NO FOMO - 24. Bag-vision

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we talk about all the drugs we've never done. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back, back to the motherfucking FOMO show. No FOMO. All right, live from the down bad dungeon, it's No FOMO. What's up, fuckers? What's up, motherfuckers? The dungeon. How are my kings? How are my kings?

Doing pretty good. You guys want to tell everybody how today started for you guys? We showed up really low energy-wise. I don't know. Just the weekend got to me. I didn't even like, this was not even the hardest I've gone in a weekend. It was probably the least hard I've gone in a weekend in quite some time.

I don't know if I can say that Saturday was a pretty big one, but I just was so low, low energy today. You showed up to the drug zone, showed up sluggish. Yeah. We're talking about drugs today. We showed up sober.

So obviously we had to booze it up a little bit. Had to? Yep. Still boozing it up a little bit. Yeah, no. I mean, we're going to continue to because I'm not going to get sober mid-episode. Yeah. So, we out here. We're out here. Go Gert and the boys. Yeah, we had a show at Avenue over the weekend. Yep. It was lit. Thanks for everybody that came out.

What else we got? We got the Mommy and Daddy shirts in the store. Yep. Support the pod. Let's see what else we got we got the mommy and daddy shirts in the store yep support the pod let's see what else we got here what else is Brackalackin I mean for me football's back yeah

I just had to do football is back we had the Hall of Fame game the Raiders won is it back? as a Raiders fan I know that means nothing but I had to wear my favorite jersey today

Henry Ruggs fastest player on and off the field. Isn't that a Jankowski jersey? It is Jankowski, but I like to say it's Henry Ruggs because same number. But yeah, fastest man on and off the field, if you didn't know. He got in a car accident and killed like three people.

Oh, yes. One of the greatest Raiders of all time. The fastest Raider in history jesus christ yeah in classic raider fashion football is back yeah yeah i didn't even know it was back i uh you shouldn't i no longer have a team so i don't really give a fuck about football anymore after the chargers abandoned ship uh if anything i'm a raiders fan because i hate the chargers welcome welcome welcome yeah i'm welcome to the raider cult. Raider. But let's see. On top of that, we got a show in LA, end of the month.

Yeah, on the 28th, I believe. Oasis Music Festival, if you guys want to come out. I think we got Jay Suss is going to be honorary mascot from now on. Yeah, he's going to be hype man. I'm either doing mascot or I'm going to do. You got to be hype man. I get two songs on the set, and it's either Nickelback or Smash Mouth every time. Yeah, he gets to kind of implement a couple records into the set,

and he's going to be running mic the whole time. Yes. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, he's on mic. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Can we do that actually? We could do that actually. We could actually do that.

We'll put you in the rider. You just run around pouring champagne in people's mouths and just yell shit on the mic. Yes. And we're putting you in the hamster ball, the clear hamster ball that you can run on top of the crowd. I need to do that. I need to do that.

I'll get a hamster costume to wear while I'm inside of it. Yeah, as you should. As you should. But I actually, now that I think about it, I do have a down bad for the week

and it's Nagel. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, ladies and gentlemen, it's pool season. Be careful out there. Our roommate tried to do a double gainer

off our water slide and he just hit his head on the fucking side of the pool and it wasn't chill. It wasn't chill. So I saved a life this weekend. Did you? Did he do anything? I was the first one in there. Oh, you jumped in to get him out. No, I was in there. Let me tell you how quickly

he used to tell us that he was a lifeguard right after that. Oh my god. I was a lifeguard. Everyone knew. One of our other buddies had a staple gun somehow. Oh yes. Like a medical staple gun, right? Yeah. He didn't have it. Oh, he went to go pick it up? He went to the hospital after he blew a.17.

And just went in wearing his scrubs and his badge. Were we legally supposed to say that? We're not going to say who it is. There's no names. He blew double the legal limit and then drove to go. No, he didn't drive. He didn't drive. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's why I was like, are we really saying this on air, guys? No, he didn't drive. Oh, Jesus Christ.

That's why I was like, are we really saying this on air, guys? He didn't drive. He had someone else drive him, but he did go into the hospital that drunk. Okay. Yes, yes. Yeah, I was like, yo, there goes the show. Let's call this one off. So he's okay, but he's still down terribly.

Yeah, horrendous. But I guess to get into the meat of things, we're talking about drugs today. We're going to be talking about some drugs today. Do you want to preface it with the illegal disclosures? Yeah. We have never done drugs. Yes. Yep, that's true.

That's it. Or been around people who do it. Yeah, we read all this shit from the internet. Yeah. We do not recommend that you do drugs. But if you were to, we got some fun shit for you yeah um just a quick little side note before we get into it i was i i went to reddit and i went to r slash cocaine and the pinned post says anyone posting here asking for money or donations will be banned holy shit which i thought was a good time that's great and then one in three posts on r slash cocaine are anyone up and want to chat oh my god that sounds right i'm just

picturing like all the boys went to bed you're up just fucking fatched off your fucking ass and you're just like where should i go r slash cocaine see who wants who else is on that only you imagine how many things you ran through till you get to that point you've been through your instagram dms oh you've been you've been through all your you up texts have been done your dick is dissolved you've been through you've been through 18 pages of the hub absolutely yep i thought that was just great that's incredible it's all like 4 15 donations part is so good too just someone feeding you foring for a bag. You want to Venmo me? Does anyone want to Venmo me 80 bucks? Yeah, so I guess we should start with what fictional character is the mascot for every drug?

Okay. Should we all just do all of ours at once, you think? Yeah, go ahead. Okay. So I got some interesting one here. For cocaine, I got SpongeBob SquarePants. squarepants oh that's fair he's skinny as fuck you never even see him eat a krabby patty and you don't sing i'm ready on the way to work unless you have a seven gram rock in your pants i was gonna say that i'm ready thing while sprinting to work is a little sus little suspect that checks out that checks

out yeah i like that one he does coke um alcohol Alcohol, I got Cap'n Jack Sparrow. That's nice. That's fair. That's a good one. Yeah, he drinks Megapines in real life. He's on Megapines in the movie. Yep. Yeah.

Yeah, not even a fictional character, honestly. Yeah, just Johnny Depp. Yeah. Yep. For weed, I got Saul Silver, aka James Franco in Pineapple Express. Yeah, the king. He's fucking high as shit. Okay.

The king of pot. That's the best high character of all time. Okay. There he is. Yeah, the king. He's fucking high as shit. The king of pot. That's the best high character of all time. Okay, there he is. Yeah, there I am. Adderall, I got Forrest Gump. And the reason is... That one doesn't work. Explain it.

I think he was one of the first ones to get on it because you saw him as a kid and it just fucked him up. No one talks to a stranger at a bus stop unless Adderall fucked you up as a kid that's fair or unless you're on severe amounts Adderall you don't sit there and yeah the ping pong scenes could check out for that yeah he's locked in he was the he was the first one to be on it okay um let's see mushrooms I got Sandy from Spongebob oh you know I had her for something else really we continue you're not a

squirrel and thinking you need to live at the bottom of the ocean unless you accidentally ate some mushrooms that's fair i could see that i could see that maybe that led to some of her advanced technology stuff for being exactly yeah she megadosed on accident megadose instead of micro and now she lives in a fucking dome under the sea. Okay. I'm with that. That's all I got for mine. For mine, I went the opposite. So instead of like the mascot, it's like the poster child for don't doing the drugs. For stop.

Yeah. So for Coke, I have- Why are you wiping your face? What's wrong with you? It is hot. For the record, it's like the hottest day it's been in San Diego all summer. It's a little warm in here.

And the shirt's pretty tight too. The shirt is tight. The It's a little warm in here. And the shirt's pretty tight, too. The shirt is tight. The dungeon's a little warm today. Okay, so like I said, I went the opposites. Okay. For Coke, I went Voldemort. Did so much, he lost his nose. That's fair.

You just don't do Coke. That's an angle I like. Okay. I like that. For weed, I went the green, fairly odd parent. He's just like, he did too much. Cosmo. Cosmo.

That's who it is. Can't remember shit. Okay. For mushrooms, I did Courage the Cowardly Dog. That's just a bad trip the entire show. The whole show is he just took too much. The whole show is him. He's fucked up and he's scared of everything.

I like that. And then that's all I had. I didn't go any other drugs there. I didn't know we're doing adderall i would have been an interesting one yeah just use your imagination post your child for not doing adderall me hey there he is mr anxiety mr anxiety i locked my car five times in a row mr iq dude yeah yeah come on fix yourself okay uh i only had a couple here but i had for adderall i had the minions those guys are always fucking just working their asses off, always tweaked out.

That's fair. They invented their own language because they took so much Adderall as a unit. I like this. They invented their own language. I had the poster child for Pot being Patrick Star. Yeah. The guy's just never quite with it. He's Pot.

I mean. Patrick Star. Does the guy even wake up at all unless Patrick or SpongeBob comes and knocks on the rock? And he lives under a rock. He would probably never leave that rock.

Yeah. You know, he's locked in there. Wumbo? I like that. Wumbo? Wumboly? The guy's high as fuck.

Yeah, he's high as fuck. So stay away from that. Okay, I'm with that. That's all you got for that one? That's what I got. Okay. I guess, what do you guys want to do?

You guys want to play the which drug am I guessing game or how do we want to word it it's not so much it's just the most common scenario i feel like it's like the most common well unless you came up with some obscure oh i got some good i got okay so i don't know if it's a guessing game but yeah it might be an easy game but just play with have to guess. Just play with me. I'll play with you. So guess the drug scenario. It's noon on a Sunday. You had a 20-item to-do list, but instead you organized all your clothes in alphabetical order. That's going to be Adderall.

That's going to be Adderall. That's Adderall. Let's see. Okay. Moving just became impossible. You look over to your friend, and they're all of a sudden 50 years older. Beat-bop music is unbelievable. And you never notice how palm trees kind of just look like big dandelions.

It's Mushroom Gang. That is Mushroom Gang. Is it? I don't know why I thought it was the Molly game. I guess. For that one, it could be either way. But the 50 years old friend was the one that's supposed to be the giveaway there. Because every time I do that, look at people and they look like they're 95.

I wonder why that is. We just discovered that recently. Your face is just – it's heavier. Yeah. You can see all the details. I can see the years. Your cheeks weigh more and it looks like other people's do too. I have a picture of me that I need to send you to show what I'm talking about.

And it's the one, every time you zoom in on my face from a little bit more of a distance, add 20 years. And it's the same picture, but you zoom in a little bit more and all of a sudden I'm 90 at the end of it. Okay, I need that. I need that. It's a casual Thursday night movie night. You walk outside to go pick up your Taco Bell and there's already

an order of Taco Bell sitting on the doorstep there's two bags of Taco Bell sitting on the doorstep that's a weed that's weed I like that it's 3pm on St. Patrick's Day you're in the handicapped port-a-potty with Bradley and Chadley prepping for a Fisher's set

and you're all wearing zebra striped print button ups. If that ain't cocaine, I don't know what is. That's cocaine all day. That's the zebra print. Yeah. It's suddenly 4 a.m. And a girl is telling you how she can't believe you know so much about astrology.

You try to find your friends, but you can only see your phone through one eye. She left because you don't remember her name. It seems like a good idea to start texting girls if they're still awake. That's Molly. I think it's just alcohol. That's alcohol. That's alcohol?

That's just a little boozer. That's just a classic boozer. That's fair. That's you sit there and you're like, I don't know that much about astrology. What's happening? Your name's Katie, right? Ah, fuck. What are you doing?

Closer, Mike G. You just left the festival. You're in a random apartment at 4 a.m. You hit something that you thought was a line of cocaine, but now you are walking on your hands upside down. It's ketamine. It's ketamine. Okay, okay.

Here we go. It's 5 a.m. You've been laying down in a queen bed with six strangers staring at a $20 Amazon Galaxy light on the ceiling for three straight hours. Same? It's either ketamine or mushrooms. It's ketamine. Yeah. Yeah, that checks out. That sounds right.

The drug dealer dropped off over an hour ago, but you can't get rid of him while he talks about sports cars and how he's going to diversify his income. That's the coke deal. There's nothing better than not getting rid of the guy oh this happened last weekend not that we weren't we weren't trying to get rid of him but uh he hung out for a while oh were you there um i was there yeah yeah yeah he came around he came inside he was blacked out

and he stuck around but he's a great guy quit hanging around uh all right this is a fun one um it's 6 30 a.m and you're in a ball pit that's it it's everything it's everything yes it's 2 a.m you lost your friends hours ago It's all of them. Okay. All right. It's 2 a.m. You lost your friends hours ago. You met a girl who told you your rising moon is an amethyst and your front row at a res set.

It's got to be mushrooms. I mean, it could be a Molly. It could be everything. Yeah, that's so many things. It's in the same vein. Yeah. For me. It's a red Bugatti XC. Yeah, it's a red Bugatti XC. Yeah.

It's a red Bugatti. Yeah. My first thought on that actually was just Morg. Yeah. I thought it was like, this sounds like a very personal describing himself on any drug. Yeah. My initial thought was Morgan. Yeah.

It's just me. Morgan. Oh my God. Um, this is a quick one for me. Do we need ice cream? It's fine. Yeah. Hangover.. This is a quick one for me. Do we need ice cream? It's fine. Yeah. Or hangover.

Yeah, that's true. Hangover. I want to do hangover as a little category. You guys love. Yeah, that could have been. You guys love your ice cream on hangover. Treats, ice cream, hot Cheetos. Yeah.

Everything. Some crackers. Yep. Crackers. Some popcorn. Those are all mine. Some popped up corn. Okay.

Yeah, that's all I had there. You're at the beach. It's 6 p.m. on a Saturday. You and your best friend just spent five hours building sandcastles and trying to balance rocks on top of each other. It's mushroom chocolates. It's mushroom chocolates. No drugs at all?

This is a regular movie as a child. I'm eight. You're eight. All right. If you could make one change to every drug, would you do jay go for it um so for coke if the baggies came with like a little cake frosting bag attachment so frosting bag like you know the cake frosting bag where you can kind of just it's like it's in a little tube and you can squirt it out you could squirt it out or you could... If you could squirt it out in that same type of form too

where you can kind of lick it out. Oh, yeah, yeah. If it had the little flowers, you could make the little flowers out of it. So I could use my nose ever. Here's a little clumpy. All in one bag experience. Yes. Okay.

For weed, if there was a way to know you're about to enter the please God I will never smoke again if you just make this stop territory before you get there. Yes. You know? Yep smoke again if you just make this stop territory before you get there yes you know yep like if you could just not hit that there was a little warning yeah just you didn't get that last hit to where you're laying on the ground staring up the sky going like i swear yeah i swear i'm envisioning like a green flash like you know in the in pirates of the caribbean the green flash like just a green flash somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a little fireworks display just goes off right in front of you.

You're like, stop. That would be good. That would be good for everybody. For alcohol, I said drunk texts actually work. Every time? Yeah. They either work or they don't send. One of the two.

Ooh, work or don't send. Yeah. Your phone just shutting off would be a better thing, I think. Yeah, if you had to blow into your phone. You had to blow, it breathalyzed, it turned your phone. Phone breathalyzer. This is another phone one. This is for mushrooms.

If iPhones had like a mushroom mode so that you could look at them when you're on mushrooms. Better, yeah. Because I can't even look at my phone. It's almost impossible. It looks like a cartoon. It looks like a cartoon. It looks like you're wearing 3D glasses even though you're not doing anything. Yeah, there's depth in the phone. Yeah, it looks like you have to like touch behind the app to get to the app it's

like it fucked up i don't like that um but yeah those are my changes to hopefully okay okay g can you go closer i've got a few crucial edits here uh for pot being able to speak to other human beings you know not going into mute mode because because I immediately just shut the fuck down. I become like a hermit crab. For Coke, not being able to speak to humans, aka just shutting

your fucking mouth. Shut the fuck up. Or having some sort of warning system to be like, okay, this is getting out of hand. Maybe that's its own problem.

You're not going to open a restaurant with this guy that you just met tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You both, neither of you cook, but I get you're passionate about it,

but just stop. For Molly, not ruining every single picture that was taken of you at the festival. Oh, that's good. Every face you just... It's just so bad. Your eyes just look heinous. You just have the biggest smile of all

time, like almost an uncomfortable smile. You look like you're staring through the camera. You look like there's something wrong with you. Oh, for sure. Like you shit your pants or something. No one's ever told you to smile before. Get rid of the shit your pants face. Yeah, get rid of the shit your pants face.

And then shrooms, some sort of standardized strength system where I know how strong the shrooms are that I'm taking. Because a stem is not a stem is not a stem. You never really know how much you're taking. It's a shot in the dark. It's a big shot in the dark. You know what I would like for that one? Is actually being able to remember what a stem does versus what a cap does every time. Yeah. Because for me, I always mix them

up and forget. But some of them, it doesn't even matter. I feel like it's random every time. Isn't it? It's a bag of magic every time. We don't really know. It's just always magic. Those are my biggest changes. Here we go okay adderall i'm gonna add the ability to see through walls because i feel like we're pretty close to that already that's pretty much the only thing left okay that's the last frontier it already does that like we're pretty close let's just get all the way that's the final frontier

yes okay alcohol i'm adding three times speech and movement impairment because i would love to see people just fucking absolutely looking like idiots the whole time as if that isn't already yeah okay but 3x would be pretty good 3x like if you're trying to talk to your actually be disability status yeah that'd be good yeah that'd be good instant cerebral palsy yes uh mushrooms i'm adding the ability to smell colors yeah if you're gonna see that many you might as well taste them and smell them that would be good yeah i was i was already trying to figure out what they taste like okay so um for blow i'm i'm adding bag vision so you always know who has the bag. Oh, yeah.

I feel like that's a big problem. That's a big problem. In today's society. Yeah. Someone has it. We don't know who's got it. Who's got it. And the guy who does have it doesn't know he has it.

Yeah. The guy who says claimed all night. He's the one who's asking. Yeah. And it's in his like front coat pocket the whole night. Yeah. We did good there. I do like the idea of one of those.

So for that whole category, I was thinking an answer for all of them could just be like not having tolerance anymore. Like reverse tolerance. Like two shots actually still gets me drunk. That would be nice, dude. One bump still actually makes me feel fired up. Dude, because I feel so aggressive because

when i have to when i drink it's like five is like the minimum to where i feel yeah yeah exactly yeah the overarching tolerance is not a thing anymore would be like if one of everything would take you to the place you want to be yeah that'd be a great that'd be so good you're good at it that would be a great edit okay i got a fun game for us. I'm going to give you a scenario and you pick your drug of choice. Argument with your girlfriend and you're down horrendously. Blacked out.

Just blame it on the alcohol. No matter what I'm blaming it on. The next morning I'm blaming it on the alcohol. Can't remember it. Don't remember what I said. Called you a what? Are you serious? That's good. Yeah, I think I'd have to go remember it. Don't remember what I said. Called you a what? Are you serious? That's good. Yeah, I think I'd have to go with it. Either blacked out so I don't remember it or blacked out so I have an excuse to get out of it.

Might, if I was just trying to devil's advocate that, I might go Adderall. Okay. That way I have a shot at winning. Yes. Oh, because you're locked in. Yeah, I could really overthink, I could rethink her argument on the spot. You know like when you get in an argument with your girlfriend and then like the next two days, then you think of the thing? Yes, every time.

Oh, you suddenly realize what happened. Yeah, yeah. It takes a couple days. You realize how you guys worked. I'm going to remember shit from three years ago right now. Adderall all day. Oh, yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I want to put –

I'll take that. There's really two schools of thought here. Yeah. Do I want to win or do I want an excuse to get out? Yeah. Adderall. I'm winning now, but if there's a chance you're winning,

but if we're being real, you're never really winning. You're not going to might as well have an excuse to get out. And then you get to focus on how bad you just exactly. Then you're just locked in on how fucked up that was. Yeah. There's no winning there, but I'm fair.

Okay. Prison cell or you're in prison and you just fumbled the soap. Oh. Dead sober. That was my answer, dude. That was my answer. I have it written down right now. Yes, yes, yes.

Fucking sober. I want to feel it all, baby. Adderall soap. Adderall so I can lock it into my memory forever. Oh, yeah. I want to feel it all baby So I can lock it into my memory Black doubt so realistically blacked out. Yeah, so I'm a little more spicy my little nice my dirty talks on Okay the final stuff I can't even speak. Doing a podcast. Blacked out.

On a podcast with your boys. Blacked. Yeah, let's drink break. Yep, drink break. Okay. You're at the final supper with Jesus Christ. I believe it's called the last supper I just couldn't let that slide

I'm way too much invested in this no it's called the final supper everyone on earth knows that I've never been at church in my life I accept the oops there I like that it's the last? final

you're at the last supper with jesus christ and his disciples oh that's the whole thing hmm um cyanide i'm going down with my boy oh that's gang that's on gang i can't let my boy go down solo um can i do roofie so i can fake go down like he did and then come back and come back yes yeah okay i'm going roofie i'm going roofie nobody wants a whole fucking bag yeah jesus on the boat with jesus on his final night you're right you're so right jesus christ literally he gets all those last thoughts out no trust me i'm gonna get my dad to invest it's gonna be crazy my dad's leader of the roman empire we're gonna get him it's gonna be good this religion's gonna blow up okay it's the year 17 bc and you're in a fight to the death with a neanderthal version of joe rogan oh god mmm alpha brain first iteration of alpha brain pre-human

trials fuck I don't know I'm going a fucking big bag of mushrooms throw it at him distracted oh we're looking for a couple rocks of meth no no no you throw the bag of mushrooms he's interested distract I'll get him to eat it yes okay okay and then you have yeah if we're playing D here, yeah. A non-offense type of drug. Yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be something that'll just like fuck them up. Yeah. Cause then he's, he's fucking obviously going for the mushrooms. Then you have a chance. Yeah. Toss a fucking roofie at him. Also that, but Neanderthal Rogan, he fucks. Yeah. That leg kick is different. He's practically a Neanderthal as, as his current state. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So Joe Rogan right now. You can only imagine. Minus the podcast. Okay. I got another fun game. You want to guess? You have another game? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got a lot of fun shit for this. Okay. Okay, fun shit me. Okay. Fun shit me up. Another fun game for the boys. Which drug-related scenario are you winning? SAT test versus an eighth grader on 40 milligrams adderall a fist fight with an armless floridian on bath salts a debate on the origins of the

universe first matthias the mushroom master off a whole ace of mushrooms that was a lot to say yeah yeah that's okay we he's the mushroom master okay we got it or best business idea versus yourself in a random kitchen off a gram losing that one for sure okay so in all these scenarios we're sober when we're faced the person we're facing is on yes the person we're facing is on drugs we're sober or i'm on the drugs what grade was that adderall kid in uh he's an eighth grader okay so yeah you you're not on drugs for any of these okay yeah okay okay so it's no no i got them okay okay yeah we got i'm smoking the fucking kid in the sat you think yeah an eighth grader off 40 mil of an at least yeah yeah that i i feel like i could

yeah i could dice that every other scenario is a fat l so that's the only one i can even think of in the but in the floridian one he's armless and on meth. Bath salts. Bath salts. So a fist fight with an armless Floridian on bath salts. You're losing that. All he needs is his mouth. I'm on no drug.

Yeah, I think I'd go that one. Really? Are kicks allowed? I mean, yeah. Well, it's a fight to the death. Yeah. Oh, that's true. But if he is biting me, how many teeth does he have?

I feel like I got a chance. Bro, you're losing your face. He has no arms, and he's just going to gum me down. I think I got a chance. He kicks you in the chest. You're incapacitated, and then he eats your face off. How's that sound? He gums my face off.

I'd at least rather take the chance against the eighth grader on the SAT. What did you get on the SAT? I got 1790. Liar. I'm not. You think you're smarter than a fifth grader though? You seen that show? Yeah, I am. We should play that at some point to test that. I think...

What do you got? I'm gonna have to go the armless Floridian for sure. I just don't want that smoke. Yeah, that's a lot of smoke. Yeah, I guess if we're going... If you said an armless man on basalts, I'd consider it. Floridian man is a different story. Yeah, that's a tough one.

I think if I... Yeah, I didn't think about, like, the if I lose factor. It's like, oh, I'm just dumber than a kid. Yeah. If I lose that one, I'm dead. You're dead. Yeah, you're gonna die. That's true.

Fight to the fucking death. No, the 8th grader kills you, though, after. Okay. If he gets a better score. If he wins, he kills you? Yeah, he does too much Adderall. He stabs you with a fucking pencil. I'm sticking to the Floridian.

I think I got some chess kicks that are going to line me up. I got the distant. I've got reach on him. You don't know that. He could be 6'8". I've got reach still. He's got no arms. Armless Floridian.

Floridian. Legs. So hard to say that word. All right. Nicknames for cocaine. Porta potty smelling salts. We're inventing our own. Yeah.

I just have my classic favorite, chooch. Chooch? I like that. Titty frost. Oh, we made them up. Those are your go. Handicap stall business ideas. Nice, nice. Handicap stall business meeting uh gator tails oh wait is that one yeah really i've never heard

that like there's a there's a fucking page on instagram called gator tails it's a subsidiary of uh thursday lines uh morning coffee uh key warmers ooh uh satchels satchel I do like that's probably that's a good one it's a fucking good one

that's a good one a booth dust okay that's a good one um I just said give me that fucking shit give me some of the shit

butthole baby powder nice nice that's actually really good penis tranquilizer Give me some of this shit. Butthole baby powder. Nice. That's actually really good. Penis tranquilizer. Yeah. I don't have any more, but penis tranquilizer. Going off that, just one more. The last one.

The last one. One last one. Okay. I guess let's cap it off with just tips and tricks. Okay. I like this as ending it. Yeah. Drugs, tips, and tricks.

Okay. You want me to go first? Yeah, sure. If you ever feel like it's been too long and the drugs haven't hit yet, you're right. Take more. You're so yet. You're right. Take more. You're so right. You're right. Take way more of them.

Yes. Double down. Double down, obviously. When smoking pot, delete DoorDash. Okay. That's a good tip. Send those fucking drunk texts. Oh, send the drunk texts?

Send those. Send them. If you ever end up with leftovers, you can sell them back to the sheriff's department. I don't like that one. Hate that one. If you ever find yourself in a room with five to ten strangers past four o'clock in the morning,

go home. Just go home. Go home. That's a good one. Irish goodbye. Don't even fucking say that. Yeah, that's true. You don't, you don't need to say, Hey, great meeting you guys. Cause I can guarantee you, you'll wake up thinking it wasn't great meeting those guys. And these are the worst people I've ever met in my life. Wait, how do you guys feel about, so Irish goodbyes, you just leave without saying anything? Yeah. I feel like if you're out, it's always okay to do that. Yeah. Absolutely.

Because it never goes well trying to convince someone that you need to go. Oh, because everyone's just going to tell you all the reasons you need to stay and none of them are valid. Never works. Yeah, definitely. None of them are valid. Especially, like, if you do even – I feel like an Irish goodbye plus, like like if you're just on the way out,

like as you're leaving, you kind of look back and you throw up just one of those. Like a nod or something. I don't think anyone's ever hit me up the next day and been like, yo, I can't believe you didn't say bye last night. No one has a fucking clue what's going on. The only actual thing that can come from saying goodbye is them convincing you to not leave at all. Yeah. And our friends do not let you leave at all.

So you just got to go. Yeah. You just got to go. Yeah, that's more for us specifically. Probably other groups of friends are more understanding about. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, it's 2.30. I get it.

Go ahead. This is just for mushrooms. Don't do it by yourself because you sound weird. Everything you're saying is weird. Yeah. Don't do it by yourself. And even if you do it at a bar by yourself, don't do it by yourself yeah because you sound weird everything you're saying is weird yeah don't do it by and even do it at a bar by yourself don't do it by yourself you sound weird and if you accidentally do let someone know oh yeah that's a really big that's one of the ones i would never do by myself because i because you need someone to have your back yeah when you're looking like a weirdo yeah to be like oh yeah he took a fuck yeah till you explain it you need someone to have your back yeah when you're looking like a weirdo yeah to be like oh yeah he

took a fuck yeah till you explain it you need someone to explain it it's like weed but you're not paranoid to talk like you'll keep on saying it but it's just not making sense anyone says yeah um i know we were making these funny but this is actually one that i just i do live by if you feel like you can fly take off from the ground like a bird. Don't jump off of something. That's a good universal. Start on ground level. Just start flapping your wings. If you think you can fly, flap them.

If you take off, good for you. Congrats. Good for fucking you. You were right. You were right. Yeah. I hope you were right. Don't learn the hard way like I did when I broke both my legs,

but we'll carry on. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick break from the pod to tell you about Manscaped because we know you got bush. God damn it, I do. And if you do, you haven't tried the best products in the game

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That's 20% off and free shipping. Worldwide. With code NOFOMO at manscaped.com. Now back to the show. All right. Straight into fan submissions then. Okay. Without saying the category, what is your guys top five

Jay you want to go me first yeah I can do first stapler cob of corn avocado air pods and Brita filter

one more time AirPods, and Brita filter. One more time. A stapler, a cob of corn, avocado, AirPods, and a Brita filter. Okay, they're not all vegetables. Good. There's no way you guessed this one. One more time. A stapler,

a cob of corn, an avocado, AirPods, and a Brita filter. They all have a case? No. I really want a case? No. I really want in your asshole? Things that could definitely fit in my ass.

Why did I know that's where we were going? I was like, it's got to be something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine's not going to be that difficult. Jenna, Nicole, Adriana, Riley, and Lana. not going to be that difficult uh jenna nicole adriana riley and lana top porn star okay easy peasy it's probably the same list for everybody i was gonna say that's a pretty standard absolute that's a unit of go on the hub and click what is the top five. Those are the top. It's simply the gang.

That's the gang. Yeah. The best buds. List of best buds. Okay. Triple texting. Quadruple texting. Not taking off his shirt.

Claiming Kendrick Lamar is the best artist of all time. Calling you his girlfriend after one day garrett moves that one's too easy i didn't think of just berating my friend oh yeah well you should have you should have yeah you fucked up on that one. Fuck, I would have came up with a way better list. Just be more creative, you know? Yeah.

God damn it. I love how as soon as you said the first one, he would just put his head down. Fuck, these are all me. Okay. 25 cents. Da adult.

Josh. Past and pre Malone. Top five shitty names for rappers? Top five off-brand rappers. Off-brand rappers. Nice, nice, nice. Okay. Yoga Pants,

Pam from The Office's Charlie Chaplin costume, Baby Talk, Sitting on My Lap, and Podcast with the boys. Just your top five favorite things on the planet? No. Top five things that get you horny?

Yeah. You're sick. You're sick. Can you say that list again? It's yoga pants, Pam from The Office's Charlie Chaplin costume, baby talk,

sitting on my lap, Podcast with the Boys. Baby Talk should have been a game over. I should have known that right off the bat. Fuck. All right. Okay. This is just one of those ones that people want. Create and name your own sex position, part three.

Are we on three already? Part three. Who wants to start? Gary, what do you got? Gary? You go, you go, you go. Okay. So this one's called the Beyblade.

You're gonna need a big ceramic bowl with a hole in the bottom. Okay. Put a rope around her. Yes. And at the end of the rope, you just say, let it rip and then spin the rope. Beyblades let it rip. Let it rip. Okay. And the hole in the bottom is for yes. Letting it rip. Okay. Yes. Yes. I like that. Um, that's solid. Yeah. I just want to say that I don't want to jump right into mine and not acknowledge that yours was good. That was good. Um, mine is called the Tennessee 23 and me. Oh God. So you spit in

each other's mouths. If you can guess each other's last meals correctly, you get it wrong, you have to do stepsis. Yeah. Okay. That might get us demonetized. Yeah. But you get it. Yeah, I get it. You get it, and you would probably do it.

Like for the chance to role play as cousins. First cousins. Yes, first cousins. Good Lord. So this one requires a very specific set of skills so you know it requires a two-story home with like an open uh you know top floor and there's a little terrace where you can there's access to get down from there so this one's either called a whole new world or The Aladdin. Okay. You're going to want to grab an area rug, stand on the railing of the stairs, jump with said rug straight into some pussy. Oh, that's good.

So much so. So much so. Straight into some pussy. Okay. A whole new world. Oh, while singing singing that i forgot to say that yeah that's part of it that's why it's called the you have to be rubbing a lamp yeah yeah a lamp the lamp um i'm gonna let you guys tell me how this one works okay um it is called the whack-a-mole. Okay. Got it. I already got it. Okay.

Okay. You want me to do it? What do you think it is? Okay. So you need basically like a muffin tin with all the holes cut out. And we're talking just popping up. Just popping up in random circles. Power bottom.

Instead of a mallet, the girl's using her mouth yes is that essentially i don't think he could beat that yeah but um when i was doing some research on all this stuff i actually found some sex positions that are pretty fucking crazy like that or you found some real like it's like some real urban dictionary i'm trying to think of some of the ones i thought you said you found them i did find them but i didn't write them down it was like oh how did that one go worth a google search just type in crazy i did oh yeah no i mean there's an infinite amount of absurd ones i did have one that i found on urban dictionary that it doesn't have any description but it does have a like verbal exchange of words of how this would start.

It's called the Uncle Steve. It says, hey, Uncle Steve, it's raining outside. And then Uncle Steve goes, let's go throw some boomerangs inside. That is the only definition for the Uncle Steve. That's the definition for the Uncle Steve? Yes. So take with that what you will. But that was one that I found that I was like,

holy fucking shit, what the shit is going on. That one's equal parts frightening and intriguing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you want to know what throw some boomerangs. I don't know what throwing boomerangs inside means. I think the obvious next search is Google throwing boomerangs on Urban Dictionary. That's true. It could be a multifaceted thing where like the keyword is

another word you need to look up yeah and then it's like that one's super ambiguous as well and you just have you just go down a rabbit hole and you're it's like the most elaborate thing of all time i gotta find this for you guys okay so one of them is called the butter churner have you guys heard of this i think i have heard of this so I think I have heard of this. So it's a classic Yeah, so it's like missionary with her legs up like right here and you stand up Yeah, and you spin around the top like a but okay. Yeah. I was just thinking a double-fisted fucking plumper Yeah, I was thinking more of the the like bounce. Oh, no, no, it's the Turner. Okay. I gotta find this other one I'm almost there. Okay the churner okay i gotta find this other one i'm almost there okay okay this one is called bumper cars like it i just got to show you the picture this is pretty

creative like that oh like a like a 96 yeah that's pretty crazy wow so it's just a 69 but she's fully inverted yeah that. That one's pretty cool. Kind of like Tenet. Oh, no. Is that one called the Golden Gate? Yeah. That one's called the Golden Gate. That makes more sense.

Yeah. Yep. I like that. Okay. Next up. If you were designing boobs 2.0, what changes would you make? Okay. More milk flavors.

Like if you could have one be like an or at least types of milk like you have one almond and one like a coffee creamer that would be kind of nice it would be or strawberry yeah strawberry chocolate like if we were going crazy okay yeah i was gonna say having uh milk even when they're not you know nursing children 365 milk yeah 365 milk building on top of that actually i was thinking the same way so in the off season i want soft serve ice cream okay okay that would hurt well is that not fair it's fair fair but but you said it tastes like proper soft serve yeah Yeah, it's proper soft serve. Yeah.

Okay. In the off season, I want... I'm just thinking of chunky ass. Okay, so for that one, you could have vanilla, chocolate, and then swirl? Yes. Okay. We did good there. Okay. I thought.

Okay. Next one I had Gatorade Sucky Top Nipples. Ooh. Ooh. Twist-ons. A quick release. The twisty twisties. Just, yeah.

Like the shape more so. Yeah, more so the shape, but also kind of like the twist action on it. Like if you didn't want to get milk, you could just suck them. Yeah. Or like Hyper Velocity would be pretty good. Oh, that's more like a spray bottle.

Yeah. Like you'd have spray or stream. Yes, overdrive. Yeah, yeah. We like that. bottle. Yeah, like you have spray or stream. Yes, overdrive. Yeah, yeah. We like that. Yeah. I mean, the most obvious change would just be more boobs. There needs to be more.

Third, fourth, fifth. Yeah, yeah. It would be interesting if every girl kind of just had a different amount. So you kind of just get like shocked when you take the hood off. Some of them you wouldn't just get shocked when you take the hood off. Some of them you wouldn't be that shocked, though. If it's just like looks like a sack of potatoes in there. I'm saying like there's an undetermined amount between like three and six.

You know what I mean? Yeah, we don't want to play around with a dozen because then it opens up. Yeah, exactly. And we're not going back to two. It's overwhelming. And we'll never go back to two. Never back to two. Three to six. Minimum of going back to two. It's overwhelming. And we'll never go back to two. Never back to two. Never back to two. Obviously, minimum of three up to six. Yeah.

Okay. This is important, I feel like, for us. Okay. What is the smallest, pettiest hill you'd be going to? Wait, I had more boobs. Oh, you had more boobs? Yeah, I had more boobs. Oh, come on.

No, that's what I had. I had more boobs. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I had more of the boobs. About boobs. Okay. Yeah.

I'll just rattle them off real quick. Light up nips would be boobs. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I had more of the boobs. About boobs. Okay. I'll just rattle them off real quick. Light up nips would be fun. Ooh. Snorkel attachment. So you can never run out of breath when you're in there. Fair. And then a coke rack attachment would be cool. Oh.

Nice. Nice. Ooh. Just like one of them's mirrored or something. Yeah. Like you just got a one flat edge. One flat. One's a flat.

Yeah. This, this just came to me. Um, Tempur-Pedic technology, too. I would like that. They already have that. Shapability is important. They already have that. It would be fun to kind of, if they're super malleable,

and you can kind of play with them. Exactly. Make them shapeable. Oh, kind of origami them up. Yeah. Definitely. You can give them the classic pillow where you kind of fluff it up. Almost combine them both and try to see what you could do from there.

Yeah. Get creative. You feel me? Any more for that one? That was it. That was up. Yeah. I almost combined them both and try to see what you could do from there. Yeah. Get creative. You feel me? Any more for that one? That was it. That was it. Okay. Last question of the day, boys.

What is the smallest, pettiest hill you'd be willing to die on? Grapefruit is shit. Yeah, that's facts. That's facts. I don't know if I've ever had a proper grapefruit before.

It sucks. There's no such thing. The best grapefruit you'll ever have is still shit. Yeah. It's facts. That's facts. I don't know if I've ever had a proper grapefruit before. It sucks. There's no such thing. The best grapefruit you'll ever have is still shit. Yeah. It's still shit. It's bitter is the flavor of grapefruit. You know how you eat grapefruit? You have to pour like brown sugar on it to make it not so bitter.

Yeah. It's terrible. It's the worst of everything. Grapefruit's bad. Grapefruit's bad. Yep. If you cut me off on the freeway, I will make it my personal mission for the remainder of my drive

to get back in front of you and drive as slow as humanly fucking possible. I'd die that way. I'd die that way. I would for sure die that way. I'd let you ram me in the ass and kill me. And I know you've done some petty shit. Oh, I'll drive next to a semi

in like the fast lane and just go 45 while this guy's behind me just fucking ripping on the horn. Sorry, bud. You picked the wrong enemy wait have you guys has someone ever tried to fight you on the road yeah for sure happened to me in high school is kind of fucking sketchy i'm very petty on the road i'm i'm i'm a nice driver but when someone fucks with me it's over it's over it's over i feel that um let's see what isn't it crazy how like the littlest of reactions from another person like while you're driving can really say it's insane even if't it crazy how like the littlest of reactions from another person like while you're driving can really say it's insane even if they look at you like what was that i'm

like i had a guy one time i was he was crossing the street and he was already past like where my car was and i went by pretty quick and i saw him throw his hands up you're like like what the fuck are you doing and i slammed on the brakes and i jumped out of the car oh god and i was like what's the problem what the fuck is going on he's like why are you going so fast i was like you're out of the fucking way what's the deal that's how you get like and you just you're way too into it and then like you kind of have that snap of like okay get back in your car that's how you get killed that's how you get killed yeah we don't want to get killed okay spoons and bowls should be used for almost every side plate macaroni get it off

my plate put in a bowl give me a spoon facts mashed potatoes get it off my plate please give me a spoon in a bowl that's fair rice get it off my plate so fair give me a spoon in a bowl all those are fair as fuck this is a this is a side dishes are meant to be bold and spooned morg doesn't like his food to touch no my food can touch, but I don't want to eat peas with a fork. I was just going to say peas is another one. Is that fair? Yeah, that's fair. Spoon should be a more universal.

Yeah. If it's not bigger than the spoon, then if it's smaller than the spoon, it should be a spoon. Fair. What would you say are acceptable fork dishes? Meat. Pasta. Okay. That's it.

Depends on the size of the pasta yeah macaroni is a pasta yeah a lot of pastas could be spooned mac and cheese like fucking crap mac and cheese yeah i'm just i'm just saying it is technically a pasta yeah but it's not i'm not saying oh i need some pasta right now so you're saying like long noodles yeah okay that's fair that's fair okay we'll allow it yeah um q-tips are good for your ears. That's not true at all. It is. They are. They're not.

Here's the deal. Feel good? They say that the Q-tip is just pushing the wax into your ear more, right? If that was true, I use a Q-tip twice a day. Every time I do it, the tip of my Q-tip should be coated in wax because I've got so much shoved in there. It comes back clean as a whistle. And it feels good. Because your shit's so deep in there, You can't even touch it Fucking good. No, I go in there

It's good for you. All right, like I can barely even grab the other end of the q-tip. I go that deep in Feels good. That's scary. That's good. Um Let's see fizzy drinks or ass Whoa Whoa, it doesn't make it better. Whoa, it's not more enjoyable doesn't enhance the taste Fizzy drinks or ass? Whoa. Whoa. It doesn't make it better.

Whoa. It's not more enjoyable. Doesn't enhance the taste. So you'd rather Baja Blast be flat? Shut the fuck up. You ain't dying on the still. You're not dying on the still. You're not dying on the still.

Just Baja Blast. Okay, okay. If you take pictures and post pictures of their food, you should be beaten and your account should be banned. I think if you- Unless it's pictures of their food, you should be beaten and your account should be banned. I think if you... Unless it's a foodie page. Yes. Because here's the thing. We do need someone to take the pictures of the food and post it.

The restaurant. Probably. Or like a few... I love watching cooking videos. I love watching like cooking videos. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about a prepared meal that you didn't make. I think it should be if you take a picture of the food and post it you don't get to eat it i like that so you can pick

i'll either take the picture and show everyone that you had it or you can eat it or it gets an hour long segment on your story it only gets to be there for an hour you should have to film you eating the entire meal like once you're done with the meal it deletes from your account yeah exactly and then uh lastly texting should only be used to make plans small talk his ass stop texting me is that fair sure somewhat okay all right ladies and gentlemen that was uh the 24th installment of gogurt and the boys talking about drugs we We're almost at a quarter centennial. Yeah. We got to go big. We got to go big for the 25th? Next week.

Okay, next week. Let's like, we'll contract something. Is there a 25th anniversary? Let's just say you guys should be excited for next week episode. Yeah, it's the quarter centennial. We're going to do something large. It's the FOMO games. Yep.

But other than that. Silver is a 25th anniversary. So maybe we could do an all silver soad all silver soad silver surfer soad there you go paint ourselves silver and do a soad

I like that but other than that we got the we got the mommy daddy shirts in the store if you guys want us to keep doing fucking crazier shit

we'll get bigger glasses more glasses figure out how to make more boobs we'll figure it out we'll figure it out we're gonna put some yeah support the pot your your funding goes towards us being drunker doing dumber things yes saying dumber things up the production value no none of that production value stays the same i say stupider stuff yeah every dollar amount that goes up fair yes