Nip Tuck - Tracey's Dog

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

The girls are in their final weeks of craziness before winding down for Christmas.  Lauren took the family to Santa's Grotto and Ashley took the kids to Sexy Fish... Basically the same right?  The girls chat outfits for Christmas Day and Slutty Susan comes all the way from Viva Las Vegas!  Turn's out one guy took a big gamble and lost... Oh and please try to ignore Lauren's face peel gone wrong XxTo sign up for Patreon for full video episodes every week and more exclusive content, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck you are in the right place at the right time baby we are here to sort you the fuck out good luck sit yourself down get yourself a brew get the windows down in the car start feeling yourself because we've got a cracking episode here for you baby always always ashley has just been trying to find a way to describe what i look like right now and she still can't so we'll get scary we'll get onto that this podcast is all about being unapologetically yourself which is me right now i mean you would change it oh my god so i've had a face peel so i had it done on saturday now i've had this face peel before i feel like it's made you lisp i can't move my mouth that's why i can't move my bloody mouth um so basically

i mean life is busy for me and ashley at the minute like we're hanging on by a thread would do not agree like her baby's like pushing out of a vagina like she can't walk it's a busy week for us with work black friday we've got loads going on it's it's heavy at the minute like we're hanging on by a thread by the time you listen to this though i feel like the baby might have been born and lauren's face will be better oh i'm hoping so we won't be peppering you with ads on instagram oh god it's so heavy life at this point it's just it's a it's rough at the minute and i had a face peel on saturday and it was like a low grade one i normally have not nothing mega but i didn't think that i've been using some new home care stuff so guys you really need to think about this and i'd

been kind of using quite a strong retinol so my skin was compromised didn't tell her forgot had it done and i it has given full peel vibe like full on skin peel i've got crust hanging off my face it has been oh my god i'm full of cream the resume scar laser repair shit i've got that i didn't think of that i've got that's what you're meant to put on when you've got burn right i'll put some on um yeah so basically i've now covered in white if the video clips i don't know what they're gonna look like another one covered in white the ameliorate clarifying spray that'll be good because i can just spray it on really good um yeah my skin's hanging off it's sore it's burned it looks grazed and it's just really bad because i actually had a load of stuff to

record over the weekend that i now can't record uh and yeah it's not ideal but these honestly i can't even speak so i can't open my mouth yeah anyway anyway on nip tuck we want you to get your voices heard get in touch we know it's that time of year when you're out and about you're actually doing shit's going on shit's going on shit is going on guys like what a time to be alive if you're single by the way december crack everyone come do you know what right so do you know what's good about december and about christmas time your old flames all go out so in your local area um everyone goes out don't they around christmas so you'll see people that you've not seen for years in the pub it's a time to be like oh god looking good see people that you might have slept

with when you were a teen oh yeah you know it's a nice flirty time isn't it people come out the woodwork you've not seen for years and you're like oh god how are you how's the wife it's the same though when you're out with your kids and you see you saw loads oh good god the other day lauren text me like have i shagged everyone in the traffic center not just me and james i was literally like i said to him i was like is there anyone in the traffic center today that me or you haven't shagged honestly but we're so like funny and open about he actually rang me he was like oh mate you're gonna die there's someone here and then he went and there's someone else i was like oh fuck you know we just laughed about it and he was yeah it was really funny and then we got home

and i was like you've not had flashbacks he was like absolutely not i said well i have we're literally winding each other up so much but yeah it's that time of year where everyone comes out so even the people that you know how you know yeah like i remember i think it was like two christmases ago i was in the pub and everyone from cheshire that has moved down to london they come back for christmas with a new accent and everything yeah and they start talking all like made in chelsea yeah and like they're on another planet they wear like really like quirky oh i'm london quirky now oh i've been in london london and i smoke rollers yeah yeah raw so anyway um they don't come back and there was like a guy that i that i'd lost my

virginity to and i just remember looking at him and being like wow like if i could sit myself down and say don't do that honey no do you know isn't it a weird thing like i actually was um on instagram and i saw the guy that i lost my virginity to um he tagged in something i was like fuck i forgot about you had a look kid's wife and i was like jesus isn't it weird isn't it a week what life is made and that's why don't sweat what's going on right now in your little bubble in your little in your little thing you know people say it's not gonna matter in five years like don't sweat it because at the time i probably was worried about that now i might laugh like just remember like sometimes life is a roller coaster you just gotta ride it do you know it's

one of them we'll probably be taking the piss out of what we've hopefully not well um but you just i just think don't get too deep with whatever situation you're in now take a minute yeah if you're in a situation at the minute and it's it's consuming you have a minute and just think this is not gonna bother me soon have a laugh about it yeah fuck it mate it's fine if you if you have that attitude and if it's not fine drink some wine yeah i agree like it's all gonna be fine stop stressing you're ruining you're ruining today with your worries and don't get too caught up in that anxiety i do you know the day that i stopped with that and i said to myself i will not have anxiety ever again and i said to myself you used to get it so bad and i used to have to like fully

like talk and be like why the fuck are you asked nobody fucking knows yeah and also girls start doing that to your friends as well just say to them like who cares no one cares shut up laugh and you know that next week you're all gonna be laughing about get out and about again don't and just don't allow i do not allow myself to have it i think ah fuck it and as soon as you get that attitude in life please believe me life is much much easier yeah it's only yourself you're doing that anxiety too you're choosing to do that 100 so basically get in touch if you've got any of these funny stories that was the moral yeah in fact the best thing to do is instead of going under right tell us yeah we'll laugh hello at niptalkpod.com head over to the instagram all

the details are on there right anyway anyway oh i went to another event and we've got another event coming up we've got the msta event so girls we can't wait to meet you all there yes that is an amazing event isn't it like amazing finger like leave me i can hear you i'm sorry but my fingers all over the place we have got an event and there's some guys from TOWIE that are doing it

with us I don't know if that's it will have been and gone by now okay what date is this going out Lukey 6th

this is going out the 6th we're in the 3rd okay yes there's some guys from TOWIE it's exciting I'm quite like

excited about that yeah I am that'll be fun it's an amazing event we'll be able to feed back a load of stuff about that as well

and it's just like going to be a fun that's our last day out together and then you're having the baby do you know what the thing is people that might think you're lazy which obviously isn't me um but you are going to you are doing events we're going to events i'm working right up yeah you're doing loads of bits right up we're going to events enjoying everyone and meeting people it's so good for your mental working i agree we had this conversation a few

weeks ago where lauren was like i just don't want to do anything anymore i want to be a housewife and i was like i don't remember you don't think i would ever say that hate it lauren i don't know all of my friends have done that i've lost i've lost the fucking plot really yeah i think i'd like it i think i'd go to the gym i'd decorate the house with every like fest it's fun for a few weeks and then it's then that's it yeah um go on so you went to another event yeah so then the day after i'm evented out like this weekend i didn't oh you went to the traffic center so went to the traffic center ashley was like absolutely i'm not going to that um i got invited to the grotto at the trafford center with the kids mate i loved it much more than the other

event yeah yeah so we queued up got a little prosecco the kids could have the face painted and stuff i don't know if this is because it was the vip launch or if that's normal i don't know and then well you were the vip yeah i was top tier at the grotto and and then like the kids just loved it and we met santa and i filmed it all and then we went through to the fair bit and it was really quiet so the kids could go on all the rides we had hot dogs honestly i thoroughly enjoyed it and then i was home for half eight in my pajamas like that was it like a mini winter wonderland yeah very mini cute honestly i went last year with thea but we went to like the opening so they got treated like it was just honestly if you if you can't do anything like that with mine at

the minute i took mine sexy fish yesterday my kids how was it they fucking loved it Were they good with kids? Because I would not think of that. So good with kids. If you go with your kids, obviously don't go past five o'clock. That's not fair on everyone else. But ask to be sat in the aquarium.

Oh, of course. Yeah. So we sat at the back and literally they just sat watching the fish. And there was a woman there that had come dressed up as a mermaid and had made her own outfit with her husband. I'll show you, bitch.

What, like as staff? Like as part of the act? No. a woman who was having a dinner there yeah oh that's commitment and i'm there on saturday i'm not going to go into who are you going with um the girls oh my god you're going out no no james is coming couples oh okay um look give me that how cute i don't know what to say she's got fish on her head yeah she'd put a fish on her head she'd made her outfit she'd made her handbag i don't know what to say i don't i've i think she was

like a cosplay mermaid i don't i don't know what that is and i don't i don't know and the kids were obsessed so she just came for a dinner just like that yeah with the fish on her yeah okay um i've absolutely never seen anything like that the food is so good in there the food is so good in there what did you eat get the spicy steak don't like steak anyway you won't like any of the food lauren's like it's not chicken nuggets i bet i won't like it i like rice oh the sweet corn rice oh yeah it's really nice get the sweet corn rice um i just get a big bowl of that in a spoon i cannot wait to just go out and get absolutely you're ready for it you're on the edge aren't you you are ready i get it yeah so you're going out out drinking um i'm not going

out after it we'll go there have a few i can't afford to be rough at the minute i just can't There's that new restaurant opposite it as well. What's that? Christian's one. Oh, Sailor. Yeah. We should have been at the opening to that, but I went to the Trafford Centre with the kids instead.

We will, hey, Sailor, we will go, though. When you've had the baby, I spoke to him yesterday, we will go, hey, Sailor. Hey, Sailor. It looks gorgeous. It looks gorgeous. Yeah, he said it went really well. There's another one as well that...

Phoenix. We got him back to that and haven't we? Yeah. Guys, we are shit. No wonder we're on the bottom tier, mate. We don't go to any of these things. And when we do go, we're like... we're like socially awkward i wonder we're the bottom tier of the goody bags um right so have

you got any wedding updates no um it's stressful okay i'm going to new yorker in a couple of weeks oh yeah you're going to see the venue the florist meeting there yeah no it's not stressful i'm fine i'm fine it's boring okay um i've not got a baby update that's boring too so we'll skim over that um right i've heard about two vibrators that i needed to tell you about is that the real name of it yeah so there's one it's weird because in like a week i've had these vibrator recommendations off numerous people so i feel like guys like let's give them a go yeah yeah i mean i don't want to induce myself in early labor 10 out of 10 would recommend baby on but yeah that's the date you ended up with a baby there's one called the tracy's dog that i am not touching my vagina

with anything called tracy's dog and there's no way tracy's dog is going up me as you guys that are regular listeners know i um listen to the girls at the playboy mansion yes and the girls in it um were talking about how like they always faked orgasms because they had to go up to the room every wednesday night and have a massive orgy so wednesday was club night so they go tell us more about yeah they'd go to a nightclub listen to it it's really good podcast called um the girls next level you just you just holly and bridget holly's so beautiful uh yes she's always been beautiful hasn't she she still is beautiful skin her skin used to be she's stunning so anyway what they said was that they go out on a wednesday night clubbing and they take they smoke a lot of

weed and take these weird quaaludes they're called i've never heard of them yeah and they like make you really horny or something and then they'd all have group sex with the girls that they'd meet in the nightclubs they would bring back to the hugh hefner's bedroom with like the jacuzzi and it would only be him and then all the girls so the girls would have to do sex stuff on each other there was no penetration from them and they said that they found the world's best vibrator which they said everyone bought one after using it in the bedroom and it's the hitachi vibrator hitachi vibrator and it's a microphone mom yeah and they said you have to buy it off the hitachi website and it's actually um marketed as a massage gun and then that leads me on yeah tell me

you said you had something to tell me this had jogged your memory now you know that we like to tell you our embarrassing stories sorry i've just pulled some skin off go on so one day i was having a wank in my room and my vibrator battery gone and it's a not like yeah thank you love honey for these rechargeable ones but you can't just fucking put some batteries in and you're ready to go again and I saw the Theragun on the side no you used the Theragun

to masturbate couldn't you just like was it good yeah I'm going mad and what was it yeah I just put it on my clit and it just went wild

I was like would you do it again would you recommend i mean it was a lot like your legs like twitching like a dog when you tickle the belly a lot because also i think it's like in out in out it's not like a vibrate it was a punching so it's like some punching yeah yeah it's not something i've done has anyone what are the funniest things you've had a while with obviously electric toothbrush we all yeah yeah is there anything else has anyone ever used um a vegetable as a penetration device they definitely have yeah but like do you get off on things going in like not at all men think you do but you don't you don't no i'm not interested

that's why willie size actually doesn't matter that much because but yeah we need to look at the tracy's dog more because i'm gonna google a picture of it now why is it called tracy's dog it's not very sexy sounding not very lucas do you not think that's the weird like actually almost bestiality tracy's dog yeah it's weird it's fucking well weird oh we've used one of these before that's what the squirting but why is it called tracy's dog so it's a clit sucker and then a bit that you put in that hits your g-spot so it does so it's not revolution oh because it looks like a dog that's the way i don't i don't like it and i won't be using it for that reason the name is just no anyway um also we saw a really good story about this woman who was in like her 80s

gone in for a boob uplift oh my god because she was suffering with back pain and she ended up coming out with a boob job and a bb i told you that story of the scottish cup pair oh yeah and it's happened to a few people i had a client a lip blush client and she listens i think actually really fucking funny scottish girl and her and a mate went in i won't say the names went in for surgery went in for like a mini tummy tuck and a boob job anyway they wake up both in beds next to each other and one of them let's call her susan susan turns to a mate and he's like here my ass feels a bit bigger and she's looking down she's going oh they've put something in my ass and it turns out they'd done her a bbl at the same time and she was like what the fuck and she couldn't

believe it and then the other one said i was in pain but i was laughing that much she'd do both lying there like this and she said they'd done something else on her she luckily she found it really funny and it was very funny how she explained it but it's not fucking great do you I remember there was two girls with similar names and one woke up with a new nose and one woke up with new boobs. And it was when I worked there. Wow.

No, that's... One was happy and let it go. What? And just had the other bit done. And one sued massively. I can... That's... Imagine waking up with a nose that you didn't ask for.

Wow. Wow. wow wild i mean if it looked better i'd be like well i'm fuming but i think yeah i think that's what one said one was like just and the other one was like no i'm actually no i'd be heartbroken that's frightening that's really frightening yeah crazy right okay guys we're gonna go to the break and then we're gonna be back with bargain buckets and slutty susans but first are you a loyal listener of nip tuck do you tell everyone about it do you call yourself an og do you set an alarm on a wednesday and a friday ready for our new episodes if you are that girl

i'm not with it today if you are that girl just my skin is falling off my face this is so hard how can i concentrate when my skin's falling off anyway tell your nearest and dearest about us we need you to help us spread the news put the link on whatsapp tell your mates put it on your insta story we love that too actually that reminds me we didn't say about the look fantastic event we had literally seven people come over that were podcast fans and when i went to the chaffer center grotto the organizer said she loved it and also i went to get some food you know from like the hot dog stands and two separate ones were like i recognize your voice is this just making your dick bigger lauren no it was this is more a shout out to those girls to say thank you and

it was cute anyway get in touch that's what she was saying right please you're gonna have to stop You're really distracting me. No, but it's hurting. Like, it's itching. Yeah, but just stop. Put your hands down. I can't. Guys, welcome back.

We have got a little segment for you on fashion. Fashion. We don't often talk about clothes too much, do we? we don't i wonder why just don't do we we're not that into them i'm getting more into them it's just time isn't it it's time yeah kind of so christmas outfits like i cannot tell you the amount of messages i get about like what do i wear for this and i'm like i don't go out i don't fucking know sorry i get quite a few that are like hi i've got this occasion what would you wear and i'm like oh fucking no but it's nice i don't know what i'm wearing tomorrow i i don't even know what

size you are i don't know what your build is i don't know that i've got on what is it it's a little track suit from plt what's that on dangling off your shoulder little corsage you don't like it i don't not like it i just don't understand why they thought let's put a dangly thing on the shoulder because the flowers are big ah okay right now christmas outfits these are what we think what let's have a chat okay i don't understand people that do the hair do the makeup and get dressed up to sit in the house on christmas day i agree like what are you you've spent all morning getting ready and your feet you put the heels on and they put the kids in the outfits you wear heels and you don't leave the front door who is it for who is it for the picture

it's for the picture i can understand if you were going somewhere but if you are sat in your living a christmas day outfit oh no this is a christmas day outfits is a thing everyone matching but to stay in the house in the house and be uncomfortable when you want to eat shit loads what is that i want to lie on the sofa and eat loads same i don't get it like i need room in my pants you need to stretch i don't get it well if you're that kind of girl this is not your second this is not a second for you so basically we've had a look at like posh track suits because i get wanting to look like nice yeah like i'll put a skin tint on and i'll brush my hair yeah i kind of get that and if you're with family or do you know what if you're going to a family

member's house and you're all gonna go then you all get dressed up i get it i get it but if you are at home with your family not moving out the house i don't get it like i'd wear these yeah like nice chanel slipper she's just holding them up there for the camera but nice but you know i get it so cashmere cashmere tracksuit that's what we're thinking i'm thinking i want a cashmere tracksuit for christmas you know my dad used to work in cashmere when he lived in mongolia he he worked in cashmere industry no way it's a long time anyway let me ask him h&m h&m is giving at the minute it's giving no honestly and for kids yeah i've just done a massive order oh shit i meant to send you there was a twin set on h&m and i meant to send it to you sold out i meant to send

it you say saskia i love this and i forgot she's already got that blue one yeah but it's only cheap though this one yeah i know um they are some gorgeous things but actually it's like a little chanel style boucle set gorgeous um h&m's giving it the minute the jumpers are fantastic i ordered two cashmere jumpers off there one out now the sleeves were up to there and the other one with long bell sleeves um because you can just put a cashmere jumper on with a pair of leggings or jeans and you then look expensive i think one of the things i'm learning as i get older which i've said before is spending that little bit extra on the key pieces rather than buying an absolute shed load of stuff from a cheaper website which i do from time to time to fill the gaps but i think

having like you say a gorgeous cashmere jumper a lovely coat a lovely pair of boots yeah and then everything you wear you look classy yeah like that max mara coat that i've got yeah like i can wear this and throw it on and it's like and you look expensive and i just think it is about knowing underwear it's about knowing where sleepwear yeah i've started spending money in different places than i used to now and i do feel better for it so um white company white company we said and matamoduty i don't really get anything from that babe so many good things really there's not a physical shop have a look really very you really very you okay um american vintage have you heard of that website you said you sent me something i didn't yeah really nice cashmere stuff and like

nice tops so like plain but like good olivia ratwood was okay okay um and then reese reese karen millen i like reese for men i think it's just nice classy isn't it yeah um now if you do want to do the whole dressy up thing you do you like slay all day um dresses you don't want to be wearing that brand with the sequins and the feathers that i love it but everyone has it yeah and it's like you know the h&m um sequin sequin with the bow on the back it is fucking gorgeous but every influencer has ruined that for everyone because all the influencers

I don't want to wear the same thing as someone else but all the influencers are doing the reels with that little jacket and the dress but the problem is

they've ruined it for everyone because everyone's going to wear it now and you go H&M yeah so something maybe a little bit different

we've got we obviously like totally love like the whole pre-loved dress rentals all that jazz do you know for the wedding I forgot to tell you

because we were talking about pre-loved weren't we and how good that is there's a couple of dresses that are gorgeous like white ones for like pre-wedding parties and i went on the pre-loved websites and i thought i'll hire one 100 because i don't want one of the dresses was a grand i'm not paying that for a pre-wedding party

you can hire it yeah it just made me think of the wedding stuff if you've got wedding stuff coming up i what if i've got like a wedding or a black tie like yeah i look at hiring yeah yeah i need to hire some of my stuff out to be fair but i'm scared of people ruining it yeah i get that um Um, Vinted, Depop, The Outnet, Vestiaire, um, all of those. What was the one I was looking on? Rotate, and there's another one. Hardly ever worn it. It's really good.

Can't remember. I looked at Rotate, there's another one. Her. H-U-R-R. Yeah, yeah. And I did, honestly, if you've got like a hen do where you want to wear something really special, as long as you're not going to get pissed and throw up down it, absolutely rent it.

I'm going to look that more. SLA The Label we spoke about. Oh my God. SLA The Label. How nice does that stuff look? a lot of the time I'll be honest I look at influencer ranges

and I'm a bit like hmm are they going to be good or is it just a name like Daimonte but it's gorgeous it's good quality you can tell

she's put massive effort into that and it's like sparkly but not tacky Francesca Couture always slays with the dresses and I feel like

when you buy one you can put it away for a few years and bring it back out and still bring it back out Reformation have a look stunning

Rixxo never looked very good a wedding guest dress and like Christmas it's more like Rat and Boa

but really good quality I love Rat and Boa but so expensive and so thin such thin material Odd Muse never heard again

Odd Muse I have someone's worn that recently really nice who the bloody hell was it was it Claudia Fogarty don't know someone and I thought

funny name really nice so there you go girls and then shoe wise there is a lot of nice shoes flying around

at the minute asos asos yeah they do lovely do you know the sparkly ones i had when i got engaged they were from there they were steve madden but they were from there um they've got another pair i haven't got my phone i've like diamond now it's some nice stuff on there and i got do you know the ones i wore at the event they were just like a slingback black patent 40 quid like shut up can't go wrong with it can you because i ruin shoes as well pissed off yeah so i don't i'll spend on handbags but i don't really spend on shoes although i would like like we spoke about for the wedding asos have nice wedding ones as well with bows on the back and stuff like that not expensive maybe

for your second dress or for you yeah yeah we've given what we can give you about clothing up to now i'm trying to do more on my insta but i'm not great at it so we'll try and do a little bit more in the pod and now the bit you've all been waiting for you dirty cows we've got a slutty season you reading or am i reading um you read okay let's go now listen keep them coming in guys if You've got any Christmassy wands, festive wands, wands involving you butt naked with a piece of holly in your teeth, whatever, you being the Christmas pudding, whatever. Like, you being the, what's it called?

The spit roast when you do the fucking... You being the turkey, you being stuffed like a turkey. I can think of a million analogies. Send them in. Right, here you go. Hi, girls. I hope you're both doing well. I've got a very funny story.

More of a slutty Sue. Oh, a slutty Sam, to tell you. A friend of mine used to be an escort in Vegas. get oh now i'm interested an escort in vegas before covid she literally used to bring in about 20 grand a week and has some very outrageous stories get her to get in touch the one i thought you guys and the pod listeners would love is about one of the regular billionaires who owned an nfl team somewhere in the us he came to vegas two to three times a month and was always intrigued by bum stuff as in stuff done to his i'll do it free i'll do it free eventually on one of their

rendezvous he asked her to peg him but it wasn't really her thing so she arranged for a transgender brazilian escort to come and help out when she saw the escort she said her jaw nearly hit the floor as they had the most ginormous cock she had ever seen along with big fake tits and a beautiful feminine face so basically everything feminized but a big love cock that is like exciting she said she stood in the room in shock when the escort put a black pvc condom over the condom over their absolutely ginormous erect penis anyway she went to wait in the living room of the suite while the deed took place a while later the nfl owner came out of the bedroom in tears just shook his head and looked at the floor and said it's not from me that

listen to this she never saw him again in vegas after i love that that's the stories i want at least like he gave it a go he gave it a go but tell me stuff like this because this is like i would love more escort stories i find that fascinating yeah high-end ones as well maybe like i would love to know more escort stories um anyway where were we remember on nip talk we need to hear about all this stuff so we want to hear your voices we want to know more tell us everything you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com get in touch via whatsapp as well voice notes messages whatever you want but we need you like we've got questions that need to be answered and we've got a community now that can answer them so thanks thanks for listening guys yeah thank you

we're going to be back with our bonus baby on friday yeah um give us a five star review would recommend we'll do yeah yeah would come again come again love you very much guys Thanks for watching!