Nip Tuck - We're Having A Baby!

Episode Date: June 21, 2023

The girls have some huge news to share, despite it being announced a little prematurely.  Lauren got a little primal over the weekend at a kids party and Ashley's got the stats on who's packing the most around the world.To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, icks, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women women women this is all about being unapologetically yourself girlies coming up on today's show i am quizzing ashley about her latest next pregnancy her third pregnancy and lauren's getting primal at kids parties we're having a hot and juicy discussion about the latest debate the blue tick ick on nip talk we want you to get your voice heard you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com you can send us a message via whatsapp you can send us your stories you can send us your ick your dilemmas you can voice note it you can type it out whatever you want to do and if you want to be anonymous we've got you we're not going to tell anyone

just put it at the end lauren we need to do a shout out you know what we need more of right there's not enough sluts out there it's not there's not enough hose there's not enough hose in the house so we want your slutty susans now i don't we need we need or it's going to become extinct and i've run out like i've told every nearly every slutty story that i've ever got i've told my worst and now i'm not a single anymore so i've run dry i can tell you my sex things basically girls if you've been a slag don't worry about it just send us a message tell us it's fun whatever it's fun it's fun to be a slag yeah it is everyone has to do that oh i wish i was more of a slag do you yeah i had a good run at one point and i enjoyed it

we're back we're back right i'm gonna have to tell you something that's irritated me what right so what we're not going to do is you know the bigger this podcast getting people have opinions and we lucas tells us off for this and what we're not going to do is every single opinion feel like we need to censor it sense reply to it you know if someone says this about us we're not going to reply to every single person you mean feedback yeah we're not going to like every single person has something to say we're not going to try and explain it no we're not going to however now and again there'll be something that i think oh do you know what we need to actually discuss that because if someone thought that then let's so we got um a review on apple which we absolutely

love and what it said was that she wanted more honesty so we're addressing it so we're addressing someone left us some negative feedback which we're not happy with no it's not even negative i just think we need to speak about it when small restaurants reply with like You applied on TripAdvisor to a negative comment. And you're like, no one cares. Well, I'm going to do that. So there was a message and it basically said that they felt like they wanted more honesty from us. And they felt like there had been an ad for a dry shampoo, which we use and love.

And then later on in the episode, we'd spoken about toxic things. And one of those things was dry shampoo, which we've spoken about. basically i have tried all the natural dry shampoos i think i've spoken about yeah you have um and i love buying stuff off this website called iherb and it's where you can get like that yucca app yeah i got addicted to that and i had to delete it because i just wasn't living my life honestly like the shit that you could get into like from the clothes that you wear that touch your skin like i was getting it was becoming a thing so anyway i tried all the non-toxic dry shampoos and for my quality of life honestly batiste is my favorite dry shampoo and living

proof i must say but it's about a million pounds but our conversation about that was actually really honest it was the opposite of not honest it's the best you can't get better when we we were doing the opposite of being honest and we would never advertise something that we hadn't tried yet we didn't use we were saying we use it and yeah you know what dry shampoo can be known to not be the best for you but at the end of the day it's about balance and we use it and that's what we were saying okay and also one more thing what it said that we said something bad about natural cycles never in my life we've never said anything bad we love you natural cycles thank you for making me and i actually yeah i used it to get thank you for stopping me getting pregnant natural cycles

i use natural cycles to get pregnant and a few other things maybe i'll get pregnant soon so we're not gonna we're not gonna respond to everyone so anyway right from now on that's it now i'm done But I felt that was important because I didn't want anyone else to listen to it and think, hang on a minute, because we're always really honest. Like, that's the whole point. We're too honest sometimes.

Maybe we're too honest. Well, that's like what Lauren said. You know, we say, like, you shouldn't smoke, you shouldn't go on sunbeds. And Lauren lies on the sunbed for 12 minutes. With a pack of fags hanging out of her mouth. Like, while smoking. Do you know what I mean?

And putting dry shampoo in my hair. Do you know? It's all balanced. Like, you say don't, and then you get great. It's all balanced. And I think that's the point. It's all balanced. This is why we say about being unapologetic.

We do so many bad things that I have to balance it out. Do you know what I mean? I think that's the thing. And that's the thing with us. We'll be honest and say we're not perfect. We're not clean living aesthetic girlies. We know what you're meant to do. We're going to tell you what to do.

Whether we do it, I don't put my face in the sun still. Okay. Anyway, life updates. Right. Ashley's having a baby. I am. Now, Ashley was meant to announce the pregnancy here on the podcast. Yeah, well, I am.

I've not spoken about it. I just put a picture up. She changed her mind. Is that what was meant to actually happen? Yes, you were meant to do it on the pod. Yeah, but now I'm talking about it now. No, it was meant to be. We've got some exciting news for you on the podcast this week.

That's why I didn't do a Q&A. No, it was meant to be. This week, we've got something very exciting, and then you were meant to tell us. But we didn't want to get... Well, you can ask me all the questions now. We didn't want to piss you off, so we didn't say anything. Wasn't it your pregnancy?

It's your pregnancy. We were like, wasn't she meant to... Don't fucking say that. I'm not saying anything. I'm not fucking saying anything. Let's just leave it to the pod, okay? Oh, I'm sorry, guys. Yeah, well, it's your pregnancy, you know.

You've ruined it now, anyway. You ruined it? I ruined it? You're the one that got pregnant. You've ruined everything. Lauren, how many likes is that? Oh, my God, now. Every time I post a picture, Lauren rinses me.

And there's one other comment she's put on that one where I went, good morning, everyone, except. And she put people that wear makeup to plastic. She's got hundreds of likes. Then she put, you've ruined everything on my pregnancy picture. do you know it was because Kourtney Kardashian

put that she was pregnant and I was like you're not stealing my shine bitch so you thought I'm gonna do it better what did you think of that announcement

I thought it was hilarious yeah I thought it was brilliant I thought it was quite good everyone was like she must be about five months she already had a bump he already knew of course he already knew

you stupid bastards it was a joke I got the joke yours however wasn't a joke and you are definitely pregnant yeah so how pregnant are you

I'm asking you like I don't know oh Lucas can you insert the bit where she actually told me she was pregnant in this episode we can put it on Patreon

yeah because we've got a video so what we did is when Ashley actually told me she was pregnant like genuine like ages ago when she was like

just pregnant it was recorded so we thought we'll keep that and show you guys the genuine reaction we can put it on Patreon we'll figure something out

yeah please insert here please insert here then I have got my suspicions about something do you feel like you're telling your mom because i think yeah i do well say it because i know it i'm pregnant um what for fuck's sake how pregnant are you uh by the way guys this is genuine i've

how pregnant are you really early how many wait one second we're gonna save this for when you're enough to tell people yeah i like i why do you keep getting pregnant so fucking easy you keep crying about that you can't and you've just got given a 15 chance of getting pregnant with ivf so gave it one one last go so you've done ivf no you just shagged i used that fucking cup that keeps the sperm yes the first time you keep saying my eggs no it's no it's serious yeah but actually you've got pregnant every time but at the drop of a hat i know when i told i'm six weeks today oh my god when did you find out tell me everything something went on the other week didn't it you were being weird i was bleeding i knew i don't know if everything's okay or not it'll be fine

i knew there was something it will be fine i know you know what i'm like when i knew i knew there was something weird um so i was bleeding for like three days but it stopped now and they won't scan me till i'm seven weeks so i'm having my first scan next tuesday okay amazing um so oh my god again you've just had all your shit done well let's see what happens because pregnancy after loss is not normal pregnancy no because you don't believe it no you just kind of think like so until i'm like 12 weeks i'm just not going to want to talk about it and so we just pretend like nothing until then yeah but i get really i get really bad anxiety really bad so we just wait until then yes what about when you go you might not hear a heartbeat at seven weeks yeah

yeah you do that's why they held off for seven so from five and a half yeah but you don't always but not always no so if you don't see this is a thing you could go for scan and still not and then last time when i had that risk average i went for the scan at six weeks and they were like and then i had to have all the bloods and stuff done and they were like come back in two weeks and then there was still none but my bloods had gone up so it's cat you don't really know and then it was a month of still being pregnant and yeah it was that was hell on earth but mate you've managed to get pregnant yeah i know it's actually a miracle like i need i'm gonna like so easy do i yes do yeah um you do like not properly trying but trying for like four or

five months you get pregnant about start ivf next month that's what happened last time yeah i know and it's because i use that cup thing i think so all being well when will you be due are you ready christmas day fuck off the difference is though last time i was i was in my like absolute hoe era when you were pregnant you let's start doing that this time i'm boring as well i might as well get pregnant because i'm about as boring as that um yeah so no i'm not i'm not going to be boring i promise so when so we're going to keep this information yeah we're keeping this and we will give it out when we're ready i think i don't know i feel like do you know like last time i kept it in till i was 20 weeks kept it a secret till i was 20 weeks do you

remember no yeah i told you straight away yeah um you said it told me and um our old producer on the day on the day um and i kept it a secret till i was 20 weeks and i do agree with this and i think it's like loads of people keep it in till they're 20 weeks but i talk about everything on here anyway so if there was a loss if they're like then i will i will still talk about it i think it was miley in class that said something from the day we find out we're pregnant we should we should really tell people because i felt like shit if we do have a loss then we should be able to it's a part of our lives like you're gonna call your best friends like yeah so we're gonna find out anyway and if you do you know if it does go wrong and you do have a loss then why should

you then keep the whole thing a secret and people like why is she ill why is she off work you should really be able to say i'm pregnant and if it doesn't go to plan we all know about each other's not going to plan and everyone feels a bit better i mean that's your call we'll see but we'll keep this until you're ready can we announce it on the pod can we take that announcement off you and do it yeah yeah yeah yeah okay i'll probably do that we need to think of a good a good way of doing and we'll know if it's a girl or a boy you're gonna do the blood in a month fuck are you gonna do that find out early on what are you hoping for tell the truth truth mail a schmole yeah i'd want as well i'm not into schmoys i just want a pure schmoe schmoe yeah honestly when i get pregnant

and it's a schmoe everyone's gonna know i wanted you know i said about that dream that had the really vivid dream that must have been it was you getting pregnant not me yes anyway ed go on with your big sperm big dick um congratulations i'm i'm slightly annoyed because i hate it when you're pregnant i'm sorry i hate it when you're pregnant whenever my friends get pregnant i think oh three kids mate well um yes i am i'm 13 weeks 13 long weeks but i had to i had to tell everyone because it was becoming very obvious you've got a bump already yeah big do you think it's because it's the third yeah you need a poo uh no because i did one this morning and I've still got a boyfriend.

What can you, how do you, was it planned? Yeah, it was more than planned. It was like, I was trying for a while. Just constantly having the sex. Yeah, yeah. And do we know what sex it is? Yeah, but should we reveal that next week on this? Yeah, let's keep that.

Yeah, on Saturday on Instagram. Yeah, oh, she says that and then she'll fucking put a picture up. Let's do a fun reveal. Okay, okay, we'll do that. Okay, and how are you feeling? And did you feel sick? You've been all right, you know?

No, I felt like... Oh, you've done well. ...ass for, like, the first ten weeks. She was pregnant when we did the... What was it? On the tower. Yeah. And we happened to climb over things.

And she was like, I'm not climbing over there. And I was like, just climb over it. Like, just ill. Like, not... Like, feeling nauseous. Was sick a few times. Not, like, majorly.

But the feeling of nausea is worse. I think it's like a hangover. It's the best way I can describe it. Without the fun. Yeah, no fun, apart from the one sex that once happened. That was ages ago then, so... It's like you feel constantly sick, don't you? Yeah.

Just like seasick. It's just awful. It's all you're thinking about and then you're like... Anyway, yeah, so I'm really, really happy. When are you due? In December. And how are we getting it out? C-section.

Through the stomach? Yeah. Is it booked? I'm going to London next month to book it. Why do you have to go to London to book it? With my doctor. oh so you have to go and see the doctor there and then book it yes it's going to be december yes how many weeks did like did they do like two weeks before you do is that how it works

i think teddy was 37 just in case you're going to early i had to have him a week before because my waters had started leaking when you've got a booked section what happens if you go into labor then you go and you make them do a section if you've got if it's coming out then you have to good birth oh that's why i might have to go down a bit before we need to talk about that actually because that would be a real worry for me if i had a section booked in like what if you go into labor what what the fuck do you do um then you have to if you i think it's if you're more than don't quote me three centimeters or five centimeters like a level yeah and obviously it'll take you a few hours to get to that point that's why girls don't like panic if you've got

a booked section and you get to hospital at like 6am there'll probably be a few ladies that have to have emergencies and they're the

priority over you of course so I think with Toskia I was in hospital for like 12 hours before they did me and I wasn't allowed

to eat oh really yeah that's unpleasant but it's the same at the Portland as well if there's a lady there that's at an emergency

which is fine fair enough so if the baby's obviously if it's coming down the canal you think it's tough now they can't drag it out

by it's legs upwards but I've got a long way to wait till that it's a long time so long so the ladies that were looking forward to the brunch you can keep looking forward to it we are doing a show we're doing something when can we announce that but it's not going to be steaming ashley is it no but it'll still be fun ashley yeah we can't announce that yeah we'll talk about that another time we've got something very very very breathing into a brown paper bag

exciting and we need we need your support like seriously and that's quite soon yeah this could be everything for us so we're gonna need you like this is big so send in any pregnancy questions though guys I'm happy to answer them because she can't answer anything

any more interesting than that now because that's kind of it really that's it she's just pregnant and boring I'm not in that

phase anymore though where last time we were the polar opposites weren't we I was getting my fanny out was that you or me that was my tummy

that was on the mic was that on the mic that was real I thought I trumped by mistake that was my tummy I thought it was a sample fart

anyway so fun actually we did we did go out this weekend didn't we we did and I had a sprite

lovely so we went on a team night out we went to see My Therapist Ghosted Me oh my god they were fucking amazing they were really amazing

Lauren's never listened to their podcast it's Joanne and 10 minutes I've done 10 minutes I can't listen to podcasts I find them really boring fucking hell

sorry I don't even listen to ours that much I listen to theirs it's really good I don't have time believe it or not so we went to see that

and it was amazing we could do that and we saw loads of nip tuck people yeah that was really exciting there was one we were in the toilet so we had a few

the first ones were outside some girls came on they were absolutely lovely and then we were in the toilet and I was having a wee and Asha was washing her hands and I could hear this woman going oh my god I love your podcast

to her and I was in the toilet and I was getting real FOMO and I was going it's my podcast too it's mine too and it was really awkward while I stood there

and this lady was like what the fuck and I was banging on the toilet door going it's mine too I'm in it I'm part of it and she was like I love your podcast to Asha

I was like banging on the door trying to get my wee out because I wanted that moment. But, yeah, it was really fun. And we need to do stuff like that more. Yeah, we do as a team. Can I tell you about me in the toilet? Someone recognise you! No!

What did you do in the toilet? I was pissing your eye off with a woman. Oh, yeah, wasn't Ed with you or something? No, the women's was busy and she just walks in and goes, don't mind me, love. Yeah, but it's because Ed and Lucas and Alex were kind of the 1% of men in there. Yeah, there wasn't many men.

So, do you know what, though? If that was a man that went into a woman's toilet and said... Don't mind me, love. You never know what they identified as, Lucas. True. For that moment in time, she may have identified as something else. Yes, that is very, very true. Why did you say, don't mind me, love, then?

Well, that's true, that's true. Can I ask a question? I've used the men's toilets loads of times. If you and Ed were taking urination next to each other, would you glance I don't mean as a gay man I mean as an any man would you glance

at the penis because I absolutely would look at every single man's penis do you know what so I do a few things so when I use a urinal one

it takes me longer to go yeah so with that it doesn't matter any time I take my phone out and I go on Instagram how long are we talking

with your dick hanging out because it distracts me and I can go quicker and two I always worry that if there's people that know I'm gay and then you got caught looking

so you're extra you are eyes to the fucking ceramic wall and I'd want to see I am either eyes down or eyes to the phone or eyes to your own penis aren't urinals funny who made the idea that you all stand in a room

a man if women's toilets were like that I would absolutely without a doubt look at the vaginas The ones where it's just a fucking trough. That's not right, that. It's pretty hanky, that. In a trough and everyone just stands there.

Men are not asked, and I bet they don't wash their hands. They don't do, though. I think most do. I've got one last question. When the pee has finished, do you shake it? For a while, yeah. That's what happens. It's a wiggle.

But do you dab it with toilet paper? Or do you dab it with toilet paper? Well, if you're at your own, no, you don't, do you? Oh, so you just wiggle it. But then what if someone wants to give you a blowjob later and you've got piss? And you've got piss. You wash it.

Well, what if you're out and about and it's a quick... That must be quite easy for men to be fair to wash their willy in the sink. Because you just get it out. You can't wash fanny really in the sink. Oh, you can. Oh, you can. I'm very flexible. Anyway, we're kind of...

Hand splash. Anyway. Oh my God, James told me something the other day. He said that when he was around the area, he found some clitty litter. he said there's a little bit of tissue in my bottom that's disgusting i know i know anyway okay so uh yes we went there i went to a kids party woo sorry for saying that i went to a trampoline park double woo i've never been to one of them it's awful everything's awful um kids

party do you know what it did you know what something i thought i need to see if other mums are like this so we're at the kids party and they're because all honestly all the time i'm always thinking about the podcast they were playing is it called a piñata where they swing and bashed the thing and I was getting and I don't know if anyone else like this there's a queue

and Thea's in it and I'm getting anxious thinking when it's her turn I'm thinking fucking swing swing fucking swing for it and I was getting

really nervous about her being at her turn thinking fucking hit it right and then someone else hit it and all the sweets

fell to the floor just before her I bet yeah and all the kids ran in at the sweets and I don't know what happened to me did you run in

I literally went Thea which one do you want fucking move and I moved all these kids out of the way because I thought

she was stood at the edges and she wasn't getting in I thought no and I said which suite do you want I will take any child no you shouldn't do stuff like that I thought I will take

any child out and she went I really want a kinder and I thought kinder it is then my love and in I went boom hitting all these

got to the middle the handful of kinder does no one else do that for the kids I thought not a chance she's not getting a suite I'll kick anyone that's nice

does no one else no other mums get this feeling like that yeah yeah yeah and if someone's mean to them at school or something oh my god

honestly I once went we were in a plane can you say this yeah I think I can there was no physical it was more mental abuse so we went into

they were all playing in a ball pit and I saw this little boy and I saw this little boy push the air twice right by the way she got bit once and got a bruise

anyway so I went in and I pretended that I was playing with the ball pit and I went behind his ear and I said if you do that again I will push you so hard

that you fall over Lauren well he didn't do it again I'd just stamp on his foot by mistake but yeah I'm interested is that like normal

to get that kind of like honestly I would have pushed any kid out of the way for that kind of foot for that girl I got a brace you did get a brace so you went to

I can never say it look Lucas you wanted a brace as well didn't you Lucas needs a brace I went to our favourite yes unreal

because it is a specialist orthodontist they said they're going to get this off in only a few months I be clear orthodontics you've not got yours

on today I know that's why I'm really struggling I had an Invisalign and I think Lucas will be the same as us with the Invisalign

I couldn't commit to it because you could take it out I take it out all the time you can take it out and then it hurts when you get a new one on

and you're like this hurts and you take it out you know what for me it's just that I'll take it out to like eat or drink

I've took it out now for this and I don't know where it even is now and I've made this last much longer than it needed to. You can't really see it.

You can't really see yours. I know. Oh, it hurts. When they tighten it, braces really hurt. It has already though. The Invisalign has already moved my teeth.

Yeah, it moved my top ones. It's already moved them. They could do with more but because they're not horrific, I'm kind of not committing enough and I know I'm not because they message me like, Lauren, you've still not sent her

whatever and I'm like, oh, sorry. Do you need to go back in for a checkup? I'm being a bit naughty really. But they are, like the care and they know what they're doing

as well. Yeah. They're really good. Really good. So I'll let you know how I get on. Yeah, it looks good. They weren't horrendous, but they needed to be straighter. So that is a quicker, like the fixed, yeah,

but then you're done and dusted, finished. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. No, I think it's good. So I've not slept very well before. I've already got a lisp. So imagine with the, can't be worse than an Invisalign though. Do you think I'm talking differently?

No, I forgot you even had it in. Right, now we've got some important announcements. No, this is really, actually really very important. I'm just pulling my phone off to get the answer. Obviously, you know that we make sure that when we're telling you guys information, it is current, it is important, it's something that will affect your lives, it's something that should never be missed, it's serious topics, we hit you with the kind of most important news. Right. And here we have it. We have the data.

Yeah, and this is important. Average size penis by country. right lauren what country do you think will have the smallest let's start with i've got the graph here guys okay i'm gonna say the kind of like thailand chinese philippine because the the small in general like it's a small small community how do i say it small people is there only 78 countries in the world maybe the rest haven't got dicks They're dickless communities So it goes from 1 to 68

So 68 Oh wait, wait, wait There's 90 countries in the world There's a fact for you So does that mean I don't think they did a survey of North Korea Yeah, maybe not So does that mean 22 of them don't have penises?

The countries We don't have access to the penises I'm not even joking The United Kingdom came out at number 68 smallest smallest right so number one biggest dicks are in ecuador to eat all inclusive to ecuador lucas on sky scanner right now flight to ecuador one-way flight to ecuador guys let's get serious now okay these what are the numbers what are the numbers about to give it you sorry i'm getting all the hot these statistics are bit measured from the shaft

or root of the bee to the tip of the head when erect right erect so they had to get these men before they measured them so number one ecuador is 6.93 inches lucas right then we've got like bolivia sengal gambia cuba cuba i can imagine cubans having a big one have big cocks 6.2 inches when i'm at you bonjour merci canada egypt um italy then central africa then united states then england so so we've got small we's between the Can you tell us what the UK's penis size is? 5.17. Oh, God, that's very small.

This is erect? Erect. From shaft to tip. We're not shaming, though. We're not shaming, but I'm just surprised. I thought that the average penis would be maybe 6 to 7 erect. I would say he's a... I mean, I've never met...

I don't know. Okay, now... Have you measured yours? I'm bigger than fucking Ecuador. And at the top of the list, above Ecuador, lukey now i've got the countries with the world's largest breasts if anyone's oh yeah yeah let's do both norway have the biggest tits in the world united states is number four and united kingdom is number five but i would say this correlates with weight yes very true the bigger the bottom

the bigger the titty sometimes yeah bigger the belly the bigger and then the lowest is vietnam and bangladesh average food size is aa oh god bless you i mean i'd quite like a tiny titty tiny city committee if you that kind of build yeah well that's interesting thank you for that information okay i hope everyone's really happy with that let's have a little break lozza and then we'll talk about what's getting all the tits and slutty suits let's right guys do you listen to nip tuck if you do we need you sharing the arse off us please so get sharing Not to be confused with shagging the arse off. Very different things.

Get sharing on WhatsApp, get sharing on socials and spread the love. We love it when you tag us when you're listening, where you are, what you do in listening. We like that, don't we? And leave reviews and all that shit. Okay then. Lauren, I've got something new for you here. What have you got?

What have we got? Well, you've been using it all weekend, haven't you? I have. So I am going to share my experience. girls boys 10 out of 10 look what i've got so as you know we absolutely love love honey it's got everything you could possibly want on there we use it for our underwear our sex toys and everything's on there we've spoken about it before yeah but the other good thing about them is sex toys can get boring if you don't keep switching it up yeah and they always come through with the

most innovative things so this is a world's a world's first what is it ash this is the womanizer wave lauren okay and it literally clips onto your shower head at home really really easy so you can use it as a shower can't you yeah it works on your head as well to give yourself head and on your head it's amazing it's got three different settings not only that it's environmentally friendly as well so it uses 60% less water so you're saving money while you're having a wank honestly was everyone's first experience not in the shower absolutely either in the shower or at the swimming baths next to the jet for longer than you needed to be I feel like it's such a nice sensation though and I think it's nice to do it in the shower I feel like it's kind of more you time you time

what you can do with your partner as well yeah so maybe that's what I got up to at the weekend so it's a clitoral simulator it works with air and water jet that's the newest thing isn't it with clitoral stimulators and the thing that they found the most popular is air jets which is what this is yeah honestly it's like an experience you've never felt before i can't explain it's amazing we want to know all about it though so once you've bought it you need to be telling us did you like it what did you do with it we want your slutty susan stories involving this because i can't even imagine the shit you can get done with this i mean it's absolutely amazing i love it so we've got a code for you guys always got a code for you haven't we like we said love honey

is the one-stop shop for everything absolutely lingerie sex toys it's got everything you need on there very good lube very good lube okay and what's the code lauren tuck 20 is the code so that's going to get you 20 off site wide as well isn't it yeah so you can use it on your womanizer wave but you can also add extra bits into your basket should you want to amazing enjoy right we've got we've got fucking we've got welcome back we've got a big one we've got It's bigger than Ecuador. Really? We've got one that is bigger than Ecuador.

We've got an Ecuador size. Guys, I can't believe we forgot to talk about this last week. We're annoyed that we forgot to talk about this. Right. Blue tick. This has caused real controversy. I'm ashamed to have one now. Right.

There's two ways of looking at this blue tick situation. And I get it from both. And I get it from both. So the first side is, which I have to say, God, it's really cringe. it's really really cringe um it's making a mockery of anyone that had a blue tick you might as well not have bothered like you might as well not have fucking bothered because now when I get like when I get like certain people like it I think oh a blue tick and I think oh it's Sonia from down the road yeah like it's not the same anymore which means and I think there's a shame that is a shame

devalued the blue devalued it which I think there's a shame because there are people that absolutely genuinely do deserve to have like me you know like film stars like whatever and they do deserve that but now that's kind of mean doesn't mean very much anymore because anyone and everyone can have one so i just don't see the point in having them at all however remember the shit i went through what i do understand is people that make money from their instagram influencers this that the other where if their instagram was was hacked like it was with you yeah they lost it they would lose their livelihood so for that and for the and it was happening a lot to everyone and for insurance what 11 pounds a month it's an insurance policy isn't it really what do you

actually get with it like some i think just you've got someone that will deal with you if you have a problem with your instagram um if your instagram's hacked you have because at the minute instagram you couldn't contact anyone could no one it was so there's a dedicated team because imagine how much they've made they can employ people now that will look after blue tick people um so that's one of the things okay um and do you know what guys like i totally get that because that's what happened to me my instagram kept getting um what was it called like deactivated it wasn't hacked it was deactivated um compromised yeah they kept reporting them for impersonating which they said that you were dead as well didn't they yeah that was really horrible time so i do get it

for that however i also do think the blues like it's a pointless thing i haven't got one i've been had so many messages if a guy did it I'd get the it it's an icky thing it's an icky thing I've had loads of

messages like why have you not got yourself a blue tick and do you know what happened I'll tell you the truth I started the process

and I thought I can't do this and I stopped now that is really pathetic of me because really it's an issue and I started it and I

thought oh my god it's not me I can't do it and some people are getting really passionate about it people are getting angry

it's really annoying it's not a big deal if you want to do it do it I mean I do think it's a bit weird if you've got no need for one

like Sharon what she sat there with a coffee at home anyone any fucker can get one anyone can do it just anyone

everyone thought it was everyone thought it was quite like you had to get like a thing that says do you want to be verified and it was quite in a certain

you know prestige it's not you can go on the thing and anyone can get meta verified okay so I do

I get it like as in because of what happened to me money from instagram you do really need to do it to be fair then i understand maybe like the whole hacking thing will go even bigger now um yeah at the minute i my pride won't do it so maybe when it's all calmed down i'll do it but we wanna we wanna get your funny stories of this because do you know what if i was talking to a guy and they did it imagine i'd get the year that's it

you're chatting away talking to this guy i really like him next time you go on to message him he's I've got a blue tick. What? No. Go on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why is that? I think blue tick is bringing out a lot of inflated egos as well.

It's separating the... That's it, isn't it? It is separating... The boys from the men. It is separating the boys from the men. The twats from the twits. Yes, absolutely. Lucas, have you got one?

Twatty twitty. Would you get one? No, you don't need one. This is what I mean. I think the paid ones are just like it's silly yeah but you can't

verify the difference between a real blue tick and a paid one I mean you can when you go on there and they've got 200 followers and they're a stay at home mummy

I don't have a profile or really care about a blue tick person you don't need to this is why I don't understand why some people are doing it but yeah I've not done it yet

will I loads of like big big bloggers are saying they're not going to do it I feel for me now I have even if Instagram

Your account never got touched during that time. So I don't feel like I need to. And even if Instagram messaged me and gave me a legitimate blue tick, I wouldn't give a fuck because you'd think I'd paid for it anyway. So what is the point in it anymore? Like say they now said,

Lauren, you are now famous. You can have a blue tick. I wouldn't be cut off. I feel like we do need to do the pod page now. We'll do the pod page for insurance. We do. Yeah, we'll do that. We do.

So that's our views on that. You don't want us fucking off anyway. Oh God, no. Oh Christ, no. Right, other thing that's getting on my tits. Right, people keep asking you when you're having a baby. Right, so, please don't get me wrong, because I actually personally don't find this offensive.

But I think of other people that might... Give me an example, sweetheart. OK, so I went to a children's party yesterday and the first thing someone said to me is, are you not pregnant yet? Ew. Right, now, she didn't say it with any form of malice and she's part of the family.

No, she's part of the family. She will never have thought... Is this in front of people as well? No, and she will never have thought, you know, what could this mean and it didn't bother me at all I'm not arsed

on Instagram really lovely I get so many messages from girls saying you need to on my comments if you look at pictures of me and James

there's loads of comments like you need to make a baby you need to have a baby and I love where they're coming from they mean it in the nicest most loveliest way and as it happens

I'm not arsed but what I think people just need to think about is what if I've been trying for a baby for a year and I'm not getting pregnant what if I've had

three miscarriages that you don't know about what if I am desperately every month praying for a baby and that's why i haven't had one yet yeah what if i'm now infertile what if and you're saying to me you need to have a baby yeah well i'd love one or you just said that straight up like straight up to them what if i just said like i can't i'm trying and they kept my face really straight now i'm not so i'm not bothered and i actually i know that it's coming from a nice place no one means it in a nasty way i really do think that i don't think

anyone means it mean but i just think be a bit careful because there's women out there that you could ask that question to that are having the most horrific time and you don't know um so it's just not getting on my tits because i'm not bothered because i'm not having a horrific time and i don't want a baby just yet but be mindful just be mindful yeah it's not a question i would ever ask anyone and maybe in a roundabout way i'd say you know would you ever ever have any more if we were talking about that kind of thing i think that's fine but i think to say to people when are You two having a baby then and then also people's opinions

on whether we should or not. You won't want any more, will you? You've got loads. Oh, I hate that. Well, it's not, what if I do? What if I wanted 25?

Yeah. I just find that, oh God, you can't have any more. It's not got anything to do with anyone else. I don't really need your opinion actually.

Oh my God, I hate forced on opinions. It makes me want to do things even more. Even more. It makes me then want to say, and then, do you know what?

Somebody once said to me, God, you won't want any with all them and I actually just, and I don't want, really want loads more and i just turned around and went yes i'd like two and she was like why and i was like because i want two more imagine saying just to be a twat just to be a twat um that actually did happen to me so after i got married i felt pregnant and then i had a

miscarriage and i didn't want to talk about it yeah until i got pregnant again yeah because yeah yeah um and i didn't actually talk about that pregnancy until i was like five years pregnant did i because i felt like evil eye blob yeah yeah it was like jinxing you yeah and um i just had a miscarriage i didn't even tell like certain family members about it or anything like that i had to have a dnc and stuff and even like i remember the week after my dnc i went for breakfast and had so many like hormones and someone came over and they were like so now you're married you're gonna have a baby and i just burst into tears and i was like oh my god she deserved that i had all of that fertility the fertility problems where they told me like you can't have kids and stuff like that

and you've gone on to have two more yeah well i went for those tests after i had that miscarriage and um i've got really really really low but what a good um like if anyone's in a position like you were and feels like they have no hope can i just say like if anyone honestly is struggling like i i'm gonna do a separate fertility blog thing because the research that i had to immerse myself yeah you found out after i went through all of that like honestly with my um fertility scores and stuff it's they turned around to me and they said have you ever had chemotherapy and i was like oh my god no and they were like it's like but you had three children it's only because of the stuff that i've been doing gloria and i've spent so much effort so much time so much money i've had to do

like detoxes like not really go out much not really do anything i've had to go for weekly acupuncture weekly reflexology um only organic non-processed food a lot of the time so there's a reason why take all those sea to west supplements and stuff like that but i'm going to start taking those they're amazing what i must say is future if you are struggling and stuff don't just listen to that if anyone has got any specific questions i am going to do a fertility q a good idea that book that i read called it starts with the egg is amazing and another factor as well just when you're saying that about um sorry we'll wrap this up it's quite boring for some people that don't want kids but um when you said about why are women put that much pressure put on women did you know

some studies come out this week and actually infertility now is 50 50 men and women isn't that wild because you think you assume it's you if you if if you try and get pregnant and you can't get pregnant it's the woman that's like shit what do i need so both of you need to be going can i just say nobody goes up to james and says when are you having a baby no no one no i know we need to stop that right slutty susan now this is one of my favorite parts of the show actually it's loads of people's favorite part we're not getting enough you're not telling us and I loads of people

we need a serious chat with you guys sit down you need to shag more you need to do more filthy things rattle your brains rattle your dicks

get your skeletons out whatever you need to remember some of the worst times the best times because it actually helps a lot of people that have done something

really horrifically embarrassing at the weekend and we make them feel better we get loads of dilemmas we get loads of messages icks but we want more sexy

slutty stories so we want the worst thing you've done that's what I want I want to know have you shagged his dad like i want to know the worst thing that you can't even tell your friends that like that you've done that is criminal i want to know stuff like that okay that's what we want

to know anyway or steve slutty steve we want more of those so one of the slutty stories that we came across that we really found but now it's not really a slutty story as such but maybe she was getting into a bit of a slutty story situation so her husband had to put a stop to it are you ready are you ready are you ready you're ready my wife went out drinking with co-workers and got shit-faced yeah i had to struggle to get her inside she was blackout drunk crying being sick it was a fucking nightmare and it was not the first time that she's done this after putting her to bed i did a shit on the drive next to her car and i told her that she did it while she was pissed and told her that the neighbor saw her oh my god she was walking out of the house and found

it when she was going to work the next day she has not gone out drinking since and this was four years ago if she does she's one drink then done that's really clever really funny because the The reason this made me laugh so much is because I get blackout. Yeah, you could tell me. You could say to me, you shat on the drive. He used to always say about you, like, you took your clothes off, you were running around the bar. Yeah, and I'd be like, what?

And you'd be like, no, you took your clothes off. And I'd be like, I don't remember any. I get blackout where it's just gone. That's only happened in the last few years. Isn't that scary that, like, as well, you're not, people don't know you're blackout. They're having conversations with you. completely black

they think you're there and you're just that part is gone do you get blackout Lucas? sometimes no but I get when I drink to drink

I get always have a blackout but I never used to when I was younger this is more of a recent thing do you think it means that we're going to get like Alzheimer's or something

well I don't no I'm wondering whether I it's the booze it's the booze no but I never used to do that and I mean

and I mean black out gone that part of the movie has been cut cut it out I can never ever remember

getting the taxi home no no but I've done I have what but like you've woken up with someone how do I phrase this knowing I'm in a loving relationship now um I have I have really forgotten a lot of things like not had a clue that certain things had happened and stuff like that that is what and they've had to tell you the next day once in my past tell me what happened um so many many many years ago many many not just years many um i went home with somebody that i'd been speaking to and then stayed until the next morning went back to my own house and i had no idea that we'd had sex none what like your fanny didn't even

tell you I didn't have a clue no and then I got a text saying oh good sign and I was like

I was like ha ha ha ha ha what and yeah I didn't I still to this day cannot

thank god because I wouldn't want to cannot remember any of that and I actually had to be walked through what happened and then I was like

no no no more no more and then what you did and then you said to me whoa whoa whoa yeah but like do you not find that terrifying because you couldn't

I no but I would have looked normal to them Yeah, but now I'm older, all I do is want to fall asleep after like half past 11 and a bottle of Sauvignon. I'm like, yeah, nobody. So that you have to be careful. Anyway, where were we going with this? Maybe that's why people do drugs as well.

To keep them not as like, yeah, I don't know. But anyway, yeah, I could have pooed on a drive. Easy. We, I think I've told this, but like when we were in our old studio, we were all sat in the office. all different ages bar and we're all talking about like revenge things we've done yeah yeah and um there's this girl and she was like quite dopy and she was like i had a stepmom that i fucking hated so i did his shit and i put her steak in my shit and cooked it and gave it to her and everyone went yeah everyone else had been saying things like i signed him up to porn and

she said that was everyone like yeah did everyone's faces just like look at her was it like one of those on the streaming

and she was like really excited and then everyone that's like me she did a shit and put a step mum's steak in the shit

and then served it to her wow I wonder what it tasted like how could it might have tasted nice have you ever had shit no it might have been good

she might have been lovely Lucas has definitely eaten shit before I've definitely not eaten shit by mistake off someone's knob no

Everyone's done that Come on No because you get a whiff of it What do you think? Yeah true I don't want to talk about this anymore This conversation's died Have you eaten shit?

I think I've eaten shit By mistake I thought it was something A raisin or something I'm sure I remember this It was like one of the kids Something I can remember something in my mind and I'll never remember it was

shit I've eaten shit yeah it was on the carpet and I thought it was the reason I ate it and it was shit I had bird shit once because I thought it was ice cream on my top and it was bird shit I was wearing

this jumper and eating ice cream and I got off the wall and it had it so I was I literally And then when I turned around, there was bird shit on my hand. Were you sick? Were you sick? I just got on with it.

I just carried on eating my ice cream. I didn't even say anything to anyone. I just thought, oh, well, it's happened now. Woo! Okay, should we play this voice note? Have you ever wiped your bottom and your nails gone through the thing? That's horrible. right anyway voice note oh so went on a night out in my local town and great night out got

chatting to someone in the local kebab shop uh you know uncle fan is your aunt guy buys me chips cheese and gravy we're on our way back to his you know we're having sex halfway through sex i go oh just stop for a second lean over while he's still inside me and get the chips and cheese and gravy and carry on eating the chips and gravy good girl and he goes really like those chips but yeah anyway slowly susan out good girl i like that sometimes it's really tiring have you ever eaten while you're having sex no but i've watched telly yeah i've watched telly i've watched like a full series probably yeah like on and off um have i eaten i mean like i have have you ever done the thing where you like eat like ice cream

no i think that's crap you know people like oh i put squirty cream that's so so 17 year old first boyfriend yeah put some squirty cream on your minge oh please do a haribo strawberry up my valley oh my god the whole thing yeah that's dangerous and you got it out well i put the um i had to bear thrush for days i put the um the fruit pasta lolly didn't i up the bottom ones up your arse not mine what you put a fruit pasta lolly yeah ups a man's arse and then you ate it so you have eaten shit before oh i've done there's more i just don't want to say why would you get to the point of putting a fruit pasta lolly up someone's arse i was really i was young and and he said i've

got a great idea honey i can i can't i can't remember or was it you it's probably me i'd definitely put a fruit pasta lolly i can't really remember um yeah i've had so what if somebody for example had had sex for example not literally a little bit of bottom sex yeah and then they had gone on later along the line to suck on the penis you would get your own poo in your mouth then i don't do that so okay basically we want you to get in touch email us hello at nipped up pod hello or you can whatsapp us or you can message us on Instagram or you can do whatever

or you can tag us in your stories and send reviews that are obviously five stars and they need to be fair fair reviews only fair reviews nothing unfair you can say like this is shit yeah that's fine but it has to be fair yeah yeah not unfair no not like that other one and we'll be

back with a bonus of Nip Tuck this Friday which is all about you your dilemmas beauty questions beauty tips anything you want to ask us so if you send something in now you may get to hear it on friday's episode see you later