Nip Tuck - Why Women Don’t Come Forward

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

In this powerful and deeply important episode of Nip Tuck, Lauren is joined by Loyce, who bravely opens up about her experience of reporting a sexual assault, going through the criminal justice system and everything that followed.Loyce shares her story, from the events of the night itself and the gaps in her memory, to the investigation, the evidence, being cross-examined in court and the devastating reality of receiving a not-guilty verdict.But this conversation is about so much more than the case. Loyce talks candidly about the backlash she faced after sharing her story publicly, being called a liar and watching people form their own opinions without understanding what happens inside a courtroom.Lauren and Loyce also discuss the damaging idea of the ‘perfect victim’, why women can feel afraid to come forward, how quickly a survivor’s character can be questioned, and the impact that online judgement can have on someone who is already dealing with trauma.Most importantly, Loyce talks about finding strength after an experience that could have broken her and why she chose to speak out anyway. She shares a message of hope for anyone who may have experienced something similar: that with the right support, it is possible to heal, to keep going and to experience joy again.A difficult but incredibly important conversation about consent, courage, trauma, the justice system and what happens when you choose to speak your truth.Please note: this episode contains discussions of rape, sexual assault, drink spiking, trauma and the criminal justice process.If you have been affected by any of the issues discussed in this episode, support and information is available from the organisations listed below:Rape CrisisThe Survivors TrustThe Solace Women’s AidLondon Survivors GatewayVictim Support NationalSamaritansSister SpaceHead over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, not only will you get the Wednesday main episode the day before at 5pm, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Sue's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail] sure to subscribe, follow, rate and review!

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hi guys and welcome to nip talk this is the final recording that i'm doing without my little ashley and you know what as much as i whinge about the cow i've missed her have you mr lucas yeah absolutely i've really missed her um it feels like i've done quite a lot on my own now, but I've had a great guest. So here we are. Right, I have got a guest on for you today, guys. I just said on an Instagram video this morning, I feel like I'm doing quite serious shit at the minute. I'm like, what's he called? Louis Theroux? I'm like Lauren Theroux at the minute. I feel like I'm doing some serious stuff, but I think it's really important stuff. So the guest I have on today is Lois. Now, we're going to get into her story a little bit more, but I'm just going to

give you a little bit of idea about why we've got lois on today so lois came out and did a video about a situation where she was raped um on a night out and we're going to go into detail we're going to talk a little bit further about it and the video was sent to me actually by quite a few people um and ashley also sent it to me and weirdly i was going to send it to ashley because i watched this video and I just thought wow this woman the way she speaks the way she describes everything the way the situation that she was in is something that's really really important for us to share with our listeners and to kind of get some awareness on as well and and talk about we're a female podcast and I think this is really really important so I've got Lois on today

so you may have seen Lois's video when I last checked it had about 18,000 likes something like two and a half, 3,000 forwards on. It had about 700 comments. It had something like 2,000 reshares. And as I say, a lot of people saw it and a lot of my friends saw it as well. Now, we've just had a little chat. I've just had a chat with Lois before we came on because she just said to me, after she made this video, there was some backlash. There was some people picking up, picking apart her story. There were people getting involved. There were people saying she potentially wasn't telling the truth and there was a bit of a because i'd looked at the story it was on my for you page a lot and i've seen a lot of noise and listen we have built nip tuck for four years now we care

about what we do every move we make we care about it's our baby and i would be lying if i said there wasn't a couple of conversations where we kind of looked at it we were like okay this this girl's now getting quite a lot of backlash have things turning she's been called a liar is this something that we should take on are we gonna then get in a little bit of trouble for this and we there was a little bit of a conversation and in the end it was my call really because Ashley said listen Lauren it's your episode it's your call I back you whatever our management team said again girls we trust you it's your call so I did think about it not for very long but I did think about it and i decided no no this is our podcast this is a female podcast this is about supporting women

and if i be a little bit of a coward and a scaredy cat and i think oh this story isn't perfect and or people are saying she might be lying and they're saying she'd had a drink oh god what if it causes a problem for nitsug i thought no no that then i am just as bad as the people that are doing this and i am just as bad as the reason that people don't come forward for these things and that's not what i want to do so she's here i want to hear a story support her and yeah let's go lois welcome thank you so much for that introduction that was such a lovely way of putting everything across i really appreciate it very kind words thank you i'm very happy to be here i'm very excited and i'm genuinely so grateful that you still gave me the opportunity

to come and speak absolutely you deserve it so let's let's go back a lot of people may not have watched that video so if you've watched the video you will know what i'm talking about and you're like oh my god right yeah if you haven't we're gonna act as if people haven't watched that video okay so you was it how long ago now about a month was it about a month ago you came onto instagram and made your first video yeah maybe about three weeks ago three weeks yeah just over three weeks ago um i put out my video explaining yeah my story yeah um i put it out there online i kind of i was in a position where i was thinking about doing it and i just thought right what is the best way to put it out there you know what's the best way to put it as coherently and as clearly

as possible because it was such a long period of time you know so i thought let me break it up into chunks but we each chunk i need time to kind of process the fact that i've put information out there so i thought let me do it on a weekly basis where i can manage it i also just put it on one platform as well i didn't like youtube it tiktok it just instagram but the whole point was to share my story of what happened to me um and the fact that i reported to the police and just so people can know the process what happened yeah because so many women don't report so many women don't report and so when i reported i didn't know the process so when i had a little look at this the stats say that five out of six women don't report it that's a that that's a huge

huge so five out of six women are have been sexually assaulted in some way and haven't taken it any further how scary is that scary and i'm hoping that with what you've done and the strength you've had and the way you've told your story not only will it give somebody else the strength to be like no i'm gonna do this i can do this but also to understand the process because i think when you look at that you're like i don't even know what the fuck what you talk through it so can we go back can we hear your story basically ah okay well i mean i went out on a night out with um a friend and i it was her birthday it was her birthday yeah and it does we'll go back onto that again but yeah it was her birthday and we went we went to an event i got there before her she was

like yep just wait for me don't worry you know i'll come and take care of you kind of thing um there were some people that i could have waited with but the people she suggested that they didn't come so i was waiting there by myself and then i saw a guy he gave me a shot that was from a platter of shots i watched it you know so we drank it together all good yeah um and then my friend comes and then the guy as well that i saw he was waiting for his friends and they all kind of came at the same time right so it was like a big hello to everybody kind of like hey you know quick selfies or whatever with my friend and then we were off on the dance floor and we were having the night of our lives like she looked amazing I looked amazing we were having a great time

and then it just all goes dark there's little things I can remember and I'm talking about the smallest things I'm talking about like moving like moving bags and things like that not just tiny the tiniest little detail like maybe stepping up on the stage or something of the of the room but nothing nothing i remember is of substance to say how long that changes the story how long of the night do you like how long are we talking before things went i'm telling you about 45 minutes wow i'm gonna say an hour just just to kind of yeah yeah but an hour because what makes it worse again little details i left out there's a little there's a screenshot there's sorry there's a photo that i have on my phone that i took that night right it was at 9 31 and i have no

recollection of it so you'd been at how when did you go out was it exactly i got there maybe about 8 8 20 again i'm trying to remember the times maybe i got there about 8 20 by the time i spoke to my friend and she got there maybe it was about 8 45 so you don't remember something that happened like an hour like let's give it longer for the sake of it an hour like you don't remember that there's a there's a picture in my phone that i took even the picture that i took was ridiculous i took a picture of someone's number on their phone as in it it's it's like a silly like you would look at me why would you even do that yeah yeah yeah while you take the number right why would you take a picture of a number so and i looked at the time stop and it said 9 31 p.m and

i was like i don't remember taking that picture so from then i was gone nothing nothing but that's the thing i left out little little little details as i was speaking but yeah i don't i literally woke up well it wasn't even me that woke myself up i was awoken by the person so just to make this like really really clear met your friends hello everyone group of people took a shot blah blah dancing woke up woke up and it was like like literally like that like literally every single time i even act that out i my body starts to like literally god i don't want to cry no every time tissues tissues anybody lucas always has tissues a snotty guy i'm gonna be okay don't worry don't worry i'll be all right

but i just remember waking up and it was like what what what's what's what's going on i can't even imagine it was the scariest thing yeah and so somebody another thing just to caveat guys just to mention here so lois is which we're going to get to she's been through the entire court proceedings like that's all done yeah she is allowed to tell her story okay from her version of events what we're not going to do and what i think has been really good about this you've not said what club you were at what place so we don't want this guy to be it's not about the guy it's not about tracing it's not so we're not she's left out certain details to almost protect that because we don't want a manhunt it's not about that it's about sorting this fucking story out

yeah okay so you wake up he woke you up he woke me up and it was like you know gotta get up and go to work kind of thing and i'm kind of like wait what like what what is even going on and i'm like what am i doing here i was so confused i was genuinely like i described it as you know when you wake up from a nap and you're like disorientated disorientated this was on another level it and it was just the scariest thing because it was like i can't account for anything i can't say what's happened i literally have no idea and as i'm figuring things out i'm realizing i haven't got my phone i've asked for my phone you haven't got your phone i've realized i got my friend's phone and that's when the panic really set in because it was like okay no no no no what on earth has

happened here and now i'm thinking what's happened to my friend what if my friend is dead what if what is good what has happened yeah and when i'm asking questions it was like yeah you know you were wasted you were you know security was asking for help for you to get home and you were there till 3am and i'm like 3am i remember planning to leave at about 10 30 11 i remember thinking right by midnight i'll be home and i'll be in bed because we're in central so it wasn't going to be difficult for me to get home so for me i was just like oh what i was out till three and i'm you're piecing everything you're trying to and he's you know he's the one this is controlling the narrative this man did you did you recognize him was he the guy that gave you the shot no

no no wasn't him no because you remember that i'd remember i'd remember him and he was um that guy was my type right yeah and this guy was not your type no no and what was his demeanor towards you at first it was like oh yeah this is you know what happened kind of thing and then when i then got to a point where i was like did we do anything that's when the demeanor changed because it was like it almost felt like you know it's like someone's been honest and said yeah you were wasted like you you were finished kind of thing and then you know and then oh where's my stuff oh you haven't got it and it was like okay did we do anything yeah we did three times you don't remember so it went from being kind of like kind and saying you were wasted to kind of like

what do you mean you don't remember yeah i wouldn't say kind it wasn't that he was kind it was that he was just willing to explain what happened right and then once it changed to did we do anything then the demeanor changed to yeah three times you don't remember and i'm thinking but i've just asked you how we got here so why would i remember that i i don't remember anything i'm i'm literally looking at this man thinking i don't even know who you are you could have picked me up from the streets for all i know i don't even i'm literally just very confused and you're in his house i'm in the house yep i'm in his house and then and then i panic yeah i start to panic i was just like what on earth is going on and then the mother came and it was like what's

going on and i was like i don't know what i'm doing here i don't know why i'm here and um and then i managed and then i got him to get me a cab well he got me a cab because i had nothing i literally had nothing and i had to go home the other thing i managed to do was to call my workplace i had to ask for it though i had to ask for the phone because i have nothing i was like i need to call my workplace you know and let them know and the colleague i spoke to she was fine she was like yeah no problem you know so there's been rumors that this is because i missed work work wow that's a that's a big big thing to do just to get out of missing day work right come on you know sickness bug would have been fine honestly honestly so um

yeah so so how was the mother with you she didn't she was just like what's going on what's going on kind of thing and and i was like i don't know i don't know why i'm here i don't know and he kind of told his mom to leave was like mom leave and it was like you're scaring my mom right now can you can you stop crying and i was like i remember just thinking there's more concern about okay i get it you know that's your mom but it's like there's a random girl in your house like that's crying like this is not okay this is not okay did he at any point sort of sit you down and kind of explain everything and kind of say like listen don't worry like nope nope and you know what's weird i'm not even i have to say this carefully because i don't want to give people suggestions

you know give people ideas yeah but the truth is if he was more like listen i know this is scary this and this has happened but look you were got a bit wasted i brought you home things happened but i don't want you if there was that kind of energy he may have convinced me yeah he may have made me think okay maybe i just did too much but he had to take care of me but when the demeanor changed and when it was like you're scaring my mom can you stop crying when it was all of that and i asked where's my friend oh she left you and i'm like she left me so he was a hero exactly so for me the narrative was like i came and i saved the day because you were a damsel in distress and you didn't even know that you were a damsel in distress because you

with that out of it. But we still had sex. But we still had sex, by the way. Right. You know, so. And you had, obviously, no recollection of it. So, what scared me even more, actually, I thought of women who are date-grapes

in terms of they literally go on a date and someone maybe put something in their drink. Because I thought, if he was my type, I may have thought I overdid it. And I may have thought I had consented, maybe. And if you'd been on a date, you would have gone on a date with your type. So if you'd have woken up with someone that you thought,

I could see how maybe, because you do, don't you? You think, oh, you want to think the best. Because you don't want the truth sometimes. Right. Sometimes you don't want to face the truth. Yeah. But it wasn't your type and you just knew I would never.

Exactly. That's the thing. So that was part of what made me go, nah, there's just no way. There's no, like, that's what it was. But I just thought, oh my gosh, imagine being on a date and the CCTV shows you having a great time, but you've woken up next to someone

weren't planning to you're thinking i don't remember the night why don't i remember yeah that's how everything works against you that's this is why i understand why women don't report yeah you already have so much going against you to even make that initial yeah you know um report to the police so yeah i i remember thinking if he was my type this might have i might have lied to myself i might have lied to myself and thought maybe i overdid it yeah you know and if he was also very like you know i understand i might have bought into it as well well kind of good that that didn't happen but i can't prove it but you can't prove it and that's again that you're against so much the type the current is constantly coming against you when it comes to these kind of cases

you know so you're talking about little micro aggressions i've seen in the behavior that i can't prove no one was there and this is the problem with this kind of thing so you get his phone um your call work then where did you go from his where did you um he got me a cab okay he got me a cab and um did you even have his number no i remember i didn't even have my phone right yeah my phone okay so i just said bye but yeah it was just i don't know i can't remember exactly what the words were the parting words were but i just remember just getting in the cab and just kind of acting okay and then just suddenly bursting into tears again and i remember the cab driver being like do you want me to call the police are you okay do you want me to get you

food like he literally was like what am i doing with this girl yeah like she's yeah in distress and i was like can we go to my letting agent because i was like i want to go home because i want to gather myself yeah but i also don't know what to do because i haven't got keys i literally was like let's go to letting no keys no keys so i also i also was thinking just in case he took the keys let me not let me i don't want him to see the uber go to my house because he'll know where i live i thought if i if we also go to letting agent he won't know where i live exactly right i was also part of it so yeah so we've gone to letting agent i've walked in and straight away they're like are you okay yeah you know and i was just like hi and you manage one of the properties

that i live in and you know i just wanted to get a spare key and they're like but what's happened to you yeah you know they were like we can give you a spare key that's that's not a problem but yeah they were more like you've also lost your key so you may have to replace it like we're more so thinking safety wise are you okay so as i sit down they were like what happened i was like i don't know i was like i went out yesterday for my friend's birthday i've woken up in someone's house i don't know where my friend is i was like i don't know what's happened to me now i didn't know what i looked like but the letting agent told me not great i mean once i saw myself i was like oh my i haven't got a wig as in this is a half wig but i haven't got like a wig where it's like

it was coming off like it i i oh god i looked so bad like so disheveled i remember again little details that i left out you know when i was there the letting agent was like do you want me to get you some food and i was like can i have a cup of tea when he gave me a cup of tea my hand was literally shaking i was shaking as i was drinking he was like let me get your sandwich i was like okay yeah tuna sandwich please you got me a tuna sandwich i was shaking like blessing me even made little joke he's like oh bless you you're hungry i was like i don't remember the last time you know when you ate i don't know if i ate last night i literally don't know anything like when i say that was oh it haunts me yeah it haunts me but the letting agent made the call for me okay straight

away again i'm scared i don't know what's happened i haven't spoken to anyone i haven't collected my thoughts to know and again you start to tell yourself is it me am i the one am i right this guy you know he didn't kill me yeah yeah but he's also not my type so i know i wouldn't have said this to him and i plan to go home so i'm doing all of that and the letting agent has called the police so i've gone no no please he was nice he's kind he's not a criminal it's fine like i'm not a victim but i was scared and so defense would know that for example yeah they would know their trauma informed yeah so they will use that against me to say well you you know are you sure and i'm like I didn't know what happened to me yeah the call was made for me and you were still processing I

was still processing everything I spoke to my friend after the call was made so if I had spoken to her before where we kind of like okay where were you where were you and we pieced it together a bit okay you were taking the house taking the okay that wasn't part of the plan I would have been a bit more confident when the call was made but surely when people make these calls a lot of time if they make them well any of the time you it's so traumatizing you're not going to be in your right state because this has just happened this has just happened like i i i've just never had it before i've never had a situation like that before and it's only people who have had that kind of situation that would understand like honestly when i woke up that morning the next day i remember

thinking i wonder how sex traffic victims must feel to be out somewhere and you wake up and you're in this place and the rest of your existence it's gone the rest of your existence is to give men sex like i honestly like that situation made me think gosh it can happen to anyone it really can because to wake up somewhere that i didn't plan on being it was it was awful that's why it's important for us to talk about this because i think it happens well we know five out of six don't report it i think this happens and also um interesting is that one in 18 men have been sexually abused as well so it was one in let me just check because i i looked at all of this because i was like interested in it i think it was one in four women yeah one in four women

have been raped or sexually abused after the age of 16 one in four so there's a lot of people that will be listening to this episode that your story they're starting to perhaps panic and it's starting to bring something out that they've that they've been through this is the thing that's why it's so difficult when people falsify a woman who comes forward because it's like the stats are loud yeah the stats are showing that we don't live in the safest world no but when someone comes forward and says this is what happened to me you pick apart everything to to possibly make it that she wanted it yeah you know it's this is the problem with this is sad this is something that we spoke about one of the things that you said in one of your videos which i think really kind of resonated

with me me and my husband actually watched it together and he sat and this you know a bloke mouth open and he's going no what no and you said at one point when you think of someone being raped you would think of you know a character someone jumping out of a bush with the hood up and perhaps raping them in the park or the street and it's absolutely categorically this happened she was walking someone raped exactly the perfect victim as we were talking about before exactly but one of the things that i i don't know the stats but i reckon the majority is what we said earlier before we recorded is the not it's not perfect victim i am not the perfect victim and i'm going to declare that loud and clear yeah i was not the perfect victim i was not and when we say that what we

mean is what we mean if you were cross-examined if i'm cross-examined there are loopholes in my argument and part of the reason why i have those loopholes is because my memory was completely wiped and so i'm fighting against even more it's not even like i remember the so you can't say he did this then i said no i moved aside i can't do any of that i can't do any of that you know and yeah the perfect victim unfortunately doesn't exist anymore before like i said someone will jump out of somewhere they look mysterious but at the same time that is what kids books taught us yeah yeah little red riding hood taught us that the you know the big bad wolf looks a certain way and i was saying scooby-doo to us that monsters hide behind real life people yeah you remove the

mask and oh it was you all along do you remember at the end they would be like where it was you like it really is like that it can be your lawyer or your teacher or your your doctor there was a start that actually anyone actually i can't remember the exact number i can't but i saw it and it was a high start anyway that actually a lot of rape and sexual assault is carried out by someone you know she's so high so high so tell me you you please come um you go home because i i obviously i know the story you go home you start to gather your thoughts yeah please come round how was that how was that situation of explaining to them how were they it was two ladies okay it was two women that came and they were they were incredible they just sat down they were just like

you know we're here to to hear your story please just let us know what you know right you know and i was just like okay and i sat them down and i said you know i don't have my phone you know and um the they we used my phone to call my phone sorry we used their phone to call your phone yeah we used their phone to call my phone and the girl answers the phone and she's like hey i've got your phone kind of thing i was like hey it's the girl from last night i was like what did i say on on hold on she was like hey and i was just like hey you have my phone that's it she was like oh it's you kind of thing she was like hey and i was like i think my drink was spiked last night and she was like oh my gosh babe same she was like there's something in those

drinks i don't know what it was and i was just like girl i ended up with someone last night and they ended up sleeping with me and she screamed she was like i'm so sorry this should have never happened to you i'm so sorry this should have never happened to you um and the police took the phone and they were like hi you know because they heard everything i'm kind of looking at them and looking at me and thank god you're listening like yeah because this is great this is what i need and um and straight away they were like you know would you be willing to give a report kind of thing it's just like yeah no problem and um yeah they came off the phone and then after i was able to speak to after and get my phone back i went with my mom to get it back again little

details that i left out um my friend got her phone back again as well little details that i left out but i think um yeah those those little details when they're neither here nor there yeah yeah so you both got yourself so i've spoken to my i've spoken to my girl i've spoken to this other girl as well the police have connected all of this and they're like whoa this is there's something going on here you know didn't you say that one of you one of the other girls that was there similar yes sorry i'm even leaving things out yes another girl reached out to me a couple days later and she was like hey babe i'm looking for you you okay and i was just like hey yeah um something happened and she was like yeah we were together that night she was like we reconciled and i was

like i don't remember again i don't know anything she was like yeah we reconciled and we're planning to go home together and i was like oh and she was like and then we got separated she woke up somewhere else you know so again the police spoke to her they were asking if she was willing to give a statement and um at first she said yes but she didn't end up giving one in the end um but yeah it was it was quite a few of us girls so when obviously your initial thoughts were so i've been spiked because what else explains this because surely even if you'd had how many shots in the hour it's an hour you guys listen i've been blackout from my own choice yeah it took me longer than 40 minutes like do you know what i mean so yeah this is what i'm saying so who it takes a

long time in your mind do you have a point when you think that happened yes i think you think this is again this is what this is what i think i cannot explain it from my perspective absolutely my friend bought two drinks from the bar as in so you know we're on the dance floor we're having a good time and then she goes off at some point and then comes back and she was like someone bought us drinks one was a pineapple and something one was a coca-cola or something fantastic i remember i took the coca-cola and something and i took a sip and that for me i believe is the last memory that as in like that is like it's the only time you can kind of clearest yeah when it could have happened yeah because you know what i remember being on the dance floor and someone coming to me

and going hey girl your boob and no one would ever have to tell me that on a normal day no one would ever have to tell me that because i would have control over my clothes yeah but just little things like that i'm like my mind was probably starting to go then and i didn't even know but it was too late like honestly it feels like almost like i was in the movie get out yeah i was in my own body just like in a sunken place because honestly i don't know and i just don't remember again i'm mindful of what we say because it's your point of view that's you know with the court case being and gone so do you think do you think that potentially this was like a planned thing that potentially the person had thought i'm gonna put this in a drinking does your friend

remember who she got the drinks off and to this day i don't know who the drinks were cctv does that show it so cctv was saying it was a minefield inside right apparently it was a minefield and i was like so how does cctv work because i've watched 24 hours in police custody and the cctv tv finds people so how could they not see and i'm just like hello there's there's cameras on the roads that can pick up if i'm on the phone in my car this is what i mean so they couldn't see who passed the drink couldn't see anything like i was just like i was a bit disappointed at that um do you think it wasn't taken as seriously no i think they took it seriously i think what it is though is for example i didn't have a hair strand taken and that sometimes i do wonder why and i

wonder if maybe police did enough to get evidence to show that we had had sex okay rather than to prove spiking okay do you get what i'm saying i don't know but you right okay so there's there's loads to kind of go through there so did if you don't mind me asking did you have examinations yes yeah i did i went to the haven okay they examined me um i also had a urine sample taken by the police and was that kind of pretty much straight away that was yeah they got to the place maybe about 11 so yeah it was straight away and how did you find it when you had for anyone that's considering this for anyone that could go hopefully god forbid but go through it in the future were they kind were they caring was it okay when you went there the police and then the haven when they

examined all yep they were they were absolutely amazing they were so so considerate and it was it was um not when i say unfortunately it was a male that ended up examining me and they let me know beforehand and they explained themselves you know as to why and he was very careful very conscious of me so so that side of it if anyone was needing to do that yes yes thank you actually for that yeah that's just for anyone who do wants to report that you will get a lot of support in terms of with the haven and hopefully the police as well because i have had sad cases where the police don't believe where they've not been as helpful yeah they've not been as helpful they've dismissed cases the examiner was that kind of to prove i guess that you had had sex yeah i think a

lot of it was to prove that potentially if it had been because he might have gone well i didn't have sex with her right you know so that needed to be proven proven i think and then the urine sample was to see whether you know the toxicology report to see what was in your what was in my body blood and body okay yeah sorry you're anybody did they do a blood blood test or like a hair they didn't do the hair they didn't do a hair strand test no and i do wonder why i do wonder why because i've been asked i'm like as far as i know no right so all this happened hair what the hair before you can find more out um and in your urine it can certain drugs can break up really really quickly really quickly and won't show in your system and that is why it's often a drug of

choice for people doing that because by the time it's reported because don't forget lois did it really quick because she went to the letting agency and they kind of forced it she may have sat there overnight and pondered on this and had a minute by the time you think get the courage potentially to go do it some of these drugs aren't in your head do they do blood i believe yeah yeah they did they did a blood test and then there's hair as well but yeah with hair drugs can stay in the system in the hair follicles for way longer so up to a month after you know so that's why i wonder why didn't they take a hair strain yeah that's interesting yeah so yeah so you had all the examinations um and what was the process kind of after that do they go and arrest him

so i don't know much about the other side yeah you know i didn't obviously i wasn't updated like They didn't call me and say, we've arrested him today or anything like that. It doesn't work like that. But they let me know that he was taken for questioning. That kind of thing. It's more updates like that. So you don't get like action updates kind of like, oh, this is, no, no, no. It's not like that.

It's more like, okay, he's been taken in for questioning and he pled not guilty. Right. So you found that out. Yeah. So I found that out. And then it was like, yeah, he's been charged. So I'm trying to remember even which way it is actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's been charged. Yeah. he pled not guilty so he'd been charged on three counts of rape okay and i made it very clear my story i didn't say he spiked me no i didn't well because you didn't know because i didn't know what i said was my friend bought drinks the next minute i know i've been awoken okay i never said he put anything in my drink i don't know yeah but what i do know of course when we get there is what i saw from the evidence that i was given but i'll wait for us to get out okay so interestingly it's just a quick stat for you guys only three percent three percent of cases that are reported

to the police go any further and result in a charge so that's not like three percent yeah let me check it i knew it was three percent less than three percent of reports are charged so that's where someone's gone and said and i've got this off you know i've got this from legit yeah it's from one of the the websites one of the help support websites so this is people that have gone and said to the police they've been raped and only three percent actually end up with that person being charged not being found guilty charged so that's just conviction rates that are three percent three percent conviction rates are higher than i thought they'd be they're still low but they're a bit higher it's more that little bit there and i guess it's because there's

not enough to even charge them so even back at the beginning yeah so wow you found out he's been questioned non-guilty what happens then how quick is the process because i know some can take up to two years yes that is that is pretty much what it was like for me so i remember i think i found out end of 2024 that he had been charged and then they got back to me maybe january or february they got back to me and basically said yeah your your your trial is listed for february 2026 and my heart broke yeah because i was like i now have to kind of work on healing but then i'm gonna have to relive this no closure and no closure like it was i was just like that is such a long time yeah i feel like there should be a slight reform in that department i feel like when it comes to

rape cases i feel like making people wait for such a long time i mean there's murder as well yeah it's hard we've said oh there's no right or wrong yeah i'm just actually like making people wait that was quite that was quite excruciating for me um you have pockets of joy but you just know this thing is coming you know like yeah you know like anxiety is like this feeling of impending doom yes that's what it's like imagine knowing that there's going to be a really horrible time in your life and you know it's coming it's it was so it's like having a really happy day and a happy moment but then the back of your head then you remember and you're like oh god yeah that's that thing it was all yeah so joy became short-lived for me i was just like not

you know did you know who he was no so after it happened you'd seen him by this point people talk people know people things get out did you get an idea of who he was did anyone say oh i heard it such and such did he speak to any friends was there any background or was it just literally like nothing when i was figuring out who he was there were some things that i'd heard okay definitely but because the case is done like i won't say some of the things that i've heard about him okay behind closed doors just because i know that may cause yeah but yeah there were some things definitely got a bit an idea to me right definitely it was like this is what we know this is what we've heard this is what you do you dig in yeah there was things that i was hearing

back years and i was like okay um okay but all of that can't be used in court it's all hearsay so that's why i'm not saying it now i agree with you i'm doing that so the day of the trial how's that how does it go is he sat on a dot in like the dark what does it oh my gosh the trial day oh my gosh literally go in and then the police are like defense has asked for you to watch the cctv and i was like there was cctv because just to let you know as well if you do report you're going to be kept in the dark and it's not necessarily the nicest feeling but you are kept in the dark because what happens is yeah what happens is although you've reported the crime you become the witness and so it becomes the state against the defendant as in

the suspect yeah and so even on the paperwork it's the king against the suspect okay so because of that because you're just a witness you don't get to see all the paperwork and kind of sit with the police and go well let's put this together no no all of that is none of your business the police basically do the report and investigation on your behalf so you don't get they don't ring you and say listen we've checked the cctv just to let you know we can see this nothing there was no we did i didn't even get told they had cctv i didn't even get told they had a toxology report nothing nada until that day until that day then it was like yep you're gonna watch cctv cctv so i was like oh you have cctv and the police officer was like you know so i was like i was there like okay

i bet you're thinking good yeah i'm thinking good but then i'm thinking what am i gonna see yeah you know i'm like good but what am i gonna see yeah what i saw tell us what you saw i saw someone i didn't recognize like my hair like everything my shoes were off in the rain i was throwing up i could barely sit there was a flower bed like imagine like this is flowers on there and there was a security guard that was helping me he was literally stabilizing me because that's how far gone i was i was acting like a child like waving you know to someone at some point you know i was kind of moving around stumbling across um there was a point i was even like sliding down a wall and I got to the bottom in a squatting position and I just toppled

over and they had to pick me back up and they were holding my head up you know and I could see the suspect kissing another girl you know and they were there for a while they were there for a while and then lo and behold in this kerfuffle of I could see you know these men are left with me and they're trying to get me help me get home and I could see myself giving the wrong postcode and I could literally tell I could tell it's a postcode I could see my lips I could see it and then I see myself kissing the suspect so this is really important this is really important because this is where the perfect victim like we talked about before goes out the window because then you've got someone saying well you were kissing him yes though and i'm looking and i remember at first

like when i'm watching the police i was like oh my gosh like i was just like oh yeah no he's definitely yeah this is so clear you know and literally so obvious and the police officer they can't say much so they're just sitting there going and then i then when i see myself like gesturing like you know for him to come towards me and he comes towards me and like and we start kissing i suddenly just cower in my seat and i'm like wait hold on wait what i was like huh and the police officer's calm but she's kind of like just keep watching kind of thing and i just carry on watching i'm looking at this and i'm really uncomfortable i'm like okay you know i'm like okay okay cool and again it was that moment of lois you are not the perfect victim

you look like you're having a great time here yeah and the only save the only saving grace i have is that wrong postcode yeah that's literally that fucked you couldn't even say your postcode that when you're being sick you were falling off the flower bed for fuck's sake the thing is the being sick and the falling off is one thing but for me the the wrong postcode thing is literal like it's literally literally clear yeah she is not here she doesn't even know her address she doesn't know her address she doesn't know her address and the person there was someone there that knew me that knew i was given the wrong postcode so that means that the people there would have been informed she's given the wrong postcode so as far as i'm concerned everybody

that is around me in that moment should know she's not here she's gone she's gone and cps would have seen that kiss as well because people like well you kissed you kissed and i remember i was scared i was like oh you know but i was reminded cps saw this kiss too so cps is the crown prosecution service yes and they're the ones that basically decide whether there is enough to charge somebody with an offense so they look at everything and then they say we still think we've seen the kiss we still think that this needs to go to trial exactly and these these are sometimes the questions that i want people to have if they hear cases um of other victims and they feel like there's some inconsistencies for it to go through to cps which isn't necessarily a good thing

it takes a lot so if cps saw a kiss and saw me gesturing for something what still made them put it through they must have seen more yeah prosecution must have had a case oh they wouldn't have done it otherwise they wouldn't have done it so then you get in the uber it shows you're getting in with him yeah well as in i see myself being taken by two men as in one on one side one on the other i believe one of them is the suspect and you could just see me kind of waddling with them and then there's another man helping him get you in yeah and i get in the car and i was just watching myself thinking oh gosh like you could have died that day you could have died anything like well it did happen but you say you could have died what other evidence was there that you

when it came down to it how what was the they were picking you apart weren't they and they looking for flaws in all your stories that's the one thing i have to say for women who do want to come forward and that's part of why i've shared my story because i think bless a lot of women have been like lois you're so strong you're so strong and i'm like but i want you to see your strength i don't want it to be that lois is an idol and lois is an icon i want women to understand what they can do if i could do it you could do it if i could be cross-examined completely torn to shreds and I'm still alive and I still have breath in me

and I'm telling people I can still experience joy you can do it too as long as you have the right support as long as you have people that 100% believe you you can get through it and I really want to drive that because for these cases

to get more convictions we need more people reporting we also need more people reporting so that we can see trends in cases so we can look and learn things and pick up loopholes and say wait hold on there was these thousands of cases that resulted in this way why don't we change it why don't we change it but if there aren't enough people reporting we can't do that and so there is

such a fear you know fear-mongering that i feel happens and i don't want you guys to have that that's what it is that i'm here to do so we're going to cut to a break but what we're going to talk about after the break is the backlash and we're going to talk about because this is something that we're about to get onto is the reason that people don't report and what can happen afterwards and yeah we'll get back after the break right guys

we're back we have blabbed we've got so I could sit here for ages so I'm going to try and try and get through this with Lois and still get all the info

that you need so the backlash so you do the story sorry actually I really am missing something here he was found not guilty yes

he was found not guilty and i was honest about that and i was gutted yeah i was absolutely gutted and i remember when i had the meeting it just felt a bit like all right case closed lights off let's go home like that's what it felt like and i'm like oh no am i right in saying that the they have to say that this is let me get this right beyond all reasonable doubt it happened yes so to get that you kind of almost need to see it happening exactly and this is why it's so difficult the best way to know a rape has happened is to see it happen and in most cases you won't see it happen and on top of that not only is there isn't there the perfect victim the perfect predator doesn't exist as well

you know so they come in and they seem like they're a certain way and they're not how do you prove that you know and that so this is the this is the position that the jury were in and this is what the police told me after i couldn't remember anything so most of the questions that were asked especially around the intimacy i had to keep saying i don't remember i can't recall i don't remember i can't recall and because of that it meant that i technically had no account and then he can then fill it up he did fill it up with the narrative you know that he obviously came forward with and so what the jury ends up being in the position in is do we believe do we believe what lois believed happened to her or do we believe what the suspect is saying knows happens to her

yeah that's the position now she doesn't know what happened this is where prosecution come in or police come in and get you know the evidence to show why doesn't she remember anything oh there's cctv to show she was intoxicated but there's also cctv well not cctv a ring door camera footage of me stepping into the house you know into the mother's residence so then defense uses that say actually you sobered up and i'm like wait hold on let's look at the time stamps yeah i was out of it at about 3 a.m by the time you got back what what time was it then because you can't tell me someone has sobered up and is coherent

to make decisions even if I can stand you know so again the defence would know these things and they know how to argue against it

so the jury would have been in the position of right Lois believes this is what happened to her but she couldn't prove it so how can we say to show she was out of it but what if she did sober up

and then this guy is saying he does remember everything yeah so what do we do that's the position the jury's in so it's beyond reasonable doubt

but how do we get round that because devil's advocate over here what if not in your case necessarily what if in a case the lady was intoxicated but so was he they were both intoxicated and they both made a choice to do it she woke up i've blacked out before didn't really remember it but he he was also intoxicated and and she did say yes at the time like how how do we also i'm here for you and for women but look at the other side how

do we get around that we can and that is what is difficult in a lot of cases when it comes to intoxication yeah in my case i think what made it a little bit what was helpful was he remembered everything so he wasn't intoxicated so he can't have been as intoxicated as me he remembered everything he told me first that i got wasted before i saw it this easy tv yeah so he knew so he was telling the truth and i think there's a just a quick thing on here if you because i've been thinking about this for days if you listeners have brothers male friends sons let's chat to them around this let's talk to them around when he's appropriate not appropriate and absolutely just not fucking worth doing yeah do it bring around the next day bring around the next day if you see

a girl in that kind of wasted way even if she says to you no i'm all right come on let's have a bit whatever think guys because she might wait don't do it she might wake up in the morning you think she was all right and she wasn't and then you've got this whole trauma for both of you potentially so let's be having these conversations with our sons potentially and our male friends where listen if a woman is drunk just don't do it ring her the next day and go on a date and do it like because this could cause you a world of shit everyone and traumatize everyone absolutely so i think that's one way and i think the other way that we look at it is women how do we protect ourselves from this happening exactly so that we're not even in your position exactly and the

safest thing honestly first of all make sure your location's on make sure that someone at least three people in your life have your location at all times as in they personally have it as in on your phone on the phone yeah if they go to your contact they can have your location just ensure that you buy your own drinks i do you know what i'm traumatized to the point where even if someone even if i want someone make me a drink i don't think i would because it's just no i would because not all men are predators it's hard this conversation see it's yeah it's an ongoing thing so i'm always out of people that i know that's what it is yes that's what i was to say i'm always out of people that i know and if i take a drink from a man it's usually from a man that i know

now i don't take drink from men that i don't know i just don't do you know what that is a big one girls because i will be so honest here like if if i got bought a drink i'm like fantastic that's eight how expensive are drinks i brought that's eight pound in my back pocket thank you and you're in the mood and you're like yeah girls free drinks and a lot of a lot of women sometimes don't want to admit that because it's like it makes it seem like well you're just easy and it's like no like someone bought us drinks and i was grateful i was like grateful thanks yeah you know there was no like no that's all right i think it's all right to say that i'm a 90s baby you know i wasn't partying in the 90s because obviously i was a kid but i just feel like there was a day and time

where people could just go out and enjoy time together yeah and and it was okay unfortunately what we need to do now girls is just be safe stay with your girls at all times you know i just the club setting isn't really the best place to meet someone anyway but if you do just just make sure someone has your location make sure that you watch the drinks being made make sure that you know stick with your the people that you've come with that's the other thing as well i think one of the main things and i'm guilty of this again um i don't really go out as much now but i've got a little baby but one of the things i'm guilty of is wandering off on my own i'm a wander author and i'm also guilty of if one of my friends wanders off me being perhaps too pissed to kind of

think where is she so i think making sure that you are mindful of each other all the time because it's very easy when you get in the moment yeah you know i used to smoke i'd be in the smoking area whatever it's very easy to lose your honesty yeah and you don't think where's my mate because you're too busy doing your own thing and i think that's important for us to remind women as well you can get drink lucas did you tell me you can get drink um toppers because don't forget we're talking here about someone buying you a drink exactly what about someone popping something in your drink yeah so i know you can get these like these plastic things that go in tops of bottles but you can also i know there are these like sticker things where it almost do you remember

it's like the was it the little pots you used to get as a kid you just put the straw in but yeah it like puts a cover over your glass and there's a bit that it will allow a straw to go through but it seems quite full-on but but i think that's what's needed if this is what's happening protect themselves yeah because spiking is going up yeah it's a it's a real issue for the police right now and they just can't they can't quite um get a hold deal with it yeah just because of how easy you know it can slip through their fingers it's tough another thing i just want to talk about here is when you shared your story i mentioned this at the very beginning you got some backlash i did i'm not going to go into who what where because do you know what in my opinion that's just taken away

from what we're trying to talk about here but you did get backlash you got people coming on making videos pulling you to bits pulling your story to bits and this is something we were just talking about right guys this is what seems to happen when women report this kind of thing their character is assassinated and and if we were literally just saying before i came on air this is my stance on this bonnie blue we know what she does can shag a thousand men in one day she can still get raped that evening right she can still get raped the next day but what would happen is it would be it would her character will you you had sex with all those men and even that's an extreme but even just somebody you know you know you had you've had loads of different you're going dates all the

time you like to have casual sex whatever that kind of thing is brought up and that picture of a woman is then painted which then means that she potentially is lying absolutely so one thing i do think we need to talk about is if someone does go ahead and report the this could happen yours was on a big scale because you did it on social media but even just in your local town how do you how do you have the strength to block that out or to be prepared for that if someone's listening what's your advice on that it's a big i mean it's a small principle but a big one and you need it to get through is literally to know who you are yeah like i said small thing i haven't said the biggest statement most extraordinary you have to have a strong sense of self you have to be grounded

in who you are you know your body you know you you know what you'll give permission for you know do you know i mean you know and you know that this event is unusual this thing that's happened didn't make you comfortable you have every right to express that discomfort every right and so i did it i did it i did receive backlash and people have asked me though how are you how are you and i think because i've been through the court process where you know a lawyer's words you know actually has you know meaning in terms of a verdict can be reached i really did see people's opinions as that but that's because i'm on the other side yeah as someone who isn't on the other side i know there's so many women that would have been watching that or would have been

like oh my gosh i received a dm from someone saying i was about to share my story and now i'm not going to and i was like no this is not what i wanted you know but there was just an online jury that that basically surfaced because you know because a few influences came forward and what was what was a shame was i could tell they didn't know the court system because they've gone with everything that the defense was bringing behind the scenes to influence them into believing that i was a i was a liar but the court summary doesn't say lois lied you know it says there was insufficient evidence to prove this or which we've spoken about we get that and and and then again you're also picking apart someone who's already told you it was a not guilty verdict they weren't

the perfect victim there was holes in their own story but you're just picking it apart even more that is only going to make people more scared that that's it because and some people again you might not face it on the internet but you face it locally it could be your family yeah how many girls go to their mums and say the stepdad is moving different and the mum chooses chooses to ignore that what do you do when it's in your own home yeah sense of self you have to have a sense of self and i'm praying that you know if you are in such a situation where you can't quite get out and your abuser is still around that you still feel safe enough to report you don't deserve to go through you know years and years of abuse just because you want to protect or cover for someone

it's just not right and us as women we do that we recover ourselves i saw a story online bless it was someone who supported me she said that she had a massage on holiday her husband was getting a massage as well from you know they're both were getting a massage from the opposite sex right but the guy that massaged her put his hand in her um bra and just touched her pretty quickly and you know took it out again and she was really upset by it you know and she was just like wow enough would she do that she said she kept it to herself for the whole holiday sorry the family had gone on holiday so she kept it to herself so she didn't ruin the holiday i do think as women we do that and it's it i've done not with that but i've done it so many things we hold it we feel

like we need to keep everyone together yeah we need to protect everyone and it's your your you're setting yourself for light but you're keeping everyone else warm yeah that's what it is they're using your the fact that you're killing yourself to keep themselves warm yeah you know and so when this lady expressed a story i was just so sad for her and one of one of the comments was like well why were you and your husband getting masseuses from the opposite sex there you go why are the masseuses being never mind that yeah crossing boundaries you know it always becomes the victim has to be blamed in some sort of way i've even had a lady say that um she got a guilty verdict and people came for her still when she shared her story i mean it's like if people are going to share

it not everyone's going to share it online so they're not going to perhaps receive what you've received but i think that piece of advice is however you have to have a support system you have to know no matter what people say to me no matter what i know me you don't know me you went there you don't know what's normal i do and if you are strong enough in that and i think if you keep that at the core of you people can say what the fuck and how they want really that is literally what it is because and that's the main reason why i gave the know thyself advice first because what if you are in a family where they don't believe you you know you have to know you are strong if you can get support thank god you know find someone one two three people that will bind with

you and say we stand with you we believe you we've got you you know make sure you have that and you can get through anything you can having a strong sense of self and having support you can go through anything in this life honestly because the police might not believe you you know that's the truth that's why i'm saying you have to know in yourself and be strong in that and it might take a while to get to that but and it might take a while i've had some work in terms of i've had a bit of therapy beforehand so by the time this happened i think that's part of even what even drove drove me to go through that you know because some people have said oh you didn't even report it and i'm like i didn't have to go through with it i could have dropped the charges i could have dropped the case

but i went forward because i realized wait hold on no no no this is an injustice i'm not doing this yeah you know but it's sad how many of us will know an injustice has happened and just you know it's not right so thank you i thought honestly thank you thank you your story and and it's not just there's a bigger picture to it and i think obviously your story i think the main takeaways for me is you're not the perfect victim but there isn't one and the fact that you're really open about that i trust people when they're more honest if that makes sense of the fact that you were kind of saying i'm not the perfect victim i'd had a few drinks i snogged it like but something happened and it was off and i know in my core the fact that you're even saying you got not guilty

but you still and i actually would prefer somebody like you to explain and talk about it because i think that's the majority of the cases rather than somebody discuss it who does have the perfect case because that's not really it's not relatable that's the truth yeah we're not in that it's very it happens but it's there's more so i think someone like you who doesn't have the perfect and like you say he wasn't the you know you perfect predator whatever i think that's really helpful and i think what we can take away from this is the strength the fact that you've helped so many women um and if anyone is listening and has been in this situation as a friend whatever it's learning to protect ourselves speak to the men in your family i can't stress how important this is

because there's no good at all doing the female work. If you've got sons, if you've got brothers, if you've got, you know, speak to them, make them aware when they start going out on nights out,

when they start having sex, when they're at that age, let's talk about consent a little bit more because that will help all of us. And then also a couple of charities and a couple of places. Yes, I've got some as well.

You've got a couple, haven't you? And there was a few that I found. Rape Crisis, they're open to call 24-7. They're incredible. And then I found the Survivors Trust. Yeah. i don't know if you've got any other solace women's aid solace women's aid yeah there is

london survivors gateway yeah victim support national of course you can go to samaritans you know if things are really difficult there's also a um a company called sister space right yeah they're really good as well supporting sister space yes rape and domestic violence victims as well so yeah because this is the thing we're talking about your story but rape and sexual abuse comes in like you've just said in the family partners husband yeah because the lady i hate the fact that i can't remember her name because i think it's disrespectful for me to talk about her case the french lady whose husband was drugging her now if he hadn't filmed it himself why would what what proof would she have had there we go right thank you thank you thank you guys

what's your instagram it's lois i can't remember the lois's gram lois so how do we spell that lois l-o-y-c-e-s gram if you want to follow her because she is still like this is your journey now

yeah I'm still very full steam ahead as things go the backlash has not slowed down things at all good I've still got things that I'm doing

and I think I trust that in time I think people it will all it will all come together I think it will do a full circle everything always works out

I think it will do a full circle I've just got to give it time thank you very much for listening I hope you enjoyed this episode

and I hope it gave you something to take away from one extreme to a bloody other the bonus episode guys my husband's on the bonus me fit husband's on the bloody bonus you might get to see him he might be in on you um yeah so if you want to listen to james then head over to the bonus so you know you can get our episode every wednesday you can watch it on youtube you can get it wherever you listen to your podcast but we do have the bonus episode as well if you are an apple subs subscriber you can listen to it but trust me if you've not seen my husband you're going to want to watch it on fucking video you're going to want to get onto patreon aren't they lucas so you can watch it

on patreon and actually watch the bonus episode and that's coming up on friday so thank you so much and we've got ashley back next week bye guys thanks