No Judgment Zone: Exploring Pleasure and Healing - Why Pleasure Isn't a Luxury

Episode Date: June 27, 2025

In this soul-shifting episode, we slow it down to unpack the powerful truth: pleasure is not a luxury —it's a necessity.We dive deep into the lies we've been fed about pleasure being something to "earn" or "feel guilty about". This episode challenges the burnout blueprint and invites you to reclaim pleasure as a vital part of your healing, joy, and personal power.This conversation is a permission slip and a soft nudge to remember:You don't have to hustle to deserve joy. Your pleasure is sacred.💋 Tune in, take what you need, and come back home to yourself.

Welcome back to the no judgment zone, the sacred place where we explore pleasure, healing, and everything in between. I'm your favorite sensual nurse, and today we're pulling the curtain back on a truth society loves to ignore. Your pleasure is not a luxury. It's your birthright. Too many of us have been taught to earn rest, to apologize for our joy, or even to delay our desires. But in this zone, we're taking all of that back. So grab your tea, your wine, or your favorite vibrator. Because this episode, hopefully it stirs something in you. But let's get into it. Most of us, even from childhood, were conditioned to associate pleasure with a reward. We couldn't go outside and play until we cleaned up our rooms. We couldn't hang out with our friends

until we did the dishes. So joy and pleasure became something that came after you handled your responsibilities. And even then, because we got conditioned in that mode, pleasure was often associated with guilt or shame. Like, wait a minute, did I do everything? Am I supposed to be having fun right now? Am I forgetting something? And especially now as adults, you have women as caregivers. We have to take care of the kids, take care of the house, take care of ourselves, take care of our partners. We're taught to put everyone else first. I remember there was a phase, you know, in the building and getting to where you want to be financially. And I remember telling my ex-husband, like, I feel bad for buying clothes for myself.

Like, I feel like my purchases should either be for the house or the kids, something that's going to benefit the whole family. it took me a minute to get to where I am today. And because we were raised to believe that rest is equal to laziness, that joy is an indulgence or extravagant, and that pleasure is a distraction. But what if it's the opposite? What if rest, joy, and pleasure are really the doorways to your power? And now we talk about pleasure a lot on this podcast. That is the principal theme.

But what does pleasure actually mean, especially in terms of healing? Because pleasure is not just sexual. It's about being present. It's about ease and flow. About beauty. softness creativity and overall just feeling good in your body and in life think of emotional pleasure when you're hanging out with your best friend or when you're working with your work bestie and you are just in the best mood ever that joy that just radiates from the inside out

You have sensual pleasure. When you got that outfit that just pops on your body. Fellas, when you got that fresh cut and you can't stop looking at yourself in the mirror, ladies, when you just get your hair done and now all of a sudden you post it all on your social media, when you just feel good, you walk different, you move different. Sensual pleasure. energetic pleasure you know those random days where you just wake up in a good mood

nothing is hurting you have energy you're happy just the joy of it all and even financial pleasure all the bills are paid you don't put some of your savings you can put gas in the tank you got groceries at the house and you still got a little something something to play with

can't nobody tell you nothing right Pleasure is nothing but the permission to exist beyond survival mode. It's how we regulate, reconnect, and remember who we are. We remember there's more to life than just handling responsibilities. But what happens when you deny yourself pleasure? I went through a phase where I was extremely depressed, depressed, and when I really sat and thought about it. It was like, why am I unhappy? What's missing from my life? And that was literally it. What is missing from my life? Everything I had wasn't making me upset. Yes, I did have a high

stress job working as a nurse in the hospital. I was married. I had two kids. I had a friend's circle, but I still wasn't happy. I still felt burnt out like all I did was go to work and come home. I remember I had a friend and she was traveling to Belize and doing this and doing that and I felt the twins of jealousy and it was like, wait a minute, why you feel like that? And I had to realize I was missing out on joy, missing out on pleasure, missing out on doing things that just made me happy because that's what happens. When you're not having those moments or feelings of pleasure throughout your life, you're going to constantly. feel like something is missing. You'll be over functioning but underliving and you're going to run yourself dry and you can't keep pouring from an empty cup and saying I'm doing this out of responsibility or I'm taking care of them because I love them. You're sacrificing yourself unnecessarily.

It's important to see pleasure as a necessity. When you look at your schedule, you have your work schedule. You have the things that you have to do, your grocery schedule, your bill schedule, but also add in those things that do nothing but make you happy. Add in going to the park just a swing on the swings. Add in trying out a new restaurant at least once a month. Add in sitting in your car for 30 minutes to an hour. I won't judge because sometimes I do it myself simply for silence and peace and not to do nothing. I'm not thinking about what needs to be folded, what needs to be cleaned, I'm just here disconnected from everything else, but connected to myself. When you reframe pleasure and you change how you think about it,

it's not a moment that you earn after handling your responsibilities. It's not a moment that you still in the middle of the night. Pleasure should be woven into every part of your life. It'll improve your mental health because you'll have a more well-rounded livelihood your decision-making you won't always be nervous you'll have a regulated nervous system so you can think more clearly your relationships have you ever heard misery loves company it's not a saying for nothing y'all when you're miserable you literally can't stand the joy of somebody else it bothers you to your core. So being able to develop pleasure in your own life gives you the space to allow others to have pleasure in their life without you feeling like you need to interrupt it or stop it or bring them down

to earth or remind them of their responsibilities or whatever the case may be. And when you feel pleasure when you live in a way of pleasure, you're able to reconnect spiritually as well. You're able to realize that you're here for more than just going to work and paying bills. You want to enjoy life. You want to be a better person. Because you have an overabundance of joy, you want to share with other people. Incorporating pleasure in your life is not selfish. It is absolutely necessary.

When you feel good, you do good. And what if choosing pleasure was the most responsible thing you could do? Think about that. I'm sure you have your alarm set. You know what time you need to wake up. You need to go to work. You know what your routine is, what you're going to wear, what you're going to take to eat. All these things that you have to do.

You know when your bills are paid, how much your bills are, how much money you need to make to cover the bare necessities. but do you know what makes you happy? Do you know what brings you joy? And not just moments of joy. I'm talking about how can you live a happy life. Now there are going to be moments of sadness. There's going to be moments of stress.

That is the human experience that we have. However, those should only be temporary moments and not a lifestyle. But how do you start adding pleasure to your life if that's not your current routine? How do you take those small steps instead of doing something drastic? Well, you can start small. For some people, it may just be a mindful moment. Literally five minutes of quiet and stillness. You don't have to be productive.

You don't have to think about anything. Literally, just rest. It may feel a little weird at first, especially if you're not used to it. You're used to running around and doing this and doing that and thinking about the next thing on your to-do list. But just turning that voice off and just sitting there and breathing and being grateful for the things that make you smile. Being grateful for the rainbow that you saw in the sky today. Being grateful for the kid that you saw playing with their parent in the grocery store. seeing their innocence and their joy made you smile being grateful that you're able to sit

and have this moment with a roof over your head being grateful that you have a way to provide for yourself and those that you are responsible for being grateful that you are the type of person to care about yourself and not just follow the crowd and just sit in that you can go a step further you know those invitations from people that you really don't like you stress when you have to hang out with them you're anxious the whole time beforehand you dread going there when you're there you never have a good time and you feel even more exhausted than when you went to hang out start saying no you don't owe everyone your presence protect your peace protect your energy pursue your pleasure

say no to what drains you and if they want to pry say I'm not available oh well what you got going I'd rather not discuss it with you but I'm not available thank you for thinking of me though you don't owe anybody anything

we're so conditioned that our existence is merely to please others to acquiesce and make them feel comfortable Meanwhile, nobody's doing that for us and you wonder why you're walking around mad. It's your job to take care of you first. Show other people how to do it. Try creating a pleasure practice, whether you have a routine of journaling,

a certain time every day, or you just make sure to take time out every day to journal. Maybe finding a dance class. that you can go to, or maybe getting your nails done, getting a facial, getting your hair done. All of these are ways to make it a routine to incorporate pleasure into your life. Another tip I'll give when I was, I would say probably about midway, halfway on my journey.

One of the things that I did is I took the five love languages and I tried to see how I could show show myself love in each of the love languages. So words of affirmation, I monitored how I spoke to myself in my mind. Physical touch to this day, I think me and my masseuse were talking. And I have been seeing her for the past, I want to say three years. I have a membership. I go at least every month.

I really want to go every two weeks. Quality time, being by myself, and just. enjoying my company, whether it's going to my favorite brunch spot by myself, going to the park for a walk, going to the park to swing on the swings, because I will wait like them little kids until somebody gets up. Receiving gifts. If it's something I really want, there's absolutely no reason why I can't have what I want. I deserve it. Acts of service. Hiring a mobile detail like with kids, you know, even if you clear it out, it's still. crumbs everywhere.

Having a mobile detailer since I'm in my car, keep it clean. Having a housekeeper so I'm not expending all my energy cleaning my home. Yes, I pick it up with a deep cleaning. I have help for that. I don't have to do everything. If you want your life to change, you have to show yourself that it is possible. It is 100% up to you to change it. and even when you start doing these things,

you may have to learn how to release the guilt. You may have to teach yourself how to practice receiving. I remember in last week's episode, I stated that everything starts in the mind. So when it feels a little awkward, when you're sitting on the couch, knowing that you still got a load of laundry to fold, knowing there's still dishes in the sink

and you're supposed to be having a mindful moment, remind yourself, I am worthy of rest. I deserve pleasure. It is not something to be earned. And from a joyful mood, I increase my productivity. You may have to keep saying that. Keep practicing receiving. Receiving compliments.

If someone says you look good, why are you going to make them like they a liar? be like oh no I don't oh my goodness my hair is a mess and the ma'am they ask you for all of that sir they said you look nice just say thank you I appreciate it receive a compliment receive help when you over there complaining I got to do this I got to do this I got to do this ain't nobody here to help me God how you expect me to do it and somebody says hey is there anything I can do for you why are you going to say no that's God helping you right there say actually now disclaimer consider who's offering and what they are capable of however if they are offering help and they are capable of providing that help let them help you especially

if you're a parent mommy can i help you with this absolutely ask them to help then they'll also learn that they don't have to do everything by themselves as they grow up they'll learn that it's a okay to ask for help, things that we're in our 30s, 40s, and 50s trying to teach ourselves. That's the beauty of parenting. We can correct all the things that we wish we had learned sooner. Pleasure does not wait for permission. It responds to intention. Be intentional about looking for moments of pleasure. While you're in the car driving to and from work, look at the sky. especially if you're driving earlier, driving late, seeing the sunset and the sunrise. Look at the colors.

How beautiful it is. It may be weeds, but look at the pretty colors of the flowers on the side of the road. What's the same beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Change how you look at your life. Change how you look at yourself. Change the way you treat yourself. And that change will flow into everything else. pleasure is deserved it is owed to you it is not something that you have to earn that you have to work

your whole life and wait till you retire to enjoy traveling find away all the things that are on your bucket list all the things that you want to do the quality of life that you want to attain the luxuries that you think are out of your reach how can you in some small way incorporate those into your life, even if it's just one thing at a time. Even if you may not be able to afford to go to Paris, but you can drive two hours to the next major city in another state and spend the weekend there, sightseeing, do what is within your capability to enjoy your life. So many people are walking around stressed.

depressed and just overall miserable and they feel like this is what life is your life is whatever you make it to be it may take work i'm going to lie it's going to take work you're going to have to be intentional in order to change your habits and change your way of thinking it's going to take intentional effort. That friend that you've been friends with since middle school, but they really ain't got nothing to talk about. Y'all just kind of keep in touch just because I'm no one that's going to tell you.

It's okay to cut them loose. And it ain't got to be ugly. It ain't got to be messy. You may just stop reaching out, see what happens. Start declining invites. See what happens. And if they press you, be honest. There's a certain place I'm trying to get in my life.

there's a certain life that I want to have. And even though you are a great person, you're not able to help me get to where I want to be. So I have to spend my time and energy in other places and doing other things. And if that hurts their feelings because they don't have the ability to set boundaries and go after what they want, then that's their problem. One thing you'll also realize on this journey is a lot, a lot of the way people respond and react.

is a projection of their internal world and what they have going on and it has nothing to do with you personally. If you take nothing else from today's episode, let it be this. Your joy is sacred. Your pleasure is sacred. And by choosing it, unapologizing. is one of the most powerful things you can do. This is an indulgence. It's ownership. So today, I challenge you. Find a moment, just one,

to lean into what feels good. Lean into what turns you on. What brings you peace? You're not asking for too much. You're remembering that you are, never meant to settle in the first place. Your pleasure is not a luxury to be earned after you have sacrificed yourself and the duty for others. It is owed to you to carry in every facet of your life. This is something the no-judgment zone stands very heavily on.

Pleasure is the whole reason why I created this podcast to take away that shame. to take away that guilt, to take away the taboo, be able to explore and have fun with life. There are so many miserable people because they don't know how to have fun. They don't know how to stop being so serious. I look at people all day at work and be like, girl, who cares? Literally, who cares? But you have to choose different and you have to choose better and most importantly, you have to choose you.

Thank you so, so much for tuning in today. We're taking the time out. Don't forget the challenge. Find a moment of joy. Do it feels good in the moment. And until next time, always remember you deserve pleasure.