NO FOMO - 54. Crackhead Olympics

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

🔔 Subscribe & Follow: ⁠https://linktr.ee/nofomopod⁠ 🎽 Merch: ⁠https://www.bonfire.com/store/no-fomo/⁠ Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we talk Insect Mortal Kombat, Chucking Babies, and Crackhead Olympics. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen welcome back, back, back, back to the Mocs Cooking FOMO Show. Now it's FOMO. Are we zinning up now? Are we ready to start? Alright, we're locking in. Alright, lock it in. Locked in. We're gonna lock it zin. Lock it zin.

Throw away the key. Do you guys actually not think I can do six? You wanna try? I would love to watch you do it. Six milk, yeah, you gotta do it for this episode. Yeah, I would love to watch you do it. I mean, I'm willing to do it for the, you know, for the big way to see him burping over there but i literally i kind of freak out on the three yeah i know that's gonna be good um i didn't wait let's let's let

him finish that story let's get him yeah let's get oh yeah let's get it zenon oh you wanted to talk about the coffee yeah yeah say it exactly how Oh, you want me to repeat my story? Yeah. Okay. Well, I have literally probably not had coffee or caffeine in like, fuck. I mean, I couldn't remember the last time I like made a cup of coffee or gone to Starbucks or anything except like the last two days. And because I've been just taking some Adderall instead. Well, because caffeine makes me, I didn't realize how much it makes me anxious. Oh, yeah. Adderall doesn't.

Like, I thought I, like, was, like, developing, like, panic attacks and shit. I was like, I've never been an anxious person. I've never had panic attacks. And then... But I'm doing four cups a day, like a fucking...

Well, yeah, and I was like, oh... That's how I do it. It's just anxiety, but I love it, dude. Yeah, when we were ripping the Nespresso, I was having, like, four... It's how you feel. Yeah. Literally four a day. And then at then at least like two cups of joe when we got

when we stopped doing the nespresso's and i would just i was like this anxious little fucking twink but then but then you said you started doing coffee and adderall yeah so the last couple days the last couple days i had like a double shot espresso and adderall and Let me tell you better. It's almost counterproductive You're just like you're not tired, but you want to be in bed But you don't like I'm gonna say you're electric on it. No, no, it's scary No, yeah, too electric like I don't want to zap anybody so I have to hide okay that makes a little bit You know what I mean? It's like too much. I know the public's not ready. These are fucking, this is going to suck.

Dude, you got to do bottom. No, top is how you're supposed to do it. It's an upper deck. No, it says on the box. I know, if you have his problem, go on the bottom. What problem do I have? You're about to spit it out. You're going to throw up and spit it out.

No, I feel great. I just like, whoa, it's happening. It's all happening so fast. Yeah, so it's Thursday morning. I did want to start. There's one thing that was brought to my attention. I'm starting to burp. Just tilt that towards you a little bit more and lower.

You feel good now? Yeah. You finished more coffee, dude. Dude, I need more coffee. I need more coffee. I'm not anxious enough. How many all-nighters did you have this week? Two.

Two all-nighters this week. And it's Thursday. And the past week, two. Okay, good. But I'm on fucking fire. Ask Jared. He is. Garrett.

No, he's sincerely on fire. I wrote a whole year's worth of music. I'm on fucking stop. We're good for the year. Yeah. We just need to find vocals. I've written like 40 songs this month. I like that a lot.

All the songs are done. We just need vocals. Yeah. And I've got the vocals. Yeah. John's got pipes. I like that a lot. All the songs are done. We just need vocals. And I've got the vocals. John's got pipes. I'm working on them. But I'm doing the 30 days cleansing now. We're sleeping a lot.

Unless you get excited. How many Adderalls have you taken today? Zero. He took them all. They were technically last night. So that's why he's literally on his fourth cup of coffee already. He takes a day off Adderall and then has a caffeine. No, I'm just getting two to get a little buzz going for the so dude okay yeah i can't knock

that yeah no we're not this isn't a judgment zone yeah no we're just judging but i've been electric no and i don't even yeah i mean electricity's been fuck your health we'll worry about that when we're rich yeah that's what i'm also thinking that right you can buy yeah you can you can buy years back i'll just do that but not if you have no money yeah how do you get money two all-nighters sacrifice yeah that's why i started doing it oh i know why you do it look hey you're preaching to the choir you should honestly do one of those videos you know the people who just are like okay here's my daily routine and they say like i wake up at 4 30 and then i do my 15 minutes oh that would be do one of those but just wake up never slam another 60 milligrams of adderall wake up at 4 p.m computer for what time do you end up crashing out last night last night oh i fell asleep at like 8 p.m

last night did you or 9 p.m yeah yeah i slept 15 hours or something yeah but i like to just i could just do a week's worth of work and just one like 30 hours sitting and then you're just good but you do it like three times a week so yeah a month's work worth of work done like three times a week no one wants to talk about how that's actually how you actually win though a leap year worth hey look at us are we not winners yeah let's fucking go do i not look like a fucking winner i would love to see that video though well it's true dude how's your week john i haven't seen you much mine wasn't adderall themed like you guys uh no mine's not adderall themed i actually when i was when i was in elementary discovery no no i mean i've i've been around the block but when i was in elementary school

my like doctor was like trying to make me take it i have severe adhd like actually but i don't know if it exists i think you just hate what you're doing no because even if i like what i said it's a coping mechanism no even if i like what i'm doing i can't i can't focus like you know how i am i'm a fucking tweaker yeah and like adderall it like actually like calms me down and makes me focus so but only if i take the right amount but you do like when i was in elementary school i like like i was like no you're not i'm not gonna go on like some fucking i didn't want i thought it was like a weird probably your parents more yo more. Yo, I did the same thing. No, my parents like literally like, you know, they like left it up to me and I was like, no, I don't want to like be on like a,

like a prescription I have to take every day. And this was in like third grade. That would cause you brain damage. No, I'm so glad I didn't do it. I'm so glad I didn't do it, but it wasn't until I actually like started taking it where I realized like, oh, I should have been doing this my whole life and that's why they actually tried yeah but it's a good thing you didn't yeah no i'm thankful i didn't but i do if i take like a quarter of it every day like i actually electricity way better it's like your prescription no like i don't get like the fucking yeah you take the prescribed doctor amount well we have a household that's weird yeah that's weird we have a household prescription yeah uh but yeah mine didn't have any addderall in it. I did get my Heelys.

Yeah, those look lit. They have literal flames on the side. Shout out Katie for those. Thank you, Katie. Thank you, Mrs. Garcia. She's going to try and get us sponsored by Heelys, which I think would be right on par. Let me tell you.

You ever wanted to fucking roll around Heelys, bitch? It's not easy. I don't know. Did you have them as a kid? Oh, yeah. You should have ripped those fuckers around Costco. I couldn't afford them. I almost tore my ACL like seven times yesterday. I was literally was literally gonna text you don't get injured when you go these are

you said something i was good i was gonna go to the skate park you said these are hard and i thought you meant like oh these go hard but i was like i wonder if you mad too these are really hard to ride yeah no they're really hard i've i was like just trying to like scoot around the house and like the hallways like supporting myself and i was just yeah i don't think hardwood's a good material to be riding around well i figured it out it's the kick kick push step is the thing and hunter gave me the other uh you need to like anchor them your feet against each other you didn't know that yeah you got to lock in no i was just i was just fucking freewheeling you got to go like heel to toe you got to be kind of in line yeah yeah if you if you catch a pinky toe on the floor like not directly in line but kind of like that's where i kept almost because these things are fresh they've

got really good grip on them every time i hit the floor yeah yeah yeah exactly these ones have the like uh rail bumpers where you can like grind uh they do not i did not remember those they had like you have flames on them though they had like the extreme helis that had like a little like rail pad that you can like jump and like grind down like rails. That's pretty lit. Yeah, it's electric. Yeah, that was a big part of the week. The other thing, this was brought to my attention.

I just want to address it early. It was brought to my attention that I am meaner to Morgan than Garrett on the pod. So that left me with two options. Yeah, I don't feel like you're mean to me at all. Yeah, so I now have two options now that I'm aware of this because I wasn't aware. You weren well i didn't know this if one of them is to balance it out no thank you so yeah i have i could be less mean to morgan thus making it equal or more mean i could just be just the same mean to garrett and i think i'm gonna go that way what it feels better did somebody shut up um somebody did somebody dm us that yeah somebody dm me you already started with that you finished your sentence and you tell me to shut up we'll do it

i don't like this whoever let that in you're my least their stern they knew what they were doing let's just put it that way okay well i'd love to what if we're both just meaner to you and you shut the fuck up too i think that might work this might be a good podcast i couldn't my heart couldn't handle it i'd love to see more insights like that just people like what people actually mean like when morgan when people think morgan's a cuck you want more of them they actually fuck with me in the discord oh yeah the discord people discord because you're the only one in it yeah i know they probably you probably they probably think it's out no they don't i said not garrett you said not garrett yeah yeah not Garrett, not John? Yeah.

That's your name in there? Not Garrett, not John? Well, just so that they realize that you're a cuck, I'm going to start being a lot more active in the Discord. Yeah, get in the Discord, dude. It's an absolute gem. I just forget to check it, to be honest. Do you ever talk with them, or is it just type Discord?

I can go live in there, or we can. Yeah, we should just hang out. If you guys want to hang out, I got a Discord when I play my Baldur's Gate game. Yeah, I bet you fucking do. yeah oh the discord's popping yeah if you're not in the discord i'm i'm just now going to be in the discord i already joined but i haven't checked since like the day i joined um and i'm sorry about that yeah we're gonna do more stuff in there i think we should do like uh if we have like brain because we're all maybe q a if we're like since we're all gonna be living together

when we're like brainstorming ideas we could just like have a do like live question receiving yeah we could just do daddies in the discord discord daddies it's starting to drip down i kept it so dry for so long and now i'm freaking out you just it just hasn't even worked you've been trying to dry you keep your dries well no it's not like no no he's just been trying to make it not work no it's moist it's moist it's just been trying to make it not work. No, it's moist. It's moist. It's just... You know when it starts to get on your tongue

and your tongue hurts? When it starts to actually work a little bit. Yeah, that's why I do bottom. You are... Because you are a power bottom. Yeah, and I have power there. There's a load-bearing... I was going to take it out to avoid any...

A load-bearing power bottom? Take it out. Quick spit. Yeah, just take it out. Spit it out. Bitch. All right, we're in. All right.

All right. Any other current events? There's a lot of current events events one other thing that i kind of had a thought about um i was watching uh i fell into like a disney tiktok sort of thing do you talk oh is that like 12 year olds dancing no no it's it's like people at disney working okay that's not what i what i thought and i think they might have one of the harder jobs in the world because when you think of like Cinderella dressed up at Disney, you think of like a little

girl going and being like, that's my favorite princess and like taking a picture. What it really is, is a bunch of adults coming and taking pictures with these and they have to stay in character. Yeah. For an adult. Is there anything worse than a Disney adult adult there's not but could you imagine as your job is that like the woe like super fan i know there's the mer people

mer people you haven't seen the netflix show mer people what are mer people that's not worse there's there's that's there's not enough that's not a thing there's the fact that there's one like we're talking like okay there's swifties believers maybe maybe like um anime but then we don't know but there's a there's a there's a side to those that we like and there is yes there's a good side there's nothing good about disney adults yeah that's true there's no redeeming qualities like anime girls yeah i'm in goth disney adults i'm talking like you know like the the people who have way too much gums oh you're like military wives like you can see their gums when their mouth is like when they're smiling open not even when they're smiling oh i had that like they're they're they're top

i had explosive gum syndrome their top their their top row of teeth is where the bottom row egs yeah you had egsGS? I had explosive gum syndrome. I had to have my gums reducted on the top. Reducted? Yeah. What, did they drain them? Huh? No, they just laser them off.

You didn't know this? You were a little gummy kid? I had so many gums as a kid. You were a gummy kid? Is that from sucking too much? You were just mouthing around? Huh? Is that from sucking your, like, binky teeth?

No, I think my teeth. His mom had some knockers. It was from sucking on those fuckers. I don't expand your gums. Had is weird because they still exist. Well, I mean, they're still less suckable. They're less milky, but they're still large. Yeah, I don't know why I had so many gums.

I don't know. You were a little fucking gummy kid. I was a gummy little kid. You were a gummy kid? Holy fucking shit. When did you get that done? How did they even fix that? 11 or something.

11? They laser them off. My gums on the top went too far down. They laser beamed off your gums. They lasered my gums off. That's probably from breastfeeding too long. Yeah. Because you stopped at 11. He said 11, I said 12.

But yeah, that was cool. I had to get an expander. I had too small of a mouth. Yeah, you do. It's a perfect mouth. What are you talking about? It's perfect now. Yeah.

I could use a little more room in there. Thanks to Dr. Lotsoff, DDS. Dr. Lotsoff? Yeah. Lotsoff, you're fucking nuts. Are we talking about the fire conspiracies or we just want to tackle these fans? I think this is a good conspiracy.

I think because more gloves to bring. Finally something I could do. Yeah. Okay, well, here's the real conjuncture here when it comes to conspiracies. For me, I have to look at what's the point of the conspiracy. This one, I feel like, has a point.

Like, there's a reason. Well, they always have a point. You have to give the big gum people something to talk about. Yeah, that's it. The gummy kids, something to a reason. Well, they always have a point. You have to give the big gum people something to talk about. Yeah. That's the gummy kid. Something to chat about. Oprah wants more land. Oprah.

Okay. So let's, let's, first of all, condolences to the folks in, in Maui or in, uh, whatever else. Kauai. Yes. Lahaina. That's the area. So, um, yeah, rocks, the rocks mana is down this week yeah

should we start at like the the parts of it that aren't true and work into like the more i think we just start with what are the facts here well so that's not the fun part though well no okay the whole fucking how much got lit on fire what's going on here um well i mean so it burned yeah who cares not who cares who cares about the truth let's get into the conspiracy okay yeah sorry there's one part of it that i have to get out of the way right out of the gates that is really stupid there's people saying that uh aluminum would not burn in the fire and trees shouldn't be standing if buildings fell have you ever seen a forest fire the trees are still like the actual trees are still like that's normal pretty but

not okay fuck the facts let's get into the real shit but if you look at it it looks a little sus but that that's how trees burn that's just how it happens yeah but they can be fucking reduced to no not trees can be burnt all the way down they're they're they evolved this is part of nature they're evolved to how they survive they'll still they'll still be standing but they'll be they could be far shorter but like there they'll be a there could still be like a 20 foot tall maybe like the trunk is still there there could still be them but if you look at a fucking forest fire they're decimated no no no they're all still up trees are all still up in a forest fire yes you ever seen an area that burned down and there's literally like trees like two years later that they don't just grow 20 feet

in two years all right let's just say that you don't need to look it up it is true just shut your fucking ass the other part is that we're indulging in your conspiracy right now and you're you're no this isn't my conspiracy The more I'm or just wants every part of it to be true No, but like even when you can see an early point even when we fucking indulge in him He still wants to test us even when we're agreeing. Okay. Can I just look up a forest fire? You're just anti anything we have you ever driven like through like up to the North no, I think I'll point where there are fires never been outside is the price I I know it's a problem. If we haven't experienced it with him

he hasn't experienced it because he doesn't do anything. Even if he has experienced it with us he was probably not paying attention. Trees burn all the way down in a forest fire. They can but a lot of them will still stand. No they do not. Who gives a fuck? Talk about the lasers in open windows. This is why

that's important because they think a government laser plane started the fire Okay, yes, so here this is well. This is why that's important because they think a government laser plane Started the fire and there's which? They sure well we kind of videos of like laser flashes or light flashes Could be easily be a reflection, but yeah, or could easily just be a doctored video one of them one of them I saw that's a sex one huh the spacex one no I don't think the space sex one huh the SpaceX one no I don't think it was a SpaceX one it was like one video of it and it was trying to

show like a light beam coming down and they it was so badly photo-edited that they put the light beam in front of something that's in the foreground of like the picture it's like a gas station and there's like the whole building and you can see the light in front of it and I'm like okay you guys suck at this like come on that's almost as bad as showing, like, a kid with a laser pointer in an airplane. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

It was bad. But these fires, caused by whatever. Oprah. Oprah. So here's, I'm just going to lay out all the facts. We think they were lasers. Black Rock and Vanguard, which I don't know if you know about these things.

Yes, yeah. They own basically everything. Yeah. They've been trying to buy all that land for a long time. So the area that got burned out was the area that they wanted. Well, they want everything, so that's kind of... Yeah. Yes, but they've been trying...

It's been like a big thing with the natives there who are like... They're like banded together and never sell their stuff to these people because they want to keep it, you know. Well, then, yeah, I see why they burned it to the floor. they burn it yeah because lahaina i guess was the like capital of you can't buy them burn them yeah exactly yeah um the power company is owned by blackrock and vanguard ooh and they're saying that it was an electrical fire possibly i wouldn't be surprised if none of this is true but keep going um here's some other problems with it so hawaii has the largest siren system in the world

for the hurricanes and shit that happen. Could easily say that. Those were never used for whatever reason. None of this is true. Kids were all home from school because school was canceled that day. So they're estimating that a lot of kids died because they didn't even know there was a fire

and their parents were at work. That's fucked up. That's fucked. Smart play on Black Rock's part, though. There's a lot of kids died because they didn't even know there was a fire and their parents were at work. That's fucked up. That's fucked. Smart play on Black Rock's part, though. There's a lot of people reporting that the police were blocking exit roads for no reason because they had this one guy walk to the front of where all the cars were blocked up as the fire is raging behind them. They're trying to get out. He's like, yo, what's going on? And he says, I just have orders to block this road. I just have a hankering that none of this is true at all.

I'm sorry. That's the most ridiculous thing. Yeah, let's just let all the people that I live next door to just burn in a fire. Okay, well, here's one of the really good parts of it. So the incident commander for this is a police chief who was also the incident commander for the Las Vegas shooting. Okay, just simply none of this is true. No, that part is true. It's 100% true. a police chief who was also the incident commander for the las vegas shooting okay just this simply none of this is true no that part is true it's 100 true he's like he's interviewed like was he at sandy hook too no he was not wait so what what are you willing to believe then no i'm just i i'm

just i'm allowed to go and do it with a grain of salt yeah but what can we say that part is true i mean anyone whether it's a conspiracy conspiracy or not fucking anything they want, but, but okay. So then, but that is a true fact, whether it's a conspiracy. Okay. Okay.

I'll allow that. Cause we're not going to get anywhere if we did, but I'm saying like, if you're trying to come up with a good plot, like, wouldn't you want to say something like, Whoa, okay,

well that is hair. No, I know what you're saying, but like, if we can't, I'm also, I don't believe shit, but it's just like,

if we can't believe anything, then, well, I'm just saying, yeah, we can't. Yeah. Well, I don't believe shit, but it's just like if we can't believe anything, then. Well, I'm just saying, yeah, we can't. Well, but that at least is a fact. Okay. Because he's on camera, he's on camera like talking about the incident and how they handled it. See, that's all, I was looking for like some concrete.

He's actually the guy. I was looking for some concrete. And the natives are pissed at him because he's not even a native to Hawaii and they're like, what the fuck, dude? He's probably trying to find a little like solace after dealing with that shit. He's like I'm moving to Hawaii Well, that's where the conspiracy starts so cuz they're like hey this guy is obviously corruptible maybe if he's Willing to let that whole conspiracy happen like who says that they can't just get some orders in through this guy

To let this shit happen another thing happened, they turned off the water supply to some of the areas that were fighting the fire. And they called the fire department away from one of the fires before they had adequate time to make sure it was out. Hmm. I mean, that could easily be chalked up to something being a little more pressing. Well, that goes back to the incident commander guy who's making those calls yeah it's a toughie dude yeah this one guy's literally like there was a fire outside my house we were fighting it back with just the water hose like it was i could hold it back and then the water just shuts off no way yeah and he's like and then i just had to pack up my shit and watch my house burn i mean i i don't know about the

water specifically but i know obviously they shut off power and stuff like that to areas when there's a fire for they definitely wouldn't shut off gas water though that doesn't make sense yeah yeah um let's see what else could have been something i don't know how water works in terms of how it gets powered water pipes pipes, but it could have been... It doesn't get powered through electricity. But it could have been, like, a gas shut off or something. Maybe they shut off the wrong thing. I'm just examining angles, you know? If we're not allowed to have an open discourse...

The main point of the conspiracy outside the lasers, which is the ridiculous part, which would be fun, though, if we're just laser-beaming our own country. No, this is my favorite part. No, it said that China could have done it, too. Classic. Or aliens. Yep. our own country or no this is the this is my favorite part no it said that china could have done it too classic morgue or aliens yep i'm missing the obvious the obvious yeah if there's aliens they definitely have lasers and i also don't think there's aliens i think it's just super convenient to bring that up for the election okay let's not get to the oprah part of it is the oprah

part's fun the oprah part's fun because she is well they were saying that the places that didn't get burned that are like really close to where it all got burned is oprah's house bezos's house bill gates's house and like all these people who are trying to buy up a bunch of land but but to be fair if they could have added you probably take could have oh yeah they're definitely in an area that yeah probably wouldn't get burned or like that's like the top three things i'm paying for for my house if I'm a billionaire. Yeah. It's not burning down. Yeah.

Well, you know, like to ensure like especially like to ensure any home has to be an adequate distance from any sort of fire threat. And especially probably 10, 20, 30 million dollar home. It's probably pretty well protected from any threat like that. So I don't think that's that crazy of a thought. It is pretty nuts when you look at the pictures, though, how everything's, like, just deleted. Like, it doesn't just look like shit burned. It's like a nuke went off.

Yeah, exactly. Like, decimated. Like, I've never seen that. I don't know how fiery it has to be for that to happen. But, I mean, if you've, like, it's in a very lush area. Like, everything around it is plants and stuff, so it could just be like, you know, you're kind of in the middle of a jungle.

What kind of landscape is Hawaii a jungle? Oh, I forgot about this one. It's kind of like Amazon-y. It's jungle-y. Yeah, we've been there. It's jungle-y. When I've been there, I'm trying to just describe like... Hawaii's a jungle.

If you had a house in the middle of a forest and a forest fire happened, it would look like that. There's more fuel. Yeah. This was another fun one that. There's more fuel. Yeah. This was another fun one that was on the crazy side. People were claiming that it was more foggy because they were dropping chemtrails. I saw that.

Of like aluminum and stuff that burns, like aluminum oxide or whatever that burns more. I heard magnesium burns pretty well. They put that in uh atomic bombs and nukes that does burn all right yeah so maybe it was just to you know provide some yeah provide some actual facts to this it was probably magnesium not aluminum but um in has there ever been another fire where fucking like the aluminum and the tires burning or whatever yeah there's a lot does that happen that's normal that's normal yeah because you have to think so they're like saying

like oh wood burns at this temperature right and that's not hot enough to burn aluminum yeah but a car has gasoline all kinds of other they're made of plastic that burns way hotter and stuff like that that can fucking melt that stuff and all the cars would blow up right i don't know if they blow up like in movies when they get to the gas tank i'm sure melt that stuff. And all the cars would blow up, right? I don't know if they blow up like in movies. When they get to the gas tank, I'm sure it does, right? Yeah. Like all the cars would explode. I mean, a tank of gas explodes if you shoot it with a bullet.

That'd probably be hot enough to melt the fuck. You could shoot a gas tank and it'll blow up. I've done it before. Not a car, but like you go put a tank of gas out in the desert. Yeah. Yeah, so that's probably why the fucking cars are hot. Yeah, that's... They're bombs. It's going to get a little warmer when there of the desert. Yeah. Yeah. So that's probably why the fucking cars are hot. Yeah. That's their bombs.

It's going to get a little warmer when there's gasoline added to it. Um, I don't know. It's a fun one though. Yeah. I w the, the thing that does suck is all the people saying that like, uh,

people are already trying to call them and buy the land. Really? Yeah. There's a bunch of like, that'll add some, no pun intended fuel to the fire. You know what I mean? That's nuts. Could you imagine your house burning down someone just instantly calls you like hey

you want to sell it and then this is the other angle to it so they obviously burned up if this is a conspiracy and they purposely burned it down oh no it is a conspiracy right if it was if it's true this is the other angle they're saying people on the ground there are saying that fema and red cross are blocking donations and confiscating them To try and make it worse for people who are still there So that they're even more inclined to want to sell their home because they're just so more desperate So there's videos of people with like truckloads of stuff from like other parts of the island trying to bring stuff in and they confiscate It and take it away, and it's like blankets and water

See that, that just doesn't make any sense. This is a little side tangent on that too. This lady was saying that Red Cross and FEMA are notorious for doing that at like these things and they hoard supplies and they keep them all. And then like after the thing is done, they just have these like, like containers full of stuff that they didn't give out to people.

What's the reasoning? I don't know i was thinking maybe it could be like they're trying to ration it out for in case it goes longer like that's my hopeful brain yeah that makes a little bit of sense i like that it's interesting that they would like if someone's like donating shit right like that the government thinks they have a right to control it they could stop it ration it yeah because there's like videos of people like this is my shit i will I would personally go hand it to someone. I'm not giving it to you to fucking ration it.

Yeah, and then they take it and then they give it or maybe not. I'd like to think it's with good intention to parcel it off, but it's probably just a lack of fucking infrastructure and they just have no clue what they're doing as no one does, apparently. Yeah, because I don't think there's ever been a fucking fire like that there.

I don't know. Well, they have the lava shit all one does, apparently. Yeah, because I don't think there's ever been a fucking fire like that there. I don't know. Well, they have the lava shit all the time, too. Oh. The lava shit? Yeah. They have volcanoes. Yeah, but I mean, who says that? Who says it like that?

Lava shit? There's a lot of shit going on. There's lava behind. There's shit with lava, dude. Yeah. Lava behind. There should be lava. And then we got, Morgan, I thought you would bring this up.

What? The Biden relief amount. What was that? Oh, he gave everyone 700 which there which comes out to 1.9 million dollars total when we just gave another 400 million dollars they just gave 40 billion to ukraine that's not true at all yeah it is yeah no i read that yes it is 250 million dollars no it is not it's 40 billion you know our you know how much we've given them total it's up to like 1.5 trillion dollars. No, that's not true. Yes, it is.

Look it up. They literally just gave 250 million dollars. They did not give 40 billion. That might be the grand total. See, I got to check these fucking retards once in a while. Pardon my French, but they are retards. 24 billion. Right now?

Yes, Thursday. That's 10 times more than i thought yeah actually 100 times yeah 100 times yeah well are you on q and on reddit again he's and he's seeking 40 billion but they've already funded 24 see that's fucking bullshit yeah honest we're giving we gave them 1.9 million dollars total and we're giving fucking i'm not gonna say anything we're giving those those kind folks over in the ukrainian did you see the video that like what the fuck are we doing it's it's black rock it's not biden dude we should be giving we should be giving who's a billion dollars is it our money is it tax money that's going where do you think the government gets any of their money they don't they don't generate income other than taking

our fucking money have you seen the video of the the kiva the kiev like the capital of ukraine like the the club no it's like a pool club and these people are all just partying having a good time and then it's like a perfect sunny day and we're sending them 40 billion dollars and there's people literally melting and we give them a million dollars. Not to say that obviously the war is not happening. There's like a million people who could give a million dollars to Hawaii. Our government's giving them a million dollars. Just imagine if you're, say you're a family of four.

You got out of the fire, your whole house is burned down. $700. $700 lasts you what, three days? My dad goes to Costco for our family family like when i was we were all living at home and would spend five hundred dollars every fucking week yeah yeah seven that's so bad dude did you hear his speech he's like so that they can get their prescriptions that they so desperately need that's the first thing he said oh it's always about prescription dude like no like that is what the first thing he says.

How about food? I'm sure there are people who do need prescription drugs. No, but like, doesn't it seem a little weird that that was the only thing he mentioned? So we can give all this money to big pharma. Fuck, I'm fucking... Turn off the mic. What's the thing that they just had his... Not as bad as the people in Maui, but my blood's boiling.

Well, that comes back to the hidden topic. The mic's getting up. He shut off. I liked that. Do we want to get into the fun stuff? Oh, yeah. Cut us off. We're rolling, dude.

All right. It's Manscaped season. And let me tell you something. I've only gotten compliments from my other guy friends about my bush recently. Or lack thereof. And they've been saying the same thing about morgues and garrett's they've just been coming up to me people on the street recently have just said hey love the guys love you guys bush it's all right podcast sick bush bro sick bush less sick podcast but sick bush shitty pod and the reason for that is because of manscaped manscaped they got this lawnmower 4.0 this

thing rips this thing just goes right across all the delicate areas like just it feels kind of like morg's mom just fondling like if you're in the amazon you need a machete if you're a man you need manscape yeah it's like uh it is the three ply toilet paper of the trimming grooming world okay so you can use it for uh i think garrett was saying use your pubes one for your face and your face one for your. Yeah. Alternate. Yeah. I kind of got them mixed up like day one.

He had them labeled at the start, but he mixes them up now and you can do the same thing. Honestly, you only need one. That's what I use. I use a butthole, the whole thing. Ass face groom. Ass face groom. So make sure you go to Manscaped and use the code no FOMO for 20% off and free shipping. That's.

And what is free shipping? I mean, free shipping is free as it gets. Free 99. You ever ship something and it costs you money? This isn't that. This is not the same. Yeah, I mean, I just bought a whole bunch of stuff from Adam and Eve and that has not free shipping. Well, you didn't spend over $250.

Yeah, they have a crazy high cap on their stuff. Well, it's pretty easy to spend that. It's way too high. And you'd think if me being a Manscaped member, they'd keep it lower. But like I said, that's 20% off and free shipping with code NOFOMO at Manscaped. Rip it. And dip it. And dip it.

And clip it. All right. Morg's back from his piss, and I'm going to do a quick read for the fun part of the pod. This is sponsored by Reynolds Realty. It's Reynolds. Reynolds? I like Reynolds. I've always called him Rain Daddy.

I've never heard. Rain Dog. I've known him longer than I've known you. I've never heard you say that. Well, so now that we got the company named Axe. Yeah, we call him Axe. Okay, we'll cut that out. Reynolds Real Estate. Reynolds Realty. So we're going to give a special shout out to

Max Reynolds, the owner of Reynolds Realty. He's a real estate broker and property management company here in San Diego where we film, if you didn't know. Max helps clients buy, sell, and lease their real estate. So whether you're looking to buy your first home or want to start investing, he's your guy. He's been working on some pretty crazy stuff actually if you follow the Instagram. They just bought a property that was- He's been a busy boy. I'm not even kidding.

I've never seen a worse looking place and they're transforming it into something amazing. Oh yeah, when he posted that, we got a little bit of work to do. It was a hoarder palace. There's pictures of cigarettes stuck to the roof from this person just smoking in the house and then putting them out on the popcorn ceiling. You almost have to, like, do you want to live in that?

Most people can't reach the ceiling. You have to try to do that. Oh, he's a tall fella. But yeah, he's doing all that stuff. And wait until you see the final product of this. It's already gotten way better. I would potentially live there. If I've seen the pictures from what it is today, I would go there.

If you want to give him a follow at ReynoldsRealtySD on Instagram and hit him up with any questions, he'd be happy to help you out. Shout out Baxter. And he's sponsoring the fun part, not that part before. Just for the record. He doesn't condone anything that we say on the show other than what we just said for the record. Now back to the show.

All right. What were we talking about? Are we doing fun stuff now? Yeah, I got a fun game for you guys. I was having fun the whole time. What do you mean? Yeah, no, we were having fun. I was having good fun.

Yeah, more grand fun. Dude, I was having fun. I just don't get why you think Yeah, no, we were having fun. I was having good fun. Yeah, more grand fun. Dude, I was having fun. I just don't get why you think your segments are more fun than the segments that we bring. Yeah. Well, first of all, I don't bring any, but... No, it's just the fire kind of gets to me, dude. Yeah, it does. It gets me warmed up.

My TikTok is fucking... Yeah, now that we're nice and warmed up, let's get into the show. Okay, so this is... I'm going to have you guys blind rank something as a group. You have to come to a consensus here. I don't know if you can call two people a group. A consensus team. Sorry, I'm not trying to be the grammar police.

A team. A couple, a duo. You guys are a duo of rankers. I think we're a couple. You guys know, Garrett, you know how blind ranking works? Do I have to close my eyes? No, I'm going to give you one of the things you have to place it on the tier list without knowing what the other things are. Oh, so I just have to, like, do I get a close my eyes? No, I'm going to give you one of the things you have to place it on the tier list without knowing what the other things are.

Oh, so I just have to like, do I get a category to start? I'm going to give you the category and I'm going to give you one thing at a time. How many slots do we have? Five slots. Okay. Five slots. This is the blind ranking of pisses. Okay.

Okay. And the first piss I have for you is a pool piss. Three. Four or three. What do you think? Oh, we get to do it together yeah i just know obviously ranking this on how nice they are too i know there's a this could this is four it could be five like but i'm gonna go with four i think there's a worse one yeah pool piss is four pool piss is i don't i don't for the record i don't love pool piss jacuzzi piss might go three

but yeah pool piss will go big four on jacuzzi piss would have been three for you, though. That's interesting. Warmer water? Yeah. It feels better. I kind of like knowing... Like the person next to you doesn't notice the temperature change. You get out more piss.

I like knowing that I made the water warmer. I just don't like knowing that the person next to me could have felt the water increase in temperature. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Yeah. That's a good point. My second one for you guys I have here is a sit-down piss.

Ooh. Am I drunk? It's not part of it. Just, you could be, but it is, you are sitting down. Okay, we pretty much have to be drunk for this. Yeah, so the only time I would do this is drunk. Only drunk, not a hungover? In the dark too.

There's a little bit of shame involved, so I won't, I won't go one seed. I might go two seed. Now just a little element for you. I don't know about you guys. Because if you ever, if you're ever in a position where you have to do it, you're so relieved when it gets done. Mine's more of a morning one if I have a wood. Oh. Like a light wood, I'll sit down because I don't want to have to bend it.

I just awkwardly angle my body. Wait, is it a drunk thing or is it a hungover thing? It's not a drunk thing. I think it's up for interpretation but i'm saying if i if you ever if you ever have to sit down to pee you know you're desperate yeah there's something so it's gonna hit i'm going to two i like two there yeah two and that was sit down piss uh okay the third one i got for you guys there's someone in the room, it's five. The next one I have for you is outdoor piss.

What kind of piss that we went to there? Now you can take this as nature. You know, you're just out in nature. It doesn't matter. I love it because I've had some pretty shameful outdoor pisses. Usually they're stressing. You can take it how you want. Remember pissing on the side of the road while we're stuck in a five hour line at EDC? Yeah. That was a pretty

shitty piss. We could go five for this. I'd be comfortable going five like it's a good piss but it's not it's not elite that's interesting it's not elite outdoor piss five like it's not something that like i could go do that right now yeah yeah outdoor usually it's stressful downtown outdoor yeah usually stressful yeah outdoor downtown would suck but like in nature i don't regularly like into a lake when's the last time any of us have you just opened me into lakes when there's a forest why not okay i'm five i'm not well i'm glad you guys went five with that one um the next one i have for you is a morning hungover piss just so you know you have one and three left that's a three because the sit down takes precedent but i'm so scared of the last one oh my god we have to go one for this a hungover piss i'm not let's just let it play out

how it should okay i'm going three three this one next one's gonna be pissing your fucking i forgot i didn't realize that he's gonna set us so this was morning hungover yeah i i knew we got set up so last one here i have for you is piss the bed piss. Low key, that actually is one though. That is one. If you have to piss the bed, you're down horrific. Because that means I'm 10 over drunk. 100 Christianson, this is one through five. When you're doing it, it is the best piss.

Because there's already throw up next to me. It's such a good piss that you're already doing the sheets. It's such a good piss that you almost black out. It's such a good piss that you're already doing the sheets. It's such a good piss that you almost black out. Is it the blackout that causes the pissing the bed or the pissing the bed that causes the blackout? I can't stand that causes pissing the bed. I think it depends on how you piss the bed. It's either a really good dream.

A conscious piss the bed. Or you're unconscious. Conscious is rough. I'm comfortable putting that one regardless. Yeah, we'll take that. You're either having a hell of a dream or you're unconscious. So I'm just going to reiterate the list. Hopefully hopefully more will make a nice graphic for us here uh number one we have piss the bed number two we have sitting down number three is a morning piss uh hungover morning piss number four we have a

pool piss and number five surprisingly is an outdoor pee i'm happy with that list yeah i'm actually i'm pretty happy i'm pretty maybe go hangover piss for the two spot instead of the three. Well, the sit down could be hungover. Yeah, you did throw that in there. And also, it could be hungover and drunk, which are both great pisses. Yeah, and it definitely means that I am hungover, actually. That's what I think about it. So you're fucking plastered.

We did have some honorable mentions for the pisses. We had shower piss. Oh. I'm surprised you didn't put piss on your girlfriend in the shower piss. That's, yeah. Because that would have been my number one.

Yeah, piss on someone piss. Yeah, piss on someone piss. A little spritz. You didn't put teen piss? Teen piss. Ooh. You didn't put teen piss in there? A lightsaber duel?

Well, I didn't want to make them all good. A lightsaber duel is an immediate one though, for the record. And he knew he had to sneak in the other ones. Yeah, true. Trough piss was up there as well.

Trough piss was good. Yep. Anything where I'm looking at other men's pieces. It was hard to think of bad pisses because I wanted to put all good pisses. Is there a bad piss? Sharp piss. Because even if you're super uncomfortable and you're having a miserable time leading up to it, it's the best piss of your life.

I would put for you, if I was doing this specifically for Garrett, I'd put a group watching you piss. See, that would be a horrible pee it wouldn't be it wouldn't be a piss yeah that's a number one piss for me but a number for some context I literally cannot pee in a room with other people it's crazy unless it's me or John I'll literally go to a public restroom wait in line go up to the stall knowing it's probably not going to happen fake piss leave and still have to piss so bad You fake pee. Yeah, just out of like pure like they've been waiting to all literally shake it and everything

It's bad. It's embarrassing you're doing ah and then I'll literally go. Oh man Looks like I have to shit too and then go into the soul. I Can do it in a stall, but if someone's behind me I? Feel their laser beam like something much like the much like Hawaii or whole Mau someone's behind me, I feel their laser beam. I saw that by 40. Much like Kawhi or Maui felt this week, I felt the laser beams. He's just going to keep on doing that, dude. We're going to get him over it one of these days. Do we want to go fan subs?

I got a couple more. Okay. This is just a question. Why are you looking at me? I wasn't directing anybody. If they found the cure for cancer like let's say tomorrow They came out you just pop a pill if you got a little cancer II and you're good, okay? How quickly would you start ripping cigarettes?

immediately I Don't know that's not like my biggest fear like if I was into cigarettes I'd probably just smoke cigarettes, but I mean you do it you'd have a pack when you went out I'd carry them on me far more often well they're so cool i'd have they're such a good time i would go back to smoking them every single time that i'm drunk for sure without without any sort of remorse yeah i mean it'd be sick right right yeah how quickly would you eat mercury oh yeah what other cancer-causing activities would you take part in? Is there any more fun cancer shit? Yeah, cancer things.

No sunscreen. Hang out with you more often. Yeah. I'd be allowed more places. Okay. Oh, do we want to do the game that you didn't like? Yeah, we could do that. He explained it a little bit better.

Okay, so this was inspired by something I saw. It was how much do you like kids on a scale of Casey Anthony to Jared Fogle? Okay. But I made up. And if anyone needs any explanation, that's on a scale of raping them to killing. Yes. This is not funny. Which isn't.

Which we don't find funny. Max Reynolds Real Estate does not condone this. Yeah, that's not. This is the end of his sponsoring and we're into our show um so i made up a few different ones okay on a scale of alec baldwin to kyle rittenhouse how much do you like guns is there's no middle ground there No, no, you gotta pick one, yeah I guess I have more of a

A Baldwin guy You're more of a Baldwin? I couldn't in my right heart I mean, I like guns You think he's really against guns now? Like he's probably sponsoring a bunch of gun control I don't think you'll see him holding one ever again I think he dropped his NRA membership

Right? More? Do you know who Kyle Rittenhouse is? He's probably sponsoring a bunch of gun control. I don't think you'll see him holding one ever again. Yeah. Definitely not. I think he dropped his NRA membership. Right? More? Yeah. What am I? Do you know who Kyle Rittenhouse is? Yes, dude. I thought I was going to have to explain a lot of these people for you.

Does he love guns or does he just love America, damn it? That's C. Now you're asking the right questions. C. It's not as black and white as you thought. It might be more red, white, and blue. How much do I like guns? Because you you like them at least you didn't pick out bald when you don't i'm pretty glad you didn't say like dylan roof or something

because kyle rittenhouse no it's bad yeah i'm sorry it was a good bit. I tried to even have a bit of that. No, I can't back that. Say it. Okay, next question. Okay, next one. I'm not going to let him sit there and rub his chin like he's thinking about this. Just move on. We knew. On a scale of Lil Nas to Ted Bundy, how much do you like women? So that's like none to a lot.

None to a weird amount. I'm going to go with John. He's somewhere in the middle there. Towards close to the Bundy. John's like a fucking knife away from being Bundy himself. And weirdly a knife away from being Lil Nas. I mean, I'd say bundy okay you're more bundy we're all a little bundy well like he likes women a lot i wouldn't say he had one he didn't kill i don't think that he his liking of women was the reason he killed

them so i think i like women as much as ted bundy he just had a darker he likes i think he liked the dead versions of them more though no i think he liked them i think he just also had an exterior thing that okay like yeah so i go bundy yeah i'm more of a ted bundy we're a bundy group we're i'm closer to nas we're the bundy bunch i was gonna say way more not i'm way closer to the nas um okay this is a good one on a scale of chinese foot binding to quentin tarantino binding yeah to quentin tarantino how much do you like feet that's my answer tarantino for sure tarantino you're more feet guys yeah yeah i like pretty feet i'm not into feet but i i definitely would not want to see a a little

ballerina's foot bound up. This one might need a little explanation from one of the people, but I think it's a good one. I like a tasteful foot. On a scale of Japan to Malcolm Brenner, how much do you like dolphins? Who's Malcolm Brenner? He fucked a dolphin. Okay. That guy.

Definitely not Japan. I love dolphins. You love dolphins. If presented the opportunity with impunity knowing no one would would find out i'd explore it right i'd explore a dolphin a cool story about malcolm brenner i don't know if you guys know the story he claims that the dolphin seduced him which we can't confirm or deny wait wait wait wait wait i'm sorry if i'm in the dark here i feel like i've heard this as like a joke in like middle school there's that's a real thing yeah so he broke he get caught or he broke into a like sea world hopped in the tank dick down the

dolphin got caught i i don't know maybe he got he got fucked i don't know see because here's the thing you can't really handle a dolphin so there's some sort of yeah i don't i don't get how you could even like well like he said it sed him. Is he a fast swimmer? He's an all right swimmer. He can tread water. It was in a pretty small tank, I think. Yeah, it was in one of the little storage tanks. And they're friendly. I'm sure you could kind of...

Oh, they're horned us. That's what I'm saying. I'm sure if we could... Okay, seduced him. You broke into a sea world. Well, he was at the show. They weren't like DMing. He was at the show earlier and he said it seduced him then.

Okay. Which we can't confirm or deny. He got a couple of winks from the blowhole and he was at the show. They weren't like DMing. He was at the show earlier and he said it seduced him then. Okay. Which we can't confirm or deny. He got a couple of winks from the blowhole. So is there another third option? I don't like this guy anymore. But also I respect him. You guys are Brenner guys. Yeah, sure.

Okay. I think that's all I have for this. Okay. That was an interesting game. That was an interesting, it's a tough game. You, I had faith in you that you would do it well. Morgan had zero faith he was also on zero sleep so i understood why he didn't get the game no i've slept well after i explained

it to him i like the oh yesterday yeah did you like the game more um that wasn't my favorite game i was happy being the questioner there yeah see that was kind of i knew that there was we were gonna lose no matter what yeah but i liked it you have to make a poor opinion one way or the episode of this podcast was sponsored by reynolds realty that's for sure they're gonna we got that's brought to you by heelys if you'd like to sponsor a segment shoot us a dm and we'll ruin your entire brand and integrity uh i think that's all i got if you want to hop into the subs why is there a zin just sitting right there oh that's when i took out a soggy zin nice it's like you just don't have any respect for our household i don't living with you is going to be a chore isn't it yeah all right

fan subs we have a fucking hundred of them okay how are we going to do the giveaway we got to do a giveaway should we just do it next week no let's do no we can do a running giveaway for the next like two weeks yeah we'll just do it after we get through all of them Okay All of them up to when they were submitted This episode If they were submitted this week, you're in the room Next week we'll just fucking rip them Okay, sounds good We might just have to do a full episode of

Those Okay, here we go This one's from I'll keep a list of the good ones Okay This one At Cortizoid Cortizoid?

Cortizoid Who would beid? Cortizoid. Okay. Who would be crown king in insect mortal combat? The mantis. The mantis is up there. The mantis is, I think it's just the undisputed. What's that beetle, though, that has, like, the triceratops head and the pincer on the front? Ooh.

That guy. That guy could definitely go. Dude, mantises are crafty, though. They're kind of like a ninja. I consider myself the praying mantis of the human species. On would actually second on looks or what there's a lot of factors at play i'd say one craftiness like like i said being willing to get murdered to have sex willing to die for pussy and obviously slender physique but i mean that beetle i don't know how you're getting through that wow oh wait till you see what about a bee though they die when they sting so it's like bees aren't these aren't good in combat unless they're in they're in like a group a wasp if it's

one v one oh a wasp i like though one can beetles die to fall damage well there's those fucking big fucker wasps like i think one but they work good in hives. It's like this big. 1v1, I think the mantis is king of the insect jungle. Can insects die to fall damage? No. Depends on the insect. They're too light. Cockroaches up there, nothing can kill that, right? Yeah, but it won't kill you.

They'll just outlast. I don't know. What if it has homeless shit on it? Outlive, outlast, outplay. I mean, I've just seen what a mantis can do, man. But they're not that big. They don't need to be, dude. Well, how's he going to angle up like a big beetle? Have you not seen a praying mantis eat a fucking bee alive?

That's a bee. We just said bees suck, dude. That's your point? I don't know. I'm just saying my opinion. You guys are welcome to your own. I am, and I'm arguing your opinion. I'm going with the triceratops beetle. The triceratopsiceratops beetle is the one can you look up what that's called?

Triceratops beetle. I will type in I want I want the also can you look up the scientific name for a praying mantis a Garrett but prismas yeah, see It is called uh it is called oh they call it's called a triceratops actually that's incredible is it yeah can you give us like the scientific name uh philarious truncantus i love that like the big guy from bug's life right yeah yeah that guy wins for sure yeah i could with that. Because they do the slam and shit too. But what about something that can fly? Like a flying aspect to it.

What are the bad guys? They're grasshoppers, right? Yeah, but they're like the ones from like Iraq or something. That's an interesting villain. Iraq hoppers? Is that not an interesting villain choice for that movie? Have you seen, oh, me and Jay watched this thing. Grasshoppers fucking, they flock by the-

They're locusts. No, they're just hoppers. Are they just hoppers? Yeah, because one of them's name is Hopper. I think the main bad guy's name is Hopper. Okay, yeah, they're hoppers. No, locusts win. Yeah, a team of...

Like, a group of locusts has taken that. A group? You mean, like, they only fly in packs of, like, a billion of them? A billion of them. Locusts are crazy, dude. I bet you there's... Bug battle winner. Yeah, it's really...

Just see what comes up. Top 10 bug fights? We're not watching this. Okay, I won't. I won't. Just say who's the king of... Who would win? Who's the strongest bug?

No, just be like 1v1 what bug wins any fight. Who would win... Oh, what about like a scorpion? Is that a bug? No. Scorpions beat everything, though. It's not a bug. What technically is a scorpion? No, a scorpion everything, though. It's not a bug. What technically is a scorpion?

No, scorpion's an insect. It might be. That's up there. It's scorpion. But that's not even fair. Who's the strongest 1v1 fighter in the bug world? That's what I want to know. It has to be scorpion.

Okay, this guy's got it in tears. Centipede is number one for him. What, do they strangle? This is what he says. I don't think there's a single bug that it couldn't stop stomp solo it's a damn killing machine however due to its classification as an arthropod oh i'll see it scorpions and arthropod yeah stag beetle tarantula we didn't even think about spiders oh fuck what's that bird the one that eats birds

the the australian one it's giant are those arachopods too? They're I don't think arachnids but it's not They're arachnids but they're insects that's under the insect. Praying Mantis is in the A tier. Okay, and then we got scorpion Like I said, Hornets, Black Widow, Water Scorpion. We missed like all the good ones. Yeah. Yeah. Okay next. Okay. What else? Okay. Who's that? That one wasn't a bad one. Cortisol or some shit. Cortisoid. Cortisoid. Which is also an insect. Maybe he's looking. He's currently in first right now. Yeah, he's looking for early lead. He's top one not one. Yeah Alright this from Lddk69 Can you read? Huh? Just fucking go. I don't know if it's i we're pride for time here how long is too

long to pleasure yourself the limit does not exist depends on when you're doing it what do you okay let's start with this what do you think is the longest you've like like a drunk coked out beat i'm talking like a coked out four hours yeah i've been through hours i'm not like do you think four hours is actually reasonable i'm not even kidding on and off for four hours yeah reasonable yeah that's reasonable no i'm talking like from four to like eight a.m on a long night yeah that's happened that's too long that's too long i've been there it's not funny they say if you have an erection longer than four hours please contact a doctor yeah that's so three hours 59 minutes okay so that's that so that's an erection on vi you have an erection longer than four hours? Please contact a doctor. Yeah, so three hours, 59 minutes. So that's an erection on Viagra.

An erection for four hours on cocaine, that's a real problem. Yeah, you go to the doctor after 20 minutes. If you get one, you're like, what's going on here? There's something wrong. Okay, so that's easy. Four hours? Yep. Okay.

No, that's way too long. I think two hours is too long. Yeah. I actually would be concerned if I had one for... I think an hour if you're sober way too long i think two hours is too long yeah i actually would be concerned if i had one for i think an hour if you're sober is too long well if it's just me like if i'm not with someone trying to have sex that long and i'm just beating it for that long there's something an hour is too long if you're by yourself yeah i had 20 minutes is too long 20 minutes is a long no i like to indulge in it that's a 20 minute but then but if i'm no one's coming home the

shutters are closed if i'm watching the video but if I'm watching. You know, no one's coming home. The shutters are closed. Well, if I'm watching the video, but if I'm actually trying to beat myself off for 20 minutes. Oh no, but I, sometimes I like, do you ever like, you're like, Ooh. Well, yeah, I'll just watch it and not beat myself. You're like, this isn't quite the one I, I enjoyed this, but I'm going to switch it up. This isn't quite the one I want to be finished up with. It's an appetizer.

Yeah. Yeah. But 20 minutes. Like this was good, but it's kind of gross. You know what I mean? I need something. It was an experiment. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, but 20 minutes is a lot. Like, this was good, but it's kind of gross. You know what I mean? I need something. It was an experiment. Yeah.

Yeah. You didn't order the mozzarella sticks. I'm watching, like, top 10 bug fights. This isn't going to do it. I'm watching Mantis porn. Yeah, 20 minutes nonstop is a long time. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I would say that is, like, a healthy. I mean, anything over five minutes, if I'm trying to do it. If I'm by myself, yeah. It never takes me. I mean, anything over five minutes, if I'm trying to do it. If I'm by myself, yeah. It never takes me... I mean, I could get it done in 30 seconds most times. Yeah, when I know... Yeah. Okay.

Okay, next. Good work there. Great question. Great question. Is it bad that... If we're gauging this on how long it takes us, it's kind of fucked up to rush through them, huh? I don't think we should rush.

We could make it... It's not on time. We could have... It's not on time. It's just on how good it is. That was a good question. That was a good question. We could go longer. I'm putting it at two, though. We could do 90 minutes here. I don't feel like we should rush we can it's not on time we could have it's not on time it's just on how good that was a good question that was we could go i'm putting it to though we could do 90 minutes here i don't feel like we should though are you putting that above bug fights i think that was a better question no bug fights is a better yeah bug fights is good i don't know

research that yeah we literally had to pull up google i went to a tier list of bugs for that we almost watched a 20 minute bug fight fight compilation. I will watch that later. I still have it pulled up. At BriBen2, which one of you is most likely to sell me their used underwear? Most likely? Is that a question? Yeah. Who is he most likely to send money to?

Would any of you hesitate? Because I wouldn't. No. How much money every time? The real problem would just be making sure that I If I sold one I wouldn't have enough anymore. I have seven That's you have Through a week. Yeah, that's it. I know there's plenty of times where you probably woke up on Sunday

You're like fuck. I don't feel like doing much. I have those shorts with the liners in them That's where those come in. I have like 40 pairs. Would you like a pair of underwear? Do I have to pay you? Send one to this guy before I send it to you. Yeah, here. Well, yeah, that's a real question. There you go, Gary. Who's going to offer one up in a second? A hundred bucks, I'll send them to you right now. I don't give a fuck. A hundred bucks? Is that the lowest you go for your underwear? No, that was just my starting point.

What's the lowest you go for a pair of underwear? He can make a counter. If I don't have to ship it to him, if he was like here. No, you have to ship it. How much money does it sell your underwear? If I have to put in effort, a hundred bucks. Yeah, a hundred bucks is the lowest I'd have to ship it to him, if he was like here. No, you have to ship it. How much money does it sell your underwear? If I have to put in effort, a hundred bucks. Yeah, a hundred bucks is the lowest I'd go to ship it. But if he was here in person standing next to me, I'd go 20 bucks. You'd have to pay me a hundred dollars just to go to the post office.

You can have the underwear. You wouldn't do it for 50? Nah. Yeah, you would. Go to the post office? No. I'd do it for 50. Yeah, I knew you would.

A hundred percent. I wouldn't go to the post office. I'd do it for 50. A hundred was my start. If I could leave it. You know when you send a letter and you can just leave it on your mailbox and they grab it? If I could do that, $50.

I'd do it for $50 without a question. I still have to go get the box. If you're serious, literally DM me and I'll literally send them to you. No, you could put it in a Ziploc and just slap a thing on there, so I could do that. You could put it in an envelope, I bet. I'd go to the post office for $50. Yeah.

But that's my lowest. Like $20, I wouldn to the post office for 50 bucks yeah yeah but that's my lowest like 20 bucks i wouldn't leave my house for 20 yeah that's fair i'd do 50 because every time i leave the house i end up spending 20 so it's just a net yeah you're losing money at that point i'm gonna get like a fucking i gotta make a buck i'm gonna get a jersey mike sub i'm gonna get the combo it's gonna be 17 i'm too nice i'm gonna tip and then we're fucking at zero you're gonna throw chips on there and you lose $50 so I net 30 Okay, so he knows what to do now balls in your court. Yeah, yeah balls in your name I've been to bribe and to hit up hit our DMS. We'll send well all three send you a pair for a hundred bundle

Yeah, sure cool. Okay, if you're gonna give me a replace It's gonna be a protein Do these? I wouldn't even want to know what these smell like right now. There's a massive hole right where my cock is too. All right. At Skippy Natural, what should come as a pair when you buy drugs slash liquor? What should come with it?

Yeah. A bottle and a bag. Like a bottle of tequila and a bag. Can we say those two things? Because that would be the best combo. Or like a case of Twisted's in a bag or any alcohol with a bag, like a bottle of tequila in a bag. Can we say those two things? Because that would be the best combo. Or like a case of Twisted's in a bag or any alcohol with a bag or a bag in like another bag. A bag should come with another bag.

Yeah. I'd say any liquor in a bag is a perfect marriage. I feel like... Because if it's just a bag in a bag... Yeah, that's too easy. If it's just a bag in a bag, now I'm anxious. I need some liquor

so i'm gonna have to go buy maybe uh this is just taking it a little more literally if you bought a bag and you got the uh what's the the thing you spray in your nose where's fentanyl uh narcan you got narcan oh bagging some narcan yeah that'd be nice that'd be nice if we want to do it would be kind of weird though if we want to do like just drugs i kind of weird, though, actually. If we want to do, like, just drugs, I would say, like, shrooms and some molly. Like a point and a beat. Yeah, that... Like, I would like to buy the hippie flip, sir. You can do that, though.

Yeah, you can buy it, I'm saying, but if it just came with... I think they were saying, like, stuff that's, like, doesn't usually come with it. Doesn't come with it. You have to buy it separately. Well, yeah, but... That's like saying, like... That's like saying I go to a liquor store and buy it separately well yeah but that's like saying like that's like saying i go to a liquor store and i got wine and beer it's like saying a pair of

sunglasses comes with a shirt no i just wear it together okay okay i'd maybe something cool to do the drugs in like a bag in one of those spoons it comes with a spoon yeah spoon in a bag yeah i like that i like that a hug who's who showed us a crisp hug showed us those fucking necklaces that you just like popped out you guys saw that the vacuum one the little like it looks like a little like bullet like it looks like a like a cool necklace and then you push the top and a little bumper comes out the bottom and it's a perfect little doser oh that's cool yeah you know i just saw something today you know how they're like oh they're making vapes for kids or whatever apparently they made this vape that looks like a highlighter pen like exactly like one and it just says high light really on it and

it's got like the cap comes off and that's where you smoke it and then the little back thing good let the kids vape just rip it and oh my god what it's a pen let cap comes off and that's where you smoke it and then the little back thing is the charger. Good, let the kids vape. Just rip it and squirt it. Oh my god. What, it's a pen? Let the kids vape. How do they get away with this shit? That's really good though. I'm a huge advocate for kids vaping America.

They cured cancer, so who cares? They're going to eventually, so might as well fucking give them a vape. My boy's trying to be domed while he cures cancer. Let him cook. Okay. Let him go to Maui. This one's from at king jeffrey okay king jeffrey a winter storm hits and it's suddenly negative five degrees outside but

you and your homie are prepared suddenly a tree falls on him breaking all his limbs and tearing some of his clothing help is on the way but if you don't act immediately he'll die before help arise is it gay to save his cock and balls by keeping them warm with your mouth this guy wants a lawnmower wow whoa so if is that the only option to save his cock and balls all is his arms and legs are broken the The tree falls. It cuts his underwear. His cock and balls are in the freezing cold. Are we saying I have to? If you don't, he loses his cock and balls. He's going to live.

But if I don't throw his cock and balls, he's going to lose them. He's going to lose his cock and balls. Is it gay? For you two exclusively, I would do it. I'd do that for a stranger. No, is it gay? I'd do that for a stranger. No, it's not's not fucking gay you gotta save his cock and balls right could you imagine how cool of a story that is dude imagine i do say that at your weddings i'd be like you're welcome yeah saved his

cock and balls with my mouth i mean i would do it for an exclusive circle of people that are it's more of a triangle you're both in this this room. Because the gloves, they'd be cold. It had to be in your mouth. There's no other way. Yeah, there's no other way besides putting it in your ass. I don't think it's gay. I think it's honorable.

It's something you would have to do. Yeah, it's peeing when your boy gets stung by a stingray or whatever. It's the same deal. It's exactly the same deal. It's not gay. I would do it. It's life-saving treatment.

It's not gay. But I have a hankering that I'd like it so much it would be. I think the only other option there, if you're not willing to do that, is to kill him before Helpa gets there so that he doesn't have to live with no cock and balls. It's either put him out like a... You gotta ask him. You're like, hey, are you okay with me sucking your dick right now, or do you want me to die? You either put him down like a deer you hit in the road or you you throw his cock and balls yeah yeah he's a

horse with a broken leg or a ball-less freak i'd make that thing too warm he'd be like stop i might melt his cock and balls off well i mean you only have to do it until the paramedics get there to do it themselves yeah they're gonna get there yeah they're gonna get there and take over for you yeah they have to do it for a little bit. Even if it's a couple. You just got to get them warmed up, literally. Okay. Easy.

Easy. I think that's number one right now. Yeah, that's a good one. Undisputed number one. Yeah. Bug fights two. All right. Here we go.

This one's actually a lot of fun too. At Interlink, what would be the most efficient way to chuck a baby as far as you can? I'm talking purely arm strength, Olympic style. How do you grab it? What's the stance you use? The method? Do you spin, underhand throw? Well, first of all, don't give them to me.

Yeah, don't. That'll be the weakest throw. First of all, don't let Garrett do it. I think Morgan. They're in Morgan's hands. If I had to do it, I'm thinking, you know, the strongman competition. Is it a boy or girl? Baby?

This is important. You'll find out why. No, let's just say. Oh, no. No, I don't want to find out. I don't want to find out. What? Guys can't have a little fun?

You're going to ask me a question. Have you ever seen a strongman competition where they throw the barrels over the top? I think I'm going that technique. Like over the head? They have to throw it like over a pole. Boy or girl, though? I mean, hopefully I can bowling ball it. No head they have to throw it like over a boy or girl though i mean hopefully i can bowling ball it no you have that was exactly what i was gonna say no you did a bowling ball or twirl them yeah you either you're either yeah you're either flinging it like a fucking yeah you

like a what's a australian like ball the thing that they get tied up no i think the best way to do it is the um what's what's the thing thing the metal ball no it's not shot but it's the metal ball on the chain and you swing around with it at your waist that's the mace yeah that's got to be the best way yeah i think grab them by the feet you want to get some sort of motion grab by the feet and then i wish i just had another hand but just could work for sure yeah because you get stupid momentum well you want the weight at the at the top at the end here's one of the problems we didn't think about morgan's doing it i don't know how hard like those legs if he spins too quick it might rip him out it could be anyone well that's why i'm asking if it's a boy or girl you need grip i need muscle stopping

no i think i think spin with it around waist height and then you launch and we're going farthest distance highest yeah it doesn't matter who does you launch and we're going farthest just are the highest yeah It doesn't matter who does it yeah? It's just how far I could throw yeah, yeah That's got to be it. That's it. Can you just kick it? Oh no Was it a boy or a girl? Yeah, you have to yeah underhand throw no Yeah, I think definitely you definitely grab it by the ankles and swing it.

Yeah, you put me in the shot put circle and I get it. If it's a boy. If it's a girl, I have a different technique. Javelin's got a chance, though. No, that's hard. That's a floppy baby. No. It's a floppy baby.

We have the correct answer. We have the correct answer. I think we got it. Okay. How old is it? And what gender? What else you got okay uh this one's from at cia agent bro in the in the discord cia agent bro if you had to be a sasha baron cohen character during your own court hearing strategically what is the best one to be so you got got Borat, the dictator, Bruno, Ali G in the house,

or King Julian of Madagascar. He's King Julian? I didn't know that. That's awesome. That's cool. That cast is stacked. We were actually randomly talking about this the other day. Okay, so I'm defending myself in court.

The Bruno one has a little bit of legs because I feel like they just get away with more stuff. Yeah, because you're stuff. If the judge is bi-curious or homosexual, I think you could have some sincere legs there. If it's a liberal judge, I'm going Bruno. If we're in the South or something,

I think you go maybe Dictator. The Dictator would be the most fun because you'd be like, no, I just know the whole time. Dictator, you're going to jail for life no matter what it is if you're in the South. Oh, that's true. Borat, foreigner, yeah. You almost have to go Bruno there, too.

Borat's an auto no, I think. Borat would just be... But Bruno has so much evidence against him. Yeah. I mean, I think the dictator in almost every scenario is just a... He just... He runs shit, dude. Do you know Oli G, his character from that yeah yeah i haven't

seen him but he's a fuck he's just like a good gangster fucking yeah he's dope he's pretty good at shit though he's pretty good ollie g the funniest one would probably be borat would be borat would be borat or bruno would be up there as far as funny they all be hilarious well bruno because of my fit would be dangerous on the court day that's what i'm saying i could seduce a couple of the jury members yeah well don't forget borat rocks a fucking pretty sweet fit, too. The Borat suit. Yeah, I got to go Bruni on this one. I'm thinking Bruno.

I think Bruno might be a unanimous here. Yeah. All right. That's fun. That's fun. Where are we at here? Hour 11. Let's do this to the last one.

Last one. Okay, if we don't get to you this week. I don't know why I'm yawning. I'm lit right now. Anyone who submitted before today's episode, you will still be considered for the giveaway. So do not fret. We just don't want to do them all. We might just go all fan subs.

Yeah, next week we'll just do all of them. Yeah, we should have got through it. I didn't realize we were tangenting for that long. Yeah, that was our bad. We had nothing to talk about, yet we went off for an hour. All right, if you placed a crackhead at the Olympics, what had nothing to talk about yet. We went off for an hour. All right. If you placed a crackhead at the Olympics, what sport do you think they would absolutely win? 100 meter dash.

Let me think of all the sports. Summer or winter? Pole vault. I could see a crackhead just flying. Oh, a crackhead would launch himself in a fucking pole vault. Right? I'm talking like past the pit, past the mat no it just lands on his feet like a fucking champion winner ice lugeing yeah and that's what i'm saying summer or winter

because winner i'm saying not ice lugeing what's the one where they just do the skis and they fly oh like forever it's literally just like the long jump on skis yeah if they don't fall before they get to the jump they're winning that yeah that guy is willing to go farther than anyone's ever gone yes they yeah there's no fear involved any yeah anything where it's like if the gold medal is crack instead of gold medal yeah gold medals crack the gold medals if they're winning any event yeah no swimming has to be yeah i feel like swimming yeah no yeah they probably can't knock them out of their buzz yeah swimming and divingimming and diving. I don't know. They'd do a crazy dive, though. Oh, diving would be... Diving would be unreal.

Like, they could do a fucking 4500. It would be... Something. We should start our own crackhead Olympics. I think they probably... They gotta have that, right? I don't know. Hurdles is out.

Bum fights, I think, got taken over by... I think a 100-meter dash would be up there. Like, they could run that far really fast. Yeah, I would a 100-meter dash would be up there. Like, they could run that far really fast. Yeah, I would say 100-meter dash is up there. Anything past that, heart explodes. Yeah. Or what's the one with the rings? Just gymnastics?

But they're, like, holding themselves? I can see them having some cracks. I think it's literally just called the rings. Oh, gymnastics is something to explore, because they could do some body contortion for sure Yeah, I just I can't see him sticking the landing super gracefully and they do judge very heavily on the landing It is like you can do a quadruple backflip, but if you don't land it pommel horse, I could see him pommel horsing What's that? That's that's like the one where they're like a little it's like a pad. Oh and they go fucking yeah Yeah, they could do that only men dooop around. Yeah. They could do that. Do only men do that one?

I know only men do the rings. I don't know. If you put them on the two-pole thing, they have a strong chance there. Gymnastics is lit. The one where they flip back and forth. Gymnastics might be the only Olympic sport I actually fucking like to watch. No, they would for sure win the one with the... What is it called?

It's called something weird. Oh. Oh. Yes. With the ice thing? A scrubbing or whatever? It's yes with the ice thing the scrubbing or whatever it's literally called something weird like it's called like brooming yeah brooming or something they would win what a fucking whack sport that's crazy that's such a rich people's

it's like a fucking polished rock that they just fucking sweep around yeah dude i'd smack my dad why are the olympics so fucking whack loki? That's just the winter Olympics. That's winter of the ones. Winter sucks all around. No, summer sucks too. Unless there's crackheads. But we win summer ones, so that's like... I don't care if we win. It's fucking cool.

Like, sick. No, it's fun to get that like a little America pride thing. You did it, though. Yeah, so, okay. 100 meter dash definitely out there. I could see him like falling asleep at the start or something. I think... It's a crackhead.

He's not sleeping ever. I think pole vault. I think I think pole vault pole vault I think it's got to be my number they're flinging their ass in the fucking area they're going they're running full speed no technique you put crack on that bar too oh it's oh they get a little bumper at the top smelling the fucking pole baby you know I'm going there's no height that he couldn't get to yeah no especially if there's crack I like that one that, I like that one. That's easy. We could do like two more. This is fun. I think one more. No, we're at 115.

Yeah, I say one more. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. No, we said that was the last one. We'll just... No, do one more. We'll do one more. Okay, no, this one's fun. At just...

Oh, the last one was... Who was that one? At Busey at Maka. I don't know. Busey? Busey at Maka? I love... I would like to see, I've been

typing these out, my spelling versus what you've been saying. Yo, yeah, I was super on edge about that as well. Okay. Well, you just don't read normal words regularly. Reading's not for me. Yeah. At Justin Fra. How would each of you survive in prison?

I'm getting fucking ransacked. Ransacked. I'm getting fucking ransacked. Ransacked. I'm finding Garrett and then hoeing him out. I gotta be in charge. I'm actually serious. It's been a big fear of mine. One of the main reasons I don't commit crimes frequently is because I know I would get absolutely obliterated. Dude, you would be my

guy in prison. I would have to join the Nazi people. You'd be on everyone's team. What are you talking about? Yeah. I'm whoever's hungry. I'm here to shallow like the Nazi people. You'd be on everyone's team. What are you talking about? Yeah. I'm whoever's hungry's team. I'm here at these shallow slut up in there. I feel like, do you think they would just throw me into like the, I feel like they'd have to put me in some sort of special place because they know that I would just get fucking

real. They don't care about that. Have you seen The Longest Yard? Yeah. Everyone loves you, dude. Your mouth is community play. I don't think John would do so hot either uh my mentality would have to change a lot and i think i think morgan uh over confidently thinks he would do well but i think i could see you getting fucked well how

would you think you would survive i'd go i'd be his pimp if he was there no you think you're gonna be running the show fuck off no i'd just be your pimp i'd just be like this is my leave number two brother no like realistically like yeah i try to be deaf you're larger but you're still a bitch so i don't talk to anybody you're still larger but you're still what is deaf gonna matter they're just gonna come up to you and fucking yeah you what so you can't hear him blasting your cheeks yes i don't want to be able to hear him blasting my fucking cheeks no i just act like fucking i think you'd do far less better than you think i think no i don't think i'd be some hot shot in prison unless i think my i think you'd still get fucked though my you think. No, I don't think I'd be some hotshot in prison. I think you'd still get fucked, though.

My actual strategy would just be to try and act as crazy as possible. Yeah. I'd bite my own finger off. I might suck off a security guard just to put me in somewhere like, what do you call it? Like fucking secluded shit? Where you're by yourself in a padded room. Oh, just go to solitary the whole time?

Solitary, yeah. I'd rather do that than getting fucking railed by Big Bubba. I'd bite my pinky off first day and just be like, what? What, bitch? Just spit it out in the middle of the courtyard. I think I might. I don't know. No, I'd teach all the boys how to make music or something, dude.

Yeah, dude. I mean, I feel like I would get along, but I would get fucked. If given the opportunity. I would get fucking railed. They'd be like, dude, you're chill as fuck. should hang out more and then i'm next thing i know i'm fucking bent over a fuck we should hang out for our life i'd probably just kill myself to be honest if it was anything over like two years i'd probably kill myself because you would be just getting fucked man no if i had like anything over like i think i think a year would be the maximum sentence

before i would just kill myself on day one like i i literally just don't think i could do it i don't know if you get you get booty hold that much in, like, normal prison, though. Well, it depends what the crime... Dude, the guards do not care. They're not like, oh, hey, stop raping him. They're just like, oh, screams in the shower again. I feel like if you're, like, a piece of shit,

but if I was like, hey, man, look, you know. You're in prison. You're all a piece of shit. Well, I'd like to think it's a white collar crime that I did. Tax evasion or something. Jay, you got those smooth fucking hands. I think those... Dude, these hands are rough.

They're tiny though. Those are good. You know how big a guy's cock would look in those little puppers? Yeah. Yeah. Alright, we good? We done for the day? Wait, do you have...

Which finger is longer? The first or the third this one your index fingers no well i mean i don't know this one the ring the ring finger what are you gonna say ape no i just saw something about squat i gotta i gotta i gotta leave in an hour so i gotta get ready okay thank you for the submissions this week god damn those were electric can't wait to get to the rest of them um and like we said before, if we didn't get to you this week, we're just going to do a full-blown. We'll just do them all next week no matter what.

We won't have any other subjects. So we'll do all the rest of the remaining ones. It's a fan sub-sode. As long as they were submitted before today's episode, you'll be considered for the drawing. And that's that. That was a fun one. Is that 54?

I think so mmm 54 we're in the 50s 54 we're in the 50s we're in the 50s gang shit

I don't know why we even care what the number is suck it yeah we'll see you guys next week gang gang