No Judgment Zone: Exploring Pleasure and Healing - Silence is Power

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

This one is short, but it cuts deep. If you’ve ever felt unheard… overlooked… or stuck trying to prove your worth to people who still don’t get it—I’m talking to you.I see you fighting to be understood. I know what it feels like to want to speak up, clap back, or defend yourself just so you won’t be dismissed. But let me put you up on game: silence is not weakness. It’s a strategy. It’s emotional maturity. It’s protection.Your energy is too expensive to spend explaining what’s already obvious to the right people.This episode even sparked an intimate conversation in my own relationship about our pasts—that’s how you know the message is real. So if you’ve been battling to be seen or respected, let this be your reminder:You don’t have to raise your voice to prove your power.Tap in. It’s quick, but it’s gonna sit with you.✨ Stay connected:Subscribe to my Linktree @judymirandabush to stay up-to-date as we continue adding more goodies to the brand—and to access direct links to my offerings, including the book mentioned in this episode.Follow the movement on IG:@nojudgmentzonepod@iamjudymiranda

Welcome back to the no judgment zone, the space where we choose softness without shrinking, strategy, overreaction, and pleasure without apology. I am your host, Judy Miranda, and today, we're talking about a power most women were never taught to use on purpose. Silence. Not the silence of shutting down when you really should be speaking. and not the silence of being dismissed when you want to speak but no one is hearing you but the silence that you choose that protects, protects, excuse me, disarms and exposes. And I'm going to tell you kind of what sparked this episode.

So earlier this week, I was talking to a coworker and she was telling me about a friend who is going through a divorce. And in this particular situation, she said it's a lot going on, right? The husband is being very calculated. And he's doing what most manipulators do. He is pushing every button that she has. He's saying lies, setting her off, right? And then, of course, she feels compelled to respond, compelled to defend.

and while she's reacting from what he has said and or done, he's calling the cops. He's saying, well, she's this and she's that and she's just crashing out in the background. Kids are in the home, unfortunately. And hearing this situation, I was literally like shaking my head. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The whole time she's telling me this. Because he is building a case against her.

It doesn't matter that he says, saying that she's laying on the floor passed out drunk when she's clearly not. Because what can be proven, what officially is recorded is her reaction. It's her potential to anger and violence. And that's what will matter. Her truth, her emotional journey, what she's feeling, what she's thinking, all of that, it doesn't matter. The fact that her actions are real.

does and it just reminded me uh well one there's a scripture um in proverbs chapter 17 verse 28 even the bible ancient history ancient wisdom right it says even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent translation is you don't have to be the smartest person in the room you just have to be the one who knows when to shut up. Silence is not weakness. It's not giving in. It's actually a strategy. Silence is self-preservation.

Silence is how you win wars that you cannot afford to fight out loud. There's power in restraining yourself, right? Sometimes you think the person who says, what comes up and comes out. They're bold and they're courageous. And sometimes speaking your mind, speaking how you feel, it does have its place. But true maturity, true wisdom is understanding that there is power and not giving people what they came for. I tell my son this all the time. He's very, has very big emotions in the world of gentle parenting, right? Which I gentle with a capital Gene. And I tell them when you see people are just doing things to make you upset, giving them a reaction is giving them control. That's giving them the power. They're not trying to understand you. They're not trying to be your friend. They're not trying anything that is for your good. They are exercising their control over you. So the moment you react, you give you.

them what they want. You give them a narrative or you give them proof. See, I told you they were crazy. And even though primarily I'm speaking to women, this also applies to men. When you know that woman been talking to you sideways mistreating you, whatever the case may be, and she pokes your buttons and then you blow up and she takes that one little moment, that one little clip and was like, see y'all don't know what I deal with behind closed doors. This is a universal power tool. Silence says, I see what you're doing and I refuse to participate. Everyone likes to speak king and queen energy over themselves.

But when you really look at royal families and you look at dignitaries and you look at the quote-unquote upper-class people, they all move a certain way. They're more poised and calculated in their moves and in their words. You don't have to defend yourself for your truth to be true. It's going to be true regardless. But when you remain still, when you remain grounded, when you remain quiet in those very, very reactive moments, it forces the other person to sit with their own behavior. When you stop explaining, when you stop trying to defend yourself and you just sit, most people can't sit in silence.

Most people can't stand a room with multiple people and nothing being said. And so they're prompted to fill that void with their own words. They start revealing things. And sometimes the quietest response is the loudest boundary. I know when it comes to the dating conversations, sometimes you hear if something happens that you don't like, then it's just you cut it off, no communication whatsoever. That is somebody setting a boundary. That is their repercussion. I will not tolerate this.

And so when this happens, they remove themselves from the situation. And I know one situation when me and my partner, we were, I guess you can say we're, are still dating. I mean, kind of we're dating, but also at this point, we know the only way out is the only way out is the grave at this point, right? But back when we were dating, like, right before it was fully, fully official, no going back. I'm super emotional, super expressive emotionally. He's more so logical, right? More quiet. He thinks, he observes, he's calculated. He doesn't say much, but what he says, listen. And it was a situation that actually, like, it really, really, really, really, really hurt me, right?

And it was to the point where I didn't have a full paragraph to send. I didn't have a chapter to explain how this made me feel and what the repercussions were and all this other stuff. And it was literally every action, either I said action or choice. I don't remember. Every action has a consequence. and I just remove myself. Now, if you know us, you know our bond, if you know our story.

It only lasted a few days. But I will say, me not speaking made him more nervous than any amount of explaining that I could have ever done. And even when he did come back to apologize and we did make up, he's like, I promise, I'm going to make it worth it. And so far he has. But that example was just to say how silence can be more of a boundary than yelling and arguing and fighting and slashing tires and burning clothes and whatever all the antics and the crashing out can be, right?

And this is the thing. Emotions are normal. Emotions, you can't control how you feel. Situations are going to trigger you. They are going to elicit an emotional physiological response. The way you react, though, that's optional. You have a choice with that. You can feel everything and still choose to remain quiet.

being silent it gives you space to think to breathe to process a lot of times when we react emotionally we're not processing we may be upset that we're spending time with our partner and they get a call from their mama and they answer the phone call and they're on the phone catching up talking 30 minutes an hour right and you get a full-blown attitude now are you really madame that their parent called to check on them, show them love and consideration. They appropriately responded. Or is the issue really, I don't feel connected with you as much lately. I want more time with you uninterrupted.

I want to feel special. But you getting upset. You're getting mad. Now you want to call my mama's boy. Now you want to say, oh, when your mama called, you jump. And you don't do that for me. And now you're popping off. You ruin the vibe.

you are chipping away at the relationship when you could have just shut up, let him enjoy his conversation. And maybe, honestly, maybe the trigger really has nothing to do with him. Maybe it's because you don't have that relationship with your mom and you wish you did. But you would have to be quiet. You would have to breathe through the emotion and ask yourself, why am I really upset? Now, the way I want to react, is that I'm going to bring peace? Is it in harmony or in alignment with the person that I want to be? Is it worth my energy?

And for the real crash-out kings and queens, is it worth my freedom? Most people don't lose battles because they're wrong. They lose them because they're loud. I like to think I've always been this way. I know I've definitely been this way for a very, very long time. However, I've never been in this situation. I will say that. But my mindset, my point of view is if I think my partner is cheating on me,

I'm not confronting you until I know for sure. I'll be real quiet about that. I'm going to see that phone ring and a name pop up as the cable man, but why would you have the cable man say, it's 2025, everything is streamed. We don't even have cable, right? Okay. Number right down is number.

All those times when I reach out and you say you're somewhere, but you're not at that location or, you know, build a case. Get the information. If someone be like, oh, hey, I saw you and so and so. At the mall the other day knowing Goodwell, you wasn't there. He was like, oh, for real? What was I wearing? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

me okay why you ain't come speak and you just play along you just gathering information right so when you confront if you choose to confront that's completely your choice as well but by choosing to be silent by being underestimated is a lot of times the best position to play they get comfortable sometimes they get sloppy. But when you're quiet, you can watch. You can listen. You can start putting a plan into motion without letting anybody know. They can't prepare for a move that they can't detect, right? When the old folks say, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, you ain't got to tell everything. A lot of times your enemy is somebody closest to you, but they can't use that information if they don't even have it. And I'm not. I know.

know, you want to be heard. At the end of the day, that's what drives the reaction. That's what drives the defense. You don't see me, you don't hear me. I've had enough. But your reaction can be your downfall. There is nothing more powerful than someone calmly explaining how you made them feel. there is nothing more motivating to keep someone acting correctly than the fact that they don't know what's going through your head. They don't know what you're going to do in response if they act out, if they act up. It's the person who is comfortable with disrespecting you. Because they know you're going to be loud.

They know you're going to fuss and cuss and complain and cry. But then they know that you're going to take them back and they can keep doing whatever it is they want to do, right? They know how you're going to react. But when you take that away, when you're quiet, when you're just like, okay, well, give me some time to think about this. They don't know what to do. Everybody knows you're, almost everybody has that moment when you were a kid and you got in trouble and your parents just be like, okay, well, I'm going to think about what your punishment is. I remember that.

Y'all, I could not eat. I could not eat. I was so nervous. Cleaning my room just because making sure the kitchen was always, like, going above and beyond. Because you don't know what's coming, right? It's different if, okay, they upset, they fussing and they're yelling at me. I'm going to get a whooping. You know, whoop-de-do.

But, what? when they quiet? Ooh, shoot. That's the power you exert on someone else. When you learn to hold your tongue, when you start making your move, and you ain't got to tell the world, you don't have to get approval from your friends

because you know what's good for you. You know what the right move is for you, what's protective for you. And you know what you were capable of. I made my mind up, long time before I actually left my marriage. I knew it wasn't for me. But I was tired of talking.

I was tired of being disappointed. I got quiet. Even when conversations would happen, I remember my ex-send would be so upset. He's like, you don't even look at me the same. Because I'd just be looking at him talking. At this point, we had got to a point where his words didn't mean anything. So why am I having a conversation?

I have said, I'm an open book when I'm in a relationship because I want us to succeed. And the best way for a success succeed is you have to have knowledge of me. So I don't gatekeep how I'm feeling. I don't gatekeep what I'm going through personally in my world. I'm telling you. So if I've told you everything and you still refuse to consider that, why am I still talking? Why are you upset that I'm not talking? What is it that you want me to say?

I just started asking questions. Well, I just started asking questions to draw him out so he could hear what he was saying. And then I'm like, so you just said X, Y, and Z. But before you said this, so how do those two match up? Because this is the thing, when you're quiet and you're listening, you can't be gaslit. You can't be manipulated. You're hearing everything clearly. This episode is for anyone and everyone going through something and even just learning how to maneuver in life.

Whether it's on the job, whether it's in a relationship, whether it's dealing with a friend, whatever the situation is, until trust and safety have been explicitly proven like there's no question, silence is your protection. It's not submission Silence does not equal defeat It's selection You're not choosing to be quiet Because you're scared You're choosing to be quiet Because you are strategic

And I don't know about you but that's sexy as hell A motherfucker who know how to just be quiet And just make moves And leave people with their jaw on the floor We ain't got to go back and forth with, mm-mm, here today, go on tomorrow, baby. That's sexy. I'm just saying.

We all want to be this bombshell of a woman or this boss man making moves. But it comes with moving a certain way, knowing when to speak and when not to speak. And if you thought of somebody while you've been listening to this episode, send it to them. male or female if it's that friend who's not hearing you and you like please stop don't do that don't send that text message don't make that phone call send this to them sometimes we need to something from somebody not close to us we need to hear things from complete strangers it ain't nothing personal i don't know the psychology behind it but it's real you know how your parents used to tell yourself when you was a teenager you'd be like yeah yeah yeah okay sure whatever

Your friends' mom say the same thing and it sounds like so profound. Like, oh my God, you just opened up the world for me. Sometimes you just need to hear something from somewhere else. And this information, this is a reminder that can save somebody's peace. You actually learn how to build peace by being quiet. This can save somebody's future. The lady I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, if she had somebody in her corner that was like, hey,

I know it's triggering as fuck, but listen, you got to chill out with all that. You can't respond because what matters to you are your kids and he's building a case to take them from you. If you need to go walk around a block, if you need to go drive somewhere, whatever you got to do, maintain your pool. And for you, if you were in the season

where you're done reacting just to be heard, that final grasp at being seen, and you're ready to walk as a person that you are, and either people see it or they don't, my book, Unhappy Wife, Unhappy Life, will be very beneficial to you. It walks you through reconnecting with yourself, breathing before responding, grounding yourself,

so you're not so tense. and learning how to ask questions instead of trying to prove a point to people who already made up their mind. Everything from me is on my link tree. It's going to be a link in the caption. And if you don't hear anything else, please learn the arts of moving in silence.

I'm your big sis talking to you right now. Silence is key to protecting your peace. Peace is the environment where pleasure lives. And baby, I'm here to remind you that you deserve both.