NO FOMO - 44. If Dudes Had Sick Tits

Episode Date: June 9, 2023

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back to the Monster-Fucking-FOMO Show. Now it's FOMO. Okay, you guys want to play the hype-up game? Yeah, let's play the hype-up game. Dude, I want to get hyped for the start of the show. Okay, okay, okay. I thought it was a hype-up game. I thought we were going to get, it's going to bring the vibe up through the hyping, right?

Okay, okay, you're right, you're right, you're right. You wanted us to hype the game? Everybody knows how it works, right? Yes. I have no clue what, I can't get it from this sentence. So the first thing he says, you go, ah. The next thing, you go, yeah. Oh, it's like those.

Yeah. It's like, there was only one barmaid. Yeah, that's funny. For every guy. The Irish fucking kid. Okay, so give it to us. Give it to you guys? Yeah.

It's only Thursday. Aw. I'm a loose cannon. Yeah. Missed the pregame. Aw. I'm already wasted. There's only 10 girls.

40 guys. The plug ran out. Of small bags. She's never tried it before. Neither have I. I didn't sleep last night. too stoked for potty time okay it was fun we like that it's easy dude look at how good the vibes are i checked my own vibe you checked your own vibe at the fucking blackout for a second what the fuck happened you had to fucking he fucking had fucking get some REM cycle in, dude.

Some rapid eye movement. I should have not done that. You couldn't have carried on that vibe. That was a check bag, baby. Yeah, fuck. I need to sleep more often. How are we feeling, gentlemen? Feeling good.

Coming off a nice weekend. A little birthday weekend. Coming off a nice weekend. Today's Thursday. Yeah, I know. I'd say this is the point. It's almost the weekend. This is the point

where I've come back from the weekend. So that's where I've come back from the weekend Today's the first day I woke up at a normal time and felt good I'll tell you that You're not allowed to have a birthday during a weekday Well it wasn't just that It was The birthday party on the weekend

The birthday party was on Saturday Which led to us Going out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday And then having a birthday dinner on Tuesday Yeah If you want to find out how shitty And degenerate your friends are Which, by the way, going out Friday, Saturday and Sunday and then having a birthday dinner on Tuesday. Yeah. If you want to find out how shitty and degenerate your friends are, plan a birthday dinner on a weekend. And then after you get drugs delivered to the house, see how many people are fine with not going to the dinner. Oh, I didn't even just staying in until 4 a.m.

See how many people complain because not a single person said a word i didn't realize we didn't go to dinner until very late into the night dude that's why i didn't want to do it i don't want to plan it because i fucking i've seen it before when when have you ever seen it before like every weekend in college well if anything we got smarter because we used to go and just stare at the food and no one would eat so at least we just avoided it altogether yeah that was i mean but yeah it's a less comfortable place to be. Well, yeah. I mean, 10 bucks for a fucking beer or we have a 30 rack to myself.

We got a keg that I threw up after drinking for 10 seconds. So it's all good. That was good. Morg tried to sneak his way out the front door just like slyly. And I saw his exact posture was as he's going out the front door. It was a quick boy. How early in the evening was this? It was carbonated as fuck.

Oh, it was like 6.30. Yeah. So this is after we were already supposed to be at dinner. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It was just 80% suds, and I held it in. I was like, it's coming. And then I just go outside, and I'm just, whoa. It was so quick like that, too.

No one even saw it. I've had a foam little foam up. It's not a throw up. It's more of an emptying. It's just kind of, there's too many bubbles going on. It just overflows. I felt fast saw it. I've had a foam little foam up. It's not a throw up. It's more of an emptying. It just kind of there's too many bubbles going on. It just overflows.

I felt fast doing it. Oh it was a quick it was fastest fuck boy. So that was an interesting sequence of events. But yeah

here we are on Thursday day late because Tuesday birthday. Yeah. Much warranted. Shout out Macy. We'll throw her name in there. Yeah. Happy birthday Macy. Shout out Macy. We'll throw her name in there. Yeah.

Happy birthday, Mace. Shout out Macy. Happy birthday to Masonry. And yeah, this won't even come out till Friday. So we're two days late. Yeah, true. Yep. I could squeeze it out today.

You could. It's not the only thing you could be squeezing out today. You keep drinking that much coffee, my boy. On his eighth glass of coffee. Boys, boys, boys, boys. All right. So last week we went over the the ick list right yes so there was there was a that was the males that was the males about women's icks for men no no men's

men's toward women yes and and the ladies fired back this week okay uh with a rebuttal list and boy did they nailed it hit the highlights hit the good ones i it's hard to i'll just oh you know we know which ones are gonna be good okay well the first one is incredible when a guy is trying to pet a dog or cat and it doesn't acknowledge him if you're like trying to call over a dog or something that's not even just an ick either that's like demoralizing it's just sad it's just sad come here buddy come here yeah and it just looks at you you're like oh fuck me all right small calves this one hit home for me i don't like that one yeah i mean proportionately you have big calves yeah proportionately minor minor yeah they're bigger than your thighs i'd say you have normally sized

calves right thank you so that wasn't directed towards me yeah it was but fish or or any sort of hunting photos okay that's fishing or hunting. Fishing or hunting photos. Yeah. We're not allowed to like things. It's how it goes. When he puts his arms around the shoulder of someone taller than him. Ooh. Sorry, guys. Well, I mean, that's just on you if you even try that. I learned that day one.

Yeah, yeah. That's fair. That's fair. Holding the fork like a Neanderthal. That's a morgue. Dude, I did that until I was like 19. What do you mean 19? I was like 24. You were holding the fork like a neanderthal that's a morgue dude i did that until i was like 19 what do you mean 19 i was like 24 you were holding your shit like this i've never not seen you hold it like a neanderthal you still do it when you need a chipotle i watch you do it well they just don't make them big enough for me oh yeah to grab the fork i can't get enough leverage

because my fucking big hands i can see a small plastic like chipotle fork would you give a caveman a regular spoon? They wouldn't know how to use it, much like you don't. Yeah, they'd use their hands just like you. Valid point. They wouldn't know

how to use it just like your crow magnum ass wouldn't. This one's good. If they're a hat fish, aka they always wear a hat but they have a receding hairline. Yeah.

Ooh. Wait, can they fix hair or not yet? They can. Yeah. 100%. They've been able to fix it since like...

Oh yeah, LeBron came back strong. Look at Steve Carell season one versus the end seasons, dude. He's got the fattest hair of all time. How much is it? It's only like 5, 6K, I think. You go to Turkey. Yeah, apparently that's... Where did we just hear that?

I don't know. I swear someone just said that over the weekend. What, do they take it off their shoulders and put it on your fucking neck? No, in Turkey they do it way cheaper, but that's where everyone goes to do it. So you go on a flight there, and then on the flight back, everyone on the whole fucking flight has their head wrapped up. No, I'm saying do they take it off the Turkish people's shoulders and put it on your fucking head?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they a hairy folk? Turkish people? Yeah. I don't know. I think there's a shoulder gang in the upper back. Okay. They're like Serbs.

Even the women, right? Yes. That's the lower soul patch gang in the upper back. Okay. They're like Serbs. Even the women, right? Yes. That's the lower soul patch. They got the back soul patch. Let's see here. There's a shit ton, but I'm just trying to go for the highlights. You're going to fuck up the whole thing. No, no.

Hit the whole thing. Hit the whole thing. If they're all money. If he drives slow slash the speed limit or slash follows every single rule of the road. Fuck, I do that. Yeah, you drive like a fucking puss. Drive slow slash the speed limit or slash follows every single rule of the road. Fuck, I do that. Yeah, you drive like a fucking puss. Dude, I got fucking towed a couple weeks ago. They don't live a little dangerously, you know what I mean?

You got towed by driving slow? Well, you never know. I was stopped. I was that slow. You got towed? Yeah, you don't remember when I got towed three weeks ago? That wasn't for driving slow. I mean, technically, I was going as slow as you could go.

You were going really slow? you parked your car so slow that they were able to hook the toe up and fucking dude i actually got a ticket in my car before like i got a parking ticket while i was inside of my car before that's because you're loaded dude it's fucking ridiculous dude what was it for how did you let that happen it was like it was cold outside, so it was fucking foggy as shit. So you literally couldn't see the person standing there? No, it was in an alley, and I was parked in a fucking alley. How whack is that? And she's like, I already rode it.

And I was like, I'm fucking in here, dude. Yeah, well, you're wrong now. I was in park, though. The face that he makes when he's nutting? I don't know about that one. Oh, vinegar strokes? Yeah, those are not good. They don't like those?

No. Well, vinegar strokes? Yeah, that like with the strokes right before you're about to bust like the big like the vinegar it's like you're smelling vinegar uh i mean yeah that's i that's objectively not attractive at all right to call it an ick though because i don't think anyone doesn't do that i don't yeah that's that's a tough one. Let me put you through this scenario. I'm about to bust and I hit you with like a... Yeah, what am I supposed to... I try and look cool. I try and look mad cool.

I'm at my most vulnerable of all time. I'm just right here. Just ooh. Fucking just flexing, staring at her. Yeah. Take a pic right now. Her is a weird word. Calling girls chicks slash females. Chicks? Yeah. Take a pic right now. Her is a weird word. Calling girls chicks slash females.

Chicks? Yeah. What are we supposed to call them? What can we call them now, dude? I feel like all guys are called. They, thems? We got to go strictly theys? I don't know about that.

It almost feels offensive to say women sometimes. It's an egg for you to call them chicks because they're not chicks when you're talking about fucking girls. What's the proper term? No comment. Them's or Z's. No, about fucking girls. What's the proper term? No comment. Them's or Z's. No, for just girls. Just girls. Girls.

Lady folk. Girls sounds young and weird. Ladies. Lady folk. Young women. Lady folk. Sheila's, I think, is still cool. The townspeople.

Got another one that I didn't really like too much. Dropping dumbbells in the gym, parentheses, if it's too heavy for you just lower the weight question mark dropping them yeah like you're trying to max out like say like you do a set and then like instead of like just like setting them down just fucking drop them because you like damn they really be honest like no they're honest um when they try to mansplain empathy after a shroom trip like you're all enlightened all of a sudden okay yeah okay uh when his nut tastes like three week old white castle what the fuck who wrote that dude i couldn't even begin to know what that tastes like i've got to imagine that's what you're couldn't you like mark i could not huh what do you think yours tastes like what i think mine

is battery acid cinnamon literal eggs Literal eggs and rice. Mine would taste like cinnamon. You don't need cinnamon. That wasn't my point. You think it would just be kind of spicy? Yeah. Jay, what do you got for us? What would it taste like?

Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Fire sauce. Baja Blast. Baja Blast and Taco Bell. That's so good. Fourth meal. First meal. Some of these are so specific and just. Fourth meal. First meal.

Yeah. Some of these are so specific and just. Fifth meal. I just don't even understand. When they use their car horn, but the horn is girly. It's just like a little. See, that's one of those things. I got that.

Fuck you. At this point, I feel like the guy's one was way better so far. Well, because some of these are just like, oh, come on. Yeah, the guy's ones were like, yeah, if you're running with a backpack on like fuck that's true and if your chair squeaks when you slide it like yeah but i mean come on oh i saw a fucking girl one and the girl who wrote it commented next to one that she fucking typed in and she said so true like it's it was just a list that she wrote and then she wrote so true next to one of them. Commenting her own stats. That's a you move.

True. When they show their high school highlight tape or say an injury in high school is the only reason that they didn't go pro. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. That hurts anyone. That's a fucking good one. That's a friend ick.

That's a really good one. That's just an in general ick. If you have to talk about high school sports, that's just weird. That's just an ick. A human being ick. Not to talk about high school sports. That's just an ick. A human being ick.

So we made a couple of our own lists to follow this up here. Yeah, we're doing best friend icks. Best friend icks. Best friend icks. Okay. Okay. Somebody want to go? Yeah, I got the first one.

This is a big one for me. If they quote Dodgeball or Step Brothers still, we're done. Yeah, there's a couple movies that that are done there's a couple unquotables for me it's just like if it's so referenceable to it i'll maybe let it slide but if it's just you just say like nobody makes me bleed by own blood i'm like dude get you guys it's too easy you gotta do okay yeah if it's if it's a anchorman or dodgeball i'm out stepbrothers i'm i'm tolerable too i can tolerate because that's just a better film. It is better.

But just those. I can agree. If you're my age and you're still dropping those, you're done. I think just quoting movies in general. We're not getting a beer. It's just. No, it could be done tastefully. I think it's got to be.

But mostly no. It's got to be fresh, though. If we're still going. Yeah, if we're still going, like, I don't know. It's got to be fresh, though. If we're still going, yeah, if we're still going like, I don't know, it's really hard. It's got to almost be like you already said it without quoting it, and then it's just like you acknowledge it. Oh, yeah, you're like, oh, man. Nice. Wait, do some Gollum for us.

We'll see how it hits. I'm not going to do that. Dude, is it not crazy that he hasn't had an acting job since 2001? Wasn't he in Plane of the Apes? No, that wasn't the same. No, Garrett, I mean. I'm living off the royalties, bitches. Dude, he's been absolutely cleaning up on Gollum's.

Yeah, I'm good. I don't need it anymore. Hasn't done The Voice since. I'll go here. When they do anything without you. That is such an ick. It's disgusting. I'm with that one.

I can't believe I didn't write that down, dude. It's disgusting. That's absolutely I'm with that For me go hang out with your other friend. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep John loves the oh, yeah, that's John's Oh, you guys are oh you guys are doing your friend stuff John. That's John's biggest Nick. I think that just hits the soul Oh you guys you guys were doing your real friend stuff, not the fake stuff. What did you do with me? Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No, that's awesome, actually.

Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, you guys were going to... I knew you guys were going to go without me because that was what friends do, so bye. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Okay. Well, see, here's the thing. If you text me more, like, deliberately,

you need the ick right there. That was an ick. He's trying to defend it. He's trying to defend it. That's a fucking friendship. Ick, ick the ick right there that was an he's trying to defend he's trying to defend you're making it worse no i'm making it better dude you're gross watch let him when i fell asleep the other day is because you said zoo question mark that you said that was pretty ick you said we're going to dinner i said said at the zoo, question mark, as a joke, because you were at the zoo. I know.

And you didn't reply at all. If you would have been less... I said, where are we actually going? No reply. I fell asleep. You had one text to get me, dude. Okay, dude. See, that's as good a friend as he is.

Oh, your text was... It was such a bad joke, he actually fell asleep. Yeah. Oh, okay. Nice, nice, nice. What's your ick, dude? Okay.

They have another friend that they call best friend. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. Unless we're in a throuple like us yeah unless yeah if it's us it doesn't count um this one's a big one for me if they have the weak brow nervous face at any point oh this one the dude if they're ever hitting this right here the reluctant what is that it's the reluctancy yeah it's just it's just the like if they're like oh what are we gonna like about like anything and they're like oh my if they ever look like that who has ever done that no one we're friends with no i'm glad you said that that bugs the shit i've never seen a human do that you've never seen the reluctant face like the worry

it's just the weakest little like it's like worry and like scaredness that's just disgusting yeah i hate it was that you yep um when they make your girl laugh that's a tale as old as time stop that's we're icky you're the funniest guy in the world aren't you buddy right now just now ramp it up especially after like they weren't being funny or you were silent on your phone until she walked in no she was shut the fuck up he wasn't funny with you earlier now he's fucking funny yeah get the fuck out great great that's i love doing that yeah these are all directed to at john's signature move uh i had they don't double down on it they don't double down on your story that's a complete fabrication

you gotta roll with me I'm saying some bullshit and you don't got my back you gotta roll with me if you can't pick up on my lie immediately and run with it if they at any point not only do they not let you do it they go that didn't happen or they call you out for embellishing a story

I'm like shut the fuck up the story wasn't good without me saying this. I'm trying to keep the people entertained. I was trying to save the story. Get the fuck out of my face. Now, sometimes you got to bring your boy down a little bit. I think. 100%.

If he's going way over the top with something super... And it's not like a lie that he's getting out of something. If it's a lie where it's like, yeah, no, we were only there until midnight and then we went home. Then, yes. If it's a lie to make themselves only sound cooler you body yeah exactly but if it's on a baseball I'm making our day sound cooler as a unit mm-hmm and you fuck it up I'm like what do you do yeah yeah yeah if it's if it's only me trying to sound cooler I agree body me yeah if you're like oh yeah I was at the club and there was like six chicks hanging out with me. And you're like, I was with you.

There was two girls and they worked there. And they were bringing us a drink. So next try. This one's a good one. When they say they want to go home. Yeah, that's bullshit. Oh, it's not happening. We're not friends.

No. I think I'm actually just going to go home. Okay, well, exhibit A, you do this almost daily. When's the last time you nuked up on the couch with the kids? Well, I don't have fucking parking here, so I have to wake up at 8am to go get my parking. I'll wake you up. Do you think we'd have to move away

to actually be safe for an extended period of time? Safe from going out? Just from people? Move away? Yeah, we'd have to move to at least a different city. I'd fuck it up and make a friend too quick. Yeah, we'd literally go out to at least a different city. I'd fuck it up and make a friend too quick. Yeah, we'd literally go out to a restaurant

and somehow we're like hanging out with a bartender that works there. Yeah, true. Some dude, he's like the coolest bartender ever. And he's like, oh, you should come back

to my place. Yo, you should come to this afters. And we're like, fuck, here we go. We have 20 best friends now and a plug and we're in St. Paul, Minnesota.

That was a good place to pick. Yeah. St. Paul, couldn't imagine it being fun. It could be. When they have a significant other. Grow up. You don't have room for anyone else in your life, my guy. What do you need?

What am I not providing? A what? Sexual things? Go jerk off. I am providing that, so stop lying. You've just never fucking asked. Ask the questions, the important questions. If you crave that so badly, bend me over the couch.

Yeah. It's a tough line to walk. Yeah. So we love you, Macy, but Morgan, what the fuck, man?

He's a cat friend. Um, I think that's all I had. Do you have more? I've got one more. When they send you something on social media, that's all I have. Do you have more? I've got one more. When they send you something on social media that's just not funny? Yeah.

Yeah, but it's outweighed by the amount of times they do send something funny, I think. Yeah, that's beige. If they consistently... Oh, it's ick. Oh, yeah. It's beige. But if they consistently send you unfunny things,

yeah, you're not my friend at all. It's not an ick. We're just not friends. Last one I had was just if they have any other friends it just causes issues yeah if they have another like group of friends friend group yeah i don't think that's sustainable yeah well it's not you can't have like an entirely separate you can have you can maybe have another group of people that you do specific things with like maybe you have like a bowling group or golf friends but yeah but if we're talking about like like and the group of friends can't also do that thing like if you guys golfed i couldn't be like oh i'm golfing with other people like you do every

week but you guys don't golf yeah it sure as fuck we would oh you've golfed one time in the past four years and now he's a golfer i golfed one time this year exactly he's a golfer i'm a golfer dude okay well let's go dude let's go dude i've been waiting for you to invite me all i had to do was ask easy that's called good friends that's an opposite of a nick learn it that was a that's all i had for the x oh what's the opposite of an ick a yum yummy yum yum yum that's a yum yummy here we go there it is tasty uh-oh father stays right around the corner and you haven't gotten your dad anything yet don't worry that's where the sponsors of today's show manscaped comes in you and i both know he needs some serious grooming in his life, so grab your dad the Performance Package 4.0.

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That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com with code NOFOMO. Now back to the show. So outside of Ix for Friends, we have the new, when did this become a thing, this beige flag thing? Is this really new, or are we behind it? No, it's pretty new.

It is, right? Last week, yeah. Hey, what color is beige? Is it like pink and white? It's like last week what color is beige is it like pink and white it's like the color of those fucking beige and orange it's like the color of that cup you're holding

literally light brown so pink white and orange no it's one color it's not the nipples it's just the brown part yeah no this is a combination of pink white and orange

sure whatever more it's like off salmon off salmon that's exactly how people describe beige take another Aderall should i figure out what colors what percentage of each color is in each uh but yeah so that's the trend

where it's like it's not really make or break this jacket is beige are you high yeah this is beige i can't see shit fuck all that's true what color what color is coming out of this i can't see whoa i didn't realize whoa okay never No one can see what I'm seeing, so just, we'll carry on. But these are like, they're not really great and they're not bad.

Like, it's not even a full-on yellow flag. It's like a, it's just a, it's just a weird thing that someone does. It's adjacent to a red or green flag.

These all almost could be weird, but they're done in like a nice way almost. It's almost endearing. Yeah. Well, but these are for girls. mine aren't endearing at all yeah mine aren't either what one of this is a beige this is almost in a dark beige um when they say that you're just like someone from home then you should totally meet them fuck no yeah because it's meant in the

nicest way but it's like fuck you you. Yeah. I feel that. Fuck no. I never say that as like, oh, this is someone that fucking sucks also. It's like there's someone that they love. So it's like, oh, they're trying to be nice to you. But it's also like, why do you love them? Why do you love them? It's meant to be a compliment, but you don't know them.

So you're like, fuck that person. Yeah, exactly. That person fucking sucks. I hate them. Yeah. I like that. Don't get me wrong with this. This could be a red flag, but in moderation, because I love gossip.

I love gossip, but there's a threshold. There's a beige and there's a red threshold of how much a person, all they do is gossip. You know what I mean? So what's the beige threshold? If there's a tasteful amount of gossip, but it's pushing annoying. No, I think it's when you could smell the hate in it well no it's better when there's hate in it oh you like actually you like the gossip oh no i like i'm saying i'm saying it's you're saying they don't do it enough if you ride the beige line of gossip versus the red line of so if it's tasteful and funny yes okay yeah that's

what if there's actual hate in it like me and jay will fucking just push you down while when you're gone but oh yeah absolutely yeah right we hate the shit out of you yes it's so tasteful yeah when you can tell they're actually being a dick then it's it's over for you um this one's actually for for friends okay i think you'll like it though when your boy introduces you to a girl he's been talking to and you could tell he's been acting a little bit cooler than he is oh i do love that because i can just picture this he's acting a little different little fucking yeah he's hidden like she's asked about your friend group and you've lied yeah you said like oh no we don't party that much we're actually pretty chill and you've just been a fucking fraud around her and yeah and you're in the you're like

who are you pretending to be with this one that's a good one who are you adopt what character are you adopting for this young lady and you can just see the panic on their face as you start acting like you he said that you weren't yep yeah and they're just like oh yeah no i mean i don't act like them i mean i don't act like them. I mean, I don't really hang out with them that much even. Oh man. Those are the,

that shit hurts. I'm so uncomfortable with that. It's toast, bro. Let me see the toast then. No. Let me get a little butter. I'm not going to be without because here came unprepared.

Butter toast. Come on. It's fucked. Love me. You want butter on your toast? There's nothing left. Love me a little bit. You want butter on your toast?

You're getting one on the way out of here. Okay. I tried to get us one the other day and you said, oh, I don't want it out of here. Okay. I tried to get us one the other day, and you said, oh, I don't want it.

Butter toast. Oh, I feel good, dude. Are you vibed up? Okay. This one isn't for friends because they were supposed to be for girls, and I did it right. Nice, Morg. Yeah.

Thank you. But that was a good one, but you're gay. Agreed. They can't type normal on their phone because they're nails. Ooh. Because I don't usually care much about the nails,

but when I see them doing this one, like the back of the... I'd almost one-up that and say just the noise it makes when they have the nails. See, I don't mind the click. It's kind of ASMR for me. No, but it gets beige. If you're laying in bed next to them and they're just...

And they're so fast is the problem. Yeah, it's annoying. Yeah, because you'll be sitting there trying to watch something and you'll hear... Yeah. And you're like, all right. You'd think they'd get annoyed. Isn't that annoying as fuck? That'd be annoying the shit out of me.

Yeah, no. I mean, I don't know how they do it. Because you have to keep your thumbs almost like bent back. Sometimes they can't even use thumbs and they have to use this. Yeah, they have to fucking... Like when they're seriously trying to get something, they don't want to fuck it up. It looks like they're using a fucking calculator. Oh my God.

A little abacus bullshit going on. Gary, where are you? My little Gersif. My little Gerald. See, mine all could be red flags, but it requires... There's a threshold with these. If they're sometimes late, sometimes late.

Oh, coming from Garrett. I love this. No, like, I'm late. No, you... It would have... This is for girls. Shut the fuck up. You know what kind of late I'm talking about.

No, not like that. But like... Oh, oh, oh, oh. No, if they're... A girl late. A girl level of late is different than a Garrett level of late. Yeah, so yours is like eight times as much or what uh did you notice morgue tried to hit us with that for the dinner the other night what i was like what time's dinner he says 6 30 it's

actually 6 45 that actually wasn't me oh i had no hand in that okay but i totally would fucking do that yeah we were all late yeah we didn't even go thank god um morgie oh what the fuck was i just thinking oh you just came up with one oh um when they snooze more than like three times in the morning that's not a beige that's a red you think that's completely red if if someone was going i'm dating this person i'm thinking about spending my life with them and they're a snooze person not gonna going to work. We'd be a match made in heaven. That's my kind of girl. Oh, you guys would just be fucking every

other minute. You'd sleep forever. We'd unplug the alarms. That'd be good for you. Turn our phones off. I don't know. I feel like it hurts more to fucking snooze it every time. Oh no, it hits. That extra seven minutes. That minute that you fall

back asleep in between the fucking beeps unbelievable why is it eight minutes or whatever the fuck it is just to piss you off because that's a perfect amount of time to get pissed the fuck off yeah perfect amount of time i've never once felt better after i woke up from a perfect amount of time to wake up in more of a panic that's all i had for the beiges yeah but oh wait i did see this one that was this i was looking him up and this girl posted this one as her boyfriend's beige flag and it was he compares me to any girl that's pretty even though i don't look like them so if they're pretty they look like me and i was like okay bitch oh yeah shut the fuck up. His beige flag is like, oh my God,

Taylor Swift, you look just like her. And it's like, the girl's just an absolute pan face. Pan face. Holy shit. I was like, yeah,

bet he does that. He's got to lie to himself and pretend you look like that. That's who he's thinking about. Yeah, that's what he's imagining to get himself hard every night jesus christ you fucking weedle wait i actually have a good question here okay if you caught your

girl watching meat hub or just yeah you know would you rather have it be guys that look nothing like you or with a way bigger meat than you so they're both like negatives yeah so which is worse well they're all going to be bigger than me um for you that's a that's a no-brainer i prefer to watch a porn with a guy who's got a bigger dick than me because then it's more real i haven't found one i'm like if it's my size i'm like i'm like this isn't she's faking it i can tell it's not real i've seen that face yeah i'm like no that's no real. I've seen that face plenty of times. No, this is not real. You hear that noise? It's probably not even his stepsister. Also, definitely not his stepsister.

It's probably just some girl. This girl's an actress. I don't know if I can even answer this question. Okay, now, when you say doesn't look like you, what are we saying here? you what are we saying here is it a riley reed classic that she's watching i didn't even think about that angle how because then how many shades off is he because then it's that one uh if it's by dog fart network then i'm i guess it's kind of weird either way if it's only guys

that are a different race right i mean what is what is the good one what is the good one that she could watch i don't think there is a good scenario here yeah i think djs with middling podcast there's definitely not a good option. That's kind of the premise of the question, no? I think I'm going to go with both. Because, I mean, the meat size, it's hard to really gauge to scale. I don't know, like a small screen. I'm hoping she's watching on her phone.

It's not, though. It might be. Because the girl could be way smaller than you thought, so it could just make it look big. Oh, yeah, i just watch really petite yeah i don't i don't know i don't like it let me let me the question i have to ask myself is how small does the girl have to be for it to mine to be considered big like a four foot nine like that's why yeah right three foot three foot midge straight midge that's why i watch it i think you gotta go just bigger hog sure i mean neither one of these scenarios and i find these i'm a i'm ecstatic i don't think i'd

be like stoked if like the guy looked similar to me i'd just be like well why don't why what's the point of that yeah that would be like the same as, she finds out you like beat off to a picture of her. That's weird. Well, if she gives you ones to beat off to, then that's fine. Ah, but still.

If she sends you news, what does she think you're doing with that? There's a whole internet out there and you're picking the still frame fucking tit pic. Well, yeah, I obviously never use it, but it's a nice thought.

It's a live photo. Okay. Oh, it's got three seconds of movement. It's got one titty shake in there oh we're pissed that's a good one um do we want to do my thing sure i'm calling this one because morg likes titles jay's news that you should know because it's kind of interesting to me okay okay that's the category

you ready okay so the first one here um morgan you're gonna like this donald trump's latest idea to enshrine american greatness okay so he's gonna throw the country the most spectacular birthday bash one that will last all year okay in 2026 the u.s will celebrate our semi-quincentennial. That's a quarter millennial since the Declaration of Independence. So he is going to throw a blowout, 12-month-long salute to America celebration in a new policy video. He said, it's going to be a great American state fair featuring pavilions from all 50 states, nationwide high schools. It's going to be a great American state fair featuring pavilions from all 50 states nationwide high schools it's going to be sporting contests and it's going to fund the building of Trump's

national garden of American heroes and this is just a perfect American hero list that he made like Frederick Douglass and Amelia Earhart he made sure he threw in a woman and a non-white it's perfect trump propaganda there um he said well played he said as a nation we should be preparing for the most spectacular birthday party we want to make it the best of all time so a year-long banger a year-long birthday for america okay just we're talking rock concerts high school football games fucking some hot dog state fair food like let's fucking go for a year straight. How to win over this room's vote in 30 seconds? A year-long party? Fucking hell

yes. Dude, I'd love to see that focus group on how much percent of the vote they think they get from that. All of it? It must have been all of it, right? Yeah, someone's like, oh no. This is real? Yeah, this is a real thing. He's going to throw a year long party. If he gets elected, it's in 2026, so. If you don't want that, vote for Biden. If he doesn't, he's like the party's canceled. If you don't want a year-long birthday, vote for Biden is's in 2026 so if you don't want that if he doesn't the party

if he doesn't he's like the party's canceled if you don't want a year-long birthday vote for biden his party's over that's a pretty good pretty good bait bait play yeah um this one's another good news um florida has created the longest straddle coaster in the world and that was approved by morg's mom who is the foremost straddle specialist in the continental US. Okay, that one feels like he made it up.

The straddle coaster part's real and the part about Morg's mom is real. They're both, I wasn't going to say shit. I love that she listens to this too. That's a,

I care, I love you Carol. She'll text me about the least worst thing we say on the show too. Oh, that's the best part. Don't use the Lord's name

in vain, sweetie. You're like, like mom we were talking about fucking each other um these two are actually uh kind of updates on our daddy of the week um nominees um nick cannon who is our former daddy of the week i believe yep at some point so he's found out what people are calling the cream pie loophole. What the fuck? We know that he has a bunch of kids and he has to pay a bunch of child support, but after 10 kids, you don't have to pay child support anymore. Shut the fuck up. Cream pie loophole.

How is that possible? And I think it's kind of fucked. First of all, don't know, but that's a real law. That's insanity. It's basically like, hey, if you're fucking this guy after 10, come on. It's on you. Like he's a fucking legend and they're not going you're fucking this guy after 10, come on. It's on you. Like he's a fucking legend and they're not going

to charge him. Yeah, at this point. Like it's on you. You should have done your research. Like they didn't write that many laws?

Like they ran out of paper for that many far down? Yeah, there's 10 addendums and then after that it's just like, sorry. Yeah.

Which is, the kind of fucked up thing about that is I think he has like two sets of twins. So a couple girls doubled down and took, they took extra. Wait, is this for real has like two sets of twins. So a couple of girls doubled down and took,

they took extra. Wait, is this for real? This is for real. This is a real thing. After 10 kids, after 10 loads, you're safe.

So just keep going. Now he's just absolutely racking them up. He does not care. So what, what's the count at? I think he's at like 12 now. Dude, Musk is running towards that finish line.

Oh yeah. He's on his way secretaries and then another this is the last one the uh another daddy of the week news al pacino who's 83 by the way just got his 29 year old girlfriend pregnant and he has a 33 year old daughter oh my god shut the fuck so first of all props on still shooting swimmers yeah that's impressive I think

I think till the day you die they're fucking swimming no for most guys they're not swimming dude some of those guys are drowners I don't think that's true

if you listen to this podcast yeah I feel like most I feel like well I mean if you give enough shots I feel like you hear stories of old ass men

getting young girls pregnant all the time if you give them enough shots I think it's always possible. Well, here's what we probably if you're a celebrity who's probably, you know, taking care of at least a little bit of your body. You know, if you're talking to your regular 83 year old guys who've just been ripping cigs and not living a lavish lifestyle, there's no way. But or you could just get some treatment, a little shot or something.

Yeah, he's probably he's taken a lot of fertility stuff to get that to happen has there been has anyone interviewed Nick Cannon about his thought process behind the whole thing oh yeah he's open about it he's just like yeah whatever he's just whatever I like to do what I like to do

and I'm not going to stop does that mean he likes to have kids or likes to have unprotected sex? I think if I was that rich another kid who gives a fuck. Is he that rich though? Nick Cannon? I know. When's the last time he was fucking married to what's her face? What does that have to do with anything? You think he got money from her?

Hell no. It can work that way can't it? It could if he didn't also make a bunch of money. Yeah if he wasn't also rich. Okay he's got money. But like, what's the last thing he's done? Dude, if you invest with $50 million, you're on the same farm. Wild in. Yeah, wild it out.

That's still on, isn't it? Been out there for fucking 20 years. Oh, that's still running. Is it actually? Yeah. Jesus. Al Pacino, though, never been married. And he's got kids with like four sets of women, so.

He's never been married? Never been married. See, the Robert De Niro thing, too thing too has he ever been married i think he's been married once because they because they they blasted out who was al pacino's girl that he got pregnant but they didn't say anything about robert de niro's she's a mystery woman yeah i don't know well maybe they weren't in a like an open relationship do you find it odd they both like he he just had robert de niro just had a kid and we just hear like a week later that oh they're boys so they're like oh it's a race but they're like we're gonna die we need to have our kids like those guys are like fucking absolute locked into history together let me paint you this scenario you have a kid you impregnate a woman at 83 how many years is your kid realistically

do you think he's even gonna know like get to meet you as a conscious adult? I mean, he could drop dead right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 83 is already well past the average. You hope that there's a picture of you with your kid if you're having a kid at 83.

I mean, he's not thinking that far in the future. There's a chance he doesn't even get to the birth. That's what I'm saying. There might not even be a whole new baby picture. No, if he's got that much money, he's on dog year time, he's going to die. He's on dog year time now. The picture that they put up of him was rough, too.

He looks really bad. 83, that's pretty fucking old. I feel like he aged like 20 years in the last couple years. Well, it's that hair. He has like the grown out, like 80s rock star hair. Dude, he's pumping stem cells into his forehead. And it's just fucking grayer than shit. But that was Jay's news you should know because I thought it was interesting.

I did think that was interesting. Oh, wait, the last one I forgot. And this I can't believe. We have to just figure out why no one talks about it or no one cares. Did you hear about the latest alien whistleblower people who are saying that we have alien spaceships and possibly the things that were piloting the spaceships?

Oh, I didn't hear about that yeah i didn't hear about the we have we have they called them the operators you're fucking lying yes i didn't hear this guy came out and said that we have those in the u.s i know he said we had an intact not of human origin space vessel how how much more interesting does it have to be for us to care like how is it not news? Why do we not care? I don't even care. I'm not even pretending like I do. I don't.

I heard about it and I was like, oh, yeah, cool. I don't think it's possible because the amount of advancement they'd have to be by us to get here, I don't think we'd ever be able to stumble upon them. It's already here. What do you mean? We've already, remember like last, like six months, all the spottings? remember like last like I know I'm saying we can tell the spottings No, yes, I know that I'm saying we never even be able to touch one

You don't think it's possible that one could have just like crashed or maybe it landed and like it was one of them fucking died Or something. I don't know. I think if they're jumping through galaxies They got it figured out in terms of we don't it could it could have not come from that so you're just saying this guy's lying There's there's So you're just saying this guy's lying? There's, there's... I'm just supposed to trust everyone? Well, I'm just, like, this guy's risking shit to, like, come out and say it.

He's a former... Who is he? He's a former, like, intelligence agent. Yeah. And he worked for the fucking military. I believe that. Like, that's on the level of, like, you could get fucking...

Killed? Yotted, if it's... And, and he's being backed by other, like... What the fuck do they look like? Retired officials. That's what we don't know. He's gonna stop it there? He's blue-balling us? Well, the fuck do they look like? That's what we don't know. He's going to stop it there? He's blue-balling us?

Well, do you think they just have a smuggle of pictures? No, he's calling for them to release it to Congress. Yeah, he wants them to release it to us so we can see that we have it. Has he seen them? Yes. Yes, he's saying it's been hidden from our own government by the fucking State or whatever, the Defense Department, and he's calling for them to actually release it to the public.

That'd be fucking crazy. But what would it have to be for you to give a shit? I want to see it. You have, people have to see it. Oh, okay. I'm saying this. If they drop the picture, like I would still just be like, okay. No, you wouldn't.

Shut the fuck up. I don't know. I don't, I thought I would care about this stuff, but I don't. If you saw it, it was the craziest looking fucking thing ever. You wouldn't be like, okay, holy fucking shit. But then, like, yeah, for the picture, I'd be like, oh, yeah, wow, that's crazy. And then what? And then I'd join them.

No, it'd be like, okay, so we're out here. Yeah, and I think that's about it. I think that's an hour of my day. No, but then, like, I changed my whole life. But then it validates all these other fucking sightings and shit so easily. Then now there's, like, this mountain of shit that we're like oh this all might be legit i think i changed my whole life fucking strategy i'm just yes i think it would be validating it would make it realer but i'm just wondering if it would make me change a second of my day yes no why would what could

you trust by the people in charge at that point but what would you do differently like tomorrow join the other team, brother. What other team? The aliens. But they're not, how are we joining them? We gotta figure it out, dude. It's a journey. We'll send out some signals.

So you were dropping your life to joining aliens? If somebody showed me a fucking real picture of an alien, I'm dropping everything. Let's go. I would love to see the real picture. Because that means we've been lied to every second of every day for our fucking whole life. Well, they already admitted that.

Yeah, we already know that's true. Well, I'm tired of being on this team. This team sucks. I just don't know why. I don't understand why I'm not more hyped about it. I'm confused as well. Well, because we haven't seen the pictures yet. What if they got fat tits or something?

Okay. Well, yeah, what if there's smokes, bro? That they should hide from us. Yeah. Because if we find that out world comes to a halt yeah what if they're just afraid we're gonna intermingle species because they're so bad but just think about this every movie about aliens right when they find out that aliens are real there's riots in the street people are burning down shit well yeah that's why they

but now it's happening in real life and we're just like well because they're fucking shit they aren't they aren't't actually showing us anything. But I think that's obviously for a reason, because that would actually happen. Dude, they keep people confused so much of the time, nobody can fucking even think. Yeah, least of all you. Yeah, I know.

That's what I'm saying, dude. Ease. I don't know, man. I just don't think I'm going to be hyped about it, and I'm depressed about it a little bit, if I'm being honest. Well, that's... I was reading the story, and I was just like, man. I just don't think I'm going to be hyped about it. I'm depressed about it a little bit, if I'm being honest. Well, that's... I was reading the story, and I was just like, aliens again?

That's old news. It's not, though. It's brand new news. Until we see them, it's fucking new news. If they drop a picture, you're getting jazzed, and when you are, I'm going to throw it in the face. I'm going to Google pictures of aliens. No, there's not.

They have not been released. Pictures of aliens. What do they think they... Is there like a guesstimate? With tits? Should I put with tits? How many people were involved with this guy? Why do I have safe search on my laptop?

What the fuck? Thank you. How many people were involved with this guy? Okay, I'm hyped up. What, they look lit? That was so hype? Okay, I'm hyped up. What, they look lit? That was so hype. Okay, I'm hyped up. No, see, even with tits, I'm out, dude.

I don't know. It's going to take something big. I think they need to blow something up. Yeah, that would be pretty fucked up. Like, if they dropped a bomb on the pyramids or something, then I'd be into it a little bit. Could you imagine if they dropped a bomb on the pyramids and we something then i could get it i'd be into it a little bit you could imagine if they dropped a bomb on the period pyramids would be the stupidest aliens of all time they killed a farmer or something but yeah i'd be fucking hype you're

you're off you're on you're being a bitch i don't know why dude being a little bitch i've i'm sorry i'm gay sorry people you're being people of the world i don't know why, dude. You're being a little bitch. Sorry. I'm gay. Sorry, people. You're being a little... People of the world, I don't know. I can't get into it. I'm soft. I'm soft. I need some fucking alien Viagra. You need to get probed is what you need.

Yeah, I need to get probed up. If you got probed, you'd be fired up. Spit on it and probe me, and then I'll talk aliens. What's the deal with those? They just... We're not doing this anymore. Okay.

We're done with this conjecture. We could be done with that. Alright, what do we got next? Did we ever talk about post-finale succession? We hadn't watched it yet. We recorded on Sunday and it came out that night. That's why. So we haven't done this in like a week and a half. What did I think about the succession finale?

Yeah. I think the essence of the outcome was good, but I don't think the way it happened was that exciting. I didn't think it was going to be anything exciting. Yeah, watching that show four seasons straight, I wouldn't rate it as high as probably most people. Really? Because it's very repetitive if you watch it that fast.

Is it? Yeah. I don't think it's repetitive. I just think... Like repetitive in how things unfold it's just like nothing really happening no nothing unfolds nothing unfolds nothing happens nothing ever happens the show's just that's the show the show is just good because the characters are are amazing oh yeah the characters are 10 out of 10 and the writing's

just unparalleled i did i did read a little bit about it. So you know that scene when they're watching the video of their dad at that dinner or whatever, that old video? In the video, you get to see that he actually did have friends. He did have good interactions with people and had friends outside of business. And that the one brother who wasn't fighting for everything was actually friends with the dad. He had a good relationship with his dad, and all those three kids were trying to get a good

relationship with their dad but they're doing it through the business thing and so that's how they were fucking up like he was just a normal dude outside of the business stuff and you could like because they're literally just joking about stuff well they really do only show yeah everything in the show is a is always just about business. There's very little social interaction. Every single thing is motivated by power play. Yeah, I didn't realize it at the time when I was watching it, but that was like a peek into like, oh, he actually, because you know when people ask like, hey,

what the Frank guy and all those other guys are like, yeah, he's a son of a bitch, but I like him. Yeah, they're like, he's a son of a bitch, but we've been through everything. Yeah, we're friends. And to actually see that moment I was like oh and then because the one brother is there at the dinner like joking around singing songs yeah yeah yeah um did you have you seen how many parallels there are to that show in the like the Murdoch family that it's like loosely based around oh is it is it is that what's based off

yeah like the actual owner of Fox News, like the family that owns Fox News. I guess, yeah, because the kid accidentally, the murder thing that they cover up and all that. Oh, that's a different Murdoch family. That's a different Murdoch? That's not the same Murdochs. Oh, it's different Murdochs.

It's a different Murdoch? The one, the guy who shot his son and daughter? No, no, that's a different Murdoch. Ah, that's what I thought we were going for. No, Rupert Murdoch, who owns the fucking, he owns Fox News Network. Oh, okay. All right, I don't know if he's still alive, but that's a different Murdoch. That's what I thought we were going for. Rupert Murdoch, who owns the fucking, he owns Fox News Network. Oh, okay. All right, I don't know if he's still alive,

but that's the family that does. It's literally, Fox News is ATN. And he has the same amount of kids. He has one oldest kid from a different marriage, Connor. Then he has three kids with his most recent wife. And they're all fighting. Do we ever get to meet Connor's mom? Do we ever know who that is no she must be dead or something maybe yeah makes sense because he's he's pretty old yeah he's bitch made too but it was it was interesting to see the parallels because

it's like if you look at a picture of the the kids it's kind of is that what the intro pictures are of no those are just those are designed for the show isn't it crazy with the right like the the kids. It's kind of shockingly Is that what the intro pictures are of? No. Those are just designed for the show. Isn't it crazy? The creators claim it's not just based off of them

but then I saw some guy on TikTok break it down and he's like okay. It's a loose amalgamation of a couple different

powerful families in America but then he's like okay sure here's the oldest son with a different wife or it was actually

a daughter and then two kids two was actually a daughter. And then two kids, two sons and a daughter with his most recent wife. And they all were fighting for control over Fox Network. It's pretty wild. That's gnarly. And they're still around. Imagine watching a loose, horrible documentary of your family.

Yeah. Like dramatized. A not true story, but true story. But true as fuck. You're like, whoa like whoa shit would be pissed dude yeah i liked it i didn't imagine a better one yeah it didn't no it that's what i said the essence of it was good like how it turned out was great but i feel like it just didn't hit me like i wanted it to i i liked how they have their little little moment together at the end like where they were were like, oh my God, they're actually like, the first time they ever felt like a family, the three of them.

Because they just. I loved when we were watching that though, like in that part when they're all like being like super like lovey with each other. And we're like, oh, they're going to fuck it. Oh, we were like, oh, they're going to get fucked so hard. Yeah, we're like, there's no way this comes out good. Yeah. It's too early in the episode.

I'm glad they got fucking bodied. Tom's a fucking goat tom and greg moment at the end when he puts a sticker on his head that was that was basically the climax of the show honestly that was when he was like when he's like he's like i got you i'm still got i still got you that was so lit the disgusting boys yeah they were the show we're nicknaming this pod the disgusting boys we watched the greg highlights yeah so good highlight reel he's six foot seven dude oh he's massive he's almost exactly like that guy in real life too i bet there's no way you can't act that good yeah you have to have the role he's so bad at just

everything yeah he's a little he's the slightest bit less awkward yeah because he's just he actually is famous yeah but fuck well played though good shit all right you want to hit us with some fan shit morgy porgy all right these these are fucking morgophilus okay morgelstein morgelstein morg bumpens okay in this scenario we all have sisters okay if you had to place your mom's, and grandma in a human centipede, where are you putting them? Hmm. I haven't even thought about this at all yet. Well, one would be an urn. Who do I want to talk to?

I think... We're not saying you're there for the whole thing. Well, yeah, even just picturing it is hard. That's a tough visual. My sister's hot my sister well you don't even have sisters no my sister's hot right now i don't even have a grandma yeah neither do i neither do i um i don't i don't want to do that i can't't do that. This is gross. Who did this to us? This is horrifying. This is a, there's no way. Who did this to us? Yeah,

no, that is, whoever sent that in, you're cut, you're on a hiatus for a week. Is there a different way to do it? No, I mean, not in any way that's acceptable for my brain.

with those three characters? I mean, I, I, three. Well, then I'm in the front. I mean,

what? No, I'm in middle. Middle. I just, human centipede is one of those things.'s so vile that I just can't talk about it. It's almost untouchable. Has anyone ever actually watched it? Yes.

You've both actually watched it? I've never seen it. There's three. Shut the fuck up. There's three. We've got to watch the third one. The last one is a guy who runs a prison. And in order to cut costs at the prison he lines up all of the prisoners

in one line every day at mealtime all of them all of them and but it's like a disconnect one so they have like a face apparatus that connects every day and then disconnects it is horrifying oh my god oh whoever thought of that as a fucking genius no no no they're not could you imagine i'm gonna put genius on that dude imagine that me like you're putting like steve jobs the guy who made human centipede and elon musk imagine how much of a legend you have to be to sit down in a group full of people and be like okay hear me out okay no that's fair if the idea wasn't genius his salesmanship is fucking dude i know what you're thinking this is horrible but hear me out no they're just looking at like a

fucking easel with a sheet on it i know what you're gonna think hear me out human centipede has to be drawn out there's fucking throwing up on the table that's yeah that's the only way what studio gave this the green light i'll look that up it's got to be like an indie studio. Because those were never released commercially, right? Yeah, they were on fucking... No, those were in theaters, dude. No, they weren't. Fuck no, they weren't.

The Pied? Dutch independent film. Okay, yeah, they had to be foreign. That's for sure. That's fucking legendary. Both produced by Tom Six, who's a sick fuck. Oh, so it's just a bunch of Germans. What's the rating on the first one?

Because the other two I'd imagine would be very poor. I think like 72. No shot. You do not, if you know that off tops, 49%. Okay. That was close.

At least they are well received. I was within a quartile. What else is even on that tier of fucked up? Have you ever seen Tusk? I knew you were going to say that. I have not.

I've never seen Tusk. I refuse. Tusk is fucking petrifying also. You haven't seen that? Tusk is The one where he turns a You haven't seen that? Tusk is the one where he turns a guy into a walrus.

He turns a guy into a walrus. He turns a man into a walrus. And it's it's like the most unsettling visual because it's this guy's like he skins him

and then re-pieces like patches him together in the shape of a walrus and he has these huge tusks coming out of his face but it's like still kind of the guy's face. And's justin long isn't it it's like it's like a recognizable it's a recognizable actor yeah how did they how did they fucking swing and the worst part is so he has this girlfriend who like loves him and everything and she's like oh you're a little too

invested in your work like i just really wish you know you wouldn't do it like this weird stuff and he goes off to interview this guy who turns into a walrus. And the end of the movie is he's, I forget how he like kills the guy, but he's in a zoo as the walrus. And the girlfriend comes with her new boyfriend and looks at him. And he sees her in the exhibit and just starts crying, like making crying walrus noises. And she's just like, shakes her head and walks away oh my god and you're just like oh my god what the fuck is wrong with people that's terrifying is that like the most is that worse than human centipede uh i think because i've been

able to delete the human centipede visual out of my head yep but that one like sometimes i'll just be sitting there and it'll pop in. I'll see a picture of a walrus and then that'll be there. It's burned into your head. And your heart gets a little... Yeah, there's some... I don't know if it was just because I was younger,

but some scary movies, that would just... Image of that one jump scare or something would just be burned into my fucking eyeballs, bro. You know what still fucks with me is as fucked up as those are, whoever has to edit those watches that movie a

thousand times that's so fair and they're sitting in like a dark room fucking for like oh the scary one like scary movies yeah or i was thinking about like uh scary movie soundtracks like imagine just being in a fucking dark studio scared shitless making fucking scary music like you're making the movie it would be some sort of like i wouldn't be as scared of it because i know i made it there'd be some about those scenes where it's like fucking yeah the people who make the the when they're fucking dragging a bowstring across like a saw to make it like fucking yeah the people who make the soundtracks that's just like imagine how many iterations you had to get through to get to like the final piece yeah it's just like the most unsettling most unsettling noises ever this

is a good question that popped up on the human centipede is human centipede rated r it's probably rated worse than that it's rated nc17 x unrated the weird definition human centipede without an mpa rating so they couldn't even rate it. They're just like, that's, yeah, watch at your own risk. Yeah.

I don't know if they even rate foreign films like that unless they're wide release in America. Yeah, that's fair. It made $250,000. That's it? I can't imagine it had a huge budget. It's like one room

and guys tied. A lot of prosthetics, though. All you need is one room and guys tied a lot of a lot of prosthetics though all you need is one scientist and three people they just actually did it in germany you fucking make it happen could you imagine that which part came out like years later that that was just a fucking documentary easily could be imagine like our civilization goes out and that's like one of the relics they find. Oh my God. I fucking hope so.

This podcast and human centipede. And they're like, oh, let's find out about our previous ancestors here. And they watch that and they're like, what the fucking Christ? Should have put that in the time capsule. No wonder we went out. They're like, wait, this is from 2004?

Wait a second. We lasted way longer past that. How? That's good shit. What other sick fucking bullshit did they come up with this week?

This one's even better. Yeah. Alright, how many tubes of Colgate optic white toothpaste do you think you could fit in your ass? Four.

In the tube or do I get to empty it in? So it's 4.8 ounces. Yeah, the optic white ones are pretty small. Did you bring one as a prop? I think it fits like four. So this is about how much it is.

What is that? Why did you... You emptied one out into a bag? Well, I want to do the question right. You know what the best part about this is? He's going to use that toothpaste out of that bag for once. No, I'm not. I'm going to throw it away.

Well, you could have just had the tube, I think. I'll use it after I put it in there. Why didn't you just bring the tube part about this is he's gonna use that toothpaste out of that bag no i'm not i'm gonna throw you could have just had the tube i'll use it after why didn't you just bring the tube that would have made more sense well no it makes more sense to see how much it is no but the tube they ask the tube is the vessel no you might think it's too big no i could i was saying four tubes four tubes i've got who's sending these in is this the same guy you making these up no i swear to. I don't believe you at all. I swear to God. You came way too prepared for that not to have been your own question.

Remember when I said earlier, I thought of something fucked up, but I didn't want to... I forget what I said after. Say it was you? No, no, no. That question was on there, but I did that earlier today.

That doesn't even make sense why you would do that. Because I thought it would be funny. The tube. If you just pull out a tube, the tube is so big. Yeah. But now you're saying like the tube in your ass.

So like four, this is no sleep morning. Okay. Lost. Also, this person's on a one week hiatus. You can't send anything in. All right. Well, what sort of theme do you guys want here?

No, keep it going. These are all fire. Do them all. You like these? Mm-hmm. He's trying to make one up right now. He's got another thing in that container. There is for sure.

He's got a fucking bowl of Cheerios in there. I think we could call it there. No, come on. No, if there's more, I want to hear more. All right, if dudes had tits, what effect do you think it would have on our species? We'd all be gay. You think 100%? I know I would.

If dudes had tits. So we're excluding the dudes who already do have tits. Yes. If dudes had like sick tits. If all dudes had sick tits. If dudes had sick tits. Not like man tits. It's like fucking a rack. If dudes had sick tits.

I'm going to type in dudes with sick tits. And just look at it. And see what kind of effect it has on me. Yeah, there you go. Safe searches off now, don't worry. Extrapolate from there. It's Caitlin. Like ooh.

Oh. Okay, so when you. Like, ooh. Oh. Okay, so when you use the word sick... Oh, it means I confected? It doesn't mean cool. I have a feeling that search might not return the results you're looking for. I don't like the images I'm getting. Okay. So...

Type in man with sick tits. Somehow I think I'd be straighter? Which is not... I'm... Yeah. Okay. You think you'd be straighter? Okay not i'm yeah okay you think you'd be straighter okay without looking so we got to choose we got to straighten the gay what you're the you're the decision factor yeah what effect do i think i would have be a lot of weird late weekend nights for sure there would be the afters would get really weird afters would be like home right

like imagine you're sitting there just absolutely piss hammered and you're just looking over at your boy's tits you're like like would it be okay to just like feel the homies tits is that gay yeah we're all just feeling each other's oh man this is getting dark i'll tell you what there would be some sort of apparatus invented that like a mirror system or something that makes it look like they're not your tits so that you'd be able to just play with your own tits and not feel like you're playing with your own tits we'd come up with some there'd be some like like you know mission impossible when they have that screen that makes it look like they're not behind it yes it's going to be like that but you're laying there looking at a rack you're like motorboat in your own tits and it looks like someone else is

there vr would be good like you sit on your tits so you can't feel them and then you feel them so it feels like vr porn would be lit i'd just like to your tits so you can't feel them and then you feel them so it feels like you're porn. VR porn would be lit. I'd just like to let the audience know that we're not even, we're dead sober right now which is the scariest part. You have your homies

squeeze your tits until they lose feeling and then you feel them. It feels like new tits. Ooh, ghost tits. Like giving yourself like a, what do you call that

when you give yourself like a ghost handy? Here's a question for you. Guys, I have tits. Okay. I'm hooking up with a girl. Do I like it if she plays with my tits? I like that.

You must, right? Is there like a clit tit job at that point? The question is, do you both have them? Yes. Or do they just switch sides? No, there's some weird tits. I've seen this scenario where both sexes have tits. Yeah. Both sexes have tits? The question is do you both have them? Yes, or did they just switch sides? Both sexes have tits. Yeah, both sexes. If you take away tits from girls and guys then get tits then yeah, everyone's gay Yeah, that's what I'm okay for sure 100% girls are straighter and guys are gay

Somehow yeah, would you just both big spoon each other and switch off and just feel each other's tits you'd front spoon It'd be front to front that was a good question that was that was thought provoking did we get every part of it every angle of that yeah we hit all the angles okay it's every single angle quite thought provoking let me see all right top five choices for your dream celeb sesh circle, living or alive. Sesh? We got a fucking big bag. Sesh? Five people. You and four.

Top five celebrities dead or alive. I think we could all decide together. Well, group decision? Group decision. Okay. So pretend like it's just you and then four, but we all decide the four. So we're all picking the four. Jesus. Nah.

That's the hardest pass and not all passes. We've done this before. That's not, nope. I'm not picking Jesus. You think That's the hardest pass in all passes. We've done this before. That's not, nope. I'm not picking Jesus. You think he'd shame you? He's here for the sesh. Nah, that'd be whack. No.

Also, he's not even a celebrity, dude. He wouldn't be fun at all. Also, he's not real. Yeah. Pass. Okay, never mind. Bad pick to start. Terrible pick.

Dio Vaughn would be a fucking all-timer. I know that's more recent, but I feel like he would rip. Yeah. He'd be the king of the sesh.n would be a fucking all-timer. I know that's more recent, but I feel like he would rip. Yeah. He'd be the king of the sesh. He'd be a good sesh guy. Yeah, great sesh guy. You got to take that into account. Who's going to be fun with the sesh?

That is the premise. Not who's fun, who do I want to sit next to. Who would sesh? Because I was thinking of people who were like, I would like them just if it was a normal sesh

of some sort. No, no, the sesh. But then if they take a bump, it's going to be annoying. Someone who blows down. Someone who blows down. Someone who blows down? See, in my scenario, I was thinking Jesus wanted to be there, not I forced him to be there.

Yeah, see, I just don't think... Yeah, but what kind of fun stuff is he talking about when he gets all blown out? He's like, okay, I know I said 10 commandments, but here's the deal, what about 20? I'm like, shut up, nerd. I'm trying to have a good time. Yeah.

He's like, let me tell you why Mormonism is crazy. I'm thinking like some fucking legends. Morg, what else you got? Because you're over here. Yeah, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. Like fucking, who's like a lit fucking rock star, that fucking blast? Ooh, Ozzy Osbourne would be a good sesh guy.

Ozzy would probably, and he would just say nonsense. He's just mumbling the whole time. Yeah, I would see this. And everyone's like, you're able to understand him after probably, and he would just say nonsense. He's just mumbling the whole time. Yeah, I would see this. And everyone's like, you were able to understand him after a few lines. He's absolutely fumbling nonsense. Sheen?

The Sheen and I? Oh, yeah. He has to be in there. I was going to go Robert Downey Jr. pre-rehab, but I think Charlie Sheen. Oh, he must have gone stupid. Yeah, he was a good time.

Yeah. Charlie Sheen's in there for sure. Because he's, him and Ozzy are chatting oh yeah they're having their own sec

yep their own individual sesh within the sesh sesh seshception that's three we need one more can we get

is there a female that we could pick I was gonna say we need a chick we need to even this out I feel like Miley Cyrus would lowkeykey be a good time to blast with. That could be a good one. I was thinking maybe like Adriana Cechik.

If she blasts. I feel like she could get blasted. You need someone to where you don't have to beat your dick for three hours. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I'm saying Cechik would be a good call yeah she kind of throws down for the boys yes oh johnny depp i was thinking johnny depp too johnny depp oh that's a good one yeah okay that's a good sesh that's it it's an old sesh outside of theo yeah i didn't want to maybe don't have that much i didn't want to make it too i didn't want to make it too current well I feel like you start doing the weird drug shit

when you're like early 30s. That's true. Well, I was just thinking like they're all chatting about stuff that they've done from like the 80s or something, and I'm like, ah, I can't hop in on this. Okay, well, let's do a new one. David Dobrik. David Dobrik, and I get him so blown out,

he just gives me millions of dollars. David Dobrik and Jake Paul. And blown out he just gives me millions of dollars David Dobrik and Jake Paul and Mr. Beast and Mr. Beast yeah Ultimate Sesh of fucking losers

I feel like that was good though yeah that was a good question and that'll wrap it up for today's episode folks gang shit we did some minutes there dude yeah we may have done

too many minutes but yeah we got a little lost in the alien chat there. Yeah. Send more subbies. I like the subbies. Yeah. Your user submissions, or user, viewer submissions are fucked up.

And user. You guys are users. So keep them coming. Yeah. But we'll catch you next week. We'll try to be on time, but no promises. Gang shit. Peace.