NO FOMO - 15. The Dark Web

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Welcome Back Fomo Sapiens. This week we design Penis 2.0, calculate the probability of Biden dying on any given day, and take a peak into the Dark Web. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. If you have fat hairy balls or know someone with fat hairy balls: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod To Submit to the Show message us on Instagram linked below! Socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fomomusic_/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nofomopod Twitter: https://twitter.com/fomomusic_ Spotify (Music): https://open.spotify.com/artist/6K4rA... Spotify (Podcast): https://open.spotify.com/show/4X9bfdq... Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/wearefomomusic

Energy. Can I get some energy from the boys? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to No FOMO with your sexy hosts, Morgan, John and Garrett. Here we are. Boys. What's good? We're back. Episode 15.

Episode 15. We're back and I have something that i know you guys are gonna love oh i hope so so i was i was doing my little red hole stuff and i was i found this thing about matching celebrity birthdays okay so i looked up mine and if you could just guess who has the same motherfucking birthday as your boy? Who would he even be excited about? The significance of the smartest podcast in the world, too. Us. Oh, Elon Musk.

Stephen Hawking. Oh, is it Morgan Mollusk, dude? Me and Elon Musk. You guys share a birthday? We share a fucking birthday, my boy. You guys probably also share autism a little bit, too. Oh, God. Hey, there's nothing wrong with being on the spectrum, okay?

I'm just saying. That's another thing you definitely share if you have the same birthday. We think differently than you. Yeah, it does provide some out-of-the-box type of stuff. So I do have a little visual stimulation for this. Oh, God, that is horrifying. That's me and Elon Musk in one person. Please tell me you did this for all of us.

No, I didn't. Elon Musk. Oh, you only looked up your celebrity birthdays? You didn't look up ours? I want you guys to do it now. But I want a face swap of mine. Okay, well, that's fair. Let's see, everyone. Who do we got?

I got DJ Khaled. No way. You're not going to believe who I have. You're not going to believe who I have. You got DJ fucking Khaled? I got DJ Khaled. Because all you do is win. Straight up because it's all you do is win yeah that's straight up bro oh my god what's one of my all you do is win jay sus another one jay money it's a rapper it's something i can't do i can't say no to juicy jay the juicy jay is meant to be that's huge that's huge the rest of mine are pretty weak i don't even recognize these names rita aura she's bad she's bad to the bone it's

not bad let's see who else we got tina turner it's not bad that yeah that juicy jay was the only one that i saw yeah mine are pretty beat low key key besides DJ Khaled. DJ Khaled's all I need, really. Yeah, I mean, DJ Khaled is all I need. That's all I need. Yeah. But other than Elon Musk, which, I mean, we're going to Mars June 28th, 2030. Yeah, you should be on board. Yeah.

I got King Henry VI and Rob Dyrdek. Oh, that kind of sucks, actually. Rob Dyrdek is a mogul, dude. He's ridiculous. He's a fucking muggle. He's a is a mogul, dude. He's ridiculous, dude. He's a fucking muggle. He's a muggle is more like it. He's ridiculous, dude. Who else you got besides that?

Oh, I have Pharrell. Oh, that's fire. That's huge. Huge if true. Juicy J, I mean, that couldn't get any perfect. That's literally perfect. I saw that and I was done. I barely even looked at the rest of the list.

I love that. But I guess next I was going to do the live BAC. Oh, you wanted the live BAC? Okay, yeah. So as of last week, we started drinking again during the shows. Unfortunately, we record these on Tuesdays, so we just decided our weekends go from Thursday to Tuesday now. So we really want to get Wednesday and Thursday.

It's really taking a shift. Early day, afternoon. And so you're the only one that needs to do this now so we really want to get wednesday and thursday it's really taking maybe early day afternoon and uh so you're the only one that needs to do this because we've only had oh yeah so fun fact after last week's episode i blew a 0.19 at 9 p.m after the episode and we film at 12 well yeah well you didn't stop drinking the whole time you were editing the episode no but he wasn't drinking we were drinking way more than he was no he was keeping up was he dude he was paced out he was pouring himself like a fucking half glass of oj and into here we go here we go here we go okay okay okay

hold it up to the cam 0.142 get the fuck the fuck out of here. Oh my God, dude. Damn it. Fuck out of here. Savage. Is that a new breathalyzer? No. That one's huge. Yeah, that's a fucking, that looks like a real breath. I thought you had like the little key chain one before. I got a lot of breath. That's like a police one.

Yeah, that one's got like the little thing on it you can change out the plastic end for like sanitation. For multiple. Sanitation. For when you're like pulling people over multiple times in the evening. Yeah. True, true, true. Anybody got any fucking fun recaps?

Would you? I mean, we each individually had a night with Jay this weekend, which was fun. Oh, yeah, true. We did a separate Jay Fest. We had Jay Fest. Yeah, Jay Fest 2022. Friday, Garrett just texted me out of the blue and said, we're getting fucking trashed tonight.

Let's go. We're getting packed out tonight. We're getting packed. Was that an all-nighterer uh yeah we didn't sleep that night yeah he stayed up all night and then drove to la yeah i drove to la at like 9 a.m after not sleeping for a bit uh love that yep um oh wait so after i blew the 0.19 last week got covered for three days or i mean i know i refused to call it covered at this point got sick for three days. I mean, no, I refuse to call it COVID at this point. Got sick for three days. Yeah, I mean, you got an illness. Got a nice 102 fever.

But it was pretty impressive neither of us got it because we were hanging out the entire day. And the next day you were like sick. Yeah, and you were just, yeah, you were dropped to the floor and then you showed up to LA when I was hanging out with G. Dude, I just need three days. Not me, G. Yeah, just need three days.

Our good buddy Gale, he's moving to la from cincinnati yeah he's back in town from the pits of the u.s to the fucking yeah the actual tips but we did find a new solution for sunday scaries if you remember what was it so if you ever have to drive this is good separately from your friend just drive right fucking next to each other on the freeway just two hours we put cruise control same fucking next to each other on the freeway just two hours we put cruise control same speed phones calling each other we're just talking to each other looking at each other all the way back everyone's pissed behind us just holding up there's like hours of traffic behind you guys but i'm telling you it made that two-hour drive feel like it was

like nine minutes like we teleported that's huge that's fucking breezed how many times have we like left our car somewhere just because we're like, I'm not doing this? There's just no way. I'm driving home alone. Not driving home alone. I'll drive you back 30 minutes tomorrow, but I'm not going home. Absolutely not. Not going to happen.

But I guess from there, do we want to do this down bad of the week breakdown? Yeah, let's hop right into it. It's the biggest news of the week, I think. Yeah, this is the top story of the week. I'm sure everyone saw this on Barstool. Some guy was interviewing a guy outside yankee stadium or some shit we'll just we're gonna run the clip yeah run the clip i'm sure everyone saw this oh did they take it down this is way too fucking good this might be the news of the year so far i mean yeah definitely the worst thing i've ever had to watch as far as as our down-bads have gone in the past,

they've been, you know, respectively down-bad. But this is the worst thing. I want to, like, get this guy on the pod. We need to talk to him. We should put in an interview request. He probably has so many. He probably has everyone in the world wants this guy. He's going to be on Barstool.

I'm sure. All right, here we go. Here we go. If the Yankees were going to win a World Series but you had to give each other a hall pass, would you do it?

Absolutely. Yeah. Okay, why do you have to ask me? Who does she have to ask? It's not that bad yet. Wait, let it run all the

way through first. All the way through first? Pick anyone who you want. Who would you pick? Anyone in the world. My ex-boyfriend. Oh you pick you oh I'm sorry the ex-boyfriend no shit he's gone you can No shit

Wow, oh my god, whoo So much to unpack here Okay, so do we want to do a play-by-play here? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think we go line by yeah I think every time she sees a line we get we yeah, we got to talk about it We gotta talk hers are just fucking next level brutal Okay, if the Yankees were gonna win a World Series, but you had to give each other a hall pass, would you do it? Absolutely. Pause. Yeah. Okay, why didn't I? Pause, pause, pause.

Okay, so first of all, the mic's on the guy at first. Yeah. And then she decides to take her turn to speak and say, absolutely. Which is something I would never expect from a girl. Well, he did do the right thing, though. The mic was on him. And he paused paused and he waited because if he said yeah first he's fucked no i think he played this right up until he was down so bad where he should have just went got no no i

give him there he didn't do anything wrong yeah this is all on her it's all if you ask me i mean he could have like tried to play it a little better to make himself seem like less of a bitch but as well as he could in her eyes. Did you hear his fucking voice crack the fuck out when he said, yeah. Go ahead, run it. You can pick anyone who you want. Who would you pick? Anyone in the world.

Pause. That's a statement. Pause, pause, pause. That's a statement not a question. Can I go back? Because I said he didn't do anything wrong. He did. He asked the guy who she has to cheat on him with.

That guy didn't. The guy who's interviewing didn't ask that. What did he say? The guy, the boyfriend was like, oh, who is it? Who is it with? And then he goes, okay, anyone. Go ahead. So he could have been out.

And just, yes, we have the hall pass. But I think he pushed as far as it went. Oh, he pushed for the specific person. Yes. Okay. Maybe he's looking for some insight here. Maybe he's trying to fish up some details. Absolutely.

Yeah. Okay, why did he have to ask you? Who does she have to, who does she have to? Oh, I thought he said that. Who does she have to, who does she have to? He's like, oh, tell me. I think he's got some, some like, he's trying to like dig up some details here. Because he knows who she's going to say probably.

Yeah. Anyone in the world? Statement. Not a question. My ex-boyfriend? Oh, God. The way she laughs. Nervousest laugh ever.

Dude, so it's reiterated twice that it could be anyone in the world. And she still doesn't hesitate to go, my ex-boyfriend. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, God. Who would you pick? That was three seconds of us

there's a little piece of this that I feel like a lot of people don't pick up on and you can barely see it in the cuts here but so after he does that super nervous laugh and that guy goes like oh shit she retreats from him and hides behind the guy giving the interview because she knows she just buried him

she's fucked up that's fucked oh yeah she moves she's not even on his team anymore yeah she's on the interview him also switch squad she goes well dad who's yours now motherfucker you oh god that is so horrendous. Oh, God. Why the ex-boyfriend? We're going to fight about this. This is the best part of the whole thing. He's gone. He's gone.

I love her. Wow. That's terrible, dude. Bro, this guy is down baddest of the century right now, bro. That's bad, dude. Oh, my God. Holy shit. If they're still together i'll be

fucking shocked name one other answer that she could have said that was worse her dad his dad no but at least you're like okay that's like brother or his dad or something brother or dad but then she doesn't get to fall the follow-up question which you made a good point when we first watched this you were like he was not far enough away for when she said he was a good lover he heard that yeah yeah and regardless he's seen this video now and has heard it oh he's seen this a hundred times it's been he had to have been sprinting away yeah for her to not or for him to not to hear it i i need i'm gonna need some follow-up on this yeah there's going to be i pray they're not together anymore it'll be on tosh.o if they're still together he's the softest bitch in the world yeah because you get publicly humiliated like that by a girl

i don't care how long you've been together it's over sweetheart the ex-boyfriend is and you know the ex-boyfriend is in the dms the minute he saw oh yes yeah he sent it to her and he goes what's up so you bought them yankees and the best part is the Yankees are like probably already going to win the world series this year. They're in. So she doesn't even have to clap down her ex. So she's just going to be like, well,

I did it for the team. I did it for the team. Damn dude. Feel for that guy. Fucking. I don't. Not really, but he's a squid.

Yeah. That guy's a squid. I'm bringing squid back. Squid game. Oh, I called a guy a squid this weekend. Not to his face, but of course not.

All right. So he's down bad for sure. Yeah. Yeah. He's horrendous. this weekend. Not to his face, but... Of course not. Alright. So he's down bad, for sure. Yeah, horrendous. I did have another current news story that I wanted to bring up, if we wanted to stay on that sort of topic. Did you guys hear about Sharkana? Say what? You heard about Sharkana? What is it? So an underwater

volcano erupted. And then, as that eruption, they stuck like a camera down there to see what was in there. And they found two types of sharks were living in the superheated sulfuric acid waters. So like mutant sharks were surviving in this underwater volcano. Yeah, like in the volcano before it exploded. Well, no, I think the way they even like thought to even look is because there were shark guts exploding up. Yeah, there was chum coming up from underneath it. And they're like, what's living in there?

Coming through the volcano? As the volcano was erupting, they found there was body parts of sharks. So they couldn't hang in the explosion? No, they didn't survive the explosion. But when it was dormant, they were living in the volcano. In the volcano. The hottest fucking sharks ever.

The mutant sharks, dude. teenage mutant sharks fucking sharks living in that's fucking that's pretty lit so it's pretty lit yeah just sharkano in itself was just fun yeah i can't wait for the new movie series coming out film yeah that's fair i can't wait for the rock to star as a hammerhead shark in the new Sharkano film. They just stretch his eyes. CGI stretches his eyes out from his bald head. That's barely that much CGI. It's about drive. Volcanoes. Fast and Furious 11, Sharkano.

All right. You guys want to go to the red hole? Let's try and spread them out a little bit. We can spread them out. Then we'll come back and do another one. Okay. Choose your first red hole let's do let's try and spread them out a little bit like we can spread one and then we'll come back and do another one okay we'll choose your first red hole do you want mooing extreme ironing or quidditch is mooing spelled m-o-o yes mooing i want i want moving you want moving yeah that's a almost a dumb question. How long you been moving? Nope.

What? He better do so good. Oh, my God. What in the Wichita, Kansas fuck is going on? Oh my god What in the Wichita, Kansas Fuck is going on So for those Holy shit So for those of you

That are just listening In the Midwest They have Mooing competitions I guarantee this Is at a state fair At the state fair No doubt

But he lowkey Fucking murdered him No that was pretty Fucking awesome All issues I have With this video aside He did a really good moo The tremble in it It was like murdered it. No, that was pretty fucking awesome. All issues I have with this video aside, he did a really good move. The tremble in it. It was kind of that.

That rising pitch. Yes. Absolutely. But actually, now that I just tried to do the sound, it didn't seem that hard to do. I got pretty close to try one. But you didn't have the depth. That's true, yeah. But I mean, that's a big man.

I mean, that is basically a cow um here's my problem with this video why is there so many preface questions before he did just hand him the mic and let him move clearly where do you knew no he said how many times have you moved how long have you been moving yes that's a lot of questions just make the whole thing worse now i there's a lot of things that i hope i wish i could find out and that one who is the judges for this cows is this a crowd applause meter oh there's a panel of cows cows in the back like if you can get them to move back you win yeah you win basically that's gotta be what it is yeah that has to be yeah they need to turn the camera around or it's just like

a bunch of like 20 year milk farmers who just like they know they know they know the sound yeah it could be a cow filming if you think it could be the the only people in the crowd that are human could just be the two people on the stage every the whole crowd is cows yeah i gotta admit i didn't see a whole lot of people around that yeah no at wisconsin what do you think you win? Some milk? A cow? A whole fucker cow. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick break because we have a jingle of sorts. A jingle of sorts for you. And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three.

Because Manscaped is a little place where we can shave our ball sack. Ball sack, baby. Nice. where we can shave our ball sack ball sack baby nice yeah yeah yeah yeah manscaped you're gonna have to up the offer boys but yeah so support for the new fomo podcast is brought to you by manscaped who is the best in men's below the waist grooming. Their products are precision engineered tools for your family jewels. And Manscaped's performance package is the ultimate men's hygiene bundle. Join over 4 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped with this exclusive offer for you. 20% off and free shipping worldwide with the code NO fomo no fomo is the code so use that code no fomo at manscape.com for 20 off and free shipping now back to the show all right so as far as as far as the red hole goes i found a little one for myself here i gave it a shot and

i found one you went in the red went in the, this one was titled... For the record, the red hole kind of makes me feel weird. Oh, shit. The name. Oh, yeah. It's a weird way to put it. Because when you first brought it up, like, up until the point you explained what it was, I was thinking some dark things. Well, that's on you, though. Oh, yeah.

Okay. It could just be me. So, this one, the title was, Do You Guys Not Grab the Poop with Toilet Paper. Um, so this one, the title was, do you guys not grab the poop with toilet paper? So it starts off my 26 year old fiance and I had just had the poop talk. What does that mean? What does that mean? But here's how it goes. And I think I'm missing something. When I learned to go to the bathroom, my dad taught me to grab the poop, i.e. with your hand wrapped in paper, so that when it is falling out of your butt, you basically catch it and it doesn't splash in the water. My fiance is horrified, but I feel like I've known other people who do it this way. What do you guys think?

Wait, is this the male or the female? I believe. Or is this a male? It female i believe or is this i doesn't have it doesn't have that in there but i'm assuming the guy let's go gender neutral here i'm gonna assume the guy because i don't think i was a dad you really teach your daughter how to poop that's true in such a weird way you ever had a daughter though oh my god no i mean i guess it could go either way but i'm a leaning guy you guys if there is more than one school of thought on this, then I don't want to live on this planet anymore. He's saying hand underneath.

He's saying wrap that thing like a mummy. Catch it. Catch turd. Catch turd. Why? Drop. Oh, turd drop. So you catch it as you're pooping in the toilet,

and then you set it in there so you don't get any splash. No splash value. Which is the weirdest reason to not catch it. It's like a splash is like a catastrophic. Yeah, like, oh, my God. Holy fuck. Like, could you imagine the amount of grossness, like a little splash on your butt every once in a while when you poop

versus poop being landed in your hand every single time you do it and you know sometimes like the amount of force that would be exerted on that little wrapped hand you probably end up with shit on your hand way more and you are you would get with a little you are really hoping for solid logs every time oh that's so fair imagine with a little spray action you're or got shit all the way up to your wrist i mean not even not even that your fucking forearm to your elbow not even that drastic though just a little soft serve how you oh how are you keeping that oh i think you from Or got shit all the way up to your wrist. I mean, not even that. Up to your fucking forearm. Up to your elbow. Not even that drastic, though. Just a little soft serve. How are you keeping that from soaking through?

Oh, God. I think you dropped the TP at that point. I literally, though. You don't do any of this is what you do. Yeah, this is a raw way to do it. This is fucking awful. I hope it was a fake post, but. Yeah, okay, see, there's a lot of trolls on the internet.

That's the hard part. To be fair, I was taught this way, but I learned to not do it. Right, you grew up. How many, there had to have been, for you to even find this, there had to have been thousands of comments. Oh, there was a lot, but I didn't waste my time writing down any of them because they were all along the same line of what the fuck are you talking about? See, that's the thing about Reddit, which is why it's amazing. It's one of the only places that I'd say it's predominantly troll forward so you don't know if the posts are trolling or not and then you also can't tell if any of the comments are true because it's all just anonymous people just railing on each other

no but honestly if you go to the right page it gets so serious that you're kind of scared oh you definitely have people well you definitely have the people who can't tell then you have people that like pretend they're serious but they're like saying something so ridiculous but they'll convince you that it's serious no so i i went into a hour-long hole on r slash wiccan trying to find something like interesting like about witches yeah r slash wiccan like witches but it's so fucking serious that i was scared and i had to leave yeah that sounds That sounds like a room. I don't see, but some, some people do like are convinced. Like this one sounds convincingly serious for a little bit. What is this thread? Uh, I didn't catch the thread. Okay. I was just slash wipe

our slash. How did, how did you do our poop? Well, that's, um, I hope that was a troll post. What do we think? Do we think that's a troll? Well, here's, here's one thing I want to ask. You're getting married and you have the poop talk and your wife says this, your wife says you're imagining your wife says this, you still getting married? No, I think that's grounds for canceling, right? Yeah. Well, I just want to, my feet are so cold. I just want to know why we're all operating like the poop talks in normal conversation. What are we talking?

There's no poop talk. Yeah. There's just girls don't poop. You don't. Yeah. Girls don't poop. There's no talk. Well, even if you just don't, you just, what, what is that?

So how do you do it? Yeah. What? You just, I think it's time. We're about to get married. I was just in there and I was just thinking about how I do it. And I was wondering how you do it. There's no poop talk.

We're going to get married and I want to make sure this is going to last. Talk about poop. Yeah. Yeah. The poop talk is you don't talk about poop. You don't talk about poop. That's easy. All right.

I love that you found the red hole though. You know, I just figured that was the brown hole. It's a fun place. That's the brown hole. You want another place I went, but I didn't find anything like super interesting is the dark web. You actually got on. I got on.

Why are you doing that? What do you mean? Why why am i doing that that's just not a good call i was on the computer and i was like am i me if i don't go to the dark web that's scary yeah that's i don't know dude how do you actually get on it yeah i downloaded the fucking shit and i got on the dark web is it like a proxy like browser thing yeah it's a whole new browser and everything's dot onion i guess but i mean i couldn't find anything worth like i try to look for hitman i try to buy organs but it's like not that straightforward i hope it's not that straightforward yeah no fuck it's yeah that shit the really extreme stuff you could do on the dark web was obviously another layer of complexity we gotta go the deep dark web no that, that's why they call it.onion because there's layers, baby.

There's layers. Stupid. Stupid. Shrek was all about buying children on the internet. Yeah. If you think about it. See, I thought dark web, I could just be like, yo, let me get a kidney for fuck 50 bucks. Okay.

You know how easy it would be to shut down the dark web? Because if you could do it, a cop can get on there. You fuck. No, your VPN and shit are fucking blocked. What? The point of the dark web is it's not connected to the actual internet oh yeah yeah i know so like even if they found they can't find you couldn't trace you i know but they couldn't shut it down exchange in in the way of exchanging some sort of goods they could track you down if you're trying to buy an organ well yeah i guess my name has to be like they do all with like bitcoin and shit so they can't trace it yeah my name yeah and i'm sure it's much more

deeper down than just going on there and saying yo let me get some shit i'm not surprised you couldn't i probably had to make a username like that is so risky for you to do dude mr by kidney or something or just like super not a cop yeah yeah mr not cop mr not a cop yeah death's not a cop but yeah dark web it's not as exciting as you think it is what does it look like fruit yeah yeah Mr. Not Cop Mr. Not a Cop yeah Def's Not a Cop but yeah Dark Web it's not as exciting as you think it is

what does it look like Fruit Punch Gatorade normal websites are they all it's like a a dark dark theme browser and like

did you find it did you find anything and everything's like coded like the matrix so you kind of had to like see through the no it's not did you find anything

um not I mean nothing worth talking about because i didn't stolen bike parts or anything cool no i didn't because i didn't even put it on like my my notes for this week it was just too hard to navigate yeah like you'd have to really like and it's like where would you even learn how to use that yeah so wait let me ask you this like is there like a dark web google browser that you just type in like what you want yeah so there's there's like a dark wiki wikipedia page and that's like where you get most of the stuff from and then i just searched like top 20 like dark websites you were searching for hitman on you looked up the top 20 dark websites on the dark web or on regular web that's where

you fucked up that's where you fucked up yeah you's where you fucked up. Yeah. You need to find like a Reddit thread about the dark web. That's where you can find it. But I went to dark wiki and like it wasn't like nothing that crazy. Like I want to be like. Well, because they probably block anything that's crazy. It's the dark fucker. See, we probably just have a different understanding of how that actually works. Yeah.

Yeah. Well. I mean, we don't know anything about that. You definitely have to sign up for something. But the fact that you were searching for hitman on the dark web makes me concerned to be in the same room as you. Yeah. Like what are you doing, bro? Dude, I thought maybe I could fact that you were searching for hitman on the dark web makes me concerned to be in the same room as you yeah like what are you doing bro through the window

right i thought maybe i could find some fun posts about a hitman i mean that honestly i mean i understand that would have been good no i understand your motivation for it it's just a horrible idea if it went bad well i blocked my vpn dude dude well you're admitting on a recorded camera and microphone that's going to be on the internet that you were trying to buy a Hitman on the dark web. I was looking for a Hitman to put on the show. Okay. You should get a Hitman on the show. There we go.

If anybody knows a Hitman, hit us up. Send them up. Let's get them on the show. Literally, hit us up. Hit us up, man. Fuck. Fucking hell. who wants to take it away

you want to run one G well since we were talking about poop oh I mean it's a little delayed fuse at this point I was going to

bring it up a second ago but you see the video about Kim Kardashian talking about that she would do pretty much anything to look young and she

mentioned eating her own shit who wouldn't yeah she was like I'd try pretty much anything to look young. And she mentioned eating her own shit. Who wouldn't? Yeah. She was like, I'd try pretty much anything, even eating my own poop. And I was like, whoa there. I mean, here's the thing.

It sounds drastic because we know that doesn't work. But if it was proven tomorrow that like eating like a spoonful of your own shit took like a year off your life, everyone would do it. No, no, no. Even better than that, you don't know how young you're gonna look after the spoonful well, but it's just it's proven to make you stay looking younger long No, but that's but you don't know how young you're gonna look like the worst part is like we do

It's not working like a potion, bro. You're thinking like a magic Teleport age you ever have it probably accidentally at some point. Yeah. Okay. Well, you do look younger than usual. I do have a baby face. Yeah, you do. Oh, fuck. Ladies and gentlemen, he's 40. The youngest 30-year-old you've ever seen. It's just like the fact that we know that doesn't work, and she still said it on camera in an interview that everyone saw.

We don't know. How many studies have been run? She's probably tried it. Run me that study. I don't have, I don't have the, uh, right up on that one.

Okay. I mean, I've gotten, I've eaten on the, while shitting before that. Really? Like a beefy five. One time I went and I bought like $35 worth of Taco Bell and I was trying to put it down as fast as possible. And I was doing a snap story while I was doing it.

Um, and I was like, fuck, I got to take a shit. And then I took, I went to go to the bathroom and I was like, you know, what would be funny is if I was, while I was taking a shit, I took a video of me eating some of the taco and I was like, no rest for the wicked, you know? So you were, I think I might remember this. I think I have it saved somewhere. The shit story. The shit story? The shit story, yeah. Good God. It's an aggressive amount. It's like weight of Taco Bell.

So just for the record, no more poop topics are allowed on this episode. Yeah, we ran the gauntlet. We're overboard on that. Okay, you guys want to do r slash ask me? Let's mix it up. Let's mix up the categories. No, r slash ask me.

What's that mean? It's probably something he made up. Okay, yeah, let's play's mix it up let's mix up the categories no r slash ask me what's what's that mean it's probably something he made up so okay yeah let's play let's play you want to play yeah let's play the game you guys want to play okay useless superpowers part two erase the memory of any movie you've already seen so you could watch it again free uber once a day always know where the remote is or never have to do laundry never have to do laundry done those are all fire i'm quick on the laundry i hate that more than anything at the amount of times i've finished doing laundry what from the day that i started like it usually takes me at least like three days to get laundry done really yeah oh for him we're talking washer forget about it go to grab it out of the dryer like later in the day

it's like oh fuck and then you put it in the dryer at night and then you wake up the next day and you're like oh it's all wrinkled run the dryer again so you gotta rerun the dryer yeah rerun the dryer and then you like forget about it and then you're like all right fuck it I'm not running again you grab it put it in the hamper and you're like it's already fucking a little bit wrinkly there's no point in folding it right now. I've gotten in the good habit of just setting, like looking at the time it says, how long it's going to take, setting a timer for that exact amount of time. And then going back right when that timer's up.

Oh, I'm responsible. I think she's better than us. I don't know if I mind laundry that much. That's fair. Well, where are you going then? I might, I mean mean i just love a good movie right isn't that one good that i'm like with friends who haven't seen a movie and i'm like the only one because i've seen every movie 20 times i'm the only one being a little bitch i'm like

oh i just saw this because my definition of just saw this is like i've ever seen it once yeah that's fair yeah yeah i saw when it came out three years ago so i just saw it i started calling people out when they say that like oh i just saw I just saw this. I'm like, when did you? When did you? But there's some movies that you say that because you don't need to see it again. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's a fair. You could just say, I've seen it.

I don't want to watch it again. But when they're like, oh, I just watched this. I'm like, when? But I'd be down. It would be like Forrest Gump. I'm like, when did you? So that any movie would hit just as hard as it did the first time. They would hit so good.

There's dozens that hit so hard. Almost all of them. Yeah. Yeah. I'm taking movies for sure. Yeah. I mean, that is so hard. Almost all of them. I'm taking movies for sure. You guys did bring up a good point. Laundry sucks, but maybe

watch a movie while you're doing laundry for the first time. Being able to always watch it newly with your friends would be pretty worse. I couldn't. There's nothing that hits better than showing your friends a movie that you know super good for the first time. And you're like, oh, watch this part.

Just think of how much better your free time would be if you could just freely forget movies. Dude, if every night before bed I could put on Tenet for the first time, oh my god. It's a good night every night. I'd be living the dream. That's fair. I'm blowing a.18 right now. You're fucking drunk, dude. Locking in a bit.

You are fucking hammered. I'm locked in right now. Locked into the fucking nether realm. You're fucking drunk, dude. Lock it in a bit. You are fucking hammered. I'm locked in right now. Locked into the fucking nether realm. You're locked into your own world of locked issues. This is still r slash ask me. For the record, when I walked in, he didn't have his glasses on yet. Show the people what your eyes are.

Show them your eyes. Show them your eyes. He's fucking blacked out, dude. Look at you, bro. You're fucking hammered out dude look at you bro you fucking hammered he's really taking this fucking drinking during the podcast to another level you know what I'm serious

you can replace one finger on either hand with one of the following one shot reloadable nerf gun self renewing slim jim mini eyebrow brush unlimited ring pop or four inchinch knife. Oh, I already have mine locked in.

I know for a fact what I'm going with. What was the first one again? One-shot reloadable Nerf gun. Do I have to get the Nerf bullet? It just automatically reloads? Yeah. Oh, fuck. That throws a wrench in the basket for sure.

It's between Slim Jim and Nerf gun. Might as well say Slim Jim and ring pop. Ring ring pop i'm a big fan of ring pop see the only thing i'm thinking about the ring pop is it would be sticky when you're sucking on it after and then you just got like a little sticky like if it's like stuck to your one of your fingers okay let me throw a wrench in it never sticky okay okay yep now we're that's taking away a wrench. You got rid of the wrench. Here's my opinion. I think Ring Pop, the flavors of Ring Pops are like the best flavors of any candy on the market. Whoa. Up there with like Push Pops. I agree.

A cherry Ring Pop is the most cherry ever. Are you talking just pops? Like a Blue Raspberry Ring Pop is better than a Blue Raspberry Jolly Rancher. It's better than a Blue Raspberry. Are you talking hard candy stuff only? Exclusively hard candy? Like suckable candies? No, I think of any candy

because I think hard candies are just generally better flavors because they last forever. Sour Patch? No, shit's on Sour Patch flavors. Have you had the Jolly Rancher sour gummies? They shit on Sour Patch because the flavors are better.

Okay, okay. Yeah, wake up. You've never had them. You're just asleep. My diet isn't 60% candy like yours, so i just i think i think i'd probably go with the slim gym just because the nerf gun would the nerf gun would run out of uh like excitement like people would just be like hey stop fucking shooting how quick

is the slim gym auto regenerate and also is it only the size of the finger i put it on you're never running out of some gym okay i, I might have to go Slim Jim. Because first of all, goated snack. Second of all, imagine, think about the amount of times you're hungry in a situation where you just can't get food in that exact moment. And I'm sitting in like a fucking conference call and I'm just like.

It's a permanent appetizer. Yeah. I'm taking Slim Jim. Yeah, just because Nerf gun would be fun, but then people would be like, hey, yo, don't invite John around. He's going to Yeah, just because Nerf gun would be fun, but then people would be like, hey, yo, don't invite John around. He's going to shoot you with a Nerf gun finger. As much fun as having a Nerf gun finger would be,

how unfun is being hungry? Pretty unfun. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so a Slim Jim would be like, ooh, I'm always full enough. Eyebrow comb? See, that was my original first choice. Girls would go eyebrow brush, maybe.

Yeah, that's fair you have never brushed your eyebrows i've never brushed my eyebrows in my life but i would if i had a permanent one that's fair that's fair didn't think about that angle yeah okay plot twist would you rather be thicker than a snicker or plumper than a plum i mean i mean plump i'm equating these to two different parts of the body naturally thicker than a snicker I'm thinking of the shape of a snicker

it's long it's giving you a thick dick that's not what we're going for am I not allowed to interpret this the way I want or are you going to force your predisposition where are you assuming that the plum was supposed to be in the cheeks the

butt cheeks okay but thicker than a snicker they're not very thick though they're thick it's a fun thing to say but it's not very thick yeah that's what that was my only point is that a snicker is not that thick that's what i'm saying if it's gonna make my the snicker thicker okay so i don't know if i want to be described as plump that doesn't sound good like if someone was like aj you're looking plump af i mean i'm imagining like chubby cheat jay so where are we going i'm going thicker than a snicker are you sure yeah okay snicker snicker okay well we got to test that one out that's nice unless the plump is only in my ass okay so this one's this one is something of the ages here if you were designing penis 2.0

what changes would you make there's an easy simple change that puts it automatically 2.0 probably unbeatable for the future i can't wait vibrate that fucker oh that's pretty good if that thing vibrates we're back in the game dude we as a species we are back we are legends yeah you know you know how fucking rapidly the population would increase if the shit vibrated oh it would it would you would not be able to like go five minutes without someone hopping on pop. You could almost... Dude, if our dick vibrated, the whole stigma of sex would probably flip on it.

Like, girls would finish too quick at that point. They'd be like, oh, turn the vibrator down. It's too... They'd probably fucking pass out. And we'd be sitting there like, well, what about me? What about now? Yeah, exactly. Like, no, I can't anymore.

The whole dynamic flips. I swear to God to god dude that would bring us back it turns into like the women becoming the breadwinners and like they like hit on you at the bar oh it flipped the whole society up toxic femininity would be a thing the whole society gets flipped on its fucking head this thing vibrated they're just hunting us down dude and then you've got like just pure vibration power would be the only differentiator between penis yes vibration technology is huge i got nothing better than that yeah i would have loved and then you've got like just pure vibration power would be the only differentiator between penis. Yes.

Vibration technology is huge. I got nothing better than that. Yeah. I would have loved to known what you were thinking before that. Um, I was thinking, um, let's see one minute reload technology. Ooh.

Yeah. I mean, that'd be cool for us. Yeah. Depending on the girl. Cause then looking at two minutes. Yeah. And always hard technology. Oh, that's called Cial cialis yeah that's called no always hard technology literally i

don't know if we want that daily prescribed don't you no if we wanted that i'd take a cialis every day yeah true okay it's already been which i do so yeah that's why i don't prescribe twice daily i have a lot of them okay man, man, these are all so much fun. I'm so drunk. You're absolutely hammered. Okay. What are the odds Biden dies on any given day? Oh, just like percentage chance

that it could just happen at any moment. Even the high 40s. What is he, 107 or 80? What is he actually is he 80 something he is 78 79 or yeah something or something like that yeah so we got falling yeah that's what i'm saying like almost any regular thing that someone normal could survive could take him out yeah falling could take him out for sure choking on a piece of steak He is definitely not allowed to eat. He can't have strong chewable foods. They got to be soft at best at this point. Oh, he's dentured up.

Oh, he's dentured up. You're right. I mean, heart attacks got to be at least every day 50% chance, right? No, not that. No, I mean, it's 50% chance every day. I mean, but yeah, if someone like, if it was someone's first day working at like the O office and they thought it'd be funny to like scare him or something, he could go down in a second.

Could you imagine there's one intern that loves to scare by just like Joe, let's put it at 25% on a daily basis. I think that's, yeah. I mean, what, what do you think your chance of dying on a daily basis are zero, zero. Can't be. One percent. I was just for reference. I was just curious.

Maybe five. I wasn't saying you should have it higher. I was just curious what you thought. That's fair. Maybe five. Okay. I mean, if you're ripping eight shots on a Tuesday,

at least five. No. I'm invincible. You're invisible. I'm invisible. You're invisible and invincible at the same time. It's crazy. No. Invisible. You're invisible. I'm invisible. You're invisible and invincible at the same time. It's crazy. Okay.

Let's see here. If you had to choose one fast food item as a weapon in a fight, what would it be? An Arby's sandwich. Just hold it out in front of you and no one wants to come near you. All you have to do is convince them to eat it and they're done. And they're dead right there, right? Yeah. Yo, how about this?

Just eat this. Yo, take a bite of this. It looks really good at first, like the idea of it's really good. Yeah. That thing will take you out. That thing might take you out. This is a tough one because a lot of it's not going to work. Would maybe a chicken bake from Costco, would that count?

Ooh, that thing's – Ooh, they have weight. If you let that sit out for like a couple hours That's I'm saying if you got an old one at the end of the day that could have some fucking a frozen ones Yeah, that's almost like a baseball. Yeah Yeah, I'd take that or maybe just something with some explode factor like a melted frosty or something So yeah, my thing was milkshake. Yeah milkshake because you just stick them up. You're getting a milkshake on you Might not be able to see for a second or two.

Milkshake to the face, yeah. Milkshake to the face. It's like mint chip or something. Yeah. Get a little spice in the eye. Yeah. Spicy. Mint chip spice.

That's a hard fight to fight. Yeah, I'm white. Mint chip is spicy. Yeah. Okay. Let's see here. Things that piss you the fuck off. Things that piss me off?

Now, this is one I did the other day pretty recently. And I usually don't do it anymore because I have to actively think about it when I'm doing it so that I don't do it. I had my keys in my phone in one hand. I had trash in the other hand. I threw away my keys in my phone. And I've done that so many times in my life that anytime I'm in that situation, like if you were trying to talk to me when I was going towards the trash, I wouldn't be able to talk to you.

Cause the only thing in my head, the head is left hand, left hand, left hand, left hand, left hand, left hand. Sounds like what pisses you off is your own stupidity.

Oh yeah. I'm not blaming anybody else, but me here. But I fucking hate when I do that. Yeah. That's you against you for sure. That's a constant battle. I wish you guys could see in my brain that just no it does take a lot throw it throw it throw it throw it throw it because you almost overthink it so much to where you still

do the wrong thing as soon as i have something i almost always put stuff in my pocket because if it's in my hand i'm like i'm gonna do it then you end up putting the trash in your pocket i did not know that about you that's my most like ptsd that's fair. I got people when they're on their phone on the fucking freeway. I want to fucking run them off the road. Really? I mean, if it's me, it's fine. Oh, okay. As long as we got that out of the way.

Other people. Other people. Yeah, get off your phone. No, when you're behind someone, they're going like 45 on the freeway and you pass them and they're fucking going like this. I'm like, I don't want to fucking just rant. Yeah, I feel that. But if it's me, don't get mad at me. I'm just, I'm just i'm busy no you're going 95 i'm just trying to get a good song i

don't slow down though yeah yeah i just test on the limits yeah um going along with the phones thing i had uh people on their phone when we're watching any sort of movie or show or at the movies yeah fucking get off it right now this is me and you having okay suspend your reality with me yeah share this with me yeah join me you know what i'm saying yeah and also not talk to each other for two hours but we're sharing this moment and if you're a different person in the movie theater i'm shouting oh if it's someone that's not with me i'm i'm gonna be yelling yeah if they they put an ad on the screen that says get off your fucking phone i'm yelling at you honestly the light is enough like it doesn't

even have to be oh you accidentally left the sound on just you pulling it out and that light taking my attention away from the screen and pulling me out of it fucks me out yeah go fuck yourself if you do that yeah go go fuck your whole shit wherever you are they filmed a thing to tell you to not go fuck yourself yep but one of my favorite things is when as a group everyone like yells at the one person and shames the fuck that of them. That's good. Oh yeah. I've definitely multiple times in a theater be like, nope. Don't you fucking do it.

Not today, motherfucker. Have you been there when my mom does it? Oh, I would not want to do it in front of Carol. My mom's a savage. Oh my God. Excuse me. Please don't do that in front of the theater, please. I could just see him be like, what the fuck?

No, no, no, no. I've got see him be like, what the fuck? No, no, no, no. I've got the Lord on my side. Don't question me. Yeah. Um, I just put bicyclists down.

Yeah. They need to go. It doesn't matter what they're doing, where they're at, where they're riding, what the occasion is. Fuck them. Yeah.

They could be in their bike lane doing their own entire thing. Find a better thing to do. Honestly, it pissed me off. Even when they are on the sidewalk, not even anywhere near me. If I see you just having a good time bicycling on like a Saturday, fuck you. Find something better to do. Stop. Find a better activity. Have you ever been day drinking before?

Yeah, find something better to do. Or do something that you could, you can't talk to people while you're like. Well, that's the problem for everything in the world as far as bicycling is they want to talk to each other so they ride next to each other and they block the whole fucking lane. Just stop. Cut it out.

I like that. I hate it. Yes. There you go. I was about to freak out on you. I'd like to think I'm not alone in this. I've had grocery stores in general and very specifically fucking

costco i fucking despise like not the store itself but the people in there they're just dumber bro dumber people did you write the same list as me did you you got this my next one because we've talked about this before when we used to go to costco together when we were together we're like oh we gotta go yeah it's more take the time where there's like the least amount of people there because the people there just fucking stupid bro well here's the worst part about costco is the the free sample congregation that happens where people just stand there with their fucking mouth open for a dip of cheddar cheese yeah and they're just and they put all their carts in the way and you're just like trying to get by because you don't even go for the samplers Yeah Cheese thank you I want to go buy cheese

It's bad And also just their walking speed at Costco Get the fuck out of the way I mean when I go to the grocery store I go in with a list And I go I know exactly where everything is and I go boom boom boom boom boom And I'm never in there legitimately for more than 15 minutes tops. Dude. And then I go self-checkout.

I don't talk to a fucking person. Don't look at me. I'm just beep, beep, beep. It blows my fucking mind. I can't even stand to talk to a cashier. Because I'm thinking about like a person that I walk by that's holding up the whole aisle just walking half speed. It's like your whole life takes twice as long as mine does. Because you're walking half the fucking speed as I am.

Fuck out of here. Well, people who go to like the grocery store to browse. Yeah. My whole life tastes twice as long as mine does because you're walking half the fucking speed as I am. Your whole life tastes. Fuck out of here. Well, people who go into like the grocery store to browse. Yeah. You know, I'm either going in there for specific ingredients for one meal or I'm going for my shit for the week and I know exactly what I'm getting.

I have my little notes app open. How many fucking meals do you need? You know? Yeah. And how do you go in? Like, you expect to be able to just like browse a grocery store? You know how many fucking items there are in there? Yeah out of here i'm just going to get inspired i just

want to see what the ingredients tell me you know yeah get a fucking life kill yourself i had one more but fucking you said that was incredible you said the costco thing and then you said my next one was people that breathe through their mouth and you literally said that right after but my last one was uh people that just don't fucking remember how the road works yep so like people that don't understand right aways so like they have i'm making a left and they're making a right going the other way and they wait for me to make the left they're like sitting at the corner waiting to make the right. Get up. Fucking get a grip, dude. That shit gets me every time. I only had one more and it was just, it's happened like a lot recently.

So it's kind of like stuck in my head is when DJs will play like a cool older song that has like a fun chorus. And they'll play the parts before the chorus and then they'll switch it before the chorus happens. Because I'm getting all excited for the chorus, and then they'll just drop some other bullshit. Weren't we just talking? Was that at the bar we were at the other night? We're like, damn, they literally just switched it up. We're like, dude, they just skipped the best part of the song. Yeah, it was hyping up.

It was like, gimme, gimme, gimme. And then they just blew it. And you're like, how are you going to cut that out? Yeah, that's fair. Okay. Was that good? gimme gimme and then they just no yeah and you're like how are you gonna cut that out yeah yeah that's fair okay is that good my last one it was meant to be lumped in with the other one but i it was kind of just having to do anything productive in public in general like when i when i go out with an intention of things to do and everyone else just seems seems to be fucking lollygagging you know like going to the store, going to like a store where I'm buying something

very specific, like a fucking clothing store where I need a very specific outfit or something. Oh yeah, I just stopped leaving the house in general. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like having to do anything productive, that involves anyone being able to get in my way. Having to do anything productive. Which goes in with driving too.

It's just like leaving the house is just getting really cumbersome. I mean, we're not, I know Morg follows the same mantra. I don't do anything at nine or five. I don't do anything. Or between nine and five. Anything, if there's traffic when I have to do it, we're not doing that thing.

Oh, no. If people are awake, I'm not. I'd rather sit. I'd rather sit in my house for three extra hours than sit in traffic for 10 more minutes. I'll pay fucking $30 for shipping if I don't have to look at somebody doing something stupid yeah yeah people get me dude i'm just like this got me this route i hate people dude fuck people suck dude that's that are listening we love but if you're

listening yeah sucks yeah if you're listening we fucking love you dude let's fucking go to the let's go to costco dude i'll go to costco with all you fuckers worst activities to do on mushrooms being around anyone not on shrooms that's number one for sure it's terrifying there's nothing you could say that's just in any way on the same level I can't think of a sentence that would make any sense

to anyone not even close I had just running out of a sentence that would make any sense to anyone. Not even close. I had just running out of mushrooms. Yeah, that part. That's usually the worst part of a movie trip. I tried to think of some out of the box worst. Actually, the worst.

I tried to create it. Oh, like really bad? Yeah. So my worst case scenario was in a haunted house while Slipknot music is playing. Oh my God. In a haunted house could be a vibe while Slipknot music is playing. Oh my God. In a haunted house could be a vibe while Slipknot is playing. Not the vibe. Yeah.

Fucking terrifying. Dude, I could have a fuck grand old time with a couple of zombies. No, I would. No, maybe not. Nah,

by yourself though, by yourself. No, I'm out on my list. I have being alone in general. Being alone. I was just going to say. Sometimes it can be all right. No, it's fun when you know you can get out of being alone. Okay being alone i was just oh yeah sometimes if like it can be all right no it's fun when you know you can get out of being alone okay yeah yeah you're stuck alone you're like i'm

i'm in my in the bathroom for a second i know i can go out to the boys whenever i want but like the minute that if there was like no other option but being in the bathroom by yourself it would i'd be freaked out yeah uh my other worst created place that I came up with, an entire room of mirrors, and you're the only one in there. I think that'd be kind of fun. But don't you kind of, like, at a certain point, I, like, can't look at myself anymore. And if you couldn't look away because it was all mirrors.

That's fair. If I couldn't not look at myself. Oh, it's just, like, infinite versions of you. Floor, ceiling ceiling all around so fair like you have to close your eyes and i don't want to be close my eyes because not even just your face would look weird it's like oh is that the back of my head looks like yeah yeah and it's infinite oh yeah no i wouldn't like yeah that would not be good it'd be fun for a second yeah yeah it'd be cool if you go in there get out yeah there's a door yeah if you're stuck in there

it's not good yeah because then your only other option is close your eyes and that's, that's not going well for a long time. Yeah. I mean, I couldn't, other than what you guys covered, I can't think of a lot of bad ones. There's a lot of ways to make a lot of it fun.

Yeah. Anything scary. Nothing's like a movie. Yeah. Or too crowded, like way too crowded. But as long as it's like, not just regular people.

Like if I'm like, I don't know. Well, if you have, it's going to be fun. If it's like not just regular people. Like if I'm like, I don't know. Concerts can be fun. If it's like me and six of my friends who are all on mushrooms in a crowd, that's fine. But if it's just like a bunch of other people like bumping in you and shit. Yeah. I'd say being alone and being around normal people is the worst. Yeah.

Being in like a crowded bar I think is very bad for me. No, that's a no. Now this one's a controversial one for me, but I put the beach. See, I've had a really pisses me it's un i don't like it i don't like the feeling of saying a little sloppy when i'm on shrooms like rolling around in the dirt and then you just like playing around because you get to play in the water just go into a mud puddle and splash around in the backyard you get to play in the water at the beach, which is fun. Water on shrooms is amazing.

True, water on shrooms is good. But pools are better, so fuck the beach. Yeah, I just don't like the sand, dude. Sand isn't good for anyone, I don't think. I honestly just don't like the beach in general. It's the most cap thing in the world is sand. Yeah, I don't like the beach. If it was grass on the beach instead of sand, everyone would like it more.

Yeah. I mean... I gotta remember to stop snorting in the background. Yeah, true. I mean, rocks aren't good, in a million little rocks are even worse. Yeah. Rocks suck. Small rocks are worse.

Yes. Yep. All right. Let me see what the bad, the best last one is. Let's hear some of your guys own personal life hacks. Uh, this first one is lying.

It works for so much stuff. Just lie sometimes. It's so good for getting out of. It's so good for getting out of stuff. Oh, you were late for work. Lie. Make something up. Just make some stuff up.

Gots to. Gots to. I got one for Morg. Only wearing black shirts. So no one can tell that you wear the same shirt every day of your fucking life and say you have more than one but it's actually just one that's good oh shit i got two oh fuck i got uh letting your dishes soak for an extra 24 hours not only is it easier and faster to clean but the look on your roommate's faces in disappointment it's just priceless it's just priceless yeah so yeah you're a big soaking guy all right gotta let it soak yep you simply have to um the next one i had here is if you're ever feeling like alone

watch a scary movie by yourself in the dark oh and then you will really not feel alone yeah so true right you will feel like there are something there's something there oh you'll you won't feel alone but no what's with you is a possessed spirit yeah it's a switch in the scared but yeah you won't feel alone anymore for sure you will never feel alone yeah if you feel if you go you go from feeling lonely to just horrified yeah um i got sleeping on top of the comforter so you only have to fold one blanket when you're making your bed i personally do that you do do that no but the thing is it's fucking weird i do it for multiple reasons one i have a very like heavy comforter

so it's way too hot to sleep under any month besides like fucking january and it's actually like another full layer of padding from my mattress so i'm like it's quite comfortable it's personal are you smart like that? I am. I guess so. I got to smile super hard in every photo, not only so you look stupid, but so the photo's unpostable. Because I do that way too much fucking often, dude. So no one can ever post a picture of you? This is one I have to give credit to a friend back in high school, Eli, who went through sign language. credit to a friend back in high school, Eli, who went through sign language. Give a thumbs up while yawning around deaf people so they know that you're not screaming. Oh, because

to them, a yawn looks like you are screaming in fear. We're looking out for the ALS community. Or roaring. Whatever, roar, scream. I said ALS. I think that's Lou Gehrig's disease. Either or. Whatever, Roar, Scream. I said ALS. I think that's Lou Gehrig's disease. ASL. ALS is a motor function disease.

Yeah. ASL. That's a good one. Yeah. I just, I had those two. Okay. The rest of mine weren't, I didn't feel comfortable saying them.

This is a weird one. I actually just. I do have one, but I don't want to say it. Say it, we can cut it say it just keeping a hand towel under the bed in case things get a little out of control and you don't have time to get up oh if you forget to pre-grab something if you forget to pre-grab something just keeping a a crusty rag under the bed oh it could be a rag it could be a sock you know whatever you need there he goes again but you do this if you're gonna do that you've got

to swap it out at least like once a month or something oh i would say at least once a month i don't i don't it's only in use of in case of emergency so i'm not using it that often i'm saying if it gets used more than like two or three times then you have to swatch it swap it up so what's the situation that you don't have to use that if i pre-grab if he grabs like a couple of paper towels or pre-grab some tissue paper or something hold up let me go grab some paper towels no no he's not talking about when he's talking about personal use here my guy you're talking about personal hygiene yes yes no i'm talking about personal use oh yeah oh yeah i'm talking if i dump a load on my own chest

do i need to spell it out for you brother yeah yeah you're right you're right but if a girl's there i'll use a bathtub i just use i'll no hesitation whatever is the closest thing yeah i feel that um so i was actually fishing for ideas on the internet and this is something i didn't know but i thought was fucking hilarious is um doritos are great for kindling if you can't find any and i actually have a oh fritos are actually the best for lighting a fire yeah fritos will start a fire really super easy wow you could set fucking specifically the uh flaming hot ones or any any type i think these are just og doritos you could set the fuck on fire yeah they're so um if you ever watch uh survivor if you ever watch survivor man i don't

fuck with anybody else besides survivor and less drought less drought is the guy who would go in there by himself with and film by himself no camera crew he would carry all the shit around the other guy because i like the other guy uh bear grills bear grills fuck bear grills dude he doesn't have you ever seen all the the videos of people going where he was and he's like, oh, jumping across something. And there's literally you just walk two feet to the left and you can go around it. Yeah. I mean, okay.

I can't say I think I respect him the most. The other guy is obviously gnarlier. And the guy who has like the handheld cameras and shit. Well, he has like a pack. He carries around like two packs. The bearded dude. Yeah. Yeah.

No. Berry Girls is just like an entertaining guy to watch. I mean, yeah. He's ridiculous. But I will agree. The other guy is better. Yeah. But he taught me the me the dorito trick really there's a bunch of oil in there yeah really oh yeah it's so it's so packed cool so thanks for that dude yeah that was a big one you go from soaking your dishes to sucking on dorito why would you not just eat it though i'm

kind of hungry yeah what do you are you using the Doritos to cook like horse meat? Why not just fucking eat the Doritos? We're with Joe Rogan and we're out of kindling and he killed him. Yo, what if we burn the only food we brought? Get the fire going. I swear I'll come back with something. Yeah, just start the fire.

I'm going to go hunt elk. Come back. Yeah, I got nothing. What happened to the Doritos? I going to go hunt elk. Come back here. I got nothing. What happened to the Doritos? I've been keeping this fire going for three hours. We got to eat Doritos. All right, guys. Episode 15 is in the books.

Thank you guys for listening to another full episode. For those of you who've been making it through the end. Yeah. The 70% of you that fucking have been hanging with the boys. All the way through, which is huge compared to what we started out with, which was like less than 30%. And that's tough to do because you're losing so many brain cells. Yeah.

Thanks for toughening it out. Or thanks for hopefully enjoying it. You know, we'll be back right on time. Like I always am personally. I'm an on time type of guy. Always on time. Better shades every week. Better shades are going to be coming every week.

We're going to have a new pair every week. Make sure to like, comment, subscribe, leave shades every week. Better shades are going to be coming every week. We're going to have a new week. Um, make sure to like comment, subscribe, leave a fucking review. If you're listening on a podcast platform, uh, if you're on YouTube, subscribe,

comment, and share it with some friends, you know, send it to one person you think might enjoy it. And should we do like a little, uh, to grow together? If you're on YouTube,

like throw a little, like a glasses vote on there. Who's got the best ones this time? Yeah. You know, you guys are the only people getting the visuals. Because I know which ones are the best. Well, those are mine. So technically, if it's you or me this week, I win either way.

They hit my face differently. Yeah. They do look nice in you. Yeah. Tell your friends we're building a guild of sorts. Yes. And let's grow together. We are.

We're growing a guild. Okay. We're basically trying to start our own LARPing. Yes. Legion of people. So once we get enough people, we're going to actually throw a LARPing event. Hey, you guys better quit joking about that because I'm fucking down. No, I'm fucking down.

If we can get 100 people to agree to LARP with us, I will LARP every fucking time. Just think about our athleticism out there is going to be undefeated. Dude, if we had a FOMO LARP fest. Yeah. Anyways. All right. Anyways. We'll be back next Wednesday right on time. athleticism out there is going to be undefeated. If we had a FOMO LARP fest. Yeah. We'll be back next Wednesday right on time.

We'll see you then. Adios, motherfuckers.