No Judgment Zone: Exploring Pleasure and Healing - If He's Not Feeding You...

Episode Date: November 7, 2025

In this episode, Judy Miranda gets raw and honest about emotional starvation in relationships — the kind of love that requires you to shrink yourself just to stay.“If he’s not feeding you emotionally, mentally, or spiritually… you are starving and calling it love.”She shares what “nourishment” really looks like in a relationship — not performance, not proximity, not potential — but emotional presence, reciprocity, and care.This episode will resonate if you’ve ever:Felt like you were begging to be loved.Questioned if you were “the problem.”Over-functioned for someone who gave you the bare minimum.Stayed loyal to potential instead of reality.You are not hard to love.You just need a table where you will be fed.✨ Work with Judy / Book a Strategy Call:👉 www.judymirandabush.com✨ Stay connected with the brand / Join the Email List:👉 https://jmbmindsetllc.myflodesk.com/Because when you choose yourself, you stop settling for crumbs.

Hey, beautiful soul, welcome back to No Judgment Zone. And today, it's just you and me. I want to dive into something that's been sitting heavy on my spirit. And honestly, on the spirits of so many women I talk to. And I know you saw the title. If he's not feeding you, you are starving yourself to stay. And before your mind goes to the plate, the kitchen, the restaurant.

You're not talking about food. I'm talking about emotional nourishment. Mental nourishment. Spiritual nourishment. Reciprocity. Care. Because here's the truth. A man can be around you every day and still not be feeding you.

Proximity is not nourishment. And sometimes we're sitting at a table starving while convincing ourselves and performing for others to give off the appearance that we're full, simply because he's there. Now, when I say feeding, I'm talking about someone who listens.

They listen to you talk even about the weird, quirky things that you get excited about. They support your dreams and goals. They learn you so that they know how to pour back into you the same way that you pour into them. And they make you feel seen, chosen, valued. Feeding you means that your emotional needs

aren't treated like an inconvenience or burden. Nourishment is consistency, not crumbs it's efforts not excuses and there's a huge difference between attention and intention

a man can give you attention with an A when he's bored lonely horny or he needs validation that's when he hits you up in his free time that's when you get those after 10 o'clock ticks what you're doing

you up because he needs you to feel something for him. But when a man is intentional, the way he shows up conveys that he wants to build with you, that he actually cares about you. Intention comes across as, how was your day? Did you eat? What do you need right now? Are you comfortable?

How can I support you? What can I take off of your? plate. I see that you're stressed. Feeding you looks like partnership, not performance. And the saddest part about it is when we're used to feeding everyone else, majority of the times we don't even realize when nobody is feeding us. Women like us who are strong, high achieving, capable, we know how to survive on less. We know how to over or function. We know how to assess everyone around us and see what they need and give them what they need. So when someone gives us nothing, we don't initially see it as a problem. We feel like eventually

it'll come. They'll see our worth. They'll see our value. They'll see how much we do. And it's going to motivate them to do more. It's going to inspire them to become everything and do everything. We say, I can love him harder. I can be more. understanding. I can be patient. I can help him grow. But here's the truth that we often avoid. When a man is hungry, he eats. When a man is invested, he feeds. No amount of nourished no amount of nurturing can make a man choose to nourish you. If he has a void, that he's using someone else to feel, that is a hole that has not been plugged up

and he's going to keep leaking everything you give him until you're both depleted and empty. But when he's done at least a little bit of work on himself, at least stop the leak, fix the hole. What you give can sit there and he can process it and then he can nourish you back because nobody on this earth is perfect, no matter how much therapy you go through, no matter how long you've been healing or all the different resources and modalities that you may use.

We all have our cracks and we all have our issues. But are we at least trying to work on them so that we can see the person that we are with? So that we can honor them and give them what they also need. Because see, the reason why we stay when we're starving, and let's just be honest, because we're looking at the potential, the potential looks like nourishment. And this goes into the last episode, raising your standards. If you don't feel like you are truly worthy of someone pouring into you, if you don't like yourself so someone liking you is a big deal you feel like you automatically have to

hold on to that person then just a little bit of effort will make you stay but it's never going to be enough to make you feel secure and there is proven science and psychology behind this it's like an addiction. When you get some type of love and affection and even the smallest consideration, you get that rush of dopamine and you feel amazing. You're like, if only this could last forever, and you stay, even though it wears off and you overgive and you overperform trying to get that feeling back and then they give you a little bit more. And you're in this cycle. He gives a little pulls back and gives the little again. That tiny amount of effort to you becomes the feast.

It becomes all you're looking for. And you start to tell yourself that those crumbs are a whole meal. But baby, those crumbs don't count as consistency. They're evidence of your hunger. When a woman is hungry for love, she will rationalize and accept anything. She will shrink herself to stay. I don't want to overshadow him.

I don't want to make him feel bad. I don't want to disrespect him. She will silence her needs. Oh, I know he has a lot going on. I'm not going to burden him with this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say that. And she will even go so far as to convince herself

that wanting more is asking too much. He's a good man. He's a nice guy. I should be content. But this is the thing. Your needs are not too big. He's just not the man equipped to meet them. I remember having a conversation with my ex-husband.

This was years, years ago. And I remember when I realized, I am a gallon jug. My capacity to love and to show up and to give and to learn and pay attention and to nourish is mad. Right? And I told him, I said, but you're more like a teacup. You love me and you give me all you got, but it's not enough. Just because a man isn't feeding you doesn't mean you're unworthy of nourishment. It just means you're at the wrong table. And you can ask for nourishment without begging. You can communicate. A fed woman will communicate and say, hey, this is what I need. This is how I tick.

I operate. In order to get the softest, most loving version of me, this is what I need to feel secure in this relationship. A starving woman will beg. And you don't have to beg to be fed. You don't have to perform, audition. You don't have to prove your worth. But in the way that you express your needs,

you can do so with that calm, confident power. First, you need to get clear within yourself. You need to be able to see your value and your worth and know who you are with or without a title, with or without a person, or significant others specifically, but who are you? Ask yourself, what do I need to feel supported? and be honest. Be very honest. Be direct. Speak directly.

Don't beat around the bush. Don't hope he'll see because that's what you do. Tell him, I need emotional presence. I need you to do the things that you say you're going to do. I need you to be considerate and reciprocate. You're not asking. you're standing what you need. When you buy a flower at the store,

it doesn't say, hey, if you got it, give it bright sun for six to eight hours a day. No, it tells you this plant needs to be in the sun and it needs this temperature and you should plant it this time. Now it's up to you to follow the instructions and watch your flower thrive or see what you can get away with and not be pleased with the results.

So when you first, get clear within yourself. Secondly, speak directly to him about your needs. And then third, observe his response. See how he responds. Now, he may

ask questions. He may need more clarity. He may need specific. Because he's trying to gain an understanding. He's trying to learn how he can show up for you. Or, does his hold show up? Is he not able to hear you because all he hears is

I'm not good enough. You don't want me. I'm doing all of this and it's not satisfying you. So why try? If he's already telling you he does not have the capacity, please, baby girl, listen. You do not relinquish your power. You do not lose your control. You do not go to a conversation asking for your needs and then end up abandoning those needs and instead feeling his. No, you're amazing. I'm not saying that. Oh, I, you know, you do this and you do that. And I've been in those conversations after a while. I'm like, wait a minute. We didn't get anywhere.

I came here asking for something and you ended up taking even more. You're not. trying to convince him that you're worth it. You're just asking him to be met where you stand. If he comes out and says that you're asking for too much, he doesn't want to invest more. He benefits from you staying hungry. He benefits from being able to be lazy in the relationship. If he says you're too emotional, and now I will say there's a caveat to this one because I have been told that. And for me, it wasn't that I was too emotional. It was more so the way that I expressed my emotions. And I was very sensitive.

Like, everything was a trigger. Everything made me cry. I'm still very emotional. Obviously, I have a whole podcast on healing. I just learned how to process and respond versus reacting. But if you're coming to him calmly to discuss how you feel, to discuss where you are in the world, relationship and what you need.

You're not hysterical. You're not blaming him. You're just saying, hey, these are some things that I noticed, and this is how I've been feeling, and this is really what I need from you to feel secure. If he calls that conversation to emotional, then he benefits from you never having needs. And this was one of the, I'm not going to say hardest lessons I learned. but this was a very, very vivid lesson that I experienced. And it was kind of one of those things in my marriage when it was already breaking down and dissolving.

And I realized that the only time he put forth effort is when I started pulling away that I was never really seen in the first place. it was his fear of losing the benefits of me, losing the comfort of me, losing the company of me, that's what sparked his effort. Because if you truly cared about me, my mental health, my emotional health, my happiness in general,

then that effort would be there on a day-to-day basis. But if you only stepped up and showed up after I'm hurt, after I'm pulling away, then you're doing it for you and you're not doing it for me. And if that's the case, this isn't the place where I need to be. You enjoy the comfort of me, but you didn't want to pay the price to be in partnership with me. So keep all of these in mind.

Remember, get clear within yourself. this is why I have my coaching programs, the power series. My one-on-one coaching is the power of choosing you. Once you choose you, everything in your life has no choice but to choose you as well. So express your needs with power. Get clear within yourself. Speak directly to him and then observe his response.

Because clothes mouths don't get fed. But begging mouths get crumbs. A woman in her power is going to state her needs. But because she is giving from overflow, she's already able to give to herself. She will walk away from starvation. And sometimes we need to understand the act of walking away is not punishing someone.

You don't do it for them. You walk away for you. You walk away because you realize from these patterns, I have communicated, I have tried, I have shown up, I have done this, I have done that. And time and time again, I'm left hungry while everyone around me is full and satisfied and doesn't care. If I'm going to eat, I need to go somewhere else. walking away is nourishing for yourself. When you walk away from that which does not feed you, you create the space for someone to step in and take care of you.

When you walk away from what does not feed you, you show spirit, hey, I wasn't planning my prayers. I wasn't performing when I cry. I'm tired of this. I want more. And I want it so badly that even before I see it, even before it gets here, I know I am worthy of it. I know it is out there. So I'm going to leave this situation and make room for it. That's what walking away symbolizes. So this week, as you move through your day, in various situations, this applies to more than just your relationship. This is a lot of

applies to all aspects of life. Ask yourself, am I being fed here? Or am I starving myself to stay? Your life in general, does your life feed you? Listen to your body when you ask that question. Do you feel empty in your stomach? Do you feel a heaviness in your chest? Do you feel your muscles tighten up? When you're being fed, you expand. You expand. You relax, your body softens. You feel warm with joy. When you're starving, you shrink. You feel anxious, repressed. You feel the stress in your muscles. You absolutely deserve to be fed. You deserve to be poured into. You deserve to feel safe, chosen, and supported. If no one tells you this today, Let me be the one, baby.

Stop calling Crum's dinner. Feed yourself by choosing you because you deserve pleasure. If you're ready to stop shrinking to be loved, if you're ready to start choosing yourself fully, I want to invite you. Click the link in the description, book a one-on-one session with me. Let's see if my coaching program, if we can be a good fit to work together. Because I speak from where I've been, what I have experienced and what I have grown through.

And I promise you you're not meant to starve. You are born to be nourished. To everyone out there, I love you. I support you. And I'll see you in the next episode.