No Judgment Zone: Exploring Pleasure and Healing - Stop Begging for the Bare Minimum

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

You’ve been praying for more but settling for less, and that season is over. In this episode, I get real about how low standards sneak into our lives, from relationships to careers, and I share the awakening that changed everything for me. I talk about leaving my marriage and how I held my standards in my current relationship. This is your wake-up call to stop negotiating your worth. I’m sharing practical steps to set and enforce the standards that match your value. Remember, you are the standard. Follow me on IG @nojudgmentzonepod and @iamjudymiranda, and grab my 30-Day Journal from my Linktree: linktr.ee/judymiranda— It’s time to raise your standards and live like the blessing you are.

You've been praying for more but settling for less. And Spirit said that season is over. Y'all, no more performing for love, no more shrinking so people don't feel comfortable around your light. No more convincing someone to give you what you already deserve. This episode isn't just a conversation. It's a wake-up call. Because the bar, baby, it's not just low. inhale, and it's time you stop begging for the bare minimum.

Now, we've all been conditioned to accept just enough to get by, to call gratitude what's really just fear. Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of standing alone. Sometimes we mistake crumbs for care, emotional breadcrumbs that feel like but they don't really create consistency. So I want you to ask yourself, while you're listening to this, before we really get deep in the subject, where did you learn that your needs were too much? Who told you that asking for effort made you ungrateful?

This episode, this is where we start noticing the subtle ways we downplay what we deserve. because awareness is always the first step. Now let me explain a little bit what I mean when I say, we've been conditioned to accept just enough to get by. This goes to both men and women in different aspects. As women, we're raised to be nurturing, to be caretakers, to worry about everyone around us, our siblings, our parents, the household, our friends.

At work, we have to go above and beyond to prove ourselves. But at the end of the day, that leaves us empty. When you're raised to be strong and independent, then you're not in a position to receive and be cared for. And even as men, literally everyone has heard, Happy Wife, Happy Life. The butt of the jokes is in movies,

even if you notice like kid shows the dad is always a goofy disrespected not taking serious character right because he's just thinking as the person who goes to work and funds the lifestyle for the family

his needs aren't heard he literally has to pay to be heard nowadays if you listen to social media in the general population a man has to earn a certain amount of money before he can even be respected

So in both categories, you learn to accept the bare minimum. You learn to accept what's given at you and you're told to be grateful because it could be worse. If this is already bad, I hate to see what worse is like, right? But let me also be very vulnerable, very real with you. I'm not speaking from a higher place. in most of my writings and my books, in my coaching and my podcast, I'm always speaking to a version of myself. And for me personally, as I've shared with you all, my great awakening came during my marriage.

Once I started my healing journey, I began to treat myself differently. And as I treated myself differently in my standards rose, certain things that were okay previously, no longer will fly. Like, I just couldn't tolerate it, right? So my ex saying sorry, but not changing the behaviors that hurt me, I can rock with that no more. Him having knowledge of me, but not treating me with wisdom and consideration. That wasn't okay.

And now, this is why I say bare minimum. He was a good guy. He loved me. He didn't cheat. He never called me out of, of my name. He wasn't violent. But y'all, that's literally the bare minimum. Why would you be with somebody who does anything differently than those? But for the longest, I struggled with that, right? Because for a lot of people, that's what they want. They just want the bare minimum. They just want

a good guy who's nice to them. I wanted more. I am more. And I had to realize that I deserve more. Now, after all the pain I've experienced in my life, starting early on in my childhood, I could not settle in my marriage. It literally did not sit right with me to be an adult, to be in control of my life, and to settle and accept something less than what I desired. I deserve overflowing love. I always pray to God and be like, respectfully, you got to run me my love back. run me back all the affection that I missed.

I'm coming for it. I'm old that. And I won't stop until I get it. Even with my current partner, someone who, and I smile and blush when I say this, but he's loved me since we first got together over a decade ago.

Even when we were dating, I was so determined I'm getting everything that's owed to me. I'm getting everything that I want. There was a moment I was like, no, this ain't how my future husband would treat me. And y'all, it would have been hard. Y'all already know how much I love this man, right?

But to even be able to stand my ground and say no. And this is the truth. When you raise your standard, when you begin to treat yourself a certain way, you teach other people how to show up for you. To everyone listening, you have to stop playing about you. When you do that,

everyone else will see that they can't play with you. It's literally just that simple. But it's also hard. However, clarity makes it easier. You need to become crystal clear about what it is that you desire and be firmly resolved that if it's not aligned you will reject it you can't keep asking for what you want while you're holding on to something that's not it you got to let that go and it sounds i know i'm saying it like it is so easy

trust me i have lived it it's not i understand it is hard but i also know that's the only way you're going to get what it is that you are asking for. Now, standards are not ultimatums. Your standard is not you forcing your opinions or your beliefs or your way of life on somebody else. This is a boundary that protects your peace. And when we talk about enforcing standards, we are all adults. Let's be very mature and realistic, okay? I'm not saying quit your job that you don't like or leave your marriage tomorrow.

If you're married with kids and you have tried and it just isn't working, you've tried counseling, you tried therapy, you've tried all the things that you know, all the resources that you have, it's still not either to just get up and walk away. But you can start treating yourself better today. even with a job that you hate. Use PTO to interview for other positions. Look for jobs that you would much rather have. If it's a higher income, Google what the average pay is for someone in your field and your job experience.

Where can you capitalize? What certifications might you need to take? What classes can you possibly enroll to increase your marketability? and then you go ahead and apply for what fits you, what fits your life, what fits your schedule. Can you come in this day? Absolutely. Then you tell your job, hey, I need to use my PTO hours because I won't be able to come in. I have an appointment at this day this time. For the relationship that isn't working out, start saving up your money.

Cut back on unnecessary expenses. Save your money. Look, plan for what life is going to look like. whether you have kids or not, don't count on child support. Don't count on support. This is what you are doing for your life. Plan it out. Be smart about this transition. It's already going to be hard emotionally.

So take the other things away that can complicate it. Organize your life so it lives up to your standard. But you have to know what it is that you want your life to look like. You have to take that time to get to. know you to ask those questions to be curious to decide what no longer fits where you are or where you're trying to go and then see what areas do you need to cut back and what areas you need to add to it you don't have to wait for the perfect time to act like the version of you who deserves more you start now and when you begin to live this life that's everything you ever desire right

When you call in, you make space and you call in this love that's safe, it's secure. When you change your life, always remember that being at peace does not mean you're bored. It means you're finally safe. Sometimes we wait for the shoe to drop. We wait for what's about to happen. When really we just need to sit in, this is a little. what healthiness feels like. This is what happiness looks like. This is what peace feels like. Consistency is not confinement. It's stability. Knowing that you get to wake up and your home

that you dreamed of having one day. You are driving the car that you once used to test drive to manifest. You get to go to a job that you absolutely love, that you're They recognize you. They pay you what you are worth. In a healthy environment, that's not catty and competitive. You have a beautiful work-life balance where you're still able to hang out with your friends. Still able to take trips and explore different parts of the world. When you're in that, enjoy it.

Be grateful for it. bask in it and be proud of yourself. And even now this episode is for me as well. This season that I'm in, even the work that I've gone through and I've done. And I'm very proud of where I am, but I'm still not where I want to be all. And I'm still learning new things about myself. I'm still finding areas where I can continue to expand and explore what safety is inside of my body. I am still learning that I can be visible, loved, and supported all at the same

time. And I say that because, you know, I started this podcast anonymously back in June. First episode was on my birthday. So yeah, I started this podcast anonymously. I wanted to show up authentically. I wanted to show up as myself. And I knew my experience could be healing for others. I knew the lessons that I've learned through my life can be applied to other people. I wasn't ready for people to know it was me. However, the people in my life knew it was me anyway. The irony of it all, right? And wanting to call in, wanting to be this impactful person, wanting to have group coaching and one-on-one coaching and really be an impact to people, I couldn't do that while hiding.

So even now, yes, I have revealed who I am. I have revealed my history, my offerings of products and resources, but I still have to get comfortable with being seen. I still have to get comfortable with the fact that the information that I have and the experience that I have that I know has the power to impact someone for the better and has the power to improve their life. I have to be comfortable being visible. I have to be okay with showing who I am to others. I'm still working through that.

I am making room for what it is that I desire in my life. And that's what I'm encouraging you all to do. It is a journey. It doesn't mean that you're going to accomplish five things on your list and all the work is done, all the healing is done. you just enjoy it for the rest of your life. As you grow, you see different things. And then those different things call you to become a different person.

And you go through that healing journey and you go through that transformation process. And then you arrive to that version of yourself and you enjoy and you experience gratitude and joy. And then you start noticing some things. You start seeing areas where you could grow or seeing things that maybe you thought you wanted that you didn't want, but now you want something else. And that's okay. That's the journey of life. And then you begin to learn, you begin to work on different things, and you start another transformation process, and you grow and you heal and you arrive to another version of yourself.

Life is a constant refinement process. But you have to be comfortable with upgrading your standards. and upgrading where you are and who you are when you arrive to that new person or else you'll never be able to expand into the next level, until the greater version of you. I really, really, really, really,

like truly deeply in my core wish that everyone knew how powerful they really are. If everyone fully understood the power of their choices, the power of their mindset, the power of their will, their determination. You really can't have everything that you want. You have the ability to drastically change your life. But a lot of people get stuck because it's going to cost you the comfort of your old life. it's going to cost you the history of the friends you've been fighting with for the past 20 years.

You fight and make up. You fight and you make up. But we've been friends since middle school. Okay. If that's what you allow. If that's where your standard is. If that's all that you ever want, okay. But if you want more, it's going to cause you to fight for more.

you are first going to have to fight your own mindset, your own thoughts, your own beliefs. You're going to have to change your habits, change your routine, change your environment. You're going to have to embody who it is that you are becoming before you actually become that person. Before you feel comfortable being that person, you're going to have to embody that person. So for the people who may physically want to get in shape or want to lose weight, before you have that version of your body that you want, you're going to have to develop habits that will maintain that. You're going to have to develop an exercise routine. You're going to have to modify your diet. You're going to have to learn about nutrition, metabolism, all of those

things, right? Whatever it is that you want, you approach it the same way. manifestation is when your mindset aligns with your desires and your actions when you have all of those together baby it's nothing but time before you get it and having the courage the boldness the devotion to yourself that if anything does not live up to what you want are you willing to walk away from it Are you willing? Because ultimately everybody wants someone that will go to the ends of the earth for them, right? You want someone who will sacrifice to prove how much they love you. But can you sacrifice to prove how much you love yourself?

You can't expect anybody else to do something that you won't do. So if you won't change for you, if you won't give yourself the best that, has to offer. If you won't do what's necessary to take care of your mental health, to nurture your emotions, to love on your body, how can you ask somebody else to do that? And unfortunately, this is where a lot of people find themselves. This is why the bar is in hell. Because deep down, you know you wouldn't do it for yourself. And so because you wouldn't do it for you, you really don't expect anybody else to do it.

And because you don't expect anybody else to do it, now you start to settle. Now you start to make excuses. This is why my teaching and my coaching is directed the way that it is. You can only change you. However, once you do that, you change your whole life. So once you realize this is not the life that I want,

it's up to you to get crystal clear on what it is that you do want. Once you become crystal clear on what you do want, it is up to you to live like it, to reject what is not that. Does that make sense? Is that making sense? People complain about dating and friendships. and friendships and all these aspects of life.

But at the end of the day, what I hear is what you allow. When you say all the men are the same, then you allow a certain standard of men to keep dating you. Your standards do not equal what it is that you desire. When I hear men say they can't trust women, you keep picking women that you can't trust. And no one, they call it, people like to call it victim blaming, but at the end of the day, let's be honest.

Life is a series of choices, and if you keep having these same experience, that means you have to have chosen these experiences over and over and over. Now, a lot of people don't even realize it. They don't even have the awareness that these are the repeated decisions that they are making, and they're just living the consequences of that. But once you have that awareness, once you know, once you see it, it's fully up to you to do something differently about it, completely up to you.

But again, this is why my signature speech, my one-on-one coaching program, the power of choosing you. Once you choose yourself, once you set the standard for yourself, that is what changes your life. And people want to say, oh, that's selfish, you shouldn't only look out for yourself. I'm not saying only look out for yourself. And it is biblical. Even Jesus said love your neighbor as you love yourself, meaning self-love has to come first. In order for you to genuinely and truly be there for somebody else,

you got to show up for you first. Like, it's not rocket science. That's what boundaries mean. That's what self-love is. self-maintenance, standards, you protect you, you set in place the things that you need in order to fill your cup, in order to feel energized. If your phone goes on, do not disturb at 9 p.m. and you let everybody know, hey, I'm really cranky and moody if I don't get enough sleep.

I can't think properly. And it's just a crappy day for me and everybody around me. So I'm just letting you know I'm going to. going to bed at 9 o'clock. My phone is going on do not disturb at 9 o'clock. If you got anything to say, say it to me before then. Don't hit my line unless it's an emergency. And even then, you probably don't have to call about two,

three times for it to come through. That is a boundary for you. The standard is getting a good night's rest. That is a standard that you require for your life. Your boundary to protect that standard, to make sure that that standard happened. is your phone goes on Do Not Disturb at 9 p.m.

You prepare yourself. If you get an invitation, hey, just let you know, I'm probably going to leave no later than 8.30. I got to be home and in the bed by 9. Depending on the location, depending on what day it is, depending on what's happening. And people learn, okay, if we're trying to go hit the club at 10,

that ain't the one to invite. They be in bed by a certain time. but it also requires you letting go of fear of missing out because you can't say this is your standard and then you're going to be like, well, why didn't you invite me? Well, I probably could have went and now you're sending mixed signals. Now people don't know how to treat you. Now you're getting upset that you keep invites

and you feel obligated to go because you don't know how to enforce your boundary and now you're cranky every day and you can't seem to catch up on your sleep. Do you see when I'm like, Is the message coming through? Are you understanding the connection and the process? Do you fully recognize the labor and effort and sacrifice that is going to be involved?

For my women who are dating, the world will tell you you deserve to be taken care of up front from the start. A man is going to look at you, know you're worth it, know your value, and he's going to start paying your bills immediately and you ain't got to do nothing. That's bullshit. Okay? We're going to call a spade a spade. Because this is what baffles me. How can you expect a man to provide and give you what you aren't even giving yourself?

So you're holding him to a higher standard and then you hold yourself. You are expecting somebody else who don't know you from Adam or Eve to come in and treat you better than you treat yourself. do we understand the problem here? And if you are with him simply because he can fund your lifestyle, then what about the other aspects of life that matter? He can pay for Pilates. He can pay for your shopping spree when you're depressed. He can pay for you to see a therapist,

but can he actually sit there and hold you and listen to you, give you guidance and advice for free, and validate your emotions, your experience, your presence? Can he do that? So you're looking for a man to make six figures, but he can't even do the free stuff? Okay. You're looking for someone who is wealthy when the habits that you have developed are those who spend money and not make money or save money or invest money. But you think he's going to bring all his hard-earned money to just dump it in you and never see anything in return.

because I'm going to also tell you not all females are the prize and that's why you get triggered when men speak and say what they say sorry not sorry because you're expecting this type of treatment but let me ask you

because this is an equal opportunity platform over here okay do you know how to encourage him how to motivate him have you learned him like the back of your hand to where you can tell he's had a stressful day and you know how to use said funds that he may have given you to use at your discretion to take care of him. Does he have a physical job that's very demanding on him, very stressful on his body? And you appreciate all that he does.

Why wouldn't you book him a massage to say thank you? I see you and I got you. the standard by which we operate is the standard by which life will treat us. So do you already have your own life going for you? The things that you want, are you in line to receive them? Are you working on your goals? So now that you meet somebody, it's so much easier to see if you are in alignment. Hey, I'm working on this and I'm going in this direction.

What about you? Oh, well, look at that. We're going in the same direction. Interesting. But if y'all are already going in different directions from Jump Street, why do you, why, um, why you think it's going to last? Why do you think it's going to work? Why do you think you're going to be able to tolerate it till death do as part?

And you do not have the same vision. You do not have the same goals. You are not working together. And working together does not always mean physical labor. I've said it before. I will say it again. I believe in gender roles. I believe in being a feminine woman and attracting a masculine male. I believe my partner and I work together, but in different ways. Our goals are the same. Our focus may be different. When it comes to raising our children, he's very practical. He's very discipline oriented. He's very principle driven. Like, I need you

to get the bigger picture. I need you to be safe moving about this world and life. I have a whole podcast about healing. Obviously, I focus on emotions. Your mental health, how are you feeling? How is your experience as a child? Yes, my kids look at me like I'm crazy. However, I'm grateful because we're raising well-rounded children who will become well-rounded adults in society who have social skills who have domestic skills who have mental health skills who will have a support system they have parents working building financially getting it out the mud so they don't have to they can get a leg up in life but again what direction are you going in in your life what standard do you have for your life that you are upholding so anything that's not that it didn't even got to be rude but it's a no thank you for me

are you showing god or spirit or whoever you pray to whoever you ask for help and guidance that you are serious about what you want because if you say okay Okay, I'm done with the heartache. I'm done with this. I'm done. I'm tired of crying. I don't want to be in another relationship with a guy who is great for the fun times when things are going well. But when I need help, he's not dependable. When I cry, he walks off. And I have a problem he doesn't offer to solve it. But then this new guy comes around. He's really cute, very charismatic. and you start hanging out because the vibes are good. When you groan, grown, grown, baby vibes don't pay bills.

Vibes don't support me when I don't lost my job and I don't know what I'm going to do next month. Vibes do not hold me, God forbid, when someone close to me transitions and is no longer on this earth. This is why the bar is in hell. We are so disconnected from ourselves, from our soul, from our core, that we are accepting distractions in human form. We are accepting distractions in the form of employment. We are accepting distractions in the form of scrolling for hours on TikTok, and yes, I am guilty myself.

It takes strength to stop and look. at yourself to be so utterly honest with who you are right now and where you are right now and whether that's acceptable to you or not it's a special type of person who can take an inventory of their life and choose excuse me sorry and choose differently but now when you choose differently. Understand. Once you have seen, you cannot unsee. The burden of awareness is upon you. So once you have seen and you choose differently, you have to be committed to that. You have to stand on that. You have to mean it with everything in you. I know. I really could keep going y'all i really really really really could the whole the foundation of what i offer and what i have to say

stands on this point stop accepting what is less than what you deserve and what you desire and i just know that this episode hit home for somebody had to. Because I felt it in my soul. I felt it hit me. I remember crying and I remember begging God. Don't, I don't want to go through pain for nothing. I want these tears to have purpose.

And as much as I have struggled with on my own, I accepted the mission to be my sister's keeper, to be my brother's keeper. I'm the little big sis to the world, right? I can't help it. I've been motherly since I was a child. I want to look out for my fellow brothers and sisters who are crying out. I want to reach back and lend a hand and say, hey, I've been through this or something similar.

Word of advice. Watch out for this and you'll be okay. I want to be that voice of hope and encouragement. that guide, if you're here, if you made it this far, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Seriously. And when I say reach out to me, I really do mean that, y'all. I really do. I'm asking you to stick close with me. I'm working on some things. I'm trying to get, you know, the, what is it? Trying to get the stuff in the background going. but I'm working on something very, very powerful

that I will be revealing at the end of the year saying it out loud because that puts the pressure on me because now I got to do it, right? But I have been working on something. I do have something in mind that I will be bringing to you all in December. So, oh goodness, huh, about two months' time. Ooh, no pressure.

But I have something very powerful, very impactful, very supportive and encouraging that I will be revealing at the end of the year. In the meantime, keep up with the podcast. I'm committed every week, every week, every week. Every week, I am committed. follow me on Instagram that is my main social media once I get good there then I'll spill over to TikTok

and YouTube but follow me on Instagram at No Judgment Zone Pod for the podcast page as well as I am Judy Miranda for my personal page check out the offerings in my

link tree all the links in my bio and the very first place I would recommend to start. If someone said, hey, you know, I love your message. I love your teaching. I don't know where to start with what you offer. I 100% recommend my 30-day journal. This is something will take you four weeks. It's a daily tool. And this will lay the foundation to start raising your standards. This is something that I created to help you, get in touch with what it is that you desire and help you uncover your power.

A lot of times the things that we're looking for and that we're asking for is not unrealistic at all. We just have to choose it to pick it and then commit to it. So this journal helps you to take time out to get to know yourself, to understand your why, what have you been through? Take inventory of your environment. What does your life look like now? and then allow you to dream what do you envision for your future and I absolutely love it because

the final week is okay this is the information that you said these are your words now how can you get to that future that you envision what can you do what minor changes can you start making now if that works for you and you have the perfect momentum and you that just opened your mind open your eyes and you're ready to go by all means go let me know hey the journal is fire sis i always thought my dreams were unattainable but now i see how i can how i can start working towards it great i'm always going to cheer you on i'm gonna check in hey how you doing if you do it you're like uh okay this was good i see what you did there but um i need a little bit i need a little bit more support now.

Reach out to me. Let me know. I may have another book I can recommend depending on your circumstances. You may be able, you may be a candidate. We can work one-on-one together. You may prompt me to create something else for people in your situation, right? Let me know, please, please, please,

by all means, let me know what you need and what it is that can serve you because that is what I am here to do. Just to close out, please remember, you don't have to beg for what was already meant for you. Don't beg. Instead, I want you to set the tone for your life. You are the standard.

From here on out, stop negotiating your worth. Start living like the blessing that you already are. This has been another episode of No Judgment Zone, where we explore pleasure. and healing. Nothing is off limits. I am your beloved host, Judy Miranda.

And baby, it brings me so much joy to remind you that you deserve pleasure. He's the whole goddamn package, okay? I'll see you next time. Love you. Bye.