Nip Tuck - Things Guys Do During Sex That Us Girls Hate!

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

This week Ashley and Lauren get graphic as they discuss notches on the bed post, penis amnesia and a rather disturbing Slutty Susan that will make you think twice before getting steamy with your partner whilst their pet is on the loose...Plus they've got plenty of delightful Dupes, a list of 8 things women hate that men do in the bedroom andLauren's put her foot in it during an interview with Heat Magazine.To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome welcome we're a bit silly today aren't we and lucas has told us off i've had my one allowed coffee of the day she's flying lucas is a bit bit fed up with us already because we're a bit giddy today aren't we he was up shagging all weekend so he's in a mood he's I've got a sore bottom. It's a bottom sore. Have you got your bum cream? Hello and welcome to Nip Talk. Not giving a fuck.

I've got a sore bottom, Lee. Have you? Yes, it's fine. Why? Is it because you're pregnant? No. Is it the piles? Have they started already?

The bing bong boos. The bing bong dingle dingle dongle from the bum bum. And I've got severe thrush. Have you? it is prolific i haven't had thrush for ages babe when i say is it inside out inside out like bad and you can't take the tablets when you practice you put the pest you can put the pastries in um so which is a joy in itself like then the next day you're just getting about and the chalk the chalk it is like you have put a chalk like literally a box of chalk up your

and it comes out like chalk i'm taking my sim proof i'm taking my kefir why do you think it is just you changing ph balance i haven't had thrush for ages but it itches do you know what i'm gonna say something fucking disgusting it's enjoyable itch have you ever masturbated with thrush oh yeah so the itch relief plus the sensation is one of the nicest feelings it's like it's like the feeling's good but then you get the itch relieved and then afterwards

you feel horrific because then it's swollen and red and yes everything's all one of my friends gets thrushed so bad that she uses

caniston as lube we had that didn't we caniston cork caniston cork yes I don't mind caniston I think it's a good good thing

I think it's a really good product it's alright it's just not hitting it for me at the minute are you wearing really loose undies

baby i don't wear knickers i don't think that's right do you think i need to wear i think you need to cotton underwear i but my arse is when your arse is huge i just saw it before and i was like wow it's like a kim k you need um like a big maybe you need like maybe you need to go to taylor and get your knickers made i do no you need to wear knickers i think they get it's getting hot up there and also it's chafing on everything it's dribbling around and it's wet i just think you need some underwear and it's been hot and i've been wearing leggings no well no wonder you've got for us you fucking deserve it my friend said that when she's pregnant she wears her partner's like box i wear james's boxes at night when i'm on the period um like in the day no they

are amazing and postpartum boxes are the best thing ever um and i noticed that you can get these have you heard of that what's it called fruit of the loom it's like a really old brand do women's boxes now and they're really soft boxes yeah like the skimmers ones but without the high waist tight like yeah proper oh there we go so we're gonna um i've been waiting for them to come in and a size 12 they haven't yet they've got them in your size lauren bitch i don't even know what size i am anymore but what i'm having a nightmare at the minute with clothes right because i i would like to blame it on my big breasts but i think it's also that i've put a little bit of weight on my back everything i get fits stunning it gets halfway up my back

can't zip it up anymore and like zara i can't buy anything it fits lovely everywhere and i can only get it halfway up my back i got a small i think it was called strata de various strata various yeah um from asos and i got that and it was um small and the dress was stunning halfway up my back so i'm having problems but anyway this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive big chested women on nip tuck we want you girl we want you to get your voice heard you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp baby that means your voice notes too which we always love to play to each other don't we love it now don't worry though if you want to be anonymous we got you why you gotta be anonymous

i want to know your name your name your name no stop stop stop um and i got this icebox i used to do this in the club i got this icebox if you've got patreon you've just seen me doing that dance oh my god do you know what came up the other day samantha mumba i told you i thought don't wanna love you if it was insane and you know what else i used to do which i still cringe at now there was a song and when i used to go out in burnley when i was about 19 and i'll never forget doing the dance routine and this is what it was uh one minute what's it called um try to call and i went like this to my friend i remember because as soon as i did it i thought why have you done that try to call but the power let me down

do you remember that sitting here with this blank expression i need you and you need me no one it How did this become the karaoke podcast? Must be a Burnley thing. Everyone else will know that, but everyone's singing it now. We're hurting everyone's ears. So basically, we don't give a flying fuck. No, we don't. Right, so today, I have been to several appointments.

You're turning into me. No, I noticed this. I'm turning into you, so... And you used to slag me off for that. Well, you slag me off then, if you want. No, no shade. No, I'm not like that. Absolutely no shade.

so i'll tell you i went for and i thought i'd tell you all about this because i think it's quite an interesting thing and we've spoken a bit about it before i went to the dentist and i went i'm not going to say where it is yet because i don't know if i'm going to go there so don't let me find out a bit more whether i think it's worth the recommend before i'd like well you have to have the shit done have to have the shit done yeah exactly so i went to a dentist because my top veneers with composites which we've spoken about on a dilemma yeah you've not been happy no they've gone a bit cheap the thing with composite it's amazing it costs what do you reckon like three grand or something yeah something like that two and a half three and it lasts i think

five years max um max and then they go a bit chipped they go a bit stained have you been going for hygiene no i've been the odd ones and the problem then is you're paying for every like five years but i didn't oh my god i've never thought like baby adds right up but i didn't want to get veneers because i thought veneers meant that you shaved your tooth down to a stub like katie price pictures you know the one no we spoke about the other week there's a new thing coming out well no there already is so yeah i was just like no i don't want veneers either so i went to a dentist who's i've been recommended you're gonna have to drop the fags on i've not smoked since i put my fags in the bin on thursday and i've not had one since how we get on next week um so then i went

to this dentist and he was amazing actually and he taught me through everything and what he told me is you know how we talk about turkey teeth and would you wouldn't you i couldn't believe the difference in the process really bad yeah so i've always been like look i've got no problems with turkey turkey teeth whatever you want to do when he actually explained the process to me so what i've been looking at having are porcelain veneers yeah there is no more shaving than there is for composites yeah yeah there's no more prep prep not but you know so the prep is the same as composite which is just a little bit of dehydration so that was the first thing i was like right okay he said the last year 15 years they will not stain they will not chip i'm waiting on that

about 15 yeah i think they're probably about 10 however two sets of composites i've already had this will be my third the only thing is though with i've got composites by the way they're called composite veneers they're definitely not are they no on my teeth um the only thing is with the veneers is the gum receding right i'll ask about that so as you get my friends and family that have got the things have been struggling and one of them had to have a gum transplant hadn't done right let me find out basically if you're covering up the full tooth got yeah and then the gum lifts and then it starts to go a bit bright right let me find out it can look a bit like oh let me find out about that so he told me that and he told me basically like the the way it

works and it takes 12 weeks to make these teeth right 12 weeks yeah they're like stunning and the way he made he was like showing me they make them like with like a paper thin yeah and then he's got this brush and he said you go to circular and how do they do it in two days i can't wait to see them get them get them it was like how do you do it in two days and so basically he told me like the appointments i'd have to go he would measure out all my stuff i'd have to have all my planning planning like on the screen it was so and he's like then you have them for a month temporary ones so they put your teeth on then you have a month with them on and if you're like i think i want them a bit longer or a bit whatever you go back he takes it back to lab technician it is a

full process so he said to me lauren how does someone go to turkey i'm not slacking turkey off and about but how on earth can they make them to that quality in a few days how can you know what whether you like them he said they're like a carbon cut like next one next one and they put the same teeth in most people oh bless i was watching a tiktok the other day of an influencer a male one and it oh it's not do you know what i think people love them and they ask for them i'm not against turkey as you well know i've got my boobs there but actually with this particular one i have looked at both and i actually do think on this occasion i would stay uk i feel like i'm constantly getting shit done to my teeth i would stay uk so i think we'll see if i like them i

might get it done and if i do obviously i'll tell you all about the journey and i'll find out about the gum thing because that's quite important yeah also a big investment they are but they're very important oh 100 also i've had so you're gonna hear some banging now because i'm just about to take arm vagina lemon bottle yeah i've got bruises there i've had lemon bottle in my arm vagina um just because i can what is an arm vagina lemon bottle do you know what the funny thing about this is i've always been a bit like fat dissolvers don't think they work i always said though didn't i that i thought acrylics that had on my chin were years and years ago but i've always been like however all i can say on it is i've seen the before and afters i don't know how i don't know

why i'm not saying every clip it does fucking work it does wait to go and get so i've had my armpit vaginas done um which if anyone doesn't know what that is if any men that more women that get it it's like that little fold over bit of fat that you get as you get older next to your tit and armpit um i've had it done and i think i'm gonna have two sessions and i'll just tell you what i think of it didn't hurt i think i can see a difference do you know what supposedly works really well in conjunction going for the fat dissolver and then doing the at home radio frequency oh i've got the radio frequency from current body body one it's their own brand one can i just say it is lovely that it's so nice so i sit there watching telly and it's so warm

and i roll it around well i'm not allowed to use it at the minute but do a one side yeah and show everyone if you're going out that that night yeah do it in the morning and honestly my skin had like a flush to it it was gorgeous we've got a code oh what is it i think it's nip talk it's nip talk yeah nip talk capital i really genuinely enjoy that do you know what i'm gonna to do it on the pit good idea do you know what you need to see um if you can try out lauren which i absolutely love from there the foreo device right i think i've got the foreo for maybe and it's a little pink comes in a circle you set it up with your phone and it does cryo so before you put your makeup on you put your serum on and it it's like freezing cold it goes cold in like a

second or you can put heat on oh so this little tiny thing that you pop in your makeup bag cold or hot puffy face puffy face vibrates oh she can use it as a vibrator as well like um it pushes the the product in um and any color led light oh all in one device and then what you can do it comes with these little sachets of like what kind of facial you want oh i want that um yeah nip talk because it's like the um the hayley bieber i was just about to say that guys hold off buying the medikube because i've heard that current body are getting it brilliant and you'll know it's legit and you know what else i bought this week the nurse jamie roller that everyone loves paris helton is always using hers yeah tell us what you think i'll bring

it in next week um so the we send each other all sorts of stuff don't we like funny shit and there's something we've been giggling at over the weekend and it's i wish it wasn't but it's poo related everything we do is poo related tell us about that ashley right so this airplane took off don't quote me on where it was going um somewhere a delta airlines flight it was going somewhere and everyone was on it and this passenger had severe diarrhea and shat themselves and it's someone took a video of where they've shat themselves and it was a good like three foot of shit like you can just imagine them like running down the aisle holding the bottom on each three seats and three seats so a good three seats a good like 20 people saw that person in person

a few meters away shit themselves and then um they said that the smell and the human waste was that bad it was considered a biohazard so the plane had to make an emergency landing it needed all new carpets and then everyone got back on the plane and what on dot poo poo pants did i mean no they were a poorly person do you know what they were at hospital poorly i think that's like drip shit that's iv drip hospital kind of well one of my friends um do you think it was squirty now yeah it was oh you could see that it was the poo go on tiktok and type in delta diarrhea anyway um we love to mix have a mixture of things on this one of my friends was on a flight home from rome recently and she said she went in the toilet and she's never seen it was like something

from the ex like the exorcist she said there was shit everywhere and she caught e-coli no there was only one toilet in use because i'm pissing my pants i'm pissing my pants like aeroplanes are fucking they are disgusting i mean it's a needs must you got to use them but they're pretty disgusting aren't they if you think about it you're all everyone's breathing in the same air yeah everyone's breathing in the same air and like i've never done a poo on a plane i probably have you definitely you're a plane pooer people that poo on planes are not people they're animals if you need to poo you need to poo no no absolutely not i'm not my ass is not spending longer than it needs on that's what probably happens that woman she's probably

holding it and then it sprayed out everywhere like an explosion imagine if it was a girl that had been on her first holiday with her boyfriend oh my god it could have been and she'd been holding and then it just erupted my friend recently went on a weekend with someone um that she you know part early partner and i was like did you poo she went i didn't poo for three days one of my friends takes imodium yeah to stop the poo not great for your bowels though just do it in the lobby like there's ways around it go in the restaurant there's lots of ways um other thing that we need to discuss is how good i am at interviews oh my god i said that as a joke so i didn't realize that everything you say start from the beginning right okay so i'll start from

the beginning so we were lucky enough to be interviewed for heat magazine we're going to london to buy a magazine and we're really famous we're big time now like massive i don't think they print it anymore i think it's online anyway we're so big time and it actually referred to us celebrities i might frame that so yeah um we got interviewed for our sunday rituals so basically just like the things we do to chill out the products we recommend all that jazz and the lady was lovely and there was three of us on the call and i actually what actually happened which is quite funny whenever we have a meeting i don't know if i've ever said this but i never have time for anything so when we have a meeting i'm never at home i'm always i've done like a full document

and i always say to lauren i've sent you the document read it because i like i know how hard these interviews are to get like i've done a few with the daily mail before on stuff and you have to get your facts straight and i was like lauren read it i've done you know i've spent like a good three hours on it did she fucking read it no i didn't read it and then i also joined the the chat it was like a google meets thing and i joined it and i didn't know my camera was on um so i joined it thinking i was basically having some filler put back in my chin so i was on the on the table and um i turned it on i was like hi guys hi everyone yeah yeah i'm just ready and then i realized i was like where are you i was just in the office and then i realized that the camera was

on and i was lying on a bed okay here's the quote guys go on interviewer what are your morning rituals lauren black coffee and a fag ashley so i drink celery juice i swear by it i'm addicted i make it fresh every morning 500 mils of celery juice and i take hundreds of supplements for fertility anti-aging general well-being which we talk about a lot on the podcast i'm fucking backtracking after lauren has just said back is aching from carrying me it goes on and on i use an ice roller i put under eye patches on because the whole point of the interview is like that we're meant to come across as right so this interview goes live also did you read it before it went live no neither did i to be fair do you want to hear there's no point i've

done it now this voice now are you ready so that came out and i was i only saw it when we got tagged at this listen to this this is a voice note off lauren didn't realize everything you say goes on there thought you could make jokes must be better next time can't wait for thea to read that when she's older i didn't even read it and then i saw it i was like oh bugger so i said it as a joke obviously i didn't know it was gonna get printed but whatever it's not a joke though no it's not although i haven't had a cigarette since thursday so actually yeah it's a joke she's sat drinking a black coffee now anyway anyway um penis amnesia so i've written this down and it's not really i don't know why it's on here i don't really know what to say about it other than you

found it funny i found it really funny so yeah i thought i'd share it so there's a sex um expert that i follow and i absolutely love it that you've not been fucking harping on about well i just think she'd be really good to get on this show um and i just think i don't know carry on what do i know um anyway and she said she put a thing up about penis amnesia right and it got me thinking so what the penis amnesia is basically that we have all seen a fair some more than others a fair whack of can i just ask you a question how many people don't say it on here how many people have you It's like we're bleep it. I've never counted.

I have. I love to count. I've counted. I could count. I think it would be like, obviously beep the number out. Mine's not many. Mine's not many, is it?

Is that it? No, it's more than that, Ashley. It is more than that. You've forgotten some. Should we... On the first night where I can drink, should we sit and drink wine? Oh, my God, Lucas.

issue um anyway bleep all these numbers out yeah i don't think that's horrific my friends are a lot worse anyway right so my point was i wish i'd had more yeah i know what you mean sorry one of my friends is going through that phase at the moment you know like go for it and i said she was like oh i feel like and i went mate no one day it'll be over and all you'll do is look back at all the cock with a smile we're gonna be old and exactly in a relationship and in a like i said just take it take it off like men don't get worried about that take it all and it wasn't just that she was going out drinking she's partying i was like take it all because there will come a day like me where that doesn't happen anymore you just sit there and you just sit there with kids running around

thinking i remember when yeah so anyway penis amnesia can you listener really remember any of the penises you have seen sucked or taken in detail in detail so what we were just saying is she was saying that penis amnesia is a thing men seem to think you're going to remember the dick big ones small ones i god's honest truth remember not one penis i remember like um you know like oh it's hideously small i remember a tiny one and but not not what it looked like no i just remember tiny tiny like i remember x oh big yeah x oh tiny it's very small but that's it so yeah we were we were just saying then me and ashley you could line up like and like you don't remember like their pubes and shit like if they've got balls yeah nothing nothing you might remember

if someone had a smelly one yeah but if you were to line up say someone i had a really long-term relationship with and saw their penis for a very long time like years and years and years you could put them in a lineup and i could not pick that penis and i just find that really interesting because i don't know whether men feel like you do have a listener i don't think women are that asked about can you remember the dicks can you really could you spot your ex-boyfriend's penis in a lineup i bet they can't remember fannies then then that got me thinking can they remember fannies i asked james and he went really uncomfortable and started giggling so i just i thought i'm gonna leave this conversation he's like i don't want to talk like this you're making

me uncomfortable doesn't like it when i discuss anything like that it gets really like uncomfortable i reckon if he actually told you as well i'd go mad so he's doing the right thing i'm like i don't mind just tell me just tell me um so yeah i'm just interested in that um lucas i think like what we said they remember like bad smell like like hanging ham loads of loads of pubes no pubes yeah yeah i don't remember pubes at all what's your thought on pubes um just trimmed yeah not shaving not shaving off it gives really bad friction it really gives me a rush yeah yeah luki um do you how do you feel about penis amnesia i think i can remember some of them not all of them if you had an ex that you've been with for quite some time could you spot it in a

in a lineup oh my god i couldn't i couldn't luki's like the boy off superbad that just sits throwing cocks all day the bulldozer one right yeah speaking of cock you have got something to tell me haven't you so sometimes we do obviously we do prep we prep a degree for our i'm not actually do you know what i didn't read it because i wanted to right we prep a degree like we'll see something oh my god i want to talk about that but then we don't actually talk about it excuse me i wrote penis amnesia that was my prep um yeah so ashley's got eight common mistakes that men make in bed that women hate so she saw it she hasn't actually read it properly no and we're gonna go yeah it's much more fun we read

it all together so we're gonna have a look at it okay right i'm gonna whiz through them okay let's go eight common mistakes that men make in bed that women hate number one not spending enough time on foreplay number two being silent or emotionless during sex let me know when you're number three excessive thrusting or going too fast yes number four attacking the clit that is painful number five being aggressive with boobs yes number six selfish number seven pushing her head down when she's giving you a blow job that is so unpleasant eight leaving the bed immediately after ejaculation so literally right then and then i would agree with all eight i would agree with all the worst one is the aggression on the

your legs are going everywhere not unpleasant just gentle yeah we should tell them this stuff i would like to know the other way around what women do that men don't like they said on um i can't remember if it was a tiktok or a podcast to lads this is what you need to do you need to crack an egg into a bowl and play with the egg yolk and that is as hard as you can press the clitoris without bursting it okay yeah let's get some egg sales shoot up thanks to next time i'm doing baking i'm gonna give it a little finger and see yeah i agree though and i think if you're not in the right place and you're carrying on that has to stop as well oh they're not arse they turn into animals yeah yeah they just want to do they just want to take the box

sweating they just want to tick the box played with click tick yeah now ejaculate yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's how it goes is brought to you by the cheshire i actually have a lady called the egg lady that drops eggs off at my house the egg lady yeah okay they're really good not to be confused with the sausage man that's lucas the sausage man dick boy right here comes dick boy and um yeah we'll be back after the break basically are you a loyal listener of nip tuck do you love us as much as we love you do you set your alarm

on a wednesday do we make your day better wednesday friday going to work or coming home if so tell your nearest and dearest please share the podcast put the link on whatsapp for some reason that does something really good for us i don't know how why what lucas says it does um and it gets some algorithm and everyone listens and obviously as you know the better we do the more we bring you welcome back guys yeah was that a throat burp that you just it wasn't it was you know when you suck something down then it takes age to go i was i was in bed with saskia last night and i was like talking to her in the face and she was like mommy your breath's not nice she's like oh stinky breath and i'm like your breath is not nice i gave james a blow job the

other night and then we late it was just a quick one on the sofa while we were watching a film because i couldn't be arsed having sex so i thought i'll just do that and then then as i'm talking about oh your breath stinks and i was like of your dick like anyway imagine you like a guy like went down on you then went to kiss you it stunk of fish anyway where were we okay so this week i'm going to tell you about like shit that i've seen that is on my hit list yeah right so this week we're talking about hot products bargain bargain bargain bargain bargain bargain so if you're a loyal listener which we trust you are then you'll know this section here is about hot products hot hats um bargains something wrong jupes all of those good things right so

dyson air straight lauren is meant to be better than the dyson air wrap i don't like that and it's just one brush one hot brush could work for me and my extensions i'm going to be honest don't love the air wrap i don't know if it's because my hair's not real hard work it's just how i just i'm just bad at shark i bought one out that's meant to be really good yeah i don't rate it don't love it i think it's over have you also seen those ghd straighteners that dry your hair at the same time surely that just absolutely fuck your hair yeah i don't know i like the hot rice brush right for your fringe these are meant to be sick amra colostrum supplements whose colostrum is it cows ew mate you won't drink milk but you'll suck its titties

you'll take it's like baby milk well colostrum basically what colostrum is are all mammals i'm so clever i use the word mammal mammal are we mammals yeah because we've got boobies that we feed our young with okay that's what a mammal is really and they have hot blood what so if you feed your baby with boobies or can then you're a mammal so are men not mammals yeah because they've got hot blood and boobies and boobies yeah i was gonna say lucas then just to be mean but then i thought no he's not even got boobies so it's no point um so what colostrum is is when you give birth or you're about to give birth this stuff comes out of your nipples whether you're an animal or a human and it is bright yellow and it's called colostrum and they refer to it as um liquid gold

bodybuilders take colostrum it's really really really good for you so when you're pregnant you can start harvesting it from about 30 weeks i think in the bath you push your boobies i got a drip yeah i tried as well i couldn't get any i would have drank my own if it was good for me um never mind for thea well you could put it on your skin yeah i would have put it on the skin i would have fucked thea off and put it on my skin and if you can get it girls though get like as much as you can and put it in syringes and put it in the freezer and when the baby's poorly or has a rash you put it on and it goes away anyway this amra colostrum they do it in a watermelon flavor and everyone is taking it and saying it's fucking amazing i think that's gross i feel like yeah but

i'll do i mean i'll do anything listen i'm gonna put salmon sperm on my face next week i will do it uh what's it called i don't know she's got it for me yeah we've spoken about that yes sorry yeah yeah um make sure you do a test patch because my friend edited yes if you're allergic yeah i'd like that she didn't know she was allergic a few days after kids lauren that's a horrible thing to say right ornable tanning tablets so you sent me those don't ever take those fucking nasals or injections i will tell you the truth so when i was about 19 um about 1920s i was terracotta i was the color of these bricks um i took tanning injections so your eyes went yellow my eyes went yellow i got freckles on my lips and gums and i got pigmentation that i've never got rid of

freckles that i've never got rid of on my body um and yeah i was really brown i had like a tanning i had an addiction like the browner i could get and i was so brown but i was literally i was i was a you know those tables in your grandma's house those chest of drawers like mahogany i was that color um never do that the disgusting and i i'm telling you now if you take tanners and you think you look good i promise you right now you don't everybody i see mile off tanners because you go like a gray green brown full of freckles like the i saw some girls and like no shade to them i guess but i thought you're on tanners and you look you're a pretty girl you look ridiculous and she was like i've got a good tan i thought you haven't you've got a fake you've got a tanner's

tan do not take them they are so bad for you so these tablets are like a natural natural way of did they increase your melanin yeah well it's like eating carrots before you go on holiday eating carrot juice so the only thing i would say when you sent me these that is right up my street because although i bang on about things like that i do love it i'm not my face my body i love it um however that i think they would increase my melanin production yeah and i hate the pigment on my face so don't think it would work for me but if you just want to get into sick town on holiday and you don't get pigmentation then i would be trying them the inky list salicylic hair treatment not seeing that so it's a exfoliating scalp treatment i've got it you

it comes and it's like in um a pipette thing yeah and it's like water consistency but basically like your salicylic once a month you do this treatment leave it on your scalp for 10 minutes and get it out because we put so many different products you know you've got your dry shampoo you've got your conditioners your oils your mousses and it's blocking people's um follicles yes so that's why your hair's not growing as well yeah if you use this it unblocks if you're a If you're an oldie-woldie like me, worth trying. No. Ooh, she's going in her bag.

This is the one. She's like, you got... We're not allowed phones. This is the one. Lucas. I'm showing you something. She's got a phone out. Right.

I'm naughty today. Yeah, we all are. We're all in a really silly, naughty mood. I really want to go now, get smashed and go on karaoke. I've got that in me, yeah. I've got it in me just to go wild and get on the karaoke. I mean, I'll come and watch, but... Imagine Monday day, I don't pick Theo up from school

because I've got pissed and I'm on the karaoke. in the gay village you know you're having a naughty day when you're in spoons having a drink before midday before midday you know you're on one okay so we've spoken about eye brightening drops before and there is ones that i use they're called nafcon a i think i've given yes you have before um one of my friends that's a model told me about these years ago and i do feel like though you're not really meant to use them yeah they're not really and your eyes are quite it's a bit naughty so these eye drops have come out and they are doctor approved fantastic on prescription can only get them from america what do you have to pretend you've got then

droopy eyelids right are you ready to see the before and afters shut up i swear they're called upnique eye drops so if you're thinking of a blepharoplasty it's for bleph people so one of the things um that happens as you get older obviously blephs which we've had done is where they take away oh my god they're the first fda approved eye drop but sometimes you can actually have it done medically so when you get to a certain degree of sag it kind of i'm talking when you're a lot older here it hides your eyes so you can't see properly so i bet this is why it's doctor approved you can use it if your ptosis is that ptosis lucas just look at that picture incredible that could be photoshopped it's not it's not so anyway i've

ordered some for after i'm pregnant i'll bring them in if they come and we'll all let's all do it in one eye and we'll look like a cyclops but like look no it's incredible i agree so yeah up knee eye drops i got them off this american website um i've just spoken about that the nurse jamie facial facial massager it's a viral product it's meant to be amazing how much is it i got it off qvc for 40 quid oh fine um right now wine i only just discovered one of my friends um is a diet coach and we were out and i was saying oh you know i'd love like a nice glass of wine now she said oh no i never drink wine and i was like it's like it's it's like that first glass of wine like nice cold glass of wine she said i only drink vodka lime and soda or gin and tonic

um she said do you know how many calories are in wine and i was like what so for a guide in a standard glass of wine it can contain up to 158 calories and 1.5 grams of sugar so say like how many would you drink four on a night out so what's that five glasses and i've lemonade with it so that's even worse but okay fine oh god so that's 300 500 no way more let me add it up one sec two would be 300 four would be 600 750 wow i'm clever is there six glasses of wine in a bottle i feel like five so it's about 750 calories actually for four yeah 790 okay so 800 calories on the night out that's a big mark you might as well have had that um and then the sugar on top sugar i have stopped drinking wine so last two times i went out i mean

i will i've not stopped as in i'm never doing it again it's really dehydrating the past two times i've been out instead of drinking wine i drank vodka um vodka what did i drink i can't remember cranberry i think or soda something and i must say hangover was better and i didn't get as silly drunk as quick i got nice drunk but i wasn't like that wine drunk yeah but it's more of a girly drunk yeah but i wasn't like that i just slowly got drunk rather than look and stood up oh yeah and then you have a blackout blackout and we are not condoning that at all no and i wasn't hungover so what so different wines have different so yeah basically um the new thing is um then one of my friends was saying well there's loads of low calorie and low sugar wines that you can get now

so i just thought i wouldn't gatekeep this with the girlies because like lauren said i'd rather have a big mac yeah on my way home yeah after i've drank my lime and so vodka lime and soda um so here we go and wine isn't that good if it's full of sugar either well also liquid calories ew what a waste right okay think wine so one glass of think wine is only 60 calories oh shit so that's that's fantastic that is like half yeah of a normal glass of wine brilliant and then the sugar it's 0.7 grams and there are no carbs give me the bottle the next one is trace's wine we've tried this one it's actually really nice um and that is a bit more calories so that's 78 calories per glass no sugar zero sugar mate i will down it from the bottom zero sugar how good is that

that's really good i'm actually impressed by that whoa yeah slimline wines no sugar no fat no protein i mean that's a shame be good if you got a bit of protein we don't know how many calories is no carbs no salt and it's vegan yeah so there's three think wine traces wine and slimline wine let us know all to stock up on for christmas girls now aldi dupes this week i'm just gonna race through them because aldi have now i mean the the dupes are just coming aren't they yeah they've done a dupes of the rare beauty highlighter and blushes drunk elephant face and body moisturizers the huda beauty pineapple scrub feel like that would be really bad for your skin barrier um ysl to chicla hourglass foundation you should get that because you use that the

cow shed hand and body moisturizer really yeah and they're actually in really nice bottles um and the list is endless the wow color spray there is none in rotten soul aldi none not one do nothing i wouldn't know about rochdale because it's quite far from me okay right slutty right you ring this you read the slut because you're more of a slut than me hi girls and lucas i've been listening to your pod since the start and i genuinely love everything about you two and the vibes you give off no in one of your recent episodes you asked for some more slutty sous and as the president of the slutty sous society this girl's funny i thought i'll tell you mine to cut a long story short i was having sex with this guy and halfway through

we switched it up and ended up i was on all fours giving him a blow away nice nice a few minutes in i could feel the oh a few minutes in i could feel the bed behind me moving but i didn't think much of it until i could feel a tongue licking up my leg towards my vagina and again didn't think anything of it well i mean what i guess she was probably concentrating she's probably concentrating i looked to him as he was as i was doing my thing and all of a sudden i froze in my tracks and thought his head is at the top of the bed who the fuck is licking my vagina i looked over my shoulder into my horror it was his dog i genuinely didn't know how to feel or if i should tell him but i pushed the dog off the bed and carried on after we'd done got up and found my clothes and

after hunting for my knickers i found them all chewed up in the dog's bed he obviously got a taste and wanted some more safe to say never have sex with a dog in the room love you girls quick question you know what i'm gonna ask but i like a dog would you know that's bestiality i didn't and no one's agreeing i'm just saying listen like i'm just saying what do you think some people would have let them carry on i wouldn't like to think so lauren okay and that's that and that is bestiality and we don't agree with that lucas is getting a thrombi over this he gets so panting that's i don't mean a throb on there's two different things he he's scared he gets scared sometimes you can see his face he's like i'm gonna cut that anyway don't cut it anyway guys keep your

slutty susans coming in you can email us your you can email us your stories to hello at niptubpod.com or you can whatsapp oh it's boiling you can whatsapp or voice note us their number is in the episode's description and in our instagram bio remember on niptub we want to get your voice So this podcast is all about you guys. You can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com. You can get in touch via WhatsApp, voice note, messages, emails. Just head to this episode's description for more info on how to get in touch and be part of the show. Don't forget, you have to give us a glowing five-star rating.

Obviously. We'll be back with the bonus, baby. And that's on Friday. It's about you, your dilemmas, your beauty questions. Anything you want to ask us. It's bits, tits, bit, bit, bit. send something in now and you might get to hear it on friday love you