NO FOMO - 3. Episode 3, Sober as Can Be

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

Welcome Back Fomo Sapiens. This week in the not so sober, sober-sode we talk Valentine's Day, Broventine's Day, and go over some of our smartest Philosopher Stone's to date including "How far do bald people go up when they wash their face?" and "If the Universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?".

Boys are back in town, boys are back in town, the boys are back, episode 3, sober as can be, baby. Podcast is officially out in the nether sphere, we've launched the first two episodes, we had recorded pre-launch, but this time we're out, we're in public, you know? Yeah, which is good news. It's good and it's also for one of us really fucking bad news. For me, it's been bad news. How bad has it been, John? Well, let's just say we've definitely lost a fan. We lost one fan.

We lost one that I thought was a fan we had in the past. We lost a fan of the podcast, but more importantly, we lost a fan of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just specifically you. The girlfriend is not happy. She's not mad at us. Immediately. She's mad at you.

Yeah, it's almost, I would say it's almost like she hadn't heard a single thing you guys said. Yeah, I mean, I've only hung out with her like two times probably. Well, I try to keep it PG. And we didn't really get. Yeah, you guys have been keeping it pretty PG. Like with a new girlfriend that comes into the group, we can be an aggressive bunch. So we try to keep, I try to keep it a little bit tame.

It doesn't always work, but I definitely did my best. At least I feel like I had a solid impression with Molly. And just judging off of the feedback you've received, I think she probably

doesn't like me as much either. No, no, no. I would say she loves you guys still. Oh, there's no problem. There's been no animosity towards you at all. It's not the content,

it's just the fact that you're the one saying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more so me saying it. It was zeroed in on a couple of things that I said. You know, she wasn't a huge fan of the masturbation talk which i never got why uh

girlfriends like would get upset with that like did they not did they not know you know do they are they really not aware well i'll tell you what i only masturbate to you babe there we go yeah he never said what when it was two he just said how many times. Yeah, she was a little upset about that. And then we'll throw in, she didn't like me talking about Chris and Belle that much. We grazed over this topic. I think she saw I'm not going to, like, give her shit for being upset because it's not my place.

But we barely grazed over that. I think she just saw a little bit more of a twinkle in my eye when I said it. It was a grizzle. Yeah, oh, she was watching the video. She saw your eyes. Yeah, she was locked in the whole time on me. You're the one that thought of Mommy Mondays. Yeah, oh, she was watching the video. She saw your eyes. Yeah, she was locked in the whole time on me. You're the one that thought of Mommy Mondays. Yeah, Mommy Mondays I went a little too heavy in. She's definitely never going to watch an AT&T commercial the same.

Or this show. Neither am I. Hopefully not this show. You don't have to come here. I'll tell you what, though. It just means I've got to knock it out of the park on V-Day. Yeah, V-Day's got to be a big comeback for you. um yeah i know i know morgue you said you had a couple of ideas for me um i'm all ears at this point i'm taking any suggestions that you have yeah why

don't you just go ahead and tell them or do you not want to give away the whole gambit on on air because we might want to use this on someone else in the future yeah you might want to save them or you might want to save this for someone else in the future. Yeah, you might want to save them for you. Or he might want to save this for himself, and he can kind of, like, slap it. No, it'll slip by. We'll have so many episodes out by then. There's so many, dude. That's true. No one's going to find out.

So go ahead. Go ahead and on air. What am I? Do you want to start with yours? Give him some advice. What I'm doing? Well, she has some sort of surprise plan. This won't come out until after Valentine's Day, so you're in the clear.

Yeah, she has some sort of surprise plan. I'm going to drop this on Sunday. Which she has teased many a time. She's like, oh, I'm super excited for this surprise. Oh, she has some sort of surprise plan. I'm going to drop this on Sunday. Which she has teased many a time. She's like, oh, I'm super excited for this surprise. Oh, she's got something for you. So she was like, don't plan anything for the nighttime. Well, that's exciting. So it all comes down to gifts mostly for me.

Yeah. I went, she's big into peanut butter. It's like her favorite snack. So I got a peanut butter version of every fucking thing on the planet that you can think of. You name it. I like it sweet. It's thoughtful. You name it, I've got some peanut butter version of every fucking thing on the planet that you can think of. You name it. It's sweet. It's thoughtful. You name it, I've got some peanut butter for it.

Okay. So that was my angle this time. I went flowers and stuff for the birthday. For the record, anyone who's not familiar with any of us, if you're just a new listener, he's only been dating his girlfriend for like three months. Right. So this isn't like you buy a fucking Tiffany necklace type of Valentine's Day. Right, yeah.

We're not on the diamond year yet. No, it's like it's your first. Also, I'm dirt broke. That's one thing. Broke. We're all broke. And also it's your first. I speak for yourself, dude.

I mean, I've seen your paychecks. They come through my bank account first. You guys have got a joint account. Yeah, we have a joint business account. I know how much you make. But it's your first Valentine's Day. So it's not like you're not balling out on something crazy. It's like a dinner and some sweet, thoughtful gifts.

I'm hoping that brings us back. No, you're going to be fine. The main thing is, if you're listening, stop. Stop listening. Because I'm telling you, it's only going to get worse from here. Episodes one and two was testing the waters. We had a meeting with our manager earlier today. And the first line, I'm not kidding, she gets on the phone and she goes, we got to talk about the podcast.

And I swear to God, a singular drop of sweat started dripping down my forehead. She goes, I fucking love the angle. I love the content. She was basically saying, like, we need to talk about how we can maximize this so we're flooding the dam yes the floodgates are she didn't say a word about anything that we said was too over the top and if like she was the only one we were relatively concerned about because she's like you know the one sort of in charge of our brand and managing yeah she's a she's our manager and like we trust her opinion a ton and she was like oh I fucking love it

so okay so there we go so we're one we're one and one now yeah we've got one no one yes one and one yes yeah so we've got

one good one bad no I mean we can work off that I'm not saying we're going to be absolute demon mode but bitch we might be so real quick

can I get a couple of the suggestions because I might need them give them a couple of suggestions like if I if these peanut butter gifts do not go over well,

we're going to need to amp it up. First sober episode. Cheers to that. Oh, yeah. We're doing sober episode? The episode three. I got to be honest, we were planning on doing the sober episode.

Morgan, it took you 45 minutes to set up the fucking computer. I'm already a little... We were going to have a casual drink during the show to make sure it's actually the sober episode, but it took Morgan 45 minutes to set up something we've already set up three times for some reason. Bro, shit's wild. And I've had

three drinks since then. My guy's just been clicking the red and green button in the top left. The amount of times I watched you close and reopen the program. Turn it off and turn it back on. And then 25 minutes before we were fully set up, he goes, let's go. And then five minutes later, he's over there sweating with his headphones on.

Jesus. All right, help John out, please. Yeah, can you fucking give me this up? He's been waiting on this. Help him out. So we were on the animals part about it. Oh, right, because I took her to the Safari Park. Girls love animals. Yeah, that's facts.

I mean, we all love animals, but girls really love animals. They do. So if you're familiar with San Diego, we got Safari Park, which kind of, I it's descriptions in the name but there's this fucking my ex-girlfriend was obsessed with animals so there's this ranch fucking 30 minutes that way and it's pretty much like the same thing but you could just get in there with them what like what kind of animals yes like because at the safari park they have tigers and cheetahs yeah you can't just be in there am i up there with a rhino? They don't have the exotic stuff, but the main point, shit, I might have blacked out my whole relationship.

That's probably good. The real question we need to start asking is should I listen to any of this? My guy's single as a fuck. Because he gave me some bad advice about an hour ago. Now you're getting some too. Have we gotten a reply on that yet? No. We're go-see-woy woasty so it's only been two hours oh guys we're just not gonna we're just not gonna do he's got her text message strain pulled up on his laptop right there too did you see what i asked about he's like yeah let me check real quick

the amount of sweat no i just checked to see if I had notifications, which I don't. Okay, so, yeah, that's actually a good call, though. Take her, like, surprise little visit to get some fucking, what do they got, like goats? Yeah, what are they got? What are we talking, llama, goat, sheep? Dude, there is a bunch of shit, like capybara shit. Dude, they be going crazy. They do not have a fucking capybara.

No, but here's the thing. Everybody, every motherfucker takes their girl to Safari Park, dude. so you think i fucked up on that one yeah nice no it's no it's sick that's that's a good one but you gotta be different i almost brought a shovel for this fucking podcast because i've been digging myself a fucking hole just digging deeper and deeper i mean it's a tough one because like i feel like the conversations we're having it's interesting because i feel like the conversations that we're having on this couch that we've already had the last two episodes are very standard conversations for when we're all together

drinking with people. Don't say that. No. No, that's true. No, but I'm saying I think she... No, we're going to cut all this. No, but for real, when we were hanging out with your mom the other night on last Sunday, John's mom was in town.

We went out to a big dinner with me, Morgan, Brian, John's roommate, and both their girlfriends. And we had a great time. And we went back home and we did a little game night. And we drank some wine. And we played code names, but we played like the dirty version. So we were going pretty gnarly. Yeah. I feel like we were at a disadvantage on that, my team.

Because it was you, it was the three guys, and then I was with the three girls. Well, we're not. And they had no clue what some of the terms were. Well, I'm just saying, I got my mom. No, they just didn't have the camaraderie. Well, for the record, and this isn't me saying anything out of pocket. This is a fact. 90% of the terms that were, like, really dirty were all related to male butt sex.

Yeah. We had to male butt sex. Yeah. We had to look up most of them. There was like a frogler or something. No, fetching. Fetching. No. Fetching. No.

Felching. Felching. Felching. Felching. There's the title. We had to look up like every. What was it? Do you remember what it was?

I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it. You could say it. It's just your dictionary right now. Okay, can we beep this part out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's when you suck out of another guy's after you

And it was the male adjective was added in there. It was not left to interpretation. It said a man to a man. Like you suck on a dude's butt and you suck your own out of his ass. My point was that I felt at a disadvantage because I had my mother on my team. And if she came out there and she knew what felching was. She knew it.

See that? She was their dictionary for us. She was like, oh, you guys don't know felching? The point of what I was bringing that up for is that, like, we had some pretty gnarly conversations there. And I don't think anything we've said on the show has been any worse than what we talked about the other night. And she was there, and we were all having a good time. But I think her hearing you while like driving to work on a Thursday morning, having the same conversation, it doesn't hit the same, you know, for her. Yeah. Cause we had a couple of margaritas in,

we had some wine. We were having a great time. This morning she was fresh off some oatmeal and a little bit of coffee and she sounded different. And then like for us three, we're pretty much having that same great time every time we're talking to each other but not everyone listening has the full context of like how comfortable we are with each other and the shit that we talk about is really funny to us it might not be funny to everyone else and for that we're not sorry and we don't care turn it off that wasn't directed at molly that was a direct that anyone in general who finds this podcast a little overboard i promise i wasn't directed at molly That wasn't directed at anyone in general who finds this podcast a little overboard. I promise I wasn't directed at Molly. I appreciate that addition.

No, it really wasn't. It honestly wasn't. What else did I fuck? I fucked up something else, too. Oh, you doubled down? Just keep drilling yourself. No, well, I told you. I almost brought a shovel.

I was digging. Yeah, you were digging. I'll think of it. I'll think of it. Give me a minute. We do have a tendency, I don't know, at least I do, like as a guy, I over-apologize so much where it becomes worse.

Unattractive, I would say. Yeah. As a whole. But like, I want to make it right. I want to make it good. But sometimes you just make it worse. What are you two single dudes going to do for Valentine's Day? What's your move?

Are you going with the like Singles Awareness Day type move where you just kind of wallow? If it was on a weekend, I'm fucking sending it. It's a Monday. I don't think I'll get up too much. Shit, it is on a Monday. So you guys are going to be real depressed eating some fucking snacks. I think me and Morgan will probably just hang out.

Honestly, we might have to fucking just get after it. Me and Morgan might just hang out, you know? Or maybe we'll fucking— A Broventine's Day? I mean, if there's a— Broventine's Day? If there's somewhere open on Valentine's Day, on Monday night, where it's hustling and bustling,

there's got to be somewhere. You might see me stepping out. It might be a gay bar, but it's going to be somewhere. I don't give a fuck. If it's me and Morgan, I'm all in. We might have to get some snacky wacky.

Get each other a gift. Get each other one gift. We'll post it. You are my gift. Got him. No, but yeah, this will be my first uh this will be my first single valentine's day in like seven years so it'll be interesting it's huge yeah it probably won't be huge we'll probably end up fucking drinking beer with morgan on the couch the real

question is when's the last time i had a valentine yours was well my this is my first one in seven years so we're because we're exactly flip-flopsites. So as soon as I got single, well, no, you had a girlfriend long before I got single. I think it's been about four for me. I was this close that last year, bro. You should have seen me out there. You were out there? I was out there. But I got ghosted.

You were throwing out little B-Mind candies. But I got ghosted. Candy hearts. But I got ghosted. The theme of our lives. I'm trying to remember what it was. It was like. The ghosted so. Yeah, this is the ghosted so. Every episode is the ghosted so. Miss theme of our lives. I'm trying to remember what it was. It was like the ghosted Sog.

Yeah, this is the ghosted Sog. Every episode's the ghosted Sog in this year's town, boy. Yeah, I think I just asked her out and then fucking no response at all. Yeah, that's what we're working with. Yeah, so that was last year. So this year yeah, it's me and you, my boy. It's me and Morgan.

Alright, I like that. But it's fine. We're happy. Right? We're happy. We're happy. We're happy. All right. What else we got on the docket?

I mean, we launched this week. Analytics came in. Analytics were looking a lot more gooder than we thought. Analytics were busting, dude. Yeah. I was thinking to everyone who's tuned in, I appreciate it. I hope it was interesting enough to keep you guys coming back. I will let you know that it's only going to get better.

We finally figured it out. And we're not going to talk about chickens fighting elephants for an hour next. Dude, that was, no, I mean, we enjoyed the conversation, but I could see how that could get a little stale. But yeah. But yeah. I've also had a few defenses in my DMs about the orange peel. People coming to your defense? I've had a couple of DMs about it where I had to, you know, kind of.

Oh, you had to defend yourself. Oh, yeah. Oh, you had to defend yourself. Yeah. Well, that's something you should have to defend yourself for because it's unacceptable. Everyone enjoys a good shower orange, dude. Dude, I'll tell you what. I'm going to start it.

Everyone is you. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to try out Shadow Rangers for the first time tomorrow. Get a cutie in there. Just keep it light. You don't have to go all the way in. True. In other news, what do you got for me, Mark? We got any FOMO updates? Today we just recorded a live set for an online festival. I know

we thought those were a thing of the past, but there's a really cool one coming out that we got offered to be a part of. So we can't say what it is yet, but it's for a pretty large YouTube channel. Organization. Whatever business. So we recorded it today. It went awesome. We're super stoked about it.

I just got a new logo in. Just got a new logo in. So we're going to be dropping some merch pretty soon. It's big busting. Yep. Would I know the large business? Because you know I don't know fuck. It's more of a C Corp. I know the large business? Because you know I don't know fuck. It's more of a C Corp.

I don't know. No, you wouldn't know who it is. I wouldn't know it? Oh, fuck, okay. No, but it'll be cool. We're excited to be a part of it. What else we got going on? We played sports for the first time

in fucking eight years. Oh, that was a fucking time and a half. Some football? Some real football, right? I tell you what. Some real adult flag football. We still had a little bit of pep in our step. We still have gotten it.

You've still got it? Let me tell you, your boy had a pick first drive. Sorry. Sorry, other team. I don't want to talk about first drive because I got absolutely boasted. Do you want to give the people a little bit of, just so that when we talk about this shit in the future, people have a little bit of background on where we're coming from with it. A little bit of background on your sports background.

Yeah, do you want our sports background no anyways sdsu class 2016 what leading scorers of all time probably well oh you mean intramurals yeah i thought you were gonna drop your sdsu like you actually played for the football yeah no i played at san diego state division one for three and a half weeks. Oh, my God. But, like, you played football your whole life. You played in high school. You came to SDSU. You walked on, right?

Yeah, I walked on. And you made the team. Yeah. And you were a wide receiver. Yes, sir. And you quit after three and a half weeks. Yes. Well, motherfuckers are built different.

I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm being, like, this is what happens. No, I'm not embarrassed, dude. Motherfuckers are built different. I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm being, like, this is what happens. I'm not embarrassed, dude. Motherfuckers are built different out there. Yeah. And, like, also, you, like, don't get to fucking party if you're doing that. Yeah. So, fuck that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm built a little different. Yeah, we all are. We discussed it in the last episode. But not that different. Yeah, well, you're... More similar. More same.

I don't know how to say this without saying it. You're built whiter. You're built more white. I'm built the same in a lot of ways. But yeah, so anyways, after I quit, me and John made a little intramural team. And absolutely, we low-key dusted. I played. Garrett was on the team.

Garrett played a game, tried to do a spin move, almost fucking broke his whole body. No, no, don't fucking do me like this. I was decent. I was mega decent. That was the was decent. I was mega decent. That was the smallest. I was mega decent. My guy was putting people in the absolute washing machine.

I was okay. I never played football in my life. I played baseball. Washing machine. Fire me. He put himself in a tornado. Almost took off my body. His eyes were cross cut.

He never spun so fast in his fucking life. I brought this up was spun so fast in his fucker life. I brought this up to give you guys some credibility so we can talk sports. People aren't like, look at these two fucking losers on a couch talking about sports. And then I get roasted. I see what's going on. Watch where you walk, my boy. All right.

I'm not walking anywhere. I'm not walking anywhere. But anyways, yeah, so it's been a minute since we played any kind of sports. Yeah, a long time. Though maybe a little bit basketball here and there. But we got out on that field fucking lost as shit. Yeah, catch us. We're just making a team if anyone wants to join.

Yeah, if anyone's in the San Diego area, I'm not invited to be on the team, but I'm just recruiting. The spin move? I'm more of like a front office kind of guy. You know what I mean? I'm good on the computer. I got the keyboard. He'll get the jerseys.

He'll get the jerseys. He'll get the jerseys. Oh, I'll design the jerseys. Yeah, fuck yeah. I don't know how to do that either. Fuck. I'm not keyboard. He'll get the jerseys. He'll get the jerseys. I'll design the jerseys. I don't know how to do that either. I'm not really good for much. Morg, you were saying before the hour-long pause it took you to set up that you had a couple of mind melders for us, or what?

Oh, you guys want to step into the Floss for Stone office? Not quite yet. Give us one teaser. I've got a good one. i've got i've got a good one yeah hold up let me i've got a good philosophy let me massage my brain let me hit let me hit mine first yeah hit yours because i don't think it'll take us long to get through this was just it's not necessarily a question this is a thought i've had okay no it's like

this is a thought he's just saying a statement he's just saying this is a thought that i've created in my own mind i've never heard anyone say say it. You thought of this. Yes. Okay. So what if, we're going to go huge here. What if Earth is a cell, right? And in the galaxy, it's just, we're in like a big gathering of cells and we're, you know, you go very macro and it's just a bunch of cells, cells, cells. And humans are cancer or some sort of bacterial disease where we just spread and spread and spread until we inevitably destroy this planet. And then we're going to move on to another one and another one and another one until we destroy whatever organism it is that we are inside of so this is like the whole like uh

we're just a speck and like a giant eye kind of thing like you like you see how the human effect is just tanked this honestly and it's going to continue. I hope it's that. Well, here's the thing. We're the only thing that's conscious though. That we know of. You don't know. We could be the smallest. We could be the only thing that's conscious. We could be the dumbest thing inside of the smartest thing. Exactly. You really don't know.

So the whole thing could be the smart thing. And we're a single cell organism. And we're destroying this cell. But time to us is like, oh, it takes us millions of years to destroy the cell. But to this thing,

it's like cancer spreading rapidly throughout the body. Oh, so we could just be a cell inside of a bunch of cells. What do we do? Earth is a cell inside of a bunch of cells. I mean, we're taking over this one, destroying it,

and then we're going to get on rocket ships and go to a next one. It's just going to spread exponentially. So hypothetically, we could be a cell inside of a bigger body. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Inside of a inside of a bigger yes like imagine if there's a human like imagine we're like in some made of earth baby toe but like we're just we're a toe cell is what he's saying yeah

we're a toe cell and we're gonna destroy this and it's just gonna and we're gonna find a way to go to another cell and another cell we're always gonna stop we're never gonna stop osmosis jones but this is shit's. But this is reality. Oh, Osmosis Jones, what a fucking pull. That's a fucking great movie. My brain is up here, dude. My ex-girlfriend's uncle wrote that movie, actually. Really? Shut the fuck up. No, he didn't. Yes, he did. I swear to God. Look at that.

Wrote that movie. He did. He's a writer in Hollywood. And is that his claim to fame? Is Osmosis Jones? That's his biggest movie. No, I'm dead serious. That's not the worst movie. That's literally his biggest movie. Like, she's like, oh, he wrote Osmose Jones. What else does he have? Like, Paw Patrol or some shit? I don't know. We can look him up, but it's not. The new movie

Dog with Channing Tatum coming out? I hope he wrote that shit. If he wrote Dog, I'll throw up. Name a fucking good upcoming movie besides Batman. They've been fun. There's a couple. There's a couple. We saw a couple. There are a couple. There are? There's a Leo one. There's a new Leo one directed by Martin Scorsese which looks like it's going to be a fucking hitter.

Then next, not until next year is a new Christopher Nolan one which obviously is going to be yes. Next year? I'm saying upcoming. Yeah, no. So like trailers we've seen. I'll tell you what the big one is. The new Lord of the Rings Amazon show comes out in September. The series? It's going to be huge.

It's the biggest budget of all time. Biggest budget of all time? They had a $500 million budget for five seasons and they spent $400 million on the first season. It's going to be insane. That's going to be

When does the new Lord of the Rings, or I'm sorry, Game of Thrones series come out? I'm pretty sure that's coming out next year as well. Fucking disappointuary.

It's going to fuck us again. Oh, it's going to be good. It's going to be good. I looked at the cast. I don't know a single fucker in that. No, the guy from, well, you guys, neither of you have seen The Crown,

have you? I don't even know what that is. Two seasons. The prince. It's so fucking depressing. Yeah, it's dark. That's why it's, I don't,

it's dark. I didn't come out watching it. It's slow and it's dark. But the prince Charles, I think. Oh, yeah, that guy. The blonde dude? He's like the main Targaryen

in the new Game of Thrones. So he's a great actor. Yeah. But I don't know anyone. No one else noteworthy. But who was anyone in the first Game of Thrones before that?

They were all nobody. I guess that's true, yeah. She's been in stuff. What has she been in? She was a 300 wife. Oh, she was in 300. She's actually been in a bunch of stuff.

I see her in stuff and she is Cersei now. That's my mommy Monday, dude. That's your mommy Monday? That's my mom, dude. Yeah, Jamie's been in a bunch of stuff, too. Yeah, he's in a couple movies. Yeah, so fuck you.

There's some people in that. No, there was like two notable people out of like 500 fucking cast members. Oh, and Tyrion. What's he in? Peter Dinklage. Peter Dinklage is in a bunch of stuff. But like nothing hugely noteworthy. Small parts?

He's had a couple small parts. There he was. That's the one. So we went from humans being cancer to Game of Thrones. So where are we at now? We could be cancer. Yeah, right? Do you feel that?

No, we could be literally Osmosis Jones. It's inside of a bigger person. That's what I'm saying. I'd rather it be that than fucking... So thought-provoking, to say the least. I'll give you that one. But it's not really up for debate. It's just a thought.

Yeah, it's not even up for debate. So if an asteroid hits us, that's kind of like a chemo. Yeah, right? It could be fucking a vaccine or something. That could be a hurricane. Asteroid therapy. A hurricane is just them trying to chemo us up. Yes, a hurricane could be an attempt to destroy the... See?

They're like, oh, it wiped out Florida, but fuck. California was resilient. We can't quite get to them. Florida's probably low-key the source of everything. Of the cancer, right? That's where people started. In some theories. That's where a very specific breed of people started and continue to reside.

The Floridians. Yeah. All right. You got anything for us this week, Morgie? You guys want to get philosophized? I do, but I don't want to spend the entire hour on it. Yeah. Havada Kadabra.

Hit us. Am I? Havada Kadabra. Havada Kadabra. The boy who... The boy who lives has come to die. The boy who lives has come to die. Hit me.

Havadacadabra! Got him. Hated that. Hated it? Got him. Another one? Hated it? No, no, no more.

No more. Read the thing. We hated it as in like, stop. Read it. Fuck. See, the audio was good on the last one, but the video was bad, bro. But it sounded good. We're jumping into the flossers.

Yeah, go, hit me. Unless you got something else. Okay, don't wear these glasses for nothing. Okay, oh. You have that in Sanskrit on there, dude? I busted up the font. You've got it in size like 80 font. I busted, look at that.

Which is fair. I'm not looking. I can't read it. These've got it on size like 80 font. I busted, look at that. Which is fair. I'm not looking, I can't read it. I busted it up so I can read it from far, dude. These glasses are nearsighted. Fucking Benjamin Franklin bifocal hitters. What if after you die, the first thing you see in the afterlife are three buttons? Next level, spectate, and restart.

What do you press? Oh, shit. Next level, for sure. For sure? I'm not doing this shit again this level shit the starter level is trash if it said restart but like your dad's bill gates i'm in no that's not part of the question okay then yeah i think i go next level what wait what does spectate mean?

Spectate means you keep on going, but it's like spectating a video game. So who am I watching? Like you? Because pass. It's a hard pass. You can, like, change players. Yeah, you can change any perspective you want. Like when you spectate a Warzone lobby, you can, like, shuffle through.

No, you just go, like, Google Maps view. Oh, and you can just zoom around. No one's that interesting. For what? No one's that interesting. Am I going to listen to this? You want to see what happens? Am I going to watch us making this podcast? Oh, just, like, spect around? No one's that interesting. For what? No one's that interesting. Am I going to watch us making this podcast? Oh, just like spectate forever. Just see what happens.

You can just spectate. Can I fast forward? Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Okay, so it's like God mode where you can just fucking. Yeah. Yeah, legit God mode, yeah. Yes. Like, I can fast forward and shit.

Yeah, so like click? I think I'm going next level, bro. I want to participate. I don't want to watch. That's fair. Next level's for you. I want to be in on the. Yeah, so I click? I think I'm going next level, bro. I want to participate. I don't want to watch. That's fair. Next level's for you. I want to be in on the... Well, yeah, okay.

But no, no. Wait, wait, wait. If this level was shit, you think they're giving you level two that's busting? Well, okay. Well, it's higher. Here's another level to the question. Higher probability.

Here's another level to the question. If you had to use your best guess of what that button would do, what would it do? Or what would you want it to do? The level up one? The next level button. What would it do?

At least let me fly or some shit in the next one. Oh, shit. That's a good question. Yeah, let's go, baby. I'm out of here, dude. Let's go, baby. And your brain's a little bit bigger. It's a little bit bigger.

The genius, dude. Dude, when I'm not blacked out, I kind of can think a little bit. Dude, we slept last night. I kind of need a little more beer. Dude, I slept a fucking full eight hours. Do we want more beers? Do we want more? Yeah.

I have another one waiting for me. Well, let's get through this, and then we can take a pause, and we'll do a little ad break. I did like—damn, that's fucking—that is—that question is next level, dude. What would you want it to do, and then based on the rules of reality? Like, it's not going to give you exactly what you want, right? Maybe—okay, here's what— So what do you think it would most likely give you? I got it. got it i got it i got it for sure level up is like in the next one i'm like brad pitt or something no it's no see that's jesus christ no i think you're like

you so like this so everyone this one i was level is a celebrity or no i think it has to be realistic to the point where like if everyone chooses next level well that's what i'm saying it has to be realistic to the point where if everyone chooses next level... Well, that's what I'm saying. You're still a bitch. So maybe next level for me is like I'm an island boy. It's not like all the way up. I'm not saying I'm going that much higher. No, I'm saying it's a little bit. So the island boys are a little bit higher than you. I mean, they got...

I just seen a thing. They got like 500k from all their shit. I'm thinking way different than you guys. Okay, so you're going next level island boy. I'm thinking... Next level doesn guys. Okay, so you're going next level island boy. I'm thinking... Next level doesn't even mean that you come back as a human and you go next level. I think next level means

you go to, like, the next dimension. You're, like, in a... I thought you said within reality. Let him explain it. Let him explain it. No, this is within, like,

you know, spiritual reality, right? Okay. Which is all made up. What does the next dimension mean to you? I think the next level means either like you come back

as this like ethereal being where you're kind of just zooming around. What's the day-to-day? That sounds like fucking spectate to me. Day-to-day, you're a ghost. That sounds like spectate. You're the subject of scary movies and shit,

so you're a movie star. It's pretty similar. You guys are both Iron Boys? I think next level, if there's only three options. I have a good answer. Restart, spectate, or next level. I think next level is you move on to the spiritual part. If I press restart,

do I get to have my knowledge that I have now? That's where I was going. You wouldn't know before you hit it. I think next level means you go back to start, but with your consciousness than what you ended with. So you're a billionaire by five years old. No, it's not about money. Well, but what are you going to do with all the knowledge you have

other than make sure you have money? You're not going to be poor. I mean, money has to be a part of it because you're not going to spread a message without having money. You're spreading a message? You're spreading the gospel? I think we're spreading a message right now. Am I Jesus in this scenario?

You're not going to spread a message. You move on and you become Jesus. You gather a massive following. They have a religion based on you. It's called Morgology. It's called Morgania Westology. No, but you come back and then you try to, I mean, obviously money is going to be along the way, but you try to spread what you learned.

No, I mean, it wouldn't be primarily about way, but you try to spread what you learned. No, I mean, it wouldn't be primarily about money, but money would come with what you got. The thing with your old— You could be like Keanu. Come back like that. You know that money is not really important, but you make sure you have it. You need to have it to spread a message. So you come back— What message are you spreading, bro?

Higher consciousness, bro. Elevated consciousness. So think about old people. We're all just a cell on a toe so what's the point okay fuck that we're not cancer and fuck you i'm fucking osmosis jones i'm fighting cancer dude okay that's that's that my that's how high my consciousness in the movie i forget yeah i thought that he does all i remember is the pimple scene osmosis jones is the cop that's fucking slaying the cancer bro he's beating or he's beating diseases asses okay that sounds right he literally but anyways the thing about getting old is you just don't have the energy to give a fuck about other people you know

so you got all this knowledge but you're just like ah fucking i'm old well you realize no one gives a fuck about you so you're like so maybe you you try to make the world a better place is where i'm going wow see that's not the answer i expected from you i thought you're like i'm gonna be fucking busting by 12. You guys went Island Boys. I'm out here fucking, I'm Jesus. I didn't go Island Boy. Okay, I was just saying like,

how much. You want to come back and sit on Island Boy? That's the next level for you? I started as Brad Pitt and you guys shot that one down. Well, fuck. So you result to Island Boy.

Is that the pinnacle? Brad Pitt, Island Boy, me. Those are the top three for you? That's the order. Oh, shit. Well, we really got it from that one. Wow. That was impressive.

Goddamn. Do we want another drink? Yeah, let's do a quick break. Yeah, we'll do a quick ad break. As we all know, summer is right around the corner. And the word around the block is, it's going to be a big one for the short kings out there. That's right.

Short King Summer is right around the corner. And this episode is sponsored by Lift Kits. With Lift Kits, you can instantly increase your height from one to four inches, and everyone will notice, but no one will know. Get your starter Lift Kit today at myliftkits.com using promo code SHORTKINGSUMMER for 69% off your first Lift Kit. This episode is sponsored by Amazon Prime Video. Have you ever wondered what happens when a killer llama from outer space crash lands on earth and brings death and

destruction to everyone in its path? Well, Amazon has your back. Subscribe now to Amazon Prime and enjoy thousands of films just like Llamageddon for the unbeatable price of $14.99. Huge thank you to our sponsors, Lift Kits and Amazon Prime for sponsoring this episode. Welcome back to the show. No FOMO with your hosts, Garrett, John. It's still us. Yeah, we're still here. We're the same people that we were 14 minutes ago

and 14 seconds ago before we left you. You know what else happened? Another reason I'm sort of in the doghouse. We had a little party at the girlfriend's house. Their bathroom is set up directly next to the living room. They had a little party, and you're both...

Wait, wait, wait, wait. When was the party? Because I totally wasn't there. Yeah, this is weird news to me. Yeah, it was... Wait, neither of us... What the fuck? Do you know how it is, boys.

No, I don't. I don't even know. I do now. Secret parties? Secret party. It was a secret party. Okay, well, we're about to have a secret podcast. It was a couple's thing.

It was a couple's thing. It was a couple's thing. There's a couple of us. There's two of us. That's true. That's true. That's true. It could be the token gay couple.

That's true. I should have invited you guys. It's not going to happen again. Okay. Well, you just invited us to the party this weekend. That's true. You got to be there this weekend. We're not going to show up. Okay. Well, you just invited us to the party this weekend. That's true. You got to be there this weekend. We're not going to come.

Did I tell you it's a Valentine's Day party? Yeah. Guys have to dress up in like lingerie. Girls don't. No, that was serious. See, now I'm not going to come. Unless you're telling us this so that we don't come. I think the real thing that they're trying to find out is like, what is guy lingerie?

Just nothing. I'm going to wear nothing. Right? That's lingerie just nothing i'm gonna wear nothing right that's lingerie because there's nothing that we can wear that makes us like sexier right you know what makes me look sexy like the only thing i can wear that makes me look sexy is a full thing of clothing expensive like layers upon layers of really expensive clothing that's that's what i can do that's attractive. Because you don't want to see what's under the hood here. Built in a Lego factory.

Built in a... What's the other... The Duplos? They're like the really big kids Legos? Yeah, Roblox. K'nex? Yeah, no. Yeah, because we're not throwing on like a banana hammock

and like a collar that says daddy or something. I do have the American flag thong. Do you think that would hit, though? No, but it wouldn't make you look good. It's funny, but it wouldn't make you look good. There's nothing guys can put on in the bedroom that makes you look good. Which is why we are now sponsored by... Sexyboys.com.

Fuck. Have you ever wanted to spice up the bedroom? Google that. But you're a guy? Sexyboys.com Fuck. Have you ever wanted to spice up the bedroom? Google that. But you're a guy? Sexyboys.com They have invented male lingerie. No, I mean, there's nothing. There's not one thing.

What would it look like? You couldn't even come up with it. Yeah, there's nothing. Like, what am I going to wear? A lace top and a fucking banana hammock? Come on. Just you and a lace top might be busting out. That could fucking hit.

Hold the fucking phone hold on i think the only thing we could wear that sexy in a bedroom would be like uh some sort of like role play shit you know what i mean oh like a cop like i'm dressed up as like obi-wan kenobi and i got lightsaber but it's my dick you put fucking glow stick juice all over your dick i could see that working actually if you're with like a R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R- Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Do you have any more thinkers for us there, Morgan? I absolutely do. Wait, wait. While we're on the subject, wait, we skipped the whole subject. No, I'm actually fine.

I mean, yeah, I'll say it. Okay. But you know when you go to the bathroom and then you know when you come out, everyone's going to know what you did? Especially if it's in a two-bedroom apartment. No, exactly. What did you do? I had to take a dumper.

You twosied? And it's one of those things, you know, what I was thinking about right when I was doing it. Remember that time we were at Hunter's house and I lit like three matches because I thought that was going to be a solution. And then it just smells like matches.

And then everyone's like, why does it smell like phosphorus? And I'm sitting there like, I think. It smells like brimstone. I think someone took a shit in the bathroom and definitely put some... Did someone light

a whole box of meth? I'd rather someone question that than question who fucking shit all over. Because there's nothing you can do.

You can try the pre-flush, you know, but it's going to smell. See, then the only thing is, only guys would have the matches. Girls have, like, the foofy little spray, and I'm like,

now it just smells like shit and Hawaiian briefs. You want to know my quickest pre-flush? You need a quick, you need a pre-flush quick. Like you got to have it. It's got to be like coming as it's dropping. Just fucking hit it. See, that's a skill.

See, you know what I do? My alternate is I just never go to the bathroom in public places. Now, see, sometimes it's not an option. I literally don't, though. It's an option. You know? So you're just tooting. Then you're tooting the whole time. When you only eat cereal, then I it's not an option. I literally don't, though. It's an option, you know? So you're just tooting. Then you're tooting the whole time.

When you only eat cereal, then I guess that's an option. Yeah, my guys had a fucking dock of celery for lunch. Sorry you don't poop Cheerios a lot. Well, if we're going to go on embarrassing bathroom scenarios, I literally cannot pee with people standing behind me. So if I'm in like a... But you definitely can with someone in front of you. Oh, 100%.

No, with someone like near me. With me right next to you, it's all good. Sword play, like it's nothing. But somebody behind you... Well, you're my boy. No, but like if I'm at like a baseball game and there's like, you know, 25 urinals lined up next to each other

and there's like 25 people in line waiting, there's been times where I'm not kidding, I'll stand there for like a minute and a half, realize it ain't going to happen, pack up and walk out. You know, what's really bad about that? And having to pee really bad. That's crazy. What's really bad about that too, is if I'm the guy next to you and you haven't started peeing after a minute, I am for sure thinking you're staring at my dick. Well, there's no, I'm like, this guy's just in here. What is he doing? Because he's not peeing. Yeah, he's not peeing. Because you can hear it, you know?

So, yeah, I mean, I don't know why. It makes me so uncomfortable to know that someone's staring at my back while I'm trying to pee. You got a broken-ass stream. Yeah, something's wrong with me. Damn, that's crazy. Yep. Anyway.

But yeah. We carry on. You guys ready to get smart again? I've been smart. I stay smart. Hit me. Okay. Fuck. What is the shape of your field of vision?

The shape of your field of vision. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay, I'll let you go. Because isn't there a thing where you're always seeing your nose, but your brain just turns it off? Just turns it off, yeah. That's so helpful.

If you think about it, you can see it. That's how it's not going to help me figure it out. So there's a block in it somewhere. Well, I know there's a nose in it, so that makes it... How far can I see? I can literally see my finger here. Whatever shape headlights are on a wall. how far can i see you can see i can literally see my finger here whatever whatever shape like headlights are on like a a wall well i'm pretty sure i'm relatively certain it's like two

intersecting ovals what shape is that no but see but here's the kind of thing and this goes back to the mirror thing and goes back to the glass thing what color is glass glass is clear which is not a color. The shape of your field of vision isn't necessarily a shape. It's just its own thing. How is it not a shape? I mean, I'm sure it is a shape, but it's called something

like a fucking or something. It's some shape that we don't know. It's not a shape that you would know. It's not a trapezoid or something that we know. It's two intersecting oval oval type shapes what fucker's shape do you think it is big ass no brain yeah you ask a lot of big questions but i don't hear that being empty as fuck my dude shit that's to cover up the fact that your head cuts off right where that begins and there's no brain up there well flattest head in the game.

You're going to have to take it off. Only option for a haircut is a fucking flat top. You're going to let us slander you like this and not prove that you've got some skull on you? Look at how hard he's thinking right now. Jesus Christ. He hasn't moved. I'm trying to check it out. Okay. He's fucking frozen.

He's trying to look. His eyes are crossed as a bitch. It is kind of like a rectangle with a rounded top. So the bottom is a rectangle? No, because it definitely... Shit, dude. You think the bottom's not circular? I love how you're looking around side to side thinking you're going to figure that out.

He's been cross-eyed this whole fucker time. No, it's kind of like... It's kind of like I can only see... Well, it's got to be like the shape of your eye is the best way to describe it. Yeah, I guess it is. Really good, really good. But no... But you're only seeing out of your pupil.

You know what's interesting is why are your eye holes so big when the only functional part of it is the pupil? Yeah, what's the color for? Oh, it's a muscle. Why did you both look at me when you said that? No, the muscle expands within it. But it's to deflect light and shit like that and absorb light around the pupil.

No, the color part is a muscle so you can contract to absorb more light. Yeah, so it's basically controlling how much light comes in and out so you can see in different light settings. Does the white part just... You don't know fuck. What's the white part for? The white part's just lubed up so we can move it. Yeah, because the hole's got to be big enough to where if I look over here, I can still see you.

So we get into these big theoretical topics, and we end up just like, it's so stupid. Because once we get to the bottom of it, we're like, fuck, we're dumb, dude. We just talk about shit we have no idea about, and then we're like, but you do. We're figuring out how to get to the place. That's probably common knowledge for everybody else. You're watching us in real time work out like, come on, guys. You got it.

Two plus two equals four. You're going to get there. I hope to God everyone listening is like two circles for sure. It's the shape of your eyes, you dumb fucks. Oh, man. We're here for your entertainment. You don't see out of your eyes you dumb fucks oh man well we're here we're here for your you don't see out of your full eye anyways next um you've uh you two for two but no no shot this one's really good how far up do bald people go when they wash their face

like you stop because it's so past the end you have to stop because everyone else stops at their hairline yeah you just you just run your whole head

do you just run it all the way back do you remember where your hairline was if you're bald fuck no that shit's been like how long

well it's been receding for well it depends like but for some people it's been receding for 40 years and then you're like it used like you don't remember it used to be here

the last time you remember it was up here you had the cul. And then you're like, you don't remember. It used to be here. The last time you remember, it was up here. You had the cul-de-sac gang going. You had the fucking Larry David. I'd like to think there's a guy out there that goes just above his eyebrows. Like, it just used to be here. Yeah, no, you probably have to use the shower. He washes his body.

Yeah, yeah. And he... Oh, you save a fuck ton of money on shampoo, though. Do you just switch to body wash for the whole thing? Or do you still use shampoo for up there? No, you shampoo the eyebrows. No, you got to live in the past you still buying shampoo my boy you're not buying shampoo with a bald dome you know you got to live like you have some hair dude what at least take some of the advantage of it and not buy it is still a sensitive place where you'd want something a little more maybe there's more like shampoo you know because body wash is a little bit harsher yeah on the oils and stuff so maybe you want a little shampoo up there to keep it amplifies

the shine they're using fucking grease up there brother shoe polish but it's definitely like you go higher for sure pretty high it's going higher duane the rock johnson if you don't respond in 24 hours, your life's a cap. This is the rock challenge. How fucking high do you put your face wash, my boy? How far up do you wash your face before it's considered your bald fucking head? Yeah, so I'd say higher than normal, but definitely

not lower than normal. Or is it like all... I think you probably just go up to where it starts to... It starts to go back? To become the top. Like where you can't see it? to where it starts to get. It starts to go back. To become the top. Like where you can't see it. Like where it starts to curve up. In your field of vision.

Yeah. You're just like up here maybe. A tough thing for me is I don't just wash my face. You're not exfoliating? No, I don't exfoliate. I don't usually do it in a mirror is the thing. I usually do it in the shower. You're not exfoliating?

No. Ever. I got that sensitive skin, dude. Yeah, that's... You got that nice skin. I can't do anything. I mean, it's already preset, dude. I mean, there's stuff

for sensitive skin. Look at these pores and tell me I need to exfoliate them. You got that nice preset. Yeah. I can't say looking at you that you do need to, but it's a good thing.

Next level for you is just definitely smoother skin. It's 2022. You should be exfoliating. It's the year of to do. Next level for you is just definitely smoother skin. It's 2022. You should be exfoliating. It's the year of botanical exfoliating scrubs. If we get a sponsor, I'll do it. Otherwise, fuck off. Yeah.

Well, I'll call Mario Bataskew and see if we can get ourselves a sponsorship for exfoliating. Who the fuck is that? I don't know. It's some shit my sister used to keep in the shower that I always use. Use for what? Some expensive exfoliating scrub. Use for fucking what? It's exfoliating scrub.

You sure? So for scrubbing my face. Okay. What are you insinuating? Nothing. You sick fuck. I thought Some expensive exfoliating scrub. Used for fucking what? It's exfoliating scrub. You sure? So for scrubbing my face. Okay. What are you insinuating? Nothing. You sick fuck. I thought you were exfoliating. I use the extra sensitive lotion for that shit.

Don't lie. You're a dry guy. We know. I'm not a dry guy. Why is this? I've never told anyone. The callbacks are next level, dude. I've never told anyone I'm a dry guy.

You don't have to tell us to know. It's just a personality trait. It's a trait? You can tell. Yeah. I look like a dry guy? It feels like you're a dry guy. Okay.

So, these are all good, really. If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? The universe, bro. There's too many fucking whole what are we in the universe-y kind of things for me. I'm starting to feel real small. Well, we are. We're small as shit. But the thing is with these kind of questions is it's not even comprehensible.

It goes back to the language paradox where if there's not a word in your language for a certain thing it doesn't exist so like in another language your brain yeah like my brain in spanish doesn't it doesn't exist garrett's brain so they wouldn't know that i have one but i have a big one you know what i mean exactly but realistically it's like beyond it's like that but in like scientific terms to where it's some sort of phenomenon that we've never experienced or can never understand to where we will never be able to describe it. What do you think they would describe it? Not never understand. Who's they?

What do you think like a physicist would say? They would say something really simple that explains it. It explains it in a dark matter or fucking something, you know? Do we have, when is Neil deGrasse Tyson coming in? Is it next one or the one? He's on the next episode, yeah. Neil deGrasse Tyson. He'll do it for us. I will say, I'd like to say this on the record, just for people

listening who might get sick of us talking at some point in time, we 100% will be bringing on some big time guests in the very near future. Near future? Near future.

You didn't fuck up that word, but you went back and re-fucked it and then said it again? Yeah, I didn't even fuck it up. It sounded weird. It felt weird off the tongue, so I felt the need to re-say it. And then the second time it came off way worse. But yeah, no, we are planning on and will 100% have some notable musical guests on the show in the coming months, which we're excited about. And we're not going to talk about music with them at all, are we? It's going to be just that.

They're going to come in and we're going to hit them with a question from the Philosopher's Stone and we're going to talk for six to seven hours. That's it. But yeah, so look forward to that um because it's coming but is it expanding yes it's expanding but like our our even knowledge of the type of expansion that's occurring is is different like you're thinking of like a sponge when it gets wet i'll tell you what this question came right at the end of the sober episode for me. I'm now on my fourth or fifth drink. We're no longer in the sober zone.

And my ability to even bullshit through one of these has started to dissipate. I think we might have to rename the episode. What was it called? Episode three, sober as can be for a little bit. Sober as can be for 15 or so minutes. This also goes back to the last thing. What the fuck is wrong with us? I mean, if you could see the table right now,

it doesn't look like this is the sober episode. Not one bit. No, it's not. There's also a fucking peeled orange on the table. No, you've got to put it in. When did you eat that? When did you eat that? I took a shower in the table. No, you've got to put it in. When did you eat that? When did you eat that? I took a shower in the break.

Oh, my God. Bro, this guy's a fucking menace. He's an orange machine, dude. Holy shit, dude. You've got to get your vitamins in, dude. That's a new one of those fucking drinks. Wait, so neither of you are watching Euphoria, or both of you have? You haven't seen it, anything?

I haven't seen fuck. You haven't seen any of it? No, dude. I don't need to see a bunch of fake high school kids. Dude, this show's good. It's not fake, dude. Don't talk shit. It's not fake?

It's not fake, dude. It's reality TV. I mean, yeah, there are 27-year-olds playing high schoolers, but the show's not about high school, really. It's just about people, you know? Way to really sum it up for me. But no, it's fucking gnarly. Like, you would both love it. It's crazy as fuck. It's about drugs and sex.

There we go. Are you sold? I started watching it and it's bust. The thing about it is it does feel like something that someone my age should not be watching. Because they're supposed to be in high school and I'm seeing them have sex and I'm seeing boobs.

I'm not going to lie. Knowing that they're 25 helps, but still it's like, this is wrong. You know? It's wrong. Well, that's like the whole big mouth one. Yeah. That one's fucking hilarious. But it's a cartoon.

So you can remove yourself from it because it's a cartoon. This one's like, oh, these are really supposed to be high school kids. And some of them do look like high school kids. really supposed to be high school kids. And some of them do look like high school kids. The only TikTok I've seen describing that movie or that show, I'm sorry, is, says that there's someone like masturbating in the first episode.

And I was like, I'm not. That's where you draw the line. I'm not trying to watch a high school kid masturbate. I don't even, I don't recall that at all. You probably blocked it out. Not a notable scene. The show itself is good. Great dramatic show. What are you watching that's good right now?

Ozark's here and gone. You're watching nothing. You might as well dive in. You got two seasons to watch. That's true. I don't have a whole lot going on. Does Molly watch it? We're on three? No, but you have season one and season two's about halfway through. It's coming out weekly?

I could catch up? Yes, easily. You can catch up in a week. That's what I did. Should we just catch up right after this? I started it. Do you want to fucking popcorn down?

I started it two weeks before the new season came out and when episode one dropped, I was ready to go and I watched it. So we're halfway through season two? We're on episode five

comes out this Sunday. Oh, dude, we could jam that out. We could bust it out. We could jam that out. How long are the episodes? They're an hour. An hour and there's 15 of them? There's 10 in the first season. No, dude, we could jam that out. We could bust that out. We could jam that out. How long are the episodes? They're an hour. They're an hour, and there's 15 of them? There's 10 in the first season.

You can do that in like nine hours, dude. No, there's only eight in the first season, and there's five in the new season so far. We could do that in like nine hours. That's easy. That's just right now. It's a great show. I'll re-watch the whole fucking thing with my boys.

Mork, you should probably drop a popcorn recipe on one of these just so people know how you do it. Yeah, so Mork's a humongous... Well, yeah, go-to snack. Mork's gotta be popcorn, I'd say. Go-to snack? I'm the corn lord. Or Hot Cheeto Man. Oh, yeah, we love Hot Cheetos. We're big fans of Hot Cheetos. This episode

is sponsored by Hot Cheetos. Yeah. When we can actually say that, I'm gonna... I call that ad. I call that ad. If we ever get to say those words, this episode is brought to you by Hot Cheetos with lime. Blame and leave us. We will have officially made it. I don't care if they don't even pay us.

They don't need to. They can send us one big bag. As long as it's an official sponsorship, I will walk away from this show and be happy for the rest of it. That'll be good for me. But speaking of hot Cheetos, at Costco, they got the five-pound bag right now.

They got it back? Shut the fuck up. Of hot Cheetos with lime? And a fun fact that you didn't know about hot Cheetos. We're going to Costco right after this and we're watching the entire season of Euphoria. So a medium bag of hot Cheetos with lime? And a fun fact that you didn't know about Hot Cheetos. We're going to Costco right after this, and we're watching the entire season of Euphoria. So a medium bag of Hot Cheetos. I'm talking about $3.99 at the fucking corner store.

Yeah, yeah. Wherever you're at. Normal size bag. 1,410 calories in a medium bag of Hot Cheetos. That's pretty impressive. Is that real? Yes, it's real. I did the math.

It was 170 calories per serving so you did a simple multiplication yes i did the math servings are they claiming or in that bag in a in a medium bag i'm calling it one to two at best so that's a fuck load if i buy a medium bag of hot cheetos it will not make it through day two it will not make it through an hour i mean it depends like if i'm if i'm watching a movie or something it won't make it through day two. It will not make it through an hour. I mean, it depends. Like, if I'm watching a movie or something, it won't make it through an hour. Yeah. Yeah. But go-to snack, yeah, popcorn, hot Cheetos, sour gummies are hitting tough.

Yeah, candy's a different category, I'd say. That's not a snack. Shower orange. I'm a big Chex Mix guy, bro. I was going to say the same thing. They also sell at Costco a five-pound bag of Chex Mix. And I will run through that shit. I love Chex Mix. See, I'm gluten king.

See, it's all gluten. Chex Mix is kind of weak, dude. Really? Chex Mix, I got a hate on that, bro. Okay, why? Have you had Gardettos? Dude, Chex Mix is better than Gardettos. What's a fucking Gardetto, bro?

Gardettos is... I don't even know why I'm talking to you. Gardettos is a wannabe Chex Mix. No, Gardettos is the OG Chex Mix, and it's better. It's not. It's fucking not. I'll die on this hill. The only thing Chex Mix has that's good in there is those little puff salt balls or whatever the fuck they are.

No, you're thinking of Cheez-It Party Mix. You were thinking of a different snack. Is Cheez-It Party Mix not Chex Mix? There's a Cheez-It Party Mix? Cheez-It Party Mix is what we were built on. You don't remember YMCA snack time? Cheez-Its, pretzels, and the puff balls is Cheez-It Party Mix? There's a Cheez-It Party Mix? Cheez-It Party Mix is what we were built on. You don't remember YMCA? Snack Time? Cheez-Its, pretzels, and the puff balls is Cheez-It Party Mix.

Chex Mix is corn Chex, wheat Chex, pretzels, and the big brown little bread pieces. Those are in Gardettos too. Yeah, but... And they're danker. The seasoning in Chex Mix is better. Spicy though. No, I don't like the spicy. Flamin' Hot Chex Mix?

You don't fuck with it? Oh my God mix you don't fuck with oh my god you don't even know if i don't think i've had that do you know that's called munchies oh that's called munchies flaming hot munchies gas flaming hot munchies oh those are fucking unreal flaming hot yeah yeah i'll die on that hill yeah those are fucked up if they made flaming hot munchies with lime it's different i wouldn't i wouldn't leave the bag. Yeah, that's different. Alright, boys. I think that was episode three. Sober as can be.

Up until about 25 minutes into the episode. But thank you guys so much for tuning in, whether it's your first time or you're a third time listener at this point. Dude, if you're a third timer. We've already got three hours under our belt, boys. You've already tickled that fucking subscribe and like. So if you've made it this far, it's only going to get better. Stick with us. I promise. If you're a third timer. We've already got three hours under our belt, boys. You've already tickled that fucking subscribe and like. So if you've made it this far, it's only going to get better. Stick with us, I promise.

If you guys want to send in any sort of topics for Philosopher's Stone or we're going to be firing up the down bad of the week next week, you can find us on Instagram at NoFomoPodcast. And you can DM us anything you want there. We'll keep it. Literally send us anything. DM us anything you want there. We'll keep it autonomous. Literally send us anything. Send us anything. You want us to talk about you want us to roast a picture of you.

You want us to review a fucking show. We'll literally watch the fucking show together and review it if it's worth our time. But literally send us anything. We promise we'll read everything and because we want everyone to be involved. This is a family.

This is us. It's the FOMO sapiens, you know, this is the FOMO sapiens, but yeah, if you're not going to evolve together, we're all going to evolve together. We are mere tadpoles right now,

but we're going to evolve into, uh, humans that turn into cancer and ruin the world. Yes. Um, but thank you so much for tuning in. Um, we will see you guys next week, uh, turn into cancer and ruin the world. Yes. But thank you so much for tuning in. We will see you guys next week with some more fucking smoke.

Absolutely. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Garrett. I'm John. I'm also John for the fourth time today, baby. We're still here. We're the same people as when we started the episode. All right, guys.

Peace out. Peace.