NO FOMO - 28. The Breast Milk Bylaws

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we launch the Down Bad Debate Club and try to breakdown the Bylaws of Breast Milk. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's no FOMO. What is good? What is good? What is absolutely good with y'all? Oh my God. It is. It's just so you guys know what we do to put this show on. It's fucking 98 degrees in this room.

Yeah. I have an ice pack. I'm sitting on an ice pack and I have one in my back. I'm so where's mine? Yeah. Where'd you drop that? No. Yeah. Get a get a new house okay thanks for providing us with those yes amenities i'm fucking dying yeah it is holy shit it's a brazy uh we're on episode 28 and a half we're just we're just absolutely chugging through these things what's what's popping i think a proper way to discuss this

is um so we tried to me and jay tried to do a blacked out so yeah i was on i was on vacation so the boys tried to just mix things up and do a little two-person drunk as fuck episode yeah so we split a fifth on tiktok live and then the episode was cashed after that yeah i i could say i could say I knew it was gonna be cash from the tick-tock live because we're sitting there I think there's like 20 people in there same 20 people and more excited this is going really well he told it was a fun time he told me there's like he told me there was 450 350 throughout the whole thing okay so people coming together yeah you made it sound like you

guys were just torture mostly going if you think about it. Yeah, okay. Yeah, they were leaving. But I had a good time. Jay was, I guess, uncomfortable the whole time. I mean, it's not my favorite to do that.

I don't like it. It's weird for me. Okay. But Blackout Morgue is in a zone. It is weird not getting proper feedback. You know what I mean?

You're just reading little comments, and as you're reading, it's dead silent and nothing's really going on. Yeah, you kind of just got to go for it. Yeah, you just got to

do your thing. But yeah, so we split the fifth and then me and John, oh, somebody sponsored a bag on the TikTok live. Someone Venmo'd us, $30, shout out, forget the guy's name. But-

Shout out the plug. Got that. Me and Jay proceeded to talk for three hours straight and we laughed maybe a quarter time. It's just nothing was hitting for you guys? The best is he was full blacked out. I was pretty drunk.

He would start the question. I would go with, hey, we're going to be funny and talk about it in a funny way. And then Morg proceeds to break down the sociopolitical dynamic of the question. And I'm like, what the hell are you doing? Just going way too in-depth on it. It didn didn't make any sense and i never really answered any questions it was just like me explaining the whole time i think we might have to like cut in right at this part the clip the clip you know what i'm talking about yeah no i what we were gonna do is do a live reaction to the episode oh that would have been good well i think i think we

should still drop in that clip. That clip needs to be in there. I'll put that clip in. Yeah, the morgue completely blacked out. Just so other people know. The best part of the episode was I blacked in at some point, and I thought for some reason there had been girls with us. Mind you, this is what?

11 a.m. on a Tuesday or some shit? Yeah, it's like 1 p.m. And Jay had to just tell me there was never any girls. You thought girls just came over on a Tuesday morning for no reason at all? Well, if you see the look on my face, you'd understand. Oh, no. I know why you thought that, but I'm just confused how you even got to that point. He was living a whole different life.

You were living in an alternate reality. You might have everything everywhere all at once kind of snapped into this universe. Yeah, everything everywhere all at once was right there. How you jump everything everywhere all at once yeah right there but like when how you jump universes you might have jumped back in right then i did your trigger is blacking out yeah no so i was in a different universe with girls and then i yeah yeah you came back that's the only logical explanation is literally the only logical explanation his little spinning top in the dream to make sure he's there is coming out of a black yeah so here i actually do remember why I thought this. It's because I have a vague drunk memory

of just sitting in a different place on the couch, and there was three of us at that point. And for some reason, my brain... But it was your roommate. Yeah, my brain thought that that was a party or something. Okay. So that's the memory I vaguely remember having. But yeah, it was a terrible episode.

So we're probably not going to post that one. That one's not going to make the cut, I think, hence why we're calling this episode 28 and not that. Yeah. Exactly. So aside from that, proceeded to just have a shit show weekend as usual. I feel like this is just getting ridiculous, you guys.

I think we could just say copy-paste. Yeah, you can copy and paste the recap of any week's episode and it's pretty much the same story other than I went to Flume

which was dope and I went to Kendrick Lamar last night which was really dope as well had a big weekend seeing some of my favorite artists clap it up for me

you know Garrett's sick I'm cool Garrett's sick I know a lot of you people out there didn't think it but yeah look I'm cool the fact that you didn I know a lot of you people out there didn't think it, but yeah,

look, I'm cool. The fact that you didn't come with either, come with me to either of them means that you're not sick. Yeah. He's handsome. We love him. Yep.

All right. Well, um, so a couple more things. Back into compliments just threw my whole vibe off. Yeah. Oh, so we do actually have some commendable shows to watch from our hangover commit sure like actually

noteworthy i don't know what commend i don't think that's i commend i don't think that is the word you want to use in this context i think you mean we have commendable yeah yeah what the fuck are you trying to say from our weekend i know it's a word but i don't think that's how you i do commend these shows you can say any word yeah so It doesn't mean that it makes sense. The whole Expendable series is so bad, it's great. Okay, like the... I remember you were watching that on my couch when I came in. So good.

That's like the Sylvester Stallone fucking series. Every old action star in one movie. Every shot is a close-up to their entire face. It's fucking gold, dude. Yeah, I remember coming downstairs at like 10 a.m. and you guys were still awake watching that. And was like okay well i'm gonna go get some food uh the patient is fire oh is that the the new steve carell one that that looks great yeah there's a new episode i don't have fucking hulu we have hulu on the big tv though right yeah okay

and then rings rings of power is fire too i fell asleep in like within five minutes but it's not because it was boring i just I was in shambles. It's fire. I feel that. Um, the other only highlight I have is, have you guys heard of cock talk? Is that what we do when we're in a room together?

No cock talk, like tick tock. Yeah. Oh, talk. Have you, are you guys familiar with cock talk? No,

no feed. I don't know what that is. So it's the male version. It's the male version of a thirst trap. Have you guys seen these? Yeah. Where it's a guy doing like a super normal thing. Oh, like the lumberjack dude.

No, no, no. It gets way better. So it'll be a guy doing like a random thing and like he's covering his waist area and then he'll move whatever's like on top of his waist and he's just like full half chub and you can see the whole thing. But it's like through his boxers or some shit? Okay. Unbelievable. That's pretty good. Yes. So I it. I got a new feed late to the game

Yeah, our whole algorithms been readjusted to cock-tock love that for us and then the only other highlight or Recent thing I have is um the Jake Paul verse Anderson Silva thing. Do you guys see that? No? It's Jake Paul verse Anderson Silva is the next fight. Shut the fuck up. No, I don't think it's Anderson Silva. It's Anderson Silva. It's a different guy. No, it's Anderson Silva.

If it is, he's going to die. Yeah, I think he's going to get deceased. Are they letting him kickbox, though? No, it's boxing. See, this is what's so fucking lame about these fights. He'll still obliterate them. Bro, I know for a fact it's Anderson Silva. All right.

Yeah, someone look this up real quick. I'm not going to allow this to just be said. It's like some random fucking ex-NFL player whose last name is Silva. It is. It's Anderson Silva? Jesus. How old is he now, though?

He's 47, but he's been boxing actively. Okay. Yeah. And he's also, he's 47? He's 47. How, like. He fought until he was like 39 or. I was going to say his career didn't,

wasn't over that recently, like that long ago. Like I felt like he was still in the UFC. Yeah, I'm saying jake paul gets rocked for sure he's got to we all want that i hope to god or i mean we got we got a problem on our hands we really really if he wins this one we got a problem if he pulls this off we're not gonna isn't his name the problem child he really is if he wins this one yes all right well does that bring us into the swing of things for today for today we got a various array of debate club questions yeah we're just gonna go in on each other yeah starting with the um bylaws of breast milk okay so how old do you wish you could breastfeed to see this one threw me for a loop because on one on one hand till, but on the other hand,

if that involves getting fed by my own mother to this age, that becomes a problem for me. If you can switch from mom at a certain age and move into, you know. Wife? Like partners, you know? Like when you're dating a girl, like she breastfeeds you.

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah. I just think because you could do it in public now it's kind of it could be a cool thing to just imagine if you're just flexing in public flex it's a super big flex you just like eye on your girl and you're like yeah yeah now you're growing you're like oh watch this yeah that would be something i'm surprised we haven't seen in my milk that's my eyes off pup this is my milk yeah That's my milk. Eyes off pup. This is my milk. Yeah, so because of the public aspect, I'm saying you'd be a boss. It's kind of a big flex.

I'm with that. Okay. Okay. Are you allowed to try breast milk as a father? I think absolutely. I think nutritional value alone gives you the green light. Okay, that's fair. You know what I mean?

I mean, I want to make sure that everything that my son is doing is safe. Yeah. Also, I feel like this is almost, I don't know this for a fact, but I have a hunch that this is kind of an unspoken thing that every guy whose wife is pregnant for the first time does. You probably try some, right? Yeah, you have to. I think you try a little bit.

Right? Now I'm saying, do you go from the teat while she's pregnant or do you do, when she pumps them out, you're like, oh, I'll take a little sip.

Well, you do whatever your kid's doing. Well, I'm saying, do you do it before the kid's even born? Oh, absolutely. That's the next question. We'll get to that.

Okay. Okay, but for me, it's kind of like a box plot. So it's bottled and refrigerated, bottled in room temp, straight from tit or accidentally discharged on a tabletop. So bottled and refrigerated, it's okay. Refrigerated.

English, por favor. Bottled and room temp is not okay unless you shoot it like a Gatorade bottle. Kind of like squirted. On a football field, yeah. But I'd want it to be chilled at least. I think they drink it, it's better warm. Well, drinks it warm i want it warm yeah no like you warm it like the like you microwave it even when you know i want it i want it like a you want to have some milk before bed or a nap yes yeah accidental discharge not okay why not like it's just on

a tabletop like oops there's a little bit on it oh like she was pumping and she missed something yeah you don't need to know where you think that's a common occurrence i'm just saying it's not okay i just want to know so you're saying often you think that happens so we're saying if that does happen it's not okay it's an if then statement yes if accidentally i think that is then you don't that's very fiendish of you to you'd have to be like she's like like she turns around to go grab like a paper towel to clean it up and you're like sucking it off Like if you sneak a taste that's not good No, I think it needs to be it needs to be out in the open. You could sneak a taste You could sneak a taste. Yeah, okay

So I don't because what if your wife's not cool with it, but you're just like but you're dying to try some yeah How bad are you how down bad are you to try some of your wife's breast milk and then straight from tit? I think is always alright, but it's like three or less tries yeah i think you keep that one hopefully okay yeah okay carry on are you allowed to try it when your wife is pregnant before the kid is born yeah that's what i was kind of going towards with the first one i I think yeah. Yes? Yeah, because I mean, what if it tastes bad? It's like, you got to figure out the diet so that when the kid is born.

You got to look out for your air, the second of your name. You know what I mean? Yeah, you want day one, that milk to be tip top. So we got to figure out the diet behind it. So you got to test it out. You got to keep testing out until you get it to cream of the crop stuff. I think I'm putting it in a fucking test tube and doing some like sample tests of like what sort of nutritional value is she really providing and what does she need to increase in her diet to make sure this

is the proper formula for my son yeah throw in like a center or daughter i don't know why we keep thinking it's only our son yes centrifuge is definitely key for this yeah yeah separate all the elements i'm with that are you allowed to try it if it's not your kid? So just say, in this scenario, it's another random woman's breast milk. No, it's you. Say you're hooking up with a mom that just recently had a child or something? No, no, no, no, no. Yes.

Or you say she just got separated from her ex, but she's still pregnant. Yes. I mean, I don't know about the morality, but I'm going to say just based on the nutritional value. Yeah. I need some it's for, it's good for me. Those stem cells. Let's be Garrett could use some breast milk. Look, I should have stayed on breast milk. She cut me off way too early. Yeah i'm i'm malnourished okay okay if you like the milk are you allowed to and if so what can you substitute the breast milk for i think you're allowed to like it if it's good yeah yeah if it's good yeah i mean i'm trying to think of a reason it wouldn't be good name i like i like milk and it's yeah i mean i can't imagine

it wouldn't be good and i think acceptable things to use it for are um cereal cereal obviously because we need like that's a good amount of it i think i think anything where you're using at least a bowl of milk or less is fine yeah i think more than that anything more than that's questionable like say you were trying to dabble in making your own butter and you just had her fill up like an entire churn and you're making breast butter oh yeah that's too much i will draw the line there i think coffee creamer is a good substitute yeah i yeah i had uh ice cubes in your ice coffee so freight freeze milk milk cubes okay yeah same thing as like a coffee creamer like melt in there i like that and then i had salsa cream cheese popsicles buffalo chicken dip popsicles water and regular milk okay my other substance salsa yeah it's like a dip it in chips in it yeah sure sure why not why not okay i can't tell you it

wouldn't be good because i haven't tried it so So until then I'll give you the green light. I think if we had to try and create an actual bylaws for this, like a tenants of breast milk, like a rules of thumb, the rules would be yes. Go for it. Sure. Go for it. Go for it.

It's always. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Baby need milky. If, if this, then yes. Yes. If it exists, then true. Yeah. Yeah, baby need milky. If this, then yes.

Yes. If it exists, then yes. Yeah, asking the question, yes. Yeah, the answer to most of these would be a firm yes. If no, circle back. Yes. Yes. Okay.

What is the strongest choice in rock, paper, scissors? See, I think the word that throws you off here is strongest so everyone's gonna wanna think it's rock right sure you know what I mean yeah I can get behind that logic I think we probably had the same logic but I think like the sneak attack is that if you were to be like

okay go with your strongest choice most people are gonna be like rock strong but I'm just I'm gonna go paper and I'm gonna fuck you up. Let me, let me explain why it is paper. Definitively. The strongest one is rock. Indeed.

But paper beats rock, which makes it the strongest. Yes. A hundred percent. My logic. But you may say that scissors beats paper, right? But what beats paper? I mean, what beats scissors? Rock. Rock. And what beats paper I mean what beats scissors rock rock and what beats rock paper paper paper paper paper is a strong paper it's easy without a doubt there's also a couple ways to think about it

though no that's the only way Fred yours yeah whatever you're just say you're yeah I don't have a pick the way this is why I will beat you every time you go ahead okay so there's first-time opponent incompetent no it's first time opponent incompetent. No, it's not that opponent. It is the pick. It doesn't come down to the opponent. It comes down to the pick and paper is the pick.

How does it not come down to the opponent? Because paper is the strongest. It's facts. It's brass facts. Go ahead and explain your dumb ass logic. Go ahead. I bet you got something real good for us. I'm not going to do it. You guys aren't in the state of mind to be open right now.

No, we are. All I know is the last 10 times I've played you in Rock, Paper, Scissors, I've won. So whatever you've got to say is just irrelevant. I'm not doing it. Good. Okay, good. Because yours was stupid. Guaranteed.

Yours was dumb as rocks. See, what you have to think about is how... Is your opponent a child? Did they wake up in the morning or the night? I'm getting a beer. Where's the moon? Oh, yeah. Let's go. Somebody's a little salty. We got it.

Sober, salty Morgie. It's the bully Morg sound? No, it's not. Relax. Just go ahead. You guys are going to agree with this i really want to hear your opinion on this mark please tell me well i have an entire breakdown for it okay break it down for me okay if it's a first time opponent and you think they're incompetent so like a drunk person you go paper all the time because a lot of times i overthink

it and just stay with the default position rock sure or they underthink it rather because they don't even move their hand at all exactly if it's a first time opponent competent say like a good friend you go paper because they're usually thinking in a circle about how rock is the most so you're just reinforcing everything yeah so you're just so you're saying if you're smart you go paper I have a whole breakdown for this And it basically ends in Yeah we break down what you guys already said real quick Okay Alright if it's a

Oh you really got into it there bud We got him in shambles Good job If it's a familiar We got him in fucking shambles Oh shit tell us how it's paper Ladies and gentlemen Borg is lost Break it down how it's paper for us if it's a familiar opponent incompetent let's say garrett or a small child fuck you i go rock

because i beat you because i go paper no no because no matter what if you win i just sock you in the fucking chest okay yeah that's just bullet oh yeah he made that up on the spot wow that's oh he's quite literally fighting testosterone's up now we piss him off and he That's just bullying. He made that up on the spot. He's quite literally fighting my testosterone up now. We piss him off and he literally wants to sock me in the chest. We're talking about rock, paper, scissors, you monkey. Relax. If it's a familiar opponent and competent, let's say John,

you have to take in consideration a lot of things. So if you're playing with an ape and you beat him, run, because he's going to beat you up after. Exactly. So now what the fuck game are we playing? Rock, paper, scissors. I just won. Yeah. You lost.

We're playing that you can't handle a fucking gentleman's game and you're going to punch someone. This game's too hard for me. Why rock no win? Well, if it's a small child or you, I got nothing to lose. Yeah, you do. I'm going to call my dad who knows a lawyer. His dad is stronger than your dad.

And you're fucked. Okay. You guys are dicks today. Just, dude, it's debate club. If you're not ready. It's debate club. If you're not ready to be debated, then just get out. Okay. Then ask the questions and we'll talk like gentlemen.

Yeah. It'll be the G and J, so. Yeah. With Morg fucking officiating. With Morg the moderator. All right, we're going to do something new here because you guys i love this all right what else should the five second rule apply to hmm hmm uh pulling out wait what like if like let, like, let's say if you forgot to, but you do it within five seconds, it cancels it.

It doesn't work. Oh, it should. Yeah. Like, yeah, it should. It should count. Oh, that's nice. Like, so your life's not ruined if you're five seconds late. Just like how the five second rule, technically germs don't get on there.

Yeah. Crumb doesn't get in there as long as. I like that. Like it should apply to that. Yes. It doesn't, but it should. Yeah. I thought where I thought you were going to go is like when you're about to know you need to pull out you

get five more seconds yeah oh i can take that too i'll be acceptable as well yeah yeah that's fine that's good because that's all you need yeah that's all you fucking need yeah what do you got uh eye contact with a stranger oh i was gonna put that dude that is the most like it shouldn't be awkward give like you get five seconds because you're trying to like what's this person looking Oh, I was gonna put that. Yeah, that is the most like it shouldn't be awkward Give like you get five seconds because you're trying to like what's this person looking at instead of like make eye contact? And you're like, oh fuck. Why did that person? Yeah, have you seen those videos where people it's like a practicing confidence thing to just like stare at people in public until they look Away. Yeah, it's a certain videos. You've been looking up to try and do better in this. Is this from hustlers you why? Yeah, it's asserting dominance. Those are the videos you've been looking up to try and do better in this?

Is this from Hustlers U? Why? Oh my God. Okay, I'm not going to press more. No, I've seen at least one more question. I've seen like random videos where it gets like if you're trying to practice self-confidence. On your suggested videos? I'm fully listening.

Relax. No, everyone's seen these. Oh. I haven't. If you're me. You have to go looking for these. These are suggested ads on YouTube. Yeah, I've seen a random video. Do you have to go looking for these these ads on youtube i've seen a random video you need to get more confident are your friends bullying you yeah poor guy stare

at somebody in public starting to feel but i was also going to say to on top of that if it's someone you just met and you're like in a circle and they're like telling a story or something it's just like it's kind of uncomfortable yeah if it's longer than five seconds you know what i hate when like you're in a circle of people and someone's telling a story and they single you out and only look at you? I say you only get five seconds per person. Back off, bro.

I'm not even that interested. I'm just the only one that's pretending to be. On top of that, telling the background of a funny story you're saying? Oh, a five second rule. You got five seconds to fucking intro your story get there otherwise no one cares neck chop right now okay so hear me out we're at the bar with the boys yeah no exactly and then they do something wait were we uh no we were okay we were there

yeah okay just roll with it no well technically it's their sister's friend not yeah yeah wait was that no bang bang bang bang bang it's, bang. Five seconds before I'm interested, before I chop you in the fucking throat. How about that? But another good one I thought is dropping a silent but deadly in public. Ooh, what's five seconds? How does it apply to this?

You get no more than five seconds. I don't want a 10 second butt whisper in my nose. Oh, like you're only allowed to let out a five second. Yeah, like say you got a long boy. You're holding on to it. Oh, you're saying the length of the part. Say you have a 10 seconder, you only allowed to let out a five second like say you got a long boy you're holding on you're saying the length of you only if you have a 10 second or you only get to let out half of it yes you only get five is a long that's a long time five is long I think you even that's fucked yeah no if you die before you deserve to go to prison yeah yeah but you know like you're sitting there like about a pop a smile you cut that in pocket only you would look someone dead in the eyes and smile after you just shit in their mouth looking them in the eyes i was i was thinking you were gonna go more like

the smell can only last five seconds yeah i wish that's how it worked no i'm saying say you're you're on an airplane you don't get to walk the whole lane in 10 seconds down and drop it silent but deadly on the whole plane i don't know how often that applies to me personally, but I'm with the rule. No, this applies to him for sure. This applies to everyone. I like this rule. I like this rule. It applies to anyone.

Okay, I like this rule because it applies to you. My next one was looking at titties. You get five seconds before. Before you have to make eye contact again. Before it's like, it's fine. You get to do. Before you have to reestablish eye contact. Sorry, what? One. One and a half so i like two i love on these because it's stuff that should be allowed five seconds but definitely

are not yeah no this is a heavy count though i'm saying like one mississippi oh yeah yeah no a gentleman's five seconds it's five seconds No, a gentleman's five seconds. It's five seconds. That's a gentleman's five. Okay. Yeah. One Arkansas. One Arkansas. Don't make me say it.

Don't make me say three. One M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-E-I-1. Two and three eights. Like we're definitely not doing a hide and go seek count. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. One. Okay. Well, yeah, you got to really make it count

because you only get five. But that is the thing with my rule. No one stop watching it. Is you get five good seconds and then it's locked up. And then you got to move on. You can't go back. You can't do that

because for me it's probably, you know, it's an up, down, up, down. I'm getting like a half second in, half second in it here and there. Yes. Just give me the full five. Let me take it all in. And then I'm good.

Agreed. Okay. Okay. I'm saying five seconds of silence in a conversation with somebody you just met before you get out. Five seconds of comfortable silence before you just get to leave.

You go, ooh, I got nothing else. Later. So then that just turns into me permanently not saying anything with people you just choose to make it awkward before no like to where

it's like socially acceptable everyone goes oh was that five hey it was a nice nice meeting you anyway man this isn't gonna work

I'll dap you on the way out no like we both agree okay it was five seconds and now we're moving on we're clearly not

that interested in having a conversation with each other yeah oh shit that didn't work out yeah bummer deuces I'm out i like that one uh talking in a movie theater should be beaten to death five seconds you get five seconds before someone kicks you in the back of the head you get one round of five seconds yep beaten to death i give them less than that

fuck that that's that no or not at all five yeah that's a don't ever do it but i think it's five seconds before they get they deserve deserve a full group beating. Beating to death, yeah. Yeah, the whole theater comes together and just stomps them. If it's more than a cumulative five seconds over the course of the movie, after the fifth, you get the shit beat at you.

Yeah. I'm trying to think of any scenario where I'd be okay with someone talking. No, I don't like it at all. But if it's what it has to be. Oh shit, that guy's got a gun. No, the five second rule is you're beaten to death. If you get to five seconds, beat you to death.

Like anything under that is very frowned upon. You're going to get like a shut the fuck up or a shush. But this is like you get five seconds before you are village beaten. Yeah. We unfilled your chair from the ground. Like burned at a stake. Yes. Yeah.

I'm going to drag outside and burn in front of the AMC. Fold your chair up from the bottom, crush you in it. Yep. Beat you to death. Yep. Okay. Okay. I'm with that drag outside and burnt in front of the EMC. Fold your chair up from the bottom, crush you in it, beat you to death. Yep. Okay. Okay. I'm with that. Those were my big five second rules.

I think those are just the things that I'm most adamant about. Yeah. I think we did well with those. I got some more that I think you guys will like. Pulling into a parking spot. Just parking. Parking in general. Like make it happen.

Make it happen or leave. Okay. You don't get to wait. Keep on going. I would second follow up that, a second little side five-second rule, waiting for someone to get out of a spot. Yes. You know those people who just sit there parked, blocking the whole thing,

waiting for someone to unloading all their groceries? No. Go look for another one. Yep. If they're not already on the way out, you're done. Yeah. And if you fuck it, if you go and try and retry, next one. Just to double down on that.

That aim for you, get moving. Just to reinforce. Another one I had was picking an item off of the shelf at the grocery store. Like say you're standing in front of it. That one's tough because sometimes you're making decisions. I need my fucking ice cream. I'm hungover. Make the decision. I mean, I'm the type of guy, if I go in fucking ice cream. I'm hungover. Make the decision.

I mean, I'm the type of guy, if I go in the grocery store, I've got a list. I know exactly what I'm getting. Exactly. But there's those rare occasions where you're making like a new dish and there's a couple different

of the similar things to pick between. And sometimes you're looking at price, price point. You know, I'm trying to save a couple bucks. Which one is the Vons Club going to benefit me more on? Or sometimes they have like, you know, different flavors of ketchup or something.

Yeah. They got like, oh they got a new Tabasco ketchup? Hold on a second, let me check it out. Is that a... Do they have Tabasco ketchup? They have Tabasco ketchup now. They have Tabasco ketchup now? Yeah. Okay, we'll look into that.

See? This is what happens when you don't take your five seconds to look at the stuff. See, this is why you never notice. Well, I'm taking that immediately. I don't need the five seconds. Well, what if... you wouldn't even see it. You're... cause you're trying to stay under five seconds, you're grabbing regular ketchup every time. I kind of disagree with this one, but I'll let it slide. I get what you mean. I hate people at the grocery store.

Get out of the way. This one comes down. I think what you're trying to encapsulate is just get out of the way. Yes. And then I just hate grocery stores in general. And then my last one was babies crying in public. Five seconds before you throw it off the ledge or what? You have to leave or you punt.

Five seconds before a 40-yard punt. No, that's fourth and long. I'm punting. How much hang time do you think you can get on an infant? On an infant? Yeah. Premium or regular? How long does it take to get to outer space?

Not a premium. How much hang time, if you punted it, do you think you could get? How long does it take to get to outer space? Six seconds, easy. How long would it take a baby that you punted to reach the stratosphere yeah that's how much time okay a lot that's a lot yeah done five second rule on that you're strong yeah let's go strong man morg strong one core is light okay um bad habits that are actually good for you bad habits that are actually good for you i mean we've beaten this one into the ground but

drugs doing drugs that's a good habit that's good for you that's yeah that's actually good for you? I mean, we've beaten this one into the ground, but drugs. Doing drugs. That's a good habit that's good for you. Yeah, that's a good habit that's good. That's a good habit. It's good for you, the soul. I have booger walls. Okay. Booger car doors? You know what?

Look, they promote, it promotes art. It promotes creativity. It's basically a longstanding mural that you're creating. So it's just stimulating You would be a booger wall guy. Of course. He's a booger wall guy I would be so scared to pull your mattress away from your wall and see what's no I see I don't have one because I just wipe them on myself. No, he just goes back wall like this just it's like above It's on his headboard. Yeah, but she actually doesn't even have a headboard. It's just a fucking full wall booger

It's so it's so long-standing at this point. It's art now. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a fucking full wall of boogers it's so it's so long standing at this point it's art now yeah yeah it's like the mona lisa behind my head like don't get me wrong i'm all for promoting art and creativity i didn't know you were like painting out of it if you make if you make a cool design i'm pro booger wall there you go fair enough sometimes you have to wait for the right color booger for the right spot you know that's true you got a bloody one for the little like yeah i don't know for the nose the sunset or something yeah exactly you mix it with a little green and it's like a nice orange yeah see now you're getting it i was i went from fully against the fully on board in 30 seconds the bob ross of boogers i like that yeah it's your turn buddy it's my turn um shitting in the handicap stall um see i i only because i was i was fully for this until i was handicapped for

eight weeks and the only stall i could ever go and would be the handicap stall because i was in the wheelchair and i would get i would get so mad when some two-legged motherfucker came walking out of there they would feel some able-bodied bitch yeah they see me just sitting they walk out the look of shame when they see a guy in a wheelchair waiting in line for the handicapped. That was so brutal. They'd be like, oh, fuck, I'm so sorry, man. I'd be like, yeah, me too, because now I just pissed in my casts.

Thanks a lot, you fuck. I like that. Spending one hour looking for a Netflix show and then just going to bed. Because what this does, it promotes good time management and uh like because basically if you just pick a show right away you're wasting your time because it's probably gonna be shit yeah it's gonna be shit so in this way you're just practicing not wasting your time on bullshit yep over and over again it may seem like oh i waste an hour looking through stuff

what you actually did is made a hundred good decisions in a row to not watch something shitty okay I can you find that yeah I like that a lot okay I think overspending slash living above your means cuz goddamn it's just a good time why did I know that I would pretending to be rich is the most fun thing ever it's good for you and there's no negatives because money's not real yeah money doesn't exist it's fake it's a made-up thing yep and like if you're if it isn't real why not use it as if it is for rich people stuff exactly you look cool you have fun everyone has a good time tuesdays are brutal monday we're not looking at the monday we don't look Tuesdays are horrible Tuesdays involve a lot of crying yes if it

waits till Wednesday you're stressed that's a long Tuesday's the day you start requesting three dollars from people for a uber oh yeah that's easy that's easy I like that one yep um let's see here uh just being hungover in general okay I feel like it's, for me at least, it's like a reset. It just clears out all the stress from the week, and it's like you're in survival mode, so you got nothing else to worry about. Well, I also feel like if it weren't for hangovers, you would never take a day of relaxation to yourself.

Yeah, it's just a whole day of just being happy. Where you feel like you just get to do nothing, because you wouldn't do that if you weren't hungover. Yeah, for me, it's like a mental health thing. Yeah. And I'm an alcoholic. And there we go. Hello, my name is Morgan.

Do you guys not agree, though? No, I do. I think for you specifically, I fully agree. Dude, I feel like magic after a day of just eating hot Cheetos. Peanut butter by the spoonful. So almost, you could change this to taking a day off. Yes, because I don't do that really. But he only does it

when he's hungover. That's why for him, it is very good. Yeah, I never, I almost, yeah, this is fair.

Yep. My next one, this is kind of a two-fold one. The first half of it is sleeping in. Yeah. It makes you more productive by necessity.

Because you feel bad. When you have less of the day to work with, you have to do more in that time. And that just trains, you know, working in pressure situations, which brings me to the second one, which is procrastinating. Because anyone can get stuff done when you map it out and do it all when you're supposed to. Right.

But what you need is training in high stress situations. And the normal person doesn't get that. You know, not all of us are going off to war. We're not doing police officers, things like that. So in order to train that, you need to put off everything to the last 10 minutes and then rush through it. So that when that zombie apocalypse does happen, you're like,

just like when I procrastinate. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Good. My best work. This is just like that time I didn't pack my carry-on until five minutes before we left. Exactly. And now I'm ready for war. Zombie apocalypse. I got my bag packed really quickly during the zombie apocalypse because I know we left. Exactly. And now I'm ready for war. Zombie apocalypse. I got my bag packed really quickly during the zombie apocalypse. So now I know how to fight if an intruder comes barging in my door. Planners are fucked when stuff happens.

Yeah. Oh, you didn't plan for the burglar to enter your home? Good night. You're dead. Okay. I actually had, for good habits that are bad for you, waking up early. Are we going on to that one now? No, no, no.

That's a good transition. Oh, okay. Because just fucking sleep, dude. It's what you need. Wake up when your body wakes up. Yeah. It's good for you. Yep.

To be sleeping. Sleep is good for you. And I don't get the oversleep thing. Do you guys ever feel like you oversleep? Yeah, often. Really? Yeah. I feel like if I get more than eight hours and I don't get the oversleep thing. Do you guys ever feel like you oversleep? Yeah, often. Really? Yeah. I feel like if I get more than eight hours and I don't desperately need it, I will feel

like if, so there's some days I'll wake up like naturally, like a little earlier than I wanted to get up and I'll go and I'll feel like ready to get up. But I'm like, I don't need to be up this early. Go back to sleep for a little bit. Feel like shit after. Really? Yeah. After like two more hours.

I think it very much is. It has to do with the cycle of the sleep too. If you battle against the natural wake up, like yeah, if you wake up maybe 25 minutes before your alarm is supposed to go off and then you just go back to sleep and then you wake up, you're just. Yeah.

It could be as little as like 20 minutes. You'll feel worse after. But I still do it every time. Don't get me wrong. I mean, yeah. Yeah. I probably have the record for hitting the snooze button the most times in a row.

I'd give you that. Yeah. Over most people on the planet. Oh, I think I hold the record by far. That's why I'm late to everything. I'm like, oh, I don't need that extra 30 minutes. Yeah. And then I'm 30 minutes late.

Yeah. Your snooze is 30 minutes? No, no, but I'll hit it like six times. I'll hit it six times. Yeah, easy. Easily. Bad habits that are actually good for you? I had farting in the car as the driver and holding the windows up.

Well, no. Explain. I'm not going to. I don't even in the car as the driver and holding the windows up. Well, no. Explain. I don't even want the explanation. That's one of the happiest moments of my life. Yeah, it brings you joy. Everyone else is. And everyone else loves it. That's one of the most disgusting things I think you do.

Everyone's done it at least once. To you, only because you've done it to me. I would have never thought to do that to anyone. Yeah, I've never done that to anyone. So you would say that it makes you feel good, though. Only when I do it to you, because you've done it to me. I would have never thought to do that to you. Yeah, I've never done that to you. So you would say that it makes you feel good though. Only when I do it to you because you deserve it. Yeah. But still.

So yes, I guess you're right. The logic holds. I guess you're right. The logic holds up. Yeah. All right. Straight into good habits that are actually bad for you. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Saying, let me check with my girlfriend first for any kind of scenario. Like on paper, that's a good thing that you should do, but it makes it, I could see as the man in a relationship that you'd be like, okay, this is going to save me in the future. Some kind of hassle. But in the reality, all it produces is a sheep mentality. Yep.

Um, and if you were to actually say that to another person, they're going to think a lot less of you. Yeah, you're going to look dumb. And then as you continue to do that, what it does is it progresses you into like, do you want paper or plastic for your bags? And you're like, let me ask my wife first. You don't have the decision-making that you need. It just defers to her.

It just defers to the wife. Makes you look bad. Yeah. Makes you look bad. I got going to the gym it's just a waste of your fucking time if you're you yeah it's just a waste of your time man I can be out chasing paper you know dude we need to get you in there no it's bad for you didn't could you imagine strong Gerald? It'd be too... If I was jacked, it'd be too dangerous. Yeah, I think we need to keep him not jacked.

Like, my mouth is too big to be jacked on top of. Could you imagine him just saying whatever whenever, dude? And I could just fuck up whoever I wanted to? Yeah, no, we need to keep him small. I need to keep that rock, paper, scissors to sock you in the fucking chest. Yeah, then you're... You don't want me big, bro.

Yeah. You don't want me big. I should be bigger. If Garrett was big, he'd be one of those guys where you'd be like, hey, I think it's big. No. And you're like, okay, yeah. And then I'd be like, your shirt, dude, just. Damn.

Damn. Did you get that last night? No, I've had this for a while. Of course you have. But I had to rock it because I'm in a Kendrick mood today. Damn, dude. Oh, that's the clip right there. I'm in a Kendrick mood today.

Yeah. Smallest white boy on the planet. I had a notch meeting your meat every day. Yes. I don't know why. I think that's a good habit. That's a good habit that's good for you. Wait, are you saying

notch meeting it would be the good habit? People say that you shouldn't. People say that you shouldn't. I can't think of habit people say that you shouldn't you should people say that you shouldn't i can't think of a good reason why you should why you shouldn't yeah i feel like that one should go in the other category more no that's why i put not in there not meeting it not meeting you meet every day just flipped it so yeah yeah okay i like that i like that i mean yeah what are you supposed to do when you wake up in the morning and when you're about to go to bed? Yeah. Yes.

What else are you supposed to do at that time? I mean, if I... Hypothetically, I should be having sex every... I would be having sex every day if that was an option. Which it isn't for you. Yeah. Which it obviously is not for you. So, it's there.

Okay. It's good for me. It's true. I'm with that. Makes sense. Running or bicycling? Just fuck you. So it's there. Okay. It's good for me. It's true. I'm with that. Makes sense. Um, running or bicycling. Just fuck you.

Yeah. I agree. Bicycling more. So I don't want to say that's a bad habit. That's bad for you. We just generalize it. This entirely into exercise. We'll just combine both of ours.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, Running and bicycling, if you want me to know that you don't have any hobbies or care about anything in general, tell me that you run and bike. Yeah. Here's my thing about that. It's, it's not fun to do. Like you're just fucking, you're just first person just looking at the street. Well, here's the thing, right? And it's dangerous on top of that.

When it comes to exercising in general, the benefits are your body starts to make some changes. I know you haven't gone through this yet. Yeah. Is that puberty? Is that what you're talking about? Develop a secondary male characteristics. Okay.

And things like that. Okay. But when it comes to running or bicycling, basically all it does for you is you can run or bicycle better, which already in itself sucks. I forgot I had a dream I had man tits the other night. It was terrifying. That's a fucking great dream. No, well, it was like

damn, I was like skinny with man boobs. And would you suck on them in the dream? I wish, but it was bad. No, you did. This wasn't a lucid dream then. No. You weren't able to control this one. No. Otherwise I would have sucked. What the fuck am I doing? i woke up with your fucking otherwise i'm in your hand otherwise i would have what the fuck am i doing woke up with my mouth just woke up with his legs over his head

he's done that more than once i promise promise god damn i keep having the same dream it's crazy to be here dude all right we're gonna take a quick break smooth sack summer is slowly coming to an end fellas if you haven't been escaping for the summer sun it's not too late to sweep your sack of those pesky pubes as summer comes to an end we enter fall just regular fall feral fall is what we're calling feral balls fall it could it could have been feral balls fall but it's not gonna be avoid feral balls fall to keep your boys clean and fresh just in time for fresh balls fall ah oh damn yes that's too good the leader in below the waist grooming is here to make sure your pubes feel

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smelling good looking part and dare i say tasting good not that i've tried it i didn't say it it's not from me it's a testimonial it's a testimonial he might dare dare say that. Do dare. Remember, that's just 20% off and free shipping with the code NOFOMO at Manscaped. Keep things smooth and fresh as the and say sayonara to smooth ball summer and enter fresh ball fall. Let's do it. Now back to the show. All right. We're going to hop into the erection section, I guess, is the beautiful name we're calling this part. Yeah, we like that.

So we'll start off with best DIY pocket pussy. Chinese finger traps. Two people? Yeah. Do a little docking when you get in the middle. You can't get out until you have the lubricant to slip out. Yes. Okay.

The crease between your mattress and your box spring. Yep. A little harsh on the bottom side, but it provides some nice rigidity. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure. A Yahtzee cup filled with mac and cheese. The hungry, hungry hippos game board. Yeah. Yeah. hippos game board yeah yeah again a group exercise yeah group exercise i love that aspect uh folded towel with a gallon of vaseline uh in the middle yeah yeah um a hollowed out hulk hand without the little bar in the middle of the ground no there's no bar are you saying that the part where you put your hand in or the actual hand itself is yeah the covering of the hand oh

yeah yeah yeah a hollowed out whole can yes yes um hot tub jet oh sure yep why not uh the little rubber aquariums with the fake plastic fish a little like oh water with a little water wigglers yeah but if you catch the fucking fin in one of those things you're going down yeah yeah wait that whammo water wiggle yeah that's what you're talking about yeah yeah yeah those are good you don't want to catch a fin that's honestly the goat yeah that's the throat everybody's day one yeah it's the hand go yeah a full tub of Tide Pods sure sure um hot pocket choose your temp oh creative

i only have three fuck um about a hundred rubber bands like a rubber band ball like a rubber band ball or no just yeah a hundred rubber like you're doing like the thing with the watermelon where you just keep putting them on. I've got a hundred rubber bands in an afternoon. Oh my God. Okay, I can get behind that. I've got a hundred rubber bands in the house myself for four hours. The dog paw cleaners on the commercials.

I don't know if I've seen those. You haven't seen those? It's like a little thing that you put your dog's paw in to clean it when it comes from inside. But it works other ways. Is it not kind of bristly in there? That's part of the game. Okay, there you go. I mean, I guess I just thought of a new one.

The board game Operation. You get a little zap every time you miss. Those are... It might be too big of a game yeah the holes are simply too large yeah otherwise i win every time yeah i can't get the nose to go off always fix your swinging side to side still can't hit a wall always fixing his teeth i got the wishbone again. Last one I had was an empty banana peel.

It ain't empty. I kind of like full. A full banana peel? Yeah, and just kind of mash it. Just mash it. That would be good for sure. I like that. I think anything that provides some form of moisture, pressure, and warmth works.

Yep. Yeah, for sure. It's kind of, you know, it makes that same thing for like diamonds. It also makes a good pussy. Yeah. Pocket pussy. I love that analogy, dude. Yes.

I love that. Diamonds are created under pressure and so is a good pocket pussy. Yeah. Nailed that one. All right. What do you got next? Piglet. Pigleto.

How would someone have to say they cleaned a pocket pussy for you to use it after them? This is my answer. Not. They didn't. Keep it sloppy, my king. If they said they shook it out pretty good. Pretty good. just like a little if they gave it a good shake like if as they're handing it to you they're just like oh

there you go yeah that's good yeah yeah yeah like like a slant over the middle throwing it like 10 15 yards oh just one like throws it across the room to me however much fell out in that amount of times well i'm good with yeah just like a good. As long as it makes the whistle like a Nerf football. It's good. Or kind of like how you clean your glasses, spit on the lens and wipe it off. Oh yeah, if they just did like a... Yeah. Or when it's real dirty, you throw a little bit of moisture on there.

Yeah. I'd accept that as an answer. Or an afternoon in the sun. Yep. That's the worst one i've heard still um wiped it on their sleeve would probably be fine yeah like kind of a like you dry off your hands on your pants if they just give me one of those or kind of like how morgue washes his hands after he goes to the bathroom doesn't at at all. It's clean. Yeah. My dick's clean. Why do I need to clean out the bugger pussy?

Yeah, it's fair. Technically. I showered before. It's fine. I guess saying you pissed in it because urine's sterile. Okay. Yeah. I used it and then I pissed in it. I filled it with piss after. No, you're not liking that one um logistically i'm trying to

break that down it's sterile the piss is sterile yeah it sterilizes it yeah okay sure yep why not um you hit it with like a blender bottle blender bottle shake oh you put the blender bottle a little shaker thing in there and just that too yeah i could get behind that hey sure yeah um if mr clean or um billy mays hayes used it before i'm fine with it fair it's clean it's clean yeah or just if we get even a little deeper if any of it's one of my boys anyone in this room used it it's clean i mean yeah we haven't cleaned ours Yeah. We haven't cleaned our communal one in ages. The no FOMO fucking pussy is bustling. I saw something crawl out of there the other day and I still use it immediately.

Oh, yeah, sure. Sure, why not? Just one thing? It's a full-grown child. I swear I heard a... The first FOMO sapien came out of... The first FOMO sapien came out of the group. The first FOMO sapien came out of the group. We collabed out of pocket pussy babies.

The group pee-pee. Holy fucking shit. Oh, yeah. This one really got away from us. Next one, please. Yeah, next one. We're keeping all that, too. Obviously.

Have to. If your sex life was a pie chart, what portion would be satisfactory, unsatisfactory, and mind-blowing? Gotta find that one however many percentage or parts of the pie would be one time mind-blowing that's how many would be mind-blowing so i don't i don't know how small the sliver that would be oh you don't know the percentage yeah but it'd be one one singular, and I think she was faking it. Is it your girlfriend? Uh-oh. This is a career thing.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. You didn't say today. Yeah. Mort? I wanted a PowerPoint presentation for this one but I didn't make it

sure that would have been next level yeah um I just want to know first who the fuck ate the portion of my pie

that was mind blowing and then from there uh I'd be bold to say 50-50 I think oh that's an obscene ratio. And I don't love how the word satisfactory sounds.

Because that sounds like a participation medal. Yep. It is. Yeah. It is that. It's like a Tough Mudder medal. It's like you completed. I mean, for me, if it was the reverse, it's 100%.

It's all mind-blowing, you know? Oh, yeah. If it was up to you. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you mean if you were interviewing girls no no no no he's interviewing himself you always thought every time was mind-blowing oh yeah yeah that's fair that's a good way to look at it yeah but yeah I'd say but objectively that's just false where's the line between satisfactory and unsatisfactory

are you saying our performance yeah or our oh you thought I was saying the other way around. I thought you were saying like how it was for me. No, every time is mind-blowing. If it's us doing it, yeah, sure. The whole pie. Oh, you're saying for the girl. Yes. Like the woman's perspective.

What would she rate your performance? Oh, I have mine way wrong, Dan. Yeah, yours is fucked. Well, then 60% of mine did not finish or incomplete. If that's what we're going for. Minimum time requirements not met. It's like you forgot the backside of the page of the test.

Yeah, I just wrote my name at the top. You got a DNF. How much, what is it? You get like 500 points on the SAT for signing. For writing your name. I barely have that. I put my first name. I SAT'd it. I SAT'd it? Okay. I SAT'd it.

All right. What is the sexiest inanimate object? Lava lamps, number one for me. Something about that, just the way it flows. If you're horny enough, you can see something that'll turn you on in one of those little floating things. You can see something in that? It's like clouds. Hmm.

Hmm. It's like clouds. I've got Polly Pockets. What's a Polly Pocket? I'm going to look that up. The little dolls. Oh my God. No, you didn't.

What? Polly Pockets. You don't know what a poly pocket is those are those are like brats yeah like brats dolls when you find it oh wow can you turn it out wow all right dude you want the poly pockets on there that's they're fucking hot i mean yeah what do you know those are animate oh no i made it animate No, those are animate. Oh, no. I made it animate, but... No, those are anime, dude. Which one?

All of them, dude. I don't know. Oh, you can get the full set on here for fucking $12. No, the male ones are dumbass. The... Polly with a U. Yeah. Paul Pockets.

Paul Pockets. Jesus Christ. Morgue. The top of a tube of toothpaste the cat while you're squeezing it think harder i i i know all portions of the exactly you said the top yeah like when you're said the top. Yeah, like when you're squeezing it. The top of it. Okay, the end? Yes. Sure? Not that end. Oh, you want to talk about attacking people today?

Yeah, well, I'm on edge. Okay, obviously. Jeez. Ladies, he's single. Someone help him out. Jesus Christ. Someone fucking relieve this guy of his fucking... He is full to the brim.

He's a fucking two-by-two face. Someone didn't jerk off today, I'll tell you that. Yeah, did you do it this morning or did you not yet? Adderall that before you did that. I'm mid right now. I'm right in the gist. You're right in the gist. You're right in the something.

You're right in the fucking fist, bro. Wind turbines. The spin does it for me. Okay. Just the spinning. Does it remind you of something a helicopter okay uh i had a close runner up for polypockets my little ponies wow here it's phub searches so interesting um uh walnuts look it up i've i will i've had a walnut i don't think i need to look it up. I will. I've had a walnut.

I don't think I need to look it up. The nut itself? Yep. Because it looks like a brain? No. What part of it then? Not a brain. Something else that looks like a brain.

It might have been a unique walnut what walnuts um i'm gonna have to agree to disagree with that one but yeah sure sure i mean if it works for you i guess is it a type of walnut specifically no okay well next one um the big reflective bean statue in Chicago. Ooh. I like that. Just the bean. Yeah.

I think it's called the bean. The bean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that look like? Go ahead and look that up and tell me. You're not going to get bricked. Bean in Chicago? You've never seen the big bean, dude?

Beantown? Beantown's actually- Oh, that guy. Yeah. I need to go to the bathroom yeah we're gonna take five no that's good for sure um the rest of mine would land me in some sort of uh padded cell with a straight jacket so you're already freaking some grippy socks on your feet for your first two all right go ahead and just pass for me i'm just gonna fire off the rest of my go for it i had a blimps redwood trees the inside of a pumpkin and the end of a hot dog were my last ones okay the end of a hot dog yeah just

the tip google that no i'm good i got the end of a hot dog as it's protruding out of the bun. No, no. Look at that. Just the part that comes out of the bun. I get it. I've seen it before. All right. We got a couple more fun ones to close out here. Okay.

What is your internal dialogue when you catch yourself in the mirror at a party? That's included in it. Yeah. The first thing is, yeah, if it's deep in the night definitely like a very long breath out where is that one okay um first first thing is usually like is this dude trying to fuck me who's the hot dude like why is this guy looking at me like that what's he doing then it's something more along the lines of holy fuck holy fucking fuck why are you looking at me like that yeah because i still haven't realized it's me yet yeah you're like that guy right there's not me and he's looking at me like

i'm a crazy person he's still trying to fuck me yeah he's trying to fuck me and then um i'll usually do a game when i do realize that it is me where I'll make a normal face in the mirror. Then look away and count to five and make sure that I'm still doing the normal face. And if I can't hold that five seconds and I come back and I'm just right here again, then it's like, alright, you're done drinking.

It's over for you. Yeah, that's the end for you. Don't look at anybody for too long. Keep your eye on your phone. Yeah, walk out with your eyes to the ground. Try not to make eye contact with anyone because you're going to scare everybody here. Make sure you're not fucking bumping into the walls because you're going to draw more attention to yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, mine is always initially just that's not fucking me. There's no fucking way. I do not look like that right now. It's crazy how it takes you a good amount of time to recognize yourself. Oh, yeah. It's like even when you're in the bathroom by yourself and you're just looking at it, you're like, God damn, there's no way I look like that scary right now. If you have shades, it helps.

That's why I always wear shades out because my eyes get sketched. I already can't see. Yeah, I already can't see, so why not double down and then erase the fact that I look like a fucking demon. Yeah. Yeah. If it's early on in the night, it's usually some sort of smile and a grunt. Like if it's like just now getting drunk it's just like yeah it's happening if it's later on in the night i'll try to do like uh one of those like one of those drunk texts are drunk

tests where like i'll try to fucking do that shit or like walk straight for a little bit in the back just in the bathroom like two steps that's not how drunk i am just two whole stuff the tiles are completely if i can make it from the bathtub to the toilet yeah straight or it'll be some kind of like pump up talk like let's go you got this you got this oh i do love a good pump up talk yeah that usually works most yeah i feel like you usually you have to there has to be some of this for you i know i'll get one of you guys to slap me because you normally have me do that so if it's you alone in the bathroom i assume you do it for yourself yes a nice splash of water like helps you but then you come out just looking like sweaty and fucking scary i do love when you do the splash of water and then like you're in a bathroom that doesn't have like a hand

towel yeah and you're just like well now i just look disgusting yeah now i look like i just fucking beat off yeah hot bathroom Sweating profusely. Okay, what's your internal dialogue when no one laughs at your joke? Where's Morgan Garrett? Where are my friends at? Because they would have loved that. Yeah, they would have loved that shit. Mine's just like,

okay, obviously no one heard that. Let me say it again louder. Say it again louder. Say it again louder. Yeah, what's your internal dialogue the second time give it like five seconds and say it again louder first yeah turn around and run away word it rewrite the equation scratch your head and walk off to the bathroom if it's really bad I'll fucking don't speak again for a long time yep and um yeah yeah that's pretty that pretty much covers the basis I think uh depending if it's a new group of people I don't know that's when you and I think it was something that was really funny I'll maybe try it out on another group yeah just to confirm a little project texting you know like like oh if it

didn't hit there again it's like okay now I can't talk to anyone at this party but yes I know for sure that the joke was then the uber gets again, it's like, okay, now I can't talk to anyone at this party. But I know for sure that the joke was not funny. Then the Uber gets called. And it's usually also something along the lines of, like, I made a mom joke to someone whose mom was dead that I didn't know. Have you guys ever done that before? My entire life. It's happened at least ten times over in my life. Oh, that's the worst, dude.

And it's always, they'll never say anything, but it always like the good friend that's like yo yeah and I go oh you don't have to say it I already know where you can you can tell because everyone else in the group looks away from you and that person yep they're just like oh everyone's like let's not deal with that awkwardness yeah or someone tries to change the subject really quick oh yeah well anyway yeah wait what did everyone do this weekend? Yeah, fuck. They're just like, oh. When somebody changes the subject, that's when you know it was the worst. There's nothing worse than a joke missing.

Yeah. That's why we do this podcast with no audience. Or if someone hits you as like a so anyways. Yeah, a so anyways. That's a find me six feet of rope. Yep. And hang me from a fucking ceiling fan. How high is this building?

Can I jump off it? Oh, that's the order the Uber right outside. Can I make it count? Uber's 20 minutes away, but I'm waiting outside. But I'm waiting on the curb. Yeah. And I'm walking down. I'm ordering it to the corner.

Yes. What's your go-to peer pressure? Go-to peer pressure to use on other people? Go-to peer pressure to use on other people. I have two that I like to use. One is overly legitimizing their excuse to the point that it makes them feel bad for using it. Like, oh, I have to work

tomorrow. I have a big day tomorrow. I'm just mocking them whenever excuses come. Or instead of using the voice, I'll just be like, oh, guys, guys, guys. He's got work. He has to wake up. He has to wake up tomorrow. None of us have to wake up. Yeah, he has to get up. You wouldn't get it. We wouldn't get it. He has to wake up. He has to wake up tomorrow. None of us have to wake up. Yeah, he has to get up. It's serious.

This is, you wouldn't get it. We wouldn't get it. He has work tomorrow. Hey, just let him off. I have important things to do. Yeah. The voice is when you're trying to really be a dick, but I think almost more effective is when you try and like seem like you're on their side

and then they're like, thank you. Oh, he's fucking on me. Oh, you're being a fucking dick. Another good one is just asking them their entire plans for the next day and just. Before you even get them to do something. Yeah. Okay, perfect. So take this shot.

No, it's the pre peer pressure. Yeah. I'll make sure you got nothing. You got no excuse. Yeah. Then you look dumb. Yeah. Yeah.

I also like to do, just say things like everyone really likes you now. Oh, you're right. You're everyone's favorite now. You're everyone's favorite boy. Even the disappointed talk. Yeah. Yeah. No. Oh, you don't want to do it that's cool everyone loves you dude yeah yeah yeah i mean there's this classic don't be a bitch you won't but the mocking is is got to be top tier you won't works on most guys yep because nobody wants to hear that no and i think sometimes it

can be even as simple as like okay cool yeah or like uh all right we're not that cool anything condescending pretty much oh yeah delegitimizing your friendship yeah yeah yeah okay oh so we're not that close i get it yeah oh you're gonna probably you'd probably you're gonna leave and go do it with your other friends yeah you only turn up with your girlfriend now yeah oh wow i never want to hear that don't even bring up the girlfriend excuse because that's that's one that i'll go in and be like you guys he's got to go to brunch with his girlfriend. He's got to be in tip-top shape for all the bad jokes. All I know is when it comes to you two, it's tiptoeing around any excuse.

You better have a good one if it's us. I'll just blatantly ignore and turn around. Just start talking to someone else entirely if you guys are trying to fuck me over. That works. Then what peer pressure can you not say no to any of those yeah almost any i guess it depends on how drunk i already am if i'm sober i could maybe try and battle through a couple but if i'm drunk it could be as simple as just like

come on come on now yeah come on come on yeah All right. All right. There's very few that wouldn't work on me. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of it for me is just me telling myself I won't. Yeah. So you peer pressure yourself. Yeah. You peer pressure yourself when you know you got nothing to do.

That's fair. Yeah. That one hurts, but you do it. That one hurts internally. No one knows how bad you're hurting. I know for a fact the one that works the best on me is the one we've already done it's just the oh yeah the mocking yeah that because they don't even get two words out and you're like oh you said you're just like all right fuck it god damn it yeah oh you said you were gonna hear that voice i'm like shut the fuck up i'll take it whatever

i don't care yeah all right ladies and gentlemen that was uh episode 28 of no fomo we will see you uh same time same place next week. And if you guys want some of the Mommy Daddy shirts, they're in our bio. And if you just want to give us money to make the show better. Just send it. Just absolutely send it. How would they send it to us, Morgan?

My Venmo is at Bungie Beats. That's B-U-N-D-G-Y. B-E-A-T-Z. Okay. So you're just asking for personal donations right now? Any money that comes with the show, we drink more. We'll put to a good use. Yeah, yeah.

We'll put to good use. It's Bag City or we drink more. Yeah. That is an important part. It's not going towards gas. It's not going towards rent. It's going towards embarrassing ourselves. It's going towards drugs and alcohol to give you better content.

Yep. Correct. That's fair. See you guys next week. Yes, sir.