NO FOMO - 39. The Rat Scalping Program

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back to the Monster Chicken FOMO Show. No FOMO. What's up, guys, and welcome to another episode of No FOMO. If you like the show, make sure to subscribe to the YouTube or find us on socials at NoFOMOPodcast underscore. And if you want to support the show, check out the link in our bio for merch and more. Let's go. We're on episode 39 of the No FOMO Podcast. Yes.

You know, we've got Big Morg big morgue yes we're doing a light start to Christmas so we'll do a hat a week yes we don't want to fucking dive in well you weren't supposed to spoil the secret yeah we're just gonna try to slide them in oh it's an easter egg you gotta notice the hat a week yeah well now they don't where do I put the ball you just told them should I ball up you should put it in your mouth yeah and leave it there you can tie that heart around your neck i can this is the six foot christmas hat nobody knows about this tits the season dude tits the season tits the season all right we're you know full swing into the holidays coming off yeah a hot thanksgiving and uh tuesday's show those are canceled yeah we had a show on tuesday which it was it was

great it was a lot of fun but holy fuck did that throw a wrench in the week but we did what we needed to do we did on our hungover wednesday we did it we did it we did the thing that we after this is our confession this is our group confession. Group confession this week. Yep. We watched. Well, we spent $25. $20. No, $19.99. If you do, if you do divide it by three, $6.66. Yeah, it was a bargain. Which is worth it.

The number of The Rock. The Rock. Yes. We, we watched Black Adam. We watched Black Adam. I cannot express enough. When I told people that i thought it was the worst movie of all time like oh that's just because you hate the rock i was like no go fucking

watch it no it is fucking beyond believable okay so i figured we do we do a little synopsis and then i have i read some reviews of it which were all time okay i think i think we already did the synopsis it was just ass the synopsis is ass but let me just for those hopefully no one's of no one's heard of y'all spoiler alert yeah hopefully no one's heard of it no hopefully no one's heard of it okay this is this is their synopsis okay okay an ancient con doc which is the city where it's from a real place i don't know no no no okay first of all worst city name of all time okay teth adam oh Did you guys catch that? His name is Teth.

Yeah. Until, until the very end. Yeah. Was bestowed the almighty powers of the gods. After using these powers for vengeance, he was imprisoned becoming black Adam. Objectively worst name of all time.

Could we not have gotten more creative with that? Teth is better than black Adam. Teth. If it was Teth Adam, I would say at least three stars. So question, was his last name Adam? teth if it was teth adam i would say at least three stars so question was his last name adam so no one knows teth there's no nothing made sense in the movie doesn't really even teth the widest name okay let me let me finish this synopsis and then we could get okay nearly 5 000 years have passed and black adam has gone from man to myth to legend now free his unique form of justice born out of rage is challenged by modern day heroes who formed the justice society consisting of hawk man dr fate atom

smasher and cyclone bro no no i watched the fucking movie and i didn't even realize how cheesy all of that was yeah i mean the whole movie was so cheesy i think i was blinded by how horrible it was i didn't even realize those were the names of the people and within this dc universe they have the justice society and the justice league and this is literally just the budget justice league and it's the worst heroes of all time budget league hawk man hawk man okay dr fate it's it's dr strange he literally has the same powers as dr strange they just stole it straight from fucking marvel and what did i say he was it's like dr strange combined with uh professor x yeah it's pretty much with it that was like that's actually a pretty good

the more i recall about this movie the more i'm getting i'm getting enraged i'm becoming black garrett the part that sticks with me and hurts me the most is the scene when the kid is trying to yell to rally the city. Oh, yeah. And he hits him with the, come on, guys. Guys, we got it. This is our time. The kid who narrates it, the most annoying voice of all time. The main kid is like the worst actor ever and just a pathetic character.

All of them. Oh, my God. The Rock makes two faces. I'm boiling thinking about this film okay so i was thinking about the worst things about the movie just in general and if you think about it the first like two hours and 30 minutes are just awful no all the worst things happen in the first 10 minutes okay so you have you have a child narrates the intro yes you have shazam as you cannot make this shit up as the word that turns him into black adam

shazam is the magic word in black adam that turns him into black adam from a regular person shazam which is sick that when we saw that i was like you cannot make this shit up and then he okay the movie starts it's in like an ancient society. They're all speaking a different language that they had to make up. And then after we go to present times, he knows English. Yeah. Just speaks English perfectly. Don't explain it at all. Yeah.

Well, it's magic. Oh no. And then the best part of, I think the entirety of the film is the plot is they're trying to get him, they're trying to stop him because he's just fucking going ape shit and fucking born of rage. And the way to stop him is to get him to say the word shazam again his kryptonite is you have to personally say we're like okay what's what are some good methods that we can get him to do it all right read this piece of paper yo what is s-h-a-z-a-m spell shazam got him let's go fuck yeah okay so i i had to see the reviews on this because i knew they were gonna be great but before we get to those if you had to rate it

one to a million i literally would say zero one just you gotta start at one there's one doing i'd give it one then yeah one it was the worst movie i've ever seen in my life and i'm not by a long shot right it it didn't fill the it's so bad it's good yeah we were that was like at least when i see a bad movie and it's laughably bad like this for some reason wasn't even able to be it was like upsettingly bad yeah so our intent was to watch it thinking it would be is it good bad yeah good it's bad but it's good no it's good bad it's no no no it's a good version of bad okay right yeah either i think you do either way on that yeah so yeah we wanted it to be good bad

so we spent well if it's so bad that it's at least funny yes yeah it's it's good but it didn't even do that but it wasn't it wasn't even like funny we were more just like in shock yeah of how bad the whole time i couldn't find something to like that was bad enough to be good i mean i cannot wait all around the abs like i'm not kidding i think that's the worst movie i've ever seen in my life are we in agreeance on that yes yes like it's well known we don't like the rock yes yes that but even with even if you remove his entire character i'm a huge rock fan yeah like everything else was just so perfectly horrible yes like they could not like it's almost intentional hawk man the outfits the dude his fucking fucking cyclone woman when she does magic cyclones it's like purple for some reason and green she's pixie pixie wind yeah like

i don't even know what the fuck's going on okay but so the the reviews oh my i'm so glad i've decided to look into this so it's it's only five star reviews and one star reviews so that's how it got to three very split yes so the five star reviews this is from black adam fan oh four oh god you cannot make this this this is like a this is fake they made a bunch of fake accounts yeah so we get into that so um black adam fan oh four said wow could not get eyes off the tv what a great pleasure to watch that everyone delivered it to their highest level of appreciation well that doesn't even make sense yes i really mitch i really missed such a such a great acting

for a while the producers really combined family, anger, and humanity packed in that two hours. Great job. Keep up the good work. Oh, my God. That's the equivalent of a one-star review. Because there's no one. Yeah, that's. So in all reviews, there's no proper English.

Yeah, obviously. I feel like they hired like a Russian bot farm to like spam the accounts. I hope it's Russian. Or spam the reviews. It better have been. So the one star reviews this guy goes this movie is just a reek wreck spelled w-r-e-a-k oh okay a wreck yes a react after reading a couple five star reviews i honestly think they're fake or they just saw a

different movie my 11 year old comic loving son kid asked if we could stay or if we could leave before the movie ended. Just saying a fucking lot. That's fucking incredible. Un-fucking-believable. And then. Give that kid a fucking medal. Yeah.

That kid's got it figured out at a young age. Good for him. Yeah. Could you imagine your kids like, can we leave a movie? Yeah. And it's like a superhero movie. And I, my parents have taken me to like SpongeBob movies. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. movie yeah and it's like a superhero movie and i my parents have taken me to like spongebob movie yeah you know like yeah like a literal like when you see freaking like any cartoon movie for kids my parents have sat through that yeah and those at least we love those but if you have to be a very smart 11 year old to figure out that this is trash yeah i can't even tell you any movie i think i've walked out of like one movie in my life well also i walk out of that. I think the reason that kid probably hates it, there's not a likable character in the movie. You don't know who you're supposed to even be cheering for. Kids rally behind superheroes because they're like, obviously I like Superman. But in this, you're like, what the fuck is going on?

We didn't even talk about the part that the main villain turns into the devil. Oh, no, he's literally Satan. There's a collection of uh um religious reviews where they're talking about how like they're making black adam seem like jesus christ because he defeats satan how deep do you have to go like how down bad do you have to be to where all you can think of is let's just put satan in let's just put satan in the end yeah yeah we need a villain like a good one that no one really likes yeah dude no one likes the devil let's fucking let's go with him yes let's roll with the devil's pretty bad that's a bad guy most people don't like satan yeah yeah 100 all right but anyways in the best news that

we've seen probably this year is new york city's looking for a rat czar yeah they are hiring a rat czar so it's the director of rodent mitigation and some of the job requirements that are literally in the post from the mayor's office. A swashbuckling attitude, crafty humor, and a general aura of badassery. If you have the drive, determination, and killer instinct needed to fight New York City's relentless rat population, then your dream job awaits. It's well paid. It's well paid. It's like $170 170 to 200k a year yeah it requires a college degree for some reason yeah so the requirements are a bachelor's degree and proficiency in microsoft word excel and powerpoint obviously i don't think i've ever seen a job description that doesn't say that though but okay can you

explain in what scenario you're the rat czar of new york city and microsoft word is in your repertoire you need to craft up a fucking well i guess ransom letter to the rats yeah you're a rat i guess like the real like it's supposed to actually be like a you're supposed to be like planning out yeah yeah so this person isn't the only man they're hiring to kill all the rats yeah yeah he's the guy who's planning he's gonna plan like uh he's gonna establish a team hopefully hawkman's involved hawkman is the perfect he's a perfect guy because hawks love to kill rats yes perfect so yeah would the excel sheet just be like do you think you just need some sort of organizational i think they just want to make sure you can run this right okay yeah but i'm trying to think of like

you're the rat i could give you the excel sheet right here amount of rats thing that's your fucking tile one tile two rats killed yes it has remaining total rats yeah i would love to see the powerpoint but um so what we were deciding is um what who is the ideal rat czar yeah well what we want to think of some qualities that would kind of define outside of the qualifications listed on the job postings. What kind of guy are we really looking at here? That would, that would be the man for the job. Okay. Great start. Are you, you want to go Jay? Real quick, just to keep this in mind for picking your person, right? Here's just a few facts about the rats. Okay. Uh, there are a quarter of the rat facts. Yeah. There's a, it's a quarter of the population of New York city is rats. And that's anywhere,

anywhere between 2 million and 3 million is the estimated amount of rats. Okay. And there's 7 million, 8 million people, 8 and a half million rats produce about a dozen babies every other month. Holy. So they're, they only live a year, but they just fire them out okay they can jump three feet high they can survive a four foot 40 foot fall and they can tread water for up to three days they could tread water for three days yes so just keep that in mind when you're if like your person was like aquaman i'm gonna flood the sewers not gonna work you know they can tread water for three days so we gotta think of some things that aren't gonna just keep that in mind okay um while i was thinking about this applicant right obviously the person that they're looking for i feel like that application is kind of like more

of a desk jockey guy like a that but i want this person to be more of like i want to see them have some skills in actually killing rats yeah like fuck their fuck their fucking pencil pusher like in in the interview i want to see him let a rat out in the room and him get it yes like i want to kind of have him like maybe some like a little grizzled beard kind of like some grease on his shirt like if he comes in with glasses like this and like a button down and he's like well what i think is no it can't be an excel document and starts showing i don't like that no i think no qualification number one he's got to be homeless no i was saying he's got to have some experience face-to-face with rats on a daily basis.

100%. He has to have no education whatsoever. I think you take bachelor's degree off there entirely. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I want someone who literally walks in and he's like, I've been dealing with rats since I was born. Yeah. He's like, I've seen rats every day.

Every day. 100%. And let me tell you, everyone I've seen ain't walked out of there. They ain't made it out of my ass in terms of physical skills though i was thinking you have to be able to catch a fly with one hand i feel like that's a good start okay maybe some yeah some yeah because if you could catch a fly out of the air rats are quick like some black belt kind of yes yeah but not not formally trained in any sort of martial arts like he's just good at just he can just two finger pinch a fucking fly out of the sky yeah he can like spit his gum and like pin it against the wall yeah we're getting down to the right game yeah i think a major qualification would be he

hates the movie ratatouille okay i was i was gonna go it has that a lot they just ask him what's what's your top three movies he says ratatouille in there he's out yeah yeah i like that he can't wear hats nope nope i kind of like him i kind of like him i'm in who wait what if you use a rat and control him like in ratatouille to catch all the other rats what if the candidate is a rat or what if the rat secretly get a guy hired who is controlled yeah that's what i'm saying saying he's in the interview with the hat on you're like take the hat off sir okay we're getting into dark i was thinking maybe another one of like just visual things for me like if he had like a rat trap sticking out of his pocket or something oh yeah just like a belt of belt buckle yeah like a

utility belt nice for me yeah or um he's got like a block of cheese yeah yeah or maybe he has some experience in eliminating some other kind of pests like he's like a in australia i got rid of all of the frogs you know like he has like some of he's like there was a roach problem in indiana he's the roach king in indiana in 92 we had an infestation of roaches i took care of that in three months like he just and roaches are almost impossible to kill so that was true but i'm willing to say there might be no frogs in australia no that was a thing remember that remember so they had i think it was this was like a classic thing where they had like some sort of infestation and they got frogs to catch those and then the frogs went rampant so they got snakes to get those and the snakes went rampant and they got like beavers or something or whatever it was like

hawks to take out the snakes. And then it just kept going. Yeah. It just got all the way to like humans having to kill each other. Yeah. It got all the way to the point where they're like, oh, fuck, this isn't the way to do it. They figured it out on the fourth try. See, the first thing I was thinking is you bring in a bunch of snakes.

You have all the New York residents get a pet snake to get the rats. But you don't want a snake problem. You don't want a snake problem. You simply don't want a snake problem. That's way worse. I did have who I think they should hire Oh, you had an actual applicant. So I was telling Garrett about this for there's a rat documentary by Morgan Spurlock And there's a guy in there his nose. He made it. Yeah Morgan Spurlock the guy who did like a fucking

Supersize supersize, you know, it's legit. It's legit. It's legit as fuck There's a guy in the movie called Ed she hand if you want to give him a google and look at him he's exactly what i'm imagining um so during this doc he has a lot of really good clip of this guy he's during the doc he has a lot of really good quotes and i wrote them down because they're amazing they say in new york city there's a rat for every person i know there's more and all the while in this doc he's sitting in a darkly lit room smoking a cigarette the way they set up the scene is so good. This is my favorite one, though. I've seen him in nursing homes.

I've seen him in hospitals. I've seen him in hotels. I've seen him in some of the fanciest clubs in the city. I haven't seen him in graveyards. I wonder what they're eating there. He's so sinister. He's just like, they're the devil of all things. The easy solution would be to put Garrett down in the sewers and have him gain their trust.

And take him down all at once. Oh, fuck. Become like... He's a spy. Become Master Splitter. You'd be a spy. I'd be the king of the rats. But there is a possibility they overpower you.

Ooh, that's an angle. How many rats do you think you could take? Do I personally think I could take? A couple thousand at least. I think I could take down a thousand at a time a thousand rats well we gotta give them that at least okay maybe not not worth it but i was trying to do some actual research on like how they kill rats legitimately and it's kind of a toughie oh yeah i don't think there's so i mean anyone's quite figured out but we haven't figured in this documentary they go over how all the rats avoid

Getting killed by all the methods that we have now one of the smartest ones I saw is Smarter older rats when they see like suspiciously easy food, which is like a trap They'll let another rat a young rat go and eat it and then observe that rat For like two hours to see what happens to it you're kidding really so rats are smart they're rats are smart as fuck they do not get fucking fucked by any of this stuff that's sketch interesting well i i have something i think what's your i think could work uh so i go down in the sewer so it's me in the sewer i gain their trust uh no i'd say we implement what i like to call the rat redemption

program where you encourage the homeless to catch rats and for every rat returned they get some sort of cash reward damn it or a meal a meal from a local fine establishment this is exactly my you can get like a steak dinner if you turn in like a sack of like 10 rats no it's a rat one rat equals one dollar menu item yeah i'm so yeah essentially no if you bring like a sack of like 10 rats no it's a rat one rat equals one dollar menu item yeah i'm so yeah essentially no if you bring like a sack of 50 you're getting a steak oh if you get yeah a sack of 50 rats i'll give you a steak yeah yeah essentially uh my i have the exact same idea essentially it was it's the rat scalping program okay every homeless person gets a club and you're sent down there and for every rat scalp you come back with rats

Helps you and then the other aspect so this fixes two problems Okay, not only does it fix the rat problem it fixes the homeless problem because we're giving them jobs Okay, at least for months and you're paying them handsomely and then the other aspect of it is we film the fuck out of that We set a body cam on everybody and we just see him down there bapping the shit out of that yeah we absolutely we set a body cam on every one of them yeah and we just see them down there bapping the shit out of these rats it's also an economic driving force because we can sell the the footage yeah we're entertainment oh we have like live streams you can tap into like 500 different homeless yeah you're like a twitch streamer yeah twitch.com slash rat stream yeah okay you've got like homeless rat bapper

oh three yeah out there just murking them so they have incentive they can be getting like you know twitch coins or whatever the fuck they get i was thinking as another form of payment like they get a club and their drug of choice to go down oh like this this doesn't solve the homeless problem it's a reverse of that it kind of amplifies it you give them some meth yeah no you put strap drugs to rats oh that's even better come on dude so so catch a rat don't kill it strap drugs to it and let the homeless man yes you tell all the homeless there's you tell all the homeless there's an assortment of drugs strapped to rats yeah i don't even think

you would actually have to have them have drugs on them. No, you could just tell them. If we just convinced them that that was a thing. Like the moon is made of cheese. Rats are made of drugs. Maybe we just get one. We can even buy it from like Petco or something. Take a picture, like do a photo shoot.

Like, oh, look, this one's got coke. This one's got meth. And then post signs everywhere. Wanted. Drug carrying rats. then all the people there's many solutions i think that's i think that is the number one one i think yeah that's all you can do that's that's the best we can do i think i hope they're listening i was also saying equip every homeless man with a flamethrower and send them down into the sewers you want the

homeless with flames yes i do i do how bad do we not want the rats how many how many civilians are we willing to lose to get rid of the rat problem is the real is the real question i'd say at least i'd say the city's overpopulated with humans as well fucking double down let the homeless just take over the city you're not wrong have you guys ever seen like what a legion of rats looks like is that what they're called a legion i think they call them a region they call them turtle crews no like what is it what is a gaggle of rats called is it called a legion i'd like it i like to think it is a pack a pack a rat pack a rat pack yeah so i i went to a party in la like a couple years ago and it was downtown and if you see like it's literally like they'll run like they litter yeah. I've never seen three dozen rats run at once.

It is fucking horrifying. That's fucking, that is horrifying. That's why we need the flamethrower. Yes, that's what the flamethrower is for. Because the club, you might get taken out. Yeah, club's not enough defense against a pack of fucking 3,000. It is. I went through a lot of thoughts trying to figure out exactly how to do it.

I was trying to think of, like, ways to, like, stick them together so together so they like if the trap stuck them together so it's harder to get them or something another one because i re-watched some of the documentary they come up through those drains like the the rain drains if we just had like a fucking sensor on that and it just like a guillotine them every time oh yeah but then i watch farther and they can come up through your toilet they can do anything they could come up through your toilet yeah they can swim like fucking like three miles or some shit under no it's something ridiculous now i don't know i swear to god okay they're invincible then fuck them we leave them all right guys we're gonna take a quick break from the show because fucking manscaped is lit mans Manscaped is lit, dude. It's never too early

to play holiday music and it's never too early to start thinking about gifts. Whether it's for a friend or the friends in your pants, you can make this season a season to be jolly with Manscaped. Do your little drummer boy a favor and use the Lawnmower 4.0 to avoid another silent night in the bedroom. Then add in Manscaped's top-of-the-line shower products to have the people thinking, all I want for Christmas is you. Santa cares about his sack and so should you. Look nice when you get naughty by going to manscape.com and using code no FOMO at checkout for free shipping and 20% off. Now back to the show. All right, straight into, um,

Spotify wrapped happened. And, uh, I think, I just think we need to know, Jay, did, did you even get one? Uh, mine's pretty sad. Actually. It's it's uh you listen to nothing the top thing on mine is nine hour box fan on repeat oh my nine oh that the box fan sound that's what you use not even like some nice rain or ambient noise well i mean yeah no though because i usually have my fan going and if i'm somewhere i don't have my fan, I blast that. Really? Yeah. What do you think is the saddest Spotify rap you could have? That. Mine.

That for sure. Besides, if there's any music, not music thing is your top thing. Yeah. What the, like not even the worst song of all time. Yeah. Just sleeping music.

Yeah. I think my like most played song was like eight times. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. But so so the so gang john's a big music so we had some uh we asked you guys what else should have been on our wrapped so one of them was we made our if anyone didn't see yes we we had we got some stats back from yeah there's no fomo stats and um they wanted to know how many times

do you think we've said we were never drinking again this year um what's what to answer that question you have to ask yourself how many times you drink this year oh it's at least and then it's because it's said directly after that are we do we think it's at least twice a week for every week of the year i think it's at least once a week because if you know you're drinking again that week you're probably not going to say it for sure what for sure once a week where we would have said it so 150 combined i'd say you said it i'd say about that yeah about 200 times yep that's fair i think that's an accurate percentage completion on that because it's pretty much every time i have a hangover yeah that's yeah well what else do we think needs to be answered that should be on yeah

this is our like group wrapped one yeah what else should be on our group right yeah um i have a couple how many weekends did you successfully stay in completely saturday sunday yeah didn't go out zero i think one maybe i was gonna say there might have been one after like a huge weekend like no i think i got three three or four three weekends yeah not a shot not a fucking shot that you didn't that you didn't do anything on the weekend like thanksgiving was one of them but no it wasn't we got fucked up on thanksgiving that was thursday thanksgiving wasn't a weekend you didn't go out you came back and saturday was my birthday we went fucking ape shit you're right too and then i had how many times did morgan kiss either one of us this year i don't even want to i don't want to count once every time we went out yeah at least once 20 times

at least yeah every other weekend i got like five from last weekend so just whatever just from last weekend yeah and that was a low amount thanksgiving dinner table was a movie that was a low come here so dude i get emotional when i'm drunk come here you like that turkey i got a little gravy on your lips gravy on your lips um okay this kind of goes along with that one what's the longest streak of days you went without drinking this year yeah it's less than a full week yeah it's less than seven right i want to save like five no because five is pretty much every week like monday i usually do not drink well but then you drink friday oh so i won't usually drink sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday usually no like almost every week like a normal week okay but even say say you didn't have a social event

though like you still maybe have like a couple what drinks like a thursday during the week no i never have fucking drinks during the week unless i'm like going to something yeah the max is i don't just like drink a beer at home i used to not anymore yeah because it just hurts that's pretty sad if you think about it i didn't like thinking about it well when we would play like call of duty and shit i would have like a beer or something you know yeah yeah well if we didn't want to think about it why'd you bring it up i'm just no but i think i i'm trying to think like even after like a week like edc so say maybe we got home monday i maybe would have went like six days like after a big one like that i think i probably went out the next weekend i would reach up to eight

i don't i would reach up to eight and come down to i don't think i don't think that would rewrite though no yeah we've we haven't simply it's not because we're alcoholics we literally haven't gone seven days without something fun and being in the works if that's how you want to sell it to yourself there's always something fun going on true what do you think jay i'd say four at best four yeah i mean i couldn't put it strong four i couldn't honestly put it higher than six without and that's not even probably a full four days it's like four nights yeah that's fair all right this is getting sad it's getting really dark okay okay okay okay okay all right so if there was an after party wrapped what stats will be on it i got the most obvious sunrises scene oh total sunrises scene that definitely it has to be yeah

yeah okay and that's pretty much every single after party so a hundred percent of the time okay um average guy to girl ratio is on there yes yeah ratio has average ratio has to be on there and it's no it's hard it's a high yeah yeah high guys low girls yeah yeah okay okay talking 10 to 1 usually i got half drinking white claws that i picked up off the counter at 5 a.m half drinking drinks the next morning yeah no no that i was scavenging for and just end up drinking oh just this is specific to me yeah yeah that's a good one how many times did i pick up a half drink white claw that wasn't mine and drink it i feel like we have to have a board going up as we see yeah yeah um let's see what else i got in here that's like that's like four or five per after party too true that's a lot total number of names

forgotten that's good yeah it has to be that has to be um just text messages sent to the plug yeah i did have that one on the overall text to the plug or average time spent waiting for the yeah average time staring at your phone waiting yeah that's a good one average amount of djs that show up trying to play oh average amount of can i plug in can i plug in my usb okay so going along the same lines if there was a bag wrapped what stats would be on it a number of plans you made that you never followed through on that's a lot with a stranger that's a lot yeah amount of i'll get you back next times i got you on the next one yeah times a something besides a dollar bill has had to be used

no time total bills rolled oh yeah okay total dollar amount average denomination of said bill yeah average denomination of the bill roll that's Average domination of the bill roll. That's a good one. The amount of ones you see. Yes. It should be like, just knowing that that's the most cycle bill. I was thinking about the amount of times we use like a receipt or, Oh yes. The side off a cardboard box.

Something, something just absolutely ridiculous. Time spent anxious in an Uber. Oh, fuck. Hours, right? Oh,

it has to be. No, that's days. The pregame line that just yeah you're just fucking dying on the way we should wait but then you you don't yeah uh meals missed because you're just average time went to bed oh average bedtime after average bedtime yeah or our average time spent in bed where you're not asleep oh average time spent waiting and staring at the fucking ceiling holy fuck it has to be that oh i got a good that might be more than i've

slept after spent more time trying to sleep i've spent more time yeah the percentage of time i've spent trying to fall asleep versus the actual sleep i've gotten after doing that much i just thought of a good one number of disappointed females due to complications oh malfunctions number of malfunctions yes definitely on there all right um you know i think that that's pretty much our year wrapped up bagged up more like yeah so we got to talk about the the meth monks then oh yes yes okay essentially an entire monastery monastery of monks what do you call what is a monastery failed a drug test for and they all came back positive for meth and after that all these stories came out about this monastery yeah i suppose uh and they're pretty ridiculous what um at what point do you just start

drug testing monks is my curiosity here that well so now we have to drug test all monks well i don't think they do drug tests for monks typically but if every single one of them is showing signs of doing meth i think you do a drug test yeah i saw something i think there there was like some sort of um attack at some a restaurant or a club or something and, there was like some sort of, um, attack at some, a restaurant or a club or something. And the person was like on meth or something. So they're doing a big crackdown on drugs in the city. Well,

so I think they like went, I don't know. The, some was up with the monks acting strange and they went and like looked in their like rooms and they would find, they found like a fucking crack pipe or something. Yeah. The prevalence of meth where they are is ridiculous. So they sell them in pills, typically.

And they sell for 50 cents a pill. So why would you not do meth? Yeah, it's cheaper than a beer there. But you need to focus on meditating if you're a monk. Yeah, it's called hypermeditation. Methitation, if you will. But okay, who supervises these guys because i feel like you'd be able to tell no well what do monks do every day well

there's some like stories out of this thing that like they were letting it go for a little bit like there was one story of a guy who parked his lambo in front of the monastery he left his keys in the car and a monk stole it and fucking grand theft auto the shit and he was chasing him in another car and the monk was driving too fast and got away see that's some meth shit makes you want to just do that's how you get to the point where you're like whoa that wasn't very monkey that wasn't very that was a little non-monkey wait what do monks do every day uh so this is one of the things that i laughed at so apparently up so this is the people of this like around this monastery were really upset because a big part of what they

do is the monks are there to um they uh approve merit making so this is something that people will like bring them food and stuff and they get merits for that like social merits okay so essentially what they do is they're just a place for them to get donated to i think yeah they're like supposed to be these people who are like so good that you want to give them stuff because they're so oh yeah they're like above that makes they're like above everything they're like supposed to be like the pierce just you know yeah people yeah they're supposed to be like researching the the depths of the religion so that you could other people can be in well i think i think it's like they just practice it so devoutly devoutly

yeah but i'm pretty sure people like go to these temples like people who aren't monks they go and they get like counseled from these people these are supposed to be like your like guide for yeah yeah that's yeah so the people i just thought it was funny that people were like the main concern they had wasn't that they were doing math. It's that all of them are gone. So they don't have anyone to donate food to, to like absolve them of their sins. I'm just so curious how,

how it like leaked into the temple to begin with. Like it's 50 cents, but like who, who was the first, you think, you think like, Oh one, maybe it happens to one monk, but that he's not like,

Oh fuck, I want to try something. I think it's kind of like what Morgan was saying is like they were one guy did it. And he was like, oh, maybe it happens to one monk, but he's not like, oh, fuck, I want to try some of that, too. I think it's kind of like what Morg was saying. It's like one guy did it, and he was like, bro, I am so at peace right now. I'm so spiritual right now. He was like, how long did you spend meditating? I did that in four minutes. Well, no, it'd just take one guy meditating for a whole day, and then you're like, how'd you do that? And he's just like.

He's like stayed up for 48 straight hours meditating. Oh, maybe they're just trying to stay up to meditate longer. Yeah's what i'm saying trying to level up so they shouldn't have been punished i don't think then they should be like they should be celebrated for sure finding a way to do it better experimenting yeah maybe they didn't even know it was meth if i was a drug dealer that's how i would sell it to them right this will help you meditate it's a new spiritual pill that helps you you got 50 cents i'll help you meditate it's like something that's what i'm saying something something must have happened like that where they're like oh you know try this pill it'll help you i didn't i didn't even know you could uh ingest meth in a pill form i usually like smoke it or inject it that's my knowledge of

meth is low luckily which i can say that i that confidently. How glad are you to be able to say that? Like, we know a lot of fucking pieces of shit. I've definitely had blow that was meth. That was meth? It seemed meth-y? When I was in Cincinnati, I did one bump out of a bag that I literally almost thought I was going to die. Like, I was sitting there and it felt like the back of my head was getting peeled open. Oh my God. Like through this headache. And I, I went back to my friend's house and I sat there for like three hours with the, like, I took like probably 2000 milligrams of ibuprofen and nothing got rid of it. You just had a splitting

headache. And I was just, I was sitting there sweating, like scratching myself, like doing all the shit. And I was like, that had to have been something. I mean, yeah, there's gotta be some point in time that we've come in contact with. But like, we don't know anyone who does meth. Yes. We don't know. Which is good. Clap that up for us.

We fucking did it. We absolutely did it. And I'm just saying with how large our network of degenerate friends are, I'm so surprised. But so thankful. That's something to be thankful for this holiday season no meth in our circle well is that all we got on the docket today boys we got some fan submissions here do we want to do the drunk invention first we can do that oh yes so this week's degenerate invention is the better bag bag now i do want to throw in there obviously

you know we know that there are those little things like little bottle things you can get but this is for the actual bag itself okay so like yes there's already alternatives but this is to make the bag this is for if the when you get it from your drug dealer in the bag if they could just make a little bit better one like it's not in a what do you call those fucking things i don't even know the bullets the bullets yeah it's not a bullet first one i thought of if they could put a little ziploc top at the top instead of the peel open yeah yeah like the fucking sliding slider if they put a little slider on there that'd be that's already that's already we're done we're done yeah wrap it up like the amount of times i've been in a bathroom stall fumbling through that.

Only to rip it in half. I think if it had like a, you know, those little like silica gel things that they put in stuff to keep them. Keep that absorbs the moisture. Yeah. I really like that. That's good. So it absorbs all the moisture and it doesn't get stuck to the sides and shit. Yeah.

If you absolutely accidentally like drop in the toilet, like maybe you're good. Maybe it might be good. Yeah. You could say, okay, this is what Joe got. Or if you do drop it in the toilet, it has a little exploding packet that it floats on. Oh, like an airbag? Yeah, a little airbag.

It has an airbag. The bag's airbag? Or if he gives you It goes off in your pocket as you're getting checked at the fucking thing. Or he could give you patches. So if the bag breaks oh patch the bag bag patch oh a bag patch kit a patch kit that's even almost its own separate invention almost its own thing or a dipper in the bag or it comes with like a plastic like a little cardboard paper key oh a disposable key yeah disposable key obviously paper not

plastic because yeah something for the turtles yeah nice um i thought maybe like rounding out the corners could be nice oh yeah you can get that perfect little scoop yeah if it was just rounded like just like a nice little round and you could just so you don't have to wedge and then hold it up again that's so fair scoopy corners scoopy corners would be amazing that that's a pretty damn good bag um apple tag bag oh bag tag bag tag oh yes you can fucking you hit a little button and it beeps in your boy's pocket you like you motherfucker yeah his guy's tag would be good that would be so good i was thinking if it had like little uh measurement lines on it would be

nice too oh so you know if you're getting ripped off well like maybe just like you get it back from your friend like yo it was out here yo so you know how much to it has in dollar amounts how much oh yeah it's not it's not an amount once i can be measurements the other side is like dollars yeah no a detach a bag so he's like this guy's like oh i got 10 on it i was like here's your here's your portion you snap snap off a little 10 piece. Yeah, snap off a 10 piece for you. I like that. We're actually really good at this.

These are fucking great. This is easy. Our knowledge of this is way too vast. It's crazy how you can just think of every issue you've ever had. Literally. There's so many, though. OK. I mean, bigger bag.

Yeah. Bigger, cheaper bag. Expando bag cheaper bag expando bag because i do like that it's small enough to hide easy but if it could like expand into a larger bag when you're using it that would be nice yeah like a foldable bag yeah so like it stacks up on the back but it's still the same size in your pocket yes i like that i was also thinking like handicap stall camo oh like so that when there's a bag. Yeah. So like when you're, when you have to leave it for your friend, you don't have to do the handoff.

You could like, it's like invisible in there. And you're like, you're like third tile from the top or like one sticky side. So you can like slap it on the back of the toilet for your boy or something or slap it on his back, backpack, backpack,

like when you put a note on somebody's back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're just walking around with it all night. Yeah. Something to think about. Just there's a lot to think about here.

And I don't think this would be, some of these I don't think would be too hard to do. Some of these are very possible. Like measurements and Ziploc top. And rounded corners. You've already maybe made the perfect bag just with that.

I feel like we did really good with that one. I'm proud of us. Yeah, that was good work. We just simply know our knowledge is too vast. Alrighty. I think that wraps it up. Episode 39 simply know our knowledge is too vast. All righty. I think that wraps it up.

Episode 39 in the books. Thank you all for listening. If you have not already, please do us the kindness of following us on all socials at NoFOMO Podcast with an underscore at the end. And if you'd like to support the show, head on over to Manscaped.com. Use the code NoFOMO. And we will see you next week. Gang.