NO FOMO - 41. It's Christmas Bitch

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

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what's up guys and welcome to another episode of nofomo if you like the show make sure to subscribe to the youtube or find us on socials at nofomopodcast underscore and if you want to support the show check out the link in our bio for merch and more let's go it's christ, bitch. Christmas with the boys. It's bitchmas, dude. What the fuck is up, dude? It is going to be December 25th in a few days.

That is the day Jesus was born, right? Dude, am I right with that? No, okay. Apparently, it's different. Okay. Apparently. No, I guess he was born like later on, but... Is it?

Yeah, he wasn't born on that day. Oh, wait, and he rose on Easter. Yeah, he... He hath risen on Easter. He hath rose. So Christmas isn't even this fool's birthday? This fool? Jesus, this fool.

No. God damn, boy. How do you fuck that up? It's like the biggest holiday of the year. It is. It's not even like grounded in fact. Can we get some confirmation? Does anyone know what's going on with that?

I think it was sometime in February. Wait, then what's the fucking deal? Can anyone explain to me? No, I think you're wrong. No, it's 100% correct. Are you sure about that? Yeah, look that up. Ask the thing.

I'm asking the... So we got the fucking... All the new jazz hype is the chat GPT AI thing. I don't know if you guys don't know what that is. It's like a... I don't know if you guys... I don't know if you guys don't know what that is. It's like a... I don't know if you guys don't know. You gotta let the people know. If you haven't checked it out it's fucking lit. It's like

$7 a week. So I just got it for the first week just to see if it's worth having. But it's just like this crazy AI bot that you can talk to and will fucking basically answer any question on earth. Let's see. Wasesus born on christmas no jesus was not born on christmas according to the bible jesus was born in the spring around

six to four bce what the fuck is bce before everybody does bc is before christ before christ how is it how is he born on how is he born. How is he born on 6 BC? How is he born before Christ? Well, because he was born before Christ. He had to be born before Christ. He had to have been. Yo, wait. Or he was born on Christ.

Born on Christ. B-I-C. Born in Christ. What is BCE? I'm just going to ask you. What is BCE? The whole episode is just BCE. I was fucking Googling dumb shit the whole time.

Oh my God. I fucking love that. What is B-C-E? Big cock energy? Hey, let's go, dude. I hope it says that. B-C-E is an abbreviation for before common era. Okay.

Okay. So my life is a lie. Jesus wasn't born on Christmas and B-C-E doesn't stand for before Christ. Yes, correct. Yeah, because A-D is not after death. Or did they change the like the way they say it to like take religion out of it so now it's called before common era instead of before yeah no it's never before christ and ad was never after death no ad is like abby domino

or some shit is what it actually stands okay well what does it translate to yeah it does depend on the religion same for fucking abu abu domino it's yeah it's ask the thing it's anno domini how many dominoes do you have yeah it's about dominoes it's anno domini which means before like the year of holy shit thank you something like that solstice but it i've always thought it's good for after dinosaurs that is okay after dinosaurs that sound pretty good that sounds better i knew it was millions of years before that but like i just like saying after dinosaurs more yeah it does depend on where you're from though because if you're like muslim then they don't believe in jesus right um they believe in muhammad the prophet muhammad yeah so they don't say before christ because it doesn't make sense yeah that would add up yeah chronologically

interesting so so i actually did some uh research on the the story of christmas because i hate you why do you why do you wait just a question. Did you know that he wasn't born on Christmas before you looked all this shit up? I knew it before I looked up some of your diggings recently. No, I knew that just because randomly I grew up as a Christian. Dude, I'd be willing to wager

70% of people I know don't know that. No, I think it's been well known as of recent. I have never. i guarantee anything you think is well known i guarantee i hit any group chat i'm in right now and i go was jesus born on christmas everyone's like yeah no fucking shit that's what the holiday is about but our life is a lie it's not about jesus about santa that's what i'm saying i could give fuck all about it's santa claus's birthday so uh going along those lines i did i researched

the christmas story just because i got kind of gray on it and um the film or the actual story the actual story that's taught to people and the conclusion i came to is god is kind of a dick which i'll go into a little bit i've already established that so mary wait for it get to your point okay so mary and so so'm going to lead with the most bold statement. Yeah, holy fucking shit. And then I'll trickle down. And then I'll stumble through the... And I'll run through the story of fucking the Garden of Eden.

Okay, go ahead. Okay, so Jesus was born of Mary and Joseph. No. Give me a dead one. Joseph? Yeah, Mary and Joseph. I thought... This is dead?

Yeah. Sorry, we're having a vape crisis Jesus Christ I thought that he was the son of God he is the son of God but he was born on earth

alright well let's let him let's let him I know but I thought let's see what he's got I thought the prophet Gabriel came to Mary and said that

that she was carrying the son of Christ or the son of the Lord you guys got me beat dude I thought it's about Santa Claus I actually only know this because i was spent the last week with this guy who grew up mormon and the religious

debates were all time okay so this the background of the story was joseph was 19 or so mary was like 14 she gets pregnant out of nowhere when she's 14 and then joseph has a dream where an angel tells him angel gabriel right maybe i think that's what yeah i literally just heard the story so um the And then Joseph has a dream where an angel tells him. Angel Gabriel, right? Maybe. I think that's what. Yeah. So the angel tells him that his girl is pregnant with his girl. Your bitch is pregnant with God's kids. That his girl is pregnant with Jesus.

Okay. So if you're Joseph, would you guys need to see something to know that you're just going off a dream there? Well, I feel like this is just like an insane, um, like thing to justify his wife cheating on him. Clearly. Yeah. So I'm saying if you're Joseph, like I can't cope with this. It must be the son of God. So if you're Joseph, you're sweating a little, right? Bullet. There's no way he's not. There's, he didn't just say, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Because he's just going off a dream that he had, right? Yes. Okay. So guess how long Jesus or guess how old Jesus was when he did his first miracle?

I thought you were going to say when he was born. When he did his first miracle? Guess how old Jesus was when he did his first miracle? 40. Baby, baby, baby, baby. 30 years old. How old did he live to? Or like 35 or something eternally he's an

eternal being but but so god had joseph sweating for 30 years i guarantee i guarantee he wasn't even alive when he fucking popped that first miracle out either yeah i mean i didn't even get to see it he died before he got i bet he died before that people only lived till like fucking 40 back then but would you say that's kind of a fucked up move out of god sure you give him one dream yeah i mean you make them wait 30 years for a miracle that's pretty fucking gnarly because merry christmas you'd want some sort of justification like okay what's this little fucker gonna do you think by like 12 he's doing something like that's what that's what i'm saying like you're gonna make the man's a miracle yeah uh i think it was it said

water into wine was that he's 30 that was his first miracle yeah that's pretty lit for the first one though and for my first trick let's all get fucked up i love this guy this guy's a riot but so uh mom if you're listening i take back that god is a dick but it's kind of a dick move sure i think there's i think there's a lot of a lot i mean we're not gonna get into religion let's not do that but i just feel like there's a lot of reasons that you could say God's a dick. There's a lot of things that if he's this giant, merciful being. He's so good, though. So, oh, okay.

We're not going to get in deep, but I do have an interesting point that was brought up recently. So this guy was like telling me that, you know, if you don't follow God or whatever, and you don't believe in Jesus Christ or whatever, or whatever. If you don't follow him on Twitter. If you don't follow God on Twitter if you don't follow God on Twitter you aren't going to heaven right yeah so they're like

what if you lived in the fucking Amazon and just had never heard of him you can't just randomly believe in him like if you have they don't have any basis of religion or something like yeah he's gonna send them to hell

for never hearing about it that's a good point right well yeah I mean I don't think it works like that no according to the Bible it does but I don't think in reality if that. No, according to the Bible, it does. But I don't think in reality if that's...

Well, the whole thing is also not reality. So that's... Sorry, Carol. These are my opinions of my own, not your son's. Yeah, but anyways, Chris... She's going to be so proud of me. I didn't say a thing about it. We're just having fun.

Yeah, you were walking on hot coals over there. You're not saying... Wait, I'm going to ask the AI if God's real. Yeah, ask it that. Well, he has to be. Let's see what it says. The answer to that question is subjective. Okay. And depends on your own beliefs. Okay.

So, there we go. I thought you said this AI was good. Dude, this AI needs to take a stand, bro. It's kind of bitchy. But you can't ask it subjective questions. No, it's kind of bitchy like that. It's grounded in... I'm off it. ...in fucking facts and reasoning. AI's weak. Intelligence. It's and reasoning. AI is weak. Intelligence.

It's artificial intelligence. AI is weak. Dude, you're weak. Is John a fucking bitch? I'll ask it that. Is John Marsh... I don't know the answer to that. Is John Marsh a bitch?

According to his social media profile... No, John Marsh is not a bitch. Fuck! Yes, I told you! It said that? Yeah. It's back. It's in.

It's way... What exactly did it say? No, comma, John Marsh is not a bitch. Really? Yeah. How would it know that?'s in it's way what exactly did it say no comma john marsh is not a bitch really yeah how would it know that how would it well now now i know it's cap the whole thing is cap so artificial stuff is out so christmas christmas christmas huh yeah um you guys you guys big fans of christmas uh i i just like how much my mom likes it dude i mean we realized how for them at realized how cool it actually was as a holiday when we were at the mall the other day. Dude, oh my God, we were at the Grove in LA, and I had just never felt the spirit of Christmas more alive.

Dude, I forgot people put on vibes out there in the wilderness. Dude, it was a vibe. I was just smiling. It kind of made me want to go see one of those streets that does cool lights. I know, because sometimes it just kind of... i feel like as a kid you're always like a whole month as a kid all in on the christmas spirit every night's a christmas movie fucking you're right you're writing your christmas list for everyone the whole house is fucking decorated and now it kind of just slides by you sometimes sometimes you really just get like christmas eve and christmas well that just

made me realize how much we really just be inside yeah we don't because like because most people are probably doing like yeah well like people are just walking around happy out there i was like dude i've never seen a larger combination of happy ass people than the grove i haven't had a christmas tree in like eight years and when we went christmas tree shopping it was probably one of the funnest things i've done you're like looking at him you're like i don't kind of like this one it's got a little fluff to it like it's good i like always try to go with my parents but i didn't get to go this year i was kind of bummed one. It's got a little fluff to it. Like, it's good. I, like, always try to go with my parents, but I didn't get to go this year. I was kind of bummed. It's fun, you know? It is.

Buying into the, you know, capitalistic holiday that it's become. It's the spirit of giving. Yeah. Spend all your money. Presents are fucking lit. I'll tell you that. Has it gotten to the point for you guys where, like, you don't actually have a clue what to ask for for Christmas ever?

My mom's like, oh, send me a list. I was like, I don't know. I kind of just, like, if I want something, I just buy it at this point yeah what what do you guys want what do i want i'd usually just buy yeah affection from a woman purpose and meaning i do have a christmas present for of you guys that we're going to do this year. Sure. There's a new show coming out called MILF Manor. Oh, I saw this.

I did see something about that. Okay, we're going to do audition tapes for that for my Christmas present. I'm going to get a person to come and actually film an audition tape. Wait, you can actually apply to be on it? So the first season's right now, and I'm assuming there's got to be a second one. What's the premise? actually apply to be on it? So the first season's right now and I'm assuming there's gotta be a second one. What's the premise? The premise

present is there's eight 40 to 60 year old women and then eight 20 to 30 year old dudes. Oh. And they're trying to find true love, baby. Is that really what it is? It's a MILF dating show?

Oh, we're signing the fuck up. Yeah, it's a MILF dating show. Dude, this is our fucking godsend. God is is real i think i'm gonna hire an actual person to come and like film it for us oh we should do a little shit ass video wait what's on the application for it or is like what questions you send in a video i think oh just like a one minute because it's just it's like a tlc one of those shows john's 100 gonna get picked up yeah so i already can guarantee i built for milk hey mommy it's your boy Jay Smooth. I was made for this. I just show up in a little freaking bib.

Do we know the outline of the show? How it works? Is it kind of like Love Island? It hasn't come out yet, so I don't know. I'm assuming you just got to fall in love, dude, and then get married. Oh, I would love for it to be like a round-robin thing because a lot of the shows, you have to date multiple people to figure out, obviously. They did one like tape of it come out like to show

how fucked it is and it's like the the women being interviewed and they're saying like what they're looking for like i want someone with the like you know that's gonna take care of me blah blah blah and then it just cuts to the guys and they're like showing them the hotel that they're in and they're like oh shit like look at how dope this is They're just like screaming They're like hey the minibar's stacked dude we're lit And then it cuts back to them and like I want someone who's you know courteous And they're like oh we got snacks on deck They're like boys night let's fucking go

Everyone meet up in Johnny's suite we're getting lit Fuck yeah I do honestly think that's how the dynamic is kind of I think that matchup does work very well I think that's what they want. They want like a young energetic fun, dude Keep them young cuz that's what older women are looking for. Yeah, they're not dating younger men because they want to find three better examples Watch us all get picked up. That's what I'm saying. We'll do one together and we'll all get picked up, dude My that's my fucking dream dude, cuz I mean you want a girl that knows so your mommy, you know I'm saying yeah

You do know something you do know something you don't know they have skills that they've acquired through a series of unfortunate events That sounds like something yeah, not a single one of them wasn't stacked up on there, too Oh, I get are they all bad they gotta be they're all for I mean you can tell some of them are on the closer to 60 side oh that's a pretty large range yeah yeah 40 could be confused for like 32 in some cases but 60 you're not really missing much i wonder if you know 60 year old never really sneaks by it do they i would love to see like you gotta have some great challenges for that and it's like they do like some sort of jeopardy or something and it's like they do like some sort of jeopardy or

something and it's like a bunch of old questions well the big thing would be the knowledge disconnect because you grew up in like two different separate generations yeah exactly two full decades that you weren't even coherent or conscious or alive yeah well yeah or born would be yeah you weren't there for That was BG before fucking Garrett That was BG I could see that being pretty legit though We're gonna be honest I think we got a fighting chance on that

Where the dudes all like fucking They were just all fucking I mean they're good looking dudes but yeah Well If anything you would learn something from that show Yeah Even if you didn't I would learn how to win. I'd learn that I no longer need to provide income for myself,

and I have a sugar mommy. Yeah. Wouldn't that be the life? God damn. That's what I'm saying. They have that formula down. Yeah. So they have the sugar daddy websites,

where it's like a dating site for girls looking for sugar. They have that for women. It's the same thing. It's called Sugar Baby. Have we not... has no one browsed through that i've looked at you have to pay for it though i'm too scared i don't okay you have to pay for i'm sure you'll get reimbursed well yeah that's true that's the whole point dude there's gotta be some la jolla just mommies i'll look it up right now yeah there's definitely dude we're fucking us we're dead asleep like we've been looking at this the wrong way for so long.

Oh, we've got a bunch of them. Sugar Book, the 17 best sugar baby. Yeah, we've got them. Is that something you'd actually consider doing? Because I would. I'd do it in a second. Like, given that you actually do enjoy the woman's company, I would have no problem with that.

Yeah, they're just taking you to nice dinners and stuff. Dude, I bet you they have. I'm talking like marry a fucking 50-year-old woman. That what i'm saying i mean that comes with it yeah like i fall in love i could do that yeah they have the life experience so they have some stories that like you've never heard of they're probably more interesting so i'm saying you may have heard them but you've only heard them from like your mom yeah exactly you're like the only thing you'd ever get to toss into that conversation when they're telling stories like oh oh yeah, my mom did that too. And you're like, I can't say that.

Wow. You're just like my mom. Yeah. You've got to take that out. Oh yeah. My mom does that also. Dude, all I want for Christmas is a sugar mommy. That's what I'm going for.

Theme of the episode. That's the episode title. That's the episode title. That would be unreal. Speaking of sugarbaby.com, have you guys heard of Rent-A-Friend? That sounds like a set. Isn't that what you're doing right now? By the way, my check hasn't come in yet, Mork.

No, so I was just in my random search for shit for the podcast. You cold, bro? A little bit. You're fucking cold? I'm a little bit cold. Fuck off, dude. Warm up. It's the fucking first episode we've ever filmed at night, and he's got to put a jacket on.

Well, it's also 45 fucker degrees outside. So lick from under cheese. Okay. Chill out. It's San Diego. But anyways, what were we talking about? Rent a friend. Rent a friend.

Yeah. So if any of you guys are looking for a way to make money in 2023 there's a site called rent a friend where people like move into a new city and they will hire you to hang out with them to figure out i feel like what are they paying you could get up to a hundred dollars an hour oh sign me up yeah so i'll come play fifa for a hundred bucks dude but you just got to really imagine the caliber of person that you're dealing with that goes on that well that's what i'm thinking like you're not gonna have to do anything crazy like someone who doesn't have a friend is gonna be like hey come over have a beer i feel like that's like

you're gonna get dommered yeah for sure that's like i'd say there's at least 10 of the user bases is looking to kill someone you're gonna wake up on the couch with a sore hole or two but but you get paid by the hour so fuck it i'll sleep over is that all i'm worth 100 bucks an hour fuck way less than that for me okay oh for you i think you're insulting well also you but yes well i fully agree with the first part of that sentence that you said but yeah so that would be a steal i think i've did you like look like is there how does the matching process work like do they pick you you like make a profile yeah i'm a i'm a fucking dope friend rent me yeah what do you put on your

profile you know what i mean like do they pick you or is it kind of like what if it's like tinder no no so it's like it's based on like events so it's like what they want to get involved in and then you have like a profile based off like what you i'm saying like do they say i'm the rented friend? Do they pick me or I pick them? You definitely don't pick them. Right. You could, they pick you for the services.

Yeah. Okay. Like you say like what kind of friend you are. Okay. So I have the profile and they're browsing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. They're browsing.

Like if you want to stay up in a random kitchen until 7am. Yeah. I would, they would have the time of their life if they hung out with us. that's what i'm saying we do a bundle like a trio come hang out with us for and we'll do like say 250 an hour give them a little bit of a discount that's a customer support question but i think okay we should look into that lots of lots of fucking stuff going on lots of websites to be uh dug into 2023 is gonna be a. It's going to be for renting out your body. 2023 is our year. I'm going to be rented as a friend and acquire a sugar mommy. Mark my words.

Alright guys, we're going to take a quick break from the show because fucking Manscaped is lit. Manscaped is lit, dude. It's never too early to play holiday music and it's never too early to start thinking about gifts. Whether it's for a friend or the friends in your pants, you can make this season a season to be jolly with manscaped.

Do your little drummer boy a favor and use the lawnmower 4.0 to avoid another silent night in the bedroom. Then add in manscapes top of the line shower products to have the people thinking all I want for Christmas is you. Santa cares about his sack and so should you. Look nice when you get naughty by going to manscaped.com and using code no FOMO at checkout for free shipping and 20% off. Now back to the show. Okay, so when you're in a relationship, is there a way to know you're about to fuck up before you fuck up? Let me give an example here. Me and Garrett both called our girlfriends nines.

Our ex-girlfriends nines when we were dating. Oh, I forgot about that. And it's like, okay. I forgot. It's so funny. As a guy, you want to give the logical answer. It's like, yeah, I think you're super hot,

but like, so yes, I was so consumed in the question where I was like, you're trying to think about it. Logic. Like, obviously I think you're amazing. I think we've talked about this.

We talked about it. I think we have rushed on this before. Well, no, but not, not to say that we're like saying the same thing. This goes into room. We were talking about like,

yeah, I will love you if you're a slug. Yes. Yeah. Because the answer that they're looking for isn't for you to say it logically. Yeah. Well, yeah, they want a fairytale answer.

Yeah, exactly. And so I think, which is hard for us to do because we are, we think that way, but you just have to, all they want to hear, you're the most beautiful girl in the world.

Dude, the dumb primate male in me like thought I crushed it when i said nine two me too because like if they would have said i'm a seven i have a very i would be stoked if she gave me a seven one yeah i'd be like thank god i at least touched the top three tiers but like in my mind i've always had a very i've always had a very set scale like kendall jenner to me is a 10 dual Lipa to me is a 10 like they're fucking supermodels for the love of God my girlfriend is a 9 that's fucking incredible great right but she could not have like didn't talk to me for

multiple days oh yeah me too looking back like no shit but also like can we not it was just so I said it back so fast that she was like oh my god our whole relationship you just thought I'm a nine I'm like fuck yeah like you want to you want to think that they are asking the question in a logical way but they're not so then the thing is for me I mean okay so loving you

I always think you're a 10 of course right you're You're a 10 out of 10 person. But when you're asking me a rating scale, I have to like do a comparison like that. Yeah. It's all comparison. Don't. But then I feel like a liar if I'm not being truthful in that stuff. Well, okay. You know, my new answer is going to be 11 every time. Yeah. That's, that would be way better. That would be a good answer. I just don't get, how do we, I'm not trying to generalize all girls because I, that's not fair. And I don't think everyone thinks like this'm not trying to generalize all girls because i that's not fair and i don't think everyone thinks like this but why is it that like you couldn't just rationalize that answer instead of freaking out like if someone called me at nine i'd be like first of all you're high you might have a here you might have a stigmatism in your eyes you should go get those checked out

but second of all thank you that's awesome here's the devil's advocate for that you want them to think more like you they want you to think more like them. So while you're sitting there saying like, oh, why couldn't they just think of it in a logical way like I am? Yeah. They're going like, why couldn't you just say the nice thing

that I wanted you to say? Well, I'm just saying like, I could look at it from both ways. If she called me a 10, I'd be fucking stoked. But there's a part of me that would in the back of my mind be like, okay, what's your rational answer?

But I think even they, I think when you're like, oh, you're an 11 out of 10, they're like okay yeah i know i'm not 11 out of 10 but he said it and that's what i wanted to say yeah i guess they're just i would be looking for like no honestly what the fuck do you think i am yeah it's like i want a compliment from you because i don't think any guy wants to hear their attempt i was like was a 38 i love to use in the last what do you mean you wouldn't want to hear your attempt to know that like unless i'm a model i i'm i'd if i heard i was a 10 i'd be

like okay i'm not a 10 no there's no way in hell i would ever accept the answer is true okay but okay back to how many times have you been in that exact scenario and you say have you done the opposite have you ever said oh you're in 11 and i'm saying like shut up well yeah i've tried to go back on it and be like oh i know but think about it think have you ever done like not not you said nine first they ask you the, you say 11 out of 10. Every girl in the world goes, shut up, be serious. You want to know the worst part? She was an eight.

I lied on the nine. No, but, okay, so back to the question. Okay, say one above what she really is. Okay, I'll give her one more. I'll give her a bonus post, like, what? Okay, back to the question though is there a way to know you're gonna fuck up before you fuck up yes it's um stop thinking in the way you're thinking no i think in a fucking quick beat like that i i couldn't even

because you're not gonna look at her and be like uh i'm like because obviously the number you rate her on should be something that's inherent like you know what she is so like I didn't skip a beat and I just go nine like cause that's literally yeah cause you're trying to be honest I actually I was joking about the eight part like in my mind I was like yeah she's a fucking nine eight personality bonus nine she's always a nine yeah

but like I didn't miss a beat but like I couldn't if you go um I should probably lie here then it's like what the fuck is he thinking about well you gotta be quick with it. But in other scenarios, like not a quick beat question like that. Hell yeah, you can know when you're about to fuck up. Like when I Uber home at an after party because I'm staying. Well, no, because part of me wants to be like, okay, I want to give the advice like,

like take a minute and digest the question. But something like that, you don't have a shot. But you can't do that. Could you imagine't have a shot but you can't do that a lot of imagine you're a girl and you ask that question well i know i i would just love oh my god with my whole heart to have whoever's asking morgan these questions wearing a gopro because oh my god my guy is just a fumble god dude yeah dude because okay you could ask him a like question just from us and he'll be like and it's not even an easy answer bro not even a difficult answer well because my advice to myself after that was just like slow down when it's a like serious question or just always be slow so they never know when you're thinking yeah you have to

be slow just be consistent you have to sell yourself as slow it's like the classic i don't know how to cook my go-to my go-to in any difficult question scenario is just, what was that? Huh? What? Just ask. Like, I heard you clearly. Re-ask the question. Wait, what? Wait, what? Sorry, I was thinking about something else. Whatever. I guess a good piece of advice would be rephrase the question, like, from your point of view. I'd just be like, what? You know what I usually do in those situations? Yeah, say the question again. What do what do i think like okay you're a 10 oh stalling yeah no no no no okay you could be like you could rephrase it from the way that you're thinking it okay so you could be like are you talking about looks are you talking about

everything well you know you don't get to ask that no that would be that would be that was the dumbest you're still fumbling when you try to break it down in a way where it makes sense the answer is just 10 there's no you can't miss a beat if you say the second honestly that isn't one that you should wait you're talking looks or personality then they're like why is there a divide oh yeah why is there should be 10 either way is there a difference okay i guess you could ask what do you mean then no no the answer is 10 you're dumber than shit this is one i think you get i know you're trying to give an example more trouble if he asked that or just says 9 off the tops More trouble if he asked yeah, you can't ask what they mean. They're asking you what they are They're fucking 10 because they they want you to say 10 no matter what so it doesn't matter what they mean

I know if you ask what they mean, they're immediately like why didn't you just answer 10? I know you're giving an example question Yeah, but this is one of the harder ones but I know you're giving this an example question, but this question is an easy one that you should just have stored as 10. Oh, from dude, I'll never make that mistake ever again. If you're listening and it's asked, the answer is 10. You're done. Store that away. Don't think about it anymore. You're good. So there's not a way to not fuck that up then. That one, you just have to fuck that up. There is a way to not fuck it up. You 10 you say 10 that's a tough one though that is probably up in the top five of most difficult questions and if you don't know if you haven't been through it before now i know

for a fact yeah do you have another example of a question that you could fuck up because i feel like this one this one yes i get where you're I get where you're coming from in the overarching theme of you want you don't get to come from anywhere though the answer's 10 or you're fucked it goes back to the same thing of like would you love me if I was a worm no it would be the right answer but the correct answer is yes

I feel like I'm not a big fan of slime and sludge let's break it down this way they're essentially asking you one of three things do you love me do you think I'm not a big fan of slime and sludge. Let's break it down this way. They're essentially asking you one of three things. Do you love me? Do you think I'm hot? Yeah. Do you want to be with me?

All of them fall into that umbrella. Let him finish. No, all of them fall into that umbrella. So you have to just decipher. The only deciphering you have to do is what is the point of this question? The question is do you think they want to know that they're hot yes you're hot it's the same as do i look good in this dress do i look fat in these pants all those oh okay that's a that's an even better one how would you tell a girl that you

don't like her outfit wait i have to get this sidebar off before i forget are there any difficult questions girls ask that they don't have a predetermined answer that you have to say or you're fucked um like if if if they're asking the body count question they have a predetermined number in their head that they're okay with and it's got to be ballpark they ask that question the answer's probably got to be 10 they ask anything about regarding their looks no it looks great or if like if you actually are not i'm not going to say actually are honest because I'd like to think in most of these scenarios, you're telling the truth. But like, if you are honest in the opposite direction of what they want to hear, are you're just fucked in any of these scenarios?

Here, here's a strategy that I will still be with you. So why ask the question? No, no, no. Hold on. They just, they just want validation. I get that. But like, here's a strategy that I've used. We've talked about stalling and stuff like that

One that I've used a lot is go way the opposite as a super obvious joke. Oh That would work. So if they're like what am I out of ten? You're like like a half a half a point and then they'll like laugh and then you're like no seriously your time We yeah so if you just Say that you have that gives you time If you tell the truth as a joke, and then you go, oh, just kidding. But the real punchline is that they're a 10.

Yeah. Okay, so if you do start with a joke, then anything you say after can be an exaggeration. It doesn't matter. Yeah, like I've definitely used like, if you don't like the outfit or something, like I do this with you all the time. Like, you're going to wear that?

Like that kind of joke or like, Oh, we're dressing as whores tonight. I feel like this is just literally the best example of, and again, I'm not generalizing, but of how, at least in my experience,

how differently guys and girls think. Because like, if I walked into the room after I picked an outfit and I was like, yo, does this jacket look good? And like my answer to her would be like, Oh yeah, it looks great. Even though I'm like, I kind of like the blue one better, but I'd was like, yo, does this jacket look good? And my answer to her would be like, oh yeah, it looks great. Even though I'm like, eh,

I kind of like the blue one better. But I'd be like, no, tell me right now if this doesn't look good because I will take it the fuck off. I'm not married to this outfit. Yeah, well the difference for us is we don't know how to dress. We also don't plan our outfits days in advance.

The difference is I would never ask a question where I know that I know the better answer. What you want to hear. I know the better what you want to hear I know the better answer than what you're like so if it was let's flip that scenario right I've got my fantasy football team and I'm like who should I start fucking Jamar Chase or Mike Evans and she gives the answer I know that her answer is not well because she's not educated yeah she so like when they're asking about style for a guy like what do you think brown shoes black shoes the answer is not... Because she's not educated. Yeah, so when they're asking about style for a guy, what do you think?

Brown shoes, black shoes? The answer is just you look great. You should know that whatever I say is probably going to be wrong anyway. Yeah. I don't actually know the right answer. So I would never ask that question. Well, that's because neither of you have any sense of style.

I actually get asked that on a serious basis where they're like, no, you're a fashionista, somewhat of a connoisseur, but go ahead. A twink. I thought of the way to solve it i think okay no you did i can guarantee you i will put on the first five seconds i'm putting 20 on this fucking pillow that you will not figure out okay so when they ask the body count question you just say one as a joke and they're like no like quit fucking with me you're not gonna get out of it no i know okay so you say one like undermining it like a joke. No, but then you undermine it and it gives them reason to think it's ten times higher.

Let me finish this. Let him finish it. I'm just saying. I'm shutting you down. So you say one as a joke and they're like, ha ha, like, okay, really? And then you can just say you're the only one that matters. Oh, there's answers you can give that can buy you time on that. But you're just buying.

So you would avoid that question for the day's but you're just buying so so you would avoid that question for the day and then two weeks later it's coming back and then you could just say i told you you're the only one that matters i know but then you're getting through with that but then she's then that answer already worked one time and then she's like but no seriously but then i think you have the the leverage to say like i don't think any like i don't think it's constructive to this conversation i agree with you but the you're wrong are we are we through with women for the time being yeah so straight into is there a viable excuse for i'm not drinking tonight that you would accept from your best friend no questions asked

if you're already out if you're already out so it's like nine yeah like you're like you were at dinner he showed up yeah you're at like a dinner with your friends, and then we're all going to go out. Like from one of you two? Yeah. Yes. Part of me wants to say I would respect either of you if you said that. You haven't. Well, because you don't have a good enough excuse.

So what would be the excuse? If you had like... A medical condition? If you had like a job interview for like... Or say you guys were like... What day of the week is it yeah what day friday it's friday night yeah you're telling me if i had a job interview you wouldn't be like we're staying up till five and i'm gonna solve all your job interview questions for you well no i it depends on the job like if you were it's very contingent on the job yeah it's continued if it was for like being a bartender i'd be like fuck

you so it has to be if you have a great, but also like there's no way in hell any of us would have an important enough job interview in the morning to where I'd be like, no, you don't want that job. Well, that's what I'm saying. None of us, it doesn't apply to any realistic situation, but a fabric. So let's just say us in a fabricated world where I had a job to be a job interview to be like a pilot tomorrow or something. I'm thinking of something. Okay. If it's Friday night and even if you say work, I'm like, well, whatever job requires you

to work on Saturday morning, you're quitting to interview. Oh, you don't want it. It's the only time that they can interview. Well, you don't want the job. Sorry. I can tell you, I can tell you this. I could talk you out of any excuse you give me for sure. But so there isn't one there, but there is something that I would respect, but I could hypothetically, if I really wanted you to come out and get you to come out no matter what. Yeah. You'll, you'll become the biggest problem solver in the world. Oh, well just, I mean, we had this the other night when you were trying to leave to hang out with the girl and you could not come up with a scenario where I would let you leave. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. He had you pegged. I'd say there's a couple... There's a couple, like, easy ones. Like, a funeral in the morning, maybe. Yeah, see, something like that. You don't want to show up hungover, too. Like, a close... All you have to do is sit there, though. No, come on. See, that's good.

That's a good response. Yeah, but you're going to go see, like, 30, like, extended family members you haven't seen in years at a funeral, and you're going to look like a fucking zombie. Okay, so we draw the line at funeral okay no I'm saying also also it depends on what like like Friday night sure but let's say it's

New Year's Eve or something like that then there's no way yeah but if it was just like a random Friday and we're like oh yeah we're going out and you're like no I can't I got blah blah I would probably let it slide I would I would need some ammo I don't know actually I don't think i would i would need some ammo in my clips such as like no fuck that there's no way i don't think there's no fuck that it's your best friend if

you decide to come out you're fucked right fuck that yeah you're already at dinner you shouldn't have came to dinner i'm saying okay sam you should be sick or dead if i'm going to my that's what i'm saying medical condition or or you're not there and it's in a medical condition that's directly related to alcohol like your liver's bad now like if you have a fucking cold cool you'll feel like i all of a sudden became allergic to booze yeah you shouldn't or your liver your liver is like failing yeah and you have like a massive no even then if it's like okay i have my surgery to get my liver replaced tomorrow i'd be like fuck it burn this one burn this one down yeah be like cool we'll get you to the hospital early it'll just it'll be in an ambulance let's use the rest of this one before you get the next one oh burn that fucker down oh you're gonna wait

until you get the surgery and then we'll go out next we can fuck that one up no yeah do it now exactly well yeah if we're talking a friday night works not an excuse because if you're working on a saturday morning you need a new job and a new lifestyle. A funeral, I feel like, is valid. It's like the excuses to get out of school. It's like death. Yeah, death of a family member. Death of a family member's sickness. It's pretty much the same excuse that you have to leave class.

If you had to go for a hospital thing, I'd bring me a doctor's note. You would need a doctor's note? And your mom has to come pick you up. Yeah, exactly. Are there any others? Oh, it's my girlfriend's birthday tomorrow. Cool. Nope.

Now you're single. Shouldn't have came. Yeah. I could confidently say... There's very few, I'll tell you that. Yeah, no, there's actually none. Especially in this circle. There's actually nothing.

Okay. You couldn't give me a single... Even death of a family member. You think there's nothing? Death of a family member. Has anything ever worked? Pitch him. Pitch him.

Go ahead. Give me the... I want to be the victim here. You want to... Hey, guys, I told you guys I wasn't going to come out tonight. I just want to see you guys. I just want to be around my friends. But yeah, I have my grandma's funeral at 8 a.m. tomorrow.

She's already dead, dude. Just come out. I just... I feel like... I feel like my parents would be pretty disappointed if I showed up... What time's the funeral? ...freaking of alcohol. It's at 8 a.m.

That's... No, there's no way they're doing that early. See, that's a lie. They don't do them that early. We don't have to be at my parents' house at 8, then we're driving up. It's an hour away. I'll drop you off. Okay.

I don't believe that you'll be responsible enough to drop me off. I'll pay for the Uber. Yeah, I'll pay for the Uber. Okay. I just feel like, you know, talking to my aunt, Lucy, hungover. When's the last time you even talked to her? She doesn't even know what you're normally like. She won't even notice you're hungover.

God damn, you're good. If it's your best friend, I don't think there's a lot of ways to win there. You have to stay home and hide. Well, we just know the innards of each other too well. We can't really fool one another. There's nothing. I will confidently stand on nothing. Fuck you.

You're coming out. Yeah. You're fine. At the Fuck you. You're coming out. Yeah. You're fucked. At the very least, you're coming out until, oh, okay, you have to wake up early. At least come out until two. I have a fun question going off that. Yeah. When is the last time you can honestly, with your whole heart, say that you went out for a drink?

Other than a date. One? One. We got pretty close, what was two uh sunday like two weekends ago when i had one and a half when when we went to a firehouse so you had one and a half you didn't even do it yeah i said close i had like seven though well i that's what i'm saying i i got close no my new thing is all or nothing i'm either in bed or i'm saying can you actually even think of a time that you

claimed that you're going out for a drink and went out for one drink no it's uncomfortable because me and me and the roommates have anything like wednesday night we'll be like oh dude sandbox for one like knowing that we're gonna have like five like i went the first time because i was like they come back hammered every time i was like okay i'll go for one yeah no legit one and i like literally we sit down dana fucking slams the first twist of tea and goes yeah another one they had like six each i probably had like four and i was like i'm not coming back to this never again yeah all or nothing is the motto all All or nothing. But also, is that a blatant admittal of a massive problem? Absolutely.

No, I don't think so. I don't think so. You don't think so? No, I think it's mad uncomfortable to be around drunk people if you're not drunk. Well, I guess it's just like... Well, no. I don't think that's a problem. That does have an underlying problem.

What's the problem? You just can't have fun unless you're drunk. No, that's not the problem. Also, Morgan doesn't really like any alcoholic beverages. I think people who go out for a drink... I don't like alcohol either. People who go out for a drink love beer or love a cocktail but like you drink to get fucked up that's it no yeah i don't like the taste of anything no the

problem isn't that i can't have fun if i'm not drunk it's that i can't have fun with drunk people if i'm not drunk well because they do become very annoying very quick it's a whole different thing just like you can't have fun with the people who are blasted off of cocaine unless you're on cocaine true yeah they just get mad annoying it's weird yeah okay i actually have to one last question here because me and jay talked about this a little bit so it's an intervention no okay could you imagine you got mad serious okay so um it was probably like a month ago a girl asked us like how could i lock a guy down once we've been in like the talking stage for a little bit? We talked about that on here. I know.

We talked about it, but we couldn't think of the right answer. But so we talked about this a little bit. What could a girl do? Say you've been on a couple dates to lock you down, no questions asked. Wait, wait, wait. A better version of this is what's like the bare minimum that they could do like obviously there's amazing things that they could do but like for me and like an example for me and don't say it don't say it okay well i think the problem is in the question right away

every girl i've ever dated like the minute i met them i knew that i would be interested in dating them there's nothing they could do or anything in trying to do something to like change that perspective is the problem. Okay. Because most of the time a girl I wouldn't want to date because they're trying to do something that they're not naturally going to do without thinking about it. Here's the way then a girl who you didn't have that thought of, right? You were just going to hook up with them. Couldn't do anything. There's nothing that they could do. Nope. I have like, not even to make you think about it. How soon do you think you know that one hookup? Legitimately I know what type of person I like I wouldn't want anyone to

Have to know what to do I just want them to be well like they just do that because that's who they are not because they're like Oh if I do this, I'm gonna lock them down like no you don't have to do anything if you're cool yeah it's not we get along like that's it it's not in the way of like here's the thing they could what they could do is try to make me laugh that's it no the grant the granted is that you i mean and throw that ass in a circle no the granted is that you guys have a good time together okay but say from the girls perspective like what's something they could do that would lock you down for like i don't know this is this is getting pretty personal but like anytime like oh we're too personal no i feel like i'm i'm usually the one who i feel like when i like with

the girls i've dated that i'm the one more interested right off the bat at least like i'm all in like i would be asking this kind of question like what do i do to get this girl yeah because i like i just i don't know i know that's why it's a tough question i know the exact i could tell within an hour of hanging out with a girl if there's someone that i could fucking like if it's a natural conversation they're we're making each other laugh they like my sense of humor i like theirs for this one i think it's more so like from like you were saying like oh you're thinking like what can I do in those situations where you like the girl more yeah this is like if it let's say not specifically exactly

your personality because this doesn't work exactly for you but you're a girl and you're like thinking that way because you like the guy more like what's some stuff that they could do which is hard because I feel like in most of those scenarios I was overthinking and they already were into it I didn't have to do anything and then like in trying to find things to do or ways to do it it's gone in the opposite direction

in those cases like it becomes let's just see if he agrees with it so like for me I was like if a girl like gave me like back scratches and head scratches. I don't care about physical shit like that. Well, let's see.

Yeah, we're different. Okay. But like for me, that would be like, like, let's say I was like, I was like, yeah, she's cool. Like whatever, blah, blah, blah. But then she does that like unprompted. So I'd be like, I'd be like, girl to give you a back scratch. No, no, but you can, but I'm still like, they just did it.

I don't, I just genuinely don't consider any he's just not manipulated physical factor in terms of like girls that i want to date fair like that's like yeah i mean that's phase one so then what are those what's the difference there for you just them as a person like i they don't have to do anything there's no needle tippers for you i mean it wouldn't be something that you could like fucking like speak. I don't know. It would just, it's all just. Intangibles?

Yeah. Yeah. It's all intangible shit. Honestly. Like I would just be like. Like a little quirky thing that you guys have in common. For sure. Or like some weird inside joke we developed within the first half hour of meeting.

Like, or like she's fucking roasting one of my friends, like all low key. Like just like, I just. It's all personality stuff. Yeah. Cause like, I mean, it's everything else is a dime a dozen like any girl can give you a fucking massage if you could bury my best friend with a roast within the first couple times of hanging out with me i'd say you're me ruin me yeah yeah that's something okay let's do personality things that's what i'm saying it doesn't have to be physical yeah okay so if you wreck my best friend within a couple within the first time

of meeting him and he's sitting there with no comeback i'd say i keep on looking okay so i guess we unlocked like a way i can actually answer this yeah that's what i was trying to do something yeah it doesn't have to be a physical thing they've been like a little timid the first couple times we hung out but i do like her and i think she's moderately funny and like enough to like carry on yeah i'm not i'm not saying i can meet someone be like oh i'm marrying that girl yeah but you at least like i know which ones i'm gonna talk to for more than a fucking hour or not yeah um it would be like if you're like if one of you went up to her like dude just roast the shit out of him or morgan like yeah they could do that yeah like actually like if they can actually do that and i didn't know that they could do that

i'd be like holy shit i'm in love yeah yeah yeah no it doesn't matter you should be like dude you're hilarious like just do funny like do be yourself like do holy shit, I'm in love. Yeah. You should be like, dude, you're hilarious. Just do funny, be yourself. Do some funny. But at the end of the day, it has to be themselves. Don't write a roast, be like, when Morgan says something stupid, just fucking slam it. Or even if you roast...

No, go ahead. Yeah, if you roasted me in front of my friends, I'd be like, fuck, that's pretty good. Oh, yeah. 100%. I'd be bricked the fuck up. And if you fucking give it and you can receive it right back just as well yeah or even counter it's over i'll fucking sign the contract yeah i think that's a requirement too yeah we're married yeah see that's what i'm saying is like a lot of the things that like they could do is almost just already a requirement for me that's so it's like they're not really putting themselves over the edge they're just meeting the threshold true i think that was a good one though the roast yeah yeah that's that's so it's like they're not really putting themselves over the edge they're just meeting the threshold true i think that was a good one though the roast yeah yeah that's that's a for me that

would be way more impressive than a massage yeah if get good at roasting yeah yeah i think we're gonna wrap it up that was a fucking fun one boys i'm gonna give a merry christmas you fucking hooligans i hope you guys all have a lovely christmas which is apparently not Jesus' birthday. Our lives are a farce. Yeah. Enjoy the time with the fam. And we will catch you back here in the new year.