NO FOMO - 20. How to Build a Sex Room

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we break down Sex Rooms, visit Hustler's University, and talk about some of the scariest messages you can ever get from a girl. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

You won't coat my little shitbox, okay? All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put that at the start. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. A whoa, whoa, wee, wah. Got to test out the chords. Wah, wah, wee, wah.

Mm, mm, mm. A little raspy this morning, boys. My apologies, but we're back. We're back. It's episode 20 of the No Fomo Show. That's a lot. I'm here with Big Dick John and Morgan. Oh, fuck. Big balls. Big, okay, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Give and Morgan. Oh, fuck.

Big balls. Okay, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Give me heavy. Heavy balls. Heavy set on this guy. Dense. Not the size, it's the denseness.

Yes. It's like a ball of lead. The universe started from a tiny speck. What's that big thing, an anvil? You know, that they used to drop? Yes. They're like anvils. Two circular anvils.

It's like they're anvil-shaped. They're anvil-shaped. they yes yes they're like anvils two circular anvils it's like uh no they're anvil shaped they're anvil shaped what are those even for actually what is an anvil other than like something you see in looney tunes to create my balls yeah is it for it's for uh milling swords and shit right milling swords yeah right not to be confused with milling corn next topic what do you call it? Crafting? I don't fucking know. World of Warcraft. How are we feeling?

It's Tuesday morning. I'm feeling pretty good. I don't feel... I got some quality. I think I slept just two straight days after the show. Yeah, I had a... Me and Jay had a pretty good whole day hangover on Sunday. Ours was a pretty fun hangover because Morgan didn't even notice that I was gone for like four hours of our hangout. You can't be doing that to people. I need, I need some explanation. So, I mean,

he comes over after not sleeping the entire night. Okay. He comes over and he's still hammered and just tells me to order all of the McDonald's. So I order it. Uh, we eat a little McDonald's. He instantly falls asleep. And I decided, more as a sleep, I would rather cuddle with a girl. So I went to a girl's house. Instantly falls. Basically just slept at her house for like five hours. And then I

get a call from Mark just, where are you? What's happening? Yeah, where are you? What's happening? Why aren't you here? At your house? Yeah, he was still at my house. He was sleeping in my bed. Woke up in a cold sweat. Just horrified.

Reaches over to an empty. Just does the little reach. Freaks out when he feels the cold side of the bed. Oh, no. The moral of that story is, though, I did have four double quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's this weekend. Oh, this whole weekend. I thought you meant in that one sitting.

No, I did two in once, and it uh, it felt really good. Now those are nice. Those are, it's honestly two of those is the perfect, I think just meal you need to. Yeah. You need to. So you got four patties, you know, double slices of cheese. It's a whole pound. Yeah. It's a fucking pound of beef. But, um, we actually made a, a pretty cool discovery in our, yeah, we did remember the show we watched. Oh, the, the how to make your sex room, how to build a sex room. Wait, is this the show's called that? I think I just heard about this, but I, I, we were trying to find it last night. No one knew what it was called. Yeah. Is it like a, it's not like a documentary type show, right? It's not like a reality show. It's like a

type show. Oh, it's real. Yeah. It's like couples that want to enhance their sex life, and then they hire this woman who doesn't look like she has a lot of sex. No, she's fucked. He's wrong on this. She fucks. She might fuck. She might. Yeah.

But it's pretty much just every couple is just some cuck dude that obviously doesn't fuck good enough. And some demon girl that just needs something more. Yeah. She's trying her best not to cheat on the guy, so she's like, all right, let's try something else. The first one does open up with some real cuck energy, because the guy

is just like, he says shit like sensual way too many times, and you're like, all right, what's going on? But then they take they experiment. The girl takes him to an experiment thing, and they take him to a whipping professionals. They try to figure out what they like. They take him to some whipping

professionals, and this guy's over there like fucking loop-de-loops on this girl like prax showing them how to do it wait to the to the guy's girl no well he so it starts off on like his girl and he's like oh yeah this is how you do it he's like fucking absolutely baton twirling the shit out of this thing into her ass and then they're like do you guys want to try and i'm thinking they're gonna let him try no he did get his girl up Like mounted on the thing and then this other guy just like oh just beat the shit out of her And the guy is standing like watching her eye to eye while the other guys side thing and she's like this is pretty good He's like yeah, I kind of like watching this. Oh my god. Oh They're like well, we just we just discovered your new hobby being a cuck bitch

No, but this guy was fucking he had so much grace with the whip he was just like oh yeah it's like it was like a polite lightsaber i'm not it was a baton like performance yes like a flag on this chick's ass yeah i like that oh my god it was so fucking weird but yeah so it just goes from couple to couple it's like three different people getting their shit built at one time nice and it's just every guy's just like yeah we really need uh to spice it up in some way and it's just cock i got a couple more eps into that there was one guy who's like they were they've been married for a while they have like a seven-year-old kid and he's like yeah ever since the kid you know the sex life hasn't really happened and the wife's just like yeah it's not really a thing and he's

like i'm just thinking his solution was yeah let's sign up for build a sex room show yeah thinking that that's gonna change that's gonna like she's just gonna all of a sudden be like yep every day now every day now just whip me and we're back in it these guys might fuck actually I mean if they don't after you get the room what what do you need the room so they build out they build out like an entire room in their house for the shit yeah so one of them had like a weird fucking like crawl space basement thing that they made the room and they had like a fucking fake bookshelf that like went to it and then there's a crawl space underneath the house so did they do like a like a follow-up after like let's check back in on the

johnsons that's what we said there should be we should get to see him test it out yeah that's what i'm saying like how do we know if this's Did anything for yeah, that's on a different website yeah After show it's it's behind a pay gate. Yeah, but hey well I honestly don't I Was like in and out of sleep the whole time so I don't know if I ever saw a couple even one They kind of deck them out my only thought though is imagine you saw your boy on that show Or imagine you saw your parents on that show You just see morgan there with his girl and it's like yeah, he's just out of nowhere your boy on that show yeah or imagine you saw your parents on that show oh that would suck you just see morgan there with his girl and it's like yeah just out of nowhere i wonder where you've

been they just put a fucking sibian in every room i know exactly what this room is just sibian done perfect yeah good to go but so how did your night go on Saturday night? Went out to moonshine. Got a little too drunk after being drunk all day. I think I got home at a reasonable hour of like 1. That's not bad. Then I had to wake up. My co-captain was an early riser.

So she woke up at 6 a.m which was real nice my co-captain we're already calling her co-captain okay well that's scary as fuck who were we talking about here this is not important co-captains are pretty aggressive that's that's too close for me yeah yeah calling him co-captain as opposed to the usual some girl. He was trying to be respectful for once in his life. I was trying to ease into it. I totally forgot that you didn't come. Sorry, I needed to let you know that we're changing subjects. I totally forgot you didn't come to the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you hear the girl from the crowd? What? There was a girl in the crowd she's like where is john oh my where is john just yelling oh it had to be chris star we keep seeing chris star krista wishman yeah for sure yeah i ran into her at the show and she was just like because i'd already met her i was like oh you're gonna be so stoked you're john and morgan are coming and then i could not find morgan for an hour. And then John never showed up.

So she was probably a little disappointed. Yeah, but she was adamant on finding you. The girl that was yelling, where's John, is the girl I went to cuddle with. Is it? Yeah, that makes sense. Actually? Yeah.

Oh, nice. But I thought that was impressive to just start yelling. Just screaming at us? Yeah, you just got a really- In the middle of the crowd? Yeah. What's the word for that? Manifest.

She was manifesting your existence. Wait, so you'd never met this girl and you just went over to her house, hung over on a crowd? Yeah. What's the word for that? Manifest. She was manifesting your existence. Wait, so you'd never met this girl and you just went over to her house hungover on a Sunday? Yeah. That's the most aggressive play ever. The last time I did some shit like that, it was the most awkward hangout of my life. I had this girl come over and I was just so hungover. I was just laying there in sweats looking like a piece of shit. I was like, oh, you want to like watch a movie or something?

But didn't speak for like the entire time movie ends and she just leaves oh not kidding i went over there i went over there for like six hours i think i slept for five and a half of it yeah what a hangout that's good yeah she's she's probably worth it pretty sitting there just petting you oh i finally got him right where i got him but so what else happened to you uh well first of all all, we can, the show, we had played a show at Spin. It ended at, well, you left before it even ended. Not our set, but you left before the show ended. Yeah, I left at like three.

But shout out to everybody that came. Yeah, that was a fucking fun one. It was lit. Yeah, so I stayed the whole time. I ended up playing with Oren for a little bit at the end. And then Drew Downey shows up on stage with about five minutes left in the night and goes party at my house. So went to Drew's, and you know how those nights go. Yeah. Well, they're never nights. down he shows up on stage with about five minutes left in the night and goes party at my house so

went to drew's and you know how those nights go yeah well they're never nights it's you know how that morning went yeah but so our morning facetime it included garrett still being awake yeah before yeah so i went home to oh no so this is what happened they somebody gave me a joint on stage and i thought it was a cigarette so i was like fuck yeah rip it and everybody knows what happens when I get high yes I felt lost dude I felt like as opposed to what found as opposed to when do you not lost your other state I think you only have lost yeah lost and more lost lost and where the fuck is I felt weirder than usual on stage I just I just feel like uncomfortable like my hands are weird yeah yeah so like the last 15 minutes of the. I just feel like uncomfortable. Like my hands are weird. Yeah. So like the last 15 minutes of the set, I just felt like I was like,

I don't know. Yeah, just some interesting moves coming out of that. But yeah, so I got too high and that's why I went home. Yeah, I was wondering what happened to you. Yeah, and then I hit you up because I realized that I wasn't going to sleep. Yep. Wait, did you end up coming over? Yes. You showed up at Drew's? Yes. yes yes that's right okay

yes just making sure and then they kicked us out which has never happened i didn't get kicked out oh no because you were hiding yeah yeah no so in my drunken stupor i was like i was in the hot tub with like a couple people and then they left and i was like okay what's everybody doing so i go into a room and the best way i could describe it is it just felt like a sex dungeon yeah i know what room you're talking about yeah it was just completely dark blackout curtains everywhere and there's just like eight people on a bed and i was like well if i leave it looks weird it's weirder if i leave it's weirder if i leave so i lay down with the gang and uh

So I lay down with the gang and shit. No, I literally lose. Morgan gets there and then I lose him almost immediately. Yeah. And then I go outside and there's like, there's like probably 30, 40 people like upstairs where I was. And I was like, where the fuck is Morgan? I go outside. There's probably four people outside and he's just in his boxers under like the jacuzzi,

like under the water. I just see his little mouth like poking out. He's the only one in the jacuzzi, like under the water. I just see his little mouth poking out. He's the only one in the jacuzzi. I was like, why did I know that you'd be in here? And he's like, come on in, bro. Everyone's loving it. I was like, you're the only one in there. You're everyone.

You're the only one there. No, but it gets better than this. Okay, so I meet this girl in the dungeon. She belonged in a dungeon. She was a dungeon rat. Be nice to people. I'm just kidding. I'm joking god but

um so i met goblin i met like three or four people one of them this girl and we end up going back to this guy's house who's also with a different girl so it's me the dude his girl and then this other girl get through it and i'll get i'll get through it but um so we get out we go to his house and it just comes out that they the girl that I was talking to used to be dating the guy. Oh, that's fun. And from then on, they just started, like, talking about their relationship. Shut the fuck up. Holy fucking new level of awkwardness.

And I was just, like, so uncomfortable. They were, like, hinting at an argument and, like, the whole thing. And it was just, ugh. The heebies to the max. It was not. Did you end up just a boarding ship and just running away? Yeah. And then we left there. He's like, no, I wrote it out. No, I left my head down by both of them. So now the guy was super cool though. It looked like Tarzan. I bet you it was super cool. Oh, was that was that hercules yeah no is his name literally hercules there's a guy that looks like tarzan his name's hercules it's probably hercules it's probably hercules like a big dark dark skin like looks like he's straight like like tarzan no he looks like tarzan yeah but his name's hercules kind of

kind of gets confusing yeah um i was thinking after we broke down our stuff here it would be a good transition to go into breaking down our Sunday scaries. Like a traditional? Yeah, yeah. Just a typical Sunday. Yep. Okay. Or Monday.

Could be Tuesday for some. It depends. It really is just, it's not a day scary. It's the scaries. It's the scaries. We kind of pencil it in wherever we have to. Breaking down the scaries. Breaking down the scaries.

Okay. Okay, so, I mean, breaking down the scaries. Okay. Okay. So, I mean, wake up drunk phone is gone. That was, I think my favorite thing is when you do wake up and you go, okay,

I don't know where any of my stuff is. Yeah. That's phone. While it keys car is a fun one for me to find out when you actually don't remember where you, not because we drive drunk. Yeah. No,

not that. When you get so drunk, you don't remember shit that happened even before you got drunk. Yeah, like the previous day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're literally... You blacked out from like a full other day where you weren't even drinking.

Yes. Or it's one where you left your car somewhere like on Friday night. Yeah. And then Saturday you never went to get it. Because you were too fucked up to get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's just like,

holy shit. Whoa. My car's downtown with four parking tickets. I'm for sure. See how it goes. That's one of my faves. Yeah. Pretty soon after that.

I mean, usually I just have at least one drink just to. Yeah. To kind of curb it. Do you have a drink? I never do that. I usually don't do the hair of the dog. I'd say it's about 50 50. I'd say if you do have your phone, it's typically two to three hours of just mindless scrolling on tiktok and instagram and tell you it says you've caught up like multiple times

yeah you know on on separate accounts yeah you go through all the stories yeah like i go on the fomo account it says you're all caught up then i go back to my personally you're all caught up you do you stop it all caught up because i keep going i'll go way past i'm not caught up yeah and then you know what i do i'll just go back to the top and just refresh and then there's like oh there's something new there's gotta be uh one of the other things I didn't throw in with the lost stuff is if my smoker isn't within Tapping distance. I have a mini freakout. You'll never see me get up any quicker than if my my vapes not next to me You're in my pocket. Yeah, that's the only thing that can actually get me out of bed. It's seriously It's my it's like such a crutch for me when I'm it's the only thing else I'll go from

You do the tap and then you go okay And the couch is just laughing at you just like All the sudden remember shit Guess who has your smoker I I remember giving it to Morgan. The bottom cushion. If that's the last thing you remember, it's gone. Yep. And then after that, it's usually order half the menu somewhere.

Yeah, it goes from browsing TikTok and Instagram to browsing DoorDash. But I always end up with national favorites, and that's going to be Taco Bell or McDonald's. That's literally what I have right here. Yeah. And it's going to be two quarter pounders or bust. It's going to be at least $40 pre-delivery charge. Yeah. Yeah.

I think one of my favorites with that, too, is that it's always a place that's, like, less than a mile away. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know when that guy comes to drop off the food, he's like, you're scum. You're a scumbag. Yeah, you could have walked over. But it's not my fault that it says fastest near you. Yeah. Like, well, that's because it's next door, but I'm still not getting up.

Do you ever hear, you know when you order like Taco Bell or McDonald's and you put in the order and it's like your order's been received and then it's like someone's coming to pick up your order? Yep. You're like, okay. That was, I ordered something from a piece of shit. I've actually ordered food from a place I could see out the window. I've actually ordered food from a place I could see out the window it was like a smoothie shop across the street and we watched the guy pick it up

and then come and park right in front of the house and then walk inside you watched man? we watched the delivery guy pick it up and drop it off those are two acai smooths that's gotta be us binoculars at his back

oh that's the boys you just hear him when he drops it off really guys yeah are you fucking kidding me binoculars on your neck yeah hey thanks partner oh fuck that's good all right after the food um yeah so if i'm alone at that point it's a seek out partnership and by companionship you mean the boys And this is still all while horizontal. I'll get up to retreat the food and then straight back to bed. Sometimes we move to the couch. All while sweating.

Yes, profusely. One of the things I like to do to really ruin my whole day is accidentally look at my credit card statement. Oh, never do that. I save that. I love to fuck my whole life up. I save that for at least Tuesday. That's a Wednesday vibe.

Yeah, that's for sure. That's Tuesday evening at the earliest. Or when you've gone through all your stuff and you accidentally click your emails and you have like four Ubers on there. Oh my God. And one of them is for $85. You're like, yes, yes, yes. It's like a 30 mile trip at fucking 4.30 in the morning. And then immediately right back like an hour later.

Like, why did I go? How would you rate your Uber at 4.30 in the morning. And then immediately right back like an hour later. Like, why did I go away? How would you rate your Uber at 4.10? Don't forget to leave a tip on your $84 ride. I got, you know, two bites of the fast food and then almost immediately vomit. You know, after I've gotten up and retrieved the food. Or eat the entire thing and feel impending doom. And then feel horrible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Impending doom. It really is. It's either two bites or way more food than I need and I'm just like comatose. I doing the two bites fall the fuck asleep and then wake up and eat it cold oh yeah you know leaving it out for an excessive amount yeah it's like two hours you start to google like how long can a mcchicken be sitting on the counter before i can eat his mayonnaise still edible well technically it can start developing bacteria after 45 minutes and

i'm like god damn it I'm going for it. I actually did that with the Mickey D's fries that we had, and it was... It tasted fucking weird, dude. Dude, the fries, they have to be piped or not. Those age. But we just got an air fryer. Game changer for leftovers. Oh, throw them back in. Oh, baby. Oh, someone's rich. Throw them back in.

Air fryer. Actually, are you poor? I have my butler go down and get one of those. I feel like everyone's got an air fryer. Yeah, I have one. Do you not have one? All the fucking losers. Get a fucking air fryer. Put, are you poor? I have my butler go down and get one of those. I feel like everyone's got an air fryer. Yeah, I have one. Do you not have one? All the fucking losers. Get a fucking air fryer. Put it in the oven.

I know I'm getting John for Christmas. I'm not going to use it. I'm not going to use it. Another thing I like to do to ruin my day is try to find something on Netflix, and there's nothing I'm fucking going to watch. And even when you find something, it's just so bad. No, the worst is when you take a a shot and they start talking about something scary and then you just get fucking twice as scared.

Yeah. Has that ever happened to you? Take a shot? Take a shot with like something random. Oh. Like you watch like some like mystery psychological thriller and then it's like, oh, it gets kidnapped and then you're just like, fuck, I'm kidnapped. Fuck, someone's coming.

I just hear a knock on the door. Oh, wait, that's my food. But no, so another worst part of that experience is when the sun goes down. Oh. Oh, and it's after a nap and you wake up and it's dark. Yes. Or like you've only been awake for two hours and the sun's going down. That's a scary fucking time.

That's real scary. Yeah. Because now you're getting into it's monday's really really close yeah you're not sure you have enough time for monday yeah like i don't think this one's for sure carrying over into monday yeah so shit's scary no and then he's safe out there it's when it's when you sleep the entire day sunday it starts getting dark and then you realize you're not gonna be able to sleep almost the entire night because you've slept 10 hours during the entire day. I'll see. I can still fall asleep. Yeah, but it'll take me to

midnight when I'm really wanting to get a good night's sleep. You have mommy slash... We're not doing mommy this week. I have, in honor of Elon impregnating his assistant and having twins for his 8th and and ninth children with his third

woman. Third woman, yep. I figured we'd do daddy of the week, and this one is going to be most kids and most women edition. Let's go. So first up, we do have Elon. Elon Musk. Okay, if you missed the story, he decided to just, during a performance review, bouncy house his assistant and pump a couple kids in her. I didn't even know that was the full story. I just kept seeing people talking about it. Yeah, so it was the Neuralink. I don't think it was his assistant. She was like a high up person at Neuralink.

The Neuralink bouncy house. He bouncy housed her. Can you dive a little deeper into what you mean by that? He gave her the musk. Oh, I thought you meant like he fucked her in a bouncy house. No, no, no. I was like, wait. I mean, he could have.

He bounced her house. In a Tesla bouncy house. A Tesla bouncy house. But so that puts him at nine kids, three different women. Nine kids? He has nine. He's got to be daddy. We have a lot of contenders though

if you think that's a lot yeah no there's some okay um nick cannon is also a daddy candidate he has seven kids with four different women um one of his most called claim to fames here in this category is going to be that he had uh three separate kids in two months with two separate women. Wow. Wait, how do you? Oh, so twins are in there? Two separate women. Twins and another one in two months.

So they were pregnant almost at the same time. Yeah, basically he forego condoms for Lent and he busted in two girls. Nice. Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon's just got a cannon, I guess. He's got a cannon. A baby cannon. Next up we have Eddie Murphy.

Ooh, this is a wild card. He has 10 kids. Really? With five different women. Wow. Are they all named Eddie, too? They are either named Eddie or Ed Lynn. I did not know he was pumping it out like that.

Yeah, he's busting it down. He's been around for a long time, you know? He's been famous for a long time. And I mean after Shrek comes out. Yeah, I see donkey. How are you not? How are you? He did not get out of that swamp let me tell you yes He's in the swamp and then our final candidate here and possibly the most impressive one Antonio Cromartie

Former NFL cornerback. Yes has 14 children with eight different women i was hoping you had him in the list because i know he had he's probably so he could field his own football team oh my god of kids and have some subs some of them would have to play both ways most of them would have to play both ways but um and he was basketball is a fucking easy oh he's got he's got a whole summer league yeah yeah he's got an entire rec league could you imagine he's got a whole summer league. Yeah. He's got an entire rec league. Could you imagine? He's got AAU on deck. Could you imagine coaching a team of your own children? All 14 of them? I can.

You can? I can. Well, one of the things that he divulged recently is that he pays over $440,000 a year in child support. Oh, my God. That's sustainable. Yeah, he's got god. That's sustainable He's got that he'll be fine. Yeah, he'll be good for the next four years after he retired from the NFL That's why he's been trying to he's been trying to get on some yeah some B teams He's gonna be playing in the freaking he's gonna be playing until he's 50 playing the indoor

He's been playing the indoor league. He's like, come on, man. The indoor league. Is that all we got? Those are our dads. Okay, so it's Cromartie, Musk, Eddie Murphy, Nick Cannon. I mean, the winner's got to be Musk just because he's the Musk. The Muskinator.

I think Muskinator's up there. Yeah. I mean, Cromartie, that's just one of the most impressive things I've ever heard. Yeah, and, you know, I was reading an interview of him. People were asking him about it, and he was like like just totally he could not see the problem with it they're like asking him questions like don't you think it's kind of you know do you think it's like a stress on you know your family life and whatever he's like i don't see it i don't see the issue i don't see i'm a great dad he's like i've never seen any of the kids okay so i think this is they're crazy but i think if we're going straight off daddy energy, it's gotta be

Musk. Yeah. Because he's got big dad energy. Did you see his, like, tweets? He's like, I'm just doing my best to help with the population crisis. Yeah, I love that. I like that he owns it. Single-handedly repopulating the earth. I mean, if you're him, ooh, fuck it. Yeah, oh, he's the most money

in the world. Yeah. Let's do 30. Someone tweeted, like, oh my god, I can't believe a billionaire has sex. I did see one. It was the Twitter deal is the only thing he's ever pulled out of. That's some good shit. But I have to say, if we're going father, it's got to be Cromartie. I mean, just purely off father production. Yes. Yes.

Yeah, if we're going production, because that's consistency over years, and he's not relying on one woman here. And hopefully not slowing down. He's out there just like, yeah. He's out there producing. Another one, eight. He's out there producing.

He's doing his part. He's almost trying to get more women with less kids. That's what I'm saying. There's almost more women than there are children. I would love to see that Thanksgiving. How the fuck does that even work? He's got a full day. He's got six flights.

He needs an assistant to schedule out his holidays for sure. Oh, easily. Part of the stipulation of his child support is they all have to be in one city so he doesn't have to travel too much. It's gotta be. I'll pay for it as long as they remain within this zip code. Yeah. You move them out, I'm not paying.

If they're in the same school, I'm fine. Yeah. That's good stuff. But no, fuck it, they all win. Yeah, their dads, you know what? Dads don't get enough recognition. We don't do enough dads. Yeah, we're doing a belated Father's Day celebration.

It's all four. Yep, all four of them. Father's Day came and went, dude. We need at least two of those. Yeah. How was Father's Day celebration. It's all four. Yep, all four of them. Father's Day came and went, dude. We need at least two of those. Yeah. How was Father's Day for you, Morg? I always love to hear your... I got a phone call.

You got a phone call. He answered your phone call this year? He answered my phone call. Okay. And how'd that go? My dad's lit, dude. Your dad is lit. My dad fucks, and he's lit.

But he is so surprised that he only ended up ended up with one kid though i as we all are no well there's no confirmation on that i'd say i mean technically you need to do a fucking thing the 23 send in some spit but i just look for the sexiest motherfuckers on the planet or what yeah just google the hunt for the sexiest men on the planet or what? Yeah, just Google. The hunt for the sexiest men on the planet. What if like every one of your siblings was just all beat to shit? At least they're tall. I don't know. I think Carol was the main contributor for that.

My mom is tall. Carol pumped out. Something about the way she squeezed you out shaped you, right? It shaped you, right? It's narrow. Everyone else has a brick for a head it's all in the exit we're good at this we're good at this all right ladies and gentlemen we're going

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There's no swords. No one dies. It's set up. I mean, I know mine are getting hugged up real nice right now. And it's not a fucking game. It's real. And there's no swords. No one dies. It's set up. I mean, I know mine are getting hugged up real nice right now. And it's not a fucking game. It's real. There's no game involved. It's kind of like a cuddle session where you get to be the little spoon. Your little and big

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She's doing the YMCA with her eyebrows. She looks like something straight out of fucking Avatar, bro. No, those are throwing up game signs. I guarantee you she could do all the letters of YMCA with those eyebrows. What's that species in Avatar? What are they called? The fucking... Avatars?

No. No. That's not what in Avatar? What are they called? The fucking... Avatars? No. No, that's not what they're... The fucking actual species. Avatarian. No. The Avatar is the fake one. Unobtainium's? The Avatar is the fake one.

It's Unobtainium. She looks disgusting. I'll just put it that way. Yeah, so that is... Tits are kind of busting, though. Yeah, no, those are smacking. Okay. Yeah, that's not good

for mostly anyone. What does the caption say? Yeah, no, those are smacking. Okay. Yeah, that's not good for mostly anyone. What does the caption say? She like relocated her own eyebrows. Like she moved them. Wasn't she doing something with the eyebrows before too? Or was it the eye paint? Well, it used to be the whole stick figure on there. Yeah, that is...

Now it's just the body. It looks like two stick figures like facing each other about to duel. What does the caption say? I need to know. Oh, caption says, Paris is burning and the kids are on fire. I got to meet so many brilliant designers, some

only at the beginning. I can't read the rest. Your life is on fire, woman. She's, is she still a, oh, don't zoom. Oh, look, so she, she covered up her eyebrows with like some sort of oh yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, the eyebrows. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's eyebrows there. Yeah, she glued them down and painted them and then moved them to a new location. That's the first person to ever do four-brow. I hope that takes off. Oh, my God. I mean, she's got 100,000 or so likes. Yeah, well...

Is she still fucking around with Kanye? Oh, you hope the four-brow takes off. No, Kanye, she's no longer with Mr. West. Mr. West is no longer in the building. Okay. Good for him. Okay, so that's number one. Oh, number two, we got Will.

Did you guys hear the story about him and Doja Cat? Wait, what? Oh, yeah. He put their... She DM'd somebody. Yeah, Doja Cat hit up Will will from stranger things to put her in touch with eddie who is the the new guy in the hellfire club you're kidding the metal guy right and then he fucking blew her up for hitting him up for that shut the fuck yeah i think he posted all

on social media wow like he's got enough clout to fucking just rip on doja cat well i mean can i doja cat you have to have a better way of finding the guy. No, he doesn't. I don't think he has an Instagram. But, okay, she's in a show business. Hit his agent or something. Or somebody who works with him. Wait, wait, wait.

So, for the record, was she trying to hit him up to hit him up? How old is this kid? Okay, he is, like, 20 or so. He's, like, 20, yeah. Really? The other guy, Eddie, is 29. That's older than doja cat so i'm not it's not the age thing i'm just saying like why why dm you're a celebrity there's a

better way what better way is there to dm the fucking director why the fuck would he respond hey i'm trying to fucking bang one of your no you just say hey can i get his contact info i think that's one of the easiest ways to do it. Obviously not. Because you hit up a bowl-cutted 20-year-old who puts you on fucking steam load. Look, I think we can agree they're both down bad. Yeah, but Will's just awkward as fuck just like he is in the show. Yeah, clearly.

That's the main point here. Why would he blow her spot up like that? He's different. He's different. He doesn't fuck with her music. He was probably just pissed that he wasn't. He probably saw a DM from her and he's like, oh, yeah. Oh, here we go.

And then lastly, we got shit. Lastly, but not leastly. Lastly, we got Joe Biden for being Hunter Biden's dad. For creating Hunter Biden. Dude, oh, my God. Look at this, man. This guy is an actual fucking demon. Look at that.

Yeah, for those of you. Is one of them smoking meth? I don't. Dude, this guy can't stop filming himself smoking crack and fucking hookers it's just like put the camera away like who are you sending this to i gotta say uh hookers yeah other hookers as proof um he is kind of just living his life a little bit i mean don't get me wrong i wish we were letting him live he's a vibe you wish we were letting him live yeah just let him live a little bit. I mean, don't get me wrong. I wish we were letting him live. He's a vibe. You wish we were letting him live?

Yeah, just let him live a little more. Wait, did you, so this fucking. Like, he probably is just like, hey, if my dad wasn't the president, like, this wouldn't matter. True. True. Mm-mm.

I'd draw the line at crack. But like, no one would know. But no one would give a fuck if he was just smoking a little crack. No one would know. He just smoked a little crack. He's smoking, he's smoking a little crack. Smoking a little crack. For the record, it is just a little bit of crack.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I've only ever seen a little bit of crack. I've never seen him with a lot of crack. It's not like he's smoking a fuck ton of crack. It's just like a little crack. Is this the only picture you got? It's just a lot of them. It's a smidgen of crack.

I want to see what I have. It's a pinch of crack. Can everyone fucking relax? Is there no water in that tub? He's just in there fucking sweating out the night before. He's just scaring in the tub with a cig. he's scaring in the tub his own fucking piss yeah he's laying in a pool of his own piss yeah you don't see the video that comes along with this picture yeah just took my five minutes

fill the fucking tub with piss it's warm. Get over here before it cools down. It's the perfect temperature. It's so perfect in here. Can we make that our profile pic for like the... We should all take one like that. Yeah, let's recreate it. I think I have one of me looking exactly like that. We all at least have one. Minus the crack.

Well, there's no crack in this picture. Last Thanksgiving, we took a good Sig pic looking like that, Morgan. Yeah. There's a picture of Morgan I've seen that looks exactly like this. Oh, yeah. I have one. Minus the crack. Well, there's no crack in this picture. Last Thanksgiving, we took a good Sig pic looking like that, Morgan. Yeah. There's a picture of Morgan I've seen that looks exactly like this. Oh, yeah. I have it. Substitute out the cigarette for some meth. But, yeah, so what do we think here?

I mean, it's Joe Biden again. It's Biden. He has kind of a... I mean, Julia Fox would come to accept that that's her style, which I despise. But, you know, Will, what a clown for trying to blow up Doja Cat. Yeah, is it Will or Doja Cat that's up for down bad on that one? I think it's Doja. No, it's Will for being weird.

I think it's Doja for choosing that meter up there. And that's not that weird, bro. I mean, it's not that weird. They're like friends, but clearly they're not if he just fucking blows her shit up like that. I think you were right on track, though, with him just being a little upset that it wasn't. Yeah, he was mad. If I got a DM for Dogecat, my eyes would light up, and then she's trying to hit up someone else,

I'd be like, fuck you. I'll bet you anything she eased into it, too, and they were having a normal combo. A nice chat, and she's like, by the way, what's Eddie's number? And he's like, fuck you, I'm blowing this shit up. He's like, goddamn bowl cut. He just goes, oh, really?

That bowl cut's fucking me. Imagine being that popular for something, and everyone envisions you as the bowl cut's fucking me. Imagine being that popular for something and everyone envisions you as the bowl cut. It's worse than being Draco in Harry Potter. That's how you're a celebrity. Dude, that guy must have had a hard-ass life. Draco Malfoy? I've actually seen a thing that he had a fucking shit life.

Yeah, because people just hated him. People literally hated him because of a character he played. Look, I'm not in Slytherin. He was the most hated person. People literally hated him because of a character he played. Well, he was like, I'm not in Slytherin. He was like the most hated person. Harry Potter. The most hated person in the most successful fucking franchise ever. Yeah. Damn, that's got to suck.

But good for him. Good for him. Yeah. How many weeks in a row is this for Biden? Should we keep a tally? Can you put a tally up on the screen? If not 20, it's four or five. Yeah, just a little tally.

We just have like a weeks without Biden being down bad. Yeah, yeah. Every week it's at zero. That's what I meant. Every week it's at zero. Days without Biden being down bad. Being zero. Okay.

I've got a little game for us. Okay. Let's hear it. So it starts out with a question. You get a call, Morg. I'm in the hospital in critical condition. Pull the plug you have to you have to get a cab for whatever reason you have to get in a cab okay you get in it to get to the hospital it's the cash cab do you play you gotta pay those medical bills okay so you do play

let's see if you get there okay oh because i forgot you get kicked out of your cruise. I was like, well, yeah, there's no harm to foul. I mean, worst case, I end up with some more money. So you can get two wrong. Okay. It's usually three, but I'm going to give you two

because this is fucked up. Okay. All right, the first one. What is xenophobia? Fear of sine waves. No. You just were fucked already. It's fear of dogs.

Really? Okay. What punctuation mark ends an imperative sentence? Define imperative. Your friend is in the hospital. You don't have time for him to define imperative. No, that would be a good sentence example. Your friend is in the hospital.

Exclamation point? Yes, there you go. You've already got one wrong though. Alright, we've made it two blocks and we're about six away from the hospital. Your friend is almost dead. Which animal can be seen on the Porsche logo? You can't Google it. You don't have a laptop in front of you in this scenario on the porsche logo i just got a call from the hospital his heart rate is at six is there a timer on these questions too there is on the porsche yeah this is a pretty regular one come back to it next you don't use your lifeline your friend's dead okay okay you are his lifeline he's dead um let's see here i'll give you maybe one you can get here what geometric shape is generally

used for stop signs come on pentagon oh my god are you fucking serious are you fucking serious stop you just missed out on my dying breath it It's a fucking octagon. No shit. There's not eight on that fucker. Yeah, there are. Now you can use your Google. Thanks for letting me die in the hospital alone. Yeah, Jay's dead. Sweet. You fucking piece of shit. My internet's off. My internet's off. Glad we learned that. First of- yeah, wow. I thought you were gonna get at least a couple that was almost like you didn't want to go yeah that sounded like you didn't

want to make it there so he dies oh sorry I was in the cash cab and I got him wrong on purpose so now you have to walk the rest of the blocks do you think you would actually play like let's say there was another cab right next to it and you got in that one and like it's the cash cab or I'd get out and I'd get back in

another cash cab or i'd get out and you can just get another cash cab is that lucky get out and just decide it's the same questions and i googled them and now you're safe well no you weren't going to save them you're going to say yeah let's say i needed like your kidney i'm throwing it just fucking shoot it on the hospital to the hospital. Yeah. Okay. That was just a quick little game. Okay. Did you just call it the piddle? The spiddle? How's my shit?

It's exactly how it was before. Okay. How's my shit? Your shit's solid. For once. It's been a while. All right. This will be a fun one.

What are some of the most horrifying texts that you could get from a girl with a breakdown, if you want? So this is just a girl in general. I didn't do girlfriend, but obviously some of these do apply to girlfriend. Yes, definitely. Who wants to lead us off? I think Brian actually gave me this one, and I think it's really good. It's, who is this? And it's either while they're writing it this doesn't have to be a text this could just be a thing but it's who is this and then while pointing at an obvious thirst trap account on your instagram

or sending you a screenshot of it knowing that you fall oh you're done that's just oh so i thought you were saying who is this as in they reply like they don't know who's at, like who is texting them. You're saying, who is this? No, it's. That could go that way. Yeah. In reference to a picture of. And I imagine it in the tone of like, they already know that you're fucked.

Oh, yeah. It's like, oh, who is this? Who is this? And why do you follow them? With your name in the likes too. Do my favorite one. Yeah, liked by. Yeah.

My favorite one of this exact scenario from experience is who is this and why are you the only one of all your friends that follow them? Because you can't even get away with, oh, it's a friend from high school or college. Well, that's the best thing about the thirst trap one is it's like, oh. It's like a ho. It's purely just an instant thought. And she's got three million followers. Oh, no, I went to high school with her.

I really like her. And that conversation is usually followed up with, let me go through all of the girls you follow, and you're going to unfollow all of them. Yep. Been there. Yeah, hopefully just don't fuck up that bad. Yeah.

Yeah, don't go on your Instagram in front of your girlfriend. Rule number one. I have a, or we could go clockwise, I guess. It doesn't really matter. Well, I've got a classic. It's just, it's fine, you know? Because it ain't fine at all. Nothing's fine about it, nor will it ever be fine.

And whatever it's in reference to, you better explain it and you better solve it. No, it's fine is usually followed by many hours of weird silence. Or it's fine and it's also followed with, I just find it funny. Yeah, you gotta have that. I think that it's fine is usually when you say something that you know is not gonna be fine too.

Like you tell, oh, hey, I know we were supposed to do this on Saturday, but I made plans to do blah. And then they say, and it's fine. And you're like, okay, I already knew it wasn't gonna be. I was hoping you weren't gonna say it's fine and we could maybe work this out. There's no sure sign that it's not fine, then it's fine and you're like i already knew it wasn't gonna be yeah i was hoping you weren't gonna say it's fine and we could maybe i don't there's no sure sign that it's not fine then it's fine yeah that's the number one time you know it's not fine the quickest red flag threat level midnight of all time is it's fine the number one way to know it's not fine is if she says it's something's wrong and that's usually followed by i I hope it was worth it. Yeah, okay, yeah.

Oh, yeah, after. Well, that's if you follow through with it. I usually stop at it's fine because it's not. See, I know Brian gets those when he goes out and does something and then he was supposed to do something the next morning and then isn't replying when he's supposed to. And then it's like, are you up? I hope you didn't fuck up last night.

Hope it was worth it. You were just going out for a beer or two last night. Hope it was worth it. But it's fine. Because it's not going to be. I'm going night. I hope it was worth it. You were just going out for a beer or two last night. I hope it was worth it. But it's fine. Because it's not going to be. I'm going to make sure that it isn't fine. Yeah, okay. Even if it was fine for a brief moment, it no longer is.

And I'm going to make sure that it wasn't worth it. So this one's a fun one. It's usually after you've been in a rather long argument trying to convince her that you should be able to do something. And it's like you get super logical send a long text an explanation yeah a long explanation of why it should be okay for you to do something and then she just replies okay or even better okay okay that's the top creme de la creme is k k is the scarier one and that usually means you're fucked oh yeah yeah well i think even just getting a text from a girl at this point You're fucked

Scariest text you can get from a girl anything This is my all-time worst this this one sends me to a place of pure fear darkness and knowing that I'm about to hear the most bullshit thing in the fucking world um it goes i was talking with my friends and oh yeah you're fucked you're so fucked there is no scarier room to be in than a room full of girls talking shit about one of their boyfriends and it's just their friends are just like, you know what? You should... If he did that, then you think you have the right to... Because what they're trying to do is they're trying to empathize,

but if you're trying to empathize, you just don't always say you're right. You know? I just don't get why they immediately let you know that this idea came from a room full of their friends. Because for me, that lets me know it's already wrong. If they're willing to admit that they for me that lets me know it's already it's already fucked it's wrong if they're willing to admit yeah that and they brought it to the girls it's

fucked and their thought behind it is like oh it's not just me here yes this yeah it's an entire group yes like i wouldn't ever go to a girl and be like you know me and the boys were talking you know and this is what we came up with i'd just be like this is my opinion and that's what i like could you imagine saying that would be the equivalent of like a guy writing a book on like how to deal with your period yeah it's it's like a thing to you can't have a one-sided no group of people come up with the right answer yeah it should be how about i talk to your friend let me let me yeah yeah i talk to your that's like saying i'm about to drop the most biased shit on your fucking head right now. I mean, I think anything related to go ahead, have fun.

Yeah. Have fun, don't have fun. Well, the thing with scary girl techs is if they bring something up that isn't like on topic with what you're talking about, you already know there's danger ahead. Danger. Yeah. Icy road. Not a through street all the signs road end soon like you guys could turn the fuck around and go back you're literally just sitting there talking about normal shit like sending memes back and forth and it's just so anyways um i was just thinking. The classic changes subject.

Road is closed. Terrifying. This one's a good one because it's kind of a precursor for when you're going to fuck up. It's just text me before bed. Yep. Because I don't think anyone ever figured that one out. Yeah, just text me when you make it home. I've never been able to figure that one out other than sending a preemptive text when I'm not that fucked up yet. Just saying that I'm going to bed.

And then you get in hot water. So you either get in trouble for lying about when you actually went to bed or you never sent the I went to bed text. Which are you going to pick? And then there's a story that's two hours past that text of you ripping something. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wait, didn't we? We had a friend try to beat that, didn't he?

With this pre-scheduled text. Oh, so that wasn't the going to bed. was um she likes good morning texts oh um and he had put in uh automatic good mornings yep uh that would go to her he had multiple different ones written out so it wasn't the same thing um he had him set for 7 a.m like he wakes up that early ever yeah and uh one morning he forgot to cancel him when he was staying at her house. Shut up. And she got the text saying, good morning, babe. Love you, blah, blah, blah. And he is past the fuck out next to her.

Oh, no. My God. No. Just bounce your head off the ground. It would also be kind of weird to get the good morning text at 7 a.m. And then she replies, and then you don't reply for four hours after that. Oh, yeah. Well, his thing was like, oh, yeah, I sent that text, and then I then i'm like you know i'm getting ready to go to work yeah for sure my phone

away for sure it's just that hurts my soul yeah just texting and girls just don't go together that's that's one of those ones where it's like an invention that you thought would work it's like an as seen on tv kind of thing where it's like oh you could put this you can now do it this way it's like or you could just do it the regular way it's not that hard yeah you know yeah that's that's that's technology actually being that's a five minute you're sold but backfiring terribly yeah five minute crafts fix where you're like or you could just fucking wear socks like yeah um do should we do some uh so if i'm sure everyone on the internet has seen Mr. Cobra Tate. Cobra Tate.

What's his username? Big Money Tate or something? I thought it was Big T. Or Top G. I think I've seen a bunch of different accounts that post this shit, but what's his actual account? So I saw a thing he was talking about this. There's accounts that just repost his shit.

Exclusively? That have hundreds of thousands of views and like all they do is repost him and he's like they were like how do you feel about that he's like fuck it dude that's hustling yeah like no so this how it works in hustlers University which I'm a part of slow down what the fuck is that how much do you pay for it I just wanted to see like what how much do you pay for it? Don't don't do bucks Where are you dead ass dead ass Wow? I had to see I had to know first dead ass I've ever ever ever on this I've never heard you say yeah

It's only applicable to this situation. I had to fucking know what it was all about okay, but I mean It's pretty much just like a fucking business masterclass is the best way. Oh, but OK. Yeah. But so the reason why there's so many run by who if you if I ain't up, you know, there's like teachers and shit. Oh, shit. Yeah. Who teaches?

But so I'm pretty sure you could get some sort of incentive in the program for making a fan page on TikTok, which is why he's taking over TikTok. Oh, so he's actually incentivizing people to do it because he's getting more popular off of it. Yes. Okay. Well, that's actually fucking genius. That's how that works.

But so- Fucking hustler you'd graduate right there. For those of you who haven't heard of him, we're going to play a little quote just so you could get a- Question, did you graduate? Huh? I mean, I barely looked at it. This guy is-

Dude, you're fucking sleeping through Hustler's U classes, dude? You're phoning it in, bro? Your phone might need you. This could be the big break. hustlers you classes dude you're phoning it in bro this could be the big break but this is uh some audio from him in case you don't know just so you could get a gist it's also a lot of people who are depressed who sit there and go i'm depressed i don't know why because you're broke because you're fat because you're a loser nobody told you at any point you're supposed to be happy all of the time you're not supposed to be happy happiness is on top of a mountain and you fuckers ain't earning it i love this first of all before we even get too far into it

what is his accent he is the way he speaks is so interesting isn't he it's like bolivia or something i think he's no so he's moroccan it's something it's such a weird fucking accent yeah so he's half black half white but he grew up in the UK. He was born in the US and grew up in the UK. Okay. So it's like American London. I will have to say I kind of love his shtick. Like his whole vibe is say something ridiculous, sandwich in a little bit of life advice, right?

Like there was a little bit of like, hey, you're not supposed to be happy all the time. It's all right. And then he goes right back to fuck you. He says it in like the most douchebaggery yeah yeah i think that's why it's so appealing i mean i don't want to get in too much hot water here but i kind of fucking love this guy well people a lot of people don't understand he's fucking kidding i don't think he is no he he is but he's not he's putting on a bit of an act he's overdoing it like he i

think he just leaned into it super heavily because it's getting him popular i think it's i think of him in the same light as like tim dillon yeah yeah like it's a little bit of an act and he's overdoing it for sure but he's like he is like good at being like that like the guy drives fucking fancy cars and like goes around with like he's dan bilzerian-esque but he like gloats about it yeah yeah but um so this is what we're gonna do here is quotes as if there were a mistate yes okay but then it wouldn't be we're doing it out of the angle it's not like his wife it's like a female version of him yes a female version of him okay i got a few here but we'll just we'll just do one at a time yeah okay a real man never sleeps his only purpose is to work and provide.

I like that. Real men should be bald. Literally tell your hair to stop growing. If you can't control your physiology, you can't control shit. Okay, let me see. I'll throw another one in just for you. Give me some.

I wanted to see where you guys are going a real man is never too tired for sex or round two mommy gets it when mommy wants it I got a good one here okay oh you're sad get fake tits what the fuck are you wasting your time for

balloon up a high value man should have no emotions at all. If you're even born with tear ducts, you're a pussy. That is so good. Fuck. I got more if you want. Yeah, you can just fire off, because I do have a little difficulty coming up with ones that were.

No, I caught fire this morning. Mine have to. Mine are just, I knew they were going to have to be organic. I knew they had to be like on. Yeah. Go ahead. On demand. demand a high value man farts cigar smoke if your underwear doesn't smell like a casino you're a beta male oh so you had a very distinct idea okay okay keep go ahead and i was i was thinking i like how you guys went like the girl saying what a guy should be yeah i was going more like a what a girl a girl because he does more like a man should do this stuff i was thinking, I like how you guys went like the girl saying what a guy should be. Yeah. I was going more like a girl.

Because he does more like a man should do this stuff. Well, he does a lot of both. Yeah, he does do both. But I was thinking more in the lines of a girl giving girl advice. I was doing more like making men feel like a fucking pussy. Okay. Yeah. I see that.

I see that. Okay. You want me to go? Yeah, just rip us apart. A real man is a grower and a showman. You think I want to cook dinner for some limp dick pussy? Absolutely not. You might have to start a whole account about his initiative.

Right? It's so good. Is there a Miss Tate account? Yeah, let's do it. Miss Tate account. Okay. A high value man stays erect 24-7. If you can't keep your blood flowing correctly, how are you going to take care of a woman?

So fair. We might just have to do a big titty tate account. Okay. A high-value man is at least eight feet tall, makes 100 grand a month, and works three minutes a day. Tops. Tops with a point.

Oh, yes. I'd love to break down more of his clips, but if we don't have him prepared, we can do it another time. Yeah. I mean, he'll be around. He ain't a point. Oh, yes. I'd love to break down more of his clips, but if we don't have him prepared, we can do it another time. Yeah. I mean, he'll be around. He ain't going nowhere. You guys want to do a new segment for us? I'm calling it Douchebag Dating Advice.

Yes. Let's go. So we had a few fan submissions for this one. Okay. This one comes from us from Casey Nolson. Casey Nolson? Is it pronounced Nelson? No, it's an O. Nolson. Nolson, I think. Nolson. Casey Nolson? Is it pronounced Nelson? No, it's an O.

Nolson. Nolson, I think. Nolson. Okay. I've never pooped around my boyfriend, and we spent a long weekend together for so long that I accidentally sharted in bed from a sneeze.

There was a streak on the bed, and I panicked and blamed it on my dog. He now refuses to let the dog into bed with us while we sleep. I love snuggling with my pup and the dog keeps us up all night when my boyfriend stays over because he's whining to get up

on the bed. He has even suggested returning the dog as a result. What should I do? Never shit again never eat or shit ever again oh how much time has passed between so that the incident you kind of threw you kind of threw your boy under the bus you know you fucked you fucked the dog here yeah yeah because the dog is now a bed shitter. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's tough. I think it depends how much time has passed between the incident and now,

but I'm saying it seems like the dog is kind of becoming an issue outside of that, so you might need to just own up. Well, but I mean, does owning up make it better? I shit the bed. I sharted in our bed. No, you just gotta beg because then maybe he won't let her sleep in the bed anymore that's yeah if if this relationship is so fragile that you're not allowed to shit over the course of an entire weekend that's so fair do are we usually allowing that i didn't know girls pooped ever i mean i i think they have to do it at least once every four days. Once a quarter, I think.

Yeah, I think you're kind of fucked. I think you have to return the dog. Yeah, or just... Return it. Yeah, you might have to get rid of the dog. I'm sorry. You can't really own up on this one. I mean, you kind of blew it on blaming it on the dog,

but it was a good... I got to give her props. That that was a good panic move what other excuse could you conjure up that would even remotely work it wasn't poop i mean i i'm thinking the only solution should be like oh i took the dog to like a trainer it's gonna be good now yeah i promise or maybe just his tum-tum was hurting that night yeah oh i figured out why that happened. I accidentally left a burrito on the ground. You could try to come up with some scenario in which that's why that happened. He gets a second chance.

The dog? Yeah. Not according to this man. Out of the... To the side of the advice, how bad do you have to shit where you sneeze and you fucking shit in the bed? I mean, wow. I could see see it a couple days for sure a couple days for me if it's more than six hours i'm risking it i'm not trusting a sneeze so our advice is return the dog we need to give her something we can't just leave her with we

don't know either we can't yeah we can't leave it's her with, we don't know either. We can't. Yeah. We can't leave her. It's our job. We also don't know. It's our job. Our job is to provide the advice. Firstly, I would have blamed him for shitting in bed. Oh, it was you.

You're the one who did it. No, I would have blamed the boyfriend. I was like, yo, you're the one who did it. Yeah. I would have fucking spread some shit around.

Blame it on him. Okay. And what if he says, uh, I definitely don't have shit in my pants oh yeah that's fair how would it get on the bed if it was not even my butt is definitely cleaner than it normally is you got to get creative with it okay you could say yeah i replaced your boxers in your sleep there you go i wiped i cleaned up for you because i didn't want you to be embarrassed i didn't want you to be embarrassed i didn't realize i left and i kept it for didn't realize I left some on the bed. And I kept it for me this long. Yep.

Can we please let the dog sleep in the bed? Can we please let the dog sleep in the bed? But yeah, so I mean. You're the one who shut the bed. Yeah, just new dog. I mean, I think at this point, though, if she did get a new dog, do you think he's letting that one sleep in the bed? He's obviously PTSD.

Or why don't we just ditch the guy? New guy. Yeah, I think if he's not down with some shit in the bed, get out. Yeah. New guy, not a keeper. He's not a keeper. If he's not for dogs, he's not for... Well, first of all, if you're not comfortable enough to take a shit for a whole weekend with this guy, then fuck him. Fuck him.

So it's her fault. We're blaming her. No, I'm saying fuck the guy. Get rid of him. Okay. Okay. Alright, Jay, you got a couple more of these for us? So the last one for Casey, if he's not done with the brown, get him out of town. Yeah, nice and simple. This next one, I've been dating my boyfriend for five years, and he still introduces me as his good friend

and won't allow me to post pictures of us or update his relationship status. When I complain about this, he says he has the same single for his job. Now, there is no mention of the job. You got to go. You got is no mention of the job. You gotta go. You gotta leave. Holy fucking shit. Can we think of some jobs where this would be an acceptable scenario? Wait, is she dating

Cobra Tate? Sounds like she's dating Big Money Tate. Is she dating the top G? It might be. Just let the top G be. Jobs that I can think this would make sense for would be male escort. Okay. Which, why are we dating that?

Exactly. That's all I got. I can't think of any other jobs. I can't think of a single. Left driver? Let's be honest. Left driver? Well, whatever's going on is.

She's blind. Completely alive. She's lost. She's lost. It doesn't matter what the hypothetical job is. He's foolish. I know what his other job is. He's got a wife. Yeah, his other job is he has a family. He's being a husband.

His other job is being a father. I have to seem single for my relationship that I'm in. Yeah, for my other relationship. No, man's is fucking sketch. Sketch is fucking sketch. I mean, I want to give him benefit of the doubt, though. Why? I don't. I don't. It's called big sketch. I mean, I want to give him benefit of the doubt, though. Why? I don't. I don't.

It's called douchebag dating advice for a reason. He don't deserve it. Oh, okay, yeah. You're right. Give him a second chance. I do love that it says five years in here. That's a fucking lazy amount of time. And you haven't been able to post an Instagram of the two of you? Something's up. No, you gotta go.

I think you drop him after six months if that's there's got to be some sort of like imbalance in here he's way better looking has way more money some reason she won't let him go dick way too big yeah oh it's long like whatever excuse you're giving yourself to not break up with this guy it's not good enough it's not good enough um so our advice is drop this man I mean this is fucking bullshit can you please send in what the job is because I want to know the excuse I hope it's something like he's a bus driver

need to know what he thinks is valid I need to know what he thinks is valid for this because nothing's really adding up nothing's adding up imagine being introduced five years in a relationship and it's like oh here's my good friend Izzy see that's fuck something's fucked up Very fucked up. It's my good friend. That'd be after six months You're like what the like that's almost worse than you know

Those like couples that are in relationships for like ten years and like oh, we're not getting married Yeah, I go this is like my girlfriend after that amount of time. It's like okay. That's even fucked up Yeah, good friend after five is double bad. He's got to be filthy rich or just like an absolute stud. Top G. It's top G. So our rule is if he doesn't have pipe money or he's a 10 out of 10,

you got to drop him. Yeah, then you got to drop him. Any of those though, okay, fuck it. Or you're staying good friends. You take what you can. Okay, my last one here is a little more wholesome.

My boyfriend of six years goes out of his way to keep his phone hidden from me. What would be an innocent and harmless reason for this? Um, you know, he's really in love with another girl. He doesn't want you to see the nude pictures he's getting. Yeah, that is, he's trying to protect her. He's looking out for her feelings. Does he work for the government? Ooh. Okay, maybe.

Ooh, he works for the CIA. I was thinking something along the lines of like, he's been texting about an engagement ring for six years. Yes. And he doesn't want you to see that. Yep. He's been trying to set up the trip that he's going to propose on. Yeah, that's a usual good time for him. Six years.

Yeah. He's been trying to figure out like the ring size and like the design for six years yes he just doesn't want you he doesn't want to ruin the surprise he doesn't want to ruin the surprise that's all it is he's planning a really big trip it's coming he's been saving up for six years well kovat happened oh trump was president you gotta gas every vacation during that so yeah give him okay give him the four and then COVID for two. So now we're back in the game. Now we're back in the game. Could be anything.

And it's such a big vacation that he's been saving up for six years. Yeah. I mean, everyone's been out of the game for six years. Yeah. It's been a six year hiatus for everybody. I would love to know what goes out of his way to keep it hidden. Yeah. Like, is it just the classic?

Like he leaves it in the car when he comes to hang Yeah. Like, like, is it just the classic, like he leaves it in the car when he comes to hang out? Yeah. Like, is it just the classic, he flips his screen down or is it like he puts it in a safe? Well, like how hidden, like,

do you even know that he has a phone? Oh, right. Maybe there we go. There's our answer. Maybe he has cricket wireless and he doesn't want you to know. Yeah. Ooh,

that's a fuck. Yeah. It's that he might, he might have like a fucking flip phone from the early two thousands and doesn't want you to think that he's a poor, he's that. He might have like a fucking flip phone from the early 2000s and doesn't want you to think that he's poor. He's still got a Sidekick or a Motorola Razr. Yeah, what kind of seat? Or a Verizon Chocolate.

For future submissions, we need a lot of detail. We need some more detail. Because we're going to be on the guy's side hard here. Because how far out of his way is he going? Like, does it have a camouflage case? You know, what kind of things is he doing to keep it hidden? Does he have a camouflage case you know what kind of things is he doing to keep it hidden does he have a camera how hidden is it you know what i mean yeah so it's either quick or wireless or he has a camouflage case yeah that's our answer or you're about to get the best proposal of your life yes or the best vacation of your life which may or may not include

a proposal or and this is a outside shot like probably not this he's cheating on you oh i'm not saying good answers yeah i was saying it was outside it's probably not okay no but that could still be a good reason because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings oh yeah he doesn't want you to know you're you're better off not knowing certain things about people and one of them could be that he's fucking your best friend you know what i mean oh yeah something who else hides their phone around you something oh that's what you need to find out you know what who else is making a valiant effort to keep their phone hidden and then you can just connect those two put the dots together they're the ones fucking nailed it nailed it um yeah so

in the future if you would like to let's just pray it's not your mom that would be so brutal if you would like to hear your dating if you'd like us to break down like some shitty fucking dating and you know what i feel like we should give our little bit of backstory on how experienced we are here uh each of us had one serious relationship in our entire life in our entire life and all of them and they're really well they all ended and yeah we not well they were all on point we're all blocked and banned from the other person's lives. I know Morgz read the Love Languages book by force. Yes.

Yeah. So he's got that. Yeah, he's got that going for him. Mine lasted a long time. I have the longest standing one. You do have the longest one. Yeah, so I kind of know what I'm talking about. But it ended in shambles.

Longest and ended worse. Yes. but i'd say i'm prepared yeah for the future you know yeah and and we're here to help you prepare for the future as well yes you know what i mean keep them coming send them in yeah break it down we'll help you break it down i think these three people at the very least are set up for success moving forward oh i can't think of a way they wouldn't be the most prepared for what comes next after that. Affirmative. Okay, we got some more fan submission questions here. If you guys want to submit to the show, DM the boys.

DM the fucking broths. Okay, let's see here. Do we have these in our notes or you just have them over there? I just have them right here. Were you guys breastfed? Absolutely. Up until about nine and a half years old. Okay.

I'm not sure, actually. You're not sure? I don't think I've ever asked that. Is that something you ask? I don't know if that's a question you really... Well, your mom did me. So then you probably took... You sucked off...

I took all your mom's milk. That's why you're taller yeah you took my my stuff the question is just were you guys breastfed yeah that's um yes good question i know i for sure was yeah that's good do you not know if you were i know for sure because it was john's mom okay and it was recent and it was last week i was a formula baby until last week breastfed as a child or what are we talking about here i mean up until whenever happened i've been breastfed um okay so what's the largest age gap between you and wait what's the largest age gap you'd be willing to do between you and a partner?

Anything legal. Okay. I don't like how you went younger. I didn't think we were talking. I think we were definitely the question. Whoever sent that one was looking for an above age one. For the low end. Okay.

I'm trying to think. On the high end, I'd say. Hmm. The highest. The highest I've done. Are we talking about dating? The highest. Yeah.

Dating or hookup? Hookup. There's no. There's sky's the limit. I've done 21. That is my biggest gap. 21 years. 21 years is your biggest gap?

Yeah. 21 years older than you? Yes. Not younger. Well, no. I thought you meant like the age 21. And I was like, well, that you? Yes. Not younger. Well, no. I thought you meant like the age 21. And I was like, well, that's a fucking lie. No, no, no.

Yeah, I was 21 years older. I think that math's out. And what age were you at the time? 25. Wow. That's a good gap. No, that's way older. Never mind.

Rewind. That's way older. I calculated 36, but I was wrong. Yeah, 46. Yeah, I've done 12. It was a good 46. That's a older. Never mind. Rewind. That's way older. I calculated 36, but I was wrong. Yeah, 46. Yeah, I've done 12. It was a good 46. That's a strong 46. She looked 40.

Okay. Okay. Then we accept it. Yeah, I mean, I don't think there's a limit. Age is an attitude for me, baby. Yes. That's a good line. Age is an attitude?

Yeah. It's the way I live my life. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, that has been 20 episodes of No FOMO. Almost half a year. Thank you all for riding with us. If you're new, thanks for showing up to the party. Welcome.

We love you. And I think that's going to do it for today. That's 20.