NO FOMO - 14. The Amber Heard Mashup Game

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Welcome Back Fomo Sapiens. This week we go to Arby's, break down LARPing, and play the Amber Heard Mashup Game. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. If you have fat hairy balls or know someone with fat hairy balls: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod To Submit to the Show message us on Instagram linked below! Socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fomomusic_/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nofomopod Twitter: https://twitter.com/fomomusic_ Spotify (Music): https://open.spotify.com/artist/6K4rA... Spotify (Podcast): https://open.spotify.com/show/4X9bfdq... Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/wearefomomusic

live from your mama's crib it's your motherfucking boys no fomo what's popping boys how are we doing we decided that we're never doing this sober again yeah no all right let's uh let's show the people what's up that being said when we uh when we set out to do this i guess you could call it a podcast i would just call it a couple jackasses sitting in a room yeah but we we initially it was like we're gonna get hung over we're either gonna do this, I guess you could call it a podcast. I would just call it a couple of jackasses sitting in a room. Yeah. But we initially, it was like, we're going to get hung over. We're either going to do it hung over or we're going to be drunk. Either or. And we realized that we only did that for like the first two.

So guess what? We're never not drinking again. We're never not. No, it's stupid. That being said, welcome to No FOMO episode. 14. For the fuck teen. For the fuck teen.

For the fuck teen. Numb the four to fuck 14. For the fuck teen? For the fuck teen. Numb the four to fuck teen. Numb the four to fuck 14. This podcast is a sophomore in high school. Yes. Interesting way to put it. Let's rip this fucker. I guess it's 14 episodes old, not 14 years old. So that would be incorrect.

So are you guys ready for the big reveal? Yeah, let's have it. Okay, so we're doing fucking big shades from here on out. Five ever. John decided to slack today, which is okay. Well, no, here's the thing. Might be, might be, might be. My personal excuse is when we went to EDC, I brought all my fun shades,

and I lost one pair a day minimum, and then when I would lose a pair, I'd go get another one for the after party, and I'd lose those two. So I lost five pairs this past season. I'm on, I think, somewhere around a dozen pairs gone this year this year yeah yeah i mean i lost five in one weekend so are you guys ready yeah i'm ready you got a big basket you hit him morgan's digging through a massive crate right now stop it oh my god oh he's from the future you got the master chief joints you You might not be able to wear that. I might not be able to hear you. You didn't think this through.

I know. I did think it through. I'm going to take them off. Okay. But you just had to flex on us. But Jesus Christ, is that Blade Runner or is that me? That's you. That's Iron Morgue. For the audio only listeners, they're a pair of shades that literally go from his eyebrows

to the bottom of his chin. It's Iron Morgue. Iron Morgue. I sound checked beforehand and you can't hear fuck all i can't hear anything i can i can't even hear you from right here but daddy has backups so we're just gonna go slight work oh those are slight those are actually those are actually cool those are better yeah those are cool actually yeah so you almost look good i'm not embarrassed to look at you yeah you know what i mean so mean? So, I mean, those go tough. No, those are fire.

Like, I wish that we could hear you. You should do like some sort of like mic setup where that goes underneath so you can wear those. Well, I was going to like get some scissors to them. Just cut them off a little bit. Try to maybe get that bottom off. Yeah, maybe just chop off a little bit. But then I was like, ah, no, they might just shatter right all the way. Yeah, I think they would fucking, that would destroy them.

Yeah, for sure. But so we had another fuck show of a weekend. It's like, for me, it's gotten to the point where it's like, I feel dumb introducing every episode like this, but like we mean business when we like every single weekend we do some dumb ass shit that we got to talk about. Yeah. And before, before we get to the weekend, I'm going to build off. Remember you're talking about your sleep demons?

Yes. So last week, right after we recorded the episode, I had a busy day. Did a little bit of Adderall. So I was like, I had the energy, right? Yep. Went to bed and I woke up like an hour later and I saw like something in my closet. It was my sleep demon. It was like my clothes looked like some sort of witch.

Oh no. But I was still on like a little bit of Adderall. So this is, this is no capital. I said, what's up? Let's fucking go then. In my sleep. I tried to square up to the sleep demon. Then I was like, oh, I'm awake.

You started boxing an H&M sweater. It's all good. I was like, wait, no, no, no. I'm awake. started boxing an h&m sweater it's all good i was like wait no no no i'm awake this is just real that's the back of my chair with a jacket on it in real life i was literally like i sat up in my bed and i was like yo let's go let me that fade let's go throw it right now yep but then i realized i was awake this is real life it okay just a shirt from H&M cost six dollars thank god I'm glad I'm glad you didn't ruin your six dollar t-shirt yeah but then um we could get right into the weekend yeah let's jump right into it so what uh we uh we flew out or we were we were going to fly to Vegas uh to go debut a song with uh Bonnie and Clyde we have a new

record with them yeah and uh the flights were like 350 from san diego to vegas when they're usually no cap 50 round trip maybe 80 well the the price per fucking what how do they measure it per leg room per tube of from of gasoline oh that's per barrel they're measured in barrels yeah pp PPB. Yeah, PPB. It's huge right now. Yeah, no, they can blame it on gas prices all they want, but that's highway robbery. And we would have had to fly, because we were going to L.A. after, we would have had to fly San Diego to Vegas, then to L.A., then back to San Diego.

So it would be three one-way flights, because I don't think you can do a triple stopper, can you? It's not a triple round trip. Right? You don't get to do that. A trip round. It's not a trip trip. We drove up on a Friday afternoon. traffic was deece mad deece mad deece yeah it was honestly kind of a vibe no that was like honestly the best drive i've ever had out to vegas yeah when you're not brother at my hip

you know what i mean yeah when you're not trying when you know something isn't already started and you're trying to get there well because usually you're going to vegas to like be in vegas but we were just going for a show that didn't start at like 11 p.m so it wasn't like this big anxiety trip but usually you're like oh my god i'm just trying to go get fucked up and go to the pool and go to the casino yeah so it's all just anxiety but we're like we got time we got time we got there with a couple hours to spare yeah uh went to zook nightclub at the new resort world hotel which is fucking lit as shit and they had some they had Cirque du Soleil on, on site.

Yeah. On site. Yeah. Yup. It was pretty fucking dope. And then do you want to talk about the, our little buddy? So they had,

it was Cirque du Soleil on site. They had like in front of the DJ booth, they had like legit Cirque du Soleil performance like every three minutes. Yeah. People hanging from the ceiling. The first one was two girls in a hula hoop doing like dancing through the circle. That's when it's like hanging from the ceiling, right? Yeah.

It was fucking crazy. They were like legitimately like 30, 40 feet in there. Yeah. So they get them, they start on the ground, pull it up, and they're just doing some crazy routine that I can only imagine you have to practice at least a million times before. Oh yeah. Dude, if they fell, they're dead. That's a broken hip. Did you see a safety net down there? No, before. Oh, yeah. Dude, if they fell, they're dead. Legit. That's a broken hip.

Did you see a safety net down there? No, no, no, no. Because it's like the crowd. They're above the crowd. You're taking out multiple people if they fall. No, so they make room, but I guarantee you somebody with long arms in the front could definitely go for a catch. But if he was unsuccessful, you're breaking a neck, a hip.

You never know. Yeah, so after the girl dancers, there was a person of shorter stature. Yes. A smaller person yes and what i mean like i'm not even a tall guy and i think the little fella came up to my hip yeah i like a little fella that was a good way that's one they sure don't like i they'd say call me a midget right now if you said what's up little fella you know what we're going back to the m word little fella get out the m word i like that but so his thing was he had like a little short cloth brace and he would know it wasn't cloth it was a chain it was a metal chain no with cloth for the neck brace okay okay okay so imagine he's hanging from his neck and dance so he like does like a backwards christ kind of deal and he's hanging from his neck and dance so he like does like a backwards

christ kind of deal and he's hanging from the back of his neck like his next back tilted and he's like dancing oh it's just it was fucking does that make sense in some ways yeah so he's he has a neck brace around the back of his neck chains hanging down he's hanging he's got a little like he's hanging by his neck so he's noosed up from the back he's literally a noose from the backside yeah he's flexing neck and then doing dances in the air. It was pretty fucking impressive. Like spinning like 100 rotations a second. Did they have him the same height up in the air as the girls?

Oh, yeah. He was a shorter size. It looked higher because he didn't hang as low. So it looked even higher. Yeah. It was honestly incredible. What a performance. I met Charlie Jordan.

If you're listening, which I know. I know she is. I know. Yeah. You know? She's for sure listening. We said, wait, what's your name in unison? At the same time.

I'm not going to say match made in heaven, but. If it weren't for her boyfriend standing right behind us, I think Morg had it. I absolutely love Morg telling me that story the next day. He's like, dude, this is what happened. He goes through that whole story. I'm like, oh, so then what? And He's like, dude, this is what happened. He goes through that whole story. I'm like, oh, so then what? And he's like, oh, that was it. And then I tell Gary that he-

I only didn't speak to her the rest of the night, didn't even see her the rest of the night. Yeah, and then he doesn't even mention the boyfriend being right there. And I tell him, I'm like, oh, Morg's told me this story twice already. He's like, yeah, did he say how her boyfriend was standing directly next to him? First of all, boyfriend wasn't confirmed. It's on her Instagram, brother. I did my deep work. It's obviously wrong then let's just say i'm on her instagram a little bit more than you are no absolutely not but anyways so i went back

unfollowed refollowed on everything classic that's actually a power play and she still didn't follow back and she hasn't followed back yet but i know she's listening when's the marriage she's gotta be we got the podcast stats yeah so She's got to be. We got the podcast stats. Yeah. So I see her on it. We see every user. Yeah. But then, yeah, Lucid Child was the headliner.

We got to see them. They played in one of our tracks. Pretty cool. Yeah. And then the rest of the evening was an absolute bloodbath. I don't even, I can't remember a single thing.

I lost you as soon as we left the club. Yes. We were both on our own little adventure and then we ended up back home. We lost you as soon as we left the club. Yes. We were both on our own little adventure. And then we ended up back home. We took the same Uber home somehow. We did. We met up just to ride home.

At 6.30 in the morning. 6.30 in the morning. And then we woke up and drove to LA. Woke up half a deece for some reason. Felt way too decent. I actually drank coffee at like, so we went to bed at, I don't know, I couldn't sleep at all. I maybe slept for 30 minutes. Oh yeah, you didn't sleep.

Yeah. And then I woke up and I was like, fuck it fuck it i'm just gonna do some set prep for tonight so i was grinding from like 8 to 11 30 yeah and then that's when you woke up all three hours and yeah and then we drove to la fuck what did we do that whole fucking day or did we not get we were driving the whole we didn't get there till like 7 p.m and then uh we had a show with pickle dj pickle at academy yeah i gotta i gotta chime in here yeah what the fuck well okay look And then we had a show with Pickle. DJ Pickle. At Academy. I got to chime in here. What the fuck? Well, okay, look.

I don't want to spit shade at your boys, okay? These are your brethren. Oh, no, no one said it's our boy. Okay, but he's not our boy, though. Oh, he's our boy now. How the fuck do you wear that? Look, I don't fucking know, but I will say this as a big fan of music and someone who knows a lot about music, I'd like to think.

He actually played a really sick set. Set was gas. Whole night was gas. I don't know if I was able to get. I don't even know if I heard a song. I was just locked into those weird eyes on that weird mask. It's Dill Gang or Die. I was expecting it to be awful.

I'm Dill to like fucking you kill, bro. Dill to you kill. Come on. I mean, yeah, like fucking you kill, bro. Dill to you kill. Come on. I mean, yeah. Honestly, the helmet was a lot. The last thing we needed is another mask DJ, and for it to be a pickle just makes it more. But it kind of hits it. From a friendly neighborhood jar to a headlining star.

That was his tweet. No, but have you seen the Twitter, like just everything that's going on yeah all of edm twitter all of edm twitter is talking about in a mix yeah everyone's like there's no fucking way yeah that's the only so then fast forward to the next day oh yes we went to day trip at academy the opening opening day i said i wasn't drinking but then we got there and they had fish bowls of alcohol literally buckets what do you want from me it was memorial day the next day i knew we weren't getting tickets dude we did it for the fucking troops we did um we found out you can vape through your nose which is huge and your ear and you're if you're half trained yeah you have to be trained

yeah choo-choo chugga-chugga um so that that whole day was uh absolute shit show but then so afterwards i don't really know how to explain this okay but we went to we went to von's we got 230 racks and two handles of tequila went to self-checkout as a joke because because they usually don't buy alcohol yeah at self-checkout we put it on the scale as bananas and we had to call for assistance the girl comes over and clears it just puts in her coat and doesn't say anything and we pay for 24 of bananas and walk out for like 90 worth of alcohol i do have to admit that is the move and so but like out if you put like if i buy avocados blueberry anything it's bananas all day i mean but you know the amount of bananas on my fucking receipt every time all you've ever bought

is bananas is bananas across the board but that's hypothetical we would never steal right no i know i've done that like she actually i'm just a poor employee if you're gonna make me do the checkout that there was 90 for the alcohol she didn't check an id she didn't do anything yeah in my defense it was a joke it was a joke we show because you go to self-checkout you can't buy alcohol yeah she just walks up puts in the code and she's like you're good 24 pounds of bananas i love that oh and then the grand finale arby's arby's so we typed in heinous fast food to navigation yeah and it took us to the the one of the finest establishments i've ever been to in my life arbithians arbithians arbicius and

holy shit arby's is the worst. It was legitimately the worst meal I've ever had in my life. The roast beef looked like some sort of tainted, weird. It was purple. It was. What color is it supposed to be? Brown. It's supposed to be like color.

It's supposed to be like medium. Well, meat ish color. It was fucking meat. It had a purple team. So we got the meat and cheese hitter we got the beef and cheddar not the meat and cheese we got the beef together the number one yeah we got their pride and joy and it was the worst i literally had two bites swear to god i didn't even he didn't even eat it yeah he opened his and i was like no not today

not no not this day thank you not on this day um all right yeah so we made it back we made it back and um before we hop into the other stuff i just have to say this because i was down bad when i got back looking for something to watch on netflix or no it's hulu i tried to go to hulu to watch the office they have the office on hulu apparently they do now they do so it's um random episodes i bought the entire thing did you amazon after because i'm so sick of like i'm not paying for peacock just to watch the office i need to hop on your amazon then because i need it i got you yeah low-key uh let's share some i got you yeah but so i typed some other dank stuff on there i got shrek oh let's load of the rings extended versions oh yeah but so i hop on who you want to just tell our whole audience what your passcode is so everyone can tap in?

You bleep this out? Come in my bum, 69420. Oh, fuck, I forgot to bleep it. Yeah, so I type in the office to Hulu, and there is a Hindi office. Oh, yeah. Wait, I've heard whispers of this. It's the best. Did you actually dove in? Oh, no, I had to watch at least half episode oh yeah is it

in english it's it's half and half which is weird wait but but i so i think the thing is that they only have there are a lot of english english words that aren't in hindu or whatever language that is so it's like every once in a while they'd be like oh something in english wait so is it like a remake or is it like its own thing entire remake oh like it's they literally word for word every episode i mean it's in hindu well translation for translation yeah yeah because the office versus the office uk is different like yeah it's not the same but this is like a it's the same premise but do they do like it like do they have michael scott in it yes i mean i was i mean michael scott michael scott so when i was watching the intro i was like trying to guess

who's who and i could okay there you go which was fun is pam hot oh i don't think pam was in the intro so you only watched the intro? It's gas. I saw the intro. It's not Pam. It's no ham because you can't eat. Oh, that's so true. You can't eat pork there. That's so true.

Pam-a-na. It's no ham. Yeah. Ham-a-na. It's pronounced no ham. Ham-a-na. Yeah. All right.

Here we go. All right. We may have to trim that a smidge. You guys went like 23 minutes straight on that. I feel like that was all good, though. No, that was only a quick 14. Well, this episode is going to be two hours long. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick break.

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Ladies and gentlemen, back to the show. Welcome to the Red Hole. Let's do it. Oh, we're back in the Red Hole? Yeah. It's choose your own adventure. So we could go ours. Oh, the Red Hole, for those of you that don't know,

it's me on Reddit at three in the morning. Yes. Do you want R slash LARP? R slash would you rather? R slash mildly interesting? Or Egyptian Craigslist? I feel like you could leave the R slash out in the future. I'm in between LARP and would you rather,

and would you rather. Yeah, same. Okay. Whichever you think is better. Whichever one you think is going to. Because I got to say this, LARP is low-key interesting to me. I would LARP and would you rather and would you rather yeah same okay whichever you think is better whichever one you think's gonna because I gotta say this LARP is low-key interesting I would LARP the fuck out of it if they had a LARP here I would LARP I'm a LARP whore yeah all right we're LARPing let's go so this is this is kind of how it works there's an event of sorts at an undisclosed location everybody dresses up as their preferred character there's mages if you will there's warriors i know

yes wait is larp exclusively like reenacting world of warcraft or is it other games it's a live action role play so you just it's it can be anything like can i show up with a lightsaber and people will be like what the typically no typically it's um you know like medieval times kind of thing but it doesn't incorporate the magic yeah okay yes yes yes yeah so basically how it works is there's like a three hour long type of event where there's quests where you can like upgrade your powers there's a game master that tells you what to do there's a battle of sorts there's always a battle and there are some things just out there that you could search for so on r slash larp i had to do my research here and apparently there are also npcs which stands for non-player controlled wait they have actual npcs in

larping so there are people that just stand at a location and just guide the journey yeah they just have a story about oh um there is a creature in the abyss. Which is like a tennis court. The abyss is like a tennis court on the side of the tower. No, no, no. They do this shit in some dank places. Oh, really? I did some research.

They build castles. They do all kinds. Shut the fuck up. I'm not fucking making up. Have you seen role models? Oh, yeah. No, that's like how it is. It's like that, but way more legit.

Wow. So I did look up the location of the closest one. It's happening in like a month. It's near like Fresno in the forest. the forest okay well we're taking a road trip so if we have to we have to oh yeah i've already got my character made yeah i'm ready to rock dude i say we actually go and like document it i'm telling you i'd win here's the thing here's the thing right i would win i've seen i've seen the people that do this they're not athletes oh no okay yeah you gotta there's not a guy without breasts in the entire

fucking game. It's a scraggly beard and they're out there like, oh, I'm a freaking long sword master and they got this foam sword and they can barely swing. I'm like, no, you're not catching me. If I'm sliding around... Is it awful to just kick someone in the fucking dick? I'm glad you guys just went straight there because I have a video.

Oh, let's go. That we're going to have to break down. Okay. Let's do a breakdown. Let's do a fucking breakdown. Oh, I'm so excited for this. Oh, fuck. Here we go. Yes. Yes.

This is what the people need. This is. Okay, we got it. Oh, fuck me. Yes, dude. This looks sick as fuck. Oh, they me. Yes, dude. This looks sick as fuck. Oh, they have fucking armor. Oh, they're actually...

Back door, back door. Oh, that's a rogue. Oh, that's a rogue. Okay, it's just a quick clip there. Just so that we know what we're working with. Okay, so a couple things were going on. I'm just going to say this right now. That guy yelling backdoor, it's you.

That's my guy. That's you? You're like the strap master? I'm dual short swords, sneak master. I'm out there fucking in the bushes, just out there popping out from behind hamstring backstab. You're done. So for those of you that are just listening, um, join us on fucking YouTube because you need to see this shit. You got to see this shit. But anyway, so what happened was it was a square off between two mobs of there's about 15 people on each battalions two battalions yeah legions i'm still trying to break down exactly how it works

yeah because like that guy got hit in the fucking like hip yeah like is he is he cut in half so the way it works is is where you get hit you lose that body part so his whole torso so say yeah if you get like a torso shot you're dead typically yeah they're dead but if you get like say you get hit you lose that body part so his whole torso so say yeah if you get like a torso shot you're dead typically yeah but if you get like say you get your arm hit you're just boom i'm behind the back arm i can one arm it okay if you lose a leg you're hopping oh my god yeah no so they have a new way of doing it i did a lot of research on this so it actually the way it works is you get to have real weapons they just can't be sharp and you just you decide when you're out oh so i'm never out but you can't hit your head you can't hit in the head but if you're getting beat the shit out of you

just lay down and then either someone has to come revive you or you're just out okay and you could also decimate people on the ground so if you're on the ground you could get finished and you can't get revived yeah yeah yeah but so it's just a bunch of dudes finishing off dudes everywhere yeah but for those of you that are just. There's chicks in that video. There was a girl. It didn't look like one, but it was. Yeah.

But for those of you who are just listening, in the video, there's a guy that just comes out of. Legitimate nowhere. Legitimately nowhere. Probably just appeared. He goes back door, back door, and just starts stabbing people in the back. Yeah. Yeah.

How the fuck does that work? It's a sneak level 100. Okay. He leveled up. You just said he went on the a sneak level 100 okay he leveled up you just said he went on the quest he did he leveled up his sneak yes his their perception was obviously low low perception they rolled bad they rolled a two two perception you're fucked game over it's fucking crazy dude so i did watch one that was like a similar thing but it's like 150 versus 150 oh my god and there's some people like dressed as dragons and stuff and apparently they have more health so it's it on the ones where there's stats yeah there is there is stats but the way it works it's

like as much armor as you could put on you could wear and it's still just you you quit when you're done getting beat the shit out of so this guy had full dragon armor on he looked like a dragon and it was like 15 motherfuckers on him all beating the shit out of him all beating the shit out of him he wouldn't go down absolutely not he would never go down i'm not calling and they had to retreat because he was just swinging he's breathing fire he might have been breathing fire i'm not completely sure but it was a hell of a time but on the topic of larping on r slash larp they have a couple questions that need to be answered okay i got them okay so um this is a huge debate on r slash larp is is doing blackface for dark elves inappropriate no i think if it's for a very specific

you know sort of costume it can't be right that's reaching too deep in the bag no yeah but here's my thing there's no racism on the larp field there's no racism no but for me it's all about ear size if you go out there and you just got face paint on i could see how that could be offensive yeah if you have no ears and just and you just got face paint on, I could see how that could be offensive. Yeah. If you have no ears and you just blackface it, yes, that's offensive. Oh, yeah, it's racist. But if you got some mighty tippy ears out.

Mighty tip. Well, you either go all in or you're offensive. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't even believe I saw this question. There's no racism on things that don't exist. That's where you're wrong. There probably is within the lore of that bullshit.

Yeah, it's fair. Think about the times. Think about the times. It's real to us, goddammit. Goddammit, it's real to us. I'm into it! Okay, so I would say no, though. I would say I'm leaning no.

I'm leaning no for sure. I'm not into mythological racism. I just don't believe it. I'm not into real racism. I'm not into mythological racism. I just don't believe it. I'm not into real racism. I'm not into mythological racism. But it's not even racism. What's it called if it's somebody from a different planet? That's like saying if I dress up as Darth Maul.

There's a little bit of red streak, but it's blackface. No, it's not offensive. If you're trying to be a dark elf, it's not racism. Well, you know who asked that question? A light elf? A dark elf. Yeah, a light elf or a dark elf. Yeah.

That's fair. Okay, and then I have another, like, a huge question. So I'm going to ask a question and then elaborate on it because this guy had a lot to say. So what are the best outfit choices for moving through the foliage in a LARP simulation? Hold on, Hold on. Hold on.

He's got his hand up. This question slash discussion is for all of us who LARP in wooded areas and especially rangers and rogues who like to sneak around there. What are the best cloths for getting through places with a lot of bushes tree branches and other foliage what are your thoughts i'd especially like to hear your thoughts on outfit length and tightness okay so as far as like footwear for noise no he's saying so i know i know i'm no this is part of it i'm going full don't worry don't worry give me give me a second as far as foot noise you

want something that has like some squish to it like a like an indian moccasin yeah like some cloth wrap would be nice that's going to give you your best sound protection if it's full like dead leave foliage you're fucked no matter what it doesn't really matter so then you have to go into your full garb it obviously has to be cloth leather of some sort it's obviously better if you can get that lighter weight leather is lightweight and it's not going to snag. You're not getting snagged. You're not getting snagged on a tree branch. You also have the option with leather to blend in a little bit more

if it is like that brown dead leaf. Okay, you saw that guy in the video. He's like a black cape. He probably had some time getting through some bushes. He's got like a sore thumb. He had a tough time getting through some bushes. If it's fall, you're fucked. And also you don't want to be the guy in the high bush doing like a close side behind behind deal like you want to you want

to take a high take yeah you're well it depends on your but now you're talking strategy versus outfit selection here yeah this is a completely different ideally you don't want to be in the high bush because it's making too much noise well ideally you'd like to be just set up and your team leads them to you yeah no you honestly want to be in a tree behind enemy lines or you want to be taking a long arc and just come behind like the guy in the video backdoor backdoor backdoor you want to be back why did he say why does he have to say backdoor you know i think i think that was the team getting attacked yelling like backdoor like someone's coming to fuck us up no that was him as i think i think you do have to

yell something like that only because it is hard to distinguish teams that's true right so if you're getting hit in the back jerseys it's not like white versus gray jerseys yeah you're getting hit in the back you're not assuming there's someone from the other team doing that no i know you have so you have to wear emblems i know i know but you can't see you're getting if you're in the other way oh wait you're saying like i'm killing you from behind basically. No, no, no. It wasn't the guy saying back doors, the camera guy. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure.

We have no confirmation on that. Yeah, but yeah. All right. All right. Let's get off this topic before everyone deletes this podcast. Holy shit. Okay.

So, um, the LARP pod, would you rather mildly interesting or Egyptian Craigslist? Are we doing all of them? Um, we could, we could circle back, but if you guys had to choose the second one well i was just would you rather choose our own adventure if we are doing all of them yeah let's just pick one more we'll do one more okay so um

would you rather i think it's pretty fun i think that was our next one yeah okay so what useless superpower would you rather have never forget your passwords puff bar vision which is essentially you you can see through walls to find your puff bar you could see anywhere in your location where there's a puff bar where there's a a puff bar never have to wipe or unlimited kohl's cash. You made this one up. We're sure made this one up. I can tell you made this one up. That was not on Reddit.

I think the two best are remember all your passwords and never wipe. Oh, really? I think Puff Bar Vision, the only reason I didn't say that one is it could be annoying. That's true. There's too many around. You're at the club and you just see like 30 like glowing red like things in your vision of puff bars.

I was saying like the never have to wipe one is like when I'm committed to, you know, being in the bathroom, I don't mind how long it takes. Okay. So you're not, that's not. Like that time is like subtracted out of my day no matter what. So like I'll do as many as it takes. Puff bar vision. If I got a dead puff bar vision if i got a dead

puff bar and i'm at a festival i'm fucking tapping on every motherfucker shoulders where i see a glowing stick that's fair yeah you become ultra fiend at that point yeah that's actually a scary power imagine imagine you're a super villain with that power imagine you tap someone on the shoulder that you know has one you're like hey can i get a puff and they're like i don't have one and i go i can you have a strawberry mango in your left pocket i fucking know you do okay so we're saying definitely not unlimited colds cash now that's that one's not involved that's a hard out yeah okay because i feel like i already have that and it's already i know that i do never forget your powers is like passwords or passwords powers jesus christ never forget your powers okay like all my passwords are saved in

my computer but when you get that one that doesn't work it's the most frustrating fucking thing it might ruin your whole day yeah that one for me could be good too because i use the same fucker password for everything so then so i'm you unlock them all i mean if you figure out my one password you've got my whole life you've got so i So I could use that skill to be able to diversify and really protect myself a little bit better. You wouldn't have to use the same one anymore. That's a good call. Okay, so we got passwords, Puff, Bar Vision, or Never Wiping. I might go Puff, Bar Vision on this one.

I think I'm going to go passwords. I'm going to have to go Kohl's Cash. Of course. I expect nothing less all right for this next one here the amber heard trial has been huge i've been hearing a lot of debate about how could you ever date someone like that right so i came up with a little game for you guys to play you just you too i'm excited it's uh who would you rather date Amber Heard edition. Okay. Okay. Okay. First one. We've got Amber Heard or Casey Anthony.

Oh, fuck. Morg, I'm assuming you don't know who that is. I'm going to look it up. She's a woman who murdered her own baby. She murdered her own kids and lied about it, and she's out. How do you spell it? Exactly how you think. She's free, though.

She never got proven. So we don't know if she did. But it's up to you. So would you date a girl who possibly murdered her own babies babies but she killed herself too no she's alive she killed how do you spell that k-c-c-a-s-e-y and then the only way you spell and how many kids did she kill or did i believe two allegedly yeah two of her own children which is not like she didn't get she got tried the husband went to jail. She got nothing, I believe. No, I don't think so.

Let's see. There's an article from a- Okay, so potentially, it's pretty much this. Potentially killed- You don't need to know all the details. Yeah. Potentially killed your own kids or- Amber Heard. Yeah.

Hmm. Hmm. How much do you believe in the justice system? Because she didn't get proven guilty of it. Well, technically, neither is Amber. Ooh, I'll take Aqua woman all day. You'll take Aquaman.

I mean, Aqua woman all day. Look, I think it's a zero sum game here where they're both psychopaths. Amber heard is the hotter one. Okay. Going off hotness. I like,

I'm saying there in terms of anything, but looks, they're both equivalent in my book. Well, I guess murdering your children is a little bit worse than shitting on your boyfriend's bed or husband's bed, whatever. No, that's not what it's about. It's about faking your life with someone. Yeah.

I'm going Amber Heard. You're going Amber? Two Ambers? She's bad. I'm sorry. Okay. Next one here is Amber Heard or Rebecca Black, but every day is Friday. Oh, fuck. Rebecca black but every day is friday oh rebecca black and every day is friday she seems sweet she seems sweet but you have to hear the song oh i love the song she's

like oh it's friday i'm performing it's playing in my head it's when i was in high school when i was in high school in my like english class every friday uh my walk-in song i made the teacher play it when i walked into class every single friday not even kidding that's my ap english literature class i don't know i have so many i got so many things with that there's so many things going on with that uh okay the next one my teacher was rebecca black so it's a little easier teach play your song um next one is rebecca i mean sorry amber heard or a female praying mantis how big is the praying mantis the only fact you need to know about the praying mantis is that after you mate with a praying mantis they eat the head of

the male that's what i'm saying how big is it your size well no it's as big as me i'd say no regardless of a little shorter for no let's let's put it this way regardless of size they still kill you after you mate they still kill me here's the thing is it only after you conceive or after you just if i'm using a condom do i still get killed oh no it's i don't know how i don't know if because if i could strap up then i'm going praying mantis all day okay that praying i like that i like that right around that was a good work right that was really good they don't call this the smartest. That was strong for no fucking reason. I would take the same journey as him.

Let's go. Okay. Okay. That's all I had for that one. I thought we were going to get a couple of different answers. So I have, because we're on Amber hood, I have a game for us or you have another game.

Yeah. We just played a game, but I'm on another game. It requires a little bit of visual simulation. Okay. Visual stimulation or simulation, whatever you want sim whatever i don't even know what i just said there so for those of you we might cut this out from the audio but if we don't if you're just listening fucking watch it yeah go to youtube give them a time stamp we're at okay 40 minutes this is called the amber herd mashup game

okay i don't love the name but i like the premise so it's amber herd play it play it okay i don't need the rules so it's essentially it's guess the name go okay amber turd okay amber heard amber heard h-e-r-d yes amber shep heard okay oh amber heard amber here Oh, Amber heard. Amber hears? She hears. Amber hears right now. She hears right now. Yes.

Amber bird. Amber bird. Amber bird. Amber bird. Again. With a Y. With the Ozarks bird. Okay.

Amber blurred. Amber blurred. Shut the fuck up. again with a y with the ozarks bird okay amber blurred oh i love this i love this so much i don't know the word for what oh wait no no no no no no it's it's the word for what god damn it would do it tell us amber chauffeur i was on shepherd again i was too good oh this one's hard oh amber king henry the third amber king george the third you gotta know that's King George. Oh, this is a special. Oh, Oh,

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Captain Jack Pharaoh. Yeah. Oh my God. Yes.

I love that. Okay. One of my favorite segments. That was a good, that was a really good game. If you are listening to this, go to the YouTube, right?

The fuck. Please God. Captain Jack Pharaoh, dude. Fuck off. You're going to have to put a time stamp in that yeah yeah we'll time stamp it for you holy shit uh fuck that was good fuck that was really good that was i have i i'm gonna delete everything i had prepared yeah i don't want to follow that up but i mean if you want to go i think i've got something okay just because okay this is a callback to a previous episode so we got a question like two episodes ago about uh what gives guys the ick right yeah so i found this really

hilarious article um related to toxic femininity and what you barely got through that word toxic femininity which is something we need to discuss because we thought our reasons for having the ick are a little shallow yeah but there's some girls out there that are toxic as fuck let me read you some of the reasons some of these some of the reasons girls get the ick that you would never expect ready uh being excited to see me was the first one when a guy gets too excited to see you fuck yeah i mean i get it turn off holding an umbrella if a guy holds an umbrella apparently they get the ick wait how is that the ick just don't don't ask questions these are toxic females this is r slash fuck dudes yeah running up the stairs on all fours that one's fucked up

okay that's fair that's fair i can see that but what guy's never done that i mean i've done it but i in front of a girl it would be a tough call okay and if it's my normal way of going upstairs imagine if your sleep demon is behind you though he's not gonna pull you down if you're if you're on all fours you have more you have more traction yeah explain that to the girl uh yeah it's just in case there's a sleep demon if their feet don't touch the ground when they're sitting on a bar stool, that one's fair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. If the bar, if the bar stool is six foot three though, both you guys are X. It's so fair. I mean, yeah. Fuck.

I like to twiddle my feet anyway. Fuck it. That's fair. That's not the love of my life. Yeah. It's just not the love of my life. It's just not her. Uh,

guys sitting cross-legged. That's fucked up shit. Guys who press the traffic light button and wait for the little green man. Wait, the little green man? The little, the walk guy, the white one. It's green in other countries. That's an ick? This is what I'm saying.

These are toxic females. More shocked every time. What? These are not normal icks. I'm saying these are toxic ass women. Jesus Christ. Like I'm saying, if you give me the ick, you're toxic. Oh.

When the train car stops too fast and they lose their balance oh i would expect the girl to push me and keep me on the ground keep me on the ground uh then we got a couple screaming on a roller coaster uh laying in a bath like these some of these are low key fair they're kind of fair but also like get over yourself what if I'm screaming happiness on a rollercoaster no that obviously you would be oh I guess if it was screaming like being scared

that's definitely if you're going woohoo I hope they wouldn't think that's something you don't you wouldn't like there's like 40 those are all good those are i like those honestly i've seen some of those the one that i remember that's burned in my brain is um a girl said when he was getting on the bus he had to jump up to get on the first step

yeah just like he did like a little jump to get on the first one i was like some of them i could get behind a little bit if you think about the full context but i'm just thinking about myself doing a lot of these activities and oh could you imagine if there's a man list anywhere near that oh it'd be so we'd get ripped to the last one i'll say in my favorite one i think when they stand naked waiting for the shower to heat up so they're just basically saying any normal activity that you do in your daily life gives you the ick. Come on ladies. It could,

y'all are toxic. It does work like that. So I would just like to point out that no matter what you say about men being toxic, there's a girl that's equally or more toxic than us. I agree with that. And I've dated him. I've,

I've dated him. Um, I'm going to start doing a few lists for you guys. Okay. This one is just, I just went general here. I didn't want to get too specific. This one's just top five things for me. Just things in the world.

You mean like material things or just things in? You'll see the list. It's a mix of things. The first, or I should say number five on the list, is being right about something when your friend looks it up on their phone. Cause they don't believe you. That hits dead.

That's one of the best things. They look it up and they go, Oh, okay. Cause you know how confident you gotta be to look something up. Yeah. They have to so not believe you. And you're like, dude, I'm telling you, bro. And they look at them and they won't even go, this is all they do. They go, okay.

No, not even a word. No. It's's always like this i guess you're right yeah i do technically technically every article i found said that you're right yeah i guess you're right based on every fact on earth uh number four i have naps after a day at the beach 100 or on naps at the beach but then you get sunburned yeah not at the beach is sunburned when you come home from the beach. 100%. Or on naps at the beach, but then you get sunburned. Yeah, not at the beach is sunburned. When you come home from the beach, you take that shower, you lay down on the bed, and you absolutely nuke out for a full hour. From like 5 to 6.

Yep, yep. I was going to say, it's like that sunset nap, and then you wake up and you rip a spicy marg at the local bar. Or even better, like almost falling asleep while driving home. No, that's horrible. Interesting sub play there. That's the worst feeling in the world we'll wait till we get higher on the list it sucks wait till we get higher on the list i might be on there um number three this one's specifically for the dudes pulling a chick at the bar in front of your boys yep

um number two i have sleeping in an ice cold room with a bunch of blankets on the other side of the pillow the whole night. Just so you don't flip that. When the only thing that experiences any coolness is your face. And if you want, you poke out your little toes, little fingies, toes, little bit of fingers and a little bit of toes. Yep. And then number one of top five things.

Q-tips. Ooh, I know you don't agree with this one. You know, I don't. Q-tips. Dang know you don't agree with this one you know i don't q-tips dang i mean they feel good i just i don't trust they go q-tips are scientifically proven to be bad for you they're not scientifically here's the deal i guarantee wax into your fucking ear i've been to the doctor and when they stick that fucking light in there they go great and i q-tip twice a day you're not as waxy as i am if you saw how much wax i'm dealing with you need a q-tip no i don't because it'll shove it deeper into my ears all right um you're wrong okay next but they do hit i will say the inner ear like not the

ear hole but when you're hitting like those little crevices they do hit the crevasses they hit hard those outer those outer wrinkles outer wrinkles yeah nothing better oof the next list i had okay is best toys as kids and most of these aren't toys but the first one is or number five i should say i never had these personally but the commercial got me so fucking hyped up i want them so bad moon shoes oh my god moon boots they were called moon boots moon boots moon boots kids eyes anti-gravity boots trampoline shoes yeah jump real high jump to the moon moon boots moon boots moon boots kids size anti-gravity boots trampoline shoes yeah jump real high jump to the moon moon boots moon who hasn't almost broken their whole fucking neck on their goddamn trampoline i mean every no i mean that's that's part of the standard that's part

of growing did you grow up yeah yeah did you live from the ages have you ever had one of those moments though where like you thought like one time i tried to do a backflip and just didn't commit landed. It was a neck flip every time I tried to do a backflip. Yeah. Fun fact, Jay says we were practicing backflips for high school graduation. Oh my God. And we were practicing backflips on the grass, in our gowns at his house and he just full on neck plants. Oh, I literally almost paralyzed myself. The worst part about that is we've been practicing for like weeks, had it down.

Me and him both landed. Like we landed like three or four. I remember before. Yeah. Oh yeah. I remember. Yeah. I remember I was on the plate. I was like on like the basketball court.

Like, and I was like, Oh yeah, I'm practicing. And someone's like, you can't fucking do it. And I hit one and I was like, let's fucking go.

That's lit. And then we were like, okay, we got a practice provider. and someone's like you can't fucking do it and i hit one and i was like let's fucking go that's lit and then we're like okay we got a gallons provider an x factor you weren't anticipating i literally anti-committed so hard and i landed directly straight down on my neck and i was just like oh that's it like one of those videos you see on instagram you're like oh he's dead yeah oh if there's a video that's so bad he actually made me delete the video that i took of it. Oh yeah. I was like, I remember we were watching. I was like, I can't, I can't look at that again. I still got it. Scariest thing I've ever seen. I still got it. Um, that was number five. Okay. Okay. Number four, mechanical pencil guns. Ooh, I don't know what that is. You guys remember this? No.

So you would take all the lead out. You would then, uh, hold it out and load in a staple oh god and then when you press it forward that staple would shoot fucking fast would just bap someone those in middle school were a whole i remember there's a kid in my class who had an entire pencil box full of them he was selling them oh my god and he got in trouble for being like an arms dealer i'm surprised he didn't get expelled yeah because those things would but like you'd get hit in the neck you'd be like ah fuck like it feels like you got tased or something yeah i i have something to build on top of that so yes you do do you remember in high school when i rigged my umbrella to not stop when you and it would blast yeah it would shoot out i took the clip off the top so you would punch it down and every time you press the button

it would just fly 10 feet. Oh, fuck. And I was doing it in class. Like, I wasn't shooting it, but I was, like, reloading it. And I accidentally fucking fired it off at the girl in front of me. Holy shit. Oh, God. You're near murder.

Detention. I mean, they're not that light. That's a large object flying at you. Does it open when it shoots out, too? No, no, no. So we would clip it down yeah so it stays in a nice little tight little because you don't want to stop the wind if you well yeah you get basically like a rubber bullet yeah yeah that's fucked up and no

but i was like sitting behind her and i did it on accident so it was like a slug just a fucking rubber bullet slug heading your back i would love to see you trying to explain that i mean the teacher believed it because who who would do it to oh you're saying like i don't know how my umbrella you're like it broke yeah yeah i was like it broke good on your feet there yeah uh number three this is a real throwback to childhood here army men with the parachute on them oh yep so fun oh my god every stocking stuffer i ever got for christmas had of those, and you just run to the highest point. You just launch those fuckers as high as you can fucking throw it. Oh, so high.

So high. Number two, leftover tubes from wrapping paper. Yep. Oh, the long fuckers? The long fuckers. You can get crafty with those. You have a whole time with that. Lightsaber duel.

Lightsaber. You got sword battle. You got trying to unroll it all the way. Or you have like a fucking trumpet. Battle is just drumming. that was all too good beat the shit out of grandma with it but it doesn't hurt the final one on the list number one a refrigerator box a full-on refrigerator box i don't know if you ever got the inside that you could just fucking take it to the top of the stairs ride that fucker down i would do that in a laundry bag a refrigerator box you do i feel like sometimes you didn't have a good childhood what i didn't have a dad until this year refrigerator box is too specific it could

be a large box large box what's over oh you're in the box that it came yeah not the cardboard box a large refrigerator down the stairs you take a big box down the stairs you take a big box or you put on the trampoline and you're inside of it and someone's bouncing you're just fucking slamming around yeah we've all been there yes for some reason there was just like some things that weren't that painful that you just wanted to do so bad they were so fun i remember well i mean my dad worked for ups we got a large box every once in a while he would steal one oh my dad worked for fedex we got some big boxes yeah dad would come home with a big old box yeah that's a whole day i remember

this actually as i was making this list a game that my dad used to play that i realized was fucking fucked up as a kid he used to bring home a giant spool of saran wrap and a game that we would play was he would saran wrap us to the bottom of our legs and arms together and then we'd just be stuck on the ground for hours. I was going to say, and he would sit there and go, you guys want to play Saran wrap? It would be like, yeah,

fuck. And he'd Saran wrap us on the ground and go take a nap. Oh my God. Is that not fucking unreal? And he would leave for four hours. And then all of a sudden he'd come back, please. On his lunch break,

he would come in Saran wrap us to some sort of my parents never paid just to make sure we didn't break it no babysitters necessary we're going out for the night we're playing saran wrap yes fucking pro tip for parenting if you're out there big time um you want there's no competition for this it's down bad of the week i've got it okay okay well then i think you should go last do you have something oh like you don't even think anything would compete you just don't have it i have down bad of the week okay okay well we're gonna need some pictures for this okay so down bad of the week no competition there was a girl on Instagram that took a cut cardboard cutout version of the rock to prom. And the rock said, it was absolutely my honor at the girl's username. I thought he

actually put, I thought he put it on girl too. I was like, wow, you were the best prom date ever. Great to meet you and your family and friends to p.s i'm super happy you posted this have the best summer hashtag it's about no you made this up power you made this the fuck up i have pictures okay pull them up let me talk about this rock posted an instagram picture let me talk about this caption though first of all it sounds like he wrote in someone's yearbook. Yeah. Second of all, you hashtag it's about drive, it's about power. I mean, you got to rep the brand. Also, you commented on meeting the friends and family when you weren't even there.

She brought a cardboard cutout. Can I say this? The girl, almost low-key funny doing it. That's what I thought. I'm not, I'm not. Yeah, the down bad isn't the rock. Yeah, the down bad is the rock. The rock might be the most down bad.

Yes, okay. Well, the rock Yeah. The down bad is the rock. Yes. Okay. Well, the rock's the most down bad of this decade. Look at this. A cardboard cutout of the fucking rock. Dude. It looks pretty good in that one. Yeah. Well, that's actually a good picture.

She took it. She picked it. He is the sexiest man alive. It gets worse. There's four of them. It's a collage. Oh God. Oh no. Is that life size? Is he that, he's that tall, right? Yeah. He's a, yeah, It's a collage. Oh, God. Oh, no.

Is that life-size? He's that tall, right? Yeah. He's a taller guy. Oh, it almost looks like the rock. That one looks real. That one's got a fucking fire. That looks real.

That one looks like he's there. Yeah. I like that, actually. Yeah. And she picked him in a... That one looks real, too. No, she lucky picked a great picture that's such a high res cut out so well that it's actually kind of fire did she actually take the rock to prong she might have

he posted all these look at that guy in the background the collage that's fucking awesome look at that guy in the back look at my fucking back left king oh my god he can't even believe it's not the rock even from the back when it's actually just cardboard on the other side i thought that if if you ever want some inspiration for anything ever that's ever going on ever yep go to the rocks instagram yeah he did not die wait i didn't see the hashtag that's okay he actually hashtag it's about driving i could not make that up jesus christ yeah that's a rough one yeah that's a win that's a hard one that's that's down bad of the week for sure yeah that that takes a cake um i got some i have i have a light addition to down by the week okay and it's me okay um so as you both well know my go-to uh opener for my dating app stuff is to

call girls mommy yeah um oh which before i just so i don't forget this it worked for me this weekend it worked but i mean i've never it doesn't miss i haven't pursued anything with her but i said mommy and i got some great responses yeah typically it doesn't miss this time i said mommy like exclamation point the response back was hey little boy and I'm it's just not it hit different what is the

just the creepiest response I mean the worst part about it is she was older she was like 40 so it was the best part about it is you're in it still worked but the response was, Hey, little boy. And that was a tough one to rally back from. I mean, you kind of like set yourself up where statistically that's someone's going to, someone's

going to say, yeah. I mean, usually you get a better response. But yeah, just a light. Did you say what aisle you were lost in? Recently I have said one, the one of my responses was, I said, mommy, and they said something about, oh, I leave you alone for two seconds and you get lost. And then I said, if you leave me alone for two seconds in the grocery store, I will be in the milk department yelling milky milky. That's my favorite response.

So yeah, I've ran with that one, but just the, hey, little boy. Yeah, that's a lot. That's how I read it wait i read it as like hey little boy no but i want i have to know what did you say back to that or did you just leave that one i gotta leave that one no no i can't leave that i went all the way oh yeah we'll read them we'll read them in privately yeah you guys don't want to know what the fuck he said because i know it was good um you you want me to take over you got one garrett or i got one i've got some fun stuff here all right hit us you know um this was gonna be my down battle of the week but you already won but uh ricky williams, the infamous dolphins running back absolute star growing up,

right? He, uh, apparently felt that there was an imbalance in his marriage after getting heavily into astrology and decided to take his wife's name in the middle of their marriage. So he changed his name to her last name because I guess she's a very powerful attorney. But as soon as he would walk into the room at like a dinner party, whatever, he becomes a star, right? So he goes, now I'm no longer Ricky Williams. His name is Eric Marin. Wait, he changed his first name? Well, his first name is actually Eric. His middle name was, well, Ricky. Okay. You know, okay. Okay. Okay. So he not only dropped the Ricky, but he also took his wife's last name.

You've got to open that door back up. I'm dying. So he's no longer Ricky Williams, the NFL superstar running back. He's now Eric Morant. Wow. So kind of down bad. Down horrific. That's good.

That's not kind of bad. The worst part is that the whole decision was based off his astrology class that he took. All right, so the next one i got here is how many drinks would it take terrible girl's name addition just based off the name just based off name so like i mean imagine how like like you're it has to be like an eight minimum you know attractiveness okay but they have this name okay to add on to it okay yeah i like this so the first name on here is mildred oh fuck and i'm talking she walks up and you're like oh that's the hottest girl at the bar and you walk over you're like

hey what's up i'm garrett what's your name and she's like mildred though here's here's where this hits home for me is the only mildred i've ever met in my entire life was my grandmother's best friend like so her she was like she was like an older lady that like was a widow and she was she would like come to every single family like thing like she was part of our family basically she was like my second grandmother so this one it's way too hard for me i'm going 15 drinks mildred mildred just i want you to imagine all that goes with that like you're introducing your friends like hey this is you're gonna try and come up with a shortening for it because you're not really this is i like millie mill, this is, you're going to try and come up with a shortening for it.

Millie. I like Millie. Milled. Millie. Millie's kind of cute. Millie Bobby Brown. Her name might be Mildred Lucky. Maybe.

I will do Cuffs and Fists. Cuffs and Fists. For those people that don't know what that means, it means drink an entire fifth. Handcuffed to her. Yeah. And she also has to drink half it to make it. Well, Morgan's going to drink most of it. Yeah.

The next one is Gretchen. Hey, what's up? I'm Morgan. Hey, I think you're really cute. My name's Gretchen. See, the worst part about this one is I can get from Mildred to Millie pretty easily. Yes. There's no nickname I can even possibly think of that makes sense. What's up?

This is my girl, G-Money. I would just call her G. Yeah. Gert. Gertie. Is that better or worse? No. Gertie is short for Gertrude.

Yeah. Gretchen. What are we on? Gretchen. Gretty. No, that's terrible. Even with that, how many drinks? I'd like you to keep into account how drunk you already are.

Half a gallon of beer. Half a gallon of beer? That's not that much. That's not that much. That's not that much. You're more in on Gretchen than you are on Gretchen. That's like three beers? Yeah. A half a gallon of beer?

Think of that. It's a milk jug of beer. How many does it take to get to half on that? Four beers? Like three or four at most. Okay. So you're low-key in on that one. Yeah, I think you're down for Gretchen.

Next one I got here is Bernice. Ooh. Sober. Bernie Mac? You're taking down Bernie Mac sober? next one I got here is Bernice ooh sober Bernie Mac you're taking down Bernie Mac sober young Bernie Bernice

10 out of 10 at the bar I'm shit faced I'm shit faced however many drinks to get me shit faced I'm like cause you're Bernice

yeah that's what I'm saying it's like when you really break it down oh Bernice like hold on like you're like I don't want to say your name but i can't i can't i can't okay very drunk very drunk well i'd say same level like 10 15 drinks yeah okay easy uh the last one i have on here probably my favorite bertha zero never and is there a big in front of it no because she's a nine out of ten she's hot okay

small bertha little births no i'm saying she's super hot here i'm going sober well no we agreed that these are all eight or nines out of ten yeah they're all hot so the only thing you have to get past is the name sober it's not what you're picturing when you hear the name okay i guess sober we should have prefaced the segment with is this like a one night stand or like i have to introduce her to my friends and i think i think you have to go along i think my premise of it was like she's at the bar you have to she's like hey i want to come over and meet your friends you have to pick yourself introducing your yeah you have to introduce her at least to your friends like hey this is bertha fuck that's that's fucking rough i'm going i'm going that same level like these are

all terrible they're all bad like really like 10 15 10 12 15 i'm going monday morning sober so the funny thing about this list is it's just all the names i'm gonna give my daughter so it's a monday morning so yeah that's actually a great call yeah i'm naming my daughter one of these and she's fucked i'm naming my daughter one of these and she's fucked. I'm naming my daughter the wicked witch of the West. Yeah. Stay away. Garrett's daughter. It's my daughter's name. Don't even Garrett Jr. Garrett Jr. Yeah. I'm naming my daughter fucking John. Jesus Christ. She's fucked. Don't even look at her, you pieces of shit.

Okay. So we passed up on a little bit of the choose your own adventure stuff, but there's still a lot of adventure to be had. I mean, you can always save those two if you want. Yeah, I would say you just save them. No, I'm not saving this. Can't do it. Okay.

So we went to North Pole Craigslist last weekend. We did. Today we're going to Egyptian Craigslist last weekend we did today we're going to egyptian craigslist okay egypt yep okay so have you got fucking egypt yep wow so have you guys ever seen eid alpha tour on the holidays in your calendar app yes i have actually it was actually pretty recently wasn't it it was very recently yeah i remember that i don't even know so i almost had to call in sick that day to myself yeah so it's some sort of egyptian related holiday and so on egyptian craigslist one of the things i found was a bj and a car is needed in cairo for eid which is the holiday are we positive they didn't just misspell ied we're not but so the description says as the tittle says

if any girl is interested please contact me so we could have extreme fun beer emoji broccoli emoji that's what does that entail that's beer and weed oh yeah that's you think that's weed yeah broccoli it's got have you ever heard the fucking song that guy yeah it's got to be in the middle of the party get off of me i'm rolling up that broccoli yeah it's got to be weed okay so that i guess they're actually your next thing his next thing is what the fuck it's veggies and veggies and booze all right i guess that was kind of easy then but um so the next one is oh and this guy's the goat actually there is a picture do we want the picture for this it's just a guy um i think i don't need it yeah i don't need it it's a special guy okay let's see him okay okay so it says egyptian wife wanted for all of egypt

and it's a post made from america for egypt or from egypt like from anywhere in egypt yeah okay oh yeah so i have this as the michigan legend oh he's from michigan i guess that's guy's name do you know it ernie yeah he looks like an ernie he's an ernie ernie and the egyptian so and he's a regular at like a chili's. Yeah. Oh, are you kidding me? He walks in like, oh, Ernie, the regular. Whatever day has the best, whatever restaurant has the best specials

that day of the week, that's where he is. Whether it's Applebee's, Chili's, TGI Fridays, Arby's. Yeah. So he posted that fucking picture on the post. That's a good picture of him.

That's a great picture. I wonder how many hits he got. A lot. I'm a male living in Michigan, USA and I'm looking for a wife posted specifically from egypt i think i think this guy posted that on every country's craigslist in the entire world he's probably not wrong i can tell you this if you responded to his thing and you were

you said something like oh i'm actually from brazil he's not gonna be like oh he doesn't care the last one i had was title miss needed um description i'm a man slave needing mistress oh god egyptian craigslist that's dark i mean that that post right there is not specific to egyptian craigslist i'll tell you that why have you seen that before i mean when i'm looking for my manslaves yes manslave have you guys ever seen pig man no pigman uh so this is a man uh who is relates as a pig he has identifies as a pig he has pig tattooed on his forehead and then it has like slop whore and little piggy slut like tattooed all over him okay and then he he posted this stuff um my most favorite one that he posted is him going through his pig meal and his number one pig meal is to uh get a hydro flask and stuff it full of hot dogs and then pee in it and let it soak.

No. And then he eats them like a little piggy. No. Good piggy boy. I don't like this. Where do we find this? Dude, you don't go deep enough,

dude. I don't want to. You think you're in the red hole. You're at the fucking cusp. I want to know where you found that. So I can never visit that. Type in pig slut, man.

Literally. Yeah. I guarantee it pops up i guarantee pig slut gay porn videos not that one could be pig slut man maybe drinks uh i feel like i going to go to prison for searching this. Maybe add in drinks hot dog piss. Piss dog. I'm not Googling this. Do not do that. Type in piss dog at least. That's an FBI investigation. They will be here in 30 minutes.

Yeah, they're outside. Explain yourself. Okay, by that, you got another one? No. I was going to say, do we want to move into the prepped ones? Yeah. So this week we got a new special. Things that end in enus.

Okay. With a phrase that goes along with it. Yes. Fire us up. Okay. My hair has the perfect amount of brassiness. Oh, so you just went like actually Enos. Oh.

So when you first sent me this as the idea, my mind went in a weird place. And the first thing that I thought of was a song that says, it's my belussy ussies. You know that one? Yep. Yeah. So I thought if there's a belussy ussy,

there should be a belinus Enos. A hundred percent. And you're going to believe this. You're going to believe this Enus. Alright. I said, your mom is so easy, she gave me that Freeness. The Freeness. Ooh. Okay.

Last night had the perfect amount of Baggyness. I hated that one, but I loved it. mine is next one is tweenus and the the way you'd use that one in a sentence would be um there's too much space tweenus oh that's slick low-key that's slick that's high key let's see uh i left that girl with a waddle she had that penguinus that's you reached very deep i am in my bag boy that was a good one that was really good okay damn girl that ass got that fat enos yours are all just eating stupid as shit god damn it i love us um i think that was all i had for the one last one the other two were better but god damn i was looking fresh i had that cleanest

oh cleanest oh close to cletus no not cletus like that clean god damn it god damn it cletus god damn it cletus damn it, Cletus. God damn it, Cletus. I was looking like I fucked my sister. My name is Cletus. God damn it, Cletus. Alright, if your dick made a sound every time it got soft. Okay. I have good ones for these. Go ahead. It's just

my own voice saying I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. I have to move the mic for this one or just move my computer. Game over. Oh, the classic game over. It's me, game over. You're out of lives.

With a close... Why did I go like Count Chocula there? With a close second being... I could put the sound in, dumbass. being i could put the sound in dumbass um i had just like any sad sound that wally makes oh wally eva um justin bieber is it too late now to say sorry? I like that. I like that. I also had a song.

For some reason, that Oompa Loompa song popped in my head. Oh, God. So it's, Oompa Loompa doompity schlong. All of the blood from his dinger is gone. Oops, there's no pump. That thing's totally schlumped.

He's gonna have to fold that thing in her rump There's more That is fucked up which is a long-winded one But I think it would get the point across by the time you're halfway through she's like I'm I get it outside Jeebus I just had those two I I did them back to back, unfortunately. Gotcha, bitch. Dave Chappelle. Got him.

Gotcha, bitch. Oh, fuck. Yeah, those are the only two I had. This one's an oldie but a goodie. Just a yeet. I feel like that's counterintuitive, but yes. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

How many 14-year-old versions of yourself could you beat in a fight? Every single one. 14-year-old Garrett? Yeah. Holy shit. That's like asking how many nine-year-old girls could you beat in a fight. That's fair. It's the same size, honestly.

I didn't crack 100 pounds until my junior year of high school college is that facts yeah college college college college college college now fuck okay so i've won like 95 pounds until my junior year of high school okay so so let's hypothetically say so you're like 10 more pounds like two more inches and you i'm 10 more inches like four pounds. So let's say you were five foot 120. No, he's saying he's not. He wasn't even a hundred. He's like five foot 90. Five one, 95 pounds.

Five one. 95 pounds. Versus five 11, 145. Yep. How many? Infinite. Chest kick, chest kick, chest's not how many chest kicks can you throw yeah you're tiring out at some point it's me i was a bitch but how many chest kicks do you

think how many kicks do you think you could throw in a row i'm without getting worn out for yeah yeah okay there is something i do need some background on this question yeah but i was kind of feisty bro what's the battlefield the battlefield is all them at you at once right right right but where am i battling in a tennis court like is it open is it a playground like an enclosed tennis court and enclosed with no net in the middle so you can have more mobility okay so it's a basketball court and there's walls around no weapons is mental intimidation a factor they're trying to kill you because i mentally i was a little bitch at 14 i could they're trying to kill you. Because mentally, I was a little bitch at 14. I could just try to kill you. I was a demon, but I was physically a little bitch.

Okay. I'd say I could take eight. Eight? That sounds about right. I think I can take 10 because I was bigger. Because like he said, front kick. Whatever level of bitch he was, I was bigger. Like I'm getting a couple big like full roundhouses in there,

some haymakers that are just one and dunners. And then after that, I'm losing a little steam probably. Like if one gets me like around the hips or something like just latches on to like slow me down and then they pile on yeah 14 is like i could chew my way through a couple right yeah yeah so you're still pretty adept no i wasn't okay but so you think you could take how many i think i could take 10 to 15 Can you throw 10 to 15 kicks at all? Well, I could smack some in the fucking ear. Okay, I guess you have a fair amount of running room in a basketball court. Yeah.

But I was quick. How organized are they? They're trying to kill you. I know, but are they like, are they as a team? It's just a bunch of you. They're you. How would you organize yourself? I understand how it's me, but I'm saying like, are they organized as a team they're like hey swarm them take them down or are they just like instantly

enraged and they're running at me yeah so imagine there's just a bunch of random doors and you come out trying to kill me of them come out okay yeah i'd say eight okay i mean and if it's take as in like incapacity like if i have to finish them off probably don't have to kill them well you just have to incapacitate like if you if you kick one in the chest they're not coming back i guess i'm trying to think of how like how much would a 14 year old me like punch hurt like would it even not really at all i mean the thing is like let's say they catch you clean on the jaw blindside i don't think it would hurt at all like you're like is it like a you're like ah what the fuck i mean 14 year old you was probably a couple inches shorter and 10 to 15 pounds

lighter. More than that. I was, I don't think so. I was a little skinny. I mean, my high school, uh,

14 year old me looks a lot like what I look like right now. I was listed at six foot one 50 in for like football senior year. And I was actually like five, 10, one 30. Yeah. So, I mean,

freshman year, you're probably 5'7 125 which is still a biting chance I'd give myself a shot I just I'm trying to think of what they they would have to like choke me out because then they're not like punching I don't even think they're strong enough to because only you can only get one at a time to choke you maybe and your situation is a little bit different yeah really vastly different because i'm only saying like three or four for me because i was still you were like the same size i was almost the same size like you were the same height you've been a big dumb bitch for a long time yeah i was like six three one seven five motherfucker you've been a gun still a lot coming after your whole life but it's something to think about and you're a pussy now so that's true i think you've actually lost some edge might have yeah um garrett what do you think

you could win the ufc women's featherweight championship what's featherweight same that's like your weight no not for women well no 145 is no you would fit into the 145 is like welterweight yeah that's it's different for women you dumb fuck no no no oh they're heavier so their featherweight is the same as well no no the women's featherweight is like 90 pounds you're a fucking idiot so it would be like women's heavyweight dude conor mcgregor is only like 155 fucking yeah conor mcgregor is like you think the women's featherweight is heavier than the men you think i didn't look up this question before i asked you what's the women's featherweight i'm looking it up right now you fucking there's not even a women's heavyweight would be 145 women's heavyweight is like 185

oh you sure there's not a single one as fuck he he's trying to word it a different way so it lines up featherly heavy i know i'm right so i don't know i this is one of those scenarios that we were talking about earlier, that when you look it up and you're wrong, I'm going to laugh in your fucking face. Why would it make any sense for the women? The men's featherweight is 145.

Yeah, you're a fucking dumbass. It's still the same thing. No, it's not. I'm looking it up right now. You're high. You're so stupid. He's right. Why would that make any sense? The women's featherweight is 135 to 145. Why would that make any the women's featherweight is 135 to 145 why would that make any sense what does it matter uh do you think you could win yeah beat the fuck out of all of them

no i get my ass kicked are you fucking kidding me okay they'd have to be 30 pounds lighter for me to have a chance okay what about with a third arm no no i already have one okay you're right my shorts you can't use that one though. Oh, fuck. Okay, so. That would be sexual assault. That's outside the rules, isn't it? Last question.

Would you guys date a girl that has no only fans? Exclusively. I actually got asked this pretty recently on one of my first dates. And fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, right? I would say date. For sure. Right. I would say date for sure. Yeah. I would, I would never marry. I would date. I mean, I've seen how much, like I've seen how much they make with like, even an average chick is like making like a hundred K a month. Yeah. It's a ridiculous amount of money. So if I'm getting a free dinners,

if I'm getting a paid trip to wherever, go ahead, flash that can. Here's the thing. For sure date, if they promise to stop at some point, then we're talking progressing in the relationship. But date, 100%. Easily. It has to be yes, right?

Easily is yes. It's not even a debate. I almost am like, that's my preference. Yes. Right. Yes. Yes. I would, I would like, it's not even a debate. I almost, and like, that's my preference. Yeah. That's my preference now because there's gotta be, here's the thing for in that bedroom.

If I'm not scared at some point, then it's not worth it for me. Oh, so you're saying like, you're saying like the experience that comes along with that. Wait,'s the only thing because not like there's a lot of girls that have only fans that it's like just exclusively their own content they're not getting fucking railed oh yeah depends what level like because you're basically just a porn a private porn star i have to be a co-star if there's a dude yeah it's got to be me like if she's on there getting fucking ransacked on a weekly basis i'm over it well that's just unless it's by me yeah you're just a porn star

yeah you're not on like a public website you're on your own little peggy only fans website you know yeah then it's a yes yeah as long as she's not getting dicked down then i'm in okay yeah all right boys i think that's bring this to a conclusion uh if this were to go any longer i think i would be blacked out so we're're going to go ahead and wrap it there. Uh, welcome back to the first episode of the new no FOMO. Yeah. AKA the OGO.

No FOMO. Yeah. We're back in a big way. So we will see you, but you won't see us next. Adios motherfuckers. Yeah. Hold up.

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