No Judgment Zone: Exploring Pleasure and Healing - Daddy Issues and Dick Discipline: Rewriting Your Masculine Blueprint

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

In this episode, we unpack the deep-rooted patterns that stem from absentee fathers and emotionally unavailable lovers, and how those wounds have shaped our ability to receive love, safety, and presence. I’m sharing how wounded masculine conditioning showed up in my dating life, and what it truly looks like to rewrite that blueprint.We’re talking emotional survival, masculine energy without shame, and calling in emotionally available, grounded love—without abandoning ourselves in the process.This one’s for anyone who’s ready to unlearn, heal, and receive from a place of power.Follow @nojudgmentzonepod on IG and subscribe on Spotify (or your favorite platform!) so you never miss an episode.Got something to get off your chest? Click the link in my IG bio and submit a Whisper in my ear—your truth is safe here.

Welcome back to the no judgment zone. I am your favorite sensual nurse. I'm here in the building and today's episode is called Daddy Issues and Dick Discipline. Rewriding your masculine blueprint. Yeah, we go in there. This one is for the ones who've only known survival, the ones healing from wounded, masculine conditioning, whether it came from absolute. Fentie Fathers, emotionally unavailable partners, or just that deep fear of being too soft, too needy, or too much.

We are unpacking the ways this shows up in our dating lives and what it really looks like to rewrite the masculine blueprint, from one of self-abandonment to one of emotional presence and grounded power. Let's talk about it. So y'all know I always use myself. this is the experience that I have. This is the knowledge that I speak from. And I always believe that a lot of what we go through in our adult lives,

the patterns that we embody and that we live, they come from what we went through in our childhood. This is when we are picking up how the world works, what is our place in the world, how do we receive love. This is the time of our lives where we are developing literally everything, right? emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, all those things are being downloaded into the brain. And a lot of times we don't realize that. Even as parents, we just, we don't think how much is actually going on in our kids' mind or in their lives and the importance that it will have over their lives.

So for me personally, my father is very much present. my mother, when they got a divorce, my mom went into the Navy. She was young. She went from her parents' house to her husband's house. And so she wanted to find herself. And doing that, she had to sign over custody of me, and my father was primarily the parent who raised me throughout my childhood. So although he was there, and as a single father, he worked.

Like, I remember he would work at the local, what was it, warehouse factory or whatever. His shifts alternated every few weeks. And I remember a point when he was going, he was taking classes at the local community college. Because one time he had a class and I was sleep in the backseat. And I remember seeing my mom go to the same college because she was taking a class too. But in that, I say that to say, he always did his best to provide. I never had to worry about being hungry. Matter of fact, later on, I always prefer to go to the store my dad than my stepmom because my stepmom was a coupon queen, okay? Is it on sale? Do you have a coupon?

If not, we're not getting it. My dad be like, I don't care. Put it in a cart. Bet. Say less. I'm like, can we have this? Can we have this? And eventually he'd get tired of me asking. So that was never an issue as far as financially. obviously with financials you're able to provide a roof over your head clothes things such as that was never my concern but just as strongly as i feel emotionally now i was always a super emotional child and one of the things i absolutely hated to hear was stop crying or else i'm going to give you something to cry for my mind immediately said obviously i have a reason to cry because i'm crying but when you grow up with that when you grow up with the masculine who is present however seems

very much so uninterested and even the moments where i got to spend time with him and it was just me and him like i used to say i love fishing fishing is boring as hell i do not love it however as a child that was me and my dad's time my stepmom we always joke that she was a city girl she don't like bugs. To this day, she still don't like bugs. So she let fishing be our thing. That was the only reason why I loved it, because I could be around him. I always, in my core, wanted to be a daddy's girl, but I never really had that relationship. I never really had that bond. So I would get excited just to spend time with him. However, the conversation and the bonding was not really there. And even when I would talk to him,

I would be talking, telling him who knows what I'm talking about. Y'all know how kids just be rambling about whatever is going on in their mind or in their world. And then he would be quiet, right? But I'm thinking he's listening. Always given the benefit of the doubt. And probably about five minutes into my monologue, he would ask a question and it would immediately, low-key, like, hurt because the questions he's asking is like, obviously you haven't been listening to me.

And now I don't take it for granted being an adult. You probably have a million and one things or he probably had a million and one things on his mind. Absolutely. However, for me, it was trying to establish a connection, trying to be seen, trying to be validated, trying to receive those emotions from essentially the only parent that I have in front of me because my mom, she went into the Navy. I didn't see her for a few years. Even when she came back, I saw her every other weekend.

So this is a person who made me and has taken care of me. And the message that I received majority of my childhood is that you could care less about me. That I am just an obligation just like a bill. But I never felt wanted or loved. Granted, as I got older, I was able to have an appreciation for him because I can tell he still gave me better than what he. had and when I would hear stories about my grandfather that I never met personally I could understand how my dad tried to rewrite that story and in his own way he did change the narrative from what he received so what he gave me was better than what he had however in the same breath it was not

sufficient enough for what I needed and required as an individual as a child developing But what this did for me, which I didn't fully process and understand how my childhood affected my dating and relationships until my marriage was breaking down. And I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. And why am I in this pattern? Why do I always end up feeling like I'm with a guy who can't love me the way that I want to be loved, who doesn't treat me the way that. I feel like I should be treated.

Like, I've always wanted to be a princess. Like, if you know me now, definitely princess energy. You may call me boozy, even though I'm super down to earth, super understanding, super chill. But yes, I have a housekeeper. Yes, I get monthly massages. Yes, I keep up with my nails. I keep up with my hair. These are things that I have started to do to take care of me to kind of set the tone,

set the precedent. Not only proving to myself, but anybody who wants to enter into my surrogens. I am worth taking care of and let me show you because I do it for me. However, none of that was present in my, I'll say in my 20s, none of that was present. I always felt like I had to earn love. I had to work to be seen. I had to work to be chosen because any recognition I got from my father, it was because of my grades. It was because of something I did. It was because of effort that I put forth. So as a child, I learned that I had to earn love. But in earning love, I'm always constantly working for it. I'm always constantly going above and

beyond. But what that teaches somebody else is they don't have to do for me because I'm a do for me and for them. And then years down the line, I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I feel unappreciated, I'm starting to build resentment. And I had to look at the mirror and realized I set the tone for that I set the tone for how people treated me because of how I treated myself I set the tone for being looked over because I looked over myself in order to please someone else and realizing that that started from my childhood I made excuses for my father for not being emotionally present I made excuses for him not showing up in the ways that I needed I remember one time he told me, because I had an outfit on, I think I picked out my outfit for school or whatever.

And he was like, if you ever think you look cute, there's probably something wrong with their outfit. Granted, the message he was probably trying to say is following trends. You know, wearing tight clothes, revealing clothes isn't necessarily always the way to go. The way it came out is, baby, you ugly. that's what I heard and to this has he ever complimented my appearance appearance I don't know maybe once in my whole life and I'm 32 now so maybe he has maybe he hasn't is something I've stopped looking for unfortunately and I remember it was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and my mom did a formal for them and I remember getting all dressed up

and dolled up and I just thought I was so pretty like oh I was so happy right and when he saw me he looked me over and he was like you look all right again another dagger that killed me all well it didn't kill me but like my one of my best friends was there and they saw me tearing up and they comforted me or whatever but i say that to say your childhood has a big influence on your present day life, your patterns that you have. You have to be able to reflect on them, to confront them, to process them, and separate what's somebody else's trauma versus what's the truth about me. I will say I will put this little plug in there. This is where therapy comes into play. If you are not able to do this on your own, do this with a trained professional to

ask the questions to connect the dots, to make sense of you. So you can understand yourself because once you understand your core and the basis of who you are and where you are, then that gives you the ability, the power, the control to change your life. You can choose if you want to continue this process or not. You can now choose what your future will look like and how you will show up and you can be intentional in your responses. So for me, that was when I started disconnecting from my husband is when I started focusing on me.

That is one reason. Although things didn't work out, I am grateful for that time period and for that opportunity because it definitely gave me the space to focus on my own self-esteem, my own self-love, and my own healing journey. So when we started disconnecting, I started being like, okay, well, I'm not about to beg this man to talk to me. So let me figure me out. Let me spend more time with myself.

Let me understand myself. And in doing this and in realizing, you know, why do I always end up in this place? Why is this consistently my complaints? Why am I crying about this and my prayers over and over and over again? The saying nothing changes until you get sick and tired is absolutely true. I was sick and tired of crying and feeling. not chosen and it wasn't that I didn't feel worthy I absolutely felt worthy however my method in going my method in receiving that validation I was saying was what was off and so I realized because of

the relationship I had with my father I felt like I had to do things to be seen I had to do things to be chosen I had to prove that I was the right one versus just knowing that I'm worthy and just just being myself. And that changed a lot for me. I no longer ask for anything. I no longer got excited just because somebody liked me. Like liking me is a bare minimum. When I talk to females now, I'm like,

my man has to be obsessed with me because if he's not, it's not going to work. And obsessed to the point of not watching from a distance because that is creepy, I need you to be obsessed and bold with it. I need you to tell me I like you. I think you're amazing. I want to get to know you. I want to take you out with the intention of dating you.

If you don't tell me, baby, we're friends. We family. That's it. You can do as much as you want to. You can build a whole house for me. Thank you. That was so sweet of you. Oh my goodness.

I can't wait to cook for my boyfriend. But no, seriously, when I realized that I was merely surviving and I was not positioning myself to receive. It changed a lot because I always craved to be protected, to be cared for, to be loved on. But because I never received it and I did not trust the ability or capability of others, I was also hyper-independent. There wasn't a lot of room for you to show up for me. you'd ask me what i need and i'd be like nothing i got it um even to this day in my current relationship i have to be conscious of chill out don't do that he got it and allow him to show up

allow him to do because i'm so used to having to do everything i'm so used to choosing people who are not in their masculine energy. And with this, a lot of the things that you'll see if someone has a wounded masculine, it would be avoidance, emotional distance, and it's a performance-based worth. I used to feel like I was worthy because I have a career. I do this, I do that, I'm able to do that, versus I'm worthy because I'm kind. I'm worthy because I'm smart. I'm worthy because of these natural qualities and characteristics of the type of woman that I am.

Not because of what I do. Everything that I do is a benefit. It's a plus. And now that also looks, mind you, these wounded masculine traits, I'm speaking as a woman because I'm a woman, from a woman's perspective. However, these things show up in men as well. the way that they show up the way they have a performance-based worth they feel like their worth is tied to how much money they bring which is why you hear so much of that on the internet not understanding as a man your worth is so much more than your financial bracket they may feel like may go to

the extreme to be a man I have to have control I have to be dominant I can't show emotions that's not true either to be a man you need to know when to lead but also when to listen you need to know when to hold back your emotions but also how to feel and process your emotions so men and women both comprised of masculine and feminine energy and it's more so which one do you rest in primarily and how do you show those qualities how does it show up if it's wounded typically a woman's wounded masculine is being hyper independent she's not able to trust she has to always be in control it's hard for her to follow she can't just sit back sit and receive let somebody do for you period

period that is feminine think about our bodies we have a vagina it is made to receive y'all for a reason think about that but

when you see a wounded masculine in both male and females a lot of times that's when you will see a lack of dick discipline. And when I say that, I'm going to use that catchphrase for both the men and the women, because women don't be having dick discipline either. Let's keep it 100.

But also, it's not even just about sex. Dick discipline to me means I am able to have self-control over my mind and my body, and I'm able to look at the big picture and not just the here and now. And I say that because I have a coworker. I absolutely had a coworker. He was a travel nurse. And he's so dope, right? Absolutely love him.

Love the conversations that we would have. But he would find himself in these situations with other coworkers. And I'm like, and when I say situations, okay, we're going to keep it real raw, open and honest. He'd be sleeping around with the people at work, right? Mind you, he's married with kids. He ain't leaving his wife. He ain't messing that shit up. But his excuse

was, I tell them no, but they keep asking. My response is so. That doesn't mean you gotta fuck them. You can say no and stand on your no. But he's like, but it's there. Like, I'm like, but still,

you need to know better because then what happens is these females and y'all know us females we start getting in our feelings we start imagining things because he's a gentleman like there's certain ways he's just not going to treat you right there's certain things he is just going to do however these females get in their feelings and they want to brag like oh i'm with him and him and da da da da da da da and then he's upset that his business is out in the streets and it's like why are you dealing with these females anyway look at their character look at their reputation look at all the red flags that you fucking chose to ignore,

you cannot be upset right now. And he's like, it keeps happening. Well, stop fucking at work. Stop cheating. How about that? Just make it work with your wife if you know you're not going anywhere. So I say dick discipline. That's an example from a man's point of view of allowing lust to control you,

allowing the physical to control you. But even with females, you know that man is no good for you. You know he is rude. He is lazy. You can't call on him for nothing. Not even to ask for $20 to put gas in your tank to get to work. Why are you fucking him?

Just because the dick is good, that's it? There's no other benefit. How are you going to be in your feminine and be a lady, be a woman, and you can't receive a benefit from this person. Because just as much as you receive and sex, you also give. So it actually cancels the transaction. It's like, I give you 500, you give me 500. We really didn't exchange any money, right?

To me, that's what sex is like. So that's not a benefit. That's not a plus. What else is there? With establishing dick discipline, you will be establishing self-respect, self-control. You will be choosing your purpose over impulse. I told you there was a guy that I was cool with, messing with, whatever.

But when I thought about him, I'm like, you add absolutely nothing to my life. Absolutely nothing. Even the conversation is, what are you doing today? What are your plans? Okay, cool. Like there was nothing. That gets old, y'all. It definitely gets old.

And I ended up like, he would get upset. Like, what does this other guy have that I don't have? Baby, I'm just not interested in you. And the fact that you're asking that is kind of a problem. For me, it is because we would never date each other. So I don't understand why you're worried about my qualifications. Just know you're not it for me. you did not make the team but you learn to respect your body respect your energy and the energy

of others you learn what fuels you what builds you up what motivates you what refills you and you set a standard for who has access to you like any and everybody should not be able to enter your body in the most intimate form of expression of yourself that you have. There should be a certain level of standards. And I'm not saying you look down on anyone. You don't have to look down on anyone. But what are the pluses that are needed to require or that are required to allow someone into your space, into your energy?

how much do you value yourself what does it take does someone just have to smile at you wink and you will sleep with them is it more a compliment and paying for your macdonald's order and you'll take your draws off of them what is your standard and i'm not saying there has to be a 90 day rule as an adult shit happens y'all do what y'all want to do what I am advocating for is making sure that you have the best quality experiences in your life simply because you weed out the bad experiences. That person who's been hanging around you and you really don't like them and they really ain't got none to talk about, but they ask you out on a date, why do you feel compelled to say,

yes why can't you just say no thank you i'd rather be friends and if we do any if we do anything outside of work i prefer to be a group activity i don't want to play with your emotions or send the wrong message but a lot of people don't know themselves and they're just looking for any form of validation that that inner child is still craving the affection from the parent that they didn't receive is craving the attention from the parent that they didn't receive and so what happens is instead of getting a healthy form of it, a healthy dose of it, or instead of giving it to yourself, you are taking crumbs from all over to try to fill this hole, not realizing some of those crumbs have mold on it. I hope y'all catching that. But when you change how you measure who

gets accessed, now you're able to make room for someone who is emotional. present who is stable for my ladies who has masculine energy when you rewrite your story so for me what that looked like was okay this relationship is not working this man is not manning enough for me I mean that's the best way to put it this man is not manning enough for me who am I what am I where am I and what does my purpose mate look like i am a very driven i guess you can say ambitious very driven ambitious go-getter type of woman i don't want it all but i definitely want more than scraps i want to be comfortable i want to be free i want to be able to be generous if i see someone who has a

need. I want to be able to give to them. That is the core of my motivation. My daughter loves horses and I really want to take his horseback riding. Being on a budget kills me because I can't just up and say let's go for $500 and we go horseback riding and go out to eat and do. I don't want to be held back. That is what drives me. My ex-husband once said that I am a ball of love. I just want to give and receive love and that is absolutely true but what does that mean for the type of man that i need if i'm just all over the place which i really can be all over the place i need a man who is stable who is grounded who is firm in his boundaries and who has a vision maybe not the exact same as i but at least a vision in the same direction that i want to go in so then when we're

when he tells me, I don't really think that's a good idea. You may be overextending yourself because remember, we said we wanted to do X, Y, and Z. I can trust that. I can trust him and I can trust that. And I can trust him and I can trust that because I see how he has led himself in his own life. So there's past history to go by. We have a similar vision for the future. So there's an alignment. I know the decisions that he makes is going to be in this direction and this is the direction I want to go in. And because I'm all over the place, I can appreciate his boundaries to kind of. And it's not control.

Please, please, please, please women, sometimes, if you want a good man, you are going to have to allow him to tell you no. You absolutely have to. A man cannot protect what he cannot control. I heard that and I absolutely changed the game for me. And a lot of times I relate things to what I can understand. As a parent, I can tell my children the rules and the expectations of our household. But if you don't follow the guidelines that I set out, I cannot protect you.

If I tell you, stay on YouTube kids, don't be going on a regular YouTube, but you go on a regular YouTube, but you go on a regular YouTube and now you see something that's scaring the hell out of you and now you don't want to sleep by yourself at night I can't protect you from that because you didn't listen to me the difference is I birthed you out of my body there is a bond there is a commitment I'm gonna take care of you the black mother in me is even if that mean I got to take you out but I'm gonna take care of you as a man loving a woman him setting boundaries saying, I don't know if that's the best move. I don't know if that's the best outfit. I don't know if that's the best decision. That is his attempt to protect you. And when you're very sure of

who you are, you'll know the difference between protection and control. You will absolutely know the difference. You will feel the difference in your body. But that's the leadership of a man. that's what it looks like to be in a divine union when both of you have your own strengths your own perspective and you're able to blend you're able to listen and lead together but see a lot of women speak from fear so a lot of times you hear about toxic masculinity he's trying to control me he narcissistic yada yada yada yada yada no ma'am you're hard-headed no ma'am you're hard-headed no ma'am you're rude and you're mean that's why he don't want to be with you no you don't add anything to him that's why he doesn't want to invest in you we have to realize what a healthy masculine male looks like

for both sides because just as much as women are struggling to find it men are struggling to embody it through the females who say you gotta be this tall which as an adult you can't really change your height but weed out the females who say you have to be this tall make this much and have this life and do this and do that and do that and do that and I don't even know if I like you yet well man why would I jump through hoops for you then well you're not a man if you don't do it what but he also has the weed through the men who say women are lazy, they just want to use you, don't trust them, they cheat, well, how am I going

to find love? Fuck love, just get the cute one. So just as hard as it is for the women to rewrite their code, their core, their esteem, their respect, to be a healthy feminine in order to recognize and attract a healthy masculine. Men are struggling on the eyes. opposite side. The good men are struggling on the opposite side on what does it look like to be a good man, to be a real man. And also, how can he pick out a good woman? How can he not get played? Sometimes we don't realize the emotions on the other side. We're so consumed with ourselves. This calls on every person male or female to heal the little girl or the little boy. you who didn't feel chosen who didn't feel worthy who didn't feel seen how do you tell that inner child

i got you how do you prove to them you're safe you can trust me now that i'm an adult i will make decisions that will only help us and not hurt us a couple of things that helped me um and going through this was self-reflection prompts, things that made me question myself. You know, if something made me upset, why did I get upset? Like, why, like for real, why am I mad? And sometimes women, we are very much so affected by our hormones. Sometimes there is no reason for it. But you have to be honest about that.

and then sometimes there is and you have to dive deeper. One thing about me, I absolutely hate having to repeat myself. I hate it. Granted, I'll give grace. I'll give the benefit of the doubt. I'll repeat myself. If you keep saying you can't hear me, it bothers me to my core. Why does it bother me?

And I kind of mentioned it in the beginning of this episode. But it triggers the little girl in me who was talking to her dad, trying to form a bond, trying to connect and now he's asking me questions forcing me to repeat myself because he wasn't listening because he didn't deem what I was saying important enough he didn't deem me worthy enough to give me his attention so now that you have me repeating myself I know you're not trying to tell me I'm not important I know you're not trying to tell me you can't pay attention and focus on what I have to say anger is a very good indicator on where a boundary has been crossed but it is up to you to reflect and assess what it is telling you what boundary has been crossed

there was a point in my healing where I was very angry angry at any and everybody that I have ever come in contact with my life because how dare y'all drink me like that how dare y'all let me go through life like that that's where you start to get to know yourself that's where you start ask questions don't just react but ask questions to reflect and then choose how you will respond therapy helps with this they will help those ask those questions that you need to think about give you the time and the space to do it shadow work and shadow work is essentially the things that are hidden the things that we want to hide the things that we want to suppress when you bring it out into the open you have no choice but to address it to confront it to process it to assess it to break it down

for me between self-reflection and therapy i realized that just because my parents were busy trying to get their lives together trying to get themselves together and were not well equipped to pour into me emotionally the way that i needed it does not mean that i was never worthy of it you learn to separate the two you learn that two things can be true at the same time to this day my father absolutely loves me in a way that i will never know i will never understand but i accept that he loves me and even though he loves me i also acknowledge that the way he loves me is not to my standards It's up to each individual when you look at your relationships, when you look at your patterns, and when you see the truth, the light and the dark of every situation, it's up to you to choose

if you like it or if you don't. For me, my father does not mistreat me. He tries in his own way. I allow grace for that. I allow him to show up as him. But anybody else, don't try that shit. You will get blocked. for me as a male in my space if you want to be close to me with me if i was dating or open to dating

someone new you have to be of service you cannot see that there is a need and not try to fill it and when i say feel it it doesn't mean you have to pay for it but could you connect me with someone who could solve the problem could you teach me and talk me how to solve the problem myself can you point me in the right direction can you be there with me and for me as i navigate this that is the value in the masculine that protection that support that provision that comes in multiple ways and also body work we don't realize how much wisdom is stored in our bodies how much memory is stored in our bodies. When you get nervous

and you notice how your stomach tightens and your breath's kind of shallow and you breathe a lot faster using your mind to tell your stomach to relax and forcing yourself to take deep breaths you actually start to feel calmer more at peace

and you feel safer this is what breathwork does this is what mindful moments do you rewrite the story that your brain is learning you rewrite just because there is a disagreement in relationship does not mean i am not safe it does not mean i am not loved all it means is this is a moment for us to gain more understanding and you treat it as such you stay calm you listen you ask questions you calmly explain you calmly explain you calmly explain your soul movement it it releases that negative memory I was a regular no I was a member actually of a dance studio and I absolutely loved it the instructor she was all about twerk tabata

and what I loved about it is as a black girl growing up you can't walk a certain way because why your hips moving so much you can't dance a certain way because you being too fast but as an adult you're supposed to have all of these qualities and characteristics or else you're not sexy so at what point do you learn it at what point do you practice it and even in learning and practice it always feels a little weird because you still hold that shame of you're not supposed to do this so that being the main focus the main style of dancing is literally shaking your ass in order to lose weight it helped release a lot of shame it helped me be more comfortable in my body it helped me to be more confident in the way i express my body the way i move my body help me to be more sensual there

are times when i'm walking i'm like damn i wish i could see myself because i know i look sexy oh i feel my booty shaking a little bit when i walk being in tuned with your body in the way that it feels and the way that it moves you don't just get that to everybody and celibacy may seem unbearable for some people but intentional intimacy is something that everyone can practice even in friendships being intentional with who you open up with being intentional with who you spend your time with, be intentional with who you share your body with, and you learn how it feels. You realize every time I'm around this person, I am just smiling so hard, my cheeks hurt. I have so much joy. My heart feel like it's going to bust open. I just feel so

calm and relaxed and you notice a contrast when you're with other people and your body always feels tense your shoulders are up your stomach is tight you feel drained because you keep pouring into them no it's you're going to be okay no you're amazing you got this no no so after so long giving so much it'd be like bro i need to i need to clock out from this shift i'm tired being intentional on your time and your energy you'll feel where you should be. So just to sum up, some of the things that we have discussed, some of the points that I really, really, really, really want y'all to be able to leave this episode with

is owning your part in the patterns of your life. When I see people on the internet complain that all men are like this or all women are like that, all is telling me is the choices that you make. the patterns that you have because it's not all the men and women in the whole world it's all the people that you chose so when do you stop pointing the finger and when do you realize that you got three fingers

pointing back at you because you need to fix your shit own your part in the patterns of your life say no to emotionally unavailable love even as familiar I'm not saying everybody leave your relationship. However, I left my marriage because it was not fulfilling me. I was not happy. And I realized he did not have the capacity to give that to me. He never cheated on me, never called me out my name, never hit me. That was the hardest thing for me. Like, to so many people, he's a good man.

But why am I not happy with this? And realizing that a good man isn't what I wanted. I wanted a great man. I wanted an exceptional man. I wanted a man who showed me that he loved me and not just told me. I wanted a man who didn't let me lead and didn't let me carry the family. That was an equal partner. You do not get better experiences in life if you do not make space for it.

them and if you do not choose them. But in order to say yes to something better, you have to say no to what's not fulfilling you. And put everybody out there listening. Practice what it means to receive and not just survive. There is such a hustle, go out and get it mentality that you feel like you have to earn every good thing that you want in your life versus accepting and believing that you are good and that you are worthy and every good thing that you want is coming to you simply because of who you are and how you show up when I travel internationally I always have a great experience I'm not saying that there aren't racist people in other countries I'm not saying that other people are lying about the negative experiences they have however I'm saying

that I always have a good experience but I attribute that to how I show up I'm respectful of all people. I am respectful of all cultures. I try to learn at least thank you, hello, goodbye, please, in the language of the area that I'm going to, to show effort on my part, to show respect on my part, and especially when they see a young black American, because America is very entitled, you feel like anyone who is not from here, It's lower than you. A lot of people really do have that mentality. And even if they would never say it out loud, their actions say it loud enough.

Practice what it means to receive, not just survive. Y'all, this was a good episode. This was a good one. I hope you enjoyed it too. If it hit home, please take a moment. Take a moment. Take a deep breath. Feel it.

What part is uncomfortable? for you. What part do you need to go deeper in? Always know that you're not alone in this process. Please, please, please, if you need a virtual bestie to keep up with a podcast, make sure you follow No Judgment Zone pod on Instagram. Subscribe on Spotify and click the little bell so that you are notified when new episodes drop.

I am so happy and excited to say that we are now live on all platforms. Apple, Amazon, what's the other one? Spotify. Iheart radio. Y'all, whatever y'all get your podcast, your girl is there. And if you have a question, confession, or something you just want to get off of your chest, please, on the IG page, there is a link in the bio. and it's whisper in my ear.

I always check before I record just to see if there's a submission whatever it is. If you don't even want it to be aired, that's fine. I can still DM you. I can respond that way. Also know that it might be on the next episode.

You might have an amazing topic and it's like, yo, more people need to hear this. This needs to be an open discussion. so please whisper in my ear I love it and next week y'all y'all

y'all it's gonna be juicy because we're gonna be talking about that booty what y'all think we're gonna be talking about definitely pleasure definitely getting rid of shame and everything else that comes up with that topic so please please please

please tune in you do not want to miss it and until then always remember this is your my hour no judgment zone and baby you best believe you fucking deserve you fucking deserve