NO FOMO - 9. Dinner Buckets

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

Welcome Back Fomo Sapiens. This week its back to just the boys....we're talking High Snacks, Boobie Names, and Boner Hiding Techniques. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. To Submit to the Show message us on Instagram linked below! Fomo: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fomomusic_/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/fomomusic_ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/6K4rA9ocjtIaTOEVZ4N6dX?si=Gqh12elJQYO_zfRaW-Q9Lw&nd=1 Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/wearefomomusic

Live from Morgan's couch, ladies and gentlemen, you got him. It's the no FOMO voice. We're back. What's good? It just feels good to be back on a couch again. I missed it. When we were on a couch last time, it feels good on our home couch. Yeah, we like being home.

We're wearing the home uniforms today. Look at the comfort level. Yeah, it's just different. Yeah, just look at this guy. It's as comfy as you can get. Looking like an absolute meal. I must say, I woke up like a spring chicken this morning. This is the best I have felt for sure during any time this show has ever been recorded,

but I'd say in the last month or so. Yeah. How's everybody feeling themselves? That being said, I think we haven't done a real fucked up episode. No, yeah. In a while. So should we get fucked up today? No.

It's a Tuesday morning. We gave ourselves a full day of recovery after a long weekend. But here we are. And we're going to Coachella this week, so we couldn't fucking. Yeah. We can't just burn it down today, but next one's going to be full fire. I say next one, we might have to do it like at 4 a.m. after Coachella. I think we got to, we should measure out. On the drive back.

On the drive back. We should measure out, or maybe we should start rolling a dice, like a 20-sided die at the beginning. For how many shots we should take? Yeah, and just do a pre-episode. 20-sided is a rough one. That's a lot. Let's make it a regular dice.

Yeah, maybe just 10. Okay. There's 10. Is it usually? Oh, no, it only goes up to like six. Yeah, a regular sixer. It's 10 on that? Well, you said I've never seen a die with 20 fucking sides.

I have this game where it has one. Okay. Well, we're not doing that, but maybe six if it goes up to six. Yeah, I like that. What's going on in the universe? You know, I actually came up with something that I think is going to go off as a freezing cold take, but I couldn't, it just is the way I feel.

Couldn't be worse than half of mine. I got super high last night, and I think that healthy food snacks when you're high are danker than shitty snacks when you're high. Like what? Like I had like a bowl of fruit, and I like made myself a nice steak. Like some strawberries? It was like strawberries, pineapple, all the melons.

Fruit goes hard. Fruit goes hard in any scenario for sure. I was just sitting there. I was like, this is way better than my usual Flamin' Hot Cheetos, Sour Patch Kids, whole tub of ice cream hitter. Might be a steaming hot take. I feel like, this is way better than my usual Flamin' Hot Cheetos, Sour Patch Kids, whole tub of ice cream hitter. It might be a steaming hot take. I feel like it's going to go over real bad,

but I just couldn't get past it. I mean, I'm definitely, you know, when I'm a little lifted, I'm down for pretty much anything. But it's usually not something I think of to go to, but I'm going to have to try it out. Because I like fruit all the time. Like an acai bowl high sounds unreal. Oh, yeah, yeah sounds unreal oh yeah they hit even some little baby carrots were just smacking and then you don't feel like groggy and like a sack of shit when you wake up the next day you know see the big thing is when that sugar hits you mid-sleep and then you just wake up in a trance yeah yeah like you eat

a whole thing of ice cream and then you just wake up oh fuck's like, oh, fuck. Yeah, that's fucked up. I got so high like in the last week or so that I ate so much food that the same thing happened. Like I literally woke up at like 4 a.m. like wide awake and the high had worn off and I was just awake as fuck. I think clogged is a good word. It was hell. I felt just this insane gut bomb and I was just like not even high anymore and just needed to go back to sleep. I'm like, what am I going to do? Get more high and eat more food? Okay, so I did see another Guinness Book of World Records thing

that we do have to talk about. Do I have the same thing? You might have the same thing. Our boy is back? Did you see that our boy is back? Which one? Our guy that we talked about on the first one. He's back?

He's back. He fired off another one. He's at 200. 200 World Records talked about on the first one. He's back? He's back. He fired off another one. He's at 200. 200 world records. I got a different one. So blind man breaks the car speed record as a blind man, which I don't know, like how? I don't know.

Is there like a video or something? A car, this car, like he drove the fastest car. He drove the fastest as a blind man. Oh, okay. Oh, it was as a blind man or out of everyone? So what? He was going like 15 miles an hour? No, 211 miles an hour.

Oh, God. Really? But here's the thing. Does someone have to be in the car with him? Okay, there is someone else in the car, which is why I don't think this is a valid accomplishment. Sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, here we go.

Because all you have to do is press the thing down, right? Well, technically, I guess that's true for anyone doing it. Like, is he in the middle of the desert? I mean, the track was wide. There's no way he could possibly fuck it up. Yeah. But, I mean, I guess. And he had an assist.

I mean, I'm not going to knock him. He seems like a great guy. But, I mean, I guess go you, guy. Talk about short straw, though. The guy who has to get in with the blind person driving. Oh, my God. His hands are literally, I watched the video, his hands are like inches away from the assist wheel.

Oh, they have an assist wheel just in case? Oh, it's a double wheel car? How is that even, like, what's the risk? I don't know. That's the most extreme version of, like, the teacher driver people in the world. I don't know. That's the most extreme version of like the teacher driver people. Yeah, I know. In the world.

I didn't get it. But was that, to clarify, was that the record of all people? No, for blind people. For blind people. What was the previous record? It was 200. It was 200? Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Just go a little bit faster. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to get into any hot water here, but I just don't see where that's an accomplishment. If there's someone in the car with you, you're literally just slamming the gas down. Well, honestly, is it even really an accomplishment for anyone? Like you're just slamming the gas down no matter what?

Yeah, you're going straight. So I can see and slam the gas down? It's not you if you're just flooring. It's the car that you're in. You're just flooring. You're like, oh, he drove a faster car. Yeah, I didn't get it. But also, I'm not sure.

Have you seen The Ultimatum? What is that? Oh, boy. We got to talk about this show. We're going to have to talk about it a little bit. Oh, I saw an ad for it, but I didn't know it was already out. First of all, you need to watch it.

It's already out? It's on Netflix, number one right now. But they pulled like an HBO move on us and they kept the last episodes until the 13th. It's like a reality show, right? It's like Get Married or Go Home or something? The phrase like Get Married or Go Home. Yeah, so the premise of the show is all these couples

where one of the person and the couples gave their significant other the ultimatum of either we're getting married or we're breaking up. But before they do that, they come on this show with a bunch of other couples who did that, and then they date someone from another couple for three weeks oh and then they're supposed to come back and be like no i still love you oh yeah i'm gonna need to dive into that for sure it is dramatic that sounds unreal why wasn't i informed of this so this is the fucked up part you so you you only date the

other couples that are in the ultimatum but you're all there while everyone is dating yeah you're in the same hotel yes you like you could see your ex dating someone else like are they all going like the same restaurants and shit or oh well so the as it starts out when they all get there they have like trial dates to like see who they want to pick because they have to pick someone for the three-week trial marriage to pick two it's not like randomly assigned yeah oh this is steamy but so they're all just sitting at this hotel pool on dates with each other three feet away from your significant other on a date oh my god and they're just like they're literally every person's like what the fuck they laughing at they're like what's so fucking funny christina bitches and like as soon as they do laugh they'll

like oh shit do we see that? They're just looking around the whole time. It's the dumbest fucking thing. The most toxic premise for a show ever. And then it gets even better than that. So they group up later down the line. Like, they'll have, like, a girls' night out with the other girls that are dating your fucking ex-boyfriend. Oh, like, just the girls are out talking about each other.

Yeah, the girls are out on a date, and they're literally like, oh, yeah, he had a boner up against my back when we were cuddling in bed. And the girls are just like, oh. The most toxic shit I've ever. Dude, they're getting fucking wild with these shows ruthless i haven't finished yet but holy fuck it's pretty much just a competition for what is the worst situation you could put people in yes oh my involving like love and the host the whole time we're like acting like it's a wholesome ass yeah they're like you're gonna come out of this so much stronger yeah right your relation meanwhile satan's back there on the producer deck just like oh yes oh netflix is just back there on that money yeah i'm all for like testing out the relationship like it's it's a fact there might be someone better for you out there but

don't do it in front of the person yeah that's like an insane environment still so you've made it like part of the way through so you've made it past where they choose their like new person. Tell me the best moment of this entire show is not the one guy panicking because the girls he was going to pick are getting picked. Oh, is that Colby? No, his name's Nate, I think. He's sitting there. So he was macking on every chick there. He was like, oh, I got this one.

I got this one. And then they go to the table and like his number one pick gets picked. And she's like, oh yeah, I want to be with him. And he's like, oh fuck. And then his second pick gets picked. And then he literally whispers across the table to one of the girls who got picked. He's like, I'm going to pick you.

And then a guy stands up who's going to pick his current girlfriend. And he goes, oh fuck. And he just walks over and proposes to her right on the spot. And she's like yes thank god yes yes and everyone at the table is like what the fuck and the girl who he whispered to is like i just find this really hard to believe that you guys are like picking up you guys are picking each other and you fixed all your problems when 10 minutes ago he just whispered across the

table and said he was gonna pick me and she's just like nope fuck it i'm still gonna marry him oh my god unbelievable see like the biggest flaw with that is like if you're gonna in that scenario across the table and said he was going to pick me. And she's just like, no, fuck it. I'm still going to marry him. Oh my God. See, like the biggest flaw with that is like, if you're going to, in that scenario, you'd want to pick like your number one pick. So you don't even get to pick like the girl you'd be considering possibly exploring something else with. You just end up with like the last round draft pick

over your current girlfriend. That's exactly what I was thinking. If you're last, you'd get fucked. You're like, well, there's no way this can be better than my current girlfriend. If it was a good show, you would have everyone write that shit down before

and then pair them up logistically. No, it would be like one couple and then they get to pick from like, you know, five of the opposite sex and they pick like the number one person, not put them all in one thing and then you get stuck with the last option. It's stupid as fuck.

But yeah, I thought that shit took me for a loop. I'm diving in that tonight. Yeah. Go dive in it. Well, the final episode isn't coming out until took me for a loop. I'm diving in that tonight. Yeah. Go dive in it. Well, the final episode doesn't come out until the 13th, though, so I'm fucking riled up. I don't know what to do with myself until it does come out. We might have to do a ride-along for that.

We have to do a live viewing. A live ride-along? Yeah. I got... What do you got for this? For just current shit? Yeah. I mean, I...

Oh, you want to save yours for... Do I introduce my thing yet? Yeah, bring it in. Yeah. Uh, I mean, I, do you want to save yours for, do I introduce my thing? Yeah. Bring it in. Yeah. Hit us with it. All right. Ladies and gentlemen,

um, I've been doing some thinking after some recent heat that's been bestowed upon me on the internet. Apparently some of the takes I had were a little out of pocket. Um, and I don't think that any woman that's been listening to the show or watching the tick tocks likes me very much because of some things that I've said were apparently controversial.

So I changed my whole personality. So I'm doing a little rebrand. For those watching, I'm wearing a shirt that says hug me. Cute, funny, nice. Shit, boy. Full rebrand. And so in a last ditch effort to win back the hearts of countless women across the globe that are listening in, I'm introducing a brand-new segment, Garrett's Gossip,

where we're going to be discussing stuff that, you know, guys don't usually get to talk about, you know, wholesome things. So number one, the winner of the week is Miss Britney Spears. After finally being freed from her conservatorship, which she's been out for a couple months. And I didn't know this until I was reading up on her getting pregnant. She just announced that she's pregnant this morning. Clap it up. But I didn't know that part of the conservatorship

was that she literally wasn't allowed to have a child. So she was in this thing for years. And she had like an IUD. There's force. That's all I brought up. There's a force IUD. Yeah, so she wasn't allowed to take it out

throughout that whole thing. So like, she got out of the thing a couple months ago and now she's pregnant. So, because she'd been wanting to get married.

Do we know who's? Yeah, so her, apparently longtime boyfriend, Sam Asghari, they've been dating for a long time so they weren't allowed to get married

and she also wasn't allowed to have a kid that whole time. So she's free, they're engaged, and she's having a baby. So good for Britney Spears. I want to see that paperwork. Yeah, right? How gnarly is that? I didn't even know you could actually legally do that. Dude, like,

they were not allowed to remove it, because if she went to the doctor or anything, she'd have to be with her dad. It's because it's a mental health thing. Oh, shit. Yeah, because basically the premise was that she wasn't in a mental... If she can't take care of herself, she can't take care of her baby. She can't stay to be bearing a child, but clearly... But the married thing, too?

Yeah. Like, if someone's willing to take on that crazy, go for it. Right? So she's been just locked up, like, legit, like, Cinderella or whatever the fuck, Rapunzel, up in a tower. Rapunzel-type shit. Rapunzel-type shit. Really, like, it's a whatever the fuck rapunzel yeah up in a tower punzel type shit rapunzel type shit really like it's like modern day rapunzel story it's pretty gnarly that she went to having a baby already because she was just full-on posting nudes yeah i mean

doing some great classic crazy shit you know yeah then you look at the kardashians and you're like what's what's the real difference yeah i guess that's true yeah so i guess we'll snap it up out of fear though for britney spears i mean i'm happy for her we'll see how up out of fear, though, for Britney Spears. I mean, I'm happy for her. We'll see how it goes. You know, we're going to be following along closely. She's just shaving the baby's head, never allowed to fucking grow hair. Wow. Oh, I can't wait for the new one.

I'd like to think she's okay and that everything will work out just fine. So let's cheer her on instead of berate. Odds are, though. Numbers two and three winners of the week. So numbers two and three winners of the week. It's Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez engaged for the 14th, 15th time. Do we know how many times? I think it's the second time.

I think Jayla, well, yeah, this is their second, but Jayla's been engaged six times. I want to say at least six or seven times. Has she gotten married or just engaged? I think she's been married. Okay. But this brings us into our down baddest of the week, Alex Rodriguez. Because they only separated, what, six months ago?

And she's already... She's homie-hopping. They were seen together like a week after. And now they're already engaged, bro. She wants that big flack. So... Big flack. She needs that big flack, dude. He must be swinging. Yeah. Right? It's must be swinging yeah right it's a huge flag well they

weren't weren't a rod and her engaged i want to say they might have been married were they married and they got she got divorced and she's already on the next one yeah she's the goat bro dude she's savage she's absolutely the goat but you got to think it. If you're 50 or so and you're looking for someone your age, it's like her and Jennifer Aniston. That's like it. Yeah, you got to choose Big Flag. Right? And you got to go for Big Flag.

And has he dated both of them? The Big Flag? The Big Flag? I feel like he's got quite the roster. They both got the roster. I mean, she's got the roster. He's got the roster. Yeah. But i feel like

as a as a 90s baby huge week of gossip news yeah we got britney spears and j-lo in the news what's got a better chance of working out i'm staying married or that baby not being crazy oh fuck from britney that's a hot take i'd say that's 50 50 that's right down the middle right there's no like i can't confidently say either will go bad or it will go well i don't know i'm leaning baby spears but also big fleck has a nice ring baby spears as the the whoa yeah the little spear yeah little spear yeah it's gonna be a hard one yeah i mean you don't just all of a sudden you're not that crazy you got it's still in there a little bit yeah well i mean we're gonna Well, I mean, we're going to,

yeah, snap it up. We're going to be cheering along the whole time. Yeah. Snap it up. I really like this because it's going to keep me up to date on shit that I never keep up to date. That's the premise. You know?

And then I'm not going to lie. I had a great cosmopolitan article, but I clicked on too many and now I can't view any of them. You're only allowed to look at two a day if you don't subscribe. So safe to say, I'll be getting a subscription and next week I'll be back with some more shit. They keep it at two articles. Oh, yeah.

No, I clicked on it, and it's like, oh, you have one more. And then I refreshed the page because it was blurring it out, and it's gone. But it was a good one. So I'll be back next week with it. Hey, Garrett's wholesome meter is going from empty to like, ah, 180. There was like three girls were like, he's not so bad. I put 595 worth of gas in the tank this week, so I got a gallon in there. If you're in California. Fuck yeah. Or no, I have one more

thing for just what's up. A little, a different take on the Biden's babbles here. So, shout out Joe Biden. So it's going to be Joe Biden or 21 Savage quotes. Like we have to decide who said it? Yeah. Okay, I love this. Okay.

Goats are like mushrooms because if you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters. It's got to be Biden because it made no sense. I can't say anything that Savage says. That's 21, bro.

He got them guns on him. Wait, read it again, please. I can't say anything Savage says makes no sense. That's 21, bro. He got them guns on him. Wait, read it again, please. Goats are like mushrooms, because if you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters. There's no way. That could be, that's a coin toss. You could walk into any psychiatric hospital.

I mean, you said it with the inflection like it was 21 Savage. Yeah, I'm going T1 on that. I don't think it makes enough sense for it to be 21 Savage. I think that was a Biden quote. The thing you have to ask yourself, though, is does 21 Savage have any kind of record of saying stuff that makes sense? No. I mean, his top lyric is 21.

21, 21, 21. Yeah, I mean, neither of them really say anything that makes sense. If he said 21 at any point in that, it would be a dead giveaway, but that's... I just ended it with 21. Goats are like mushrooms, 21. Because if you shoot a duck, 21. I'm scared of toasters, 21. I mean, I think if Joe Biden said I'm scared of toasters,

he'd be evicted from office immediately. I think it's got to be 21 Savage. I'm sticking with it, yeah. No, that's Biden, boys. Oh, my God. No way. No way. I swear to God. I'm sticking with it. Yeah. No, that's Biden, boys. Oh my God. No way. No way. I swear to God.

I'm scared of toasters. This was one sentence. Have you seen his sentences? Holy shit. Damn. That's bad. Damn. So there's no toasters

in the White House? No toasters in the White House. Wow. Okay. This is just a quick little bit here. To all the girls I've sniffed before.

That's Joey B's. To all the... I know. I've seen've sniffed before. That's Joey B's. To all the... I've seen him sniff girls before. I've seen him smell women. But I feel like you're trying to throw us off this one because everyone knows he sniffs kids. That's Joe Burr's, baby. That's Joe Burr and...

It was either followed by a sincere apology, like, I'm sorry for all the women I've sniffed. I just like sniffing women. Or 21's like, for all the bitches I've sniffed. I just like sniffing women. Or 21's like, for all the bitches I've sniffed before, what's up? See?

21. It was 21? No. I'm just saying, it could have been 21. You never know. I think it's gotta be Biden. I'm going Biden.

I'm going Biden. He's a big sniffer. That's big boy Biden. Yeah. Was this like an apology? Was this an apology? Yeah, what did he follow up with? I didn't have the end of this one.

I just thought it was a good one. Because that's like, it could have gone either way. If it said all the bitches I sniffed before, then we know. Then we know it's still Biden. Yeah, that's fair. 21's not saying all the girls. That's a dead giveaway. Okay, here we go.

You ever been to a caucus? No, you haven't. You're a lying dog-faced pony soldier. That's Biden for sure. That's Biden all day. That's a big boy. They're all Biden. They're all Biden.

The fact that some of those were questionable. I like what you went with though. The classic, it's none of them. It's none of them. That's my favorite shit. This episode of the pod is brought to you by the DMV.

So sit the fuck down in that shitty plastic chair. Hope the guy with the cookie monster flat brim hat doesn't sit next to you and wait for your number to be called you fucker. Oh, fuck the DMV. Oh Lord. All right. We're going to philosopher's stone here and we got some, we got some juicy shit this week. We're juiced up. We're juiced up. So we're going to do, we're going to do some rapid fire segments here. What do we think?

Call of Duty? I think we just go right for Call of Duty. Okay. Things you could say during sex and while playing Call of Duty. You got two down on me? So we'll go this way? Okay, yeah, go. How is this guy still alive, bro?

Boys, we need to push in together. One sec, I got to grab some more batteries. Mom, shut the fuck up. I got one like that, too. No, Mom, I can't pause it. Ah, fuck, I'm out of ammo. Oh, this guy's hacking for sure. I'm down. They thirsted

me. Bro, I think you're muted. That was too easy, boys. We playing trios or dubs or what? All right, boys. Where the fuck are we dropping? All good. I've got a gas mask. Fuck! I'm one shot, boys.

Holy shit. Was that five for me? Okay. Wow. Those ones are good. I'm surprised no one went with Stay Frosty or Bravo 6 Going Dark. Bravo 6 Going Dark.

I tried to really think outside the box. Yeah, I tried to go with ones I didn't think everyone had. I had those down. I just thought they were going to get used. All right. Nicknames for boobies. Fun bags. Upper butts.

Dinner buckets. KFC dinner buckets. Chest cannons. The twins. Kame hame yes. What? Bouncing Bettys. Los Leches, boys.

Lung weights. Holy shit. You reached so deep into the bag. You were in your bag. Silicone missiles. Chest mounted mounted meat cannons gay repellent oh god oh god okay i gotta do a little hand motion for this maracas without the hand motions send it back but yeah it needed a little context super soaker flood nader milk guns oh my god uh this one i just kept it simple bags bags i just like bags i like that term i love bags she's got some bags on her she got some fucking bags i like that okay straight i'm not telling you none of mine we're gonna make any fucking sense yeah

but somehow they did yeah they did okay um different methods for hiding your boner hmm okay um i mean you could you could i think i think i can explain i think we would be remiss oh no we don't want to talk about the regulars here but you got to talk about the classics yeah you have to mention the waistband yes okay let's get the classics out of the way and the sweater around the waist okay those are the classics yeah so the thing about the waistband that i. Okay. Let's get the classics out of the way. And the sweater around the waist. Okay. Those are the classics. And the thing about the waistband that I don't love, because it is the best way to hide it,

but it is the most obvious to get it there. Because you have to stick your hand in there and pull it up. Also, you need a long fit tee. Or else you're playing with fire. True. And if you're not wearing any kind of underwear, that thing's poking out the top little mushroom head. Well, let's talk about what do you do when you're wearing a fucking bathing suit.

You can't have a little head poking out. That's where all these... Stay in the fucking pool. You stay in the pool. You either get in or stay in the pool. No, you do arms on the side and face the side and talk to the homies. You're like...

Yeah, stare at your boys in the eyes. And you're sitting when you're leaning right up against the jet too. Yeah. Okay, so we don't got to go rapid fire for this if we need to if you need to break it down if it needs some breakdown let us know i think it doesn't it's they're gonna need i've got a desperation call that i used to go to and i don't want to say it was as late as high school because it just when i explained it's gonna seem wrong you know but i

definitely did this in like middle school or high school i would if i was like sitting my desk mate was a girl so it was like i really couldn't be just flashing meat i would i would grab my backpack and put it on my lap and pretend to look for something for as long as it took until it subsided okay i see that i'd be put backpack on the lap just digging for something i knew i didn't have in my backpack that's a good i like the um activity aspect of that. Right? It doesn't look like you're just sitting there hiding a boner. You're doing something.

I'm like looking for a pencil sharpener and I don't even have one. You're like, fuck, where is that thing? Search and destroy. And I'd be like whispering to myself so that the person next to me knew like I'm looking for, I'm like, where's that pencil sharpener? The whole period. Fuck, I like that one. All right.

I'll take it from here, I guess. Yeah. Where are we at here? This one's a hard... It takes a lot of work here, but it's the butt tuck slash mangina. See, okay. I was thinking about this one.

I'm glad you brought that up. That is only usable for a not full boner. That's like a chub. Oh yeah. You can't go downward with the upward, but it's paired with the stomach ache because you have to lean over a little bit for it. So it's like, okay. So again, a distraction. I like it. It's smoking mirrors all day here. I like that one. That is only a chub option. That's kind of, that's kind of, you know, there's a lot of things you can do with a chub, the fruit roll up. only a chub option that's kind of that's kind of you know there's a lot of things you can do with a chub the fruit roll up that's a semi at best yeah um i think the most despicable and sad one is the hand in the pocket holding it oh yeah that's like pulling it to the side yeah when you

just have your hand in your pocket and you're just grabbing it yeah and forcing it to that side and it's counterintuitive too because the constant pressure on it kind of keeps it going that's not so bad i was thinking i wasn't sure if you're gonna say it or not because if if you move even the slightest you're right back to square one yeah you got another one uh that was my my like one that was out of the box that i that i used to go to okay i have another good one it's out of the box or you want to go oh yeah so this is for the homies with a little bit of bend in their shit. It's the Motorola Razr Flip. So it's just, you kind of just try to complete the bend and hope it's not as obvious.

Oh, so if you've already got a little hook in yours, you just kind of hook it hard? Yeah, you try to... You like fully fold it in half? Yeah, you try to flip it down. Oh, God. See, yours are all... Dude, if I'm full rocking up, there's no bend in that thing.

Yeah, there's no bend. There's no way. This one's a little outside the box, but I think it could work. Just start beating off. Because if you have a... If you're beating off, no one's going to think you've got a boner. They're thinking he's beating off. It's not he popped a boner.

Oh, God. Own it. Yeah, just start. If you're beating off, no one's like, oh, this guy got a boner. It own it yeah just start if you're beating off no one's like oh this guy got a boner it's like oh he was just beating off just to be clear you're not taking it out yeah because then we're dealing with lawsuits right right right don't practice this but it's a good idea that's it's this is just ideas because what's the quickest way to get rid of it fucking finish it off yeah yeah. Tame the snake.

Yeah. Wow. I only know about this one because I've done it. This was like middle school. That's the only reason you know? So I was in a panic here. So I just went with the bear crawl. Oh. What?

So this is just a way to get out of the situation. Okay. So it was like. Escape move. Yeah. So it was like, oh, I got to go pee. And then you just bear crawl out of the room. This is me when I was like 11.

Okay. Because I'm going to say this. You do that as an adult. Like say you were on this couch and you just didn't stand up. You like rolled over and wormed your way out of here. Yeah. I'm like, oh, that guy's rock hard. Yeah.

My favorite thing about all these is I'm just trying to think about the percentage of people that would notice if you just didn't do anything because you're almost bringing it in a lot of these you're bringing attention to something on you to where you're kind of setting yourself up for someone to see it before you get it taken care of yeah if you just left it alone i feel like nine times out of ten no one notices unless you're pitching a full-on tent well that that's vertically that's what i'm saying about the waistband it is the best move but it is you're it's the most work to get you have to dig pull up tuck shirt back down the thing is if you're sitting down you can kind of just lift up and flop and then just kind of put that think about that did you just see that see it's just almost just subverting everyone's attention right

to the subject yeah i like that have you ever told yourself i'll just have one drink tonight then ended up face down in the living room with your good friends playing Lincoln Logs with the furniture on top of your limp body? This episode is sponsored by your late 20s. Happy 27th birthday. All right. For those of you that are listening and don't know,

me and Garrett are DJs, but John has no fucking clue about anything in terms of dance music. And that's the perfect way to sum it up. So what we're going to do is we're going to flash some DJs on the screen that look fucking ridiculous and see if he could guess their name.

Here we go. Fired up for this. Okay, for those of you just listening, this is the DJ with the song called Behemoth. And he's looking real scary. That's the scariest fucking picture I've ever seen. My first thought is Blonde Undertaker. That's a good one.

Is that close? Okay. It's definitely close. How do we feel about DJ Karen when she sees the manager? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. I can see that. Her just absolutely morphing into another being.

Just getting fully possessed. Yeah. Jesus Christ. It's like splashing on your screen. It's scaring the shit out of me. Yeah, I can't even look at that, honestly. Yeah, it's pretty fucking scary. I can think of one more.

How about Lil Where's the Ketamine? Ooh, Lil Kettle-meanamine? Lil Kettlemean? Lil Kettys? Lil Ketty. Yeah. That could be Lil Ketty. That one's terrifying. Just help?

Yeah. That is fucking horrifying. DJ help, mom? Yeah. I don't think I've even seen this version. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty fucking scary. What's their real name?

I'm going to give you another one first. Okay, okay. Before we do the breakdowns here. Of the same person? no, we got three different ones oh this one's my favorite so for those of you listening this is actually the same person

but it's their alter ego with a mask on oh this is the same person? yeah I guess I was gonna have to tell them the name first thing comes to mind DJ Rudolph if he kept getting picked on. DJ Rudolph. I could see that. Probably going to offend some people here, but I'm stuck on the antlers.

Bambi? Little Bams. Dark Bambi? Dark Bambi. Close. Closer. Closer. Prancer?

Is it a reindeer name?i. Close. Closer. Closer. Prancer. Is it a reindeer name? No. Fuck. You would never get this one, honestly. Fuck, this one's terrifying again. Yeah. Are they all scary? Think of more of like the satanic imagery,

not the antlers. Okay, satanic imagery. Alien reindeer farm. Closer. It's, um, it's sudden death. Oh, I see that now. Yeah. That's sudden death.

Okay. I get it. I get that. So sudden death is what is, this is his void alter ego, right? His deer alter ego. Yeah. When he does, he puts on the mask, he goes by void. Okay.

Yeah. So horrifying nonetheless. Oh, here here we go this is a real person this is a real dj fuck me um for those of you just listening this is the guy with the masquerade mask my first i'm seeing this and i'm thinking about it i'm dj my parents are definitely proud. Yes. How about- I like how they're all phrases. Yeah. It's more of a vibe that I'm getting from them. DJ scared the living shit out of me.

How about show me where he touched you? Oh God. Okay. Oh God. Or want some free candy kid? So no DJ names here. I mean, he would simply never get it. Yeah.

Masquerade Mike. I like that one. Closer. Closer? No. Am I anywhere near it? No. The best part is I think I'm almost 100% positive

that we've seen him play with you there. Really? He's been at multiple events that we've been to. Dressed like that? Yep. You must have just been blacked. I love how that doesn't give me any kind of, like, there's nothing that pops into my head

that I'm like, oh, it's probably this. You wouldn't get it. Storky top hat, Glovesington. It's clap Tone. Clap Tone. Ah, his hand's the wrong way for the clap. Oh, that's what they're using. He would have been clapping.

Reverse Clap Tone. Damn. Okay. I think I'm getting, I need to get more in the, actually guess the name by. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was just going. Well, I don't think you'd be able to. Yeah, I don't think no matter what.

I think I was as close as I was going to get. Okay. We could have given you like an ABCD option maybe. As soon as you told me that that first guy was the same as the second guy, I was thrown through a hole. Absolute upside down. All right, so I got a little just – it's maybe not a philosopher's stone, but it's a thinker. I'm going to get a tape measure.

You pick the length, whatever you feel the most comfortable with. Hold it up, and we'll see how close you get. So like... So whatever you're most familiar with. Say it's maybe six inches, eight inches, seven inches? I'm familiar with about seven and a half inches. Okay. So we're going to do it. We're going to do it.

Maybe seven and three quarters. I've never fully put it to the test. Seven and a half. Yeah, Try to come in from the side. That's what I'm most familiar with. Alright, 7.5. Oh, right on 7.5! I told you that's what I was most

familiar with. When you see something every day, you're pretty good at it. Just four. You know what you're pretty good at it. Just four. You know what you're talking about here. You want me to keep it low, like two or three? Yeah, four at most. Let's see if I can get four.

Okay, give me four. Four hard or four soft? Four? You're going to be disappointed. Oh, that's right on four. We both nailed it. That's surprising. I know four.

Let's see you. What are you most familiar with, John? Five and a half. I'm kind of scared. Let's go for a mean six. An angry six. A spitting six. God damn it.

A little bit of leeway on that one. Six and a half. If you measure it from under. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. So that definitely went south really quickly. Okay. I'm surprised you guys were right on on that.

Well, like I said, practice makes perfect. Tell us about the last time you realized you were in the friend zone and how you figured it out. Okay, I got a good one for this, actually. And it's very upfront how I figured it out. But it's so specific that if anyone hears it, they're going to know. That's perfect. If it was only one person that would have to hear that would know.

Yeah. Okay. So how did I realize, let me, let me start from the top. Um, I don't want to go way too specific with this. Yeah,

you do. We can cut out this part of me thinking about it. I have the story. Okay. I got it. Um, I was at, uh,

been, been like, you know, jabbing at this girl for quite some time in college, on and off. And we went to our, we went to a work Christmas party together.

Not necessarily together. We worked at the same place. We went to a Christmas party. And then just she and I went back to her house after and I'm like, oh, game on. And then we were just like

hanging out for a bit. And I want to say after about an hour of just like chatting, she goes, you have to leave. I have someone coming over right now. No way. And kicked me out. Damn. So that was when I realized that that's a big

time friend zone. That's rough. Yeah. Subtle on her part. Yeah. Subtle. It's safe to say I got out's rough. Yeah. Subtle on her part. Yeah. Subtle. It's safe to say I got out of it probably years later, but that was when I realized for sure. Yeah. That's rough. Yeah.

Yeah, that's really tough. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had an in-person figure it out. Yeah, no, that was like, hey, you're in. Yeah. Like you read it. Like I think for me, it's you get like that text message of you saying something like pretty like outward you're in. Yeah. Like you read it. Like I think for me, it's you get like that text message of you saying something

like pretty like outwardly flirty. Yeah. You know, and they reply with like, ha ha. You're so funny. Yeah, yeah. That's what mine is like. When you're expecting like,

oh yeah, like for sure. She's like, oh, you're so funny. Yeah. So mine is going along the lines of that. This was like very early on for me. Like before I was, this was like fucking maybe on for me like before I was this was like fucking maybe like 14 or something

and I was reaching all the way into like the always good morning always good night type shit oh okay just like oh that hurts to hear just like really

kicking the bag in but um yeah so just one of the texts were like it was just one of those like oh you're so cute and I was just like sitting there

and I was just like damn it. I know what this means. I'm not there. The world just crumbling. So that's how you learn to not do that. Yeah. And then another one was, it was like leaving a party with a girl in college.

And then we go, the point of this one is that it was just so fucking awkward. That's why I hit so hard. Yeah. Like we go to get food and I'm like, all right, we're going to get food and then I'm in. And then we get back to, we had separate dorms and then we get to hers and she's like, okay, I'm going to go to bed.

And I'm just standing out there. Just like, oh, I hate to see it. I do love the, when you figure it out. You bring like physical pain. Oh yeah. I do love when you figure it out when you're doing something together just the two of you yeah like at that i bet you at that dinner she's like no i'll definitely pay for mine oh yeah she's like no no you don't have to pay you don't have to pay

we're like definitely not hooking up she's like yeah no put your car away split it she's like i'm getting this one because that's what friends do, right? Yeah. I feel like, yeah, that was definitely the gnarliest one I've had. I can't, like, I feel like I've had some times where, yeah, I'm, like, hanging out with a girl, and she'll, like, try to talk to me about another guy or something. I'm like, oh, fuck. I was just about to say that. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, that shit will hit. Yeah. Not fun stuff. You got one? Can I get your advice on this? Oh, yeah, right? Yeah. Or, like, there's this guy.

Or she shows you a text that got sent to her while you're hanging out and she's like how do i reply to this i'm like bitch i don't fucking know maybe you put your phone away and come to papa he's back nice guy's gone oh fuck i forgot i forgot about the rebrand definitely not cutting that uh i got another one here okay stupidest thing you said to a girl that's backfired oh god the list goes on for a long time i'm just gonna try to think of something specific well my whole entire talking to girls thing is trying to say something overtly like stupid. Like my go-to is being over the top ridiculous.

Yeah, like jabbing, like poking them in the fucking rib cage with words. Yeah, making some points. No, you mean like kind of like teasing them with words the whole time. I can remember a time I was at a bar and Hunter wanted me to talk to these girls and one of them was wearing

those like bandanas over the top tied in the back like the super colorful ones and I walked up and I said but can we agree those are cute

and I said something like hey the black pearl is double parked out there whose ship is it? wow and they all looked at me like what? and I was like

I had to explain it yeah when you have to explain i'm like oh because she's wearing like a pirate headband and i made a reference to a pirate ship and they're like go away i don't think that one's on you because i got it immediately like that's that i think that was hilarious i mean i thought it was gonna go well but that was a big yeah that's a very and it was a group of girls too, and they're all looking at you. That's a very specific reference. They're all looking at you like... That's tough.

So you thought that telling a girl she looks like a pirate was going to go well? I thought they would laugh, and then, you know, it's like, hey, how's it going? I'm John. Nice to meet you. Oh, okay, okay, okay. I didn't say anything stupid, but in Miami, we were at like a fucking warehouse rave at like 6 in the morning, and it was so loud. I don't, I said something super normal to the girl. Like, Hey, what's up? Or something. And she was never

going to work. No, I just walked up to her. I was like, yo, what's up? And she was like, what? And I was like, I just said, yo, what's up? And she's like, what? And it was just like, holy fuck. I was like, it's pretty loud in here, huh? And then I was like, I gotta fucking go. I gotta fucking go. That's definitely my least favorite shit. I panicked, bro. Yeah. I was like, it's pretty loud in here, huh? And then I was like, I gotta fucking go. I gotta fucking go. Yeah, that's definitely my least favorite shit. I panicked, bro. Yeah. I was like, yeah, it's pretty loud, huh? And I was like, why did I say that?

Why did I say that? No, yeah, I would say like the worst thing that can ever happen is like you're at a nightclub and you say the same thing three times and they don't hear any of it and you're just like, oh, fuck it. Well, and then you're also like, I'm just sweating in the back of my mind going,

is she purposely ignoring me? Because I could, it's not that loud, you know? Yeah, that shit's hard. It's she it was she i think she literally gave me like a hand motion after she was like ah yeah that one didn't work and just went like that and i was just i was shook for the rest of the morning gone swine let's just say my game isn't on point at 6 30 in the morning yeah or ever that ever. That's fair. Okay. So I got to, I got to, we got smash or pass and we're going to do on three. So we're going to do one, two,

three. We all say. Yeah. Okay. So it's smash or pass the office special edition with characters in their, like in a different form. Okay. Are we getting pictures? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. So office smash or pass special edition. Okay. Are we getting pictures? Yes, yes. Okay, okay. So Office Smasher Pass Special Edition. Okay. Oh, my God. First up, we got Bald Meredith.

Count it down. I'm already ready. Three, two, one, smash. What did everyone say? You said smash. I said smash. You said smash. I said pass.

Okay. Look at that grin, though. You could get a fucking that's terrifying you could get your fortune told while you're rubbing her head and yeah okay next up

we got Dwight as Meredith three two one smash two smash out of you guys? I'd smash that it's something about the red hair for me yeah it's getting dead giveaway

alright we got Dwight as Oscar it's Stanley Stanley my bad Jesus Dwight as Stanley Dwight as Stanley do we want to go like just one across yeah okay where do we start

with me yeah okay pass smash pass on this one i have to pass it's the slightly bald head at the top it's the it's the hairline which is surprising because i went all in on the bald meredith yeah yeah true but for whatever reason maybe it's the look on his face yeah that's kind of rape and it's kind of very terrifying oh my god dwight as kerrigan the queen of blades i'll start this one off smash smash Face. Yeah, that's kind of rapey. That's kind of very terrifying. Oh my God. Dwight as Kerrigan, the Queen of Blades. I'll start this one off.

Smash. Smash. Smash. Easy. That's a simple one. What is Kerrigan, the Queen of Blades? It's a Starcraft character. Ah.

Okay, we got Meredith with the hip cast. Broken pelvis. Ah. Broken pelvis Meredith. The cast has to stay on. Well, yeah. How are you even smashing if you wanted to? Well, we'll say it. What are you thinking?

Smash. Smash. Smash. Okay. You could get in a crease on that. Yeah. Like on the cast. Oh, God.

If you lube it up a little bit. You did need to hear the specifics. Okay. We got a short dress Meredith. Her clam's literally out in the fucking picture. Yeah. Short dress Meredith. Smash. Smash. Pass on this one for some reason for me. In the fuck? civics okay we got a short dress merrick clams literally out in the in the short dress meredith smash smash pass on this one for some reason for me in the fuck i missed the cast if the cast was

on i'm in okay you couldn't got on the nip slip though you had to do the vag blur on that one okay we got uh pam as charlie chaplin the hitler pam uh smash ass smash that's a pass for you Pam as Charlie Chaplin. The Hitler Pam? Smash. Smash. That's a pass for you. Yeah, dude. I think I'm smashing Pam in any form. Any form, Pam?

Well, hopefully there's another one. Okay. I don't see a negative on that one, honestly. That's fair. She's almost hotter. All right, this one's huge. Bearded Ryan. Ooh.

Smash. Smash. Smash. Smash. Are you kidding me? All right. Now, if you would have put goatee Ryan up there nope that's a pass yeah he's Scando

alright these are all these are rapid fire rounds smash smash smash smash smash smash

smash it was all Jim it was all Jim just being Jim just regular Jim free haircut Jim give me that and a bowl of oats

all big tuna I need some of that give me that and a bowl of oats give me that tuna alright you wanna cap us off are we in are we out

alright we here at No Foma wanna hear your ideas we know the listeners if you have a good question or a debate topic or whatever you think might be funny we want you to send it in and the way that we figured out how you could do that

is if you leave a five-star review on Spotify, Apple, whatever you're listening to, and then you can either leave the question in there and we'll find it. Or if you want to DM us a picture of that five-star review with your question, we will 100% read your question on the podcast. No questions asked. We will go ahead and do it live on air and we'll shout you out. It'll probably end up being a little mailbag episode where we just do all those. If you want to hear your question,

send it in. You want to hear us and our horrific takes on whatever you've got, send them in. And I want to give a special shout out to our lady audience today. Just because with the big rebrand and everything. The failed rebrand today. I might have tripped up.

It's a process. It's not a one-day type of thing. I'm constantly working on being the best version of myself. Wow, you're deepening and reaching to the back. Yeah, so ladies, thanks for listening. We love you. You can smell the desperation. And yeah.

I think without further ado, that is episode nine of No FOMO. We are off to Coachella in two days. So when we come back, expect the next episode, us being in horrendous shape. So we'll see you then. Yeah.

Peace. Toodaloo.