Nip Tuck - We're Back Babes!

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

The girls are back for 2023 and there's so much goss to spill! Ashley's got some new curves and is still recovering from the op and Lauren took a trip to the big apple with her fella. Plus the girls debate whether you should give back an engagement ring after a break up.To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your Icks & Dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone]Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck we are back we're back we are gracing your ears again twice a week we won't have a break again it's because lauren keeps doing all these are you taking the piss right stupid holidays right i've had enough of this so i've taken the brunt of this now for you did lie for me you've been a human shield i've lied for her oh lauren's going on holiday and everyone's messaging me like oh why is the podcast on listen ash for one is a liar and she's been keeping a very big secret she's been keeping a secret and i've been taking the brunt of this there's a reason that we've not recorded for so long and we've been off for so long half of it is you four days of it is me mate four days yeah but it was a monday that you missed

i never yeah i'm missing a monday in a month as well what you're gonna do and i'm coming in on the thursday instead so shut up i'll invoice you for my time i'm sure i can afford it we're doing very well now the podcast's huge i'm sure i could afford it right anyway are you gonna tell the secret right so ash wasn't you weren't gonna we were gonna keep this a full-on secret this was gonna be like i've never hidden anything from you guys like no i've actually not i've told you no you haven't I've sold myself hard

you've sold your soul but like I I read that stupid website and it was like she's had so much

work done she looks so old why when did you look at that website have you looked recently because you were bored

at home healing how long have you looked at it no it was before that oh so I unblocked it and it was on a night out

and I don't know why oh you just get it in your head sometimes someone was talking about it and I was like I'm gonna have a look And they were like, oh, my God, she looks 78 years old. Really?

They were saying that? Yeah, they were like, oh, she's had so much work done. Well, you know what work she's had done because she said. Anyway, so then I got, like, you know I had the bum. Right, guys, I've had my bum done. No, but not a BBL. She's gone to the fucking extreme. She's had her arse cheeks ripped open.

She's had incisions. And then underneath her muscle has had implants placed. She's had bum implants, guys. It's very sore. but anyway so i was gonna tell and i was gonna share the whole process it was only about 72 hours ago that i was like i can't yeah lie about this like it's fucking shit though isn't it how like you get abused for telling it but then you get abused for not yeah yeah so it's like you this is oh you silly bitch i'm not cleaning that i'm not cleaning it i don't care whether you can

it up or not lucas lucas got rhinitis so he always has tissues on him we've just been ripping in for it i got it goes to toilet and wank i got rhinoilus oh that's very dodgy when you go in someone's bedroom and there's kleenex on the side odd um why do boys always use socks to wank into do you do that you do that don't you i think when i was a kid i probably yeah i've never socks and t-shirts i always am going through the laundry and i'm like no no if i ever need to clean up after a session um i will use this t-shirt i wash the stuff so it doesn't really matter but i've used t-shirts but i think you just grab whatever's like near to you don't need to wipe off come flannel so anyway um ash has had her ass done uh yeah she's had her ass ripped apart

and implants put under her muscle like fucking intense so she wasn't gonna you weren't gonna tell us where you tell anyone were you because you'd had a bit of backlash about surgery hadn't and you were like fuck this i'm not sharing it anymore because i'm just getting ripped for it you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't so anyway we decided or ash decided that the whole point of this thing was to be honest and if people are going to the gym trying to get an ass like ashley's it ain't gonna happen hot girls don't gatekeep what's that mean like we don't keep secrets oh okay i must not be a hot girl you've not got to i joke i don't have tiktok no well i do but i don't really use it okay so you've had your arse done tell us really

quickly how it went it's fucking quite big in those pants but actually when you're naked it's not 10 out of 10 would recommend can guarantee that 98 of influencers or people that have a fitness video have had this really do you know it looks a million times better than a bbl i'm not gonna lie no i would be more comfortable having a bbl i feel like you can kind of talk your way around that no whereas arse implants i feel like he's a bit more lucas is questioning bbl Brazilian bum lift they call it so they take your fat

and put it in somewhere else but it goes it looks shit I agree I agree and you get that hip bit no I totally agree I wanted the projection

off the back at the arse it looks fucking incredible I when Ash said she was going to get it done you know me

I'm all for it but I was a bit like mate bit far this now but it looks really good it does I'm not going to deny and

a lot of people have had this done and a lot of people are going to start getting this done do you think a lot of people have had it done uh-huh i thought it was a very american thing no okay well you've you've you've been a moaning bitch though yeah it's been tough hasn't it yeah it's been a tough one for you which is another reason that you said you were going to talk about

it because it has been quite mentally like look at me i look like shit like you don't honestly like i've been lying on my front so i'm so like bloated and full of like shit like i'm just it's horrible i think one of the things that it's worth mentioning that the reason you decided to share is people do forget the mental side of surgery surgery and depression have got a big correlation after you've had surgery you get the surgery blues don't you can feel like shit really down really depressed why did i do this questioning your life yeah and you think have i lost the plot so when you're having any surgery you need to be in the best possible mental place really i forgot about your list oh i'm trying to help people and i'm trying to help the community

sorry lauren you're being really wholesome on nip talk we want you to get your voice heard so you can email us which you have been doing in the millions hello at nip tuck pod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp so you can send the voice notes you know that we'll play those out and we'll keep them anonymous should you want them to be you can head to this episode's description for more info on how to get in touch with us but we want to know what's been getting on your tits what's giving you the ick any questions you've got for us and any other bits basically we don't give a fuck anyway we are back in surgery we're back i feel really good do you i feel i feel happy you've been to new york i've

I've been to New York with the boyfriend. I want to be here by the way. New York! New York! And all that jazz. Oh my God, whenever we've had a drink, we go down the street and all that jazz. Start spreading the news.

Anyway, I've been to New York. Me and Lauren literally do that, Lucas, and we get our leg and we... We do our legs on either side and we link and go down the street. Start spreading. We're such old people. I know.

So we've been to New York. It was fucking incredible. i've actually um so listen to this so we go to new york i'm in the airport we just landed in new york and i'm getting my bags and a girl you didn't get a jet oh fuck off mate a girl comes over lucy shout out lucy and she was like hi lauren like i listened to the pod in new york she was with her family lovely of course i was i was absolutely lovely we had a really good chat and then that was that so that was lucy shout out anyway then one night was she a mank yeah i think she was from northwest yeah and then the mid mid through the holiday um we'd been out all day and

i just wanted something to eat so i went to mcdonald's i wanted to try american mcdonald's james didn't like it anyway so spanish mcdonald's doesn't hit really do you think i can't tell the difference so there we are in mcdonald's it's pissed down so my hair's all wet i look like an absolute and some days i really made the effort this day i didn't and james said those girls are staring at you and I was like no anyway stood up

went to walk out and this girl went excuse me oh I love that and I literally turned around like dead slow like

because I look so horrible anyway she said are you on that podcast I was like on it I'm the fucking host I'm the star I'm the star

anyway had a good chat with them okay and then I'm on the way back and I'm on on the plane and the

one of the cabin crew is it cabin crew or air hostess cabin crew I thought so you should have said the gay man over there straight away

Because he shagged half the cabin crew How many cabin crew have you shagged? In Dubai Oh he's going by country Oh they're pirates Premium Premium cock Oh

Four or five Premium cabin crew cock One was business One was a fucking pilot Anyway she comes over And says you don't know me you don't know me but i know you i listened to the pod and i do what she said lucas she asked if she could see a picture and tiki she's called she asked if she could see a picture of um lucas

because she wanted to put a face to the name so i showed her one of your nudes i lie showed a picture and she was just fucking lovely and you know what she told me the cabin crew yeah she went i'm gonna be honest i've just texted my group chat saying lauren and james are on the flight and you know what the girls put back to her is he fit is he as fit in real life and i looked at and she was like i said you said yeah didn't she didn't she was like yeah she was absolutely lovely absolutely lovely so three people no can I tell you

about my oh okay sorry your story now bringing it back to me I was out in Hale with my friend and she's from London

and she doesn't have a clue about the pot she thinks it's like my little hobby thing oh yeah like that little thing you go to

why do you do that and I was sat at the bar and this woman came over and she was shaking and nearly cried and it was her birthday and she went you've made my birthday

oh that's so cute and my friend was like what the fuck you know her why why who is she do you know James loves it

he's so supportive of it he buzzes off it he's like go on girl like he absolutely loves it and he always talks to them but it's just showing how it's getting so cute how you're in love still

I know after eight months still it's getting so fucking big this podcast do you know our TikTok video has got like 11 point something million views

also like I know you think you're the star of the show but actually actually I don't no you think you're the star of the show sorry did you get verified though

Cheese Fuming Actually I'm not Do you know what I don't need to be verified I'll tell you one reason That I would like to be verified So that if I message someone

I come up like at the top But then I don't message anyone Shall I start messaging like Rihanna Like really Yeah I mean you're going to come higher Because you've got a blue tick Girls

Can we all think about A really really really really Really fit guy Perducas Obviously Apart from Perducas that is under about 300k that I can send a very wild DM to.

Yeah, and see if anything happens. Oh, Jesus. Shmeen Shmafney. Shmeen Shmafney. We can't say his name. Shmeen Shmafney. Keep Shmeen Shmafney. Right, so...

No, no, no, no, no. Right, so basically, girls, me getting a blue tick now. Whose phone's that? It's my alarm. Alarm for what? It is magical. To take your gay tablet?

right we've literally come in and ripped into fucking shreds we're really hyper and giddy why have you got your hands down your pants at the front she's copying a minge anyway back to my story right i want everyone to get a cozy right now and listened to this so I'm out with my friends having lunch with you know Nikki Hughes gorgeous gorgeous and she's come from Liverpool so she's like I'm like where do you want to go and she goes we're gonna have to beep the name of the restaurant now because this story's like okay so she wants to go to I was like well we can go da da da da and obviously she picks like

the most bait place because she's from Liverpool and she's like I want to go we're all sat there and it's that 50 off in january thing yeah you know that like is that still going yeah everywhere does that so you get 50 off like between monday and 5 p.m on friday so we booked a table for like 3 p.m on a friday anyway long story short because you're obviously penny pinching well because you really need to watch the this this is what ended up happening the restaurant was full yeah of people eating the food and we were drinking the drinks yeah so we ordered like nothing anyway we weren't there for the 50% off but the whole restaurant was packed I went to the toilet and you've been to the toilet in that place before haven't you yes so the bar is there the kitchen is there and

the toilet is there yeah I'm like tootling along to the toilet after finishing my lovely food and drinks and a chef comes out of the kitchen yeah to the left of the toilet with her apron on yeah and she goes in front of me and i thought this is a bit odd like coming out of the kitchen with you also why am i preaching to you i mean i don't wash my hands your hygiene's terrible terrible can you guess zero stars she went to the toilet didn't wash her hands and she started her apron on and she came out and went straight back into the kitchen it doesn't bother me at all anyway no well listen to what i did yesterday sorry i know i know but dead quick i had an old jumpsuit on did a wee realized that the sleeve had been in my wee and it was fully covered in

wee and i just sprayed it with perfume and carried on right so back to my story so i that's disgusting so i'm stood there like in the mirror like you know and this chef walks past doesn't like looks me in the eye isn't embarrassed maybe she's maybe she has a piss apron right anyway i thought if you're doing that in front of me what are you doing yeah she's itching a fanny and then putting her fingers in the bread so then i went over to the table i was like to my sister oh my god this has just happened and they were like and then i was like no i'm gonna have to tell someone this because i like someone could have really kicked off about like really kicked off don't think i don't give a fuck i think the story's going on this is really really disgusting

like imagine i just know this podcast lasts an hour and you're using 35 minutes to discuss someone not washing the manager came over and he went i was told him the story and he went no that would never have happened there is actually a staff toilet where front of house chefs everyone uses There's a different toilet to the customers. So he was saying you were lying? Yes. Oh, bias and never lying. They went away and they checked the cameras

and they could see me walking in. No. So then I had it up my arse. Yeah, so then. Like I was a dog with a fucking bone. Yeah. So then I sat back down and I was like, could have done a TikTok on this

and it would have been really good. But then my sister was like, no, you can't start slating people like on the internet. So what did they say after? Yeah, so what's the point? Then the manager came back. went okay we've checked and we've had a word with the person and we're really really sorry and you know there's a sink in the kitchen to wash hands i went oh what she's gonna wash her shitty hands

in the fucking and what if her apron went in a piss like i did nikki went maybe she just went to nadelline anyway back to the story so we went so um how much of the bill are you willing to pay and I went, absolutely fucking none of it. And he went, okay, bye, girls. Brilliant. 180 quid. Really? That should have been the rest

because it was half past January. 180 pounds that you saved and you have drank someone's piss. Well, I did, I had a bit of a funny talk. Oh, did you now? Right, anyway, that was boring. Okay, so, can I just say really quickly on the New York thing,

something that really annoyed me, and Lucas, I'll see if you do this because you're a man, see if Ed does it. Ed probably doesn't because he's got his head in the clouds, hasn't he a lot of the time but when we're in new york and when i've been away with men before they always want to know the directions of where they are and where that like relates to do you do that so the whole time he was like ah so here that means the brooklyn bridge was there so that means

we are there and then he spent the whole time trying to work out like where he was in new york and what direction was what is that a man thing or is that just him him okay he gets a semi at the drop of a hat and i mean i all i have to say is oh my god like something not even filthy and he will get a semi now obviously while we're in new york we're getting a bit of content here and there so he's taking pictures of me he got a semi erection every time he finished taking pictures of me and he's like because you look fit and i just how cute is that honestly and he gets them for like anything does ed get semis all the time no james gets them i mean i could say like sexy and it would go ping

yeah but he wakes up with one every day yeah that's normal but he gets them like a teenage boy he's got wandering hands constant my vagina

I came back from from New York with raging thrush let me tell you morning wood raging thrush took me days to get rid of it

you need to drink kefir what gives you thrush just constant sex shagging yeah honestly I said to James you need to

having a dripping vagina constantly a constant wet vagina it's hard work anyway and also the Eiffel Tower was good oh that's Paris Empire State Building was good

did you spend loads of money I've not looked I just tapped tap tap tap it doesn't feel real no I've not looked I don't want to look I don't need that kind of negativity

it's fucking January but I did do something there that everyone's going to go mad at you got a tattoo oh god Lauren here we fucking go again I mean you'd think I would have got rid of

one of my old ones before I got a new edition I don't know I did it I was pissed next thing you know girls we'll all be in a foreign country for another wedding where is it

where is it right you can't I don't want to We'll be doing a single mum again episode. I know how to get over heartbreak again. Okay, I'm going to show you, but I don't want it discussed on the podcast that much because it's naughty.

It's his name, isn't it? I don't want you to say. I'm going to show you and I don't want anyone to say because that's my private business. Well, I can't talk. I've got my husband's name on me. Yeah, he's your husband though, isn't he?

Okay, bear with. Yeah, but you did the same as well. I've still got all sorts on my body. Ready? Cooking recipe. I'm going to be disappointed in you aren't I

show me do you not think it's dead cute though isn't it a nice tattoo though tell the truth look it's cute isn't it

and listen this is the way I thought about it I get it lasered if we split up whatever it was New York I wonder what it is

I got carried away it's dead cute it's a lovely tattoo it's really really cute but yeah listen that's me I am me

I do these stupid things and then I'll laugh about it and it is what it is you've got Pia's name anyway nah let me tell you why because i fucking hate tattoos they're disgusting i hate them and there's nowhere on my body that i thought i'd want to put fear and then i've not had a tattoo for years and then when i was pissed i just did it books tattoo hi can i book in for a tattoo please

say a letter t um no i haven't i don't need to the girl scarred my stomach i've got a fucking she i was cut open that's enough of a reminder i don't need a name on me lauren on the way here um obviously i can't drive at the minute so i was enjoying my taxi journey my uber um have you seen the maya jammer thing only when you sent it this morning i think it's pretty hot off the press so she is hot as fuck she's stunning so basically when she was engaged to someone called ben i don't know who that is ben simmons okay i think he's like a famous basketball player whatever he's got loads of money he bought her an engagement ring They got engaged and it was a reportedly £800,000 engagement ring.

Now, they split up some time. It was a big ring. A big fucker. A big old fucker. They split up some time ago. It was four months ago. Quite a bit ago. Anyway, apparently now he is asking for the ring back.

What do you think about this? Bear in mind, the ring's nearly a mil. But her statement was very elusive. And it said she has not been asked for the ring back and she's received a legal letter and that's the first time she's heard of it. Wow. and she will be handing it back.

Good for her, big dick. But I handed my engagement ring back. Yeah? You didn't. Mine wasn't worth handing back. It was worth about five. You lost it out of the window on the motor. Oh, I've had that many.

One of them got chucked out the window. One of them I actually did give back. The last one, what was the last one? Did you give it back though because you were asked to give it back? So, okay, we've spoken about this before. Do you remember the diamond earrings that a guy got me? Oh, yeah.

Don't, don't, don't. It was a bad time. And I gave them, he asked for them back. He asked them back about a week after he'd given them to me. I didn't care. I posted them back, whatever. And we discussed that at the time. I was like, is that a thing?

Girls, you've all had that one boyfriend that's like, and I want that pair of trainers back you bought me. So do you think she should ask, should she be giving the ring back or not? Right, okay, do you know what? I was asked for it back, and I gave it back. And honestly, in my head, like, I was heartbroken at the time. was like oh my god i'm not anymore so embarrassing but then the moment that man asked for that ring

back was the moment i got mental clarity and thought oh my goodness you are a pathetic little man okay and i don't want anything to do with you anymore have it back so can i just say any woman now that is going to go out with ben simmons after my hijab at any way you're going to be fucked but it's gonna think if we get engaged you might want it back it's a hard one because it's a lot of money that ring is worth a lot of money no but to him is it really no it's not and is it about the money or is he being like small dick or he's like give me that thing back i think what do you think like should she be giving it back should she when they no when they split up should she have then given it back i think no it's a gift it's a gift and

You've been given it. You've been given it as a gift. I don't know. It's a funny one, Lex. I don't know. No, I think it's yours. You think it's yours? Well, I had a boyfriend as well.

Lucas, what do you think? I had a boyfriend that bought me a car. Hard. Have you never been engaged? Here's a question. So if two straight sex relationship, who, is there like a, because with us, it's like a man.

Some friends of mine recently. If me and Lauren were in a relationship, she'd be the man. They both had the same idea. Stop it. One did it, And the other one was annoyed So two days later

He did it Oh that's nice Yeah I just wonder how that works I guess it's just whoever goes first Once I had a boyfriend Who I

Lived with And He Bought me a car And This was Like the moment I learnt Fuck me

You need your shit together You need your own shit Yeah Because in one day I went from Everything To fucking Nothing

Yeah That man took the fucking Car off me and stupidly I traded my little car in as the deposit for this big new car that he got me and then he fucking took the whole thing and I was fucked. That's why you need to keep your wits about you girls

with these kinds of situations. Always think what if the worst and you need to know you can look after your shit no matter what. And also, do you know what? It's probably for the best if maybe the engagement ring gets lost before they ask for it back.

Oh, how awful if it went down the sink. Can you imagine? That would be really bad, wouldn't it? Really bad. So anyone who's just split up with their boyfriend Be careful when you're washing up Because you wouldn't want the ring To fall down the sink now

Have you just sniffed your finger You've just She's just put her finger On her incision Was it your incision Down a crack And sniffed it You've got infection fear

You're scared of it being infected aren't you So you're smelling it If I put the finger down my crack One minute It's hot in here Yeah come here Right I'm putting my finger down my crack And she's going to smell it

Do you ever sniff your own bum Yeah all the time smell my finger now go on does it smell smells a proper bum like yeah it smells do you not right so this is something really interesting lauren's one of those people that like if if she was a makeup artist and she touched her your face her hands would smell a bum yeah they would and can i just say me and james were talking about this right no matter how much you clean your ass it still smells of ass so you can scrub it scrub it scrub it scrub it and then you go to have sex you rub your bum all to check it first

and sniff it which we all do it still smells of us oh my god i saw a tiktok the other day and it was this guy and he was like girls always pretend they need a wee before sex so they could smell their own funny and i was like no bruv we just need a wee no i don't get a bladder infection no i smell my funny oh my god without a doubt i would run or during the foreplay i would get my hands very carefully when he's not there i would rub it and then slowly bring it up and then the next opportunity just to check that it doesn't smell what do you do if it does i need a wee then and then i would go and i would throw water and potentially smash an ambipure on you know but boys always say don't wash your fanny with a baby wipe because then it smells of babies and it's

weird mixed together yes yes yeah james likes a slight stench bum is this a gay thing when you have a shit do you use toilet roll i use a wipe toilet roll oh my god no that's so old-fashioned lauren no one where do you put your wipe though because you shouldn't put it down the toilet they're biodegradable flushable wipes so i should be wiping my ass with them lauren no oh my god you shouldn't be wiping your butt that's why literally do you know how we spoke is that why my ass stinks i haven't got piles no honestly 90 of the country is suffering with piles and it's because number one right girls are we tuning in for this right tips you should have a little stool lucas will you smell my ass

i'm gonna sniff your ass tonight okay go sorry go on you want to say have a little stool yeah because your knees should be higher elevated because back in the in the dark ages we used to go down a hole to poo squat squat yeah so you should have a little stool lucas is crying right pull yourself together this is your job lucas you're getting paid now number two you should be wiping that delicate little bum hole with you can either get if you're concerned about the environment At what point can I start flushing wipes down the table? Anyway, Greta Thunbaum.

You can get a spray that you spray onto the tissue. Who's got time for this? You, you have got time for this. No one else has. And have you ever used Poo, what's it called, Poo-pourri Or Poo-be-gone The poo-poo spray that you spray first

Who happens to spray it first Anyway But if you like a match Runs and buys things to wipe bottom with Checks bottom smell Right, okay Thank you for that information How do you do a good dupe

A good dupe A good dupe A good dump dupe We are going to be back after the break with your slutty Susan, your slutty care. Schmoozy Schmaffney.

Schmoozy Schmoozy Schmoozy Schmaffney. Slutty Susan Confessionals. We're going to get that name in there. There's a name of someone that we really want to discuss in the pod and he's a serial DMer. He's a serial, like, pest

and we can't say his name because every time we try Schmoozy Schmaffney. Lucas keeps cutting it out. So we're going to get that. Keep your ears peeled because we're somewhere peppering Lucas with this name.

We're going to get this name. We've mentioned it in the earlier podcast. The edit is going to be it's from london okay anyway welcome back so lucas told us that while we've been off our whatsapp has been popping off on our emails you lot are like fully into it now apparently we're getting so many we don't get them first um lucas gets them tells them also that you see our initial reaction but something else that i actually thought was worth mentioning to you when we say these will can remain anon

it doesn't just mean that we're not going to say your name on the podcast but actually me and ash don't know who you are so lucas keeps them anon from us so we got an email in um i won't go into too much detail on it because they said they didn't want us to but it basically was saying that they had had a thing with one of my exes and told us like an embarrassing story to make me feel better because this ex is a twat. So she was like,

basically, let me tell you what I did. I love that. I love that. Thank you, girl. I can't say it because they'll know it was her. But Lucas won't tell me who it was. So I don't know.

I don't know who it was because Lucas doesn't say. So a non, he's like, it's a non. So don't send loads of like hate into us now. Okay, Ash, I'm going to read it because I'm better at it.

Slutty Susan. Let's go. Hello, angels. i'm a new listener to the pod all the way from south australia fantastic i wanted to share an equally funny and cringy story that happened to me a couple of weeks ago one thing i will say is as a whole i met some australian men once and they were absolutely one bit not one bit funny um i think they're quite sound really okay i've been seeing this brazilian guy for a couple of months and it was all going great however the stereotype of a brazilian hair was all too real

okay he didn't shave he didn't shave at all which is fine fine daddy's chest i love daddy's chest me and james do that now daddy's chest daddy cuddles um do you not get it you do it you do daddy's chest don't you ash i jump when i did daddy's chest on ed we got a proper dad what was it after it was after um teddy's chris we're digressing and i was on i was pissed on a daddy Like a big, hairy, daddy, fat chest. Like daddy cuddle chest. And I got on Ed's chest, didn't I? And I was cuddling him.

Anyway, he didn't shave, which is fine. However, on one treacherous evening, I was giving him a good once-over blowjob when he started to push my head down to his balls. Fair enough. They were so fucking hairy. However, I went along with it. Of course, you do, you do.

You can't stop then. And I gave it my all. After a couple of minutes, I felt a hair, a thick hair stuck in my mouth and freaked out. little did i know it was caught on the wire on the back of my teeth we've all got them the retainer from your brace we've all got them i was legitimately stuck to the guy from the mouth why you stood up oh your ass i pulled my head back and i pulled out a clump of his hair he screamed so fucking loudly it was like an exorcism and i was sat there frozen thinking

christ that's a lot i got a good accent there it was all good in the end and we laughed about it while he flossed his pubic hair out of my teeth. However, I still couldn't look at him in the same way and we parted ways. Thanks for sharing stories of unhinged behaviour. What a great community of Susans. Everyone's had a pube in their teeth. The worst is when you get a pube

right at the back of your mouth. Like... Like... On your tongue and yet it's like the one hair in it. No, James's is quite... No, it's just pubes come out of nowhere. Do you know, I don't like James to have none. I'm really not into that.

and the friction it causes on the vagina gives a rash and it looks very like they take too much care of themselves it's weird he's just got it short

but ball hair can you imagine someone doing that ball hair's a lot like that does get caught and sometimes me and James will be at it and one of us will stop

for a second and go like this with the tongue just pull it off but it must be his own pubes because it ain't mine do you have pubes Ash you don't have any do you

no but how do you feel because I think a Brazilian's coming back well we've been lasering of course well a Brazilian's good if you've got a

a little beef curtain do you think a what yeah a beef oh my god my vagina

I tell no lies it's changing yeah as I'm getting older I swear it's a beef curtain a beef curtain like a little

a little wizard sleeve a beef curtain was a vagina yeah no a beef curtain is where the a hanging ham a hanging ham

like a that's coming out of the I'm going to have to show you my penis Lucas hasn't seen my penis I mean my vagina Lucas hasn't seen enough vaginas I feel like getting mine out

and being like This is this, but you don't need to know. But do you know what, girls? Can we just normalise having a hanging ham? Yeah, because sometimes it happens. Like, it is what it is. Like, I didn't ask for the hanging ham life. It chose me.

Yes, I've modified my body in many, many ways. However. However, down there we keep it natural. Oh, natural, baby. And do you know what? Look at this face. Yeah. It is what it is.

If it's hanging out, lick it and put it back where it belongs. just pop it back in where it came from I was out with a real slag one night it wasn't me was it it wasn't you you said you wouldn't

say anything no she's proper slag proper slag this girl's that much of a slag good for her right yeah good for her

get it go get it she takes a toothbrush on a night out because she knows she's going to pull fucking well listen

not only a toothbrush what else a Viagra for the boys oh she really loves the dick really so I was on a sesh

Viagra's my idea of fucking hell yeah i've not i do not want to go that long no anyway so i was out with this slag and she had a toothbrush in a bag and a viagra okay and i was like wow like you've really like you've come out to pull to fuck and um we were talking about hanging hands because we were like you know hers gets pounded a lot um well it's not even about that like no that's what i'm saying so and that's the whole point i was like oh well do you know what i'd probably i'd probably get like you know my my uh roast dingley danglers cut anyway so then she was like no babe do not do

that because the men love it oh they love the dank they love it the dingle dangle dangle and they want to see it and she she had a she showed me hers and she had a dingle dangle a dingle dangle by like a few inches and and the whole shebang and everything dingle dangling down dingle dangle dongle dingle dangle dongle oh my god and yes

not just a dingle dangle a dongle a dingle dangle dongle and she said that the men they love it can't get enough of it really

well keep them then it's just one side of mine I feel like it's gonna come out this is how her night out goes get ready dingle dangle dongle out yeah

Viagra brush teeth bed do it again why not good for you girl okay so i've lost like this episode has been a whirlwind obviously we've not seen each other for a while um we speak every day but it's been this has been a bit of a a bit of a podcast vomit everything's just come out and there's so much more we could sit here for hours hours so there's not been as much structure today but we just needed to catch up again um so bear with us but it's so good to be back and oh another thing should we do another brunch

Yeah. Yeah? I reckon. I reckon. I think we're going to do another brunch, so. Bring your Viagra and your toothbrush. If I can be arsed. Let's all look at each other's dingle-dangle-dongles.

Thank you for listening, guys. We are back now, better than ever. We're getting bigger and bigger, like Ashley's butt. So, yeah, please, actually, don't forget to review us. Go on there, give us a five-star review. If it's not five-star, don't bother. In fact, don't listen again. But if it's going to be five-star, go on and do it.

and you know that we're going to be back with our bonus episode on Friday and that's going to be about your icks and dilemmas and probably all sorts of other stuff because we've still not calmed down. If you send something now, you might get to hear it on the show. See you later.

Ashley stood up again. Fucking hell, mate. Bye.