NO FOMO - 25. The Future

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week were just absolutely from the future. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back to the motherfucking FOMO show. No FOMO. All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the future. Welcome to the future, dude. Yep, the No FOMO's vision for the future. What's up, fuckers? We're going to be talking a deep dive into our hopes and dreams for the desolate wasteland that will be our future.

Absolutely. We're just talking about tomorrow for us. I mean, we're in the future. We're talking about how it is right now. True, true, true. We exist in the future. Yes. We came back to report.

Of course. Of course. Yeah, I mean, so we went dummy viral this week. Oh, man. You had to do that. I had to. You just had to gloat on air, huh? I don't understand why they would want to hear that.

They were part of it. They know. I mean, we were funny would want to hear that. They were part of it. They know. I mean, we were funny last week, and that's okay. Okay. But welcome, all the new listeners. This is NoFomo. All eight of you, we're happy to have you. Yeah.

We got J-Sus in the Darth Maul cloak. Darth Jim. This is Go-Gurt. Go-Gurt. And I am Morgan. My name's underwhelming. But yeah, we got the Mommy Daddy merch in the store. I wrote it today.

Oh yeah, there we go. And yeah, we're going to the future today. Yep. But before we do that, how was so me and John had a chill weekend. We did. Yes. We became part of the bed. We got high. Morphed with the bed. Yeah. We watched a couple movies so that you don't have to the fucking what was the first one?

Vamp Oh pray trash what I thought it was decent. It was that it was it fills up an afternoon. Yeah, it was interesting I mean, yeah, it wasn't horrible. Yeah, if you got I thought it was gonna be a thousand times worse Yeah, if you got nothing to do praise, all right all right. What was it called? Day Watch or Night Watch? Oh, the Night Shift. Day Shift. Day Shift. The vampire one. Oh, is that the Jamie Foxx one? That is the worst movie I've ever seen.

That looks fucking horrible. What is Netflix doing, dude? They can't make a good movie. We were saying they should have their own category. Like, Netflix movie should be its own description of a movie. Like, when you see a movie that's a pretty good idea-ish, but they just make it horrible, that's a Netflix movie. That's a Netflix movie.

Just waste. That's a genre of film. Yeah, you got two hours to literally waste. Yeah, good concept, horrendous execution. But I guess straight into sci-fi mommy of the week. Let's have it. I had a quick one. I know I said I didn't have this one, but I figured one out.

What do you got? Jane Jetson. Who dat? George Jetson's what? From out. What do you got? Jane Jetson. Who dat? George Jetson's wife. From the Jetsons? Here's George Jetson. You've never seen the Jetsons? I mean, it's an old cartoon, but how have you still not seen it?

She was serving looks. Yep. And cakes. Serving looks, cakes. She had some pointy nips. Like, some pointy, like, cartoon-drawn nips. They showed pointy nips? No, I mean, her shirt was just like a fucking triangle.

Dude, cartoons used to really over sexualize the characters Under all the moms were under sexual under sexualized. I had a Ava from Ex Machina. Oh Easy, I just watched that again last week for the yeah, like so to me and Jay. Yeah, so wait you watched it last week, too Yeah, we just watched that. Yeah, it's crazy. It's a fucking... She's a mayor. But yeah, she's... She's a bop. She's ex machina. Here's a quick one. Okay.

What sci-fi movie do you hope the future will be like? And which one do you think it'll actually be like? I kind of hope it's an iteration of Ready Player One, where it's just full metaverse. And it's just like you get to be like an actual video game character and just mob around. I think that's pretty close. But like not where you like live in a fucking trailer park of

like gaming pods. That's what I think it will actually be like because we're already moving towards that, right? Like you've got people living in their vans and their RVs and stuff like, because that's basically it's like a trailer park. You live in the shittiest thing you can afford to live in, but you have sick VR yeah right that's what that life is because your life sucks so you have to just make it and I think we're already moving towards that like

they're just gonna give fucking poor people like free VR's first probably so they just shut up because what does it matter where you live if you're eight hours in the fucking VR all day if eight hours of your day is just living in place and fucking suck food out of a tube and just fucking just sucking up all day yeah that's what i think it's going to be like unfortunately actually um is that's what you had for oh that's what i think it's gonna be like for what i hope it's like same sort of deal but nicer for us like wally that's there's no humans at all no no well not the Earth part of it, but just like robots taking care of everything

and we're just fucking like zomped out. Just sitting in a fucking floating chair. Playing fucking tennis on a floating... Everyone's just a fat pile of shit. Yeah, I think that's what I hope. You hope it's like that. So your hope is darker than what the expectation is. Than what it will be.

I hope we're not all fat, damn it. How are we not going to be, dude? There's no way we're not going to be. It's so close to already being that. Oh, yeah, we are fat. Me and Aiden were talking about it the other day. We're like, can you just believe that you could literally not leave your bed all day for like ever and still survive?

Say if you had money, because you could just door dash food directly to your bed. I'm already pretty much on that. Never move. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to be fatter than shit. Okay, so I hope it's like what you guys said, gamer. Or like iRobot slash Matrix. So like, I think a fair

amount of your day is going to be plugged in. iRobot slash Matrix? Well, I think there's going to be humanoid robots everywhere soon. Okay, but Matrix is much different. Matrix, but not that severe. Matrix is we're getting our life force sucked out of us while we're pretending to be in the world. No, Matrix in the way that you're plugged into something, but you're living somewhere else. So you don't use resources.

That sounds bad. You hope it's that? Well, I hope it's a good version of that. What's the good version of Matrix? Walk it's a good version of that what's the good version of matrix well so walk me through the good version well so like your actual body is in like cryo sleep but you're living in a world that's like you could do pretty much whatever you want that's horrible okay maybe that was bad that's so that's that's like the darkest most dystopian outcome you could think of yeah but i

actually think it's gonna be like planet of the apes most likely oh my god oh that would be sick yeah because i mean can i change my hope for that yeah you could hope for that because i we're already doing so many experiments think about how close that would bring humans together if we had to fight against if we had to battle against another give us a common goal we've been lacking it we all fight each other for no reason that could be because we got no one else. Yeah, fucking Planet of the Apes. Run it. I can't believe you had Matrix in a hope. I said I think it's going to be more like Blade Runner.

Ooh. Like, just, like, completely. Wait, so Blade Runner is the one where there's, they make the robots to be, like, do all the work. Yeah. And then. But it's all, like, pretty like pretty much over like run by corporations and yeah it's pretty much a dystopian wasteland yeah that's pretty that's probably that's probably

more that's probably a more yeah that's what you were thinking when you said matrix i think yeah yep because matrix was a swing and a whiff strike through your matrix is like the darkest feature movie yeah i hope i'm in a tub and an alien is sucking my well minus the alien power you're just you're just sucked in yeah okay all right what are some inventions you want to see in the future i like to never have to eat again i'm thinking of some sort of pill i can take that just gives me all my nutrients for the day it does take a fuck ton of time to eat yeah it's like the most annoyingly time-consuming thing like cooking and then eating three times a day fuck that yeah if you could get the taste without the time or not even a taste if i i just we just don't have

to eat just pop a pill and you're good for the day yeah i don't know if i mean i guess that's adderall or i've thought of it that doesn't sustain yeah we already have that i guess we have that it's called yeah well what is the things where they have it? I don't know why they have it or for what type of person, but it's a tube that goes through your nose and into your stomach, and it's connected to a bag. I think that's for people who are in comas. No, no, no. It's for people who are awake, because I've thought about doing this.

Really? I've thought about just saying, fuck it, and getting one. And it's literally just a little tube, and it goes down into your stomach, and it just slow drips little stuff. Really? Yeah. They also have the ones that just go straight in, but that would be a little tube and it goes down into your stomach and it just like slow drips little. Yeah. They also have the ones that just go straight in. But that would be a little aggressive for me.

Yeah. I think. Yeah. Well, I think those are required for some sort of like disease. That's like some sort of. Yeah. Yes. Terminal illness.

Yeah. That would be nice. This isn't so much an invention, just a hope for like a company to change into what I would like them to do. just a hope for like a company to change into what I would like them to do. I hope in the future that Dyson kind of transforms from vacuums into like a sex toy technology. Oh fuck. Super suck. They would be the throat goats.

Like if they came out, if there was a Dyson fuck bot, the Dyson fuck bot, you'd be like, Oh shit. You have fuck bots in yours too? For, I mean,

obviously I have fuck bots for the, for adventure. You think you were the only guy who thought of fuck bots for this. I mean, I didn't call it fuck bots with sex robots is in my list Yeah, literally fuck bots. Yeah, okay. Well, that's one brand. That's one brand. Yeah, that's yeah, you got that's not sex bots That's on the bots. Yeah, it's on the board come bots. It's you Dyson cum slurper That thing would go off bro, and it just it fucking like opens up on the commercial you see the little tubes With the cylindrical technology you'll never have any clogs Anti clogged technology oh my god, but I never have to wash it Dyson get your bread up Dyson get your bread We're over that we're over the vacuums get another real shit. Okay, so this is an actual thing that it doesn't exist yet, but I want it. It's the slap. What do you mean it's an actual thing if it doesn't exist?

Well, no, it might exist but the slap butt light All right nice. Crescent. It's called the slap butt light. Nice size. It's just a giant ass Slap butt light. Okay, so it's just It's not an actual butt you just slap the light to turn it on. No, it's an actual butt. It's kind of ass? Slap butt light. Okay, so it's just... It's not an actual butt. You just slap the light to turn it on. No, it's an actual butt. It's kind of shaped like a rump.

No, it is. It's an actual butt, and you just fucking give it a little nice tap. A nice little tap tap. And that's on. I think they probably have those. They do, but they need to mass produce. They don't make enough of them?

Yeah. That would be good. I would pay good money for this. It's like the clapper. Make an Instagram ad for that. You just wake up, and you're just like, oh, fuck. Just grab a handful of acid right before brekkie. Yeah, I think this needs to be in every household for sure.

Yeah, I'm with that. That's nice. Outside of the Dyson sex bots, I just want some sort of custom AI sex bot that basically just learns all of your habits and knows when you're ready to rock. It knows what you want. Timing. Timing. Speed. Speed. Momentum. basically just learns all of your habits and knows when you're ready to rock it knows what you want timing timing speed speed momentum syndromic what was your word syndromic suction syndromic syndromic yeah syndromic i like that yep yeah uh yeah i mean obviously we're hoping that in these

future ones they're just like purely custom yeah you know so so like ai like can learn everything at once i just wanted to learn how i like to have sex yeah like it's just it's a very specified ai yeah they have that we have enough data gathered yeah we don't where we could do that oh we almost apply it we already have that yeah just apply exclusively to one to that so we've been too much data yeah that's why you accept cookies on fucking the hub, dude. Yes. Accept those cookies. You have to.

Okay. Yeah. Because then it learns your preference. It picks up your cookies. It knows what type you like. Chocolate chip. It knows what type of cookies

you like. Quit fucking around. This one isn't so much an invention as well. It's just, if we're still using cell phones in like five years, I'm going to be kind of pissed.

Yeah, I think we're moving away from that That's like if we don't have like some sort of like glasses thing or like I saw one It was like a chip that would go in your wrist and then it would like blast on your arm Oh, yeah, you can use it like a hologram thing that yeah I don't know be like a watch that like shoots a little like y'all it might have been a watch That makes money No, I think I think it'll be like um like a neuralink type thing where you see it in your vision. So it's

like heads up display. Yeah, or like contacts or something maybe. Yeah, so like you could see it like in your, it'll pop up. That would be sick. Yeah, if we don't have that in 5, I'm going to be kind of Well, because I think just typing is getting cumbersome. You know what I mean? That is like the thing that's actually like the slowing That's the slowest input method of all time.

And talk to text is ass. How is it so ass? It's so bad. I do respect people who actually use that, though. Dude, you look dumb as shit. You look dumb as fuck, but it is kind of cool when someone's like, hey, Siri, set an alarm for 20 minutes. And I'm like, oh, I would have just opened it. No, I mean talk to text in person.

Oh, text. Like your parent. I don't know. My dad always does this. He always talks out the message message like uses the actual fucking speech Translate yeah, you look dumb as shit. How do you throw in an lol or haha you just say? But we have to literally laugh out loud yeah, yeah, haha that was funny, ha ha ha okay, so another one I want to see is the toilet chair

That's already here, dude. I know, but they need to be mass-produced. You went reverse future on us? No, this is the... It's going to be the future. How... Okay. So you're saying I'm going to be sitting in the living room.

So you basically want armrests? Where I'm sitting? No, I just don't want to leave the living room. Now, this would be pretty aggressive, though. Yeah, that would be a toilet like next to your fucking couch you would need some sort of vacuum seal technology to wear this no could knock it out everyone I was like yo and here just say they're like what yeah just how it also required you get fucking butt

naked well I mean assless pants are future pants yeah Oh assless chaps are the future yeah it just kind of holographically dissolves exactly off your cheeks yes okay jebus um I think that just threw me for a fucking loop

I don't have any better inventions than the the ass chair um the last shit chair. Yeah, the shit lounger. The lazy dump. The lazy dumper. Okay, let's get into the meat of things here.

Okay. The potatoes. Top three sci-fi races you'd want to smash. Do you want my full three or you want one and one and one? Well, let's all do one at a time. Okay, one at a time. The first one I had is E.T. What that finger do.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What does that finger do? What does that finger do? It does something. What does your finger do? It does a little. There's a different feeling that comes off of that.

I'm just going to say. Oh, yeah. He's phoning home inside your ass. Like if it's got any kind of vibration tech along with that light. Yep. Oh, it just lights up your whole body. Yeah, you think he's phoning home inside your ass like if it's got any kind of vibration tech along with that light Yeah, oh, he just lights up your whole body. Yeah, you just Put you on a bike a me I got gremlins cuz they're they're cute as fuck until you feed them after midnight which basically makes them like any other female until you feed them after midnight,

which basically makes them like any other female. Ooh. I got heptapods from Arrival. One, because... Wait, from Arrival. Oh, the ones that we never get to see. With all the arms. You do see them, though. Yeah, the heptapods with all the seven arms.

They look like giant fucking squid. They're like octopuses with an octopus for each arm. One, because time is a flat circle for them, so 30 seconds could be... That's so fair. Okay. One, because time is a flat circle for them. So 30 seconds could be... That's so fair. Okay. Any amount of time. 30 seconds.

For them, though, they already saw how little you're going to last and they're over it. But it doesn't matter because they live in the time the whole time. That's so true. Yeah, they have infinite. And two, I want to see what those limbs do.

Okay. You got it. What them limbs do. You got it. What them limbs do. I had the claw aliens from toy story and i replaced my penis with the claw and they all just kind of worship it wow yeah they're just like oh the dog wow the car i like this whole thing i just don't like the fact that they're from a children's movie.

It's all. It's a toy. My only gripe. No, they're aged. You can't really win those toys. Those things are old. Yeah, you can't win those toys. Those are all 18 for sure.

That's fair. I like that. Yep. I got Wookiees because they're Dirty Taco Beyond fucking point. Oh. Yeah. They're ball gargling. Dude.

Dude. Okay. I think you'll like this one then. Whatever the female version of Jabba the Hutt is. Because I need to see that Jabba Hutt-tussy, dude. Jabba Dussy. Oh my god, the Hutt-tussy? That Jabba-ssy. Shut the fuck up.

That Jabba-ssy, dude. That Jabba-ssy. That's good. Oh god. That's a really good one. Yeah. I don't want to gloss over that. That's a really good one. I don't want to gloss over that. That was just solid. My last one is Pleakley from Lilo and Stitch.

What is that? Which one is that? That's the one-eyed one who dresses up like a girl for one part of the movie. With the six arms, though? Or more arms? He's the one-eyed one. Oh, fuck. Look him up.

Look him up. Look up Pleakley. He could get it. Oh, I think I know who you're talking about. He's like the dorky one. Oh, fuck. Look him up. Look him up. Look up Pleakley. He could get it. Oh, I think I know who you're talking about. He's like the dorky one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But look at... I mean... Let me see. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got the wig on.

Fuck. Oh, yeah. Pleakley? Yeah, that's easy. Plus the personality just really does it for me. It's the one-eyed though, for sure. Oh, yeah, pleak Lee. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's easy. Yeah, that's that's a gang up Plus the personality just really does it for me. Is it it's the one I've though for sure Oh, yeah, the one I because I contact with that is gonna be game over. Oh, yeah Wow. They're locked in What part of the I do you look at that's just fucking right down the middle right down the middle You don't have to pick one to look at. Yeah, that's what you usually do Big Gerald, um, I need a female version of Thanos

usually do big Gerald um I need a female version of Thanos need it because you know Shano you know she would throw it back Shannon oh shit I don't like that that's my mom's name that's my that's also your mom's name folks they themos two of our two of the three mom's names are shins so Shano's they themos they themos snap do. Yeah. What is that snap? Yeah. Snap me into fucking oblivion. And now we rest. Oh, shit. That's a good one. Okay.

You guys remember Little Nicky, the movie? Nope. Like the Adam Sandler movie? Yeah. Okay. I'm looking it up. Okay. Like the devil, where he's the son of the devil?

Yeah. Oh, Little Nicky. Okay. So in hell, there he's the son of the devil? Oh, Little Nicky! Okay, so... In- in Hell, there's a character called Yarn, and he- he's the titty head guy. I can't think of this. Hold the fuck on it. Show me.

Show me. Please show me. Titty head? Titty head Little Nicky. Images. Oh, oh, he's wearing like a bra on his head and then it turns out there are tits underneath him. So yeah, we're looking at whatever race that guy is.

Is that an alien or is that like some demon worship there? No, so Satan gave him the titty head. Okay, so that's. Yeah, but I'm thinking that's got to be like. That counts. Yeah, that counts. Yeah, that fits. If you got titty head, what's up? Yeah, titty head. Yeah, that's a thinking that's got to be like... That counts. Yeah, that counts. Yeah, that fits. If you got titty head, what's up?

Yeah, titty head, sign me up. That's a vibe for sure. Yeah. That was three for each. I'm really impressed that none of us went with an like... Just like an actually hot alien. Yeah, we all kind of went a little dark with that one. No one was like, oh, um...

Fucking... What's the one with the orange hair in the movie? From Element? Leeloo from the fifth Element? I don't think I've ever seen that. Wow. Like that, she's actually hot. Interesting.

She's actually banging. Yeah, there's actually like a couple of hot. I mean, there's a couple of hot Star Wars characters, but I can't think of, I couldn't think of anything. Or like, uh, Yahweh? I didn't know what species they were. Yahweh? The Avatar girls? Oh, fuck.

Don't, let's not speak on avatar yet Yeah, I actually have that buried in the notes. Yeah, I Want to play? Guess the movie Jay you want to guess the movie? Yeah, okay, so there's a bad movie description sci-fi edition. Okay, I like this The first one here is this guy really gonna get to fuck this robot ex machina yes I'm so glad we all just watched that

yeah or that could also be the Jimmy Neutron movie there's so many of them there's a lot of movies like that

I had many acceptable answers for that or even I robot yep yeah exactly basically any movie

with a male character and a robot a female robot you're in the back of your mind or just a robot still A female robot. Or just a robot. Still I robot. Sunny.

Pocahontas but make it blue. Avatar. Yes. For sure. Man questions reality after taking drugs from a stranger. Matrix. Yes.

Yes. We're good at these. This. Yes. Yes. There we go. Oh, okay. You're good at these. This one's a stretch. I'm going to see if you guys get it. This movie is the actual future and we're living in it. I have hints for this one. Planet of the Apes.

No. Fuck. I might need a hit this one has nothing Morbius? electrolytes got what plants need Morbius no electrolytes got what plant needs got what plants need

say the first one again the movie this movie is the actual future And we're living in it It's not Planet of the Apes Correct It's not You guys want this one?

No Nope I refuse to take it Let me think of more hints for it I refuse to accept it This one is the future Rondo I'm starting to think it's something I haven't seen.

Fuck, you might not have seen it. I don't know, dude. Idiocracy. I haven't seen it. I don't know if I've seen that, dude. You've never seen Idiocracy? Fuck, I haven't seen it. God damn it.

Yeah, that's the real world. That's the real world. Basically, the premise of that one is he... I think we talked about this recently, but I haven't seen it. He gets trapped in something and travels to the future and wakes up a thousand years later, and everyone's dumb as shit. And he was a dumb person, just relatively normal, smart, dumb person, but he's now the smartest person in the world.

The smartest person on the planet. Yeah. And the basic things, like they're watering plants with Gatorade and shit like that. And he's like, no, do you use water? Like, that's me. We should watch that together yeah i'm super down um that was all of them that was the sci-fi edition okay shit you guys were quick on those yeah we nailed those we're gonna make this i gotta make that you gotta go harder with those yeah i

gotta go harder with the hands okay ladies and gentlemen we're gonna take a quick break now from the future to the future of ball comfort. It's officially summertime, and everyone talks about looking good for the warmer months, but few have the balls to do it. Well, it's time to nut up or shut up and take the easiest step to looking sexy this summer by using Manscaped. Manscaped's ultra-smooth package makes you have the proper care for down there.

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slash nofomo Now back to the show. Back to that fucker. Things you could say during sex and on your spaceship. Okay. Jay, start it off. Hold on. One ma- Here we go.

One small stroke for mankind. That's it. You fill in the rest. Let's take this baby to hyperspeed. Holy shit, your anus is tight, dude Died damn this really is an endless void The gravitational pull is sucking me in Nice look at that fucking black hole brother

Had a god damn it. I'm getting sucked into this black hole Chewbacca get the fuck in here That was it. That was the one. In this galaxy, time is relative, so 30 seconds to you might feel like hours or even days to me. I like that. And then to infinity and beyond. Oh, come on.

Let's go, dude. Come on. Come on now. Okay. Smash or pass? Sci-fi edition. This is the one you made for us? Mm-hmm. Let's have at it. First up, we got She-Hulk. Okay. Smash or pass? Sci-fi edition. This is the one you made for us? Mm-hmm.

Let's have at it. First up, we got She-Hulk. Fuck. Smash. The television show? She smashes me or I get to smash? Yeah. Both.

Both. Both. Both. Both. I don't care. Both. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like She-Hulk smash as in she smashes you?

Yeah. Yeah. I'd let her beat the shit out of me. Sure. Sure. Is she racked up in that? Yeah. that looks like that's not a Disney one I don't think that's

the actual poster well it says movie gasm on there okay that's not the real picture I mean for shits let's say she has this she racked but if that's what she looks like look at those biceps girl oh that I didn't even see those my gal

I was at the bottom left of that picture the entire time. I was fucking stuck somewhere else. Okay, next up. Smash. Smash for sure. Smash. Dummy smash. Easily. Avatarian smash. Yep. And the best part about that is she's like eight feet tall, so. Dude, it's breeding stock. I'm climbing that. And she's kind of a freak. Wait, what color do you think that makes? You're a light blue type guy? What? Like the kid. What kind of kid do you think?

Oh, if we had a child? Turquoise type motherfucker? They are turquoise. Oh, that's blue. I don't know. I got strong genes, dude. It's probably just gonna have big ears. Just white? Big ears and white. Okay, next up. Oh shit, what are they? Who is that?

These are the OG throat goats the Kami Nowens from Star Wars. Oh, okay I know exactly which this is from episode 2 right? Yeah I'm gonna pass honestly. Yeah, but I bet she would throw to that. You're gonna smash on the OG throat goats? Well, I don't want I don't want to smash I'd let her bop it up. Yeah. Yeah, can I go bop but no smash? Okay, sure. Okay Yeah, yeah, yeah, can I go bop but no smash? Okay, sure. Okay Yeah, sure Cone head smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash smash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crash crashccacjccccc Oh God. Hold up. Who is that? What do you mean hold up? These are the Artolans from Star Wars? I'm honestly... I have no idea what that is. I'm gonna pass. What does that nostril do? Yeah. Well if it... That's the Dyson right there. I'd at least let him do a line off my dick. If it smashes me...

Yeah. Oh I don't know. But pass otherwise. Pass otherwise? That's as far as I'll go. It's pretty rat-like. Should have got a better picture for that one. That thing's pretty hard. Yeah, that thing's incredibly hard. What do those ears do, though? I don't want to know. Are those ears or other noses? I'm not going to lie.

I don't want to know what they do. What do they do, though? What do they do? I don't want to know. Okay. I have no interest in finding out what that do. Okay. Is that all of them?

Yeah. Okay. This goes along the same way. I'm surprised I found any passes in finding out what that do. Okay. Is that all of them? Yeah. Okay. This goes along the same line. I'm surprised I found any passes in there. Yeah. Okay, this goes along the same lines. What alien smash do you think would be the most frowned upon? Wookiees?

Mon Calamari, which is the fish head guys from Star Wars. Oh, I know who you're talking about. I don't know. Ewoks? Gungans, which is Jar Jar Binks, or whatever species Yoda is. Hmm. Most frowned upon.

I feel like it's got to be Ewoks. They're too innocent. Yeah, they're like animals. It's kind of like they can't consent. They're like little teddy bears. Yeah, that's fair. But you're going, Yoda is not.

Would it stop me, though? The Mon Calamari, that would be more frowned upon in the, like, oh, you really fucked that kind of thing. Yeah. Well, the thing about Yoda is, like, if he didn't want it, he could just fuck your shit up. So it's not like you're going to take advantage of Yoda.

The Ewoks are a little more innocent. True, yeah. They might not be able to defend themselves. If it's baby Yoda, then obviously. Yeah, that's fucked up. So just to be clear, we're smashing Jar Jar Binks before. Jar Jar Binks is fine. I mean, frown upon or which would I rather do?

Which is the worst? I just feel like Ewoks are just too cute and cuddly. But so Jar Jar Binks before the Ewoks? Absolutely. Yeah. Because that would be some free... Yeah. What do those ears do? Yeah. Is he ears? I forget what Jar Jar looks like. He he's got big ears he's got all sorts

of shit um can i just say that those calamari called things is could they come up with a lamer name yeah mon calamari like sweet my my calamari yeah they look like crabs um yeah smash jar jar though smash jar jar light work okay what genetic modification are you taking in the future? Wings, but you can only fly like a chicken. Two more arms. Webbed feet and hands and underwater breathing. Hawk vision or Morbius? As hurt as the movie is, Morbius has got some pretty lit powers.

Does he? I never even really made it to the powers part. I mean, he kind of can just, like, teleport almost. Yeah. Right? He could do... I mean, it's hard to really... He has to, like, drink blood, though, right?

Yeah. I mean, that's not that big a deal. I don't care about that. That's true. He does have to kill people to keep it going, huh? Hmm. The webbed feet and hands, I feel like you're turning into Aquaman and that sucks. No one likes that.

Yeah, that's just kind of whack. That's like one of those things, oh, go find some water. Hawk vision. I'm always trying to get people to go to the beach so I can show off. Nah, I'm not going to be that guy. That's fair. What were the first two again? Fly but chicken fly. Chickens can fly normal, can't they?

No. Fuck no. What can they do? It's like you could get like basically jump body height off the ground Yeah, they get like a little extra can they like like let's say I jumped off like a skyscraper Could I safely get down? I think so. I think you'd get fucking worked. No, I think you could I think they don't they don't like glide They basically can't seen a chicken go off of that skyscraper No, I haven't you make a good point I think they could get down there they pretty much just run and like flap their wings

as they run and they run a little faster it's pretty useless chickens can fly short distances yes like under three feet they can clear a solid eight foot fence really fair enough so I don't think they could expand that to a human they can clear a solid eight-foot fence. Really? Fair enough.

So, expand that to a human. Okay. What's that, maybe like 80 feet? Yeah, wait, are the wings proportionate or are they chicken-sized? Oh, yeah, you can fly like a chicken. I have to have wings, though? How the fuck else are you going to fly? It's superpowers, people fly.

Well, that's a genetic modification, it's not a superpower. I'm going double arms Four arms? Four arms I think I'm going Morbid time I'm gonna go morbid time God damn it I need you guys

to do that Okay Next up we got What do you think porn will be like in the future? Jay you wanna start us? Um

So This is kind of like an hope more than I would have think of Yeah Cause you're all very wishful thinking. I hope that they like figure out the Wonder Twins rings. I don't know if you remember what those are.

So the Wonder Twins, they have rings and they push them together and they go like, take form of, and then like one turns into like an eagle and then the other one turns into like a bucket of water. But for this I'm hoping like one turns into like phallic shape and then the other one turns into like a bucket of water But for this I'm hoping like one turns into like phallic shape And then the other one turns into like whatever girl that I wanted to fuck So it'd be like take form of Lana Rhodes, and then I'm like take form of mega dragon vibrator, and then it's just fucking Oh my dear God. Oh, is that too much? That is in depth you might be a genius. Yeah. But that would be pretty sick. Oh, no,

I'm fully in. I just can't believe you thought of that. That kind of fell under future inventions that I hope we come up with, but I wanted to save it for the porn one. Yeah. That kind of went under, what did he say? Yeah. The category was, wait a minute. Ooh, hold on. You might be onto something. Yes.

Yeah. Gerald? Mine was kind of fell under the other category, which is like the AI-based shit. Okay. So I'm envisioning some type of like porn hotel type scenario where you get like... Just a brothel. No, no, no, no, no.

Let me finish. Let me finish. But yes. So you go in, you get some sort of like waterproof oculus headset and it's like a 4d experience in the room so like you're getting like weird smells like you know what i'm saying i was gonna ask why it's waterproof for a second and they're like weird fluids and stuff so kind of like yeah it's like going to like a 3d movie at Disneyland where it has like the little like air that'll blast in your seat.

Yeah. So like you're smelling that it's squirting. Yeah. And then like maybe some jello was like they're tossing. I don't know. Yeah. Whatever porn you're into, you get different.

Exactly. It's, it's a, like an all encompassing, like a rubber foot to the face or something. Yeah. It's a lot of rubber things flying all at you. It smells like feet,

but you really like feet but you really like feet yes yeah okay and i mean i hope in the future this isn't a place you have to go to you said like a porn hotel i think this is just like you put on your oculus and it works like there's a room in your house yeah well you need to see the 4d part is where you need the porn hotel you could have maybe you could have like a little uh like a little uh like a tanning booth that you go into kind of deal now But you want it you want to be able to jog around you want to be oh you want to be mobile Yeah, so you might just catch catch well

Then don't they have those little like treadmills like the three like the 360 direction treadmills that they put people in for the game Yeah, those are fun. Okay, so you want the hotel? Yeah, obviously franchise All right lastly for our from the future So you want the hotel. You obviously, you're trying to start a franchise. Fine, fine, fine. All right. Lastly, for our from the future topic, we got a... I had another porn one. Oh, you have another porn one?

Okay. You know like when you used to go to the science building thing on field trips? Like the science center? It was like the science place. Yeah. And they have those balls.

Exploratorium. The Exploratorium is what it was called. They have those balls of electricity and you touch it in your hair stands up Yep, I'm saying instead of your hair standing up. It's just like an instant orgasm ooh It's a that's a like it like you know like Lord of the Rings when he touches the thing and he can like see shit Yeah, and it just all or ashes. Yeah, it's like that. It's like Yeah, you just go in the room and then your hair doesn't stand out, but you do just isn't that called a vagina Okay lastly for our from the future stuff we got a design your future metaverse avatar.

J-Sus, you want me to go first? So for this, I wanted my build to be Joe Biden, my voice to be Elon, my skin color to be Zuckerberg, but lizard edition. And then head, I wanted the Bezos bald. And then for my outfit that I'm wearing, I want Bill Gates original Microsoft swag.

Wow. Liz Zuckerberg. Liz Zuckerberg. Just the richest metaverse person you could be. Wow. I like that. Wow. Jesus Christ. I don't have anything Thor body but with long brown hair and no beard dressed as Wonder Woman and also looks exactly like Wonder Woman with Wonder Woman Yeah, that's what we're going for there.

I really wanted to do for this one, but I couldn't figure out how to, I couldn't look it up. I wanted to do the Power Ranger. T-Rex? Yeah, the T-Rex when they all come together as like the Megazord thing. Oh my God.

Oh, and it's like Elon Musk. That's what we all combine into. Yeah, it was like leg of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and then head of a Triceratops But I'm like trying to I was literally looking up online I'm like what is the Power Ranger dinosaur dinosaur thing called and it goes to this site that has like the history of All the Zorgs and it's like this is the most powerful Zorg that it can transform into I'm like what fucking pieces are the legs? And I can't find shit. That's good. Somebody went way too in-depth.

I just want to know if the body is the Triceratops or the T-Rex. That simple. Yeah. Okay. Straight into fan submissions, and we got some really good ones, I will say. Yes. Okay. This is going to be huge for us.

How would you design Booty booty cheeks 2.0? Okay. I got the first one for this. Okay. I want a clap on clap feature. And they start clapping. Ooh, they clap back? They clap.

Like clap on lights, but clap on cheeks. Okay. I kind of like start twerking. Yeah. Just a little bit of slappage. Wait, can you do that again? Okay. Closer to the microphone.

I think I might have the best one for this. Booty sound pack. Oh, I hope this isn't exactly what I have. Some sort of sound selection device. Instead of the claps, maybe I want war drums today. Oh. Or if it's some sort of celebration, maybe I want maracas today. Or a chiller session, maybe I want a steel drum.

Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. It's similar to that, but I just had when you squeeze each side separately, they make a different sound. Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to control it, so yours is a little more advanced maybe like I might would be like you squeeze wanted and makes like a little next one you know maybe

some sort of like a squeaky toy attached yeah exactly did you just say maybe you could go like squeaky toy and like old car horns no he just said some sort of sloshing sound just said yeah I'll let it it slide on with that okay um Hermione Granger bag backdoor What so the Hermione Granger bag is unlimited oh, okay? I want that sort of backdoor Ability like where she can pull anything out. Yeah, the basically unlimited People that's a lot to unpack that is. There he is, there he is! That Hermanusi? Sorry. I've got the most obvious one. We need another hole. Double buttholes? Yeah, that was on here for me. Well, one's not technically the butthole, but it's... So I was thinking of phrasing it like um it's like a mullet you got the business

butthole in the front of the party that's the angle that i'm i mean i think we would all appreciate that yeah okay i have um it's the booty clap-o-meter clap-o-meter yeah so it gives you a live readout of your cheat clapping abilities from a light clapping to a thunderstorm. That's almost like not even an addition. We need that outside of adding it to the booty cheats. We need that in like a bar. Yes. Like if you walked a girl to like a photo booth and it was like a clap-o-meter.

Oh, my God. You're like, ooh, that's how we— So it's kind of like an arcade game. You take a girl in there and see who you get the highest score. Yeah, like the guys have that like punching bag thing and then the girls have the club torque-o-meter Yeah, no, I'm thinking like while you're while you're oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I got that. I got that Yeah, okay, so like it has built-in feedback. Yes. I like that Yeah, um, I think memory foam tech would be kind of cool

So it's just permanently fucking bashed in tech would be kind of cool. So it's just permanently fucking bashed in. I was thinking more like laying, but yeah. You're talking about Tempur-Pedic cheeks? Tempur-Pedic cheeks. Yeah, Tempur-Pedic cheeks. Tempur-Pedic cheeks. I like that.

Oh, that's all I had for this one. And then obviously what goes with that is a buns warmer. Ooh, hand warmers? Yeah, some buns warmer. They usually do be pretty warm, though. Yeah, they stay pretty nice. That's true. I guess that's a bad one. Okay, I had a

booty rotation modification. Wow, that sounded really good. So instead of just clapping cheeks, you could actually toss that fucking ass. In a circle. Booty rotation modification. So it's kind of like detached from, you can kind of just slinky it around.

It's like a lever, so you could go between like. Like a, like bop it. Yeah. Twist it. Yeah. Okay.

Yes. And then, you guys remember Flubber? Yes. The movie? Yeah. So we're looking for kind of like that bounce technology. So like booty trampoline parties.

You know how they're just jumping around everywhere? And also girls never have to walk again. True, they could just be bouncing around. So imagine just bouncing, dude. My only other one was not for girls. Because this was kind of like what we desire. It's the anti-swamp function. Just instantly evaporates swamp ass.

Yeah. I had one for dudes as well, and it was Silencer. Yeah. You watched Silencer? Yo. That would be good. Yo. That quiet booty.

That whisper butt? Yeah. That's a good. Fucking hell. That's good. Anybody got more I think that was it for me

okay if band names were literal what would their concerts be like Jay oh you did what were the

I thought it was which would be the what we did it works okay if band names were literal what would be

the worst or best concert to go to Lizzo just because yeah how does that work concert to go to? Lizzo. Just because of what you said. Wait, how does that work? She's literally... She just is herself and it's a bad concert

because it's bad. Corn, I think, would be a shitty concert. No pun intended. Just a bunch of fucking corn everywhere. 50 Cent and he's just No pun intended. Just a bunch of fucking corn everywhere? That would be good. Okay, 50 Cent, and he's just slinging change at the crowd in increments of 50 Cent. That I had along with Nickelback would be a rough one.

Oh, yeah. But actually, I found a band. Their name was called Scrotum Grinders. That would be the best one? Yeah, that would be fun. That's just an all-time concert. Yeah, it's just basically you're in a line and you get to put your, like, scrotum through a meat grinder is what I was imagining. Okay. Nice, nice, nice. No. Uh, fuck. Are we still doing best or worse?

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter? Yeah, just go for it. I mean, on paper, Red Hot Chili Peppers sounds rough. Ooh. You're just hot mouthed all the time. Just hot mouth. Just uncomfortably sweating the entire time. Yeah, that would be very uncomfortable. I had DaBaby, and it's just a fucking baby up there. Best concert ever. And to go with that, Lady Gaga, and it's just a girl baby.

Oh, they're back-to-back. It's just back-to-back Lady Gaga with DaBaby. Baby back-to-back Gaga. See, I had a back-to-back like that, and it's the're back-to-back. It's just back-to-back Lady Gaga with the baby. Baby back-to-back Gaga. See, I had a back-to-back like that, and it's the police back-to-back with the killers, and they're just arresting each other. I had Coldplay because plays suck, and I hate being cold. Interesting.

And Coldplay would just suck. And it just sucks. That's the worst concert ever. It just sucked. Yeah, I like that that i had a great time when i saw a call play uh any more for that one yeah i did that's it that's all i had for that okay what songs are on repeat in hell high school musical soundtrack i'm so glad i never saw any of those oh you never had i've never seen any of those and i don't want to i've seen them they're

not good i just had to because i had a little sister yeah see i didn't have a sister and my mom didn't like watching that stuff yeah it was like i didn't have to see like a girl didn't make you watch it you know what i mean yeah i didn't have to see like twilight i didn't have to see high school music oh i never saw any of that i've never seen like that's so raven or is that what her thing is yes see the future it's the future i can see Is that what her thing is? She can see the future? It's the future I can see That's crazy I had John Mayer Your body is a wonderland

That song fucking bops dude You're high I'm going to hell for that song Satan Fox Your body is a wonderland My hair I had Cotton Eye Joe Oh my. How does that one go again? Where did you come from? Where did you go? That's just repeat the only song the whole time. I have Maroon 5's discography

Yeah, that's a good pick. Yeah, they're shit. Um gives you hell all American Rejects Oh, that's just good. Oh, when you see my face it gives you hell all-american rejects oh that's just good see my face that one everyone's going yeah that's the one everyone's waiting for that concert everybody fucking anthem yeah hell's popping off that's good that's not to torture you I had you're beautiful you had that one too

you're beautiful I saw your face in a crowded room I love that one, we both had that one And I don't know what to do Kinda actually fucks Well I'm telling you Satan fucks though We should have just picked a bunch of dank ass songs Cause we're all going there, we wanted to be lit I had Wagon Wheel

Oh I fuck with that See dude, off of your guys list I'm having a time I fucking hate that song Well we of your guys list I'm having a time I fucking hate that song Well we said hell is lit That's true That's true Future hell is lit Future hell

Future hell I had a bad romance Lady Gaga That song kind of fucks That's a good one I just had the Lizzo Anything Lizzo Just Lizzo Yeah Justzo just Lizzo yeah yeah

just her being there she's there she is the devil yes maybe she could and it ruins it that ruins it would be fun alright ladies and gents that has been the horrifying FOMO vision for the future yeah the quarter centennial I'd like

to say based on that conversation that I hope the future is nothing like any of what we think it'll be. That's fair. Other than the porn. Yeah, the porn I think we were on point with. The porn I think we had nailed. And the Smasher Pass. Everything else sounds pretty scary to me.

Yeah. But other than that, we got the Mommy Daddy merch. Tell them again. We got the Mommy Daddy merch, dude. What do we have for merch? It's the mommy daddy shirts okay and if you guys want to see us

where can they get them oh links in the bio there you go yeah make sure to like comment fucking share it to your 2% of our listeners

listeners are over 60 wow that's like 100 people that's got to be you that's my mom your mom yeah that's got to just be your two moms

so whoever is sharing to your parents shout out to you got to just be your two moms. So whoever is sharing to your parents, shout out to you. Yeah, just let's go. Show your support. Let's go, baby. Let's go, baby. We'll see you next Wednesday.