NO FOMO - 29. Cheese Balls With The Queen

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we crush some cheese balls with the Queen and just get absolutely smarter than a kindergartener.   Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO.   Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!   Links to Socials and Patreon:  https://linktr.ee/nofomopod

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back, back to the My Second FOMO Show. No FOMO. Somber morning here at the No FOMO Podcast as we mourn the loss of Queen Elizabeth II. She's right here. But we brought her back. She's right there. As only we could do. The queen is not dead.

As only we could really pull off. Tell the Google machine. In one way I'm sad, but another way I'm elated because we have a very special guest. Queen Elizabeth is here, back from the grave. Back from the grave. We brought her back for one more hour. We brought her back for one more hour, and she's looking like a fucking snack, ladies and gentlemen. Treatable as fuck.

As everyone knows, I'm a huge fan of the pod. Queen John Elizabeth II. Yeah, we lost a big fan this week. I'm a huge time FOMO sapien. Yeah, long time listener, first time caller. Dude, 2% over 60. That's the queen. I know, that time caller. Dude, 2% over 60. That's the queen. I know, that's over.

The whole 2% is her. Yeah, because she doubles over 60. She was like 170. She was 96. Yeah, 170. Times two. So the queen is here. Yeah.

Where's your crown? Where's the fucking crown? I put it on the thing. Okay. Close up. I guess she's no longer the queen. Yeah, you know. She's dead so

it is what it is he's right there yeah but can we do can we do a quick moment of silence yep oh yeah

oh shit oh shit boy yeah but you know we lost we lost a real one yeah big bong

you know I don't really know anything about her that I't in the show The Crown, and I'm only three seasons in, so I'm not that versed. Do you like that show, dude? The Crown? That show's depressing as fuck. It's pretty slow and pretty depressing. It's super dark.

Pretty dark. It's not something you put on before bed. You gotta watch it. Because usually I'm like a Netflix binge watcher, and that shit will send you into the darkness on like a hangover. It's good, but it's just like there's no up points at all. It's all just shitting,

getting shit on. They're just depressed the whole time. It's not great. Yeah, but here we are with the queen. Live on air. We're doing the Patreon. Yeah, Patreon's starting. Which brings me into my shades this week.

Oh my God. Those are incredible. How much can you see? Can you see anything? For three reasons. For three reasons. For three reasons. Get the Patreon.

Get the Patreon. Get the Patreon. Oh, you're advertising me. You will buy the Patreon and you'll like it. Buy a t-shirt. Buy a t-shirt. You want to explain to people who don't even know what that is or what we're going to be doing? Oh, yeah.

Okay. So we started a Patreon where we're going to do the... He explains it with the word. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to do extended cuts of the episodes where we don't cut out the heinous crimes that we commit. There are certain things that we do

leave out of every episode mostly hot takes yeah mostly things that I say yeah it's gonna be a lot of Garrett yeah if you wanna get

big illegal with the boys it'll be on there yep and if you fucking record anything and put it on the on the actual internet we'll come behead you

yeah and we also buy a shirt buy a shirt shirt, buy a shirt, buy a shirt. And the third reason for the glasses is, Queen, can you fuck me? Are you trying to hypnotize John into having sex with you? No, okay. Take the glasses off. He didn't need a hypnotizing 14 minutes ago.

No, okay. So this week I wanted to hypnotize you guys into thinking I was funnier and liking me. You're going to need that. Oh, yeah, now it makes a lot of sense. Okay, and to like you, good luck. And then it was spend that money. Okay, yeah. And now they know what the money is for,

so we got the cheese balls. We got cheese balls. Your money goes to cheese balls. It goes towards our glasses fund every week. If you haven't noticed, I've worn the same glasses twice in a row. This is not acceptable. We need, buy those t-shirts, dude. Buy the t-shirts. Hand me the cheese ball. You to cheese balls. It goes towards our glasses fund every week. If you haven't noticed, I've worn the same glasses twice in a row. This is not acceptable. Buy those t-shirts, dude.

Buy the t-shirts. Hand me the cheese ball. You want cheese balls? Sign up for the Patreon. This is what we're doing. Oh, so close. That was one for one. It's fair to say if you like the show, you'll love the Patreon.

Because it's just gnarlier shit. Dude, where do the cheese balls go when you miss? Don't worry about them. Dude, where do cheese balls go when you don't catch them with your mouth? I don't know. I swear to God, I haven't seen one of them on the floor.

It's the cheese balls in the forest sort of deal. So the cheese balls are, if we make a funny, it's, you get cheese balls. You want a cheese ball? It's like a good,

it's like a little treat treat. Morgan's gonna be so hungry. Treat treat. Morgan's gonna be fucking famished after this episode. Yeah. Treat treat.

Other news, football's back. Football's back. That's huge, dude. That's huge. We were really on that. I lost this week. I'm pissed.

Oh, you're a Raiders fan now? Gang, gang, gang. Oh, anyone who's playing the Chargers, I'm with. I do love this time of year when one of my friends is just starting to date a girl who's never been around a football guy before, and they don't like fall football at all, and they don't realize how often football is. She's making plans for the weekend.

Oh, is this Hunter's girl? Yeah, Hunter's girl is like, hey, do you want to do this Sunday? Do you want to do this? And he's like, oh, no, there's football Sunday. She's like, okay, what about Saturday? Oh, no, there's football Saturday. She comes over. Thursday night, there's football.

Yeah, she comes over at like 5 p.m. on Sunday, and she's like, oh, can we start doing stuff? He's like, the Sunday night game's on. Yeah, it's on in 10. Is it all day? I'm like, Thursday night, all day Saturday, all day Sunday. Here's the Monday night. Monday through Sunday, there's some sort of football.

No, but yes. Yes. There through Sunday, there's some sort of football. No, but yes. Yes. There's highlights. There's something. Well, Tuesday is Fantasy Waver Wire Day. You got to get that done. Yeah. Saturday's for the boys.

Sunday's for football. Yeah. You pick your boys. I do feel like a large sense of freedom because I no longer give a fuck about any team because I absolutely despise the Chargers who abandoned me a couple years ago in San Diego yeah so now I'm just I'll basically watch the charger game to root for the opposite team and then I'm good to go for the reason I've been doing that for years with the Raiders it's a great time well now I'm I'm Raider game yeah Raider name I bleed black and silver it's oh yeah

what else could you more there's still room for you whenever you want to do that I might I thought we had him in that game too, bro. I thought we had them. I fucking thought we had them. I might hop in. Dude, I want to eat a cheese ball. We haven't eaten one yet. Stop trying to just leave it. Here, open up, bitch. I'm throwing darts over here, bro. They're good.

They're good? Yep. You want to hop us into one? Wait, hold on. I got more. Okay, you got more? You got more? Wait, so I was thinking we need some sort of incentive for the um you're gonna bring this up right now what in the middle are we brainstorming on air did you just pause the episode

no we're good okay i'm not speak dude i'm monkey i'm just here speak boy dude you guys need to be nicer to me no oh absolutely not dude no fuck you earn how's that earn it earn our respect you fucking big bitch i gotta put the glasses back yeah hide your fucking face you're so no but i was thinking um you know how we did the 6 12 18 24 challenge you brought it up that one time yeah i was thinking like we should do it no every how many shirts and one of us will do it i mean if how about if we get to i don't if we said the next hundred that we sell we'll all do it the next hundred shirts we'll all do this all do it. The next hundred shirts? We'll all do the 612 ATM24 challenge? If we get to the next hundred, we'll all do it.

Yeah, I'll do that. So go buy some fucking shirts. A hundred shirts? Okay. And we're doing that challenge? Also, we're going to work on some new, some fresh merch for the gang too. Yeah.

Well, I mean, there's still hotcakes. No, I know, but I'm saying we need to be, you know, on top of it. We need to do more? Yeah. Okay, I know, but I'm saying we need to be, you know, on top of it. We need to do more? Yeah. Okay, I like that. Let's see what else we got here. I'm thinking one that says God save the queen and it's John's face on it.

Like, you know, next level, highbrow shit. That's fair. Wait, before we get into it, I was just on the TikTok last night and I just had some fucking comments that I thought were all time. Okay, sure. So for the boobs 2.01, somebody said Wi-Fi hotspot. Ooh, that would be clutch. Which I thought was pretty good.

Ooh, a little hotspot? Hotspot titties? I don't know how long I can do these glasses. Are you feeling it already? No, they're fucking terrible. I'm hypnotizing myself inside. They look like your eyes when you take Adderall. I'm starting to want to knock you out less your eyes when you take Adderall. So it's like,

I'm starting to want to knock you out less. Yeah. And then, so we had a mom comment. She said, as a mom, they can slash do spray.

Hashtag missed mode. Let's go. Shout out to that feral rodent that comments that. Feral mommy. And then some guy said, this is the most bruh thing

I've ever heard, which I don't know i like that i i thought that was funny at 2 a.m yeah well you should probably go to sleep earlier because everything that you come up with that's two oh for three oh for three start for the morgue man hey dude come on that was hey it's gonna be a big comeback season for you i'm funny i'm funny all right do we want to do the roast then you want to do roast start okay yeah let's roast it up glasses off or just gear it i guess what we have to be roast to start? Okay. Yeah, let's roast it up. Glasses off. Just Garrett, I guess. What?

We have to be able to see each other for these. You want me to take my glasses off for you? Yeah, I need to see Morg's eyes when I tell him about this. Morg, you thought

yours were hilarious. Let's hear yours first. No, I'm going to go last. Trust. Okay. Garrett? I mean, I'll just lead us off.

Morgan looks like Squidward if instead of playing the clarinet, he played the skin flute. That's pretty good. I like that. Cheeseball, cheeseball. Good job.

Mouth feed him, mouth feed him. Oh yeah, I can mouth feed him. Cheeseball, good boy. That's good. That's what the cheeseballs are for. This one's a dual roast. Okay. FOMO gets their biggest bump in music during June.

That's Gay Pride Month. Patreon. That's because our music is fucking sexy. We're sexy dudes. It's sexless. It's genderless. It's non-binary. And also non-listenable. Morg looks like if Abercrombie

wanted to appeal to the Downs market. Oh my god. Oh, fuck. I'll take that. I'll run with that. Yeah, you could. Oh, you will. You're getting a call from them next episode. I used to work at Abercrombie, so I'm taking that to the marketing team. That was the reason why. They were like, we need to get more Downs in here. Easily.

This is the face of the franchise. This is the new head of marketing. You want to just keep firing here? Yeah, you can go. Garrett looks like if Captain America before the serum and reverse Timothee Chalamet with the dress had a kid and he didn't see the sun until

he was 18. Damn. We went not even funny, just mean. You guys are going to like these. I think the only other one I had for Garrett was Translucent Jack Skellington. Oh, damn, you went Jack Skellington too? Yeah. No one's heard that one before.

Okay. Cheeseball. Cheeseball. Back to you, Cheeseball. Oh, God. Cheeseball me. You got to close that up okay um i got i got one more like that just tell me that's not literally him but but breedable more breedable who is it yeah it's the little rat for everyone that can't see it's remy the rat from ratatouille um okay john

you look like me boom roasted Garrett where's Garrett couldn't see you behind the cam tripod and you look like me boom roasted how did I know you were going to do the Michael Scott

oh fuck Garrett looks like Timothee Chalamet if Timothee Chalamet was a virgin. Okay. And then Garrett looks like SpongeBob and Jack the Pumpkin King somehow had a child. I can see that. But more breedable. Yeah, but more breedable.

And then to actually hype the boys up, let's bring up some hype here. Hey, yeah, hype us up. Garrett has skinny kid, big dick energy. Ooh, that's a vibe. And John looks like me. Yes, I love that. Fuck. I was hoping you were going to fumble through that a little more

when you usually do because you speak like a bumbling idiot and just call you Doodle Bob right away through. Ooh, Doodle Bob. Doodle Bob. Yeah, the quiver's gone today. Dude, I'm free off the Adderall. I'm free. You're free. Yeah, Morgan's been freed from his. Yeah, hoi-me-noy. Dude, I'm free off the Adderall. I'm free. You're free.

Yeah, Morgan's been freed from his Adderall prison. Dude. We decided to cut him off. You got to get to 50K. You need it to get to 50K. I mean, it's cool if you're doing work by yourself alone in the darkroom, which you're typically doing, but... It's cool for the darkness.

Socially, it just doesn't work. Yeah, it's not... It's weird because when I'm at parties and stuff, though, it's pretty sick. Yeah, because you're fucking drunk on top of it. Well, I'm fucking drunk here. Yeah, that's true. Well, then I don't know what's wrong with you. You're not drunk enough, I guess.

So we get into... That was pretty good. Good job, boys. Cheese balls? Cheese balls around? Cheese balls? Everyone earned one. Everyone earned a ball.

Oh, you fucking hit me with a tongue, dude. I'll give you one more. Don't look for them. Just let them fall. That was a dart. I'm throwing darts at Mark fall that was a darn i'm throwing darts at mark that was a justin herbert toss oh fuck dude we're gonna we're this is day one we're working it's a working on okay all right what's our next thing um let's get right

into the uh the meat the potatoes of today yeah meet up dude that was the meat this is the potatoes the potatoes okay somebody want to break it down for us? Yeah, we're kind of just doing some current events, some celebrity mishaps and whatnot from the past few years. Some fun shit. Also, we got some queen questions and things like that. Question the queen. Just some fun facts about me, you know? Yes.

Yeah, we should have just interviewed you, honestly. Yeah. Mork, what do you want to start us off with? In terms of the queen? In terms of whatever you want. Let's go. I mean, you're here. You want me to ask him?

Oh, no. I thought you want to share your fun facts? Oh, yeah. So the queen, a.k.a. me, loved Cordes. The queen, what do you call it? Queen regent? No, afterent no after postpartum like no that's that's after birth isn't it what is it is it the queen elect when they die yes the late queen the lake our late queen yeah that's the word i was looking for um i loved corgis i owned over 30 in my lifetime really and i was credited with inventing the Dosh and Corgi mix.

That's a fucking vibe, dude. Which is probably one of the cutest dogs we have. Do we have a picture of that? I mean, just imagine the cutest thing you can. But in honor of me, I was thinking, what would be some of the coolest animals to mix together? I thought a dog and a horse would be pretty good. A dorse?

Like a horse the size of a dog? A horg or a dorse? No, a dog and a horse would be pretty good. A dorse? Like a horse the size of a dog? A horgue or a dorse? No, a dog the size of a horse. Okay. No, like a horse, a dog head on a horse. I prefer the big red dog. Yes. No, no, no.

But a horse body dog head. Oh, that's kind of scary. Yeah. You could ride it though, which would be sick. That's like a giant wolf. Or if it was a wiener dog, it's kind of like a banana boat. Ooh. True. You could fit like four fools on there. there yeah at least 10 of the homies on something

i didn't know something i didn't know i needed to see the other day on uh on instagram was a husky and a corgi mix that thing was a fucking vibe oh that's a whole husky it's just like full-on i like husky face husky build but like the shortness and length of a corgi. Is it a cusky or a horgi? A horgi. A horgi. Oh, a husky. A husky. Another good one.

This is just animals in general, right? Yeah. A spider and an octopus. Ooh. That would be fucked up. Like a land octopus? A land octopus? The spider size of an octopus that was on land.

Yes. That's horrifying. That's horrifying, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You went horrifying. Imagine you walk in, there's one just in the corner of your bedroom, and you just bust out the shotgun.

And it's just inking you. You just can't even see shit. Oh, you're not even webbed, you're getting inked? And then it fucks you. And it fucks you with all its tentacles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ink and web? Yeah.

Oh. You're fucked. Blind and immobile. It shoots the fucking web at you. I mean, honestly, a land octopus would just be fucking horrifying. A loctopus? You're not winning that. You run nine times out of ten.

Run for the fucking hills. This one I couldn't help but just kind of chuckle to myself about. I don't know why I thought it was so funny. A sea donkey. A sea donkey? Instead of a seahorse. A sea donkey? A sea donkey.

That's fire. I like that. Wait, how did seahorses work? They got the curly little guy on the back? Yeah, the little curly little... Yeah. And what's their deal? They like switch genders?

Oh yeah, the male births, but it's just, it's the female. It doesn't make any sense. Are there even two genders of those? Definitely. I don't know, man. I'm not really sure. We might have to do a deep dive into that. That might be an entire next episode.

I'm going to have to do a seahorse. Sea donkey set? What do you got, Jeebus? For more fun animals? We're really going in on this? Yes. I don't know. I wasn't that interested in this.

Heard that. Heard that. Take a cheese ball out of his stomach. Next. Move a cheese ball from me. Next. Negative one cheese ball. I just saw the corgi husky and I was fired up.

All right. Next queen fact. The queen had a plan for the queen's death since 1966. They reconvened every three years to replan it. It was called Operation London Bridge Has Fallen. So for this one, we're going to do Operation Your Boy Is Down. Operation John's Down? Operation Your Boy Is Non-Operable.

Run through it, please. For Operation John Has Fallen, it's just straight up mouth to mouth. But he wakes up really quick quick but he lets it ride okay yeah his eyes his eyes open almost immediately but he doesn't he doesn't have a pulse yet his pulse doesn't come back but he's i stay closed penis goes up yeah the first the first way you'll know is when you're mounting on top of him you'll feel a long object hit your stomach yeah mouth to dick i mean but he's back but yeah operation john is back you know it's working yeah and then for operation garrett has fallen i just had a smoke bomb with

an eight ball yeah like a stun grenade just all it's just my face is just doused it's absolutely flashbang dude i think that's actually a thing like you could just smoke just smoke bomb. I mean, it's definitely going to work. I'm pretty sure that's called... There's a word for it, though, is what I'm saying. It's called... Isn't it something with, like, flour? Because you just, like, fucking throw it at them, and it just...

Flour bomb them? Yeah. Yeah, something like that. I was saying something like Narcan, but instead it's literally just cocaine. Ooh, reverse Narcan? Yeah. Reverse Narcan?

Yeah, it's like a little nasal spray, but it's literally just cocaine. Ooh, reverse Narcan? Yeah. Reverse Narcan? Yeah, it's like a little nasal spray, but it's literally just blow. Mine was more like a list of like a playbook. Okay. Oh, okay. So first things first, assure the crowd members that this is just a drill. Everything's under control. Okay. Even though it's most assuredly not.

Get the bag in motion. Yeah. Okay. Relocate down teammate to the gulag, aka the restroom. Ooh. Use calming phrases. You're good, bud. You're my strong boy. You're good, bud. We got this. Don't worry. You're good, bud.

And then administer nasal CPR. Yeah. Ooh, I like that. NPR. Yeah, you've got to blow it in and then you've got to pump it. You've got to pump it to make sure it gets in. 30 to 2 ratio on blows to pumps. And I think you have to spit into his nose

so he gets the drip. Oh, yeah. That's what gets him up. Yeah, it's like a loogie blow. Yeah. Oh, you could almost do like, you know how you plug somebody's nose when they're sleeping

to get them to breathe through their mouth? Yeah. Hold their mouth and then make them breathe through their nose. Yes, yes, yes. It's reverse. I love that.

It's the reverse reverse. But you're back. You're back. And the queen is back. Had to be. And the queen is revived. All right, I'm hypnotizing myself. Yeah, holy fuck.

You can no longer see. I can't see your eyes either. I can't get any facial reaction from you. All right, let's get cheesy. Do we want to get into the Jake Paul fight? Sure. All right, so John finally let me have the fact that it was Anderson Silva last week.

Thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We argued about that. Do we want to do predictions first? I feel like that's important. I mean, my predictions are just hopes, really. Okay, well, that's a normal prediction.

I'd like a leg kick to the head to behead Jake Paul in the first 30 seconds of the fight. Okay, yeah, a leg kick in a boxing match? That's what I'm saying. Fuck it. Fuck it. Just kick him in the fucking head and take it off. I'd be down with that, actually, yeah. Like, the rules are out the window with Jake Paul.

I want him beheaded. Well, that's a great leeway into my next question, which is, God forbid Jake Paul did die in the fight. How would you want to see it happen? A leg kick to the head and it flies into the fucking upper deck. Someone catches it. It's like a big fucking celebration. Yeah, maybe he gets punched so hard that he gets tangled up in one of the ropes and kind of just. It's choking.

Oh, he's self-inflicted. Yeah, he's just. And they just can't get him out. No one comes to help him. Yeah. Because no one likes him. He gets spun around so many times that it's tied around him.

They're holding Logan Paul back in the crowd. I do have to give him some credit, though. I was thinking about this. He does such a good job of picking people to where no matter if he does win, there's still a debate on whether or not he's a real boxer. Yeah, like why does he not...

Why does he refuse to fight anyone who actually is a boxer? Yeah, that's fair. Anderson Silva's almost 50 years old, and he was never a boxer. Exactly. So even if he does win, if he does win, it's like, oh, I beat Anderson Silva. There's that, but then there's the counterargument of Anderson Silva's 47 years old, and he was not a boxer.

Yeah, it's a stalemate either way. Yeah, no matter what, win or lose. He just absolutely refuses to fight a current boxer around his age, same size, like just what the fuck is going on? Around his age would just be nice. Yeah. Because he's like 27 or something. Yeah, like you're fighting someone who's literally old enough to be your dad. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick break from the show because.

All right, ladies and babies. Good God. It is fresh ball fall from the Queen's ball it's the queen here and it's the season of pumpkin spice and making your crotch look nice and look my funeral is coming up i better not see no big ass bush at that shit okay that means sipping cider in a fall breeze and using manscape products to trim your balls with ease or your bush look Look, I'm the queen. I tried to start Queenscaped, but these guys have it covered. Okay. So I couldn't even break into the market and I'm the queen before you died anyway. Kingscaped has taken over. Today's show is

brought to you by Manscaped if you haven't noticed, and it's a company to make sure that your foliage isn't the only thing shedding its excess leaves. I also had to shed some excess leaves when I died. Heck, even mother nature knows it's time to lose the excess clutter for fall. Okay. And mother nature knew that the mother queen was your time to go. Join the 6 million men and women, apparently worldwide, just manscaped by going to manscape.com for 20% off and free shipping with the code no FOMO hashtag the queen. Okay. It's helped me out throughout my entire career as the queen has been a long one. Okay. I did not go up in front of the Royal Parmal parliament. I did not show up for the Derby. I didn't show up for anything without trimming this Bush. Okay. So go to manscaped.com

and get 20% off and free shipping with the code NOFOMO. That's 20% off. Can't stress that enough. And free shipping at Manscaped. Can't stress that enough. When you use the code NOFOMO, Manscaped, clear out the leaves.

It's your tree trunks time to shine. God save the queen. Sponsor those cheese balls. Now back to the show okay um i just need you guys to bear with me for this next one okay oh god so did you guys see the andrew tate thing that he got banned from everything yes we saw that yeah just bear with me dude give me a cheese ball this is gonna be good all right i'll now you'll have one at the ready you go you got wait for for before we get into the fun stuff i just want to know what you

guys think his three-step plan is. Whose? Trump's or Entertape? His three-step plan for what? So he has some sort of anonymous three-step plan. To do what? Exactly. Well, the first one was to go- Oh, he just said, I have a plan?

Yeah, yeah. I just want to know what you guys think it could be. Do you mean posts getting- No, so the step one was to take over social media. Okay. And then I just want to know what you guys think two and three would be. Oh, step two, get kicked off of social media. Step three, go to therapy.

Step three, I think... Step three, wind up in a ditch in Tijuana. I mean, I think he might just go like Trump mode and start his own platform where he can say whatever he wants and it's just going to be like just gathering gathering of fucking incels talking about to shit about women I could say or yeah I could see him turning in like uh like he goes exclusive with like twitch or something he's on like rumble or something it's some other thing of course it's called it's called rumble with america it's a bloodbath in there. Patriots on Rumble.

So I have a game for this. Okay, of course you do. Who said it, Andrew Tate or Barack Obama? Okay. Alright, cheeseball. Two honorable men. Two honorable men.

It's pretty in-depth. I'm excited for this. I'm locking my screen for actually. I'm locking my screen for this. Who said it, Andrew Tate or Barack Obama? Okay. The future rewards those who press on. I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. I don't have time to complain.

I'm going to press on. That's Bardock. I bet that's Andrew Tate. I'm going Barack. Talk about it. Figure it out. I don't think the feel sorry for myself thing is in Barack's vocabulary. No, I could see someone say, like, it was a question about him being, like, the first black president or something. That's the worst take I've ever heard. And then he was just shrugged it off.

Like, they asked it in a weird way. And then he was like, no. Doesn't matter. I just got to press on. It's Andrew Tate. He was down in the polls, maybe. No, because I don't- he's trying to trick us into convincing us that Andrew Tate's wholesome. We're split. We're split? Okay, that's Barack.

Yeah, fuck off. Yeah, really, I knew it. Idiot. Throw me a fucking cheese ball for that. Ah, first lick, that looked good. Why did I lick my fingers? I was licking the cheese ball. There wasn't any cheese on there either. That was done. You sucked it all clean off.

Okay. Next one. You can't let your failures define you. You have to let your failures teach you. That's Barack. That's Barack. And I'll tell you why it's Barack. Barack Hussein.

Because Top G doesn't fail. Oh, I like that. I like that. Okay. That's Barack Hussein Obama. Okay, last one. Was that Barack why it's Barack. Barack Hussein. Because Top G doesn't fail. Oh, I like that. I like that. Okay. That's Barack Hussein Obama. Okay, last one. Was that Barack? That was Barack.

Yeah, that was Barack. Nice try. Okay. What color is your Bugatti? I think that's Barack. Top G doesn't own a Bugatti. That's Top G. That's Top Gizzle, bro.

Okay. Next game. Who said it? Vladimir Putin or Andrew Tate? Okay. Okay. My English is very bad. Vladimir.

That's Top G. No, it's Vladimir. Damn it. Yeah. Sometimes it is necessary to be lonely to prove that you are right. To prove that you're right? Lonely to prove that you're right? That's a toss-up.

What is the point of that statement? Like you have to fucking... You got an argument, so you just go sulk until... No, you have to grind in the dark. You're alone in your thought. Oh, you're alone on your side. I don't care if no one's with me, I'm right. Oh, that's Putin.

That's for sure. Okay. Last one. What color is your bugatti? What color? Is your bugatti? That's Putin. That's actually Putin.

They both said it. That's Putin. Yeah, they both said it. Top G stole it from Vladimir. Yeah, that's a tie right there. Okay, can I do one of my games? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So this requires you guys to immerse yourself in the situation. Ooh, okay. Can I do one of my games? Yeah. Okay.

So this requires you guys to immerse yourself in the situation. Okay, my eyes are closed. You wake up from a blackout to an officer questioning you about your sports car that has a missing wheel and another ran down to the rim. What do you do? A, continue to fall asleep while being questioned. B, say that you stole the car outright. Just tell them you stole it.

C. Point out that the car is so fucked up it couldn't even be driven. D. All of the above. Do I get to put on these glasses first? Sure. Ooh, like hypnotize them into believing whatever you say? Yeah. Woman officer or male officer? Sure. Ooh, like hypnotize them into believing whatever you say? Yeah. Woman officer or male officer? Male.

I think I'm gonna be like, does this car look like it could be driven? Clearly. I wasn't driving. I wasn't driving. Yeah, how could I drive? It's a condition to be driven. Well, if you're Marshawn Lynch, it's D-R. Why do people do that? He was blacked out he legitimately says

I stole this car it's not mine I stole it he said that he said it's not mine I stole it and he was falling asleep the entire time

it was his though too right I don't even know I think it was his car and he was just so fucked up they're like did you steal this and he's like yeah it's stolen

Jesus Christ why do rich people feel the need to fucking do that just have a driver on all times people just do some crazy shit when they get fucked up did he explain himself afterwards well actually

he might not get anything he might not get anything they fumbled the toxicology report the car was not running and off when they came up to him so technically he wasn't caught driving it. Wow. They think he's going to get off completely.

Let's go. Yeah. It could not be driven. Oh, yeah. How would he even drive it? He should have been smarter. Yeah. I think that lie was the best lie.

This thing's fucking fucked up. This thing's not mobile. It's not on. This thing's cached. Okay. We're hopping into fan submissions here. Do we want to start with just best pubic hair designs? Sure.

I mean, the classic, my personal favorite of mine, because it's not only artsy, but it also has a little bit of a hint that they're decently groomed. It's the landing strip. Okay. You love that? I'm a fan because it's not, it's not one of those. Like the flavor saver?

Like it shows that you tried to like groom, you know what I mean? Like the sides are trimmed. Like you could have trimmed the whole thing. This was intentional. Like you really put in the effort to leave that there. And yeah, I just, I'm a fan of it. What's your preferred thickness?

Thickness is the weirdest word you could use. Width. Length? Width. Oh, width. I'd give it about an inch. Like just a nice, almost like a mohawk type deal. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Mohawk. Mohawk. Okay. Mine is either the Cabo bead or the Jedi braid. The Cabo bead. Yeah.

You know how every girl gets like one little bead? The Padawan braid? Oh. Yeah or the Jedi braid? The Cabo bead. Yeah. You know how every girl gets like one little bead? The Padwan braid? Yeah, the Jedi braid. Remember Jedi braids when we were a kid? So all of it's shaved and then you have one long braid. Yeah, it's before you become a Jedi master, you have the Padwan braid. Low-key Jack Sparrow type vibes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel that. Like a wench. Okay. I need you guys' help for this one. You could have it set to M for mini or W for wombo. For wombo. Wombo. Okay, those are nice.

That's something nobody's thought of before. I like that. Another one I had here is the slow down kids at play sign. Write that whole thing in? Yeah. Just decide that. Throw that all the way in there. That's the Patreon.

That's why we do the Patreon, dude. That could go on the regular one. No, it's going to go everywhere. It's going worldwide. So I've got one. It's the Target logo. So it's kind of like a... A Target?

A Target. But you shave it into your back hair right above your ass. Oh. Oh. So this is for like a your ass. Oh. Oh. Oh. So this is for like a Persian girl. Oh, no. No, this is for me.

For me. This is on my back. Okay, okay. So they know where to shoot. Okay, yeah, yeah. There it is. I also had guitar strings. Oh. If you could get them tense enough

and you could actually play them, that'd be incredible. Maybe if you had them on either side and braid them together. So they're actually stringing. Wait, are you saying have six individual hairs or have like six? I was thinking six lines but he brought up if you could actually have them. If you could play them with your tongue.

It would be 12, and then you'd tie them together like shoelaces. Oh, and you could maybe even do like the... Yeah, if you had like a wide set, you could do the double six strings. Imagine going down there with a pick in your mouth and just free soloing some shit, bro. Yeah, Jimi Hendrix has shit.

Dude, Jimi that out? Yeah, Jimi out. I feel that. The other one that I thought would be fun is the Squidward. You just do two eyes. You got the nose. You got the nose, my boy.

Oh, this is for dudes. Oh, yeah. Either way. We were doing it either way. Mine were all for men to start. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Like what I want on me. That's why I was confused you didn't get the target on my back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have got that. Yeah, okay, okay. Mine were all for men to start. Yeah. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Like what I want on me. That's why I was confused

you didn't get the target on my back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have got that. Yeah, that's on me. That's on me. Cheese ball removed. Yeah. Or yeah, or to go off that,

you could do like some elephant ears. Yeah, for sure. Like on your thighs. Oh, come on. That's right in the chin, bro. Cheese ball? Cheese me. Cheese me.

Another one I had was the last airbender this arrow oh the arrow oh the arrow i'd appreciate that that would be nice and then the uh the batman ninja star would be pretty cool the bat star the bat star yeah i mean that would be all star yeah well that's what you call them no no you don't do. It's called a bat star. Do I need to throw up? It's called the bat meringue. That man's not a fucking ninja. It's a batarang, you idiot. Do I have to throw up a cheese ball? Yeah, throw one up. Yeah, put one in your mouth.

Here, if this one makes it, you have to spit it out. Okay. Ooh. Spit it out. That's good, dude. And then the last one I had was the garret, which is you just can't grow pubes and you have a small penis. Okay.

I don't like it. Which garret? I don't know that. You know what the morgues is? You can only grow pubes. And there's no penis. And there's a fucking... It's just a fucking...

Nope. It's a clam. Okay. All right, this one i think is gonna be kind of a hard thing to break down um when do blind people know to stop wiping down there i've got a few good ones for this one i think okay i think the first so i try to imagine myself don't me too i almost went and took a dump and closed my eyes and started wiping this out that would have been huge.

Research. We do the research. This is one of the things I thought. You wipe the wipe. So you wipe it with toilet paper and then you take more toilet paper and wipe that. And if it smooths glides, there's poop. Yes, it's the friction. Yeah, I thought of this.

If it rubs. How much shit would have to be on it for you to feel that? Jesus Christ. I mean, only a little bit of layer to get the friction. Yeah, I thought of this. If it rubs. How much shit would have to be on it for you to feel that? Jesus Christ. I mean, only a little bit of layer to get the glide. Because you would know if it's... It's like some pledge on a table. I think it's... I mean, it's just got to be all smell.

Oh, a smell check for sure. No, no. I thought of this. Does it ever smell great? But if there's nothing really on it, it would still smell, I guess. So I don't think that works.

Well, it, when it smells the least shitty, does it ever really? Or just look at it. Oh yeah. Just hold it. Oh,

come on dude. Oh no. Dude, cheese ball foul. Come come on what are you thinking um okay foods that if you try hard enough can also be sex toys this one i struggled with okay did you really though well the the only reason is because like i'm pretty sure i could try hard enough okay well yeah you have to there's not a lot that I don't think I'd like to hear what some of your guys work Cuz I was like yeah, I could do that. I've got a whole rotisserie chicken Give it back. Give it back. You only get one shot. No, you don't. You get two. That was funny.

Oh! Right back, right back, right back. Oh, that was weak as fuck. Go back, go back. Oh, you're stale as fuck! What do you mean stale? I just bought them. Some of them are a little stale. This is a tricky one, but it's kind of built for success.

A pair. Okay. I feel like that's a no-brainer. That's one that can it's kind of built for success. A pair. Okay. See, okay, that's... I feel like that's a no-brainer. No, that's one that can work on the way in for sure. Yeah. If you try narrow. Like, it's hard to go towards the top.

Uh-huh. You're getting that in. I know. The thing is, if it gets past the base, you're never getting it out. Yeah. That's the age-old light bulb one. Yeah, yeah. Well, we never said it has to come out.

Oh, that's so fair. That's true. True, true, true, true, true. So fair. Bad album. Bad album. I got to hear something. one yeah yeah well we never said it has to come out oh that's so that's true i literally just said yeah i could do that for almost everyone oh okay cheeseball um i had a seven layer dip on game day uh nerds rope and you know those nerds rope isn't even you don't have to try that hard

that just is built for that no but you do and then you know you know those little dogs that they use for the piggies in a blanket Vienna sausage

or pigs in a blanket dog just like mini mini dogs yeah you try hard enough yeah I think that's a no brainer you just have to get a lot of those

I think a whole pack would be difficult like a fucking in the package I'm sure there's a no-brainer. You just have to get a lot of those. I think a whole pack would be difficult. Like a fucking... In the package? I'm sure there's a Guinness for that. There's got to be a Guinness. I miss the Guinness days. Yeah.

The good old days. The good old Guinness days. I've got a three entree plate from Panda Express. In the box. Okay. So, if you get it to go... If you get it to go and you get two of the sides are egg rolls oh you have to you have to prep with egg rolls chicken and egg rolls yeah you're taking the

easy way out obviously egg rolls no i'm talking double orange chicken well i mean you still have to get chow mein and crunch the box up and shove it up your ass no i'm taking i'm talking the broccoli beef three sides of that yeah but you have what you have to do is fit it all in the box. That's what I'm saying. You have to crinkle up the box and shove it in there. Yeah, you have to square it up and then kind of oval it off. And use a fucking large strawberry Fanta as lubricant. Patreon.

I love this new dynamic. It's kind of like a choose-your-own-adventure for Patreon. Okay. Code words for MILFs. I struggled with the first part of this. It's either grand or great stepsisters. Grand stepsis? Yeah.

Grand stepsis or great stepsis. Great stepsis. Because it... Step great stepsis? Step great sis? Step grand sis. Step grand sis. Step grand sis. Yeah.

Right? That works? Step grand sis. Yeah. Step grand sis. I got MOAB, which stands for mother of all moms. Ooh. Oh, interesting take.

MOAM? MOAB. It's like a military term for like a nuke. Look at you fucking illiterate bitch. Oh, I'm sorry. M-O-A-B. I just had John's mom. Shannon?

Yeah. Shannon. My mom's name is Shannon too. Just Shannon. I can't believe you fumbled that. You could have just nuked both of us at the same time. Jesus Christ. Tony for milk, Shannon.

Fuck, you blew that. Throw up a cheese ball. Yeah, throw up a cheese ball. Me? Yeah, Shannon. Fuck, you blew that. Throw up a cheese ball. Yeah, throw up a cheese ball. Me? Yeah, me. You're the worst thrower. I had another one that was called

Good For Me's. Good For Me's? Yeah, Good For Me's. Good For Me's. Another one, I just had Mom Bomb. Ooh, Mom Bomb. Ooh, Mom Bomb.

Yeah. Or Bomb Mom. Bomb Mom. Bomb Mom. Yo, boys bomb. Ooh, mom bomb. Yeah. Or bomb mom. Bomb mom. Bomb mom. Yo, boys, we got a bomb mom over there. Bomb mom. Two cooks at East. That's almost more out of pocket than saying MILF.

Yeah. Bomb mom. Bomb mom in the building. We got a bomb mom. For me, it's just kind of like, hey, you see that? Just a little head tilt. What is that? What's going on over there? What is that? What is that? What is that? Just a little head tilt. What is that? What's going on over there?

What is that? What is that? What is that? Hold on a second. Hold on. Okay, okay. I like that. Sexy birthers.

Ooh, wide hipper. Cheese ball. Wide hipper is too different. Oh, fucking mic. We got to move the mics. You're not finding them every time. They bounce all the way over here. Okay.

You're good. Okay. I've got dessert. Because it comes later. You can't start with dessert. Okay. I got just birther. Birther.

Fine wine, I thought was a good dessert. Yeah. I got just birther. Birther. Fine wine, I thought was a good one. Ooh, fine. Some aged wine. Yeah, that's aged. That's a 1994 Soviet. I was going to say, I got a 1994 Malbec

to the east over here. That's a cab sav. Yeah, that's from the 70s. Fucking hint of cherry. I got a 70s cab sav from the vineyard. That's that dirty apothecary, you feel me? The dirty apothecary?

Tell me you buy $4 bottles of wine. No, tell me you buy $4 bottles of wine. Actually, apothecary is actually the mid-tier price range. I thought you were talking about barefoot for a second. No, $10.99 at least. I think this thing is giving me a fucking rash. Might as well. You were born with a rash.

Best pubic hair designs. I am a rash on this earth. You are a rash, yeah. A rash on this couch at least. Yeah, fuck. At least. We're going to be itching later, that's for sure. Okay, I got a couple of would you rathers here.

Okay. Would you rather have penises for fingers or a finger for a penis? You want to go with this one? This is an interesting one. Could you come out of all of them at the same time? Does my penis finger have the ambidexterity of my finger? Oh, you could be like fucking flipping around in there. Like, can you move it like a finger?

Can I move it like a finger? Because if so, I'm going penis finger. Because I could make that work for sure. I think that would be revolutionary. That would actually probably be preferred. There would be a line out your bedroom door. Wait, yeah. How would a finger for a penis ever be good?

It would be amazing. If I could fucking work it like a finger, if my penis was a finger. Oh. No, I'm saying, okay, I like that angle better. But is it the same, like, thickness of my penis? Even if it's still just, like, a middle finger. That's just, like, normal fingering.

I don't think that would work. No, I think that's, yeah, I think that's a win regardless. Imagine shoving, like, fuck. Imagine shoving your ten dick fingers in there. Yeah, I think finger penises would be the worst. Because you have to, like, fucking get horny. You have to get horny to be able to even use them chopsticks they'd be flip at all times fucking limp you see something you like it all of a sudden you got 10 yeah all of a sudden you're fucking jazz hands yes well i think how it's meant to be interpreted

is you have an actual finger for a penis. Okay. Like you don't have a penis. You just have a finger. So then you understand that. You're not really satisfied. Oh, I thought you were saying just the dexterity of a finger. I'm saying, yeah, if it is a finger for the penis, I can still move it like a finger. It's not like it's my penis size finger.

But it can't jizz. Can it not? I don't think it's a finger. Can it not? I love how we're breaking down the science behind this. Can it it not i'm pretty sure we make the goddamn rules for this okay would you rather have 10 more do you want 11 penises or 11 fingers and 11 penises it's easy that's easy that's fair but what i'm saying is can i hold out all 10 of my fingers and have them stimulated at the same time? Of course.

Okay, then yeah, I want 11 dicks. Yeah, 11 dicks. 11 dicks over 11 fingers any day of the week. Yeah, okay. Because think about it. That's just improving your... That's 10 more dicks, and that's only one more finger.

That's 10 more dicks. That's so true when you put it like that. Yeah. All right. Would you rather be able to remember your blackouts or be able to sleep off a line? So I think for this one, it's like you get to go to sleep whenever you want. Like it doesn't put you to sleep. But you can just, you don't stay awake.

You're not stuck if you do one like 10 minutes before bed. Sure. I'd probably pick that. Yeah, because I don't, I think anything that I would remember from a blackout sure I'd probably pick that yeah cause I don't I think anything that I would remember

from a blackout would haunt me for weeks it'd be something you don't want to remember yeah you don't want to remember that I think my

I don't even think I black out off alcohol I think I black out moments that I don't want to remember you could remember some good stuff for the pod though

that's true yeah it could be worth it for the content it could be worth it now it's podcast versus sleep yeah podcast i choose the podcast that's my guy remember the blackouts remember the blackouts but there's nothing worse than just staring at a ceiling that's so true i i think i gotta do that staring at a ceiling not being able to breathe out of your nose just just absolutely tweaking tossing and turning for four hours and on top of that

everyone else is asleep. Like that's night mirror fuel. Those are some of the worst moments of my life. And then you think you're going to fall asleep and then all of a sudden you like roll over and you're like wide awake. Yep. Yeah.

As soon as you move, you're like, fuck, I'm actually not tired at all. I'm just pretending. I think what doubles down on it is like when you try to tell yourself that you, as soon as you start talking to yourself, like, oh, maybe I could sleep, you're fucked. Like you're just simply not.

Yep. But I'll do Black Ops for the pod. Okay. I'm with that. Yeah. I feel that. All right. And that would be some good fucking shit

out of Morg. That would just be absolute money. Everything would be good, I think. Everything would be good. Because we remember it, but having you remember it would be even better. Firsthand.

Maybe even just being able to, not even remembering it, but explain your thoughts in that moment. We have like a highlight reel pulled up. So what exactly was crossing your mind at this point when you decided to? Yeah, maybe not remember it, but you get to watch it back.

Ooh. Like a fucking cam turns on. Yeah. Like a face cam. You wake up in the morning with just an alert on your phone that says, last night's fuckery. A reverse face cam?

And on Sundays, we go in and just watch tape. No, it's just Pov. It's your Pov with your voice over the top of it. What are you thinking right here? Yeah. What the fuck? With Povs in it, broken down. It's like Monday morning quarterback.

You let her blow right by you right here. She gave you an absolute double move and you fumbled. Do I teach you to get dusted in the end zone right here never give up on the play look at it right here bench next game all righty i think that's a wrap on this one um bring your energy up come on man all right my bad dude the people are here for you my bad all right bitches that was episode 29 um if you want to hear the extended cut of this episode and all future episodes join us over on the motherfucking patreon patreon is because i already know half of this episode is going to be ending up on there

yeah um so yeah we will see you over there can we ask for like a light like fomo sapien code of contact on the patreon too it's like yeah it's stay it's on there and it stays on there happens on there stays on there but yeah um if you uh support the channel fucking you know where the money goes it's cheese ball city and new glasses cheese balls are expensive and i spilt half of them so and we yeah we're half a tub of cheese balls down. Cheese balls are expensive these days. It's because of the supply chain. And for every 100 shirts, we do the 6, 12, 18, 24 challenge?

Live on. We'll do it at 100, and then maybe we'll do a different challenge the next 100. Okay, so at 100 shirts. Or do we do it based on Patreon subscriptions? Oh, okay. We'll combine the two. Okay, at 25 Patreons, we all do the 6. No, 100 combined.

100 shirts. Between the next 100 Patreon subscribers and the next whatever. Combine the two. Okay, at 25 Patreons, we all do the six. No, 100 combined. 100 shirts. Between the next 100 Patreon subscribers and the next whatever. Like if it's 50 shirts, 50. 100 total Patreons and shirts. Yeah. We all do the 6, 12, 18, 24 challenge, which is. For those of you that don't remember, you get to pick what you do for each one, but it's miles, beating off, donuts drinking beers drinking beers yes and then um

yeah make sure to fucking share this shit dude yeah dude we're out here trying i love when more gets so sentimental about it dude we're out here we're giving it our all okay that sounded fucking pathetic so sad we do the weekly calls we're out here just being funny out here just don't be so sad about it when you tell them it's like a fun thing for them to do not guilt trip it's like hey and how about this

like, comment, subscribe yeah also fucking like and comment and subscribe yeah how about that if you like it how about we're not doing this shit for free anymore pay up

we're fucking gone we're not doing this shit for free just cheese balls fucking gone you think cheese balls grow from cheese grease there he is there's doodle bob

close the episode and that's it we'll see you next week hell yeah