No Judgment Zone: Exploring Pleasure and Healing - Healing Ain't Pretty

Episode Date: October 17, 2025

Healing isn’t soft lighting, self-care Sundays, or simply journaling—it’s grieving the past you thought you were done with, getting angry at the things you tolerated, and learning how to love yourself out loud. In this episode, I open up about my healing journey, its emotional triggers, and how my commitment to healing pulled me through.I talk about:The messy side of growthReleasing control and choosing yourself anywayLoving yourself through discipline, grace, and compassionRedefining your worth when you’ve spent years survivingCelebrating peace, alignment, and becoming your own safe spaceIf you’re just starting your healing journey—or tired while in the middle of it—this episode will remind you why the work is worth it.And if your soul is craving a starting point, grab my 30-day journal to begin. When you’re ready for deeper transformation and accountability, my 1:1 coaching is here to walk with you. All of my services and products can be found at linktr.ee/judymirandaBecause the journey might be wild, but the other side? Baby… It's beautiful.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to the No Judgment Zone with your favorite sensual nurse. I'm your host Judy Miranda, and today's episode is called Healing Ain't Pretty. Now listen, we live in an age where social media will have you thinking healing is soft music, candlelight, and bath, robes. But in real life, healing will drag you through some emotional shit. You thought you buried and is dead and gone decades ago, right? And it's crazy because the past couple of days, I've really just,

and I'll say more than the past couple of days, the past few days, I've really just been in a silent, reflective. mode and really just grateful. Like a lot of the prayers I used to cry over, I'm living out the answers for those. And to really sit in that, to realize two, three years ago, I was at my lowest point in life. Most confused, most hurt, most angry. all the things, right? And just knowing life had to be different.

I remember when I first started healing, I was so proud of myself, right? Oh my goodness, I worked through this. I worked through that. Look at where I am now. This is how I feel. This is how I treat myself. How I talk to myself. And I was like, oh, I'm going to write a book about my life.

Y'all. The first two chapters alone, which was literally, like the first seven years of my life, I was so freaking depressed. Like, I was depressed for at least a good two weeks. And it's not because I was that same little girl, but it really hit like, yo, you've been through some shit, dog. Like, early on, I really understood how long I have been surviving. How long I have been starving for affection. How long I've had to deal with shit, period. And when you decide to heal, when you decide to process those thoughts in your brain and what you went through, what's yours, what somebody else is, what you internalize from a situation,

but the situation doesn't necessarily equal that lesson that you've held on to your whole life. When you start healing, like for real, for real, like actually processing, bro, you get angry. Like, after my depression, I was angry. I was angry at everybody who ever hurt me. I was angry at everybody who ever failed me. but I was also angry at myself for shrinking,

for dimming my light, for accepting the bare minimum, for letting certain situations slide simply because I didn't think I deserved anymore. I thought, well, this is as good as this going to get. Well, I got to take this. There are a lot of emotional pit stops. healing is angry as fuck it's messy it's hurtful it is a process and it is a journey once i was able to

understand my life understand the things that i went through able to say okay this voice in my head is not really mine this is the voice i adopted because of how i was treated or the environment or circumstances I went through. And so once you're able to remove certain things and you're like, okay, this is the person I want to be. These are the things that I choose to believe. Even when I knew certain decisions were the best for me, I was still doubtful. I was worried about how other people might feel.

What would they say? What would be the consequences? What would be the judgment? but I remember going through the hardest thing of my life and being absolutely by myself. Everybody that I was worried about their opinion, nobody was there to hold my hand. Nobody was there to wipe a tear. Nobody was there to give me a hug. It was me and God and my pain.

That's when I forged my commitment to myself. That's when I realized that the reality of my life, the reality of what I'm experiencing, is more important than the way anybody could ever perceive it. Because I'm the one who has to live with it. I'm the one has to endure it. If you're going to talk about me, you might as well talk about me and I'd be happy. Because I'll be darned if I'm trying to please you and you still talk about me and I'm miserable. So the only reason I'm able to sit in gratitude is because I made a commitment to myself.

My tears was, God, why doesn't anybody love me the way that I love them? And the answer to that question is because it's my obligation to love me first. It's my job to teach people how I deserve to be treated. And I do that by showing them in the way that I treat myself. So it couldn't just be a sporadic moment. It couldn't be bare minimum treatment. Showing myself love, actually loving myself, needed to become a way of life.

So ingrained, so believed by me that you have to believe it in order to have access to me, in order to be close to me. And now let me say you, this ain't come from just reading one book. And then come from reading one book and Lighting Sage and I'm clear all loving light. No, not at all. Years of journaling, I had to find different ways to love myself.

I had to prove to myself that I was worthy by going after the things that my soul was craving. Like, how could I expect somebody else to sacrifice for me? to go out of their way for me when I wouldn't do that for myself. I'm very spoiled, but just because I know what I would do for me. Part of some of the things that you may hear is learning how to re-parent yourself. All discipline is not bad.

If you look at discipline is similar to disciple, think of like a student and teacher. Discipline helps teach and guide. I had to show discipline in my fitness journey and going to the gym and finding ways to work out. Even when I woke up and didn't feel like it, going anyway, for those of us who may have felt we were over-criticized, showing myself grace when I felt overwhelmed. And I literally did not have the energy because my plate was so full. I needed to rest.

I needed to do absolutely nothing but sit on the couch all day. and not be labeled lazy. Showing myself compassion. I remember feeling guilty for buying things for myself. Clothes that I actually needed. And I felt bad. I felt like I was taken from the household. Right?

Well, the kids need something. The house needs this. Or my ex-husband needed that. So learning how to be compassionate towards myself and realize, well, baby girl, you need this too. And even in trying to find that self-love and develop that self-love because where do you even start? I remember going through the five love languages

and being intentional in showing myself love in those ways. Words of affirmation, very intentional how I speak to myself down to this very day. Certain things I don't joke about. Physical touch. I started getting massages monthly. Being touched, especially coming from, from a history of sexual abuse. Learning good touch and experiencing good touch is healing.

Being able to relax and knowing that you were safe, that you were worth being taken care of and pampered, just as many bad experiences, the body needs 10 times more good experiences. Acts of service, I can't do everything. learning not to attempt to do everything accepting help outsourcing

gifts buying my things that are not a need I want it so I'm going to get it because I deserve to be happy quality time literally just me myself and my thoughts there'll be times I'll be driving with no music on because I just wanted to be by myself go out to eat by myself, enjoying my own company.

Even when it was awkward, going to my favorite restaurant and sitting there, I'm like, of course, you know, you start thinking about what are other people thinking, but eventually food is good. I think I took a book with me the very first time to keep me occupied. But exploring different ways to incorporate those love languages. so that I could get used to experiencing those things. And it was so amazing, right? So life-changing for me.

Because once you build a certain way of life for yourself, nobody can come in and offer you anything less than that. You got to match me or give me more. The way I wanted something and went after it, the way I wanted to purchase a home. And when I got focused, like I'm paying off debt. I'm saving up money. I'm looking at looking up realtors. This is what I'm doing. Literally about six months from me deciding, I purchased my first home. I think it was either June or July.

I sat down. I looked at my debt. I came up with the plan to pay it all. And that following January, I signed the papers for my home. So if I know that I can go after what I want, I can give myself what I want. I can treat myself. I can look in the mirror and be like, girl, you look good and believe it and mean it and feel comfortable saying it. You can't come in my life and step to me and offer me anything less than that. Y'all know I talk about my man, my man, my man all the time, right?

I love him to death. I really, really do. But there was a moment, and this is the thing. I was so committed on giving myself what I deserve, that anything that was not that, no matter how hard it was, I was willing to cut off and let go. He is very blunt.

He can be very rude, very mean, and he feels like, well, I'm telling the truth. I'm being honest. What, you want me to lie to you? No, you don't have to lie to me, but you could be a lot nicer. And it was to the point that was like, look, this isn't how my future husband is going to treat me.

This isn't how I want to spend the rest of my life. And I'm not trying to change you. That's not my goal. That's not my purpose. If we need to just walk away, we can. And in that conversation, he wasn't like, well, fine then. Go ahead with your sensitive self. He was like, teach me how to love you.

That blew my mind. That absolutely blew my mind because I've never heard that. I've never had a man value me and see my worth so clearly to where he said, teach me what I need to do to maintain you, to nurture you, to cherish you. Teach me how to love you. And one of the things that I absolutely love is that it wasn't a, manipulation tool to just keep me there and then it will fall off. Any conversation we have ever had coming from either side of anything that is hurtful

from the other person that is not, is it satisfactory, I guess, but anything that we're like unhappy with, you know, whenever we have a conversation, the point is to understand. And when we come to an understanding, the changes are permanent. The effort is intentional going forward. But if I never set that standard, if I never learn how to give those things to myself, if I never made the commitment that I'm getting the life that I deserve, the life of my dreams, the love of my dreams, I would have never made space for that. So healing ain't pretty.

It's very messy. But when you see your progress, it is so rewarding. When you see saying no to the things that don't serve you, it absolutely makes room for everything you're dreaming of. So many times we get afraid and we settle. we know what we want, but we think, maybe it's not really going to happen for me. And the moment you do that,

you were making it not happen for you. You were filling up this space for your dreams with things that aren't going to fulfill you. Although my healing journey has been a roller coaster, it has been filled with ups, downs, loop-de-loops and roundabouts, right? Where I sit right now, I have never in my life been this happy. I have never been this much at peace, nor this aligned in my life.

No life isn't perfect. Shoot, I'm not perfect. But I can proudly say, and believe it a thousand percent, thank you very much, that I'm not perfect, but damn and I'm fucking worth it. My commitment is sexy as fuck to me. My ability to say this is what I want and then get it, that is amazing to me. The fact that I am able to express every facet of myself, there's nothing I have to say no to. and the things that I'm still calling in I'm making space for.

I'm showing up for. I'm saying here I am. I really do want it. I'm putting in the effort. I'm putting in the work. I want it. And I'm just sitting back and smiling because I know it's going to come. I know it's going to happen.

Look at how much I've done already. Look at what I have accomplished already. Look at the human being that I am. The way people open up with me is a blessing. It's a gift. I honor and cherish that. So many people don't have a safe place. They don't have a safe person. Not only have I made my life my safe place. I have safety and peace within myself. I have found my person who feels like home and I can breathe. relief. We still have goals that we're working towards, but where we are right now, I'm so fucking proud of us. And I just want to say to the person who's just getting started, or the person who feels like they're right in the middle of it, you're tired, you're unsure, you have an idea, but you're scared. If that's you, I strongly encourage you to grab you.

at my 30-day journal. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. This is a beautiful starting point to reconnect with yourself. Spark that soul, your fire has, excuse me, spark that fire that your soul has been whispering about. Those quiet, oh, will be nice to know. Learn how to drink. believe your dreams and then reverse engineered to make your dreams a reality.

When you go through the journal, each week has a different theme. The first week is exploring your past. The second week is exploring your reality. Hold on. I think the second one is your reality. And then the third week is your future. But then that fourth week is how can you make your reality look like your future? What are some ways you can start implementing?

implementing things now. It's simply one journal prompt five days a week. You get a rest day, but if you're already conditioning your mind, even on that rest day, your mind is going to be racing. And then you get a activity. Like, I want to say the activity for the first week is to monitor your thoughts. See how you're talking to yourself. When you finish that journal, I want you to reach out. to me. Whether it's one-on-one coaching so I can walk with you, hold space for you, and hold you accountable while you build the life that you truly desire and deserve. Or you could just check in, give me feedback. What did you think about it? How are you feeling? Where are you in your journey? What do you need? What resources can I potentially connect you with? Life is a journey.

Healing? It's a way. It's a way. wild ride. But the end result, baby, it is so damn beautiful. My goal, my mission, my purpose, I want as many people to join me. Join me in living a life of alignment,

fulfillment, joy, pleasure, because if nobody else tells you, I'm always going to remind you. Baby, you deserve pleasure.