No Jumper - OG Cuicide in The Building with AD

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

OG called AD for his second episode, to talk about cherishing life, being positive, turning your life around, success, *nxiety and more. https://www.instagram.com/ogcuicide/ --- 00:00 Intro 1:32 - AD on growing up in Compton, his lowest point in life, being 19 and having a pending resisting arrest case 3:50 - AD on having a whiteboard to write short term goals on, checking things off on the white board 5:52 - Being in the best position financially he’s been in, but still having moments of d*epress*on 9:06 - How life can change in a matter of seconds, cherishing your life 12:01 - Money enhancing what’s already there, AD on starting to make music, having nothing 16:37 - People not greeting each other anymore, OG on saying what’s up to a man at a gas station and preventing his S attempt 21:20 - AD on communities being less open minded to people having panic attacks, anxiety etc, it changing more and more 23:42 - The Dare app helping AD with panic attacks and anxiety, helped him be able to drive again 26:11 - Being afraid to be alone and having no one to come home with from the hospital 29:08 - ADs latest panic attack at the Rams game, being so used to bad news that when things are going good you don’t believe it could be true 36:11 - OG on getting more love from strangers than family, not putting a timeframe on success, uplifting people being his mission --- NO JUMPER PATREON http://www.patreon.com/nojumper CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPOTIFY PLAYLIST https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5te... FOLLOW US ON SNAPCHAT FOR THE LATEST NEWS & UPDATES https://www.snapchat.com/discover/No_... CHECK OUT OUR ONLINE STORE!!! http://www.nojumper.com/ SUBSCRIBE for new interviews (and more) weekly: http://bit.ly/nastymondayz  Follow us on SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/4ENxb4B... iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/n... Follow us on Social Media: https://www.snapchat.com/discover/No_... http://www.twitter.com/nojumper http://www.instagram.com/nojumper https://www.facebook.com/NOJUMPEROFFI... http://www.reddit.com/r/nojumper JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/Q3XPfBm Follow Adam22: https://www.tiktok.com/@adam22 http://www.twitter.com/adam22 http://www.instagram.com/adam22 adam22hoe on Snapchat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's good, everybody want to welcome y'all, man, to OG Suicide in the Building, Episode 2, feature my nephew AD. What's the a afternoon? Let's get into it. Let's go. You know, my show pretty much what I'm building is for, like, suicide awareness, suicide prevention. We have so many people in the world that's experiencing it, you know, that's going through it. On the average, they say, let's sit around the world, about 700-something thousand-plus people commit suicide.

yearly. So that averages, let's say every 11 minutes, somebody commits suicide. You know, people kick it under the rug, like, it really don't matter, which is serious. I must, me, and you know, me being a suicide survivor, it's always been important to me to, let's figure out the narratives on suicide awareness. Because everything's curable, you know. You can't, we can't save everybody. I understand that part.

but the ones we can, we can't. And, you know, I know you've been in the music game, you're just dealing with everyday life. I'm sure, nephew, you've came across times where you've experienced depression. You went through depression. 100%. You know, like, let's touch on, like, you know,

a topic or something that you experienced yourself going through depression and where did it have you at? Did it have you in a dark spot, or did it just have you like, let's just say, at the edge of life? I mean, I mean, you know you was there. You know, just living in our neighborhood.

You know what I mean? And at the time, you know, trying to make shit work with music and having my daughter to feed. And it's like, you got to choose. Damn, do I, do I buy this extra pack of diapers? Or do, you know what I mean? Do I hustle up a little studio time? You know what I'm saying?

And, you know, just you feel like you trapped and you're limited. And I remember I was 19, and I had a pending felony case resisting arrest with heavily for his police officers said. I remember that. Yes. Police officers said I was trying to fight and whatever the fuck that shit was. But trying to get a job with that pendant on your record, you know what I'm saying?

I was trying to get a regular job. It's hard. And it wasn't nobody fucking with me. You know what I mean? So for a whole year, I didn't have no employment. You know, if it wasn't for, you know, God rest of soul, if it wasn't for grandma, you know what I mean? Definitely. I'd have been in a real fucked up place and with a baby on the way.

So at that time, I felt trapped. I was like, damn. And then, you know, niggas is texting me like, nigga, when we see you, we're going to chip you and all type of shit too. So you got that going on. You about to bring a life. Bro, the street life. You got that, you got that happening. You got, you know what I'm saying, baby on the way.

You don't got no real income. You ain't got no roof over your head other than. With your grandma provided. You know what I'm saying? She had cancer at the time. You know what I mean? She beat it the first time. But she had cancer at the time.

So, you know, I was like, damn. Like, I'm, I'm gonna fuck up in life. You know what I'm saying? I'm stuck. Like, you know what I'm? And at that point, you know what I mean? That was probably like my lowest point. Like this, I'm at the bottom of everything.

Hair cut, $5. You know what I'm saying? I was barely getting enough to do that shit. So it was like, man, like, yeah, that was. That was a dark time, but, you know, I always kept the faith because I always knew, like, something going to work. And what, and what would you say? What was that something that you would say that, like, you know what? Things started to shift in a better direction, pretty much.

What would you say that was at that particular time? It's just short gains in life. Yeah, yeah. Always keep you going. So it's like, I tell people now, like, if you don't got a whiteboard, get a whiteboard and write short-term goals for yourself that you can actually complete. Exactly. Look at that every morning. Check them off, one by one.

Once you do that, replace them with other ones, you know what I mean? Exactly. Just them little short-term goals, that's what kept me going. So, I mean, like, back then it was literally like little shit, like, get posted on this blog. You know what I mean? Or get this many songs done. Everything count. Everything count.

And once you accomplish that, and you're like, damn, and I still do that to this day. Yes. You know what I mean? I put my whiteboard up for the year. Yes. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to check all this shit off. And, you know, boom, even this year, I'm, I knocked my, I'm knocked my checkboard off.

I mean, my check is on my whiteboard off in April. You know what I mean? So it's like, mission accomplished already. So everything else is a plus. So get that whiteboard, get your short-term goals and stuff like that. But that's the little goals just kept. And it wasn't even like money. It was just, I'm making progress.

Because everybody want to go from A to Z. Nobody want to go A, B. C, D-C-D-E. They don't want to do the footwork. They don't want to do the footwork. The footwork is the most important part of anything. And that's the foundation. Yes.

You know what I mean? If you don't got that foundation, your whole operation going to crumble right below. You know what I mean? So, yeah, man, that was dark times, man. So, okay, let's say, okay, let's, we're moving past that. We're current. We're current now. Like, let's say within the last, let's say six or eight months, last six or eight months,

how has life been treating you have you every day is not perfect you know what I mean so even even with success you know me knowing as well you're going to go through some things but speaking on current with everything that's going on in life have you experienced anything

to where it's like even if it's a day or or whatnot that you feel depression oh yeah like you know as crazy is that Financially, I'm in the best position I've ever been in my life. You know what I mean? I'm making more money than I ever thought I could make monthly. Yes. New revenue streams.

Like, everything on that forefront is great. But the time factor of it makes me depressed when it comes down to that. Because, like, I'm not able to spend every day with my kids like I used to. You know what I mean? Like, I used to wake up, see my daughter all day, watch her all day, do this. Pick her up from school. You know what I mean? Take her to school.

pick her up from school, at the school program, help her with her homework, do what I got to do. And time is everything. Man, that's important. Wake up, see my son do the same exact thing. And it's like now my schedule is getting so crucial and traveling and doing certain stuff. It's like to the point now where I don't even, you know, go out to the clubs no more like I used to. You know what I mean? Every little extra time.

Every little extra time, you know what the kids. Just on the weekends now, I make sure I get my kids. You dedicated to them. I dedicate it. But it's like, you know, my children live. a little farther and you know with the LA traffic by the time that I would even be able to go grab them up and see them real quick I got to be right back on camera and doing something else so sometimes man they really be getting to me it's like damn the money is good but time wise I'd be

like missing my children so exactly getting me depressed sometimes exactly because because it's definitely not always some people um look at it as like man it's about the money man you know the kids going to stand like, no, they're not going to understand because you've got to build memories, you know, with your kids. That's very important in life. That's things that they're going to grow up one day and share with their own kids. Like, I remember my dad, I remember my, you know, and they're going to express that. So definitely, you know, success, man.

And one thing I had to learn, too, you know, coming up, man, is, you know, how I was in the hood, man. It was, you know, I dedicated my everything to it. Every day. You know? And then I look back and I say, you know, I missed those times that I could have had, but I was so locked in to what I believed in. So my thing and my advice that I give to everybody, man, spend every moment you can.

Definitely, you know, with your kids, man. Definitely do that, you know. And depression, you know, even with me, I have, you know, sometimes I have bad days. You know, people look at me and be like, but, man, you're so positive. you're so humble, but they don't realize it'd be so much going on and behind the scene, you know, that people don't see. You know, the behind the scene is, it's where the trauma is. It's where the pain is.

You didn't call me. You know, where it's crazy, you know, and people be shocked like, wow, like, man, you go through it? Yes. But see, but that's because, you know, even in the neighborhood, you were somebody that everybody came to. And it's like when you're the guy everybody run to, who does the guy that everybody run to? Who does he talk to to vent and go to his problems?

You know what I'm saying? Like, I can fix everybody's right here, but who could fix this one? Yes. And that be a thing, too. Like, I love what I do and I never look at. Like, I was talking to a gentleman, man. He's going to call in as well.

18 years old, man. He's paralyzed. He got shot and he's paralyzed. And before that, you know, his life was, you know, he was doing tattoos. He was going out. He was into boxing. You know, he was doing things. And it's crazy how a life can just take a 360 degree spin.

You know, you can go from good to bad, you know. And just a matter of seconds. So that's why it's very important that I always tell people, man, you know, cherish your life. You know, you got to cherish your life. is very important. And it's supposed to, it should be a factor to, in everyone's life, man. A lot of people don't value their life now. And they let their self go.

A lot of people let their self go, you know, to drugs. Because I got a lot of people that, you know, that watch No Jumper. Like they come to No Jumper every day. This is their life to come watch everyone on No Jumper. And it motivates them and inspires them. And a lot of them reach out to me and sell. I've talked into going to like rehab, you know, but a lot of people that watch the show, man, like are battling demons, you know, and a lot of those demons that they're battling is like drugs. And any advice, you know, definitely when you got young people, you know, that's being influenced.

And a lot of our people are being influenced by music. True. A lot of the music is corrupting the minds, you know. they don't care. You know, a lot of cats don't care. You know, their kids are not living through what a lot of the kids are going through. Their kids are in colleges or private schools,

and they're living an amazing life. But we can't forget about the people that's going through the struggle. Like, every day somebody's going through a struggle and giving advice to these people, because I know you do it. I know people reach out to you as well and talk to you about what they're going through.

and it's important to be the voice. We got to get more people to step up and start really being a voice to inspire our people out here. It's important, but we're lacking on it. Definitely, we're lacking on it. What, like, in your position of what you do, from music to podcasting to food networking,

to just everything you do, what advice, what you say you could, give to our young people out there, like, they want to do something with their life to make their life better. And one thing, a lot of people say, well, I don't have the money. Like, you don't need no money. You don't need the money. You definitely got a network.

So what can you pretty much, you know, express to them? Money, money can enhance something that's already there. Yes. That's the only thing money can do. Yes. You have to have that passion and you got to start. Start with the bare minimums. So even like with music, when I first started music, I didn't have a microphone.

I didn't have a studio to go to. I didn't have no equipment. Nope. I literally had like a little Mickey Mouse mic that was like a little child, you know what I'm saying, toy thing. Probably 30, 40 bucks. Plug that in there and use that to the best of my abilities. Yes. You know what I mean?

Using the fucking sound recorder on the computer and uploading that. and hope somebody will hear it. And you know what I'm saying? Want to fuck with me. And that's actually how motherfuckers start, you know, messing with me. Yes. Exactly. Them unmixed, them sounding like crap.

But, you know, people can hear the potential. And when they hear the potential, somebody may reach out. Or, you know, especially in today's times in 2022, you can do a lot of shit, motherfucker be like, hey, man, I got a bag for you. Your life can change in a quick second. It's a matter of a second. quick second, but that's the problem. And a lot of people, I tell them

this all the time because they feel like I don't have all the tools that I need. So they sit there and let time go by and still don't have the tools that they need instead of just trying something. It don't have to be the best. If you want to stream, you don't have to have the best quality equipment

to start streaming. You don't have to have, you don't have all these things. And if you think like that, you're doing yourself for this service. You know what I mean? I'd rather, me, the infrastructure and start little by little, then have my shit look the best and nobody's watching my shit.

You know what I mean? Exactly. Because you got people, man, that's in jail making mixtapes. Yeah. There's no excuse. It's a studio on your phone. It's no excuse.

You can literally do anything, like you said, from your phone. You can do anything from your phone. Everybody that sit there, y'all play Call of Duty all day, y'all play 2K, y'all play Madden. You can literally plug up your shit to your console

and stream if you want to. You can. You know what I'm saying? And I like to tell people, too, like everything I do now that I find cool, I want to get paid from a shit. So if I'm going to play the video games, nigger, hey, even if it's a little bit of money,

I want to play games and get paid. You know what I mean? Anything beats a zero. I want to wear my clothes. I want to listen to my music. I want to do everything and have that infrastructure right there. And then, yeah, something this may not hit, but this shit hitting over here,

then that shit hit over here. Okay, and then boom, I build something from there, right there, and then pull that over. And, man, now you just have all these different products and you've got all these different things that you enjoy doing. You know what I mean? You're not forced to do it for a bag, but you're getting paid to do what you love to do.

So find your passion, you know what I mean, and start working on how you can get monetary gain from that. Yes. And like you said, how it started. Like, when we started with music, you know, back in the days, man, like we had a faux track, you know, it had four tracks, you know, your vocal, you know, the beat, your chorus, and whatever else you do with the fourth one.

And that was it. And then it went from there to a six track. You know, then we started having the ADATs, you know, looked at like the VCR tapes and so on and so on until Haywood put me in the studio and we had the two-inch reels. But prior to that, I used to go to the studio also with Mix Master Spade. Definitely. And, man, music, you know, music has changed a lot.

And music also is medicine, you know. Like, you know, a lot of music that's out there, music that really, really uplift people that inspire people. Because everybody's, a lot of people's going through something. And sometimes music could get them through it, you know, as well. You know, some people turn on certain songs. when they feel in a certain way and that certain song

make them change the thoughts of how they feel. Definitely. Recently, man, a story. I was at the 7-Eleven, and it's crazy. One thing I want to say before I tell the story is

speak to people. You know, people don't speak to people no more. They don't. You know, nobody greets nobody no more. Nobody says, what's up no more? They're mad dog. And that's messed up because, you know, the way I grew up, you're driving through your neighborhood,

you're driving everywhere around. Everybody is waving. Yes. And you just wave back. Yes. Something little is that. Not in these days. But I was recently, I was at the 7-Eleven and, you know, it was a gentleman out there.

And, you know, I get out the car, walk in. You know, me, man, I speak to everybody. I don't care what color your skin is. I'm going to speak. Man, how you doing, man? I hope your day going good. And, you know, he kind of looked at me and said, me, thank you. You know, I walked in.

And when I came back out, he looked, he said, can I ask you a question? I said, yeah, for sure you can ask me a question. He said, why did you speak to me? I'm like, well, you're going to turn up. But he was like, what you mean when I speak to you? I said, I speak to everybody. No, well, the reason I asked you because, you know, to be honest with you, I was thinking about killing myself.

And I'm like, like, for what? Like, what's going on in your life? Like, well, you know, I'm homeless. I don't have no family. I don't have anything. and when you got out the car, I seen you get out the car, and when you spoke to me,

like, it just made me feel like, man, maybe people do care, still care about people in this world. But he said, man, I was thinking about killing myself. And just you speaking to me alone made me see, man, that I'm not in this world by myself

and that there is people that care. It blew me away. But I speak to everybody. You never know what a person is going through just by looking at that. person you never know man you never know just the slightest hey how you doing man could change a person's whole day no more communication ain't it's not what it used to be people used to communicate with people more than they do now like and everybody is it's more

it's a lot of selfishness a lot you know going on in the world man and and and a lot of people you know preach the let's let's come together and fix the world but if you're not playing your part or your position and changing the narratives on how life is, then how is it going to be fixed? Definitely. Oh, yeah, that's definitely for sure, man. My thing is what I want to do, Neff, is find a way, man, to really, to create a, you know, to be the face and never give up. You know, because I know what it feel like to stand there, to, you know, have a gun in your hand, man, and to feel like I need to exit.

There's no need, there's no purpose. What am I still living for? I feel like I'm just here taking up space. I know that feeling. You know, I've been in those shoes and it's not a good feeling. You know, it's definitely not a good feeling, especially when it's like, well, who do you express yourself to when you're feeling

like this? Who can you talk to at a time like this? Especially who, pretty much I was in the neighborhood. It was like, I guess you could say it was, it would be embarrassing, you know, to come to somebody and tell them. And then they're looking at me like who the person is because when people speak up on how they feel a lot of people instead of embracing them, they talk down on them. They do. You know, they talk down. They get on their phones and get to calling everybody and making you look like, you know what I'm crazy. Yeah, like

you're crazy. I don't go around him. He was talking about killing itself, you know? And then when it actually happens to someone and someone actually succeed in it. Then now everybody is, oh, that was my people's. I just talked to them yesterday. Now they're posting you on social media and a number of love.

And, man, I wish he would have talked to me. He did. He told you. He expressed how he felt, but you took it the wrong way. And that's the problem now, man. Like a lot of people don't take, you know, mental health serious. They don't.

And as somebody that had anxiety problems, almost my whole fucking, now my whole life, but up until 17, up until now I'm 33, like I've been dealing with that shit and you know what I mean? And every,

like every year or two, shit come back with a vengeance. You know what I mean? It gets worse every time. It get worse every time. And they'd be like, damn, and life can be going great. Yes.

But it's them silent battles. You know, we got trauma from years, years, years back that we don't even talk about. We bury it deep inside. And sometimes that shit just come pouring out. And you don't know why. You could be sitting there having a good day and then out of nowhere, you know what I mean?

Got some symptoms. Your heart starts racing. You're thinking crazy. Like, man, that's just crazy. And I tell people all the time, man, mental health is real. And it's kind of fucked up in a lot of minority communities, man. Like up until I will say about now, it's still not where it's supposed to be. but up until now, like before, like, I would be afraid to tell people that I was going through

anxiety problems. Like, I'm like, damn, they're going to think I'm weak. They're going to think I'm a bitch. Like, I'm on some other shit. Yeah, that's the first thing a person want to think. I wouldn't tell nobody. Yeah. I would go through this shit.

You know what I mean? Go to the doctor and then, you know, people would ask me, oh, why are you not coming out here? And I don't want to tell them, like, I have an anxiety attacks. Yeah, yeah. Or, like, right now I'm not in the mental space to even be out places because if I go somewhere, I'm gonna freak out. Yeah, I'm saying.

Yeah, it's crazy too. And, you know, the last time I had an episode, man, I let one of my close friends know. And he was so mad. He was like, man, why you didn't let me know? I was like, man, I ain't want nobody to judge me. Exactly.

People looking at being hard and being, you know, the guy that everybody can run to and shit like that. But like you say, bro, we all go through our battles and shit like that. So, you know, a lot of motherfuckers, they hit me up almost every day. And they're like, bro, I'm going through this.

You got some advice. try to give my advice, bro, because, you know, just that little bit can help somebody go a long way. It really can. It really can. And it's a trip, too, because I don't know about them panic attacks, man. Man, I'm a book. It's the worst. A couple times I've had them, I'll be driving.

Oh, yeah, that's the worst, too. You know what I mean? I'd be driving, everything cool, music on. And next thing you know, man, is, you know what I mean? You break out in the sweat, your heart beating fast and, like, paranoid. You know, like, it's crazy. crazy, man. It's crazy. I didn't drove myself to the hospital before.

You know what I mean? I didn't know if I was having it. I know if it was a heart attack or what? And that's what I thought. And then you go to the doctor. Oh, you're fine. Are you good? Maybe low in your electrolytes. Yeah. You're good. What? And then, oh, no, check my blood. Yeah. I literally

had my blood check. The last time I had a cat scan, I convinced myself that I had like a brain tumor or something like that. I had a rhythm or something. Something. And I go there, And it's like, no, you're fine. I'm like, what? I'm like, all, I got to get a hold of this.

And, you know, I found an app. And this ain't no, like, y'all already know if y'all watch. It's called Dare. This ain't no sponsored shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, dare I really found that app. And literally I had to teach myself how to drive again. You know what I mean?

When I stopped drinking and shit, yeah, like literally I had to teach myself how to drive again. I couldn't be in the car for more than five, ten minutes without, like freaking out. And that shit helped me deal with panic attacks. help me learn how to drive again. Just take a different step. It gives you steps. You don't just do everything at one time. A lot of them are on a week basis.

So you go to step one. And step one for like driving. If you have a problem having anxiety in cars, you know, I know people who had a lot of car accidents. And, you know, they get in the car and they were like, you know what I mean? They're afraid that they're going to get an accident. Yes.

So that's, you know, you can use it for that too. So like step one was literally like, all right, sit in the car, don't drive nowhere. Just sit there. Put your hands on the wheels and just relax. And you feel comfortable inside the vehicle. You know what I mean? And then step two would be you just do a little more.

And then eventually, you know, you go around the block and then, you know, you take them long distances again. And you learn how to deal with it. And I remember the worst time, because I was having alcohol withdrawals, you know what I mean? And at night, like I had insomnia. and that's the worst when you can't fucking sleep at all. Two, three days. Like, you try to go to sleep and you can't go to sleep.

Like, that's the fucking worst. And I remember going through the insomnia, and I'm like, fuck. Like, it's just eating me up because I'm like, I can't go to sleep. And you can close your eyes. You can get comfortable. You can bust a nut. You could do whatever. None of that shit make you go to sleep.

It's like my mind wouldn't. turn off. It was like a TV, like literally like somebody had a remote in my brain and they would turn next channel, next channel, next channel, all day. And the worst it got, the worst it got was to like three days almost, you know what I'm saying? And that's what I was like, fuck. I'm like, I'm, I'm fucked up right now. But going through that whole time, like having panic attacks left and right, left and right. And, you know, like I said, getting in the car, you get in the car. and you like, man, you start freaking out. So you drive yourself to the hospital

and you get testing, you get all these tests. Nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. And then, you know, I remember the worst, the worst, worst time it happened. I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid to be not to be around people just in case something happens to me. And I was supposed to get my kids. Both my kids, their moms, they was like, oh, they call me. It was like, we can't come. You know what I mean? My girl, she wasn't there.

my brother wasn't at the house and I literally had to go home alone and when I went home alone I opened that door I start having the worst panic attack of all time. Like what I'm going to do? Because I'm thinking, but I'm thinking that I have

like health issues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I don't know if I'm having a stroke. I don't know if I'm having a heart attack but I'm literally like sitting there freaking out and I get on the couch and I look at the app and I have a section that says like panic attack and they'll walk you through you having a panic attack.

And part of you having your panic attack is you basically give your anxiety a face. You give it a face and you give it like, I think they say like a funny looking monster or something like that, something that you're comfortable with. And the thing is, it's like not to eliminate it, but to acknowledge it and live with it and just know how to handle it. So the picture something is there. Put a face to it. you challenge it. You challenge your anxiety.

And that's the scary part. And it calmed you down? Well, you challenge it. So basically they tell you like, hey, all right, you tell yourself, do your worst, but I'm only going to give you this time frame to do it. And then you're like, what the fuck? You know what I'm saying? Sound crazy.

But you challenge it. And then you do your worst. And after this time, it's not going to, it's not going to fuck with me no more. And then, man, the worst time, I sat there, did it. I challenged it. 20 minutes go by. I'm like, okay, I'm good. It went away.

It went away. You won the battle. I won the battle. So every time that I feel it creeping, I know how to handle that. You know what I mean? And still to this day, I be having little situations happen, but now I know nothing wrong. Not as bad as it. Well, I know how to handle it now.

Okay, okay. See, the thing is, if you don't know what you're up against, if you ain't equipped with the knowledge, then you're going to be fucked up every time. And them hospital bills are very, very expensive. Yes. Like the last one I racked up, if I didn't have health insurance, I'd have been fucked. $15,000. Yeah.

Just to get a cat scan, get blood tests, go to emergency, all that, 15,000. So, yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank goodness for health insurance. Oh, shit. Man, I'd have been, I'd have been hurting. When was the last time you had one? Been a minute?

I would say If you got to think about it, that's good Because it's been a minute No, you know, actually wasn't a minute No I had, I almost had one But I stopped it And that was this weekend

Yeah? Yeah I was at a Rams game And man Yeah, when my Cowboys beat the Rams Yeah, yeah, what are you mean? Hey, no, but I was at the game And

A lot of motherfuckers They were like, they was hollering at me. Hey, D, what's up, what's up? Like, that's probably the most pictures I ever took in my life at one time. You know what I mean? Like, I took like 70 fucking pictures. You know what I mean? Just like every time I walk.

Yeah, yeah. No, but like everybody's just like, hey, hey, hey, hey. And I kind of got overwhelmed. I went to the bathroom and people in the bathroom. They're screaming. My mother's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And then, you know, just the sounds of the stadium and the game. It sounds just period

And I'm sitting there, bro And I'm like Oh, and I feel like I'm overwhelmed But having that knowledge I'm sitting there like No, ain't nothing wrong with you Go get some water And I just chill and sit here

Because nigga ain't nothing wrong with you You think it was the amount of like the mass Of people that kind of do it Because I remember being at a theme park And you know how when you're in line And you're waiting You know to go in somewhere and you got a crowd of people in the front,

you're in the center, we're waiting, and then a bunch of people behind us, you know, and we're standing there, it was hot, next day you know, tripping, shirt jumping, heart jumping through my shirt, and I'm like, wow, it's definitely, it's a serious feeling,

it's something serious, but I'm getting control of it. I haven't had one in many years. I don't know. I guess it just faded away, you know, for some reason. But you know how to handle it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had to learn that.

You know, I had to learn how to calm myself down because it always seemed like I'd had them when I'm in the car by myself. I didn't have them when I was with nobody in the car with me. And see, the crazy thing that every time that it would leave, like you said, it would leave for years. Every time it would come back, and I told my mom this, and she was like,

you shouldn't think like this. I'm so used to bad news and losses in my life that when shit is going good, I'm just waiting for something to come around the corner and be bad fucking news. And that alone gives you anxiety. Yes. So, you know, it was like, I'm like, damn, everything's going good. Everything's going good in life. Everything's going good in life.

Something is bound to go wrong. Something is bound to go wrong. Yes. And then you start thinking it could be health. So at first I was like, all right, I was afraid to go to the doctor. Like, I had to have a checkup for almost a decade. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

So in the back of my head, I'm thinking that I'm potentially sick. And don't, afraid to go to the doctor to get the bad news. And I'm just going through life thinking that I'm fucking sick. And, you know, part of that after I use was if you feel something that's wrong with you, go get checked. Go to the doctor. Don't wait. Yeah, and I went and broke.

And look, it was funny because right before the Super Bowl, the last Super Bowl, I was telling my auntie little symptoms of stuff that I had. And she was like, she's freaking me out. She was like, I'm taking you now. And I go to the doctor and I get the gas scan. I get the blood work. Did the urine test. I did everything.

And they still had COVID protocols. Yes, yes. So I'm near by myself. So I'm already fucked up because of that. and I'm sitting there I got the IV in me and I'm sitting on the bed for over those two hours

and that whole time I'm sitting there thinking It's all bad They're about to tell me some bullshit They're about to tell me some bullshit And the guy comes back He's the chart is like Yeah, nothing wrong with you And he shows me all my blood test

And I'm like Everything's in the normal range You know what I mean? I'm like After a decade I'm like fuck And that's a cold feeling man when you be sitting in that emergency and they take all them tests

and you're just sitting there waiting and you don't know. And you got people in the other little, you know what I mean, areas to this side of you, this side of you and you hear something bad over here like, oh, this and that, we're going to have to take you to emergency surgery. You hear that

and you're waiting for your results. And it's like, boy, that's when that's spookness. That's spooky. That's that spooly. You get to thinking about all the bad stuff. And they come in like, oh, no, you're good. It's nothing. Let me get out of here.

I'm out of here. Definitely. That's what's up, man. I definitely want to keep doing what I'm doing, you know. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. Because, you know, I've been doing this for a long time, man. Like getting out there really, really speaking up, man, because mental health, people don't take it serious.

You know, when people say they're going through something, a lot of people don't embrace what they're saying. You know, they overlook it like, oh, man, there's nothing wrong with you, man. You're good. Like, no, this person is really crying for help. When a person is crying for help, it's best that people really take it serious, man, and pay close attention. You know, sometimes people would mention, you know, certain way, certain way they say certain things that you have to pay close attention to as well. because the person can express that they're going through it and say it in a way not even coming out like,

oh, man, I feel bad right now. I ain't feeling too good right now. But sometimes when people would be like, man, you good, you good? Like, oh, yeah, man, I'm all right. I'm going to be all right. It's something going on. So I normally, man, let's talk about it. You know, because if a person say, I'm going to be all right,

then there's something that, even if it's not something, You know, it's still something. And little things add up to big things, is what I've learned. It do add up. And too much pressure or busts a pipe. And that's when a person, you know, they get the feeling like everybody's turned their back on them. Or they don't, you know, who's really there for me? Who's really here for me?

Just like when I was homeless, you know, I used to be like, man, nobody don't care. You know, you stay at this homie house, this homey house. Yeah, that's cool and all. but it's just like, it's just the way that, you know, I felt like nobody really, really gave a damn. How you care about me and you're not walking in my shoes. You know, that's the way I used to think. And I even had to change the way I think because there is people out there that really, really care. But you have to figure out which ones do.

You know, because sometime, man, in these days, man, you would get more love, man from a stranger. stranger than people that's supposed to be flesh and blood, supposed to be family. You know, you'll get more love from a stranger, man, and it's crazy that it's like that. You know, you'll get a lot of compliments. People will reach out to you and it'll be like, man, keep doing what you're doing. You know, I see what you're doing, man. I respect what you're doing, what you represent, what you stand for, when you got love ones, man, that they don't do that. And we all got the same 24 hours in the day.

And I'd rather spend my 24 hours, man, doing something that's going to add up, that's going to make sense. You know, even, you know, looking back on my past, man, and looking at me now, like, I'm really happy what I'm doing. Like, a lot of people wasn't happy. You know, when I transitioned and shift my life, you know, for the better. You know what? I did it negative for so long. even though I've done a lot of the wrong things for the right reasons, but I'm shifting from, I'm shifting from the old me.

I love what I'm doing. I love the new me. This is very important, man, and it's missing because guidance. There's not a lot of guidance in the world. You know, even when we were younger, you know, we did have OGs, you know, that would give us some real advice, that would kind of, you know, put us up on game. Wouldn't just have us out there like a chicken with his head cut off, you know. So I definitely look back on that, man, and I look at my life now.

And, you know, I'm proud of me, you know. Definitely, man. And proud of you. Proud of you do. You know, it's all about, you know, every day, man, you got to make something best for yourself. Every day. You can't rush. One thing I learned, too, you can't rush success.

A lot of people get frustrated and they lose interest and they lose hope because it takes time. Like, man, it's, man, it's not working, man. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. I'm doing all I can, man. But it's just not making sense. So, you know, man, I'm going to do something else. This ain't, this ain't it.

And I'm like, well, you can't give up because you can't put a timeframe on success. You can't say, you know what, next week, November, November 12th, man, I'm going to be successful. Nobody could say that. You know, you got to keep grinding. Like you said, get a whiteboard, man, write some goals down. You know, and every time you achieve. one, you put a check by it and you move to the next one.

You know? You know what it take to grind? Come on, man. You've been grinding for years. I know what it takes to grind. And it don't happen overnight. When it happened overnight, it leaves overnight. Facts. It don't stay. It don't stick around. You know? Just like fast money.

You know, when the cat was hustling, that fast money, you get that fast money, it's gone. But that money, you actually go out there and get the right way, it stick around. you appreciate it more you definitely appreciate it more so that's another thing that I learned

and I love like I said I love what I'm doing now I'm going to continue to do it I'm going to continue pushing the face of never give up man because we got people out here with no hope that don't know who to turn to and my thing my calling

that I used to think music what's my calling because I make music that that make people think you know the music I make it, make them think. I make it touch their hearts, you know, and they get into it. And I used to think, okay, well, my music is what's going to actually help people. You know, that's how, you know, I thought then.

It's more about getting out there, actually, you know, expressing your voice, expressing yourself, letting people see the person. You know, you can put your face on the cover of your music. That's cool and all, but them actually physically seeing that person, you know, speaking and sharing his life and sharing what he's been through to help people get through it. And that's what it is, man. Take what you've been through and share it with others. That way it can help them get through things.

You know, definitely what we've got to continue to do is what I'm going to continue to do. And I'm sure you're going to do the same thing. A hundred percent. We got to. A hundred percent. Mandatory. We got to, man. So I had somebody calling in, but I guess.

I guess a loved one who didn't get a chance to, so it's all good. All good, because like I said, the young gentleman, man, he wanted to call in and express itself because he reached out to me and he was really going through it. And he didn't even think I was going to hit him up. You know, when he messaged me, it was like, man, I'm saying you this message. You know, I'm going through it. I don't know who else to talk to. I need some advice.

And he's like, it's cool, man, because I know you're not going to hit me. back up. That's a lot of things that I learned to from people that message me. You know, they feel like I'm not going to contact him, but, man, I love this. This is what I love to do. You made it your mission? Made it my mission, you know? And definitely, so when I read

his message and he had put his number there, I called him. He was like, man, no way, you called. I'm like, I'm supposed to. Like, what did you put your number here for? If I'm not going to call you. The whole point. Yeah, that's the whole point. you know that's the whole point so he was happy with it and that's just it man i just want to uplift people man that's that's really what i want to do man is i go through enough in my personal life man that it's like the more i put myself out there to do better to to to um show people how to improve

it's like the more drama that you know that comes at me man the more you do good to the more more, you know what I mean, the devil try to bring you down. Yeah, every time. You know? And it's a trip because you'd be surprised out of the woodworks of the people that become the devil. It's the part that gets me the most. You know, it'd be the people you least expect. Like, okay, this whole time.

You've been the devil, but it was just a matter of time before you actually took your mass off and showed your horns. So, you know, it's crazy, man, but one thing I know for sure, All of me can stop me. You know what I mean? All of you can stop you. Nobody can stop us, man. And we're not about to allow, you know, no one to stop us.

That's just it, you know. So I'm going through it all, man, through it all. You know, everybody's not going to like what I'm doing. I'm okay with that. I can live with that because it's not for everybody. That's your mission. It's my mission. And, you know, I've invited, you know me.

I've always invited people into my world. Come be a part of this. Come. A lot of people are afraid to even face it, though. True. True. A lot of people are. But you can't be because it's a part of life.

You know, it's a part of life. It can't be afraid of it. It's important. It's needed. People need this. People need someone that they can, you know, actually talk to, man, especially me. I get on the phone with people.

I really talk to people. I give out my number to people so they can call me, you know? And that's the thing. What I'm on, I'm on changing how people look at life, you know? And I'm building from that, man, how people look at life, never give up. Life gets better, man. I'm living proof. Life gets better.

Yeah, I've been through a lot, but at the same time, made it through it. If there's a will, there's a way. You can make it through it. Just never give up. Believe in yourself. And don't let nobody tell you you can't make it. Amen. You know?

That's what it's about, straight out. What up, y'all? It's O.G. Suicide. Sitting there with my nephew A.D. Man, this is episode two of O.G. suicide in the building. Make sure y'all tune in. Make sure you tune in. Every week.

Make sure you tune in. Comments, subscribe. Comment, subscribe. Everything. Bang. Holla.