swimming costumes are i don't like a swimming costume no no no but like even to wear as a bodysuit nice they've got like this reinforced waist bit and they come right up on your leg and you can adjust how low or high you want them. Do you know, I went online

and I looked at skims the other day and there's a mesh bra that I really like and I just couldn't, I couldn't pay it. It's crazy, isn't it? And it doesn't wash very well. It pained me, but... Yeah. And I looked at hanky-panky after you said,

I can't spend that. I can't. I know. I can! Well, we need to, guys, if anyone can find a good hanky-panky dupe, I did, I asked this, by the way in their knickers,

I asked this on my Instagram quite a while ago and everyone was like get the Primark ones got them not good not not the same and it's just an effort

then to keep going back to Primark I do like a Primark knicker yeah they're fine but you need a million sets twice ten times

depends if you get white ones you can win twice yeah depends if you're pooing them on depends if you're doing them so anyway oh I found a really good

new fake tan oh okay and what you do is you it is literally I'm wondering what she's gonna say you

you can't go wrong with this fake tan i've never had one like it and run into it get in the shower you come out wet and you put it on your hand a tiny bit and you rub it in wet wet onto wet skin yeah and then like you walk around and let it dry a bit you walk around it comes out like obviously you have to wash your hands but it comes out flawless and it's a gradual and it's called jurgens it's an american brand i get it off amazon um again i'll put it on my thing but yeah you put it on wet skin and because it moisturizes you at the same time if you do that twice a week it really just gives you like a glow i'll get one for you and you can try it and i like that um their foam one

as well because it comes out instant you know on days you don't want to wear makeup you just want a bit of something and i put it on um like a big brush and put it on my face you've stopped having an MUA on a Monday haven't you yes why because I've just not got time and I can't afford it yeah I'm glad you do that because I just think at first when we first started the pod can I just say recording the pod is a nightmare for me because we used to rock up just literally disgusting and now I mean not that I make a massive effort but I actually have to put makeup on on a Monday it's the only day I wear makeup on a Monday I'll pop a little bit on same do you know what so I met up with some girls that from maya that we used to work with and one of them reminded me i was so

sad i couldn't call i know because you just come back aren't you um i drove anyway i drove to be honest um but it's probably for the best when you're meeting up with the maya girls wild we were having such a laugh talking about old times and throwing tangerines out of the window on dean's gate people's heads and stuff um but what they reminded me of what one of the girls remind me of is something i totally forgot so you know when we went to south africa yeah which we told the pod listeners before when we came home in the boot of a car um and did some really questionable things i got fire lifted down the beach by a south african man do you remember over his shoulder yeah wow some really odd things happened on the holiday but anyway do you remember i said that if

you downed um a pint i would lick your vagina and you downed it and then you're like go on then and everyone was like do it and i was like i can't i know do you not remember you were saying I must have been fine. And I was like, and I was like, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Do you not remember that? I said, if you down that pint. How can girls do that? Because imagine if two straight guys, oh, down a pint. That's rugby man behaviour.

I said so. We did used to turn into rugby lads. I said, if you down that pint, I'll lick you funny. Why? Because everyone else was drinking pints and I wouldn't.

No, I don't. I don't. Anyway, that's not the story, but it just reminded me that. So Nicola reminded me of when we were in South Africa.

so we were in this amazing mansion and it was on cliff cliff something beach it's really like millionaires row

and it was a stunning thing and it had all we didn't pay for it by the way we won the holiday in that area there's a fair bit of crime in that particular

where everyone's really rich so the security's like on form as soon as you ring the security guard turns up and it's like really I forgot this right so listen to this

so I don't remember what we'd done but you had to you turned all the alarms on you went upstairs and you couldn't leave your room because the alarms

were set and when the alarms went off the police turned up and it was serious like anyway Ashley went to get was it me or you

I think it was you went to get a glass of water and I made you keep it a secret so she went to get a glass of water forgot about the alarm we were pissed

set the alarm off ran back in she was like that's it that's something so then everyone starts screaming and then we were like

what do we do and they were all really scared so then we had to join in and we let the whole thing play out we let the police

turn up and then ash got scared herself and i remember going to me i'm scared and i was like you know it was you mean you're scared and she was going what if someone's in here and i went you know it was you ashley she'd got herself so wrapped up in this life and everyone was like right everyone kind of i think it was in a room like in a room breathing and ash was like i kept looking i thinking you fucking know it was you and we were all sat there and lizzie do you remember was like right it's all right girls everyone hold hands and i'm thinking i know it was us but i was like yeah we'll be fine just hold hands and with police came everything and we've never to this day said

that it was ashley that turned on the alarm and it was her reminded me of it and i was like i totally forgot to tell the pod people that's like me with those car keys at that job yeah have you seen the car keys no no no i think sometimes when you lie you just have to keep going it's hard for me though because I'm a very bad liar I'm a good liar are you I go bright red I'm really proud of that I'm a salesperson I guess like from my year and I don't want to say I'm a good liar but yeah I think I'm all right I'm shit but I'm not good at I'm an oversharer as we know obviously as we know like I'll meet someone and I've told them straight if I've got thrush I'll meet someone this is what I mean like I've felt like this over the last few weeks with like I've had to do things

i don't want to do and i tell people beforehand if i don't want to do something and i turn up and i'm in a mood you're not going to get the best out of me and it's because the having this kind of personality of being unapologetically yourself unfortunately you have to be your authentic self all the time sometimes you're authentic once you give into that then you're lucky like you've access it once you once you are that person yeah life is just you don't give a shit what anyone thinks but then you can see people looking at you like yeah because you it's hard to have no filter and if they meet you on the wrong day they'll think you're an absolute yeah but you're not yeah or maybe you are but i do think once you hit that where you really are

just yourself it's amazing like you don't give a shit when you're like okay i don't think that then and it's so like freeing isn't it yeah like it's a nice place to be but sometimes it's hard when you have to that's why i won't promote stuff that i don't want to promote or that i don't like because I can't do it it won't come out of my mouth if I don't believe it it just doesn't work

well it's like Black China is having all of her plastic surgery reversed how do you do that she can't reverse her arse she can't

she can't she is it's going to look a fucking mess oh don't be mean Lauren well it is I'm being unapologetically me no listen

you've had fat transfer into your bottom and it's all lumpy and then you're sucking it out she's got implants yeah but she'll have she's had a BBL as well come on

what it's called that's actually called a supercharged bbl super stupid so she's had those long nails on that's where she started she was like fuck it i'm getting these long nails off she got them off then i think she took like i need to know how they wipe their ass with those nails i mean a deadly serious question like what the hell and how do they masturbate oh i've thought about this so many times your friend lystra we need to ask her because hers are so long how does she touch anywhere like that i'm being serious or like have a sexual thing they are literally like that long no but she's got a partner so how does she touch a partner's areas do you know you'd learn how to like i don't know i'm just interested in that so anyone with like super

long nails tell me how you masturbate black china is um having everything reversed yeah so she's like now and why has she said why she's just i think she's like just can't be asked anymore because it is an upkeep isn't it yeah and the thing is i think this is the problem with fashions and going OTT with trends because at the end of the day, it's a trend. Do you remember when it was fashionable to be as skinny as you possibly could? Yeah, with massive tits.

And then it was fashionable to be really curvy. Now it's not that curvy anymore. Then it was like, everyone got their lips done. Now if you've got big, like it's very hard. So you're better off being almost as much of yourself as you can, but with a tweak. It's all about your skin now, skin boosters. Absolutely agree, 100% agree.

I think people were having filler but not dealing with the skin and we really want to like get more into biohacking and stuff don't we yeah no i'm quite interested in that it's really interesting i want a full body mot as well like i want my body i don't want to know if there's anything going to be fair it's not really me i want my mom what happened with your boob right ah shit yeah okay so i mentioned because i didn't want to ask to like ask well i forgot i didn't want to ask a week when i went to my friend's 40th on saturday gave a hug and i went oh i'm here i'm here and i went i'll be honest i've not got you a card or a present i was gonna pretend i'd forgotten it haven't i couldn't be

asked you went absolutely fine um so yes yeah that's good i didn't lie because why i was gonna say i forgot your card i didn't i just didn't get a one because it'll go in the present yeah and it took me an hour to get there i'm not a card gal neither am i don't bother james got me a massive bunch of flowers for mother's day he knows i'm not interested in flowers and i know and he knows but he said he said it pained me to buy them because i knew you wouldn't give a shit but i felt i should anyway he gave my mum took them i didn't notice for two days that they'd gone she just gave them my mum was like she ain't asked about these so it's like one of those things with cards they just go in the bin so um yes you didn't ask so um i went

i went to the doctors i don't know if i told you that and he said yes i can definitely feel a lump referred i could feel it yeah you could feel like the size of a pea like a pea and the worrying thing was yeah it's still there it was hard and it wasn't painful which i believe's not the best sign for it so they sent me um they gave me a referral and within about a week i had an appointment went to like a breast clinic and it was all in one so first i went to see a surgeon who had a feel but listen to this for weird so i went in the room and the nurse took me in and said surgeon i'll be with you in a minute and i'm taking my clothes off and i heard from the outside it's a local celebrity oh and i was like no not today i look like a piece of shit i thought oh

so i just didn't say anything surgeon came in he had a feel and then the nurse was like what do you do i thought you know what i do so it's just like i've got a podcast and she went well i thought so you've got a massive fan outside and i was just like okay anyway the surgeon had a feel of the boob he said yes there is a lump i'm now going to send you for an ultrasound so as i came out the girl i think she was called amy she was student nurse they're really lovely um and she was a big podcast fan and listener so the honesty that it's everywhere now like everywhere my beer yeah it's everywhere so then i went and had a scan and she was basically like a pregnancy scan everywhere everywhere and it was like an ultrasound like when you're pregnant and she did it on the boob

yeah and then she put a needle in it and aspirated and aspirated suck some stuff out and yeah they said they think it's nothing um what is it they call it assist or something benign sis they said that they thought it was actually potentially necrotic fat so when you've had a couple of boob jobs a little bit of fat can die in there something like that like a hard bit of fat you said you thought it was that but they've sent it off i've not heard anything yet but what i will say is it was a really easy experience everyone was really lovely so if you've got a concern like it's half an hour out of your day go and do it because if it was something and i'd left it then it's life or you know it's a life or death thing so you've got to do it so i

think it's fine if not i'll let you know but i think it's fine but yeah we get spotted everywhere now don't we it's a really weird feeling really weird do you know what it is it's tiktok so this is really odd so on the pod obviously we've got all you listeners which generally are kind of 20s and 30s aren't they but because we've got so many views on tiktok we're getting the younger younger crowd that don't listen to the pod i don't think they just no i had to have a picture with a girl in a school uniform yeah they just recognise us

from TikTok I got a message saying that someone had just come out of school it's fine though because we used to talk about this shite fucking worse shite

when we were back at school yeah and do you know what it's fine so don't be concerned about your kids about your kids listening the message we're giving out there really

is just it's good for women like don't care don't be don't be young teenager I've just been showing

Lauren some TikToks because Lauren isn't I'm on TikTok like every single and she was howling at them I was crying at some of the videos

do you know what TikTok is more of a place for you than Instagram 100% and I struggle with Instagram sometimes I'll be honest I do

I find it effortsome right we're gonna go for a break and then we shall be back right what's getting on your tits um people that excessively show off on social media in 2023 what do you mean like what kind of showing off i think it's more men than women right okay um like you mean at gods yeah rich fame rich yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there is nothing cringier than a man showing his wealth yeah yeah with these what i just throw in what

surely men are doing it because they think that's what yeah yeah but women there are certain women that do no but the funny thing is here that i'm gonna have to laugh at is we are right we're totally totally what's the word in ourselves here um contradicting contradicting because we're saying in our hicks that if that we like we want a man that's got a bit of money we want a man in a nice car and then we're also calling them if they're showing off the nice car listen to be fair that watch on the steering wheel picture right they're just not clever enough these men they're just not clever enough they're not subtle enough no yes we do want you to have a nice watch it's a bonus yes it'd be good if you have a nicer car yeah yeah show it in a clever way mate like pretend

you just it's the it's the in your face on the yacht in dubai with the watch and the and the man gray goose and the gray it's it's that like guys have just be smart i saw a picture the other week and they were outside the car they had a bottle of don perignon and they had all the watches on and they were pouring it onto the watches oh yeah that and when they go when they go to Dubai and hire a car and they've hired a car and all week all you get

all you get and the wind's in it that's all you see and they've got little tops on in the car that's so sweaty people have started calling them names

cup final boss cup final boss have you seen it no so like they call it different names so it's like Dubai cup final boss

Canada goose jacket cup final boss it's honestly so you now people are onto it do you know what gives me the ick men driving cars

with no tops on Men driving cars And when they drive past you They put their foot down I don't like cars that go It scares me Yeah I don't like that No

But yeah topless The leather must be The leather Yeah it's men in Dubai Topless on the leather And it makes me think of sweat Yeah Because I know

Have you ever On a hot day Had a skirt or shorts on On a leather seat On a leather seat in the car Let me tell you It is wet down there You slide all over that seat

and you have to get something and wipe because you are wet. So that is horrific. Like you've just got a new car and you've not posted it. So yes, I have just got a new car

and do you know what I've got really bad? Imposter syndrome. Really bad. You feel like it's not yours. I feel like it's not. I feel like it's the weirdest thing.

So I've got a new car and I love it and it's really nice. You've always been a car person. I've always wanted this car. I'm not a car person. I've tried to pretend I'm not but I like a nice car.

Yeah. And I've always wanted this particular car. I'm just going to jump the spot. And then... I've always wanted one. I've always... Do you want to hear

something really funny? Because I rushed the car people to give me the car and they souped it all up and done all that stuff. The R's fallen off the front. So it's called an Ainge.

I've got an Ainge over. Anyway, again, it's only me. Only me that could happen to because I didn't lead it long enough and it hadn't cured

and I was like, give me my car. So anyway, I've got the new car and I do... Are you going back for the R? Yeah,

I'm going back for the R. It's probably got £500 a fucking letter. So yes, I did get that but I've got this imposter syndrome where my friends have seen it and they're like

oh my god Lauren well done and I keep saying things like yeah well we'll see I'll probably be back in the other one by next year I can't I just feel I don't know

I don't know what it is but I've treated myself and in my life I've upgraded cars I've downgraded cars when I've needed to I've upgraded when I've been in a good place

and when I've not been in a good place again I'll downgrade so to me I just see it as a I'm enjoying it for now let's just see but I haven't posted it

no I haven't put it on social media for a couple of reasons number one which is a bit sad really because I am really proud and I really do I love it

when I bought my first car by myself do you remember the grief that I got for that I think that that scarred you yeah it's I don't want everyone

to start talking about me and calling me show off I think that was the last time I ever did a show off and I think it's the haters and I don't want the haters and I know there's so many girls that love us

and love the pod that'll be like oh Lauren well done but there's also so many that will start texting each other and they'll put it up and look at her look at her

and I feel like I don't want the group you get worse have you ever heard um i don't know if it's the muslim religion they call it the the uh something i evil i evil i or the jealous i or something i remember one of mr mania one of our surgeons telling us about it and he basically said don't ever show too much because people will push the green evil eye on you because they're jealous and i just i didn't want to put that out there also i think it's dangerous putting your car all the time it's going to get keyed yeah and also somebody which is sad that we have

to live in this world and people know where probably where it is there's that as well um but yeah i didn't and also i feel no yeah showy offies it's not that cool anymore it's not but i don't mind like well where the designer stuff i take a picture of my trainers here and there or nice but i just felt like taking a picture of me stood up i don't know i don't know i feel fucking stupid for what i've got these chanel boots and chanel trainers yeah i bought another pair of like again don't show um the quality is absolutely shit shit really shit shit shit and i took them into that trainer cleaning place in Selfridges and the man was like this always happens with these so um yeah I honestly I'm gonna start living a much simpler life because like I've

noticed as well people are wearing an Apple watch over a normal watch a lot more yeah especially men and that I think is actually better you were just saying before about like the Chanel trainers that you got oh my god and the quality don't buy chanel stuff anymore because i had a pair that lasted literally and my friend's got a black pair that i've got the black pair no they're absolutely battered really and i've not worn them that many times and i took them into um the trainer cleaning place in selfridges in traffic center really good by the way guys yeah um and the guy was like oh my gosh the quality's gone down on chanel so much and i went in to get um you know that pink bag that i got yeah the week yeah and there was a bag on display and i'm not joking it was crooked like

that yeah and it's like straightly then um i had some shoes that got from there i pulled them out of the box and i'm gonna keep them because i'm really nice shoes but again like i was just not made as well as you would you know people wear the dupes all the time all the time and i've seen before they look exactly the same so i i honestly think that that's going to become more of a thing and I think people buying things from there is going to go down. Yeah, like now, I've got my Ugg boots on today, so I'm like, why do I have all these things in there and don't even wear them?

It'd be nice if things turned like that, where people stop feeling the pressure to do it. I love New Balance trains. No, honestly, I think it has started. I don't think people are doing it as much. And you can buy more stuff, like more different outfits rather than one piece of expensive. Have you seen the new stuff in Mango?

Yes, stunning. Oh my God. And the kids' stuff, the little girl dresses, I've not seen the kids stuff it's like 40 odd quid for a dress this stuff is expensive but oh god

the kids stuff's gorgeous as well I was on there last night and I could have bought so yeah I didn't for summer really classy kind of like

Santa pay vibes I want to go in is there a shop anywhere anymore I feel like they've all gone it used to be on Market Street so you can only buy it online

well I'm saying this is there one in Liverpool maybe but the Manchester one isn't where it used to be anyway anyway so yeah

dupes yeah so people are wearing like adenola zara pair of new balance your apple watch and you're good to go as long as your skin and hair and everything else is on point then you're good get your skin right skin and hair that's number one i think and it doesn't really matter what you wear some men care about and fannies and tits and arse fuck fuck there's a lot of things to think about so yeah so you've decided not to show your car that's fine yeah it's not even that i'm not showing it i just didn't want

and it's really sad that you have to do that but it is what it is um this weekend i got the new car and i was literally absolutely buzzing and then my child has turned into i think i'm gonna get sectioned ashley when i say naughty she bit another child no it's not on she's never ever done anything like this it's giving problems it's giving assessment vibes it's giving it's giving sitting there it's giving not getting invited to other parties vibes

it's giving no more playdate vibes and she's never done anything like this never I think she's just lost her shit and got a bit excited

anyway we told James' mum she went I was a biter and she had five kids so she was very much like Lauren some are biters

some aren't some are biters it happens anyway so I had to put her in a room and I left her in a room and like said you're not coming out

of your room you're in big trouble she's just been honestly I don't know what it is I don't know if it's age not break out of the room do you know what she did what so i said to her and i probably shouldn't have done this i said right i don't know what to do because honestly i'm at the end of my tether

she's not scared of me not one bit yeah took her ipad not asked so i said right i'm gonna see maybe you should go with your dad for a little bit no i said right okay um i'm gonna speak to him and see you think about what you've done in your room you should have rang the mummy club listen to this so i went out i thought that'll scare her that's right so i peeped back in she packed all the shirt she was sat there on the carpet yeah she packed all her stuff and i went i saw that then and she went well i've packed everything because if i'm going then we're going to get rid of all the stuff and i was just like trying not to laugh on it right okay she said and then she said might as well take that and the bottom lip started going might as well take that i'm not gonna be

so i said right you've got some spends on there um there's a few pound coins i said i'm gonna take those this week i took them she went might as well take them anyway because i can't spend them now i'm leaving and i went to her and what are you gonna do in here then she went waiting for the taxi and I said and how have you rang the taxi off my iPad

I said what's the taxi number then 999 I swear and every time I went in the evening because I made her stay in a room

you can't buy people and every time I went in she went she was sat at the window waiting for the taxi honestly she packed all her shit

it's like when I turn around sometimes they've got such an attitude I go like she's got an attitude can I have a picture and I go smile smile and then she'll just go

yeah like yeah honestly she she's been such hard work and i don't i really i genuinely like i'm not sure what to do i even said to her you're making mommy really sad she didn't give a fuck if anyone has got any good like time out parenting the only thing that scares her is i'm gonna tell your teacher wow she is scared then but then it doesn't last i don't know i don't know what to do um she's just having a really bad time yeah and like proper tantrums like screaming tantrums so i guess it's

just having a kid isn't it but that's been my weekend really stunning stunning um you had a bit of uh somebody having a little tantrum didn't you on your socials yeah you got trolled by someone's mum no like the the girl who it is is absolutely lovely her mum's not and i've not told anyone any names only we're gonna put it on the podcast but obviously we're putting on the podcast because i don't want to upset anyone um that's the last thing i want to do but it did upset me so i got really nasty comment on a picture and i see them all yeah so i clicked on it and it had one person in common a girl that i used to work with so i messaged her and i was like babe who is this person thinking she might be like oh it's my next one like and she was like it's my mom why

oh mate and i was like i'm really sorry to tell you this i've never met her in my life and she just sent a screenshot she was like i'm so sorry what like what are we gonna do about this there's nothing i've passed it on whatever no i mean i'm glad that i did say because because trolls need people that are real in their real genuine life not an online thing to be like to call them out and then they might realize that like what are you doing me yeah i mean something's gonna come out soon with something we've been doing yes we can't talk much about and i've just had an email I'll have you off the solicitor so we are up to something and we don't want to give too much away but it's very exciting we're up to something right I've missed this slutty suit I don't know

if anyone heard that but I like doing it listen slutty suit with my paperwork she's a big slag You better lock your sons up because she's coming for you. Dad. Okay, I'm going to read this. Hi, girls. Just wanted to say that I really do love the pod and I've literally listened to every episode.

I'm a bit of a younger listener. I'm 19. Oh, I like that. Just talking about that, weren't we? Do you remember being 19? What were you doing at 19? Turned long years ago. Turned long.

What were you doing at 19? I was going out with that footballer. Were you? and i worked in tv i was at college doing no i'd finished college i was a beauty therapist i was not in the shoe factory she was in the pie factory i was a beauty therapist and i absolutely hated it and when i was doing people's feet i would feel like a fucking pauper i hated it and there was this particular woman and i wouldn't eat all day because when they're nice to you or not yeah yeah but when you're a beauty therapist like you will work 10 hours a day and you are

back to back yeah and i used to be starving and i remember there's this particular woman you didn't eat her feet did you no and i'm doing her feet right these awful fucking disgusting smelly feet and i'm there like you know when you rasp them i'm rasping away all beauty therapists will get this and i looked up at her and she brought a sandwich to the appointment and she was this this sandwich and i was like and she's like i've not i've i've not eaten since my breakfast i was thinking i've not eaten all day you fucking silly bitch she was painting her nails for a holiday and I used to hate the fact

that they were like I'm on holiday tomorrow so I'm getting my nails done and I just felt like a skivvy I fucking hated it anyway look at you now baby

I got a big break with Maya not long after that's what I was doing at 19 anyway I'm 19 and this situation happened when I was 17 it's one of those memories

that randomly pops up and makes me cringe so hard and it makes you go your stomach sinks yeah you'll be just doing something like have you seen that

have you seen that meme sorry I'm digressing have you seen the meme where they're all in a school choir and the writing says when your anxiety just hits you out of nowhere and he's just singing away

and he's like blah blah blah and then someone does this with the um with the triangle like dang in his head and he goes oh it's like that when you're just

getting on with your day and then anxiety hits you anyway so this was when we were coming to the start of the second lockdown and you could only go and see people outside

if they were not living in your household me and my boyfriend at the time decided to go on a late night walk in the middle of October when it was absolutely freezing

we decided eventually that we were going to find somewhere quiet and have a drink and a spliff we end up going to a secluded bit of an industrial park

and have lots to drink and lots to smoke. Oh, drink and split. Bad idea if I knew that. Safe to say at this point, I'm absolutely hammered. One thing leads to another and I start giving him a blowjob.

Well, all of a sudden, I was sick all over his knob and I had no idea what to do. So I freeze in shock. Mouth still around his dick. And I'm like, what the fuck do I do? And he's still enjoying it.

Does he know? Must have been high. I have to do this really awkward thing where I try and contain as much sick in my mouth as possible whilst trying to get my mouth off him as most of the damage has been done. He doesn't realise what's happening

and thinks I've just stopped to kiss him or something. And I have to look at him and explain that I've just been sick and it's all over him. The only thing we had to clean up with was a Burberry blanket. Posh stoner. Who takes a Burberry blanket on a stoner session? Public school stoner.

Definitely. So they cleaned it with a Burberry blanket that they had to clean it up with. We went home half an hour later and after this he broke up with me two weeks later, which I believe was fully to do with this horrific incident. Yeah, I think a few people have been sick on the dick.

I've not. I've not. Okay, go on, you go. Please keep anon, cos I'll die. Love it. It starts with that, you know, it's a good one. Hello, girls. And Lucas.

Aw, Lukey. I absolutely love the pod. It keeps me going through the week. Aw, good. I have to tell you this story because it's obviously poo and sex related. Yay! It's got both.

And I know you'll love it. I'd been with my boyfriend for a couple of months After one seriously drunk night We'd gone home And we were having sex When he asked to stick it in my arse I agreed Who used to do that, stick it in my arse

What's that I don't know, you I agreed, all was well Had a great time We then decided A short while later And after another drink That we would have some more sex

obviously really horny and in a new relationship we started going and I ended up in reverse cowgirl it's a tough one that I'm literally going for it for my life when I get a tap on my ass

and I hear my boyfriend say babe babe get off oh my god I get off to turn around at him and see what the problem is what's the problem All I can see is a jizzy turd on his stomach. I could have died.

She's pooed on his stomach. Watching him try to limbo to the bathroom and balance my own shit with the cherry on the cake, I jumped up to open the windows and immediately started packing up my stuff. When he returned from the bathroom, he saw how embarrassed I was and I was just about to leave and he said, he started laughing and said, is that what you think of me we laughed we've now been together for five years and we still

joke about it wow so what had happened is they've done the anal this is why you're so dangerous and they'd obviously mixed things up in there don't do it and then as she's bouncing she's lost control of her bowels and pooped and because you've had something in there you can't feel that it's coming out i know never done never never will it's so it's so risky it really is especially if it's impromptu anal like i know if you know it's coming and from tips from friends of mine that do anal as an ambassador as an ambassador for anal impromptu anal is a no-no yeah lucas says impromptu anal is a no-no prepared anal is okay but it's never prepared for me i never would prepare for it so yeah she pooed on his chest fucking hell could be a good clip called tar

macking it is called tar macking round up okay guys remember on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard so you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com you can get in touch via whatsapp and this means voice notes too which we can play out in future episodes but don't worry like the girl above like shitty chest if you want to stay anonymous we're never gonna reveal who you are simply head to this episode's description for more info and what i will say is every story that we've had involving poo they've stayed together so maybe it's a thing maybe you need to poop on the first date and you stay together that's what we're signing this off so what we're signing this off on yeah so don't forget to give us a five star rating and review please please please and we'll

be back with our bonus episode of nip tuck this friday it's all about your ics and your dilemmas we'll give you a bit of our advice so if you send something now you might get to hear it on this friday's episode keep them coming baby and please review us we need more reviews i check the reviews all the time and when we get a good one it really makes me buzz is that like that meme where people say when you buy from small businesses somebody does a happy dance oh yeah but i do i always buy stuff off etsy i like etsy okay see you later stop doing your lip gloss and say bye why why Thank you.