NO FOMO - 18. Happy Birthday to Me

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

Welcome Back Fomo Sapiens. This week we celebrate Morg's Birthday, check out some Cartoon Mommies, and break down Biden's 100th Down Bad Win. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, dear me. Happy birthday to me. That's my birthday. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the motherfucking FOMO show. No FOMO is the formal name. It is a very special day. It is Dr. Mothra Bungess' birthday today. What's up? And Elon Musk.

And Elon Musk. Two of the smartest men on the planet. So I got to do my shades reveal. Big birthday shades reveal. I'm excited for these. I already hate them from the beginning. I already hate them. I already hate them. The mushroom organgan shades.

Oh, boy. Woo, woo, woo, woo. Wow, I can't see anything, but it's okay. Mushroom morg. Mushroom morg. Also with the fresh haircut. No more sunset on my head. Yeah.

But that's okay. Just in time for summer, you got rid of the bleach tips. Yeah, I'm looking extra sexy, so if you guys holler at me, you know? Stuntin'. Ladies, chill, chill got rid of the bleach tips. Yeah, I'm looking extra sexy, so if you guys holler at me, you know? Stuntin'. Ladies, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. You know, today you share your birthday with a couple of other holidays as well. Really? Yeah.

One of them you're going to love. The first one is, it is Sunglasses Day, actually. It's Sunglasses Day? Really? Today is Sunglasses Day. Swear to God. I love that. It's also Paul Bunyan Day and International Body Piercing Day.

Wow. Might have to go get some nips touched after this. Might have to get them touched. Yeah. So you're going to celebrate right. What else we got going on, boys, besides the most important day of the year? Yeah, we're over talking about that. We're already moving on from that.

So me and Jay had a hell of a weekend. We went to the fair with his mom and brother. Yeah. And we did some mushrooms and let me say, highly recommend all that. Did they have any clue that you guys took mushrooms? Yeah, we told them.

I gave some to his brother. We got there and I was like, we were going to the bathroom and I was like, you want some mushrooms? And he was like, yeah. And so, yeah, the rides hit different. Walking hits different. Horned dogs hit different. Running into people that you know and you can't really talk that well hits different that's my favorite part of it yeah we literally ran into like like a couple group of friends and they're like oh so you guys can't really like talk right now and we're like yeah

see at least when you're like at a festival and you're on them like people are probably also on something yeah but if you're just at a place where people don't typically do that shit it gets a little weird yeah it was like hard for us to break off the conversation then they would finally be like oh we'll let you guys go yeah oh we get it you guys need to run we'll let you guys get back you guys need to naruto run away out of here don't you but then so after that jay went home and i had i still had some mushroom energy so i was like down to go out, called Garrett. He's like, get over here. We got a bunch of girls.

Meet them at the bar table with three dudes. I was like, all right, here we go. So I mean, I drank about it, but we ended up staying up all night having a good. No, we hypothetically had a lot of girls. Yeah. Hypothetically. There were girls at the bar. No, there was girls at the bar no there was girls there yeah there were girls there weren't talking to there were girls i was surprised i was even like awake by the time you got there i was so

fucked up yeah yeah as soon as i saw you you're like hey get over here gives me a kiss and i'm just like oh okay i went to the ponder game right before with my parents and i was fucking absolutely shit-faced yeah that'll do it to you but um other than that um we're doing chris lake at petco park this weekend for my birthday yeah if you're in san diego um you'll see us we won't see you yeah yeah if you saw us there no you didn't yep no you didn't just in advance but um i guess we get straight into down bad yes which again once is this like the fourth week in a row it's b Biden again. It's Biden. For sure.

Every week it's Biden. Yeah. But so we all saw his cheat sheet. Yes. Which. Yeah. Do you want to, do you want to read off the one that he had? Just so people who maybe haven't seen it.

I cannot believe that shit. Oh my shit. How did someone snap? Cause I didn't see where the picture was actually from. I just saw what you sent. Did someone just like somehow sneak a picture of it? So he went up to the stage and it was turned around. Oh, it was backwards.

It was backwards in his hands. Yeah. He fucking slays. Yeah. And Jesus Christ, I can't even believe that exists. Okay. We got it here. Okay, let's redo that.

You, in all caps, bolded the roosevelt room and say hello you take your seat press enters i like how that one's like the second thing okay so this is where you're gonna want to sit down yeah everyone else will already be seated so you're gonna come in and you're gonna they tried on a different one and said don't keep standing and he was i don't know try to lay down joe remains press enters those people coming in yes um you give brief comments two minutes max don't go beyond two minutes please the press then leaves like he needs a tip on that. Like everyone's going to be leaving. He's like, what's happening?

What's going on? You ask person who is the president of blah, blah, blah, a question. She will be virtually joining you. So that person on the computer screen is Liz. Yes. You thank people. You leave. Wow thank people. You leave. Wow.

Okay, so it's almost like it was written for a 90-year-old man. Yeah. Which it was. Which it was, yep. Or an infant. In light of him winning again for the month in a row, we're going to do our own version of what his sheet should have said. Yes.

You want me to kick it off? Sure. Okay. Should we all just do one at a time, or do you want to do it all? i think it'll work better if we do it yeah my all the wines in order yeah okay yeah i actually you're right okay so i'll kick it off here joe mama you you enter the roser out room without falling yeah you don't pee-pee-poo-poo in pants. You take someone else's seat. You speak almost in a different language and make no sense for longer than necessary.

You thank participants in a weird way. You walk the wrong way off stage and try to exit through a locked door. You smile and wave and get escorted out by security okay yeah that's a good one i like it i like it um mine goes left foot right foot god damn that's my first one i swear to god that black thing in front of you is a microphone. Those people are reporters. You don't sniff any minors. God damn it. You have all mine. You're doing so good, Joe.

Say some gibberish. Pretend it made sense. Don't worry. It's almost nap time. God bless America. All right. You had a couple of mine. You walk with one foot in front of the other

it's really this simple right foot left foot right foot then your left foot i like it do not veer off the prompter joe you seriously do not veer off the prompter do not sniff that little girl's hair. Joe, seriously, stop thinking about veering off the prompter. Read the fucking prompter, Joe. Well, you guys are really mind-melded for that one. Oh, that's good stuff. So I have to believe that that's probably not the first time that a president's had a cheat sheet of some sort. I'm sure they have a rundown of what's happening. i think that's just got to be the most simple yeah the

guy typing that up was like i need to put that i need to tell him when he should leave he's like you want me to put sit down on here sit okay they all have yeah they all have like the other ones are probably like oh please address the situation in the middle east uh you know brief comment on the situation in russia this is like sit sit down dude i cannot believe that first of all they made that yeah and then they like didn't have a memorize it they sent them out there with well do you think they thought it was too detailed or not detailed enough like after you put you sit down do you think they should be like you look up yeah yeah i think you're missing a few yeah like if we're going that basal of a level i think you might as well just go all

the way in yeah why don't i just type out the blink this is where you blink could you imagine the focus group on that they had like 50 of the most powerful like strongest written word speakers ever trying to fucking put that together that's what they landed on trying to dumb it down that is fucked up i like i think they have a guy who only does those like they have like the speech writer and everything who has like you know very well educated writer and then they have this guy who's like actually like a high school intern he writes he writes like instructions for ikea yeah dude give me that email thread because i'm sure there was like a hundred options to put on there oh yeah that is fucked up they're like okay just in over the revised cheat sheet i removed the part where he stands back up again holy shit i would love to be it had to be no it couldn't even be an email

thread had to be a bunch of people in a meeting yeah you have to finally decide on like and they have like a three-year-old as the test person like a little kid they hand him like a test card and like i don't see if he does it right let Let's say, let's say he's five. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. If he can do it, we're good. Okay. All right. So I guess a straight end, a mommy of the week. Okay. Thick Disney edition. Okay. Let's go. All right. But these, these are my fave. Oh my Lord. All right. First off, we got Dexter's mom. I don't recall her being that. Wait is this what she actually looks like or these are like edited? I think that's pretty close. This might just be just a she's busted up though. It's a frothy

episode. Wow. Okay Dexter's mom. Okay. That's a good one. Oh that's cheating almost. Naughty Elastigirl. Not even fair. Dirty Marge. Dirty Marge. She's bussing. She's absolutely bussing out there. And Dirty Miss Turner. Mrs. Turner. Dirty Turnie. Naughty Turner.

Turned up Turner. I'm for sure going Dexter's mom. Is that all of them? Yeah, that's all of them. I'm going Dexter's mom. Oh, my God. Oh, look at those. Those hips are lying.

Those hips have never told a lie in their life. Oh, my God. Look, those hips are lying. Those hips have never told a lie. Oh my God. Look at the ratios there. That's yeah. That's under, it's like a circle. That's a full circle. Oh my God.

Wow. Not this. I mean, that's, that's hard. It's, it's between the first two for me. Yeah.

What's the naughty last girl saying to us there? Yeah. What's she has a word bubble. It says, fuck, what does it say? You can't see it on your computer it's right in front of you do you miss me oh okay never mind changed it it's her what do we think i'm i'm i'm no yeah that's me yeah that's that's me right sorry okay dexter's mom has got it going on. Dexter's mom definitely has it going on. Okay, that's mommy of the week. Whew.

Okay. Those are, we should end with those. And then I have another just quick thing we got to do because it's my birthday. We got to play the rock mashup game. Yes. Here we go, baby. We have to.

The crock. The crock. Okay. The Spock. The Spock spock baby that one's fire the bach the block the block the cock the cock the cock that's a good one i like that one the claw block is it block clock the cock block. Is it block clock? The cock block. Oh, the cock block. Fuck.

Fuck. What did he have here? Like the lock, the lock. That one's the easy one. We've got that one. The lock nest monster. The rock nest monster.

The lock nest monster. The rock nest monster. Well, the rock nest. Okay. That's good. Fuck yeah. I just had to have a little fun there.

Well, I think now's a good time to have a little fun there well i think now's a good time to do a little game that we came up with oh yeah so never have i ever morgan's birthday edition 10 fingers up 10 fingers up yeah you want to start all right never have i ever shit my own fucking pants never have i ever brought plan b to a festival not inside okay but like to your tent okay okay never have i ever filled up a camelback with milk so i wouldn't have to get up while playing world of warcraft for 12 straight hours. Okay. Never have I ever bum-thumbed Jen B while her friend was watching in an owl pose. Wait, what did you just say? We already know this one's true,

but you're fucking kidding. Never have I ever pissed in a solo cup behind a bar in my own room while DJing a party so I wouldn't have to get off the aux cord. All right, this is just... Never have I ever had to drive eight hours to spend the night in jail and then drive back to take a final. I only prepped for the initial five figures. Apparently, he had more. Oh, I got a couple more.

He's got a couple more. Never have I ever scaled a three-story building to get into a girl's apartment who she was locked out from and then when i finally did it she was asleep in the middle of a hallway for the record um damn that's all i got you took the gallon milk one so i fucking win that i don't know you don't. I like that game. You went negative two on that actually. Yeah, we were going for just five fingers. It's supposed to be five fingers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Woo. Woo. All right. Those are some good ones too. That was good. They were some I had to leave off, but I'm glad you guys. Those are the only ones we could legally say.

Yeah, I'm glad you guys coordinated on that. I guess we should just get into design the person to your rights personal pokemon card drunk edition okay oh it was drunk edition i thought it was just in general i mean it could be whatever it's just it's good yeah don't worry about it you want me to go first yeah so i had morgue here His first initial evolution is morgy mon. Okay. Then it evolves into more Gaga mon. And then after that you have more geeky menage mon.

Okay. Type. This isn't drunk edition, but you just are a large bird. Large bird. Large bird is type HP, 60 milligrams of Adderall weaknesses, hiding stuff when drunk and then forgetting where you put it.

Okay, I'm good at that. Resistant to STDs. That's fair. Attack one is take three shots. Gain ability to speak to girls. Attack two is take three more shots. Lose ability to speak, but gain drunk texts and get lost.

Your superpower is called mystery box. Demolish any and all recreationals in a 10 mile radius and then say yes to any activity. Yup. Sounds about right. That's all good. That's, that's a morgue.

That's a morgue. That is your starter i don't know how you don't okay so i have garrett i'm so scared garrett in his current form baggymon evolves from one drinkymon oh he's a belligerent pokemon length fiveength, 5'10.5", 6' on dating apps. Yep. Weighing 99.5 pounds. One HP before calling the plug. Invincible if he picks up.

His Pokemon power is demon energy. If a girl talks to him, he talks her ear off until her friend saves her or she convinces herself he's cute enough. Attack number one. Tell her you're a dj 50 chance to dodge but super effective if it lands attack number two be the last one standing always super effective weakness kissing the homies strength kissing the homies let's go let's go all right i had mr marsh here so his current form is sussy mon but he evolved from molly mon i thought you're gonna go mommy mom no uh he's a water-based pokemon uh 6.4 inches in length and 11 pounds of girth i mean wait his power is the mommy spam where he spams every single girl in his hinge dms with a mommy his weakness of course four-year-old

single moms infinite and his resistance is to any sort of rejection from any female i like that fuck that is good stuff yeah that's about right good god ladies and gentlemen we're going to take a quick break crotch discomfort hurting your game fear no more the kings of crotch comfort mansped, have spent two years designing the most comfortable boxer briefs out there. Sleek, soft, comfortable, and flexible. The brand new Boxers 2.0 from Manscaped take your balls to the royal ball throne. The global leaders in below-the-waist grooming

have the Lawn Mower 4.0 for the trimmin' so you can wear the Boxers 4.0 for the trimming so you can wear the boxers 2.0 for the chilling they even trademarked the jewel pouch so you know it's serious i think it's time to invest in your family jewels so let your bulge breathe let's go and get 20 off and free free shimpy by using our code nofomo at manscape.com now back to the show all right we got some news today um the ever uh endearing galaine maxwell has been sentenced to 20 years in prison who the fuck is that the jeffrey epstein's like right hand woman. Oh, Oh yeah. I did see this. Yeah.

Finally got sentenced to 20 fucking years. And it's crazy how this just like flew under the radar after. I was just going to say, I didn't hear anything about this. Wait. And she's like on suicide, suicide watch, right?

Oh yeah. Well, I mean, they're all technically, he was on it too. Yeah. Well they, they,

they, uh, they let that one slide. They both took a break at the same time somehow. Yeah, and the cameras shut off and everything. Jesus Christ. Wait, so she got 20 years? 20 years with a possibility of the last five years

just being like supervised outside of prison. Like, interesting. They're not even calling it parole. They're calling it a supervised sentence. Yeah, interesting though. And how old is she? Like, they're not even calling it parole. They're calling it a supervised sentence. Yeah. Interesting, though. And how old is she? She's got to be in her, like, early 60s, late 50s.

Is she that old? You think she's younger than that? I thought she was, like, 50. Epstein was, like, 70, I think. Was he? Yeah. Yeah, he was older than shit. Oh, you look pretty good for being that old. If your name is Jeffrey Epstein epstein holler at that's good news so we like that no that's good news we like that and then i wanted to bring up

have you heard of this plug talk podcast you know the guy from no jumper adam yeah what's his name adam 22 or some shit i forget so he has a he's married to a porn star and they have a podcast called Plug Talk where they interview porn stars and then either they both fuck them after or like one of them fucks them after. That's wait, that's like in writing. No, it's a real show. So it's only available on like their like private website and you have to subscribe to it. But they do like an hour podcast and then immediately film a porno with them after like a husband and wife tag team like a girl wow i gotta rethink our patreon it's fucking i was like wait what i was listening to him on uh andrew schultz's podcast and he would they were just he was there with his wife and they're like plugging the show and then immediately they're talking about like their dot like the daughter that they have and stuff and i'm like no what is going on here no i don't like what the fuck that's a really good idea for a podcast but it's brilliant but also rather disturbing yeah how is that not taken off how is that not the

number one type of podcast they made good money we have a homework assignment for the week it's to watch every episode of this show yeah see how exactly the dynamic yeah i want to see and i'm thinking um we sort of do the same thing but without any guests you know yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah so the patreon now is going to be like whatever happens after the show you know sometimes we get a little drunk yeah if it's my birthday things happen yeah we might have to double team more for his birthday so so you're gonna want to tune into the patreon wait had they had anyone on that like i would know like some solid i didn't like look at the guests okay just yet because i was just i wanted to bring this to you guys and kind of get your thoughts but uh we're gonna call it's called plug talk yeah i want to see they've definitely i I'm sure they have to have had some notable guests.

They could be the parents to Lana Rhodes' kid, for all we know. Could be. Yeah, let's see if we can find some notable guests here. Because you know there's got to be some bangers. Plug Talk. Oh, Adriana Cechik's been on there. Really? Okay, buying that episode.

Natasha Nice. So yeah, I think you can watch the natasha nice you can watch the podcast on youtube and then whatever happens after that they switch to a boom mic it's paid they don't keep the headphones on play yeah interesting they bring in uh why are you making me log in i just want to look at the tweets these sons of bitches yeah they've had a good amount of people you know on there i'm just gonna yeah let's just let's just leave it at that okay let's see the first episode i could find is called getting dp'd so yeah good for them what else we got um for dp is someone was telling me d DP is technically same hole, two penises. Really?

No, no, no. DP is deep penetration. No, it's double penetration. Double penetration. Deep. I misunderstood my mom for all these years. Um, is that a thing that people actually do? I always thought it was one in each hole

but uh if it's two in one that's fucking impressive two in one but two in one seems like almost impossible the gayest thing you could do oh yeah just just grinding well i guess yeah you're staying hard so yeah yeah i mean you're probably feeling the other dick more than you're feeling anything else. Like, that's got to be like the, like, almost you're just, it's supposed to be straight. You're fucking a chick. Yeah. But it's definitely not.

It's the closest you can get to not being straight while still being kind of straight. By fucking a girl. Yeah. It's the gayest straight sex you'll ever have. Life is crazy. Life be brazy. Life be brazy. So that's something.

Do you have anything else for top of the morning, Garrett's gossip? Wait, have you, speaking of the Jelaine Maxwell, like the suicide thing, have you seen the thing that 56 people who were like related to hillary clinton have committed suicide what like what like she's like they were either friends with her or they worked with her or did something with her and 56 of them have committed suicide 56 of them yeah well it's probably because you have so many people hitting you up with like baggage on you and they're like no it's not because they're saying they're assassinations they're probably all assassination well no they're all their suicides but how how convenient is that that 56 people that you've

known it's 56 that's facts i'm pretty sure that's the number can we get it was 50 can we get a fucking check on this i don't believe the last six fit we're gonna get fucking whacked just for saying this on fucking microphone fucking hillary whack me dude it's called the clinton body count really oh yeah that's the first thing that comes up holy shit 56 oh the list is massive is it and that's not on the news every day well i found one that seems to be like all the confirmed ones okay and epstein's on there all the ones that are like way too suspect to not have been like an execution or an assassination

rather that is fucking crazy dude oh and some of these actually aren't even suicide some of these are actually assassinations they just weren't tied to her really yeah died in a random plane crash this one was struck down by a gunman. Heart attack despite great health. Really? Mm-hmm. Got a couple suicides in here. Skull broken. Skull broken. Out of nowhere?

Gunshot wound. Okay, well, I mean, yeah. I'm just saying. That's kind of a crazy thing out there. Yeah, that no one speaks about. No, that should be covered on a day-to-day basis. You have to go deep. Should we pull up the dark web?

Where's your browser, Morgan? I got you. Just kidding. Did you guys see the story about the bus driver who accidentally ate a whole bag of edibles, thinking they were gummies, and then crashed it with like 36 people on there. Shut the fuck up. When did that happen?

Recently, I guess. Could you imagine eating a whole bag of gummies? Because it doesn't hit right away no matter what. But 30 minutes into that drive, he was like, holy fuck. why not just

pull over yeah what the fuck i mean you guess i guess you don't really know what's going on you're so fucking high oh yeah if you did that much you would just be like you would be the bus yeah you are the bus at that point could you imagine being that fucking high instantly because everyone okay goes down oh my god everything everyone was fine what city was this in uh i think it was new york and he was just like i had no idea holy shit and you're just fucking instantly just whoa what is i couldn't even imagine what being that high would entail wait i think that's like worse than like any you're more fucked up than you could ever be on anything else you're praying for death but i guess i guess if you're someone that doesn't do that doesn't get high a lot you would just keep on going because you don't know what the fuck is happening yeah well and then it like

you don't really have it's not like a warm-up time if you ate them like all at the same time then you're just going to be fucking instantly like as soon as it kicks in you're like whoa that's fucked up and what did what did he crash into? Anything fun? I think he just hit a pole. Everyone's okay though. Yeah, everyone's okay. But I thought it was, I just imagined being that man. And I mean, I can't even handle.

You probably come out of a coma like the next day and you're like. No, I think you'd be out for like three, four days. No, you would. No. In high school, I remember like getting stupid high a couple of times and I would like sleep for two days. Yeah. Like that doesn't wear off very quickly. No, no, no, no. That'll last a couple times and i would like sleep for two days yeah like that doesn't wear off very no no no that'll last a couple days yeah but i mean shout out everyone that's okay

everyone that's good my dog ate like an entire like weed brownie from my like sister's boyfriend's bag one time and we thought she was dead she like didn't move for like three full days just literally just could not even lift her head up it was just so high well yeah because you can't really die from it so you just get continuously in the zone you just yeah you just ride it out ride it out you hope to fall asleep you're praying to fall asleep and wake up two days later that's good stuff um do we want to some, is that all you got for your gossip? Yeah. Yeah. Do we want to do some r slash? Would you rather? Sure. Let's rip it. Okay.

Would you rather change genders every time you sneeze or not be able to tell the difference between a baby and a muffin? Take some time if you need it. I'm not the biggest muffin guy, so I wouldn't be that concerned about accidentally eating a baby. But there's those ones. You're at a continental breakfast at a Holiday Inn one time.

I feel like you could use some context clues to figure out if it was a muffin or a baby. If it's in a basket with a bunch of other babies, it might be muffins. Or if it's just a basket full of muffins or it's just a single so you're saying yeah if it was a basket full of muffins i'd be like these are probably but what if it's not a basket it's an and it's a crib just a wicker if you see like a muffin sucking on a titty you're like oh that's probably but what if you see a girl carrying a bunch of muffins you're like oh that's definitely muffins how many though i feel like like how many babies could you

carry two no i mean there's gonna be unlimited amount of muffins in the form of the baby so it could be like oh she's handing out muffins today and you don't know if it's a baby but i'm saying i think through context clues i could understand that someone wouldn't be handing out babies and i would be pretty confident in my guess about if it's a muffin or a baby no but i'm saying you're at some random you're at some random function right and some girl walks up beside you and she's carrying a basket full of muffins and you just go to grab it and to you it's a muffin i know i understand that i don't think you're understanding my argument okay so this one might be a little bit difficult

this one's above our fucking bakery okay okay i want to switch genders that sounds more fun anyway yeah fuck it okay so next one Would you rather spawn a three-inch miniature version of yourself, delete a poop, 100 uses, teleport, 10 uses, turn invisible for one minute, 10 uses, or the ground is a trampoline for an hour, 50 uses? I need the last three again. There was so much information coming out of this.

So many numbers. Okay, okay, okay. Three-inch miniature version three again. Okay. There was so much information coming out. So many numbers. Okay. Three inch miniature version of yourself. Yes. Delete a poop. I need an explanation on that. Like I, if I'm in a,

like a hairy situation, I can just delete it and I don't have to actually like run to the bathroom. Yeah. So if you ever have to poop, delete a poop. So just, you don't have to poop anymore. So I get in the middle of a crowd at a festival and I can just delete it.

Yes. Okay. I like that one. Okay. So I accidentally shit my pants of a crowd at a festival and I can just delete it. Yes. Okay, I like that one. Okay, so I accidentally shit my pants. Infinite three-inch miniature version of yourself. Delete a poop times 100. Teleport times 10.

Invisible times 10. Or ground as a trampoline for an hour times 50. I feel like if it's an infinite miniature version of myself, I feel like that would be pretty dope. Yeah, how cool is this miniature? Is it like I could just just it's way cooler than you it's me oh cooler than me three inches though homie's walking on glass it's so small true can't take him out in the rain rain is tough um i think the best ones for me are the, I think I'd do invisible 10 times. Okay.

Like you could just do 10 robs of a bank and then be sick. Or you could do that with 10 teleports too, I guess. True. Yeah. Invisible or miniature for sure are my picks. Okay. If it's infinite, I'm trying to think of the most practical use

for a miniature version of yourself, other than like eavesdropping on some shit. Break into a bank. Work for me on a computer. Work for me. He could break in anywhere. What could he do once he gets there? How's he going to steal $1?

He couldn't even pick up a dollar. That's right. He couldn't pick up a dollar. Couldn't even pick up a dollar. You just see a fucking dollar just... Top and bottom. Well, if he rolls that fucker up, you can maybe get him to steal $100 a bunch of times.

That's true. It's just one bill. It is infinite. Why are we even... Bigger bill. Or a little diamond. Ooh. Yeah, exactly.

A jewelry store would be a great call. You just carry a big old watermelon. You're carrying a diamond. It's like this big. And there's no way they're fingerprinting that guy. The fingerprints are fucking... How big is his dick? How big is his dick? How big is his dick?

He is entirely the dick. So three inches. It's just a dick, the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah, I'd go teleport. Okay. Oh, teleport. How many uses?

10 uses on the teleport. There's a lot of good options here. The only thing with the ones that have a limited amount on them is I'm a fucking idiot and would use them for dumb shit and i realized i have like two left yeah true the infinite one at least you can like figure out like i'd probably just delete a hundred poops in a row just like yep i'm not shitting for the next 100 days which would only last me if i'd delete a hundred in a row probably like 30 days that's very true I think I'm going the three inch miniature version of myself because I hit different dude that's just facts that's

facts yeah wait can you since it's infinite could you essentially do an infinite amount at one time no you get one one version of yourself forever oh oh it's forever but what if he gets like stepped on or something yeah well you got to make sure he doesn't get stepped on oh yeah i'm out on that yeah that's tough i'm rolling i died on the first fucking day getting stepped on by a dog it's like it's like saying i could take care of airpods for that long so i'm gonna lose them yeah they're it's not happening three Three inches. He'd be gigging. Okay, here we go. If you had a superpower, how would you want to activate it?

Throw that ass in a circle. Say it's Morbin time. Get a random person to call you daddy or say a random Biden quote out loud. It's Morbin time for sure. I'm going Morbin time all day. That's gotta be yours for sure. Yeah. No, I'm going Morbin.

Yeah. That's almost, it could be your suit. I think I'd throw that ass in a circle though. That'd be fun. Cause that would just be like, imagine like, imagine you're about to get in a fight.

Yeah. Like every second. wait a second. Yeah. Who doesn't realize it's me. And like some street thugs come up and then i'm like you guys picked the wrong guy what the fuck and you have the most use of superpower ever

my ass cheeks just get don't stop they just don't stop going in a circle i can fucking fly with them though that'd be kind of lit yeah fuck me okay so definitely it's morbid time yeah that's that could be the name of your power okay imagine being at like a club with mine though and people are all just throwing their ass around like oh everyone has down. Okay. You could only use one drug for the rest of your life, alcohol not included. Shrooms. Yeah, I feel like,

yeah, it would have to be a psychedelic of some sort. It's just the most fun time you're going to have, you know? Yeah. And there's not really like a come down really. No. And like any other scenario I would do anything else, I'd be equally having as much fun or more on shrooms, you know? Mm-hmm.

Fair. Yeah, I'm going mushrooms there. Yeah, for sure. No brainer. Someone else got some shit? Yeah. I've been on the hinge. Obviously, we talked about that plenty.

I've seen a lot of gender-neutral names. What is a cutoff for when a girl has a name that can be both, but it's too much of a guy one to do? I kind of find it cute no matter what it is.

Even if it is. Really? Even if it's like Alex? Yeah, Alex is definitely fine. What about Ricky? Alex is a tough one. What about Ricky? Ricky's kind of cute. With like an eye?

No, Ricky's not kind of cute. We know a Ricky. I know. Okay, take out our knowledge of the Ricky we know being a complete demon. We can't do that. But Ricky with an eye, I think that's a cute name. What about Tommy with an eye? No.

Oh, I don't know. What about Morgan? Well, I have Morgan on here, think that's a cute. What about Tommy with an eye? No. Oh, I don't know. What about Morgan? Oh, well I have Morgan on here, but that's an automatic yes for me. It doesn't matter what they look like. My guy. I mean,

no doubt. Yeah. I think like, yeah, like Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan's tile.

I also have a Peyton. It all depends on what Peyton. Yeah. I don't know any guy. Peyton's besides Peyton Manning. He's like the only guy I know. Oh, Peyton Manning? That's the only guy with that name. Most famous Peyton, probably. He has a girl's name.

Yeah, I think it's more he has a girl's name. What about Tanner? Tanner? That's a no. That's a no for me. What about Hunter? I love the name Hunter. I know a Hunter. That's a yes for me. We'll see. Let's see what else. i like when girls have guy names like you like when guys have girls and you like a more way more guy like

jeff george so your name was craig i'm in i don't know yeah i think there's got to be there is a cutoff no there's a threshold like it doesn't matter how hot they are if their name is like ricky i think i'm out i wouldn't hate that one if it was like legitimately jeff or george i'd be out for sure my name is jeff like john that would be a no you know well that's a guy's name yeah yeah it it is. Unlike Morgan. What about Joni? That John with an I at the end. That was my grandma's name. You know another one that I found out was gender neutral? Guadalupe. Really?

That could be a guy or girl. That could be a guy? I only know girl Guadalupes. You know a single Guadalupe? No, I don't. How many Guadalupe? Shout out Guadalupe, though. Shout out every Guadalupe, though, for sure.

Yeah. All right right should we uh break down each other's hinge profiles you're gonna do that yeah let's do it if you're just listening to this you better go and watch it you're gonna want to watch this all right god damn it who wants to start you're really gonna blow us up like this do garrett gar Garrett can start okay I gotta admit you know we're making fun of this obviously but look pretty good yeah thank you that's a good picture actually the one who just told me to switch that to my first pick oh yeah that's a good picture okay my act though fuck off my ideal date from home watch a movie drink some wine and play in my ball pit. It's enticing.

That one gets a lot of girls. Okay. That's pretty good. That I don't get, but that one gets them. 27, 5'11", 5'10". I'm 5'11". Give me some credit. 5'10", 5'10".

I'm 5'11". Fuck you. Okay, here's the thing on Hinge, though. If you are actually 5'11", girls are going to think you're lying anyway, and so they're going to think you're lying anyway and so they're going to think you're 510 so you almost have to add the inch because they just assume almost might as well might have to go 6-1 yeah because they're like why would he put 511 yeah unless he's 510 unless he's 5-8 yeah exactly okay and i do look hella short next to connor and morgan in that

first pick yeah like if you didn't know that morgan's 64", you'd think I'm like 5'8", right there. Yeah, you are the shardest one in that picture. Yeah, that's kind of fucked. Shardest. I buried myself right there. But I'm still giving you high ratings so far. Well, I mean, I got my boys in every pick, you know. Well, get along if you like house music.

Oh, will you? I like house music. Yeah, that's kind of one of those. You just got to put buzzwords in there. I like music that everyone likes. Yeah, exactly. It's like something, who doesn't like ball pits and who doesn't like house music my my the number of girls that uh like that stuff is a hundred percent you're playing the you're playing the numbers game dating me is like babysitting a child that's pretty good that's pretty good i

like that that's 10 out of 10 funny okay and. And then another pick that I know. See, I look average height in that picture. Mark's six feet behind you. See, with the way that we cheated in this one. With the way I moved Morgan 10 feet behind me in this picture, I'm actually taller. Yeah. Yeah, you needed that one.

That's a comeback one. What do you give him out of 10 on the entire rating? That's a 10 profile to me. Oh, fuck you. You're going to give him a 10? I mean, I'm swiping. I'll give him an 8.5. Why not rating that's a 10 profile to me oh fuck you give him a 10 i would i mean i'm swiping i mean i'll give him an a5 why not it's it's a fun it's a i look like there's nothing bad about it's already fun there's nothing cringe it's all fun stuff i'll give you i'll give you yes all right thank you oh fuck this is already a 10 how do okay so so you want to know what that

voice prompt says yes it says how to pronounce my name. And then there's a long pause. And then it says idiot. Interesting. I thought I was going to say daddy for sure. You want to read it? Yeah. It says, um,

how my mother would describe me. And I put a ruined my life and he'll ruin yours. I love that. That's good. I love that so much. Oh, so you opted out of even adding the height oh see he's just got it cut off oh it's right there job only fans yeah job only fans job is only fans you put

how big huh six i thought you put six i thought you said six six oh my god that's bold then we got two pictures of my boy here one of them blacked out and one of them kissing me you get a lot of questions about that one surprisingly the one kissing you yeah just a few like well i like how you have straight like very early on in your bio it says straight because you gotta clarify oh yeah yeah well i mean it's questionable and it gets even it gets more questions i know the best spot in town for a cheesy gordita that's so good that's good that's so fucking good this is just so you oh it's just so you oh my god these pictures and then we got if you're not watching this go fucking watch yeah go watch it he's got a picture of him with his dog in uh in the manger as jesus christ

and the next one is a picture with the best picture ever yeah in a turtleneck sweater with his head floating next to him those ones are the best those ones get the most hits oh that's unsurprisingly oh here we go here we go here we got me oh my god good first fucking good bro stellar pic cropped out fuck what the fuck i'm fully cropped out i gotta flex the face holy you're in every single one of my pictures i'm cropped out of the first one it's a it's a wide back picture i gotta give i don't have a lot of good pictures of my face. My picture is your head. Why is your neck so thick? Why is your neck? You look like you're all neck.

I'm all neck. You've got the rock neck in that pic. Yeah, that's when I was really necking out. Oh my God. But the highlight there is 6'4". Okay, next. Okay. Oh, we got the same pic.

Unusual skills, saddy height. Oh my God. I hate that. I fucking hate you. And then the next one looking for mommy with the rad dad pic yes

that's a good combo yeah that's a really rad dad T with the I'm looking for a mommy gotta do it I don't get a lot of matches though crazy

what is that wait go back hold on where is it where is it and that's just what is that picture what is that picture I don't know

I just threw that one in there as a filler oh my b-boy we lose a few matches yeah you lost a few there what do you you should put the tag for that one like baby pic or something oh yeah you need like you can only have that if you have a funny prompt yeah yeah that's for the record if you're just listening it's a picture of an orangutan with his face imposed on it but it looks good yeah it looks great it looks accurate i'd say those are all very us. Yeah, pretty Ds. I wanted to make fun of him more.

Yeah. That's true. But we all just feel it. So it's kind of hard, I guess. Damn. Damn, we do. The boys hit astronomically diff. All right.

I think... Is that going to be a wrap for the birthday sode? Yeah. I think we're going to spend the rest of the day just getting fucked up. Yeah, we might do that. Other than that, happy birthday and elon musk daddy's morgy musk yeah and morgan musk episode 18 in the books we will see you next week folks peace peace