NO FOMO - 32. Never Drinking Again

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back to the Mocs Chicken FOMO Show. No FOMO. Welcome, welcome, welcome. It's No FOMO with the shell of John Morgan and Gary. You are seeing an apparition before you. Yeah, this... We are not a real people at the moment. I'm a little more of a person.

John, you should be fine, honestly. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. I mean, you guys obviously are going to talk about what you did this weekend I had some huge like I mean this show is called no FOMO I had some huge FOMO while you guys were there uh-huh but as soon as you got back I felt so good about not going so happy like as soon as you returned I was like oh I made the right choice while you were gone I was like a little I won't lie huge depressed just like so sad I could see like two hours of being like fuck I wish I was there and then waking up the next morning and just being like oh man yeah but I'm

so glad I'm not in Arizona right now to be fair you did try to strong arm us on Thursday I said do you want to go and you said no probably I said I don't know I'll probably and yeah it was your decision to not because you were trying to get a ticket for me and you never got one no i said no you said if we could get you a pass would you go and i said i don't know and you came at me with some half-ass bitch energy okay well like i said i am glad that i didn't go you tried to pin me from the bottom and i'm not taking that shit and i fucking finger forward leg locked you yeah but uh you're glad you didn't go yeah yeah as you are i can say that i'm not the same you before you fucked up yeah royally do should we get some background on this whole thing yeah i guess so so we went to gold rush fest in arizona which was

was a phenomenal festival well well well done very well organized well produced is that sarcasm or no no it was great like it was actually really like i sent sarcasm no the stages were fucking sick like the sound was amazing there was no like lines for anything and it was like still packed well well spread out they had like three different stages four different stages it was a it was a great time yeah no i think you forgot the best part, though. Oh, fuck, yes. Yes. There are so many good parts of this. There's so many good parts of this weekend. Okay, so it's a five-hour drive from San Diego to L.A.

You mean Phoenix. Oh, yeah, my bad. We were going from San Diego to Phoenix. He's not all there. He's gone. I'm not the same. We lost him. And, yeah, we got there.

We were like, wow, that didn't feel like nothing. Like, it was actually not bad of a drive. Yeah, we're 30 minutes out. We're like, that was quick. That was easy. No, like, wow, that didn't feel like nothing. Like it was actually not bad of a drive. Yeah. Yeah. We're 30 minutes out. We're like, that was quick. That was easy. No, no, like pre-festival anxiety. Like we're usually driving there just like fucking get me there. We were like chilling.

We're like, all right, we'll get there right on time. Like everything's good. We're about 30 minutes away and we look in the mountains where it is or where we, we don't know where it is. We don't know where it is. Yeah. But over the mountains, we just see some fucking lightning. It looks like fucking Mordor.

It was so aggressive yeah and then uh we're as we get closer we realize that's where we're going that's exactly where we're headed we're going to mordor yeah we're going to mordor we pull up there's not a lot of people there we're like oh there's no one there what the fuck is going on the parking lot's empty there's fucking lightning and shit coming down we walk into the festival even the security guards dipped out we walked right in yeah the gate was just open we walked straight in the festival there's no security yet and then raining starts pouring rain there's umbrellas and raining when you're walking no yeah and then the wind just gale force just fucking there's umbrellas like flying like people could have been impaled

easily yeah for sure then when they we sat in the car and pretty much split a fifth after that well they said they said that they we a fucking, we look at the Instagram story like three minutes after we walk into the festival and saying it's delayed for at least like two hours. And we're like, okay, watch this get canceled. Like right as we got there. But somehow it didn't. It didn't.

And it literally started right like during the set that we were going on. Perfect for us, not so good for the people yeah some people's sets got got axed unfortunately but it worked out swimmingly yeah and then look at that and then we proceeded to just barely make it back burned it down

the entire weekend yeah do we want to do best worst is that what we're doing I think yeah best worst I think it's only fitting okay I have worst worst I think that's only fitting. Okay. I have worst worst. I think we just each go our best and worst. Okay.

Best and worst? Yeah. Best? Yeah. I mean, we met Chris Lake, which is pretty cool. Yeah, that was pretty cool. Okay. And we got to play in front of the largest crowd we've ever been in front of.

Oh, yeah. I'm tripping. Yeah. It was like at least 100,000 people. quite but two hundred thousand people there was like there was at least like five thousand people there it was it was fat um worst was discovering the monday meltdowns that's after the sunday scaries oh yeah so the festival was saturday sunday on sunday i decided to stay up till 9 a.m and then so monday, Monday. You stayed up till 9 a.m. Yeah, Sunday night, I stayed out until 9 a.m. Monday morning

with other people who were just as bad as me. I hope you're not by yourself. I don't think you needed to say that. The fact that you felt that you needed to say it is more frightening. It's really scary. Yeah, that's terrifying.

Well, I had my squad with me, okay? Well, I don't know because the whole squad that we came with wasn't there. Yeah, I was with a separate squad. I don't know who you found. A brand new made-up squad. You found some bad people is what it sounds like. But I was supposed to drive me and Garrett home,

and I slept until 4 p.m. Yep. And woke up to 117 missed calls. So we had to check out of the Airbnb we were staying at at at 11 a.m and i woke up at like 10 30 and had no clue that morgan wasn't there all of a sudden just like packed all my shit i'm waiting by the door everyone's like flowing out and i'm like wait where the fuck is morgan check his location 35 miles away called him 55 times from 11 till 4 p.m. And I, for two hours, was sitting on a curb outside the house, and it was 90 degrees outside.

Then I decided to go sit at a Mexican restaurant for two hours. Just every hour that went by, I'm like, there's no way he sleeps for another hour. There's no chance in hell he sleeps till 2. Okay, there's no chance in hell he sleeps till 3. Is this by any chance your worst thing oh a hundred percent i thought it might yeah this is my worst thing for sure okay okay yep and so at like 3 30 in the afternoon um this other one of our other friends out like oh

he fucked up so hard he passed up like driving with everyone else that he came with he's like oh i want to ride with you and Morgan. I was like, cool. And then like, I didn't realize you weren't there until every, literally everyone had art like just left. They'd already pulled out and like the only two cars that were left were full. So everyone's gone. And this kid, our buddy Joel is just like, okay, well like, you know, we'll give like

an hour. I'm sure it'll be fine. He's stuck with me. He's stuck with me till fucking like 3 30 in the afternoon then somehow convinces one of his friends that lives in phoenix to drive us all the way back to san diego that's incredible like just convince them to stay for a couple days and like hang out in san diego but like we had we were that low on options we were gonna get a flight but the flight wasn't until like 6 PM. And I'm like, I just can't wait around here that long. So low key only missed you by like 30 minutes. No. Yeah, you did. You called us. He called,

of course he calls us 30 minutes after we hit the road and he's like, should I come swoop you? I'm like, I'm gone, brother. I'm long gone, brother. Nothing worse than driving five hours hung over his shit by yourself. I couldn't even imagine. I literally couldn't keep my eyes open for more than 30 seconds. I love that feeling. It was not good. You want to do your best thing? The best thing was just the set

or the going on stage with Bonnie and Clyde for a song. It was lit. That's a good best thing. Yep. My best thing, nicknames are my best thing of the week. I met a guy named Tony Pepperoni.

Oh, I know Tony Pepperoni's apparently the way he got that name is he got in a fight and he threw a pepperoni pizza at someone no his i'm pretty sure his name is actually tony pepperoni it's really just tony pepperoni i asked someone that's what they said i think they're fucking with you he named himself i'm almost positive his real last name is pepperoni fuck off that's even so it's not even a nickname it's just i'm okay my best of the name is Pepperoni. Fuck off. That's even. So it's not even a nickname. It's just names. Okay. I could be. My best of the week is names.

I could be wrong. Your best of the week is a cat. Okay. Okay. I could be wrong. I'll tell you what though. Hang out with a guy with that name. Call him like, hey, yo, what's up?

T-Pep. Like all that kind of stuff. It hits a little. It's fun to do. It's good stuff. That felt good. That felt good. It's good stuff.

Wait, you're telling me you met the D's nuts guy and that's not your best of the week? Wait, was that last night? That was last night. Yeah. Oh my God. It was kind of depressing. Where was he? He was outside of Mavericks. They wouldn't let him in because he didn't have an ID. Because he's just yelling Deez Nuts at people. He doesn't have an ID, a phone, or a wallet. Oh my God. He's just yelling Deez Nuts? And I'm literally, I walk by him and he just yells Deez Nuts at me. As I walk by, I'm just a normal homeless person in San Diego kind of thing and then the person I was with she was like wait that's the guy and I turned around and I was like oh shit and I was like hey can I get a picture and I he's like uh yeah I take I take donations

after I take the picture I was like yeah I'm not I'm not gonna say you take donations in public and then he just goes and then he just yells Goddium at me and then i was like all right hey sorry man and i like go to give him a high five and he fakes me and goes deez nuts again i was like so he only knows two words yeah yeah it was kind of depressing speaking of donations though sign up for that patreon yeah there he is now we don't have to look pathetic okay um my worst of the week i think is ubers are out for me. Ubers are out for you? Why's that? I looked at it, and I think they take up about 18% of my monthly budget. Oh, yeah.

And they've been taking so fucking long to even get one that it's just like- I think we have to go back to DDs. Someone's got to be DD. I'll do it. I'm out of the game. You should be the permanent DD. No. I'm out of the game. You are done. This is to the people. You got to stop. I can't do this anymore. We got, I'm out of the game. You are done.

This is to the people. You got to stop. I can't do this anymore. We got to drive one way or the other, but then you have to Uber back to your car. This is the worst. I think this weekend was the worst ever. Dude, I got in the Uber at 4 p.m. that day, and the fucking girl looks at me. She's like, I could tell you're young, but you look like shit.

And I was like, I'm out the game. I'm out the game. This was one of the rougher Morgan Gisms. I gotta stop. I think I'll take the rest of the season off. What's the season mean? Till this weekend? What? Till Halloween? When's winter start? Look that up. It's already started. I mean fall just

started like a week ago. I'll take the rest of the fall out for the boys. I'll fall out. What about Halloween? I'll fall back for the boys. What about Halloween? Halloween's gonna have to be something though okay i'm definitely i think i'm out of out for till halloween that's two weeks i think that's fair like that's the hardest thing you gotta get through two tough weekend days one saturday and a friday night no no it's in it's not for like two full weeks isn't it today's the 13th or 12th today's the 12th if there's a full moon though i'm turning the fuck up i think halloween is not for it's not this weekend it's not next weekend it's the

weekend after okay i as you witness this right now we're taking that off dude okay i'm out you are yeah ubers are more expensive than fucking drinks half the time yeah it's like 130 dollars to get home much yeah too much i was looking yeah there's like an 85 in there there's like a couple of 60s yep and these i know are not they're not pluses how much was your uber from where you were to back to that house lucky not bad it was like 40 bucks really because it was 40 for us to go like two miles to the Mexican place. Yeah, I don't know how. I don't know what's going on. You lucked out.

It's either I stop drinking or I stop Ubering and I'm not going to stop drinking. So, yeah. So, I'll be the DD. I'll do it. Okay, I'll do it. We'll take that. Why is it just so weird for me to be sober out? It is so uncomfortable, dude. Because everyone around you is just blacked out.

It's not because I'm uncomfortable. Sober Morgan's weird as shit. You're a fucking weird dude. I'm sober right now. Look at me, dude. Yeah, exactly. You're fucking freaking me out, dude. Stop looking at me like that.

Am I weird sober, dude? Yeah, stop looking at me. Yeah, it's just I've tried it, and it's just weird. Yeah, well, it sounds like you have a fucking problem. Also, like a 1A of worst is the Raiders lost in classic Raiders fashion again. Dude, they suck ass. I'm surprised they're still a team. They're 1-4.

I'd be willing to put up the traumas of the Raiders fan base against anything ever. Yeah, you have been through a whole different life just being a fan of the Raiders. Yeah, like I could, it just could be so much more peaceful if I just pick a different team. You should stop caring. I'm trying to. I've stopped caring about football

and it's so nice not to be miserable every Sunday. You know how bad it was? Raiders were up 17-0 at one point. I turned on my laptop and I live bet the Chiefs to win. Instantaneously. And they ended up hitting. That's so fire.

How much did you get for that? Huh? How much did you get get for that I put 20 bucks and I won 100 I think nice really yeah which I mean takes some of the sting off but just the fact that me as a fan of a team saw them up 17 to 0 and decided we're losing that decided to bet I know we're losing oh the Raiders were up yeah you're like oh this is the other way yeah oh that's good stuff that is smart that is smart everything you're too much at least you're getting logical about it yeah that's fucking insider trading yeah at this point what the knowledge i have it is yeah you have 20 years of fucking hard mathematics i know exactly where this is going yeah okay so you do we want to do um philosopher stone debate club or down bad i have do you want to do Philosopher's Stone, Debate Club, or Down Bad?

Do you want to do... I just have a couple of stupid things. Do we want to talk about the OnlyFans thing first? You could be stupid first, yeah. Do you want to talk about the OnlyFans thing? Sure. I feel like that's just a good... Sure. Get us talking.

Yep. Oh, okay, go. Because we were going to... Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? So we as a group would like to start promoting other businesses on here yeah the best way that we could do that is through uh reviewing only fans now we are going to break down on the spot

here how we are going to do that because we don't know yet but the idea would be you send us your only fans we will peruse some content and then give it a review on the show. Kind of like, you know, the pizza stuff that they do on Barstool. Yeah. We're going to do that. It's going to have a scale. We're going to give you a grade. But we need to come up with what that scale is right now.

It's like reverse, reverse marketing. The only thing I could come up with is like how they do on cooking shows. You've got taste, plating, and use of the secret ingredient. What? I don't know how well that plays, but I like it. But it's something like that. We could change taste out. But not use of secret ingredient.

Okay, the way I see it, there's branding. So it's the overall feel of the page. Is there a nice color scheme, something like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Theme. Is there a common theme? Theme. Do we have theme?

And then we have the captions. Captions are big. Captions are huge. And then we have video quality. Or we have content quality. Content quality. Okay. And then.

What would our total scale? Are we going to do stars, points? I think we got to. I think we got to do it out of 10. Out of 10? You do it out of 10? One to 10? Yeah.

Okay. I like that. What else we got here? I've actually never paid for a prescription. Yeah, I've never paid for a prescription. I don't really know how this works. But send them in. I think... Garrett's over there capping his ass off

what else is on there? if there's any kind of funny aspect to it pricing is like a thing price point I would love to sit down there and really just break it off do the units break down for sure

I bet you'd love to sit down and just break it down. I fucking bet. Yeah, that would be a grand old time. But yeah, if you would like to be the first for that. You can privately DM us your OnlyFans. And then, you know, we're obviously going to put your OnlyFans up on the video, talk about it. Your name's going to get dropped.

So it's free content. But we won't flash all your content. Oh, yeah. We're not going to flash any content. We're just going to put your name up. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll promote you. We're not going to flash any content. We're just going to put your name up. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll promote you.

But yeah, send us a free subscription. Oh, we're fucking good at this. Some sort of code. Look at us. You guys are sure you don't want to do the use of the secret ingredient at all in there? Use of the secret ingredient? Yeah. Or just presence of a secret ingredient.

If there is a secret ingredient, there's probably 10 of them. Presence of a secret ingredient. Yes. Okay. ingredient there's probably 10 minutes presence of a secret ingredient yes okay okay okay um yeah I like that we I think we got that how do you

look it's gonna be a process but we're gonna get good we're gonna learn as we go let's not try to break this down we will do the best job of anyone that you know once we have a page to work with

we'll know how we're gonna scale it yeah wait how come OnlyFans doesn't have OnlyMans for the man stuff I mean there's guys on there. There's just dudes on OnlyMans. That sounds pretty good.

If you typed in OnlyMans, there's guys on there, I'm certain. Fair enough. Not that I've discovered. I've never seen any on there, but I'm sure that there are some. I also came up with a good idea for an app

that I want to run by you guys. God damn it. Okay. So I thought of this because of the Blind People app that I use, where you have to help blind people with FaceTime. This one is basically a decision app for couples who can't decide on something, like where to eat or a movie to watch. So you would FaceTime a single person, and they'd choose.

And then you could become an expert answerer as a single person and they choose. And then you could become an expert answerer as a single person. And then you would be upgraded into harder and harder questions, like maybe some relationship advice if you become an expert. And then you may be thinking like, why would I as a single person want to do this? Right? Like what's the benefit for me? Cause you're lonely as fuck. So you get to, you know, talk to people and stuff like that i would love to leave more things up to chance though because i feel like in a relationship you're always just kind of beating a dead horse with yeah you're just like hey we don't know where to eat where should we go to eat it's not like oh i want this she wants this like where should we go and they're just

like chick-fil-a and you're like all right fuck yeah because there's so many times when you're just like the other person had it two days ago and you're just like, fuck. Fuck. Shit. Or they just watched that. Yeah. That would be nice. Yeah, just fucking roll a dice on just everything. Yep. Yeah. Take a little stress out of the picking.

It does take the stress away. It can be very stressful. Deciding where to fucking eat. Mostly just that. Yeah. That's pretty much going to be the most contentious point in a relationship. Where do we eat tonight? All right. All right. We're going to take a quick contentious point in any relationship. What do we eat tonight? All right.

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and get 20 off and free shipping with the code no fomo that's 20 off with free shipping at manscaped when you use the code no fomo manscaped for turning you into your own mvp now back to the show all right let's get it ripping all right choose your own fucking adventure then dude okay let's choose it you want a philosopher's stone debate club or down bad fucking debate i want to rip your fucking heads off you want to debate okay this one's fun what single upgrade could biden okay hold on let me let me figure out how to read here see words are difficult my eyes are like sunken in my fucking head i hope so the road to sobriety day three dude my eyes sunk back into my head my eyes started getting smaller

they stopped bulging out of my skull yeah okay so we got uh what single upgrade could make biden the best potus of all time you can't say age dying reverse reverse reverse reverse yeah that's not bad um yes like he relieved himself early thank god yeah yeah yeah yeah he just went away that'd be that would be pretty incredible i think that'd be pretty incredible by choice he's like tomorrow i will i will off myself i'm gonna take this away from us i think it for me what would be the most fun is if he got worse at reading prompts oh if he just tripled down on how bad it's yeah if he just read him backwards every time like oh in the bottom oh it just gets 10 times worse yeah at least we could say in pig

but he just started doing in pig latin yeah if we just saw him spiral out of control like hard out of control yeah like biking every day falling every day like because like that joke because he's got alzheimer's like if he started getting like an angry alzheimer's he just started flipping out on people he'd be like fuck you oh he's like yelling at the prompter guy like mid set or whatever the biden set the biden set to the nation is it we gotta start calling whenever biden speaks it's a set that's a biden yeah that's an act what's his set time today yeah you guys catch the latest biden set yeah that's a that's a comedy show that is that's biden he makes the shit out of it yeah his whole shit shit's a podcast when you really think about it. Okay, but actually, though.

If he went on Joe Rogan. If he ran on Joe Rogan. Three hours of him fucking babbling. That would be the worst. Joe Rogan would rip him to shreds, dude. Oh, yeah. He wouldn't be making any sense. He would just be, what did you just say?

Say it again. I'm sorry. I'm not going to let that one slide. What the fuck was that? It's honestly kind of crazy that our own president doesn't have a show on Rogan if you think about it it's cause I don't

think they would let him go on there I mean they definitely wouldn't let it happen but that's a whole discussion in and of itself I think they'd let presidents go on there they let candidates go on there well it's just been so controversial to be president lately that they're not gonna do it yeah I mean the last two have just been so shit that I don't think they want him on there. They let candidates go on there. Well, it's just been so controversial to be president lately that they're not going to do it. Yeah, I mean, the last two have just been so shit

that I don't think they want him on there. But if he actually had a fucking upgrade. Okay, an upgrade. Not a degrade. A working fucking brain. I don't know. Let's nail it down to an actual fucking attribute. If I saw him shotgun a beer before

every interview i that would fire me up okay so do we mean like actually the greatest president no like like an actual trait that goes into being a good president we'll give him one and maximize it he's the best of all time i mean he just needs so much work i don't know if one thing yeah cut it you could upgrade one of his things because Cause all of his qualities. If you took one to 10, he's still a three. Yeah.

Fuck. If you upgrade one thing, he's still shit. He can't speak. My guy. Yeah. Maybe that then bike riding capability. If he could shred a bike,

if he could hit a fucking, like those guys that go down a mountain and just hit fucking backflips and stuff, he could still not be able to speak. And I'd be like, he's the goat. Okay. I like that.

Or maybe if he solved one problem, maybe no fuck that. No cares about that. It's gotta be cool or else it's whatever. Okay. Fair enough. Um, okay.

Who would be the best plug to have in your contacts? Jordan Belfort's guy, protagonist from tenant or willie wonka who's the protagonist from tenant guy is the main character yeah the guy who just is the boy yeah so it's not necessarily drug related he's just a plug in general so he could go back and forth in time and help you out here and there oh i see okay yeah okay so we i get to know that he's my boy or it just happens to me like i hit him up or he's just always plugging me like on the low like yeah like you're the girl that has that street yet kind of

like bumps into me on the road like i don't know it's him yeah you're the girl that has the phone at the end that's able to fucking okay call him in and let i mean jordan belfort's guy would be would be dope um but I'm done with that shit. Yeah, we're so much left out. I'd never leave the house again. I'd say the protagonist, because then he could be, you know, mobbing through the future. Or does he only go

backwards? Which Willy Wonka? Johnny Depp. Oh no, he can go either way. Yeah. It would be nice to have, like, some insider, you know you know trading advice some sports betting advice or even if he just like even if like it happened like by chance where not even if i like called him and he helped me out like if i was just walking down the road one day and like i was about to like cross the street into a car and he just like bumps into me to like stop me

and then like the car whizzes by like some random shit like that so he just has your back at all times yeah but willie wonka okay you got oompa loompas on deck and you also have all the crazy shit that happens in that factory i just i'm not that big into cane i don't think that's the one you don't think willie wonka is the guy willie wonka is a creep dude yeah he's fucking weird dude especially you gave me the johnny depp one that one's even weirder. Okay. I guess we'll take protagonists. The time travel factor is just so valuable. Yeah, it is. I got one for this.

Okay. What's one song you wish you could go back and hear for the first time? Wake up in the morning. Like BD. I knew you'd pick something stupid. Something dumb as shit. You remember hearing that the first time, dude? It does have to kind of be a dumb song. Because the only reason they're dumb now is because they're played out.

But when you heard them, like Mr. Brightside the first time, you were like, fuck. Holy fuck. Yeah. This is the best fucking song I've ever heard in my life. Oh, that still rips. I mean, only during karaoke, though. It's got to be TikTok Kesha, dude. That shit was ripping sixth grade.

Or what about Party in the USA oh there's a lot there's a laundry list i could go with here you know what i mean yeah middle school mtv had a lot of rippers i thought you guys were for sure gonna go some fucking odessa now music would hit different in middle because i could listen to those a million times it's still like those songs it's got to be something like go go shawat Shawty. Is she ever there? Oh, 50 Cent was the first album I ever listened to. Yeah, 50 Cent was for sure. I was going dumb in the fucking road trip with my mom.

I was like, fuck you, mom. Fuck you, mom. Not even singing this. Fuck you, mom. I'm in the club back here. Bitch, fuck you. With your fucking CD player. Or like Till I Collapse, Eminem.

Ooh. Ooh. Dude, that one. You're just feeling hard as fuck till i collapse yeah it's got to be something throwback like that anything my mom hated i think that absolutely added oh yeah yeah i'm trying to think of my go-to like my mom's pissed at me songs like when you're in your room just like oh man park my mom hated oh yeah i get that in the end it doesn't even matter you're in your room you're like i'm gonna fucking kill myself wait you guys ever run away as a kid uh i i like hit around the block a couple times i ran away once but i packed a i brought like a bag with me oh you put that transformer in a

backpack i packed a bag i packed a bag and walked around the corner and sat down. Sat on the curb for like a couple hours. Yeah, most I ever did, I like ran like seven miles to the gym one time. I was like, man, fuck this. Seven miles? Or I mean, how long was that? It was probably like down the street. No, 24.

Little kid seven miles or? No, remember from our house, 24 Hour Fitness? Oh, the one up on the hill? Yeah. Oh, that's seven miles. That's a smooth seven. Really? That. Oh, that's seven miles. Yeah, that's a smooth That's really that's up. That's across town. Wow. I was about that shit. How'd you get home ran back? Yeah, I wasn't taking no shit back then

Seven but I feel like I'm not cleaning my head to have taken hours, dude I remember like the six months before going to college. I was just like fucking over being told what to do Oh, yeah, you were so fucking sick dude oh yeah i run this angsty teen mom can you make my dentist appointment to this day to this day mom can you set up my dentist appointment for you i have my spitfire beanie on and shit oh my god oh fuck dude i'm going to the skate park mom i'm gonna get a fuck dude i know it's late i'm out i'm out of here dude home before Home before dark? Okay. You make dinner, though, when I get back.

Those are the days, dude. Keep dinner in the microwave. I wasn't taking no shit. Okay. We love you, Carol. So the opposite of that question, if you were their plug, who would be the worst person to deal with? Alan from The Hangover, James Franco from Pineapple Express, or Oompa Loompas?

What is this Oompa Loompa thing? I don't get it. Dude, I was on my Oompa loompa thing i don't get dude i was on my oompa loompa shit last night god um what was the first one alan from the hangover i feel like he's getting he's getting you into so much shit so like due date what if he was like the guy from due date well no it's alan from the hangout i mean like pretty similar characters exactly pretty similar no but alan from the hangover he gets everyone just fucked. Yeah, you're running with Scott dying, but also James Franco. Well, no, but you're just hooking him up to fuck other people over, right? No, but the way he gets you into everything.

He gets the plug into trouble every time, I feel like. Yeah. That's up there. So the- Loompa Loompa, do they even speak English? Remember the other guy? They speak with the fucking wah, wah, wah. With the wah, wah, wah. Or what do they do in the fucking thing? They just go- Well, theywah-wah. With the wah-wah-wah.

Or what do they do in the fucking thing? They just go. Well, they do speak English. They sing. Yeah. So they're just always calling you in a song, which would be kind of sick. Yeah. That'd be kind of fun.

So not the worst. But they're always begging you for fucking chocolate, dude. No, they got the chocolate. Yeah, they make it. They're probably begging you for a vegetable. No, they're here for the cocoa bean, dude. Oh, yeah. I've only seen the new one at one time.

I'm not that well-versed on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Oompa Loompas love chocolate. That's why they go to the Chocolate Factory, bro. I know. No, they live there. They're slaves, aren't they? No, they're doing it for the bean, bro. In the new one, they're so worshiped to chocolate that they just work for free.

Not sure I've ever even seen the new one. I've only seen the old one. It's bad. It's horrible. morg likes it i guess wait isn't there a new one coming out with timothy in it yeah that's gonna be really bad he's gonna be willie again yeah oh it's young wonka i think it's gotta be oh yeah no shit i can't see that being good no it's gonna be terrible fuck it's gonna be as good as movies are now though. Which is bad. Fuck man they really did it to us. They stay doing it to us.

Yeah. Who are we going here though? The worst to deal with I think Alan from The Hangover. Yeah. Because James Franco is just like I need some weed.

Yeah. No but he also gets you in fucking legal trouble. No but his is like he doesn't even you could stay out like his is really dumb like you could dodge that he's like yo i'm trying to buy some weed for a cop and you're like no i'm not coming right now yeah i'm not gonna come through at the moment yeah

alan for hangover alan from the hangover is like name dropping you to like random people and shit yeah doesn't he get the guy in the first one like kidnapped and fucking yeah exactly yeah that's not going well for you okay okay what movie references need to be retired asap oh oh i the um any nerdy guys on a computer explaining like i'm gonna hack into the database blah blah blah and then they go english please oh you're talking about like things that actually happen you mean references i was like say you're at a party and like you're in a talking with a bunch of people and they reference a fuck they say a movie someone does like a quote from a movie if i ever hear a quote from nacho libre i'll fucking knock you out so literally the worst movie of all time i've anytime anyone's ever

quoted that i'm just like shut the fuck up yeah for me it's dodgeball like that shit's so fucking old that's yeah that's a really just stop any honestly any of those if you're still dropping like if you're still dropping like mid-2000s comedy quotes i'll maybe i'll maybe let uh fucking borat slide maybe i don't i don't even know if that's i don't if it's used well i feel like movie references are just out. There's always that guy that's like, it's the five days of dodgeball. I feel like anyone who quotes

a movie in a conversation at a party, you're just a whack motherfucker. It could go well sometimes. It can sometimes, but most of the time it doesn't. Then they go like, from Pineapple Express? You're like, I know what it's from. It's'm not hitting me not laughing wasn't because i didn't know what it's from it's because it wasn't funny yeah yeah just honestly get that guy out yeah just the guy the guy that whole ass guy the whole guy the movie the movie quote guy needs to go yeah

philosopher stone or down bad i've got a good down bad if we want to do down bad um the question was who is down bad the most of 2022 can't be biden are you okay can't be biden can't be biden who's down most amber heards up there amber heards uh she's up in them rafters bruh she's yeah she's one that might be it but i'll try and think of more um i'm trying to think of who else we've shit on the most and it can't be Biden. It could be one of us. We as a collective group could win. We could win as a group.

This year got out of our control. Yeah, I would say. I feel like a lot of things have gone south this year. Yeah. What do we have? Three breakups between the group? Three getting dumped. Not even breakups.

No, no, no. One of them was mine. Speak for yourself. One of them was mine. Doing. Oh, yeah, true. Oh, because you have two of them. Yeah, one of them. Oh, I was giving one to Morg.

He has nothing. Oh, come on. Stay out here. One of my two is kind of mutual yeah i'm looking for that mommy but the most yeah yeah yeah one of them was definitely dumped yeah yeah we could take that i would say us down bad the most we might take the cake yeah amber heard would be laughing i mean phase one we started a podcast down yeah between my hangovers and your guys breakups i'd say for sure yeah and about even stuff we haven't yeah even so much stuff we've never discussed on here holy shit

okay if they knew the truth if they knew that if we say we divulge a lot to you people but if you knew everything we win i'll take it i'll take it i'll take it i'll take it i'd say we went over biden yeah but if biden was in that we've got a shot yeah we've got a shot okay toe-to-toe with like thing for thing like if we did a thing for thing we got him okay yeah i'd say i'd say we win that shit okay all right this one i am just so interested we're gonna do a little anatomy class right here for you guys oh god okay where is the female clitoris actually located inside the mons pubis below the urethral opening below the perineal or inside the anus it's not the last one it's not below the urethral opening yeah it's not below the urethral opening that's also correct yep what was this what were the

other ones i want to say it's the first one because i don't even know that is pubis inside the mons pubis or below the perineum oh it's inside the hood it's i think it's below the mons pubis we simply don't know there's no data on it there's no data none of them are correct there's no answer you made all those up i'm surprised you didn't have on the leg in there as well yeah i should have i didn't want to give you guys too many options yeah yeah yeah inside the knee yeah there was the right answer was not there okay but it's it's not real yeah well there's no right answer question can't find something that's not real yeah yeah that's like asking where the fucking where's are. Where's Santa's been? Where ghosts? Yeah.

Where's Santa live? Let's see. What is the saddest meal you've ever eaten? Saddest meal? Ooh, I've got a pretty good one for this. I bet you do. It was relatively recent. I mean, it doesn't sound that bad, but it was sad when I was eating it.

Okay, yeah, no, it's pretty sad. I grilled a hot dog in a pan. I put it on a piece of wheat bread, covered it in shredded cheddar cheese and ketchup. That's at least a meal. Damn.'s pretty bad it was fucking gross it was fucking gross i'm trying to think of what we ate in edc oh i mean the the craft mac and cheese snort that's not really a meal but that's oh no the craft mac and cheese in a coffee mug microwaved was pretty bad oh that's pretty fucked pretty fucked. That was fucked. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't have like pots and pans. So we would put it like put the noodles in water in the microwave or, Oh, I got one. I got one. Uh, I was making cup of noodles, not ramens cup of noodles.

And I would make them in my, uh, coffee thing, use the hot water thing, like out of the K cups. And I forgot to take the K cup out from the last coffee. like out of the k-cups and i forgot to take the k-cup out from the last coffee you put coffee and it was the last cup of noodle and i still ate it oh i was like i'm hungry as shit this is the only food i have i ate the noodles oh you had coffee cup of noodle yeah coffee noodle that's pretty sad yeah that was i bet morg's got something oh i've done some heinous shit in my life. I mean, drinking a gallon of milk in a day is pretty fucked up. That's not really a meal per se.

Yeah, that's just a gross amount. When you used to cook everything on the George Foreman is up there for me. Yeah. That was a sad. You'd parchment paper everything and just George Foreman grill it. Our beanie weenies are up off a plate. It's pretty high up there. Microwave. Yeah.

You took them out of the can and just micro honestly anything we ate at the fraternity in college was pretty oh my god those were acts of the worst part is we didn't even cook them a chef made those dude that shit was fucked up can you think of like what the pickle water or what was that shit dude i mean so every day every day he would just conjure up he would invent some new type of water for us to have dude and sometimes it was literally there's like lettuce and like strawberries in there dude what the fuck is this dude dude he was the dumbledore of the kitchen my boy some of those meals i just remember like two like triangles of like just raw bread just regular bread and like a couple pieces of lettuce and like a fucking tomato slice and then some heinous like protein.

Dude, that fucker would flex on us all day. He fucked our shit up on a daily fucking basis. I think I've got to have more. Okay, so off the top here, this wasn't intended to be a meal, but it ended up being a meal. So me and Garrett did like some fucking dumb ass Harry Potter skit where I had like 10 hot dogs in my mouth. Oh yeah. And after I had the whole 10 hot dogs in my mouth,

I just ate them for lunch afterwards. Just ate them by themselves. Yep. Ooh, I did this recently. Um, again, uh,

well, cause I haven't been recently for the most recent grocery store in like a week. So I was kind of just going through like my ah fuck no two weeks at least so i was just going through the freezer just like seeing like what sort of shit i had left over from like the most recent costco run i had and i had one singular uh ground beef patty and then i i thought i had buns which i did but i went in there molded to all fuck so i just ate a ground beef patty and then i i thought i had buns which i did but i went in there molded to all fuck so i just ate a ground beef patty on a plate with frank's red hot sauce on

top of it oh i've done some i made hamburgers the other day and didn't have buns and i used english muffin oh that might be gas though and i didn't have anything to put on it so i had but i had pickle um juice left so i poured that on the burger to just throw a little bit of flavor stop that's pretty rat uh oh i've got plenty i've got more so many i've got way more um recently i had one of those bags of broccoli from costco i microwaved that didn't put it on a plate, opened the bag up, poured mayonnaise inside of it. Ew!

No, you're a sick monster. And I didn't realize there's so much water left over on the inside of that bag. Oh, yeah. It was just watered down mayonnaise. So much liquid in those fuckers. Give me two more seconds. Yeah, I feel like this list can go on forever.

Give me two more seconds. Yeah, I feel like this list can go on forever. Oh, the fucking mixable watered up fucking mashed potatoes. Yeah, the... You're saying those in general? Yeah, that, but I just put way too much water in there. And I couldn't, I microwaved it six times trying to get the water out. Oh, trying to dehydrate that fucker. It was porridge. It was just, it was porridge.

It was, it was eating soup, potato soup. Fucking. I put some pepper on that though. Make it nice. Yeah. I'm trying to work.

He's got some, I had some huge gasoline that I'm just not thinking of a vape for dinner. Does that count? Adderall for breakfast, Adderall for breakfast, a vape for dinner or Adderall just for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And one day.

Yeah, for sure. Those days have happened. Adderall for breakfast, a vape for dinner. Or Adderall just for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in one day. Yeah, for sure. Those days have happened. Okay. So last step, we got a little philosophizer stonage. Okay. We discovered that this whole time we were living in a simulation. In hindsight, what present day fact makes this the most obvious? Hmm.

The fact that I'm still alive. The fact that we're still here. Hmm. The fact that I'm still alive. The fact that we're still here. Yeah. Um. I think small talk. Small talk? You just say the same shit over and over? Weather.

Yeah. Damn traffic was crazy. Yeah. I think like how like bad shit happens in like like patterns you know what i mean like a cyclical it's like cyclical like all of a sudden shit's just going every presidential cycle that something bad happens like every just bad shit will just happen like oh it's just like the same shit yeah and just like and then all of a sudden everything's chilling oh war oh there's a sickness oh yeah right there's a fucking covid then there's a war potentially like it's just crazy like every four years or whatever yeah it's just like some new brand new shit it's like a

cycle it's the same shit rebranded and we're just they're trying to keep us down somebody out there yeah nice let's see if you could introduce one new law effective tomorrow what would it be iq under 80 done so all of us are out introduce a law tomorrow I kind of want to be nice with this but I also don't it would be cool if I could think if you have over a billion

you gotta give it to somebody that just requires too much thought you're a communist? a billion, like, you got to give it to somebody. That just requires too much thought. You're a communist? Oh, yeah. It sounds like you're a communist. A billion? Is that too high for you? That's not high enough?

How much more billions do you need? I mean, Patreon's almost there, dude. Yeah, okay. We'll get like five more and we're fucked. We're in that new tax break. I almost said something so bad. I almost said something so bad. Wow.

The fact that ran through my head and I was like one millisecond away from saying it. Legalized drugs ooh that's a nice one right yeah because I also feel like you know that eliminates drug wars it does a lot of good more than just I get to get fucked up like beyond that it's not just for me to get drugs and not get in trouble

it would be more it eliminates you know cartels but also with that law I can't do them anymore everyone else gets to them I can't do them anymore. Everyone else gets to do them. I can't. Yeah, how about a law? I don't get to drink or do drugs. Yeah. I sign that.

I have to go to bed at... Wait, wait, that already is a law. We still do it. No, wait. Oh, wait, that's already a law. How about we live in the world we are now? We actually all for a second thought that was a good idea. Wait, we already can't do that. To be fair be fair though it is fucking bullshit that mushrooms are illegal they're they're coming around they're coming around what do you mean every time with me every time with you i mean there's states where they are legal so it's coming around

yeah it's honestly fucking horse shit though yeah honestly yeah it's that might be the only thing i'm gonna do for a what clay I'm going to do for quite some time. Oh, no. Here's a fun question. How many times do you think you've said, I'm never drinking again? Every time. Oh, speaking of that, new merch coming out. Oh, the never drinking again.

Never drinking again tees are going to be dropping very soon. If you had to guess how many times you said that, though. You should make a thing on that shirt, like little box where you can like tally yeah you get like a sharpie and you can tally it in that would be nice that would be nice and it's just fucking decked out how many times do you think you actually said it um every weekend since i turned 23 at least yeah i'd say it was it wasn't in the first couple years but i'd say at least every other weekend since like 23 or 24 so two three five hundred thousands five hundred you think five hundred five hundred i used to have a running tally in my phone that said no more cocaine and it was in it said november 2017 and i used to put a tally in it every time i failed and it was

at like 62 i was like all right there's no more point in doing this stop it's not making me stop wait have we all done that has everyone said a little fucking reminder to themselves to fucking be better yeah just failed it instantly well i used to have uh just a tally of like how many times i had done like molly or something or like rolled and uh it got to a scary amount of times that i had to like scroll down oh you got to delete that note i deleted it yeah i feel like this point it's just like uh the stickers on a football helmet yeah he's got a concussion but at least he's hitting him hard you Yeah, he's a senior, hopefully. Yeah. Okay. It's crazy out here.

Fuck. What was the question? What was the question? Did we even get that one? I don't even know. Oh, the law. The law. Fuck it. I think we got them.

The laws are good. Here's the law. I'm not allowed out of a cage. Yeah, don't let me out past 9 p.m. Yeah. Curfew's 9. We'd find a way to fuck that up. Yep.

I feel like we really did it today. If you want to support the show, fuck them. We we got the patreon tell them again and uh yeah tell them tell them it's a business dude you gotta fucking build your fucking you gotta shove it down there you gotta build yeah die die die die die and um i guess it's uh we'll see y'all next week