NO FOMO - 59. The New Love Languages

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back, back to the Monster Talking FOMO Show. Now it's FOMO. You talking, oh, you're talking mess. You're gonna start, it started off with talking shit to me. How else should we start it? It's a goddamn Wednesday, John. This week's been a little off, though. You think I don't have enough problems?

What is going on this week? I don't know, man. No, Monday we all thought was Wednesday. It's now Wednesday. I swear to God it's Friday. No, it feels more like Monday today. Today's been monday enough today's a tuesday vibe but it is but i digress but if you're listening to this it's actually friday so yeah welcome to the nofomo podcast welcome back you got gerbil jangle sphere and bungle dungus and jangle sphere is good i like that one i can work with that i i

thought as the first syllable came out i had to think of the rest i was like it starts with a j we got that okay um there's one thing that i just didn't want to forget about do we i wanted to start with go for it i feel like every week uh me and garrett learned something new that you don't know that you just are lost in weekly yeah weekly no i mean daily anytime we bring up a current event yeah that's going on outside of your garage studio you don't know what's going on but this one's not even really this isn't even a current event this is just knowledge uh morg morgan bunges our morgan morgan daniel bunge Morgan Daniel Bunges, for the record.

He thought that raisins were not grapes. You're kidding. That's not even current. I thought it was going to be something current. No. Raisins are not grapes. He said, are raisins grapes to me? In that exact voice.

Raisins are not grapes. Yeah, they are. They're raisins. If you were plopped on earth today and saw one, I would say it's not a grape. That's what I'm saying. What is a raisin from? It's a grape. No, it is a grape. And what did you say that you thought it was?

It's more of an olive than a grape. It's way more of an olive. Are you fucking high? No, think about it. It's more of an olive. There's nothing to think about. It's way more of an olive than a grape. It's a fact. And here, folks, is the precipice of our friendship. It's like a small purple apple, if anything. Here's a better question.

Here's a better question. Who the fuck keeps the raisin market up? Like, who eats those? That's why it's fair I didn't know that. That's why? Who's eating raisins? You're all about the markets. Do they still come in the cardboard?

Yeah, they do that. Okay, that's weird. Whoever made those is shit. No, it's kind of dank. It's one ofins you're all about they still come in the cardboard yeah they do that yeah okay that's weird whoever made those like no it's kind of dang it's one of those things like if it's in something i'm not going to ask for it to not be in it but raisins are in something i'll never choose to have it in there what i would ask i would ask for it to not be in it if it came with raisins i feel like a nice salad like a strawberry vinaigrette like if they said is everything in that good for you? I'd be like, ah, no. No raisins? No, not the raisins, yeah.

Yeah, when they put them in my house, I eat a lot of raisins. Or craisins or some bullshit like that. Oh, craisins are trash. Don't even get me started. What are those, Morgan? Those are, yeah, what are craisins? Crazy raisins. Those are grapes.

Those ones are grapes. I think they are, though. Crayon raisins. No, they're grapes. Huh? Those are grapes. They're crapples. They're crapples.

Oh, they're miniature apples. Yeah, grow the fuck up. But anyways, they're closer to an olive. I just want to get that yeah thank you for because that was shocking i had to write that down when did when did this why didn't you come to me i wanted to save it for this because i knew it was going to be good okay but raisins grow like potatoes right i just want to know oh my god yes i want to know a better question how do grapes grow that's on uh yeah i that. I was testing you. Come on, guys. Like potatoes.

Morg, how did you get this far? Huh? How have you made it? The real question I want to ask is how have you made it this far? Dude, I read one book one time that said be good at one thing, you'll be okay. And you still haven't done that. And you're still trying to figure it out? No, and I got that one thing, dude.

What is it? And it's being your guys' friends, dude. Dude, that was so sweet. Turner rosen taking me feel bad special ed dude okay okay and then you turn it dark yeah yeah see that made us feel bad and then it's like okay see now now your words i feel good about this one guys you feel good about it 59 59 with my dime is it 59 yeah 10 away from 69 where's the Oh, 69. We got to do a blowout. Oh, 69. So record the whole episode like human centipede.

Like I'll have a mic. I'll be, you'll be holding a mic in your ass cheek. Is there a, you could do a 69 triangle, can't you? Or, uh, no, there's only, I think that's the whole reason. It's called 69-agle. No, we do human centipede. Each of us holds a microphone in our asshole and then you do it from behind. You record from behind.

Wait, 69. We'll do like a game of telephone. You have to kind of and then you do it from behind. You record from behind. Wait, 69. We'll do like a game of telephone. You have to kind of fart it down to the last person. Yeah. Yes. Or no, you muffled talk into an ass and then the person at the front has to figure out what it is. Yeah, that's the 69 set. That's it.

I like that. Ladies and gentlemen. Most of the 69th episode. Do we have any personal news on the horizon before i jump into just some uh random tidbits oh um day two too fucking easy no vape dude it's too easy you're on date day two when did you start two days ago no no you definitely hit it hit it on the first day that you put day zero no i was like day zero was day zero is the start when you hit it definitely hit it hit it on the first day that you put day zero no i was like day zero was day zero is the start when you hit it yeah that's day zero yeah oh so you were free to hit it that day no i started it on the last puff i put day zero on my phone when three days ago whatever

day you whatever day you had the day zero on your phone macy told me that you hit the in the morning and then i set my background as days okay you hit it that way yeah okay so that was so one that was day 0.5 so if you make it through today it would be two days day zero was zero days talk about the lamest i get the math i'm just saying the day you put it on your phone you had already hit it or hit it after you put it on i put day zero yeah and waited. Well, now that we've got the lame news out of the way. Okay. Garrett, you got some news? I've also got news.

You can fire us off. Well, so one is kind of a little bit of housekeeping here. We talked about all the fires in Maui. We have a fan that's from there who is actually, their place was burned down by the fire. So they were on the scene. They were on the scene. Reporting live from their childhood home being burned to steds. Absolutely.

And they, so shout out Sarah at AKS.rose. Is there an H or no? No, I wrote it down. I just said how it's spelled. Oh, Sarah. Yeah, there is an H. Okay, thank God. Yeah.

Oh, Sarah with an H. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise it's pronounced Sarah sarah in the yeah there is an h okay thank god yeah okay oh sarah with an h yeah yeah otherwise it's pronounced sarah yeah but she's even with an h it's actually more of a sarah she's a saracha um some so she sent me a lot of info wanted to get some main points just to clear up most of it i think we hit on the we're actually right about almost all this um she just wanted to read like the lasers and shit we nailed that yeah it's the oprah and shit that part is big so one of the things so she just gave me all this stuff and i've just i've put it in a synopsis there was no plan the power was turned off the water was turned off the kids were home from school police did block the roads emergency plan officials were magically off the island and resigned right after um fema and red

cross didn't show up for days and then they got set up in the nicest hotels when they did get there which is kind of fucked up um nobody is allowed in the area except for government officials because of soil testing oh you follow um we talked about this guy the other day tyler olivera You follow, we talked about this guy the other day, Tyler Oliveira. Maybe. The guy who does the YouTube documentaries. He's lit. He snuck into the burned down sites.

Oh, really? Yeah. Did he test the soil? He didn't test any soil. This was a big one. So the $700, it was not per person. It was per family. And some of Hawaiian families are like 25 people. 25 people yeah well you get a new tv well that seems like a just an irresponsible size of old family when

you said they brocked the roads what did you mean by that um you know brock lesnar yeah they put him in put him on the road right okay that's what i was thinking um uh but yeah she just asked me to kind of clear some of that up for uh for that and then oh she said venmo ohana aid is the way that people can actually get the money because the other ones are all or at garrett bow yes yeah um and then the other housekeeping wait no hold on is there anything that anyone's doing about all this um the things that are being done is they're trying to make it so the people don't get the land back. Sorry, I wasn't trying to make light of that, by the way. Can you repeat the Venmo?

I don't want to be a complete. I know I put on a little show once in a while, but I'm not actually. Yeah, it's Ohana Aid is the name of it. All one word. Yeah. At Ohana Aid. Yes.

That actually gets to the people that need it. See? Not Ohana AIDS aids that's different see i was gonna say that but i didn't want to ruin it he's back i was gonna say that that's a whole different organization but that's it i i just okay i felt like i needed she she sent a lot of stuff dude if i was over there right now she's been in my house since day one if my house burned down i was over there i'd be fucking trying to do something you know what would you be trying to do dude i'd be fucking i love when you try to make a point it just it there's nothing the way you say it is so like poignant yeah dude i'd have like a hood on like walking around places trying to

figure something out you'd be like what looking for looting is what you're saying yeah there's some facility i would simply probably fly off of the island no fuck that dude that, dude. Conspiracy on my turf, dude. That's fair. If someone lasered my house... If somebody laser beamed my shit, dude, you best believe I'd... Well, I don't think I'd be trying to figure stuff out there. I think I'd be up in, like, Washington trying to do it in the White House. I'd be up in Oprah's house for sure.

Yeah, I'd be trying to break into the White House. Yeah. Guaranteed. Yeah, what they should do is have all those unsheltered folks coop up in Oprah's fucking billion-dollar mansion. Yeah, there would be a fresh dump on Oprah's fucking house. It would get burnt down somehow.

Yeah. I'm surprised they didn't do that shit. A couple Molotov cocktails. I was pretty surprised that all the stuff that we were like, oh, maybe it happened. We actually nailed it. It's all of it, actually. It's pretty much true. Minus the lasers, but maybe plus the lasers. Oh, yeah. My house gets burnt down. The rich people's house don't get burned down.

The lasers are still gray area. Yeah. I'm still team laser. I'm team laser. There was a guy who, some scientist guy who's done studies on those lasers who says that we have them. And that they have one strong enough to do what was done. Yeah, easily. Oh, the other big part was he checked the data of where like the satellites

were and one of them that can do it was like over well they can do it from satellites that's from an airplane no it's from satellite either or i believe it that's a lie it's from a satellite bro you think we got nukes and we can't start a fucking little fire from space we can send a nuke from here not into space yeah no it's from satellite so no it's a plane i saw the video i literally just watched this guy for 20 minutes this is where this is why they had to they had to half of the science is how it's going to get through the atmosphere yeah that's what i want that's what i'm concerned about well they have the science that's why it's actually i'm concerned about and

that's why the blue shit didn't get burned apparently there we go i'm more concerned about the families who lost their home than all this science jibber-jabber get out right he lost the argument so he's gonna fucking appeal to emotion. We got to talk about the fucking... There's his ethos, dude. Pathos, my bad. Dude, it's logos. Yeah, logic.

It wasn't even logical. We got to talk about the F-35 that went missing. Oh, yeah. Morgan has no idea what we're talking about. I love these. Okay. What do you think it's about? I want to hear...

Oh, yeah, let's just say a topic. We should just say a topic and Morgan tell us the story.th alphabet there the letter f so i'm saying i don't fucking know dude let's go he doesn't even know oh my god no it's a fucking fighter plane no shit dude well i know but do you know what the story's about there's nobody flying it fucking it's gone dude yeah do you know this one oh yeah it's crazy i'm actually surprised that you knew that yeah dude i stay up pilot ejected apparently the planes are just able to fly on their own after that happens now my question is why did he eject if it could just stay in the sky because there's a laser on i think there was something about weather like it was an you can't fly an f-35

fucking jet through some weather it was some inclement weather is what they said okay this is what was said garrett cloud incoming i'm fucking yeah baby what correct me if I'm wrong it was an eight billion dollar plane I'll look up the price I think million sounds better no f-35 price I did 25 that's like who even says the supply and demand for like an eight billion dollar thing I think that's it includes R&D it's the first it's like a pro yeah why is the Wi-Fi go out every time cuz down well down here just sucks in general I'm not go maybe i just wasn't gonna i i'm not i'm trying to hold my tongue by saying this but i think it's a bigger number than that uh 400 million okay okay

eight billion would be fucked i saw something with the you just saw eight this week for one i saw i saw a street sign that said eighth street and i was like oh that must be the cost of the thing um yeah that's weird well i just don't get how did it manage to fly they said it could be in the air for two days i mean we could do that yeah i feel like we could do that yeah two days we've got the ones that never have those things burn an insane fucker amount of fuel but you could they just you know how a there and yeah planes fly dude they get up there you know yeah i mean they do be skying yeah they do be sky sky pretty good but did you see that that barstool skit of the guy walking into like the sergeant's office or fucking captain's office confessing to losing the plane oh god so fucking funny

he's like well i have an f-150 i could replace it um did you guys know about our mommy of the week this week we have a great mommy of the week we haven't done that in a long time so no i have a great one for us uh do you guys know who lauren bobert is bobert does she have some boo-berts? The girl giving the handy at the fucking Beetlejuice play? Yep. Beetlejuice play? She's running for Congress something.

She's a Congresswoman. She's a Congresswoman. Active. Okay. So she knows politics. So there's a video of her. So this is what happened. She got kicked out of a theater for, they said, vaping and lewd behavior.

Savage. And she came out and said, fuck no, that's bullshit. I was just having a good time in there and I was a little loud, I'll admit it, so they kicked me out. And then theater security camera footage comes out of her with her date and the guy's all up in the boobs. She's stroking in the middle of the pants.

Beetlejuice play? Yeah, that sounds that sounds i'm gonna ask you to do this if they say it three times do you have do you have wi-fi right now huh i'm gonna ask you to look in lauren bobert because she's she could she's mommied up we're not allowed to talk about this she's mommied up okay uh you can say it i can say it she is mommied up i can silently um she's she's like one of the youngest congresswoman she's only like 35 just look at it look at her up in that theater dress, and then you tell me what you think.

Somebody said Beetlejuice three times, dude. You had to. The vaping part was kind of funny, kicking someone out for vaping and being in Congress. I don't know why that. It just kind of rips. No, it is. Because you can't imagine, like,

imagine fucking some 70-year-old dude gets kicked out. Mitch McConnell's vaping? Gets kicked out for something for vaping. Do you drop Congress if they're trying to kick you out? Like you don't want to do that. I'll fucking next bill. I was fucking out, dude. Oh, like say you're a threat.

I'm a Congresswoman. Fuck you. Probably not, right? I don't think so. Yeah. If there's video of you. I don't think you want to tell anyone that you're in Congress if you get kicked out of a fucking play. You think they caught her on camera or security's just like, oh, she's fucking shacking that dude off?

Oh, no, there's camera. Yeah, they saw it on camera. Yeah, but do you think the security guy's like, oh, dude, what the fuck? You can't do that in here. I think. Wait, yeah, how did she get? Well, she didn't get caught doing it. Yeah, she got caught vaping.

And then they looked at the footage. And then they looked at the footage because she claimed she didn't do that. And they were like, oh, how about that? And then they were like, well, you just triple fucked up because now you were beating off a guy in the middle of the fucking crowd. Well, talk about the softest security of all time. Why are you going to kick out people that are hot that are doing it? Yeah. Let's talk about this legend. If they're monsters. Yeah. Let's talk about this legend who was on the town with her, getting beat off by a congresswoman at a Beetlejuice play. With some youngers. While she's passing the vape.

With some lobby dobbies on top. I have a hankering. I have a hunch. She was off that bag, too. Off that OTB? There was a video. Do you see the video of her getting kicked out and she flips everybody off? Oh, definitely off the bag. So mommy.

She was so mommy, dude. She's just like, fuck you. I was like, oh. She was the White House bag. We know that. Oh, it was her. We know who had the White House bag. We also know. Oh, it was her. We know who had the White House bag. You also know how little knowledge you have of how everything works.

Congresspeople don't go to the White House. Now they do. Because they have bags. Yeah, they text her for a bump. You think they're not hitting her up for the bag? Yeah, no, that's fair. Weird side note. Do you see they got rid of the dress policy in the Senate?

What was that? You have to wear a suit and tie or like a full business attire. And what is it now? Anything you want. Like, what is it, Lazy Fridays or Casual Fridays? Lazy Friday, that one's your life. They can literally wear anything they want. I kind of like that.

No, I love it. Put Lizzo in there. Honestly, Mitchnell and a fucking wife beater just in some sweaties lizzo for congress dude why are you lizzo not people can be in there i know but let's get her in there i want to see what she's wearing they didn't eliminate the weight policy just the dress box okay i have another fun oh mommy of, Mommy of the Week, though. Shoot. Oh, that's Mommy of the Week. This is huge news.

Barstool dropped Mean Girls. Yes. Yeah, I did see that. I did see that. So for those of you who don't know, they started that pod like the same time as us, right? Mm-hmm. And they're just bad. Sorry. Well, no.

Okay. When we first discovered them, or the first time they were posted, they had what, like 5,000 followers? And all of a sudden, they're like millions. And we're just like god damn it yeah we're like how did that happen and they're crap like it's the worst thing yeah we were like matching them on all the socials and they're gonna get rid of kfc fucking christ well we might want to be on barstool someday never mind i love it yeah we love you guys but yeah i like barstool i just yeah there's certain people i don't love pizza man i mean it's in every it's the first 100

comments on every video yeah come on it's widely known but um yeah that made me a little bit happy yeah i did see that that made me happy too i didn't see that and that was a little spark on my face did you see them him getting interviewed of why they like fired her or whatever

uh so wait mean girls is the one with the two girls right yeah i mean not not the other one no not the one where they like had that big thing yeah is that one still call her daddy that one's not even barstool anymore is it no i think it's and then the other both have their own individual but not barstool correct yeah okay um but he they were interviewing dave and he was just basically like yeah they just did not get it yeah they don't get it yeah well i don't get why they posted i don't know if it was an attempt to like salvage it why they posted their shit every single day on the main page

they posted that well they're trying to blow it up right they were like okay maybe someone will like but the comments were fucking ruthless just like 90 bad comments i'm just like can you but that's not a far-fetched idea from our comments no our comment section rips dude i think we got like maybe 10 like oh okay that's one that's usually is like, does every white guy need a podcast? It's so fair. I guess I only legitimately read the negative ones because it boils my blood. Well, there's, when even, it's like a podcast for women and even women are just like, yeah, this is not, this is bad.

It was just like the worst group think chamber of all time. Just them disagreeing with each other. It was literally inside the mind of a starbs girl. Yeah. It's crazy. It's so bad. Like, holy fuck. That did bring a good twinkle with each other. It was literally inside the mind of a Starbs girl. Yeah. It's crazy. It's so bad. Like, holy fuck. That did bring a good twinkle to my eye.

It did. Like, just a little happiness. I'm tearing up over here, boys. Yeah. Because we're over here fucking grinding every day. They got a whole team behind them. You know what I'm hearing? They got an opening for a podcast over there.

Sounds like it. Let's go, dude. Time to put the pitch stick together. That's what I'm hearing. KFC, we love you. KFC is the best man at my wedding. Yep. Who's KFC?

Best pot ever, right? He's one of the guys there. He's the super annoying guy that posts on their page every day. I don't see those, but I bet he's not annoying. The guy that does the tinfoil hat ones. Some people might find him annoying, but I don't. I love him. I like him a lot.

More than most. Kentucky fried chicken I'm in. Oh, he's good. Oh, that's another big news. You guys see the KFC commercial with fucking Kirk Cousins in it? No, you were telling me about this. I don't know how they let this fly. Oh, fuck.

You're going to drop this? Yeah, this is the commercial. This is unbelievable. The commercial is they go, Kirk, quarterbacks are always licking their fingers before they throw the football. Why do they do that? Is it for grip? Is it for style? quarterbacks are always licking their fingers before they throw the football why do they do that is it like a style and he's like no it's actually to put the flavor of kfc chicken on

the ball so our wide receivers will fight for the ball harder really and they they played that all sunday for football they played that as a commercial all sunday that's lit it was the most unbelievable thing show me the stock market ever seen it's got to be up it's got to be that is i'm gonna look up kfc stock who's oversight dude you need to start that's smart marketing that's kfc stock is down there's got to be some tweets about this no my favorite um commercial from the past weekend was the subway is proffered like proffered by the pros oh remember that one that's good no it's really bad stuff for commercials that's pretty no it was really bad but it was that and it was a big sandwich weekend

for the commercials now they're all it was everyone sandwiched up this yeah it was kfc i'm not gonna lie jersey mike fresh back from the grocery store i see them plop that jersey mike sub together on the screen i'm fucking salivating you just want to say fresh bag okay yeah there's a lot of tweets about this this commercial yeah i literally saw it and i sent at kfc my friends because i knew they were all watching football and i was like everyone just saw that right am i the only one that thought that was the most racist thing i've ever seen everyone's like at kfc who the fuck approved this yo this kfc commercial is out of pocket that's funny though did kurt cousins just say kfc makes wide receivers work harder that's unbelievable oh it literally quote makes

the wide receivers work harder for the ball. That is fucking gnarly. It's really only racist for those people that think it's racist, though. That's true. And I don't. I think it's a good commercial. I didn't even think it was racist. It's not racist unless you're racist.

Is there a race angle? No, I was talking about receivers. It's really not racist unless you're racist. Here's my, here's whatever. That's true. That's completely fair. I think that's the best way to combat it. Yeah. Like, it's racist if you unless you're racist here's my here's whatever it's that's completely fair i think that's the best way to combat it yeah like it's it's racist if you think that's racist it's that's really how all of it works they have white wide receivers that's all there's a

couple they probably work just as hard for that ball not for the chicken though let's put the master okay well that was actually um but yeah that oh i'm glad i remember that that was good how many it's somebody's job who gets paid millions to screen them oh a cmo gets paid somebody kfc i'll look up the cmo how many because they're not racist how many steps did that go because they're not racist or extremely racist they're either not or a very somebody was like finally yeah cmo of KFC. This is marketing right here. His name's Chad. Blonde hair, blue eyes, let me guess. Yeah, it's either the dumbest person.

Yeah. What? He's getting his phone blown up after the first one and all the tweets coming up. Dude, I thought it was good. What? You don't think receivers like chicken? Dude, it's culturally relevant. It's a hard word. The CMO of KFC makes $182,000 a month.

$182,000 a month? That's not even that much. I mean, that's... I thought it would be more. That's like... Yeah, that's almost nothing. I make that. That's $18 million a year, am I mistaken?

1.8. 1.8? Yeah. But plus bonuses? Close am I mistaken? 1.8. 1.8. But plus bonuses? Plus bonuses. Yeah. Big commercial bonuses. Dude, yeah. After the stock goes up from your commercial.

But that's how stocks work, though. They go down. Oh, I just thought something. Oh, yeah. Well, if you've ever looked at even the good ones, they go down. Yeah. Usually right after big commercials. Oh, the CMO of KFC was beheaded last Sunday.

That's crazy. Hot news. KFC CMO was fed chicken until he died. His body kept running around like a chicken. He was fried up like a chicken. Gary, hit me. Hit you? Yep.

This is kind of just a fun little story. A bunch of California. Californios. Californios of California... Californios. Californios. The old Californios. A bunch of California landlords celebrated the end of the eviction ban at a huge party in Northern California. And it got rioted and ended in a fucking massive brawl between protesters and landlords. How big of a...

Here's a question for you. How many landlords are in cahoots here? Here's a question. Dude, there was hundreds of people there really oh yeah if you're a rioter and you roll up the brawl starts you're fighting for your team how do you pick out a landlord in the oldest holding like a white paint can preferably a small white woman no oldest yeah so it's a young male sweet ankles hey hobbling yeah i don't even let's leave me out of this i don't even start with hands i just juke out try to break something he's fucking i would

just be screaming i rent yeah you know but yeah fuck landlords dude that's it would be kind of fun to be able to fist fight your landlord face to face though if that's how you if they try and raise your rent you should be able to fight him for it. Yeah, literally. You have a boxing match. Yeah. You can raise my rent if you beat if you square up and beat my ass. There needs to be something like that in society.

Yeah. A tap me out or else. Yeah. Let's fucking let's fucking do it. I think it's a fun one to be. You could do whatever you want as long as you don't get tapped out. Yeah, exactly. Like if they always had

to be a 1v1 versus a cop and not like a gang rape yeah which it should be is yeah cops should have a ring girl with them and fucking around one girl yeah fucking round one on the scene so we hit racism and sexism so far tonight folks um yeah well there's not ring men well there should be there should be there should be i haven't been to any fights but i would go if there were that would honestly be better yeah and that's why we're not sexist exactly i was i was giving you a chance to make our point for us well i'm not i'm so clearly not setting it down no you're not see i would run that commercial because i'm not you know i would have made that commercial because I'm not, you know? I would have made that commercial because I'm not. Yeah. Are we ready to do our games?

Meat and potatoes? Yeah, I'm ready. You ready? What do we want to start with? The five love languages. Okay, the love languages. So here's the structure for this, right? Yeah.

Well, we're on the same page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just making sure Morgan knows. Yeah, we're going to say all of ours. So these are the real love languages because the ones that are bullshit. Yeah, these are the updated. Does anyone know the five? Yeah, I got gonna say all of ours. So these are the real love languages because the ones there are bullshit Yeah, these are the I know the five. Yeah, I got him right here. It's a are you coming? shitting farting You want you? Yeah, really? So the the past love language? Yeah, the old the old Those these are when we when we you finish this we need to talk about who the fuck came up with this shit

Okay, I could tell you who? What what John Oh penis the fuck came up with this shit okay i could tell you who what what john i don't have a penis so um the five old really old ones yeah these are ancient these are like constitution era yeah this is these are these are dated back to the same time this is on the what's the 10 commandment yeah yeah these are put in a stone scribe yeah so it was that yeah so the translation was iffy on these uh quality time physical touch lame receiving gifts bad acts of service gay words of affirmation sort of gay yeah okay so uh does anyone want to start with one more um why did a nice little word play with all mine okay i like that really first one is receiving head okay okay more okay so for receiving

heads good okay cuz that is I do like that so for receiving gifts that is now for women receiving attention from strangers online and men giving attention to strangers online oh that's a good one oh so you repurposed them all oh no this is the real these are these are the 2023 love languages okay so my first uh love language is roasting okay yeah you got it that's got some real you got it no that actually is one of them you're not gonna work if one person is all sensitive and the other person likes making fun of your outfit unless you're both soft or if you're both soft or if you're just not good at roasting it's over yeah like if you're just getting bodied in the roast game the roast compatibility but also nothing

worse than someone i'm not going to specify gender who tries to roast but it's all bad roast very short well that see that goes along with it consistently yeah attempted roaster yeah yeah a fake that's an anti-long it's like it's like the real ones you can't fake it you know yeah if you don't like physical touch i'm not gonna yeah but that's let's stop talking about the old ones yeah the old ones don't exist um what else what else we got gary um i've got another little word play here it's just direct this is genderless words of degradation oh okay kind of like roasting i like that yeah but i'm talking like bedroom shit oh okay yeah that's good um for words of

affirmation i just had arguing arguing yeah yeah yeah about shit that doesn't even matter at all but you're doing it just to prove a point i had one kind of like that it's fighting style fighting style yeah not like physical fighting, but it's like. Like Sub-Zero versus the big titty goth bitch. Yes, exactly. Yeah. But like, you know, if one person likes to fight and then the makeup thing, but the other person just doesn't reciprocate the fight, you got to fight the same.

Yeah, yeah. You got to yell at each other. That's what I'm saying. You got to be loud in public, screaming at each other, people, or you've got to be, you know, both petty. Yeah, exactly. Arguing. You got be loud in public screaming at each other people or you've gotta be, you know, both petty. Yeah, exactly. Arguing. Those are the type of things,

yeah, fighting style is something you have to be compatible on. Yeah, like if somebody's super passive and the other one loves to fucking get in there, it's not gonna work.

Yeah, if you just like let, you're like, I don't care about what this is. And the other person's just screaming at you. They're more mad. But if you're both just like sneaky little petty bullshit.

Yeah, if you both are just like fucking. That works. You like knock their toothbrush over some shit yeah fucking scrub your ass all yeah i was thinking it yeah um okay i like that one um this is another one that's big this may be just me uh sleep temperature oh that is huge that's fucking huge yeah if you're a hot sleep and a cold sleep combo no thanks it's literally not gonna work yeah yeah because then there's like oh you guys can you know use different blankets but like no it never works no yeah you can't put a fan on one side a heater on one you can't keep the room one temp and the other her side that's what they have beds for that now but that's because

that's how big of an issue it is yeah i don't love you enough to get a new bed i'm not ready to make that commitment that's like getting a dog together you enough to get a new bed i'm not ready to make that commitment that's like getting a dog together you have to be married by the time that happens yeah and if we have different sleep temperatures we're never getting that far yeah that would be huge because i i'm not sleeping if it's fucked up yeah yeah that's valid uh garrett um i try to think of a cute you ran out of word plays but just money just money money yeah okay yeah money because how many times have we seen a good looking gal with a fucking dweeber who's well i would almost say that i think everyone would agree money money one is it doesn't have this is one that can be different though you don't have to have a compatibility on it no i'm saying if one person has it one person one person can have all of it

no not the girl but i but but it can work the other way like with these we're saying you have all the money with these we're saying you have to be compatible this one it's like you don't have to make the same money it's like one person can make a bunch of money but someone has to have the money hmm no i think if the girl is the breadwinner it's likely not happening okay i'm sorry i have to do this i was talking about a female specifically obviously yeah yeah yeah money is a love language yeah yeah okay just yeah having yeah yeah okay yeah i'm in on that all girls would agree with that all right ladies and gentlemen here we go quick break from the show because it's fucking spooky season motherfucker and there's nothing worse than having is it it's spooky as shit nothing scarier than a

fucking set of hairy balls yeah and there's nothing literally nothing scarier than that john's cock and there's untrimmed nothing yeah untrimmed by the doctor yeah the day you were born uncircumcised so this man's game doesn't use circumcisions manscape but the manscaped can't circumcise you because it can't cut your shit dude it's yes good it's a no nick because it's technology no it's low nick check the usb they've got the patent but keep that in mind this spooky season because Manscaped are committed to helping men around the world walk and talk with some swagger this season

with the best grooming tools on the market. Try and fucking do a circumcision with one of those things. You can. Yeah, you can. I've tried to do it. I promise. So even when you're dressed as Ken and your dumb girlfriend's dressed as Barbie,

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good with hair you cannot manscaped but enjoy this offer this spooky season 20 off and free shipping if you go through the boys code no fomo check out that's nlfmo don't neglect your beautiful self we've ever spelled it before that's huge Get right this spooky season with Manscaped and NoFomo. NoFomo at checkout. Gang, gang, back to the show. Gang, gang. Okay. This one is a big one. What does leisure mean to you? Leisure? Yeah. Are you a, in my free time, we're sitting on the couch and we're both on our phones? Or if you have 20 free minutes, you want to go on a hike or if we go on vacation are you uh do you want to sit by the bar at the beach and get hammered all day or are you uh i want to go see some museums and fucking walk through so are you a good or a bad person yes exactly

do you suck or are you lit i actually have one for this instead of quality time it was scroll time like just scroll the amount yeah like sitting next to each other while you scroll yeah sitting next to each other and just scrolling or same feed this is a new one if you could same feed together compatibility no like say if you could watch the same if either of you could watch either's feed yeah you could lay there and watch one feed that is huge that is huge single phone yeah fucking meme compatibility that is huge that might be that might be number one yeah like if compatibility that is huge that might be that might be number one yeah like if your feeds are if your feeds are in sync and that just goes along

with any time if someone's like oh look at this and you're just like yeah that is huge how many times in a relationship can you do that if someone just like shows you something they're like look at how cool this is and you're like fuck i think that Not as important, but close to as important as my next one. Spotify ability. Oh. Music ability? Same music taste. Or at least enough to where you don't hate what they listen to. Yeah.

That's more of a hate than loving it. But if you both just love the same shit, that's pure bliss. Well, it's just because I feel like concerts are such a big thing oh i didn't even think outside of just listening in the car oh yeah no like going to shows and shit like if you're trying to drag you to some show you don't want to go to you're like oh that shit is like having to do i would frequently do shit that you don't fucking have no interest i would never tolerate that so that could even just let's go big umbrella here liking even the same liking the same, liking each other. That's huge. Love language,

having common ground. I'm not sure how, I mean, I don't know if there's a amount of love I could add for someone to drag me to like a fucking country concert. No. So you're coming to stagecoach this year. Yeah. It's only because Nickelback's playing.

Yeah. And that's part of country now. We've adopted a lot. I fucking love country now. Post Malone's country. He's going to be there. That's, that's good though.

But he's doing like a country cover set. And it's going to rip. I mean, I'll be there. But like, okay, so I couldn't go to a Jonas Brothers concert. No, yeah. That's a deal breaker. Okay, you have bigger concerns if your girl likes Jonas Brothers. I'm just saying, like, yeah.

Music says a lot about you. What about the Barenaked Brothers? What are they called? The Naked Brothers from Nickelodeon? Do you not remember that? The Butt Knuckle Bros? The Butt Knuckle Bros? You don't remember that the butt knuckle the butt knuckle bros you don't remember the naked brothers the butt knuckle it was like the second coming of

the jonas brothers but they were way gayer the naked brothers i have a feeling this google is gonna be good the naked brothers band yeah naked brothers and bb oh they're both whooped that's why this one didn't take off naked bros band you would remember this they're whack as shit i didn't even know about until i googled naked bros the other day google stupidly auto filled the wrong thing the naked bros band oh these guys are whack it took me to nickelodeon's website instead of the hub i was so confused oh it's the guy from that scary ass movie what's that movie called old hered. Hereditary? Hereditary, yeah. It's one of those guys, huh? I thought it was.

He's not supposed to be doing that stuff. I haven't seen him naked. What? Yet. Say what? Get your OnlyFans up. I think that was all the ones I had. How do we try to sort these?

I like that we did by category. I should have done by category. Like try to make it close to yeah i just did things that are i feel like like head giving is was a good one he just fucking volunteers himself if we're going one by one that was my first one that's just the first thing i said well that's just receiving gifts you didn't even receiving head yeah it's not a gift that's a gift that's the best gift the gift of head well mine's more specific and i like it more that's a very good point all right like we need to write them all down here i bought you a fucking stick of gum okay there's the um i think we had

we had a few for sure okay strangers online thing that what was your other things okay first you're gonna write them all down yeah he's gonna write it down he's not even gonna type anything in because they're all his let's just try and remember them the ones that we liked say one of the ones say what you think your best one is scroll scroll ability is fire um oh yeah same phone scroll that was a big one that's one the phone scroll the feed phone scroll music's a huge one oh the fighting fighting style fighting style fighting style fighting stance uh do arguing arguing and roasting roasting well no fighting is arguing yeah fighting is arguing roasting has to be on roasting's one which is words of degradation how do we feel about sleep temperature yeah that's

words of degradation uh sleep temperature is good i think that has to be i think music has to be in there yeah i think that's another one sleep test sleep temp and music that's it folks bought a fability you just found your new your new boyfriend off of that so yeah i mean next time because what do they have out there right now they have um to see if you're a good match they have uh the moon um phases of when you were born if those match up yeah your star sign yeah nice try or you can do horoscopes what do you think's gonna last longer now if these are in those though then we got okay so what is an aries yeah yeah if you're an aries moon and you like cold sleep yeah okay so that's what that's the next step take these apply them to all this is what we need to this is our new

business venture applying man logic jibby jabby fucking bullshit star signs to real life things well let's go if you're in aries you like to sleep at a nice 64 degrees should we man logic everything yeah man logic everything man math yeah man math it okay so so okay so i'm gonna so aries like i'm. Cool breeze as a man. Yeah, if you're an Aries, you like air. Fucking cool breeze at night. Capricorn. Corn sleeper.

Corn's in Nebraska. Nebraska's hot. That's hot. Yes. Cancer is bad. Cancer, you get chemo, which heats you up. That's a hot sleep. That's a hot sleep.

And you also, phones give you cancer. So, you have bad scroll with somebody who's not a cancer yeah you don't like to scroll yeah we can do this we could easily Sagittarius half man half horse yeah probably a cold sleeper cancer maybe a medium they sleep outside there could be some mediums outside okay horses do sleep outside yeah cancer fighting style is kind of like aggressive oh with the crap yeah you attack like yeah so the cancer's artemarius water yeah cold water is cold all right we gotta stop because we will go for it i could do it all day i think that's give me one more give me one pisces um they like pie pies hot

pies hot pisces is fish it's also cold for them oh they can go either way different fighting style from the cancer that's a neutral they're cool with either fighting style from the cancer is they can't fight because they're dead what are the other ones we have we have only done like sleep temperature and fighting no we've done all of them words of degradation

I was saying so we could do more things for the oh no we're done with it unless we got something good okay give me one more Taurus could do more things for the oh no we're done unless we got something good okay i i have faith give me one more give me one more one more tourists oh they like to fight the cancers and and their horns crap i'm just stuck on a ford a ford tourist i'm pretty sure they got recalled for their engines exploding hot great ac though Yeah, but not when the car's on fire. No, you'd be surprised how cool it can still be in there.

Yeah. So maybe one night, all of a sudden, they just combust and they need it to be hot. Bunch of leg room. And a Ford Taurus is a bad gift, too, so they're not the gift. They don't give good heads. Tauruses have heads. Love good head. They give great head.

Yes. Is there any of the signs that don't like head um the headless horse the zodiac killer oh you know he's getting an actual head he's a cold sleeper sagittarius is getting actual half horse headless horseman but i'm a sagittarius and i like head so never mind okay what's a sagittarius? Half man, half horse. Fadge. Half man, half horse. That's not you. Are you sure? It's your dominant fucking sign.

Here he goes. Here he gets up the most dominant. Really good at basketball. The strongest big man. The moon is so full. Really good at basketball too. The best basketball player. The drippiest jumper and a fucking dominant man.

Are you back? Okay, let's intro it and then we'll grab. Okay. So John just couldn't figure out how to set up bluetooth john just took 14 minutes it's a double button hold i thought it was oh no shit john just took 14 minutes to connect his bluetooth headphones that he uses every day yeah but what is this game called we're gonna play a game i don't know if it has a name am i talking loud right now yeah he's got some headphones and he can't hear what we're saying we're gonna ask him some questions you're gonna try to answer him yes yeah now remember when you're asking me the question i have to be able to look at you and see your mouth to try and guess what

you're saying no fuck well i'm just saying if you if you start asking it and i don't know you're asking us a whole point to each other who's asking the question okay let me go first okay just give us a thumbs up when you're ready just because you're dumb doesn't mean we're dumb how does bluetooth work how do i blow my blue brush upside down that was lit we'll do two each okay i got one why are you gay why am i gay that's good okay How do headphones work? How many eggs do I have? I don't have any eggs.

Which button to connect to the Bluetooth? Which month was I born in? April. Perfect. What's your favorite bubble gum? What's my favorite popcorn regular popcorn okay come back come back come back oh so i just answered the question don't repeat it it's kind of funnier when he tries to repeat it though okay okay okay because then you at least have a clue what he's going off of yeah no it's funnier if he just fucking rips if i just say it

okay that's fair it just probably would take me a second because i'm trying to think okay okay so we'll do one we're gonna do one more each one more each yeah how tall are you i've never fallen down why are you so short my uh football okay how'd i do huh terrible didn't get a singular way oh except for mine i got that one i could i know that i didn't answer that you didn't answer it though oh i didn't yeah well i don't know why yeah so let's do answer and then you guess the question. Answer and then I guess the question?

So answer it first. Well, we'll pass it to G. Okay, pass it to G. Yeah, so answer. Well, you're already guessing the question by answering it, though. Well, we have to know what the fuck you're thinking, though. Like, what did you think for the football one? The football?

Yeah. I thought you said, what's your favorite sport? No, I said, why are you so short? Yeah. John also bought, what are those? KFC headphones? Yeah, these are from, I think these are not the right way. There we go.

These don't feel good. Do you have them the right way? Yeah. Okay. Ready? Let me know when you go. You want to first only one ear only one ear there we go good fuck you want to go this is gnarly black bears or brown bears poppers okay this is so gnarly one fish stop stop stop the music stop music stop oh shit maybe it's i'm not

what's your favorite sex position? Reverse cowgirl. You got that one. The music stopped again. Oh, I can't leave YouTube. Okay. You're on YouTube. Yeah, I just put YouTube music. You're not on Spotify? It's not working.

It's not. Oh, I left it again. Split screen the fucking notes. Just have them both pulled up. Only one ear. I don't know what you want. There we go. go okay how high can you count your mouth is in front of the microphone you asshole how high can you count 300 okay whoever smelt it yes what's your favorite fruit strawberry oh he can read lips dude who was the first president vagina

you got more if you had to climb a tree how tall could it be oh the song stopped oh i only heard the very last part but okay okay oh it went to youtube uh commercial you're so do you not have like an itunes library or something no that would be worse john doesn't like music guys is it good now it's way too quiet like the song is just so slow I can't this is okay it is in the jungle yeah okay let me think of a new question I got one what color is your skin my taint uh what's your am I screaming Pink. What's your... Am I screaming?

What's your favorite race? My favorite race? Basmati. How tall are you? Six foot. You want to do one more? Yeah. Okay, one more.

What's your favorite flavor of pie of pot melon okay we're good we're good we're good let me hit it how did you you actually got a couple of them yeah oh shit what was the last one your favorite flavor of pie of pie i said pot i was like what the fuck it's weird how your mind will just like fill in a sentence that makes no sense yeah like why would that favorite flavor of pot make any sense connected connected All right, you ready? Garrett? Yeah, no music. Yeah, I got music. Okay, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon.

That was good. How are you so bad at basketball? I'm great at basketball. Explain how to change a tire three tires how are you so unathletic i'm super athletic oh you can hear us can you hear no you could just read lips that well i could read lips well okay so you can just read lips no he can hear us okay who's going i'll go um if sally sold seashells by the seashore how many shells did sally sell chupacabra um what are women better at than men

pass that would be his answer too um groundhog's day falls in which month three do it again no way too tall i'm way too tall um what's the worst star sign horse's cock um who would win in a fight between a green beret and a marine you got me you're out how'd i do you can hear i can't hear you got like the first three you got like three in a row i could read those lips maybe you guys's lips are just a little looser well that was fun that was fun did i get all of them then no you didn't get all well the one said past okay yeah you said you were like you just didn't answer the ones that you couldn't hear.

Well, I couldn't, I couldn't make out anything from them. They were so long. They have to be like four words. Oh yeah, I didn't make them up. That's fair. Because you were hearing them. Yeah. I thought.

Did I get watermelon? Okay. You just said watermelon, watermelon, watermelon. I thought that was the thing that you're supposed to do when you, you know, like when they say if you don't know the words and you just want to mouth something. Yeah. You just say watermelon. I thought that would be like you there's nothing oh no

that's watermelon oh that's fun though i thought that would sneak by i have hiccups okay but yeah that was oh i forgot to ask you one of the ones i was going to ask you too i had a really good one too who did 9-11 oh that's that is good mine was gonna be what is a raisin uh oh should i ask that one his you were so good you didn't you you don't even know mine his first one was how does bluetooth work what did i say fucking like cheese or something i can't read lips for fuck yeah that's tough because in real life i can't hear well either. Yeah, I've gotten really good at that. I guess you guys have the DJ.

So you're deaf and retarded. You guys have the DJ skill of being in clubs a bunch of times and being able to, like you can't hear all the time. What a great skill to have. Because when I'm in those scenarios, I can't hear, and then I can't read lips, so it's just, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I had a long time where i had to do the fucking yeah to people and it's just bit me in the ass way too many times oh i feel like an absolute cock and then they repeat themselves because they know you're not supposed to say yeah to that yeah they're like talking about how their mom passed away and you're just like yeah fuck people who try and have a conversation in those situations you're a piece of shit yeah put me through that fucking stress um that's all i had where are we at right at an hour dude we killed it right on the dot if you take out 10 minutes of me setting up the fucking yeah so this one's gonna be 49 minutes long

so it comes out it's 25 you shouldn't leave that all in i hate that i have to cut that out you should leave it in fuck it no i'm not going to leave it in Put it in the YouTube Yeah just leave it in that one You are dumb 59 I think next week we got to get a theme back in here A sixth centennial Well we're going it's Halloween now

Oh yeah we can do Halloween Let's do a month long Halloween Costumes amok for the next month Are they making a new Dahmer we need a new Dahmer dude you want to do dommer again what's been big what could we do let's think of one right now for halloween yeah well just the next uh what's what's like a big theme that we could do what's been big well i gotta see what brian kilberger who's that i don't want to say the guy who committed the idaho oh fuck you were going off that theme I like that I'll think of something good for this

okay but yeah we're gonna go hard for fucking Halloween and 59 how is it already fucking October it's crazy is it are we at a year have we done this a year it's been two years has it been two years what are we doing no we're on

episode 60 how are we still so bad at this we're on episode 60 and we skipped like six months oh yeah yeah well then okay but we're back as shit dude we did a few like multi-weeks right but um yeah gang shit oh my god you know de la gang. We will see you next Friday, bitch. Yeah, John's going to get some... I'm going to... You know what I'm going to do for the next episode? I'm going to come up with a full report on Bluetooth. No, you should have to go to...

I'm going to teach you Bluetooth. I'm going to do a fucking PowerPoint presentation. I want to know why they named it Bluetooth. I'll tell you next fucking episode. No, what's that thing? Nope. No, I'm not talking about that. Don't say anything about it.

I don't want to know it beforehand. I'm not talking about Bluetooth. What's the thing called in Best Buy-fi no the thing in best buy the guys that help you with shit geek squad oh geek squad you should have to go to one of those conferences i should have to do like the apple learn your iphone yeah you should have to sit there for an hour because well you guys are going to write up on ios 17 you guys are actually going to go through one of those with me you got got non-Apple headphones? These are better. They don't come out of your ear.

Nope. The AirPods Pro don't come out of your ear. Okay, well I like these ones. The AirPods don't come out of your ear. I'm sorry, you don't like them. Also, they're set to the size of my ear. You have little weak, little man ears, okay? I do, I can agree with that.

You have weak little baby ears. You can't hear even with headphones in. All right. You have hairy little hobbit ears. Okay. But yeah. All right. We'll see you guys next week.

All right, bye.