NO FOMO - 43. The Romanian Ass Slapping League

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

🔔 Subscribe: https://linktr.ee/nofomopod 🎽 Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/no-fomo/ Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we break down The Ass Slapping League, Elder Abuse Hotlines, and why we're better than you. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back to the motherfucking FOMO show. Now it's FOMO. Livin' la vida loca. Sundays. With the boys. Gary, you got the intro down by now? I'm not gonna intro that shit, brother. I forgot today was Sunday.

Because for the first time ever, we did not go out last night. Yeah. All three of us. Except... We were all not together. Usually the only way that works is if we're all in the same place and we keep each other safe. Wait, we could hide from each other. That works too. What's up? We could hide from each other. I think that might be keep each other safe wait we can hide from each other that works too what's up we can i think that might be part of it is we need to hide from you oh i had to hide from you you tried to convince me so i did

i was so on the way home we were like debating it and then i was kind of down he's like i don't know and then we decided we weren't gonna go and then john calls me he's like right when he gets home i could go and i was like please no. Please no. I almost had you. If I would have pushed it. Well, dude, you called me, Danny called me, Katie all three FaceTimed me back to back to back. Macy was sitting here like, you're going to end up going. I was like, if these demons, I was about to turn my phone off. I was so convinced that you were going out.

We had a bet going. Good. I hope you both fucking lost. Now pay me. What do we win? Yeah. Okay, here we go. Did we just start?

Yeah, we're already starting. Episode 43, Who the Fuck Are You? Are we recording this? Yeah, we are recording. Okay, cool. Yeah, so that was a big feat for us. Dude, I mean, I honestly, even though we stayed in, I kind of got into a little bit of some weirdness last night.

What does that mean? It was a YouTube rabbit hole kind of night um and it started with remember we were watching the ass slapping league yes there's an ass we're watching it i stumbled across an instagram yeah yeah well i just for the record we were not watching it i gave it a google and i watched watched one okay you just googled that out of nowhere you know there's like the face slap this one's an ass slap romanian ass slapping but it's girls yeah but it's girls only and they're wearing which makes it not as good but better and they like pass out and shit still but they're wearing like thongs and they're just slapping each other

is it like in a circle just like team play no it's one slap for one slap just like the face how do you win my moan huh we win it's not no one wins but uh we win the viewers win the viewers win every time yeah it's a good time i i got pretty into it but it ended with i somehow got into that and then i was watching an interview of adriana chichik just talking about how she blows her uber drivers really her uber eats guys will come to the house and she'll just like suck them off she's still about that life i thought she was like married or something now with a kid i think no i don't think so that's a different one no but i thought she was a few of the a few of the stars are dropping out i know we're talking about um

who's the one no one of them just had a kid it was a big deal oh uh fucking not jess it was probably like two years ago no it was fucking god damn she's one of the big yeah a lot of roads yeah one of the one of the all-time greats have you seen her podcast she has one so bad dude she has one or is she just on a bunch? No, she has one. Oh, so she's probably just promoting them. It's called Three Girls in a Kitchen or something like that, but it's a good name. Yeah. I'm a fan of the name.

Three Girls, One Kitchen or something like that. Oh, that would make more sense. Wait, hold on. If they're doing shit like that, how does the testing work in the industry? Because you can't just be blowing Uber drivers and then you show up and you're just fucking... They have to get tested every fucking day. But it doesn't work like that. Maybe she throws a condom on i don't know but i was thinking that's got fucking and a great ad for uber eats yeah 100 no great ads for like for your hiring you might you might just drop a load off at adriana chetchik's yeah you know how

many people signed up after that yeah that's what i'm saying like you watch that video you're like you google where does adriana chetchik live yeah video, you're like, you Google, where does Adriana Cechik live? Yeah. And then you're like, if you're in that city, you're like, okay. Just says general vicinity, and I'm just strictly just waiting for orders. I'm just waiting for the fucking thottiest order of all time. Just ignore every single one that doesn't say Adriana as the name. You only work at that time from now on.

Oh, yeah. If that happens to you. You're like, oh. So she was telling a story about it. So she was like this 19-year-old kid. He was a virgin. She was going to fuck him, but he was like, oh, she was told. So she was told the story about it. So she, it was like this 19 year old kid. He was a virgin. She, she was going to fuck him, but he was like, oh, I'm a virgin. So she just sucked him off.

Then she ran into him at Coachella and she had a threesome with him and his girlfriend. Wow. Legendary. So what? Yeah. Shout out to that podcast. So, hey, if you're looking for a career, were you listening to the podcast or do you saw like a clip?

It was a clip of it. Yeah. Nice.. You know it was just on the next up thing like Right into that yeah, that's weirdly segue. Yeah, they really got that algorithm dialed that thing oh my algorithms on yeah Your algorithms perfect, dude There is something we do need to clear there about because I guess last episode it did sound like we were kind of like really Down bad in life and like depressed and stuff, but we just need to a girl DM dust and she's like y'all good. You're kidding. I sort of go and I was like, yeah Let's clear that up. No Thank you for your concern it's warranted Yeah, no we're building one step at a time six feet of rope in my Amazon fucking

Six feet of rope in my Amazon fucking Yeah Checkout for wheels now The shortest tree ever We've got each other We've got each other We've got each other That's all we've ever needed for this show Yeah

Yeah Clear that up The answer is Fucking Yeah We're down bad But send a Venmo next time Don't just fucking ask questions

A Venmo or a fucking Help us Picture or something We do need to do the OnlyFans There's gotta be some angle Well we were talking with Hunter about it Let the OnlyFans. There's got to be some angle. Well, we were talking with Hunter about it. Let's sell our bathwater. There's actually like there's there's 30% of the people in a top 1% of OnlyFans are men.

Dude, let's take a group bath and sell our bathwater. Dude, I mean, let's yeah. Okay, you drop a comment. We might have to get a little bigger before anyone's buying bathwater. No, somebody will buy it. Well, drop a comment if you'll buy our bath water we'll do it i i okay i'll let i'll let you say that but okay yeah um but yeah we should be building a presence on only fans i think it's not fair that some of these girls are making a million dollars a month yeah well the reason i found that out is because i was watching this one girl talk about like she showed her payout screen she has three separate only and yes i'm drinking a twisted tea Twisted tea out of a glass like a pig. It's iced tea, motherfucker. That's not how it's meant to be taken in, and you know it.

Okay, well, it definitely wasn't meant to be taken in lukewarm off my floor. I was wondering where the fuck you got that. You just walk in here, but there's no fridge in there. It was under his pillow. He slept in there last night. I had a couple hidden in my room so that the demons didn't drink them. I'm drinking breast milk, so we're 100%, 2%. Do we want to...

What else do we have this week? Because we had a pretty interesting encounter with a nice young lady on the streets. Oh, yeah. We were pulling into our parking garage and this lady just like i don't did she think she tried to throw her cart in front of the car i think she thought we'd cut her off but that's not how this works if we're not in front of you well yeah so then she like i don't know if she threw her cart to the floor or it fell over but she storms at us and starts fucking smashing on my window then pulls out like a giant water bottle like to try and break my window side

oh yeah like jumped up really quick because the gate was closing so i couldn't even go into the garage because we were just stuck there for a full 15 seconds and then i like jumped up so she couldn't like hit my window and break it she had hands she hit that thing pretty tough oh no she was i thought she was gonna break it yeah i mean we did hit her with the car so that's not funny no we didn't hit her we didn't hit her. We didn't hit her. On next week's episode, we need to clear something up.

That didn't happen for the record. But then I got my nose underneath the gate so that it opened, but I was really worried it was just going to fucking fuck my shit up. It was a high intensity situation.

Then we get inside the gate and then she's like fucking rattling on the gate. Somehow she didn't make it inside even though my car got in. Thank God, because she pulls out a fucking knife and starts like shaking it through the gate at us. And we were just like, all right, have fun dealing with the cops. Yeah, I felt super tough until the knife was brought out.

Yeah. Even though I was behind a gate. We dipped real quick. Oh, you guys ran away? Yeah. You guys were like yelling. Like, ooh. Two white boys were like, should we call the cops?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, I don't want her to go stab somebody. She was not in a good state of mind. The homeless are gigging right now, dude. It's Memorial Day weekend. They're feeling it, too, I think. Is that what it is?

On the walk-in today, they were out there fucking getting a little shifty. Patriotism is in the air. Out there on the streets, dude. What is Memorial Day? You remember things? Remember our... Because Veterans Day, it's for the veterans. Memorial Day, you just...

Remember the time you almost got stabbed? In the memoriam of They do they do kind of start to lap over don't say we have a Memorial Day Veterans Day Independence Day Dude, there's one every two weeks. They just want to fucking it's capitalism Chavez day. It's all what is it? It's when Cesar Chavez promote patriotism Cesar Chavez. That's March 31st dude come on. Oh, so that's coming on already passed I actually googled all the days because we were talking about how we get free parking I was making sure Memorial Day was on there. Oh, that's March 31st dude come on oh so that's coming oh no that already passed I actually googled all the uh days because we were talking about how we get free parking I was making sure Memorial Day was on there oh that's a big one there's not that many holidays we need to get after that's one of the ones you get because Memorial Day is not till actually the 31st but

it's observed tomorrow observed tomorrow yeah I'll be there yeah where right if we can lobby to get a few more holidays added on there that would be sick I think we need one every two weeks well it's all the it's all the postal holidays is the days that you get a free parking postal holiday Yeah, like the US fuck does that states Postal Service holidays? Okay show the days that you don't they don't have to give mail So those are the days you can park wherever you want Okay, because they don't have to drive around and give us mail fair exactly Wait, do you guys hear that thing you guys would know like going postal means? I've heard the phrase go ahead and explain

Apparently like back in the day I guess the ink used to get in your fingers or something like that If you worked at the post office and you go fucking batshit crazy because of the stuff in the ink you're kidding me I swear to God this is a thing. That's where that came from going I was gonna search it I could be fucking cat that lady went postal. She must have just got off a shift That's what she had in the cart. She had mail. I swear to God, this is the thing. She was pushing a mail cart.

So let me tell you how Morgan came to hear about this. Someone told him about it. He just realized it's not a reliable source, so he's Googling it now to make sure. Was it that guy you were hanging out with last night? The other Garrett? He told you that? The other Garrett?

Hold on. Garrett Mini? Small? Even smaller Garrett? No, he was tall. Much taller than me. than me Morgan was actually intimidated by him oh was he

was he doing the thing where he's like oh he like sits next to people and he like all sits up all high he's like

you're not taller than me are you do we care if this is real I think it's good enough to be real dude yeah so just take everything I say as truth and then

and then me and John had an just a quick tidbit something absurd oh another clear up from last week well no just the the hot the hotline that we called oh my god so we're not going to get into the story why but we had to call the elder abuse hotline on someone yeah it was our civic duty it's a long story about yeah we were being good people there's a weird situation going on so we called the end of the hotline and they're like oh your wait time is one to five thousand and twenty six minutes and we did the math it's fucking multiple it's like it was like three it was like zero it's like 80 hours or days it was like i was like what the

fuck and we called back to try to record it because it was literally the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. And then it's like, oh, one to seven minutes. We're like, fuck. How did they just shave three days off? Dude, if I worked there, I'd pick it up and say that. Dude, I was like, I've never heard that. Yeah, we were about to say 5,286 minutes.

And we're like, what the fuck? It's like some hotline. Like I could have walked to the office how many people would have to be on hold for that that's so many no I'm how many people picked up in between us calling right back my guess is they literally like probably get called so infrequently there's just one caller ahead of us and they're like we don't know how to estimate this I'd like to think more people are dedicated okay so what do we got?

We got some games. Should we just hop right into I'm Better Than You and I Know It? Yeah, let's do that one. Okay. Do you want to kind of intro the segment? Yeah, so this is just a way to just kind of recap our week in a fun way. It's just I'm better than you and I know it. Yeah, you'll catch on to the premise rather quickly.

Oh, we're taking sippies? Who wants to leave us off? Leave us. Who wants to leave us off here, folks? and I know it yeah you'll catch on to the pretty rather quickly over taking cities and once to leave us out leave us once to leave us off here folks I think more more Gwen she hit us here yeah more this is honestly more like to do this regularly so yeah I'm gonna get a segment I'm better than you and I know it because I told myself I wasn't going to hit the vape this week and I made it all the way until Monday morning. He's better. He's just better than you.

And not only that, but bought your own last night or two nights ago. Where's yours at? Is it this one? Macy has it. Oh, I thought she wasn't allowed to take it with her. Oh, true. Maybe it's in there. It could be in there.

We'll have to check that. We'll have to take a quick break to check, folks. um okay i'm better than you and i know it because i sent out uh 10 what you doing tonight and i got eight left on reds one lose my number and a peace sign emoji really a peace sign he's better he's better than you okay what do you got i mean i've got a weekly laundry list but i'm just gonna go with the most recent thing that i did last night completely sober um i made an entire pizza had one slice and left it out the entire night because i'm better than you and i know it's better than you so good that's that might even pass out drunk or anything just forgot about it that might oh god that's good stuff okay i am better than you for sure and i know it to be true because That's so good. That might take it. Didn't even pass out drunk or anything. Just forgot about it. That might take it. Oh, God.

That's good stuff. Okay. I am better than you for sure. And I know it to be true because the boys got a bag at open mic night and I only had to tell myself no about three dozen times. Three dozen times. He's better. He's better.

Clap that up. Clap that up. That's good. I only brought one better. I just brought one for this week. Yeah. Okay. I could think of more, but we're out of time.

Yeah. I mean, there's plenty of ways I am. Yes, of course. There's an infinite amount of ways that I'm better than each and every one of you listening and in this room. Oh, I like that. That's good. Which brings us right into our sponsors, right?

Oh, we're going to do personal. We're going to roast each other with sponsors, basically. Exactly. Yeah, so this is like best, worst, but in a funner way. Yeah I like it. So each person is specifically sponsored by a brand and you'll see why. Go crazy. Morg was fired up for this one.

Should we do should we just rapid fire him? Do we just each do one? Let's round table it. We don't want to just completely bury him. I say you just both do me then we'll both do you then both do you. Okay we'll start with Garrett. You want to just completely bury him you know I say you just both do me then we'll both do you then both of you okay we'll start with Garrett you want to go first Garrett brought to you by overdraft

fees you thought you could afford to buy that group of fours a drink it was a group of four they weren't fours for the record yeah yeah group of fours yeah this episode of Garrett Beaupre is brought to you by downtown San Diego elementary school he's one of us.

That's good. Um, Garrett brought to you by, wait, what? Yeah, we got more. Garrett brought to you by,

uh, twilight forever. Keeping Pacey white Coke thin people sexy since 2000. Get it son get it I thought we were just doing one no you should have thought Differently Okay I got another

This episode of Garrett Beaupre is Brought to you by showering after shitting Sometimes wiping Isn't enough That's I'm not gonna It's something I like to do i'm a cleanly guy uh this one almost could have been me after my i'm better than

you but i still think it's better for garrett well how many are we i thought we were doing one okay well garrett uh bow pray the man brought to you by red receipts that's all you got in your inbox get it son I got another three. I got maybe one or two more. Well, that was brought to you by a fucking rope. Yeah.

Go ahead. I'll do mine after yours. No, that's all I had. Oh, I got one more. Okay. Gary. You don't have to say it just to keep it even. Gary brought to you by big and tall clothing.

Not. Fuck you. We're the sameothing. Not. Fuck you. We're the same height. Not the same weight. Yeah. Okay. Okay, that was fun. That was good.

I no longer know if I can do mine. Who do we want to do next? You guys want to do me? I want to get. You want to go? Yeah, I want to get got. You want to get got? Yeah, get got.

Okay. I even have one good for me. Okay. John Marsh, brought to you by McDonald's because you're the actual only person I've ever seen show up to the gym on a Monday morning with a McCafe and an Egg McMuffin. That's true. That's just facts. Look, it's on the way.

It is. Talk about a healthy breakfast before a little workout. You got to work it off. All right, let's see here. This episode of Jonathan Marsh is brought to you by Women's Small Gloves for Men. Women's Small Gloves for Men. You know what small

hands means. Big heart. This is so perfect. John Marsh, brought to you by the iPhone 13 Mini. That's good, That's good. That's good. Just to divulge a little bit more. This old guy,

the other guy, the other day goes to John. He's like, Oh wow. You have a really old iPhone. He goes, no, this is actually just the mini.

I've said I need to get a new phone for a long time now because everyone thinks I have the iPhone three because of it. It's like the size. When a 78 year old man who literally tells us a story about how he has an $18 smartphone looks at your phone and says, oh, wow, you've got an old phone. It's time for a new one.

You need to fucking upgrade. It's time for a new one. It just doesn't look great. That hit way different. I think that might be a red flag, and it's also red. It's like an orange flag. It's not all the way red,

but it's bad. Okay. I've got another one for John. Please. Did you just go? Yeah? This episode of Jonathan Marsh is brought to you by right swipes right swipes. There are no shortcuts everything is reps reps reps John Marsh brought to you by the only picture on this girl's hinge app where you can't see her face because that's all he shows us when he goes on dates. These are real. These are actual facts. Wow.

Okay. More. You guys didn't do Burger King? I felt like the McDonald's ripped. I didn't know you no not for the Burger King's burger ad with the hands put those away bro

those are so fucking small that was good yeah that was good Morgan Bunges you want to fire off? the obvious pick here Morgan Bunges brought to you by Adderall for when you want to fire off start okay start um the obvious the obvious pick here morgan bungeus brought to you by adderall for when you want to get in one day of work followed by three days of

fucked up sleep and anxiety yeah that's good uh morgan daniel bungeus brought to you by two dollar venmos hey sorry but remember i let you have a sip of my gatorade oh that one hits oh morgan bungeus brought to you by one glass of red wine the only way to get you of my Gatorade. Morgan Bungess brought to you by one glass of red wine. The only way to get you from I'm not going out tonight to where's the bag in under 20 minutes. This is facts. This is a true story.

This episode of Morgan Bungess is brought to you by Groupon. The only way you can afford to take your girlfriend out on a lame date. And he still doesn't. And he still doesn't. And he still can't. Clap it up. He still can't.

Good for me. That's all I got for these ones. I have a few more, but they're too mean, I think. We'll try one. We can cut it. Okay, okay. Morgan Bungis, brought to you by Madhouse Open Mic Nights, the only place where the jokes hit worse.

Oh, fuck. I knew you weren't going to like that one. Make sure that didn't unplug anything. I just hit your little device And is mine red? Yours is so red dude. Okay. Sorry. I should have done that. That should have been one of the sponsors. Well, we can we can Morgan Bungis brought to you by hey, is it still working if we're all good I want to every five minutes. I want to just move us into our next Section right away here. Unless you guys have something in mind uh should i transition us with our actual sponsor we could do that after this okay after this i feel like this this flows

well now that we like ruined it you know what i mean it flowed well until we second guessed it yeah all right so um i'm sure of quite a few of you saw this. This was circulating the internet this week. So there was a huge girls' IK list for guys that was posted the other day. And then the men fired back with a guys' IK list for girls. And we've done this before, like what are some IKs. But these are just way too fucking good. I haven't even seen this. This is so good.

So there's like 40. Should I just fire them off off or just your favorite runs and then we could talk about it I have them in front of me too. Okay, so maybe Jay wait wait. This is the girls one I'll just start off. Yeah, I'll just start off with a few a few of them are very accurate and some of them are just too good So if she cries when she's drunk She has a body count over three if she says per slay period or yes. Okay. Can I just on that one?

I was the girl that I went on a date with this weekend. We had to pick up her sister and drop her off somewhere. And she said slay six times. And holy fuck. How old was she? I feel like this is like 22. Yeah. This is that's like a college girls now thing.

She's literally like telling him. She's like, yeah. So then I went to the store slay. And. This is, that's like a college girls now thing. She was literally like telling him, she's like, yeah. So then I went to the store slay. And I was like, no, that's fucking awesome. For the record.

It's so fun to say. Like I was hanging out with these, a couple of girls last weekend and they kept saying it. And I, I, I got in on the action. It's fun. Dude,

that's almost a good way to do the fucking intro stuff. Slay, slay, slay, slay. I kind of like to adopt that. Yeah. Um, referring to basic hygiene as an everything shower. Cause you know, good way to do the fucking intro stuff slay slay slay slay i kind of have to adopt that yeah um referring to basic hygiene as an everything shower because you know they do just like a

body shower or like a yeah because they don't it's good you mean a shower yeah yeah i got my hair wet um if she sweats when she's sleeping oh when she runs with a backpack on that one that one hits if she rides a bird or lime scooter that's one yeah i want to hear the story has anyone ever fallen on one of those not personally but i've seen a fuck oh i've eaten a shit ton of shit on those it's so fun um when they do their birthday makeup, you know how they always go way over the top with their birthday makeup? For the record, we didn't write this list,

but I'm kind of feeding into them. Fake lashes, I don't necessarily have an issue with that. There's a limit. They can be overdone. Like if they're like super over the top. There's a limit. There's ones that look like lashes. They could also slay, though.

They could slay. We're getting into some good ones here. If she can throw a football. Yeah, you've just been hanging out with a lot of dudes. Or you grew up with brothers, which is fair. That's fine. Yeah. If she knows how to throw a football and she doesn't have brothers.

Yes, that's a red flag. How did you learn how to throw a football? How did you learn how to do this? and she doesn't have brothers. Yes. That's a red flag. How did you learn how to do this? If she says, I have to piss. Yo, I got to piss. One sec. I got to piss. Some of these are so specific. I love it.

When she uses a coin purse with a strap on it. Oh, like the little. If she doesn't have a dad that's honestly a green one for me sorority chance sitting with a manspread faked hands sitting with the man's that's out that's a good one that's a good one I kind of fuck with that though it's hurt some dominance at the table yeah saying I'm gonna be a housewife shows a lack severe lack of motivation oh yeah no i i like that one dude yeah because you're sexist okay i'm not sexist

when she posts get when she posts get ready with me videos oh or outfit of the days yeah any of that stuff like unless it's your job just cut it out well no or unless it slays and let yeah if it's per then i mean if it's if it's on fleek that day. If it's slay, it must slay. It must slay. The other one in that three, it was per slay what? Per s. Yas. If it's Yas.

If she claims she's funny. Not if she's funny. Oh, if you verbally say you're funny? Yep. Oh, that's my favorite. That goes for anyone. That's my favorite on Hinge. You see that prompt and it's like, oh, I'm funnier than you.

And you're like, okay. That's funny. Yeah, that that was funny in a cute way and we have some obvious ones here if she's into astrology or crystals yeah no come on my girlfriend's into that dude that's a plus this isn't a communal ick list this is just what this is the just what i've saw no it's not good um no it's never not been true, though. Women complaining they're cold. Everyone does that. That's kind of cute. That's you.

Clip it. Clip it. If she has mascara on her eyelids, so just messy makeup, trashy makeup. Oh, no. See, that's with my goth girl thing. I'm into that. No, they're saying when it's all messed up. You know, like at the end of the night when they're looking at you sloppy yeah yeah that's also when

our face is drooping from fucking being wasted those weird bruises they always have on their legs dude i don't know what causes those lack of iron dude it's they just they don't know how to walk sometimes you think it's just neat it's knee battle i think it's just bapping into shit yeah i've always been curious because it in especially in college i know it's just knee battle? I think it's just bapping into shit. Yeah, I've always been curious, especially in college. I know it's just because parties, everyone's close quarters. But are they just getting drilled in the shins that often? What do you get iron from? Meat? Red meat? Yeah.

They just need more iron. Let me Google that. Could be it. Peach fuzz mustache. Hey, don't hate, dude. Okay, that's, well, yeah. When she ties her shoes slowly because i love the specificity of somebody i'm just imagining a girl with fucking some like like strappy ass heels oh and they just take like forever get them together

wait does tying your shoes just bother the shit out of anyone else or is that just a me thing oh yeah i don't i just keep mine tied oh yeah anyone else or is that just a me thing? Oh, yeah, I don't. I just keep mine tied. Oh, yeah, you slip in. Yeah, I just keep them tied perfectly. Cinderella that shit. Do you think that's a good idea? I keep them to the perfect amount of tight to where I can fit them in, but they don't slide off my feet.

Yeah. See, I like to be ready for battle. So they're tight for me. Well, I mean, like with the homeless, you never know. Homeless. I like to be ready to leave the house. So I like to have them. Yeah, I like to be ready for battle.

But do you think this is a good invention? Like, in some way, you make it so you never have to tie your shoes? They have that. They have slip-on shoes. They have laces that you don't need to tie. No, I'm not saying replace the laces. I'm saying you put this, let's say it's just like a little ball where, like, your shoelace can roll up in it. And it just, it's, like, super close to the last hole.

And you just pull it they have that what do you mean they have they have you are behind the game my brother dude i'm saying like a better more newer version with wearing a more better more newer version i feel yeah no i'm saying you just put this on the end of your shoelace type in sketchers and i guarantee you the first one has that i'm thinking new innovative you're in the fucking dark ages dude um if she walks up two stairs at a time uh yeah that goes into the how'd you learn how to throw a football that's a little too masculine where'd you learn to walk upstairs she's just b5 foe fumbling up those stairs bro no because that's like a very much a dude thing skipping a stair yeah well that's if the girl is able to do that you you gotta you

gotta tear down you gotta factor something you gotta factor something in there um some of these are so specific i just love them if she has an adjustable if she has adjustable necklace slack hanging down her back so if the necklace is way too big for her i didn't even think of that one some of these i don't know how they even thought, but they're so I could just see him sitting in a bar And see them like oh Imagine writing that down. He's just like no right there wearing like a low-cut tank top, and there's just this all this slack He turns around to go the bathroom like oh no Women with dirty makeup mirrors

Mm-hmm. Oh they all honestly a dirty makeup mirrors They all do though Honestly a dirty makeup station Yeah just a dirty bathroom Honestly Dirty bathroom Actually if it's just one Where they're sitting crisscross In front of a mirror

And it's not like a station It's just a mirror on the ground And that's how they get ready That's They all do that They all do it Oh where they like Yeah they like sit on

On the carpet In front In just that corner With like That's universal Absolute tub of stuff Yeah That's universal dude

I'm telling you No Yes it is I've seen your girlfriend Fucking sit like an owl On the sink in front in just that corner with like that's universal tub of stuff yeah just universal dude i'm telling you no yes i've seen your girlfriend fucking sit like an owl on the sink in front of you they all do that every girl do that like if you ever like gotten if there's more than one girl in the bathroom and they're getting ready one of them is perched like a gargoyle on the sink yeah she had her socks on she had her socks on and she put a towel down in the sink so her socks didn't get wet while she was perched in the sink that's my queen dude that is she's that's my queen dude that's too good okay um women swimming with goggles on yeah there's something about that yeah yeah goggles in general even a guy this one is so general that this is gold when she walks back after her turn in bowling like

After just absolutely guttering it Turn around that little shrug like If she has a kiss list, I guess that could be like also a hit list smash list a kiss list i guess that could be like a also a hit list smash list a kiss list yeah like all the guys i want to guys all the guys she has kissed or wants to kiss or want to kiss would be worse that'd be way everyone i have that birthday sashes i i could see that oh i mean any i think we've talked about that like any sort of group birthday outfit yep is out um When they think they're one of the boys. I could like that one. When they think. Not when they are.

Yeah, yeah. If they are, that's cool. If they think they're one of the boys. If she can't read an analog clock. That's a toughie. Women with bad handwriting. That actually, I feel that. Yeah, what do you think it is that they all just have perfect fucking handwriting?

But if they didn't, wouldn't you kind of be like... Yeah, that would be a red flag. It's part of the culture for them. You got, you're weird if you don't. Well, it's like cute to have. No, I think it's just naturally. They just all have. Well, I feel like when they were young,

they probably like were competing with each other. Like who could have the best handwriting? You know what I mean? That's like, they probably practice it. We're just trying to get shit down on paper. That's true. We're just barely scraping the edge. We're just trying to get it down.

We're just trying to make a thought and then somehow get it out there. Yeah. Just have it legible for later at the least. Can I read it later? That's all I want. The rest are kind of obvious, like expecting free drinks. Reusing sticky boobs is an interesting one. Aren't they reusable?

The cutlets? Yeah, the chicken cutlets. Oof. Those, yeah, I'm sure they do it. And this is my absolute favorite one. We'll end on it. When she scoots her chair in and it makes a noise That's like a fucking Ray Charles grab the wrist check

Is there a picture of the guy that made this in the fucking no I wish I would love to see that guy It's just a picture of his phone. Yeah, someone's like yo, give me that that's oh, he's just been working on this Mm-hmm. Yeah legend. We need to have him on can we find him? Yeah, we probably can it was posted to barstool San Diego State. So oh he's close. He might be one of us Any major ones that we think we missed there? Anything I think it would just be too Too obvious. Yeah, I like this list because these weren't the ones you'd think of mm-hmm Should we do ones for dudes? that's like in that same vein

because i feel like there's just like well i don't i don't really have x for guys morgan so i don't know well i do friend x friend friend x best friend x that's not bad when john speaks garrett's little fucking burp where he's just letting out air oh yeah it's a little fucking burp where he's just letting out air oh yeah I'm gonna burp he just goes it's like a fart you can't hear but with a burp he goes I've got bad gastrointestinal yeah we were driving up to LA for that week and you're just the whole you can't feed me a bucket of raising things and I exactly in a fucking house out so yeah you got

canes and you it's fucking over, son. It's game over, bro. That's brain fog for hours. Game over is my king. Okay. Let's see. Do we want to do the best worth public bathrooms? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I like that. Okay. I got some innovative ones here. So you want to lead it off here? Yeah. So, I mean, these are all public bathrooms. None of them are good. Can we just say that?

They're not great. Yeah. But there's still levels to this shit. Do you want to do best or worst first? I think we do. We can start at the top and dwindle our way down. Best public bathrooms? Best ones?

Yeah. The best one for me is anyone with a trough pisser. Yeah. If it's got a trough and you get to hang out with your boys. Like a country bar or something like that they always have in it fucking that's absolute legendary yeah you get to melt i always wondered if what that what the deal was with the ice in there i think it's technology oh it's anti-splash technology i always thought like the kitchen just had too much ice and

they just threw it in there could be that too proper disposal yeah it could be the anti-splash um how how high do you guys have to look up to not see a jason hog never even tried to not yeah what do you mean to look up well because are you trying not to for me even with the divider because i'm taller i'm way taller than it so i could always see hog and i just i'm trying to not but i mean i'm trying to so i have to get on my tippy toes yeah you're lucky i just go on the other side of the divider. So you just accept the hog? Yeah. Okay.

Just hang out. Accept, embrace. So I get your angle was obviously not where I thought we were going with this. No, no, no. I do have other best ones. I mean, I think God to your public restrooms. It's got to be Starbs. Yeah.

Starbs, Pete's. Yeah. Anything with a code on it is definitely up there. Any coffee shop, typically. Now, code is huge, because a key does not lead to a good bathroom. Yeah, no. A code, a pin code is good. Oh, no, because a key is like a 7-Eleven or like a gas station.

Yeah, and it's like on the broken off handle of a broom. I feel grosser. I would rather touch the actual brim of the toilet than touch that stick. Yeah, because every time I've been in there, where do you set it down? Somewhere gross. Yeah, that's fair. You've got two options. The toilet or the sink.

Yeah, there's some fucking heinous shit that goes on in this world if you really think about it. But for my best, I had the school bathroom after your teacher asked you why you didn't go at lunch. I'm just like, fuck you. I've got to go, dude. How come you didn't go at break everyone was in there I was drinking a gallon I didn't have to go bad isn't it heinous that they used to tell us we couldn't go to the bathroom no that's literal prison bro they're prepping you for the incorrect being incarcerated we were talking with this guy who used to be a like a substitute teacher and he said the school that he worked at you had to have an escort to the bathroom so if you had to go you raise your hand they'd call into the office and someone would

come down to the class and take you to the bathroom and if their escort because they only had one or two people was busy they'd have to wait for god knows how long to get so he said kids would just walk out of his class and then the teacher would get in trouble he's like what am i supposed to do fucking cuff him to the desk yeah well yeah just let me go so i gotta go every day in every class yeah well it's got to be way harder now too like kids are just getting fondled and murdered left and right yeah that's fair it was safer for us yep remember in the they had to build fences around schools like that didn't used to be a thing every school in the world got a fence in like 2009 like a yeah like a 15 foot tall fence

yeah that's crazy um other bests anyone got any other best raising canes runs a clean ship i'll tell you that they do they don't miss really ever and you'd expect that it'd be you'd expect it to be a bloodbath in there but they must have someone coming in with a mop every 30 minutes wait let me think other bests you know it was a good one the other day that we used uh the nordstrom rack nordstrom rack had a fine facility yeah that one was absolutely up yeah i look like no one had ever been in there we were going yeah we're going through a parking lot and we're like dude north we got to try the nordstrom rack they've got to have a hitter in there and god damn do they have some deals i haven't been in there in ages they

have like ties on the wall and stuff dude i i was what were you trying to buy underwear dude they got like trying to buy they got like they got declined no I just I just we were we were had places to be I didn't have time to go on a shot it's gotten to the point where he swipes it and it just says nice try all right zero dollars in income tax um dude it was so funny to make that clip like either sad or funny which is the way the zero income tax it was i'm gonna find a way it's hard i don't know which angle to go with um do we want to go worse yeah okay worse for me is any bathroom that's on the outside of the business yeah typically gas station it's typically on a road trip kind of thing you're like yo is there a bathroom and they're like oh yeah

go outside and around the ice machine. Yeah, you're fucked It's right there. Yeah, and the door does not the outside. It's a one-door bathroom. You can see the light coming from the outside Yeah, and they're always out of the fucking the seat liner too for sure. Oh, there's nothing. There's no equipment in there You get the roll It has a manual light switch that you have to turn on so that it's like dark in there for a minute. It has that old powdered soap that they used to have in public schools. Yeah.

Fuck. I mean, there's a laundry list. I'd say, yeah, any sort of gas station facility. No. Okay. Can I build on that? Any gas station bathroom where a guy walks out before you and gives you one of these? You know, he just fucking ruined your shit. your or even worse than that they give you like

yeah if anybody fucking nods at you after they use a public bathroom or they look nervous yeah you know it's fucking terrible in there i also had um like a like a club yeah i mean when you have to when you have to take a dump in a club. Well that's just experience wise really bad. Experience wise that's bad. I'd say they're usually pretty well kept. Well no, cause that's the opposite. When you come out of that bathroom stall, the dude is giving you the A,

and you have to be like, no I wasn't doing that. They think you were doing coke, but you're like, no I was actually doing something way worse. You're gonna have a bad time in there, and you have to sniff hard when you go in there. That sucks when they expect that you're like no I was actually doing something way worse like you're gonna have a bad time in there And you have to sniff hard when you go in there Yeah, yeah, that sucks when they expect that you're doing that and you actually weren't mm-hmm because then it just you just remind That's more embarrassing. Yeah We have a little update from last week's episode

We were too nice about what happened Because now I got a fucking phone to pick yeah we got so ripped to shreds we we mentioned that we had gotten kind of swindled on a little double date experiment um and they were doing it for some sort of podcast it's not their podcast but they were going on a podcast talking about it well we found the podcast yep men are shit boy were they not nice about it oh my god they literally they just framed every single thing that happened to make us look like fucking losers. Oh, yeah, it was- So this is our- A frame job. It was a frame job. This is our turn to- Supposedly. Yeah. Well, that's what you, you be the judge. We'll kind of give you the result. So the gloves are off.

I'm not being nice about this any longer. Yeah. Should we just break it down in order of things? Because they just kind of went from the top to the- Yeah, I can't remember the specific points, but if you want to go ahead. I remember some of them. So the first thing they brought up is we were meeting here at 8, and then we had reservations to go to a place sale Which is a nice a 45 they showed up late because they were on another double date Yes, which this is a great little tidbit that they threw in they were trying to leave because they knew they were running late But they hadn't gotten the check yet there

So they just left without getting the check with the other guys with the other guys they just bailed they just left them they were like all right we gotta go bye and then they they were like just pay for the check even came i like that though so they're just bad people um but so then they show up late so our reservations are now out they showed up like 8 45 on the dot and then i tried to look to rebook it again for later in the evening like when but i didn't know when they were going to be here so when they finally got here i looked again and there was nothing left but so what they had they brought as what happened is they showed up and they're like they didn't have anywhere for us to go no plans they were just sitting there at our

you were an hour late blasting edm music like what the fuck i was playing a dom dollar set like what what people that live in san diego that are our news so for like for the fuck I was playing a Dom Dalla set like what what people that live in San Diego that are our news so for like for the record the right when they walked in I remember it was he was playing like a pretty aggressive techno song but I was it was just like a Dom Dalla set like if you if you're our age and live in San Diego you listen to house music grow up not blasting EDM music yeah blasting music like a frat house like what is this okay and then they were shitting on oh go ahead yeah so then the next thing is so we get there and so they don't have anywhere for us to go but they're like oh do you guys want to drink and so they offer us twisted teas or we have we also had we didn't

even offer the twisted tea yeah we were drinking a twisted tea and we offered them we went and bought like we had tequila pineapple and pineapple juice which is a good cocktail that's just a little cocktail and they're like or they just had straight up tequila for us and we're just like okay so then they started to go into uh they're like oh so yeah so then their great idea was to go to a dive bar down the street which was their fucking idea which was their choice i literally and i literally told them i was like oh i had reservations at top sale and one of the girls literally i remember her saying oh i just went there like last week and that place is fun i was like yeah but we missed the reservation and they don't have anything left i told them that they're like well we could

just go to like a dive bar or something i was like oh cool there's one around the corner they made it sound like this was all our idea but yeah so then them saying it's like yeah so then we just go to a dive bar like in the middle of nowhere wait what what would be a good first date like for a double date like yeah well what what like what could have been the best day that was fun they acted like they but then they admitted it was fun. Yeah. But they made it sound like everything was so, we're just pieces of shit.

That would be great. And then the host of the show is just roasting us because she doesn't know any of the truth. She's just hearing this bullshit that they're feeding her. And she's like, wow, how old are these guys? I'm like, shut up. They're just absolutely laying into it. Oh, and the other best part is apparently the host of the podcast i went on a date with her

one of her friends oh of course yeah she knew him yeah she knew who i was um so i but they didn't say one nice thing they said i was funny so i'll take that they did she the host was like oh is this the funny guy so they lie on the show so they lie so they continue to lie they continue they is a absolute bloodbath and then I'm trying to think of the other, oh, the other most body, like making me sound, this was specifically about me, making me sound like an absolute psychopath.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So her friend was like, okay, I'm going to leave. And then she was still here for like 45 minutes. And then she's like, okay, I'm going to go. And I was like, okay, where are we going? Like in a joking way. And she's like, oh, I guess you can come back with me like uber to my place we're in the uber to her place we're talking

everything and then we get back to her place and she's we walk up to the door and she goes oh you can't come up and I was like I literally said this I was like oh I wish you would have told me that before the uber left so that I could have just like hop back in yeah but this is how she explained it she's like yeah so I'm so after you left i left and i was like i'm going home by myself no one can come with me made it sound like he like just walked yeah and then she's like so then i stand up and say my uber's here and he just stands up and follows me and i'm like oh i think he's gonna walk me to the door and then he follows me all the way to the uber and i'm like oh i thought he's just gonna walk me the uber then he gets in and then he's like in the Uber

with me. And all the way there, I'm like, oh, you can't come in with me. You can't definitely not making out or anything. Yeah. And then she's like, she's like, yeah. So then he fucking, I say, oh, you can't come up. And then, so she's like, oh, do you want to come inside and wait? And I was like, no, I'm good. And then, so while I was waiting outside, so I said, oh, I wish you would have told me just so I could have gotten the Uber. Then she texts me and she's like, oh, do you want to come inside and wait? And I was like, no, I'm good. And then so while I was waiting outside, so I said, oh, I wish you would have told me just so I could have gotten the Uber. Then she texted me and she's like, hey, hope you got home safe. And I was like, oh, no, I'm still waiting outside. And she's like, yeah.

So then he texts. I text him to make sure you got home safe. And he says, oh, yeah, I'm actually still waiting outside. Like I'm being like a dick. Like, oh, yeah, fuck you. And then the best part of the whole thing is after they do all this shit and say this this was days before she like tried calling john like three times that weekend yeah she she like facetimed me like three times she like texted me a bunch of stuff and like she sent me a tiktok

that they made of us that said like when you go on three double days but you had the best time on the last one and it's like us like having a like laughing and stuff damn dude should i send this part to them and we could just battle it out do you just go back and forth back and forth yeah podcast wars podcast wars why you gotta lie you know just was it to seem cool like was it to seem like men or like there was the theme of the podcast well i feel like the whole experiment was to just be like oh yeah i mean it's supposed to be men how shitty the fucking dating scene is or something but like sorry you had fun and you were late so you ruined our plans that we had for you that was one of the best parts when they were talking about there because i was

listening to right before ours they were talking about how they left without even like letting the guys get the bill or offering a pay or anything and what the host is like well you know if you take a girl out on a date you should expect to pay and they're like yeah yeah yeah absolutely and then the one girl's like well i set up all these dates actually i invited all these guys oh no the best part not the best part, another good part that we forgot, is they're like, yeah, so we had a super good time at the bar, and we go back to their apartment again for some reason.

I was like, you guys wanted mushrooms. They were like, yo, can you get a bag and some mushrooms? And we're like, yeah, we can go back to our apartment. You guys asked us to get you mushrooms. Yeah, and they framed it, and they're like, yeah, so then they're like, oh, we should leave and go back to our place. So for some reason, we were back at their apartment. I was like, oh, yeah, I want to.

Yeah, if it was that bad, they would have just left immediately. They wouldn't have been no fucking. Yeah, so just stop lying. But I'm in the middle ground here. You know, I'm going to admit you had a nice time, ladies, okay? Yeah, you could make fun of us for drinking Twisted Teas, but still saying you had a nice time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can, yeah.

Twisted Teas are fucking in, dude. There's funny elements you could have just thrown in that are just funny without you being mean without dragging us through the fucking so that was our little fire back we just need to i feel way better after getting out a weight has been lifted off my i feel like a therapist dude yeah we should get you to listen to it and get your opinion honestly yeah i'm down yeah we were gonna like live kind of play it on the podcast but we didn't want to give them notoriety. Yeah, okay Yeah, cuz we're massive. We don't want we don't want that podcast to get more than three views All right gang do we want to talk about what the the main event that's happening this evening?

Oh, there's one thing I wanted to throw in here Is it time for us to be a little nicer to the Rock? No Did you see his tequila brand is the number one selling tequila brand? It's awful. Has anyone had it? Yeah, it's terrible. It's got the most sales of any tequila, like, from starting ever. It's, like, better than Casamigos.

Well, no, shit, it's The Rock. He's the man. Well, I'm just saying, dude, we gotta, should we give him a little something? I've tried it. It's not good. It's not, it's not good? I mean, I prefer Casamigos for the same price. Okay, so no, then. Quick no. No also I hate the rock. I hate him Yeah, we can't I can't get behind it even if it was good you wouldn't like it Shazam

Go back. No Go back to skinny rock skinny skinny rock is the we want to Give our two cents on on tonight being the last episode of succession i'm interested because morgan grand finale shit out of it i want to know what yeah because he he he's has he's has everything fresh in his mind yeah it's right there so i was watching them watch the episode where logan dies last night and they're in morgan even after the first even after the episode ended he was like i don't think he's dead man but we kind of thought

that too yeah I thought I said this it didn't seem like it could happen until the funeral episode I was still there's a chance I thought he still might like Undertaker it just because I mean unless they show the until they didn't even show him yeah like at all the and it starts with just a phone call to you I'm like I don't know dude yeah but he is dead that's confirmed from the grave I would have loved what do you think since you you binge the shit out of it? Where like where yeah, where do you think what's your in this last? They only have two hours of wrap this fucker up. I Have to rewatch the last one I was a little in and out of sleep. Mm-hmm. Here we go

But I think it's gonna be all time. That's very very useful Absolutely, I mean do you think the best movie of the year you think the family comes out top out on top you think just the boys do just shiv does just tom does just all right i have a vendetta against shiv just because i feel like she's just always i hate her she's the worst she just has the worst angles for everything she's a great character though but i mean kendall's the fucking woe also they are they're all here's my thing with kendall though roman's the man. Every time, I don't like him that much.

I honestly don't like any of them, but I like that I don't like him. I like Tom and Greg. I love Greg. I want to see Madsen win. I like him more than all of them. Yeah, he's a good character. Is that Skarsgård?

He's money. One of the Skarsgårds? Furkin' with the chick. Furkin'. Furkin'. Furkin'. Furkin' chicken. With Liv, she's always...

Was it? Shiv? Shiv. Dude, I'm so bad with character names in shows. Oh, yeah. It took me four seasons to get it, so... She is always just trying to fuck them over for no reason. Like, behind their back, fuck them over.

Yeah, it's hard to... With Kendall, he's like... When he tries to fuck over the dad, he's trying to do it as a team with the kids he's always like yo come with me like support me we can do this together and they're like fuck you that's fair but i also feel like every time he tries to do something it's not what she wants to do so she just has to be against them yeah but why does why is she on the side of why would she want to be on the other side i don't get her motivation well initially she was on the

dad side so that made yeah like i don't because i don't yeah i don't know what motivates her because i mean they're all rich and like she just wants to be the number one he's not the motivator yeah i know that's what i was talking about with gary money was a motivator he would have taken the two billion dollar buyout yeah like years ago yeah whether or not they win this little like thing where they're trying to save the company if they lose they're all getting like six6 billion. Yeah. It's like, oh darn. Well, that's kind of why I like the show. They didn't make it about like them. There's not one deal has been made, right?

It's not about them like striking deals. Cause that would be like, oh cool. A rich person got richer. It's just about like the fucking turmoil. It's just a game. Yeah. Yeah. Because none of it, if they made about that, none of it matters at all.

Yeah. But her angle for everything is just so bad. Cause like you never worked for the company. So I i don't i don't know how we're supposed to think that you should be number one oh yeah yeah i mean all of them except for kendall yeah they're all shit they're all they're but they're just all like oh yeah i should be the ceo and it's like what have you ever done yeah well like did you ever watch billions it's like a pretty similar premise but like the the main guy just is just bodying people the whole time and just getting richer and richer and doing like illegal shit and like he eventually like gets caught by the fucking sec or whatever but it's like it that's why that show isn't nearly

as good as this because it was just like okay like what's he gonna do obviously win this deal or fucking get this client or whatever this is like no no deals have been made yeah i am i am worried that it's not gonna be a great I don't know how they tie it up I know they're pretty good at finales though I watched all of them in the past two weeks yeah I don't know they couldn't really there's not going to be like a big

thing I don't think what's your best case scenario like you're well I think they either go down in flames or they just I think I'd rather see that than Greg on top that'd be too stupid that'd be like brand stark becoming king yeah no no i don't think that's gonna happen but from the first season exactly from the first season i thought they were all gonna have crazy arcs like that like i thought greg was gonna get like super good and learn a bunch but he just never did he's just he gets he definitely gets craftier but he's

still his position doesn't really change. Well, he went from being a fucking character at the theme park to literally being the top five in the company. He's still wild, though. Yeah, he's an idiot. He can't piece together a fucking sentence. He's a fucking idiot. But he's fucking hilarious, for sure. Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe Tom takes over somehow. I would love to see that. But I don't think it's going to happen. Disgusting voice for that, but I don't think it's disgusting boys for president. I'm telling you disgusting boys for president or Connor takes over, dude. That guy's the worst character for sure. Oh,

he's the best character though. Everything he says is gold. I do like my favorite running joke in the show is how they roast Kendall for not paying attention to his kids or knowing anything about them. It's like, Oh, you forgot your kid's kid's name again. Yeah. They're all pretty bad people but the um the fucking comedy is exactly how we would talk together like each other oh yeah no i mean the writing it like the humor in the show is just

fucking all time yeah they got good roasts like when he talks about how he accidentally killed a kid and like the first thing he does make a joke about not getting a drink on Time I was like yes Well that kid didn't didn't bring my I'm like it's a good kid. I was I'd wait 45 minutes for a fucking mojito Well we will find out what happens this evening yes, sir, and we will report back next week for you guys We might have to do a Monday watch so cuz I'm Planning on getting a little it's Sunday we have Monday off a little rant a little shitty little we didn't go out last night yeah we'll circle back we'll circle back um cool here he goes again let's let him do that I don't know why you look at me like I have to do

that you guys just sit and stare you want us to do that because you're just good at him we gotta speak clearly not perfectly uncomfortable oh it's me now see okay I'm gonna do my best Garrett ready okay so that was episode 43 episode 43 and we will

be back that was pretty good Garrett and yeah you're kind of Kendall with the fucking outros alright motherfuckers that was uh 43 we're getting a little we're getting back into it here yeah we're starting i think yeah we're getting we're catching our legs um if you guys have questions that you want us to answer on the show fucking dm us on instagram and uh see you guys next week gang gang gang