NO FOMO - 19. Ice Cream for Lunch

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we tackle a 3 day hangover, break down useless inventions, and have Ice Cream for Lunch. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com! 

All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. Episode 19 and no FOMO. It is the day after the most hungover day of the year here in America. It absolutely is. It is the 6th of July. For very good reasons, we could not do it on the 5th of July. I don't think I left. I didn't leave my bed for the entirety of the day. How are you guys feeling? I'm still so tired. I worked for 14 hours yesterday, that that kind of hurt my soul that's why did you do that that's a tough one um we just had a bunch of random shit to do my feet actually didn't touch ground the entire day yesterday that's fair i got up to drive to get a burrito and that's all i did the entire day to where i had to go

oh man um i guess it's a good opportunity to talk about what what do you think the worst hangovers are in terms of holidays which uh like which holidays like actual holidays yeah so we got this what i have so it's new year's halloween fourth of july super bowl or your birthday? Definitely not the Super Bowl. Yeah, Super Bowl, there's so much food. Yeah, you have a bunch of food and you have a couple drinks. It's on a Sunday always, so you know you can't just go full piece of shit. Yeah, it's mostly beer too, which is easy to do.

So that's always on Sunday. The thing about this Fourth of July that did it for me is that it was from Friday to Monday. Like we celebrated the entire weekend did any of you guys actually celebrate on the fourth yeah we didn't do jack we went to the we went to the beach and like had like a proper like san diego fourth of july okay and then we watched the fireworks on the roof which was dope i fell asleep in the sun for like two and a half hours yeah my whole face is you even stay up for the fireworks um no i was yeah i didn't even realize

how burnt you are right now yeah yeah i was in bed pretty much the whole day after that or sleeping with the sun yeah yeah um i think new year's has got to be up there new year's got to be one or two right yeah because new year's has the prerequisite of you at least have to stay up till midnight yeah yeah you can't you can't tap out before that yeah which we never don't do that which we never done what's missing from that list though is like a random Thursday when everyone decides to like go out for like a brunch and then you kind of carry it over into like going to the beach or something and like keep drinking. And then, you know, oh wait, we've already been drinking all day.

Might as well keep drinking all night. Exactly. And then you have to wake up on that Friday fully knowing that you still had something to do. Like work. Like full on work or something. friday fully knowing that you still had something to do like work like full-on work i think for me that's always the worst one is where you just randomly decide well there's plenty of worse hangovers and it's you know you're you're making that push down the line each time you're like

okay we'll have some drinks during the morning and then we'll stop so you know we get ready for and then you know you're drinking later in the afternoon you're like well i just won't do anything at night and then you're like i already do anything just keep it just keep the train on chugging but yeah out of those holidays i'm gonna have to say new year's i feel like we don't usually go that hard on fourth of july because usually it's just like in the middle of the week and it's just one day but this was like friday saturday sunday this is my birthday and usually my birthday is the weekend before but the way it lined up, it just, it was just. Wait, what about when we would do the bar crawl the day before Thanksgiving?

Oh no. Oh yeah, you're right. Cause the, do you do that? No. So when we go home for Thanksgiving, our like small little town has like three bars and everyone goes out from like the high school and everything. And we just go troll those bars and then waking up for Thanksgiving the next morning. I've heard some horror stories from you boys. No, we've definitely went all the way down the

rabbit hole for those. Was it not last year that you like stayed up the entire night and were at some random girl's house and her mom was getting up at like 6am to start cooking Thanksgiving dinner? Oh yeah. Somebody's mom woke up up there was like eight of us at their house thanksgiving morning and she went and got a starbucks and we were all just horrified you were still awake like not sleeping there no we were all awake at their house and she's like starting cooking and stuff and i'm like i gotta go there's nothing quite like trying to make like mashed potatoes like your one dish that you have to make hungover is yeah i love how that's my dish yeah i know a lot of like people when they go back to their hometown that's like a big thing is like going out the night before thanksgiving but

i i just have never been able to bring myself to do it just because no we've done that i can't see my family that there's like a good five years in a row where that was an absolute shit show jesus christ but um yeah on top of that, I mean, what else happened? Are we allowed to talk about the fish? Oh, yes, we can talk about the fish. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we should talk about the fish.

Okay, so John, being a good friend that he is, got me glow-in-the-dark fish for my birthday because I work in the dark every day. And I swear to God god we read the directions the directions on the side of the fish bowl but i guess you're we did we treated the water yes and then we put them in the water we let them sit in the bag in the water we get the temperature we follow the instructions yeah but and uh they died instantly yeah they died within an hour and we should have known because one of them was vigorously

bashing himself into the corner it was so scary which is like wow he's real a little I feel fucking bad about it yeah that was um they're we're getting new ones though the water's been getting ready for a week now well no he turned he turned it off though no it's still running is it running uh no yeah god damn it so okay maybe we'll have to wait another week. Yeah. Maybe we won't. So yeah, long ass weekend. But so I got home on, what was it?

Tuesday morning. And I swear to God, Nagel, my roommate was just, I think he was crying on the couch. I swear to God. He was so fucking sad. And I swear to God, I seen something fucking in his eye a little mist in the he was just in shambles yeah i guess they did um a little bit of party favors and they all thought they're gonna have heart attacks which is horrifying oh god but yeah so they were uh they were all hung over his oh shit yeah jesus christ and then there was six rolls of toilet

paper on my bathroom floor and seven towels in there and four pairs of underwear what the fuck happened in there so either someone come up in this bitch and it's just shit everywhere or someone went through a battle and i really need to know what someone went to war in there yeah um a little thing that happened to me i don't know if this ever happened to you guys hasn't happened in a while you know when you wake up like middle of the night with a rocker yeah and you go to pee but you sit because you know like there's no you're not gonna be able to pull it off but then you still don't hold it down when you're in there and it you start pissing and it goes through the seat and the thing and it just drenches everything in front of you yeah uh yeah it's a real down bad moment and i i felt that

hard oh fuck and then you're like don't want to clean it up because it's the middle of the night but you're like oh my god i can't leave piss all over the floor oh no i just i just slept naked after that dropped the underwear a little piss no i meant like the floor that was soaked in piss now oh yeah that's fine that's right that's right that's a morning that'll be dry that'll be dry in the morning uh so i but coming up we got let's see hopefully we'll be inside but we're not going to be this weekend yeah yeah if we didn't have a show i would love to be inside this all weekend but i'm also i'm also supposed to go to la for gorgon city on friday oh that's that's a lot i'll be inside friday but we have a show saturday spin on saturday um what else we got here um today the holiday weekend continues though today no just so you guys know that today is sidewalk egg frying day and it is international kissing day so after that patreon you know what i did

appreciate is that god blessed us with two days of shit weather right after the holiday because it was super nice all weekend, which was awesome. And I don't like when it's nice when I'm not outside doing fun stuff. I don't see it anyway. It's just been nice and cloudy. The weather needs to reflect how I feel. It's been nice and cloudy, and it just felt so right to be on the couch all day snuggled up yesterday.

That's good stuff. Watch the new Stranger Things. Oh, is it good, the ending? It's okay. I still need to watch it. But I mean, it's not, I thought this was the end of the show. I thought it was going to be the end too.

That's how they kind of followed us a little bit. There's still another season. Another season, guess when it comes out? Fucking 2026? 2024. Two years. Oh God. After, how much uglier are these motherfuckers going to be? Two moreers two more years holy they're in the awkward stage

there's only like two of them that even look like normal human beings at this point that's some hair cut up in this next year why oh my god they really like fell took the title to heart they picked the ugliest fucking little kids they ever could well they were good when they were little kids when they were little now they're like that my kid is might be the ugliest fucking little kids they ever could well they were good when they were little kids when they were little now they're like that my kid is might be the ugliest fool i've ever seen the one that looks the most like him looks like you you fucking rat that's good stuff but is it mirrors that kid actually like a really bad actor i feel like when him and will are having their little heart-to-heart fucking – I'm not going to say it.

They don't give him a lot of words though, to be fair. They're almost admitting that they're gay. I swear they're going to hook up. Oh, the one – yeah, it's not Mike. What's the other bowl cut kid? Will. Will. But I swear they're both just like, no, it's okay.

You're not a bad friend. It's like, dude, come on. this is the weakest shit I've ever seen but I just am afraid that Elle doesn't love me like this is not the shit we care about I want to see Vecna ripping some heads off I don't care about their feelings those little tender moments are just not really

worth anything for me alright straight into down bad of the week here you already know who it is. Again? Yeah. What did he do now? I'll take every fucking opportunity to make Joe Biden down bad of the week. I actually didn't even hear anything this time.

I would say he's got competition this week with us. Yeah, I also don't think I've been on the internet in five days because I've just been either asleep or shifting. That's more true. You haven't seen any news whatsoever. whatsoever okay can you guys read that uh just read it i don't want to my message to the is the tweet from biden my message to the companies running gas stations and setting prices at the pump is simple this is a time of war and global peril bring down the price you are charging at the pump

to reflect the cost you're paying for the product and do it now. Wow. He got him. He really got him. I don't think he understands how it works. Is that not kind of, is that not fair actually? No, it's because of inflation, why the gas prices are so high. No, that's not true. No, I think that, no, because I saw a thing with Congress where they were interviewing like all the top oil execs and they were like, ever since this price increase has gone up, you guys have made like profits

in the billions of dollars for each one of them. So he's like, why? Like, is there a reason for that? Besides the fact that you're just charging $6 now for gas or like, are you actually running your company that much but like what is the reason i think i think he has a point here is he right am i down bad you might be i think you're down bad for this one i mean it's not solely because of inflation it's not so yeah they're basically using the fucking they're using as an excuse to just rake up the price oh fuck, fuck me, dude. I'm down bad. Yeah, you're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking idiot, bro.

Inflation doesn't make gas go up by 300% in one fucking month. Yeah. Well, inflation is up. Yeah, yeah. For sure, but it's not that up. Yeah, like the price of hot dogs went up by 30 cents. Okay, so. That's what inflation does.

Okay, so I'm down bad of the week. Yeah, and I think we knew that. I think you said we don't need to prep for this one and when you said that I was like yeah we know it's you yeah so I'm down bad I'll take that though I mean you know I'm always in on Mr. Joseph

is Jay second down bad for getting fucking swooped this weekend absolutely the big bully of the week yeah i'm i'm even more down bad i was a bad friend i think there's i think there's a way that it's both of us but i think it's more so me i mean it's unfortunately you but i think that was a fucked up move yeah it was a fun move it was just the timing of uh i wanted to hang out with him all

day and then i finally convinced him to come out with me and then that's 10 minutes after i took like two points of molly to where i couldn't speak he started making his move i was like oh okay that's that's interesting that's a slight that's slight work yeah and then also tells us to all come to chris like for his birthday and no one saw me yeah yeah i was there the whole time you weren't with any you weren't with the entirety of the group that came yes i was no you were i was with all our friends and everyone's just like i think morgan left because he was so fucked up yeah well that's correct but you're not bad the people need the story so what happened was i was being a bad friend no it doesn't matter and i

pulled a situation from the jersey shore on john and it was you know the jersey shore no the show oh the situation the guy yeah yeah i thought you meant apart from your girl is my situation yes yes yes yes yes yes yes i i accidentally i pulled i pulled the swoopery and I feel terrible about it. I texted him. John texted him. Morgie. Morgie. Sorry. Sorry.

Morgie. He felt so sorry that he hung out with her for the next four. That was the only thing I was actually upset with. I was like, all right, fine. Whatever. Next day. Face him like 10 times. Doesn't answer.

Check his location. He's at the girl's house for the next three days. I know you're just seeing that and you're just like, i was i was asleep for most of the week okay okay okay okay okay okay i know that's but um moving on moving on um do we want to do mommy of the week yeah we got down bad let's hop into mom so we have dualipa who's in second this week um yeah who's in second after dualipa this week's in second after Dua Lipa this week? We have our permanent mommy, Dua Lipa. Yeah.

Wait, I'm trying to figure out how to play that. I think this will work. Someone come to play. Someone try and... Ooh. Nope. Okay, I think I know who it is. Yeah, I have an idea.

Of who Morg's thinking. Okay, here we go. One second. Kesha? Holy fuck, did you see the pictures of her yesterday oh did you get she's on a whole different vibe oh my god scary i almost didn't recognize her she's meth mommy of the week is she methed up i don't know something's up something's up and i my first guess is math she looks scary yeah okay here we go so we got a mommy of the week throwback rihanna edition yes yes okay first up we got a rude boy rihanna yeah i'm a fucking rude yeah rude fucking boy okay okay

i'd be the rudest little boy yeah i'm a fucking rude motherfucker all right next up we got uh umbrella rihanna that's short hair so that's uh that's a winner so far that beats jamaica skirt no that was umbrella rihanna my laptop is levitating we didn't even let us hear that hello hello i'm just i was just trying to keep it i'm just trying to keep more about the yeah okay so the Okay so we had Rude boy Rude boy Rihanna And that was umbrella Rihanna Okay So far I'm umbrella'd up

Next up we got Shut up and drive Rihanna God damn It's not as good as umbrella Umbrella's hard to beat It was something about the sweat all over Umbrella's gonna be a hard one to beat But I still fuck with

Shut up and drive Rihanna Alright last one is Shut up and drive Last one is S&M Rihanna Oh I have a feeling this is gonna be the best oh god she is mom she was she is mom she's oh and you see she just became the youngest female billionaire oh yeah 1.4 they just completely missed that 0.4 in there yeah mommy so pretty much it's between umbrella and snm rihanna i'm going Umbrella, I think, for sure. Yeah, I think Umbrella takes the cake.

That haircut, that outfit. If we had that outfit in the other vid, it's game over. It's game over. Yeah, see you later. Yeah, Dua Lipa's quivering a little bit. Yeah, she might be shaking in her boots. Yeah, she is. There's got to be some tight boots, though.

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Ladies and gentlemen, now back to the show. Okay. What commonly sober activity would be the funnest to add a mandatory amount of alcohol to um sorry you can go first i didn't write any down for this one i thought i'd think of them on the spot i want to get inspired jesus christ i just took a sip of water and almost died. All right. This one is straight from my dad. Raising a child.

Is that even? I guess that could be technically commonly sober. Yeah. Depends on the household, really. Yeah, it does. I know my dad figured out a way. To do it not sober. I think church has got to be up there.

I have church on there. That's the only way to make it even tolerable. Church is a good one. Church, but communion is every week. Communion is at the very start, and it's for about an hour. Power hour communion? Yeah. Power hour with a whole bottle of wine. A bunch of Christian songs, too, and it's power hour with it.

I think opening presents would be good drunk just like christmas christmas morning yeah i fucked up just already hammered like i feel like i'd be better at like pretending not to look at the money in a card yeah that's that's a good one yeah or like if you don't like it you're just drunk enough to just start shitting on the person like oh thanks motherfucker this is awesome oh you're just what i wanted you're gonna say i really like it go way over the top on you like it no fuck you this sucks get out of my house you're not invited my next birthday yeah why do we invite him to christmas dinner anyway mom what the fuck did you talk about your mom gerald uh i had a church and Christmas presents.

Oh, I got talking to strangers. I think we just got to stop right there. I have that on a different list of stuff. I feel like that's the only scenario in which we ever do talk to strangers is when we're already fucked up. Yeah. Also true. Maybe like DMV could be good.

Oh, DMV. DMV would be. That could could be worse if you could continue to drink not like if there's a bar in the dmv yeah yeah like not if you pre-game too hard and then you're sitting there just like pissed off but if you could drink continuously there yeah just me shotgunning with a bunch of karens yeah yeah that'd be lit that'd be a good one that would be lit you got any more for that one let me think for a second what do i hate doing did i have to do going to work yep oh going to work going to work shots at the door yeah shots at the door immediately at the door for work just like take your your shift beer red start shift beer um straight into what's the most piece of shit thing you've ever done

you start this one I need to understand how shit we're going before I do mine because I have I have I have a lot and I know there's a lot I can't say yes I don't know how far I yeah we'll see where morgue takes it won't go from there okay so you guys know those timed lock boxes that you could buy yes so on Amazon you could buy a timed lock boxes that you could buy? Yes. So on Amazon, you could buy a timed lock box that will lock until the amount of hours that it's been on. So sometimes your boy takes Adderall and Zins for work and I put both of them in there and cracked it open the first fucking day. Smash the box. How long was it supposed to be locked for? Oh, like five hours, five, six hours. How long did you last you give it an hour maybe you broke it and i used a ruler to

break it open because it's like a small little slit in the ring on the top like the way that you picked the lock oh i googled it too oh my god that's actually that's that's another level of fiending. Yeah. Okay. You know what? Fuck it. I'm just going to go for mine. Yeah.

This is kind of a specific scenario. So you know like when you got a chick with you and you're like talking a big game about like when you get back to your place. What's going to happen? You know, you're like, oh, we better do this. Fully knowing that you've taken like 10 shots and done like a whole bag of blow. And you've got like, you're taking bumps while you bag of blow and you've got like you're taking bumps Why you're talking this shit? And you fully know you're not gonna be able to get it up and then you get back to the house and they ask you like

I think because they know to you know Like are you gonna be able to get up and you lie and say yes? And then they spend like a lot of time trying to do it it never happens it never works that's uh yeah i've done that i love that i've done it once bro that's literally the best when you're just like yeah keep i think it's like just keep going i think i'm almost there and it's you just you put in so much work we're just and you're gonna fall flat on your face oh god it's almost like why do we even bother at that point but we just gotta do the last time i did i was literally like a mid-bump like saying something i was like oh oh no everything i'm saying is being

counteracted by what i'm doing my actions are not backing up my words i've done something like that a couple times so i've So I've got a lot. I mean, just like some fun ones, you know, falling asleep in a church, drunk. Yep. Breaking into a church and then falling asleep in it. Okay. A lot of church related stuff for you. Spraying a fire hydrant at a moped rider in the middle of the street.

He had that one you shouldn't have said. No, that's still in the statute for sure. That one was in high school, so I definitely ain't getting in trouble for that shit. But yeah, he went flying. Oh, wow. That's fucking good. I told you I didn't want to say them. Yeah, you shouldn't have.

But you really did though. You really did. Okay, I'm done. I'm done. Okay, we're done okay we're done we're done we're done drop that okay go to jail topics let's say stuff that'll send you to jail yes good idea more that'll be on the fucking next cool idea those will be on the morgan's topic for the record so if i go to prison that's your fault okay so so most useless inventions of all time. Condoms.

Yeah. They don't work. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. The voice is different. That's why I said stop trying. And next. Okay. This one's actually a serious one for me

um i got just chopsticks in general oh that's a good one chopsticks are nothing more than an extension of your fingers they're the worst you could just grab it yes i don't understand except for like soups i get a soup grab with them. I'm not trying to grab something with my finger out of soup. A fork. No, a fork. A fork's better. I was saying if fingers were the replacement.

Oh, if we were just using fingers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're saying you're better off just using your fingers, soups would be the only scenario. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But yeah, I think sushi is the only thing I'm even remotely able to try to eat

with a chopstick. I can chop up. Chop chop up chopsticks with rice yeah like so i'm saying like zero sense like a bowl with like some chopped up like chicken yeah and like rice like how the fuck am i supposed to eat any of this give me fucking spoon my dude yeah i'm not i'm not very skilled with the chopsticks um you guys are gonna have to keep mine's too long of a list and i'm just going to have to rattle them off. You're just going to fire it? Yeah. You want me to go?

Oh, I can go next. Yeah. We'll just, we could just do ours back and forth. I mean, this one's fun, but it's useless. It's the Snuggie. No, you're wrong about that one. Come on. How many of a piece of shit do you need to be to wear a blanket?

Has anyone ever owned one of those? Yeah, I've had a Snuggie. I was literally'm i was literally gonna say i could guarantee that you had you had or had dumb loud oh they're not stupid yeah they're deafening being able to have your arms like perfectly able to hold like whatever you're eating and not have to worry about your shoulders being like out like you know when it's not like a nice crispy cold and you got that perfect blankie cover and then you just can have your arms. You can just grab whatever you need. Okay. I could be wrong.

Maybe I've just never had a Snuggie, you know? That's fair. I got one that I was just, I stumbled upon that I didn't know was real. Yeah. It's called, or is it? A breast cushion? What? It keeps your breasts separated while you're sleeping was it what does it do

i guess i'm thinking like is it so one doesn't like flop is it to keep the form it might be we're gonna need someone to write in for this one females please help us out yeah what is it actually what is it actually called i've never seen breast cushion the breast cushion i've never seen this before. So I'm looking at this picture right here. How does it stay right there? And also, how do I become one? Yeah.

How do I sign up to be one? I want to be one. Yes, and I want to be that. Well, no girls ever needed to use that. Yeah. Sleeping with me. But yeah, I didn't even know those existed. My head would just replace any need for that.

I've got, for me personally, the gym. That is useless for you. We wish those weren't invented for you. If they weren't invented, I wouldn't feel bad about myself every day that I don't go to one. I don't know if this is a best invention or the worst, but Crocs.

Oh. I think those are up there for best. They gotta be, they're probably on both sides, right? I mean, I like to think they're the worst, but because they exist, they might be the best.

They could be the best. Now that they've become kind of like widely adopted. Yeah. Goddamn, have you ever put my hair on? We need some. They are so fucking comfortable. It's like beyond belief. need foamwork rocks yeah they're so light and they're

so squishy and they're aired they're just the most comfortable can you imagine how fast you can run at the gym with those oh my god put the treadmill top speed uh you got another one uh i have just those fucking plastic step aerobic boxes that are just like you know two inches off the floor oh for like workout classes yeah like someone became a fucking multi-millionaire off that it's just a fucking plastic box yeah i feel like we could find another device you know that's a good one um on the workout equipment side of things i got those ab belts and also shake weights. Oh, shake weights is a good one.

You know ab belts? It's like they shake your abs. Oh, yeah. They like to do the electric impulse thing. Fucking go to the gym. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's just along with any TV bot workout equipment.

Yeah. Pretty much anything that's as seen on TV. Yeah. It's trash. Yeah. The shake weight is a good one. Yeah, Shake Weight doesn't make any fun of it. What the fuck does that even do?

What do you mean, what does it do? It activates all of your muscles. Look how much bigger my right arm is than my left. You only Shake Weight on your right arm? Yeah. All right, you guys ready? Yeah, absolutely. Just fucking do it.

um all right you guys ready yeah absolutely just fucking do it the flower holder in volkswagen bugs after the episode recap shows jaeger bombs paper straws stopper bottles on alcohol like the top oh yeah miracle, holiday runathons, tough mutters, clam chowder, bras, small talk, commercials, super small water cups at restaurants. Uh, the people who check your receipt at Costco, five minute crafts videos, pink Himalayan salt. Fuck off. That's salt. That's the only salt I buy. It's salt. We have that at our house too. Having to put your seat up when you land on a plane. Also, it only reclines two inches. Fuck that. Pictures of fireworks and NFTs. Those are all, those are all good as fuck. I do have a counter for the, uh, the Costco receipt checkers though. They did a study that shows that if someone is just standing at the door you're like ten times less likely to steal from the

store so it haven't just stand there then don't have them fake read the reason they know that they weren't actually checking anything then then they would have all the confidence in the world to just be like fuck it no they're on my list that's fair you know when we went we went to costco for uh before edc remember yeah oh no you weren't with us but we had three you weren't you were still in the army yeah i was gonna pick it up did you come in with us remember we had like three giant shopping carts full shit and the guy was like pretending that he was gonna find anything on there okay how about this maybe not the guy the orange little highlighter that he puts on there oh yeah fuck like who is. Like, is anyone coming back and be like, oh, you don't have.

You don't have your highlighter. You don't have a little streak on there. I couldn't do that at home. No, but it's so you can't use it again. Use what again? The receipt. So if you were to go back in and it didn't have a mark on it, you could technically get the same stuff with the same receipt.

Oh, you could just go fill up your cart and walk out with it. See, you're not that smart. No. Damn. Fuck that. I stand by that thing on my list. I think Morgan counted all those for you. Nope.

Yeah, fuck off. They're all useful. But I did want to say, speaking of best inventions of all time, did you guys see the new Taco Bell Cheez-It Crunchwrap? No. Oh, I did see that. Cheez-It Crunchwrap? So they made a giant Cheez-It for the shell that's in the middle.

Are they out yet? They don't miss. They don't miss. Taco Bell never miss. I don't know. They should be. Hopefully soon. If they are, we're going to.

Yeah. I'll see you there. They never miss. We're doing good. Yeah, look at you. We're doing pretty good. We're hanging in there. I needed those shots. We're hanging in there. Okay. Yeah. Look at you. We're doing pretty good. I needed those shots.

We're hanging in there. Um, okay. This, this was an interesting one. How do you guys go about eye contact during sex? Phrase it better. How, what do you mean? Like, when do I make it? Like, how much do you go for the entire time? Relentlessly no blinking. But like it's kind of weird. It really depends on how, uh, how proud I am of what we're working with. If, uh, if it's one that I'm not going to want to forget for a long time, the whole fucking time.

Well, cause it's one of those things where you can't just continue to like keep it you know i think you you when you go in for like a little when you like going for like a kiss just start with the eye contact then work your way in you know oh you go for it for kisses i don't know about that that's the time i would say i wouldn't do it no but you'd be like looking at him and then you go in whatever your eyes open the whole time no no i don. I don't mean while you're kissing. That's fine. That's whatever you do. But for me, it's like a couple seconds here and there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like that's the max I'm committing to. Intermittent. Yeah, I don't know if I've ever really thought about it. It's just kind of what seems natural. It's kind of case by case, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But it does hit.

Okay. Let's see. I would love... You know what? We're're gonna have to test that out we're gonna have to role play that and i want to see when you stare at me and make me feel uncomfortable okay because garrett's gonna be doing it while he's kissing me no that's not what i meant fucker that's what you meant just like looking at her eyes closed okay let's see here things that would make you actually vote for a president

okay they know how to fucking speak that's a good one actually yeah yeah they can put together it's normal yeah he's older than my grandparents or he bikes really good those two but he's the best he's one of the best he's the best if the next president can show me a very good biking strategy runs for president yes okay skateboarder but he can ride a bike yeah he can ride a bike for sure um i said get rid of all the mid video ads on YouTube. Like if he had it on his platform, he's like, I will make sure that after the start of a YouTube video, there'll be no more interruptions no matter how long.

You just get to keep watching. He could say there's a lot of other policies that he had would be weird and I'd be like, fine. Yeah. Because I don't know their strategy with the fucking YouTube ads because you just hate their positioning. Like the fact that they're at the front. I just get mad at every company that it pops up for.

Get that water. And then you could just skip after five seconds. This was a classic one for all of my presidential speeches throughout the school year. Ice cream for lunch. Ice cream for lunch. Ice cream for lunch. You're running for like, you're doing that.

Recess all day long. Recess the whole day. Longer recess. Eight hour recess all day long president recess the whole day longer recess recess every class is recess ice cream for lunch i like that garrett is still in school for everyone that's listening wait did he just say recess is longer i'm in yes could you imagine if someone said that i wanted elementary school off that platform oh you said that i was class president in elementary school let's go dude that's good you make it happen or did you lie to your uh i mean i tried my best to push the platform forward the prince i would love to see you in a like a room with all the teaching you're like look guys

i ran on ice cream they voted for me saying you want to disappoint the entire student body you go right ahead but i'm gonna blast him and say it was your fault i made promises to the ben and jerry's lobbyists my actually serious one was just doing one fucking singular thing that they say they're gonna do yeah that's rare when they actually that'd be a fun one yeah just fucking one of them or a counter to yours being like 45. Yeah. I think Obama was like 45 when he first ran. Yeah, like let's do that again.

Yeah, it was nice to have someone that could actually fucking think. Like he's going to be alive at the end of their term. Because even Trump was fucking goddamn 70. He was older than Biden. 67, yeah. No, 75. No, he's like 79 now. He's like 100-something now. He was in his 70s when he got elected that's fucking it's too

old there's got to be a cutoff dude but i digress like you usually retire at 65 why is the most important job in the country start at 65 yeah it should be 35 to 65 65 is peak. You have to get in before 65. Yeah. No, you have to be done before 65. Yeah, you get impeached. If you're 63, sorry, you only get two years. You get impeached at 65, you're done. You're retired. Force retirement.

Force, yeah. Let's see. I had to get rid of daylight savings. Yes. Is that out now? Well, we voted for it. We voted for it, but they still haven't changed they haven't changed it we have to take it to someone's filibuster in the fuck out of that

thing oh that's filibuster next year next year well i mean we already voted for it so all they have to do is like push it through someone's gotta just get off the fucking pot it's so fucking whack jesus christ dude all right last one i got here the drunk text tier list okay yes all right we got a couple classics here just you up you up is gotta be the biggest classic that's that's at least a yeah it's not the best but it's it's so much of a classic it's up there are we making a tier list yeah we're making a tier you have like a way to do it i can probably find something no i think we could just we could just do it okay yeah when it was to go a s b c s s top s a b c d s a b c d okay um the classic what are you doing these are both a tier i think at least that's that might be s tier for me personally just wyd yeah yeah yeah that's that's

up there and then the last classic is just the hay with way too many Ys. Oh, that's my go-to, baby. Yeah, yeah. I think those are all S-tier. Those are all S-tier. Those are like the absolute elite drunk texts. Yeah. And then we got completely misspell something,

then say sorry wrong person, but it wasn't just to see if they're awake or not. Oh, that's a cheeky play. It works. That I might have to put a little lower, like a B. I might go high B to a low A. Okay. This one's from me, actually, at 3.52 a.m.

So are we never talking again or what? That actually worked. Holy fuck, that's good. How many responses do you get for that one? That's fucking F, but go ahead. You need more background than that, but it was... No, you don't, but it worked. the background come on the background was i thought we were never talking again because you hadn't talked for months yeah yeah yeah yeah she definitely had texted you

or messaged you and you ignored it yes um this one's from a roommate we had in college it's uh hey are you going to bed tonight oh my god yo you're gonna be sleeping tonight and where probably catching any z's tonight and then the last one and then the last one is are you mad at me oh that's not that's a you want to get so you it's from somebody that's cringe um i had uh just a classic here as well hey i'm drunk there you go yeah yeah yep just and just see where that goes the hay with the with multiple y's is my absolute go-to yeah so i love that when you're typing that out too and you see like a lot of ignored stuff or like where you left that last one it was like you were supposed

to reply and it was like two weeks ago and then you just send the hay yeah yeah that's a classic the worst is when those are all from you you're like actually it's always me when you always see a bunch of blue bubbles and there's nothing else for the entirety of the thread and it says red every time so um all s tier oh no is there a new m tier for just shit you say yeah morgue tier can we put it below f they're all s tier the first three are definitely s tier okay the classics are all s tier yeah i think so and then everything else is uh morgue tier yeah morgue tier which you can put wherever you'd like. Okay. At the very top.

Let me see here. We got to break down some of our top TikTok comments of the week. What do we got, Poppin? Because these motherfuckers on the internet are good. They're good. They're good people. Okay, so we did that video that was how'd you guys learn how to jerk off. Yep.

Yeah, we did the best ones for that right um no it got way better okay so it was during covet at home during a zoom class because the lesson was boring and there was a pretty cute girl in the class so wow and my question for him is did he keep the camera on and everybody thought he was taking really good notes? Oh my God. Also, how, why did it take him so long to learn? That's like college Zoom class, right? No, they did. During COVID it could be like middle school, right? Oh.

Wait. It should have been the teacher. Do you just mute yourself and play it cool? Wait, so he's just staring at this little square of a girl in class? Yeah, you can make it bigger, though. Oh, God. Oh, yeah, you put it for a screen. That's pretty, that's creepy as fuck.

That's good. Okay. That's not good, but it's good. So this other one. I was pretty young way before it got sticky and stuff. Good times, LOL. Way before it got sticky and stuff? No.

I hope these aren't 12-year-olds comments are from it gets better i actually thought i invented it could you imagine going to school the day after you thought you invented that yeah actually god i couldn't imagine that yo come to the bathroom holy shit okay it gets way better. No, wait a second. We need to message that guy and ask him what he did. We could do that. Because if he went to school and he was like, hey, bros, check this out. You thought you were the coolest motherfucker.

He's just explaining it step by step. He's like, yeah, you grab it, and you just really start going up and down. Okay, this other one was I Googled a guide on how to, and so I obviously went to Google to see what the fuck they say on there. So this was just a quick list they had. It said, set the mood. Don't be afraid to switch positions, which I don't understand. Take your time, which I never do.

Switch hands. Use your hips hips which i might try wait wait hold on a second use your hips yeah like just fuck your own yeah that's our spit on it yeah that's the next one for sure that's a long one um and then the last one on the list was don't forget the prostate yes and oh lord my dad this is not a joke actually said it's lit that's where our g-spot supposed to be but i'm not doing that i just don't that's just too much mess i think you know it's way too much mess i don't know it just feels wrong in which way it's way too much mess i don't know it just feels wrong in which way and then moral moral mess the last one that threw me for a loop was my earliest memories of doing it were would be four or five i knew it was sexual uh wait my earliest memories of doing it was when i was four or five and it was daily by age eight, four or five. That seems that's almost like when you start remembering shit. So that's real soon. Yeah. This guy have a full ass

beard by the time he's 10, four or five. I was figuring out how to talk. Yeah. What? Okay. Hopefully not actually with you. Yes. Yeah. That's when you're learning sentences. Four or five is kindergarten. Four or five. You can talk, dude. No, I know you could talk, when you're learning sentences four or five is kindergarten four or five you can talk dude no i know you could talk but you're learning the language i think you underestimate like two-year-olds can talk in sentences they're they're saying a couple things is what i'm saying no no i yeah brian's brian's sister's kid is like four now and it can like speak in two languages okay fuck me i was way far behind yeah like kids i always fuck this up too i think like little kids can't do shit until they're like six but yeah like two years old they're almost like a human are they getting better okay yeah they're getting they figured them out a little bit and then last one was

someone just said omegle which is the thing where you just just random random oh is that like the chat roulette yeah now yeah yeah i have a lot of questions for that one too i mean he probably didn't do it by choice yo that's so fair that's what he meant he probably just saw someone doing it yeah there's no way oh oh that's exactly what it was yep you see somebody do i'm gonna get on that right now the omegle section i'm just gonna get on it and now. The Omegle section. I'm just going to get on it and see what's happening. Oh, we're in. You're in?

Yeah. All right, John's going to go on Omegle Bender, but I think we're going to close this episode out before we stumble upon something that we don't want to see or talk about. But that wraps it up for episode 19. I'm going to bed. Yeah, it's a big rest week. I will. We will all see you guys next week.