NO FOMO - 26. Born Again Christians

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

Welcome Back Fomosapiens. Sorry for the delay on the Eppys, we needed to find the Lord. This week we share some of our own personal horror stories and breakdown Music Festival etiquette. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back, back to the Monster Chicken FOMO Show. No FOMO. Ready? Yeah. By the grace of God himself, he descended from the heavens to drag us to the studio. Yeah, well, yeah. Because I didn't think we were ever making it back after this week. Blessed be thy name, holy fucking Christ.

Holy fucking shit. We know there's a God now. I am a firm believer. He's low-key in our corner he's got our back dude i never thought he was i thought we disappointed him so heavily that he abandoned us completely but the fact that we're here proves that there is a god and he loves us a lot so shout out jesus christ hey also shout out splash house yeah wow what a fucking place what a time um i somehow convinced morgan and john uh the day

the morning of splash house to come with me so i didn't have to drive by myself after staying up the entire night after staying up the entire night before in la we drove all the way back to san diego and mosey on out to palm springs for uh four consecutive days of debauchery no sleep and just a goddamn good time. Am I right? I guess so. Sorry for using his name in vain. I guess so, yeah.

That's a quick explanation why we're late today. Forgive us. Yeah, we apologize for that. We've reported our sins to God. Now we're reporting them to you for forgiveness. I simply just couldn't get out of bed or open my eyes for this entire week until today. Yeah, it's been a long journey, but we are here We are here, baby Do you guys want to confess anything?

Where to start? I don't know, you boys were bad I think Let's have it I think one of the things that we wanted to talk about and we wanted to get some clarity on Maybe the listeners can give us an idea of this is when are we allowed to sleep oh yeah because we don't know um yeah at a multiple day thing when are you allowed to let someone sleep yeah when are you allowed to let someone sleep and when are you

when should you sleep i think you better be fucking hidden the only sleep i got is i was in a undisclosed room not near you guys that's the only time i slept and i think i think the only time i slept was when i was not with you two we we say we like didn't sleep the entire like from wednesday night when we woke up that morning to sunday night we actually did not close monday morning at 11 a.m yeah well sunday night i got like three hours okay me and morgan stayed. I got an hour 20 the whole week. Oh, yeah, you slept on the floor that night. And there needs to be some like, we need to draft the constitution on when it's allowed.

Because when it's everyone just saying no, you can't. Yeah, it's just. No, we figured it out actually. Remember our new 12-hour rule? Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, so every week, it's uh getting sick days okay so every week you accumulate pto yeah yeah paid time on so you get every week you get 12 hours where you're allowed to party okay so and they can roll over yeah but you don't get so that's a half a day you

don't get to stay up just a whole day every week but so after two weeks then you get the whole day okay but it's never so you might have to save up every every once in a while so if you don't party for like a month you get four days of staying up yeah so that's just two days oh yeah it's two full days 12 hours a week 12 rollover yeah 12 hours a week so you're not just doing how many months were you saving up this weekend dude we're we're getting fired like yeah you called in sick on top of your yeah we use sick days that we didn't have i called my vo We are getting fired. You called in sick on top of your pay time. Yeah, we used sick days that we didn't have. I called my voicemail and told myself I was fired. Speaking of, I have a four-minute voicemail that I haven't fully listened to of you.

Of me? Of you, yeah. I couldn't even get past the first minute, but there's got to be some gold in there. It's just you're such a bitch the whole time. No, no. You're such a fucking bitch. It's not you talking to me. It's you just with your phone next to you in a hotel room just talking.

Oh, just rambling? Yep. It's good stuff. Oh, speaking of voicemails, John, you remember when we went to Arizona in college? Oh, God. Let me know what's up. I literally call him. I blacked out and ran away.

This is when I still would run when I blacked out. Ran away. We all did that shit. Rolled When I blacked out Ran away, rolled my ankle In the middle of the desert Just running through the middle of the desert back to our hotel I get locked in the pool area Of the hotel and I can't find my way out And I call him and I'm like I'm stuck in the pool

I can't get out So if you get back here or you leave Let me know what's up to this day that's the goldest thing ever and i did not find my way out let me trust you i was asleep on a lawn chair by the pool like when they found me and it's like it's literally just i'm like the door's right there dude there's so I guess to get back to the question, to address that, I think the only acceptable time to let someone sleep is if they fall asleep in a place that they shouldn't sleep to where it's funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if they're asleep on a couch in the middle of a party, you let them get some rest. If they try to go to bed, you don't get to go to bed. If you're able to pull that off. If you're able to, there's music bumping, people sitting on you, all kinds of stuff, fall asleep, that's fair. Like, yes. Another thing, though, these festivals have got to stop at these hours, dude.

EDC, you're telling me it goes from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. and then there's another party from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m.? Yeah. No. We can't do changes. No, no, no. That's not fair. It's not fair to us. Well, this past weekend was self-inflicted, though.

Yeah, this one ended at legit, like, what, 10 p.m.? I think it was midnight. I think it... Okay, yeah. It went midnight, and then there was the official after party, which went till 2. But, like, you already went to the after party. What are you doing going to afters afters? Yeah, that's the problem.

Is there shit... We don't need an afters afters. There was more people dancing on the tables than there were on the ground yeah or on the counters and shit on the ground and people were getting there like four i was like what have you been doing yeah i think i got there at yeah about four yeah we rolled i remember when we rolled into that the one on the last day at that house we rolled into that one at like two and there was maybe like 20 people there oh yeah and i was like i was like oh this shit's soft like we gotta this we should just go like we need to go and then we were outside like contemplating

our demise like how we're gonna get home what are we gonna do i bought a fucking hotel room that night because i was like i need sleep i need to go to bed and when we got up and went back inside there's 100 200 people and they're raging i was like wow yeah i think i showed up at like 3 30 and there was at least 250 people. Yeah, I was like, how did this happen? People dancing on the kitchen counters. I have like a nice home. Yeah.

Oh, real nice place. Yeah. And, you know, weasel my way into DJing for two hours as I do. Yeah. But no, the rule is you got to look at their punch card and look at how many hours they have. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we need to start. We need to make like a work app. I think if you say i'm going to bed the answer is no if you fall asleep in the middle of a fucking party i'll let you rest yeah you've kind of got to sneak away because if you tell someone oh i'm going to bed the answer is not going to happen yeah yeah it's like the irish goodbye the irish good good night irish good good morrow ir Irish good morrow but yeah I mean the sun there should be there should be phases of the thing that kind of give you a dead giveaway though like when the sun's out yeah but I'm not scared when I'm that fucked up usually the sun scares me yeah like like on a normal weekend out if we just hit the bars and I see the sun coming up I'm like god

fucking damn it but if we're at a festival yeah I'm with 50 of the boys i was dancing i'm not scared anymore i was dancing around a speaker like a bluetooth speaker in a kitchen for like three hours and i turn around the sun's up and i was like here we go john you did it you did a good job yeah well and and i mean the fucked up part is that was my second weekend in a row of doing squash house. Yeah, you're fired. Like, imagine if you were going back tomorrow morning. Employee of the month to you're fired. Yeah.

Now, there was a moment on Thursday when we were both laying, like, head to head on the ground, and I swear we were both just looking at each other, just like, you won't. And, like, you would close your eyes for a couple seconds i'd be like okay open them and smile yeah big bet yeah so we need help yes but any who's that uh brings us into our topic for the day music festivals yep but um before we get into that we got the mommy daddy shirts jay's got it on oh yeah hey they were all time on the weekend hey they do go off at a festival yeah they're great festival shirts we're not you're going to wear it to a fucking funeral. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Maybe your own, which would be going to a festival. Yeah. So you just walk through the crowd, point at it. Eventually the ladies love it. Yeah. The mommies fucking love it. Yeah.

Yeah. The mommies love it. So get yourself a fucking shirt. Quit acting like a squid. Yeah. Don't be a squid. Don't be a squid. Are we ready to drop our new nicknames?

Oh yeah. We got new nicknames. All right. Morgan is now Mustard. Dijon. Dijon for Dijon. Yeah. And Garrett is Grape.

No. Let's take him Gogurt, dude. Yeah, Gogurt's good. We love to slurp him up. Slurp him up. I love to be slurped up. Yo play. Come on.

Yo play with my boy, Gogurt. Because everyone loves to slurp Gogurt. Yo go play with Gogurt. Yo go play. Shit, dude. Come on now, people. All right. Here, go play with go-gurt. Yo, go play. Shit, dude. Come on now, people. All right, here we go. Tell me that's not next level shit.

But we do have a daddy of the week, his first appearance. It's Biden for forgiving student loans. Oh, big bet. Yo, can you explain to me how people are upset about it now? Like it's happening and people are like, isn't it kind of fucked up that some people paid for it? It's like that was going to happen. No, when we passed that, someone was going to have just paid off their student loans for sure.

Well, I think the main point is no one ever gets to be happy. Yeah, look, no matter whatever happens, 50% of people are pissed off. 50% of people are stoked. So to those that are pissed off, my bad. Yeah, like if they legalized, like tomorrow we'd be like hey whoa i have a misdemeanor for that it's like well okay but now it's fine yeah sorry i was in prison for 10 years for slinging coke yeah but not me i'm saying someone yeah somebody somebody yeah somebody i don't think that would add up for me but i actually have one more thing before we get into

the meat of things okay um i was on tiktok say me to things one more time whisper it before we get into the meat of things. Okay. I was on TikTok. Say meat of things one more time. Whisper it. Before we get into the meat of things. Fuck yeah. More breathy, please. I saw the most frightening thing ever on TikTok. Besides a mirror this weekend? Besides a mirror. Besides a mirror on Sunday morning. So I was on TikTok on the couch in the living room

at like 3 a.m. And just a satanic altar thing comes up and the caption says, you have been chosen. Oh no. And it's just a guy with a fucking jackal head on reading like some Satanic hymns, please and I'm just scared is all shit dislike and you understood all of them Well, I had to tune in yeah, you said give me was it a live thing. It was alive

Oh, no fuck and people are in there like first. I'm like this doesn't scare the shit out of you dude. Yeah first Yeah, like you're hyped. No like first like comment. No like they were hyped to be the first comment. Yeah, yeah, like no Yeah, so I need to figure out what that is. That's fucking horrifying. It's the new dude. It's the new whatever trend That is it needs to die immediately. Yeah, right hit me with the meat of things in my fucking chin. Give me some meat Give me the meat to the chin So what are we gonna we're just essentially to give people a little briefing we're just gonna go over some fun experiences we've had some fun festival do's and don'ts some and some some shit that we've seen mostly and a lot of shit that we've done

yeah and uh yeah why don't you lead us off there more um what are some what if some french's what are some of your secret weapons when you're fucked up well I got one for you you got one for me yeah so your secret weapon it's all time is to ensure that your phone battery is less than 20 when you get to the festival phone instantly dies phone can't be charged the night before before going to the we can We can't do that. Yeah My all-time favorite which I tripled down on this weekend was just thinking I'm rich. Oh Dude I was the richest motherfucker at the festival. I was just like I bought eight drinks at the bar I was like a hundred and twenty dollars just throw the card out of my well, it doesn't matter Yeah, but I brought it back to the group And everybody was hyped though You're the legend

Every time I go to get a drink oh you guys need anything To like all of our friends And of course everyone says yes oh cool I'll come back with fucking four drinks $180 I'm like bang bang bang Like can I get a half drink If it's $17 my favorite move Was doing that at the pool parties this weekend

Being like oh anybody need a drink when we could Easily just go up to our room Go up to the room we have so much alcohol in the room Unlimited alcohol What were we thinking? Oh yeah let me buy a Coors Light for $20 We were 30 yards away from a fucking full bar in the room Oh my god

Granted none of it was ours but they wouldn't have cared But yeah that's my secret weapon right now Oh yeah you're the goad at that Frisbee that car guy One of mine that I had for me is somehow instantly know how to say Can I bum a cig in every language? I'll just be like I'm on tape jelted in she could I So book got a unseagate

Speaking in Celtic or just like I I hear it. I'm like oh, I know know that language, all of a sudden, cigarette. Two Arabic dudes, torching heaters in the corner, you all of a sudden speak fluent Arabic. Yeah, that sounded right. I've got an alternate for Morg's last one. If your phone is charged, make sure to just lose the whole fucking thing. Dude, how do I do that every time? Oh my god, and my favorite one is when he shows up, I don't know where my phone is, and I'm like, is it in the one place that we were, where you could have lost it yeah we walk into the hotel oh there it is thank god for that um another um one of my secret weapons is don't bring a shirt or shoes or

anything that you'd need to do stuff after and don't go back to your room to get them yeah just walk around shoeless shirtless oh we're gonna go to this we're gonna go to a dinner i don't go back to your room to get them yeah just walk around shoeless shirtless oh we're gonna go to this we're gonna go to a dinner i don't have a shirt i got nothing yeah my shorts are soaking wet and i don't have anything let's go nothing that i need the first time we left to go out we went back to the room three times because people didn't bring clothes and then somebody forgot their phone and then oh we thought we were going to a pool we thought we were going to a pool party we were actually just going to the festival and we're like oh we need shit stuff yeah so we kill it um another one this which just became a thing i don't know how you guys forgot this just kissing the homies

kissing the boys kissing the boys that's huge at one point at one point garrett's djing and he just points to his lips and i'm like i don't know if this is okay to do but it was but I did it was so okay I have one for Garrett um this is a little bit different now that you have a girlfriend but it is kind of always whether you do or don't we just make the big reveal on air wow yeah sorry well there you go I mean I don't care I was just I thought we were gonna build this up a little bit this is your absolute superest of superpowers fall in love and disappear yeah I'm pretty good at that yeah it's just you did okay you did our first festival yeah This is your absolute superest of superpowers. Fall in love and disappear. Yeah. I'm pretty good at that. Yeah. It's just.

It was like our first. It was our first festival together. Yeah. You did okay with it. But it's. I haven't seen her in a couple weeks. Yeah. It's fall in love and then never show up.

Sorry. Should we fix that? Because I feel like it's just not. I'll fix it. I'll fix it. Yeah. Yeah. It needs to be a little bit further away.

I feel like I did pretty decent. You did okay. I was with you guys majority of the time. At one point you did send a text that me and Morg laughed at hysterically. It was where are you guys? And then we sent where we were and we're like yeah like he's gonna go well i don't we're in the middle of the crowd okay to go along with that one um this is just a drunk superpower if you have a new girlfriend make sure you embarrass the living shit out of yourself to the point where you think there's no way she'll like you anymore yeah oh yeah yeah yeah and i just thought of one um which actually worked this weekend just trying to go to the ends of the earth to try to get into vip

yes oh that is a superpower were you with me for that yeah when you had the gloves yeah so i grabbed plastic gloves when i walked through security because they all have them for fucking COVID or whatever. And then I just full speed walk into VIP with the gloves on and say it's a medical emergency. And they're just like, oh, go, go, go. With no fucking shirt on. With my mommy shirt on. Oh, it's a medical emergency. Oh, he looks legit.

Go ahead. You got gloves on. That works. Last one. Putting your girlfriend to bed. Going to the afters. Sneaking out of to bed going to the afters sneaking out of bed going to afters and then her calling you in a panic while you're djing and just picking up the phone and acting like nothing's going on where are you oh nowhere i'm just getting some water right upstairs oh she's just frightened there's a someone took a video of me like when you when

you get caught at the afters it's me on the phone like wow mixing it out We'll have to put it up. Yeah My last one was for whatever reason when I take Molly, it's just I get this Sid the sloth face for whatever It's just fucking Sid the sloth dude you do I get this It's just I have the ultimate one resting dumb as fuck. Yeah face Posted mine you talk to him and try to say something, it's just... Oh, yeah, it's get that Sid the Sloth face and then revert to age two vocabulary.

Oh, my God. Oh, I know five words. Morgan, how you doing? Good. Good. Yeah, he really turns into a fucking completely different person. I don't know why. I love it.

Yeah. No, don't. We all know why. I love it, though. Yeah. All right, that one's good. All right. We gain absolute...

Is that superpowers or super fucking weaknesses? Those are kryptonites and superpowers at the same time. Those are both. Okay. Most shameful thing you've ever done at a music festival? Who wants to start? This one was from EDC, and I look back back on it and we were being dicks Keep tapping

A guy on the shoulder who's tweaking Ass on the body Over and over again We were fucking with that guy so hard Just tapping him on the shoulder and disappearing Dude how many times did he turn around And we had like a group of four different people doing it From different angles so someone would hit this shoulder

He'll look this way and right when he turns back around Someone hits him from this way dude i feel bad about that one he went that was that's goblin mode that guy was he was that guy was scary he was shivering to be fair this was a normal person there was nothing wrong with him he was just he was okay he was just like really on a lot of molly and like you know we were just having some fun he was having fun we were having fun nothing yeah it was fun at the time but looking back it was kind of mean yeah he was like by himself too yeah well maybe we were gonna say hey come join our group but he never asked yeah he never caught he never looked he never caught one of us that's why um i've got sharing a lollipop with five strangers just a disgusting move

that's good that's good someone's like oh that looks so good where'd you get that i was like right here baby take a look even better. Even better at Jolly Rancher. The best part was they were all dudes. All dudes. Oh, yeah. I think I remember someone asking for it, and you just being like, here. Spit on it. Take a spit on it and give it back to me.

For me, it was snorting the line of Kraft macaroni powder at ABC. Ooh, that was bad. Oh. That was bad. Don't tell me I won't, dude. Dude, someone says you won't. The worst part about that was actually it was the oh that was bad don't tell me i won't dude dude someone says you won't the worst part about that was actually it was the day that we were leaving it was like monday morning oh yeah just yeah there was no reason for it the craft king dude craft king of craft yeah that was

i mean you're craft man yeah there's a reason they call mustard folks uh i have paid 95 for a folding fan because i was sweating so hard. $95? Yeah, I handed them my phone and I said, put in whatever money amount you want if I can have that fan. And they actually charged you $95. And they put in $95 and handed it back to me. I was like, yep, send. That's plur. That's worth it.

That's plur. It was so worth it, I think. It's good shit. Yeah. It's good shit. Talk about when you think you just have money. Yeah, I can burn $100 on a fan that they sell at the booth over there for $15. Literally eight feet away, there's one for $9.

This guy's like, oh, I'm going to go buy six of these things. I couldn't figure out if this one's shameful for me, the person we were doing it for, or just everyone involved. But for a girlfriend, we made a giant circle around her so that she could take her panties down and piss in the middle of the crowd at a set. That's team effort. That's gang shit. I mean, that's like, it's not really shameful for us.

Like, we're just looking out. I was just grouping up with my boys. I didn't even know what she was going to do. I didn't know she was peeing on the floor. It was a party piss. It was a party piss. Yeah, so, I mean, a little bit gross. Yeah.

I'm not ashamed of it. I think the shame comes in when we start dancing in it to spread it around. No, that's the worst part is we didn't really move after. Yeah, you don't move the group. And there was a nice size puddle. You just start shuffling in it. Because you know how bad you have to pee. One hop this time.

Because you can understand how bad you would have to pee to do something like that. There was quite a puddle. I'm willing to say a lot of people have probably done that. Oh, for sure. But I've never been a part of it. So I felt a little bit of shame. Well, speaking of piss. Piss.

DJing and peeing in solo cups behind the thing because you can't leave. Yep. Well, that's good. That's good. But what am I supposed to do? Well, here's the thing about that. And then putting them down and seeing people grab them to drink them. You've done it at like a party.

No. Is this Chaser? No. You did that at like a party where you were just like on the ox and the bathroom was like across the hall yeah there's a lot of people yeah there was a lot of people between you and the bathroom i'll give you that yeah um this one i feel bad for for sure um there was a guy tweaking bald with a sweaty head and i was for like 10 minutes acting like i was a uh like sorcerer like I was like rubbing it and like telling people's fortunes like with his bald head for a good 10 20 minutes

and he's just like oh thanks for the head rub I'm like no you're getting made fun of right now I'm just fucking he would have I see in your future he would have appreciated that yeah um i think you're you're up oh that's all i got for me oh that's all you have for yours my last one kind of doesn't coincide but it's a similar situation the line for the porta potties was just simply too long so i just started pissing in a trash can right outside the bathroom and then a group of like five other dudes just started flopping hog right with there with me i think that's a sense of pride rather than shame. That shows leadership qualities. I mean, talk about not being a sheep. There's something about you that other people want to follow that.

So that was more of just what had to be done was done. Do you think that covers most fucked up thing you've seen at a concert? No, I got some for that. Because these are things I've seen. Some of them are in there. Maybe I could just fill them in them in no i won't say that they are for you guys they're for someone that i've seen do these yeah so i guess straight into most fucked up thing you've seen someone else do at a concert yes um this one is pretty recent um i saw my friend get married to a girl that he just met at an actual chapel with someone actually officiating it and actually sign marriage documents and um make it like legit yeah no that was yeah

i think that might be all time i'll just say i was involved in the wedding but i wasn't the one who yeah yeah you might have officiated i might have officiated yeah yeah yeah that's the most impressive thing i've ever seen i was a witness for sure a legal witness oh yeah filming that i was just sitting there like yeah yeah, this is up there. Yep. This is up there. I didn't see this one in person, but this is something that I just absolutely could not mention.

Could not go without mentioning. I'm sorry. A kid in the middle of a crowd at a festival getting titty milk squirted into his mouth and drinking it. Yes. You seen that? You don't remember that video? That was me, first of all

You don't remember that viral video of the guy getting a girl squirting breast milk Into his mouth at a festival In the middle of the crowd It was all over Twitter It's a good chaser That's the worst thing I've ever seen In person or not Damn

Morg My friend wiping their ass with a raising canes receipt uh not not in a bathroom yeah that's fucked up on the drive to the festival so fucked up that's fucked up that's horrific yeah that's horrendous with a raising canes those are versatile receipts i've heard yeah they're pretty yeah it's not like a cvs i've heard that they're versatile yeah those are those are uh because you can roll up that same receipt after using it for one thing you wish it was a cvs receipt because those are longer though because then you could rip off a piece yeah yeah you can roll those up pretty well too yep um i have also shit with the port-a-potty door open at a festival? that was me

don't do that don't do that I think my other one just fell under the other category yeah the pissing in the middle of the crowd would be pretty fucked up and since John's I was involved in John's

that's definitely one of my best ones I forgot about that one here's the fucking thing there's so many that I know I'm missing And since John's, I was involved in John's, that's definitely one of my best ones. I forgot about that one. Here's the fucking thing is there's so many that I know I'm missing. Oh, yeah. We're barely scratching the surface here. More gave me the good idea of looking through my pictures in my phone. That's a good call.

And you see a lot of shameful things. You see some things and you're like, where? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It all comes rushing back, rushing back, rushing back, rushing back. Okay. Okay. Top reasons you didn't make it into the festival. This one should have applied to this weekend, but it didn't for some reason.

It said I was going to take a five-minute nap on day three, and now it's checkout time at the hotel. You slept for like 14 hours or something crazy. Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to take a quick, dude, I just need 10 minutes. I'll set an alarm. I'll be in there in a minute. I'll be right behind you guys. And then it's like, dude, we got to pack your stuff. It's time to go.

We got to go. Yes. That's just an all-timer. Here's the thing about mine is these are reasons I shouldn't have made it in, but I've never not made it in. That's true. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Preface it with that for sure. I know people who've done this same shit, but they're built less than I am. Less differentially? I'm built better. Yeah. So a reason I shouldn't have made it into a festival is not having a bite of food before noon and finishing an entire half of a handle. Yeah. That would make you think maybe you'd pass out drunk before you made it in.

No, I'm in there. And I stayed all the entire time. Yeah, I stayed up the entire day. The not eating food is another one we need to figure out a way. That should be something that we talked about as well, like when do you eat? Because in the morning, when you're too hungover, it's not going to happen. We went to breakfast, ordered a full breakfast.

I had a bite of hash browns and a singular grape that Morg spit into my mouth. Oh, yeah. And that was the only reason I hated it. I had a bite of hash browns and a singular grape that Morg spit into my mouth. Oh, yeah. And that was the only reason I hated it. I didn't want to eat it. I just wanted to see if he could spit it from across the room into my mouth, and he could. And I felt like I should. You have to chew it. I nailed that spit, though.

Oh, two for two on that. I was like, oh, no way he does it again. So I actually thought of one. Yep. So thought I was super smart bringing a flask into the festival fucking metal flask go through the metal detector they're like um what's in your pants whip out a fucking big ass metal flask and they're like yeah you can't come in yeah you're not making

it yeah um this is one that a friend did i didn't do but um sure it happened it happened this weekend as well um gave my friend dan gave his wristband to a girl to sneak in and she's gone now fuck yeah i did oh didn't get her number yeah you could oh i can slip this off you'll just go in and come back and get me right oh you're gone that's brilliant and actually out there that's just a top five move trying to think of what else I've done. I mean, you've not made it in plenty of times to where I feel you've got to have some good ones. I've never not made it in. I think this one falls into the shouldn't have made it in as well.

This statement right here. I don't think this press is working. Yeah. Should we take another? Lo and behold, yes, they are working. Before you even got to the fest. It's only been 10 minutes. This one's not working.

Wait, was this not Friday night? Yeah, this is Friday night. This is when we took the video of me. We got there dead sober. And the guy just, before we even go to pick up our wristbands, we get fed an indescribable. Our medicine. Just unlabeled vitamins.

And then all of a sudden We're like Holy fuck What's going on And then we're like On the way to the afters Should we take another Yeah No Should we take another

And I was like I literally look at John I go No Don't And he just goes Throws it down the hatch I was like

I'll see you tomorrow If it's already made it to my hand It's not stopping On the way to my mouth And it was bigger than the one You had already taken I was like He's fucked Yeah That's just was like, he's fucked.

That's just a classic, though. He's fucked. It shouldn't work out, but it does for some reason. Oh, another one for me at EDC. So I tried to hop a fence to get there faster. And you know how it's just like a big ass area? So I was in the fenced area for like two hours. Just like trying to find my way

out and just cut my hand on the fence. It was an absolute shit show. Ended up walking for like three hours and then just walk back. Oh, this is one for the getting into the VIP. When you guys got in and Morgan did that thing, I didn't get in and I'm calling Morgan. I'm like, so I'm like, so you guys going to come out or what? Like all this stuff. And he's like, hold on, I got you. I'm going to figure this out. I watch him walk from the VIP to where the workers are into this like back area. Oh, and he, I'm on the phone with him and I'm like, all right, so what now? He's like, just go around the

building to the other side so I can let you in. And I'm like, this building goes for a full square mile long. There's no way I have to go outside and come around to get in. And I'm like, all right. So I walked, I walked like 10 steps before I realized like, oh, I'm not making it around. And I come back and I'm like, yeah, that's that's not gonna work and then all of a sudden i hear and more goes i fucked up in the emergency exit it's just blaring and he's like just wait for me oh my god is it like a historical site it's a museum yeah it's a military museum well he fucking goes he's like i'm gonna go get him i was like you snuck in also how are you gonna go get him i don't understand yeah like what what you're gonna accomplish here i don't get

i don't know what to do if you just tell him to come right over here and just jump the little fence usually usually i don't get stopped because i just go with the full walk this guy full clothes line me across my neck fuck like grab me and he was like where the fuck are you going and i was like like just tried to kept walking but he's like grabbing on. I'm like, okay, okay. Oh, I just thought of it again. Okay. So here we go.

This was in Miami. You remember this? Oh God. So, um, it was sold out as shit. There's so many people there. So I go around the building just to see if there's any name, the place, just so we don't get, yeah, I go around the building to see if there's any loopholes in the system. I find a laundry room, go up in yeah i go around the building to see if there's any loopholes in the system i find a laundry room go up in there go up the back stairs there's like a terrace area

so you're not already you're not in yet i go around the side jump two stories of stairs down eat absolute ass and the security guard sees me and then i immediately start speaking russian and this i didn't think about this was the time when the Russia-Ukraine stuff started. So they call all the security to get me and try to get me arrested. And they finally check my ID and it's from California. And I was like, yeah, I'm sorry, guys. I don't know what's going on. I'm so sorry.

How long did you stick with the Russian? Oh, like 30 minutes. No, I was speaking in German saying I was Russian. I was like, ich bin Deutschland. And looking back, I was like, oh, shit, itskibolfkid. No, I was speaking in German, saying I was Russian. I was like, Ich bin Deutschland. And looking back, I was like, oh shit, it's not going to work. Jesus Christ. Somehow I didn't get arrested, thank God. Yeah.

So a good way to not get in is also just to not have a ticket. Yes. That'll work. Yeah. I think that's one of the pro moves that we do too often, too, is the, oh, it's just going to work out. It does so many times. It does and it doesn't. But how down bad do you feel when it doesn't, you know?

That is the worst. You're on top of the world when it works, but you're just down bad when it doesn't. That's all I had for that one, though. Yeah, I think that's it for me. That's it for me on that one. All right, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to take a quick break from our degeneracy to tell you about our sponsor, Manscaped. Crouch discomfort hurting your

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most of the time when i go to a festival with you guys i don't know the music i don't really know what they should or shouldn't be doing i don't know the faux pas but one that does bother me is when you're expecting them to play some type of music and all of a sudden this is the time that they decided like oh we're gonna do some new collab exploration project and they play some other bullshit yeah i think i remember a distinct point this weekend where you're like i was so hyped for that song one of the only songs i fucking know all weekend and they changed the whole drop and i was like what the fuck man or that's the other thing too is it's when it is finally one i know and like i hear like the lyrics coming up and i'm like oh they're gonna do it I can sing this one I can get into it and then it's like the da da da da and then I'm like oh fuck you didn't

have to do me like that those scenarios are hard because from a DJ perspective you want to mix it up and not just play the classic drop but sometimes you don't realize how fucked up everyone is yeah just all they really want is just something they know the regular song um I mean I have one that goes off that. Okay. So, troll mashups? Yeah. Oh, fuck those, dude. When did that become a thing?

Yeah. When they do, like, a big buildup, and then it's like they Rick Roll you or something. It's like, never want to give you up. And you're just like, and they think it's funny. I'm just like, dude, this is not. I'm way too fucked up for this. You're the only one in on that joke, and we don't like it. Or they play, like, an old Journey song at the drop or something i'm just like oh see i do like there was like a phase where those were like funny when like they weren't like they were just like funny

to post on social media but like if i'm in the crowd and i hear that i'm punching the closest person to me yeah and acting like it's their fault it's not that's not good just just no i mean overall just getting on the microphone too much um there, there's just some things you don't want to hear. Yeah, like a political message or something? Yeah. Anything more than a sentence. It's just like, oh. That's a good one, definitely.

Like when they try and like virtue about something. Like, hey, mental health awareness is serious. Like, we got to do this. Like, I get it. Yes. Say that when you're on like an interview. Say that at the very end or something say that when you're in an interview and you're talking about music but like right now i don't

want to hear it yeah yeah not not not today not only do i not have a mental state i do not have mental health at the moment so let's carry on the only thing keeping my mental health up is this music and you're stopping it it's kind of what i love about house music is no one really gets on the mic ever so you don't really have to deal with that. But like back in the fucking bass, bass music era, like where my fucking headbangers at or some shit. People used to go hard. Or just counting down like every single fucking drop with the one, two.

Like, come on, man. I know how to fucking count. I'd say like a good pace is like one every five songs. Not, not the three, two, one every time though. But maybe, maybe less than that. That three two one every time though but it's maybe maybe less than that's even the most yeah that's maybe once every yeah like three times a set like every 20 minutes yeah or um i had uh playing a vocal mashup over the drop oh yeah just like when there's two main ideas going on at once it's my brain can't handle this yeah you're just ruining

it for me simply scrambled me yeah yeah it's just not it's not the time to try some new shit like not that kind of new shit yeah yeah like i just don't i don't want to hear like very rarely is it what i think is coming is coming and then they change it and i'm like oh yeah i like that i can't think of any any other too horrendous things that DJs do. Yeah. Okay, well, straight into songs you never want to hear again. Hmm. So I assumed you guys took this in the direction of actual songs. For me, it's just Happy Birthday. I don't want to hear it anymore.

You don't want to hear the Happy Birthday song anymore? It's played out, dude. We're done. It's overdone. I think we're going in the direction of like at a festival, but I do like your angle. Yeah, I knew you guys were going in that direction, but just in general, like, no, we're good. Not only for like, I'm getting older and I just don't like it anymore. It's also just like, we could, we could skip.

We need a remix. We could skip it. We could use a remix. Dude, yeah. Like, can we come up with a new song? An updated remix. The first motherfucker to do a happy birthday remix, you my vote well i say kill him it's like kill it's like come up with like a new christmas song like come up with a new happy birthday okay yeah sure sure sure the problem with

this list is that i made it dead sober and now that i'm looking at it i'm such a cap because every time i hear one of these songs i'm going absolutely yeah i could first one i got tremor by martin garrix what what the fuck was i thinking if he plays it though no i'm saying yeah i'm saying like what was i thinking by putting it on this list yeah if i hear it i'm going apeshit yeah that's yeah i guess if he if he isn't the one playing it don't no one should ever play maybe it's the place to like at a festival yes but like maybe at like an after party oh yeah definitely not yeah in the car don't even think about it oh god at a party nope yeah i think only him at a festival would be acceptable fair um i had anything anything bruno mars just i'm out totally i fuck with that dude you fuck with bruno mars yeah fuck it dude i just don't well dude i just like you know i like to

sing and when we're at those some of those sets there's no words and it's like when they mix in some with a little bit of words i'm like fuck yeah, I don't care if it is but it could be Yeah, I mean Bruno Mars tough, but I'll take it if it's a little bit tough if it's all I got I Mean I'm pinky rings up to the moon if they I've got an all-time classic But yet again here I am at a place where if i hear it i might be shaking a little bit of ass yeah closer by the chain smokers that one just got bodied oh no that one i think is fair yeah yeah as in like it shouldn't be played again yeah yeah if they play it i'm shaking

ass but yeah yeah i guess all these can only be played by the person who made them at this point yeah yeah that's fair um like don't don't get on the ox and play that no no unless you want a backhand um happy by pharrell that song sends me to that song has never been something i wanted you yeah no stop it yeah i can't do that one yeah that's not i mean that's just i mean it what set are you at to where you hear that or just it doesn't have to be at a set but oh just in general don't play or my last one is just baby shark. Don't need it. Never needed it. Where are you?

Where, where are you hearing? He always plays it. Yeah. Cause he has like a troll remix of it. Yeah. But you're not hearing these and no. Yeah. Yeah.

Fair enough. Fair enough. These aren't getting heard. Yeah. These are, these are, if you say these are songs, everyone is in agreeance that no one's ever listened to.

If you hand someone the ox, these aren't shocking to anybody. Yeah. Yeah. That's the oxen and play one of those, they're off. That's all I had for that one. You guys got DJ names if they were sus? Yeah. I got a couple. Okay.

DJ names if they were sus. Okay. Jay, hit it. First one I got is Martin Gay Dicks. Yeah, that's a good one. I've got John Plummet, your dick in my ass. Oh, you went hard on that oh so most of that was the only one that was swift for mine all the rest are really drawn out um the pole smokers okay that's classic yeah um afro jack my boy off

in case those of you who don't know who Fred again is yet, his name is Fred again. But the name is Fred again. Just saying. Sure. Sudden meth. That sounds lit. That would be lit actually. Okay.

So Pete Dong. For Pete Tong. Yeah yeah that's good um david guetta those balls on my chin i love your angle with a whole sentence after it oh god i got porter hogginson oh porter hogginson's yeah i Yeah, I like that. For Dr. Fresh, I got Dr. Flesh. Dr. Flesh, right? Yeah. Dip low for my boy. Oh, my God.

Dip low for my boy. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Why not? Last one I had was Jack You, Jack Me, Jack Us Off. I had Jack Me Off. Those are good. A couple more I had were uh wax mo cheek wax my cheeks wax my cheeks yeah nitty titty

oh kyle thotson yeah zed's head chris cakes and dildo for diplo okay oh dildo just yeah i like all those yeah those i like them being more swift than mine for sure. I was just like, how do I add words to this to make it horrible? I was going as sauce as you can get. Sauce is fine. Sauce. Oh, fuck. Okay, should we get into tips and tricks?

Sure. Sure. All right. How do you know when you're too fucked up? This one is when I found out this weekend. We're always learning. We're ever-evolving beings. It's evolving.

We learned a lot this weekend. Mine's when I tell people that I'm too fucked up, and they say, you seem fine. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah, because the group that we were in, me and Morg, somehow I became the chosen leader of the decision maker. And they're like, so what should we do next? And I was like, I'm way too fun.

I'm like, you have nine heads on top of your heads. Morg looks like he's one big mouth. Like the ground is up next to my chin. I can't make a decision. Like, really? You seem fine. I was like, fuck. That's bad.

I got one of those when I like left the after party because my girl ordered Taco Bell for us. Go back. And I had just taken a cheeky bump of something indescribable. I was in a hole of sorts, and I'm walking down the hallway. She's like three buildings over, and I'm literally hitting the sides of the walls

as I'm walking over there. You're playing bumper cars? I was fucked, and then I walk in the room, and I just plop on the bed and look at the food, and I was like, holy fuck, I don't think I can eat that. I'm absolutely holed, and she was like, holy fuck, I don't think I can eat that. Like, I'm absolutely whole. And she's like, really? You seem fine.

It's like a classic. You seem fine. Wow, really? Yeah, you seem. When they say, you seem the most fine out of all of us, I'm like, you guys. You are so wrong. You guys are the most wrong right now. You guys are so fucked up that I don't seem fucked up to you.

That's scary. Mine is when I pass by the mirror and I give myself the look. Oh yeah. Just like right there. I love being so happy that I'm as fucked up as I am looking at me. That guy looking back at me, I'm like, Oh, you're here right now. Oh, he's back. Or, uh, when everything stops working. Yeah. That's when you're not really sure what's going on. Yep. Yeah. I like when my vision's playing catch up.

So if I turn my head, it's like one, two, and then the world moves. Oh, it's like fit the puzzle piece into the thing for the verify your identification. So you turn and then it slides over to complete the puzzle piece. I'm like, oh, okay, okay. So you need to go in straight lines only yeah when you have to pee so fucking bad and you're concentrating so hard on peeing and you can't pee you know what i mean it just won't come out yeah yeah and you're just alone in a bathroom stall and you're just like come on baby yeah there's been a couple times where i try

to fucking hype you up in there yeah but well i also get like stage fright if there's been a couple times where I try to fucking hype you up in there. Yeah. Well, I also get like stage fright. If there's someone behind me, there's no way in hell. But if I'm in my own little private porta potty or urinal and I still can't do it, something's bad. Yeah, when you turn on the faucet on full for the noise motivation and you still can't get it going. Yeah. Yeah. For me, another one is just when you start backing down the homies for a second. Yep. That's, I just know.

Also for me is um when i don't even think about saying no oh yeah because usually i'm at the like when i'm really fucked up i'll be at the point where like ah like that there'll be i probably shouldn't hesitate when i don't even hesitate when someone offers me something and i just you know you're like oh okay yeah there's no going back at this point. When my brain starts turning into a daily affirmations Instagram page, you're okay. Everything's fine. You're strong.

You're powerful. It's going to be all right. You're going to get through this. You're an adult male. You can handle this. That's when I know I'm bad. Yeah. When my hands and or feet start looking weird.

Or like for me, it'll look like I have little arms or something. You guys ever get that? Little arms? Short arms? Yeah me, it'll look like I have little arms or something. You guys ever get that? Little arms, short arms? Yeah. Yeah, it looks like I have like very, like kid arms. For some reason, that's a thing for me. Everything gets really close to my eyes. Yeah, it looks like my arms like farther away than like a child's arm or something.

Oh my God. Yeah. Going along with that one, the self-talk is when I start doing self-math. Yeah. Like I start going like, okay, you are 165 pounds. You can take as much as that girl that just did the same as you. And she weighs a hundred pounds. Like statistically you're a hundred percent.

Like she's okay. And is on the same, no sleep as you and did as much alcohol and everything else. You've got this. She's got this. Yeah. That's good. All right.

I feel like this important one. We've all Somehow run to that guy that is just being the most annoying person in the world At a music festival so we need to break down how you get rid of the guy Yeah latches onto your group the guy like a friend of a friend But their friends not even there or even the guy who's like he lost his group probably and he just latches onto yours And he's rolling way too fucking talk to you accidentally talked to him or made a joke and now he thinks you're boys you were rolling and you felt bad for him for a millisecond you realize you fucked up royally yeah how do we get rid of

the annoying guy that latches onto us yes at the music festival so this one has a chance to really work or it could backfire like you wouldn't use this one in palm springs for sure okay it's like a very specific yeah yeah so this is you just kind of look at him and you're like wait I need to find it fuck I already know where this is going okay so you kind of just look at me and be like you tell him it's just so cool that like I finally met a guy at a festival that I could see myself dating for real so you got a note maybe you have to preface that with a couple questions of like making sure he isn't down for that yeah but yeah you just be like dude it's so nice to finally like

meet someone that i could seriously see you just let me tell you at splash house i'd say 80 of the time that one's not working yeah that one would not work know your audience he's with you for the remainder of the weekend but if you wanted to scare him the fuck away um i've got a classic um just say you're running to the bathroom real quick but give him a very specific meeting point to ensure that you'll be coming back so he doesn't feel the need to follow you to the bathroom it's like oh wait right here by this pole and then you just never fucking show up see that only works if you're not with a bunch of people though yeah if you're with a bunch of people he's gonna be like I'll just come with the group. That's so true It's got to be like a small three to four person group

This might work as well or you might just fall into a hole It's just you hit him with the reversal and you start just saying back everything he's saying to you I've just been doubling down on him. Oh, yeah, like really reinforcing that he's saying dumb shit No, no doubling down and like saying more annoying shit the whole time Oh be more annoying than try to be more annoying than him fuck, but it also might not work Maybe I just doubles down and he thinks you're really boys. He's like oh shit. I was holding back now I can really yeah Yeah, he hits you with the trifecta

Yeah, this one's kind of a hard one this one is hard because this this type of guy Like they're resilient like the situation that he's in is usually like he's either there by himself looking to make friends or he lost his group and is like this is the only chance i have to like stay with people because because if he made the if he made the decision to like come up to you guys and be like yo like sick shirt and like actually started talking to you he was like this is it i gotta do it he worked up the it's almost harder i would say if i was in that situation it'd be harder than like trying to talk to girls oh going up to you he was like this is it I got to do it he worked up the crew it's almost harder I would say if I was in that situation would be harder than like trying to talk to girls oh you're going up to another group and like in training yourself into the group this happened to me at a bar while I was

on a date the guy next to me I have my back turn and he was like hey what's up came here solo and I was like oh fuck I didn't so fuck off I didn't know what we're kind of doing a thing so he doesn't involve you yeah this guy's a tricky guy because there's not a lot of things you can tell him that he's not down to just do because i was trying to think of some miserable situations he wouldn't want to be involved in yeah like oh we got to run back to the campsite my girlfriend's not feeling well he'll come he'll fucking come with he's a medic he's all of a sudden he's a fucking full emt yeah i think one another ones that you can use is like trying to hype up his like because

they'll always have ideas of like should i should i just like do this yeah like trying to seem cool and you're like yes for yes you definitely should go do it and that gives you the chance to disappear um so straight into how to deal with an argument with your girl at a concert i got this one here we go break up You gotta just break up. I had one that would definitely- For two days, however long the festival, break up. You're done. I have a good maneuver that will definitely lead to you breaking up once you get home.

Run. Oh, yeah. I tried this. Just run? Just ditch her. Just that. Yeah. Or fake sleep.

Fake sleep. Just pass out right there. Ooh. Make her concerned for you so her anger turns to worry. See, I personally don't even know how to deal with this one. Yeah. I've never had to. Never?

I've never gone to a festival with my girlfriend ever. Really? Dude, I just, anyone that argues in public, it's just like, it's making us look bad, and then it's just not going to go well. Oh, shit. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't, I can't think of anything that actually works. I was going to say,

are you ready for another half? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Do you want to take the other half now? The things you maybe cheer up a little bit. The things you can't do are separate yourself from the group. You do.

You need to make her argue with you in front of people. Get deeper into the group. Yeah. If you, if you take it, if you take the argument away to where she can really unload, then you're fucked. You need to make her argue with you in front of people. Get deeper into the group. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you take the argument away to where she can really unload, then you're fucked. Yeah. Breakup is the only move, I think.

That might be the move. You say, hey, we need to take a three-day and six-hour break. Yes. All right, we got some fan submissions to close out here. What are some things that people turn into their whole personality? Fuck. Lifting heavy things. Yeah.

And putting them down. Working out. Working out. Do it. Stop doing it. Or do it, don't talk about it. Do it and shut the fuck up. Yeah.

Or don't do it and shut the fuck up. No one gives a shit. The essence of it is you're just picking up things and you're putting things down. And if you put it like that, it's just really dumb. But it's good for your health. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing is, like, most people do it. So, like, just because you do it a little more doesn't mean that you're, like.

It just doesn't have to be your whole personality. It doesn't have to be your whole thing. Your whole shebang. I don't need to know your plan right now. And what a thing to not have, like, a substantial thing how long are we gonna talk about this yeah yeah oh you work out five times crazy that's insane sure it's not good wow sure why not um to go along with that one it kind of coincides is the uh working hard all the time people oh you you know the grinders yeah just like oh oh you did that that weekend i couldn't even imagine bro i always have to time people oh you you know the grinders yeah just like oh oh you did that

that weekend i couldn't even imagine bro i always have to be like oh you had a day where you had to recover i would have to i just have to wake up and run like you went out last night sorry couldn't had to be up at six yeah i was on top of my game i was up at six too i just didn't go to bed i just would have been so upset because i didn't make my bed dude i would have just i couldn't have i could never the grind for life gang. Yeah. Oh, my God. Kill me.

We get it. Yeah. You're structured. I mean, we probably work harder than most people anyway. Just when people start talking about work right away when you meet them, I'm just like, oh. Yeah, I mean. If we're talking about work in general, shut the fuck up.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's save that for maybe Tuesday. Yeah. Or never. Oh, well, Mondays I have to plan my whole week. I don't know how you could be hungover. Oh, you don't do it? You don't do to-do list Mondays. Yeah. The fuck?

Uh, this one born again, Christians, you were a hoe. You were a hoe. You had a hoe face. You're a hoe. Okay. And yeah, you did some stuff that you should have been in jail for. Yeah. You did some stuff that you were so ashamed of that the only way you could reconcile is pretending that you believe in Jesus now. Yes. Yep. Cause that's, that's your out of, that's your out. Yeah. We had a friend who did that, who was a, he was Jewish and he was also in a, um, pyramid scheme and he was like, so into it, like, Oh, it's not a pyramid scheme. And then it was when it was finally proven to be a pyramid scheme, his next thing he latched on was just, oh, now I'm a born-again Christian.

I'm like, do you not realize you just went from one pyramid scheme to the other? One cult to the other? And he legit, the church he started going to and working for was like a pyramid scheme church where they're like, oh, we're going to get you through the Lord. We're going to plan out your life and if you donate enough,

we're going to get you to that. We're going to get you that BMW. Jesus loves you. He doesn your life and if you donate enough we're gonna get you to that next year of Jesus loves you he doesn't love you until you donate enough oh yeah there's a Jesus loves pyramid I was thinking about it while making this list is there anything that you're allowed to have as like just your one like if you're a person who only has

one thing that you think makes you interesting I think no matter what that one thing is you suck I don't think think no matter what that one thing is you suck i don't think there's anything because even like cool shit like music or something is still not like something you want to be like define your whole fucking existence yeah you can't have anything that that's your one thing like look at us we do music 24 7 we have a podcast and we don't talk about music yeah if we were if we were one type of guys we would be sitting here talking about hey what's your favorite tune of the week no one gives a fuck shut up yeah look at my spotify playlist if you care we're talking about drugs we're talking

about drugs today um the next one i had is for the record also drugs is not something you get to just make your whole personality yes this is our this is our other thing we have multiple we have multiple things we talk about a bunch of different shit i don't even talk about music to people most of the time no never when people ask me i get hella uncomfortable yeah so weird how's music going don't please um we good on that one i think so i think that's all i think we let out all our steam on yeah yeah that was a good one i feel better i'm sweaty did we do a heated sode one time just fucking rip on everyone we hate yeah i think we might have to do worse shit and worse people yeah yeah i think yeah if we ride if we ride the line properly i think we can get away with that one

yeah we'll look into it we'll do some search coming up okay what's the dumbest things you've done to impress a female um jumped and tried to touch the doorstop oh okay just absolute flex and miss too yeah yeah i almost got it i just do that like all the time when i'm drunk not and tried to touch the doorstop. Ooh. Okay. Just absolute flex. And miss, too. Yeah, yeah. I almost got it. I just do that, like, all the time when I'm drunk. Not necessarily do it. Like an exit sign is kind of high up.

But if it's a little, they'd be like a little higher than you'd think I could reach. Yeah. Like, oh, he can jump pretty high. I might not be the tallest, but he can jump pretty high. Middle school me was flex. Yeah. I got a big one here.

Try to become a DJ. Yeah, that's huge huge that is a good one that one didn't work either hey shut the fuck up um going back to like when i had no knowledge of girls for this one back in high school when i used to text girls like good morning beautiful or something oh i think and you're like super cute and stuff and then one day she's just like now you're in the friend zone and you're just that's a stuff. And then one day she's just like, nah, you're in the friend zone. That's a big high school play. Good job, Starshine. Trying to be like the sweet guy.

Love your energy today, Starshine. Yeah. Yeah. That stuff. Especially when you're not like, when you're not talking at all. When you're not talking at all. When you're nothing close.

Yeah, you're nothing close. You haven't flirted at all. If it's your girlfriend, yeah, that's okay. Yeah. Could you imagine sending a fucking good morning, beautiful text today? Oh.

How cool. In the early stages? Derek could. No, I don okay. Yeah. Yeah. Could you imagine sending a fucking good morning, beautiful text today? Oh. How cool. In the early stages? Garrett could. No, I don't. Fuck. I don't. Yeah.

I don't. This one goes back to the jumping and trying to touch stuff. Picked up six foldable chairs after church group. Oh, yeah. Just make sure I had the most out of anybody. That'll work most of the time. Yeah. Oh, no, I've got it.

Doing anything heavy? Just trying to lift the most stuff. You need some help with that? No, I got it. Yeah, I mean, this kind of goes with that. This is only to impress one very specific girl, and I wouldn't even call her a girl, a woman, bringing in all the groceries in front of my mom.

In one trip. Oh, my friend's mom? In one trip. No, in front of my own mom. Oh, true. You're such a strong boy for that. You're such a strong boy. I'm a good strong boy. Yep Picking her up in a 2010 Chevy Cruze and punching the gas and going zero to 16 40 seconds Yes Remember in high school when you used to do the 180? Oh, yeah

This is my next one. Yeah. Doing a 180 in my car and almost fucking crashing it. Just in an empty parking lot like, oh, watch this. No, I would do it in the street, dude. Oh, fuck. That was good. Fuck. You got laid.

I've got one that definitely did not work. Going to buy my girlfriend in high school an ice cream and my card came to climb yeah a fucking four dollar ice cream and i went to go get both no i got this card declines up at eight dollars i've had that i had that happen in high school i was at i was at the fair trying to win a game trying to win a toy and i ran out of money before I want to ask her for $10 I was like oh, I got I definitely got on this one. I got on this one like yeah That'll be ten more bucks. I was like fuck Backfire yeah, that's a smash Okay

All right last one of the day boys. What food do you swear people only pretend to like? Kale. Kale? Yeah. I fuck with kale, actually. Or just anything healthy. What the fuck? Shut up.

It's just not that good. Tastes like shit. Yeah. That's fair. Oh, is your kale smoothie fucking delicious after your egg whites this morning? Shut the fuck up. Yeah, that's true. Or celery.

Yeah. Trying to oversell your healthy. Like, I get it if you if you say you drink it because it's healthy but don't act like you like it yeah or don't try and tell me that my like sour patch kids aren't as good as they are when you're eating baby carrots yeah yeah it's like i get yeah these are better sorry so yeah oh yeah ever since i ever since i went on this diet i've just loved celery now like it's just so good it's like no it's not better than they start saying like an in-n-out burger no longer sounds good yeah get out crazy crazy extremely hot hot sauce like i like i like hot sauce okay but like when it's something where

like you can't fucking breathe and your fucking nose is running out of your mouth and they're just like oh this is the best one i'm like you're it's pain yeah but you see i kind of enjoy it sometimes no but like okay someone who says they like like that like i'm double extra hot wings or something it's like no yeah like diablo fucking whatever hot is good enough or if it's double x hot then sure yeah that's a little single like there's hot like i do like hot foods yeah like sometimes it's really good but like when you're sitting there and you're going like oh no it has to be the freaking diablo death drop whatever thing i'm like no it doesn't that's fair it's cap it's not a food but ipas ipas are shit i like ipas or shit i like ipas you like ipas yeah i don't i don't think you do i really do you're pretending genuinely do

you're pretending i'm not i'll drink one by myself with no one looking. It doesn't mean you like it. You're pretending to like it. Yeah. In front of who? Myself? Yes. Okay.

You might be right. Fuck. God damn it. This one I should have said when you said healthy shit is vegan versions of stuff. Oh. Oh, they're almost bad. Like when people are like, oh, vegan bacon is actually better than regular bacon. I'm like, no.

Or you can barely tell the difference. Yeah, I can. This tastes like shit. That tastes amazing. From people who eat the regular One yes, yeah, yeah fuck that fuck that nice try motherfucker oh This vegan cheese no no no no it's cheese because this is the only cheese you can eat, but it's not good All right fun little fuckery soden

That was a fun one hope you guys enjoyed listening yeah also hopefully you can forgive us for being a day late like I think we think it's an

acceptable excuse but if it's not let us know and we won't do it again here's the thing we want to give our all when we come on here and we've tried to do

the fucking deathly hungovers shit doesn't work and if it's like a time where we can't get blacked out again like a Tuesday then it just it's just not gonna work or we just physicallyed out again, like a Tuesday, then it's just not going to work for anyone.

Or we just physically can't for our health. Yeah. Yes. Because we do it for you guys. We get fucked up on Tuesdays. Yeah. Most of them we do drink. When we recorded the one at 9 a.m. in the morning, I had six shots for you.

Yeah, it was for you. We did that for you. We did that for you. So apologies again for being late. Probably will happen again, but we're not going to make it a frequent thing. Yeah. I don't know what we're going to talk about next week, but we're going to come up with something.

Send us some suggestions. Yeah. If you guys have any suggestions, feel free. You want to hear us rip on some shit because I feel like next week we should just torch everything. If we did a ripper episode where we make fun of stuff, we need you to send in stuff for us to make like people people scenarios whatever you religion yeah dms on instagram if you want to submit to the show i

think next week we should get really fucking hammered too oh i'm down okay yeah okay let's do it all next week let's take let's take a weekend off take the weekend off and then we can also we can really get fucked up for this yeah, sure. Or maybe we take the weekend off and our go out is like Sunday night, we just get fucked up for this. I'm in. Count me in. Alright, ladies and gentlemen. We got the mommy daddy shirts.

I guess we'll see you next week. Like, comment, subscribe, give us a follow. Talk some shit in the DMs. Share for the guild. And we will see you next week. Peace.