NO FOMO - 12. Lunch with Satan

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Welcome Back Fomo Sapiens. This week we breakdown the Lunch with Satan, the Male Nod, and continue to build our IQ. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. To Submit to the Show message us on Instagram linked below! Socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fomomusic_/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@fomomusic Twitter: https://twitter.com/fomomusic_ Spotify (Music): https://open.spotify.com/artist/6K4rA9ocjtIaTOEVZ4N6dX?si=zlEsBctpRRyT6C8BumydJA Spotify (Podcast): https://open.spotify.com/show/4X9bfdqO2PStO5w760VS0o?si=f78c31e7ad614fba Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/wearefomomusic

Alrighty, ladies and gentlemen, live from the brand spanking new NoFoMo headquarters, located eight feet from our recent location. Still a work in progress, but how are we liking the vibes? Yeah, it's a work in progress, but I fuck with it. It's a lot hotter than the other room. We have virtually zero airflow, but I like it. I like you guys look great. Mine stuff didn't come in time, so my setup's a little weak at the moment but yeah we're building we're building yeah this isn't a one one stop shop type of thing

it's gonna be developing throughout the course of the next couple weeks hopefully in your case we're hoping that mine looks better I've got the heart shaped glasses on because the theme of the week this week was love. We were at our best

friend's wedding over the weekend, which I had the pleasure of officiating, so I'm a reverend now. You guys can all call me Reverend Garrett, Reverend Jebus, whatever you'd like. Can I just say you way exceeded expectations. Really? That's sweet. I was expecting you to say something mean. Everyone was

on the edge of their seat worried you were going to it we thought you were gonna ruin the wedding for sure what the fuck could i possibly have done to ruin the wedding just well the first thing myself yeah the first thing would be be yourself the second thing was when you said you had nothing prepped like three days out oh no no i had the whole script given to me like yeah you had it given oh you had it given to you well yeah no i had i had my own stuff ready to go and then i went to go meet them for dinner and then uh she pretty much had a lot of the same shit it was like you can only say so much you know what i mean it has to be like like legally there's a lot of shit you have to say and then there's like five like key sections of how the ceremony runs so that's like a standard thing so So I knew that part. Yeah, you killed it.

Yeah. So it was fun. It was a great time. The reception was a fucking heater. That DJ went ham. Yeah, he did. He's playing all, were people requesting songs

or was he just? Yeah, I was. Okay, yeah. We were demanding songs. He was playing way too many good songs for someone to not have been telling him what the song was playing. Yeah, I was like,

every five minutes, I was like, you know, it would go hard right now. It went fucking hard. Everyone was tossed. It was a good time. And literally, there was people being thrown in, it would go hard right now. It went fucking hard. Everyone was tossed. It was a good time. And literally, there was people being thrown in the air

every time I looked around. When people started unbuttoning their shirts, I was like, god damn it, dude. Here we go. Yeah. At one point, it was just, it went from a very nice ceremony to all the parents were there,

and all of a sudden, I turn around, and everyone's gone, and it's just like 40 of our college friends just raging. You know what, though? They weren't gone. They were weren't gone they were sitting around in the edge just watching us be they were just belligerent they were shaking their head the whole time I went to like go get a drink and I looked and I saw like the family with like kids still sitting there watching us just scream we were going to ape shit dude yeah at one point fucking hunter came up to me and just ripped my shirt off

and i was like we're not supposed to have shirts off at the wedding no dude three people tried while my like nice dress shirt was fully buttoned started like yanking trying to rip the buttons off i go don't you fucking dare so this is an 18 shirt no so i got all my buttons ripped out and then like five minutes later i tried to like button my shirt back on and the buttons were gone the buttons were no longer existing yeah but yeah that was a fucking banger so yeah we stayed there till monday because there was a pool party on sunday which was banging too just had an absolute yeah peachy time got the gang back together and it felt great the only weak point was the fact that it was 100 degrees at 9 30 p.m yep it was still that hot yeah it was like 80 all weekend and then the day we got there it was 105 i just unpacked my suit today and it's still wet it's still wet yeah it's

absolutely so when you have to return that fucker i actually oh you didn't rent it yeah oh you're like so that one's just on someone's poor yeah i didn't rent mine either yeah so that thing's just ruined um but for talking about glasses and also i got another surprise for you guys okay i'm gonna like this dude but i'm just thinking what my oh shit just for the glasses yeah sound bites queued up oh my my God. Those are impressive. Yeah. I'm so sorry, dude. Those are phenomenal. I'm so sorry. For the audio only listeners, they're like Benjamin Franklin glasses, but they're like

the size of a quarter. So they don't even cover his eyes. Not even his eyeballs. Don't actually look at me with those on. They're kind of frightening. Oh man. So that was, you know, I think all that's really happened since the last time we've spoken to you all because we left thursday um and we you know the last episode

came out of wednesday so anything else uh on a personal front happened for us boys um i mean what would you say your highlight was highlight of the weekend yeah oh man it was it was fun my low point was the golf on Friday morning. Oh, you had a tough time during golf. Because I played terrible. And then I decided I'm just going to get hammered. And then I just laid down in the cart for the last night. Because no one would take me back.

I was like, just take me to the front and I'm going to Uber home. And they're like, well, we're really far from the front. So I just literally laid in the cart for the latter half of the entire round but highlight i don't know it was the whole thing was so fun man i don't know yeah i would say mine has to be clary just bucking up his whole face on the last day did you see it happen i didn't see no i didn't see it yeah i left before that what happened i never saw i think it happened like after everyone left yeah because yeah the pool, the pool. Oh, I know my highlight of the weekend. I haven't, I haven't, so I,

I dive into the pool and lose my like really nice sunglasses. And the, I like start diving down to go get them. And someone goes, Oh, the deep end 16 feet. You're not going to be able to get down there. And I can't see him.

It's that deep or anything. And then Morgan just comes wandering up and he's standing on the diving board. I go, Morgan, you got to go get my glasses down there like I can't do it so he just jumps in has no clue where they are comes up like a full minute later just wearing them you know did you find that your boys aquatic I actually like I'm so shocked were you just down there like scraping the floor? Oh, I was about to drown

Yeah, I was just I've never heard you ever like your breath I gave it an honest attempt to just like kind of like duck dive down and swim as far as I possibly couldn't I didn't Even make it to the bottom. That sounds right. You have a pressure starting to hit and you're just like freaking out I didn't make it past the fucking I didn't make it into the deep end Yeah, but it gets dark. So it was dark. I couldn't see anything. Couldn't hardly breathe. So I had to scrap that.

That was my highlight, seeing you come up with those. Yeah, it's a grand old time. My highlight was definitely when you guys broke the music equipment. Oh, yeah. We don't really know what happened with that still. Because the beat effects. Oh, yeah. So the deck got wet. And like one of these parts of the deck is like touchscreen.

And there was just water All over it Because we took it To another house after And everything worked Completely fine Oh really Yeah Yeah because that sound

That it was making Was sick Oh my god It was just Weep weep weep On every beat Weep weep weep The first song

Everyone's like Okay it's kind of a funky song It's got a weird noise And the next song comes on And you're like Oh something's up Yeah it sounded like something was wet. It just had that awful sound

when you mix electricity and water. Let's see, upcoming, we got EDC Vegas this weekend. EDC Vegas this weekend. We'll be attending as fans having just a grand old time. I was thinking maybe we fucking do a meetup with some of the gang.

If you'd like to meet up with us, shoot us a DM and we'll figure something out. Yeah, I'll think of something. Maybe we'll do like a set. We'll fucking just tell everybody we'll be there. Yeah. And then we'll probably also have some shit. We'll be staying at the campground. So we can easily get something set up there.

Maybe we can throw down a little set at the RV or something. There'll be something. RV set. Oh, RV set. get something set up there maybe we can throw down a little little set at the rv or something there'll be something rv set oh rv set yeah so that's gonna be uh that's gonna be another heavy one yeah and then uh other fomo news we have a new track coming out a week from or it'll be coming out on tuesday the 24th it's not this thursday no it got moved oh i don't know if you did you not see that message uh no there was not in the loop there was an issue with the uh upload time to spotify or something so we had okay tuesday so that'll be out thursday no two they're gonna do tuesday the okay okay tuesday my bad so uh six days from when you'll be hearing this this show yeah figure it out dang yep are we

ready to talk about ozarkson i think we're ready to talk about it. And if you haven't seen it yet, I mean, it's been like three weeks or a month by now. I think, I think, I'm just sorry. You should just skip this part of the episode. But who wants to start us off? I mean, it was fire. I thought it was, yeah, okay. Say your piece, say your piece.

I just, I wanted a better ending. Yeah. That's the biggest thing. I know. The whole episode episode like all the half season or whatever it is was good I thought it was great but the ending in my opinion had to be

either Marty dying one of them had to die I think Marty should have died because everyone hates the chick Wendy everyone hates Wendy so if she would have died it would have been like too obvious like everyone yeah but I would have I would have liked that to happen yeah yeah I would have loved that but would have been too obvious. Everyone hates her anyway. Yeah, but I would have liked that to happen. Yeah, I would have loved that.

But yeah, what was the climax of it? Like, oh, they're a family now? They're all in now? Yeah, I guess they're just... That was the big conclusion? Like, oh, he shoots the guy? After he shoots the guy, it's kind of like, well, now the whole family's just criminals. Yeah, that's it?

Like, after four seasons? I guess one way to look at it would just be the kids finally coming around to the idea that their parents are what they are, and now they are kind of like just joining in with them so it's kind of like a a sick happy family ending like you know in a twisted way but yeah there was just so many ways that it could have gone differently that I would have liked more but when a show's that good it's so hard to end it right. Yeah, it is. It wasn't, it wasn't, like,

it didn't ruin the show. No. It wasn't that good. It wasn't like a Game of Thrones scenario. Or, I don't know if you guys ever watched the original, like,

Dexter series. Dexter was the worst ending. That was the worst ending of all time. They're coming back with that, right? Yeah, they're starting a full season now. It's not that good.

Is it not good? I heard it wasn't great. Yeah, it didn't even bother watching it. I'll tell you the next thing we gotta watch. What do we got? She-Hulk.

Oh, God. She-Hulk? Attorney at Law? She Hulk. Oh God. She Hulk. Attorney at law. She Hulk attorney at law coming out. New Disney plus series. Sign me up. Give me a blue raspberry icy and a whole bucket of popcorn.

And let's sit the fuck down for that. What is it? She Hulk attorney at law. What more do you need? Lady Hulk is a lawyer. That's the premise. Oh, she's not a scientist.

The poster is just green legs and a briefcase. And it says She-Hulk. Attorney at Law. Oh, they did it again. Streaming exclusively on Disney+. And that should be coming in the next couple months. They done did it. Get ready. When is that actually coming out? I need to find out right now.

Clear your schedule. She-Hulk. Attorney at Law. That hurts to even say Oh it's not streaming till August But safe to say we'll be Tuning in for that That's gotta be the watch along What in the fuck

I object Like she's a lawyer That's what we're going with That's the best we've got No one's gonna notice her either cause she's wearing a dress yeah she's green even though she's green how could you see the trailer no i didn't oh my god i didn't oh my god dip into that plot twist when she goes hulk the dress stays the fuck on dude i don't know if i can look at you with those glasses on that stuff when you look at when you look away it's fine because i can see your eyes and then

when i can't they just look like your eyes like you have no eyes it's fine because I can see your eyes. And then when I can't, they just look like your eyes. Like you have no eyes. It's like sockets. It's like black holes. They're made out of power. Yeah, so overall consensus on Ozark, now that it's a closed book, I'd still say it's a fucking 10 out of 10 series. I'd give it a 9.5 just because.

Really? Yeah. Or a 9.9. I'll go 9.9. Do you think the Breaking Bad ending was phenomenal? I thought it was. it wasn't one of those things where i noticed it to be bad but like what's what's a show you've seen where the ending was like whoa that made the whole show never i feel like a show that's that good for that long it's so hard to end right yeah well because with half of them especially with the ozarks they're like we only had like one season like planned yeah and

when you like you have a you have a show that does that well, and they're like, oh, we want another one, another one. They're like, oh, okay, I don't fucking know anymore. That's fair. It's got to be hard to just on the fly come up with an ending. Yeah, because a lot of these shows, they just have a pilot episode, and they have a premise for the first season or whatever. But as it keeps going, they're like, oh, we want to keep this going. You kind of have to write the story as you're going. So there's no ending arc that they had in mind.

Like they would with a show that came from like a book. It just didn't see the thing with me is this one didn't seem like it was the ending. Like that seemed like a cliffhanger for the next season. Yeah, it did. That's right. It did.

It really did. Yeah. All right. Well, we'll take it though. We'll take it. I think the show was phenomenal. Oh,

so we got it. We got it. So did this just come out the delusion calculator? Oh yeah. Uh, no, it's been out the show was phenomenal. Oh, so we got to... So did this just come out, the delusion calculator? Oh, yeah. No, it's been out for a while, actually. Yeah, when I looked it up, I saw a bunch of articles about it. There's a lot of people who are not a fan of it. Yeah, like a lot of women's news magazines

were ripping it apart. Yeah, which I could see. It makes sense. Yeah. But the delusion calculator... I think that's because they did their thing and they realized how delusional they are. Well, I hate it's because they did their thing and they realized how delusional they are. Well, I hate it cause I'm 0.7. I will say the fucked up part about it.

For those of you that don't know the delusion calculator, you can type in your ideal man and if you give some, so it's like age, height, income, uh, marital, marital status and ethnicity.

And so you put all that in and it tells you what percentage of the population fits that. But the thing that it fucks up on that I would say would get the women crazy is it gives you an actual score of how delusional you are. That's my favorite part. In cat nip.

It's like three out of five cat lady you're pretty fucking crazy. The rating scale at the end probably piss some women off. Yeah, I see that So did you guys do both the male and the female one? I couldn't find the female one Did you find it? Um, so I did the one for finding a female and then the one for if you're a female finding a male Okay, I did the one for myself. Yeah, it was a female looking for me. Yeah, like how rare am I? So should we start with that yeah do you guys do you guys have your stats and everything i have my stats for that one okay so um

you guys aren't gonna like this i think i typed all you guys in so i already know you're not gonna like mine mine's mine's morgues is fucked so uh age 25 to 30 white minimum height six four any income and the probability of finding a motherfucker like me is fucking zero. Yeah. It says zero percent. It's so dumb. You actually believe that? Yeah.

I typed all of you guys. That's all facts. It's because of the height. Fuck you. Yeah. You can't find a motherfucker like me. You're fucking unreal. That was fucked.

It's 0.00. 0.00. Oh, wow. And the fucked up thing about that is you could put maximum income is 15 K a year and it still says zero. Wow. So I fucked up thing about that is you could put maximum income is 15K a year and it still says zero. Wow. So I think there's probably something wrong with it.

Or is the number just so small that they just put zero? Well, have you seen a motherfucker like me? With those? No. I mean, personally, no, I've never seen a motherfucker like you. Right? Mine was...

100%. Wait, wait. So I just screenshotted my final result, but I don't remember. I mean, I know what I put in, but let me just go back to it real quick. Go ahead, John. So just putting in my parameters there,

I got 0.086%. So if you give me two more inches of height, that's 0-0. That's going to fuck up the stats though. Cause then there's two of us. Yeah, that is true. Yeah.

Give me your height. I'm zero too. I don't know. I just don't know. Minus minus 0.03, 8.038. Well, the thing is the glasses selection.

That's what brings it down to zero. Wait, no, no, no. I think this is incorrect. Mine's 0.38, zero,

like 0.38 of 1%. Yeah. Yeah. Mine's 0.38. Zero. Like 0.38 of 1%. Yeah. Yeah. Mine's 0.08. So like less than a percent. Yeah. Like 0.08. Yes.

Oh, did you do the one with the personality? That's too good. Let's just say we're all a rare breed. Yeah. Yeah. You're a no FOMO. Yeah. But so moving on.

So it took me a little bit of searching to find the male delusion calculator. But so here's what I went with. A cheeky 18 to 66 for inclusion on the top side. Okay. At least one year into retired, I'm still game. We're inclusive. Yeah. Excluded married, but included moms and stepmoms.

Okay. Any race height four nine for inclusion. I mean, there's nothing wrong with the girl. That's four, nine. Yeah. So that's leaves one inch for people considered of shorter stature. Yes. Yeah. And then, uh, up to six, seven, cause they wouldn't let me do six, nine for Brittany Griner. It was okay. And then minimum income of zero K year, but still only 14.44% chance of finding a finding your Mrs. Right.

But I think it's cause I put the age so high, like they have includes all of it. Right. That's got to be right. That one's got to be off. Like there's not the right data set in there for you. I did read, I did read one of those articles that we were talking about of them

hating on it. And they said where they got the, uh, like census of people was from like the worst place you could get it it was like it wasn't like it wasn't like the national census bureau or whatever the fuck they do it was just like something's a little bit off but it's fun to look at yeah and most of those articles are just hating on the guy who made it because it's like yeah if you made that you're kind of yeah you got some problems you got the guy who made that you're just a dick right off the bat yeah but that was that was a fun little red hole to go down for sure red hole i like calling red

at that it's the red hole um what do we got next here okay so i guess this was a thing that people talked about but i just thought it was so true i had to bring it up but the male nod so up is what's up to the boys up is definitely what's up down it's what's up to a stranger like respect yeah yeah down's down's like a yeah left we need to talk oh okay right come here okay uh i feel like i mean that's 100% sounds right but that might only be because right now i'm sitting to this side of you guys so it would be like hey let's go hit the other room and talk and I'd be like

yo come here like that come to my side right is like you gotta see this and then left is like is that fair though I'm trying to think

if I wasn't facing this direction I'd be like yeah left is like yo let's fucking talk that face but right is like

come look at this shit come see this shit and the down to a stranger is good for sure yeah what's up is if you see someone you know you're like yo what up yeah but your stranger's like yeah what's up good day to you sir yeah so i thought that was pretty fun um garrett's gossip you want to uh carrots gossip carrots gossip carrots carrots got some all right

well i mean the primary thing in the last few weeks in the news has obviously been the trial bring it up again please um no massive uh developments that i've seen this week uh other than amber heard could potentially potentially face perjury probe after admitting she did not give uh the seven million dollars she got from the initial divorce suit to charity as she had promised to do to the high court. There's actually three things that she could get on.

That is one of them. The other one is she said she didn't write the op-ed. Oh, she didn't even write it. She under oath said, I did not write this. But then it says her name at the bottom and multiple times throughout the trial.

She said that she has written it. Yeah. She's, she's been just fumbling it. Wait, what's the op-ed? That's the whole, that's what this is all about.

She wrote, she basically wrote an article saying everything that Johnny Depp did to her in the New York times without saying his name technically, but it was obviously about him. Yeah. So that's what this whole trial is about is that she slandered him up via this article and that's what and that's just i mean she didn't write it and there's one other like detail that she lied about where she said um she said something about one of the pictures was like two separate pictures but they put them up next to each other

and they're the same exact fucking picture, but she just changed the filter. And so she's like, oh, this is when he hit me on this day, and this is when he hit me a month later. And it's the same. They zoom in in the trial, and it's like her wisps of her hair are in the exact same place.

It looks the exact same picture. And she tried to claim this is two separate types of images. And she was like, no, these are different pictures. Oh my God. Yeah, she's in... This trial has really not gone well for her. I think she officially lost at this point.

Oh yeah, and she's probably going to not only lose this, but she's going to get tried by the fucking state for perjury. I don't know how perjury works. You lie under oath, it's a crime. It's proven. But do they like really go after people for that? Oh yeah, absolutely. Really? That's how, I mean, otherwise what's a court case for?

Otherwise, yeah, if you're not going to do it, then you have to uphold the law. And it's not very time-consuming for the state because it's all on record already. Yeah, so it's like, we have it, we have the evidence. They just literally bang the gavel on this one, like, okay. Yeah. You're going to jail. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, we figured this one out pretty quickly. So straight into down bad of the week. Yeah. I got a good one figured this one out pretty quickly um so straight into down bad of the week yeah i got a good one for this one uh my down bad is kendall jenner i don't know if you guys got to see this little piece oh yeah uh it's a video of her trying to cut a cucumber mortage have you seen this no so i'm gonna use this as a cucumber here how would you your knife in your hand how would you you would hold a cucumber like this and chop right? Cut off the end and then chop from the outside to the inside? Yeah, she goes...

Just to show how no one's ever even had to cook anything in their entire life. Yeah. And the whole beginning of the video is her saying, I know how to cook. I know how to make food for myself. And she's legit holding it like... saying i know how to cook i know how to make food for myself and she's legit holding it like it is the best thing i've seen from like one of those celebrities in a long time just because it's how do you not know how to do anything you know honestly you know what i think it is i think their publicity team is so good that they think of stuff like that to have her do that absolutely you think so they think of normal everyday people shit that wouldn't because it gets them so much attention every time that would make them look just like yeah hilariously bad i also think it's that they

do they do stuff on the because it was on the the new kardashian show on hulu or whatever yeah and i think the what it is is they pretend to do normal human stuff like drive themselves around or cook for themselves which they never do unless the camera's on. Like clearly they all have private shots. That's so fair, yeah. She's never, she's definitely never made food. She's clearly never done that. Yeah. No, not once.

Could you imagine the amount of life skills they don't have? Oh, it's unbelievable. Almost all of them. Like if the apocalypse happens tomorrow, they're dead in five minutes. Are you kidding me? They're on the first fucking plane to the- They're good.

Oh, that's true. They have a team guarding them at all times. And that's even more fucked because if they are on the first plane out and those are the people we're saving, what are they going to be able to do in the new society? The rest of humanity is fucked forever. Well, they're starting the first Instagram on Mars or whatever. For sure.

100%. Yeah. My down bad is actually related to Kendall Jenner. Interesting that you said that because I thought you were going to go with what I was saying. My down bad is Devin Booker because he has become a victim of what I just discovered is called the Kendall Jenner curse. Yes. And it is based on all the NBA men that she's dated and how their careers have gone absolutely

south since they dated. First started with Blake Griffin and then it moved to Ben Simmons and now Devin Booker. Are they still dating? Devin Booker and Kendall Jenner? Yeah. The curse isn't like you break up with her and then your career sucks, but

it is the fact that it's like, wow, they're dating. No, it's even post. Yeah. Because Blake Griffin's shit and Ben Simmons' shit. Ben Simmons haven't even played in like two years. Yeah, it went south prior to that, but this one, I mean, the Suns got blown out by what, 70 points in game seven of the

semifinals. Absolutely embarrassing. So I should stop DMing her. Yeah. How are those going? Not good. Not good yet. Not yet.

So my down bad. I don't know if you guys have heard this story yet. But so at the wedding, I blew out my pants in the Uber ride to the after parties And um, like blew out my entire ass on my pants This was saturday like I just sat like right after the wedding So I sat down in the uber and blew out the whole crotch like right when he said yeah And then so I didn't really notice because I was fucked up and then my uber driver who was uh, The nicest gay man in the world, but he noticed it for me. He's like you just blew out your crotch I'm sure he knows Crotch is blown sir and i was like thank you but so on top of that i got to where i was going and my phone died and it's a gated community so i didn't get an uber straight

to the address like you just got dropped off at the front yeah so i hopped the fence and then walked into a random morgue move off the fence i fences, but then I walked into a random person, random person's house because I thought it was the house I was going to. Turns out it's just a house full of seven to 10 Armenian dudes immediately try to fight me. And I'm just like, Oh, I didn't even know.

They didn't even say a word. They're just like, who the fuck is this? Let's beat it. Well, no. So I walked in and tried to like explain myself and like a couple of the guys were cool about it.

But then this one motherfucker comes in just outside and he's just like, no, let's go right now. And I'm just like, bro, I just, I fucked up. Like I thought I heard the noise and I thought couple of the guys were cool about it but then this one motherfucker comes in just outside and he's just like no let's go right now and i'm just like bro i just i fucked up like i thought i heard the noise and i thought this was the right house and so i just finally talked myself out of it holy shit i'm surprised you can just run that's a classic morgue run yeah um but then yeah finally got to charge my fucking charge and like my pants are still blown out and shit do you charge your phone at their house? Yeah. They finally get cool about it. Oh, so you didn't have to, you didn't have to run.

I was never been more nice. Not trying to get my ass beat. And then, uh, yeah, finally got my phone charged and got the fuck out of there. But it was so sketch. Was this the, cause I tracked you one of the nights and you were like two hours away. No, I was just 25 minutes away.

Are you sure? Yeah. I probably looked far on the thing, but I was in. No, to you were it said an hour 20 no way no I was in Indio and you guys were in Palm Springs oh that you were at the after after party yeah no I was at um I thought this was on your way to the after party that we went to right after the wedding no this was I was going to the girl's house that I told you about yeah and then yeah just went down that sounds like it went incredibly south but it was a good time yeah sounds like it yeah so how did so you eventually found the house just oh you charge your phone yeah charge my phone and then it

was all good but I can't believe they let you stay long enough to charge the phone close call dude I think you take the dub on that yeah despite Kendall Jenner having two yeah in one I think you take the dub on that. Yeah, despite Kendall Jenner having two in one, I think you still win that. How blown out are we talking? Like balls hanging out the bottom? No, the underwear is still intact. Yeah, but... But I'm saying like zippered ass completely blown out.

Zippered ass is a fun distance. Did you blow it out on the dance floor and not notice? Or you blew it out when you sat down in the car? No, after he said it, I noticed when it was. You remembered it, clicked it. I heard a little sound, but I didn't realize it was blown all the way out. Blown out zip game.

So don't blow that ass out. So then when you left to come back the next morning, those were the only pants you had, I'm assuming. Yeah, no, I wore those. That's awesome. The second Uber said something again sir you're blown out sir that that ass is blown out

okay let's have my phone dude so uh we got a fan submission from jordan rush at jordan underscore rush to end this name probably just real name the two is that needed there's probably the one i've taken oh pick a different handle i mean he's number one but he's okay my bad my bad you're about to be number one after this in our book he's number one yeah so it's um it's actual strategies for lasting longer oh instead of just bullshit that we made up yeah uh but i actually watched a bit of a podcast with lisa ann and she said the best one the trevor wallace one yeah yeah and she said that the best thing that she ever heard from a fellow star was to think about their dog getting hit by car i did see this so that's pretty dark

she said another one though that one's fucked up but she did say another one which is really weird but this is a real strategy i didn't hear i cut out after that one because I didn't want to this is a strategy apparently that she would have her male co-stars use while filming a video feature you know she would have them put a Listerine

strip under their tongue and like keep it there not like try to like don't like suck on it obviously and then you like spit in your hand with that and then stroke your dick and it apparently like numbs your dick because it's so many oh the menthol yeah oh menthol dick yeah that's a classic but yeah you know also they do make lubricant that numbs your dick really Really? Yeah. But other than that longer as well. Yeah. But other than that, based off personal experience,

I got nothing from bowling girls that he's hooked up with. I can confirm. Yeah. Other than just like pulling out and trying to get creative with ways to keep it engaging. I got nothing. Yeah. Or you just go,

or you just go down low. That's what I'm saying. You pull out and just kind of do some work down there. Once you're already that far, it's kind of hard to backtrack like that. I don't think girls like when you do that. Like when you don't come. No.

Like when you like, I was going to say, I feel like they could get behind you lasting a little while. No, going downtown. I don't think they like when you like just pull out and start munching. Yeah. I'm pretty sure they do.

Instead of just keeping going because that's like the peak of the thing it's like going back to the beginning of the movie no no no the peak for them is not that garrett i just learned something they need so much longer than us and podcast as well she said i hated when guys would pull out and try to start munching my box because we were already at the climax of the experience and now you're going back to fucking second base this isn't from my that's at least running home this isn't from my star second base is munching box yeah i think porn stars don't really count for any of this stuff okay well i'm just saying that's what i heard from her this isn't my personal well because this is the girl that likes being a lifeguard for a guy in a bathtub

so i mean everything's a little differently scaled that's don't say that like we don't like that well yeah but we're not girls in this scenario so yeah that's i think we got a couple good ones there um but things to say during sex and at the johnny depp trial let me get that one pulled up real quick um okay you want me to start this one? You can go. Yeah. I'll allow it. Please state your full name for the record.

That's a good one. I got, whose shit is that? I've got, holy shit. Just holy shit. Holy shit. Thanks, grandma.

You can take your seat. Ah, damn it. That was one of mine. I like how you graduated from mom to grandma, and then now we're just stuck on grandma. Can you fill out from grandma? Step-grandma? Step-grandma? It's a tough one, but it's a toughie but a goodie.

Step-grammy? Yeah. Step-grams. Objection. Hearsay. Objection. Non-responsive. Objection.

Non-responsive I gotta do a little voice for this one oh my god I'm gonna shit another mega pint another mega pint your honor that is not my shit someone give Marilyn Manson another pill that's all I got Someone give Marilyn Manson another pill. That's all I got.

This is the day you'll always remember as the day you almost caught Cap'n Jackson. Yeah. Okay. This one's good. Which letter in the alphabet do you think is out of order? Okay. I don't want anyone's answer to influence the other. Okay.

But I mean, cause I don't know if we have the same one here. Well, I went deep dive on this. Okay. If you went deep dive. Yep. There's,

there's three obvious choices. Okay. F, Q, or V. Okay. Cause ABC, that's money.

That's a classic. You're not fucking with that, but here's the deal, right? We go ABCDE. Those are all the same sound. Yeah. a classic. You're not fucking with that. But here's the deal, right? We go A, B, C, D, E. Those are all the same sound. Yeah. And then we throw F in there.

Right before G. Ooh. Keep G in that. A, B, C, D, E, G. Dude, I love it. Then it's all. All the same sounds. We like that a lot.

Okay. Then you've got Q, which is bottom tier letter. Yeah. All right. Trash letter. In the middle, right before RSTst which is fire no way which is the you thought about this the same way that i thought about this q near x xyz or somewhere and there you go x q y z whatever the fuck you want okay and you've got v v i think should also

be up here with the e's and d's and c's that's fair yeah okay we had, so this is my suggested changing. A, B, C, D, E, G, V. H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P. You're not fucking with that. No one's touching that. Okay, if you even said any of those, kill yourself. Well, I gotta, someone get the news.

And then, so this is where I switch F around. F, U, Q. I like that. For a nice little fook in there. Wow, a little fook in the middle? F, U, Q, then we go R, S, T, W, X, Y, Z. So I kind of built on yours, fook in there. Wow. A little fook in the middle. F U Q. Then we go R S T W X Y Z.

So I kind of built on yours, but it's a little different. So there's two ways to think about it. It's like based off looks or based off the song, right? Oh, I didn't even think about the song. So that would probably be,

I tried to take the song out of it. Cause the song is so ingrained in your brain. So I did the way you did it, but with the song. So I did a B C D E, but with the song. So I did A, B, C, D, E, F, G, V, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Z, Q, R, S, T, U, X, and also Y and W. How good did that start at the sound though? That started really good. I like ending on the E sounds twice.

I had to just go so deep to get that down but then oh yeah let's go ahead um so yeah based off looks you would just do the p and the q because they belong together p and q also w and u should be near each other better why why are w u and w should be follow each other yeah we're gonna have U W or it shouldn't maybe it shouldn't that's a lot of trash UW but it's kind of fun though can we think about how lazy

someone was to just call it a W there's so many problems with this when in most spellings it's not it's more it's a double V really the way you write it yeah fuck off with W. It's a double V. And then my other one was just the letter Y in general.

Just get rid of it. It's true. It just kind of piggybacks IE anyway. Just dump it. Either we get rid of IE or we get, no, because we need I and E for other stuff. Yeah, fuck Y. Where I was going with that was

I thought someone was going to ask Y. And that would have been good for me. Yeah, yeah a youth i was going to yeah i didn't want to interrupt your bit okay i was gonna say why yeah why should we get rid of it i didn't mind purely based off aesthetic when you're looking at it okay um h just feels out of place to me for some reason um if you're like you'd have to be looking at what i'm looking at. No, I see. I'm,

I haven't typed. I have the alphabet typed out twice on here. Like it doesn't in capitals and in lowercase on my laptop to see. And then I think that it should end in X. I like just kind of the, that, that finite ending with X. X is a more power thing than Z. Like Z could be.

So I was thinking, get rid of H entirely, swap out H with Z so you get GZ. You know what I mean? I'm all about the flow of it. I don't like fucking up HIJK though. See, once you said that,

I rethought my whole thing. HIJK sounds too nice. But I was just thinking it would be IJK. Yeah, well that's HI jk like high jk is in there i just can't fuck your idea that's bad okay yeah i mean it's it's an opinion based thing okay um wow we we really nailed that one i thought yeah you guys went i love that we all attacked it from a different angle yep so um favorite slang terms slash phrases over the years. Ooh, let me find. I've got gas.

Gas is one of my favorites, all time favorites. Yeah, if we're doing ones that have stayed the test of time, fire has to be number one or two. Those are two big ones. I feel like those are two words you just, you don't play with. When you say something's gas or fire, you gotta mean it. You know what I mean? Well, the fact that even kids

nowadays still say it, that shows you this. Because we don't really get to judge on it. We're out of it now. We don't get to really make stuff anymore. But the fact that they're still saying it is a testament to... I went on ones that really aren't said anymore.

I miss Noob. Noob was good. Calling someone a noob when you were 13 just hit a little different. Over the fucking mic in the game of Call of Duty. Fucking noob. Look at this noob.

This one's relatively recent and it's a phrase not a word but it just hits different. It's a good one. It hits different? Yeah, it really does. Like once in a while

one of those things comes around and you're just on board from day one. Yeah. I actually wasn't on board with that one day really i remember when it hits different people started saying that and i was like this is the dumbest fucking i think it had a it had a little bit of a moment where it got too popular and then it's people would start to hate on it yeah i think

we're in a good phase of hits different yeah it's when it ends up in everyone's caption that it gets yeah exhausting well then what i love about it is i like the ones that you can play around with so i like being able to say like it hits diffy whiffy you know yeah yeah diffy diffy for me is better hits diffy yeah like i like ones you can you can kind of make your own because no one not everyone out there saying it hits diffy whiffy but me and the boys say it all the time yeah yeah i like that um so this one came and went but it was from a movie that's probably why but just remember when i was when i was thinking about these scary movie yeah i was thinking about these i was thinking about just how we used to only just yell movie quotes at each other basically yeah like as children like borat was i think borat was the pinnacle movie of yelling quotes at each other

you'll never get this you'll never get this. You'll never get this. My wife. Just even come out of context. Remember the not jokes? It's not. This shirt is not black. It's like, fuck. Oh, that was good.

I wish the second one of that Borat movie would have hit harder, but it just didn't. You can't recreate that. He had to scale back the stuff that he did because you can't do as much fucked up shit anymore. Remember the fucking period blood scene on the fucking dance floor? It's money. No, no, no. Then the second one, that missed hard for me. That was

so aggressive. She's on the dance floor just like... I don't even want to talk about it. It was so dark. Other than that, I had... Let's Yeah. It's just so dark. It was a lot. Um, but other than that, I had, um, let's see,

it's the blank for me. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's the glass. I think it's just for me. Yeah.

That phrase. Right. Um, and there's one I had to throw out there as an unhonorary mention of one that I'm glad has been buried in its time was lit. Like it's still thrown around occasionally, but it was one of those words that people, like with gas

or fire, that's when you know like, oh dude, it was so gas. But like, people would say lit so often where it's like, does it even mean cool anymore? Or is it even a positive word? And then you had those motherfuckers that evolved to litty, and that had to go for me.

It's a tough one. I'm glad that we brought up a couple that we don't like. I had Flippity Whip Whip Doink PBS Kids. Flippity Whip Whip Doink was huge. PBS Kids. That was a favorite.

That's big for humanity as a whole. Do they still have that? Is that gone? I don't know. PBS Kids, PBS kids probably still exist. They don't have flippity whip whip doink. And I'll send it back. Are these like noises or that's what they actually said? I think, I think it was a noise.

It was like, cause it was like, I remember the doink was like a, like a water sploosh sound. But yeah, that, uh, that lit the sensory up in the brain.

It was, it was firing off and that would go off. Yeah. Well, if we're going with classics, just like movie or TV shit. Hi, I'm Paul. At the end of what, Jimmy Neutron? Yeah. That was so good.

Yeah, they just snuck that fucker in there. Hi, I'm Paul. That's a fucking purebred classic okay straight into things that everyone's done at least once wait see where this is might have been called something else did we have this was uh things that everyone does but we're not sure why yeah i think that's what you have yeah do we want to do we want to call it that well Well, I went off that title. Okay, so things... Mine might not make as much sense. Okay, so things everyone's done... Wait, what is it again?

But you're not sure why. Okay, so things everyone does but not sure... Things everyone does but we're not... It's just things that everyone does. Yeah, things that everyone does. But it's like either dumb or you just can't explain it. Yeah, things that we'd be doing. Yeah, shit we'd be doing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shit we'd be doing.

Okay. Morgan, I'm trying to tell your pet that's you in the mirror. Do you know that's you? I do. I've been definitely. Yeah. I got,

um, when you kick ice cubes under the fridge. Oh, that's a daily shit. I have one kind of going on where you're just talking to our pets in general. Oh yeah. Like they understand what we're saying. Yeah,

they do though. Not like commanding them to do something, but just being like, just fucking while you're making your breakfast in the morning. What are you thinking about? Yeah. Same. You just have a full conversation with your pet.

Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. You want some peanut butter? What do you want for breakfast same thing uh planning to have a chill night then hitting up the plug after one drink yes well we know why we yeah that was that one doesn't fit in the not sure why we know why we do we do know why we do that uh i have panicking trying to put stuff back in your wallet after you get stuff back from whatever cashier. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's to get it away as quick as possible. Because the thing that pissed me off every time that I do that, and this is literally every time I do it, is everyone does it. Everyone has handed their card back and has to put it away. It's no one's looking at you like, what the fuck, dude? You're doing something wrong. And yet I'm still, I get morgue hands. I'm sitting there shaking, trying to put it back in my fucking wallet.

That's where it comes from. Just never ending. You have to do that. Never. Every action in his life is panic. I got a paying 20 extra dollars to qualify for free shipping instead of just paying $3 for shipping. Oh,

I get what you're saying. Like when, when it has a minimum amount and you get free shipping and you're like, yeah you're like i'm just gonna spend 20 extra dollars on shit i don't need when i could have paid 2.99 throw some socks and a shoelace in there and then you're still short yeah yeah fucking god damn it yeah that's getting got by online retailers essentially um this one's huge uh picking a letter on a test just because you haven't picked it in a while yep like you know when you haven't picked c in a while. Yep. Like, you know when you haven't picked C in a minute? And you get nervous about it.

Yeah, it's got to be C. Yep. Yeah, if I haven't put C down in at least like three questions, I think it's C automatically. I won't even read the question. I'll just put C. Even if you're about 80% sure of the answer, you're not convinced that it's the right answer

because it's the same letter as the last three questions in a row. That's a good one. This one I put down because i recently found out that it is something that everyone does not just guys um wide stance to get stuff unstuck from the inside of your legs like when your balls are stuck and you do a wide stance oh they're just a quick split girls also do this really when their lips are stuck well i didn't need to know that so next time you see a girl wide stance oh i'm gonna be thinking lips are clipped i didn't need to know that so next time you see a girl

wide stance net oh i'm gonna be thinking lips are clipped or what okay so i'm not sure if everyone does this but i think so this is gonna be something only more guys for sure you guys ever reread a paragraph in a book over and over because you keep on forgetting what you just read yeah if you're thinking about you're like yeah you're like oh did i go to the grocery store or whatever and you fucking while you're reading it and yeah yeah i can do that with a whole 10 minutes of a show i'm watching too oh easy yeah just being like holy fuck i like rewinding and be like oh how long was i not paying attention because i'll end up going back 12 minutes what was i thinking about this whole time? Test to find out if you have ADHD. Yeah.

I had trying to breathe quieter after you go up like stairs or a hill. That's a frequent. Just sitting there like. Yeah. So you don't look physically ill. Yeah. After four fucker steps. Okay. To go with that one the things that make us all uncomfortable for some reason like inexplicably uncomfortable for this i got um walking out of

a store without buying anything yep is that not making you looking for something they're not having it and like just walking right out yeah surprisingly this one doesn't make me uncomfortable at all i'm always like i stole something yeah no yeah that's what i was gonna say i was like i don't know if there's a couple different thoughts on this but mine's always like they're gonna think i stole something so i'll try to look like it's just like the most polite young gentleman on the planet maybe like high five an old woman or something that's what goes through my head returning returning someone else's shopping cart to look like a good guy yeah i just came in and do a good being a nice guy my go-to is just get on the phone

because it's some sort of an experience. And just yell, sorry, babe, you're out. We're all out. See, that doesn't bother me. You ever just get up and leave a restaurant after sitting down? No. I've done that so many times. You sit down, you look at the menu, and you're like, fuck this, and you just get out.

I did that in Palm Springs. We went and we sat down in a place, and they had already brought us waters. And I was like, this shit sucks, let's get out not doing it i did that in palm springs we went and we sat down in a place and they had already brought us waters and i was like this shit sucks let's get out this water's like they're just gonna see us walking i was like who cares let's just go yeah it's like i put my id down yeah interesting um i got just being in any public restroom for too long of a time if it's a one person deal oh or when like the the crack is too big and you're like motherfucker can see me oh yeah i kind of like that. I like to know who they're dealing with.

I like the knock and then I don't say anything to just let them jiggle their hand a little more just in case they can actually get in. Hearing your own voice on a recording. We've been talking about that a lot lately. That's been a tough one. I think I've gotten over it. It used to make me uncomfortable

but after how many goddamn episodes of this shit we've done yeah because you got to listen to it for editing purposes it's um i think i've gotten i hate it less yeah i've got um anytime an elevator isn't empty basically like if an elevator opens and there's people i hate the like i already took a step towards it and i have to let you out or if i get if an elevator opens and there's people, I hate the like, I already took a step towards it and now I have to let you out. Or if I get into an elevator when there's someone in it, the instant like silence that accompanies that

because you just can't, you can't speak to someone in an elevator. Or fucking both going for the button a couple times in a row. Oh God. I just want to curl up after that, dude. Or asking them what floor they're on and not being able to find it on the thing.

Oh, lost. If you're in like a big building, I swear to God. That's a specific situation. That's you blacked out at a hotel. No, that used to happen so often at my ex-girlfriend's old apartment building. It was like 40 floors. And it wasn't numbered like 1 through 10. It started like 1.

There was like three numbers here. And then so it started at like 4. They rearranged the alphabet on you. And it went like this one there was like three numbers here and then so it started at like four they rearranged alphabet on you so the and it went like this it went like this like it's like this way to cross so I could like someone be like oh 25 and I'm just I should have just let you handle it like you know we're just having this uncomfortable

panic me just trying to figure it out no one put happy birthday I said it on the phone that's why I didn't say I didn't say that one yeah let's say that one getting happy birthday sung to you I said it on the phone. That's why I didn't say it. Oh, you didn't say that one? Well, let's say that one. Getting happy birthday sung to you. You have a video of me at my last birthday when they sung. I don't think I've ever been as flustered than a public happy birthday.

And there's two reasons. I don't like you looking at me like that. Don't look at me. No attention, please. And second is, happy birthday is never sung in a happy manner. It's the most monotone, sad,

drag out, happy birthday. It's like, no one wants to do it. Don't fucking do it. It's supposed to be like a joyful thing, but it ends up being like the most miserable part of the whole day.

Yeah, I got a way to get out of this, and I don't know how you guys are going to like this, but, uh, so when people are singing, instead of them singing happy birthday to you, you start singing it with them. No, it's happy birthday to me. And it's just you to everyone. So it's just, they're not even singing. No, it's just you to them. I don't know. Plot twist. I'm trying to think of that would be more or less uncomfortable. No. Cause you could stare everybody down and then it gets really weird. So you're, I don't know. Plot twist. I'm trying to think if that would be more or less uncomfortable. No, cause you could stare everybody down and then it gets really weird. So you're,

so you're just counteracting it by making them way more uncomfortable. Happy birthday to me. Do it. Yeah. And make them very young. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Um, great into the best one. I think we got things that are less socially acceptable than eating ass. Oh, Oh yeah. Yep. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Let me get that one. Oh, oh yeah. Yep. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Let me get that one. Uh, can I start this one? Yeah. Not eating ass. Did it again. I think at this point,

if you're not eating ass, it's more unacceptable. You're not accepted by society. Yeah. People be like, what the fuck? Don't you think if you're like, no,

I don't do that. I'd be like, seriously? I didn't know how how deep we are going on this one does it all have to be sexual no no no sex that's the only none of mine are okay i just say like spitting on the ground in a public place yeah that like for me it's just like you're a piece of shit yeah you know sharing a toothbrush oh yeah uh paying with a check that is that is just if you pay foring with a check.

That is just... If you pay for something with a check, I'd rather you eat ass. Do they even let you pay with a check anywhere anymore? I've seen it. Because how do they verify it on the spot? You could do that at a grocery store. I know that. There's no way to verify it on the spot.

That's the thing with checks. That's why it's beautiful. That's why it's so disgusting. That's why it's amazing uh take another pass on this one um ringing the doorbell instead of texting i'm here oh less socially acceptable than eating ass who does that i i do fair enough yeah i ring the doorbell a lot. Aggressively. I don't knock or ring. It's definitely a text. Yeah. And the worst part is if they're not on their phone,

I will literally stand out there for five full minutes before I knock or ring on the doorbell. Yeah. I had liking Arby's. Facts. It's actually facts. This might not be fully socially acceptable for everyone, but calling me on the phone if you're not one of my best friends or someone I talk to on a daily basis.

Or if you're going to call me, FaceTime me. Yeah. Yeah. But like someone you don't talk to very often just ringing you up on a fucking Tuesday at 2 p.m. Yeah. Don't you fucking dare. That's a ballsy fucking move, honestly. Yeah, that's another one that just makes you uncomfortable.

Like there's maybe five people I'll answer the phone for in general. And two of them are in this room. I had someone call me recently who never calls me and I didn't answer and then they text me what if I was dying because I didn't answer and I said probably shouldn't be fucking calling me. Yeah my number isn't 911.

What if I was dying? Call your 18th best friend. Get a fucking clue. I knew you weren't dying because you called me. It's not an emergency that fucking simple um go-to songs for the white folk sweet caroline that's my first one but i'll be honest i'm not a fan of it you don't fuck with sweet caroline it's just so it's every time you get a bunch of white people in a room but you're tell me you don't get fired up when you do the ba ba ba Okay, rewind to gear it at the wedding

Living on a prayer That was my basic white people are we all have so I had mine broken up into older white people music and then like younger white people music and then i had a um crossover white people music like it wasn't made it wasn't originally for us but we took it that was my old person one living on a prayer my young people one dirty little secret yep that's a great one i mean you get a bunch of like to 30-year-olds together and you play Dirty Little Secret. Everyone I know knows every single word. Yeah.

Mr. Brightside is an all-time classic. Yeah, that's unbeatable. Stacy's mom. Oh, shit. See, I like these throwbacks. My crossover one, it could be any fucking song by this motherfucker, but it's definitely this one, Uptown Funk.

Oh, Bruno Mars. Bruno Mars is the perfect play it for white people at a party and even grandma will get up. Even grandma's up. Grandma's fucking, Uptown Funk me up. And you already know who's dancing with her. It's me.

It's your boy. You said bring three. Those are my three. I'm sure I could think of more. Oh, there's a million white people ones. Those are the ones that came into my mind without even looking. Another good one, Insane in the Membrane. Ooh, see, that's a stolen one. Yeah, that's a stolen one.

Don't Stop Believin'. Is that Cypress Hill? Yeah, I don't know. Or is that Beastie Boys? I don't think it's either of them, actually. Really? It could easily not be. It's in that.

Yeah, if someone said that confidently, you'd believe them. Yeah, for sure. I love rock and roll. Whoa. I love rock and roll. Whoa. I love rock and roll. I love walking. Whoa. Yeah.

I think that's good for that one. Um, things I could do better drunk. Drive. I have five. Oh shit Fall asleep in the shower Fall down

Piss the bed Yeah Piss the bed is one I just have piss in general Just piss in general Yeah I could piss so good When I'm drunk

It's so good Holy fuck I've had some fucking Four and a half minute pisses You give me a trough And a drunk piss oh yeah game over you'll be lucky if i don't fall face first yeah it's gonna be a good piss uh drink more yes yes yes i have uh obliterate a bag yes yes uh jump farts

i can do a mean jump fart when i'm drunk. Yeah, that's fair. I'm talking 360. Maybe even what's more than that? 540. It'd be a 540 and then into a 720. Yeah. I'm two. I could flirt with a Tony Hawk 720 jump fart. Oh, yeah. I'm pretty sure I could do a 1080.

Yeah. Easily. Off an elevated surface, especially. Yeah. I got trying to unhook a bra eight times and then asking for help. I still can't do it. I can't do that, dude. I can't do it.

Can you do it sober? I mean, if I fucking try. Let me see you try. Dude, I'm the one flick king, bro. I swear to God. Do you not have the technique? I mean, I know how to do it. It's just the one finger snap, dude.

I'm a god at this shit. So what are you doing? I rarely have to go in for a second attempt. It's just I'm thinking about it. It's pinch snap. I know what it is. Okay. So what are you doing? I rarely have to go in for a second attempt. It's just, I'm thinking about it. It's pinch snap. I know what it is. Okay. But it's just not happening for me.

I rarely have to do more than one attempt. Yeah, that's true. I practice on your mom so much. It's easy. I have talk dirty. Yeah. Yeah. I can get some good dirty talk going.

Yeah. Because normally when I'm sober and I try and do it, I laugh myself out of it. Oh, yeah. It's too funny. Do you ever laugh yourself out of some dirty talk? You Yeah. Because normally when I'm sober and I try and do it, I laugh myself out of it. Oh yeah. It's too funny. Do you ever, do you ever like laugh yourself out of some dirty talk? You have to be really. Oh,

if my face is next to yours on the side, I'll be laughing and saying it. Yeah. You can't tell. You can't see it. I laugh myself out of it all the time. Like I'll just say something ridiculous. Something that's fucking dumb.

Off of that, I have just speaking to women or anyone in general. Yeah. I'm better at that. Now that, that I think has to go into a subcategory of you think you can do better. That's true. That's true.

What I think I'm better at while I'm drunk or what I'm actually better at. Yeah. Now, see, if they're drunk, that works. But if they're not, that's when you're annoying. For the record, I feel like I have to say this. I was joking about the driving thing. I've never driven drunk before. Yeah.

I've dead serious. I never have. Yeah. Thank you for that. Don't do it. Yeah. Yeah, don't do that. I just felt like that was

that was funny as shit I think notably I think people at this point get the fact that this is satire yeah yeah but I just had to put on the record yeah yeah

I do not do nor condone anyone my last one was embarrassing myself for sure great at that yeah yours should be just getting injured yeah

holy fuck lately you've been on a tear yeah it's something's tear waking up with an injury next one yeah nicknames I just had one last one spending all my fucking money then you don't

I'm blowing up the credit card ordering $80 worth of door dance okay nicknames for sex squat thrusts in the cucumber patch fuck worth of door to head. Nicknames for sex. Squat thrusts in the cucumber patch. Fuck. I like that.

I use sandbagging. Sandbagging? That's terrible. I love it. I gotta help grandma with the dishes. Twinkie Stinky. Oh, fuck. I got doing laundry. Take the big boy to Bangkok.

Disappointing the wife. Wait, I have to go back on that one. Is it taking your big boy to Bangkok? Or taking a big boy from Bangkok? Whatever way you want. Oh, shit. I got the five knuckle shuffle. Love it. Put the ding dong in Donkey Kong.

Yes. This one's kind of gross. Slop hockey. Fuck. Need to be stopped. I've got the home run derby. Smash the spasm chasm. Yes.

Taking grandma to Applebee's I love grandma fuck you guys that's all I got so far put the stick shift in the skin rift in the skin rift fuck off struggle snuggling

oh my god those were good no that one's not okay no no sure it is I think I'm I think I'm good with that

the struggle snuggle get the fuck out of here bro I think I'm I'm good with that tap down okay okay before we do this next part I need to fucking

can you can you smell this real quick it smells can you smell it I'm good with that. Okay, before we do this next part, I need to fucking... Can you... Can you smell this real quick? It smells. Can you smell it? If you know that, it smells. I don't think it is. That's the clip. Can you smell this? Wait, wait, the clip can you smell this wait wait wait

can you smell this I like that a lot tell me you had that written down yeah I did this is so much better just for visibility yeah just for fucking talking to each other

this is so much better yeah I feel like we just had better conversation just cause I can see what you guys are thinking. Yeah. I can see you talking.

It rips. Would you rather know how you're going to die or when you're going to die? What's, I guess the more exciting would be. I'd say when. Yeah. That's going to fuck you though. So would how. I'd rather when. Yeah, when. That's going to fuck you, though. So would how. I'd rather know how.

You'd rather know how and not when, though, on top of that? Think about how if they just said, like, a sleep in bed. Every night before bed, you'd be like, holy fuck. Or if they said fucking car crash, you'd be like, I'm never getting in a fucking car again. Yeah, how you might be able to avoid it, maybe. No, not really. If it's a certainty, you know what I mean? Yeah. But when you're always thinking about that. No, but. No, but you'd be able to avoid it maybe no but not really if it's a certainty you know what i mean yeah but when you're always thinking about that no but no but you'd be able to at least live your

life with how like something like a car crash you're just gonna be like scared every time you're in a car for the rest of your life or something but when you could be like all right this is how much i got left let's fucking go ham or with car if it's or let's not worry about it be like i'm not dying till 100 like let's just go him say it's fucking car crash and you know that and you move to the fucking country and you're a million miles off the road you're like if i'm still dying in a car crash a car's coming through my fucking window while i'm sitting on the couch how would induce more anxiety than the win because if you know how but not when then you're just like this could happen at any point

in time but i know exactly how i guess it also depends on the answer you get because if you get when and it says they're like next thursday 29 and you're like oh fuck yeah but i think if i was gonna die that young i'd like to know now yeah true run up the credit card you know yeah do when i guess go into millions of dollars of debt and just live your life yeah pass it off to your family. As if your credit score could get you anything close to that. Actually, it's much better than you think. It's in the triple digits, dude. It's a three-digit number, I'll tell you that.

Would you rather have lunch with Satan or Jesus? Satan, easy. Right? Because there's something you don't know. Because lunch is turning into drinks afterwards. What do you say we turn this into a whole night?

Yeah, the Jesus lunch would be pretty fucking lame, honestly. Yeah. Well, unless he was like way cooler than we think he is. Well, because think about

this angle. Jesus is just going to be telling you all the shit you've been doing wrong. Satan's like, you're crushing him. Jesus shows up to the drinks. What's up, my boys?

And what if like this whole hell thing's just been slander from the, you know, Jesus followers this whole time and hell's actually lit as fuck. He's like, dude, I've been trying to spread the word. This place is fucking awesome. Yeah, that's because here's the thing. Satan doesn't think hell sucks. So you'd be hearing like all the perks yeah yeah like how stupid is it that you would think that like hell is like a place you go and burn like fucking the guys just in there just like oh that's just so stupid it could be lit though with jesus if he

was super chill if he's turning that water into that wine well no no like if he just like you asked him and he's like no i don't give a fuck about any of that he's like dude yeah fucking rip it yeah that's fair that's fair he's like yeah just fucking don't kill anybody and you're good yeah yeah he's like that's the only thing i care about yeah and you're like all right fuck yeah don't rape or murder anyone and you're welcome anytime yeah so yeah there's a couple ways to think about it see i don't think satan is anything like what the fucking bible says he's like well yeah i mean the bible is just a slanderous article about him essentially yeah and nor do I think his name is Satan

but whoever that is the Satan V Jesus defamation trial now that'd be something yeah that would there's a lot of shit involved in that one yeah it's got an eternity worth of fucking evidence yeah

let's see is a hot dog closer to a taco than a sandwich? Is a hot dog considered a sandwich? And what is it closer to? Well, this is a huge debate to begin with, but I think it might be closer to a taco. Yeah, it's just a pork taco. You do...

I do tilt. Because I think a sandwich should and does require two separate pieces of bread. Has to. Right? Hold on. I'm on this. And also you... Definition of a sandwich.

A lot of the times you hold a hot dog... Up top. Yeah, up top like a taco. Yeah. You know? If you're trying to hold onto those onions... You get a little support from the bottom and you pinch it together up top and you just kind of... Yeah.

Just... Oh, here we go. I found it. I found it. We're good. The sandwich alignment chart. Here we go. So a hot dog falls in the neutral of the chart. Okay.

It is the middle. What are the extremes? So we have, we have the structure and then we have the ingredients. The extreme is probably a sandwich and a taco. No, no, no, no.

I want to confirm that. No, no, no. So tech, technically a taco is a ingredient rebel, but a structure neutral. Cause it's still technically inside of something.

Okay. So there, it's a scale based on ingredients. Yeah. So it's ingredients and structure. Yes. Okay. so it's a scale based on ingredients? Yeah, so it's ingredients and structure, yes. Okay, that's our scale. The radical side of it is a Pop-Tart. That's a ingredient-lacking and structure-lacking item.

Yes. That's the far opposite side of the scale. That's the far opposite side of the scale of a sandwich. Just a sandwich? A sandwich, yeah. Okay, okay. Well, it's because it's got stuff in the middle, I guess. Yeah, according to this, a hot dog is a sandwich

But I'd lean taco Where's taco on the scale? Taco is To the left or right of a hot dog? Taco is to the right of a hot dog Closer to a sandwich Technically on the chart a hot dog is closer to the Taco

Oh it's closer to the taco than the sandwich Yeah it's closer to the taco than the sandwich But it's considered a sandwich Would a hot dog be good in a taco shell? I think anything would be good in a taco shell Yes. Oh, it's closer to taco than sandwich. Yeah, it's closer to taco than sandwich, but it's considered a sandwich. Would a hot dog be good in a taco shell? I think anything would be good in a taco shell. If you chopped it up and just made it kind of like a little... I mean, yes. Yeah, a hot dog's good.

You guys ever have a mac and cheese and hot dogs? Oh, that was Thursday night dinner every night at the Mark's house. Right? Yeah. I might go home on the way home and get the grocery store. Or just straight up Beanie Weenies. Beanieenies no you lost me there beanie weenies go hard gee sounds so good i might go get a fucking fat box of craft a big family fucker family size yeah oh my god you're a craft guy not velveta uh i think velveta is definitely better yeah but like

you know when you're craving like craft mac and cheese over like something like oh fancy ass velveta yeah you know craft actually hasn't craving like Kraft mac and cheese over like something like, Oh, fancy ass Velveeta. Yeah. You know, Kraft actually hasn't been hitting that hard for me lately. Really? You've been eating. I haven't had it.

How lately has it been? I mean, I don't eat it because of the gluten, but like if I'm hung over as piss, well, do you eat the like easy Mac? Cause those never hit the same. No,

I get the, I get the family box. Yeah. But it just hasn't been hitting the same, getting the ships. You're right. Sponge Bob. Dude,

the Sponge Bob one, I'm telling you, it's better because of the cheese to noodle ratio yeah yeah it can absorb the the cheese better too if it's in all those little spongebob it doesn't have just like a tiny little hole it has spongebobs all his pores and everything yeah just slide right in we're looking for a high ctn yeah cheese the noodle ratio okay uh last one here lights on or off during sex i like uh like a vibey like dull like like something like that the sex light is huge yeah sex light is huge like i used to have that nano leaf thing on my wall it's like a big light up panel and you just turn it

like super dim but on like one of like the cycling modes but it's just like purple dark purple dark pink dark blue yeah just vibe lights dude yeah if it's dark as fuck, dark, purple, dark pink, dark blue. Yeah. Just vibe lights, dude. Yeah. If it's dark as fuck, then you get lost in the sauce. But so yeah, I'm saying either that worst case, like a lamp,

like if that's all you got to work with, but never full lights on. Yeah. Full lights on is a lot, but if it's only either, or are you going full darkness, full light? Ooh,

I'd say, I'd say if it's, if it's, if it's literally like a fan light or no light at all. It's like light as it is in this room or complete darkness. I might be leaning towards light. Yeah. Because like I immediately didn't say dark.

Like I like some sort of light. You got to see what you're working with. Not only do you gotta, you just, you wanna. You wanna. You gotta. You gotta have it. It's not like it is not like it. Because half of it is just like, look at what I doing oh i'll hit a couple less i'll hit like some good laughs during sex oh yeah

i bet everyone's doing some laughs no the best one involved in your section laughing for sure now the best when you see yourself in like a side mirror oh yeah you're just like oh there we go look at me who would have thought? Yeah, it's more so just so I can see me. Yeah. No, I'm saying if it has to be one or the other.

Are you talking like complete darkness? Yeah. I think you got to do some lights. Well, it's more so that I can see all three of us.

There's so many. There's so many aspects. So I can see who's behind me and who's in front of me. Yeah. Nailed it. didn't need it but we had to say it Garrett

you want to fucking cap us off soldier? I want to cap us off I guess so is this 12? this is 12 I love how I have to ask that before and after well do you know? ladies and gentlemen thank you for

listening to episode 12 of no fomo uh it's been a good it's been a fun one yeah i'm loving the new setup i like being able to see my boys right directly in front of me we got good vision yeah if you're watching on youtube hit us like a start a poll or something in there yeah like would you like to see more decoration behind garrett's corner i'm going to go with yes. Yeah. We need to decorate or zero. Yeah. I mean, we're pretty much at zero here. I just have a kid.

I thought this thing was bigger and I thought there was a better poster inside of it. But anyway, that's it, baby. We'll see you next week. Right on time. As we have been for one week running.

Oh, all right. Next time.