NO FOMO - 63. Feel the Magma

Episode Date: October 20, 2023

🔔 Subscribe & Follow: ⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/nofomopod⁠⁠ 🎽 Merch: ⁠⁠https://www.bonfire.com/store/no-fomo/⁠⁠ Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we play spin zone, feel the magma, and prepare for the girl draft. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back to the Monster Chicken Fumble Show. Now it's Fumble. I've got a little thinker to kind of start us off today. You do? Well, we're not starting like that with the most low end. I got a little thinker with the thinky thoughts. Dude, look at the glasses I got. I think that's how we're going to start.

We're going to start with that. I think I've got something that'll get us tinkering today. All right, Cornelius, take it away. Let's get some beers. Goosh, goosh. Take us away, Cornelius. That was the hypest intro of all time. John Marsh.

Ladies and gentlemen. Everybody. Oh, let's do a Garrett hype up. Garrett, why don't you intro us? Hi, news here. Hi, here we are. It's episode... Here's the weather.

It's episode 64. Eat it, dick. Is it episode 64 and we're doing it? I don't give a fuck what episode it is. Shut the fuck up and start. There he is. There he is. How's that?

No, I don't want to start anymore. Let's hang out and get some beers. Let's hang out and get some beers, man. All right, well... I don't want to start anymore. Let's hang out and get some beers. Let's hang out and get some beers, man. All right, well, I don't want to start. Hamas. Mm, sucks. You wanted me to start. Okay.

You wanted me to start. I was, uh... Start. Start. I was in the Taco Bell drive-thru today, and the guy, um, he wasn't Dutch. He was, uh... Nordic.

What's the... Swedish. What's it from when you're from Finland finish your beer? I actually like that you should have let me in yeah, I would have not called you ever got it. All those names in my mind. Red and tinted. Well, that's a good one. I like that one. All that ice already melt. God damn, it's hot in here.

It's warm. It's a warm... Go ahead and chug that. Warm atmosphere. Finish your beer. Who gets White Claws, by the way, these days? Never mind. There's no loss. For the record, they weren't purchased by anyone. Okay, but this is the thing i was actually gonna do because i i loved that start more finish it it's not a nice suggestion the joke wasn't go

crack a new one yeah finish your beer what what is this chug this is for the people check he fucked oh my god you are such a cuck. The Navy is right. The United States Navy is never wrong. Come on, dude. You think if the Navy saw you fucking six-sipping? You used the chug, bro. You used the fucking chug. Six-sipping a black cherry white claw, they're going to change their mind about you?

What is it? The USS? Those are out of Missouri. No, is it the Missouri? No, they just got sent to Iowa. Didn't they just get sent to fucking Amman? They might have gotten. I think they're the first ship over there were they there's a high chance

that would be actually pretty late if our boys are the ones handling business over there we appreciate you dude if they're over there let's go dude we're pretty much in the army if you think about it you're not you're not we're not doing it for you we're honorary members of the USS Iowa yeah

they're not doing it it's not USS Iowa I'm pretty sure it's Iowa I don't think it was the Iowa but ayahuasca maybe maybe if I type in USS if you type in USS like there's not three thousand well I'm just saying it recent searches well yeah you did look them up USS USS air carrier it had a cool name could have been the Iowa I don't think it was a state I think it was US, USS air carrier. It had a cool name. Could have been the Iowa. I don't think it was a state. I think it was something bad-ass.

Could have been anything. Maybe I'm just thinking the Hawkeyes because the Hawkeyes are from Iowa, right? Yeah. Anyways. Did you actually have a thinker to thought? Yeah. Do you think it's nice? Oh, that was just bait.

Yeah, that was bait. Okay. Do you think it's nice or kind of fucked up to say have a good day back to someone who's working an absolute shithole job, like fast food or like the DMV? Anyone that's working. When they're like having a day and you're like, have a good day too.

Or you're like, you too. I think it's kind of... No, it's backhanded, it's childish. Right? Consulting? it's absolutely yeah we know they're not gonna have a good day you know yeah this is a bad day for that was there a build on top of that just fuck people that work i know yeah a build there's no uh there's no return joke on yeah there's no crescendo it's not fucked up but they know you're not serious

i just felt kind of dumb saying it back to like someone like that when they're having to ask it like it's almost someone a customer service that like have a nice day you should just be like i fucking will yeah or like the wells fargo phone representative like you know they're it's just not going well for them yeah they're having yeah the fucking customer service guy yeah wells fargo my least favorite thing is those like conversations where they have like a script for the ending of the conversation. Is there anything else I can assist you with today? All right, thank you so much for calling Wells Fargo Bank.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Established in 1950. I'd just click and hang up before they even get into that. I think they want that. I'm just like, please stop. Think about how jazzed you'd be if you didn't have to finish that every time. Yeah, in what scenario is a robotic script? What a friendly touch at the end of that conversation. I don't even know why they need a fucking person doing that shit i like a person

most of them don't know what they're doing i don't like the robot they never work like the robot give me a better robot put it on the internet ai it yeah that's that's the movement yeah yeah stop making me call well maybe stop calling they all have ai chatbots no today i had to call i got some fucking 19 check from wells fargo for bad fees or something they gave bad fees yeah bad spooky fees spooky ghostly fees they gave you a check yeah they gave me a check for 19 dollars uh because i didn't get the check they sent me a notice that said did you get the check because oh they got sued again for doing sneaky fucking shit wells fargo is is notorious. I didn't get a check. Yeah, they don't fuck with you. There's no money in there.

It depends. How long have you had an account there? It depends. It could have been from like 10 years ago. I've had an account since I was 17. I'm out of Wells Fargo, dude. I'm out. You're out?

What are you going to do? What are you going to fucking go? Citibank? Shitty bank? No, I have Schwab. You're going to go to Shitty Bank? I have Schwab, which is fucking, they're gas, dude. Oh, bet. No ATM fees at any time.

Dude, the online banks are the way to go. we didn't sound so sure about that i know because none of them have the online banks are lit because none of them have atm so they just get let you use any atm for free it's crazy it's absolutely crazy i like the fees so the fees are gonna be the finance you need to have the fees on an atm or else you're just gonna keep going back you need to have that stopper at the strip now because when you're desperate enough to need it when you go back for that second two you want a draw and you see the six dollar ATM fee at the club that's it does sting harder yeah especially if you're always willing the fees are $20 and you're only taking out 40 exactly $19 service charge in Vegas and you're taking out 40 bucks to go to the blackjack table and burn it.

Now I already lost half so even if I win there's nothing better than pulling out no money. Fuck that shit is. Speaking of Vegas we haven't been there in a minute for good reason. That's a right call. That's a place I don't know that I ever need to go back to.

But I'll be back with a vengeance. We have to do it for 30, I think. No. That's depressing. Yeah, 21's fun. 30's sad. Going for 30, that's like... Come on, what else do we have?

We might as well go to our reunion high school football game or something and watch... Oh, when is that? Speaking of, when is that? Okay. What do you got, Pig okay have you wait have you guys seen any of the girl draft memes yes dude those those rips are so fucking good have you seen that i don't think so so there was like minor talks about women being allowed to be in the draft if there were one oh women like okay this yeah the women's military draft yeah okay and they're talking about and there's a bunch of videos of like me and the girls on our first like war shift and shit like that it's fucking unreal

but they're all just like fucking they're like shoot them i'm trying bethany but um so that got me thinking what field would have the most legendary downfall if men had to take it over so there's these are all like 80 above of girls do it yeah yeah so there's therapists kindergarten teachers cosmetologists which is hair skin nails and interior design oh fuck i was so sure until you said interior design yeah because it would be kindergarten teacher number one that's got to be so the entire basically the entire school system at that point every kid is you could just do teacher because it's like 80 percent of teachers yeah teacher would be rough teachers would be rough i actually couldn't there could be some

pros there i could spins on that did. Did you have a male teacher? I've had male teachers. I had two, and not a lot gets done. One of them had, like, you could, on Fridays, it was like you could play with a fucking bunch of pets in the back of the class. That's lit. They don't give a fuck about shit. But I think there would be some pros.

Like, maybe just, like, kids crying, which you should figure it out. They're good at science. Yeah, that's one of the pros. Like, science math would be better. Yeah. What was it? Cosmetology would be a tough...

No, the gays could take over that. They would body that. Yeah, gays would take that. Same with interior design. Now, if you think gays... If you think gay dudes take over the girl job, it's fine. That's such a small proportion. We need to fill in a lot of jobs here.

Okay, that's fair. So some straight men are going to have to do it. Because the gays could so do the cosmetology. Oh, they would body it. I think interior design would be rough for men. Wait, you're crossing off therapy? I feel like there are male therapists. Okay, so I have one for my fucking,

my ADD prescription. They don't give a fuck about shit, dude. You're not actually going for a therapist. No, but he's supposed to be that. It's like a therapy session. What do you mean? Yeah, but you're're not actually going for a therapist. That's not a therapy session. No, but he's supposed to be that. It's like a therapy session. What do you mean? Yeah, but you're not going in with any actual issue. Yeah, that's not...

You can't gauge it off of your need. You're just like, oh, I can't focus. Yeah, every time you go in, he's like, how are you doing? Well, I guess I am faking it. And then every time I go in there, I'm just like, I'm fine, dude. Let me get the fuck out of here. He's helping you every time correctly. That's fair.

You're going in there like, I can't look at this goldfish. Which one would be the worst collapse? But think about it. If you did therapist, though, it would be a guy in the seat every time a girl was complaining about something. Okay, that would be... I didn't think about that. Yeah, that's... That would be fucking rough.

I'd be like, oh, shit, dude. See, at least that one, I feel like there's a standard for getting your degree to where they could, even though men would be worse at it, they would still have the training. That's true. The interior design one for me is just like, I know that technically there's school for that. You can go to school to be in architectural design, those kind of designs. That's completely different. Interior design is just, does that look good?

It's just not in our DNA. Does that look good? Yeah. And I don't think we'd ever get there. Because they think of like a print or something that would look good over there. And there's a lot of guys who are good at it, even non-gay men. But like there's not a lot. I just...

I think if it was purely left... Like if men's... Because it's influenced by what women think is good. Like the men who are doing it probably aren't like innovating a lot they're just able to see what the women have chosen and institute like put that in if we just had to come up with it it's tough it would be a lot of

fucking like industrial would be a lot of let's paint this house iron color a lot of metal I think we should do metal a lot of metal all the fucking houses are A lot of metal. I think we should do metal. A lot of metal. All the fucking houses are made out of metal again. Metal and like wood.

We all live in log cabins again. I know you need to paint it. There's no cupboards, everything's just out. Yeah, so I can see it over there. Why do I have to open a door to clean cups and all? I don't have to look for it. Just kind of keep it how they built it right there. The bed's just all the blankets on top of it like the pillow industry goes out the window tomorrow this looks that whole thing is gone

oh what are the other ones okay there was another one the first one what was the first therapist kindergarten teachers cosmetologist interior design cosmetologist would be. Okay. So let's do, I guess we just got to do all of them. We got to do us as the, if we're talking about what would actually collapse, women would just start doing their own makeup. So that would be, they would probably be okay.

The whole car. If men were doing the cosmetology part of it, then women would not go to do it. Yeah. And more men would probably go. Yeah. We'd be, we'd be the sexier. I wonder what it would feel like to go in do it. Yeah. And more men would probably go. Yeah. We'd be the sexier gender.

I wonder what it would feel like to go in as, if men did that, like how, what would we get done? I've done it before. Eyelashes? Let's fucking shave your head and your eyebrows. Oh, eyebrows.

Eyebrows. Oh, yeah. Oh, getting your eyebrows trimmed is lit. Pore sealing. Yeah, we seal your pores. Pores. We went ahead and sealed your pores. Did you just say getting your eyebrows trimmed is lit sealing yeah we seal your pores we went ahead we went ahead and sealed your pores did you say getting your eyebrows trimmed is lit yeah how i have long ass eyebrows

dude and they're orange and shit oh yeah dude yeah i'm turning to the longest i swear to god the only time a barber did that to me without my consent i literally like could not stand so you're raped by you got eyebrow i did i did What did he do He just put like a little comb through And did it And I was like What the fuck And I was like Dude that shit's lit

He already did one So I'm kind of fucked here So he's gotta do the other one And I just They just looked so Small and dainty Dude they're fresh brows You are a big brow guy though

But back to the question Biggest downfall Biggest actual downfall The only one that would Maybe therapy In today's day and age or schooling yeah it's got to be between teachers and interior design doesn't it because no we could we could do interior design look at this garage another one would be more crucial to humanity well another

one that would be rough with the all men teachers is i feel like men are responsible for a lot of fucking the kids ones like a lot of so much more a lot of the stories are the high school like guys fuck way more kids yeah and and actually i feel like the ones in high school is a lot no it's all women i'm serious which i'm gonna which schools are those because i want to send my kid up um which which district has the highest teacher fucking kids race which district fucks the most kids maybe it's because those are the only ones that we pay attention to in the news is when you see like a good looking teacher that's like oh this teacher sexually assaulted a student we're like fuck yeah we're like good for that kid dude i bet they get

big numbers the next year for the single dad homes they're like we got to put you in this school well the teachers go to prison yeah they oh but they find out about it then it's usually if there's one there's two if you've heard about it that's never teaching you know that that's cool probably loses a bunch of kids they're all the dads like fuck you for firing that hot bitch yeah this kids yeah the school's a hot zone we need to get you in a new one more teachers yeah we need to get you to one where they haven't been. Where they haven't caught on yet.

Where they haven't caught on yet. Yeah, that one doesn't have one. That one doesn't have one. School's busted. Which school hasn't had a teacher busted for it yet? Single dads Googling which school to take their kids to. All right, let's all take a vote then. I think we got it on that one.

Teachers? Yeah, I think teachers is it. Okay. Yeah. vote then i think we got it on that one teachers yeah i think teachers is it okay yeah i mean there's something about the patience of a woman handling young children especially i mean if i was going to throw another ones in there maybe like a nurse would be a rough one if all guys were nurses yeah like taking care of just maybe just taking just being nice to people yeah yeah yeah caring about people's feelings it's like it's it's just hard to think of ones that they're good like taking care of just maybe just taking nice to people. Yeah. Yeah. Caring about people's feelings. It's like,

it's, it's just hard to think of ones that they're good at. That's it. That's all. Yeah. We'd blow teachers for sure. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick break from the show because we're brought to you by manscape today,

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Okay. Okay. Come into my thought bubble here. These are usually hard. We are a panel of evil female super geniuses, modifying the male genetic code to give men a period every month how's it going to work like genetically

or physiologically how's it going to happen just like the physical symptoms of it I've got it so the way the essence of it is this for every day you don't ejaculate you have to pay that as like a due at the end of

the month right so say you only ejaculate 27 times you have like three days worth of built up ejaculate for some people they'd have like 30 days so it comes out in a solid form and it's incredibly painful and it comes out in like little almost like kidney stones but on top like tic tacs so the the symptoms would be like just insane like testosterone like roid rage and you would just get you would just fly off the handle at anything for like the last whatever week of the month or whenever your cycle would be i think that's what we would want it to be if it was girls trying to make it evilly towards us they would make it wait. It wouldn't be an option.

You wouldn't get to beat off and not get it. Oh yeah. We just all be beaten off, but I like where you're going. Yeah. If it was evil women, that was, that was,

I'm spitballing here. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't have more than 13 seconds to think about this. I'm saying for like a week, your balls are fucking swollen. Like they're just overflowing

with fucking that's what i was saying like they're kind of your bank your bank like builds up they lose come at the end of the month it's just like you have this huge debt to pay yeah that i like the debt to pay i guess i guess the the option to not have it happen by having sex or masturbating doesn't yeah in. Say whatever happens throughout the month doesn't matter. You just get massive swollen balls to the point where you can't move your legs in closer than a fucking 45 degree

angle. Yeah, you gotta wobble walk. You're making too much cum for a whole week. Your balls get pregnant. Your balls get pregnant. Girls have period pants. We have to wear a specific set of like low cut low cut ball jeans ball sweats so like you see a guy out in the club and he's wearing like a suit and he's just got the ball cut jeans hanging down to his knees and you're super sad too you can't come either you can't come during that time you can't

come yeah you can't come yeah that would get hard can't come can't get hard you're sad you're really sad and you have swollen like all you need to do is dump a load and you can't. And your dick's fucking tiny. It's hard to piss over those fat balls. You're pissing all over your balls. You'd be super empathetic to like women's problems the whole week too. Oh yeah. Like they'd be coming to you and you'd be like, oh my God, I can't.

You saw a kitten in the street. We should adopt it. I'm trying to think of how i could we can make it benefit them more uh does period benefit us at all no but i'm just these are female evil geniuses or what if you can't they're trying to punish us really they're trying to punish us okay so if it was gonna benefit them it you know say it's like your significant others in on this as well it does get hard but you get no pleasure from it so they just sit there and they ride it and just beat your balls to shit it vibrates oh it turns into like a vibrator or you're hard for a whole week but you can't feel anything they know so they're just all and they're just all over you that whole week you're hard and sad for a whole week and they

can smell it yeah they're like i like the idea of them being sad for some reason yeah they're ravenous and you're just depressed as shit. Yeah. You're sad and hard for like a whole week. Like a girl smells it and I'm just like, oh, he's hard for a whole week. I'm in. You're just so not in the mood. Yeah.

You're not in the mood, but you're fucking hard. And it hurts. And it's painful. Fat balls. Sad. It might be more mean if maybe not you can't come, but you can get close to it. Oh, you could almost come. Are you blue balls for a week? Yeah, you can't come, but you can get close to it. Oh, you could almost come.

Are you blue balls for a week? Yeah, you're blue balls. But imagine like 10x. Is that our period? Just blue balls? We could have blue balls. That is our period. Just bats. Just bats.

That is not. That's our period. We get it like every five years. Pretty close, dude. Every five years. You get it once every five years. It's more often the younger you are and it kind of decreases yeah because you know you're like i gotta take care of this yeah i have to do this

it's now today is now you don't you don't watch the whole movie on the couch with them like just rubbing up against it yeah and saying no yeah you try to grab a tit for the entirety of shrek and it's just stop it yeah you stopped grabbing tits for Shrek. It's easy. Okay. All right. We accomplished that. Those are rough errors.

Oh, I can't believe I forgot about this. You guys see the Bigfoot sighting? The newest one? Yeah. I did. The what? Bigfoot sighting. Bigfoot sighting.

I am. I'm just going to say this. It's him. All the alien shit. I'm fucking jazzed off this. Can you give me something? So there's a train going by. It's a fucking fire clip of a Bigfoot.

There's a train going by in like the mountains. And literally the best like view of Bigfoot I've ever seen is just like him walking. It's him walking. And then he like sees the train. And then he like kind of lays down and looks like he tries to hide. Okay. But it's lit and he's i if that if we had more bigfoot news i'd be more distracted about the wars and whatever the tax is going up and the interest rates and all that they need to do more bigfoot news than alien news okay so i think they're missing on this and i think they just

tried it out and they saw how much hype it got big big foot's big hype yeah yeah i think that's got way more way i swear i swear hold the fuck on i swear the video i saw was so much better quality but goddamn can i not find a decent picture of this it's the same here's the thing about low quality videos nothing takes low quality quality videos oh no it's just so far away the zoom makes it low quality train is he three years away he's probably pretty far he's out of the zoom makes it low quality train is he three years away He's probably pretty far. He's out of the mountains. They're on a train Well, and what news did this make I need to know how it was on every news bigfoot spotted in Colorado in broad daylight Do people do people not know you could just fucking edit videos? How did they accept? Okay more? With some of the conspiracies that you propagate to deny something like this did not give me Bigfoot dude. I'm sorry

Here it is. Here's the No, this is actually okay look okay watch the video can you give him the whole video? I'm gonna give him the video. Yeah, give him the whole video Bigfoot sighting in Colorado. Okay, look okay look okay so he's like walking and then he starts ducking when he sees the train come around bend dude i'd fuck it oh no that's real that's real what here we go here we go this is a little bit better you can also dress up like bigfoot no that's here you go look at look at look at it could be a ghillie suit that's Bigfoot

come on dude have some fun aliens are irrelevant we have Bigfoot what are they gonna do oh the government confirmed aliens they haven't confirmed Bigfoot yet I'm in on that also Bigfoot would be way sicker if that one was real because if it's been here the whole time then we still haven't found it

versus aliens like they kind of dip in and dip out like whatever yeah he's just the most legendary hide and seek fucking player of all time he's the goat of hide and seek he that's why he is still hidden his he his origin story if they came out of the bigfoot movie would be he's a little kid they play hide and seek and he's still playing oh that's fucking good dude write that down you should sell those right movie right that holy shit. Yeah, he's still with oranges and he had to start Eating animals and he's yeah He was a little kid who just never learned how to fucking be a normal human because he's so good he survived Yeah, but he's a survivor. He's on a high protein diet

He's from like somewhere like Louisiana or something where they teach kids how to like survive in the band where he probably ate some like Radioactive shit. No, he only oh yeah, he's been eating raw fucking radioactive deer meat and coyotes yeah deer and coyote meat really comes from a like a hungarian family really hairy yeah or finnish finnish he's from finland okay okay but yeah i just had to bring that in because i i briefly saw that the other day but i went on a dive on bigfoot after that I got way too hyped up and aliens just don't do it for me maybe it's like a fetish thing I think you might want to fuck Bigfoot

I'm just not into I'm not into feet but I am into piss play or something I'm not into aliens but I am into Bigfoot so you are into feet technically yes big hairy ones. Okay.

Fuck Bigfoot is what I'm going to say. We knew that's where you were going with it. Along the lines of fucking. Along those broad lines. Way to tie that. This one's going to be a reach. Okay. No, this one's not a reach. This is pretty universal here. Okay. If you blow your load too quick. Which which has never happened what are the upper and lower limits

of how long to keep it going like how many fake like soft pumps you keep doing yeah before you just admit that you came yeah sometimes you could get a minute in there yeah it kind of it kind of depends on how it works for you if if you come but you've still got like 60 you can keep that going for a little bit but if you come and it flops out if it just dies it's so circumstantial because i swear there's time to air balloons and everything's out of it there's times where i've been like just bricked for like a full five minutes after yeah and it also depends on how how big this moment is like does it matter a lot now yeah like if you don't care you can just roll over yeah if we've been dating if we're dating no more pumps the answer is zero i did it on purpose the lower limit is zero

i'm sorry yeah maybe you'll get and i'm sorry yeah okay so do we do we put it into two brackets then do we put i think it's got it i think the only time you would actually like consider really caring is if it's like the first few times okay say you because if you put in a couple good performances and then like if i've done a couple good ones and then one time i come pretty quick i'm like hey you know I can do it better like and you remember five years ago when I was doing those you've seen it before I can do that you remember I can fuck you real good

babe you remember I was fucking remember that time in the back of the car you remember you know I can fuck you remember that night I asked you to film us and you said no you remember that time despite the lack of video evidence but yeah i would say okay so if we're being just broad here the lower okay the lower limit is zero yeah the upper limit is like

i think a minute like it might feel longer to you but it's probably a minute the real question that i'm still not sure about okay in this scenario in practice is how how much do they know oh how much do they know because i've i've definitely been in that situation i've tried to just like you know you keep going like do you think they they're like they know in their head they're like hey it's over but like thanks for the effort i feel like there's i think they know know if you're done and you're trying to push the limits. They have to be able to feel the difference between 100 and 50. Also, don't act like you don't have any telltale signs for your folks. We need the comments for this.

What percentage chub can they feel? I think that's one we need to hear from women is, can you tell when it's gone low? It's on low battery. Yeah, like three quarters to 100? I think anything above three quarters, they think you're full rock yeah it would be interesting because if they've been with you and you're fucked up like all they're getting is three quarters anyway yeah that's so they think you're fully hard and you are in what you're capable of yeah when do they know what's low power mode yeah that's what we

need to know yeah what's like but when they do it's instant. They know immediately yeah Yeah, they definitely know or no I say about anything under like 75% there like what's going on Yeah, well outside of the it starts a fold a little bit if you're pinching them and It gets fucking weird you guys do geometry and shit Maybe we should switch position. We don't feel You're doing the one where you're kind of like pushing it to hold the blood in it. Like, yeah, that's...

You're pushing the baby. Squeeze around the baby. Get up there, motherfucker. Come on, we're doing this. I totally just can't get that deep in that position. Or, I mean, there's the other part of it, too, is how... When it's blasted, how much of of that is can you cover up a blast can you say like oh i didn't really because you know you've done and you'd be like no i didn't come yet

yeah yeah wait no how much can they how much can they feel of that like you come already like no not yet how much can they feel the blast how much of that can they feel is a better question with the condom on i think it's 50 50 oh with the con i forgot about condom oh i didn't that wasn't even remotely in the conversation i did not even factor that into my oh shit there's a new variable we're gonna have to redo all this math so if you know you're gonna come quick put on a condom because they won't be able to tell probably that yeah that always does it not just get hot in there though that always works the walls just not start sweating as soon as that comes out what wait what the condom no i

mean as soon as a little hot magma gets in there don't you think they feel that oh yeah yeah who turned on the fucking heat they feel the magma like something's spilling yeah they you know they feel the magma oh that was just pre-cum. Did you spill something? Did you just spill some of your magma? We're fucking sick. Holy shit. We're sick. Excuse me sir, did you spill some of your magma? Put this at the front. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm so going to. Yeah, no, put this at the front.

Holy shit, that was good yeah I think we do need some input this is one where it would be nice to have a woman guest and ask her no we're gonna get the comments on this some insight would be nice yeah just like my glasses are fucking up shit cause there's gotta be

it could be one of those things that is still a secret for women like they don't talk about like you know when girls will post something and they'll be like hey I'm gonna tell you guys a secret, but that all women know or something Oh, yeah, you know it could be one of those that they you're still keeping we're like we know yeah We know when there's or it could be one. They're completely in the dark in and we just That's true. We have the upper hand. I feel like they could feel the flex though Yeah, cuz I'd be...

The twig? Let's say even you get a few pumps after. There's an immediate 25% decrease in hardness. Yeah, but that's still not low power mode. But, like, they have to notice that little... Yeah, how much can you tell? How much? Tell us.

How much can you tell us? We want you to tell us how much you can tell how much tell us how much can you tell us we want you to tell us how much you can tell okay good one that's a good one thank you good one thought-provoking mm-hmm okay let's see here okay okay how do you know the difference between there's something smelly outside and I've been crop dusted? That's okay. It's a sting. It's a stinging effect. It hurts.

Where are you? In line at Disneyland. I know that wasn't just... I was smelling churros and now I smell someone's shit. Yeah, how dense is the population? Have I already been outside and not smelled anything for a while? Yeah. And then all of a sudden, there's shit in my mouth?

Where's the nearest obese person? If it can overpower the funnel cakes, then someone's shit in my mouth. That's fair. If there's something that smells good that's overpowered, it's I've been crop tested. Mm-hmm. thing that smells good that's overpowered it's i've been crop tested now if now if i'm walking down a sidewalk and there's just one guy that passes me and within 30 seconds i get clipped with something i think it's safe to say that bastard fucked me uh outside though you could like outside is tough outside stuff so you could walk past some dog shit i feel like it's a distinct

scent yeah there I think when it comes to that, it might be where our noses are more developed than we think. On that level, we're dog nose capacity. Being able to tell if that was oh, there's some seaweed by the beach over here that's making it stink or this guy just

took a shit in the sand like a cat in a cat litter box. On that same note, he's one of the fairest plays in the sand like a cat in a cat litter box. On that same note, is one of the fairest plays in the game if you've got a fart super bad and you're walking with a nice lady maybe down the boardwalk, you time it ever so askewly

where there's another just heinous looking gentleman walking right past you, you squirt one out and be like, oh my God, did that guy smell like shit she's covering covering up the fact that you just farted could be an olympic sport of sorts yeah dude i've adopted the cough lately doesn't work it doesn't fail it doesn't fail i've never seen that that's contingent on if anyone around you cares no i'm i'm telling you where have you been testing this out in here where's the work where have you been workshopping test that you're just if you're

doing it over zoom sure but if you're just in a room with us this that your coughs don't smell like that no you have to be in a in a proximity that it's not going to smell you're just trying to get it out so you're just covering up sound in this scenario yeah the cough does cover up the sound is doable. That's what I'm saying. The sound, I can make it silent whenever I want. Yeah. Dude, you hit a little wide leg step?

No, because you never know when it's going to whistle out. Oh, wide leg step. You do wide leg step and you kind of exhale as you're also doing it. Like, relax. Like when a diesel truck fucking... And it goes... The air it goes the air brakes the air brakes i'd say yeah we're pretty advanced on that i don't think i've ever messed that up no one's ever maybe in the scenario where i'm not sure no one's admitted to it but i've not

so what happened to me a couple months ago is a guy thought i did it to him but i didn't and i was like what the fuck he's like really and I was like oh I don't know you probably did I might have yeah yeah I don't think you're confident sorry that you didn't random guy maybe you smell like shit how does it make you feel that I hope in this scenario that there was other people around and he picked you

no there's no one else around okay sure but it was downtown San Diego 20 is like you motherfucker he fucking comes over you did this to me god damn it okay here's But it was downtown San Diego. He was in a crowd of 20. I was like, you motherfucker. He fucking comes over from four people away. He's like, god damn it. Okay, here's a thought. I think everyone should have to go to rehab for like two weeks. Not necessarily for like drugs and alcohol, but you should just have to go and like not be on your phone and eat healthy and wake up at the same time and like for two weeks.

Like maybe like camping. Just basically camping. Do we know what rehab's like uh i garrett i've refused you refused okay i think that's what it's like for most people is refusal because it's got to be it's kind of like summer camp that's what i'm saying everyone should have to go to camp for a week you unplug yeah you know maybe more of like in a toxic like uh you you can't you know comment on uh political videos or something if that's your thing you know maybe more of like in a toxic like uh you you can't you know comment on uh political videos or something if that's your thing you know you gotta be away from you you need there's got

to be like a specified rehab for every person for like their worst habit yeah just like you gotta stop but it's like basically like 50 year old moms need to not go on facebook for a month yeah you can't you can't walk around and yell at little black kids playing on the street. You know? Yes. And maybe they slowly try to work in something where after the first week and you've done so well, then they're like, for that mom, maybe they bring in some black kids playing basketball outside and you just see. They're not even allowed to peek through the blinds or anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hear them and they know that they're black. They say something like, I love Tupacac and then you're like ah like if they press the nine button as the first button on their phone they get zapped or something they can't even ask oh what are you guys doing nothing yeah just like little things oh that would be good or maybe if you know you're like a girl who talks shit all the time or something like you got to just go and have conversations with people for like weeks about just yourself. And not judge people? Yeah, just yourself.

You can't say anything mean. That'd be tough for a long time. And then they work in exercise, eating, health care. Because they're going to judge in their mind, but they can't shoot off and go to someone and be like, oh my God, can you believe she said that? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, if you go and gossip with someone else, then it's like, oh, we'll restart in two weeks. You've got to do it for the two weeks straight, and it keeps going.

I think rehab's longer than two weeks. Well, I was just saying everyone should have to go for two weeks. You gotta do it for the two weeks straight and it keeps going. I think rehab's longer than two weeks. Well, I was just saying everyone should have to go for two weeks. Okay, real rehab if you're a meth addict, yeah, go for at least two weeks. How long is rehab looking like? I think it's like two to three months. Can I get like an icon pass for it? How long is rehab? To go to all the rehabs? All rehabs there, yeah.

How long is rehab? Break it down for me. Uh... It doesn't really say how long 36 year 90 days 36 years 30 60 90 days Oh 30 60 90 36 years 36 years of rehab you're coming out clean for sure Yeah That's a selling point you might just have to increase the time oh god are you whipping those fuckers out I'm gonna get it going dude oh let's do

some I have to go rehab for this okay let's do some smelling salts oh god they poke the back of my skull they've kind of toned down since we first open it we got supposed to add water every time you use them no I don't think so maybe bottles not descriptive enough. It just says get fucked. Looking at the instructions, it seems like you might need to rehydrate them. Oh, you went in hard. Yeah, you gotta...

Wake up. You went in so aggressively. There's a level of pain. Wake up, dude. Wake up. We should have done this at the start. What are we even doing? Oh, shit.

Welcome back. Motherfucker. That's as close as I get. Oh. Wake up. We should have done this at the start. What are we even doing? Oh, shit. Welcome back. Motherfucker. That's as close as I get. Oh, grow up. Get your nose in there. It's painful. That's what it's for. It's like jumping to the deep end. You think that would increase the

effectiveness of cocaine? Like you did a line and then you ripped it out? Yeah. That would be great, probably. Like do that to clear you out and then do it no i'm thinking you like you do it and then you just think you have a heart attack yeah right i think you die that might be a good rehab i think i got some in my brain yeah no it fucking i had one that was ringing for like two full minutes in the back of my head that's a good shit it's good shit oh that shit wakes you the

fuck up fourth quarter type shit that's fourth quarter dude yeah just fucking wake up dude i'm ready i'm not concussed i'm up yeah that's why i'm fucking up and i'm ready to go that's why they have it on the sidelines they're like you're good get in there well i thought about putting it you were sleeping and i was mad like we talked oh i took a nap today yeah yeah and i thought i thought about just like putting it like a foot away and because you know you'd wake up right yeah yeah you're unconscious yeah i probably would have woke up if you came and fuck with me at all yeah i might try that's a good thing so my door really doesn't lock at all no i think it might have been locked earlier well how'd you come in and see i was napping

well you just push it hard enough you know yeah we learned that last week yeah that's a fun little that's good to know that's a good little thing to know i might have to get like a chair or something and wedge it up against there yeah that kind of sucks but um i got something for you guys okay give me something which lie we tell kids would be the best if it was true oh santa claus that's one of them for sure oh you didn't have a list i thought you're gonna have a list oh i have some these these are a couple of them um your dad loves you uh santa tooth fairy easter bunny step on a crack break your mom's back oh that one would suck you could be anything when you grow up that's now that's a really good one

that'd be good if that was true. I like the real ones. I was thinking more fun, whimsical ones. If you get too close to the TV, you go blind. Or cross-eyed? Cross-eyed. Okay, that would be lit. Because I'll be cross-eyed. Wasn't there one about jerking off too?

If you go, you'll go blind if you jerk off too much. Yeah, I think jerking off is going to go blind. Your parents are telling you that? No, not my parents. No, mine didn't tell me that. Then what fucking teacher told you that? My off is going to go blind. Your parents are telling you that? No, not my parents. No, mine didn't tell me that. What fucking teacher told you that? My parents told me to jerk off. Are you making sure you're jerking off in there?

No, that's a religious one. I think religious parents tell their kids that. Yeah, you'll go blind if you jerk off. Or all your family members are watching you. That would be a good one. Oh, your dead family members. Oh, Jesus is watching you. No, all your entire family.

I'm like, yeah, who do you think I'm massaging? That would be a good one. I hope that one is true yeah that jesus is watching you either way jesus or your family oh jesus knows a lot about me but anyway they just know they know exactly we don't need to get into that yeah whole campus they know the videos you're typing in by heart now too because i've seen them god's like he's on to something this motherfucker cooking. I knew I made a good one when I made that one.

I haven't even seen that one. Okay, but I guess, okay, you could be anything. Let's take that out of there. That one's technically not a lie. It's just not realistic. It is. You can't. You could.

You're saying what would be the best if it was true. Yeah, but that one's too easy, you know? But you could technically be anything. But when you're young, I think when you're young, it's fair to say that almost because we don't know yeah you could be fucked up if you said it when they're 18 and you're like yeah they're like they turn out to be five three well you don't you're leaving out the part in the nba it's like no you're leaving out the part where it's like you could be anything no one said that you choose you could just end up being anything you could literally be anything you could end up being homeless be anything yeah because that is technically, you could just end up being anything. You could literally be anything. You could end up being homeless.

Because that is technically true. You can be and you're going to be something. You could be a fucking merperson on fucking Netflix. You could be a merperson, you could be a furry, you could be a retard, you could do whatever you want. You can be retarded. Let's see. Santa would be the littest. I'm still not sure that one's not true.

Okay, Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny. Which one of those do you think would be the littest I'm so not sure that one's not true Okay, Santa tooth for Easter Bunny, which one of those do you think would be about what does the Easter Bunny do for me? He's a bunny. Yeah. Well, I'm just saying if I was a kid that one I want to be true I got gifts and shit on Easter Bunny Day. What was that? First little candy and a no, that's April Fool's April Fool's April 5th candy and eggs no that's april fool's april fool's april 5th april 20th it's it's not a specified date no that's 4 20 it's easter sunday it's just a sunday four four five that's me that's my day i think it's the third sunday in in april the third sunday okay uh yeah easter bunny i'm not voting for it like if it's up against those other two if they said hey do you want the easter bunny to be real i'd be like sure but that'd be kind of fucking hilarious if that was the only thing that was real like the only far-fetched thing that was real

Yeah, I could get behind that one out of all the things like there is a piece to but the money who shits candy is Actually real yeah, that's for some reason lays eggs as a rabbit what fair egg laying rabbit It's real that shits out candy what fairy tale one do we think is has the most possibility of being real? Like Jack and the Giant Beanstalk. Or Humpty Dumpty. Maybe Humpty Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty's real. That's pretty real.

For him to sit on a wall like that, that's crazy. He had to balance on that oblong shape. But he had a great fall. So that is realistic. Yeah. Like if you're oblong shaped, you're probably going to fall off the wall for sitting on it too long. Pinocchio. A light draft.

Pinocchio is real. That one's real. That's Epstein, right? No. No. That personifies. It wasn't Pinocchio himself. It was some character in Pinocchio.

Yes. Oh, the cricket from Mulan, maybe? No, you're talking about the dragon. The cricket's from Pinocchio. No, there's a cricket in Mulan too, the lucky cricket. I don't know. Nemo's real. I thought you were talking about Mushu. I thought you were talking about Mushu the dragon. Oh, there is a cricket in Mulan 2, the lucky cricket. I don't know. Nemo's real. I thought you were talking about Mushu.

I thought you were talking about Mushu the dragon. Oh, there is Mushu too. Nemo's real? Yes. Technically. That's a fish. On paper. Yeah, on paper.

There's a bunch of them. So what's your question then? My question is which fairy tale would you say is the most likely to be real? Disney isn't fairy tales. Yeah. Oh, that's not a fairy tale's no fair and it's not even disney's pixar yeah okay toy story toy story is not a fairy tale either exactly kind of is maybe uh i don't know sleeping beauty that's disney again what the fuck's a fairy tale uh maybe

sleeping beauty could be a fair i think you think you can classify that as a modern fairy tale. If we're talking about classic holiday-based things, that's different. I'm thinking about the books you got read. Or maybe you didn't. You probably didn't. I got books. Read to you? The Boogeyman?

Boogeyman? Mr. Oogie Boogie? Mr. Oogie Woogie? Wait, did you guys see the picture? The Boogussie? The Boogussie? Oh, yeah. At Disneyland?

Oh, my God. They're like, they got Oogie Boogie out here with his Boogussie flopping out in front of all these kids. That shit was turned up. That thing was loud as fuck. That is a perfect flop. I guarantee you some kids stuck his hand in that part. Had to have.

Oh, yeah. Like some little fuck. No, full head. Like worm, like rabbit ears. If it spreads out, that's fucked. Yeah. If he just walked around letting kids touch that, that's fucked. Yeah But if you just watch her and letting kids touch that that's fucked that's on snapchat somewhere what okay? Here's one Genie in a bottle ooh if that was real I'd like to take that one

Is that a fairy tale some magic lamp and magic lamp and shit. Sure. Yeah. I was like every everything Jeanne or whatever they're called a gin gin gin So you want three wishes is everything? No, okay speaking of wishes though Had a good point made to me make a wish kids. Okay Why are they not wishing for more wishes okay why are they not wishing for more wishes or do you think any of them ever wish just to be cured for their wish i that's like how many times a day do you think that to be like we can't do that but there's no john see oh do you think there's a chance?

I think they tell their parents to tell them. Because there's no way some poor employee has to go in there and be like... No, someone has to do that. Oh, the parent doesn't tell them? Yeah, no, because then if you're the parent, you'd probably get selfish as shit. You'd be like, you want to meet Gordon Ramsay, don't you? Like you're the mom. But what do you think they'd...

Because, okay, of course they're going to say be cured. So, yeah, so I'm saying... That is not how it works. Every kid gets It's two wishes for make-a-wish then cuz the first one they don't get I wonder how that will grant your second wish This is a horrible conversation like does the parent have to tell them like you honey you can't watch They probably have a pamphlet of like common wish like John Cena's on the front cuz you gotta think that they like even that's why He gets picked so much they hand him the booklet oh well you got to think even when they do go to wish for something they have to have a little bit of a list you can't be like i want leonardo dicaprio they're like well we don't have 10 million dollars i i want to say

that they don't have to pay the make i want to say that leo's not getting called up he's like you got my 10 yeah how does it work do you have to do like one make a wish thing per decade or something? I think they just donate their time. There's people that are signed up for it. Everyone's like jury duty for celebrities. It is called charity. It is called charity work. You're like, fuck, is it already that time of year again?

What's this one got? All right. Well, because you know a lot of kids are going Leo, right? Like, does he got to do them all? I don't think they're going. I think it's a lot of year again? What's this one got all right because you know a lot of kids are going Leo right like does he got to do them all? I don't think they're going I think it's not a jack. I don't think I don't think any Superman Leo Batman's Oh, do they hire impersonators because a lot of people are doing Captain Jack Sparrow? Yeah, okay impersonators probably get a lot of work You got to know how but that's fucked up. Well. You got to see how fucked no, but no one's from his disease He's not that coherent already you could get any Where is she?

Hey, buddy. That is an interesting fucking. Like, I'm just saying if I was the make wish people and one of them is like, I wish for something like, oh, I wish for three wishes. Like, all right, fine. Or they're like, no, bitch. I don't know if they know if they present it like a genie in a bottle scenario well you get a wish make a wish

foundation when you wish upon a star yeah I wouldn't want to be the one you won't have cancer anymore oh my god holy crap fuck it let's go just kidding here's Hawkeye Holy shit. Fuck it, let's go. You're done, let's go.

Just kidding, here's Hawkeye. Holy fucking shit. We got to the girl one. It did get hotter in here. Yeah, it's a little warmer. Should we go into the spin zone? Oh fuck, I forgot about the fucking spin zone. Yeah, this is as de-mantic- we gotta get demon-y for the spin zone so we might as well keep this energy at all.

Okay yeah let's keep the demon energy. I had to delete one of mine, it was so bad. Alright, uh, what do you got? Let's start off. Okay. Spin zone. We need to explain it better. Oh, than just calling it a spin zone? Yeah. Yeah.

Um, spin zone is anything really good- basically, you're a really cunty friend in your friend group, and if they have really something bad happen to them, you're trying to be a nice friend and make it sound good. But if they have something good happen to them, you're kind of a little bitch, and you're like, ah, it's not that good. Yeah. Or basically, we're going to sell you on why something really good is really bad

or why something really bad is really good. That's good. Okay. What do you got, Morgan? What do I got? Yeah. Okay. I'm laying in bed with my best friend one of you presumably and i absolutely blast ass and it smells like vomit

okay uh-huh why would it smell like there's worse smells than that i've smelled them from your dude come on it's not that bad you like it oh you're gonna do your own spin zone i thought we were just gonna give the scenario and we all come up with the spin zone oh oh well that's fun yeah I like that though that's good oh yeah yeah okay sure eat your breakfast yeah I was hungry thank you yeah I thought yeah so you're coming into my world I'm making the whole thing for you okay okay I did it the same way yeah okay I just made I made some ups and there's scenarios for us to debate I think they'll be fun either way but I did it the same way he did it. Okay.

Okay, this is one for you. Wait, I wasn't over it. Oh, yeah. Oh, keep going. This is what hangovers are for. See, you kind of like it. I told you. That's a good thing now.

That's a good one. Gary, can I see yours? Mine died. Either. Okay, this is a spinzo. I'm just going to ask you guys for help here. Okay. I'm the guy who has this problem, and I'm like, dude. Okay, we're going to make it. Yeah, I'm like, bro, I'm just going to ask you guys for help here. Okay. I'm the guy who has this problem.

And I'm like, dude. Okay, we're going to make it. Yeah, I'm like, bro, you're not going to believe this. Last night, brought this chick back to my place. Couldn't get it up to save my life. Was it your guys' first date? Because that would have been out of pocket anyway. You never want to hook up on the first date.

You're probably just trying to be too nice of a guy. You're such a nice guy. She was probably a dude. Yeah, and that's why I couldn't get it up yeah yeah you knew yeah without even getting the pants down um also you probably wanted a second date because you liked her so much you were nervous okay that's why you couldn't get it up maybe that's your radar dude maybe you're not gonna like her in the future maybe it's because she wasn't a dude oh that's a different school that's oh i'm gay okay the silver lining there is i'm just gay i couldn't get up for a girl if it was that's how i know you could be that's the silver

lining it also be maybe you knew deep down you really didn't like her that much okay yeah and your dick doesn't want to play games like that anymore sex was gonna be bad yeah and you like personality more anyway yeah i'm a big personality guy well and you could have your opinion of her personality jaded by preemptive sex and who cares i haven't gotten laid in months yeah who cares i'd rather wait longer also who throws it throws a better beat than you new uh there we go see how was the beat that's driven the question you're probably also gonna come too quick uh that it was gonna be over in seconds anyway that's an that's an underlying issue if you think about it you saved yourself there. Thanks guys There might even be more to that there might be more

Okay, Gary, okay, so I'm gonna sell you on why getting blowjobs are bad Like that very degrading to the woman you have're kind of icky. Yeah, right? Very degrading. You're spitting all over me. You don't get to kiss them while they're doing it. Oh, yeah. You can't even kiss them after. Potential for dirty knees or getting holes in their pants.

Oh, that's true. You don't want to mess up their clothes. They love their clothes. Right? Huge choking hazard. Multiple fronts. You've got the liquid. You've got the liquid and the solid.

Mm-hmm. High chance... They probably wouldn't choke. High chance of neck strain for the young lady okay you don't have to give a massage after and it's more work for you you didn't even get a relaxing time out of this their teeth could get stuck in the condom

in parentheses if you're not using a condom just ew yeah who's I don't like spit on me all the time absolutely in parentheses plus now i have to like rebuild my sperm count back up exactly yeah now how are you going to impregnate them if they already swallowed it yeah can't get impregnated okay okay blowjobs suck spin zone blowjobs do suck okay more okay um i'm your best friend and i'm hospitalized with two broken arms good

bro how long we've been best friends for 10 years think of it as a medical procedure it's not even that gay dude we'll just close the curtain and you can reach in and only take like 30 seconds max i didn't get where this was going. Come on. I got it. As soon as you said broken arms. Come on, dude. I'd do it for you. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Think of it as your make a wish.

Exactly. It's your make a wish. I can't. I'd do it for you. And I would do it for you. Yeah, man. That's an easy one. I like that.

Okay. This is one. This is like a, you're going to have to spin this to your girlfriend here. Okay. Hey, why did you like that insta thoughts picture we've been friends since high school wait i'm trying to spin this my my your girlfriend comes to you and says hey i saw that you liked uh that victoria's secret models picture on instagram we went to high school together. But I don't understand why you liked it though. Supporting her.

It was a collage, babe. I thought the first one was you. I didn't see that. Oh, that's good. I thought it was you. Babe, I thought it was you. I think any beautiful woman is you. Yeah.

And I'll fuck them. Supporting her passion. Okay. I would do that for any friend of mine. I would do that for any longtime friend. It's my, it's my friend's girl. She's trying to build a page.

My friend DM her and he didn't get replied to. So I'm trying to get her attention. I'm trying to DM her for my boy. Okay. Yeah, that's good. That's good. I'm trying to get her to follow me.

So she'll follow my boy. Yeah. Yeah. As soon as she follows me back, I'll send her my boy's profile i i just dm'd her after to make sure that she got the like yeah yeah that's all it was and her account seemed i looked i actually looked through all of her pictures and i noticed that that was kind of the lowest liked amount so i just wanted to so that's why it was three months ago

she knows me as liking her pictures before we started dating so i don't want to be like weird now that we're dating oh that's a good one i don't want to make it weird yeah now that we are dating yeah she messaged me last time that i didn't like her picture yeah so then i had to do it so just so she doesn't message me i don't want her message yeah i have to she's gonna be in my dms if i don't do it i'm i'm nipping in the butt essentially yeah Yeah. I'm telling her no. Okay. I like that one. All right. I'm going to sell you on why dating an LA influencer is actually the best type of girl you can date.

Okay. I like that. Who doesn't want a digital record of all their meals? Right. You spend all this money. Nothing wrong with a few pics. Okay. Someone asked you what you had to eat last night.

Can't remember for the life of you. Show them. Go look it up. Go look at my girl's Instagram. It's right there. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Who asks you what you had to eat last night. Can't remember for the life of you. Show them. Go look it up. Go look at my girl's Instagram. It's right there. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

Who needs real friends? Good friends should be gauged on followers anyway. That's true. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You just became more liked. Yeah, exactly.

By having this girl in your life because she has a bunch of followers. A hundred percent. Constantly having guys hit your girl up in the DMs is hot. You want a desirable woman. You you want someone who is wanted right it's well it's gonna keep you on your toes you gotta stay on your toes like do you want a stale boring if kairi irving's in the dms i better get my game up yeah i'm in the i'm at the court daily fucking flowers you're challenging yourself it's how good can i be yeah how competitive Am I really I want to make sure that I'm Playing with the best. Yeah, okay. I don't want to easy soup. Can I can be with a thousand TMS a day?

Exactly keeps you on your toes the best part of having an influencer girlfriend is when they have a moment of realization They want to move on from the sugar daddy and become an independent woman and start an OnlyFans That's really good I That's really good. I like that. There's probably more with that one. There's gotta be more. There is. There's getting to take a lot of pictures for her. Yes.

Like working on your photography skills. You're gonna be a great photographer by the end of it. Yeah, I'm gonna have it. Put it on your resume. Use the dates. It is the hottest commodity right now, actually, if you think about it. I could be an OnlyFans photographer after this. If this doesn't work after this if this doesn't work then i'm in yeah i'm in all over

the place you also get the advantage of um knowing how many people uh are just trying to hit on her versus how many pictures generally like her pictures based on if she ever posts you in one and you can see how much less that light oh yeah that's my favorite that's fun that's really good for yourself yeah you usually get like 5 000 and then you're in it and it's like 47 lights and you're just like, Ooh, where's the slave at now? Where are all the fire emojis? Even the girls stop coming on this one. Jesus Christ.

That is my favorite part about that scenario. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I love seeing that. You see the, just the one picture of them with their boyfriend on like new year and the lights are hidden turned off. Yeah, I love seeing that you see the just the one picture of them with their boyfriend on like New Year's in the lights are hidden Turned off. Yeah, that's just getting fucking low and it's just a bunch of comments. Who the fuck is that?

That's good stuff Thank you, Morgan Spin zone you're now entering the spin I think that's all I got for that one. That's all you got? Yeah. Oh, I got a bunch more. Okay, this is one. The pregnancy test comes back negative, but your girl's almost like kind of more excited than you are. So are we making this bad?

I'm saying that this would normally be good, but I feel like in this situation, it's bad. If they're like, fuck yeah, thank God. Like, you're like, oh, good, and they're like, whoa. That would have been the worst thing ever. I almost had a fucking child with this idiot. Now that's over, bro. You're fucked. Or another spin zone, you're infertile.

Ooh. It's not even, you guys missed a pregnancy scare there. You just couldn't, could have never happened. Cream pie season. Yeah. I don't know. But spin zone, spin zone, cream pie season. I don't know a way to make this good or worse oh uh no if she's more excited than you about that's what i'm saying a little bit yeah that's a huge uh she's like let's go yeah it's over immediately yeah like you say something like

it wouldn't have been that bad and she's and she said we would have had to get married yeah holy shit thank god babe that would have been imagine being stuck together forever bounded by this little meat missile um here's another one you take a chick home to her house and she uh has just a mattress on the ground, no furniture, no art, no candles. Fridge is bare. She's got eggs, protein. Okay. Like hot sauce. Dude, she's one of the bros.

Lock her down. She's got the same minimalist taste as us. Environmentally conscious. She's got minimal taste. She's environmentally conscious. She's not trying to... Bro, she fits right in. Yeah.

What do you mean? You guys have the same lifestyle. This girl is perfect. She's going girl is perfect what's her workout plan she's gonna think chili's and try yeah she's probably got everything figured out this girl's perfect taking her to chili's like taking her to ruse chris baby let's go she's probably got an xbox what games does she play yeah uh oh she's got an xbox yeah she's got xbox call duty only yeah she's one of the dudes no that might be a dude brother brother you might have taken home no there's no spin zone there that was a dude um okay here's another one uh you get married to the love of your life boo uh okay um you just lost half your shit

eventually okay uh you statistically just uh tied yourself to the person who's most likely to kill Okay, you just lost half your shit. Eventually. Okay. You statistically just tied yourself to the person who's most likely to kill you. Okay. You're unhappy. We're making it good? No, we're making it bad. Oh, you were already pre-spinning. Yeah. Okay, you just got married to the love of your life.

Here's why it's horrible. Yeah, here's why it's horrible. Okay, yeah. No, those are all accurate as fuck. Yeah. No, those all track. No, he already gave us the horrible she's already annoying oh she's not a dude yeah you now have to spend every sunday apple paper okay she just cancels your nfl plus subscription oh here's another one spins on this one someone who started something way later than you is already way better than you at it you're such a good mentor right yeah he's the

best of all time i'm just a really good teacher you're just really i'm a better teacher you foster that passion and look at him go no he's gonna be the michael jordan of whatever it is yeah yeah he was just meant to be chosen by god yeah you're gonna going to be the Michael Jordan of whatever it is. Yeah. He was just meant to be. Chosen by God. You're going to offer to be his manager. I'm going to manage him. This is perfect. I'm going to manage him. This is perfect. I like that.

Gary fucking lied us out. Well. Put out the fucking light, dude. Put out the fucking light. That one was questionable on all fronts. If for whatever reason that episode ends up being trimmed out of 30 minutes. I have no reason to cut that one down. No, I'm kidding.

That was a that was that was a good one uh i think we start that one at make a wish kids transition into morgue debates and with the start yeah let's start with make a wish yeah well i wish that that doesn't get out to too many people i hope it does because this is a comedy show look also okay let's oh you want me to smooth it over make it sound good at the end here you go That doesn't get out to too many people. I hope it does because this is a comedy show. Look, also, okay, let's, oh, you want me to smooth it over? Make it sound good at the end? Here you go. I will volunteer for any Make-A-Wish. Any kid. I'll do it. See, that's the thing is that they wouldn't want that. Well, no, I'm saying but in this scenario

we're gonna have to dress up as somebody else. Okay. Oh, fuck it. Dude, I'll cap that. There is a chance. I'll cap and jack my ass off. You do the arms well. You do the run good too. There is a chance there is a Make-A-Wish kid. It's like 100,000. I think our whole fan base is about to probably decease. That's the only reason

they're listening to this. Our hearts are all black. They're stuck in a fucking hospice home and this is all they play. All our listeners are at a fucking hospice home and this is all they play. All our listeners are at a fucking hospice home. I like this episode. We're back. Yeah, next week is 64 and we're getting

fucking spooky as shit. Yeah, spooky. This is the hell. That will be the definitive problem. Send in your spooks. Send in your seasons. Send in your ghosts, ghouls, goblins. Your go-to goblins and ghouls. Yeah. Ghoul out. Whatever you're scared of let us know

we'll make it worse send in your tricks, send in your treats please and we'll see you next week sling me