NO FOMO - 21.The Poor

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we go to Prison, play with Stray cats, and have our first official fan roasting session. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

All right, we're back. Episode 21, The No Fomo Show. Let's go, baby. J-Sus, Morgie Beats, and G-Money. We're back. We're back. We are back. We just got re-upped for 20 more episodes. It is, yeah, we just got re-signed for another season.

Another 20. By ourself. Yes. We just started an LLC, so we're gonna be around for a while. Yeah, it's a business now, my boys. It's a business. It was for pleasure, now it's for business. Learn it, dude.

Learn it. what else is going on my gents i had a little fun we watched you know how we watched the best movie ever yes i do i don't know if you've seen it yet i didn't i don't know you gotta it's called rrr i kept seeing people post about this and i found it it's an indian stand for something you gotta know honestly if you could tell me anything this this movie is about when you watch it, it's kind of, let me guess. It's on Netflix.

It's on Netflix. It's an Indian Bollywood movie. Okay. It is about brothers and friendship and just true camaraderie. Sounds like our kind of film boys. And despite watching that, so I don't have any of my own streaming services. They're only from my ex or,

and or other girls that i've hooked up with yeah special guests so i was on my ex's netflix and we watched that and she changed the password because i think that she thought it got hacked by some indian people oh because she's like who the fuck would have watched this hey when we watched that we were indian though i just now i gotta i gotta know this shit is the best fucking shit was worth it if I knew that that would happen again I still would have watched it again this one of those ones that's so bad it's good or it's actually good so bad it's so bad

it's the best movie ever okay so terrible I would trade my soul to watch it for the first time again the only negative is it is three hours no what's negative about that I know it's great no this is a hungover thing, by the way. So you need to watch it hungover.

Okay, so I'll save it for Saturday. Yes. But it felt like every hour we watched, we looked at the time left and there's another hour. Oh, yeah. We were like, how much longer is this? And it's like, oh, it's still an hour 30. So there's one hour for each hour of the film.

The R's are actually kind of funny. So they don't tell you what the R's are. And then they'll cut in the middle weird portions of the film the r's are actually kind of funny so they don't tell you what the r's are and then uh they'll like cut in the middle like weird portions of the movie and it'll say like the story and the r will be big in story so you'd think it would be words that start with r but it's not like the next one is it says the water and the r is big in that one so it just has to have an r in the word yes that's exactly how it works. And then we beat the Guinness Book of World Records for Fast Time to Call the Plug, I think. Yeah, it was one quarter beer. A quarter beer in. Yeah, they were already on their way.

Plugs in route. Yep. So definitely a highlight. And the best part is the conversation the whole hour leading up to us even hanging out was, we're not doing it tonight. And yeah, it was about eight minutes into our hangout. Yeah, I don't even think out was, we're not doing it tonight. And yeah, it was about eight minutes into our hangout. Yeah, I don't even think it was like you had to bend my arm.

It was like, touch my arm. Well, yeah. We had a special guest in town. Look at my arm. Yes. We had a special guest in town who has a tendency to persuade us to do whatever he wants. So we crumbled very easily. And surprisingly, he's not very persuasive. I mean, we're just that persuadable.

Persuadable. Yeah, he doesn't need to be persuasive. It's that i mean we're just that persuadable persuadable yeah he doesn't need to be persuasive that easy we're just very malleable you put a fucking half a banquet in me you could probably lead me off a bridge you know what as long as there's a bag at the bottom that's what it was it was the banquets those were cls yeah ccls it takes i think at least one full one yeah you know one maybe one full. This was about half a can. Yeah. Which is.

I think I cracked mine. Yeah, just cracked it. I had to like suck the froth off the top. It was already on the way. Yeah. And he was already outside. He knew. Fucked.

Oh, God. But actually, so on my Sunday hangover when I was coming to you guys, I got in an Uber and the guy was playing the Lord of the Rings theme song. Soundtrack? Soundtrack, I mean. That's great. Which I thought was the most unique thing that's ever happened to me. Just came out of some orchestral hit.

That's a trip back to your boys anthem right there. I was absolutely vibing. That's a perfect, you're on your way to Mordor. I will destroy them. to find your precious. I was going to get the precious there. No matter what. So that got me thinking, what's your guys' ideal Uber etiquette when you get in an Uber? Shut the fuck up.

I'm always like, you know, how long you been driving today? Oh, yeah, shit? How's it going? Oh, no, Garrett will talk his fucking ear off. Fuck. Well, it depends. Am I already fucked up or am I? If it's a hungover ride home, you won't get a peep out of me.

Yeah. I'm staring at my phone, sweating, praying this guy doesn't open his fucking mouth. If it's before noon on a Sunday, I think it's just silence, my Lord. Yeah. For me, I've gotten to the point where even if they ask me questions, I just don't answer. Just pretend you don't. I'll sit there quiet. This is the only reason I'm thinking of buying AirPods,

which I'm way late to the game on to begin with, is just to throw those in getting into Ubers. I'm just going to bring them out when I go out, and then I get in an Uber, AirPods are in. Don't fucking talk. I actually might just go with the classic over-ear beats so that it's very obvious. Just always have mine.

AirPods might be a little too inconspicuous. I need a fucking aggressively large pair of headphones to where you can't say a word. Maybe I'll do the thing where it says that i'm hearing impaired can you just put that on your i thought they were adding a feature where you can literally request that they don't they don't fucking talk and like i've in this it was a joke for like years and i'm i literally saw like an official news article that they were adding this i thought we've talked about this already are they yeah but like it hasn't been added. I want to be involved in the beta program.

I'm not waiting any longer for this. I'm just going to say I'm disabled, so I can't do it. Just start, never mind. Oh, that was good. I just saved us. You need to be the never mind guy. Stop it. Instead of cutting everything I say, I'll just start saying never mind.

Yeah, never mind. But I'm going to say never mind, and that's your trigger to cut everything I say after that. Yes. So you can leave it in the never mind. Yeah, never mind. But I'm going to say never mind, and that's your trigger to cut everything I say after that. Yes. So you can leave it in the never mind. And still say it. So that it can still be pieced together like the sentence makes sense. Yeah, that's the cue.

So never mind, you should still say, yeah, I like that. All right, and we're back. Yes. But another fun thing in recent news, they made a video game that's called Stray. Okay. And you play a stray cat. I was hoping that's where this is going.

That sounds so fun. What is going on, dude? You just get to walk around and eat garbage and give people diseases or what? Yeah, yeah, no. It kind of sounds like the life we live currently. Yeah, so you have a disease meter, and as you get more disease. You need a disease meter. I need to take a trip to the old kaiser permanente yeah fuck but i will minute clinic i need to make a minute clinic stop so they haven't made a good video game in a while but i think this might be the tipping point to where it's so do you actually know what you do

in the game or no yeah so i watched a good there's like an hour stream but i just watched at least like two hours through it and i mean it's exactly what you think it is is it like at least like well designed like the ui is nice it's good graphics it looks good so the plane you could play with other cats and that's just see that if i could get on stray and i have a fucking pack of me and the boys terrorizing the city yeah that would be fun yeah you start in like a wait is it multiplayer can you multi up do we got a stream straight let's hop on if we're just meowing at each other the mic stray stream would be legendary here's what i'm thinking if they want to take it to another level i'm already just coming up with so many ideas of how to make this amazing okay if they if it's so open

world where you can get in some crazy shit where you can like break into a laboratory and become like a fucking massive cat like super cat and you could end up like taking over the world i'm in i need like that part of the game i need it to be that open world that open source you want grand theft auto but cats yes i think that's like i want to be able to kill people if that's the path i decide to choose for my life you know you can end up in the pound if you're bad if you're a bad cat okay um but i could just see this going in so many fun directions and you when you get wasted it's just on catnip you're just oh cat. Okay. But I could just see this going in so many fun directions. And when you get wasted, it's just on catnip. You're just, oh.

You find catnip. You're just, oh. Wasted. Wait, is this VR? Is it VR? Like, can you put on the headset for it? Because that would be fucking like crawling around your living room. Actually, we're all in the living room.

We might have to talk to developers yeah we might have to get some get some uh advancements made to this software yeah so the gaming world is fucking all-time high right now yeah but um not to mention modern warfare 2 is dropping in like a month and boys we're getting back okay we're back we're getting back i get back is it really yeah it comes out in like september is there only thing i need to know for that game is the mic open for the lobby. I hope they bring it back, man. If they don't have an open lobby mics, I'm out.

Yeah. I mean, for multiplayer, it always is. But we need, on Warzone, we need crosstalk. Yeah, I just want to be able to fucking scream at people, you know? Like, what do they call it? Fucking proximity chat, where you can like actually talk shit to people that you're like nearby. Yeah. That was the essence of the game.

Yeah. We need that. You need that. we need that you need that you need that okay but um without further ado we do have our first fan roast yeah we uh we need we really need to get into yep um so this is can we just preface this by saying that she asked for this she submitted it and said she wanted us to roast yeah so if you want us to roast you send us a five-star review on fucking spotify or wherever you listen and send us a fucking fire pick and we will roast the shit out of you yep whatever you want so this is from at caitlin dot bruins without further ado pull it up yep let's pull it up and if you're just listening to this

you should probably check out you You need to go watch this. Okay. So, I mean, first of all, good morning. Good morning. First of all, please. Yes. Does someone want to start? First thought is just what my cheesy gordita crunch sees.

Yeah. Pov the hot dog rolling on the 7-Eleven thing. When you open the door, the minute you get the notification that DoorDash has been dropped off and you accidentally see him. Yes. Or the picture next to the definition of hangover in Webster. For sure. Morning, y'all. Okay, but I have

an entire breakdown of this. Okay, so we got to talk about the hair. It looks like the entire cast of snow white and the seven dwarves might pop out of that they're hiding up in there it kind of i feel like i've made this face is like when someone says hey i ate the last slice of pizza in the fridge just so you know and you were like planning on it all day it kind of looks like if they made the graphics to stray too realistic this is what the characters would look like.

Oh, that is one of your cat moms. You can get adopted by that. Oh, that's the thing that you get adopted by. You get adopted by that. You get sent to the pound. This is the lady that comes and picks you up. Hey, snowflake. It looks like her eyes are going to cross at any given moment. Are they not crossed?

They're about to be. They're finna be. One might hop over into the other fucking side. It might actually jump sockets. Yes. Also, so I had like, if you really look at it, so the walls are made out of stone, and then the tile roofs, it's like- It's like the roofing in like a bungalow.

A hospital, or like, I'm wondering if she's like hostage or something. It looks like she could actually be in a hospital. I think she could be wearing- That's what I was thinking. She could be wearing some grippy socks for sure, if she's like hostage or something it looks like she could actually be in a hospital I think she could that's what I was saying she could be wearing some grippy socks for sure wherever she's at this looks like a combination of like a Karen and a drunk aunt you know what I mean I mean if you're in the hospital it's definitely from the hangover I hope you're okay but if you're captive you might be able to get through one of those roof I think you could slide out through it looks like one of those panels that you could punch up you kind of slide out through an air duct or something it kind of looks like someone just

said the joke that she just said but louder and she's pissed she just she said it to like two people in the corner and then someone else just yelled it yeah that's one of my favorite moves and also oh shit why did it come off and also if you zoom this eyebrow is trying to reach over to the other side it looks like it's making some sort of jump attempt yeah you might it's peeking over her nostrils claw closed they look like they're flexing them down they look like they're about to like seal themselves up yeah so i because you did so many bad things to them last night that they're over it watch out for these guys they're trying to hop over here yeah we're gonna send you a free pair of manscape tweezers yes no that right nostrils closed you know that one's plugged out closed which would explain the hospitalization you you

reinvented the deviated septum and just have a sealed nostril yeah i mean 10 out of 10 pick take a nap yeah go to sleep i'd like to think from the minute she sent this till now she's been asleep it's been nap time for two and a half weeks it was that big of a recovery period so well thank you for sending that in we love you for that um yeah if you want to get roasted fucking five stars bring it on and send us a pic christ i think i'm gonna see that in like in a night you can see that when you know when you look in your closet

in the dark and you kind of see a shape you kind of see like a shape of a human that's a shape that's what you see that's your sleep demon yeah

that might be my new sleep demon wake up it's time for school and that's looking at you but 10 out of 10 roast pic we fuck with you what's the what's the name

you got it Caitlyn Caitlyn gang shit get her on the discord But 10 out of 10 roast pick. We fuck with you. What's the, what's the name? You got it. Caitlin. Caitlin. Gang shit. Get her on the discord. All right. Yeah.

Hop on the discord. Caitlin, let's go straight into a mommy of the week. RIP edition. Yeah. You're going to have to explain this one. So people know. Yeah. I think you got to preface it with the fan thing. Okay.

So we have a fan submission with some of the darkest darkest humor i've ever seen ever seen in my which we love which we love yeah so it's it inspired us to start a whole new segment yeah so um it's from sam l perales perales really whatever really good whatever i got there and uh she sent us sent us a picture of her mom with her ashes next to the photo. And the quote said, Mommy of the week. She was hot at least once, you know, because she was cremated. That is pretty dark. I mean, the reaction we first got when we read it we were howling laughing but i haven't it's it's weighed a little heavier on me this

time around i still love it i love it no it's incredible she was hot at least once you know that because she was cremated that's fucking she was hot she was hot she was a guy so honorary mommy of the week and we kind of brought our own mommies who are also no longer with us yeah in an rip mommy of the week edition yeah so who we got uh mine is uh just mrs christ the virgin mary just because first of all got pregnant without fucking which is cap but we'll allow it. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I'll follow the history books. Like the fact that we've.

The history books. Yes. The fact that we've fallen for that for this long. What has it been? 2022 years? Yeah. Come on. I mean, she got busted down from heaven.

Yeah. From a distance. God's a fucking savage. God's got that long ting. That's a weird way to really set the tone for your whole religion. That's a good one. yeah but um i mean i looked at some of the um what's the word for it what are those fucking paintings called on the windows like fucking stained glass pastel fucking glass i mean she looks she could bust it down yeah no she got oh there's some stuff under the shawl i mean she's the og throat goat if if I'm not mistaken. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's where that term, Mother Mary.

Yeah, Mother Mary, the OG throat goat. They called her Mother Mary. Actually, no, she's not Mother Mary. She's the Virgin Mary. But she's also a mother. Yeah, that's Virgin Mother. That's Mommy Christ.

Yeah, so I got Mommy Christ. Mommy Christ. I mean, I'm just throwing back a classic, just a classic beauty, Marilyn Monroe. Okay, a real person. She was so hot that she got the president to cheat on his wife with her, you know?

Is that confirmed? I'm pretty sure that's confirmed. For us, it is. I need very little evidence for that to be confirmed. Mr. President. I can't wait for the new biopic. Do you guys hear about this? We're not going to go too off topic. Oh, I did hear something about it and they said that she didn't

shower or something. No, but it's... She no there's they're doing like weeks without showering they're doing a movie based on her and it's rated like nc-17 because it's gonna be like gnarly what's nc-17 like like beyond r that's beyond r yeah that means it's only for the boys because r you can bring a kid with you as long as you're accompanied by an adult nc-17 is no children under 17 oh really i didn't even know that was an option for a movie. And they're not trying to edit it to get it to R. They're leaving it as is.

Oh, that's going to be a film. And it's Ana de Armas. You know who that is? Yes, it's mom! She's playing Marilyn Monroe. Yes, that's right. From the initial pic, she looks stunning. Shout out Hollywood.

Pop it up for mommy. Ana de Armas is mommy. Yeah, she is mommy. But she's alive, marilyn monroe is my pick for r.i.p i love that love that uh i went with uh mrs potter mrs potter's got she's got that magic she got that majestically she breeded the boy who lived you know i'm just saying if you can if you can squeeze out if you can squeeze out a harry potter you can fucking your mommy for sure the boy who lives comes from thighs yeah i mean that's a hard one but uh i will say even though we brought extras it's her mom yeah

because we that's confirmed it's the it's the fan submitted mom she's rosen from the ashes It's the fan submitted mom. She's Rosen from the ashes. To be mommy of the week. Rosen. She hath risen. Like a phoenix. Risen.

Even better. She's risen. You're on fire. How does that word work? Risen. Risen. Oh, she's risen. She has risen. I'm surprised you didn't know that after going to church.

One of these days I got to do a fucking like vocab test on you. Oh, I'm going to pass. You're going to pass on the test. As in skip it? That's good stuff all right straight into um down bad which we have another honorable mention for downeth baddeth so our friend let's just call him g and it's it's not me for the record yeah it's not he's one of all of our friends that's not me you can't just throw out g and not yeah it's not me for the record yeah it's not he's one of all of our friends that's not me you can't just throw out g and not yeah it's not garrett it's not garrett so um he sits on the side of the bed when he um you know performs okay we were talking about our preferred positions for

beating the meat yeah and he said well you could just sit on the edge of the bed and come into a towel on the ground. Like let it just drop three feet onto the floor? And none of us do that. Never even heard of anything like that. I don't think anyone ever does that at all. I've never heard of anyone doing that. But he seemed shocked that no one else did,

which was the worst part of it. And I think it's safe to say we've probably tried everything but that. You know what I mean? Throughout the years? Come on on i just can't imagine it just i mean my stream can't be controlled good enough to even do it i need a tarp i need a tarp on the floor yeah you have to have a full beach tarp covering the walls no you need a 10 by 10 on the ground yeah yeah that's honestly incredible and knowing he doesn't have a bed frame so it's like kind of a weird squat position oh yeah he doesn't it kind of makes a little bit more sense now he's in like a goblin squat on the floor his knees are

like above his head at that point yeah just laid down yeah he's in like a deep front squat take a load off relax yeah lay back no pun intended but, that's for sure up there for down bad. That's a good one. That's just sad. Down sad. Down really sad, dude. Should I do my other one? Yeah, go ahead. Okay, so I have, I'm not sure if you guys heard this,

but Kylie Jenner was called a climate criminal after taking a 17-minute private jet flight. Wow, where is it from? I don't know. LAX to her house? Wait, what does climate criminal mean? Okay, so have you not seen that there's like a fucking massive heat wave in Europe right now?

Yes. It's everywhere. Well, they're attributing people who take private jets for just one person and how much fuel it burns. Like fossil fuel. It's like an obscene amount of... It just sounds like a poor complaint to me yeah no obviously but it's just like people always get shit on for flying private yeah but so she put it on instagram that they just took a 17 minute private flight which is kind of out of control so all the poor are complaining all the

broke bitches are whining i would do it if i could do it we're everyone's just mad they can't afford a 17 minute private flight yeah they probably can't afford ac they're these whiners climate criminal you're probably a real criminal because you can't make an honest living yeah how about that fuck she's up most of the week are you fucking kidding me she's up humongous she said i'm not calling an uber i'm gonna fly yeah fucking because i'm not broke yeah what the fuck 17 minutes in a jet like how you could get pretty far go go send that who who complained who wrote that article send him a bottle of water or whatever yeah the internet's going apeshit but i mean shit i mean 17 minutes she could have flown

fucking east to west coast dude it's so crazy to me that people think that that's like the prop like 90 of the pollution is like industrial shit yeah that's literally 90 cars is like a percent yeah okay so down bad for just broke people you know yeah broke y'all are down y'all are down bad for giving a fuck about what anyone else does yeah fucking try a private flight one time and then complain yeah come on yeah then we'd love to hear that complaint out dude all right guys uh i took an 18 minute private flight yesterday that shit was unbelievable what the fuck let the world burn back yeah it was the sickest experience of my life this is hell isn't it fuck the environment that was awesome we're trying to make it hotter here jesus i wish she said some shit just like quit being poor yeah that would make me like her yeah yeah she would get she would get some points

for that yeah who do you guys got i thought i thought we were disagreeing that g was yeah uh mine was going to be us for the 45 second plug call plug down bad yeah but we were up most as well we were up there we were up as soon as he got there yeah yeah um so i mean yeah it's it's g then no it's pores the pores are down the pores are like how yeah, find something else to do with your time. Like, make more money. Oh, yeah. That one flight made the world hotter. Shut the fuck up.

Climate criminal. That's aggressive. Get out. What, are you going to put her in a fucking climate jail? Yeah. Oh, it's really warm in here. Good luck getting her out of her fucking 10,000 square foot air conditioned house. I guarantee that shit's set to 50 and she's in there in this sweat.

Good luck getting past the 50 foot moat in front of her house. They'll go arrest her. Yeah. She wears snow gear inside, but I actually had, um, yeah. So,

I mean, poor people. Y'all are down bad every week. So, um, I actually had some honorable mentions. So this was, um,

a Reddit that i stumbled upon so it was um what's a secret you'll never tell your partner but you'd be willing to tell a stranger on reddit oh shit it this whole thread was fucking gold so it was um i got our toddler out of bed one morning and went to do a sniff test on their butt to see if they had pooed overnight and when i lifted the child up i stuck their head in the ceiling fan oh fuck oh fuck and then he goes oh and the time i forgot to put the car in park with them in it oh my god so i feel like that's fine i don't see what wait this is something you wouldn't want to tell like your spouse You'd be like, hey. Yeah. Oh, she's probably dribbled that baby's head off the floor. I told you.

No, but it gets even better. So the guy under this, he said, the time I had intercourse with a snowman in a ditch behind my house. And he goes, threw on my snow clothes and scuttled off into the wilderness behind my house. And I had a plan. I wasn't sure I'd, I wasn't actually sure i'd do it and i wasn't thinking straight either for obvious reasons once i arrived at the destination i decided to slide down into the gully that was about 15 feet deep i sat there for a few minutes and listened for footsteps in case someone saw me but it was completely silent where i could

hear my inner voice saying don't do it man this is the moment of no return i told myself i was like a runaway train never going back wrong way on a one-way track anyway i got to work and started shaping the snow into a female body she had boobs curves and the necessary inlet i unzipped and went i'm not i'm gonna stop there. The rest of the painting has been painted. But wow, that's fucking a lot to put on the internet. What would even make you think that would feel good? Just a fucking ice pussy? Ice sissy?

Ice sissy, yeah. I love that all it takes is one Reddit thing for people to just spill. Oh, yeah. Someone comes up with a thread, and then people just all of a sudden will tell you their worst yeah one guy was like uh i had to make it i had to hop on my alt account because my wife follows my main to post on this is main red yeah oh my god imagine the other stuff that's on that i found something pretty good on reddit that i wanted to get you guys yeah wait wait before before we get there um so that made me think what's the weirdest thing that you guys did as a kid?

As a kid? The weirdest thing? In alignment with. In alignment with that? Nothing I'm disclosing to the public. Yeah, what the fuck? I'm not anonymous. I'm not on an anonymous Reddit page.

You know who's saying it. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Nice try, dude. That was sick. How about you?

Yeah, why don't you say yours? How about you scramble our voices and blink out our faces, and and we'll try to get people to guess who said it okay why don't you say yours go ahead oh no i'm good yeah no i'm weird weird um but yeah with the other reddit stuff i found this one it's called am i the asshole okay and it starts uh am I the asshole for limiting my son's water intake? Yes. My son, 14, drinks a lot of water. We don't regulate it, but sometimes he will drink three, four, or five bottles of water a day. That's like well within reason.

He just says he's really thirsty. The problem is tap water in our area is terrible, so we have to buy water bottles, and it's extremely expensive. This has to be a troll post. We took him to the doctor a couple years ago to see if there was an issue, but they said he's fine. He's just thirsty. Me and my husband are kind of tired of this, so last week, we set our son down and made a new rule. He can have two bottles of

water a day. If he goes over that, he is grounded for every day, for every water bottle that he goes over. What sick fucks are these? This is not real. This is child abuse, right? Yeah, this is like fucked up.

Aren't you supposed to drink eight a day? Two is like barely enough to keep you alive. It's like eight bottles of water a day is like recommended. It's like three or four. I think it's like a gallon a day. I'm going to look it up. A gallon a day? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that's like a, I mean, I think it's like a gallon a day. I'm going to look it up. A gallon a day? I don't think so.

I'm pretty sure that's like a... I mean, you could definitely take down a gallon a day and be healthy. I think it's like... I bet you... I swear to God, it's eight. I think it's eight cups of water. Eight cups sounds about right. That's like three or four bottles of water.

Yeah, I think about four. Daily fluid intake is 15.5 cups. 15.5 cups is what you should be taking down? Yeah. But he's a kid. So that's way more than two bottles 14 who gives a fuck let him drink water but no i mean that person is terrible and poor that i feel like title of the episode is eat the poor

track this person down yeah no that that that has to be or get up get a brita i think i think that's a troll post like there's no way someone's like dead it probably is the amount of posts in there that were like the comments on it where they were just like just absolutely shocked and like mothers across america were just like how could you do this oh my god 100 have you seen the instagram page that it's just called like i I Need Jesus and it's a bunch of random submissions of people telling the horrible things they've done? It's similar to this. But the most recent one I saw was I've been setting up play dates for me and this hot dad that my kids go to school with kids

so that me and the dad can fuck in the other room while our kids play in the living room. How gnarly is that? That's pretty on on par right that's a good call yeah that's a fucking savage no babysitter needed that's a savage kid makes a buddy i'd say that happens probably a fair amount you think so yeah i just never i had never when you have single parents no no they're both married oh that's the catch yes yes no they're both married yeah that's us yes no they're both married yeah okay, that sucks. Yes. No, they're both married. Yeah. Okay. Still sounds fine. Yeah. I mean, good way to discreetly make it happen, but fuck.

They're not poor. I just, sometimes you just forget how ruthless people are. Yeah. And are willing to admit on the internet. Oh, 100%. Which is just crazy. Mm-hmm. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick break from the show because do you got Bush?

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garrett is the uh community fleshlight people just keep throwing bars of soap at my feet go ahead boy pick it up you don't ever leave the shower there is a pile of bed in the shower for me you're you get hung up like a loofah they the wall. They're just throwing soap at me. Pick it up, boy. No, recreation hour is just Garrett in an open field. It's tagged. It's a fucking line through the whole field, zigzagging. That's for sure. Long enough. I feel like Morgan would try to join a gang and end up just being the leader of the gang.

No. Kind of in the very bottom of the bottom tier. Actual Morgan in jail would would be he would probably never leave his cell he'd just be paranoid about everything yep yeah well i'm a cell man a cellman yeah he's he's morgan's like the fucking black market adderall dealer in prison oh yeah no i'm i'm the black market not a shot how am i not the black market you were too scared i'm not too scared i run this shit dude good god it's my prison jay i don't know about jay is like that the wise guy that like knows all this stuff i think i i think he would

he would assimilate pretty well into any group he wanted to be in uh yeah i think i could work he kind of weasel his way into any group like you might end up like you know like a cholo gang or something i could get in cholo you know like the inner workings of the relationships in the prison i'd have a couple like cool tips and tricks for him, you know? Yeah. Like, you know, what's that one movie where he's like, oh, if you put the fucking like uncooked ramen on top of the ramen, it's a nice little crunchy treat. Yeah. I'd have those little things.

Yeah. He'd have little tidbits that would kind of gain him respect. Nothing, nothing like useful really, but kind of just shit that someone's like, oh, I never thought. But still also at the same time being a shower flashlight. But also you get your ass penetrated yeah all shower fleshlights yeah yeah there's no way we're all getting railed we're too big of pussies to fend off anybody oh no i'm yeah yeah if i ever it looks large but in the surface he's getting where is the soap yeah i gotta hope that i could just be like funny enough to not get raped yeah

like they'd be like oh don't rape him that much he's kind of funny yeah like you don't break like don't break his spirits because he's kind of like the class clown yeah yeah you think it's still that big of a thing what anal rape in prison yeah uh i think it depends on the prison you go to for sure like we're going like rikers yeah you're getting fucking i would fucking try and make myself look so fucking weird if I knew I was going to prison. Yeah. Like I'd probably pull out some teeth. You gotta be like Mr. Poopyface. But they like the missing teeth, bro. That's extra.

Oh, true. You're a gum guy. Yeah. If you have too many teeth, you'd want to add some teeth. Start maybe, I don't know. Like, oh, he's too teethy. I guess anything that I'm thinking they would throw him off, they'd be more into. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You just, there's no real way to map it out. I was like, I could drool or something. Oh, he's ready for us, boys. He's hydrated. Fuck. He drinks at least eight bottles of water every day.

Yep. So you know that shit's suffering. Oh, my water intake is going to be stupid in prison. So we're going to prison. So yeah, let's go to prison. Yes. What's that one show, The 60 Days In or whatever it's called's called have you ever seen that i don't think i've seen it uh they just put like a person in prison like a regular person they have to like not get outed as as like a non as yeah what's

the fucking reward for that i think they get some money for doing it yeah they gotta get paid for that you know just go to prison or actually i think they don't and i remember watching and be like why now why would you ever do this why are you doing this why is this they're like well let's either go to prison or pretend to go to prison wait so where my life was headed so all the rest of the prisoners are in on the game that they need to guess who no no it's not a game he goes to a real prison like they just throw it and what are you you're trying to not get killed for i guess it's just for like insight into how prisons work oh they just they just want to, they're studying. That sounds horrible.

What's it called? Do you know? 60 Days In. 60 Days In? Yeah. That sounds fucking miserable. It's on one of the trash streaming services. I think it's on like Hulu.

That sounds like a fucking Paramount Plus type of program. It's on one that's, it's a Peacock premium only. You're really looking for a reason to keep it. No, that might be on Disney. Disney Plus? Yeah. All right, let me see what I had on here i'll pull up the top uh this was just a little fun fact i found the longest hot dog world record catch has been improved what world record catch like someone

someone has to throw a hot dog and you have to catch it in the bun oh oh you have to catch it in the bun yeah it's like a fourth of july activity it must be but it's it's in guinness where does this happen at it's just you gotta you know how guinness obviously the optimal hot dog throwing environment so wherever that would be it's a hapless 167 feet 167 fuck off wait so who gets the credit the guy who caught it the guy who threw it the guy who caught it caught it wait what do they launch it out of because that no one can throw it that far it's like what i don't think you could launch a dog that's like 40 plus yards your fucking mouth i don't think you could throw a dog that far uncooked oh a raw dog maybe grilled you have to rock it the raw dog the raw dog toss

not to be confused with the raw dog more you could probably shoot one out of your ass that far you just clenched real good yeah i didn't know they were tracking records for that yeah yeah now that we know there's a record for that we should yes i would have done that you don't want to see what i could do with a raw dog and that's why i've seen it oh i've seen it would you rather a girl be taller than you or way more than you um for my sake the weighing more wouldn't be a deal breaker because they'd probably be like a standard weight that's fair for me it's tall if they were taller than me they would weigh more than me that's for sure yeah they'd be both yeah it's

probably both most of the time yeah unless yeah yeah i'm looking at breeding stock here so i have to go tall tall because i had to go preference i'd go taller yeah i do want to kind of climb up yeah yes it's avatars coming out soon so but like what at what point is it too tall for you uh i'd say i mean i'm average height all right let's not let's not get this misconstrued but we'll see i'd say if they're over like six two i'd be out i think anything morgues height i can deal with you think you can deal all the way up to Morg's height? You think you could handle me? First of all, I no way could. I think anything

under Morg's height I'd be willing to handle. You're just lucky I haven't handled that because you're going to get fucking dick whipped on this shit. You're lucky you haven't tried to handle it yet. You'll be hanging around me more than you already are. If they weighed more than Morgan, that would be a point of concern i think yeah no so i don't want to play that game because if they're five four and

weigh more than me then we're it's a mess yes and they're taller than you they're taller than you if they're on their side yeah if they're taller than you and weighed more than you that's that's a that's a that's a big old bitch it doesn't get it doesn't get much taller than me if you're a girl so that's why I'm taking that. Yeah, that's fair. It's true. So we got some new submissions for the dating advice. Douchebag dating advice.

Douchebag dating advice. Morgz okay with the name. And to clarify, it's dating advice from douchebags. We're not giving douchebag advice. I mean, we are probably. Yeah, we probably are. Yeah. And we're also not douchebags.

We're nice, smart, funny guys. Nice, smart, funny guys. This one comes from Carla H2O. Hey, NoFomo. I like using Bumble so I don't have to deal with so many weird messages from guys, but I struggle with my opener. What would be a good

opener that you would actually respond to? Nothing to do with liking The Office, for sure. That one's out. I'll tell you the ones that are out. Yeah, let's talk about the ones that are out hi hey gotta be do a little bit oh you mean like an opening like because they're messaging yeah the girl because the bumble is the girl messages first okay i've never used it so just daddy question mark yeah that would be a good one daddy would be a fucking ripper yeah yeah that would be play really well with my normal mommy opener. That's all you need. Yes. I've had them send like a would you rather questions.

That's fun. Or things like that. I think that's terrible. I feel like. A would you rather opener? Yeah, that's not good. You could send a fucking ampersand, and if you're hot, I'm responding. That's fair. Carla, I'm going gonna need a picture you could

send a forward slash and i would be like yo what up what the fuck is good mommy the amount of originality you need versus the attractiveness chart yeah it's like it's very skewed that way it's a complete inverse curve yeah i feel like any good picture comment it works yeah responding oh no is can they do picture comments on bumble do they respond to like prompts or pictures i don't know how i think i mean you could just say something about a prompt okay like i just think anything originally funny you know if we're being on like just let's go you know realistic here anything originally funny obviously she struggles with that. Not like a corny, yeah, would you rather or something.

Or yeah, like ones that are like, are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 I see. That shit's got to go. Yeah, that's not. A pickup line? No. Because. Unless it's that one.

Actually, yeah, use that one. That one works. Yeah. Okay. I think just commenting on like an original comment to one of your own pictures so you know it's not just like a blanket thing they say to everybody yeah oh no use the blanket on me put a blanket on me accidentally include other people that you're sending it to it's like group text me on yeah group text me what's up cutie with eight other it's a bunch of other dudes john in there john one two three and four um this one's from cassidy rose dorsman when i tried

bringing up the subject of stuff i like to do in the bedroom my boyfriend got really weird and defensive i was just trying to make our sex life as good as possible by getting to know our likes and dislikes better he said if you don't like the sex then leave and then we haven't talked since because he's been on a two-week work trip oh god oh god what it's over it's over a two-week work trip if you don't like the sex then leave i think you have to follow that i think yeah I think it proofs in the pudding right there. Wait, so this guy, she... Has some massive balls, first of all. Yeah, she, and I can assume, by the way,

that she wrote it in a very just, like, nice way. It was like, hey, I kind of like missionary or whatever. Or I kind of like when you do this. And he was like, if you don't like the sex, get the fuck out. So he's basically saying what I like is what I'm already doing so if you know if you're not with it then fuck off you gotta leave well also if you haven't spoken in two weeks because he's on a work trip he's in thailand banging hookers you know right that's exactly what i was thinking sorry sweetheart if the last thing he said to you before he left for two weeks was you're not gonna hear from me

get out of here you know this guy's a fucking full-bred dick the douchebag in this scenario is is your man's yeah no this he's gotta go some of these i wonder like when you're sending it in like as you're writing it out do you not like you not hear the answer to it not like know the obvious answer you're just looking for like you know some obscene angle that you haven't thought i think i think they're hoping that we say something that makes it not. Not what they think it is. Like they want it to not be bad.

Like it's so obvious what it is. They're praying for anything to make it seem like it's not bad. Yeah. It is that. It sounds like actually you don't even have to leave. He already left. No, this guy's a cock. He's not on a work trip.

He actually bought a new apartment in the town next neighboring town. He's coming back with milk and never. Yeah, this guy's a cock next okay this one's from darren breezy 97 from a guy sometimes when my girlfriend stays at my house i've woken up to find her watching porn i tried telling her how i was uncomfortable with it especially the times when i wake up after we were supposed to go to sleep and she's watching it on her phone. Most times she tries to hide it and pretend like nothing happened, but I definitely notice. What should I do? Sounds like you need to start serving up the pipe, my man.

Start watching whatever she's watching. Yeah. First of all. I have a lot of questions. I think the angle would be just start asking, what kind of porn she likes to watch. You know, if you start recreating some scenes in the bedroom, you know,

questions. Why do they not do it together? Watch the porn. Oh yeah. Apparently it makes them uncomfortable. So she makes him uncomfortable. Yeah. So maybe get comfortable with it and then she won't hide it.

Yeah. Grow the fuck up. Yeah. You sound poor. First thing, get some money. Yeah. You really need to see what she's watching, though. Yeah, I think.

Like, pretend to be asleep and wait for it to happen and see if she's, like, if she's looking up something that's definitely not you, you're fucked. Yeah. It's something that you could do, though. If it's something you're not capable of, then I think you need to move on. Yeah, if it's like. But if it's that you could maybe start to work into the equation, then take notes. You know what I mean? Take some notes. Well, no, obviously you didn't do your job before going to bed. Could you imagine if you woke up and your girlfriend, you roll over and your girlfriend's just sitting on their phone watching porn? Yeah. That would be a little

startling. I think that's not good for you.'s not looking good for you i would love to know the conversation that went on when he was like yeah that's kind of weird and she's just like what gotta get it somehow yeah i'm sorry my boy i'm sorry my boy you're just not satisfying her needs well look let just... We're very cut and dry with our advice here. Let's put it... Advice? Fuck harder. On the lighter side of things, at least you're not waking up to another guy being there. There are some pros here.

Yeah. Give them a little light at the end of the day. But, you know, if she hides her phone often, if she comes home late from work, she's probably getting what she needs from somebody else so maybe just suggest watching the porn with her and trying to figure out what she's into i kind of feel like this is something i could see morgue doing like if a girl would roll over and you'd have you'd have porn you'd have some porn i could see that i mean i've rolled over next to

morgan and he has porn pulled up i can only okay all right there we go what fictional character would definitely have an only fans this so this the first thing that popped in my head for this one the uh dragon from shrek oh oh on god oh yeah she's kind of sultry up in there yeah dragosy Dragosy? Dragosy. Some like smoke rings and all that stuff. Like she'd have personal smoke ring videos. She'd have some like good stuff going on.

Yeah. Well, what else would be on there? I could see Elsa from Frozen. Are we talking about what else would be on hers? Or what else would be on the dragon? Just like up. Just slinging tail around. Yeah. Smacking dudes in the face with her tail.

Getting absolutely piped down by donkey. Ooh. Oh, wait. We need to talk about that whole thing in general. That dynamic. Whoever thought of that is a fucking genius. Yeah, 100%. The donkey and the dragon fall in love.

I could see it in the pitch meeting. It would be like when we come with you to an idea. And they're like, wait, are people going to be like, wait, is this a donkey and a dragon? And they're like, no, they're just going to be fine with it. And then they order. Everyone's just going to accept it. I can can see you being the guy like is it weird that it's a dragon the love interest and everyone's like shut up dude it's fine difference i mean realistically how would we map this out no but on top of that i was thinking do you think the people that animate that shit there has to be some fucking outtakes there has to be some outtakes so that's

kind of stuff i think in one of the later what like shrek 4 they have babies oh yeah they do little donkeys with wings yeah they are they're cute as fuck no but i'm saying if you're super cute no i'm saying if you're the animator for some shit like that you're like hey yo check this shit out you gotta explore the dynamic yeah oh you're like you're taking your work home with you yeah yeah you're like yeah they are you come to the other they're taking your work home with you? Yeah, they are. You come to the other animators. They're taking their work to the bathroom with them on a break. You're like, yo, I did it.

I did the animation. You gotta think they, I mean, someone has to have done it. Yeah. I mean, well, the Snow White thing got me thinking is the Seven Dwarves would definitely have a fucking OnlyFans. Yeah. The Seven Dwarves? I think it would just be snow white and the seven doors yeah that's just full page yeah and all sorts of just dopey shit on there yeah it's just dopey good dopey um my next

one was moaning myrtle oh god oh for sure you would have a fucking demonic down yeah yeah she's like a little like emo chick oh my god she's got so i can's like a little like emo chick oh my god she's got I can picture her page right now it's filthy the captions are just obscene subscribed instantly one that you'd want but it's not gonna be I accidentally just spent my last paycheck on all her

presents one that should be on there but one is Hermione for sure oh my god mrs granger yeah but she wouldn't have one though i had that i thought of that one yeah i can see someone setting up a cam in the showers and making one for a secret one yeah yeah in this scenario you're at hogwarts yeah it's in this scenario i have a camcorder and i live in hogwarts yes okay what else i think i had i thought of Lola Bunny. Who's that? Lola Bunny?

From Space Jam? From Space Jam? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. The Bussin' Out Bunny? The Bussin' Out Bunny. That's game over. I think the Powderpuff Girls would have a fucking killer page.

Yeah. See, again with the... Or Bambi's mom. Bambi's mom would have a killer page. An absolute killer page. All right. What would be the best olympic event to watch if it were still done in the nude like ancient times pole vaulting did they do them in the nude in ancient times let's pretend okay so just say in the nude you don't have to

definitely you don't have to try and cover it up with like an ancient time okay you just want to see it in the nude well maybe they had like a leaf over the fucking i've never heard of them doing it naked but they wore clothes back then dude okay well maybe not for the sake of this what olympic event would you like to watch someone do naked pole vaulting wrestling male wrestling oh my god male wrestling wrestling basketball basketball would be pretty good it'd be pretty fun yeah getting dunked on and just fucking dunked on with the balls in your face no the hunt the hundred meter dash would be a fucking movie. The relay race, but you just grab the guy behind you saying it's the pole. Not where I was going, but definitely the 100 meter dash would be a lot of balls.

It ends up just being a chain of you grabbing the guy behind you. Yes. Yep. Any male sport, really. Yeah, anything. Anything male. Bobsledding. You got to stuff four dudes in a long.

Oh, that would be good, actually. Yeah, they're all huddled up in there. They got the bobsled, but got stuff for dudes in a long oh that would be good actually they're all huddled up and they got the bobsled but not the clothes yeah yeah really good oh these ones really got away from it yeah all right so we got some fan submissions here what are your most common thoughts when you're too high? Every single time I am too high, I think about how I'm breathing. Is it too loud? Is it the right amount? Am I holding my breath? Can this person hear me breathing? Are you normally able to hear someone breathing? Am I normally go that route? And then I, I will then I'm fucked because I'm thinking about it. So now I'm breathing weird. And then I'll eventually forget about it. And then I'll hear myself do like, and it's right back to like, Oh, that person heard that I'm breathing

too loud. That's interesting. How loud are you supposed to breathe? Just basically anything that pops into my head. I overthink it to the absolute maximum. Oh yeah. Agreed. Yeah. For me, it's, um, it's a lot of, is everything that I'm i'm saying stupid yep does everyone else think i'm stupid you don't think that normally are they only laughing because they're also high or are they giving me a pity laugh yes um how do you ask a girl out if you have a stutter text yeah that's what i was that was my first answer email text a fucking text message not a voice memo not a voicemail definitely not a voice memo no yeah not a voicemail the only good thing about the voice memo versus the voicemail is you get as many takes as you want the voicemail you know

you're kind of you're just throwing it out there banking on the fact that you're gonna perform well yeah the voice memo you can delete retry that would be a ballsy move to send a voicemail ask out yeah but then you don't even get to hear it back if you do the voice memo do you not a voicemail you can't hear your voicemails you left on someone else's phone your voicemail a voice memo oh but that's what i'm saying a voicemail would be risky like with the voice memo say you get one clean take right and you don't stutter during that then you're setting up the expectation that you don't have a stutter that's okay at least we got there you think i think just a text message is safer learn sign language no because just take it out of the equation well no because the stutter is going to come out either

way yeah so you've got to get the first base i mean how right it would just be rough trick them is what you're saying yeah yeah you got to get to first you got a trick a catfish situation of sorts kind of but it's okay because you're not saying that you never stutter true you're just saying in that voice memo i didn't yeah yeah it's a bunt if she brings it up i think you're like i knocked that one out of the park there was no r is a safer move yeah there was no think. You're like, I knocked that one out of the park. There was no R's. I think the text is a safer move. Yeah. There was no W's, R's, or T's, and I knocked it out of the park.

I chose my words carefully. Yes. Okay. When did eating ass become a trend? It does feel like it was recent, but maybe people just weren't open about talking about it until recently. Yeah. What was it like? A trend recently in the last like year or two no no no at least like five people been talking about munching ass for quite some time but when did we start talking about it like five years ago i'd say but i'm wondering about the same time we probably started talking about everything else weird that

goes on yeah like when kinks became normal like if you could start talking about pissing on people then yeah eating ass yeah when did people start talking about pissing on people they where are you where are you have you heard of this yeah people talk about everything these days no one gives a flying well i mean occasionally people talk about pissing on people but yeah it's a less it's a less common one that people do but people still talk about it it's like when did uh feet become so normal to talk yeah only fans no way sooner than that you think yeah have you had your ass eaten have i had my ass eaten yeah no have you no i have not no no i i could i don't think I could ever do that to someone.

I think it's more of a trend than it is something that people actually are even out here doing. It's just fun to talk about. I don't know. It just sounds, it has a nice ring to it. It's fun to talk about. Yeah, it has a nice ring to it. I don't know if I've met someone that does that or is super into it. Yeah.

I mean, I've had- Or they're just actually not talking about it. I've had, or they're just actually like not talking about it. I've had a couple attempted like reach around. Yeah. I've had a couple of fingers thrown back there that I rejected, but I've never, I've clenched up real hard. Yeah.

I just, I feel like it would be something that if you asked them to do, it's like, it's like a big favor. That's like, like it would be like in the same of like, Hey man, I know this is really like out of the way,

but like, can you drive me off at the airport at 5am? Like, it's like the in the same of like, hey man, I know this is really out of the way, but can you drive me off to the airport at 5 a.m.? I feel like it would have to be 100% prompted by the girl asking if she wants me to do it. And then I'd be like, does that mean you enjoy it that you're asking? I think I'd be more of this a bunch of times.

Yeah, I'd be more scared if they said yes, I think. If I asked and they were like, yeah, no problem, I'd be like, oh, okay. That means like they've done it a bunch of times, right? Like they're comfortable doing it. Like they know their way around a hole. Wait, I think you're talking about getting a male getting your ass in. No, I'm talking about both.

You're talking about a girl, right? No, no, yeah. We're talking about both. Okay, okay, fair enough. It's just eating ass in general. It's a blanket statement. I'm saying done to me. Yeah.

Okay. Whoever decides to do it. If a girl asks you to do it though, like you're super into it. That's fine. I've done that. Right? Like you're going for it without hesitation. Yeah, I've done it and I go for it.

There's a one light smell check and then you're good. Okay. Yeah. Just making sure. And it's post shower or post. And it's a light. Yeah, it's got to be an in the shower or post shower. It's a light smell check still too.

It's oh, such a light. I'm 10 feet away. Well, I'm so stuffed up anyway. I'm in a different room. If it penetrated light. I'm 10 feet away. Well, I'm so stuffed up anyway. I'm in a different room. If it penetrated. Almost moved my nose farther away. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, we're good.

Yeah, we're good. We're good. Going in. Going in for the kill. All right, ladies and gents, that has been another week. We will see you same time, same place next week. You know where to find us. Adios, motherfuckers.

Peace.